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The first time Liam meets Zayn, he almost doesn't notice the tan boy's frame leaning up against the alley wall.
Liam’s always been a good kid – doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, almost never gets into trouble. Almost because there was that one time he and Niall almost got arrested in this club – but that story’s for another day.
When Liam sees Zayn smoking a joint out in the open, he scoffs. Anyone could’ve caught him with the smell of that smoke!
Zayn hears somebody make a disapproving noise at him from out of the alley. When he goes to see who it is – he gives a toothy smile.
The other lad is fit: soft brown hair, big chocolate eyes, a broad muscular chest, and a massive set of biceps. He could’ve seemed threatening or slightly intimidating to the normal passerby – but naturally Zayn is far from normal. He can already tell that this guy has never even thought of smoking like he is right now. Zayn supposes they’re both special. He takes a step towards the other boy.
When the smoker guy makes a move toward Liam, he immediately recoils.
The nameless man laughs and says, “Relax mate. I’m not going to hurt you. Just gonna offer a drag. If you’re up for it?”
Liam stares at the joint held right in front of his face with slight terror.
“Um. No. N-No thank you,” he stutters, shaking his head furiously and pushing away Zayn’s hand.
The mysterious man chuckles and takes another step toward Liam and into the light.
Liam’s breath hitches because the boy in front of him is probably the most stunning person he’s ever seen in his life (and he’s not even attracted to boys!) With gold-hazel eyes, sexy stubble, a chiseled jaw line, and hair towering high above his head, Liam didn’t blame himself for being so attracted to him.
Zayn catches the other man staring. He laughs inwardly.
“You’re not bad yourself you know,” Zayn tells him. The other guy blushes, obviously embarrassed that he had been checking him out so blatantly.
“Thanks?” he mumbles.
“What’s your name?” Zayn asks, and Liam begins to panic slightly and takes that as his cue to leave.
“Um. I’ve got to – uh- My roommate’s just. Yeah. I suppose I’ll just leave now,” Liam stammers, and scurries away.
Zayn is laughing sort of maniacally.
“My name’s Zayn by the way!” he shouts toward the dashing man, just in case.
-
A whole year passes.
A lot can happen in a year. And a lot does.
Liam graduates from medical school in the University of London – top of his class, of course. And now he takes regular shifts at the University hospital – Dr. Liam Payne. He thinks it has a nice ring to it.
Zayn’s life, on the other hand, has been in a downward spiral and has now hit rock bottom. He’s failed uni, he’s homeless, and his family refuses to help him. But worst of all, he’s gotten into drugs, both using and dealing an eclectic variety. (But god dammit he wakes up every morning feeling sorry for himself and he can't stop because he's losing all fucking control.) He parties and drinks and fucks random people - he's lost himself completely.
-
It takes a year for them to meet again.
Meaning, it took a year for Zayn to overdose at a party and end up at the hospital Liam works at.
-
Liam practically chokes when he sees Zayn hooked up to the IV and oxygen tank and other sorts of medical equipment he's far too young to be on. He almost doesn't believe it's the boy he ran into in that alleyway a year ago - but of course he remembers Zayn. Zayn took his breath away. Zayn made him stammer and stumble over words when in truth Liam was a very eloquent man. Liam thinks he shouldn't have let that single run-in affect his entire life, but after that Liam realized how painfully gay he was.
Liam recalls that he never told Zayn his name, though. He guesses it's time for him to learn it.
Liam looks at the various papers on his clipboard indicating Zayn's diagnosis.
In big writing Liam spots: 'Patient found unconscious in warehouse due to drug overdose.' Liam feels his head spin and looks at his patient. Zayn's skinny as a toothpick - he looks almost like a living skeleton. His skin wasn't a golden tan anymore, it was sickly and almost green. Zayn's hair is a mess and his lips are chapped and his hands are roughed and calloused. Liam looks at the diagnosis again. When they had found Zayn his blood pressure and pulse had been dangerously low. He'd had two seizures on the ambulance to the hospital and Liam wonders how and why this man had crashed so devastatingly low.
He reaches out a hand and strokes Zayn's cheek gently, and he stirs.
Zayn opens his eyes slightly and groggily and he sees an angel with brown hair and brown eyes and he feels light and happy.
"Am I in heaven?" he asks in a hushed voice.
Liam chuckles lightly.
"No, Zayn, you're not in heaven," he says, and tries to pull his hand away, but Zayn leans into the warm inviting touch.
"Well, am I in hell then?" Zayn pauses. "Of course I'm in hell. It's a lot nicer than I thought, to be honest," he mumbles.
Liam laughs quietly again.
"No, Zayn, you're not in heaven or hell - you're not even dead. Just go back to sleep, yeah?"
Zayn nods slowly. His head is pounding and his chest feels like it's about to cave in so listens to his angel and decides to fall asleep.
-
When Zayn is fully conscious and not as loopy - he finds out from a nurse that he had OD'd. He scoffs and almost says out loud, "Well it's about damn time."
When Liam comes in a few minutes later to check his vital signs though, he can't help but feel like he's met this guy before.
"Hey doctor- um- Dr. Payne, is it?"
Liam looks up from his clipboard where he'd been jotting down important notes.
"Yes, Mr. Malik?"
"You look familiar. Have we met before?" Zayn usually uses this as his prime pick-up line – cliché, he knows, but yet he's curious as to why it never fails - but this time he was quite serious.
Liam starts coughing uncontrollably out of nowhere and Zayn's eyebrows raise in concern.
"You okay there, mate?"
"Um- Yeah. I'm fine. Totally fine," he pauses for a moment before looking straight Zayn and smiling warmly, "You probably just remember me because I was in here when you woke up a couple hours ago. You asked me if you were in heaven. You weren't exactly in the clearest state of mind though, s'probably why I seem so familiar, yeah?"
Zayn contemplates with a frown on his face.
"Yeah. Yeah, I remember that. I thought you were an angel actually," the pair laugh softly. "But, no. I recognize you from somewhere else."
Liam coughs into his hand again.
"Eh. I don't know," he says and shrugs.
"Huh."
Zayn leans back into his hospital bed and closes his eyes again. All that talking made him tired. He dreams of his angel.
-
Zayn is released from the hospital the next afternoon. He wanders around London for the rest of the day because he has nowhere else to go.
-
He finds himself at the entrance to St. Bartholomew's Hospital at eleven that night. He wonders if the canteen there gives free food - the shelter down the street he used to stay at doesn't seem as enticing anymore knowing that a certain doctor works a few blocks down.
He takes out his last packet of cigarettes and lights a fag. Leaning against the concrete wall, he breathes in the hot smoke and hears a cough.
"Hi," Zayn greets.
Liam's a bit taken aback at the fact that Zayn's already smoking.
"Hey," Liam replies.
There's a small silence between them as Zayn keeps smoking. Liam furrows his eyebrows in concern.
"Zayn, I don't think you should be smoking so soon after you've been released."
Zayn scoffs.
"And who are you to judge?"
"I just saved your life. And I’m a doctor. It's sort of my obligation to keep people healthy."
"And who says smoking isn't healthy?" Zayn says cheekily.
Liam rolls his eyes.
"Why are you out here?" he asks tentatively.
Zayn contemplates before asking.
"I've nowhere else to go," he shrugs.
Liam crosses his arms.
"You sure? What about family? Friends?"
"I've got no friends and I'm not considered family by my family."
Liam frowns, "So. Do you have any place else to stay then?"
Zayn looks up at Liam.
"Why're you so keen on asking me questions? I get that you're a doctor and all, but you really shouldn't be concerned for my welfare anymore. I'm out of the hospital now, mate."
Liam is speechless for a moment.
"So, unless you're offering a place to stay, I've best be going now," Zayn pushes himself off the wall and smashes his finished cigarette with his boot.
He begins to walk away when Liam yells, "No! No, don't go. You- You can stay at my place tonight. If you want. It's fine. With me. I mean-"
Zayn chuckles.
"Yeah."
Liam stops his rambling.
"What?"
"I'll stay at your place tonight. Since you offered.”
Liam wonders if Zayn can see him blushing.
-
"I lied to you."
"What?" Zayn says over munching some cereal.
"I lied to you. The other day. I said I didn't know you from anywhere - but I do."
Zayn's a bit confused.
"Wait. So we have met before?"
Liam nods, "It was a year a go or something. You offered me a drag on your joint and I said no. I suppose I've never really been a bad boy?" Liam doesn't mean for that sentence to end like a question. It's just, with Zayn peering at him intently from across the table, he was having trouble speaking properly.
"Hm. Okay. Well it's nice to officially meet you Liam," Zayn remarks, smiling.
"It's nice to meet you too, Zayn."
He looks up at the clock. 9:30.
"Shit. Um. I've got to shower and leave for work in an hour so I'll be right back okay."
Zayn nods in response.
-
Liam gets out of an empty flat, spare a note saying:
Your couch is lovely.
Much love,
Zayn xx
-
Zayn is at the hospital again the next week and doesn't even bother saying hello before colliding his lips with Liam's.
The other man is shocked, but kisses back with the equal zeal nonetheless.
Zayn smiles into the kiss and presses Liam's body up against the wall. Their hands are touching and grabbing all over. Liam pulls at the hair on the nape of Zayn's neck. Zayn places his hands on the hot strip of skin peeking out from the hem of Liam's shirt.
It's a bit sloppy really. There's too much teeth gnashing and bit of excess tongue but it's like they're on fire and neither of them want to extinguish that just yet.
It takes a few minutes for the pair to realize that they're still in a public area and Zayn pulls away panting, "Your place?"
-
Liam wakes up completely naked, completely exhausted, and completely alone.
He's pretty sure that's the moment his heart starts to break.
-
Two days later, Zayn and Liam are climbing on top of each other, trying to get to the bedroom as fast as they can.
Zayn didn't even meet Liam at the hospital this time. He just knocks on the door of Liam's flat and starts to ravage the boy once they both breathe out a small, "Hey."
When they're done, they're panting and lying down on his bed together in a mess of tangled legs and soiled sheets.
Liam wonders if the feeling in his chest is love or if it's just the afterglow of sex.
He wants it to be the latter.
-
This pattern continues for the better part of a year.
Liam tries to ignore the churning in his stomach. Liam tries to ignore how Zayn is quite literally skin and bones now. Liam tries to ignore how Zayn perpetually reeks of drugs and sweat.
But he really can't, can he?
-
The sex was great - that was absolutely undeniable.
Liam and Zayn were great too. But they weren't. Not really.
"I love you," Liam whispers. He doesn't know if Zayn is awake. He's beyond caring at this point.
"Don't."
"But I really do Zayn. I really fucking love you"
There's a pause.
"You've got to stop destroying yourself like this," Liam croaks.
And with that, Zayn walks out of the flat without saying goodbye. But really, what's new?
-
Zayn comes to Liam's flat piss-drunk.
Zayn's been toning it down on the drugs lately and he had decided earlier that night to celebrate it.
"Liam! Babe!"
"Zayn. What have you been drinking?"
"I don't really remember, to be honest. I just feel really good right now. We should totally fuck. Come on," Zayn slurs and starts to hump Liam's leg.
"Zayn. Zayn stop it."
"I know. I know. But Li I haven't done drugs in, like, two months!" Zayn giggles happily.
"Really?"
Zayn nods enthusiastically.
"Now come on. Let's go have sex and celebrate, yeah?"
Liam is silent for a moment.
"No. You're drunk and I'm not going to take advantage of you like that."
"Oh. Ickle-Liam always the hero. Always the doctor. Always the angel. Always makes me feel better," Zayn's mouth is moving weirdly and he's swaying to the music in his head. "You know what I think? I think. That we were meant to be, you know? Like. I was put on this world to be a fuck-up. And you - Mr. Perfect - are here to fix me."
Liam just shakes his head.
"C'mere Zayn."
He takes the drunk man in his arms and gently places him on the bed. It's alarming how thin and frail Zayn's become.
"Wait. Are you going to fuck me now Liam?"
"Shut up Zayn."
Zayn giggles but stops abruptly as he feels bile start to rise up his throat. He makes it to the toilet, thank god. Liam rubs Zayn's back gently as he hurls the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl.
-
It's a few hours later, at three-thirty in the morning and they're both still awake. Liam's got Zayn tight in his arms and fully intends not to let go for a while.
"Liam?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you have any secrets?"
"Of course I do. Everyone's got secrets, Zayn."
"Oh. Right. Sorry. That was a stupid question," Zayn can feel himself recoil back into his inebriated shell.
"No it wasn't. D'you want me to tell you a secret of mine?" Liam asks Zayn softly. He's running his fingers through Zayn's messy hair and Zayn is practically purring.
"Sure. Why the hell not."
Liam looks straight into Zayn's hazel eyes and says with utmost sincerity, "You."
Zayn's dumbfounded for a moment.
"I don't understand, Liam."
Liam takes a deep breath.
"You're my biggest secret Zayn. I've never told any one about you. About how much I love you."
Zayn thinks he's about to cry. He's angry but sort of flattered at the same time. Mostly angry, though.
"Why? Is it because you're ashamed of me? Because I’m a fucking drug-addict?"
Liam shakes his head furiously and grasps Zayn's face in his hands.
"No."
He starts to wipe away the tears falling down Zayn's face.
"It's 'cause I'm selfish. I don't want to share you with anyone but myself. I don't want anyone else falling in love with you."
Zayn starts to choke on his tears and Liam just holds him tighter.
-
A month passes.
Zayn still hasn’t done drugs. He's not in a rehab center, but he has Liam and Liam's really all he'll ever need.
-
"Liam?"
Zayn is sitting atop the kitchen counter while Liam is cutting up some vegetables for their dinner that night.
"Yes, love?"
"Can I meet your friends?"
Liam stops chopping for a moment before he takes a deep breath an says, "Sure. I don't see why not."
Zayn hums happily and swings his feet back and forth.
"But why now?” Liam asks. “We've been living together for more than a month and my mates have been over before. You just insist on going out when I invite them over. They always ask why I have so many leather jackets lying around all the time. But they suspect nothing because they're all twats."
Zayn chuckles.
"Well, I've never been good with people when I'm sober or clean. I've just always been nervous to meet them, I guess."
Liam looks at Zayn with a furrowed brow but Zayn kisses it away and Liam tells Zayn, "I'll call the boys tomorrow."
-
The doorbell rings and Zayn immediately tenses up. Liam, being Mr. Perceptive and all, takes Zayn's tan fingers in his and gives a reassuring squeeze.
"They're going to love you Zayn. Promise."
Zayn just nods and breathes through his nose, effectively calming his nerves. He's always been shy. Only when under an influence is he not awkward around people (and when he's with Liam of course. But when Zayn's around Liam he feels like he's going to die of heart palpitations every time his boyfriend looks at him so he supposes that isn't any better)
Shock is probably the first thing Zayn feels when a blonde ball of energy comes hurtling at him the moment Liam opens the door.
"So you're the handsome lad that Liam's been keeping a secret from us, Eh? We used to be roommates you know, Li and I. Never kept a secret from me once 'til you - so that's how I know you're special," the thick Irish accent flows through Zayn's ears at a rapid pace and it's too overwhelming, but he sees Liam beaming at him from across the living room and Zayn knows he can make it through this.
He chuckles and reaches out a hand, "Thanks? I guess. It's Zayn, if Liam didn't tell you earlier."
The shaggy-haired blonde shakes Zayn's hand firmly and says, "Yep. I know you're Zayn. And I knew that you were good-looking but damn. That is one hell of a jawline."
Liam just shakes his head and says, "This is Niall, my completely insane best mate and co-worker."
Niall gives the two of them a beaming smile as Liam wraps his arms around Zayn's waist to let him know that he's there.
"You two are too cute," Niall squeals. "So what 'ave you prepared for dinner?"
"Actually we just ordered Curry Take-Away," Liam tells Niall.
Niall's smile gets even wider (Zayn wonders how It's humanly possible).
"Just like the ol' uni days Eh?"
Liam nods, "Was Zayn's idea actually."
Niall pats him on the back.
"Good lad, Zayn."
Zayn is glowing.
The doorbell rings again and this time it's accompanied by a shrill, "I can't believe you forgot to bring desert!"
"I'M SORRY, OKAY? I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I promise!"
When Liam opens the door, Zayn sees a head of wild curls trying to eat someone with short, caramel brown hair.
"Oh. They're just snogging," Zayn thinks aloud.
"Hm?" questions Niall, who had stood next to Zayn.
Zayn shakes his head, "Nothing." Niall just shrugs.
Liam stands in the doorway eyeing the pair making out shamelessly. He coughs into his hand and the two men separate and try to fix themselves up hopelessly.
"I swear to god, you two will never get over the honeymoon phase," Liam deadpans.
"Hey! We’ve only been married a year!" the one with light brown hair comments.
"Yeah. But you both haven’t changed since we met you eight years ago," Niall remarks.
"So what? Louis and I have been happily together for over ten years. Just get over the fact that you're just jealous, icky single Nialler," says the taller man with the head of curly hair.
Niall scowls.
"Fuck off Harry."
The couple walks forward and Louis kisses Liam on the cheek.
"Sorry to say this but, I forgot to bring the dessert."
"S'fine-"
"You must be Zayn!" Louis cheers, giving Zayn a big hug. "Wow. Liam wasn't kidding. That's what I call a jawline."
Zayn chuckles.
"Thanks. Again. And you're Louis?"
Louis starts to nod as Harry steps forward and grabs Louis' hip possessively, "My Louis to be exact. I'm Harry."
Zayn shakes his outstretched hand.
"Nice to meet you both, I guess."
-
"So Zayn, what do you do?" Louis asks, while leaning back into Harry's lean frame on the leather sofa.
Zayn gulps.
"Not much, to be honest. I've got a small job down at a photography studio down the road. I plan on studying art in the fall, though," he says, thankful that Liam's fingers were intertwined with his. His touch was an anchor for Zayn - to keep him from straying off to far. "What about you, Louis?"
"I'm a music producer," Louis states matter-of-factly. "Music's a passion of mine."
Zayn nods. He wonders if he has a passion. He's always liked art - Liam says he has a penchant for it, that's why he's saving up money to go to the local art school and take classes. It's a not a passion per say, but he enjoys it better than most things.
(He and Liam 'discussed' art school about a month ago, after Liam caught Zayn drawing an intricate design on a napkin.
"Zayn."
"Hm?"
"Why didn't you tell me you draw?"
"I don't," Zayn continued to sketch complicated patterns.
"Then what the hell are you doing on that napkin then?"
"S'nothing."
Liam was silent for a moment.
"I'm signing you up for art classes in autumn okay?"
Zayn looks up at Liam. His boyfriend has puppy eyes. God damn.
"Okay, fine.")
"So everyone here is a doctor except me and Louis, am I right?" Zayn whispers into Liam's ear as 'The Dark Night' plays on the TV screen.
Liam nods and gestures for Zayn to hush. It was his favorite movie.
-
Zayn's never been one to fit into a group easily. But Harry, Louis, Niall, and Liam are an unfinished puzzle and it just so happens that Zayn is the perfect final piece.
-
Another year has passed.
Niall becomes the godfather of the baby girl Harry and Louis adopted.
(Her name is Darcy and Niall reckons she's going to be exactly like Louis when she grows up because the first time he held her, she scrunched up her nose and slapped at Niall's face with her wrinkly hand; effectively making Niall adore her and fear her at the same time.)
Louis turns 30.
(At the night of his party, he starts breaking down in Harry's arms and wails, "Why is there such a thing as growing up Harry? I don't want to grow up and I don't want Darcy growing up either"
Harry just rocks him back and forth slowly and assures his husband it's not the end of the world.
It doesn't help much, but it helps enough because Louis loves Harry for loving him and their daughter inexplicably.)
Harry is appointed head of the oncology department at their hospital.
(Liam tells Zayn that the oncology department is the one that deals with cancers and tumors [and heartbreak, but Liam leaves that out] and Zayn's thinks that maybe Harry's one of the bravest people he's ever met.)
Zayn enters art school and thrives.
(He comes home to Liam everyday with stories of how Cher spilled paint all over Matt's Burberry shirt and always gives Liam a sketch on a napkin from when he went to lunch.)
Liam proposes to Zayn.
(And of course, through messy tears and salty snot, Zayn sniffles a yes before Liam lifts him up, spins him around, like some sort of a Nicholas Sparks novel.
Interesting thing was, though, they were right in front of the fountain in Trafalgar Square in the midst of a deluge of rain so Zayn supposes it really was like they were a romance novel.)
-
The five of them are at Harry and Louis' house and baby Darcy is sound asleep.
They're sitting around the round dining table playing a heated game of Scrabble and Zayn smiles inwardly, content with the life he's living now.
Niall chugs back the last of his fourth beer and blurts out, "I've met someone."
All eyes turn on him and their jaws drop in unison.
"What Niall?" Zayn asks in disbelief.
"I've. Met. Someone," Niall enunciates.
Harry grins, "That's wonderful Niall! Who's the lovely bird, then?"
Niall frowns.
"Well. Last I checked, he's got a dick. So - not a bird."
Louis eyes widen.
"What the fuck Niall?! I though you were straight!"
Niall gives Louis a look and deadpans, "Well, when your four best mates like cock, you're likely to pick up some of their preferences too."
They all laugh.
"Fine then, who's the lucky lad?" Liam questions, leaning forward in his seat.
Niall clears his throat a bit.
"He's a musician. Met him at a pub in Yorkshire about two months back when I went north for research."
"You met him two months ago and you didn't bother telling us?! And he's a musician for god's sake!" Louis says, slightly outraged.
"Shut up Louis and let me finish. Yes. I met him two months ago, but we only started dating a few weeks ago."
Louis opens his mouth again, but Harry effectively shuts him up by kissing him.
"Like I said he's a musician and he's absolutely brilliant. He writes the most amazing songs and he's just," Niall sighs dreamily and Zayn has to stifle a giggle at the look in his eyes.
"What's he called then?" Liam asks.
"His name is Ed… andheisaginger."
Niall spits out that last part and the boys laugh.
"Never pegged you for liking redheads Nialler. Just to be frank," Harry remarks.
Niall shrugs.
"He's got a gig at a club close by pretty soon. I was wondering if you guys wanted to come and meet him?" Niall asks shyly.
The four boys grin.
"'Course we would," they answer in unison.
-
Niall was right, Ed is brilliant.
They're sitting in the back of a raunchy club near the Picadilly, but Ed is positively owning the stage. He wraps up his last song and then walks over to the table they're all sitting at and kisses his boyfriend on the cheek.
The first thing Zayn notices up close about the man (besides his Ginger hair and his musical genius) is the full sleeve of colorful tattoos on his left arm. Zayn sees a paw print, a snowflake, even a patch of tiger stripes. He immediately likes him.
"Hello! I'm Ed and you must be Zayn and Liam. The engaged ones," Ed shakes both of their hands. "And you're Harry and Louis, the married ones with the daughter named Darcy," he shakes hands with them also.
They stare at him, mouth agape.
"Niall talks a lot about his mates," he states.
A sense of pride rushes through Zayn.
A sharp voice belonging to Louis interrupts his thoughts, "So, Ed. Has Niall ever told you what I do for a living?"
-
Almost two years after that day and Ed's debut album is on Billboard's charts. His fan base is massive already (due to his hit first single, 'The A-Team”), and Niall's adjusting to the fact that his boyfriend is rising into fame.
Niall's not the only one having to adjust, though.
Darcy's a bright young girl, but she's picked up Louis' sense of mischief. Just the other night, Harry had found that their 20-month old daughter had pulled out every single plugged in cord on the first floor of their house - giving the new parent heart palpitations at the thought that she could've been electrocuted.
Zayn begs Liam (his husband) to have them adopt a puppy, and their little Retriever mutt, Buzz, is around fifteen times naughtier than Darcy. Zayn found an absolutely brilliant job illustrating various books for a publishing company, and he's at home most of the time, so he's struggling immensely with the task of taking care of Buzz.
(It also turns out that Zayn is allergic to dogs, and the cough he gets becomes too worse for wear, so they give Buzz to a lovely family in Oxford.)
Besides that, all is well.
-
All is well, at least, until Liam comes home to Zayn, collapsed in their kitchen with a small pool of blood dribbling from his mouth.
-
Liam has never been so angry in his life.
He's had his fair share of lost tempers but the burning fire of anger consumes him.
He's angry at himself for not noticing. He's angry at himself for brushing off Zayn's constant cough as just "allergies to a dog." He's angry at himself for not looking into the three times Zayn's had bronchitis in the past four months.
(He's a doctor! He should've noticed these things.)
He's angry at Zayn for not telling him that he's been clutching at his chest in pain every hour of everyday for the past five months.
He's also angry at Harry for being an oncologist and being the one to tell Zayn that he's got Stage IV Small Cell Lung Cancer and that's he's not going to survive this - that he's only got one and a half months left.
(At three in the morning, Liam gets a call from a sobbing Louis, telling him how Harry came home and started to break down in his arms.)
-
"I love you," Zayn says one night as they're cuddling to 'Doctor Who' one night.
Liam kisses Zayn's hair and squeezes his hand.
"I love you too."
(They've only got three and a half weeks and they're trying not to make it seem like a countdown but it's hard and everyone is hurting.)
-
It comes a week too early.
Liam gets a call during his shift from a number he's become all too familiar with: the Oncology department.
"Zayn's here. He's waiting for you," Harry's gruff voice comes on the line for a second and then hangs up.
One of Liam's coworkers takes over his shift for that night as he changes into civilian clothes and makes the trip to the fourth floor.
Zayn's room is 406 and the second he opens the door he just knows.
He knows tonight is the night.
-
Over the past few weeks, Zayn has turned frail and bony. He's extremely weak and he can barely breathe. Now he's hooked up to various pieces of machinery just to keep him alive long enough to say goodbye to everyone he loves.
("I love you," Liam states sometime later.
There's no response.
Liam's cries echo in the corridors of the near empty hospital.)
-
Ed writes a song.
It's called 'We Are' and it goes something like this:
Leaves have fallen to the ground,
And now there’s no one else around,
To hear the cry.
I saw your body, I saw your face,
Loss of presence, loss of grace,
Behind those eyes.
And we break down,
And we lose touch,
And sometimes,
We are,
Alone.
I miss your laughter,
I miss your tears,
I miss your rambling about your fears,
Your smile.
A crowd has gathered all around,
No one’s speaking,
No one makes a sound,
And I.
And we break down,
And we lose touch,
Sometimes we are,
Alone.
And we break down,
And we lose touch,
Sometimes we are,
Alone.
Alone, now.
They’re never gonna change you.
They’re never gonna change me.
They’re never gonna change us.
We’ll always stay the same.
And we break down,
And we lose touch,
Sometimes we are,
Alone.
And it's the most beautiful song anyone's ever heard but Liam can't take it. He's numb as he stands up from his chair and punches Ed square in the face.
-
It takes precisely 532 and 1/4 days for the numbness to go away.
It’s 532 and a 1/4 days after Zayn's death when Liam finds a letter tucked under their mattress.
Dear Liam,
I've never been very good at writing (even though at one point I thought I'd be a good English teacher for whatever reason). So I apologize in advance if this letter makes you cringe.
I love you.
And I know you know that and I hope you still love me back when you read this but - I really mean it.
You saved my life Liam. My favorite doctor. My angel.
I was planning to write a long letter telling you how much I love you and how much I care for you but I figure that's all redundant. I've never been in love with anyone but you Liam. And that's that.
(also, my chest feels like it's on fire and you'll be home in a few minutes so I know I have to wrap this up.)
There are three things I would like you to do for me (if that's not too much to ask).
1 - Take care of Darcy.
I know I haven't known Harry and Louis as long as you have and I won't know Darcy as long as you will, but I was there in her early stages of life and I feel obligated to tell you to help Haz and Lou take care of her.
2 - Tell Niall and Ed to get married (if they haven't already).
They're all too perfect for each other. With Niall's constant energy and Ed's sense of calmness - I know that they're soul mates (just like us, eh?). And with their mutual love of pizza, weed, and sex, I honestly don't see anything bad happening in their relationship, ever.
3 - Be strong.
Not only for me, but for Niall and Ed and Harry and Louis and Darcy. They need you and you need them. Don't forget that.
I'm not going to ask you to forget about me and move on. To be honest, I don't want you to move on. I just want (need, really) for you to learn to be happy again.
I know for a fact that after I'm gone, you won't be happy for a very long while - but I need you to learn again yeah?
Please?
I miss you already.
Much Love,
Zayn xx