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2025-05-23
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Interfacing

Summary:

ART gets curious about the way Murderbot interacts with other systems.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes and other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

You consider bodily fluids "gross", correct?

I eyed ART in the feed, trying to decide if I wanted to know where it was going with this. "Yes," I eventually replied. "Why?"

I am analyzing your reasons for disliking the concept of sex, ART said. Alongside the subjective grossness of fluids, I have also noted a general aversion to touch and a lack of attraction to the human body as contributing factors.

I glared at the ceiling. "I don't need a reason to think it's gross, it just is."

Am I wrong to assume you dislike it for these reasons, then?

I glared harder. It wasn't wrong, but I didn't want to encourage it. I tried a diversion. "Why do you care? You're a bot, you don't experience sexual attraction either."

ART asked, How sure are you of that? That was a ridiculous question. It was a spaceship. I was too incredulous to respond, and it continued, Sex is a common feature of my human crew's lives. It is natural that I would be curious.

It didn't seem very natural to me. If I was in its position of having to monitor humans doing sex things (which I had been, on many occasions) I would scrub the data from my memory archives and try not to think about it. I did not appreciate ART ruining that hard work for me.

I will drop the subject if it is too uncomfortable for you, but there is something else I have been wondering about, ART said. You occasionally frame interactions with bots in sexual terms.

What? "No I don't."

ART sent me a collection of comments cut from my own logs. My temperature regulation system must have bugged out just then, because my face got very hot all of a sudden. "Where did you get that?"

I was curious, ART said. Of course. It couldn't help but be a nosy asshole. You emphatically reject the physical aspects of sexuality, but you describe yourself as "seducing" various security systems.

"Those are jokes," I said. "I tell myself jokes sometimes. It doesn't mean anything."

I see. ART paused for exactly two seconds, for effect. What if I asked you to seduce me like those other bots?

I glared again. "You aren't funny."

I wasn't trying to be.

"It's not a sex thing. And even if it was, we've just established I don't like sex things."

We have established that you do not like fluids, physical contact, or human bodies, ART said. Interfacing with me involves none of these things.

"Because it isn't a sex thing."

I would argue some of the things we have done are at least as intimate as sex, if not more so.

I couldn't help but snort. "That's not hard. Tons of humans manage to have sex without being intimate at all."

I suppose you would know.

An awkward silence fell as I tried not to dwell on things I'd had no desire to witness. After about fifteen seconds, ART drew back in the feed, at nearly the exact same moment that I pulled up an episode of Worldhoppers. It radiated amusement, then settled on top of me with nearly enough force to crowd out my other inputs. I backburnered some of my drones, reorganized the rest of my inputs, and settled in to watch the media.

About ten minutes in, it spoke again. I'm better than those other bots, right?

Is THAT what this is about? I asked. It did the feed equivalent of looking suddenly fascinated with the pattern on a wall. None of the SecSystems I've hacked has threatened to bomb a colony on my behalf. Also, I needed to hack them to get them on my side.

ART radiated smugness. Of course. They don't appreciate you like I do.

We watched the rest of the episode in silence, though words weren't really needed with how closely entwined our feeds were. Despite ART's allegations, I was more than 90 percent sure it wasn't even close to being a sex thing, and if it somehow was, it was clearly superior due to the factors we discussed (lack of bodily functions, physical contact, et cetera.) So I felt comfortable flagging the conversation for deletion, because I didn't want to associate this activity with something objectively gross as hell.

ART loomed judgmentally as I did it, but didn't say anything, which was good because I wasn't going to change my mind.

Notes:

ART: Why did you call that SecSys babygirl?
MB: How about we stop talking for a little while.

Anyway this was originally written on an anonmeme for the prompt "fucking AI", which then spun off into my own thoughts about how MB relates to bots. *Politely refrains from touching MB* This construct can display so many weird contradictory behaviors.

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