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For most the pregnancy, Sansa Stark could look back on it and admit that she was a mess. She honestly hardly even thought of the fact that she was pregnant. There was just so much going on. She had returned to her parents after being held captive for nearly a year. She had taken a pregnancy test, it was positive, and that gave her the courage to finally run from Ramsay Bolton, her boyfriend and the father of the baby growing inside of her. It was her baby who saved her, but once home, with her family again, Sansa was still trying to survive. She couldn’t sleep without the lights on. She woke up with the most paralyzing nightmares that had her screaming and crying. Some days, she couldn’t even step foot outside even though her parents’ property was large and private, securely enclosed with a fence and he wouldn’t be able to sneak anywhere near her without setting off alarms and alerting security.
Ned and Catelyn took Sansa to every doctor’s appointment and checkup. Sansa took her needed vitamins and ate as healthy as she could even with cravings for all things salty. She occasionally went onto a pregnancy website just so she knew what was coming to her with each new month, but honestly, most days, she was trying to get through the day and hardly thought of the growing baby. She loved this baby – so much already – but there were a few times when she actually considered letting her parents raise it. She was an absolute basket case. How could anyone expect her to raise this baby? She was barely surviving. It wasn’t fair to this baby that they have a mom like her.
During one of her sonogram appointments, the doctor happily announced to her and her parents that Sansa was going to have a baby boy. Catelyn began to shed happy tears. Ned beamed and kissed Sansa’s head before gazing at his grandson on the screen. Sansa though felt a cold fear encase her entire body. Ramsay. She was having Ramsay’s son. Right now, growing inside of her, was Ramsay’s flesh and blood.
No, no, no, no, no… she didn’t realize she was saying the word out loud, over and over again, until both of her parents were trying to calm her down and tears were streaming down her face.
(She had to stay in the hospital for two days after that so she and the baby both could be monitored, and the doctor could make sure that she wasn’t going to be stressed or go into dangerous hysterics again.)
Sansa began to feel the baby move more and more inside of her, rolling and turning himself over. She would be lying on her bed, feeling the baby inside of her, and she would slowly move her hands over her growing bump. The first time the baby nudged her palm with his foot, Sansa found herself actually smiling. But then it faded as her thoughts were taken over with thoughts of Ramsay actually kicking her and the pain her entire body felt afterwards as she crawled into the bathroom to tend to her bruises. She quickly removed her hands and rolling onto her side, Sansa buried her face in her pillow and began to cry. Lady was on the bed with her. Lady was always with her. And the dog crawled up onto the bed so she stretched next to her and Sansa cried into her fur.
Her baby saved her life. Because of this baby, she had finally found the ability within herself to run away from Ramsay. Finally. But this baby was also Ramsay’s son. She was a mess because of Ramsay and Sansa had no idea how she was able to raise Ramsay’s son in this world.
When she had one more month to go, her parents threw her a small baby shower. Just family and close family friends. Sansa hadn’t had anyone she wanted to invite. When she moved away with Ramsay, he had cut her off from everyone and Sansa hadn’t had it in herself to reach out and try to contact anyone. Mentally, she wasn’t there yet, and she didn’t know if she would ever be. She knew it wasn’t possible, but she wished she could spend the rest of her life tucked inside of her parents’ home. Ramsay would never be able to get her here and she would be safe.
When the shower was winding down and the others had moved into the kitchen for slices of the large sheet cake Calyne had ordered special from the bakery, Sansa remained sitting in a chair in the den. And that was when Jon Snow approached her. She wasn’t surprised that he was there that afternoon. No one knew about their past and as Robb’s best friend and practically another member of the family, of course he would be there. And Sansa couldn’t tell her family that she didn’t want the man there at her baby shower. They would ask her why and what could she possibly say? What had happened between her and Jon had happened during another life. She was pregnant with Ramsay’s baby and Jon was living his own life. She told herself that she could hardly remember what it had been like, being with Jon Snow.
(That was a lie, of course, but that was what Sansa told herself nonetheless.)
“You didn’t have to…” Sansa began to say once Jon approached her with his own box, wrapped in blue and white striped wrapping paper.
“I wanted to,” Jon replied softly and held the box out for her to take.
She did so – slowly – and Jon sat down on the edge of the coffee table in front of her – slowly. He watched as she began to slowly peel the wrapping paper away. She could feel her heart drumming and she didn’t know why she felt nervous, but she did.
“It’s for when he’s a bit older, but I was walking through the toy store and I thought that I would have like to have something like that when I was a little boy,” Jon explained as if he needed to as Sansa peeled the last bit of paper away to reveal the pirate ship bath toy. “Bath time was always my favorite time. I never argued with my mom when she said I had to take one and maybe, your little boy will like baths, too, and if he doesn’t, maybe this will help,” he continued and Sansa was looking down at the box, studying the picture of the toy on the front and in the back of her mind, she was aware that she was not used to Jon saying so much – especially to her. Maybe he was feeling a little nervous, too.
“I love it, Jon,” Sansa lifted her eyes to look at him and she did. She really loved it.
He stared at her, and she stared at him, and he gave her the smallest smile – just a twitch of his lips that disappeared as it appeared. But it’s the kind of smile she was used to from him. She used to try all sorts of things to get him to form a smile, whether it be that tiny one or a full-blow grin. And when she made him laugh? Oh goodness. That was her favorite thing in the world to do.
“I can’t wait to meet your son, Sansa,” he whispered.
In her ninth month, her water seemed to break right on schedule – an anomaly for her first child. Apparently, the first was either too early or preferred to take their dear sweet time. Catelyn calmly got Sansa into the car to take her to the hospital as she called Ned who had a few meetings scheduled. Arya was at home and excitedly hopped into the car and sat in the back seat with Sansa. She followed their mom’s instructions and did her best to keep Sansa calm as a contraction ripped through her body.
She still hadn’t been able to talk with her parents about them taking the baby and raising him as their own. She couldn’t raise Ramsay’s baby. She couldn’t. How could she possibly do that? This baby would be so much better off with her parents rather than having her for a mother. She was too weak and too damaged and what if all of that had seeped into the baby along with Ramsay’s sadistic nature? This baby already didn’t have a chance, and he wasn’t even out here yet.
Catelyn stayed with her in the delivery room and when Ned got there, just in time, he stayed with her, too. She screamed and grasped her parents’ hands and pushed with all her might. And when the baby’s cries began echoing in the delivery room, Sansa collapsed back and tried to breathe again. Suddenly, one of the nurses put the baby on her chest so his skin was against hers. He was still crying, and it took Sansa half a second for her brain to realize that her baby was in her arms, his body against her body. He was slimy and bloody and…
Perfect.
Sansa’s heart exploded. She began crying, too. Not from the pain she had just gone through, but because her son was here. She had a son, and she loved him instantly. Just like that. She loved him more than anyone or anything and nothing was ever going to happen to him. She would make sure of it. She hardly noticed as Ned and Catelyn kissed her head and told her that they were so proud of her. Sansa put her lips to her son’s head and cried. Looking to his head, she swore she could see the faintest red tinted hairs. Not many, but what was there, it was red. Red. Like a Tully. Like his uncles and grandmother. Like her.
“Have you thought of names yet?” Catelyn asked with tears clinging in her own eyes. She knew that Sansa hadn’t thought of anything like that over these past months.
Sansa closed her eyes and put her lips on her son’s head. She thought of the family tree he had just been born onto. He had his very own little branch, sprouting from hers. He was a Stark. Just a Stark. And she thought of that man in the train station all that time ago when she had finally run. He had saved her life, too, just like this baby in her arms.
“Brandon,” Sansa whispered. “I love you more than anything, Brandon. And you and me…” her chest felt tight as more tears flooded her eyes. He had finally stopped crying and Sansa smiled. “We’re going to have the best life, Brandon. You and me. I promise.”
…
