Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Hey. You. Yeah, you fucker. I'm talking to you," a gratingly high voices says.

Frisk groans. "5 more minutes, Mom." Their hands reach out for an imaginary pillow and pull it over their head as if they're grasping anything but air.

"Huh—? MOM?? DO I SOUND LIKE A GIRL YOU CRANBERRY FUCKER!" Mom screeches.

"Yeah," replies Frisk and they start snoring. 

"Bitch," Mom mutters under her breath.

Frisk jolts awake. Their eyes glow with heavenly fury. "Did you just use a gendered insult." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah? So what, you dick?"

"I'm nonbinary." Then fire scorches the flower who is decidedly not their mom to ashes. It would be cool if Frisk had summoned it, but no, it was some goat creature.

"Are you okay, child?" She asks.

"Gigachad," Frisk whispers in awe.

The new being raises a questioning eyebrow, but doesn't say anything. "I'm Toriel." Toriel crouches to be at eye level with Frisk. "What's your name?"

"Alpha Mega Rizz Gyatt," they respond automatically.

Toriel looks confused for half a second before nodding as if the name makes perfect sense. "Well hello, Alpha Mega Rizz Gyatt, would you like some pie?"

Huh. They hadn't expected the prank to work. "Call me Frisk, and yes I would fucking love some pie. I'm so hungry."

Toriel pats their head condescendingly. "Mind your goddamn language," she says in the sweetest, most innocent voice ever. Her aura just increased by like thousand. "Now, follow me carefully as we traverse through all my puzzles."

It takes too long and Frisk zones out. She vaguely remembers flicking some switch (not without getting it wrong numerous times) and going across some spikes. That was pretty poggers, as her gramma would say. "Frisk, I'm going to go ahead. Cross this hallway alone." Toriel starts leaving,but Frisk follows her. "No, wait here until I'm out of sight. Then begin." Frisk closes their eyes for half a second before running after Toriel. "You know what I meant. Don't be a a smart aleck."

"But my name isn't Aleck, it's Frisk!" Frisk whines, knowing full well what Toriel wants. "And how come you want me to be dumb?"

Toriel sighs. "Child." And Frisk shuts the hell up. They still run ahead to the end of the hallway.

"Now what?" They shout.

Toriel sighs again. "Just wait here Frisk. And here's a cellphone to keep you occupied. My number is already in there. I'll be back soon."

Frisk flips (yes, actually flips) it open. "Aww, I can't play Block Blast." But Toriel is already gone.

Now all they have to do is wait in this boring old hallway, not doing anything. Don't go through the exciting, new door. Just sit and wait. 

.

.

.

Yeah, there's no way they're doing that. At least they tried.

Chapter Text

Frisk topples over the bowl of monster candy. They must have it all. Who cares about some sign telling them to only take one? They live by their own rules! One could say they're not like the other kids. With sweater pockets filled to the brim with monster candies, they make their way across the puzzle filled area.

It's not long before a frog monster called Froggit hops forward, intending to attack. It's easily intimidated once Frisk dabs, showing their utter alphaness over Froggit.

"Ribbit ribbit (I'm truly a beta compared to you)," croaks the frog.

"I just got that dog in me." They shrug with a smirk.  "You wanna know what would up your aura?" Frisk asks.

"Ribbit (what)?"

The human leans forward conspiratorially. "Helping me past the traps so I don't have to do any work!"

Froggit thinks for a moment. "Ribbit (I don't know... I want one of your candies in return)."

"One lick."

"Ribbit (half the candy)."

"Five licks."

"Ribbit ribbit (You got yourself a deal)!" Froggit reaches out a webbed hand and Frisk eagerly shakes it. With the monster's guidance, she easily makes it across all the traps. Froggit even goes as far as to ward off other monsters! Frisk is very satisfied with its work.

"Ribbit riibbittt (That's the end of the road for me. Where's my payment)?"

"Here, you can have half of the candy instead. I rate you a skibidi out of brainrot." They proceed to snap the candy in half with their bare hands and give it to the amphibian.

"Ribbit (My pleasure)." And off Froggit hops to who knows where.

To my pass the time, Frisk decides to climb the big tree in front of the house. They're hanging upside down from one of the branches when they hear Toriel gasp. "Frisk, get down from there this instance before you hurt yourself!"

They roll their eyes. "I'm not going to fa—aaAAHHH," they scream as the fall. It comes as a surprise when they don't collide with the hard ground. Instead, Toriel catches them in her furry arms.

"You better be thankful I got back home when I did. Imagine if I didn't! Your head could be cracked open! You could be bleeding out as we speak," she scolds. Her gaze softens however when Frisk hugs her.

"Thank you Toriel. You're so sigma," they whisper.

She sighs. "Let's get you to bed, little one. It's been a long day." And she carries the human into her house,

Chapter Text

When Frisk wakes up in a different (and softer) bed than usual, the first thing that registers in their mind is pie. Beautiful, delicious, decadent pie. Oh how they loves pie. It's better than cake, cupcakes, and—dare they say it—donuts. The second thing they realize is that they have fallen into the mountain and now are stuck in a monster-filled world. Fun. Oh wait, that sounded sarcastic. Being here is actually fun. Everyone they have met has been super nice (besides that stupid flower, of course). Honestly, just from this room alone Toriel's house seemed much nicer than their apartment.

But back to what's important: the pie. It smells like cinnamon and butterscotch with hints of vanilla and pumpkin spice. Upon further inspection, they find it sitting on the floor. Who would put perfectly good pie on the floor?? Frisk doesn't mind the possible germs, they only worry that the might've stepped on the dessert and ruined it. Not even they would eat feet pie. That would require a certain level of unhinged. ...Well, maybe they would eat feet pie if their foot had been washed. Oh, who are they kidding? Pie is pie. Even if there were maggots writhing in it, they would still happily devour it. It's extra protein, after all!

That's all just hypothetical of course. Right now, Frisk has some pie to eat. They unhinge their jaw like a snake and swallow the large slice whole. Delicious. They'd been right, there are aftertastes of vanilla and pumpkin spice. Licking their plate clean, they look for a way out of the bedroom. After approximately 2 minutes, they see the door leading out.

"Hello?!!??" Frisk yells. They hadn't immediately seen Toriel, so they resorted to their only tool: yelling.

"WHAT?" She calls back.

"I liked your pie!"

"Thank you, little one."

"You're welcome! Where are you?"

"Living room."

"Where's that—oh, found you." Turns out you need to actually move to find stuff. Weird. Toriel is sitting in an armchair next to a softly flickering fire.

"You need something?" She asks kindly, not quite looking up from her book about snails.

"Where's the kitchen?"

Toriel points behind her. "Back there." Before she can properly finish, Frisk already started running to said room. Where there is a slice, there's bound to be a full pie. Their predictions prove to be correct as an impossibly large pie is sitting on the counter. If they were any other child, they would've been intimidated by the size. But Frisk is Frisk, and they knew they could eat the entire thing. Of course, they will save some for later too. They weren't greedy.

Frisk cut a 1/3 slice using their tongue. The acid saliva cut through the dessert so they could eliminate the use of utensils. This slice is eaten in two bites instead of the usual 0 it's so good. Frisk just has to savour the flavour. "Get Fanum taxed," they whisper cheekily.

Chapter Text

Frisk sits in the living room playing with two sticks that have been googly-eyed. Their names are Frank and Steve and they're in love. Sadly, Frank has cancer. Specifically, late stage append-sticks cancer. It's very sad. Alexa, play Despacito. 

Frisk is making the two branches smash mouths when they hear the telltale creaking floorboards. It must be Toriel trying to sneak off somewhere! The must investigate. Who knows what secrets she could be hiding? Most likely snail related. Snails were cool. Even if they were kinda gross in a pie.

They waited a few moments before following Toriel down the stairs. Why was her hallway so long? Frisk's legs were about to fall off when she heard laughter.

"Okay, okay," Toriel said between giggles. "What kind of shoes do frogs wear?" She was sitting by a heavy stone door.

"What?" asked a deep, almost hollow voice from the other side.

"Open-toad sandals!" she croaked out joyfully.

The presumed man laughed. "That was a good one. Why do melons have wed—"

He was cut off by Toriel. "Wait," she spoke, A fireball bursting to life in her palm.

"Hm? You okay?"

Toriel squinted. "I heard something. I'll be right back."

Uhoh. Frisk was about to be caught. Might as well cut their losses and reveal themselves. "Hey," they greeted sheepishly.

The fireball immediately extinguished. "Frisk?" She shook her head. "What are you doing down here? I thought I told you it was dangerous."

"When have I ever been one to follow rules?"

"I—" Toriel sighed. "Still. You need to leave."

Frisk chose to ignore her in favor of investigating the new voice. They walked up to the door and knocked on it twice. Just to check the integrity. It was very solid.

The voice cheekily replied, "Who's there?" Huh. They really should have expected that. Luckily they had a plethora of knock knock jokes.

"To," they replied.

"To who?"

"It's actually 'to whom'."

The voice snorted. "I like you, kid."

Frisk thought for about half a second before they decided they liked him too. They voiced as much.

Toriel squeezed their shoulder. "As much as I appreciate your bonding, it's time for you to leave,"

Frisk pouted. "But Toriellll, I'm not tired!!" 

"I didn't say you had to go to bed, just leave."

"...your name is Toriel?" The voice on the other side of the door asked.

"Oh. Uh yeah."

"Mine's Sans."

Frisk's mouth gaped open. "You were joking while not knowing each other's names?? I think that's like a crime.

Toriel looked away. "It, uh, never came up."

Frisk ignored her clear discomfort. "Anyone who likes bad jokes is a friend of mine. Toriel, please open the door." They drew out the 'please' and gave her the cutest puppy dog eyes they could muster.

The goat fidgeted uncomfortably. She looked around as if something would come up and she wouldn't have to continue. "It's late. You should go to bed." Frisk gave her a look. She sighed. Her voice was a lot more sad now. Almost pitying, even. "The world outside is ruthless. I won't always be around to protect you; you could die."

"So just because I might die, I should stop living?" They countered. And uh oh, this was getting way too serious. Here's some random funny words: booty, sigma, rizz, integer, gyatt.

"But I love you. I can't let you get hurt."

"You can love me from anywhere. Now please, let's meet the stranger."

Toriel shifted from one foot to the other. "I'm not going to convince you to stay, am I?"

"Nope!" They popped the p.

She sighed. A deep, tired sigh. "Fine. Only if you promise not to get into too much trouble."

"Aw yeah! You're so skibidi!" 

Toriel clasped her hands in front of her chest like she was praying. Her hands glowed with magic. As she slowly parted her hands, the ruins door opened. Outside stood a snowy path cutting through a dense forest. 

A skeleton popped into view. He was somehow fat and wore a large blue jacket. A large smile was etched into his face. "Heya," he said, taking a swig from a ketchup bottle.

 It was at that moment that Frisk decided Sans was the coolest person they've ever met.

Chapter Text

"I'm colddddddd," Frisk whines with all the petulance of a spoiled child—of which they are (supposedly) only the latter.

"Perhaps you should've brought a jacket like I had suggested," simply says Toriel. Le gasp! What a betrayal! How dare Toriel speak such heresy, even if it is technically the truth.

"Sans is only wearing slippers!" A shivering, ungloved hand waves at Sans' pink slippers.

"Sans is also a skeleton."

Frisk remains quiet for a few moments before grumpily saying, "Well, I have a skeleton too."

Sans stops walking. "What?" It's not really a question, though. Eye sockets narrow as he examines Frisk. "You don't look like a skeleton."

The human lets out an exasperated sigh. "Well obviously! I'd be dead if you could see my skeleton. Duh." With all that sass, one might think they were already a teenager.

Sans paused only a moment more before deciding he didn't care enough to keep pressing. Frisk could vibe with that. They felt the same way whenever they were in class and the teacher kept droning on and on and on about mitochondria, the powerhouse of the cell. I mean, who even cares? It's not like they would remember that fact when they were old.

The group went through a crappy gate and into a clearing. "I hear my brother coming up," says Sans. "He might try to capture you, kid, but don't worry, he's mostly harmless."

Frisk also hears Sans' brother — he is not quiet. Finally, he comes into view. He is much taller and leaner than Sans, with some sort of chest armor and a torn red cape. "SANS!" He shrieks. "What are you doing away from your post? What if a HUMAN sneaked up on us!? Why, then we'd all be in trouble!"

Sans shrugs and takes a swig of ketchup from a bottle Frisk previously thought empty.

"Wha– Sans? Is that a human?"

The shorter skeleton doesn't even bother to look where his brother is pointing and just says, "No, it's a rock."

When Frisk looks behinds them, they find a rock with a picture of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson taped to it.

"Oh okay." Sans' brother seems to take the answer for a few seconds before coming to his senses and annoyedly announcing: "You know what I meant! Who's the human standing right next to you!"

"Oh them? That's just Frisk. They're cool."

Chapter Text

"Frisk?" Sans' brother questions. "That's a rather... weird name. Nevertheless,  I am Papyrus! Prepare to meet your demise!" He strikes a pose.

It is at this point Toriel makes her presence known. "Demise?" she asks, voice cold and eyes shadowed as if she were an anime character about to go on their villain arc. "You want to kill my child?"

Papyrus balks. "That human is a child??"

Toriel squints. "What other age would they be?"

"I thought they were 20 or 30 or so. Oh no, now I feel bad! I can't turn in a baby!"

"Then don't."

"The Royal Guard captain stated all humans must be turned in!" Papyrus wrung his gloved hands.

"I'll make sure everything works out," she assured.

"Undyne doesn't listen to anyone." It's stated like a universal law. Something that will never been broken. But then Toriel laughs.

"She will to her queen."

Papyrus whips his head around excitedly. "The queen? No one has seen her in years! Where is she?"

"...I meant I am the queen."

Papyrus cocks his skull, examining the goat monster in front of him. "Oh. OH." He immediately drops to his knee. "I'm so sorry, your majesty. Would you accept my finest spaghetti apology?" He grabs a plate of spaghetti from his inventory and offers it to Toriel like it's a sword and this is set in the medieval. Which, by the way, it's definitely not.

"N-no that's quite alright. I don't need anything." Toriel smiles tiredly, previous scariness gone like it was just Frisk's imagination. "I just need you to show me where Undyne is."

"Of course, your majesty!" He pops to his feet and starts walking in hopefully the correct direction.

"Just call me Toriel. I'm not the queen anymore." 

Papyrus either doesn't hear her or flat out ignores he, as he carries on his merry way without answering.

Once his brother is a good ways ahead, Sans asks, "Should I start calling you 'your majesty' too, your majesty?"

Toriel groans. "Stars above, no, or I'll burn you alive."

He just chuckles.

Chapter Text

Due to Sans' shortcut the group arrives at Snowdin in a blink of an eye. Literally. One second Frisk is in a forest, the next a quaint town. And no matter how much they beg, Sans will not tell them how he did it.

"You're so not skibidi..." They grumble under their breath.

"Don't be rude. Sans is graciously letting us stay with him and his brother," Toriel admonishes.

As they're walking, Frisk sees an evergreen tree with a bunch of ornaments. "You guys have Christmas?"

"What's that?" Papyrus asks.

"It's a human holiday where they give each other gifts. Like your tradition here," Toriel answers in stead of Frisk.

"Wow! Humans and monsters aren't that different at all." Papyrus smiles.

Bleh. Frisk wants to barf from the cheesiness.

Sans suddenly breaks away from the rest and heads towards a building called "Grillby's".

" SANS. Now is not the time!" Papyrus shouts after his brother.

Sans shrugs. "It's 5 o'clock somewhere."

"That's not how to use the saying and you know it!" When Sans doesn't listen, he deflates.

Toriel places a placating hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. Going to a bar sounds fun anyway. I could go for a bite to eat."

Papyrus quickly perks up. "Of course, your majesty! It wouldn't do to have royalty starve."

A bar? That means there's booze there! Maybe the legal age to drink is lower in the monster world. At least, Frisk can hope. "May I have a beer?" They tried asking Toriel as casually as possible.

"No." And that was the end of that.

While the booth seats were very soft, the only thing on Frisk's mind is how hot it is. How is everyone else handling it? Did monsters not sweat? Or ate they just really good at aura farming? Frisk couldn't dwell on it too long, as Sans asked, "What does everyone want?"

"Fries!"

"A hamburger, please."

"Burger."

Unimpressed stare.

"A burger, please."

Instead of going to the bar like Frisk had expected, Sans yells, "Grills! 3 burgers and a fry."

The fire monster crackled grumpily but seemed to relay the order to the kitchen.

"Ah, good old Grills. Best burgers in the Underground."

Frisk kicks their feet. "I like burgers."

Sans ruffles their hair. "I'm sure ya do."

Grillsby glides to their table, "3 burgers and a side of fries for Sans." He side eyes said skeleton. "I assume you'll be putting it on your tab?" He not-quite asks, exasperated.

"No need to be so cold." Sans chuckles.

Toriel puts up her paws, "It's quite all right! I can pay." She pulls out a purse from under her clothes and rummaged through it. "How much will it be?"

The fire monster crackled excitedly. "'The queen shouldn't have to pay full price. 50 coins should do it."

She nods and gives him 67 more coins than needed. With a wink, she says, "Keep the change."

Grillsby thanks her and as he 's leaving mumbles something along the lines of, "if only Sans were more like her..."

"I hope paying wasn't too much of a ham-burden."

"SANS. Stop making unfunny puns in polite company!" Papyrus whaps his brother's skull.

"Well, they seem to like it." And he points to a giggling Frisk. "By the way kid,  your burger is looking bland. Here, add some ketchup."

He hands the bottle to the child. Before Frisk could even think of using it, it's snatched by Toriel. "Sans," she growls. "Don't prank my child."

The skeleton gasps dramatically. "I like would never do such a thing! I'm honestly hurt by your accusation!"

Toriel raises an eyebrow and flips that ketchup bottle upside down. The lid falls down and a huge glob of ketchup splats right next to her burger.

Sans laughs and puts up his hands placatingly. "No harm, no foul, amirite?" 

"Mhm. Just be glad I like ketchup, or I'd make you actually pay for the food you wasted."

He nods and whispers into Frisk's ear. "Women sure are scary."

Chapter Text

Frisk wakes up in Sans' house on the couch. "NOOOO!!!!" They cry out, a single tear tracking down their cheek. "The chapter ended before I could eat the burger!"

Sans pokes their cheek, appearing from thin air. "No breaking the fourth wall, that's my thing."

Frisk frowns. "I'm pretty sure that's just fanon-assigned. Flowey is the real wallbreaker."

He shrugs and says, "Well we are in fanfiction, so I can do whatever the fuck I want."

A fluffy pink slipper manifests and whaps Sans in the skull. "No cursing around the baby!" Toriel's voice echoes in both their minds.

"Lol," Frisk deadpans instead of actually laughing. Sans shoots them a look that screams "sybau." Before they can retaliate to this personal affront, Papyrus walks out of the kitchen with an insurmountable amount of swagger.

In his gloved hands he carries a covered pan. "Friends! Family! Frisk! I have created a breakfast for you ALL to feast on, NYEHEHEHE. I'm sure you'll find it quite...a-peel-ing." He cackles quietly to himself. With a flourish, he throws aside the metal lid covering the dish to reveal a bunch of...frozen banana peels? That's not very skibidi. Frisk loves banana peels as much as the next person, but they're only good warmed up. Everyone knows that! Well, except Papyrus they suppose.

Toriel walks out of the bathroom, stretching out the last lingering tiredness from her body. "Mm, have I missed anything?" she asks through a yawn.

Papyrus enthusiastically shakes his skull. "Nope, your Highness! I was simply showing Frisk and my brother the decadent breakfast I had made."

"Oh!" Toriel peers over the two said shorties to see Papyrus' dish. "That's very...kind of you. But how about next time I make the food? I'd feel bad if I wasn't doing anything to pay back you and your brother's kindnesses."

Papyrus grins. "How kind you are! If it makes you feel better, of course you may cook, your Highness."

Toriel simply smiles politely. "Do you mind if I start now? I'd like to make sure my cooking skills are still up too snuff. If not, then we'll have your meal to fall back on."

"I find that VERY amenable, nyehehe."

Toriel ends up creating a hashbrown casserole (Toby knows where she got the ingredients from). It's not QUITE as good as hot banana peels, but hey! At least it's better than cold ones.