Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I knew something was wrong the second Isuke started being secretive about going out every single Friday. And soon my suspicions were confirmed when Ochacco sent me an instagram story of my twin brother in a ring.
A Boxing ring
Captioned: “Aaaa my favorite fighter is fighting in a bit!! Im so excited!!”

I have never thrown my headset harder than at that exact moment—well, maybe i did, but that’s beside the point— I scrambled out of my chair and in lightning speed threw on my jacket and shoes and ran out as quickly as possible. I checked my phone again to try and find out where exactly he is and luckily the gods were on my side, because that lovely lady had the exact location plastered on her story.

Daiketsu sports hall?
Daiketsu as in our rival school?

I checked on the map and it wasn’t on the Daiketsu campus, but not even 10 minutes from it. A chill ran down my neck, Daiketsu wasn’t really for aspiring kids that want to do well in the future, don’t get me wrong, their future will be packed with fortune but the students attending usually knew 10 years prior. The school polished them exactly how their money hungry parents wanted them to. They run a shady business, and kept everything under wraps, no one really did anything, because most of the politicians daughters, sons were there to create connections with the heirs of wealthy business owners, and else.

This might be crap, but I’m 99% sure most of these students are heirs to the mafia, but once again, i have no proof to back that statement up. Sadly. I would love to analyze them and see how much power their parents actually possess.

I shake my head to get rid of these unpleasant thoughts, what matters is my brother, i have to get him out of there, he can’t box, he mustn’t.

If you’re brother so much as steps into a boxing ring again,-
No
Stop it, izuku

I start counting the heads of people on campus to calm myself down, they look happy and excited, probably going to a party or club, one girl is wearing a beautiful long black dress, that sits on her perfectly, hugging her smooth curves. Her boyfriend holds her on her nape and gently kneads it while softly kissing her temples. His bicep is fighting for its life through the tight shirt he’s wearing. I finally look away and pick up speed again and start jogging to the hall.

The st. Yuuei university i attended is on the outskirts of kamakura right by one of many beaches. The beaches in kamakura are something one can only dream of, well only the hidden ones, otherwise they’re packed with tourists. I never really minded them since locals feed on tourism. Prime example, my best friend Ochacco whose parents own a Restaurant in the city center. We moved here when me and isuke were 13, right after-
My head slams right into a lightning post
Eugh, i have to get my mind back on track
Isuke

A bit out of breath I massage my forehead and feel the little bump already forming, fuck, this is going to show
I check my phone, just to be sure I’m going the right way and sprint off into a jog again

After a few wrong turns, I make it to a dingy alleyway, its barely lit, with about seven people, students, standing inline. I almost turn the other way when I overhear them talking.

“bro, im so excited, i heard people talking about this fight for ages, i just hope we won’t miss too much, it started not even ten minutes ago”
He lets out a loud groan, while tapping his foot on the concrete.

Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck!
I already missed like two rounds and I’m about to miss the third, i have to get him out as soon as possible

I turn back around and get in line right behind them. I place my phone into the side pockets of my jacket and wait.
After a minute too long, the bouncer checks their id’s together with- wait, what was that?? I try to zoom in on what that mysterious paper was but come empty handed.
The bouncer lets them in and signals me to hand whatever that was over.
I fish out my id from my back pocket and place it on his opened palm, he checks and slighty nods, without looking up he starts waving his other hand for that paper i dont have
After not getting handed anything, the bald headed man glances up and says with cold impatience “entry.”

Yeah, well
Fuck?

They would let a brother of a contestant in right? I signal to the bouncer to wait and sift through my side pockets of my jacket, take out my phone and quickly find a photo of my brother, i turn it around and show it to the bouncer. I make sure to smile and point at the photo, then at me.

His eyes shift to me, then my phone, then again to me with zero reluctance of letting me in. He simply lifts a brow and opens his mouth.

“Yeah, no, no entry, no fight.”
Double fuck.

I rapidly start to type out on my phone, before he decides to kick me out
I’m so sorry sir, i forgot it at home, my brother is probably worried SICK to where the hell i am, if i would to return home now i would miss it.. please, make an exception!!
I turn it over and watch as he reads it, with a frown, with a fucking frown, before he can answer me i add a few words to my plea

sir, did anyone ever tell you, you have great sense of style!!❤️
His frown deepens

Please someone, bring me out of my misery. Defeated and already planning any other ways i can get in, a girl with two round space buns on either side of her head walks towards me. The gods have answered! She has that typical school skirt on with a grey hoodie over it. Long black socks protrude from her shoes with a lollipop in her mouth. She reaches for my arm but before she actually reaches me, suddenly retreats and simply positions herself next to me.

I exhale and try to relax my— i didn’t register—already stiff body.
These damned reflexes.

“Hey! Midoriya, why are u still outside?”

Okay, okayyyy
Im not even close to an actor, but I start typing away on my phone, i hand my phone to her with a simple

Please help me, i need to get in, my brother is fighting and i forgot my ticket

she eyes me warily, calculating something in her head, i can see the wheels in her brain working in overdrive. After coming to a conclusion, she smiles and turns back to the bouncer

“Come on itto! You can’t be mean to our vip guest!”
our?
she runs this?

My thoughts get cut off when itto apologizes and lets me in. He let me in!
A few steps in and itto out of vision I turn to the girl and do a 180 bow and quickly type out another thank you. She chuckles, the corner of her lips smiling in this menacingly grin.

I turn to get to my brother. Well, more like find, im not small by any means, people would describe me as average tall, but i seriously couldn’t see anything, it was so overcrowded i wouldn’t be able to go through them without any physical contact.

Fuck me a third time?

I slowly turn back over to the girl who is already looking at me, still licking on her lollipop.

“First time here?”
She asks with the lollipop still hanging in her mouth. I nod while she signals me to follow her.

She positions me so that my side is facing the wall while her body is shielding me from the crowd, people make way for her, which thank god, i wouldn’t be able to live that one out with all the touching and any sort of contact really. She gets bunch of ‘hi’s’, ‘its smiley’s’, ‘how’s it going’ greetings, and head pats, she shoves those off tho.

“So Midoriya! What made you so interested suddenly. I didn’t see u at any of Retsu’s fights” she says while shielding her head from other pats coming.

Just now i really get to hear her and how scary her voice actually sounds, she has this manic ping to her voice. But wait. Retsu?
She registers my confusion and looks at me with wide eyes.

“You do know who Retsu is?”
I slowly shake my head
“Your brother?? Retsu?”
I bring out my phone and type in
You mean Isuke?
Her eyes widen, her eyes were huge before but now that she’s extending them even more, gets the creeps out of me.
“Good gracious! You really don’t know this place, do you? People hide their name here for a reason.”

I smile, or i try to smile because i really don’t know what’s going on
“Oh lord, you look creepy, stop that. Uff, let’s get you to your brother, it’s already been like 20 minutes and I’ve not heard any shouts of someone winning which means ground zero is getting real agitated.”

I nod because yes, i need to get to my brother and stop this. She sighs and leads us through a hallway, i could hear the shouts from miles away, i could see the formed crowd at the end, feel the warmth all these bodies provided, the dense atmosphere. Everything. This must be the entrance to the gruesome scene im about to witness.

Nearing the end we stepped into the hall, wait not hall, gymnasium. I could see the lines a school’s gym room would have, only that it was completely filled with people and a boxing ring in the middle. Above it was a digital clock counting down the minutes, im not sure how many rounds they’re in but one is about to finish.

I spot isuke right in the middle of the square and stop for a second. A pang flies through my heart. His smile is so vibrant and truthful. He is filled with passion. He enjoys this.

He looks so happy
He looks like he’s been born to do this
To fight, to box, to stand in the middle of a ring and listening to the crowd cheering him on.

You were the one who took it from him
You are the reason why he does it in secret
You are-

I grip the fine hair at my nape and tug on it harshly. I snap out of it and quickly assess the situation. In not even 38 seconds this round ends with a one minute break, i have to find out in which corner he’s situated in so that i can position myself opposite of him.

I find the girl with the buns a few feet away from me watching the fight with a huge smile on her face, i gently walk up to her and show her my phone
What corner is Retsu in?
Careful with the name

She reads it and a hint of confusion shows on her face, she shrugs.
“Don’t know, i just came in like u, but based on ground zero i think he’s in the right one, he thinks left ones are bad luck or something, i don’t know”

I bow and check the clock again. 17 seconds. I am about to stroll to the right corner when I stop. I have enough time. I quickly take out my phone again and type as fast as I can.
Thank you for your help tonight!🙏❤️❤️
And oh my god i completely forgot to ask but, what’s your name??😊

She smiles, that same smile from earlier
“People call me smiley, but you can call me Toga! Everyone in here knows my name anyway.”

The corners of my lips lift, a sign of acknowledgment. She looks like she wants to add something but by that time Im already running towards the right corner, i briefly look up to the clock again, eight seconds left. Searching for a high structure, i spot a swedish ladder, i quickly run up to it, dodging bodies in the process and climb it up. I turn my body so that I’m facing the ring, this won’t do, i have to get higher ground. I asses my body so that i don’t fall off and climb even more, my hands letting go of the last bar as i reach for the wall that’s right besides it, i wobble a bit almost falling but quickly righting myself before the unfortunate fall.

The clock rings signaling the end of this round, i watch as suke’s tumbling to the left corner, his rib is bruised with other small injuries that still haven’t seen the light of day. He sits down while Mirio and Nejire bring over water bottles, they fill his mouth with it while spewing advice, i try to read their lips but quickly give up.

The clock is counting down the seconds and he still didn’t look my way, i try to throw daggers at him but nothing.

My knight in armor comes when the man in the opposite corner says something to my brother, that catches isuke’s attention and flicks his gaze to him. Im none the wiser because i do aswell. With only isuke infiltrating my mind i completely skimmed over the opposing side.

I finally get to really see him, or more like his back. And oh my, that back. Muscle spread all over it, pulsating, begging for escape behind that sweat induced skin. Everything looks so smooth, even his stance, he’s sat on the stool, muscled arms on either side of the rope working them back and forth while a redhead spritzes water in his mouth while getting shouted at. His heavy breathing makes his upper back look even bigger with every inhale he takes. His hair is- fuck isuke.

I place my eyes back on him but to my surprise, he’s already watching me. I feel a pair of other eyes on me aswell, but ignore them.

I could see the sudden fear in isukes facial expression, he looks troubled, like he wants to disappear, wait, not him, me.
He wants me to disappear.

I swallow hard but don’t take my eyes off of his. With an exhale I mouth a single ‘Get out.’ Which looks like I’m talking when I’m not. I get to witness the sudden shock on his face. I knew that talking to Isuke would get him. He used to beg me to talk to him, a single word, and using this to do whatever i desire is wrong, i know, but i have my reasons, he can’t box, he just cannot.

I watch as suke springs up from his stool and walks to one of the referees, im guessing he’s forfeiting —or i hope so— and in the blink of an eye he jumps out of the ring, with not a single glance back to the fighting ground. He walks straight up to me, people forming a pathway, their confused and shocked expressions giving way. Now under me, i start climbing back down, my expression not changing, he offers me his hand but i don’t take it. In pure silence he signals to the—I’m guessing— locker rooms, i sign a single
‘Lead the way’
“Say it again”

I flip him off and start walking on my own, not rlly knowing where I’m going. He quickly runs up behind me and tries to tower over me.

He’s always been like that, like a protective shield around me, since that fateful day, he has not kept me away, he took it upon himself to scare off any watchful eyes. I appreciate him for it, last time i felt real human contact, other than his, was seven years ago. I told him how unwarranted touch triggers me when he once suddenly came up from behind and touched my shoulders. Since then he’s never done it again without a warning, and kept everyone away. At the beginning I liked his overprotectiveness, i felt safe, but after some time it started to get in the way of my personal life. I never said anything though because deep down I’m scared if i told him, he would inevitably completely stop. Which for gods sake I’m 20 years old, i should be begging it to stop, but somehow i can’t bring myself to.

I walk with him pointing out the directions, i can feel someone shooting daggers at me from afar, i try to glance that way because who the fuck dares to glare at me, but i get abruptly stopped by a hand in front of my face,
“Leave it”
Isukes says with exhaustion, the boxing high already out the window. I nod and keep walking.

We enter a rusty room, probably not renovated since the 20s. A set of lockers adorning the walls and a bench in the middle, some lockers have punched in holes in them from the brute force of toxic masculinity or something.
Bleugh

I let him enter while I lean myself on the doorway. My head tilted to the ground not having any energy left for this. What i do tho is prepare for this conversation that is 100% going to happen.

“Look at me, you know I can’t talk to you when you shift your head away from me. I need u to see.”
Bingo!
Here we go.

I slowly lift my head, he’s sitting spread on the bench watching me with these pitiful and begging eyes. He always does this. I rake my eyes on his body and make sure where all his bruises are. Most of them are on the sides of his torso, shoulders and cheek. I also take notice of older ones just behind the new ones already blue and purple. I frown.
‘Where is the first aid kit?’
I sign, skilled and smooth hand strokes
‘I don’t know’
He signs back.

The second i stopped talking he was the first one to teach me and himself sign language, poor mama tried to get me into cognitive therapy but after a year and no progress, she also started learning. I don’t blame her. Her oldest son, thats bound to inherit with his brother the family business stopped talking. Completely. Not a single peep. At some point in life, a desperate attempt to make me talk she would shout at me, have one sided fights, that would turn to her begging and violently crying for me to speak.

“Do you know how much this hurts as mother of this, not being able to have single conversation with her son, you ungrateful br- just talk! It’s not that hard Izuku! Talk!”
“Did you seriously just scoff, Izuku come here, do not dare walk away, this rebelling you’re doing does not suit you. This ends now.”

This turned into pleads and begs.

”Z-zuku, please, please talk to mama..”
”Can’t you just say something? Anything? Please zuku, p-please one for mama..”

I would often times hear her cry in her room at night. She hoped i would talk back and not take her bullshit, which I would, in normal circumstances, but not anymore. I really, really tried, but every single time i am ready and about to say something i get transported back to that painful 45 hours. I just couldn’t. My own voice haunted me.

Mama eventually got over it and even apologized to me at least a hundred times, I could sense that she really just wanted me to be okay, she kept me in therapy tho which i don’t blame her for.

But even in these fights Isuke was always there to protect me, even from mama. A lot of the times i would be woken up by shouting from him and mama fighting. I didn’t like it, one bit, it felt like our family was falling apart and i was in the middle of all of this. But lucky to us, mom came around. Even now, They know i can hear them but they still rather use sign language, something about being in this together?? And not feeling left out. Which I thank them every single day, because of this i mute them with me. Make them look also weird in public.

I sigh, but before i can say something he interrupts me.
‘Why can’t i box? You’ve never told me the reason, only parts, Izuku why, please talk to me, for once-‘ he signs with his hand movement speeding up with every single word.

I quickly shoot up my hand to silence him, because we’re not doing this, not now, not here.

‘No. Enough. Im exhausted.’
‘Then when! You always say this! It’s been 7 years, and till this day you’ve not told anyone anything. ‘

I turn around, my back to his front. We’ve been through this multiple times, I really am still not ready.

“Izuku. Don’t hide. Im sorry okay?”
I glance behind my back and sign a quick ‘hurry up’ he sighs and gets to the locker, he rummages through it until he finds his shirt, sweats and a towel. He takes everything and before he can hop into the showers on the other side of this room, he pauses at the door

“i just wish you would talk to me” and opens the doors.

I stand there for a second before I sit down on the bench and exhale out a breath I didn’t know i was holding, breathing out all that tension that kept building up since i arrived. Im so undeniably tired i could feel the eye bags forming.

I started to doze off when the door to the showers opened. Isuke signaled to the door before grabbing his duffel. In pure silence we walked out with him behind me.
We managed to get a few steps in before a guy with spikey blonde hair and a frown on his face cut in our way.
Wait is that the guy Isuke was fighting?

Chapter Text

My grandpa introduced me to boxing at the early ages of brat, and since then i never thought of stopping. At birth i already knew there was a burning fire that enlight something in me, like explosions erupting every single time i punched, my sweat the glycerin lightning that shit up.

Yeah, I loved it.
I loved the high it brang.

So naturally i joined my local boxing club in Shizuoka where i met shitty hair. Well, realistically i knew him way before that because of our families and shit, i don’t know, this was the first time i really acknowledged him.

He was real life annoying, like he would talk my ear off every single practice hour, it pissed me the fuck off. But he was a runner up after yours truly so i respected him. He really had some sort of hardening superpower i don’t know. My punches never really hurt me but punching him? Yeah, i did feel a tingling.

Entering middle school i finally was able to compete, that was exactly the time i erupted, flames were starting and i was fucking glowing in the midst of all of this. I fucking ruled. No one could stop me, i dethroned all them weak shits that never felt the punch of a fucking fighter, an animal kept in a cage, seething for violence.

Until.

Until that smile maniac with a scar on his eyebrow and chipped ear from Yaizu came in late and shattered every single bit of victory and ego i had within me.

Isuke Midoriya.

Our rivalry started then and there. Only one could be on top. And that was me. He just caught me off fucking guard that day.

We always were jumping positions on the podium. People around town would even come only to our fights, just to see who would win that year. I loved the exposure but also hated how a lot of the times it would fuel Isuke even more than me. Fucking Narcissistic fuck, but who am i kidding, I’m no better. We would push our buttons in the ring, our fight never ended in a forfeit. Never.

He once pissed me off so much that i even went to my grandpa and complained about him. I told him in vast detail how i would end his life and grandpa listened interested and intrigued, he would throw some brat appropriate bad words in himself. Gramps really was such a good listener. He asked me his name again and i gave it to him not really caring for what exactly he needed it for.

Our last fight ended on a tie before he suddenly vanished from all competitions at thirteen. Apparently it was because he moved away, but after some more research on our towns news website he didn’t even box there. He just stopped.

At first i thought it was because he was so scared of me that he couldn’t take it anymore, but after a while it just pissed me off more because there was no one else on par with me. I was always so much in my head fighting him that i never really acknowledged the people around me.

So when 7 years later I find out on coincidence —kirishima was talking my ear off— that he goes to st. Yuuei college, our fucking rival school, I made toga send him an invitation to ‘her’ —truthfully aunties, but toga does meddle in it alot— boxing ring/club so that i could finally show him who he ran away from.

He came in a few times. Even fought, but was kind of secretive about it? Didn’t get to find out what that meant.

I strictly told toga to not let him know im here. This fucker might have figured it the second he stepped foot in the club, if he knew, he didn’t mention it.

Toga made him an official fighter and set a date with Isuke- Retsu now, to fight none other than me. I initially thought he would refuse but i guess he didn’t investigate who ground zero was. He should have.

D-day I entered the club early, even standing in the ring early waiting on this mother fucker. He eventually came with one minute to spare until the fight. He had two people by his side, both also fighters at the club. The clock signaled the start and we pounced on each other immediately. I could sense his mild inexperience after not fighting in so long yet he was still keeping up with my punches.

No take downs the first two rounds

We both get settled in our corners, drinking water and trying to listen to the shits by our sides that are giving advice which I don’t listen to. Don’t need it. Ive been studying Retsus new playing style the second he started fighting again. Kirishimas rants get forgotten and something new stumbles up my brain. Isuke looks energized, not enraged at all. He’s having fun? It even seems like he doesn’t recognize me? This bitch.

“Scar face! What happened to being on par with me? Where did you run off to huh?”

His head turns to me, ready to retort when I watch in real time as this bastards manic filled smile falls and his gaze completely leaves mine intimidating one and focuses on something else, someone else.

Im heavy breathing, trying to calm it down when I follow his gaze and focus on said person. I don’t even have to look for them cause tell me why the hellish fuck is there a carbon fucking copy of him. I knew somewhat that he had a twin brother, i even saw him watching from the sidelines, analyzing other fights, solving some master equations like it’s not just two boys punching each other. He wrote everything down somewhere while mumbling to himself.

Fucking nerd.
I never saw him up close though, probably looks like shit aswell.

In the mean time Isuke manages to jump off the ring and on wobbly feet walk towards him. Im stunned, every single word leaving me dry. Isuke never was one on obedience. He didn’t fucking do what other people told him to. I tried to break him, me, i did, but he never wavered. This beast did not listen to anyone, which also made me wonder how he could’ve stopped so suddenly when i could feel his passion in boxing all these years ago, and even today.

He’s now in front of the ladder his brother is currently climbing back down off it, I don’t know if Isuke’s saying anything since his back is turned to me and there is too much fucking people mumbling and asking others what the fuck is going on. Honest to shit. Im also fucking asking.

He hands him his hand but dear brother doesn’t take it. He’s now out of my vision since isuke is crowding him, so i look back at the referee. He just gives me a nod and signals that Isuke gave up. Isuke forfeited. He never forfeited. I nor he never ever lost on a measly surrender. So what the fuck is going on. I glance at shitty hair who’s already looking at me, we exchange silent words and I jump off the ring to the lockers.

The locker room i got is the better of the two. Call it nepotism, but toga assigned it to me. Well unlucky you Midoriya, should’ve been called bakugou — well no, scratch that, he’ll never be called such a cool and important name, the midoriyas better stay far fucking away from this name—

Im seething with anger, I’ve waited seven years, seven, just for him to stop trying. It just irks me the wrong way that he just takes this as a normal fight, like i didn’t almost explode from anticipation for this god for saken fight.

I walk through the hallway to my locker ready to punch a hole in them. And when i do, it doesn’t feel as freeing as i thought it would, it just pissed me off more. I quickly come to a conclusion that i can’t let this go and that i will demand a fucking rematch. And no brother will stand in between that.

Some fury filled viscous words are being shouted into the air while I grab my badass loose skull tank top and gray sweatpants dragging them like they personally assaulted me. I hop in the shower and soap my body from all that sweat that literally was for nothing.

When im dried off and clothed i quickly bag my stuff and run in the other lockers direction. People standing everywhere with cups and what not in their hands.

Im already waiting for a good couple of minutes, leaning against a wall, one foot balancing me on it. My bag is draped over my shoulder and water bottle in hand.

A door is being opened with them stepping out. Grim and tired expression coloring their faces, finally decide to show up from their little hiding cave. Isuke doesn’t even acknowledge me, his eyes never leaving his brothers.

Oh hell nah.

I kick off from the wall and and jog exactly in front of them, Im shaking in anger now that im face to face with Isuke Midoriya again. I briefly look down at the heathen of a twin brother and-

Wait.

I did notice, even before, that they had differing physical characteristics but thought that was it, it was not. His not so twin has matching raven hair but with a green hue to them, falling however they wished in every direction, like he raked through them in frustration multiple times in the span of a few minutes. They are almost fluffy, namely if I would graze my hand, fingertips past them it would be like waving my hand through clouds or something crazy like that. His eyes are also different, while Isukes are dark brown almost black, the other Midoriya has green globes, forest green globes, with freckles adoring his cheeks and nose and cheekbone and-

“Eyes up here, zero”
fuck-

“Don’t piss me off, Retsu” i try to save with my frown visibly darkening.
“This won’t end well, set another date, scar face”

He seems conflicted and worried, like he does want to set another date, just can’t.

Why the fuck can’t he????
You want to tell me that the potion to Isukes obedience is his brother?

He bites his lower lip while his eyes shift to the one and only brethren and sighs. Which is also weird, this psycho is 90% of the time smirking or maniacally laughing so what the fuck is going on.

After another minute of no date set i shoot forward to Isukes shirt ready to grab it in a fist when lord savior of the day comes at me with his shoulder pointing to my stomach and forcefully shoving me.

He shoves.
Me.
The audacity.

And it fucking hurts like a motherfucker too.
I grab my stomach and gaze at him. He’s only feeding into my wrath now which doesn’t fucking help his case.

“Did you just fucking shove me, u damned nerd?! What the fuck do you have to do with this, don’t meddle in my business loser, you don’t mean shit”

I seethe watching his face not changing one bit, I’m not even sure if he’s listening by the way he’s so calm and unbothered. He does look tired, like something wants to get out, scream it out even, but he doesn’t budge. Not a single eye twitch.

“Useless piece of shit” i say in my last attempt to unnerve the fucker, to get an reaction out of him.
The only reaction i get is a middle finger right in front of my face.

What are we? Ten?

I right myself back up and walk towards him, with my hand towards his throat.

He stiffens. He fucking stiffens.

Finally. A single reaction other than pure blankness.

I pick up speed when my hand gets grabbed in a tight fist and shoved to the side.

“I dare you touch him” and with that he nudges the shorter of the two to walk up ahead. Not glancing back once.

“Is this some incest shit i should know of, u fuck?” I shout back at them with the pricks greatest weapon shooting my way.
A middle finger.

They step through the main door like nothing has ever happened, like I’m not there. Completely useless.

Im about to lose my shit when toga and hair-for-brains run up to me from a crowd..? I didn’t notice a crowd was forming around us until now.

I try to calm myself when they stop in front of me, out of breath.

“Dude, what the heck just happened??” Shitty hair asks, like he didn’t just see everything.

“Who is he?” I ask, Ignoring his question

“Retsu? Bro what the-“

Toga interrupts.

“Don’t know his name, could ask itto since he saw his ID, but you could probably look it up online, they’re quite famous” she scoots a bit closer not letting anyone overhear.

“i talked with the brother, or well not really talked just conversed through a phone with him. I think he’s mute, or a selective mute not sure.”

I turn to her a bit bewildered and confused. I rummage through our conversation again and again trying to find a point where he has said something and then when i get to the end i get to understand.

He really hadn’t said a single word.
What the fuck?

“Selective mute?” Both me and shitty hair exclaim.

“Yeah when someone can’t talk due to traumatic experiences or just refuses to, i think, I’ve read it somewhere”

Im quite taken aback, not really sure what to say. Because while he didn’t say a word, he was the loudest in this club. He spoke volumes even without a single sound coming out, which in response didn’t make me notice it. I probably wouldn’t even realize it if smiley didn’t bring it up.

Shivers run down my spine. He seems dangerous. Not just dangerous. But cunning. He displayed averse dominance and control that I’ve come to realize I wanted to destroy.
It pissed me off that he managed to trick me.

I’ve replayed the fight at least a million times and the more i try to pick up stuff about him the more I grasp that he seems to desperately hold on to that dominance, like a barrier of protection. If he’d let go, he’d fall into a million pieces and beyond that.
It would probably be hard to pick back up which results to having to have someone else to help, or hold on to him so he doesn’t break.

Ts.
Fucking pathetic

Toga manages to cut my train of thoughts when she looks at me. Her eyes sharpen and smile fades.

“If you want that rematch, you have to get rid of him, because for some reason, Retsu does whatever his brother says.”

There she is.
The toga i know.
Ready to stir some shit up.

Chapter Text

This wasn’t meant to happen. I don’t know what brang me to this obsessive behavior but it needs to be stopped, because why the hell am i once again hiding behind a helmet seething next to my bike a few blocks away from a bus stop, where he gets all friendly with two guys, that to my research -that i made on them the second they appeared in Midoriyas life- were his friends, which cool everyone has friends but recently they’ve been oddly touchy and flirty.

One thing about the incarnation of the devil himself- he does not like touch. Loathes it even. He never insinuates it. Not even with his best friend- Ochacco Uraraka, named her round cheeks. Three days back he suddenly started doing small favors, including touching. Oh mister insomniac purple haired bastard has something in his hair? Midoriya to the rescue.

Fuck that shit.

I’ve been watching him long enough to know that he doesn’t do it willingly. Don’t know what’s that about.

It’s been a week. A week since i fought his twin brother. Every single day since then I’ve been studying his routine, the only time i left him alone was when my dumbass had to get to classes and in the night. I’ve even skipped this week’s boxing training.

I have not missed a single one. Not once in my life. Even when sick i would dump myself in pills just so i could train.
Im fucking pathetic.

This started exactly the second i got home from that oh so good boxing match and looked him up immediately. To my god awful surprise the Midoriya household is famous as hell, Im talking news articles and the twins accomplishments printed and written about everywhere -everything due to their family name and more importantly Inko Midoriya.

The family comes from “old money” though not really, she was the one to really expand their animation studio. To my knowledge her great grandmother founded it but not in a animation sense? More art or whatever i have no fucking idea -didn’t do further research due to getting incredibly bored and not seeing or reading about a certain green head with stars adoring someones cheeks- whatever, now all that inheritance shit came and all fell into inkos hands. Apparently at that time it still wasn’t doing much profit until one of her dedicated artists made a random drawing of some characters for fun and she liked them so much that she wanted to implement them into the company. Low profit and shit had underpaid animators decided to create a manga instead. That had become famous worldwide, they finally had money for animators. Boom one of the top three animes in the world right now. Sick right?

Yeah, me too.
I was bored to shits.

I was ready to hit the bed when to my last pursuit clicked on a random article, and bang, someone made a reappearance. Family photo. With my mind back on track I started reading through it, skipped all the unnecessary parts. It was a fan made article about an event the whole fam attended apparently something about a premiere? I don’t know, what i do know though is at the end, the comments, huge help. Most of them were about their excitement etc. but one truly helped me in lots of ways.

“I know this is a bit sudden, but I truly love the family! I’ve met them at a couple events and truly they strike me as a wholesome and caring family, the twins specifically. Isuke Midoriya was very laid back and would talk to fans and people that attended the event if asked but a lot of the times the older of the two (Izuku Midoriya) would be the one to make conversation with others. He was really chatty, a lot of the times he would mumble to himself and once someone took the bait would talk ones ear off, but definitely not in an impolite way, everyone could see in this childs eyes that he loved discussing weird topics, loved hearing other people’s opinions on it that no one even got to question in life, he was way ahead than most of kids his age, he knew stuff one wouldn’t get to know until adulthood.
He truly was so mature for his age. He’ll do great in the industry, i just know it!”

Ts, mature my ass.
He threw me multiple middle fingers in one night.
Also, the more i saw his name written down the more I started pronouncing deku.
Made me want to see it an and mispronounce it on purpose, im sure he’d like it, the reaction would be immaculate i just know it.

I replied to the comment, just to rage bait really.

But besides that, this comment helped me a lot. He isn’t mute, a selective mute im guessing. I looked up the year of the article and it came about 8 years ago. Now that i knew where to look i found more articles, way more, if fan made or news, they were everywhere.

There was one problem i came across rather quickly in my research.
Midoriya Izuku 7 years ago.

I raked my hands through my hair multiple times trying to find one year’s worth of articles with a missing older brother. I couldn’t find this guys presence in any photos. The articles were also limited, way less than any years. The only people who talked about Izuku Midoriya were fans. Big companies didn’t even dare mention him. His reappearance happened 6 years ago, with no explanation whatsoever, and people surprisingly let it go. If this ain’t weird then i don’t know.

Oh i know what’s weird about this. Seven years ago, young boxing star Retsu moved away and stopped boxing, basically the whole package fucking combined.

This got me so curious I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night, i watched multiple interviews, after the six years and only found ones where Isuke was the one speaking. This made no sense, the commentator obviously said something completely different. How could their role switch so fast?

I even went on famous forums where people were asking the same thing, led me to find multiple posts and videos where Deku was at award shows, even having speeches, long fucking speeches too. There were so many, yet no after the 7 and 6 years.

He sounded very young and intelligent. The mutation not quite there yet, what would it sound like now? Would it rasp from not using it for so long? Or does he talk to himself? Does that even work that way?

Argh! Im getting sick.

Something must’ve happened, and i was ready to know the truth, bring it on baby. I can handle it, even if someones get crushed in the process.

Midoriya fucking Izuku was in on a fucking ride, bakugou Katsukis version.

The weekend after the match I had started my official “research” - found his schedule, what he frequently visits and the people he hanbs out with, couldn’t find any of his socials but we’ll get to that eventually.

I tried being lowkey and only look at him from a screen but by the third day -Monday- I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to see him in real life again. Located him a bit too fast for my liking- he was quite easy to spot, but at least i didn’t have to fight tooth and nail for it.

I thought it would be just a one day thing, saw him move on. Instead it fucking backfired at me, I couldn’t stay away, i tried, i fucking did but my brain is a bitch that i just couldn’t shut off. Useless Deku was like a fly in my room that i for the life of me couldn’t catch or lure away, but instead of being in a room it was in my brain teasing me and flying away the second i tried to kill it. So i watched him, carefully (hardest five days of my life) He really trained my self control because there was not a second where I didn’t want to jump him and shake the answers out of him. I would’ve pounced on the first possibility but one thing was definitely in my way.

Scar face and the round face chick hanging on his arm almost every second of the day, but not literally, didn’t touch anyone in the times i was there, until 3 days ago, he started insinuating touch more often than not. The only time I really saw him alone was through his dorm room window.

Don’t ask, i know.
I’ve hit a different level of creepy.

It got so horrid, even my personal extras - shitty hair, raccoon eyes, dunce and flat face- started pissing me off about the topic, more like questioned who it was. The topic Izuku Midoriya that turned into my very first hyper fixation that i for the life of me couldn’t let go.

Im still seething watching their friendly affection towards each other when my phone buzzes, I ignore it at first when the texts seem to keep coming- the group chat, they added me once again- i grab my phone just to leave the room for the millionth time when i see a quite interesting fucking text from dunce face.

Piss hair 8:32 PM
GUYS!!!!!!!!! Party tomorrow over at the super rich girls house, Momo i think! She’s the girl with the super expensive alc!! The one where we finally got to see baku bro drunk!! HAHAHAH I STILL HAVE THE VIDEOS BRO U WERE SO FUCKED.

Hair-for-brains 8:33 PM
BROOO I WAS JUST WONDERING WHEN SHED THROW ONE AGAIN
sick
Count me going, she’s like super dope

Raccoon 8:33 PM
Yippee!! It was about time making new friends, yall suck

Piss hair 8:33 PM
Bro mina don’t say that, ain’t i sick?

Raccoon 8:34 PM
Stfu, i still don’t forgive you for bombing my super hot date, I’m still on fucking read. If u ruin my night again denki i will call the French for new guillotines.

Hair-for-brains 8:34 PM
Even me?

Hair-for-brains 8:38PM
Mina?

Soy fucking sauce 8:40 PM
Weed?

Raccoon 8:42 PM
Bro do the math, Momo is from Yuuki = most students from yuuki will come, which means there is like a 80% chance our local stoner (Midoriya) is gon be there.

Me 8:42PM
Which one?

Soy fucking sauce 8:42 PM
Oh fuck, his greens go crazy

Piss hair 8:43PM
OMG, WRITE THIS DAY DOWN YALL OML

Hair-for-brains 8:43PM
Mina?

Raccoon 8:43PM
Brother, if you’re expecting your oh so star crossed lover that ended up being ur boxing rival then ur in for a rude awakening. It’s the other one.

Me 8:43PM
Good. Ill be there.

Raccoon 8:43PM
I thought you had a mysterious fixation to fix on? Finally got bored?

Hair-for-brains 8:43PM
MINA THATS A SOFT SPOT

Piss hair 8:43PM
Noooo mina, youve just ruined the second time we could’ve seen bakubro drunk

I’ve left the group chat then, but i will definitely be going to that party. Fuck, im sorry for Izuku Midoriya, he’s the one in on a rude awakening.

I sat on my bike and hurried home, tomorrow will be the last day, last day of being pathetic, my obsession will end.
I wont care about him anymore.

——————
My bike rides into the estate and parks next to bunch of cars already lined up. I kill the ignition and enter the huge building. Momo yaoyorozu really is a rich girl. The architecture in her house goes beyond anyones imagination. Her whole house is designed with marble, she’s got even marble slopes?? The foyer has two doors on each side and two big stairs on opposite sides curving into each other. To the left is the huge kitchen with an high island and stools all around it. It also houses a couch area with a missing tv, guessing she removed it. It also is an entry to the garden and pool, that sadly from this distance I couldn’t see, i had to go by memory from last time i was here. To the right was the actual living room now with a lowered couch built into the floor that went all around like a square. When i first saw it I cursed the person who designed this because what use does it bring since watching tv from that hight was stupid, but once i actually sat in the square i understood it instantly. It spawned stoners i swear to god.

As Im headed to that room to see if a little birdie didn’t manage to get already high i hear greetings from a far, i turn around an-

Fuck my life.
Im doomed for life.

I came here expecting an end to this, a simple glance on the mother fucker will surely get my shit together.

Loud and wrong.

Infamous stoner Izuku Midoriya did arrive, and in loser clothing aswell. A black zip up hoodie that hugged nothing, that shit was loose as shit and even looser black pants. Nothing was his size. He is so awkward I keep wondering how he keeps my attention so well.

He also had his all time charm with him. Scar face. Yup, bro was looming behind him, surprise! Not. Im guessing he sensed my stare on them because the second he spotted me, he reached for Dekus hood and brang it up, ultimately hiding his brother’s face.

Bummer.

Oh, but what do we see here. Izuku waved his hand above his shoulder signaling him to leave, which now im intrigued, will dear boxer obey? Will he not?

He does.
Like a puppy.
Pfft.

A grin raked up my face. Scar bastard departs and goes the opposite direction of Izuku who’s currently walking towards me, well probably the couch area, im currently standing in the door of grabs a few shots on his way.

He’s getting closer, avoiding bodies like the plague. Im fucking exploding with anticipation on what he’s gonna do with me right infront of me. Im dying for the confrontation or a simple glance and recognition. I didn’t even greet the extras yet because i was too scared to miss him entering. Lifting his shots filled hands he squeezes right past me.

That’s it.
He didn’t look at me once.
Didn’t acknowledge me.
I even had a smirk ready.

I turn around quickly watching him sit on the couch giving two of his shot glasses to the half and half bastard and insomniac. All of their faces smiling while shooting the liquid down their throats. Deku doesn’t drink rather watches them while rummaging through his side pockets until he finds a packet of weed and rolling paper. He gives one of each to half and half and starts rolling up a joint with practice. I don’t get to see whats next because i get interrupted in staring when a familiar voice comes my way.

“Didn’t expect you here” smiley’s words are muffled due to the lollipop currently occupying her mouth. She has her hands outstretched behind her along her back looking at me with that chummy smile.

“Started doing the unexpected” i say trying to fucking calm myself down because i had every intention of storming right in-front of him and grabbing him by that awfully beautiful looking throat.

“Oh who we have here” toga looks in my direction and points at the bastard and a girl -round face- currently with multiple plastic cups in her hand joining the group smoking.

Im not even surprised by her presence, she gravitates and looms at freckles side just like that brother of his does. A black mini dress hugs her curves, she’s all smooth and soft, almost reminds me of a flam cake when she moves. Her skin is pale, very pale, if one would be close enough I’m sure you could see the blood pumping in her veins.

“My, oh my” is the last thing i hear when my cousin storms towards her with a smile i haven’t seen in years. I try to stop her but to no avail, round face has been captured. Good luck.

I watch them for a second more before i storm to my own select group, not forgetting to take a shot with me aswell, a shot can’t hurt right? I dump it down my throat and smash it in my hand, find the nearest bin and scatter the remaining bits in. That was my first and last shot. Im not allowing more.

Something one can never miss is a pink afro, so i look just for that. I spot pinky almost immediately and run up the flight of stairs with my shot already downed.
Stupid drunks try to stop me on multiple occasions but i don’t pay them much attention. Nearing their table dunce face finds me and immediately hops up to my arrival.

“Shit man, i thought u dipped” he says with a huge smile on his dunce as face. A shot comes shooting at me almost right away, but i refuse it with a hand wave. Gotta stay sober for somebody. I give most of the group a fist bump and sit one the couch already occupied by kirishima and denki. Mina is sitting on the floor while sero is sprawled on the arm chair.

“Why did you come when you’re not gonna drink tonight?” Pinkie pie blurts out

“Where are your new friends?” I level getting more and more irritated. It’s just the thought of him being here but not having him on my 24/7 watch. While I’m getting nervous and imagining all the things that could be happening right now sero chimes in.

“You’re here for the weed right? I knew it. We have to wait though i think the uhm Izu something is still not here”

Fuck i love sero.

“He’s here, came in with the other twin like 15 minutes ago. He’s in the square” i smirk, new fucking plan in mind.

“Sick! Im gonna go down, anyone other than sero going?” Kirishima announces. He’s not a smoker, not even close, but he mostly cares about everyone and well sero. He’s had it horrible, addicted since middle school. He’s been to rehabs multiple times but after a while of no progress and always falling back down his parents gave up on him and even started supplying him. We’d catch him in his dorm blacked out sweating. Like two years ago we didn’t even get to see him sober. After that we all decided to keep him in check and slowly get him off it. He caught on after a while and thanked us, said he never saw such progress and that maybe this method would really help him not getting dependent on it.

I simply stood up aswell. Kirishima looked at me in shock asking me the silent question of if I’m gonna be okay with Retsus stupid brother being there. I nod at that and thats it. What i didn’t expect though was dunce face and Raccoon eyes following behind.

Well atleast it won’t be weird?

We descent the stairs walking towards the smoke point of the house. Sero and kirishima are up front talking while I’m looming behind. Hands in my pockets we get to the square, I choose to sit opposite of him so i can watch him without having to turn my head and seem suspicious, Hair for brains next to me.

Midoriya head is rested on the floor looking up joint between his fingers. Must be his second or third since there were buts next to his head. In that moment Sero waved his hand in front of his face, even with closed eyes he knew exactly what the waving hand wanted and gave him a small packet with rolling paper. Packet in hand he tapped it at a sticker? Probably a price and waited. Sero went through his pockets and handed him two 1000 yen bills. His eyes stayed glued together while the insomniac took the money and softly spoke-couldn’t eavesdrop on that one through the loud music and people chatting around is-. He let go of the packet that contained like one joints worth of weed, bet he has it measured out and shit. He takes another drag of the lit blunt keeping it in his lungs long enough to make me worry. I hate this. He looks like he has full control of this when i know for a fact he wouldn’t stand a chance, he probably couldn’t even manage to stand up right now, he’d fold over in seconds. His moves are slow when he finally decides to open his eyes to the multiple mentions of his name that even i am able to hear. Pinkie is getting weirdly excited for his sudden appearance in the conversation. He lifts his head and answers a bunch of questions with firm head nods and shakes, when he signs either half and half or insomniac answer for him.

This makes me think, where is round cheeks? Matter of fact, where is toga?

Cat got the mouse? Makes me feel sorry for cheeks.

Ten minutes of spectating later i see round cheeks storming in, eyebrows lowered, eyes hard and steam practically flowing out of her ears. Oh my oh my, someone angered a little girl, i wonder who.

Seating herself on the floor by izukus head she straightens her arm out in front of him and starts signing, angry and fast. Midoriya has to stop her on more than one occasion his brain probably too slow from the substance. She takes multiple deep breaths when on the third one she spots me. On that anger filled face now only her worry is visible. Her head slowly turns back down and signs, measured. This makes me think of learning sign language, would fucking help so much and the eavesdropping would go crazy. But sadly and weirdly enough for them I know exactly whats about to happen.

Phone in hands I quickly type out a text to toga and wait. They’re about to leave, together and I won’t be able to separate them, alone.

Before they stand up Pinkie manages to type out her instagram on both their devices, points to mina for holding them up a bit longer.

Midoriya hurriedly stands on wobbly feet trying to find his balance, visibly struggling, his face is basically screaming a mix of fear and hatred? Who is he pissed at? Me? Can’t be. Well maybe in some universe its possible. Maybe even this one. Probably this one. At that exact moment i see it, it clicks suddenly. This is him getting back control, alone. He’s angry at himself for being defenseless or something like that i don’t know. He had this exact expression when he tried a different route home, he looked scared and angry at himself. I have a theory onto why he smokes and how that everything has to do with control but thats for next time.

Finally stable, he pulls his hood up as they slowly walk to the entrance. He’s surprisingly well on his feet considering the amount he fucking smoked in the meantime that i was sitting there.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck ‘zuku, I have to go! Something happened to my mother. Shit! Im so sorry, find your brother okay? Don’t you dare go alone. I mean it. Text me immediately when you get home.” She says fisting her phone.

Music to my ears.

Oh my dear cousin, I knew I always could rely on u. And oh so sad Round cheeks, i bet Toga lured her to her. We’re insane. But oh well, who cares when i get to have what i want.

Izuku waves in goodbye and waits a solid minute before stepping out. Alone. No brother in sight. I elbow kirishima and tell him my own quick goodbye.

I light a cigarette while stepping out, watching him walk away from the property.

You’re in for a hell of a ride.
I ditch my bike and walk right behind him.

Chapter Text

When Izuku turned 6 years old, his life had oddly shifted. He and Isuke started school, and as excited as he was he quite didn’t realize that he’d lose his brother slowly but surely. As twins, they already were compared to each other a lot. It began with subtle remarks on their eye color, hight and even the way they spoke, but what he definitely didn’t expect was the distance from their new classmates from him. They didn’t like Izuku, and they never put a voice to it as to why, why he was the unlikable twin, the weird twin. And from then on, it went all down hill. His self doubts, this big red question mark floating above his head and the biggest of them all his otherworldly overthinking. His mind racing from one word to another not even stopping to take a break. That’s how his brain developed into the thing it was, full of thoughts. So so many thoughts. His brain wouldn’t stop until he’d feel the occasional tap on his shoulder ordering him to be quiet, which helped for a few minutes, well seconds. He didn’t do it on purpose he really didn’t, it just was. And as the more he tried to repress it the more it kept happening, the taps, because once his brain caught up to what was happening he had already fallen into the big black hole of doubts that he’d never reach the ending of, never reach the ground, never feel the touch of rumble or grass or dirt or porcelain or, he didn’t know.

Not a single kid wanted to be friends with him other than Isuke, which didn’t count, he’s family. The twin found his own friends that he clicked with. They took Izuku in multiple times but after overhearing one of the girls whispering in the hallways that Izuku bothered them because Isuke was too preoccupied with Izuku other than giving them the attention, he stopped. Started refusing invites altogether.

Isuke wondered and asked why he did so but let it go after a mere “i want to be alone”
Izuku never wanted to be left alone, never again.

3 years after, they separated them. Isuke and Izuku wouldn’t be going to the same school. “Isuke has a bright future ahead of him, he needs better boxing coaches” they said “His needs would be attended to better there” they said. With Isuke gone, the one obstacle they couldn’t breach, the bullies got what they couldn’t when isuke was there with him, they sought after this moment and dreamed about it happening. Thats the last thing Izuku can recall of his lost innocence, his view of the word has gotten completely shattered, leaving small specks of hope diminished.

Thats the first time he tasted hell. Surely not the last, first stage. Sometimes Izuku wonders if maybe he had been better behaved, or quiet, just fucking quite for one second he wouldn’t have to be going through that, maybe he’d live a completely different life filled with happy memories. He would catch himself in a mantra full of shut up’s and stop’s. Self loathing is second nature to him now, but back then he just didn’t understand why him, why he was the target of their viscous emotions. He had just turned 9 and already got introduced to the thoughts a kid his age shouldn’t have.

He doesn’t remember much after this. Its like his brain turned completely off when he felt their wrath. It didn’t stop either, not when he was on his bloody knees begging and pleading to just let him go.

Boxing became something disgusting to him. It took Isuke away from him, and his time with him. Until he actually saw Isuke fighting, of everything he was able to do, how he so effortlessly punched someone, how they’d stumble on their feet. Isuke looked so powerful, so much so that the land and sea looked laughable to Izuku. He wanted to be that. He wanted them to throttle at his feet, fear coloring their faces.
Not a single match was missed after this. He wrote every single stance his twin made, how his punches were angled and what his finishing blow was. He made sure not to miss a single thing. Isuke was his role model in a sense.

Waiting in-front of a stadium for his brother to fetch something he forgot in the locker room he had finally decided. Thirteen, and ready. He was ready to defend himself. He could do it, he believed. Izuku truly believed. Until he was being dragged away, no bully in sight, just four men dressed in black. Kicking and screaming for help, hoping that at least one ear got to hear his voice for one last time.

But no one did, his violent pleads for help were useless. He was utterly helpless and alone. Kind of sad that his last words were screams of agony

For ordinary people this was just a normal day, they wouldn’t probably even remember what they did at that exact day. It was purely just another evening for them. Maybe some families actually got together and ate at a prestigious restaurant. Thats the cruel thing about this world, it doesn’t revolve around you or your emotions. It doesn’t care that you’re going through the worst time of your life. It will keep being sunny and people keep being happy. For izuku this was the ending. He lay his innocent soul to rest one last time, he shall never be awaken. He remembers his last words like they were tattooed on his forehead, being reminded of it daily just like a curse you can’t get rid off without the eventual death, his last intake of breath vividly imbedded in his brain.

It dances in his dreams every single night, sing songs it to him like the god of dreams, Morpheus, is making fun of him. It always shows him of what could have been if he hadn’t been taken.

He has awoken to eyes filled with tears so many times that he completely forgot to count, because he seems to can’t stop feeling guilty right afterwards. It’s crawling into his head like a sick instect that just got under his skin and is ready for his meal. Human brain.

Because he knows. He knows. That if there would be a alternative universe of them not picking him, It would be his brother. And that just breaks him to hundred and one million pieces mote. He wishes he hadn’t had these thoughts, because he knows that’s what isuke has been living through and thinking every single day since his voice, his life was brutally taken from him.

Something died in him that day. Something no one would be ever able to see a glimpse of ever again.

He wouldn’t allow it, since that is what got him in the first place. The mumbling, the kindness. The looks. Oh the looks.

He’s having the dream again, just this time he’s cursed with the bigger picture and not just snippets, the water, the dark.

The numb feeling of someone poking him. Poking him everywhere, all the places one could reach. Skin bending upon contact.

The second he feels it izuku startles awake. Hand clutching his chest crumpling his shirt, blanket in the way. His heavy breathing replacing the silence in the room. The sun not quite out yet but just at the brink of waking up. As he’s trying to catch his breath Izuku swiftly feels the bile rising up his throat. Fuck. Izuku quickly clasps his hand on his mouth in hopes to stop it while he tries to run to his bathroom but to no avail, he’s not fast enough. Izuku trips and falls to his knees in the hallway heaving his stomachs remaining contents on the ground. Zuku desperately tries to stop it, with one hand clutching his mouth while the the other grabs the nearest wall and tries again eventually getting to his bathroom a few steps away, stumbling here and there. He’s crying now, or already probably was while he ran to the bathroom. He feels sick.

Izuku is dry heaving, gagging into the bowl, most of his stomach’s contents already on the floor.

He hates this. He hates this. He hates this.
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make. It. Stop.

But it never truly does. He’ll always be cursed and hunted by the monster that is his brain for forever. He cant escape it. He tried. Oh Izuku tried. But it were just pathetic attempts at thinking he could someday get better, outrun the tragedy that is 7 years ago standing infront of a stadium. Alone.

Izuku stopped heaving an hour ago or so he guesses, time not really his biggest worry at the moment, though he still can’t get himself up, every single time he tries he feels it again, his stomach churning and ready for another round of mostly just dry heaving. Head resting on the bowl getting heavier and heavier trying to fall over, he solves there is no fighting this so he just succumbs to it, lets it fall to the floor, feel the cold tiles pushing against his cheek, Izukus mind going faster than he can properly process. Sleep captures him before he gets to form the first sentence bubbling in his brain, before his wet face starts to dry. He’s just another cold body laying on the floor.

——

Light escapes of the crevice of the half opened door into the bathroom, slowly caressing Midoriyas cheeks in the process. Eyes starting to pop open one by one. Izukus back getting the blunt force of the cold bathroom floor his muscles already protesting from his sleepy movements. He scrunches his nose once or twice until he scents the faint smell of vomit which would explain why his mouth tastes fucking awful. It couldn’t have been more than a few hours since. He groans while he rubs his eyes and makes a beeline to his sink where he literally washes his mouth clean of any remnants. His eyes starting to wetten when he still can taste it. Sometimes he gets like this, so extremely frustrated that he can’t seem to hold it in. It really can be anything, to his fridge not being able to close or his computer pulling the biggest prank on him and not loading, he’d only cry when he already had a challenging day, mentally mostly. Where a mere trigger could completely put him off course. It would always come late in the evening when he was mostly hidden by watchful eyes. He hates it. How the smallest things could make him crumble but a punch to his face would not. It used to feel like prison, but now it’s just solitary confinement where it’s just periodically getting shut down.

He ignores it and walks to his cupboard with cleaning supplies. The second he steps out he feels it almost missing the peace of yesterday. Brain fuzzy and fogged up, essentially high. He tries to believe he’s not addicted and just trying to solve his insomnia but to no avail, weed makes him shut down in the best way possible. He doesn’t do it often, just when he can’t get his mind off. Which for the last week wasn’t it. After being paranoid almost all his years after the attack a mere person lurking in the shadows would get caught by him rather quickly. He was scared at first, but when he realized it was the guy Isuke was fighting now and seven years ago he chilled down a ton. It bugged Izuku that this guys way of messing with his twin brother was by stalking him. He’d get the occasional scare of him jumping izuku or something worse and not just follow him, but that soon got washed away when he kind of wished for it.

Two years ago he was beat up, doesn’t remember much since he was high as fuck but in that moment having someone punch u was better than poking. Better than thinking. To come up with that sudden realization surely was something but when he did it just felt freeing. For som reason his brain thought it was the biggest joke to human kind considering everything so he just started laughing while blood flowed out of his nostrils. The guys didn’t take that quite well so they ran off. Bummer izuku thought at that time.

Weirdly it made Izuku calm when he knew that if something were to happen, if he were to be attacked, this time someone would be able to hear him, if not hear then see. He found comfort in the boxer, the shadow, always a few steps behind him.

He knew he was there the second he stepped into Momos house where the party was hosted at, like their minds conjoined as one. He oddly liked it, his presence, the security he felt. Thats also why he overdid it with the joints in a sense. Izuku knew he’d be there in the dark somewhere, ready to listen. So when Ochacco rushed over and sighted him Izuku knew he’d get the earful of his life. She doesn’t like him, at all, and finds izukus reasoning onto why he didn’t tell Isuke about this immediately stupid and dangerous. His sign to leave was transparent, or Ochaccos to be clear so they did. He put himself together and followed her out. Her abrupt leave did shock him though. It almost never happens, she doesn’t leave him, which hes so undeniably grateful for but decided to not put much thought into it since he wouldn’t be going alone anyway.

His shadow would be present.

Isuke was a fool, didn’t talk to him at the moment, or well communicate. So izuku ignored his best friend’s request of going home with his brother.

Just Izuku and his shadow.

He lifted his hood and started for the door. Izukus dorm was close by so there was no need for a taxi, and the cold breeze helps with the high. It took awhile when he appeared, or izukus brain could catch but he was there. He realized something was wrong when his shadow came closer, almost too close to be his shadow anymore. His mind was too behind to actually start panicking when the man already spoke.

“Your parents never told u not to walk alone at night?” He snickered, right. Next. To. Him.
Not his shadow anymore, another body joined by his hip. He didn’t like that.

Izuku turned his face to him slow and steady trying not to lose balance while at it.
He didn’t know what to say really or show, he disliked that his not so shadow could actually speak, so he just put one finger up in a ‘shhh’ motion in hopes of the other guy shutting up. He’d accept that, one mistake is okay.

But it didn’t stop with just one.

“Are you seriously shutting me up right now?” He voiced, tingles of disbelief in his voice

Izuku nodded, getting more irritated by the minute.

“Ha? I mean getting the silent treatment from u is expected but like don’t you want to fill the silence or something? I read somewhere that chatty people tend to calm down people with lots of thoughts or something like that, i don’t remember. But like anyway, you seem like you have a brain filled with thoughts or- wait where r u going!” He said rushing after Izuku

Izuku started running. He couldn’t take it anymore, he didn’t want his beliefs about this person be shattered. Just be my shadow, please.

He didn’t get far, for one he couldn’t really run considering the state he was in and plus this motherfucker was crazy fast. He felt himself shake, like an automatic body response but his mind didn’t quite catch it yet. It didn’t take long since he saw big hands around his waist poking him. Someone was poking him. He- poking, pinching. Fabric there’s fabric, but not much, its too littl-

That’s when he blacked out. He only remembers muffled.

“Hey! Wake up!”

“What the fuck is happening!!!! Wait are you heaving? Do you need to puke?”

“Midoriya! Agh you stupid! U should’ve been named Deku!”

“Okay, okay im sorry..”

“Fuck! You’re alright ‘zuku, I got you.”

“I know, i know, but i have to yeah, im gonna carry you”

He did carry Izuku. All the way. He felt hands leaving him during which he hates to admit but calmed him. There still was the faint touch of arms and a hard chest but these touches didn’t really matter to izuku. It always were hands, fingers.

Now Izuku knew why he had that dream, why it weren’t just snippets. Fuck. Well there goes his shadow. Lasted exactly a week or so. Bummer he actually kind of liked him.

He started cleaning up the mess trying not to think of what happened, which was not easy to say the least. Most what caught his brain was how he had gotten home. But that was for another, pushing it all the way back to his ‘have to think over’ corner where he doesn’t actually think it over.

He got almost done when his phone somewhere in the distance started ringing. He grumbled and cursed to get it thinking it would be fallen over somewhere but to his surprise it was on his bedside table, charging, right next to a glass of water. Yeah, he definitely didn’t do that. As izuku was grabbing the device a small note fell from it.

‘Yeah so i kind of tried to find ur med kit or something but couldn’t find it so get yo pills on ur own.
Btw! I saved my phone number on your phone so dont u dare remove it, deku. Also with me giving u this i actually expect u to respond this time yeah.

Ur lord and savior Katsuki (literally)’

Thats why Izuku got some weird messages this week. It was him. The phone already dead silent he checked who the caller was. No rush really because he doesn’t really do calls.

Fuck, so yeah 12 missed calls from Ochacco wasn’t the greatest.

He opened his phone to find multiple messages ranging from worry and anger. From Ochacco mainly but also from Shoto, Shinso and his brother, he ignored his altogether.

He replied to his friends texts with bunch of ‘okays’ and ‘i just fell asleep’ while walking to his cabinet for the pills since he truly started feeling his head build up a big headache. Ochacco replied rather swiftly.

Me 9:43 AM
Im sorry!!! I completely fell asleep yesterday!! Im okay tho sorry for worrying u.

Ochacco 9:45 AM
One day you’ll see me dead on the news titled “yound beautiful girl died due to worry”
all good, glad ur okay
Also
This boy i met at the party invited me to this brunch he’s doing with his friends every time after a party. Wanna go with? Shinso already agreed aswell as shoto and tsuyu. It’ll be fun dont worry, they’re nice people.

Me 9:47 AM
U met them yesterday chaco

Izuku was already about to decline when Ochacco quickly responded.

Ochacco 9:50 AM
They have biscoff donuts and a biscoff drink and bunch of other biscoff goodies. Please izuku i need to know ur okay.

Fuck. Well biscoff is like the greatest weapon someone could use against Izuku. It became a comfort when isuke slipped a biscoff cookie at the hospital when all the tragedy was over. Or as over as it could get, since it never truly ended, this tragedy.

Me 9:56 AM
ok. Where and when?

Ochacco replied, the place not even far from campus. He had like an hour to spare so he spend that time showering and contemplating if a biscoff donut really was worth it. If there would be a single word to describe izuku, most people would say a raging misanthrope, he really disliked people he wasn’t already affiliated with. He didn’t like to socialize and never really felt the need to. Ochacco was enough, shoto, shinso and tsuyu were enough, so he didn’t understand why everyone was so on about finding more new ‘friends’. Anywho, he was dragged out of his cave without refusing so this was very much on him.

Izuku stepped out of the shower drying himself as fast as he could. He got over his aqua phobia long ago, but sometimes the feeling of droplets sliding down his body was just as horrible as someone poking him.

He got dressed and tried to fix up his hair atleast a bit so the messy curls atleast didn’t look as unruly as they usually did, but to no avail, his hair had its own brain. He did check his phone though, concerning the new phone number that apparently was saved in his phone.

Surprisingly there were messages that got lost from the countless others.

No caller id. mon. 10:42 PM
Hey

No caller id. mon. 11:03 PM
Hello?
Im a girl from school.
Wanted to ask some questions.
This is Midoriya Right?
Izuku Midoriya.

No caller id wed. 4:06 AM
Not even a hello?
In what generation do we live in.
YOU SUCK.

No caller id wed. 7:34 PM
Sorry that was mean
But like maybe respond???
Ur no fun.

No caller id thu. 2:56 AM
What games do you play?
Whats your favorite color?

No caller id thu. 1:16 PM
I looove talking to myself, 10/10 experience
would not recommend.

No caller id fri. 7:00 PM
Hi!
Hello!
How are you?
Im well thank you, what about you?
Oh well it could be better. This someone (you) is not responding to my messages nothing huge, just a bit annoying.
A dang it im so sorry man!
Ur not giving in huh
Ugh

IMPORTANT!!RESPOND!! today 3:32 AM
dickhead, sleep well or whatever
Respond btw.

A girl from school huh?

The corners of Izukus lips were turned up, a small giggle escaping him. He does not actually intend to reply but after reading through the texts he almost wants to.

Already quite late he rushed to get his shoes and head out, not forgetting his headphones. He started playing his 80s playlist filled with agony and despair. Jeff buckley basically. His headphones were like a shield to him. Not many people approached him while wearing them, people usually got the memo.

——

Big bold letters covered the top of the cafe spelling “drunken coffee” where Uraraka instructed izuku to enter on arrival, apparently he’s already too late, which okay makes sense but like izuku couldn’t not make a stop at an infamous dealers spot. On his walk he realized that he may have underestimated himself and came to the conclusion that he wont be able to make it without being on cloud nine on a high.

A bit wobbly but otherwise still okay he entered. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and bunch of pantries immediately welcomed him. He looked around hoping the cashier looking straight at him in a menacing smile behind the desk, greeting him kept it at that. He made a beeline to the open space praying to the heavens he’d see any of his friends. The gods themself have answered because the brown bob hed learned as comfort in the distance was definitely his best friend.

He walked over, headphones still in, as he tapped her shoulder three times. Always three times. Let the second one linger a bit. They somehow created this as every single signal there is in the world. Izuku wanted to go home, three taps. Uraraka had a bad feeling about something, three taps. Izuku arrived and needed Ochacco not to turn around dramatically as she was a master at, three taps. They understood every single signal with familiarity and just sheer love in between each other. Uraraka was the first person that managed to get to know izuku after everything, she pulled the parts out of izuku that he thought he long lost.

She turned around slightly and gestured him to the empty seat right next to her. He greeted his friends and then nodded at the others he didn’t know. Some he recognized from the party. Not that he remembers much.

All of them stood up immediately trying to introduce themselves which resulted in the pink haired girl with lots of necklaces adoring her neck and the blonde with black stripes in his hair and a metal shirt on to start arguing on to who was first in introducing. In the mean time of their squabble the guy he sold a packet yesterday called out.

“Ignore them, Im sero, we met yesterday briefly”

Izuku shaked his hand in greeting in the air, ignoring seros outstretched hand. The guy didn’t put much mind to it and just dropped his hand like nothing happened. The red haired was next —not outstretching his hand this time—

“Whats up! Im kirishima-“

“Let me go! Now even Kiri and sero were before me!” The blonde called,

“Oh babe that’s definitely on u, if u just let me go first u wouldn’t be last”

“Last?-“

“Im Mina! Im so glad to finally meet you! You’re like a celebrity at Daiketsu!” There was a huge gasp at her side coming out from the boy that just witnessed him being absolutely beat in every single thing.

“You did not!”

“Your turn!” Mina exhaled with the most viscous smile adoring her face. Kaminari just looked stunned, glued on the ground

“My big reveal! Ugh mina!!!” He said huffing and puffing

In a state of high izuku let out a small giggle to which everyone turned their face around. He could feel Uraraka boring her eyes at him but he didn’t care, he was actually happy, add a bit of weed to the mix.

Kaminari was shell shocked after coming back to his senses and finally introducing himself with a big fat smile

“Im Denki Kaminari! Yes i know i know the glorious son of the Kaminari family” he said sounding fucking proud. Izuku actually knew the Kaminari household. I mean who wouldn’t? They r the biggest electricity company there is helping lots of people handle their outages during earthquakes. Currently trying to solve the problem all together.

Izuku signed and mouthed in practice.

Izuku Midoriya

All of them beamed with excitement as all sat down. Uraraka ordered his all biscoff order for him while the rest already waited for their food. Conversation among the others went smoothly with izuku chiming in occasionally. Sometimes Ochacco translated his signs or he’d just type it out on his phone.

In the third phase of a high he started to become unresponsive and overall very tired until tsuyu spoke out, asking the question that weighed on izukus mind aswell from time to time.

“Is someone else expected to come? There is still an empty seat?” She pointed at the chair right next to izuku.

Mina was exclaimed sounding a little nervous “yeah, he wasn’t meant to come but suddenly thought differently like half an hour ago. But let me warn you, he’s a bit grumpy. We all kind of were shocked that he suddenly accepted after years of refusing”

And like a curse she send upon the wind, said person arrived in a black tank top and sweatpants hanging low, his V line clearly visible. Red eyes bore into Izukus calculating and analyzing something Izuku wasn’t so sure about. It was his shadow. He could recognize him in the depths of the dark, his figure alone by how much he was behind him just following.

He felt the second Uraraka spotted him, chairs scraping on the wooden floor

Oh, well fuck

“What the hell! How dare you even show up! After outright sta-“

Izuku didn’t want Urarak to finish, in the most fucked up sense he also didn’t want his shadow to stop.

Weird, izuku thought, normally when someone crosses the line with izuku, he doesn’t want them close on just feels uncomfortable. But not with him, he’s awfully aware that this goes way off his acceptance limits which were set long ago and never breached. Izuku wonders why he didn’t yet panic.

He grabs Urarakas long sleeve, making Ochacco turn to him fury clear on her face. Izuku shakes his head.

“No zuku! This is not normal! I seriously wonder what fu-“

Another body reemerged from behind the tall body standing in front of them. Two blond space buns on each side and a long adidas zip up hoodie hugging her torso. Its the girl, he met on the boxing match-smiley?-

“We meet again!” Smiley directs at no one in particular, even though on second glance it looks very much towards the brunettes bob next to him. Izuku also notes that he has never really seen his best friend shut up in the heat of the moment. She always stands by what her mind deems as right, so this surely took him off guard. But good for him he guesses.

“Now that that’s solved have u all already ordered? Im starving” the blonde sighs in relief, walking towards the chair right across Izuku. The new comer greets his friend in small fist bumps and bunch of ‘whats ups’.

“Oh, hi toga?” Denki says confused. The girl just smiles at him and takes another chair from a neighboring table. A server manages to hand out the drinks the group had ordered way before and takes their additional orders -a grilled cheese and scrambled eggs-. The table falls silent to izukus surprise, with 10 people that doesn’t happen often. One voice does seem it has chosen to piss off the heavens today.

“Why are you high.” His not-so-shadow calls, sprawled out on the chair, practically staring a hole into Izuku. Its almost as if its just them at that table, his intense gaze fixed on him, only him. Izuku might’ve regretted ever taking a drag out of a goddamn joint just so he could avoid his calculative eyes on him. The longer people looked the more they saw the ugly parts of Izuku and for some reason unbeknownst to him, he didn’t want his eyes to see. To stop being there.

The girl next to him also fell silent, a flicker of something Izuku wasn’t fast enough to decipher. Suddenly, Izuku didn’t feel as good as he did a few minutes ago.

‘Im gonna go’ Izuku signs to his friends hoping they’d translate or something, he won’t be able to do this. Izuku stands up rather quickly not really caring about the glasses almost spilling on the table. Fuck the biscoff donut, fuck his untouched drink. Izuku almost wants to laugh at his pathetic tries at peace for a single day.

“Running away?” The blonde says still looking straight. At. Him. His face completely absent of any emotion.

This isn’t fun anymore. He has to go or so god help him, he can’t do this. Not today. Not any day if we want to be precise.

“No. Sit your ass right back down. You’re embarrassing yourself and your useless friends. You will eat.” He says with a form of finality to Izukus back, already on his way. When the boy glances back the blonde is not as stoic anymore. His eyebrows show casing mild annoyance.

Oh how much he wishes he could just perishes to dust. Fuck ass brunch idea

Most things aren’t really embarrassing, it becomes embarrassing once a person acknowledges it. It’s a man made thing, embarrassment is a social construct that people just decided to normalize. And for a reason, his shadow sitting right there knows this one to the bone.

He looks at his friends and basically can smell the air changing in the room. Like they realize he might be childish or stupid or- he is friends with them because they don’t think like that.

“Now now katsuki, don’t make it worse you tool! Midoriya! Remember me? Im Toga, we met at the boxing club!”

Izuku was now completely turned to them, his body rock solid not responding to Izukus demands to move. He didn’t know why, he just was. Glued to the floor. He felt eyes on him everywhere, sweat creeping down his spine. Fuck. He was panicking.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, breath, help, fuck, fuck breath-

“Now now, let’s not make this hard.” The blonde says, not really caring about the obvious war currently going on in Izukus head.

To everyone’s suprise, even Izukus, he sits back down. His growing panic disappearing into the room. Maybe izuku could do this, no he will do this. A single person won’t destroy his already bad day, he won’t give him that power.

“Wasn’t that so easy? Hm?” He hears across from him to which Izuku just spreads out his hand infront of him and the sign everyone and their mothers knew.

The middle finger.

The newer group all started laughing expecting Bakugou to do something but to their surprise he just grinned. Not a nasty remark in sight, hell not even punches were flying. Just a grin