Chapter Text
“I have recently been informed by Commissioner Gordon that the current mayor has made an ill-advised decision to hire a children’s musical club from out of town to come in and give a performance to ‘lift the spirits of the city’ as it were.” Batman sounded as pleased with this knowledge as one would be with the knowledge they had contracted genital warts.
“You can’t be serious.” Red Robin said, jaw dropped in horror.
“I am unfortunately extremely serious.” Batman sighed, clearly doing everything not to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“Fool.” Orphan remarked, her voice soft and to the point.
“That can’t be legal right? What, he couldn’t get the local school to do it so he tricked some hapless idiot from out of town?” Spoiler cut in almost fuming.
“It is not illegal .” Batman said.
"No, just morally reprehensible." Robin remarked, crossing his arms.
“It damn well should be illegal.” Signal muttered indignantly, he was already tired and did not need this kind of stress.
“The mayor is a fool and he’s going to get these children killed .” Robin said with disdain.
“Yeah, Robin’s right for once; that’s just fucked up.” Red Robin announced, causing Robin to scowl at him in disdain. Robin held his temper much better than he would have only a year before.
"Where did he find anyone stupid enough to come here and put on a choir performance?" Spoiler demanded.
"South Park Colorado." Batman answered blandly.
"Colorado? They're coming all the way from Colorado ? How much is he paying them?" Red Robin asked, baffled at the very idea.
"That information was undisclosed." Batman sighed.
"It looks like they were paid five hundred up front and they were assured they would be paid five hundred more once the performance was done regardless of success." Oracle cut in over the shared com line. "Travel expenses, meals, and room and board were also included."
"This idiot is paying a thousand dollars for school children to come and perform for his benefactors?" Robin sighed rather heavily for a kid.
"Looks like. Red Hood and Nightwing will probably want to know since these kids will definitely be targeted by someone ." Spoiler sighed, she pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Proper precautions will need to be taken. How long until these kids get here?" Red Robin asked.
"We have two weeks to prepare, the notice has already been sent." Batman announced, causing every person present to groan in dismay.
“Great, so that’s two weeks for villains to find out and also prepare. Great, just great. Why don’t we just make a billboard for them in the city center!” Spoiler snarked, throwing her arms up in exasperation.
“I’ll compile a list of the students and teachers coming in with pictures so we know who to watch out for.” Oracle sighed.
“Much appreciated. The name of the school involved is South Park Elementary.” Batman told her. She remained quiet for a few moments before an alert popped onto the batcomputer.
“So their security is a joke . I have the school records of every child involved and the employment history of the two teachers being sent. Which seems like too few considering there are almost twenty children on this trip and it’s definitely an overnight trip. Huh, it looks like they’re in the seventh grade.” Oracle reported.
“Isn’t seventh grade normally middle school? Why are they still part of the elementary school?” Red Robin cut in with some confusion.
“Hm, I think it’s because the town doesn’t actually have a middle school. Only an elementary school and a high school. I guess they couldn’t afford a separate building for just three grades.” Oracle explained.
“Wow, that probably means they’re a really small town huh?” Signal commented thoughtfully. “But if they can’t afford a different building for their middle schoolers then that explains why they would take such a dangerous job for only a thousand. They must be pretty desperate for any kind of income.”
“Irresponsible. Risking their children for funding.” Orphan protested sharply.
“Well, they’re coming like it or not. Wow, their security may suck but they also don’t seem to keep decent records of anything that goes on in that school.” Oracle sighed, “We’re lucky they even know who they’re sending at this point. At this point we should be sending thank you prayers that any of them even have class photos on record.”
The vigilantes took the time to read the list of students and faculty expected to arrive. The information was only in list format and seemed so impersonal.
South Park Elementary Faculty:
Student Counselor: Gary James Mackey
Music Teacher: Maria Mounds
Bus Driver: Vernon Crabapple
South Park Elementary Students:
Tolkien Black
Kyle Broflovski
Henry Kline
Annie Knitts
Casey Miller
Allie Nelson
Kierran O’Connor
David Rodriguez
Jessica Rodriguez
Jenny Simmons
Bebe Stevens
Kevin Stoley
Butters Stotch
Andrew Sutherland
Wendy Testaburger
Craig Tucker
Heidi Turner
Tweek Tweak
“They’re so young…” Signal sighed, mostly due to exhaustion from the day really.
Robin gave an indignant scoff on either their or his own behalf, “They’re the same age I am. Worse still, they are civilians from a city so small it could not afford proper schooling and sent their musically inclined to busk for pittance in the big city .”
“This school looks like a nightmare.” Red Robin complained, “They barely have anything recorded beyond just grades and a few suspension reports; the kids reported more on the suspensions in question than whoever wrote up the actual incident reports.”
“Maybe with the money they can hire better teachers. This is pretty horrifying, someone should probably do something about this.” Spoiler commented, shaking her head.
“We don’t have the means or the connections to fix one specific school halfway across the country unfortunately. If we did so for one , we would need to fix all of them and not even Bruce Wayne has the resources to fix the entire American school system.” Red Robin replied reasonably.
“Well we can’t just be expected to let these assholes cart kids around to busk for cash in dangerous places just to fund their school either.” Signal argued, he knew that Red Robin was right but fuck if that didn’t just grate on him.
“Y’know this is the first time I’ve seen a school allow the students to write up their own disciplinary records.” Oracle commented thoughtfully. “These kids are pretty funny too.”
“Hah! This Wendy is pretty great.” Spoiler laughed.
“What did Wendy do?” Signal couldn’t help but ask, he was a little too tired to actually read through everything Red and Oracle kept pulling up.
“Wendy Testaburger; suspended twice . Her misbehaviors are listed as ‘Inciting a Riot’ and ‘Justified Beating’; which is a wild thing to have listed on her permanent record. For Justified Beating she wrote ‘That snitch Eric Cartman had it coming. He should have thought about how many stitches he was going to need when he started mocking breast cancer. I will not allow that beast to take everything from me without a fight’.” Spoiler cackled about it. “She was fed UP.”
“Huh, Kierran O’Connor’s mentions Eric Cartman too.” Red Robin commented. “Inciting a Riot: ‘I was NOT the one that set the bus on fire, that was Eric Cartman! I only wanted better fruits and veggies at lunch!’, they seemed pretty determined to not be blamed for it. As for the detention one he states: 'The princess demanded her thief back. I am but a lowly servant to her glorious.... radiance.' I wonder what that even means."
“Kyle Broflovski mentions Eric Cartman in his own commentary. Ugh, he’s essentially written a detailed essay for each incident, all of them a long winded way of explaining how Eric Cartman is at fault for the incidents in question.” Robin reported, he did not appreciate the lack of personal responsibility taken by this child.
“It’s good this Eric Cartman isn’t on the list; sounds like trouble.” Batman sighed, rubbing at his eyes.
Oracle made a surprised noise. “Oh, look at this. Kierran O’Connor; his last school before South Park Elementary was Gotham’s West Side Elementary. He lived here for five years. It was the longest he had ever lived in one place.”
“Why are you digging so deeply? We don’t need so much information about them. Just enough to know who will be the most likely to break from the group and their travel schedule.” Robin hissed, he was not at all interested in the details of children he would likely never be directly involved with; despite still reading through all information he was given access to.
“Details are important, Robin. Past events can lead to potential risks,” Batman remarked, already going over the information Oracle had gathered himself. “This Kierran O’Connor may have contacts within the city that could lead to trouble. Either for himself or for his whole club.”
“I don’t think there’s anything in his record to indicate he would be a flight risk. Then again these records don’t really say anything particularly useful about these kids,” Red Robin remarked. “Hm, it seems like Stotch is the only one that hasn’t made any comments in the Student Commentary. Even Bebe Stevens wrote ‘Worth it.’ on her suspension for ‘ Compromising the List ’.”
“I’m actually really curious about what list she compromised and how it ended up being a disciplinary issue.” Spoiler admitted.
“There’s no need to read through every disciplinary report.” Batman grunted a stern frown on his face.
“I dunno, I think it seems kind of important that almost every disciplinary incident for Tweek Tweak is clearly the result of an anxiety attack and not him deliberately causing trouble.” Oracle noted, her tone was clearly a bit displeased. “This poor kid… There are thirty six incident reports and only two of them are for actual fights and I’m pretty sure he just got in trouble for standing up for himself against this ‘Craig’ kid, they got sent to the office together twice . Craig Tucker has literally been sent to the counsellor's office every day since first grade to fourth for ‘Disrespecting Teachers’. After the second time he was sent to the office with Tweek however it seems he managed to curb his behavior. Maybe they managed to get through to him?”
“Is no one in that school trained to recognize an anxiety disorder?” Red Robin asked his lips pursed.
“Pfft, oh jeez. This poor Tweek kid, bad enough his name is weird but the counselor is bullying him too.” Signal probably only found it so funny because he was so tired, but he read the incident report he had focused on out loud. “One of his disciplinary reports is not only labelled ‘Lover’s Quarrel’ but he just wrote ‘HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!!1!’ in all caps with three exclamation marks and a one mixed in.”
“Dear lord, was the school counselor shipping them or something? Why would he list that as the incident if both children insist that they’re not dating? They’re awfully young to be dating in the first place aren’t they?” Red Robin balked, aggrieved on the childrens’ behalf really.
“A lover’s quarrel ? Why would they even list that? Aren’t these children approximately twelve years old? What kind of lover’s quarrel would send them to the office twice ?” Robin scoffed dismissively. Rather condescendingly for someone that was the same age as the children being discussed, not that anyone pointed that out.
