Chapter Text
I need your love
And I'm dying for the rush
'Cause my heart ain't got enough
I need your touch
This is getting serious
Tell me that it's not the end of us
How can we go back to the beginning?
“I'll never be enough for the Kirammans, hm?”
Those words kept invading her mind, like an annoying echo, while a flash of pink hair passed behind her closed eyes.
“I never thought that Caitlyn Kiramman could be such a coward.”
That voice again, so full of pain.
“I don't even know who you are anymore!”
A scream.
Caitlyn woke startled, heart pounding in her ears and breathing labored.
She could still hear, after all those years, that scream, she could still see the angry tears on her face and she could still feel the void inside her chest once she was left alone, the door of her house slammed closed.
Ten years had passed, but Caitlyn remembered it as if it had happened the night before.
She tried to normalize her breathing, cautiously getting a hold of her surroundings, feeling the warmth of an arm around her waist and remembered the girl she had met at the hotel bar the night before.
“Great.” She mumbled.
Without saying a word, she slipped towards the end of the bed, put on her dressing gown and headed into the sitting room of the hotel room. She let her gaze wander around the room, noticing the clothes that had been abandoned on the floor, a clear sign of the passion she had shared with the woman.
She didn't even remember her name, was it Claudia? Karen?
Caitlyn shook her head, not that she cared. The girl had been a comet just like all the others and she would be sent away as soon as she’d woke up.
It was very strange that Caitlyn had made the girl stay over, but apparently the business trip she was currently into had affected her more than she had expected and the alcohol she had drunk at the club had altered her senses more than she cared to admit. She didn't like sharing that kind of intimacy, she always thought that sleeping in the same bed was much more intimate than sex itself.
She glanced at the clock and saw that it was still early, she still had an hour before they would bring her breakfast and start her day. She had time to take a shower, put on some makeup and decide on her outfit for the day. With that thought in her mind she found herself sighing, starting to pick up her clothes from the floor before heading to the bathroom.
She turned on the shower to let it warm up and took a moment to look at herself in the mirror.
Her long blue hair was limp on her head, her skin was pale and a bit lucid under the cold light of the bathroom, her bright blue eyes were ringed with deep dark circles and she could clearly see a slight hint of sadness in them. If she was to be honest, Caitlyn couldn’t even remember the last time she’d been truly happy.
And yet, she had it all.
The Kiramman name was important, so powerful that with a single snap of her fingers she could get anything she wanted, but like any important last name it brought with it responsibilities that Caitlyn had naively thought she wanted. After having reached the position of CEO of the family company, she had realized that it meant nothing.
She was exhausted.
She was always traveling, always in a different hotel room, always at business dinners, always on the phone, but above all she was terribly lonely. Night after night, she tried to fill that void with women whose names she couldn’t remember and who gave her momentary physical pleasure, with the knowledge that she had already had the chance to be happy, that she had already met the woman of her life and that she had thrown it all away.
For what?
For a family that had done nothing but ask and ask, without giving her anything meaningful in return except money and prestige, but Caitlyn soon realized she couldn't live on that alone. Without control, her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head to chase away the feeling of inadequacy that she felt every time she looked at herself in the mirror. She took off her robe and quickly slipped into the shower, letting the boiling water run down her body.
Her life was so busy that she didn't even have time to feel sorry for herself.
🎸🎸🎸
When a ray of sunlight hit Violet Lanes in the face, the girl frowned, groaning loudly and seeking shelter in the pillow.
The first thing she realized was that she had a terrible headache, that her mouth was dry, that she felt like she was falling apart. The realization made her roll over in bed and, feeling a warm body beside her, she found herself opening her eyes.
There was a woman in the bed with her.
She was very disoriented and confused, not remembering much from the night before. She remembered that she and the band had played for a charity event, that they had then been dragged to the after party and that it was an open bar, and that she had clearly taken advantage of it.
She groaned loudly and rolled over on the other side of the bed, her eyes widening in shock when she saw that there was another girl between the sheets.
What the hell had happened?
She sat up when a loud knock from the door completely distracted her from trying to remember the events that had led her to this situation.
“Open the damn door!”
The voice behind the door was irritated, but that wasn’t surprising, Powder hadn’t been particularly nice to her in recent years.
“Violet, we’re late for the interview! Open the fucking door!”
Shit.
She crawled to the foot of the bed, grabbed a random t-shirt from the pile on the floor, put it over the head to cover her naked body, and headed for the door. When she opened it, she was met with her little sister’s enraged face, as she pushed her into the bedroom.
The first thing Vi noticed was how well dressed the girl was. Her hair was styled in her usual long braids, she was wearing a crop top that left her belly exposed and showed off the blue tattoos she had all over her body, a pair of skinny jeans and combat boots, while she had a smooth make up on her blue eyes.
“We have to be in the lobby in twelve minutes.” Powder growled under her breath, gaze falling on the bed.
The two occupants had woken up and were rubbing their eyes in confusion, while Vi ran her hands over her face, already exhausted.
“Give me ten minutes.” Vi finally said, reaching for her suitcase, which she hadn’t even bothered to unpack when they arrived.
She grabbed a pair of ripped gray jeans, a white tank top and a shirt. She didn’t have time to decide what to wear to the interview, and even if there were paparazzi, the look sure will drive their fans crazy.
Vi closed the bathroom door behind her and turned on the shower to heat it up, while quickly grabbing her toothbrush and paste. She had to hurry up or Powder would rip her head off and Benzo, their manager, would start his speech about rehab again.
Violet didn’t have a problem with alcohol, not anymore at least. There had been a time in college when she had almost been dragged off to a clinic, but she had managed to pull herself together. She was at the peak of her career at the moment, and when they went to parties, alcohol helped her forget, at least for one night, about a pair of blue eyes and an English accent that had tormented her for years.
“Seven minutes.” Powder’s voice came from the other room.
She put her toothbrush back in the glass on the sink and slipped her shirt off in one fluid motion before stepping into the shower. She didn’t waste any time, she quickly soaped up her hair, then moved on to her body and in a few minutes, she emerged clean and smelling nice.
Getting dressed quickly was more complicated than expected, especially since her body was still damp, but she did her best not to waste any time. She glanced at herself in the mirror and only then she realized that, despite the shower, she looked terrible.
Her beautiful gray eyes were ringed by deep dark circles and her lips were dry, probably due to the fact that she hadn’t had a drop of water or, maybe, any food since the night before. She doubted that Powder would let her stop to get something to eat and she couldn’t blame her.
“Three minutes.” the girl growled.
Without thinking about it further, Vi ran the towel through her damp hair, messing it up and deciding that for today she would go for a sloppy look. When she opened the bathroom door, she realized that the two girls, who had been in her bed moments before, were getting dressed, a sign that Powder had - with little kindness she was sure - asked them to leave.
“I’m ready.” Vi said.
She walked over to the bedside table to grab a painkiller and her sunglasses. She then poured herself a glass of water and swallowed two pills, before smiling at her sister who rolled her eyes and handed her a cup of coffee and a bag.
“You’re perfect.” Vi muttered, biting into a bacon and egg sandwich.
“Move your fucking ass.”
That was the only response Powder gave her as she escorted the two girls and her sister out of the hotel room.
🎸🎸🎸
Caitlyn sighed as she sat down at the table in the café where she had decided to spend her lunch break, watching Maddie, one of her closest friends, stand in line at the counter.
The business meeting had been exhausting and Caitlyn hadn’t even managed to get a concrete answer from the investors. It had all ended with one of the men asking her to meet him for dinner the next day to continue discussing it. This meant spending another night in a hotel, away from her cat, Sergio. Every now and then she wondered if she should find him another family, after all she was always away and even if the animal didn’t seem to suffer, she felt guilty.
Caitlyn had felt guilty about so many things over the past few years, her cat being the last one on the list.
She got lost in the emails, forwarding a few to her assistant to take care of them and smiled gratefully when Maddie set her salmon, cheese, and zucchini bagel down on the table.
“Thanks.” she said, taking the water bottle her friend was handing her.
Maddie smiled as she sat down next to her, and Caitlyn put her phone away, longing for a moment of peace. They ate in silence for long minutes, and Caitlyn was grateful that her friend always knew when she needed a moment to herself.
“Jeff, could you turn the volume up a little?” a girl said, heading toward the bar.
At that request, the guy behind the counter raised the TV’s voice and Caitlyn quickly glanced at the screen. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw a flash of familiar pink hair.
“How does Vi always look so sexy?” the girl said in a dreamy voice.
“I have no idea.” her friend replied. “What about Jinx? That top leaves practically nothing to the imagination!”
Caitlyn found herself watching and listening to what was happening on the screen despite the voice in her head screamed to run, to save herself.
“Can you give us a release date for the new album? ” asked the presenter.
“Hard to say, Alan.” she heard Jinx say as she smiled at the man. “The recording sessions are going really well, so if we keep working like this, I think we could have a release date by the end of the year.”
“And after that we're gonna have another world tour? ” Alan asked her.
Caitlyn could hear the people in the TV studio squealing with excitement at that and she bit her lower lip, watching the scene unfold on the TV. The Firelights were at the peak of their career and, as much as Caitlyn hated to admit it, their songs were amazing and she had listened to them countless times.
“And who should we compliment this time on the lyrics that will be released?” Alan asked with amusement.
“ Writing lyrics is a team game.”
That voice, even after all these years, sent shivers down Caitlyn’s spine. She looked up and let herself be enveloped by the beauty of the girl on screen. The pink hair that she had once worn short and shaved on one side, was now longer but equally beautiful, her eyes were marked by deep dark circles, but despite everything, Caitlyn found herself breathless.
“Vi’s being modest.” she heard Ekko reply.
A small smile escaped Caitlyn’s lips. The boy had always been one of her favorites, kind, polite, and with a word of support for her even when she didn’t deserve it.
“The lyrics are almost always her work, the arrangements are a team effort, and sometimes she lets me write a few songs . ” Ekko said with a laugh, playfully shoving her shoulder. “While we let her sing every now and then! ”
The gesture made the girls at the counter smile and Caitlyn felt a lump forming in her throat that forced her to look away from the TV. She hadn’t cried since that night and she couldn’t do that in a cafe in front of so many people.
Get yourself together, you’re a Kiramman, always with your head up .
“Cait…” Maddie’s voice made its way into her thoughts.
Caitlyn felt her friend’s hand cover hers and she focused on that, taking deep breaths and feeling comfort in that hold. She couldn’t believe that even after ten years, Violet Lanes still had that effect on her.
“On that note, Vi, we all know you can sing; your Instagram is full of you strumming your guitar and singing.” Alan began again. “Will we ever have the pleasure of hearing you do that on stage?”
Caitlyn found herself looking up again, disarmed. She knew full well how good Vi was at singing. She focused on the girls’ expression and saw those beautiful eyes darken, as she shook her head.
“I stopped singing my songs in public in college.” she heard Vi say. “The ones on my social media are other people’s songs that I enjoy but my lyrics are too personal, they come from the heart.” she paused. “A heart that I lost a long time ago.”
“ So, is there someone special to whom you dedicate your songs? We know very well who Ekko’s muse is, but we’d like to know if you have one too.”
Caitlyn bit her bottom lip and jumped to her feet. She didn’t want to listen anymore, she wasn’t sure she could hold it in any longer in front of Vi’s vulnerability. She left Maddie behind and headed for the door with a confident step, she would get her coffee somewhere else.
“ No, Alan, I don’t have any muse. Mine left ten years ago and I doubt she’ll ever come back to me.”
The tone in which Vi said those words made the vice around Caitlyn’s heart tighten, enforcing the need to escape that place immediately as she stepped out onto the busy street, raising her face to the blinding light of the sun in the sky and taking a deep breath.
When would her heart stop hurting so much?
🎸🎸🎸
She hadn’t expected it, but after weeks of silence, Caitlyn found herself knocking on the girl’s apartment door at two in the morning, wanting to see her. She knocked again, nervously clutching a box of cupcakes she’d picked up from a twenty-four-hour store, perhaps in an attempt to make up for the intrusion.
She had no idea what spell the cranky girl had on her, but since the moment they first had sex, Caitlyn hadn’t been able to get her out of her head and she couldn’t stop wanting to touch her.
When after several minutes no one showed up, Caitlyn sighed. It was very plausible that she was out with the band and was spending the night with some less-problematic girl than her. But the door opened a few seconds later and a half-asleep Vi, with her pink hair all messed up and her eyes sleepy, a pair of black boxers and a tank top that showed her breasts free from the bra, stared at her.
“Caitlyn?”
“Good evening.” Caitlyn replied, embarrassed. “I brought you some cupcakes.”
Bloody hell, that was the equivalent of 'I brought a watermelon' from Dirty Dancing and she felt so lame, she almost hoped the earth would rip under her feet and swallow her whole.
“It's two in the morning.” Vi muttered, but still stepped aside to let Caitlyn in.
Caitlyn made her way into the apartment. It was her first time at Vi’s place. All their previous meetings had been in the most disparate places, none of them had ever involved a comfortable bed.
“Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here at this hour?” Vi asked her, cautiously.
“I wanted to see you.” Caitlyn replied, placing the box on the table, eyes fixed on the floor.
“You haven’t wanted to see me for weeks and now you want to see me at two in the morning?” Vi huffed, a little annoyed.
Caitlyn sighed and took a few steps towards her. She was completely right, for weeks she had ignored her in clubs, at the café where they usually see each other, she hadn’t responded to her texts and she had turned away when Vi had tried to approach her.
The truth was that Caitlyn wasn’t used to feel such strong feelings. Ever since Vi had entered her life, unexpectedly and in that way so strange, she had turned her world upside down and now Caitlyn couldn’t stop thinking about her. She tried to deny it, tried to move on by avoiding her, by suppressing her urge to be with her, feel her, but nothing worked.
“You’re right, I’ve been acting like a bitch.” she said, moving ever closer. “But I…” she bit her lower lip. “I can’t stop thinking about you and I’ve tried to get you out of my head, believe me, but I can’t.”
Vi remained silent and before Caitlyn could say anything else, she found herself in Vi’s arms, lips on Vi’s in a breathless kiss. When they broke apart, Caitlyn rested her forehead against hers, breathing hard, the fabric of her tank top clutched between her fingers.
“You’re all I think about too, Caitlyn.” Vi confessed, before closing her mouth with hers again.
“I need you to touch me.” Caitlyn confessed against her lips.
Vi moved down to kiss her neck before biting it and immediately ran her fingers over the button of her jeans.
“So you’re here for a quickie?” she teased.
“Shut up.” Caitlyn replied, licking her upper lip.
“Make me.” Vi challenged with a smirk, the small scar on her upper lip so tempting.
Caitlyn looked at her with a mischievous smile and then pushed her unceremoniously against the table, making the pink-haired girl jump in surprise.
“Be careful not to squash the cupcakes.” Caitlyn told her, before kneeling down.
Caitlyn had no idea what their future would hold, all she knew at that moment was that she couldn’t resist one more minute without Vi.
🎸🎸🎸
By the time they left the TV studio, Vi had such a headache that she was feeling nauseous, but she didn’t say anything, to not give her sister the chance to scold her. The car ride had been tense enough and Vi didn’t want to repeat it, so when Mylo suggested they go to lunch and then go back to the hotel, Vi agreed.
After they finished lunch, they decided to go for a walk, which Vi had refused, saying she was going back to the hotel to finish writing a song. In all honesty, she just wanted to take another painkiller, fall into bed, and die.
She had the taxi drop her off across the street and paid for the ride, when the man handed her change, Vi smiled and got out of the vehicle without taking the money. Ever since fortune had turned its gaze on her and her sister, Vi had not felt as tied to money as she had for most of her life, mainly because now that the Firelights were at the height of their career, she no longer had to worry about how to make it to the end of the month.
After all, she and Powder had had to work hard from a young age.
Tossed from one foster home to another, they had to make do as best as they could. When Vi was old enough to ask for emancipation, she did so and together with her sister they went to live on their own. Vi had found a job in a small diner run by a couple of men who, on the surface, seemed less than respectable.
In reality, Vander and Silco had been like fathers to them, perhaps because they had never had children or perhaps because they too were orphans who had a difficult life. What the reasons were, Vi and Powder did not know and they had never asked themselves too much. The men had given Vi a job that allowed her to provide for both her and her sister and they had allowed them to live above the diner without paying rent.
The apartment, tiny and cozy, was bare and without personality, but over time Powder had filled it with color and made it a home.
Powder had started to live a more balanced life and after several sessions with a psychologist, he had suggested that she channel her energies into something other than blowing up garbage bins. After careful analysis, Powder had thrown herself into music and had signed up for a course to learn how to play the drums and she had convinced Vi to attend, making her passionate about the guitar.
It was there that the two had met Ekko, the same age as Powder, Mylo and Claggor who were a few years older. They had immediately created a group that was eccentric to say the least, linked by their passion for music. Ekko had also revealed that he had a talent for singing and when one day, drunk, Vi had joined him, all five had understood that the time to create a band had come .
So, the Firelights were born.
Vi had also shown a natural talent for writing lyrics and while they had initially kept themselves on safe ground, performing other people's songs, the potential was clear.
Clearly, it was a hobby, both she and her sister had to focus on school, because Vander and Silco had given them a stable situation, but if they wanted to go to college they would have to aim for scholarships. So, Vi and Powder had juggled between boxing and robotics lab, managing to win the much-needed scholarships and go to college.
Despite college life being a lot more demanding than high school, Firelights had started to make themselves known more and more.
They were invited to college parties and always came home with different people, except Ekko and Powder who had started to be exclusive with each other.
It was at one of those parties that Vi had met the woman of her life.
She was sure that that thought was not shared, but after ten years, her heart still belonged to her. Clearly her popularity allowed her to entertain an infinite number of women, all beautiful and all ready to give her everything she wanted, but Vi couldn't forget a pair of blue eyes that tormented her day and night.
Eyes that she realized, at that moment, were staring at her from every side of the large newsstand not far from her. She slowly approached it, taking off her sunglasses to get a better look and a sad smile painted on her lips. Even in photos, those blue eyes were able to dig into her soul.
“Hey, if you don't buy you can't read.” the man said.
She turned to the newsvendor and saw the man’s eyes widen in shock when he recognized her.
“You’re right.” Vi replied.
She took her wallet out and handed him a few bills, while the man shook his head trying to dismiss that action, so much so that Vi had to insist.
“Could I have an autograph for my daughter?” he finally said. “She’s a big fan.”
“Of course.” Vi replied with a smile.
The man grabbed one of the music magazines where, on the cover, there was a photo of the Firelights. Vi took the marker and quickly wrote something for the girl and then signed with her autograph.
“Thank you, she’ll be so happy!” the man exclaimed with tears in his eyes.
“Give her a kiss for me.” Vi replied, grabbing the magazine she had paid for and walking away without another word.
Her gaze focused on the blue eyes on the cover and without being able to stop herself, she ran a finger over that face that she had wanted to caress so much and that seemed to have been painted by the Gods because of how beautiful it was.
“Caitlyn Kiramman, new CEO of the Kiramman Corporation, takes the family business to the top of the stock market all around the world.”
A sad smile curved Vi’s lips, knowing how much this achievement meant to Caitlyn. She had finally managed to take over the family business, just like Cassandra Kiramman had always wanted.
You really got what she always wanted. But was it worth it?