Chapter Text
According to all known laws of well, everything, there is no way a gecko should be able to fly. Much less the Geico gecko. And of course he doesn't fly, he's a gecko! Just a stupid little man, a dumb little idiot baby. Imagine not being able to fly. Imagine being so fucking stupid that you cannot fly. Couldn't be me, y'all stay safe though. Despite the fact that they are stupid little toddler itty bitty shit boys, they still have aspirations and dreams. They still wake up everyday, drive through the Tim Hortans drive through to get an English muffin and a coffee, and work their nine to fives. Who the fuck do they think they are?
They're full of themselves, if you ask me. Especially the geico gecko. Ooou he really gets on my nerves. And I don't just hate the fact that he has a job, no, I also can't stand his voice. He is fucking Australian. I can get behind a gecko getting a job, sure why not, but a gecko that is Australian? That's crossing the line.
Every time I bring this up with the people around me they dismiss it as 'a silly conversation'. This is not a 'silly conversation', this is my life. Hello, my name is Jake. Last week I moved into a small neighborhood not far from where I work. It's a beautiful area with lush bushes and flowers surrounding the houses. The price mirrors the beauty, with the houses being around a million dollars a piece. I could only afford my house due to my new job at state farm as a spokesperson. But for as nice as the house is, it is definitely not worth living next to the Geico gecko!! That's right, I live next to him, the man I hate the most.
...okay, well I guess it is worth the price, but still! Do you understand how unbearable that man is? Somehow he leave his house at the exact same time that I do. Every. Day. I'm not joking. This has been been going on for months, and I'm sick of it! If I didn't hate this man already, I definitely do now. I'm also kinda creeped out. I mean, what kind of normal person does that? I mean, I guess he's not a person and he's definitely not normal, but there has to be something wrong in your head to do that to someone.