Work Text:
"Good Boy"
-o-o-o-
Blossom Utonium was a fox. Of that Brick Jojo had no doubt whatsoever.
And it wasn't just because she was attractive. No, no everyone knew the eldest Puff was a hot ticket whom many individuals in Townsville competed for front row access.
Not Brick Jojo of course. Oh no, because he saw beyond the demure little innocent act she put up and knew this "everything nice" little Christmas cookie with a halo was actually a devil in disguise whose favorite hobby was the torture of the Red Rowdyruff Boy.
Someone get him a goddamn exorcist because he was possessed. Those soft pink lips would curl into a half smile that made most of those soft minded plebians melt into puddles of worship but made Brick only stiffen with dreaded hardened resolve.
Because unlike this city of imbeciles Brick knew better.
Her eyes would sparkle in just the right way as men and women alike went and gathered as they were to drink in the font of her beauty leaving Brick to mop up the pitiful idiots and their liquidated remains comprised of their minuscule dignity and self-respect and dump them back in the bucket all the while the pink vixen continued on unassumingly in her charmed life.
A leisurely walk that she for some reason insisted on dragging Brick along for.
Take tonight. He'd had a god-awful shift. A god-awful week. Customers? Oh no, devils was more like it- actually: no, that one tourist couple? That was an insult to Brick's mother for calling them devils- oh no they'd been worse.
That fillet mignon…. Charred to a black crisp. Oh God Brick had almost wept upon seeing that grotesque abomination put on Robin's tray. He'd refused to have any part of it.
And then to add insult to injury- poor Snyder had only received less than 5% of her tip for not smiling enough.
Real nice.
No one had any idea who keyed the word cheap bastards on their shit car and security footage wasn't available in the parking lot so…. Well Brick called it karma.
Even Bubbles on hero duty or whatever this Labor Day weekend had just shrugged and sauntered away. He was in the clear- err had been let go after the witness’ statement. As the giggling waitress had followed after the superheroine anyway but-.
… ANYWAY: Where was he- oh yeah- His weekend therefore he had absolutely earned a delightfully slow, quiet weekend of recuperation-!
And then there'd been a knock on the door.
And there the minx had been. Loaded with bags and sporting an evil bright smile that honestly- he should have slammed the door in her face and run off to hide under his bed.
But his dick had kicked his brain to the curb and so Brick had let the evil succubus in instead.
She hadn't disappointed. Brick had been forced to watch in horror as she'd cheerfully dropped what had been bags filled with chips, cookies, and other snacks on his coffee table - then another was a pack of wine coolers which she'd stuck in his fridge- humming away and rearranging everything like she owned the goddamn place.
She'd also had a backpack. One Brick recognized as her "overnight bag": there had been many a time she'd hidden from overzealous fans in Brick's cave, and he'd shooed the camera flashing vultures away- snapped his teeth a few times you know- set the law.
"Stalker situation?" Brick eyed the pink and red backpack embroidered with roses.
"No." She arranged the cabinets again. "Just bored."
"... Bored? What no date tonight?"
"I find dating boring."
"... Touché. So, what you've just decided to invade my house?"
"You have the weekend to yourself."
"Yes. I'm alone. I like being alone."
"Well." That grin was huge. "Now you get to be alone- with me."
And there'd been no arguing. There never was. The whirlwind of Blossom Utonium was a known phenomenon of Brick Jojo's life ever since that fateful class assignment in that most beloved of schoolgirl cliché - home-ec and Blossom had clearly taken on the role of "partner" [ Because the genius Puff had somehow managed to unlock the mysteries of burning water ] and never put it down or set it aside. [ Even if it may have been better for well being of the common man]
That was just the bossiness of a leader. A trait Brick knew all too well: he struck fear in his kitchen after all.
So why was he doing this again?
"Can I borrow your sweatshirt?" He sighed and looked at the pink eyed vulpine with the tremulous smile, clasped hands and truly fought the urge to roll his eyes at her attempted feint of innocence.
"Did you forget pajamas again?" Brick drawled. She stiffened. Bingo. The Puff snatched the red bulky hoodie and oh look, those were also a pair of Brick's shorts. Good God.
How could one woman so obnoxiously brilliant be so incredibly scatterbrained. It was truly the world's most debated mystery.
She'd packed an overnight bag with no pajamas but Brick saw his bathroom now had strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner along with vanilla soap in his shower, a pink toothbrush next to his red one, there was rose scented perfume bottle and a purple make up bag in his top drawer, and a silky pink bathrobe hanging off his hook.
Tch. Move right in why don't you?
She could remember the vanity products but forget the essentials. Right. Okay. Who was the smart one again?
Whatever, at least he had his weekend, the first weekend off in almost a month. He was going to enjoy it regardless of foxes infringing on his territory. Let's see… horror was always a good choice so…
"Ooh! I've heard good things about that one!" Blossom came floating into the room. His sweatshirt was comically long on her and save the teasing peek of black just barely visible below the red cotton that was Brick's gym shorts, the fox of Townsville was more or less… never mind. Just get in here, woman. He waved her in irritably.
"Yeah, but from what I've heard it's nasty gory."
"Tch, so? You think I haven't seen worse?" She rolled her eyes. Still Brick hesitated.
"You sure?"
Blossom frowned and tapped him reprovingly on the arm as she sat down. "Don't pet me. You really think this sort of thing bothers me with everything I've seen in my life? At least I'm not going to have to clean up after these zombies. Now scooch over."
Brick rolled his eyes but made room regardless; of course she pointedly sat in his personal space with the big bowl of popcorn that clearly she had no intention of sharing nestled in her lap.
Rude. But he flicked open a can of beer regardless and took a sip...before he regretted it.
"What's the matter?" She snickered at the look on his face. "You look like a puckered lemon.
"I feel that'd be preferable to whatever Boomer left in my fridge." She snickered but whatever Brick just took a swig of water.
"You're such a booze snob."
"Damn right."
"Guess no beer for you huh?"
"Guess not." He was typing away a nasty message on his phone to his brother of no taste concerning alcohol - that was absolutely the last time he let Mike Believe choose a beer. It was probably some cheap store brand.
"Of course my brother ended up with an idiot with no taste buds."
"That seems like a veiled insult to your best friend."
"That's because it is. He is a moron."
"But yet you tolerate him."
"I tolerate you, don't I?"
She raised a brow. "Yes, but I am a genius sir. Without me you'd be bored to tears in a day. Admit it. You'd be driven mad with grief if my awful memes didn't get sent to your phone on a daily basis."
Again, Brick only rolled his eyes. "Mm, probably I'd merge with the puddle of idiots at your feet. Ow." He rubbed his arm.
"Don't you dare. At least you're interesting. You don't just shove pink flowers in my face and think that's the lost key to my chastity belt."
"Ah yes, the key to the greatest treasure in all the land." He recited grandly. "Even though you're no virgin. Naughty naughty."
"Whose fault is that?" She elbowed him.
"Not mine." He shrugged. She glowered before once again Brick was apparently a back rest as she popped her bottle and took a deep swig of her wine cooler. "Mm, nice and fresh."
"You going to tease me with your girly drink? Really?" Another flick on his bicep. Tch, he didn't even feel it. Much. Damn X.
"No need for sexism Chef Cranky." Another sip.
He rubbed his arm irritated. "No need for violence either Madam Nice."
"It's my weekend off." The redhead slouched back on her new pillow- his arm by the way - "I don't need to be nice. Besides." She took another chug. "It's just you."
"Mmhm, just me- right." He rolled his eyes as she smirked.
"You're my favorite arch nemesis." She cooed.
"I'm your only arch nemesis madam get it right." He corrected baldly. "Now hand over the popcorn.
"Mm, no. Get your own." She settled deeper into her pillow- which was again his arm.
"I made that popcorn."
"And it was so wonderfully kind of you. Good boy." The Puff tapped his cheek. "Want a treat?"
"I'd prefer popcorn." He drawled.
"Don't you want to see me naked tonight?"
"That would be delightful- But you're not going to oblige me I know." Because she was a tease, and she knew it and this time he wasn't going to give in to her baiting.
"Aww but I haven't decided yet." She teased. Like always. Like clockwork.
"Oh goody looks like I still have hope." He said dryly before she turned to face him and scrunched his cheeks together. Brick made a good fish. Sure.
"Hope? You want to see me naked Bricky Boy?"
"Yes Blossom, I would very much like that. It's been a very long week in the kitchen- people are dumb and don't know how to cook beef wellington, it's very sad to watch."
"Oh, I bet it is huh…." She murmured sympathetically and patted his cheek again. Not what Brick was looking for but fuck whatever he'd take it.
After all, the Puff remained decidedly not naked.
Okay so...maybe Brick and Blossom were… not just alumni home ec partners. Maybe they'd… fooled around a bit like two consenting adults were prone to do in the past: and maybe Brick had been somewhat glad to see her bearing gifts of booze and munchies as they both had had hellish weeks they'd continually whined to the other about on the phone.
But she was still being a maniacal minx who once again had stolen Brick's favorite hoodie… and his shorts… was she wearing anything underneath that he wondered...no. No no. Brick was going to win this round for once. Oh no. Oooh no. Uh uh. Brick's turn!
She flinched from the first death. Tch. Again, he knew her so well. Another flinch and he pulled the "not" scared Puff closer. She totally "didn't" bury her head away from the ski pole through the cranium kill that filled the whole screen with the fruit punch colored blood substitute.
"Sure, you don't want to change the flick?" He chuckled.
"I'm not scared. I'm tired." Her voice sounded muffled from amidst his arm.
"Whatever you say Blossom." Another loud kill and again that grip on his arm became like claws of their own.
He rolled his eyes before pausing and unearthing the Puff from the nest she'd turned his sweatshirt and arm into. "I'm not in the mood for cheap special effects. Let's just watch the new Justice Friends."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"No, that blood literally looked like Aloha Punch mixed with flour. You could see the white."
She snickered. "You are such a movie snob."
"No, I have standards." He sorted through the streaming menu and selected the superhero flick.
"So, no making fun of me?"
"Oh, I never said that."
"Mean!" She gasped. He smirked and leaned over to take the popcorn, but his jaw dropped.
"I'm mean? Look at you! You've gone and eaten all my popcorn you no good thief!" He exclaimed.
"My popcorn." She retorted and again there was a very much not nude Puff climbing atop him. "You made it for me."
"So, my kitchen wouldn't burn down. Again."
"Details."
His arms went round her waist by instinct.
"I kind of like this."
"Like what?"
He shrugged. "You and me not being interrupted for once by morons. It's worth having my own place."
"Be nice to your brothers, they probably miss you terribly."
"Not in my programming. Puppy dog tail went in there, not the nice shit. Besides, they only miss my cooking."
"Puppies are nice. And you are a good cook."
"Until they bite." He said pointedly as she pouted.
"You don't bite."
Snap.
She yelped and Brick grabbed her before she could zip away. "Uh uh uh- get back here."
"You just snapped at me!"
"Woof- now c'mere." She yelped and hit hard muscle and those big pinks widened even more before she knocked on Brick's pecs.
"Good lord they're hard." She mumbled.
"I try."
"Are Buttercup's even that toned I wonder?"
"No idea, ask Princess or Butch." He shrugged it off and pulled her closer. " But do that later, so how's about no siblings talk tonight hm?"
"Do you think they really have a three-thing going on?" She mused.
"It's Princess Morebucks'. She's never satisfied unless she's looking in a mirror. Buttercup is never satisfied unless she's built up a sweat. And Butch thinks he's God's gift to womankind. Of course, the three of them are fucking each other." He drawled. "And yet here you are still clothed and again- what happened to no sibling talk tonight?"
"I haven't decided if I'm going to be naked yet tonight Bricky Boy." She purred like some kind of satisfied snobbish cat licking her chops at the sight of some gourmet caviar.
Blossom Utonium knew after all she was actually God's gift to the World- and fuck… what a bitch. God was it hot.
"What a fucking shock." He drawled. "So can I make a small request?”
Again, she purred. "Depends, what do you want?"
"A kiss would be a nice change."
"Just a kiss?" The Puff arched herself above him. "But what if you…" a long finger trailed up his chin. "Blow up again? Or…."he groaned at the butterfly kiss against his neck. "Get too big for this apartment?"
"Oh, something's getting bigger alright." Another groan. "Blossom...Babe- c'monnnn don't do this."
"Don't do what?" She said innocently after another little peck on his chin.
"You know exactly what you goddamn minx." He rasped. "Everything nice my ass- fuck." He choked and he didn't dare meet that smug… smirking vixen smile that no one but Brick Jojo knew Blossom- virginal little angel- Utonium was more than capable of(!)
… not that he wanted anyone else to see that smile. Uh. No that was for Brick only you see- arch nemesis privilege- oh fucking hell sweet fucking mercy.
He gripped the cushions, and the coy redhead only leaned on an elbow atop Brick's chest while her other hand was… just… above his belt, stroking the zipper slowly- up...down… up… d-down(?)
He gripped the sides more.
"Are you enjoying this?" He hissed.
"Depends." The pink Cheshire cat purred again. "Are you?"
"Yes." He said bluntly. It was kind of hard not to be. Again, he'd had a hard week.
"Oh good." She paused. "Would you like me to continue?"
"Yes." He grunted.
"Hmm...I don't know, that didn't sound very convincing …"
"God damn it woman are you really going to do this now? Now!? After the shift I just had????!"
"Aw, do you want me to make it all better then?"
"Put it to you this way Puff'- I'll make you free of charge anything you fucking want. Popcorn. Cookies. Fuck I'll make you a three-course gourmet meal! If you don't be a little minx right now."
"Mm… tempting proposition from a chef I'll admit that buuuut-."
"But what!" He finally let out in a strangled sounding snarl- not a yelp(!) Brick Jojo did not "yelp"- " What more do you want woman?!"
Even when said causer of the non yelp slinked over him and leaned down so close to his lips but not quite touching.
"You didn't say please." She breathed. "Rude."
Their eyes met in silent challenge.
"Well?"
Up.
"Blossom."
Down.
"Yes Brick?"
Up…
".... please" He mumbled and averted his gaze, but she cupped his cheeks and Brick finally got the kiss he'd been looking for. Their brows rested together as that slow foxy smile curled on her lips as she leaned in for another kiss.
"Good boy."
The zipper went down, and his dick sprang up almost painfully fast- why the fuck had he bothered keeping jeans on as long as he had?? Was he some kind of fucking imbecile? Ugh, don't answer thaaaaa- hoo woo… oh… fuck what was she doing??
Brick almost gasped- literally fucking gasped for air like a fish out of water when that hand trailed up the skin and her thumb just barely graced the tip… oh… oh fuck.
"You… youuuu-."
"Me… me? She chuckled. "Why Brick I had no idea you were a tenor - funny I always took you for a bass myself."
"Oh… what did I say you- fuck Blossom so help me!" He choked because her hand was right… fucking…. there and she just...kept… poking it!
"What? Why Brick do you want me to stop?" Again sadistic! Torturous! MINX!
"Everything nice my ass! Everything nice my ass-!"
"Hmm what was that? You know I think your downstairs neighbor probably is under the impression…" she released his dick before leaning up to press a kiss on his slack jaw mouth. "Someone upstairs must have a very… nice… ass."
"Oh… oh really?" He heaved. She sat up and he fucking hated it. Why was she sitting up?? How the fuck was that a thing!? He didn't agree to (!!!)... To… to….
That sweatshirt had truly been hiding God's gift to earth, she cracked her back and the perfect figure that was Blossom Utonium… she was looking at him weird? Why was the pretty Fox looking at him so- oh. Right. Brick had a shirt on. Why had he remained wearing a shirt and jeans? Why hadn't he jumpstarted the naked thing? So rude of him. He really needed to work on that shit.
That Cheshire smile was satisfied as she watched the white tank go flying off and she crawled over him again.
"Much better. Now then… let's see…"
"I'm dreaming right?" She raised an eyebrow before she smirked more. Oh, fucking Chemical X and all its properties was that sly look hot. Could he immortalize this image forever: Blossom Utonium in nothing but a pair of Brick's gym shorts perched on top of him.
Because that…. That was a look Brick wanted in a gilded frame for all to see except no… no maybe he didn't want that because that would mean sharing -.
His thoughts were cut off with another kiss. Heated and hard and… fuck.
"This is a dream, right? I'm lucid dreaming clearly- any minute now everyone is going to come crashing through the door doing the macarena." He groaned.
"They better not. You're unavailable." She kissed his chin. "You're right." Another kiss. "You've had a horrible week." Kiss. "You need a break." Kiss.
"Who are you and what have you done with the Pink Puff." Another rasp. Brick did not moan. Again. Brick did not moan like a mother fucking randy old dog.
"What? Aren’t I everything nice Brick?" She purred.
"My ass."
"Do you think I have a nice one?"
"Okay I know I'm dreaming now. You questioning anything about your appearance? You're joking right?"
"Not a dream." She leaned over his chest. "A mere observation is all."
"Of what?" He grunted when again the kiss on his neck resembled more of a bite followed by another kind of squeeze that fucking hell… never mind! Whatever she said! Fucking hell those clever hands-.
"You've just never-." She began and he gripped the cushions. "Listen… Brick I've been thinking...about …"
"About what?"
"...us?"
He blinked. Then blinked again. "Are you serious? You want to finally have that talk now?"
Was that a blush? That was a fucking blush on Blossom Utonium's iced veneer face. She cleared her throat.
"Well-! Just uh… you know-."
"I know…?"
Heh. You know it was kind of fun. Her face was slowly turning tomato red. She was stumbling for words, and it was the most flustered Brick was pretty sure he'd ever seen her.
"Yes…?" She cleared her throat. "Yes, yes you do."
"Babe-." He began but suddenly those pink eyes flashed and hey wait a minute what was she-!!?
"Listen here! I've just- it's amazing how such a brilliant talented man can be so ungodly dumb! For God's sake Brick what did I have to do!? Show up at your house in one of those cliché trench coats with nothing but lingerie underneath that I just dramatically unveil!? Because trust me I debated it!"
… oh, fucking hell and all the Mr. Quackers in the fucking world yes. Yes...please that… image.
"Uh… well I'm not… I'm not gonna stop you if you wanna do that, I mean it's up to you-." He croaked out with the dignity of an old wizened bull frog. Because he was absolutely the sage of the pond and wisest of them all!
But… well… uh… ha… First though… Brick cleared his throat.
"Yeah... no... no I agree. We're due for that boring grown up discussion the world has been pestering us about yes but not right now-."
She frowned. "Oh…"" She murmured. "I understand…"
"No." He said dryly as she flinched. "Because at the moment you could tell me to shave my goddamn head and paint it pink and I'd fucking do it because of the way you're gripping my goddamn dick woman!"
She blinked then- "OH! Right, right." She laughed sheepishly as she released him, and he tittered before flashing her a wry smile of his own.
"Hard week Babe?"
"Oh shut up I've been rehearsing that damn ice breaker speech for days."
"Ice breaker? Okay HR lady."
Okay, he probably deserved that punch. Whatever, worth it.
"So…"
"So what?" She mumbled.
"Are you really going to leave me with blue balls or shall we continue and then have that potentially life changing conversation of ours?"
Heh. Again, her cheeks were pink. Nice look. Brick kind of liked it.
Not as much as the pink he saw when the gym shorts finally joined his sweatshirt and they zipped into the bedroom but…
Details.
-o-o-o-
"I literally cannot believe you tried to have a fucking deep conversation when you had me literally by the balls." Brick muttered later on that night.
"Oh shush. It seemed like the right moment. Go to sleep" The Puff rasped next to him. Tch, damn right she had no voice, and she was tired- damn right. Good thing they had a long weekend she wouldn't be able walk let alone stand up straight until Tuesday by the time Brick was done.
Payback's a bitch.
"I'll remember that." He turned around and rested on his elbow. "Just wait, next time I have you just about there I'll decide to recite the goddamn Friday night specials. I need to memorize them after all" He smirked as her eyes widened.
"... Don't you dare you villain." She slumped over and nuzzled into his arm. "It's hardly my fault your absolute inability to see the writing on the wall had me resort to such drastic measures: Imagine I almost had to resort to reenacting some terrible porno cliché.”
"Oh… yeah…yeah terrible." He mumbled. ".... is that still a possibility or…?"
She rolled her eyes. "Men. So predictable."
"Exactly. I am a man who needs very little in life- the sight of Blossom Utonium pulling a femme fatale in a trench coat and nothing else is in fact one of them I've decided."
"Oh, is it?"
"Yes."
"Duly noted."
"So, it's a possibility then?"
"I haven't decided."
She threw him one of those deadly dazzling smiles.
"... Of course you haven't."
"Now you're getting it."
"Would that three course meal help?"
"Perhaps. Shall I have my fillet well done?"
"Out of my bed." He pointed and she snorted.
"You’re such a snob.
“Damn straight.”
“Alas I'm too comfortable and warm to move right now, how about you hold me instead.”
“That is disturbingly domestic of you- what's the catch?”
Blossom just gave him another slow, dangerously sexy calculating smile.
“No catch, I just like feeling your nice hot body on mine, is that so wrong?”
“....yes…. come here.” He grumbled and nonetheless gathered the far too thin Puff to him, no wonder she was always bitching about being cold.
She laughed softly and actually nuzzled into his grip, “Mm, there we go. Good boy.”
Brick glowered but tightened his grip anyway like a moron. Because that's what he was. A moron. A disgrace of a Rowdyruff Boy…. who a Puff had managed to completely wrap around her little finger….
And there wasn't any other damn place he'd rather be.
…god damn it.
Fin.