Chapter Text
Akira
Taking the stairs instead of the elevator was always a concession Hikaru made for Akira, and he never ceased to grumble about it. Akira was sure he enjoyed it. Hikaru liked to complain, as long as it was about small annoyances. He never complained about anything serious, preferring to swallow down pain and anger until they ate him up from the inside, but he could whine with relish about miniscule obstacles such as physical exertion as if the complaint itself was fun. It was one of the things Akira had come to accept about his best friend even if he'd never quite understand.
"At least down is not as bad as up," Hikaru sighed. "But from the fourth floor, Akira! It takes forever!"
"It is good for your health," Akira said serenely. He knew full well that if Hikaru really minded, he'd be in the elevator right now. "For our health."
"We're twenty-five," Hikaru protested. "We can start worrying about our health in twenty years!"
"Another twenty years of kneeling over Go-bans every day won't do our health much good. I want to make sure we'll be grandmasters at ninety. Together."
"Your hair is getting too long," Hikaru said.
Akira suppressed a smile. When Hikaru ran out of arguments on one topic, he found another. "True," he said, "I have an appointment to have it cut next Tuesday."
"Urgh," Hikaru said, a clear sign that he was disappointed with having their banter derailed rather than with Akira's hairstyle, "fine."
They reached the ground floor and Akira pushed open the door to the lobby of the Go Association. "You promised me you'd make udon tonight if I made it through Shido-go without shouting at Hasunuma-kun," Hikaru reminded him as they crossed the hall towards the entrance. "I did. Soooo....?"
"Yes, you were very patient," Akira told him. "A model teacher. Almost like an adult."
"Akiraaaaa," Hikaru whined.
Akira had to smile this time. "Yes," he said. "Of course I'll make you noodles tonight. I haven't forgotten. I even bought pork, you don't have to eat tofu, you can...- Hikaru?" Akira turned in concern. Hikaru had stopped walking and was now three steps behind him. "Hikaru?"
His friend didn't seem to hear him. He wasn't even looking at him but instead staring open-mouthed towards the little café by the side of the hall, consisting of some tables and a tiny modern coffee bar. Akira followed his gaze. Hikaru was gaping at a man in his thirties, strikingly handsome, with an absurdly long braid that reached past his hip. The man was staring back.
His mouth still hanging open, Hikaru made a pained noise.
Akira noticed just in time that he was starting to sway and darted forwards to grab Hikaru's arms before he crumbled to the floor. "Hikaru," he said, alarmed. "What...?"
Hikaru pushed out of his arms without looking at him and stumbled forwards, ten meters towards the café, and fell into the arms of the stranger.
Akira blinked at how quickly that had happened.
The stranger's arms wrapped around Hikaru's back. Hikaru's face was pressed into the man's collarbone.
Who was that? Akira had thought he knew everyone who was close to Hikaru after all these years. Maybe it was a member of his extended family that he hadn't seen in a while? A cousin? But even with Hikaru's penchant for physical contact, it had to be a very close relationship for Hikaru to throw himself at somebody like that. Akira was a bit annoyed by the mystery.
And maybe, just maybe, at the fact that someone else was pressed that tightly against Hikaru's body.
He went over to them. Up close, he could hear Hikaru draw deep, shuddering breaths. His fists were clenched in the stranger's shirt.
"Ah, Touya," the stranger said with a polite smile. "Hello."
Akira had a moment of embarrassment – did they know each other, and he'd just forgotten? But no. Akira was good with faces. He'd never met this man. Perhaps he was just a Go fan and knew Akira's appearance from photos.
"Yes. Hello. Who are you?" It was against his upbringing to be so rude, but if this person thought he could just fondle Akira's best friend like that without explanation then he deserved it.
The stranger opened his mouth but was interrupted by Hikaru blurting out: "You can see him?"
Confused, Akira glanced at the stranger who was obnoxiously visible in the way he was still hugging Hikaru, and took a calming breath. "Are you feeling all right?" he asked gently. Hikaru sometimes had unexpected moods, would stare at the air behind himself when there was no one there, would talk to himself when he thought no one was listening, and then of course there was his history of clinical depression. But this sort of confusion about reality was new. Akira worried.
"I... yes," Hikaru said. He sounded unsure.
The stranger's hold on him tightened, Hikaru gave him a watery smile of gratitude, and Akira's guts squirmed uneasily.
"Don't worry," the stranger said in a calm voice. "He'll be fine. It's just a bit of a shock."
Akira swallowed what he wanted to say, which was that he'd just take Hikaru back into his safekeeping then, thank you, because he, Akira, would be the one to help him lie down or give him a glass of water or take him to the hospital, and if this man thought he had a right to Hikaru's grateful smiles then he could go and eat a whole Go-ke full of ishi. Who did this man think he was? "Don't shock him, then," Akira snapped.
"You're warm," Hikaru said weakly, touching the stranger's cheek. "And," he leaned closer to sniff, "you smell like tea. Oh...."
Akira instinctively reached out to touch Hikaru's forearm. This was bad. Whatever was happening to Hikaru, he had to see a doctor now.
Hikaru didn't even seem to feel the hand on his arm, too busy gazing forlornly into the stranger's face like a protagonist in a yaoi manga.
Akira didn't like that particular image at all. He didn't understand anything anymore. Not knowing what else to do, he cleared his throat loudly to remind Hikaru of his existence.
"Oh! Akira," Hikaru said with a helpless laugh, "let me introduce you. This is Fujiwara no Sai. My best friend."
My best friend. The words felt like a slap in the face. My best friend. After living with Akira for eight years, sharing everything, being inseparable, Hikaru could point at this peacock of a man that Akira had never even seen before and call him his best friend.
Something hot rose like bile in Akira. He wasn't sure what he'd do when it reached his head – screaming in frustration, weeping like a child and punching the unknown best friend in his stupidly pretty face all seemed like viable options. With his last shred of dignity, he managed: "I see. Then you'll have a lot to catch up on. Don't let me keep you." Then he marched away from the two of them as quickly as he could. He didn't want Hikaru to see his face.
Hikaru
"Akira!" Hikaru called after his friend who was stalking away rapidly towards the exit. "Akira! Wait!"
Akira didn't wait. Hikaru looked from his retreating shape to Sai's face, back at Akira, back at Sai, and decided that for the first time in ten years his priority wasn't Touya Akira.
Sai smiled down at him. He was still just a little taller than Hikaru. His face was the same that sometimes appeared in Hikaru's dreams, it was undeniably him, and yet he was different. "Sai," Hikaru said weakly. "Sai. Oh wow." He pulled back enough to get a good look at the rest of the man. Sai's hair was braided now, his earring was missing and so was the ubiquitous fan in his hand, but the most striking difference was that he was wearing modern clothing. A pair of slacks and a purple button down shirt. It looked surprisingly good on him. Weird, but good. Of course, someone like Sai would look good wearing a garbage bag.
Hikaru's head was swimming. "I'm probably dreaming," he informed Sai.
Sai laughed. "Come," he said kindly, "let's sit down."
He tugged on Hikaru's sleeve to pull him towards one of the tables, but Hikaru felt a strong aversion against all the other people around them, half of which were not so subtly staring at the two of them, and didn't let himself be pulled. "Are you real?" he whispered. "Really real?"
Sai beamed at him. "I'm alive."
He was. He had to be. No longer translucent, clearly visible to other people, and with warm skin, it was obvious that he wasn't a ghost.
Hikaru felt his own heart beat in his chest as if trying to escape from it. The thought was too good to believe. Sai. Alive. Here. His legs felt like they were going weak again. "I... I need to sit down."
Sai glanced at the table again, but Hikaru shook his head. "No. Not here." He took Sai by the wrist – a miracle in itself – and pulled him towards the elevator where he impatiently pushed the 'up' button.
"Where are we going?"
Oh wow, his voice. Unmistakably Sai's voice. Hikaru had to swallow before answering. "There are private match rooms upstairs. We'll take one." After years of being the only one able to see Sai, the thought of other people staring at him was somehow uncomfortable. Besides, he didn't want to be overheard.
Finally, finally, they made it to one of the small match chambers on the second floor. Hikaru ushered Sai inside, followed, locked the door behind them and dropped down on the tatami. Hungrily, he watched Sai sink gracefully into seiza. Hikaru couldn't get enough of looking at him. This had to be a dream. He hated 'Sai dreams' because waking up from them in an empty room was the loneliest experience Hikaru knew, but still, as long as he was actively in one, he could never help enjoying it.
Hikaru sighed happily. "Oh, Sai."
Sai's eyes had predictably rested on the Go-ban in the middle of the tiny room, but now they snapped up to look straight at him. His face broke out in a radiant smile again. "I'm so glad I finally found you, Hikaru! It wasn't easy at all!"
"Right," Hikaru said.
"I didn't recognize the part of the city where I came out," Sai continued excitedly, "and I don't know where you live now, so I tried to find the Go Association building. But no one knew where that was!" He scowled. Clearly, in his opinion ordinary people in Tokyo should all know the address of the headquarters of the Go Association. Hikaru practically ached with affection. "But yesterday, finally, a woman in my Go salon could tell me the way!" Sai said happily.
"A woman in your... Go salon," Hikaru repeated slowly. "You have a Go salon? When... how... how long have you been...?"
"Nine days," Sai said promptly. "But..." He made a frustrated waving gesture that Hikaru interpreted to mean everything around them. "But the world is so difficult!" His eyes were wide and innocent like those of an affronted child.
Helplessly, Hikaru said: "Hmm."
"Hikaru." Sai stared at him. "You're not saying anything. Are you all right?"
Hikaru wanted to cry. He clung to the idea that this had to be a dream, because he couldn't handle the hope that Sai might actually be back, he couldn't, because as soon as he got his hopes up they would just be crushed. But if he was... if Sai was actually back... He shook his head, fighting. He couldn't let himself think that way. It would hurt too much in the end.
"Are you... not pleased to see me?" Sai ventured.
A noise broke out of Hikaru that might have been a snorting laugh or a sob, he wasn't sure. It was definitely something desperate. Suddenly, his eyes flowed over. He hid his face in his hands. His body shook.
"Oh, no." Sai shuffled over to him, and Hikaru seized the opportunity to fling himself into his lap. If he was already bawling like a baby, he might as well be doing it properly. "Oh, Hikaru," Sai cooed, "it's okay." He stroked Hikaru's hair, which was very nice.
"You can't be back," Hikaru sobbed, his voice cracking.
"...Oh. I apologize."
Hikaru laughed wetly. "No! Just..." he hiccuped, "it's impossible!"
"I know," Sai said soothingly. "I know it should be. I don't know how it happened either. But it happened."
Hikaru tried to shake his head, which was difficult pressed against another person't torso. It would feel so good to believe that. This was a particularly nice dream, more real than his usual ones. "Please be back," he mouthed soundlessly. He didn't want Sai to hear him beg. "Please. Please..."
"The benevolent gods are kind to me," Sai said above him. "They have let me go back to the world for the third time. I think they must like me."
Hikaru huffed. That was true, he supposed. After Sai's original suicide, he'd already been granted his wish to return to the world twice. Why wouldn't he be granted that a third time? Except that this time was different if he truly had a living body now... Hikaru had to reserve judgment for the moment. He sniffed. "I'm ruining your shirt."
"That's fine. I have two of them."
Sai's evident pride at owning more than one article of clothing made Hikaru smile, even while he let more tears leak into the fabric. "Where did you buy shirts? With what money? How did you come back?"
Sai made to gently pry Hikaru off him, but Hikaru resisted.
"I'm not moving." Hikaru buried his face more deeply. Sai smelled nice below his wet shirt. "Just tell me here."
Sai
Sai's heart ached with affection for the young man clinging to him with his face pressed into the moist spot on Sai's shirt, and for the first time in ten days – or ten years – he felt fully at ease. In this confusing world that he'd so abruptly re-entered, Hikaru would be his anchor again. Sai was sure of it. Hikaru's reaction was a little alarming, but then again, it was very understandable that Sai's sudden reappearance came as a shock to him. Hikaru had to be having his own life now.
"Fine," Sai said kindly, "stay there." Giving in to the urge to touch Hikaru some more, now that he could, he stroked Hikaru's hair gently while he talked. "I came back to this world nine days ago. It was very surprising. In one moment I was still floating in nothingness and then suddenly there was pain."
"Pain?" Hikaru said with concern.
"I awoke lying face down on the ground. Some gravel was scraping my skin."
"That sounds uncomfortable."
"Oh no!" Sai said brightly. "No! Hikaru, it was the first thing I felt in a thousand years! It was amazing!"
Hikaru finally pulled back to look at him skeptically. "...If you say so."
"It was!" Sai sighed happily. "Ah, Hikaru! The sunshine on my face! The slide of my clothes on my limbs! You can't imagine!"
Hikaru smiled.
"And food! Oh, Hikaru, food! I'd forgotten what it's like!" Sai said excitedly. "But...-" he waved his hands, "never mind. The story. I was alive, but I was on my own. For an hour, I walked the streets of Edo without knowing where I was. Most of all, I wanted to find you but I didn't know where to start. The town is too big now to find a person only by their name."
Hikaru opened his mouth as if to reply, but then seemed to think better of it.
"Finally, I went to a guesthouse like those where we have stayed during your conventions."
"A hotel?"
"I... think so," Sai said slowly. "There is foreign writing everywhere. Foreigners stay in it, and they serve strange foods for breakfast." Wonderful foods, though. Sai ate enough of them every morning that he barely needed any other meals. "I knew that I needed money. Thus, I asked the kind lady in the guesthouse whether she knew of any Go salons nearby."
Hikaru laughed. "Of course that was your first thought."
"Well," Sai said with a frown, "I have no other skills your world would value. Calligraphy seems to be barely needed when letters are now printed. Playing music requires an instrument. My knowledge of the fabrics and cuts of clothes is outdated. I didn't know where else to start."
"I wasn't making fun of you," Hikaru said. He squeezed Sai's hand. "Please don't think that. It's just... very you to jump right from needing money to playing Go. Please, go on. Did she know about a salon?"
"Luckily, yes! Her husband plays in one often. She pointed the way to me and I promised to return with money, after asking how much a night in her house would cost. I found the salon quickly, and it looked much like those I visited with you. Only, I was alone this time." Sai took a deep breath. The moment that he'd picked up a Go stone for the first time in a thousand years had to be one of the best events in all of his lifetimes. He would never again forget the feeling of it between his fingers. "I humbly challengedthe playersthere to a game, betting for twenty-five thousand yen."
"How many yen?!"
Sai shrugged. "I was afraid I might only have one chance, so it had to be enough to pay for a night in the guesthouse, some food, and new clothes."
"Oh," Hikaru said weakly. "I see. Wait – you were still in your Heian era kimono? The white one?"
"The white one," Sai confirmed with a smile. It was nice that Hikaru remembered him so well. "It drew attention."
Hikaru laughed out loud. "I bet it did."
"They seemed to believe I was dressed for a festival," Sai said with amusement, "or for a Kabuki play."
"And on top of your costume, you challenged a random player for an outrageous amount of money, which is illegal, by the way." Hikaru's eyes were sparkling. It suited him. "And I bet you won?"
"I did indeed." Sai nodded solemnly. "I won against every man who took my challenge that first night. By evening, it was well enough money to pay for my bed and fare. The lady in the guesthouse was quite surprised upon my return."
"I'm imagining how you dumped a million yen in cash on her counter." Hikaru snickered. "Ah, Sai... I wish I could've seen it. I wish I could've seen you play again, too."
Sai smiled. He couldn't wait to see Hikaru play, either. In fact... he moved over to the zabuton and picked a black ishi out of one of the Go-ke to pointedly place it on the board.
Hikaru stared at him. "You're not finished with your story."
"I can talk and play at the same time!" Sai said earnestly. "You can play and listen." He gave Hikaru his best pleading face, but his efforts were barely needed.
Hikaru moved to the other side of the Go-ban without hesitation, grasped a white stone and placed it.
Sai beamed at him. Hikaru was such a good boy! Man – a good man, of course. "I've gone back to the salon every day," he continued as a he played his next hand. "After three days, no one there was willing to challenge me anymore, so I decided to give shido-go for payment instead. That went well. However, I find that I need more money than I can earn this way."
Hikaru nodded while he deftly blocked black's path in the bottom right corner. "You can't pay for a hotel room every night just with a couple of hours of shido-go for amateurs. How have you been paying your landlady?"
"Ah, well," Sai scratched his chin sheepishly, "I... have not paid for the past two nights. She... lets me stay nevertheless. I think she likes me."
"I wonder why," Hikaru said dryly, gaining territory on the left.
"But I have no wish to owe her money," Sai added hastily. "I will pay her back, of course, as soon as I find a way!"
Hikaru looked up from the board and smiled at him. "Of course," he said quietly. "And I'm the way."
Sai felt his face grow warmer. "I need to emphasize," he said, "that I don't presume that you will settle my debts, Hikaru."
Hikaru waved a hand as if to say that that was nothing.
"I was hoping," Sai pressed on, "for guidance. Advice. You're the only one in this world who would understand my... situation. My options."
"And I'm also your best friend," Hikaru said firmly. "At least your best friend currently alive."
Sai refrained from throwing his arms around Hikaru's neck because there was a Go-ban between them and it might have disordered the stones. He settled for his most brilliant smile. "You are indeed."
"Uh." Hikaru stared at him as if he'd said something surprising. "Uh, yeah." He cleared his throat. "Is it okay if you stay in that hotel for another couple of nights? I'll pay, obviously."
Sai blinked. It took him a moment to understand that Hikaru assumed the natural way forward to be for Sai to move in with him. Sai knew immediately that he'd like that too. After years of being literally inseparable, it seemed right to be by Hikaru's side. They'd gotten along very well when Hikaru had been a teenager, and now as two adults it would be even easier. With Sai having a body again, he'd have more freedom in any case.
Hikaru seemed to take his moment of thoughtful silence for disapproval, and added hastily: "I'd take you home with me right now, I just think I should ask Akira first before inviting someone to stay with us."
"Oh!" Sai clapped his hands. "You live together? How nice!"
Hikaru grinned bashfully. "Yeah. It's nice."
"Well, then I shouldn't move in with you." That was clear. Sai nodded to himself. Lovers should have privacy. "Ah, I'm glad for you, Hikaru. Touya has a bright mind and good values, and he's from a rich family, and he's so handsome too! You have made a very fine match! I had a feeling about the two of you back when...- Hikaru? What's wrong?"
Hikaru had flushed.
"Hikaru? I... there is no need to be embarrassed," Sai said, confused. "Is it a secret? I will not tell."
Hikaru blew out a breath. Without looking at Sai, he placed a stone on the board in a thoughtless, stupid nobi. "It's... well. It's not like that. We're friends."
"Oh. Hmm." Sai absently placed a white stone at 5-13, effectively taking control of the entire right hand side of the board. "I apologize. When I saw you together, I thought..."
"I wish," Hikaru mumbled, morosely adding a pointless stone to the already lost territory in the corner.
Now that was an intriguing situation. Sai loved stories of ill-fated lovers, and it struck him that being part of Hikaru's life could be even more interesting now that he was an adult. "You wish?" he asked with a teasing smile.
Hikaru was still bright red. "Argh, Sai!" He scrubbed a hand over his face. "You've been back for ten minutes! Give me a moment before I open up all my secrets to you!"
Sai pouted. "Why?" He captured four of the white stones and dropped them lovingly back into their Go-ke home. He didn't believe in agehama where it wasn't necessary. "There used to be no secrets between us!" He stared at Hikaru imploringly. "Aren't we best friends?"
Hikaru laughed. "Okay! Okay, fine. Yes. Fine. I... I like Akira." He couldn't meet Sai's eyes when he said it.
"But...?" Sai prompted. Was there another person in Touya's life? Did Touya not like Hikaru? A fierce indignance spread through Sai at that thought – if Touya thought Hikaru wasn't the best person in this vast city, then he was sorely mistaken! Touya would be lucky to make a match like Hikaru!
"But nothing," Hikaru sighed. "I just... haven't told him. I haven't asked."
"Why?"
"It's not that easy," Hikaru protested.
"Courting someone?" In Sai's experience, that had always been easy. You smiled, said nice things, cast them pointed looks, impressed them with your skills if possible, and then you took them to bed. On the other hand, Hikaru and Touya were still so young. Perhaps they needed guidance. "It's not difficult. You should try. Judging by his actions earlier, you have a good chance."
"Aaargh! Sai! Please!" Hikaru fell backwards with a groan, his arm thrown over his face, looking like a teenager again. It made Sai smile. "I can only handle one life-changing event per day! And today, that's you coming back! I can't also question my most important relationship at the same time, all while being fucking annihilated on the Go-ban!" He gestured helplessly at the slaughter on the board. "Let me breathe!"
Lying down, Hikaru couldn't see it, but Sai was smiling so widely that his mouth hurt with it, echoing the deep ache of affection in his chest. "Hikaru," he said softly. "It is so good to see you again. I have missed you terribly."
Hikaru stilled and peeked through his fingers. "You have?"
"In the years that we've been parted, I have spent much of my time wondering what's become of you. I have imagined dozens of lives for you, Hikaru."
He could hear Hikaru swallow heavily.
"But I never worried," Sai added. "Not once. You were such a bright, noble-minded boy. I was sure you would make me proud."
"Ah, stop, stop! I'm crying again." Hikaru wiped his face on his sleeve and sniffed noisily. He sat up, peering at Sai. "It's good to see you too, Sai."
Sai reached over and squeezed the drier one of Hikaru's hands.
"Sai?" Hikaru said as he began to clear the stones off the board. "Um. For the record, I can play better than this. I swear."
Sai laughed softly. "I know. Don't worry. In my Go salon, they have the Go Weekly. I've seen your portrait there and a recent kifu. You play very well, Hikaru."
Hikaru ducked his head, but Sai had seen his pleased smile.
"This wasn't a true game," Sai said. "This was only for the pleasure of sitting across from you with a board in between. Let's play a true match soon, shall we?"
"I can't wait." Busying himself with the lids of the Go-ke, taking much longer than necessary, Hikaru asked without looking at him: "Do you really think I have a chance with Akira?"
Sai suppressed a smile at the casual tone. "His jealousy was very evident earlier, wouldn't you say?"
"You think?" Hikaru blurted out.
"Yes," Sai said firmly. "I think so. And he would be a fool not to accept you, Hikaru."
Seeing the hopeful expression on Hikaru's face, Sai vowed to himself that he would help get those two boys together. Hikaru deserved the best.
"Okay. I'll think about it," Hikaru said. He took a deep breath. "Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about you. I distracted you from your story. How did you finally find me then?"
"Oh. I did not know where you might live, so I thought my best choice would be to find this building again." Sai looked around. He'd been there with the young insei Hikaru many times. "But no one knew where it was. I asked many people. Yesterday, finally, there was a customer in the salon who knew of it, and she gave me this." Sai took the valuable piece of colorful paper from his pocket. "She marked it for me," he said brightly, unfolding the map to show Hikaru the blue pen markings that indicated the location of his Go salon and the Go association where they were now. "See? Here."
Hikaru blew out a breath. "You live in Asaksusa?" He shook his head fondly. "Of course you do."
"It's far," Sai said with a sigh. "It took me over two hours to walk here. But maybe... if you're coming with me, maybe we can take the fast transport?" He blinked hopefully at Hikaru. "I couldn't do that on my own."
"We are definitely taking the fast transport. I'm not walking that whole way. Not even for you." Hikaru stood up, knees cracking. "Come on. Let's go give your poor landlady some money."
Summary: In an unsubtle metaphor, Hikaru pushes out of Akira's arms and falls straight into Sai's.