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Chapter Text

 “Hey!” A flash of black hair whipped around and wide winter eyes sparkled in the overhead yellow floodlight above the wall he had been caught tagging. “What the–” The spray paint can clattered to the ground as the kid took off with a shout of mirth, absolutely flying down the midway. “Oh, fucking–” Remus cut himself off that time and he was moving before he had time to weigh the consequences of that particular action. He was sprinting for the first time in years and, honestly, was shocked with the speed with which he reached the last booth. “Hey!!” he shouted again as the wild explosion of pale limbs made an impressive vertical leap onto the chain link fence, yelping as the back of his jeans caught on the top spike. He hung there stupidly on the outside of the fence only a hundred feet or so from Remus; he had him.

 “Sirius, what the shit?!” someone screeched. Spots were bursting in Remus’ field of vision as he lurched forward, his heart was hammering his ribcage, and he could feel the blood in his body pooling, rushing away from where he needed it and making his head swim. Still, he could make out a second figure on the outside of the fence reaching up to grab violently at the first who was letting out a rather magnificent stream of curse words as he yanked.

 Not…fair, Remus thought, and even the voice in his head was gasping for breath. He wasn’t going to make it, and it was two against one and…and fuck it. His feet pounded the dirt hard as he slowed bitterly, but as the sound of the vandal’s jeans tearing the rest of the way and the thud of him hitting the ground on top of his friend reached Remus’ ears, his shrinking line of sight zeroed in on the cherry red Sunfire that was parked just beyond their scrambling forms. More specifically, on the license plate. DXQ-428. DXQ-428, DXQ-428. He skidded on one knee as he went down, landing hard on his palms and scraping them all to hell. “Fucking…assholes….” he panted, trying to shout it in their direction as he could clearly hear their laughter fading toward the car. It was fruitless, though, the words coming out shapeless and ragged. He blinked wildly as the world pixelated and tilted and went black.

 Remus woke up with gravel digging into the side of his face and grit between his teeth. DXQ-428, he thought foggily. Sirius, the second figure had shouted. What kind of fucking name was Sirius? He rolled onto his back with a grunt and took a series of deep breaths, blinking up at the black sky as he tried to piece together the rest of the puzzle that had left him lying on the ground like an idiot who couldn’t even stand up on his bad days, let alone chase after petty criminals. Black hair, pale eyes, round glasses, red car. Laughter, gleeful and manic. The hiss and acrid smell of aerosolized paint. The memories floated down to him slowly like snowflakes. DXQ-428 thundered in his skull like a heartbeat. But also, his heartbeat thundered in his entire body like a hammer and he kept forgetting why it was so important.

 “RJ!” He must have faded back out because suddenly Kenny was roughly hauling him upright by his elbow. “Jesus fuck, kiddo, you’re–”

 “Bathroom,” Remus heard himself mumbling. The ever-lucid and ruthlessly sarcastic voice in his head sighed at his clumsy attempt at communication.

 “You gonna puke?” Kenny recoiled gruffly.

 “No.” Well, maybe. “Z’uh fuckin’...tag. Tagged the bathroom. Kids,” he slurred, pulling his knees up and resting his elbows on them as his heavy head dropped forward.

 Kenny cast a glance down the midway toward the squat square of cinder blocks at the center of the park. “Okay?” he replied, obviously unable to make the connection between the fresh graffiti and his semi-conscious nephew.

 “DXQ,” Remus said, stopping to take a lungful of night air. “428.”

 “You’re not making any goddamn sense,” Kenny grumbled.

 Remus growled in frustration. “DXQ-428. Red Sunfire,” he huffed. “Call…the cops.” Kenny wasn’t the brightest bulb on the ferris wheel at the best of times and it took several more minutes before Remus was clear-headed enough to make him understand. Then it was another hour and a half of sitting in his office with a throbbing headache waiting for the cops, explaining what had happened another two times over, and writing out a report. By the end he was thoroughly regretting telling Kenny to call the cops, which he had only done out of spite anyway. It wasn’t the Sunfire Twins’ fault he couldn’t sprint a lousy five hundred feet without dropping like roadkill. In the end, he didn’t get to bed until after three in the morning and he felt half-dead with fatigue. The only saving grace was the minute flicker of satisfaction he had thinking about the look on that little shit’s face when the cops showed up at his door and he drifted to sleep with a smirk.

 Morning came way too early. The park opened at noon and Remus had to finish the paperwork he’d neglected the night before before he could start on setting up for the day ahead. He swallowed, staring up at the ceiling for a few precious minutes before slowly–slowly–sitting upright and rubbing his eyes. “Ah, shit,” he hissed, blinking dumbly at his scraped hands. His knee gave a similar protest, stinging angrily as the joint flexed. He groaned. Fuck his pride, fuck his body, and fuck Sirius–whoever the hell he was. He didn’t have the time, but he staggered into a shower anyway and let the too-hot water drown him of all his thoughts.

 Remus drug jeans and a long-sleeved shirt over still damp skin, topping the whole thing with a faded Pearl Jam tee, and headed downstairs to start the nightly count. His room was directly over Kenny’s office and most days Kenny didn’t roll in until after three, but when Remus swung through the door at the bottom of the stairs he burst into what was very obviously a Meeting™ between Kenny, a very well-dressed older couple who smiled cheerfully at him when he entered, and a not nearly guilty-enough-looking blackhairwintereyes standing next to an equally unrepentant roundglasseswhattheshitSirius. Remus halted. “What the hell is this?”

 “Mr and Mrs Potter, this is my manager RJ. RJ, Mr and Mrs Potter. And you’ve already met James and Sirius,” Kenny introduced them, leaning back in the squeaky old chair behind his desk with a glint of mean amusement in his eye that didn’t match the false professionalism in his voice.

 “Please, Monte and Effie,” the male half of the couple insisted, rising to his feet and extending a hand to Remus. Remus regarded him a moment longer than was polite before shaking it. Monte was just past middle-aged, short and stocky with dark skin, kind eyes, and hands that were cool and startlingly smooth to the touch. He wore the same round glasses as the brawny kid at his side who towered over him by nearly a foot.

 “Remus,” he corrected his uncle’s introduction. “Sorry, what are you doing here?” Kenny clenched his jaw but Monte and Effie laughed together harmoniously, a sound like music.

 “Pleading our case,” Effie chirped, still laughing, and at least she had the humility to pass her cheerfulness through a modulator of shame. “I understand our boys gave you, in particular, a hard time last night.”

 Remus’s eyebrows shot up and for the first time he allowed his eyes to connect with the pair of young men standing dutifully to each side of their parents’ chairs. Sirius, the vandal, flashed him a wide grin, lightning-bright. That left James by default, whose easygoing smile faltered a bit as Remus’ eyes flickered to him and turned sheepish. “A hard time,” he repeated dryly.

 “The Potters brought their boys to apologize and take responsibility,” Kenny announced boastfully, as if he had anything to do with their good values. “We were just saying how you could always use an extra couple of hands around here for the busy season.”

 “No,” Remus refused flatly. “I’m good.” That didn’t seem to sit well with anyone in the room. James and Monte both ticked the inner corner of their left brows down and tightened their smiles in identical expressions of unease; Effie blinked rapidly at him; Sirius openly frowned; and Kenny began to turn his signature shade of maroon. “I just–” he frowned, feeling the temperature of the room drop an entire degree. “I mean, it isn’t helpful for me to have to babysit someone who doesn’t want to be here.” He wasn’t being deliberately rude, but the flare of Kenny’s nostrils said his intentions didn’t matter.

 “No, of course!” Effie agreed emphatically, nodding her head as she spoke. “They’re hard workers, and believe it or not most of the time they’re very good boys. Our Sirius just…expresses himself sometimes in a way that isn’t appropriate. But he is sorry, and he’s very eager to make up for his little lapse in judgement. Aren’t you, Sirius?” The last bit was firm and overly pronounced, punctuated with a firm look toward the young man standing at her side.

 Sirius did not look sorry. “Definitely,” he grinned. Remus cocked a brow and the grin grew, all dazzling straight teeth and dark rose lips. “Sorry I expressed myself on your bathroom wall.” That surprised a snort of laughter out of Remus and he dragged a hand over his mouth to hide it. James and Monte drowned him out with their own chuckles that were quickly silenced by a sharp look from Effie. Sirius’ eyes–not blue, but pale grey like a sheet of ice–never left Remus’, sparking mischievously. “I’ve always wanted to be a carney.”

 “RJ’s more’n happy for the help,” Kenny said decisively, shooting him a look that wasn’t nearly as chilling as Effie’s but worked to quiet him all the same. “And let me tell you how much I appreciate seeing young people stepping up for their mistakes. Shows integrity, and good raising.”

 “Well we’d much rather them not be making such childish mistakes at their age,” Monte scolded pointedly toward James, who shifted and turned his gaze to his shoes, looking uncomfortable for the first time. Remus felt the inexplicable urge to save him.

 “It wasn’t him,” he offered, once again earning the attention of everyone in the room. James broke into a bright grin, Sirius’ mouth dropped open, looking thoroughly betrayed, and their parents tried not to look amused.

 “S’okay, I’m supposed to be my brother’s keeper,” James smirked, shrugging one broad shoulder. “I don’t mind being put to work.” There was none of the doublespeak in James’ tone that Sirius had when he spoke, no sharpness of his tongue or trace of anything other than one hundred percent genuinity. 

 “You’d have a hard time keeping one without the other, anyway,” Monte laughed. He smiled from the eyes and the resemblance to James was clear, but Sirius was an outlier among the four of them; pale and angular, cool and lean. Remus leaned in the doorway and studied them while Kenny talked about expectations (as if he would know), park hours (only because he set them himself), and dug a couple of shirts (XL and M) out of his desk drawer while he mostly bragged about how he’d started with nothing more than a broken down ferris wheel and an old house of mirrors. The Potters smiled politely and nodded with interest while their night and day sons tried what appeared to be their combined best not to snicker at the furtive looks they shot one another when no one else was looking. They looked around the same age, over eighteen if Sirius’ tattoos were any indication, and Remus didn’t have a brother but he had an idea that if he did that they wouldn’t be as chummy as this pair.

 “RJ, you wanna give the boys a tour of the park before the crew starts to come in?” Kenny suggested, a veiled order.

 It took everything in Remus not to roll his eyes. “I’ve got to finish up the books from last night and set the drawers,” he responded, trying to reign in the impatience in his voice. Then, when Kenny just blinked at him, he huffed. “I need the desk?”

 “Right! Yeah,” Kenny responded finally, straightening with a loud groan. “Mr and Mrs Potter, lemme walk y’all out and we’ll let the kids get to work.”

 “Of course!” Monte stood easily and extended his hand again to Remus. “So good to meet you, Remus. Sorry again for all the trouble.”

 “Monte,” Remus nodded in return, giving his hand a firm squeeze. Behind him, Effie was on her feet and murmuring to Sirius too low for Remus to hear, but for the first time his face was solemn. She had to lower her mouth a few inches to speak into his ear and he could see where James got his height–though Remus himself was still a head taller than anyone else in the room.

 Monte turned to his son and they seemed to have a full fledged conversation in an instant without just their eyes. “Be good,” is what he actually said after a moment of unspoken communication. James grinned and turned his head to accept a kiss on the cheek from Effie.

 “We will,” he answered angelically.

 “You will,” Effie agreed, looking between the two of them. “You will make his job easier,” she instructed, pointing at Remus, “not harder. And if I hear anything otherwise–”

 “Straight to prison,” Sirius nodded with a straight face, his eyes gleaming.

 “You’ll wish for prison by the time I’m finished with you,” she countered, sounding equal parts weary and affectionate as she grabbed him by the front of his shirt and yanked him into a brief hug. “Behave yourself,” she emphasized with her lips pressed against his mane of black curls before pulling away and turning to Remus. “Thank you for giving them a chance,” she smiled appreciatively, as if he had any say in the matter. Before he realized what was happening she came at him from both sides somehow and grabbed him up in a hug that left him blinking over her shoulder, stunned, while James and Sirius barely managed to stifle their giggles into their fists. She rolled her eyes fondly as she pulled away from him and magically produced a business card. “And if they aren’t perfect little worker bees and gentlemen, I want you to call me directly. It was lovely to meet you, Remus.”

 “Likewise, ma’am,” he nodded automatically, slipping the card into his front pocket without looking at it. Effie’s eyes crinkled sweetly and she stepped to the side to follow her husband out into the parking lot where Kenny was already regaling Monte with more details of his storied rise to roller coaster tycoon. The door shut swung behind her with the rattle of the blinds against the glass and Remus was left alone with the graffiti artist and the getaway driver, his new employees.

 There was a beat of awkward silence as they regarded one another. “How old are you?” Remus frowned.

 “Twenty,” they chimed in unison, earning a scoff from Remus.

 “And y’all don’t have jobs,” he stated rather than asked, glancing outside the window where he could just make out the Sunfire parked beside a sleek black Audi through the gaps in the yellowed blinds.

 “We’re just home for the summer. We go to Northern U,” James explained helpfully, motioning vaguely to his right as he spoke. “Sorry about–”

 “Yeah, fine. Can you wait outside?” Remus bristled, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

 “Oh, uh, sure dude,” James blinked. He shoved at Sirius, who had just been staring at Remus with an inscrutable expression, and prodded him outside and onto the bench just outside the door where Remus could hear them promptly burst into laughter. It was going to be a long fucking summer.

 Kenny took his time telling the Potters goodbye and then there was a second farewell with the boys that Remus only half listened to while he rushed the count from the previous night and reset the change boxes that sat stacked just behind the desk waiting to be checked out to their designated booths or rides. Lily’s cash drawer for the register at concession was on top of Kenny’s register at the ticket window and it required an entirely separate count, which Remus decided on the fly would have to be Lily’s problem that morning. He scribbled a quick note on a sticky pad and left it on top with a sad face, knowing she’d take pity on him but hoping he wouldn’t have to pull the fainting card for her to do it.

 He made a quick detour into the utility closet before he stepped outside and interrupted Kenny’s speech on responsibility that James was nodding through diligently while Sirius was laser focused on a dragonfly that had landed on Kenny’s shoulder. It flew away as he turned to acknowledge Remus, taking Sirius’ gaze with it. They had changed their shirts into the matching baby pink ones that read “Mossy Creek Funland” in white block letters. “I’m gonna set them up scrubbing that wall first. Any other ideas?”

 “Those pens ain’t been shoveled in a hot minute,” Kenny smirked sadistically. Remus did roll his eyes at that, because again, how would he know?

 “Got it. You two, with me.” He turned and started walking briskly into the park. “Y’all know your way around?”

 “Oh yeah.” Remus was surprised to find Sirius jogging lightly to catch up to him. He glanced to his side and found him grinning breezily. “When we were kids I bet James he couldn’t ride the Tilt-a-Whirl twenty times in a row without barfing.”

 “Lovely,” Remus muttered.

 “I made it to eighteen,” James boasted on his other side, earning a snort from the older man.

For all of Kenny’s bragging, Mossy Creek Funland was just a few chain-linked acres tucked into the trees above Mossy Creek Lake. In theory from the top of the ferris wheel you could look over both the lake and the town of Mossy Creek that sat some eight miles to the west, but as far as Remus was aware it had remained broken down since his uncle had bought the place in ‘93. There were a handful of rides that did run, a tiny games midway, a skeevy arcade, a concrete amphitheater used nearly exclusively for children’s birthday parties, and a petting zoo that was really more of a retirement home for crusty farm animals that had been lucky enough to receive names. Funland’s saving grace was the go-kart track that looped a circle around a smelly brown pond (that was actually a lagoon) toward the back of the park. It was guarded by a pair of frighteningly territorial geese who would occasionally come flapping, honking, and hissing onto the track which provided an additional layer of challenge and delighted the local teenagers. Remus kept waiting for the day he would have to shovel a dead goose off of the track, but it had been several years and they were still going strong.

 The three of them retraced their steps from the night before back up the midway and came to a halt in front of the cinder block wall between the men’s and women’s restrooms. Remus hadn’t stopped to look at what Sirius had been painting, too pissed off and exhausted after his fainting spell to give a shit, so he regarded it for the first time. It was…well, it was good. A detailed lion’s head done in black, red, and gold with a magnificent mane that filled most of the wall. It appeared that he had been almost finished with it when he’d been caught, a prominent gap noticeable in the lion’s gold coloring.

It was barely eleven and sweat had started to creep down Remus’ back, the sun already high. He glanced sideways and saw that Sirius and James were both looking up at the lion with matching expressions of wistful appreciation and something in his chest gave a violent twist. It nearly knocked the breath out of him and he stood there, stunned into silence a few moments longer than he meant to, until they both looked up at him expectantly. “It’s not bad,” he grunted.

“You think?” Sirius beamed. “I’ve been sketching it for a few weeks, just couldn’t get it to come to life, you know?” He turned back to the wall, nodding as he studied it. “Think I nailed it.”

James snorted. “Love the modesty, dude,” he chuckled, smacking Sirius on the shoulder affectionately, though it was clear that none of them were going to disagree with his assessment.

“You’re gonna lecture me about modesty!” Sirius scoffed, shoving him back and then they were off, knocking into each other like idiots and giggling uncontrollably. Remus took a breath through his nose. This was not going to work.

“Remus, what the fuck?” A clear shout rang out from behind them and they all turned to behold the terror that was Lily Evans with a fire in her eyes. “Why’d you leave me your bitch work, man?” she complained, stalking up the midway with her arms crossed. Her nose curled as she got closer and realized that she didn’t recognize the two Pink Shirts that were no longer goofing off in front of him. “What are they?”

“They are the reason you’re doing my bitch work,” Remus informed her. “Lily, this is James, and Sirius. Guys, this is Lily. She runs concessions and both your asses.”

“Yours too, Rem,” she quipped offhandedly, squinting at them. “Why?”

“It’s a long story,” he sighed.

“Nice to meet you,” James smiled, stepping forward, and the dopey grin that had been plastered on his face the entire morning had softened into something new. “I’m James Potter.” Lily raised her brows and curled her lip at him as if he had just taken a dip in the lagoon.

“Gross,” she clipped, sidestepping him and peering up at the lion. “Guessing it has something to do with this?” she asked, glancing back at Remus.

“Do you like it?” Sirius interjected, unable to help himself. She gave him a sideways look before breaking into a reluctant smirk.

“It’s pretty cool,” she shrugged. James was standing a bit behind her, still smiling like an idiot and staring at the side of her head.

“Do you like art? I’m way into art. Have you heard of Banksy?” he asked, moving closer to her so quickly that she took a large step back into Remus.

“Uh, yeah,” she chuckled awkwardly, looking up at her friend with a superior cringe.

“You’re so full of shit!” Sirius shot, affronted. “You only know Banksy because I told you–”

“So yeah, it’s their first day,” Remus said loudly, speaking over what he knew was about to turn into another minisode of the James and Sirius show which was already starting to exhaust him. “Undoing the masterpiece here is their first job.”

Lily’s face fell. “Oh, you’re taking it down?” she frowned, looking between Remus and the wall. He widened his eyes at her, lifting the bucket he was holding loosely on one hand that held a jug of paint thinner and a few old bundles of steel wool. “Are you kidding me? Rem, they're just going to get high all day,” she scoffed.

“I don't get high!” James insisted, blinking incredulously.

“Yeah, I will,” Sirius nodded cheerily. “But if it doesn't happen naturally I can wait until the end of the day, I'm not a fiend.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Remus half laughed, shaking his head.

“I kinda like it, don't you?” Lily continued, unbothered. “Better than that dingy old wall anyway. You should leave it.”

“Leave it?” Remus echoed in disbelief. “Are you joking? This is a crime scene, Lil, not a mural.”

“It can be both,” she bristled. “Besides, it's my wall.”

“Being connected to the concession stand does not make it your wall,” he corrected her.

“And that's where you've got me fucked up. It is my wall. My wall, my concession stand–my world, really, y'all are just living in it. Leave the fuckin’ lion, Rem. It's cute.” She turned with a flourish and started marching back toward the office with her red ponytail bouncing, the matter decided in her mind. “I’m off to do your bitch work, no need to thank me!”

Remus rolled his eyes. It was not Lily's say, or her fucking wall and he was getting a headache. But. Well. He did like the lion, and when he looked over at Sirius his eyes were locked onto it with an intensity that made Remus’ resolve soften. “Wow, she’s cool,” James marveled, his eyes glued to Lily’s back.

“She’s a menace,” Remus sighed, looking between Sirius and his creation for a long moment. He tried to dredge up the rage he’d felt the night before, the humiliation of the whole encounter that left him bitter and spiteful–someplace he was quite familiar with stewing. For once though the anger didn’t come when called and all that was left was Sirius gazing at that wall as if it were a magnificent puzzle of the universe’s secrets and he’d had it half worked out. There was pride there, but also something plaintive and earnest, and suddenly Remus knew that he had no choice but to leave the fucking lion.

Chapter Text

 The James and Sirius show was–predictably–exhausting. By sunset of their first day between the two of them they had broken a broomstick in half, overflowed the sweet tea urn, scared three chickens into a tree, given away half the back stock of goldfish, locked up a pinball machine, and Sirius had puked in the passenger seat of a go-kart. To their credit, they’d also reunited a lost little girl with her mom, taking her from tears to giggles in a matter of minutes, had a line twenty people deep for the generally unpopular rubber duckies game, fixed the seat belt latching mechanism on the last cart of the Mini Mine Train that had eluded Remus for months, and made Lily laugh so hard she farted when James slipped and fell in the tea puddle. So it was sort of a wash. They were annoyingly likable and got along with everyone (besides Sev in the arcade, who made it a point not to get along with anyone).

 “This is the best job ever,” James must have said a dozen times, grinning from ear to ear, even after his entire back was soaked through and sticky.

“It isn’t a job if you aren’t getting paid,” Remus reminded him. 

“Money’s overrated,” he shrugged.

“Only if you have it,” Sirius laughed, punching James playfully in the side. They were constantly wrestling with each other; Sirius was quick and fought dirty while James had him in size and strength so it was anyone’s guess which of them was about to go flying into the nearest breakable object. It was glaringly obvious that they would have to be separated if there was any hope of getting them to actually work.

Fortunately, they seemed to be separating themselves as the day went on. James couldn’t stop casting longing glances toward the petting zoo in between the longing glances he was casting toward the concession stand. He even managed to coax two out of the three chickens down and when the petting zoo started to close down around sunset he worked up the courage to wonder about assignments. “So, does everyone just rotate jobs, or…?” he asked, watching intently as Chris led Dolores the miniature horse into her pen with a cupful of pellets in front of her nose.

“Not usually,” Remus smirked. He was sitting on the ground holding a flashlight while the bottom half of Sirius was sticking out from under the Tilt-A-Whirl where he was supposed to be stripping and replacing a hydraulic seal under Remus’ direction, but was mostly wiggling his ass and cursing. “The girls pretty much work out the game schedule and assignments on their own. Same for the guys who run the rides. Sev works the arcade, every day, don’t ask him to switch or he’ll get pissy. Frank runs the go-carts, he’s been here longer than I have. Lily has Emmaline in the concession stand.” Remus paused meanly, watching James’ rapt face while James watched Nagini the tortoise munch pensively on some lettuce. “Chris runs the petting zoo.”

“‘Oh,” James said, sounding disappointed. He turned back to Remus. “So where will we end up?”

“At this rate? Texas Rangers ten most wanted list, if I had to guess.” That made James laugh. Most things made James laugh, it seemed. “Dunno, kid, I figured you'd just float. Why, got your eye on concessions?”

He laughed again, flushing all the way up to his ears. “No. Yeah, I mean, but no. Mom says I can't make ice without burning it,” he chuckled self deprecatingly. “I don't know, I just really like the animals.” As determined as Remus had been that morning, he found James to be a very difficult person to dislike.

Sirius was less so. With a thump and a frustrated roar that reverberated through the inner guts of the ride, he reappeared with grease smeared across one cheek and hydraulic fluid staining his hands. “You,” he steamed, pointing at Remus, “are shit at holding a light. Did your dad not yell at you enough as a kid? And your instructions are no fucking good, I’m doing this my way. And you,” he continued, pointing at James, “quit being a baby and just ask him, Jesus Christ.” He snatched the flashlight out of Remus’ hand and put it between his teeth before diving back underneath the ride.

James raked his hand through his hair sheepishly, a nervous habit Remus had noticed every time Lily entered their field of view. “I mean, I don’t want to take anybody’s job, it’s not a big–”

“James wants to work the petting zoo,” Sirius called out, his words slurred by the flashlight in his mouth.

Remus smirked, waiting with one eyebrow raised. “Well yeah, but, like I said, I don’t want to take- and it’s Chris’ job, you already said, so–” James babbled, turning truly crimson.

“Kid, it’s fine,” Remus laughed. “I don’t think Chris is married to it or anything. I’ll talk to him, we’ll see what we can do.” James smiled at him so warmly that Remus was frankly embarrassed by it and turned his face toward the open hatch of the Tilt-A-Whirl. “What about you, could you take any longer?”

“Bite me,” Sirius shot back, his voice echoing in the metallic cavern under the ride. It was accompanied by a loud clang and he reemerged, wiping sweat off his forehead with the back of his wrist and inadvertently swiping a thick lock of black hair across his face. “Ah, fuck,” he swore mildly, his eyes crossing as he looked at it and blew upward to try and unstick it from his nose. Remus smirked and didn’t think twice before leaning forward and brushing it back into place with his fingertips.

What the fuck was that? He had the sudden jarring sensation of slamming back into his body after momentarily exiting it and Remus blinked at his own traitorous hand in bewilderment. He hadn’t even been aware of the urge until it hit, and now that it had he felt as if the breath had been punched from his lungs. It wasn’t lost on him that Sirius was good-looking; how could it have been? Delicately featured with skin so smooth he was like a painting in high contrast, white and black and the red shock of his plump lips. In fact, Remus had been very pointedly not noticing the way his hair fell over the curve of his neck, the small constellation of freckles on the back of his pale arm, the way his hair smelled like rosemary and mint. He hadn’t once imagined sliding his hands into those wild curls, gripping, yanking his head back to expose the soft white underside of his jaw, touching the hollows of his collarbones…. So again, Remus asked himself, what the fuck was that?

 James and Sirius had started to bicker again, neither of them seeming to notice that he had been struck by lightning, which was a good thing, he tried to tell himself. He just needed to get a grip. His heart was racing in his chest and…fuck. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Remus shut his eyes and planted both hands firmly on the ground, forcing in a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth as noises went tinny and reality began to thin. He was not going to pass out, not when there was nothing even fucking happening. He refused. Saliva pooled under his tongue and he gulped. Someone was saying his name. “Hang on,” he forced his numb lips to mouth out.

He focused on the scratchy feeling of grass under his palms and on measuring his breathing, in and out. He knew he should lie down, but he was a bit too dizzy for that at this point and he thought that he could probably manage not to completely pass out anyway. Probably? But god, he was embarrassed. It took a couple of minutes, but slowly Remus became aware of a sharp scent that sliced through the cloying smell of funnel cakes and rusted machinery. He blinked his eyes open and was met with a pair of otherworldly grey ones barely a foot from him, their gaze steady and concerned. “Hey Rem,” Sirius said gently, one corner of his mouth quirking upward. He was holding a small amber bottle between them, waving it back and forth under Remus’ nose. “You good?”

“Wha’s that?” Remus croaked, leaning away as the rushing in his head receded into a smaller and smaller point and there was absolutely no reason for them to be so close.

“Peppermint oil,” Sirius chirped, capping the bottle and holding it up to show Remus the label. “Never leave home without it.”

“Goddammit, Remus, why am I always having to rescue you?” Lily announced her arrival in her usual fashion and Remus sighed, squinting exasperatedly up at James who had returned looking exceedingly anxious following two steps behind her. “Fuckin’ damsel in distress over here.”

“You thought something was genuinely wrong so you brought the least comforting person in the entire world?” Remus groaned, rubbing his eyes.

“Shut up, you adore me,” she smirked, crouching in front of him and pressing a bottle of water into his hand. “It’s getting hot. You know you're supposed to–”

“I know what the fuck I’m supposed to do,” he snapped. She raised her brows, her hand freezing in midair where it had been raised to reach for his wrist. “Sorry.”

“Mhm,” she hummed disapprovingly, grabbing for his wrist and feeling his pulse. When she was satisfied by his heart rate she dropped it and straightened back up, dusting her hands off on the front of her denim shorts. “You’re fine. I’m going to drop some fries for you. Extra salty,” she winked. She turned and planted a hand in the center of James’ chest as she passed, giving him a not-so-gentle shove. “Next time just get him some water and make sure he’s not dead.”

James laughed nervously, looking after her and then back to Remus. “So, it’s, it’s okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Remus half laughed, unscrewing the lid off the bottle of water and taking a long drink. Sirius hadn’t moved at all, still knelt at his side with his eyes all wide and silver. “Sorry, I’ve– it’s no big deal, I just needed a drink,” Remus muttered, finding himself suddenly unable to look into them. So much for getting a grip.

“It’s cool,” Sirius shrugged, breaking into his signature grin. “Ride’s fixed. And I was craving fries anyway.”

Which is how Remus ended his day laid flat on his back behind the Tilt-A-Whirl with James, Sirius, and Gideon–who was supposed to be working the fucking thing now that Sirius had it up and running–smoking a joint and sharing his french fries (with extra salt) that Lily had walked over with a amused click of her tongue. “These kids are a bad influence on you,” she accused.

“Obviously,” he agreed wearily, and took another hit.

The park stayed open until nine on weeknights. They didn’t have to watch the clock, because the moment it hit nine o’clock Lily’s voice boomed out over the crackly loudspeaker. “Nine, nine, and everything’s fine! Closing time kids! You don’t have to go home but you absolutely cannot stay here. G’night everybody! Hope everybody had a great time at Mossy Creek Funland and we’ll see y'all next time!” What followed was an exodus of the cotton candy coated carnival crowd all at once as the multicolored lights of the rides began to blink out one by one leaving only the harsh yellow of the flood lights. Remus shoved himself upright– fucking slowly, dear God–and let Gideon tug him to his feet with a groan, his back cracking all the way up. James and Sirius leaned against the ride, yawning and scuffing their shoes. 

“All right, gentlemen. Trash. Let's go,” he said, motioning toward Sirius and James. Gideon swung himself up through the rails of the silent Tilt-A-Whirl and pulled the key, tossing it overhanded to Remus. “Check with Lily before you clock out,” he called as he snatched them out of the air, receiving a quick thumbs up. He put the lanyard around his neck and started toward the nearest trash can. “Grab every single bag. Doesn’t matter how full it is, hear me?”

“Got it,” James nodded, stepping quickly in front of Remus so that he reached the trash can first and began bunching the plastic bag in his fist.

“Tie it off tight, the dumpster is in the far corner of the front lot so it’ll take a couple trips,” Remus explained, heading for the next one. “Sirius, go get the roll of clean bags from concessions and follow behind us.”

A slender hand on his arm stopped him. “Let me get that, boss,” Sirius offered, emphasizing the title with a teasing glint in his eyes. “You get the clean bags.”

Remus hesitated. Effie hadn’t been lying when she said they were hard workers, but Remus felt like he knew them a little after spending the entire day in their company, and while it made sense that James might offer himself up for the harder jobs Sirius seemed generally content to meet minimum expectations. Which meant– “No, I’ve got this,” he grunted, shaking the hand off his elbow. “Go on.” He busied himself tying off the trash bag more firmly than necessary, not looking up until Sirius was gone. One thing he would not stand for was pity.

With three pairs of hands working at the job that Remus normally took on alone, they finished well before the girls in concession and James suggested coyly that they help with the dishes. Sirius barked a laugh and shoved him toward the cinder block building. “You go! That chick scares the shit out of me, I’m going to stay out of her way,” he declared, confirming Remus’ impression of him.

“She’s terrifying, I know. I think I love her,” James effused, already taking steps in that direction.

“More power to you, James,” Remus laughed. By that time he had collected an additional three lanyards from other ride operators and was leaning with his forearms crossed over the railing that ran around the go-kart track, watching intently as Frank struggled to rescue someone’s stuffed elephant from where it had landed on the edge of the lagoon, too close to the geese’s nest for safety. He carefully picked his way through the mud at the water’s edge and was in real danger of slipping, which had Remus’ eyes sparkling in anticipation. “They’re not supposed to bring toys onto the track, I bet she’s hot,” he smirked. There was no reply and he glanced down to his right where Sirius had settled his elbows on the railing as well.

Remus was surprised to find that Sirius was looking at him. Sirius blinked a few times quick in succession before he turned away and cleared his throat. “Should we help him?” he asked, his voice pitched just slightly too high as he stepped up on the bottom rung of the railing to get a better look at Frank, who had apparently spotted his target and was circling around a scraggly bush on the far side.

“Hell no,” Remus scoffed. “There’s a sign.” He jerked his head at the wall of Frank’s booth that did indeed bear a sign with a list of rules in bold and right there at the top it read ‘No Toys, Bags, or Loose Items on the Track! If it can fall, fly, or get run over, leave it behind.’ “If Frank wants to play knight in shining armor for some girl that’s on him.” They watched for a few more minutes, guffawing loudly when one of the geese snuck up behind him with a honk and he did slip and fall on his ass in the wet mud. It was immediately followed by a hot rush of shame for Remus when Frank glared at them and trudged over to the small boy and his grandmother who they definitely hadn’t noticed waiting on the other side of the operator’s booth. Sirius wasn’t nearly as remorseful and got a great deal of amusement out of the pink blush that bloomed on Remus’ cheekbones. “Sorry Frank!” he called with a wave. He nodded at the grandmother with a mumbled, “Ma’am,” as she passed and Sirius giggled at him openly.

“Remus!” They both turned toward the musical voice to see Chris and Mary walking toward them, wearing matching besotted expressions. Good grief, Remus thought.

“Hey Mary,” he greeted her easily. He accepted the change box from the shooting gallery she was holding out to him, even though on any other night she would have just stacked it behind the desk in the office with everyone else’s. “Thanks.”

“Yup,” she chirped, her dark eyes locked predatorily on Sirius who straightened and preened under her appreciative gaze. “So how did your first day go?”

“It’s great,” he answered brightly, with no hint of sarcasm. “Can’t wait to enjoy some perks, if you know what I mean.”

Mary flashed her teeth and Remus’ mouth twisted before he could stop it. “You are bad!” she tittered, slapping at Sirius’ shoulder flirtatiously.

“Okay, wow. Save that for off the clock, I’m pretty sure it’s a sex crime for me to witness this,” Remus scowled.

“I’m not getting paid, so technically I’m always off the clock,” Sirius pointed out helpfully. Mary giggled again and Remus rolled his eyes so hard he thought he might have literally pulled a muscle.

 He turned to the lanky young man who had come over with Mary and was hovering off to the side and kicking himself for having not prepared something to say. Remus took pity on him. “Chris, how much do you love your job?”

“Huh?” he blinked, momentarily stunned–as he always was–by Remus addressing him directly. “I mean, a lot? I mean–”

“I’m just fucking with you,” Remus chuckled. “I just mean at the petting zoo. If you could move to concessions, would you want to?”

“If that’s what you want,” he nodded quickly. “I don’t mind. Wherever you need me.” Remus gifted him with a genuine smile, just for him, and Chris looked like he might melt into a puddle right there.

“Ooh, look at Chris with the promotion,” Mary wiggled her eyebrows, clutching at his arm in a playful congratulations. He blushed even redder and Remus’ eyebrows twitched; he didn’t much consider any position in the park to be a promotion over another, but he was glad to let them think that if they wanted to.

Frank rattled the gate to his booth loudly, clicking the padlock into place. “Are we having a meeting or something? The fuck’s this?” he grumbled, tossing his set of keys to Remus without looking at him. His gaze briefly lingered on Mary before he lowered his head and dug a cigarette pack out of his pocket. “Smoke?” he offered, first to Remus who took one, then in order to Sirius, who took one as well, Chris, who shook his head vehemently, and then very slowly to Mary who thought about it for a long moment before she accepted and leaned in to indicate he should light it for her. He did, and then lit his own. “Not bad for a Thursday night,” he commented on his exhale, speaking just to fill the silence.

Remus preferred silence. “Yep,” he agreed anyway, taking a drag of his own. Sirius was standing there with the unlit cigarette between his fingers looking between the two older men as he decided whether or not to ask for a light. “What, all you got is the habit?” Remus chuckled, tossing him the Bic out of his front jeans pocket.

“White lighters are unlucky,” Sirius told him, curling one hand over the top of the flame to light his cigarette and handing it back with a smirk. “How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-seven,” Remus replied, quirking a brow.

“Ooh, no good,” Sirius tutted, sucking air between his teeth in a rueful hiss. “You’re a goner, Rem. What song do we play at your funeral?”

“Don’t bother. Nobody’s going to show up,” he chuckled, and immediately received a sharp rebuking gasp from Mary. “Okay, okay, nobody but Mary,” he redacted, throwing her a wink.

The pair of admirers followed Frank to the parking lot and James was wearing an apron when they met back up with him after their smoke, his cheeks flushed with the steamy heat of the dishpit in the corner of the small kitchen. The countertops and equipment had been cleaned to the point of sterility by Lily and Emmaline who had hopped up onto the front counter and were swinging their legs and chattering while James was finishing up. “Hey, thanks for the new guy, Rem,” Lily grinned, waving at them as they approached. “Makes closing up a hell of a lot easier.”

“You’ll have a permanent one starting tomorrow,” he told her, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning in the doorway.

“Oh?” she asked, tilting her head as her eyes flickered toward the dish pit.

“Yeah, Chris is going to–”

“Oh hell, Remus, Chris?” she burst out. “Seriously? He doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground.”

“Huh?” he asked, genuinely surprised.

“Why the hell do you think he’s been stuck in the petting zoo for two years?” Truthfully, Remus did remember a bit of shuffling around when Chris had first been hired, but it had been a long time and the whole thing was a bit hazy. A laugh bubbled up out of him. “What are you laughing at? Why are you doing this to me, what the shit?”

Remus couldn’t stop, half hysterical as he pointed to James. “He- it’s- I-” he giggled, all while Lily and Emmaline were looking at him like he had lost his mind. He felt maybe like he had, a little.

“James likes ponies,” Sirius supplied helpfully, smirking amusedly at Remus’ fit of stifled laughter.

Lily blinked for a moment. “You’re giving Chris’ job to him?” she repeated, pointing at James who had pulled out a set of earbuds and was dancing wildly with his back to them as he finished up the last of the closing dishes.

“He likes ponies,” Remus shrugged, grinning as he managed to get control over his laughter. “Sorry Lil, I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t know,” she scowled. “That’s why you’re supposed to ask me before you make stupid decisions.”

“Right, yeah, my bad,” he chuckled. “It’s just for the summer. Or would you rather have him?” He motioned toward James, who was more involved in headbanging to whatever song was blaring from his earphones than he was in the last two trays soaking in the sink.

“James!” she shouted, hopping off the counter and stalking toward him. “Are you fucking dumb? Do you want to stay here all night?”

Remus laughed again–that must have been some really good weed–and turned away as she started really giving it to him. “That’s that, then.” Sirius was bent over, peering absently into the innards of the slushie machine with his jeans both skin-tight and somehow also slung low on his hips, his studded belt doing very little to hold them up. He licked his lips. “You’re not bad with the machines,” he commented.

“Thanks, my cousin’s husband runs an auto shop in Oakdale. Sometimes I help out on the weekends,” Sirius said, shooting a quick smile over his shoulder that lit Remus up on the inside.

“Oh, do you go to Northern U?” Emmaline piped up, twirling a strand of blond hair around her finger.

Sirius straightened. “Yeah, poli-sci. This’ll be my last year,” he said. “Why, who do you know?”

“Dorcas Meadowes? And Sebastian Vane? They’re in the theatre program,” she asked, leaning forward.

Sirius made a face. “I don’t hang out with the theatre group. Ask James,” he replied dismissively, bending back down to look squint at the gears. “This needs some lube before it burns the motor out.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a grease monkey,” Remus smirked, watching him.

“Why not?” Sirius looked over at him again, eyes dancing. “Because I’m so gorgeous?” Remus turned his sputter into a scoff and was saved moments later by James, who tripped into him with an ‘Oof!’ as Lily shoved him from behind.

“Get them out of here, I’m done with newbies for the night,” she demanded. “Do you want me to count cash before I leave? I’m not doing it when I get here again.”

“If you’re offering,” Remus shrugged. “I don’t care, you’re the boss.”

“Damn right I am,” she agreed appreciatively, brushing past him to get to the cash register. “Emmaline, you can go.”

“Yeah, you guys can go too,” Remus told James and Sirius. “Be back here at eleven thirty tomorrow.”

“Yes sir,” James chirped, tearing his eyes away from Lily and straightening his shoulders earnestly. He reached into one of the pockets of his army green cargo shorts and pulled out a sleek black square that was connected to the end of his earbuds and Remus’ eyebrows shot upward.

“The fuck, James, is that a Blackberry? What are you, a drug dealer?” he asked, more suspicious than impressed.

 James flushed and shoved the phone back into his pocket as Lily glanced over her shoulder at him, more impressed than suspicious. “Uh, my parents are doctors,” he chuckled nervously, raking his hand back through his unruly hair.

“And they love him so much it's disgusting,” Sirius laughed, punching James in the shoulder and dancing deftly out of his range. That was all it took to get them started again, James body slamming Sirius sideways into the heavy metal prep table and making it skid two inches.

“Take it outside!” Lily roared, her blazing eyes focused on the stack of ones she was counting. The duo scampered past Remus in the doorway sheepishly, only to resume taking wide swipes at one another the moment they were back in the cooling night air.

Remus laughed, shaking his head at them and thinking that he absolutely had to get hooked up with whomever Gideon had gotten his weed from. “All right, I'm heading in. Night Emmaline. Night guys.” Emmaline waved without looking at him and James and Sirius didn't acknowledge him at all, just started chasing each other toward the parking lot. “I'll be in the office, Lil.” She didn't answer him, furrowing her brow in concentration as she kept counting bills.

Kenny's musty office was a respite at the end of the day with cold air conditioning and colder beer in the mini fridge next to the filing cabinet. Remus pulled one for himself before he opened up the change box that Mary had given him and started his own count. He had his back to the door and didn't turn around when the little bell jingled, expecting Lily. “Um, Remus?”

He whirled around so quickly he sent the change box off the table, scattering coins and bills all over the floor. “Goddammit,” he muttered, glancing up at Sirius as he crouched down to collect them, secretly glad for the distraction. “Hey, what’s up?”

Sirius met him on the floor, reaching to sweep quarters into a dusty pile. “My bad. Didn’t know you spooked so easy,” he grinned.

“Shut up, what do you want?” Remus huffed a short laugh.

Sirius’ grin slid off his face and for the first time since they'd met he looked unsure. “Oh, uh. I just…I wanted to apologize. Lily told James you’re sick or whatever, and–”

“I’m not sick,” Remus said stonily, straightening his back and freezing in place.

“Or whatever,” Sirius repeated meaningfully, still reaching for coins under the desk. “I just felt–”

“Don’t,” Remus cut in. “Don’t fucking do that. I mean it.”

“But I made you chase me,” Sirius winced, looking up with his face scrunched up in shame.

Remus frowned and clenched his jaw. “Okay, first of all, you didn’t–and you couldn’t–make me do a goddamn thing, you hear me? I chased you because you were being a little shit and I wanted to kick your ass. And make no mistake, if you weren't so fuckin’ quick your ass would have been mine.” A shadow passed behind Sirius' eyes for just a moment and Remus refused to acknowledge it. “I'm fine, got it? Everybody gets a little lightheaded from time to time. It isn't a big deal, and Lily shouldn't have said anything. If you're sorry, be sorry for being a little asshole. Apology accepted.”

“But you-”

“I am being deadly fucking serious with you right now,” Remus warned gravely. “Drop it.”

For an infuriating moment it looked as if he was going to continue down that path and Remus thought he was going to have to put him through the wall. “No, I'm Sirius,” is what he said instead, smirking with the tip of his pink tongue poised in the corner of his mouth. 

Remus blinked at him. “Get the hell out of here,” he huffed in disbelief, trying his best to keep a straight face.

Sirius grinned, pleased with himself, and hopped to his feet from where he’d been crawling around on his knees gathering the last of the coins into the front of his shirt that he’d pulled out to make a bowl. He dumped them unceremoniously onto the desktop, brushing at the silvery-brown mark that was left on the fabric. “Shit,” he cursed, frowning down at it before looking up at Remus with an expression that was so helpless and innocent that the older man's composure instantly evaporated and he laughed. Again. He wasn’t really even stoned anymore, so the only excuse he had was the maddening fire in Sirius’ pale eyes. He was doomed.

Chapter Text

 “SIRIUS!”

 Sirius jumped, smacking his head against the hard plastic of the racing game he had been oiling the seat-track of. “Ow, shit, what?” he bitched, rubbing his temple where he had hit himself in his haste to respond to the furious roar of his name.

 It took a minute to make out Remus’ towering frame in the dim light of the arcade, stalking toward him with his fists balled and murder in his eyes. Sirius sat, frozen to the spot as kids scattered out of his way. “Want to explain to me why you didn’t take the fucking trash out last night?” he hissed, once he was close enough to swear without spooking the nearby parents who were eyeing them curiously.

 “Huh?” Sirius frowned, puzzled. “I did!”

 “All of them??” Remus demanded. “Like I told you?”

 He started to answer, then closed his mouth. “I-I mean, some of them were barely a quarter full so I thought–”

 “I explicitly told you all of them, did I not?” Remus growled. It took Sirius a moment to formulate his answer, stunned by the rough timbre of his voice.

 “Um, I, yeah…but the environment–” Remus didn’t let him finish, snatching him by the front of his shirt and yanking him toward the door. Brief flashes of thought rushed through Sirius’ mind; hostile workplace, inappropriate behavior, litigious harassment, large hands, low snarls, heavy breathing. He opened his mouth again to protest being dragged around in front of people like a child when Remus shoved through the tinted glass door of the arcade and he was blinded for a few seconds by the bright sunlight. Then his eyes adjusted. “Oh.”

 Bees were everywhere, swarming in huge clusters around the trash cans that Sirius had purposefully failed to empty the night before, buzzing in the faces of anyone who had the nerve to carry around a sweet drink, investigating everyone’s brightly colored t-shirts and sunscreen-scented skin. “I’ve had five bee stings in my office,” Remus informed him bitterly.

 Sirius wheeled around, his eyes wide with remorse. “Shit, I’m sorry. I thought–”

 “You thought I just said it to hear myself talk? That I don’t give a damn about the environment?” Remus raved. Sirius shut his mouth with a click; he was really on a roll. “The guy who owns the next land over keeps beehives, and as long as we keep our trash cans clean in the mornings the bees get a diet of all organic lavender and Texas sage instead of fucking high fructose corn syrup and red dye #3. Five bee stings is five dead bees, do you know there are less and less bees every year? And you want to fucking lecture me about the environment.”

 “Okay, Rem, I’m sorry!” Sirius insisted. “I wasn’t trying to–”

 “Yeah, whatever. Take the goddamn trash out. All of them,” he ordered, turning away and stalking back in the direction of the main office as the walkie talkie in his back pocket began to crackle. Sirius was left feeling strangely gutted, the same feeling he'd had when James had filled him in on Remus’ condition. Guilt wasn’t something he had much experience with, feeling justified in most things that he did, but something about the park’s manager had a way of reaching inside him and wringing out foreign emotions.

 And it wasn’t just that he was dead fucking sexy, he’d insisted to James on the way home after their first night working at Funland. Remus was distant and weird and when he spoke directly to Sirius it was like the sound of his voice was an indecipherable language all of its own. “You’ve got daddy issues,” James had snorted at the time.

 “Be that as it may,” Sirius had retorted, staring out the dark window as the trees rushed by and wondering how he could find out exactly how tall Remus was.

 So he took the goddamn trash out–all of them–without complaining, which was three separate trips to the far corner of the parking lot dragging two bags in each hand while he tried in vain to dodge the bees who did not appreciate their easy meal being taken from them. In the end he ended up with a sting on the back of his neck and another in the crook of his elbow and counted himself lucky there were only two. He also said a solemn goodbye to them in his head, remembering what Remus had said about the dead bees.

 The limp-haired greasy fuck who worked at the arcade gave him a shit-eating grin when he finally returned to finish fixing the seat mechanism of his stupid racing game and Sirius scowled at him, reaching up to wipe away his sweat in the cool of the air conditioning. “Something funny?”

 “Nothing at all,” Sev sneered, watching him pass from the stool where he was perched like a big awkward buzzard just beside the token dispenser. “Just didn’t know someone could fuck up taking out the trash so bad. It’s sad, actually.”

 “Yeah, looks like you’re the authority on sad,” Sirius snapped.

 “Glass houses, Black,” he scoffed haughtily. “I know who you are.”

 “Congratulations,” Sirius shot. “At least you can recognize your superiors even if you can’t respect them. We’ll work on that next.”

 “Superior,” spat Sev. “We must have different definitions of the word. Staying out of the news?”

 “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Sirius insisted, but he felt all at once as if he’d been bathed in ice water and he wanted to beat that smug grin off of Sev’s pimply face. “Don’t talk to me.” He turned his back before anything else could be said and headed for the racing game along the back wall of the arcade.

 He had only just stilled his shaking hands when someone kicked at his foot. “I said leave me a–” Sirius cut himself off, looking angrily up into Remus’ amused face. “Oh. It’s you.”

 “Don’t sound so excited to see me,” Remus chuckled. Sirius went back to the stubborn slide lock that had probably been rusted into place for years. “Brought you a slushie.” Sirius grunted in thanks, keeping his eyes on his work. “Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you,” Remus sighed. “You didn’t know.”

 “You should have been more specific. ‘Take out every single trash, under threat of bees’,” Sirius grumbled.

 Remus chuckled. “Just assume everything I say is under threat of bees, how about that?” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Do you want the slushie or not?”

 “What flavor is it?” he asked, just to be a brat. There was no answer, and a moment later he felt something icy cold drip onto the strip of stomach that was exposed between his shirt and his jeans by his arms being up over his head and he yelped, jerking so that he hit his head again on the stupid racing game. Blue slushie ran down the curve of his side and Remus laughed, the straw poised in the air with a finger over one end to control the drip. “What the hell, Rem? You know you’re not nearly as cool and mature as you want everyone to think you are.”

 “I hear you saying you find me cool and mature?” he taunted, his chapped lips curled up in a smile. “Here, take it before I decide it looks better on your head.” Sirius reached for the sweating plastic cup, just for Remus to pull it out of reach at the last second. “You gonna quit pouting?”

 “I am not pouting,” Sirius pouted. Remus made a big show of considering it before he gave in and handed him the slushie, only three-quarters of the way full. “You drank it!”

 “I did not,” he protested.

 “Stick out your tongue,” Sirius challenged, setting the cup on the concrete floor next to him and hopping to his feet.

 Remus danced back a couple of steps, heading for the door before raising a peace sign to the corners of his lips and obscenely flicking his bright blue tongue out between his fingers before he tucked his index finger back into his fist to flip Sirius off, ducking back out into the sunlight. Sirius snorted and sat heavily in the game’s seat, taking a long drink of the sugary ice and wincing when he immediately got brain freeze. He lifted his hips to dig in his front pocket for one of lost tokens he’d picked up while servicing some of the other machines and rolled it into the slot, adjusting the seat with ease and settling in for a well deserved game.

 After he’d finished his slushie and gotten eighth place on the game’s scoreboard he was in a much better mood and gave Sev a mocking salute as he strolled out of the arcade and headed toward the petting zoo. James was in, pun intended, hog heaven. He’d spent his first day following Chris around, learning the names of all the animals and asking endless questions about their favorite snacks, who was friends with whom, and what they liked to play with. Mostly, the answer was a half-hearted shrug from Chris who seemed both embarrassed and annoyed by James’ excitement. Turns out they all ate the same nutritional pellet blend, they were too old and under stimulated for the most part to interact meaningfully with one another, and Kenny didn’t provide any kind of budget for toys. That didn’t deter James Potter for a second, who arrived the next morning with a shopping bag full of treats and toys that he happily dispersed while handing out paper cups of pellets and raking up piles of shit.

 “Hey!” he beamed, waving as Sirius approached. He was holding a small scruffy pig in his arms that snorted happily at him when he set its stubby legs on the ground. “What’s up?”

 “Killing time,” Sirius shrugged. “I can’t fix the soda fountain until the girls and Chris go on break. Dunno how you got to play with animals and I’m stuck on grunt duty in the first place.”

 “You don’t?” James smirked, cocking a brow conspiratorially. “Bet I could figure it out.”

 “You don’t always have to be so goddamn literal,” Sirius complained. “I know, okay? I’m just saying. Doesn’t seem very fuckin’ equitable.”

 “Want me to talk to the boss?” James offered, too delighted to be sincere. Sirius shoved him and he nearly fell into a knot of preteen girls who had been fawning over a golden goat named Lucius. “Sorry, sorry guys, sorry,” he apologized, biting back laughter. Lucius bleated irritably and trotted off, taking his admirers with him. “I was just asking,” he chuckled, returning his attention to Sirius. “Did you want to go with everybody tonight?”

 “Go where?” Sirius frowned. 

  “No one’s mentioned it to you?” James asked, head tilted, which he knew immediately was the most incorrect thing he could have said to his best friend. “Because you’ve been busy,” he corrected himself too quickly. “Yeah, uh, Lily told me. Everyone goes to Dandy’s on Saturdays after the park closes. Do you want to go?”

 “No one mentioned it to me,” Sirius confirmed with a nagging ache in his chest.

 James could have kicked himself. “Yeah, you’ve been busy,” he repeated. “I’ve been sitting here all day, I’m easy to track down.”

 “Yep,” Sirius agreed coolly, popping the ‘p’ at the end of the word. “Sounds good to me, whatever you want to do.” James registered the telltale slam of Sirius’ walls going up and he sighed, fighting not to roll his eyes and alienate him further.

 “Cool, we’ll go,” he decided resolutely, and he didn’t miss the slight scowl that Sirius threw in his direction before turning and heading for the center of the park.

 It didn’t matter what his reputation was, Sirius was not dramatic. He assured himself of this as he sauntered into concessions and retwisted the bun on the top of his head with his thin eyebrows arched aristocratically in the same way his mother’s did when she was displeased, sharp high crescents carved into marble. Did he love being the last to receive an invitation? No, he was simply human. Had he thought that he’d built up enough of a rapport with at least a few of his new co-workers to merit said invitation? Yeah, but whatever. It was fine and he was not sulking at all. “I don’t have time to wait around all day, do you want me to fix that or not?” he grumbled, motioning toward the soda fountain.

 Lily turned to him incredulously. “Excuse the shit outta me?” she said slowly, while Emmaline and Chris gave him identical looks of sympathetic awe behind her back. “I don’t fuckin’ take orders from you, you little goddamn vagrant-looking sonofabitch, hear me? When you’re here you’ll do what I say, when I say it, and you’ll fuckin’ thank me for the opportunity!” Her blazing green eyes flickered to the clock on the wall above his head. “Luckily for you, Barty’s got something nice rolled up for me behind the Gravatron and I would rather get back to a cold soda than to have to dispose of your hoodrat body. You’ve got twenty minutes.”

 She shoulder checked him–actually shoulder checked him–on her way out the door, whirling past before he could respond. “Fucking hell,” he exclaimed, staggering to the side. Chris gave a sheepish sort of shrug and Emmaline flashed him a bright smile as they slipped out after her, no doubt intent on getting in on whatever Barty had waiting on Lily. Sirius swore under his breath and kicked the door shut, promptly opening it again as the cross breeze created by the wind blowing through the service windows was the only respite from the stifling heat.

 Lily had insisted that if he came by between two and three that he’d be able to fix the soda fountain without being interrupted by customers, and that they would just shut down for a bit to keep the dust and grime out of any stray orders that happened to come through during the slow time. Slow time, she had said. Sirius snarled to himself as he yanked a soft pretzel from the warming display and shoved it unceremoniously into a white paper sack that was instantly translucent with butter. “I dunno, man, three bucks?” he guessed, sliding it across the front counter to the fat man wearing a cowboy hat and Crocs–customer number four during this so-called slow time.

 “You asking me?” he grunted.

 “Do I look like the food guy?” Sirius retorted, gesturing to his clothes stained black with grease. “Do you want the pretzel or not?” The man dug into the pocket of his shorts and threw a sweat-dampened five onto the counter that Sirius picked up between two fingers with a grimace. “Sorry, no change,” he said briskly, trying not to wrinkle his nose as he pocketed it for his trouble. If Captain Cowboy Crocs had anything to say about it Sirius didn’t hear him because he dove back behind the soda fountain. Not hiding. Just…out of sight.

 The machine had been spitting out streams of pure carbonated water interspersed with heavy globs of syrup all day and it only took Sirius all of about ten minutes to locate the ripped injector seal that was letting most of the thick, sticky liquid drip down onto the dusty pressurized lines that criss-crossed the inside of the machine like a hissing circulatory system. “Ugh,” he grimaced to himself, wondering if he could get away with leaving the mess once the seal was replaced. He was well enough acquainted with the park’s meticulous storage system to check behind the machine and, sure enough, found a small cardboard box caked in about a decade’s worth of dust holding a handful of weird looking screws, various sized O-rings, an allen wrench, and a single replacement seal for a syrup injector packaged in a ragged ziplock.

 He slipped a hand into his back pocket and pulled out the multi-tool that Remus had armed him with that morning. It had been red once, but the color was worn into a silvery pink where it had been polished repeatedly by the calluses of large hands. The metal was smooth and warm in Sirius’ hand and he flipped it a few times, enjoying the weight of it against his palm. He flipped out the knife and began using it to carefully pry the sticky edges of the seal off of the injector and he just about had it wiggled loose when–

 “Jesus fuck, kid, you’re not done?” Lily complained, at the exact same time the injector burst away from the main line causing a fountain of pressurized syrup to erupt at eye level, spewing all over Sirius’ front. He shouted and stumbled backward, crashing his hip into a table and throwing his arms in front of him to try and block some of the spray but only managing to soak himself even further. There were only a few hectic seconds of pressure built up while the machine was blowing, Sirius was yelling, and Lily was shrieking but it was enough to make a hell of a mess and send Lily into peals of snorting laughter. “Oh…oh my God!” she exclaimed, one hand over her mouth and the other pointing at Sirius whose mouth was hanging open in shock. He held his arms out away from his sides, the sugary sludge running from his fingertips, his nose, his elbows, and his chin.

 “Are you fucking kidding me?” he roared when he found his voice again, slinging his hands in a quick downward motion to sling as much liquid off of him as possible. Lily and Emmaline, who had joined the redhead in laughing at Sirius’ expense, both yelped and scurried back to avoid being hit by any droplets. “The shit’s broken, Lil, I’m done. Call a guy, I don’t give a fuck.” He barrelled past Chris who stumbled back looking bewildered as Sirius stormed out of concessions and toward the Gravatron 3000 where Barty was reclined on a stool, chomping on bright pink bubble gum while he barely spared a glance toward the ten tons of spinning machinery he was operating.

 “Aw, shit, you’re a fuckin’ mess, man,” Barty guffawed wheezily, lowering the magazine he was flipping through. “What happened?”

 “Do you have a smoke?” Sirius asked, not in the mood for pleasantries.

 “A smoke? Or a smoke?” Barty asked suggestively, wiggling his thrice-pierced eyebrows.

 “You know what I mean,” Sirius groaned. “Come on, don’t be an asshole.”

 “Hey, fuck you. I don’t do charity, man, what do you have for me?” Barty snapped, but there was no heat behind it. He tipped his stool further back and popped the gum in his mouth while Sirius dug for the five he’d stuffed in his pocket earlier. What luck, he thought bitterly. Barty curled up his lips in an exaggerated display of disgust as he took the sticky bill and flapped it in the air to unfurl it. “There’s a tin back there under my hat. I know how many are in there, so don’t try to screw me,” he said, waving in the general direction of ‘back there’.

 The tin was roughly the size of a cigarette pack, only slimmer, faded baby blue with a cartoon bear sipping tea in pajamas and the words ‘Sleepytime Herb’ printed in faded gold across the top. Sirius scoffed an unwitting laugh as he grabbed a joint out of it as well as the lighter, making a mental note to at least attempt to return it when he was finished. He gave Barty a wave and followed the fence to the back corner of the park where he could watch the final turn of the go-kart track while he smoked in relative peace beneath the shade of cottonwood trees.

 At least, until the bees showed up. The syrup was hardening into uncomfortable stiffness in his shirt and the most stubborn of the bees that hadn’t cleared out when the trash was taken out all seemed to focus their efforts on Sirius. He didn’t notice at first–sidestepping one, blowing a stream of smoke at another, waving away a third–but all at once he seemed to be swarmed with the little bastards and he had to stub out the roach on his shoe and try to escape into the interior of the park where they’d hopefully be distracted by someone else’s sweet mess, all the while swatting and scowling around himself. “Sirius!” Remus called when he reached the center point of the park, standing a head taller than the crowd and waving him over with a handful of pink fabric.

 “What did I do now?” he complained mopily, smacking himself in the temple in an effort to brush a few bees out of his hair.

 Remus’ eyes were shining and crinkled at the corners and Sirius stopped short in front of him, his irritation suddenly evaporated. “Heard you took a soda bath,” he said nonchalantly, very kindly containing his smirk to his eyes even though his lips were twitching minutely. “I got you a clean shirt.”

 “Oh. Yeah, thanks,” Sirius muttered, his face going hot as he reached for it. That just seemed to make Remus’ eyes twinkle even brighter as they flicked up and down Sirius’ soda-soaked silhouette.

 “Got you good, huh?” he couldn’t help but comment wryly out of the corner of his mouth.

Several potential reactions to this fluttered through Sirius’ head at once, like pages of a book. He prided himself on his fluidity, his innate ability to shift between masks that would give him the leverage he needed in any social situation. It was a skill he’d picked up from his mother, the manipulative bitch, and Sirius felt a smug satisfaction at the fact that he was just as good if not better than she was. However in that moment he was shocked to hear himself whine out a response without having thought about it for a second, a knee-jerk, “Sto-o-op,” half laughed with his chin jutting forward and his eyelids slipping to half-mast. “Don’t make fun of me, I’m having a day.”

 “A day, huh?” Remus parrotted, his eyes still doing that thing. Smoldering? Sirius wondered. Was he smoldering?

 “Yes. First you made me work in close proximity with that snivelly shithead in the arcade, then you yelled at me, then I got stung by two fuckin’ bees–not to mention having the weight of those other bees’ souls on my conscience, thanks a lot for that guilt by the way–and then Lily yelled at me, and then I got attacked by the soda fountain. I’m having a day,” Sirius huffed, yanking the elastic out of his hair just to absentmindedly twist it back up again..

 “Damn, that is a day,” Remus agreed, first licking, and then biting his lips together in an obvious attempt to keep from laughing. Sirius decided to let it slide, yanking his sticky shirt up over his head and only fighting with it for a few embarrassing seconds before changing into the fresh one Remus had given him. It clung to his tacky skin and he snarled out loud, twisting around to unstick it from his back. “C’mere,” Remus laughed, losing the battle against it and reaching out to pull Sirius’ shirt down. “Guess you’ll be the sweetest thing at Dandy’s.”

 Sirius nearly broke his neck looking back at him. “You’re going?” he asked, suddenly very glad he’d left his little pity party at being left out off of his list of complaints from the day. “Wow. Didn’t see that coming, tall, dark, and broody.”

 “Sure,” Remus shrugged, reaching back to rub at his neck and suddenly looking uncomfortable. “I kind of have to. If I don’t, Lily gathers a little army of employee minions and becomes an unstoppable megalomaniac that no one can control.” Sirius gave him a look. “I’ve seen it happen. Donuts have power over people, I don’t know why. So. See you there?”

 “Well, James wanted to go, so,” Sirius replied, scuffing the bottom of his boots on the ground. “Ugh, but I’m gross. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just go home and shower-”

 “It’s sort of mandatory for new employees, actually,” Remus interrupted. “I should have mentioned it before, I just forgot.”

 “Mandatory,” Sirius repeated dryly.

 “Yeah. It’s like the second part of your interview, seeing what kind of donuts you like,” Remus continued, keeping a completely straight face.

 “I didn’t have a first part of my interview,” Sirius pointed out, unable to keep himself from smirking.

 “I know, you’re already starting behind,” Remus tutted, turning his shoulders and starting to walk away. Then, just before his head turned to follow the rest of his body away from the conversation, the bastard winked. Sirius clenched his jaw and his fists and every other muscle involuntarily as he watched him go, every molecule of his body suddenly thrumming. The sweetest thing at Dandy’s.

 On weekends the park closed at midnight, so it was after one by the time everyone had finished their closing duties, smoked a few in the parking lot, and piled into each other’s vehicles to make the short drive into Mossy Creek to the donut shop. Dandy’s opened at eleven p.m. and survived off of a steady stream of truckers, stoners, and insomniacs who filled the small, mismatched tables every night and watched Jerry Springer reruns on the old TV that was covered in cobwebs and suspended in the corner of the room. And they were the best damn donuts that any of them had ever had.

 “Do I look like a Potter?” Sirius asked haughtily, his cheeks flushed from two shots of Captain Morgan that Mary had given him in the car. They had squashed nine people into a table for six in the corner of the small shop and had three trays laid out between them with enough donuts to feed a small army. Sirius had ended up in the far corner next to Remus and across from James, who had politely refused the liquor but was just as pink as Sirius was from the lapful of Lily Evans he was sitting under. She was otherwise pretending that he didn’t exist, chatting animatedly to Alice and Marlene. Fabian, Mary, and Evan filled out the rest of their group, sitting at the end of the table and involved in a very serious looking dice game that had Fab chewing his nails and Evan feverishly scribbling numbers onto a napkin.

 “I don’t know, they said you were ‘their boys’, what else am I supposed to think?” Remus deflected, decisively not commenting on the stark physical differences between Sirius and James.

 “Well, yeah, I am that,” Sirius allowed, chewing thoughtfully on a chocolate glazed. “By choice, though. I’ve lived with them since I was sixteen. My family’s shit.”

 “Makes sense. You’ve got this whole little orphan Annie thing going on,” Remus nodded sagely, waving his hand in front of Sirius as if to indicate his aura.

 “Little. Orphan. Annie?” Sirius repeated haltingly, offended. Remus and James both gave a hearty laugh at his expense. “Fuck both of you, my dad’s a goddamn congressman.”

 “Your dad’s a nurse practitioner,” James corrected him with a fond roll of his eyes.

 “I meant the shitty one. See? I’ve got two dads. And two moms! That’s, like, the opposite of an orphan. If anything I have too many. Full to the fuckin’ brim of parental authority.” Sirius was on a roll and considered asking Mary for another shot as he paused to take a breath. “Plus my hair is infinitely better than Annie’s, sorry Red,” he added with a jerk of his chin toward Lily. That made Remus and James laugh again and Lily, who had been paying no attention to the conversation, swung one leg out under the table and kicked Sirius hard in the shin for good measure. “Ow! Fuck, I was kidding,” he swore.

 “So wait, who’s your dad?” Alice interjected, turning toward them for the first time. She was tall and rail skinny with a can opener for front teeth and bleached blonde hair that stood up in wild spikes all over her head. She was in charge of the midway and Sirius had heard her shrill voice barking at the customers to lure them into dumping money into nearly unwinnable games, but hadn’t spoken to her since she’d yelled at him for giving away most of the goldfish and found himself intimidated by her.

 “Uh, nobody,” Sirius answered with a dismissive chuckle, feeling sheepish for allowing the conversation to turn there.

 “Oh, shit, you’re that kid,” she said, her eyebrows shooting up.

 Goddammit. “No I’m not,” Sirius denied flatly, dropping his eyes to the table and taking a swig of chocolate milk. “Hey Mary, is your car locked?”

 “Yeah, you are. What’s his name’s kid. Black, right? That’s your name?” she pressed.

 “Nope,” he insisted without meeting her eyes. “Hey Mary?”

 “Yeah, bottle’s in the backseat,” Mary replied distractedly, her eyes never leaving the dice that Evan was rolling repeatedly. Sirius hopped up, ignoring how every neck turned to watch him squeeze tightly behind Remus, Fab, and Marlene, leaving James to give some excuse for him. He didn’t mind being talked about, as long as he didn’t have to do any of the talking. He hung out in the back of Mary’s Honda long enough to take another two shots and to let them get the gossip out of their system and when he went back inside the table was involved in a heated argument over the lagoon at the center of the go-kart track.

 “Remus, please don’t fuck with me,” Marlene pleaded, her eyes wide and horrified. “Are you being serious right now?”

 “No, I’m Sirius,” Sirius informed her brightly, scooting back into his empty chair in the corner and receiving a groan from James who was well and truly sick of that joke.

“I don’t know what to tell you Marls,” Remus chuckled, barely audible over Evan and Lily’s peals of laughter that were bordering on inappropriate. “I thought everyone knew. I think there’s a sign. There used to be, anyway.”

“Knew what?” Sirius asked, popping a donut hole into his mouth.

Remus turned to face him fully, and Sirius noticed for the first time that there were flecks of green in the soft amber of his eyes. “Sirius, what’s a lagoon?” he asked, a rare mischievous grin swelling into the apples of his cheeks. A white scar cut delicately through his right eyebrow and Sirius found himself distracted by that for a moment before he answered.

“Like, a beach or something right?” he guessed, looking around the table for confirmation and receiving only amplified horror and laughter. “What, is it not?”

“It’s a sewage system,” Remus laughed, his eyes crinkling until they closed and his head tilting back, exposing sharp canines.

“Remus, for real, are you kidding?” Marlene shrieked, drawing her knees up underneath her on the chair and hovering in place as if there was a mouse beneath the table. “Please tell me you’re joking, I fucking swam in that!!”

“No, that tracks, Mar. I got a yeast infection, like, right after that,” Mary cringed, scrunching up her nose at the memory.

“Ugh!” Evan, Fab, and Sirius all recoiled in unison, which set off another round of laughter from Remus, Alice, and Lily. James coughed, went bright red, and looked everywhere but at the girls around the table.

“So there’s shit in the pond?” Sirius asked, curling his upper lip

“I don’t think there’s actually shit in the pond,” Remus pondered, tilting his head thoughtfully. “I’m not really sure how it works. I think there’s a holding tank somewhere. But yeah, no, I would definitely not swim in it.”

“Thanks. Thank you for that, Rem. Piece of shit,” Marlene moped miserably. Alice patted her back sympathetically and handed her an apple fritter.

“Ha! Piece of shit,” Evan pointed out the pun with a cackle.

“Oh, that reminds me!” James exclaimed, jostling Lily as he straightened in his chair and receiving a glare over her shoulder. “Sorry,” he grinned, before cutting his eyes back to Remus. “Mom wanted me to invite you over for the 4th. We have this barbeque every year and she wants to thank you for saving us lost youths or some shit like that.”

“What exactly reminded you of that?” Remus snorted, leaning forward with his forearms on the table.

“You being a piece of shit,” Sirius chirped, only slurring a tiny bit and not nearly enough to warrant the eyebrow that Remus lifted at him. He blushed anyway.

“I dunno,” James shrugged as if Sirius hadn’t spoken. “Just you, I guess. Will you come? If you don’t, she’ll think I didn’t ask you and she’ll invite you herself.”

“Why the fuck does he get an invite? I like barbecue, James,” Evan shot pointedly across the table.

“Yeah, I like barbecue too, James,” Alice added, rounding on him.

“I fuckin’ love barbecue,” Lily chimed in accusingly.

“Your mom doesn’t like us, huh?” Evan goaded, delighted by what he had started. James was beginning to panic and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“James’ mom specifically said that only Remus is invited and if any of the rest of you raggedy carney mutherfuckers steps foot on the property she’ll set the dogs on you,” he drawled snobbishly, waving his hand in a way that was a bit too natural to be fully contrived.

“It’s on Monday, yeah? I’ll think about it,” Remus replied while everyone else laughed.

“All right, cool,” James grinned, still glowing bright red.

Most everyone ended up slipping back out to Mary’s car at some point or another and between them they finished the bottle and managed to ring up a whopping $60 bill at Dandy’s; an all-time record. Mary and Marlene were the first to leave, never quite recovering from the news about the lagoon, followed soon after by Fabian, who volunteered to drive Evan and Alice who were both just this side of shitfaced. Then, mysteriously, Lily and James never returned from throwing away the table’s trash and Sirius found himself babbling on and on and on about his tattoos to Remus who was listening very politely.

“...so we’re all named after fuckin’ astrolg-astronomical shit because they’re psychos, but this is my brother, here, and this is me. And this is basically my whole birth chart, here. I mean, just because they’re psychos doesn’t mean astrology isn’t cool. Even a broken clock’s right twice a day, amirite? Do you know your chart?” He looked up for the first time in several minutes and took a deep breath, realizing that he had no concept of how long he’d been monologuing. “Shit. Where’d everybody go? Where’s James?” he frowned without giving Remus the space to answer.

“I think he and Lily are…getting some air,” Remus said meaningfully.

“Ohhhh….” Sirius nodded knowingly. “Right, right, right.” He cleared his throat, suddenly painfully aware of how drunk he had gotten. “Anyway.”

“I don’t,” Remus said, drawing Sirius’ eyes back up to his.

“Don’t?”

“Know my chart,” he clarified with a smile that wasn’t quite exasperated, but it was close.

“No?” Sirius visibly lit up. “Want me to do it for you? I’ve got a book at home,” he offered eagerly.

“Sure, whatever,” Remus smirked. “My birthday’s March 10th.”

“And you’re twenty-seven,” Sirius announced, proud to have remembered. “So that’s….” He trailed off, struggling to do the math.

“1978,” Remus sighed.

Sirius winced playfully. “Geez, senior citizen alert. Okay, and where were you born?”

“Wales, in Abergale,” he replied.

“Oh, no shit?” Sirius asked, intrigued. “I was born in France.”

“Well look at us,” Remus yawned, leaning back in his chair with a stretch that exposed a sliver of smooth stomach at the bottom of his t-shirt. Sirius looked away. “It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, I just need to know what time you were born,” Sirius pressed.

“The time?” Remus repeated incredulously.

“Yeah! For your rising sign. It changes every twenty minutes or something like that,” Sirius explained briskly. “Do you know?”

“Um.” Remus closed his eyes, thinking for a moment. “I think, maybe, around seven? I know it was early.”

“You don’t know your birth story? Remus that is tragic,” Sirius gasped.

“I know the story,” Remus insisted, thinking hard. He had known it, anyway. “My mom didn’t know anybody in Wales and she went into labor while my dad was at the pub. The neighbor drove her to the hospital, but he didn’t speak any English and she didn’t speak any Welsh.” He was half laughing, pulling the memory out from the foggiest recesses of his mind. “He was a good guy, I guess, stayed there until my dad showed up. He was the first person to hold me.”

“Wow. Your dad sounds like an asshole,” Sirius decided before he could reconsider the statement.

Remus was silent for just a moment before exhaling a short laugh from his nose. “Yeah. He was. Come on, let’s go save James before Lily eats him whole,” he smirked, kicking Sirius' chair as he stood.

Sure enough, they found James pinned up against the side of his car in the parking lot with Lily pressed aggressively against his front, both hands deep in his hair and tongue halfway down his throat. “Ew,” Sirius complained, tilting his head and watching them with his eyes narrowed judgmentally.

“Okay, break it up kids,” Remus declared, crossing his arms over his chest. Lily pulled away, her eyes bright and lips shiny pink while James still had his eyes closed behind fogged up glasses and his mouth hanging open dumbly.

“Oh hey,” she greeted them lazily, reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “Everybody leaving?”

“Everybody left,” Remus informed her, amused.

“Do you want a ride?” James asked dazedly, reaching out to hook one of Lily’s belt loops with a lazy finger. She slapped his hand away without looking.

“Remus’ll take me,” she tossed over her shoulder lightly. “Goodnight Sirius. Night James.”

James blinked, confused. “Goodnight?” he replied in bewilderment, watching her prance away from him and around the other side of Remus’ pickup.

“Night, boys,” Remus smirked, shoving a hand in his pocket for his keys as he took a few backwards steps after Lily. “See you tomorrow.”

“Hey, how’d we do?” Sirius asked casually, lingering with his hand on the passenger side door handle of James’ car, his eyes glinting in the yellow streetlight. Remus frowned and cocked his head to the side. “The second interview?”

He scoffed, and then broke into a reluctant grin. “See you tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

This thing was going to pass, Remus was sure of it. Just one more day. He just needed one more day of being weak for this fucking child that had flung himself headlong into Remus’ very comfortable and predictable existence like a flashbang. The kid wasn’t old enough to buy his own booze, let alone be making guest appearances in Remus’ fantasies. In any case, it was definitely going to pass. These things always did. And he hadn’t swooned again, so that was an improvement. He mulled these things over in great detail while he showered and shaved and dressed, staring at himself in the mirror for much longer than usual with no discernible result. He got in his truck, slammed the door, and chewed his lip, looking down at the address he had written on the back of a blank purchase order. “This is fucking stupid,” he grumbled to no one, throwing it into gear and barrelling toward Mossy Creek.

 The Potters, he had learned from the crumpled business card he found at the bottom of his washing machine, owned the local urgent care and the family practice clinics. He knew that meant they were well-off, but when he turned onto Godric’s Hollow and saw the absolute mansion looming at the end of the quarter mile driveway his stomach jumped into his chest and he started to sweat. His ‘76 Ford growled up the paved drive like some kind of hideous monster and he began ticking off his options in his head:

1. He could throw his truck in reverse and back down the driveway before anyone noticed him, like a coward.

 2. He could perform a clumsy sixteen point U-turn in what appeared to be a small concrete parking lot in front of the massive garage where he could see at least fifteen other cars parked and bail, still pretty cowardly.

3. He could yank the steering wheel to his right and do donuts in their well-manicured lawn, still green from their sprinklers in contrast to the craggly sunbleached grass that grew everywhere else in the county, ripping great muddy ruts into it before roaring away with his middle finger in the air, like the asshole he was naturally inclined to be.

 4. He could park his truck at the end of the row of Suburbans, Tahoes, and Cadillacs, grab the tupperware container of brownies he’d half burnt the night before, and knock on the Potters’ front door and pretend to be a normal person.

The woman who answered the door was small and motherly with soft brown hands that grabbed the tupperware from him with a warm smile. “Mira! Gracias, mijo, the party is just through there,” she thanked him quickly, already bustling away with a generalized wave toward the back of the house. Remus shoved his empty hands into his pockets and stood stupidly in the foyer, his eyes wide and his head tilted back slightly to take in the height of the cathedral ceiling. There was a staircase to his right that looked like it belonged in a palace, warm oak climbing up out of the white marble floor and curling counterclockwise into the landing above. Directly in front of him was the doorway that the little woman had vanished through and he could hear Spanish music playing quietly under the sound of yacht rock and chatter that was drifting in beyond the stately living room to his left. There was a tiled fireplace bracketed on either side by ornate golden columns that exactly matched the intricately textured sofas that faced it. A globe stood on a crystal table in the center of the room and overlooking it all on the opposite wall from the fireplace was a giant portrait of the Potters; Effie and Monte standing proudly on either side of a youthful looking James who wore a painted on expression of privilege that Remus couldn’t actually imagine on the living model. A fake room, Remus’ mother would have called it.

“Hey!” A raucous shout snapped him out of his reverie and there was the sudden pounding of footsteps above his head as James and Sirius appeared on the landing. They were both more wild-eyed than usual, racing each other down the stairs with all the grace of stampeding rhino. A few feet from the bottom Sirius flung himself over the bannister and landed hard on his bare feet directly in front of Remus, grinning maniacally. “You showed!”

“Yeah,” Remus scoffed, shifting anxiously and looking at James as he joined them in the foyer. “You did not warn me about this house.”

“Warn you about what?” James blinked, totally genuine. Sirius barked a laugh and shoved at his friend.

“Bless his heart, I don’t think he knows,” he winked at Remus. “Come on, we were about to go smoke.”

“Smoke?” Remus asked. Sirius waggled his eyebrows. “Hang on, let me– where’s your parents? I should say something–”

“This way!” Sirius announced grandly, sweeping his arm in front of Remus and skipping off toward the back of the house. James jerked his head after him with a smile and he and Remus followed him through a set of French doors at the other end of the living room. Remus couldn’t help but let out a low whistle once they stepped onto the patio. The backyard was larger than the front, several acres of gently sloping lawn with an L-shaped swimming pool, a meticulously landscaped garden where there were currently several tables set up and a casually milling crowd of both children and adults, and–

“Do you have a soccer field in your backyard?” Remus frowned disbelievingly.

 James gasped, deeply offended. “I don’t play soccer,” he huffed. “That’s for lacrosse.”

 “Oh, well excuse me,” Remus snorted. “You’ve got a whole ass lacrosse field in your backyard?”

 “Uh, yes? You think I got this good on raw talent alone?” he replied, as if it were obvious.

 “I didn’t know you played,” Remus blinked, following behind Sirius who was weaving with purpose through the party.

 “Oh my God, you’ll never get him to shut up now,” Sirius exclaimed, rolling his eyes dramatically back at Remus.

 “Hell yeah I play!” James said excitedly at the same time. “I’m captain of the team this year, last year we went all the way–”

 “Remus!” Effie greeted him, waving happily as they came into view. She was hugging him before he realized it again and his arm came up a second too late, patting her awkwardly on the back. “I’m so glad you could make it! I hope the house wasn’t too hard to find?”

 “No ma’am. I appreciate the invite,” he smiled humbly at her.

 “And Elvia told me you brought a dessert! That was so kind of you! You didn’t need to do that,” she beamed, squeezing his arm.

 “Remus, that’s adorable,” Sirius snickered, intentionally bumping sideways into him. 

 “If I showed up to someone’s home empty-handed I think my mom would roll over in her grave,” he chuckled with a half shrug.

 “Well. How kind of you,” she repeated, softer.

 “Hey, there he is. Heard you’re a real slavedriver, jefe,” Monte grinned, leaning over to clap Remus on the shoulder. He was wearing a novelty apron with a cartoon bodybuilder’s torso over a navy blue polo and had a spatula in one hand. “You’re a medium-rare man, I take it?”

 “The bloodier the better, sir,” Remus grinned. Monte gave him an emphatic thumbs up and turned back to the grill. “Your place is…it’s really incredible,” he said, feeling completely out of his depth.

 “Oh, that’s sweet. It’s home and we’re very blessed,” Effie sighed, looking fondly at the young men standing on either side of Remus. He couldn’t help but feel both a little embarrassed and envious of that gaze. “Well, make yourself at home love! Monte’s working on the steaks now, there’s burgers and hot dogs, some chicken just there, and lots of sides. Just grab whatever you like, and the dessert table is over there, nearer the fountain, dear.”

 “We’re going to show him the house, Mom,” James cut in, grabbing Remus by the elbow and pulling. “We’ll eat later.”

 “All right, boys. Go on,” she smirked, and Remus had the distinct feeling that her boys weren’t as slick as they thought they were.

 “Thank you again for the invitation, ma’am, I’m glad to be here,” Remus told her again, letting himself be pulled away.

 “Have a good time! Let us know if you need anything, hon,” she smiled, leaning into her husband’s shoulder.

 They reentered the house through the kitchen where the woman who had answered the door was frosting a yellow cake with homemade chocolate icing and the smell had Remus’ mouth watering instantly. “Buenas tardes Elvia! Como estas?” James greeted her loudly, his accent atrocious. He went around one side of the granite-topped island and bent low to give her a one-armed hug while Sirius circled around the other side and drug his finger through the bowl of frosting.

 “Ai! Out of my kitchen,” she demanded, twisting around to slap Sirius on the arm, only for James to pull the same stunt as soon as she was turned away. “I saw that! Out! Out, both of you! The good boy can stay,” she snapped, motioning toward Remus with her frosting knife.

 “Ouch, shit, we’re going,” Sirius laughed, rubbing the pink spot that was blooming on his bicep.

 “Mijo, your mouth,,” she scolded, giving him another swat on the shoulder. “Go! Before I call the police.”

 “You would not,” he gasped, scandalized.

 “Si. Bad boy. Go,” she insisted, pointing out of the kitchen with her knife. James pinched her side as he passed behind her, grabbing an apple out of the bowl on the countertop and winking charismatically at her when she jumped with an indignant squeak.

 “Remus, come on,” he directed, tossing the apple to him over Elvia’s head and grabbing another that he stuck immediately in his mouth before following Sirius up the back staircase. Remus gave her a little smile, pleased to be privy to the fond way she rolled her eyes and grinned after the boys were out of sight. He bit into the apple and jogged up after James.

 The stairs opened up into a hallway with cream white carpets that made Remus double check his shoes and directly to the right was what James announced was the media room. “It isn’t a real media room,” Sirius informed him, flopping down on the long plush couch that ran the length of the back wall. “A real media room doesn’t have windows.”

 “A real media room doesn’t have windows,” James mocked, getting on his hands and knees behind the bar and reaching for something tucked away in the furthest corner of the bottom shelf. “You’re such a snob.”

 “Am not,” Sirius retorted childishly.

 “Are too,” James scoffed, straightening. “And technically it’s a door, not a window.”

 “It lets the light in,” Sirius shrugged. Remus crunched his apple, amused at the James and Sirius show, and those pale winter eyes snapped to him. “Oi! You’re eating our pipe!”

 “What’s that, now?” Remus asked, lifting a brow and the bitten apple in the same motion. “You’re smoking out of this, here?”

 “Well not now, obviously,” he snorted.

 Remus rolled his eyes. “Fucking amateurs. Do you actually have any smoke?” James held up a baggie of green plant material in offense. Remus pulled out his wallet and slid out the pack of emergency papers he kept there for just such a situation and received blank stares all around. “What?”

 “We don’t know how to roll,” James confessed with a lopsided grin, and Sirius shot him a venomous scowl.

 “I can!” he insisted. “Just…not well.”

 “What a couple of posers,” Remus groaned melodramatically, receiving twin shouts of protest. “Come over here, shitheads. Here, take this dollar bill….” They sat at the bar for over half an hour and by the end of it had two perfectly respectful joints, though James’ was a bit pregnant and Sirius’ was slightly too tight. Regardless, they both were delighted, and vowed to spend all their time practicing until they were ‘as good as Remus’. “Shut up,” he muttered, rolling his eyes again. “Are we smoking these or are you just going to suck each other’s dicks about it?”

 “What, you feel left out?” Sirius asked innocently and Remus felt himself go beet red from his throat to his hair and received a satisfied smirk from Sirius before James thankfully opened up the sliding glass door and shoved him forcefully out onto the balcony.

 Rich kid weed was pretty fantastic and Remus found himself violently stoned within just a few minutes, overlooking the small crowd of partygoers in the garden who seemed completely oblivious of the three young men’s surveillance. “It’s mostly people who work at the clinic,” James explained, passing the spliff to Sirius on his right. “And their kids and husbands and shit. My parents’ friends, some people on the city council.”

 “Not everybody on the city council,” Sirius grinned, his eyes glittering ferociously as he held in a hit. It was James’ turn to roll his eyes. “My mom used to come to these. She’d always talk so much shit after we left though, dumb bitch,” he explained for Remus’ benefit, an uncharacteristic flatness creeping into his voice, cold and disconnected.

 “Your mom’s on the city council?” Remus asked, putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Sirius shut his mouth and nodded once, taking an extra hit before handing it off to Remus. “You know, for someone who doesn’t want to talk about it, you sure talk about it an awful lot.” Sirius went totally still for a only fraction of a second, but in that moment Remus realized he’d never seen him void of motion before–and he absolutely hated it. “Sorry,” he apologized quickly, suddenly desperate to mend it. The words fell out of him before he could help himself. “That was a shitty thing to say. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

 Several indecipherable emotions flashed through storm cloud eyes before he grinned lazily. “S’okay. I’m an enigma, I know.”

 “He’s a drama queen, is what he is,” James interrupted, effectively diffusing what tension remained as he reached across the circle and grabbed the joint from Remus’ fingers. “So there’s going to be fireworks at dark, and Dad always goes all out. It would be embarrassing if it wasn’t so badass. We can go check out the field until then, or–”

 “Fuck, Prongs, nobody wants to play fucking lacrosse,” Sirius groaned, throwing himself backward so that he was lying flat on the warm tiles with his arm tossed dramatically over his eyes.

 “Or,” James emphasized, glaring at his friend, “we can ride four-wheelers on the back forty and blow up a sparkler bomb in the creek.”

 “No contest,” Remus grinned. “After we eat, though, I’m fuckin’ starving.”

 If the Potters’ found their voracious appetites suspicious, they didn’t say anything. They seemed delighted in fact, encouraging Remus to try every dish on the two buffet style serving tables until he was stuffed and slightly dazed by the good weed and the good food, not to mention the special homebrewed beer that Monte pressed into his hand. “Your honest opinion, son, I want your honest opinion on that,” he said excitedly, watching with rapt attention as Remus took an anxious sip and hoped that his eyes weren’t too red.

 “Wow. That’s really good, sir,” he answered dutifully, thinking honestly it was a bit on the yeasty side, but there was no amount of money that could get him to be that honest with his host. While Monte was distracted, Sirius and James shoved as many cans of beer into their pockets as they could carry and waved sweetly at Effie across the garden.

 “We’ll be back for fireworks!” James called, grabbing Remus’ sleeve and tugging him away from his father. “Leave him alone, Dad, he’s my friend, not yours!”

 Monte’s eyes twinkled as his son teased him. “When you get to be my age you find that the whole world’s a friend, little Flea. You kids go have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he dismissed them.

 They got about halfway to the small barn that stood next to the marked lacrosse field before Remus was unable to contain himself. “Little flea?” he snickered.

 James rolled his head back on his shoulders and gave Remus a look over the top of his glasses. “My middle name’s Fleamont, it’s after him,” he explained with a sigh.

 “Fleamont,” Remus snorted, bringing one hand up to stifle the stoned giggles that wanted to burst out of him. On his other side, Sirius barked bright laughter that did not help Remus’ efforts at all.

 “Okay, like the two of you have room to talk about names,” James shot, stretching to retrieve a hide-a-key from beneath the eaves of the shed. “Sirius and Remus, sounding like a couple of Grecian myths,” he muttered as he unlocked the padlock and lifted the garage door to reveal an impressive menagerie of jet skis, four wheelers, golf carts, dirt bikes, and enough dusty old sporting equipment to open a secondhand shop.

 “Remus is Roman,” he mumbled distractedly, his eyes roaming appreciatively over the selection of toys at their disposal.

 “Same thing,” he shrugged, climbing onto one of the four wheelers and turning the key. It roared to life immediately and James gave a victorious howl. “Nice! Remus, this one’s yours!” he called over the rumble of the engine. James moved to the next in line as Remus threw one leg over the seat and flexed his fingers around the rubber handles.

The three of them zipped out of the garage one after the other, heading for the treeline. Remus followed James, who liked to go fast but always made sure to stay in Remus’ line of sight, while Sirius crashed through the trees on either side of the well-defined trail, weaving back and forth and whooping with mirth. Eventually he got bored of that and sped so far ahead that his shouts and the sound of his engine faded into the woods. When James and Remus came upon him again he was reclined back on the seat with his legs crossed over the handlebars in a clearing on top of a hill. He was drenched in sunlight, his limbs tossed gracefully over the machine and his face flushed with the heat. “What took you so long?” he grinned, throwing a wink at Remus that was both confusing and infuriating.

 “How much land do you guys have?” Remus marvelled, pointedly ignoring Sirius as he and James both shut off their own vehicles.

 “It’s only eighty acres,” James replied sheepishly, raking his hand back through his already disheveled hair. “Most of it’s just woods, and the trails loop around quite a bit. Makes it seem bigger.” It was incredibly endearing how uncomfortable he seemed to be with his family’s wealth and Remus couldn’t help the warm smile that spread across his face. You’re getting old, he thought reflexively as he wiped the expression and replaced it with a scowl against the bright sunlight.

 “Refreshments?” Sirius suggested, standing up to pull what were now two very lukewarm and shaken-up cans of Coors Light out of his front jeans pockets. “If you tap the top ten times it won’t spray. Guaranteed.” Remus grimaced, but he wasn’t about to act like he hadn’t had worse in his time so he sat in a triangle with a couple of twenty year olds and drank hot, shitty beer and pretended he didn’t feel ridiculously out of place.

 “What does that even mean?” Remus squinted, after Sirius had called James ‘Prongs’ for the fourth time that afternoon. They had tumbled from their seats on the four wheelers as the afternoon wore on and the three of them were lying on their backs in the grass, squirming occasionally against the ground to soothe the itchiness of the burnt blades beneath them.

 Sirius let out one of those laughs again, like he was surprising himself with it. “Ha! That’s an old one. Do you want to tell it?” He barrelled on speaking before James could get a word in even if he wanted to. “Prongsie-boy moved here from California when we were in the fifth grade and he came over to my house exactly one time.” He held up a single index finger to illustrate. “He’s this tiny little nerd back then, not this shit-for-brains sexy hunk of jock you see before you today, and he sits down at my family’s dining room table and sees my dad’s trophies on the wall and he asks, ‘what are those prong-y things?’. So my dad tells him they’re antlers from deer and little James is all, ‘omg did you kill it???’, which, obviously, so he freaked out and wouldn’t eat his dinner and never came back. Scarred for life, instantly. Ergo, Prongs.”

 Remus turned his head to look at James, who was visibly cringing on his other side. “I just…didn’t know people really did that. I mean, I’d seen it on tv and everything, but fuck, man,” he blinked, apparently still traumatized.

 “Well aren’t you just precious,” Remus laughed, embarrassed to find himself being genuine.

 “Shut up,” he snorted, then sat bolt upright with an anguished shout. “Fuck! Goddammit!”

 “What?! What, Jesus Christ, what??” Sirius startled, flinching away from him and up onto one elbow.

 “We didn’t grab the sparklers,” James grumbled darkly. Sirius slumped back to the ground with one hand pressed to his chest.

 “Have a little couth, huh? I almost had a heart attack, I thought it was another snake,” he panted.

 “Another snake,” James chuckled. “As if the last one wasn’t six years ago.”

 “Scared of snakes?” Remus teased.

 Sirius widened his eyes, giving him a look as if he were very clearly insane. “Scared, no. Healthy respect, absolutely,” he scoffed.

 “I used to have a python as a kid,” Remus grinned.

 “Oh my god, of course you’re a snake guy. What a weirdo,” he groaned, shuddering. “My brother has a snake. I used to have nightmares that we’d all wake up inside the fucking thing.”

 “That sounds like more than just a healthy respect,” Remus pointed out, earning a kick at his ankle.

 “Fucking lunatics, all of you,” he grumbled, rolling onto his front and threading his slim fingers into the crispy grass. His curls had been pulled back into a low ponytail when they’d started out but the white velvet scrunchie that had held it at the base of his skull had slipped down and finally fallen to the ground, letting the black waves flow over his shoulders. He tilted his head, catching Remus’ eye mischievously. “How big was your snake?”

 Remus blinked. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” he huffed. Sirius threw his head back and laughed, flipped himself back over, and leapt nimbly to his feet.

 “Well, gents,” he began, then tipped his chin to the sky and cracked out an impressive belch. “We’re out of beer. And I’ve just been reminded there’s fucking snakes out here, so.”

 “So?” James shot back, wrinkling his brow.

 “So, I’m sweaty and I’m thirsty and I’m ready to go back,” Sirius sniffed indignantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

 “Why’s it up to you?” James asked, wrinkling his nose even as he started climbing to his feet and gathering their discarded beer cans. Remus stretched his arms over his head languidly, arching his back and yawning. His muscles were warmed and loose from the sun and he felt pleasantly sleepy. “Oi! Earth to Padfoot?”

 Remus opened his eyes and just barely caught Sirius looking away from him quickly, his head whipping back toward James. “Huh?”

 “Nevermind,” James chuckled, shaking his head.

 “Padfoot’s even worse than Prongs,” Remus groaned, rolling over and pushing himself up to his hands and knees before rising slowly to his full height. “What, someone’s pad got stuck to your foot or something?”

 “Nice guess!” James grinned, bumping him playfully as he passed by him on his way back to the four wheeler. “No, I don’t really remember. It was the first time we’d ever smoked weed and I was too scared to walk past my parents’ room for snacks so Sirius went instead. Because he’s sneaky. Like, there’s pads on his feet? Or something, I don’t know, we were really stoned. It was funny at the time though.”

 “I bet,” Remus smirked, glancing sideways at Sirius who had gone quiet. Remus threw a leg over the seat of the four wheeler and turned the key to a resounding nothing, lost in the twin chorus of James’ and Sirius’ vehicles starting up. “Uh, guys?” But James was off with a lurch and Sirius tore after him through the underbrush, leaving Remus alone in the clearing like an idiot. “Well fuck.”

 It didn’t take five minutes for them to realize they were a duo rather than a trio and come back for him, by which time he had determined that the problem was not a loose battery cable or an empty fuel tank. “Nice job, Remus, you broke it! Fleamont’s going to have a fit. He’ll probably make you pay for it,” Sirius proclaimed, grinning devilishly.

 “Sorry Rem!” James apologized over him, both of them coming to a stop on either side of Remus. “It’s the starter, I thought it was fixed.”

 “Good going, James,” Sirius mocked, switching targets effortlessly. “Guess you’re pushing it back.”

 “No way, we’ll come back out with a chain tomorrow. Just get on with one of us,” James dismissed easily, and Remus stiffened.

 “Ride with me,” Sirius volunteered, and for once there didn’t seem to be a punchline. In fact, he wasn’t looking at Remus at all, preoccupied instead with a loose thread on his cutoff shorts. Remus nodded, moving forward on autopilot and settling onto the seat behind Sirius. This was fine. There were several inches of space between them and Remus leaned back, holding onto the bars that stuck out over the rear wheel wells. James took off with a perfunctory nod and Sirius turned over his shoulder, his eyes and his teeth glinting in the sun. “Ready?”

 “R–” Sirius twisted the throttle, throwing them back and making Remus shout in alarm. He reached forward reflexively and his hand clamped onto Sirius’ hip who let out a shout of his own that was joyous and sounded distinctly triumphant. Remus scowled and he would have let go but every time his fingers began to loosen Sirius would choke up on the throttle again and wrench the handlebars, nearly throwing them both in the process. “Slow down, you little shit!” he yelled over the rumble of the engine.

 “Can’t hear you!” he howled in delight, barely avoiding a thick trunked Live Oak. “Hang on!” Remus set his jaw and held on, comforted only by the thought that at least if he went flying off the damn thing he’d be taking the kid over with him.

 They overtook James in no time and at Sirius’ speed made it back to the house in half the time that the first leg of the trip had taken them, windblown and breathing hard with sticks and leaves in their hair. Sirius didn’t slow down until he parked, throwing them both forward so that very suddenly Remus was flush against his back, separated only by a thin black wife beater and Remus’ own double layer of t-shirts. His chin fit just on the top of his head–fucking rosemary, mint, and…lime? was that fucking lime?–so that if he’d been a half inch shorter or if Sirius had been a half inch taller he would have almost certainly knocked a front tooth out on the back of his head. His scalp was scorching on the tender flesh of Remus’ throat, covered in a thick blanket of black hair–so black that it was almost blue, now that his attention was zoomed all the way in–baked hot in the sun. Definitely lime.

 “You good?” Sirius chuckled as the noise of the engine sputtered to silence, turning his head slightly, and Remus felt the words against his chest more than he heard them. He released the slim hip bone that fit neatly in his hand as if it had suddenly grown thorns and shoved himself backward, nearly kicking Sirius in the head in his hurry to get off the four wheeler and put some goddamn space between them.

 “Good? Jesus Christ, kid, you are trying to kill me!” he exclaimed, glad to use Sirius’ reckless driving as a convenient excuse for his thready voice, his trembling hands, his racing heart.

 “Just trying to help you get into that forever 27 club, old man,” Sirius taunted, his eyes sparkling in a way that made Remus feel like prey.

 “Fuck off,” he huffed, the effect somewhat mitigated by the fact that he was still trying to catch his breath. He shoved one hand into his jeans pocket, grabbing for his cigarettes.

 “See, there you go. You’re a self fulfilling prophecy just walking around out here,” Sirius continued. He bounced nonchalantly into the precious space that Remus had created and snatched the cigarette from between his fingers. “Light?” He was helpless, handing it over without resistance. Sirius lit his cigarette and handed the lighter back to him, tilting his head and blowing a thin stream of smoke down and to the side, catching the light of a slanted sunbeam and filling it with swirling currents of hazy grey. Remus watched for a moment too long before he fumbled to light another cigarette and blew the smoke forcefully upward, unsticking the hair from his forehead.

 Maybe thirty seconds passed, the hot July air pressing in on them in the dim, dusty barn that smelled maddeningly of motor oil, cigarette smoke, and lime. Remus stared steadfastly at his smoke. The silence was thick and syrupy between them and Sirius’ eyes were dark–nearly charcoal in the shadows. Remus inhaled. Messy curls fell over Sirius’ bare shoulders. Smoke burnt Remus’ lungs, nicotine buzzed in his head. There were tiny dewdrops of sweat at Sirius’ hairline. Remus exhaled. 

 James sputtered back into the barn moments later and shut off his four wheeler with a scowl, his cheeks and his forehead covered in angry red scratches. “Ran into a a fucking sticker bush,” he bitched, rubbing his cheek uselessly with a dirty palm. “Shit, that stings.”

 “Looks good on you though,” Sirius complimented him, sounding earnest enough that James whipped an empty beer can at him and nailed him in the side. “Ow! Okay, fine, you look like shit!” he amended, dodging the next two cans and ducking behind Remus to use his larger frame as a shield. “Get fucked, Potter. I’ve got the boss on my side.”

 “Who said I’m on your side?” Remus asked dryly, raising one brow as he regarded Sirius over his shoulder.

 “You are, quite literally, on my side,” Sirius explained, gesturing indignantly at the space between the three of them. “Plus I saved you. Drove you all the way back like a knight on my noble steed. You’d still be lost in the woods if I hadn’t brought you back. You owe me.”

 “You didn’t even notice he wasn’t with us until I said something,” James scoffed, picking up the cans and depositing them into the trash bin next to the door. “If he owes anybody it’s me.”

 “I don’t owe anybody anything,” Remus informed them, but Sirius had launched himself onto James’ back in a sneak attack and the two of them were well past listening to anything he had to say. He rolled his eyes and stepped out of the muggy barn air into the cool breeze of fast approaching evening. The sun was hanging low in the sky and the outdoor lights that were strung throughout the Potters’ garden had just come on, casting the party in a warm glow that was still a bit too bright for how drunk many of the guests seemed to have gotten. He could hear easy, unguarded laughter and the shrieks of children who had gone unattended for long enough to find partners-in-crime and make mischief. The scent of charcoal and expensive meat lingered in the air. 

 “Hey, come on,” Sirius commanded him breathlessly, tumbling out after him and dancing away from James’ last swing.

 “Where are we going?” Remus asked, even as Sirius’ hand shot out to grab his elbow and drag him back across the yard.

 “James is going to go help his dad with the fireworks. Me and you are going to get the vodka out of my room,” he detailed matter-of-factly.

 “Oh?”

 “Yep.” He didn’t release Remus’ arm until they reached the house, going through the kitchen and back up the stairs but turning left instead of right and crossing the landing over the front door. At the far end of the house Sirius pushed through a door. “Ta da!” he announced magnificently, throwing one arm wide to present his room.

 Sirius’ bedroom was a perfect representation of him in tangible space; a whirlwind of laundry, CDs, candy wrappers, books, soda cans, and contraband. The walls were painted black–not the flat, rebellious black that Remus had painted his own walls at thirteen, but a velvety matte color that matched the sophistication of the rest of the house. There was a sprawling king sized bed that had been shoved into the far corner with blood red sheets spilling off into the floor and a nest of pillows that looked as if it might still be warm. There were shelves along the whole of one wall stuffed haphazardly with various objects and no discernable method of organization, a large desk littered in pencils, sketch pads and what at a glance appeared to be surgical equipment, and sitting across from the bed was an exquisite (and no doubt expensive) upright piano, deep black with a matching leather seat. “You play?” was all Remus could think to say, nodding toward it.

 Sirius rolled his eyes in a way that moved his entire body. “Ugh, yes. Lessons since I was three,” he complained. “Don’t ask, I’m not doing it.”

 “I wasn’t going to,” Remus lied. Sirius gave him a knowing smile and dropped to his knees, slithering his top half under the bed. He wiggled around for a few seconds and reappeared triumphantly with a half-empty bottle of cherry flavored vodka in one hand. “Burnett’s? I thought you rich kids all drank Goldschlagger or some shit,” Remus scoffed.

 “I’m not rich,” Sirius said with a totally straight face. Remus turned fully around from where he had been inspecting the titles of the books on the shelves with a disdainful look. “I’m not!” he laughed, falling back onto the bed and twisting the top off of the bottle. “James is rich, and I used to be rich, and to be totally honest, I’ll be rich again after my birthday. But at the moment, no. Guess you can say I’m between riches.” He raised the bottle as if in a toast and took a swig without flinching. “So Burnett’s it is.”

 “What happens on your birthday?” Remus asked, only mildly distracted by the book he picked off the shelf and had begun to flip through.

 “I get my inheritance,” he grinned. 

 That made Remus look up. “Oh, I didn’t realize–”

 “It’s fine, it isn’t like, it’s, okay.” Sirius took a breath, apparently feeling this needed further context. “My mom’s family is super, super rich. Oil and some other evil shit like that. My uncle left me his shares in the family trust when he died. It’s really awesome, actually. I didn’t even know him that well, but he didn’t have any kids of his own and I guess he hated my parents about as much as I do, because they can’t stand it. They thought they were cutting me off and now there’s nothing they can do about it. I’ll have more money than they do.” He laughed at the last bit, but it sounded brittle. “So, yeah, I’ll be rich again and then I can drop out of college and live happily ever after with a motorcycle and a big dog and a nose ring.”

 “Nose ring?” Remus snorted.

 “Effie won’t let me get one while I live in her house,” he shrugged. He held out the bottle toward Remus in an offer.

 “I’m good, I don’t drink. So, wait, you’re dropping out?” Remus circled back, putting the book down and moving on to inspect a large chunk of quartz.

 “What? You drink. We just drank,” Sirius protested, gesturing at the darkening sky out the window.

 “I don’t drink liquor,” Remus clarified.

 “What’s the difference?”

 “The alcohol content?” he chuckled. “Why are you dropping out?”

 “Why don’t you drink?” Sirius shot back.

 Remus blinked at him and shifted his weight. “I just don’t drink,” he said again. “Is that a problem?”

 “No, no problem,” Sirius shrugged, backtracking quickly and looking down at the floor. “I’m just surprised. I thought you were drinking with everybody the other night.”

 “Nope.” Remus turned away from the uncomfortable line of questioning, his attention drawn instead to the desk. “What’s this?”

 The sudden sickly scent of artificial cherry announced Sirius’ arrival at Remus’ elbow. “My kit,” he replied brightly. “I do my own, didn’t I tell you?”

 “All of them?” Remus asked, studying the tattoos scrawled up and down both of the younger man’s arms with renewed interest.

 “I got my first one at a shop. I wasn’t impressed so I just took it from there,” he smirked, twisting around to show Remus the large outline of a barn owl with its wings spread across the span of Sirius’ back, just peeking out of the top of his tank top.

 “Yeah, your’s are better,” Remus agreed absently, his eyes traveling over the intricate markings all done in black against his skin. A proud flush crept up Sirius’ neck–or maybe it was a drunken flush, as he kept taking long swigs from the bottle.

 “Do you have any?” he asked, his eyes bright.

 “Tattoos? No. Never got around to it, I guess,” Remus replied, then paused for half a beat as he took in the grin that was blooming on Sirius’ rose petal lips. “No. Stop that. No way.”

 “Yes way! Yes, we’re definitely doing it,” he proclaimed. “Tonight. We’re doing it tonight!”

 “Okay, as much as we’re not doing it, we’re definitely not doing it tonight,” Remus rebuked, hoping he sounded very stern. “I’m not an expert, but I’m fairly certain the artist should be sober.”

 “Damn, you really aren’t an expert,” Sirius laughed. “All right, all right, okay, all right. Fine. But think about what you want, because it’s happening. August 23rd. That’s your deadline.”

 “Why August 23rd?” Remus asked, tilting his head.

 “That’s when we move back into the dorms,” Sirius explained, whirling around quickly and wobbling almost imperceptibly, his hand tightening on the bottle neck. “Come on, I don’t want to miss the show.”

 “I thought you said you were dropping out,” Remus said again, following him out into the hallway.

 “I’m not twenty-one until November,” he explained slowly, like this was something that Remus should know. “I only get the trust if I have a current 3.5 GPA or higher and if I have a clean record.”

Something tugged hard behind Remus’ navel, like missing a step, and he halted with a frown. “Hang on. Are you serious?”

Sirius’ entire face lit up. “Yes! I am Sirius!” he declared happily, and Remus could have hit him in his gorgeous idiot mouth.

“I called the fucking cops on you! You could have lost your whole trust fund over a stupid lion on a bathroom wall? How could you be so–”

“It isn’t stupid,” Sirius interrupted, his expression gone stony.

“What?”

“My lion. It isn’t stupid,” he bristled, turning away and starting down the stairs without looking to see if Remus was following him. Of course, he was.

“Okay? That’s not really the point–”

“No? Sounded like the point.” Sirius’ tone was clipped and cold and he was walking faster than before. He took another drink at the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey. Sirius, hey, can you–”

He turned suddenly, thunder and lightning crashing angrily in those eyes. “What? You’re not my fucking dad, Remus, I don’t give a fuck what you think and you can’t tell me what to do. I mean, when we’re not at work, and we’re not at work, so,” he exclaimed all at once, blinking too quickly. “My lion isn’t stupid.”

“I didn’t mean to call it stupid,” Remus amended carefully, both hands out in a placating gesture. “That was a poor choice of words. I just meant…reckless. It was a really reckless thing to do for very little reward. What if Kenny had insisted on pressing charges? What if the Potters' hadn’t been willing to bail you out–”

Oh, that had been the wrong thing to say. “They don’t bail me out!” Sirius roared, his fists clenching and his entire body going stiff with fury. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, okay? It’s my fucking life and I don’t need anyone to bail me out of fucking anything! I don’t give a shit about the money, okay? They couldn’t buy me and you can’t either. Fuck. You.”

“Whoa, Sirius, hey,” Remus frowned, shocked by the sudden outburst. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, man. You’re right, I’m, I’m being an asshole. I’m being an asshole, yeah? You’re breathing really fast, man, chill out.”

“I’m fine!” he bit out, voice ragged and higher pitched than normal.

“Totally fine,” Remus nodded, hands out like he was soothing an agitated dog. “It’s my bad. I’m sorry. I just…I just felt bad for calling the cops. I felt like an asshole so I acted like one. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean it.”

Sirius was trembling, emotions crashing through him in visible waves. It was both entrancing and scary, totally foreign to Remus who had been swallowing every feeling he’d had since childhood. Sirius felt everything it seemed, in the span of a few seconds, and then his breathing began to even out and he brought his hands up in front of his heart, twisting the cap off of the Burnett’s bottle with more force than necessary. “Yeah. Well. I made you chase me. You almost got my vast fortune taken from me. We’re even.” He took two long pulls and Remus did not watch the way his slender throat worked around each practiced swallow, did not wonder how luxurious soft it was inside, how wet and warm. “Come on. It’s almost dark.” He was slurring by that point and Remus fervently hoped they didn’t run into the Potters.

Sirius led them through the living room this time and grabbed an expensive-looking (though frankly, it was all expensive-looking) throw blanket off of an armchair in the corner and brought it outside with them where he headed without hesitation down to the lacrosse field. Most of the party-goers had pulled chairs over to the southern side of the garden and were waiting in muted anticipation and Remus could just barely make out the shapes of what had to be James and Monte bent over a cluster of large boxes to the east. Remus followed Sirius down the hill, rubbing his palms awkwardly on his jeans while Sirius spread the cashmere blanket on the manicured grass. “Sit,” he ordered, flopping down unceremoniously. He uncapped the bottle again but didn’t drink, staring at the ground in front of him blankly.

Remus sat next to him carefully and licked his lips. “I don’t think your lion is stupid,” he said after a moment of charged silence.

“You said it wasn’t bad,” Sirius reminded him, sounding sad about it.

“It’s really good. I was still mad when I said that,” Remus insisted, leaning sideways just enough to nudge Sirius’ knee with his elbow. “Don’t give me the silent treatment, it’s weird.”

“I wasn’t, just…I was thinking,” he murmured, and Remus could see that his brow was furrowed even in the near darkness. He waited patiently. “I only talk about them because…I dunno, I don’t…I don’t want anyone to think that I’m like them, you know? So it’s like, like I’ve gotta get ahead of it. I dunno. That’s stupid.”

“It’s not,” Remus shook his head quietly.

“I’m not like them,” he declared forcefully, too loud in the quiet night.

“Okay,” Remus nodded, and he didn’t know these people but he believed it with all his heart. That seemed to satisfy the younger man for a moment, because his long lashes fluttered in the moonlight and he heaved a sigh, laying back on the ground with his arms over his head and knocking the bottle–nearly empty now–carelessly to the ground.

“Oh, fuck,” he muttered, unbothered. Remus was the one to reach over and right it, saving the last few shots from the parched grass. “I got too drunk.”

“It’s okay,” Remus smirked. “Good thing you’re already home.”

Sirius just hummed in reply and rolled onto his side, facing Remus, one arm stretched out under his head. “You’re there too,” he mumbled lazily, his free arm sweeping up toward the sky. “D’j’you know?”

“Huh?”

“In the sky. M’Sirius, like, the star? You’re Remus, like, the moon. Which makes a lotta sense, ya know, ‘cause you’re, like, moony. Ya know?” He sounded half asleep and Remus wondered if he was going to have to carry his drunk, underaged ass back up the hill. He didn’t find himself nearly as annoyed by the thought as he might have expected.

“Moony?” he laughed softly.

“Yeah. Moony,” he repeated drowsily. At that moment the fireworks started and Sirius gasped, bolting upright with red and green starbursts reflected in his wide eyes. He oohed and ahhed like an awestruck child, startling when the pops were unexpectedly loud and laughing out loud when one of the fireworks made the clear shape of a smiley face. Remus thought it was hands down the best, most beautiful show he’d ever seen. The fireworks weren’t bad either.

Chapter Text

 “But what’s wrong with it, though?” Sirius asked again, squinting up at the top of the ferris wheel in the bright midday sun.

 “I don’t know,” Remus sighed, answering him for at least the tenth time. “It’s never run. Probably rusted solid, I have no idea.”

 “You’ve never even tried to get it running?” he pressed in disbelief.

 “I don’t believe in inheriting other people’s problems,” Remus grumbled, though it occurred to him even as he said it that it wasn’t true. Sirius didn’t point this out, staring wistfully at the ancient heap. Remus had been spending the first few uneventful hours of his shift kicked back against the side of the go-kart shack making small talk with Frank, not avoiding anyone in particular, when Sirius had popped his head around the corner with his signature shit-eating grin. Frank found himself almost immediately preoccupied with some overdue maintenance in the yard rather than suffer them both, leaving Remus alone with his newly appointed shadow.

 “I bet I could do it,” Sirius nodded resolutely.

 “Do what?” Remus asked, arching an eyebrow.

 “Get it running,” he answered, like it was obvious.

 “You’re crazy. Not happening,” Remus scoffed.

 “Wanna bet?” he shot back, eyes glittering with the challenge.

 “No. And if I see you monkeying around on that fucking thing I’ll take your head off, got me? Stay away from it, it’s dangerous,” Remus ordered, leveling him with his most menacing glare.

 “Geez, okay,” he laughed, lifting his hands in surrender. “Didn’t know you cared so much, bossman.”

 “I care about the liability,” Remus said pointedly. “Technically you aren’t even employed here. Actually, just thinking about this is giving me an ulcer, so just promise me you’ll stay off of it.” Sirius let out a loud guffaw at the grimace on the older man’s face.

 “I’ll do what I can,” he shrugged indifferently.

 “Don’t you have something to do? I can find something,” Remus threatened half-heartedly.

 “Yeah, Lily asked me to power wash the patio area but she doesn’t know where the power washer is. I’m supposed to be asking you,” he smirked, tilting his head amiably so that his ear was nearly touching his shoulder. Remus couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of him, only managing to turn it into a snort at the last second. “What? I’m here, I’m asking you.”

 “It’s in the maintenance shed,” Remus said as he let Sirius grab both of his hands and pull him to his feet. Despite the growing heat, Sirius’ fingers were like ice.

 “Fuck, you’re heavy,” he grunted. “And no, it isn’t. I looked.”

 “Do you even know what it looks like?” Remus asked skeptically. Sirius opened his mouth to answer, then hesitated for a beat, the corners of his mouth turning upward sheepishly. “Good God, come on.”

 Sirius bounded at his heels like a puppy. “So. How’s your day?” he asked, drawing out the words in an obnoxious sing-songy cadence that had Remus gritting his teeth in an effort not to smile.

 “Fine,” he replied warily. “Uneventful. Hope to keep it that way.”

 “Do you know what today is?” Sirius chirped, practically bouncing on his toes as they made their way through the early crowd, relatively thin and consisting mostly of younger kids who would be worn out and heading home before the hottest part of the day.

 “Thursday?” Remus guessed.

 “Moony, you wound me!” he gasped dramatically, throwing his hand back against his forehead. “It’s our anniversary!”

 “Stop calling me that. And no it is not.”

 “Is too.”

 “Is not.”

 “Literally, is too.”

 “What are y’all flirting about now?” Lily popped up on Remus’ other side so suddenly that he flinched. “I sent you to get the goddamn thing an hour ago.”

 “We aren’t flirting,” Sirius grouched. “In fact, Moony’s being very mean to me and denying our anniversary.”

 “Meaney Moony,” she grinned.

 “Let’s not get that started,” Remus grumbled, pulling out his key ring as they arrived at the maintenance shed and squinting down at it. “I don’t have–”

 “Told you, I already looked,” Sirius smirked, stepping in front of him and slotting a loose key into the padlock. “You should keep a better eye on your shit.”

 “You picked my pocket?” Remus asked, his eyebrows shooting upward in disbelief as the door to the shed swung open and Sirius and Lily stepped past him into the musty darkness.

 “Yep. Twice,” he affirmed easily. “So where’s this supposed power washer?” He stopped short in front of Lily who had turned on her heel and gestured grandly to the machine in question that was sitting in plain sight in the center of the room. “Oh. Is that it?”

 “Fucking useless rich kids,” she groaned, chomping her gum irritably. “You’re fired. Now go wash my patio before I beat your ass.”

 “Hey, don’t fault me for what’s out of my control. It was my destiny to be sheltered and beautiful and want for nothing. Written in the stars,” Sirius informed her, lifting a hand over his head and twirling his wrist mystically.

 “Right,” Lily snorted. “Just get it done.”

 “Aye-aye, el capitan,” he agreed as he began to haul it out of the shed, throwing mocking salute at her and a wink at Remus who steadfastly pretended not to see, still wondering when Sirius could have slid his slender hand into his front pocket for his keys. Lily came to stand next to him, arms crossed over her chest and shaking her head as she watched Sirius pull the power washer over to the concrete pavilion.

 “So, did you really hire them, or…?” she chewed, looking up at Remus with raised brows.

 “Them,” Remus replied flatly.

 “The Wonder Twins. Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Fuckhead. Don’t play stupid.” She paused and the quality of the air between them seemed to shift. “Are you and he–”

 “Lily, shut up,” he shot, the blood rushing instantly to his ears and his cheeks. “No. That’s- no. He’s- they- the fuckin’, the wall, it was–”

 “Hey, okay, shit,” she blinked in surprise, turning fully around so that she was standing between him and the door, her hands out and prepared to steady him. “Remus, chill out. It isn’t a big deal.”

 His eyes widened until he thought they might fall out of his head. “Lily, that is not…no. No. They– Kenny made a deal with their parents. Free labor and we don’t press charges for vandalism. That’s, that’s all. I don’t know why–”

 “Because I’m not blind, and I know you, Remus. I know that weirds you out, or whatever, but I’m the best friend you’ve got and I can tell when you’re simping,” she told him, her tone going uncharacteristically gentle. As quickly as the softness had seeped into her voice, it was gone again. “And there’s no shame in it. I know they’re young, but that big one knows his way around the fuckin’ block, I’m telling you.” She waggled her eyebrows lewdly and that got an unwitting breath of shaky laughter from Remus. “How was the barbeque?”

 “Very professional,” he grunted. She let out a huff that was part laughter, part exasperation and dropped her hands from his arms.

 “Great, awesome, glad you had a very professional time,” she scoffed. “You know that I’ve never bought this bullshit celibate monk routine you’ve got going on, and I’m not about to start now. I see you, dude. You’re as horny as the rest of us. Probably hornier, when’s the last time you even–”

 “Thank you!! Thank you, Lily, for the astute observations!” he cut her off with a low growl, his heart pounding.

 “I’m just saying,” she laughed, stepping aside so that he could move past her into the fresh air. The padlock was left hanging open on the door latch, but the key had been taken and Remus clenched his teeth.

 “Little brat,” he muttered, earning another gleeful cackle from Lily.

 “Oh my god! You’re practically drooling,” she grinned, grabbing his elbow and leaning in conspiratorially. “I think it’s cute. I’ll ask the other one if he’s into guys–”

 “Lily.” All the joking had suddenly ended and Remus’ tone was deadly. “I mean it, Lil, you can’t say anything. Okay? I need you to promise.”

 “Remus, it’s not–”

 “Promise me, Lily. I’m not– I don’t– just promise,” he pleaded, one hand clamping down on her forearm harder than he intended. “It’s not a joke. I don’t want– I just– please?”

 “All right, geez,” she frowned, pulling her arm away. Remus couldn’t help glancing around them furtively, though no one was within earshot. “It’s the 21st century, dude, you need to go to therapy or something. Everyone deserves to get laid once in a while.”

 “I don’t need– fuck, Lily, just– you promise?” he demanded, his amber eyes wild.

 “I promise. I promise, Rem. I would never tell anybody,” she assured him sincerely. There was a pause when she met his eyes with her’s–the deep trustworthy green of cool, shaded pools–and he took a breath. Lily nodded once and he nodded back. One corner of her mouth lifted coyly. “But I bet you a hundred bucks he’s into it. If those two aren’t jerking each other off in their spare time I’m the goddamn Queen of England.”

 “I can’t. I just can’t with you, I swear to god,” Remus groaned, bringing the heels of his hands to his eyes and threading his fingers back through his sweaty mop. “I need to re-enter society at some point, so can you please?”

 “It isn’t my fault you’ve got the sensibilities of a little old lady,” she shrugged, grinning up at him devilishly. “I’m not gonna say anything, but I will find out. Watch me.”

 “I don’t care either way,” Remus hissed. “He’s practically a kid and I’m not interested.”

 “Then why didn’t you just say that in the first place?” she accused sweetly. He bared his teeth and she preened. “Let’s go splash some water on your face before you combust.” Without another word she slipped her arm through his and tugged him along with her through the slowly growing crowd back to concessions.

 They went around the back and into the side door which gave them a view of Sirius’ lion but allowed them to avoid the artist who was spraying down the steaming concrete pad under the six grimy picnic tables out front while accidentally on purpose soaking the shoes of random passersby. Emmaline and Chris were inside, posted up next to the register sharing a set of earbuds and an iPod between them. “Hey Remus,” Chris greeted him, tugging the hot pink cord out of his ear and straightening his shoulders.

 “Hey Chris,” he smiled, some of the restlessness in his chest settling. “Emmaline.”

 “Sup boss,” she yawned, staring out the front window with wistful nonchalance. Remus grabbed a light blue gatorade from the back fridge and drained half of it in one go. “Does anyone know if Mary’s fucked the new guy yet?”

 Remus, clearly unable to catch a break, choked on his drink. “No? I thought he was gay,” Lily shrugged, leaning forward onto her elbows across the front counter to join Emmaline in her blatant ogling.

 “You think?” Emmaline frowned, whipping her head around to raise sculpted eyebrows at Chris questioningly.

 “What? I don’t know,” he snorted, his face going red as he turned pointedly away from Remus. “How would I know?”

 “You can’t tell?” she asked disbelievingly.

 “Is this really work appropriate?” Remus asked wearily, leaning back against the wall where he was very grateful that he could not see whatever show the three of them were watching with a little too much interest.

 “Complain to HR,” Lily dismissed. “I think he is, though. He’s…springy, you know? Straight guys don’t walk like that.”

 “No, that’s just because he’s rich,” Emmaline disagreed, licking her glossy lips and poising her tongue coquettishly between her teeth. “Do you know who he is?”

 “Nobody,” Lily scoffed. “Having a famous mommy and daddy doesn’t make you anyone.”

 “It makes you riiiiich,” Emmaline sing-songed, and they both burst into girlish laughter. Something dark was uncurling in Remus’ stomach and he tried not to look as supremely uncomfortable as he felt listening to gossip about Sirius’ parents and fortune and sex life. He clenched his fists and took another long drink. “I think he’s real hot,” she went on, sighing as she combed her fingers absentmindedly through the ends of her blonde hair. “Mary said she was going to get him to ask her out but, shit, how long do I have to wait around for that to happen?”

 “There’s no such thing as dibs when it comes to people. That’s human trafficking,” Lily informed her matter-of-factly. “Anyone who wants some better jump on it before it’s too late.” Remus ground his teeth at the back of her head.

 “Don’t mind if I do,” Emmaline smirked, smoothing her hair back down and adjusting her bra through the altered t-shirt she was wearing, the sleeves rolled up to her tan shoulders and a deep V cut into the crew neck to show off her minimal cleavage. Remus rolled his eyes so hard that his head followed with it and he pitched himself forward off the wall.

 “On that note,” he grumbled, making a hasty exit through the door to his right out into the sunshine. It was baking hot and he could smell the moisture evaporating off the concrete as quickly as it was sprayed. He steeled himself as he came around the corner and was greeted by Sirius who had removed his shirt and had it slung it carelessly over one shoulder. Beads of water from the power washer’s spray were collecting in his hair and on his shoulders, glittering and running down his chest and arms in sparkling little rivulets. There were more symbols on display, scrawled across his ribs and stomach in stark black ink–and low between his hip bones in elegant script, barely peeking out of the top of his soaked skinny jeans, was inked the word ‘woof’. Remus exhaled like he’d been punched.

 “Sirius!” Emmaline called through the window behind him, waving one arm to get his attention. He turned around and in a split second his oversized skate shoe was skidding forward in an errant puddle, his other leg kicked out in front of him and his arms flailing wildly as he careened toward Remus on one heel. The older man took a single step to the side without thinking and hooked one arm around Sirius’ waist, yanking him hard into his chest. They collided with a quiet ‘oof’, Sirius’ feet scrabbling for purchase on the slick concrete for a moment as both hands came to clutch at Remus’ biceps for support. He was all wet skin and wide eyes and Remus gripped him too hard for a moment before sense took back over and he forced him back to arm’s length.

 “Watch what you’re doing,” he scowled, releasing him backward into the nearest picnic table. Sirius grunted, his mouth stretching into a wide grin.

 “Sorry boss,” he laughed, rubbing the reddening handprint on his shoulder. Remus looked down at the wet Sirius shaped imprint on his own clothes. “Thanks for saving me.”

 “Quit messing around and put that thing away,” Remus grouched, keeping his eyes low and nowhere near the deadly jut of those hip bones. “And put your damn shirt on.”

 “Geez, sor-ry,” Sirius repeated, emphasizing the second syllable and raising his pruny hands in defense as he bent to pick up the hose from where it had fallen, still spraying and wiggling snakishly on the ground. “Oops.” He brought it up in front of him in one quick motion and sprayed Remus from bottom to top with the pressurized jet, making him shout once and jerk back in shock.

 “You little fuckin–” Remus went to grab him but Sirius was quicker and danced just out of range with a giggle. Remus wiped water from his eyes with a growl, ignoring the laughter of the concessions crew that were hanging in the window as well as not a small number of park guests who were watching the show with amusement. Sirius never failed to draw an audience. “Enough of that shit. I’m serious.”

 “No, I’m–”

 “Sirius.”

 “Okay, okay,” he laughed brightly, the apples of his cheeks pink from the sun and fully swelled around boyish dimples. He was the center of attention, fully in his element, and magic crackled in the air around him. “Sorry I got you so wet,” he winked, pointing the nozzle straight up into the sky. There were shrieks of delight and giggles from the crowd around them as the resulting shower rained down in a burst of rainbow iridescence in the beaming sunlight. “Oops,” he said again without a trace of remorse, finally releasing the flow trigger and moving to turn the machine off and disconnect the hose.

 “Shirt. On,” Remus instructed, snapping his fingers. Sirius flashed him another grin over his shoulder and straightened, shaking out his hair, rolling his shoulders, and stretching his lean body as he shimmied back into the damp fabric.

 “Sirius!” Emmaline called again, this time with a note of impatience. He turned around to face her and this time managed to keep his footing. She leaned over the counter with a coy smile, pressing her chest forward and blinking her thick lashes. “I want you to take me out.”

 “Nah, m’good. Thanks Em,” he answered breezily, blowing her a kiss. And because he was a grown man–nay, a grownass man–with no business feeling anything that even remotely resembled butterflies, Remus felt nothing; no distinct swoop in his belly, no creeping warmth up his neck, not even an ounce of satisfaction at Sirius’ reply. 

 Remus was done–stick a fucking fork in him, thank you very much– with the kids and their games and spent the rest of the afternoon sequestered in the office with a stack of overdue paperwork and Kenny, who was slouched in his usual spot behind the ticket window watching old reruns on the 24/7 game show channel and shelling sunflower seeds with his teeth. He licked his thumb between each grimy bill he handled and pressed three meaty fingertips into his lips with each dip into the bag of seeds. Remus tried not to watch, feeling vaguely nauseated, but each time the silence stretched on too comfortably and he began to relax Kenny would let out a wet belch of laughter at his show paired with, “Seen that, RJ?” and a pronounced spit into the neck of the plastic Coke bottle that was half filled with chewed shells. Kenny was his mother’s brother and the man had been good enough to give him a job and a place to stay when he needed one, but fuck if he wasn’t the most obnoxious person alive.

 “What?” Remus asked again, gritting his teeth as a creeping ache beginning to close around the back of his head like a vice.

 “Those boys, the ones that had you fallin’ all over yourself last week,” Kenny reminded him, barring his teeth in a mean grin. Remus chewed his cheek instead of rolling his eyes. “They doing good?”

 “Fine. Good kids,” he nodded, eyes steadfastly on the desktop.

 “Well see there! Didn’t I tell ya? Good boys from a good family, just a little spirited is all. Tried to tell you that night, but you were wound so goddamn–”

 “Yeah, you were right,” he interrupted, his voice clipped.

 “Where they at now?” Kenny pressed.

 “James is in the petting zoo. I’ve got Sirius on maintenance,” Remus muttered, blinking at the paperwork in front of him before giving up and leaning back in the chair with the heels of his hands pressed to his eyes. “Why, you feel like helping out in the yard? A little nostalgic, old man?” He was trying for levity, but his voice came out strained and he cleared his throat. “You’re on your own with that one, s’fucking hot out there.”

 “RJ, you drinking water?” Kenny asked, a sharpness to his voice that hadn’t been there before.

 Remus straightened instantly, ignoring the way the world fizzled a bit at the edges. “Yeah. I’m good. Just these kids running me into the ground. I’m fine.”

 Kenny nodded, just as content to move on from the subject as Remus was. “You’re good at keeping ‘em in line, bud. They like ya. More than they like me by a far sight. ‘Cept maybe that little Mary, she bats those big brown eyes like she might let me. Think she’d let me, RJ?” When Remus grimaced his uncle let out another rip of laughter like he thought that was the funniest shit he’d ever heard and stood with a wheeze, scratching his gut through his stained polo. “Nah, I’m too old for one like that. Wouldn’t know what to do with it. You, on the other hand, you’re a young man. You should–”

“Yup, thanks,” Remus gulped, shaking his head to ward off the unwelcome advice. What was it Sirius had said? That he was having ‘a day’? Remus was definitely having a day. Kenny cackled again and plodded toward the small bathroom at the back of the office.

 “You’re a hoot, boy. Watch the window,” he chuckled, and shut the door with a grunt.

 Remus grabbed the worn paperback from the top of the stack on the low filing cabinet and moved to the leather chair buffed smooth by over a decade of Kenny’s ample ass, not wanting to be anywhere near the bathroom door when it opened again. He muted the game show channel and kicked his Docs up onto the counter in front of the small television set, opening the book and holding it in one hand with the spine bent backward so that the cover was hidden. He was just delving into the underlying tension of Lady Narborough’s dinner party when there was a soft throat-clearing at the window.

 “Sorry, sorry about that!” Remus startled, yanking his feet down and leaning forward. “How many– oh.” Remus did his best not to play favorites and to treat his crew the same no matter what he thought of them personally, but he had yet to find another human being on the earth that got under his skin quite like Severus Snape. He’d slunk his way into a position four years earlier, interviewing for a spot just two weeks after Lily did with references from the same Blockbuster she’d just quit. At first Remus had chalked it up to a coincidence, but the blank look that Lily pasted on when she saw him in the Funland t-shirt was all the information that he needed. Since then Sev had proved himself only as dedicated to his job as he was to lurking around concessions and offering Lily rides home in his rattling GMC Jimmy every night.

“He’s harmless, just a little creepy,” she insisted, rolling her eyes. “We grew up next door to each other, he’s, well, you’ve just got to know how he is. Don’t worry about Sev.”

“I’m not worried, I don’t like the little prick,” Remus growled, only to receive light laughter in return. Still, he showed up for work–relentlessly–and did the bare minimum with just enough sincerity to skate by and had never so much as given Remus a reason to write him up. Regardless of how closely he looked.

 “Hello to you too,” drawled Sev, his smile sharp and sarcastic. “Must be a good book.”

 “Yeah. What’s up?” Remus asked, feeling the corners of his mouth tick downward in automatic displeasure.

 “I just wanted to let you know that the power’s flickering in the arcade again, for the third time. I thought you had that new kid fix the breakers?” he sniffed.

 “I’ll look at it,” Remus assured him wearily. He didn’t fuck off right away, and Remus did his best not to sigh. “Something else?”

 “I was wondering when the graffiti was going to be cleaned up,” he soured.

 The sigh Remus had been doing his best to suppress heaved out of him. “I don’t know, Sev, Lily wants to leave it. Kenny doesn’t care. I barely give a shit. Why, what’s it matter?”

 “It’s trashy,” he bit out, his moist upper lip curling to reveal uneven yellow teeth.

 “Fits right in, then,” Remus muttered.

 Sev scowled. “Are you really–”

 “Look, if it bothers you that much you can clean it up yourself, okay? It doesn’t matter to anyone else and I’m not going to waste manpower on it,” he snapped. Sev’s scowl became a sneer and Remus spoke again before he could pollute the air with any more of his nasal complaints. “I’ve got more pressing shit to deal with. Like your breakers, right? In fact, who’s watching the arcade right now?”

 He narrowed his dark eyes. “Fine,” he shot. “If that’s the kind of establishment you want to run.”

 “One where the arcade stays open through the busiest part of the afternoon? It is,” Remus answered tiredly. “Let me worry about my shit, you worry about your shit. Sound good?” Sev tossed his greasy curtain of black hair and stalked back in the direction of the arcade. “Nice fucking talk,” he muttered to himself, barely getting another paragraph into his book when a gaggle of teenage girls grouped up at the window for tickets. It wouldn’t really get crowded until closer to dark and there would inevitably be some kind of fire that would need putting out that would drive him from the solace of the office, and Remus was intent on finishing the chapter before that time came.

 He read the same paragraph twice over again and helped two more groups before Kenny came out of the bathroom waving his Bassmaster in the air. “Whew-ee, boy. Steer clear’a there for awhile. If this park don’t kill me it’ll be your auntie’s cookin’, I tell ya,” he grimaced, stepping sideways through the narrow gap between the desk and the wall. The “auntie” he was referring to was Remus’ age and likely unable to cook anything that didn’t come in a box with instructions printed on the side. There was no reason to point this out, and instead Remus heaved himself out of Kenny’s chair and flopped down onto the creaky futon that sat against the far wall.

 “Remus, get your ass down here!” Lily crackled over the walkie clipped to his jeans the moment he hit the cushions, her voice urgent and harsh. “Now!”

 Remus bolted to his feet, then cursed and sat back down, sucking in a deep breath through his nose and forcing it back out. “Fuck. Okay,” he muttered, blinking spots out of his eyes and re-straightening with purpose. He clenched every muscle in his useless goddamn body, bracing his legs to force the blood up and out of them.

 “RJ,” Kenny snapped, frowning at him without moving from his chair. “You good kiddo?”

 “Fine,” Remus forced out.

 “Remus!” Lily demanded over the walkie at the same time. Three strides to the door. Grab the door frame. Five strides along the wall. Deep breath. Remus had the path memorized and could walk it even while his vision was the size of a pin. His sight was just returning to him fully when he came upon the commotion behind concessions; Lily was standing between Sirius and Sev–no, in front of Sev, shielding him from Sirius–in front of the lion painting, which had a brand new colorless smear directly in the center of its face.

 “I want him fired!” Sev screeched. “He assaulted me!”

 Sirius whirled around to face Remus. His eyes were wild and too-bright, cheeks flushed with fury and the midday sun and his hair flying loose around his head in what would have been a comical replica of his artwork if the expression on his face hadn’t been so unhinged. “What the fuck, Remus?!” he shouted, the words tearing out of him like a plea, jagged and raw. “You told him to get rid of my lion??” His voice cracked on the last word and Remus realized with a sickening lurch in his stomach that he was on the verge of tears.

 “Did you?” Lily demanded, her brow set in a furrow matching the boys’.

 Remus blinked, speechless for a moment, his hands coming up defensively as his brain put together the puzzle in front of him. “I’ve made a mistake,” he admitted slowly, trying for calm. “We need to take this inside–”

 “Inside? He fucking assaulted me!!” Sev yowled, spit flying from his mouth. 

 “Inside,” Remus repeated in a growl, forgoing calm and settling instead on intimidating as the nosy crowd of onlookers continued to grow. Sev seemed to hedge his bets, his eyes darting back and forth for a moment before he allowed Lily to drag him into the concession stand by the elbow.

 Sirius stood rooted in place, his chest heaving as he breathed rapidly through his mouth and his blazing eyes glued on Remus. “You–”

 “I didn’t,” Remus promised. “Come on, inside.” He extended an arm, reaching without touching, and after a few seconds Sirius stalked past him without another word.

 The moment Remus stepped inside the yelling erupted again. “I want to press charges! You’ve got delinquents–”

 “Oh my God, Sev, he barely touched you–”

 “He said you told him to do it.” Sirius’ voice was quieter than the others’, but it carried and shut everyone up and once again they all looked to Remus. His eyes fixed on Sev.

 “You know good and goddamn well that I did not mean for you to come down here and clean this wall,” he glowered.

 “You said–”

 “No. No I did not, and you know it.” Remus rumbled darkly. Sev seemed to shrink a bit and Remus felt heat creeping up his neck, a restless itch in his hands.

 “He-he assaulted me,” he repeated thinly, crossing his arms in front of his skinny chest.

 “He really didn’t,” Lily interjected, cocking her neck in exasperation. “He barely pushed you.”

 “You fucked up my lion!” Sirius roared, and his voice didn’t tremble or break at all. He’d gone white with rage, his fists clenched at his sides, and Remus angled himself slightly between them as Sirius took a half step toward Sev and the latter took a full step back.

 “Please, it’s not like it’s art. It’s a fucking grafitti tag and it looks like shit,” Sev spat. Remus had to throw a palm hard into the center of Sirius’ chest to keep him from flying forward.

 “Relax,” Remus ordered, barely looking at him before turning back to Sev. “I explicitly told you to keep the arcade open. What the hell is your problem?”

 The smile that hinted around the corners of Sev’s mouth was cruel. “New guy’s watching it for me,” he volunteered. “Slow day at the petting zoo.”

 “Are you kidding me?” Lily exclaimed incredulously, her eyes wide. “You wanted to know why, Sev? This, this type of shit right here is why! You always have to act like such a fucking asshole, it’s no wonder no one ever wants to hang out with you!!” That got a round of snickers from Chris and Emmaline who were still trying to sell snacks out of the window while watching the drama unfold and Sev scowled deeply.

 “Lil, did Sirius hit him?” Remus asked without a trace of laughter.

 “No,” she insisted over Sev, who was sputtering in indignation. Remus turned to Sirius whose eyes were cold and steely.

 “Did he hit you?” he asked. Sirius scoffed derisively, as if the idea were laughable, and Remus nodded, swiveling his head back around. “Get your ass back to the arcade and stay there, or you’re done. Hear me?” Sev sucked his cheek between his teeth and arched a brow like he had something to say. “I said, do you fucking hear me?”

 “Okay, Jesus,” he muttered, scuffing his feet on the concrete floor as he skulked past, giving Sirius a wide berth. Probably wise, as Sirius’ breathing was still harsh and shaky and he looked as if he was a moment away from lunging. 

 “You, with me,” Remus snapped, pointing at Sirius whose cheeks hollowed slightly as he considered his next move. Remus felt a tug behind his navel that he refused to acknowledge before taking a step toward the back door. “Come on,” he urged, softer, opening an arm to shepherd him out.

 “Don’t touch me,” Sirius shot, yanking his shoulder away from Remus before he got within a foot. He turned and walked a step ahead all the way to the office, his aristocratic chin jutted out defiantly and his jaw clenched.

 Remus reached past Sirius and grabbed the door handle to the office, ignoring the glare that the younger man threw in his direction. “Everything okay?” Kenny grunted, lifting one eye from the television.

 “Yep. Too much sun. Got it covered,” Remus nodded with a thumbs up, grabbing Sirius by the shoulder before he could speak and shoving him toward the small, rarely used break room adjoining the office. It was dusty, dim, stank of some kind of microwaved fish, and the yellowed fridge didn’t keep cool enough but Remus kept a private stash of gatorade in there that he grabbed from to offer to Sirius. He took it warily and crossed his arms without opening the bottle. Remus leaned his hips back against the edge of the square dining table in the center of the cluttered room, tilting his head to the side. “You okay?”

 “Yeah,” he frowned, pulling backward defensively. He visibly swallowed, blinking fast. “I didn’t hit him. If I had there wouldn’t be a fucking question.”

 “I know,” Remus nodded. “Are you okay?”

 The room was quiet, the noises of the midway muted into the background. Sirius’ throat worked again and he opened his mouth several seconds before any sound came out. “Yeah,” he repeated, softer this time. “I’m good. He just…he fucked up my lion.” The fight bled out of him at those words and his molten silver eyes flickered to the ground, his shoulders curving almost imperceptibly inward like he was bracing to be hit.

 “I didn’t tell him to do that,” Remus insisted sincerely. “He’s a–”

 “It’s okay,” Sirius cut him off without looking up. “It’s stupid.”

 “No it’s not,” Remus frowned, something hot settling at the bottom of his throat.

 “You were gonna clean it anyway. After the summer or whatever. It’s fine,” he mumbled.

 Remus blinked. He hadn’t considered what would happen to the lion once Sirius was gone. He watched the kid stare at the floor between them and swallow over and over, fighting hard against some barely contained emotion. “Can you fix it?” he heard himself ask.

 Sirius looked up. “What?”

 “Can you fix it?” Remus repeated, working his tongue and lips manually this time as resolve settled in.

 “I…yeah?” he frowned, regarding Remus suspiciously as if he was being tricked. “I mean, I think so.”

 “Good. Come in early tomorrow. You can work on it before we open,” Remus nodded, the matter decided. He pushed himself off the edge of the table and bent to grab a lukewarm gatorade for himself, twisting the cap too hard and sloshing a bit over the rim.

 “Are you serious?” he asked quietly, still frowning up at Remus as if there was some kind of punchline he wasn’t getting.

 “Nope, not walking into that shit again, fuck right off,” Remus deflected, tilting his head back and taking a drink. “You’re Sirius, ha ha ha. What time do you want me to open the gate in the morning? Anytime after seven.”

 “You’re–wait, you’re here at seven?” Sirius paused.

 Remus motioned up at the ceiling with his chin. “I live here,” he informed him. There was a beat while that sunk in and then it was back–that brilliant, Sirius Black grin–blinding and bright, and he let out an unsympathetic giggle.

 “Really? Remus, wow, that is so sad.”

Chapter Text

 It was bad. Catastrophic, really. Untenable, inexcusable, and unrealistic. Embarrassing. “But he’s sooo hot, James,” Sirius whined, grabbing his friend’s forearm with both hands and shaking it back and forth in the throes of his misery.

 “You keep saying,” James replied with disinterest, pulling away. Remus had met him Friday morning at seven sharp with a head full of sleep-mussed curls and a cup of coffee in his hand and ever since the base attraction that Sirius had initially felt had bloomed into a fully fledged infatuation.

 “Did I tell you how cute his apartment is? It’s like a little old man lives there, Prongs, I can’t. It’s adorable,” he groaned.

 “You told me,” James affirmed mildly.

 “What am I going to do?” he whined.

 “I don’t know, dude, fuck him? Isn’t that usually what you–”

 “What, are you saying I’m a slut?? That’s incredibly rude.”

 “Well if the kinky boots fit,” James smirked, tapping the ash off the end of the joint they were sharing into his palm and rubbing it into his jeans.

 “You’re so full of shit,” he scoffed. “Plus, he’s not exactly making any moves, here.” James snorted a laugh and dropped the smoking roach into the console between them.

 “Shit! Ouch, grab that. He’s what, like, thirty?” James sucked at the burnt spot on his thumb judgmentally.

 Sirius hurried to rescue the smoke before it extinguished itself in the cupholder. “He’s twenty-seven, and I think you know that,” he sniffed. “Fuck you, what about Red?”

 James’ face melted into something dreamy and wistful. “She’s twenty-four, and she's perfect. She’s so different than the girls at school, Pads, she–”

 “Excuse me, I'm monologuing,” Sirius complained. “You’ve got no problems, will you let me finish bitching please?”

 “Yeah, go ahead, bitch away,” James agreed.

 Sirius took a breath, but all that came out was another long groan. “James, he is so hot.” Truthfully there wasn’t much to bitch about. Remus had been unfailingly kind about the whole thing; inviting Sirius upstairs for coffee that was too strong and served without milk, watching him paint first from his kitchen window and then leaned back against the side of the balloon-dart booth, offering up compliments that seemed totally sincere without Sirius having to fish for them. He had set up trash cans and a tape perimeter around the wall when it was finished and while he had grumbled something about liability, he had also cursed loudly at Evan when he got a little too close to brushing up against it. That night while Sirius was taking out the trash he’d spotted Remus spraying a coat of sealant over the new mural and his heart leapt into his throat. Naturally, he’d whirled around and sprinted away before Remus saw him see and neither of them had mentioned it. 

 On Friday, Sirius had snatched a folded paperback out of Remus’ back pocket and before he could say a word he had the breath knocked out of him by the office wall on his back, one of Remus’ large hands splayed across his sternum. “Thanks,” he’d smirked, plucking the book back out of Sirius’ hands and brushing past him as he stood there speechless. On Saturday, Sirius had been wearing James’ earbuds and giving a rather magnificent air guitar performance for Marlene and Alice from the top of a maintenance scaffolding when the platform gave and he was suddenly sliding fifteen feet toward the ground, only to for Remus to materialize out of thin air and haul him to safety by the back of his shirt. “Stop fucking around,” he’d growled, his voice a dangerous rumble. On Sunday, there was a surprise storm that spun up out of nowhere, leaving James and Sirius dashing around in the rain to get the animals penned up and when they finally made it to concessions where the rest of the crew was huddled Remus had offered him an old sweatshirt, warm and way too big. Well, technically the offer had been to both of them, but Sirius had grabbed it from his hand lightning fast while James dripped on the floor. “You look like a drowned rat,” he’d said, and maybe Sirius was imagining things but to him it sounded fond.

 He was still wearing it even though the night was too warm, lounging in James’ passenger seat while they hotboxed his car in the Potters’ garage. It was Monday night, the park was closed, and it had been the first day since he’d met Remus that he hadn’t seen him at all–and Sirius did not miss him because that would be pathetic, as he’d already insisted twice. “I dunno man, maybe he’s into it,” James shrugged.

 “I think he’s just nice,” Sirius sighed sadly. “Which is the worst.”

 “Want me to ask Lily if he’s, ya know,” James left the end of his sentence unfinished, raising a hand between them and letting his wrist go limp.

 “No,” Sirius refused emphatically, rolling his eyes.

 “Okay? What then?” James sighed, his famous patience thinning after being on the receiving end of Sirius’ pining all damn day. “I need you to get more solution oriented if we’re going to keep talking about this.”

 “There is no solution. He’s just…so freakin’ hot, James,” he lamented, rolling his head back and taking a very dramatic toke off the nearly-spent joint.

 “I was joking before about your daddy issues, but–”

 “Stop. Let me be miserable. You’re being a bad friend,” Sirius fussed.

 “If I was a bad friend I would have ditched you already. Lily texted me an hour ago,” James informed him.

 “By all means,” he scowled, blowing a stream of smoke in James’ direction. “Be my fuckin’ guest. I’m going inside.”

 “Don’t be sensitive, I’m kidding. I’ve got to wait until her sister goes to sleep anyway,” James laughed easily, but Sirius was already turned sideways with his legs out of the car. “Pads, I didn’t mean–”

 “I know,” Sirius cut him off. He did know, but that didn’t calm the storm that was welling up in his chest. “I’m just tired. Going to bed.”

 “It’s nine-thirty,” James rolled his eyes.

 “Are you the goddamn tired police?” Sirius snapped. “We just smoked three joints back to back, you fuckin’ fiend. Now I am tired.”

 “Yeah, that was all my idea,” he smirked, laying the sarcasm on thick. “Okay, whatever, man. Go write Mrs Sirius Lupin in your diary a thousand times, get it out of your system.”

 “You’re an asshole,” Sirius muttered, slamming the car door behind him. James exclaimed something about being quiet, muted by the interior of his car, and Sirius popped his middle finger up over his shoulder without turning around. He was self aware enough to know that he was just jealous and being petty, but lacked any ability whatsoever to care. It felt like anger, visceral and familiar. He stomped up the stairs and slammed the door to his room, throwing himself headlong onto the bed without turning on any lights and burying his face in the pillows.

 Seven minutes later, which was about four minutes longer than he’d expected, there was a soft knock on the thick wooden door. “Hon?” When she wasn’t met with a banshee’s scream from inside, Effie cracked it open, casting a stream of warm light across the room. “Sweetheart, do you have something you need to talk about?”

 “No,” came the stubborn reply from underneath a snarl of sheets.

 “I find that a little hard to believe with that performance you put on just now,” she tutted, pushing the door open and picking her way across the cluttered floor. She clicked on the lamp beside Sirius’ bed and made herself comfortable on the edge, taking time to settle in before resting a hand on his hair. “It seemed to me you had a lot to say.”

 “Sorry,” he mumbled into the pillow.

 “That’s okay,” she forgave immediately, as she always did, her hand coming to life and gentle fingers combing through his tangled curls. Sirius clenched his teeth against the childlike stinging in his eyes. She waited, like she knew. “Do you want to talk?”

 “No,” he sniffed. “S’nothing. Stupid.”

 She hummed and kept petting him patiently like a lapdog. “Is Jamie being a brat?”

 “Yeah,” he laughed wetly, pressing his eyes hard into the pillowcase to be sure nothing had escaped before turning to the side to meet her sparkling gaze. “S’okay though.”

 “That’s not what’s got you slamming doors?” she guessed. He shrugged. “School’s okay?” That got a nod. “You still like your job?”

 “It’s all right,” he sulked.

 She was quiet for another moment and he tilted his head so that she could scratch his scalp. “You’re not in any trouble?” He shook his head under her hand and she sighed softly. “All right, love. You know you can come to us if you want to chat about it, don’t you?”

 “It’s really nothing. M’just dumb,” he muttered.

 “Not my clever Sirius,” she argued gently. It was ridiculous, but her praise made him silently preen like he was still just a little kid. Below them there was the telltale clunk of the garage door opening and neither made a sound while they listened to James’ car back out of the garage and zip down the driveway. “So. What’s the little girlfriend like?”

 “Oh God. She’s a menace,” Sirius groaned, flopping over onto his back. “She’s so bossy and annoying.”

 “One that can keep him in line, then?” she smirked. Sirius scoffed and Effie laughed, smoothing stray hairs back off his forehead. “Oh, love,” she sighed, looking down at him fondly. “You’ve had such a hard time. You know I’d do whatever I could to make it easier for you.”

 “You do a lot,” he shifted, unable to meet her eyes. She didn’t press, and instead bent forward and smacked a loud kiss on his brow.

 “Goodnight, troublemaker. I love you,” she smiled.

 “Love you,” he replied, his eyes following her as she straightened.

 “Don’t you slam another one of my doors like that the rest of the summer, okay?” she leveled, warm and threatening all at once.

 “I won’t,” he promised sheepishly.

 “It’ll be the last door you ever slam,” she added cheerfully on her way to the door without turning around.

 “Nooo, don’t break my arms,” he droned petulantly. She gave him a wink before closing the door behind her with a quiet click and leaving him to wallow alone. He stared up at the ceiling for several minutes, just breathing. There was no direction for his anger, mostly static energy that built up in the spaces between his bones and would animate his muscles if he wasn’t careful, making him do things that he’d regret. So he breathed; in–and out. Effie had taught him that when he was twelve and James had been totally unequipped to handle the bundle of frayed nerves that had broken in through a kitchen window at two in the morning on a school night. She was a good teacher, he just happened to be a shit student and was still working to master the art nearly nine years later. In. And out.

 When he was confident he could stand without exploding outward into the night he went to his desk and drew both feet up underneath him in the chair, leaning forward over his sketchbook. He had done all the research on Remus’ birth chart and all that was left was the drawing. The slide of the graphite on the creamy paper was soothing, the settling sense that he knew Remus on a level that nothing could communicate quite like the planets could. He tried not to think of actually giving it to him–that made him feel a little sick–and allowed himself to get lost in the motions of it. A perfect circle cut into twelve slices, like a clock. Little symbols thrown across its face like freckles. Like golden freckles across high cheekbones.

 “Mossy Creek Band Camp starts up this week,” Remus announced, his usual white undershirt sleeves pushed up around the middle of his wiry forearms. Sirius was sitting on top of a picnic table with his feet on the bench and a cherry Tootsie-Pop in his cheek that he slurped on loudly before he spoke.

 “The fuck is Mossy Creek Band Camp?” he drawled, but he was drowned out by the ominous groans from everyone else who apparently already knew. Remus still met his eyes over the commotion and Sirius shoved the candy back into his mouth.

 “Which, as you all know,” he smirked, “means a guaranteed hundred and twenty unsupervised kids on top of the usual guest load. I want everyone to keep an extra close eye on the money boxes and the safety latches. These little shits’ll do anything to give me some grief. I’m going to set up some coolers and I want you guys handing out water cups like they’re beads at Mardi Gras. We get a fainter every summer and I want to stay ahead of it this year. Any questions?” There was a general discontented grumble amidst them but no one spoke up. “All right, let’s have a good day. Sirius, you’re with me.”

 He popped up onto his feet before anyone else and bounded through the grouping of groggy employees, sucker in hand. “Morning boss,” he grinned, licking cherry-tinted lips. “Got something for you.”

 “This smells like weed,” Remus deadpanned as he accepted the rolled sweatshirt Sirius returned.

 “Pretty sure it was already like that,” he lied casually. It had smelled of forest, old books and chocolate. “That’s not what I’m talking about. Here.” He delicately unfolded the creamy page that had been pulled out of his sketchpad and shoved it at Remus unceremoniously, unable to meet his eyes. Remus frowned at the meticulous drawing; a pie with twelve slices, crossed with intersecting lines, angles, and symbols. Across the top Remus John Lupin was written in large, thick calligraphy (something that Sirius regretted the instant he handed it over) and in the bottom right corner was a doodle, little more than a scribble, of a wolf with its head thrown back in a howl. Sirius felt the color drain from his face as Remus blinked at it for way too long.

 “How’d you know my middle name?” was what came out in a gravelly tone after what felt like eons of waiting.

 “Um. I don’t…remember,” he coughed. “Just, it’s your birth chart. We talked about it, right? I said I was going to…so. I did it.”

 “I didn’t expect you to remember that,” Remus chuckled awkwardly.

 “I wasn’t that drunk,” Sirius scoffed.

 “Okay.” Remus’ ears were turning pink and he re-folded the page along its creases like he just remembered that he had hands, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket and tucking it carefully inside. “I don’t know what any of that shit means. You’ll have to explain it to me on break.” He turned around and started walking briskly before Sirius could catch another glimpse of his face. Sirius ignored the ice cold spike of dread through his center, forced himself to take a steadying breath (in- and out), and jogged after him. “There’s coolers in the maintenance shed,” Remus muttered haltingly, then stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh, and, uh, cups. Paper cups are in….” He motioned vaguely, turning back the way they’d come.

 “I’ll grab them,” Sirius offered. Remus was doing something strange with his eyes and he nodded too quickly, making a beeline toward the maintenance shed without another word. Smooth fucking move, Black, he thought bitterly, crunching the candy between his teeth. “I need cups,” he announced, leaning in the open doorway to concessions, and flashing his teeth at Emmaline.

 It was Lily who responded, bustling into his line of sight from a storage closet carrying two giant cans of nacho cheese in each arm. “I’ll have to find them,” she grunted, allowing him to take half her load when he stepped forward to help. “Thanks. Why do you need them now? You have to come back to fill the coolers anyway, right? Get off my nuts, kid.”

 “Remus said–”

 “Remus doesn’t know his ass from his elbow these days,” she snorted, dropping the cans on the steel countertop that ran the length of the wall with an obscenely loud clang that made everyone jump. She turned back, eyes sparkling with mirth. “Give me those. You can’t carry the coolers back here with your hands full of fucking cups. Tell Remus I said he’s a big dummy and I’ll have ‘em dug out by the time you get back. Get outta here.” She grabbed the cans of cheese from him so fast that it knocked him momentarily off balance, turning his stumble into a pivot at the last second and loudly spitting the stick from his candy into the trash from a rather remarkable distance if he did say so himself.

 “Got it. I’ll tell him you’re right and he’s wrong; you’re the boss and he can suck a dick,” Sirius nodded, turning toward the door. “On it.”

 Lily brayed out a mighty laugh. “Absolutely, that’s what you tell him. Go on, now. Git.”

 Sirius got on, now–gat–out of a healthy blend of apathy and self-preservation. Between the two of them, Lily was infinitely more likely to smack him around than Remus was. More the pity. He mulled that over, how he could have let those big hands catch him instead of running and ripping the ass out of his favorite jeans on the fence. Then again, what was a pair of jeans? Remus could play the fence. He was lost in those and other sinful thoughts when he found the object of those fantasies tucked around the shady side of the maintenance shed facing the chain link, toned shoulders hunched slightly forward. At first Sirius was worried, quickening his step and reaching out as if to steady the older man, but as he got closer he realized that he was holding his birth chart with clumsy fingers and staring down at it with an inscrutable expression. He grinned victoriously. “Whatchya got there?”

 Remus startled, jumping a mile in the air as if he’d been caught with a porno mag. “Where’re the cups?” he snapped, folding it hastily and moving as if to shove it into his front pocket.

 “Hey, don’t wrinkle it,” Sirius frowned, snatching it quickly and smoothing it back out. “Do you want to know what it means?” Remus didn’t answer, but after a beat he leaned closer to peer at it curiously alongside Sirius. There was a cluster of symbols in the upper left quadrant and Sirius pointed to the slice that was closest to high noon, ignoring the woody smell of Remus’ aftershave. “This is your twelfth house and that’s the Sun and Mercury in Pisces, which means you’ve got some secretive shit going on. I’m not here to judge, that’s just what the stars say. You’re intuitive and empathic and kind of whiny. This is your Moon sign, it’s in Capricorn. That means on an emotional level you’re very boring and mature. Your rising sign is Aries, which means you’re brave. Or that you try to be.” Sirius flushed a little and barrelled forward, hoping Remus didn’t notice. “What else? I have it all written down at home. Umm, this is Jupiter in Sagittarius. That's why you read so much. Says you should have been a teacher. Ooh, and you’ve got Venus in Aquarius, which means that romantically you’re seeking out a kinky little freak. Knew it.”

 Remus scoffed at that, leaning away. “You really believe in all that?”

 Sirius tried not to feel hurt at the way Remus was very pointedly not looking at him while he spoke. “I dunno,” he shrugged, pulling it back self-consciously. “Mine fits. Your’s fits. It’s fun.”

 “You think mine fits?” he asked, arching a brow. Sirius bit down on the inside of his cheek. “I’m not brave.”

 “That’s what you’re taking issue with?” Sirius forced a laugh and refolded the sheet, using his nail to scratch at a black mark that Remus’ hands had left. “Shut up, Moony. It’s no big deal, I just thought–”

 “What are you doing?” he frowned, reaching for the sheet as Sirius went to put it in his own pocket and plucking it protectively from his hands.

 “I’m taking it back?”

 “I didn’t say I didn’t want it,” he huffed, smoothing it open again to check on the condition before putting it back into his wallet with care. “I just don’t know that I believe in all that stuff.”

 “By ‘all that stuff’, do you mean the cosmos? The very stars from which our bones and neurons are composed?” Sirius rebuffed. “I’ll admit it isn't very scientific, but we don’t know everything. More often than not it works and we can’t explain why and I think that’s cool.”

 “Hm.” Remus appeared to be thinking very hard, a furrow appearing between his eyes. “Okay.” He started moving in slow motion toward the door of the maintenance shed, pulling out his keys. “You think mine fits?” he repeated, less incredulous this time.

 Sirius’ face broke into a shy smile. “Yeah. You’re the ‘wounded healer’ archetype. Just fits your vibe, you know?”

 “You don’t know what ‘my vibe’ is,” Remus snorted, unlocking the padlock and shouldering his way inside. “Do you know what we’re looking for?”

 “Coolers?” Sirius guessed lightly.

 “Yeah, those orange Igloo ones. I think we’ve got four of–hang on, did you get the cups?” Remus was backsliding into his manager's voice, all Saturn in Capricorn.

 “Lily told me to tell you that you’re an idiot and she’ll give them to us when we go back to fill the coolers,” he relayed easily.

 Remus just hummed in reply, already turning to dig through the assorted junk at the back of the shed. They worked in relative silence for several minutes, grunting as they unearthed the coolers, moving long-forgotten equipment and breathing heavily as the cloying heat of the tin shed began to close in on them. The back of Sirius’ shirt was soaked with sweat and when he glanced up he noticed that Remus’ dirty blonde fringe was dark, curls sticking to his brow and his cheeks while he searched. Sirius looked away. “So what’s yours?”

 “Huh?” Sirius panted, out of breath.

 “Your…chart thing. Your sign? You know what I’m saying,” he muttered irritably, bending over to extricate a dusty cooler from underneath a folded awning. 

 “I’m a Scorpio. Leo rising, Sagittarius moon,” Sirius huffed, wiping sweat with the back of his arm.

 “I still don’t know what that means,” Remus grumbled.

 “There! That’s four,” Sirius announced, yanking hard on the top of the last cooler he found wedged behind a rusted shelf. It came free of the plastic bottom and he went flying backwards into a pile of folding chairs with a crash and a billowing cloud of dust. He came up coughing, his hair blanketed in a thick layer of grey dust. Remus snorted once, his face twisting in surprise, and then he bent double, really belly laughing in a way that Sirius had never seen him, one hand pressed against his mouth trying to force the manic giggles back down and the other arm wrapped around his middle. “Are you–” He broke off and spat fifteen years of cobwebs onto the floor. “–serious right now?”

 “N-no…you’re Sirius,” Remus barely managed to wheeze out.

 “You’re a dick, Moons.” There was no fire in his voice as he tried in vain to brush dirt from his sweat-drenched shirt. He quite liked the sound of Remus laughing.

 “S-sorry,” he gasped. “Your–your face just….” He trailed off again, wiping at the tears pouring from his crinkled eyes. “Sorry. Here, let me.”

 “Nope! That bitch is mine,” Sirius growled, diving back in to grab the cooler and giving it another good yank, finally pulling it loose. “Aha! Fuckin’ knock me over? Bitchass,” he gloated.

 “Good job,” Remus chuckled, having mostly gotten a hold of himself. “You okay?”

 “I’m fine. What were you saying?” Sirius tumbled out of the mess holding the cooler in one hand and the treacherous lid with the other. “Fuck, it’s hot.”

 “Yeah. I don’t remember, come on,” Remus smirked. He was holding all three of the other coolers, two in one hand like it was nothing.

 “Give me one of those,” Sirius scowled, replacing the loose lid to free up a hand and holding it out expectantly. “You were saying–oh! So your main sign is your Sun sign. Like, you probably already knew you were a whiny little Pisces, huh?” He flashed a teasing grin as they walked side-by-side through the park. The gates were still locked and everyone was busy with opening duties; it felt private. “Your Moon sign is your emotional side. Like, your shadow self I guess.” Remus’ left brow ticked upwards but he didn’t say anything, listening with his eyes steadfastly on the ground in front of him. “Your rising sign is what you present to others. So I’m a charismatic, stubborn drama queen with a propensity for recklessness and rebellion.”

 “Yeah, that tracks,” he chortled. “Maybe there’s something to it after all.”

 That made Sirius beam. “Told you.”

 By the time they made it back to concessions Lily had produced a box of pointy-bottomed paper cups that had once upon a time been used for sno-cones before the sno-cone machine permanently gave up the ghost. “Why is everything in this park so goddamn dusty?” Sirius coughed, turning his head after accidentally inhaling too close to the top of the cardboard. “When I get lung cancer I’m suing this place.”

 “When you get lung cancer I’m sure the dust will be pretty low on the list of reasons why,” Lily scoffed.

 “Stop saying that word,” Remus grimaced, wiping out the coolers with a dishtowel.

 “What, cancer? It isn’t like Beetlejuice,” she teased. “You don’t summon it by saying it three times.”

 “So you’re superstitious, but you don’t believe in astrology?” Sirius rolled his eyes.

 “Sure, fine, just quit saying it,” Remus winced.

 “Cancer’s an astrological sign too,” Sirius brightened, lighting upon this exposed nerve. “You’ve got Mars in Cancer in…your fourth house, I think? I’ll double check tonight.”

 “Ooh, Sirius! You’re into astrology?” Emmaline cut in excitedly.

 He smirked at her. “Sure. Let me guess, you’re a Gemini?” Her mouth fell open and she squealed in delight and disbelief. “Yeah, I thought so.”

 “You’re good. Do me,” Lily challenged.

 “You’re an Aquarius,” he laughed. “Come on, give me a hard one.”

 “Wow. Nice stupid human trick,” she praised.

 “Stupid human, at your service,” he bowed gallantly. “What are you Chris, a fuckin’…you’re a Virgo, aren’t you?”

 “I don’t know,” he shrugged from where he was leaning against the wall next to the register. “My birthday’s September 11th.” That got a reaction from the entire group and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know.”

 “That’s rough, buddy,” Sirius sympathized, sucking air through his teeth. “That’s prime Virgo territory right there. Cancer would have been my second guess.”

 “Very impressive, could you start filling these with ice?” Remus asked dryly, skidding a newly dusted cooler across the floor to Sirius’ feet.

 “You got it, boss,” he chirped, flipping back the lid on the ice machine and grabbing the large plastic scoop that hung from a hook on the side. “So what’s the deal with band camp?”

 “Worst week of the summer,” Lily quipped cheerily. “A bunch of horny nerds and burnouts spending the week in the woods away from their parents, and every afternoon they all have free passes to the park. I don’t know what kind of Faustian deal Kenny struck but it’s basically chaos with no discernable upside.”

 “It’s his attempt at charity,” Remus supplied without refuting any of the points she’d made.

 “It doesn’t sound much different than what we’re already dealing with, I’ve got to be honest,” Sirius shrugged. 

 “It’s awful,” Emmaline lamented. “Can you imagine the kinds of kids that spend their summers at band camp?”

 “I went to band camp when I was a kid,” Chris volunteered, visibly cringing when everyone in the room turned to look at him. It took effort for Sirius not to roll his eyes. “I, uh, played clarinet,” he finished lamely.

 “That’s cool, dude. You still play?” Remus asked kindly, looking up from his task to fix his full attention on Chris. Sirius was wholly unprepared for the wave of prickly envy that washed through him and had no idea what his face did in that moment. Luckily, no one was looking at him, as Chris had smiled like sunshine breaking through clouds and was regaling the room with the extremely long version of ‘no’.

 “Why’d you pick clarinet?” Sirius heard himself asking, his voice twisting snobbishly upward at the end of his sentence. All eyes, back on him. Good. “Whole orchestra and you pick the lamest instrument there is?”

 If Sirius had said that to James, he would have laughed and probably shoved him and shot back something of equitable wit. Chris did not laugh, and Sirius felt the envy turn to horror in his stomach when two pink blotches appeared high on his cheekbones and his eyes began to shine. “Are you kidding?” Remus intervened incredulously, straightening. “Benny Goodman, Sidney Bechet? There are some really badass clarinet players.”

 “Well, yeah, I just–” Sirius fumbled, pins and needles in his hands. “I meant that, like, just compared to…I dunno.”

 Lily snorted and turned away from the conversation, wringing the dish towel she held in her hands absentmindedly and heading for the sink. “Well when you were in band camp were you a little shit that tried to break into concessions and steal anything you could get your hands on?”

 “N-no,” Chris laughed nervously, his eyes flickering between Lily and Sirius.

 “Then you’re the minority. I don’t know what it is about being turned loose but I swear, these kids–”

 “You’re starting to show your age, Lils. ‘Kids these days, get off my lawn,’” Remus teased, adopting a high pitched falsetto. She turned and whipped the towel at him quick enough to crack and he fell back against the wall with a faux-wounded shout. And just like that, the attention Sirius had had for a moment slipped away and he felt empty and cold. Chris had turned back to the register and was counting pennies with his head down.

 When the coolers were filled Sirius helped Remus set them up at stations around the park and distribute a stack of cups to every employee. Neither of them spoke while they worked and the silence felt like punishment. Sirius couldn’t make himself speak and Remus seemed infuriatingly content with the sudden space that had been created between them. Frankly, Sirius didn’t even know what he was expected to say. Apologize? He didn’t feel particularly apologetic, just annoyed. In fact, the more he stewed on it the more he felt bitter and itchy about the whole thing. It wasn’t his fault the kid had no sense of humor, and why did Remus give a shit in the first place? He was still sweaty, his shirt sticking to his ribcage and his skin was crawling and when it burst out of him it was like vomit, uncontrollable and disgusting. “So what, are you mad at me or something?”

 Remus looked at him as if he’d indeed puked on his shoes, eyebrows raised and pulling back a degree in surprise. “What?”

 “Are you pissed off? You’re acting pissed off,” he accused sharply, his heart beating painfully fast in his chest.

 “Why would I be pissed off?” Remus asked calmly.

 “I–it–um–” he sputtered.

 “Because you were an asshole to Chris?” Sirius looked away and ground his teeth. “There’s nothing funny about punching down, Sirius,” he lectured. “But you didn’t think it was funny either. So why’d you do it?”

 “I was just kidding around,” Sirius muttered, still staring steadfastly at the ground.

 “No you weren’t.” Remus didn’t sound angry, just matter-of-fact. “He's a nice kid. You didn’t have to do that. You had a reason.” Sirius pursed his lips and refused to speak. “I’m not mad at you, for the record. I think I’m the wrong person to be asking. You should ask Chris.”

 I don’t give a fuck if Chris is mad, Sirius thought irritably. “So if you aren’t mad, quit giving me the silent treatment,” he sulked. There was another long moment while Remus was quiet and Sirius could feel his eyes burning a hole into the side of his face. He wouldn't look.

 “I wasn’t,” he said finally, having the nerve to sound amused, of all the damn things. “You were the one that went quiet, I thought you wanted some space.”

 “I did not,” Sirius argued.

 “Did too.”

 “Did not!” He turned then, brows furrowed and grey eyes flashing and found that Remus’ were crinkling again, the midday sun glinting in them like points of light dancing on water. “You’re fucking with me.”

 “A little,” Remus grinned.

 “Why do you like to see me suffer?” Sirius exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air exasperatedly. 

“Dunno. You seem good at it,” the older man joked, nudging Sirius’ shoulder with his elbow. God, he was tall. “Do me a favor and leave the kids alone, huh?”

“He's older than I am,” Sirius huffed.

“Wait, really?” Remus frowned abruptly.

“Pretty sure,” Sirius nodded.

“Huh,” he said thoughtfully, considering this. “Well, still.” 

Sirius heaved a sigh. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do. No promises, though. He makes it way too easy.” That got a soft laugh out of Remus and a flicker of warmth wormed its way beneath Sirius’ sternum. “I didn’t mean to make him…you know.”

“What did you mean?” he asked, sounding nothing but curious. There was an answer, certain and definitive, but it didn’t come easily and Sirius shrugged instead of forcing it. Remus glanced sideways at him again and he felt taken apart piece by piece, studied under glass. “Don’t worry. He’s a good kid. Won’t hold a grudge,” he decided after too long.

“Okay,” Sirius said quietly, chewing his cheek. There was a foreign bubble of emotion in his throat and another spell of quiet fell over them as they approached the front gates. Sirius had never known the meaning of a comfortable silence in his life, but didn’t feel the need to fill this one with noise and instead he just breathed. In- and out.

Chapter Text

 It was Saturday and no one had fainted all week, knock on wood. In fact, it was one of the easiest band camps Remus could remember. Not that he’d admit that to anyone else. With an extra hand in concession and his own personal maintenance minion everything seemed to be running more smoothly in general, despite the added antics of the James and Sirius show. That morning he’d opened his desk drawer and two party poppers went off, sending a heart-stopping bang of confetti directly into his face. “The second one was supposed to be a failsafe,” James explained between giggles. “We didn’t think they’d both go off.” Sirius couldn’t speak at all, having promptly dissolved into hysterics on the office futon where he stayed until Remus threatened to stick him in concessions for the rest of the summer.

 It was a bluff. Remus’ job was the easiest it had ever been thanks to Sirius’ surprising mechanical expertise and he found himself growing used to the company. Even if it meant listening to Sirius chatter all day, flitting from topic to topic like a hummingbird. Remus tried to be annoyed, to clench his teeth and hate his inane babble, but he couldn’t. Sirius was witty, passionate, and charming. Maddeningly so. He was sophisticated beneath all the brash in a way that made Remus nervous. When they discussed Greek mythology on Wednesday Remus had been compelled to run upstairs during his lunch to make sure he’d remembered the names of the Titans correctly. Sirius existed loudly and unapologetically and Remus found himself enthralled by his neverending stream of feeling. Bright flashes of anger and sparkling joy that shot out of his fingertips and leaked from his pores, altering the world around him like sorcery.

 Case in point, Remus was spending his Saturday morning digging through the storage closet in the breakroom because he knew he’d seen a disco ball in there at some point. If that wasn’t the clear result of some kind of voodoo or witchcraft he didn’t know what was, and yet he still dug. And dug. And dug, until finally underneath a make-your-own-vampire-fangs kit and a ten gallon cowboy hat he unearthed a dormant disco ball just waiting to be hung from the branches that hung over the open amphitheater. Remus had enlisted Sirius’ help that week deckscrubbing the stage for the annual band camp dance, and when he’d heard about it the younger man had gasped like he’d been shot.

 “A dance? What kind of dance?? Can we do disco night?” he asked excitedly, grabbing Remus’ arm and bouncing on his toes.

 “Gross, no,” Remus cringed, pulling away in disgust. “Disco? For real?”

 “Um, hell yeah? Isn’t that kind of your era?” Sirius gestured at him dismissively, one of those stately gestures that gave away his breeding.

 “My era?” Remus repeated incredulously. Sirius laughed kindly, a gentle waterfall of a thing. “I am not that old.”

 “Oh, definitely,” Sirius humored him. “I bet you’re into really cool music, like Boston and Rush.”

“You’re a little shit.”

 “Aw, you noticed. So, disco night?”

So. Disco night. Remus pulled the old rag from his pocket and buffed the disco ball until it glowed even there in the dim lighting. Sirius had showed up that morning with a suspiciously stuffed backpack and an even more mischievous grin than usual, so Remus was braced for anything. When he got back to the amphitheater he found that Lily had taken it upon herself to pull out roll after roll of silvery tinsel and Sirius was at the top of the steps fiddling with an extension cord that was probably older than he was. “Don’t shock yourself,” Remus warned as he passed.

“Yeah, I’m electrifying enough,” he grinned. “What’s that?” Remus held the disco ball up dangling from his middle finger and Sirius’ face lit up like a firework. “Moony!! You absolute fuckin’ beauty! I knew you were excited.” Remus grumbled something noncommittal. “That’ll look great, hang it from that middle branch.”

“You got it, boss,” Remus replied, earning a snort of laughter from behind him. The ladder was below them, leaning against the stage next to the redhead who was busy untangling a strand of Christmas lights. “Anything to get out of hawking hot dogs, huh?”

“Sure,” Lily smirked, her eyes flickering up to Sirius before they landed on Remus. “You know, I don’t remember us ever decorating for any of these dances before.”

“Don’t start,” he warned, grabbing the ladder and hoisting it up onto one shoulder.

But she had already started. “And we have definitely never done any kind of theme,” she continued, breaking into a grin as he turned away. “We barely provided the music last year, I think we just turned on the radio.”

“I don’t see what your point is,” he insisted. “Come hold this ladder for me.”

“Hey, do you need me to come hold that ladder for you?” Sirius called down to them, already starting in their direction.

“Nope, you’re good! I’ve got it,” Remus shouted, waving him off quickly.

“Aww, little boo thing wants to help,” Lily cackled.

“He isn’t that, and I don’t need his help, because you’re helping,” he informed her through clenched teeth. “I thought you were supposed to be my friend, you’re being a real–”

“I am your friend, doll,” she cut in sweetly, following him to stand beneath the overreaching branches of an old pecan tree in the center of the stage. “Why do you think I’m trying so hard to get you laid?”

“I have no interest in getting laid,” he lied, setting out the ladder and locking the legs into place with a clank.

“See, that’s dumb. The way you want me to believe that? Fuckin’ idiotic.” She held onto the opposite side of the ladder, mostly just resting her hands along the sides for show while Remus climbed. “He’s so into it. I can tell.”

“There’s nothing to be into,” he reminded her nonchalantly, reaching the top rung and stabilizing his legs before reaching up over his head to loop the shimmering decoration over the branch.

“He’s watching you.” Remus ignored her, as well as the urge to whip his head around to check for himself. “Ohh my god, he’s biting his lip.”

“Do you want me to fall off this fucking thing?” he hissed down at her, only succeeding in eliciting a merry laugh from below.

“You better not. No one else is crazy enough to run this place,” she teased, reaching up without warning and grabbing at his ankles. He wobbled dangerously and made an undignified noise in his throat that had Lily giggling all over again.

“Cut it out!” he shot, unable to sound remotely as threatening as he would have liked.

“Rem, are you scared of heights?” she asked mischievously.

“Do I have to be scared of heights to not want to bust my ass on the concrete?” he griped, his knees quaking only slightly as he finished tying the knot over his head.

“So, you are then?” She lifted one hand in the air and made a fist for Remus to steady himself on the way down and didn’t mention that he was shaking. “That’s awesome. Ole tall motherfucker, just walkin’ around afraid all the time with your giraffe-lookin’ ass.” She was just rattling on for her own benefit, chuckling, and Remus let her entertain herself without comment. He was too busy trying to glance at the upper rows of the amphitheater seating without being too obvious. The sun was slanting just right and Sirius was just a glare of white light at the top, a divine apparition that burnt Remus’ eyes and made him turn away squinting. He shouldered the ladder and Lily was still making jokes at his elbow, something about birds getting stuck in his hair when there was a crackle, pop, and a yelp from Sirius’ direction.

“I’m okay!” he shouted, only sounding a little frantic.

“Je-sus, Lord!” Lily exclaimed in exasperation, turning and starting that way. “Are you stupid? What happened?” Remus snorted and kept walking, biting hard on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling like an idiot and allowing Lily to handle that one.

Fortunately, Remus was not afraid of heights, because Sirius and Lily had him hanging Christmas lights in the trees the rest of the afternoon. Sirius’ brightly colored flyers advertising his Disco Inferno had generated more interest in the dance than usual and while the park had been unusually slow in the afternoon hours, just after six Remus noticed a steady stream of children wearing bell bottoms, afros, and paisley. He stood at the top rim of the amphitheater when everything was finished, blinking down at the transformed venue below. Sirius had produced a fog machine from his backpack and it was churning a slow billow of white smoke across the stage-turned-dance-floor where an old amplifier had been freshly wired (also courtesy of Sirius) to a boom box that was plugged into James’ Blackberry and was currently pumping Earth, Wind, and Fire into the empty space. Lily had draped every available surface and railing in shimmering tinsel and the lights in the trees were just beginning to glint off the disco ball that turned lazily in the wind. “Looks awesome, huh?”

He jumped at the close proximity of the voice and turned to find that Sirius had shot up several inches thanks to a newly donned pair of silver platform boots. They matched his pants, glittery bell bottoms that appeared to be painted onto his thighs until they flared out widely at the knees and covered toes of his boots. On top he had a sheer white button-up that hung open in a wide V that plunged nearly to his navel before being gathered neatly into his waistband, exposing the tattoos on his chest. His hair was wild and loose, curls teased into a messy halo and there was glitter around his eyes and temples that caught the light and gave him an otherworldly glow. Remus’ mouth went dry and he coughed into his fist. “You look like Boogie Nights threw up all over you.”

“Thanks!” he chirped. His eyes flicked up and down Remus’ frame and it faltered only slightly. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

“I’m at work,” Remus frowned. “I’m in work clothes.”

“Ugh. Okay,” Sirius huffed. “You don’t really fit my vision but I guess you’ll have to do.”

“Oh yeah? What was your vision?” he goaded, trying not to smile.

“Crushed velvet,” he quipped immediately, the smile returning to his eyes. “Maroon and gold. And a cowboy hat.” Remus snorted. “I’m being so for real! In fact, come on, there’s still time.” His hand shot out and grabbed the older man’s elbow, dragging him suddenly toward the office.

“Hang on, what are you–”

“Trust me!” The floodlights came on outside just as Sirius threw open the door to the office. Inside was cool and quiet, lit only by the yellow lamp in the corner. Kenny had closed the ticket window down at seven to give the campers a night to themselves, which gave Remus and Sirius the office to themselves. “Sit,” Sirius demanded, shoving him toward the couch and making a beeline for the backpack that had been tossed half opened in the desk chair with several articles of sequin-y fabric hanging out of it like psychedelic tongues. Remus remained standing, his eyes narrowed and his arms hanging awkwardly at his sides. He felt suddenly too large for the room, all lurch and no grace.

“I’m not wearing that,” Remus told him when Sirius turned around holding out a shiny gold shirt. His face fell. “No way in hell.”

“Well, what the fuck, Remus? Damn,” he pouted, turning back to the gaping bag in disappointment. “Okay, how about….” He trailed off and abandoned the shirt for a brown fringed vest and a purple feather boa, holding them up like prizes. Remus hesitated a second too long, which was all the permission Sirius needed to pounce forward and drape the boa around Remus’ neck, pulling him forward with a blinding-bright grin. “Don’t spoil it, Moony, come on.” There was real sincerity there, Sirius’ eyes gleaming out from behind a mask of bravado and body glitter. Remus growled softly and shrugged the vest over his shirt, to the younger man’s delight. “Yes! Okay. Now. Glasses or eyeliner?”

“Excuse me?” he asked wearily.

“You heard me.” Sirius produced a pair of glasses with oversized pink lenses and clocked Remus’ grimace. “Okay, eyeliner it is.” Before Remus could argue Sirius had shoved him down onto the couch and was leaning forward into his space. Remus sucked in a breath and held it. This close, he could see that Sirius was not in fact carved from flawless marble. He had missed a spot shaving and there was a jagged little triangle of coarse black stubble beneath his jaw. There was a tiny collection of blackheads at the tip of his nose. His lips were sunburnt, a bloody split down the center under chapstick varnish. He had a thin alabaster scar that curved underneath his chin. He was lovely. “Jesus Christ, will you hold still?” he griped, brandishing an eyeliner pencil like a spear.

“I’m not moving!” Remus insisted.

“Are too! Just– fuckin’....” Sirius used his thumb to pull out the corner of Remus’ eye and applied a thick layer of black to his waterline before using the same thumb to scrub at the line he’d just drawn, smudging it all around his lashes. “There! Badass, Moons. Now the other one.” He brought one knee up to brace himself on the edge of the futon between Remus’ legs and Remus couldn’t help but flinch away. “Don’t be a baby, I’m almost done.”

“It’s ti-ime!” Lily sang, announcing her arrival as she threw open the office door. Remus jerked again but Sirius stayed in place, a deep furrow of concentration between his brows.

“Stop. Moving,” he hissed through gritted teeth. Lily came up next to them looking pleased as punch with what was unfolding.

“Remus that is so hot,” she told him appreciatively. “Who knew you had it in you?”

“This is ridiculous,” he mumbled.

“I think you mean righteous, Daddio,” Sirius beamed, pulling back to admire his handiwork. “He looks good, right?”

“Definitely,” Lily sparkled. “It’s eight o’ clock, are you guys ready to dance?”

“Hell yeah!” Sirius exclaimed giddily at the same time that Remus scrunched his nose in distaste. She stepped forward and grabbed him by the wrist, hauling him to his feet while Sirius bounced around the room like a live wire.

“Don’t be a fuddy-dud, this is going to be fun,” she insisted. “You’re allowed to have fun.” Remus didn’t see any point in arguing, so he followed the two back to the amphitheater where there were a hundred kids already writhing and jumping around erratically to the BeeGees.

“Looking good boss!” James called when they approached, he himself adorned in his own fringed vest that matched the one Remus was wearing and a large cheetah-print cowboy hat.

“I was looking for that! James, gimmie your hat,” Sirius demanded, already reaching.

“What? Fuck off, this is mine,” he frowned, dodging Sirius’ hands. He reached into the box he was holding against his chest and shoved a handful of glowsticks at his friend in an attempt to pacify him. “Here, help me pass these out. The kids love ‘em.”

“James,” Sirius whined in the plaintive tone of someone who was clearly not used to hearing the word no.

“I said, no!” James danced deftly away from another attempt to swipe at his hat, managing to shuffle his feet in time with the beat.

“But Moony needs a cowboy hat!”

“He really doesn’t,” Remus interjected, already feeling enough like a fool with the itchy purple feathers scratching at the back of his neck and making him sweat.

“He can have a turn with it later,” James winked, shimmying his hips as he circled around Sirius and moved up close behind Lily. “I need it for its powers of seduction.”

“Oh, please,” she rolled her eyes.

“Gross,” Sirius curled his lip. Sufficiently distracted, he shoved his hand into the box of glowsticks and came out with a fistful. “Remus, let me borrow your pocket knife.”

“Nope. You’re cut off from all the tools,” Remus refused, climbing up on one of the picnic tables that had been dragged over from concessions and planting his ass on the tabletop where he intended to spend the rest of the night. It was a good vantage point where he could see all the exits and keep an eye on the little shits who were sneaking smokes near the fence. Chaperoning didn’t technically fall under his scope of authority, but he’d be damned if he let a teenager with a god complex land him and his park on Dateline.

“Why don’t I ever get my way?” Sirius lamented dramatically, and everyone collectively decided to let it slip that the entire dance was a one-man-show driven forward exclusively by one Sirius Black. “Fuck it, you wanna dance Lil?” James looked comically taken aback as Lily happily gave Sirius her hand and they twirled off together into the throng without another word to either of them.

“Oi, what kind of friend is that?” he marveled incredulously, looking to Remus for support. “Steal your girl as soon as look at her, the mangy bastard.”

“Oh, is she your girl now?” Remus smirked, his elbows on his knees as he shifted his weight and rifled for a cigarette in his back pocket.

“No, but fuck, I’m trying,” James sighed, dropping all pretense and reaching up to run his hand through his hair but knocking it against the felt covered hat instead. “She won’t ever talk to me though, all we do is–”

“I don’t need to know what you do,” Remus cut him off quickly. “Lily’s a wild card. She’s on her own timeline.”

“You’re telling me,” he scoffed, taking a seat on the bench next to Remus’ feet. “Can I get one of those?”

“You smoke?” Remus asked, handing it over with a lighter and watching as James carefully inserted the filter between his lips and sucked.

“N-no,” he stuttered, coughing out a stream of smoke. “Wish I did though. It looks cool as hell.”

“That’s dumb,” Remus chuckled, ashing his own bad habit to the side. “It’s bad for you.”

“Everything cool is bad for you,” James shrugged, the disco lights reflecting in his classes as he gazed out over the crowd. Silence grew, easy and uncharged. “You’re a pretty okay boss, Remus. Thanks for this.”

“The smoke?” he asked, bewildered.

“No,” James laughed. “This. Just, all of it. It’s fun.” He gestured below them where Sirius and Lily had begun to lead a group of kids in the hustle. “This is a cool place to be.”

“Hope you still think that when it’s time to clean up tonight,” he muttered, earning another friendly laugh.

“I don’t just mean now. I dunno, it’s probably dumb, but this place feels special, you know? Like when you’re out somewhere and all of a sudden you get a whiff of your kindergarten classroom. This place feels like that all the time,” he went on, his eyes still hidden behind the glare of multicolored lights like confetti. Remus wasn’t sure what to say. It felt like the idea that James was expressing was a large one, particularly poignant and impactful, but it made his head spin to think about it too hard so in the end he just clenched his jaw and nodded. Quiet came easily again and after a moment James sprung to his feet like a jack-in-the-box and pocketed his spent cigarette butt with a grin. “Welp. Time for me to cut in. You coming Rem?”

“One hundred percent no,” he answered with complete certainty. “Y’all have a blast.” James saluted him and was off.

 And so it came to pass that between eight and eleven p.m. on July 16th in the year of our Lord 2005, disco was well and alive. A hundred and twenty kids grooved, boogied, and got down with their bad selves to the soundtrack of the seventies like some kind of fever dream and in the center of it all was Sirius Black. He was the apex of the universe and knew it, a funky supernova with galaxies in his eyes. A vision. He danced with everyone at once, spinning Lily in circles, twirling and laughing while he grabbed the hand of anyone who ventured too close and dragged them into his dazzling orbit. The dance floor looked more like a packed club than a camp dance, bodies moving frantically to the pop rhythms of Donna Summers, KC & the Sunshine Band, and the Village People. Usually the concrete bench seats were filled with kids too timid or too cool to participate, but there was hardly anyone not on their feet, save a few couples sitting close together in the shadows being constantly reprimanded by their teachers.

James had joined the fray and was doing his best to keep up but to Remus his presence on the dance floor only made it more obvious that Sirius was a star, effortlessly graceful even when his body flailed with reckless abandon. His linen shirt was soaked in sweat and clinging to his torso, his face was flushed bright red, and glitter was streaming down his cheeks and into his hair. He was laughing as he spun, hopped, and swayed his way across the dance floor, limbs flying akimbo. There was something primal about the way he moved, something rich and ancient and terrifying, and Remus was drunk on it.

 “Dance with us Moony!” he howled more than once, throwing his drenched curls back from his face and reaching both hands toward Remus’ perch at the top rim of the amphitheater. Each time Remus just grinned with half his mouth and shook his head, gesturing for them to go on without him. He wasn’t sure what would happen to his body if he moved any closer to Sirius than he already was; surely he’d explode or combust or vaporize. Remus had the advantage of a cool summer breeze from where he was sitting, but the feverish body heat swelling up from the dance floor still had his forehead dewy and his palms slick. It made his head swim and pooled low in his belly while he watched, all sense leaving him. Time wasn’t real; there were only increments of Sirius. Grabbing his hands and pulling on them fruitlessly. Deftly lifting his knife out of his pocket and splitting open a handful of glowsticks. Splattering the crowd gleefully with green phosphorus, twirling with his eyes closed and his lips parted.

 As ABBA’s opening notes started to play an appreciative wail rose from the dance floor, spearheaded by Lily and Sirius. He was the embodiment of ecstasy, head thrown back to the sky and his arms reaching to the sky like a prayer.

Ooh, you can dance, you can jive

 Hips and shoulders started to gyrate; hands, slim and pale, moved sensually through ink-black curls and down, dragging over a smooth chest, a toned stomach.

Having the time of your life, ooh

 His long fingers–pianists’ fingers–grabbing his hipbones–deadly hipbones–and rocking back and forth, far too far away to touch; thrusting in time with the beat.

See that girl,

The air was like wet concrete in Remus’ lungs.

Watch that scene,

Fuck.

Digging the dancing queen

At some point between the conga line and the Y.M.C.A. Sirius vanished. One moment he had been the brightest star in the sky and then Remus was blind with afterimages, blinking bewilderedly into the night. Looking back, he would blame his half-delirium for the instant conviction that Sirius had snuck away to avoid clean-up duty. His singular focus was to find that little shit (alone) and drag his ass back (grab him) to finish what he started (in the dark). He stalked through the empty park with purpose, half believing by that point in his haze that he could track Sirius by scent alone. An eerie hush had fallen over the midway, the music a distant backdrop to the low creaking of old metal and fluttering of canvas in the wind that seemed an unlikely venue for Sirius’ current level of energy. Remus poked his head into the concessions and wandered through the game booths before he finally heard voices and the unmistakable sound of a body slamming into chainlink.

They were near the entrance to the petting zoo. Sirius wasn’t exactly hard to miss in his garish outfit, even with his back to Remus as he shoved a gangly teenager again into the fence with all his force; unwavering on his four inch platforms. “Hey! What the fuck is going on?!” Remus barked. It was only then that he noticed the second kid that was crouched on the ground, quivering, with a thick mop of ginger curls obscuring his face. There were dark, dime-sized drops of blood splattering the ground beneath his downturned face and wet, gasping sobs being muffled into his hands. In the same instant, Sirius’ head whirled around and the kid he’d been shoving lunged forward with a wild right hook, connecting solidly with Sirius’ ear.

“Motherfucker!” Sirius roared, whipping back and driving his shoulder into the kid’s sternum, knocking him backward before slamming him square in the gut two, three, four times. Before Remus could get to him his other fist came up and hit the kid hard, blood spurting from the center of his face like a burst water balloon. He yowled, swinging twice without landing and stumbling sideways.

“That’s enough!” Remus snarled, grabbing Sirius around the chest and dragging him backward. “He’s just a kid, Sirius, fuck!!”

 “Get off, get off me! Get the fuck off me!!” Sirius screeched, twisting and thrashing wildly in the cage of Remus’ arms. It felt like holding an earthquake and Remus absorbed the hits from his sharp elbows until the fight gave out and Sirius was left panting for breath in the aftershocks.

“Somebody better tell me what the fuck is happening,” Remus boomed, keeping one large hand clamped around Sirius’ arm.

“He-he started i-it,” stammered the ginger. He had gathered himself off the ground and was standing at Remus’ side, clearly positioning himself advantageously behind them with a fat trail of blood down his chin.

“That’s fucking bullshit!” the older kid shot nasally, using his t-shirt to staunch the flow of blood from his own nose. “I didn’t do anything!”

Sirius yanked himself out of Remus’ grip with a disgusted grunt and turned to the other kid. At his currently enhanced height, Sirius had to bend down to look him in the eye. “Are you good?” Sirius asked, obviously trying to school his tone into something soothing but still sounding manic and frayed. There was a mumbled affirmative before Sirius looked back at Remus, his eyes shining madly. “That fucking ASSHOLE over there was picking on kids half his fucking size, I just wanted to–”

“I said I didn’t do anything! Bunch of fucking faggots,” the bully sneered through bloody front teeth, and Remus felt a cold weight settle in his stomach. “I’m out of here, fuck this.”

“Nope, not a chance,” Remus heard himself saying, starting forward quickly to snatch him before he could edge away. “We’re grabbing a teacher, I’m not–”

“No!” The double cry came from behind him and he turned to see the ginger kid with a horrified look on his face and Sirius’ expression steely and grave. “Don’t. Let him fucking go,” Sirius added, spitting the words venomously. The teenager took the moment of hesitation and ran with it, literally, his feet pounding the concrete as he booked it back toward the park gates. “Fuck that guy,” Sirius breathed raggedly, turning back. “C’mere, let me see.” He reached out to the younger kid without preamble and lifted his chin so that his freckled face was revealed in the light, a badly split lip and blotchy tears stains down both cheeks.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, moving closer. The kid flinched, his eyes flickering to Sirius.

 “He’s okay,” Sirius answered for him, holding his eye contact like both of their lives depended on it. “Right?”

 “Right,” he breathed, his voice high and thready. He couldn’t have been more than fourteen, slight, and when he whispered, “Thanks,” Remus could hear the telltale lisp in his voice that had gotten him into this position in the first place. He swallowed hard.

 “Come back to my office, we’ll get you cleaned up–”

 “I-I’m good,” he stuttered, wiping his lip again roughly as he took a step back and looked nervously between the two older men now. “I’m okay, he just– it’s– it’s not a big deal. Th-thanks for…for helping.” The last bit was directed at Sirius whose face for once resembled his name.

 “Sure, kid. Want me to go find your friend?” he asked gently. The ginger shook his head fervently with wide eyes, wiping blood from his lip onto his sleeve.

 “No,” he said too quickly. “He’s not– no, it’s okay.”

 “Okay,” Sirius said quietly. Remus’ head was spinning. He needed to do something. Get someone. Paperwork, reports. Fire Sirius. For a long moment the three of them were quiet, listening to the final notes of Another One Bites The Dust from across the park. Sirius was the one to break it. “It’s gonna be okay, you know. Really. Like, after school and everything? It’ll be okay.”

 The kid’s eyes filled with tears. “Yeah,” he said, too loudly. “Yeah, I know.”

 “Cool,” Sirius nodded.

 “I’m gonna….” he trailed off, sniffling loudly and scrubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand as he motioned away.

 “Here, at least let me walk with you,” Remus volunteered.

 “No!” he sniffled hard, blinking wildly as his eyes continued to well. “N-no, really, I’m okay. Corban won’t tell anybody, no one’ll get in trouble. I’m okay. Just…just gonna go. It’s fine.”

 Remus should have insisted. He was the adult, the authority in the situation and his rational brain was screaming at him to take responsibility. There was another part of him, not louder but much harder to ignore, that recognized the wounded look in his eyes as clearly as if they were his own and in the end he stood there silently while the kid slunk away into the shadows, leaving him alone in the dark next to Sirius.

 “Am I fired?” he croaked after a full minute of silence.

 Another had almost passed before Remus found his words. “Come with me.”

 After stashing Sirius out of sight (and dumping the vest and boa in the office, feeling very silly when he realized that he too was still in costume), Remus returned to the scene of the crime and washed the blood away with a water hose and a sprinkle of bleach before heading back to the dance with pins and needles in his fingertips. James and Lily were in the center of a circle of clapping campers, involved in some kind of dance battle where each move became increasingly dorikier and more dated than the one before it. It culminated with James dropping to the ground and spasming in a very clumsy attempt at the worm that had everyone within view holding their sides with laughter. Remus reclaimed his position on the picnic table, rolling his shoulders back and fumbling for a cigarette.

 There were several camp counselors in attendance, most of them students from the Northern University of Texas–a few of whom had appeared to recognize Sirius and James on the dance floor without receiving the same recognition from the infamous duo–and a few middle-aged band teachers scattered throughout, but no one was sounding any alarms. He scanned the crowd and found no sign of either the ginger or his bully which he hoped was a good sign. He had the jarring sensation of being transported between worlds and he sucked hard on his cigarette, chasing the acrid burn in his chest and throat to try to anchor himself in this one.

The dance wound down as it crept closer to the campers’ curfew and the crowd thinned itself out, kids trickling out in groups and couples laughing loudly in breathless exhilaration. “Amazing!” Mr Gregg boomed, throwing his arms out wide as he advanced quickly on Remus, barely giving him a chance to stand. Mr Gregg was the school district’s band director, large in stature, size, and personality. “Really great job, son. You’ve outdone yourself. The kids had a great time,” he grinned, pumping Remus’ hand enthusiastically up and down with his meaty palm. He was flushed nearly purple and Remus couldn’t help wondering how healthy it was for a man of his age and physical imitations to spend as much time as Mr Gregg had that evening doing the Electric Slide.

“Thank you sir,” Remus replied modestly. “I’ve got a good crew, they’re the ones that put it all together.” As if on cue, Benjy and Miles stumbled past them with trash bags slung over their necks and eyes so bloodshot they were almost luminescent in the dark. Most of the crew had gone home early, preferring a night off than Saturday Night Fever at Funland, and the ones who had volunteered for cleanup had been left to their own devices and were hyped up on good vibes and God knows what else. Fortunately that made for a quick cleanup and by midnight only the ghost of the party remained lingering in the air like smoke.

“Where’d Sirius go?” James asked while he was wrapping the power cord around the handle of the fog machine, taking Remus completely off guard. He should have prepared for that question. James’ clothes were rumpled where sweat had dried in the summer breeze and his hair was more unruly than usual, gummed through with glowing liquid from the glowsticks. Lily had collapsed flat onto her back on one of the lower risers once the music had stopped and refused to move another inch, the little makeup she had left smeared around her face like she’d truly had a night out.

“He’s here,” Remus said too quickly. “I had him in the storage shed. Rearranging, I mean, putting some stuff away. In the, uh, storage shed.” James tilted his head slightly and Lily’s head came up off the concrete to give him a suspicious look. Remus tried his best not to panic. “There was just some…some stuff we didn’t, he was supposed to get to it earlier and there won’t be room for the….” He motioned to nothing, clearing his throat guiltily.

James had a strange smile pasted on with confusion evident in his eyes. Lily hopped up and only stumbled a little on her way over to them, her own eyes gleaming. “James, I’m hungry,” she interjected, grabbing at his arm. “I’m ready to go.”

His confusion easily tripled as his attention shot down to the hand on his arm. “Yeah! Definitely, I’ve just got to wait–”

“You guys can go ahead,” Remus caught on. “I think everyone else has already headed over to Dandy’s. We’ll meet you there when we’re done.” Lily was obviously getting the wrong idea and was beside herself with excitement, but Remus didn’t bother to correct her.

“Oh. Yeah, okay,” James replied, a bit dazedly. Lily had pressed the front of her body down his side and he was struggling to focus on the matter at hand. Remus privately thanked whatever God was still listening for her. “So we’ll see you guys in a little bit?”

“Definitely,” Remus nodded.

“Cool.” Lily batted her eyelashes, leaning her head on James’ shoulder and looking up at Remus coyly. “Don’t hurry,” she cooed, reaching up to tuck a lock of unkempt black hair behind James’ ear that jumped immediately back into place. The last of James’ hesitation crumbled under her capable hands and he barely paused to spare Remus a quick wave before he was hurrying her out to the parking lot. Lily blew him a kiss over her shoulder and gave a conspiratorial wink that he could only respond to with half a forced grin and a nervous twist of his stomach. Then they were gone.

Chapter Text

 When Remus finally made his way up the stairs to his apartment his heart was fluttering anxiously, unsure of what he’d find. Sirius had been seething when Remus had sent him upstairs to wait like an unruly toddler. He half expected everything he owned to be ripped to shreds, but at first glance the apartment was the same as he’d left it. Plus one morose Sirius sitting on the couch with his legs drawn up in front of him, boots in a pile on the floor and chin resting on top of his knees. “Why are you sitting in the dark?” Remus frowned, flicking on the corner lamp. Sirius’ face was blotchy and red, scrubbed dry with no trace of glitter. “Hey, are you okay?”

 “You don’t care,” Sirius shot, his voice raw and too loud in the small room.

 “Sirius–”

 “Fuck off Remus! Don’t fucking come in here and be nice to me when we both know you don’t give a shit!” he screeched, his tone wavering as his eyes began to fill up again and he started to shake. He exploded off the couch, rocking forward on the balls of his socked feet while his fists were clenching and unclenching in the air as if trying to grab hold of his escaping calm. “Just fucking call the cops and be done with it, I don’t care! I don’t care.”

 “Okay, you don’t care. You don’t care and I don’t give a shit, fine, but I’m not calling the cops so chill the fuck out,” Remus said flatly, raising his voice just enough to be heard over Sirius’ high-pitched snarls. “Will you take a fucking breath? Jesus Christ–”

 “Don’t touch me!” Sirius screamed, flinching away with a violent jerk even though Remus hadn’t made a move forward. The tears spilled then, hot and running down his cheeks like soundless taps. “I swear to God, if you fucking touch me Remus–”

 “I’m not. I’m not going to touch you. It’s okay,” he tried again, gentling his tone as Sirius’ eyes continued to grow wilder and his inhales became gasps. “Hey, it’s okay. Breathe. You’ve got to calm down.”

 “He-he’s eighteen,” Sirius choked out. “I-I think, anyway– I– he knows my brother, I’ve seen him before. He was gonna beat the shit outta that kid, Rem, I didn’t–”

 “I don’t care about that right now. It’s fine. You’re fine. Sirius, relax.” Without thinking he reached for his arm and Sirius jerked back like he’d been slapped. “Shit, I’m sorry. Listen, can you just– can we sit? I won’t touch you, just sit for a minute. Yeah?”

 “No. No, I don’t want to sit,” he hiccupped, his eyes darting back and forth with suspicion.

 “Okay. Okay, I’ll sit,” Remus decided, taking a careful step forward and pulling the coffee table toward him so that he could perch on the edge of it without crowding Sirius. They were closer in height this way, Sirius standing over him by a head or so, and Remus took in an exaggerated breath through his nose before he spoke. “I’m not going to let you get in trouble.” The promise fell out before he could stop it and as the words formed so did his certainty in their plain truth.

 “Why?” Sirius demanded skeptically, jagged and harsh.

 “Because I believe you,” he replied. Sirius’ mouth snapped shut so forcefully that Remus heard his teeth click. “You saw something unjust and reacted to it. Maybe I should be pissed off, I dunno, but I’m not. Not at you.” He didn’t respond though he did seem to be listening, nostrils flaring in time with each breath and his shoulders heaving up and down. “Can you tell me what happened?”

 “I don’t–” Sirius broke off, raking both hands over his face and back through his tangled hair. “I don’t think I can.” He shook his hands out rapidly, his face crumpling with barely contained panic as he really met Remus’ eyes for the first time since he’d come in. He was positively vibrating, trembling so hard that his entire outline appeared fuzzy.

 “Okay, come here. It’s not a trick,” Remus promised, lifting one hand toward Sirius like he would a frightened dog. He hung back, staring at the hand as if it might bite him, before swaying just close enough for Remus to grab his wrist and tug him back over to the couch without moving from his seated position on the coffee table. “There. Lean forward, go on. You’re all right. Just breathe.” Sirius sat and dropped his head between his knees defeatedly, still trembling while he forced air in and out of his seizing lungs. Remus lay his palm flat between his shoulderblades, the thin fabric of his shirt soaked through and translucent with sweat. He held it there without moving, breathing loudly enough that Sirius would be able to hear it if he could quiet his own thoughts.

 “I took an adderall. Before. Before the dance started,” Sirius confessed without looking up, his eyes squeezed shut.

 “You don’t say,” Remus mumbled under his breath.

 “Shut up,” he scoffed shakily, the ghost of a laugh escaping him. “So. Um. I got too hot and I went to wash my face and he was–he was following that kid so I followed too and....” He exhaled like he’d been punched. “Just– fucking– sonofabitch gaybashing piece of shit,” he managed thickly. Remus didn’t answer right away and was rewarded with a sudden vicious glare. “What's wrong? Did you not know I’m a fuckin' faggot?” he spat with surprising vitriol, shaking Remus’ hand off his back.

 “Whoa, don’t…don’t say that,” Remus frowned reflexively, pulling back like he’d been burned. “I don’t– I don’t care, that's….” Sirius was crying again, somehow sobbing without screwing up his face or looking ugly at all. He cried like a prince, Remus thought stupidly, watching him fall apart. “Sirius, you’re–”

 “I know! I know, it’s fine, I’m sorry,” he coughed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes in a desperate attempt to stop them from leaking. “I’m just…I’m a f-fucking lunatic. Sorry.”

 “You aren’t,” Remus argued softly. He choked on what might have been another laugh and sniffed loudly. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Remus wanted to say more but his head was full of static and the way Sirius’ wet lashes were clumped together, his shiny pink cheekbones, his abdominals jumping with each hitch of breath. His shirt sleeve was stained with dark blood and it had been half pulled from his waistband, hanging sideways off of his shoulder. “How’s your ear?”

 Sirius looked up and blinked in unadulterated confusion, forgetting to be upset for several seconds. “My ear?” he repeated, puzzled. “Oh!” He brought his fingers up to the bright red shell under his hair and hissed ruefully through his teeth. “Fuck…got me good I guess.”

 “Thought so,” Remus nodded, standing slowly so as not to spook him and stepping into the kitchen for a makeshift ice pack. His heart was racing and he forced himself to move with intent, focusing on each singular movement; freezer, ice cubes, tea towel, rubber band. Water, glass. Step, step, step. “Here, drink,” he offered, pressing the cold bundle to the side of Sirius’ head as he handed him the glass.

 “Thanks,” he mumbled, sounding smaller than Remus had ever heard him. When he took the ice park their fingers brushed and Sirius twitched, startled. “Sorry.”

 “It’s okay,” Remus insisted, shaking his head. Sirius took a tiny sip, then another. Remus felt something warm, a flicker of satisfaction watching him drink water in his living room, on his couch, lips on his glass. He was slowly starting to steady, like a candle flame after a gust of wind. “Everyone said it was the best dance we’ve ever had. The teachers, counselors. They all wanted to congratulate me,” he said lowly.

 “Oh, yeah. Only two bloody campers, huge success,” Sirius muttered, mostly bitter but with an unnerving edge of hysteria underneath. 

 “It was a really good time,” Remus assured him quietly. “You made a good night for a lot of kids.”

 “It wasn’t me,” he scowled.

 “It was all you. Drink your water.” Sirius obeyed and another little thrill ran through Remus, lighting up his skin with electricity. “If he was going to make trouble he already would have. I think it’ll blow over.”

 “It doesn’t matter,” Sirius swallowed, his eyes fixed on the floor. “It doesn’t matter.” Remus didn’t say anything else; there was nothing else to say. The only sounds between them were Sirius’ breaths, his small sips of the water glass. “Was it really good?” he asked finally.

 “It was great,” Remus nodded sincerely.

 “You didn’t have fun,” Sirius protested weakly.

 “I did,” he protested. “Fun isn’t as loud on everyone, you know.” Sirius scoffed again, blinking at his glass of water. “I had a good time. You were…you were pretty amazing.”

 “Shut up,” Sirius muttered.

 “I mean it! If I didn’t know better I would have thought disco was your era,” Remus continued with a sly smirk, tilting his head to catch his eye from underneath. “You really boogied down.”

 “Shut up!” he said again, but this time he had to suppress a grin and his foot shot out to kick Remus in the leg. “Ow, shit! You’ve got bony fuckin’ shins, Moony.”

 “Oh, it’s Moony now?” Remus asked, raising one brow inquisitorially and receiving a mighty eye roll in response. “You’re a pain in my ass, Black.”

 “Good, then we’re even,” he complained, squeezing his foot ruefully. Remus’ eyes caught on the socks–green and grey argyle with a tiny hole starting in the threadbare toe, just big enough for a black-polished toenail to peek through. His breath caught as a wave of something effervescent and unfamiliar nearly knocked him over. Mine, snarled something long forgotten from the darkest corner of his mind. No, no, no, wailed a voice more familiar, the pitiful one in his head that staunchly remembered what Remus most wanted to shut away. He swallowed and forced his eyes back up to meet Sirius’ gaze. His lashes were so long, so dark against his pale skin. Mine.

 “I–” He cleared his throat. “I think everyone else went to Dandy’s. I told Lily and James they could go ahead if they wanted. Said I’d drive you,” he offered, suddenly feeling awkward. “But if you don’t want to go–”

 “I don’t want to go,” Sirius confirmed, shaking his head tiredly.

 “I can just take you home,” Remus finished.

 “You don’t….” Sirius frowned, his mind visibly working to come up with another option. “I’ll text James, you don’t have to take me." He patted his waist and realized he didn’t have pockets, standing quickly and swaying a bit. “My phone’s downstairs.”

 Remus didn’t mean to block him, but when he rose to his full height and stepped into his path the effect was the same and Sirius’ eyes went wide, looking up through those long, thick lashes. “Sorry,” he apologized quickly, stepping back as he felt heat rise and spread across his chest. “I don’t mind taking you. And I think Lily was pretty keen on getting James alone to replicate some moves, if you get my drift.” It was a lame attempt at levity and to his credit Sirius lifted one corner of his mouth. “Really. It’s okay.”

 “...okay,” Sirius gave in after a pause, chewing lightly on his lip. “I need to change, though. Elvia’s gonna freak when she sees this.”

 “She does your laundry?” Remus chuckled. Sirius scrunched up his nose in reply. “Leave it here.”

 “What, are you going to do my laundry?” It was Remus’ turn to look away bashfully, shrugging one shoulder.

 “I know how to get the blood out,” he answered noncommittally, bracing himself for the merciless teasing that was sure to follow.

 It didn’t come. “Okay. Well. Thanks,” he said instead, shifting his weight. “I’m gonna go grab my bag.” Remus nodded and Sirius slipped downstairs. He made sure to be busy in the kitchen when he returned and listened to the front door open and close, sock-footed steps that were so much softer than his own, and the quiet snick of the lock on the bathroom door.

 Remus squeezed the rag he was holding and exhaled, drumming the fingers of his other hand on the countertop. He needed to look in the mirror and remind himself who he was–what he was–and what he deserved. Unfortunately, the only mirror in the house was currently in use by the very reason he needed reminding. Standing in front of it, sinewy muscles and creamy skin. Removing his clothes. Remus growled wordlessly, his jaw clenched against the unbidden images. He tried to think of anything but his employee undressing in his bathroom. His much younger employee dancing under the disco ball. Throwing punches in four inch boots and glitter. Tears streaming down his face. “Goddamn it.”

 “Huh?” He turned to find Sirius standing in the kitchen doorway looking impossibly soft in basketball shorts and an oversized, overworn Led Zeppelin t-shirt with his backpack slung over one shoulder. He’d washed his face and twisted his hair into a fresh bun, pristine as ever besides his rapidly purpling ear.

 “Talking to myself,” Remus grunted.

 “Losing your shit, old man?” Sirius joked, but it was an exhausted performance that didn’t meet his eyes and Remus didn’t reward it with a response. “Thanks for the ice,” he carried on, quieter but more present in his tone as he crossed the small kitchen to stand next to Remus and placed the dripping pack in the sink.

 “I’ll make you another for the road,” Remus said automatically, going to the freezer for the second of exactly two ice trays that he owned.

 “Remus you don’t have to do all this,” Sirius said, his voice dropping nearly to a whisper as he fidgeted with the rip at the collar of his shirt. He cleared his throat and made an effort to straighten. “I know I freaked out a little, but I’m good now. Seriously.”

 “I know you are,” nodded Remus, wringing out the dishtowel and refilling it methodically, glad to have something to do with his hands. “Shut up and take the ice pack.” Sirius gave one short laugh, true this time.

 “Okay, fine. But I do expect you to keep this treatment up if you don’t want me to tell all your little disciples that you’re not half as mean as you pretend to be,” he declared.

 “You’re blackmailing me now?” Remus snorted, twisting the rubber band tightly around the cloth and turning to face Sirius. He had been fairly confident in his ability to look again and be unaffected, but he was still infuriatingly fucking gorgeous in what amounted to pajamas in Remus’ kitchen and he had to look away again as he shoved the ice pack into Sirius’ hands. “Who’s mean now? Are you ready to go?”

 “Blackmail isn’t mean, it’s strategic,” Sirius drawled. “Ready when you are.”

 “That sounds like a rich person ism,” Remus mused, reaching the front door in three long strides and ushering Sirius onto the stairs while he reiterated strongly how he was not rich, suddenly desperate to get this devilish temptation out of his fucking apartment.

 In hindsight, he wasn’t sure why he thought the confined space of the truck cab would be any better. “It doesn’t even really hurt. He hit like a bitch,” Sirius said, pulling the headlight knob to turn on the dome light and twisting the rearview mirror sideways to look at his ear. He smelled like Remus’ Irish Spring and he thought his teeth might actually crack from the force of clenching his jaw.

 “Turn that off, you’re going to get me pulled over,” he muttered, glancing up at the dim yellow bulb.

 “For what?” Sirius protested. “It’s not illegal.”

 “Doesn’t matter if it’s illegal. It’ll get me pulled over,” he shrugged, reaching over to click off the light.

 Sirius scoffed and flicked it right back on. “So? What, are you holding or something?”

 “I’m holding you, which is contraband enough,” Remus said, regretting each word individually and the sentence as a whole as it came out of his mouth. “But it’s two in the morning and I don’t have a license so can you turn that fucking light off please?”

 “Ge-ez, you could have just asked,” Sirius relented, plunging them back into darkness. He let it slide for all of two seconds, just long enough for Remus to think he might be in the clear. “So why don’t you have a license?”

 Remus shot him a sideways look but Sirius was all wide eyes and innocence, as if he could make him believe that he didn’t know the personal nature of the question he’d asked. He wasn’t fooled, but the act was good enough that his guard dropped slightly. “Just never got it,” he answered, hoping he sounded casual.

 “Like, when you were sixteen?” Sirius pried. Remus nodded. “You just never went and got it?”

 “Yep.”

 “Are you serious?”

 “No, you’re–”

 “That’s only funny when I do it,” he scowled, making Remus chuckle as he put on his blinker and turned into the McDonalds, the only drive-thru in Mossy Creek that was open 24 hours. “Food?”

 “I’m starving,” Remus nodded again. “What do you want?”

 “Not hungry,” Sirius said politely, turning to look out the passenger window.

 “Yeah, unprescribed amphetamines will do that to a person,” Remus scoffed. “That’s not what I asked you though.”

 “What makes you think they were unprescribed?” he challenged.

 “Because there’s no way in hell that whatever is going on with you is being medicated by a professional,” Remus said dryly, indicating Sirius' entire aura with his hand. A crackly voice burst from the drive-thru speaker. “Tell me what you want or you’re getting the Filet-O-Fish.”

 “Oh gross, no, get me nuggets,” Sirius winced. Remus ordered the chicken nuggets along with fries and a Coke, then switched the drink with his own Sprite at the window when he noticed how Sirius’ leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. “I’ll pay you back tomorrow,” he insisted, spreading the meal on his lap and digging into it with surprising enthusiasm for someone who had claimed not to be hungry.

 “Don’t worry about it,” Remus dismissed, using his knee to pull back onto the road as he unwrapped his own burger with one hand and began stuffing fries into his mouth with the other. He hadn’t been lying about being starving; thinking back, prep for the dance had consumed so much of the day that he didn’t remember seeing anyone take a lunch break. He was ravenous and spent, satisfyingly so, and Sirius must have been feeling something similar because they were both too busy eating to say anything else and afterward he laid his head back against the headrest and sighed, staring blankly ahead through the windshield.

 Remus had rebuilt his truck’s engine himself and while he was reasonably sure that it could get up to 60 mph, he generally topped it out around 45. That made for a leisurely drive and Sirius rolled his window down without asking, rolling his head lazily toward the night breeze. It wasn’t too hot and the roar of the truck wasn’t quite enough to drown out the song of the cicadas in the trees that lined the dark backroads. It was sleepy and peaceful and Remus found himself slowing down to 30 to prolong the moment. “Are you going to the lake on Monday?” Sirius asked out of the blue, his voice weary.

 “I didn’t plan to. Why?” Remus asked, gravel crunching under his tires as he made the turn onto Godric’s Hollow.

 “Didn’t plan to because you didn’t want to go, or because you didn’t get an invitation?” Sirius yawned.

 “Well there’s no need to rub it in,” he chortled. “Is there a party?”

 “Some of the ride crew are going camping,” Sirius shrugged, still looking out the window with the breeze fluttering through the loose curls that had fallen around his face. “I guess they’re going to do a bonfire or something. Probably dumb.”

 “Sounds like I’m the last to know,” he said, unbothered. “Are you going?”

 “James is,” he deflected. “Lily is.”

 “You should go. It’ll be fun,” Remus urged mildly. The silence that followed did not feel mild. It lasted until the truck turned into the Potters’ driveway, the pavement markedly smoother than that of the county road. Sirius suddenly sat up rod-straight, scanning the yard on high alert. “You okay?”

 “Yeah, just…I don’t want to wake Effie up. She’ll know,” he cringed. Remus eased his foot onto the brake so that he pads didn’t squeak.

 “Should we walk the rest of the way?” he asked, lowering his voice as if she were in the truck with them.

 Sirius raised a brow. “We?” he parrotted.

 “Well I’m not going to let you wander off into the night by yourself,” Remus bristled, his cheeks growing hot. “You might have a concussion.”

 “I do not have a concussion,” Sirius laughed. “But if you want to walk me to my door, far be it from me to refuse. And they say chivalry is dead.”

 “Shut the fuck up,” Remus scowled, throwing the vehicle in park and barely resisting the urge to grab Sirius’ backpack off the bench seat. Sirius was still smirking when he came around the front of the truck to meet him and they set off down the long drive. He had forgone the socks for bare feet when he changed clothes and didn’t seem phased by his soles on the asphalt.

 There were a few seconds when their footsteps were the only sounds between them, but that was predictably untenable for Sirius who said, “So I think you should go to the lake with everybody. You know, for morale,” like he had been thinking about it very hard.

 “That’s what the donuts are for,” Remus reminded him.

 “Obviously it isn’t working if no one invited you to the lake,” Sirius pointed out, apparently troubled. “Everyone is going to be there. Even Frank.”

 He had to admit, that did give him a bit of pause. “Frank is going?”

 “Yeah, well, he and Alice just started dating and she’s already said she’s sharing a tent with Davey so he can’t exactly not go,” Sirius reported. Remus blinked. That was all new information to him. “See, you’re out of touch. Come camping. It’ll be fun. Please?”

 And Lord almighty, Remus would have lassoed the moon for that please.

 The next morning came far too soon, Remus waking sandy-eyed and sore to the grating ring of the phone from the office directly below him. He groaned, flopping forward onto his stomach and stretching his long limbs so that both arms and legs hung over the edges of his too-small mattress. It was rare to receive a phone call so early and it took his bleary brain a moment too long to piece together the events from the night before. By the time dread had settled like ice in his gut the answering machine had picked up and he lay still for several minutes breathing into the mattress.

 He reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and brushed his teeth extra thoroughly. He took a few extra minutes to comb his fingers through his hair and rifled through his closet for much longer than usual, all half-hearted attempts to put off hearing the message. In the end, it was the sudden gripping anxiety that Kenny might decide to come in early for the first (make that second) time in the history of Remus’ employment and listen to it first that spurred him down the stairs with a mug of oversweetened coffee in his shaky fist.

Yes, this is Yvonne Yaxley calling for the owner. I need to discuss an incident that took place at Funland last night involving my son and one of your employees. Please call me back at your earliest convenience at 903-624-3215. Thanks so much.

 Four clipped sentences, short and to the point. Remus sucked in a breath to steady himself and dialed before he could think too much about it.

 “Hello?”

 “Hello, this is John Lupin calling for Ms Yaxley,” Remus said, his voice dropping naturally into its lowest register.

 “Hi, Mr Lupin. I’d wish you a good morning but I’m afraid that it hasn’t been. My son came home this morning with a broken nose after visiting your establishment last night,” she started in, sounding more calculated than concerned.

 He paused before he spoke, let the pause grow heavy. “No, I’m sorry ma’am but that isn’t possible. The park was closed for a private event last night,” he disagreed.

 “I’m aware of that,” she snapped. “My son was an attendant at that event where he was assaulted by one of your employees.”

 “By an employee?” he repeated, his voice a perfect imitation of incredulity. “I just don’t see how that could be so, ma’am. I was supervising all evening and I wasn’t made aware of anything happening outside the ordinary.”

 “Surely you aren’t calling me a liar,” she laughed coldly.

 “Of course not, ma’am. Can you give me some more detail on exactly what happened?” he amended politely.

 “I’ve just told you! One of your little delinquent employees broke my son’s nose! His name is Sirius Black and I expect something to be done about it,” she fumed.

 “Sirius is your son?” he asked innocently.

 “Wh–no, Sirius is the one who assaulted him!”

 “We don’t have anyone who works here by that name.” The line was quiet. “Ma’am?”

 “There must be a mistake,” she said flatly.

 “I agree. I didn’t get any reports of any altercations at the dance, but ultimately that would have gone through the group sponsor. Did your son report what happened?” Another silence and Remus felt giddy, like he might get away with it. “I’d be happy to reach out to Mr Gregg and see if he has any insight.”

 “I assure you, the school is next on my list of phone calls,” she informed him, though the volatility in her voice had been significantly defused. “Sirius Black is a known troublemaker in this town and furthermore he is an adult that should not have been allowed anywhere near a school dance.”

 “I couldn’t agree with you more, but like I said, I don’t have anybody on my payroll with that name. Are you certain it wasn’t an altercation with another camper?” There was the muffled sound of ambient voices while Ms Yaxley covered the phone with her hand.

 “Mr Lupin, I don’t appreciate being jerked around,” she said when she returned, all business and bluff. “I intend to get to the bottom of this and I assure you that I’ll be calling you back when I do.”

 “Please do, ma’am. I’m as invested as you are.” At that she hung up without the courtesy of a good-bye and even though his hands were still shaking, Remus felt that maybe he’d won the sparring match. Or at least Round 1.

Chapter Text

 Monday morning found Sirius in the center of his bedroom surrounded by every piece of clothing he owned with both hands buried wrist deep in his hair, tugging anxiously. “It’s not like it’s a date, Pads,” James tried to console him from his spot lounging on the bed tossing a tennis ball against the far wall. He already dressed in a pair of red and black swim shorts and a crisp white tee that he’d asked Elvia to starch the night before–so he had absolutely no fucking room to talk as far as Sirius was concerned.

 “See, that’s the thing. I think it might be?” Sirius guessed. “Kind of, sort of? Maybe? God, I don’t know. This sucks. I should just not go.”

 “You invited him. You can’t bail,” James reminded him.

 “You’re right. Shit. What did I do? Why did I do that?” Sirius threw himself down next to James with a wail.

 “Well, to quote you every single day since we started this job,” James began, taking in a comedically deep breath, “he’s so hot, James,” he mocked, using his full throat to approximate Sirius in a high pitched, slightly obscene whine.

 “Wow. Get fucked Potter.” Sirius grabbed hold of one of the pillows over his head and brought it down with a THWACK in the center of his best friend’s chest, scrambling up and over him before he could get hit back. “Will you just help me please??”

 “We’re going swimming!” James groaned exasperatedly for no less than the third time. “You have two swim suits. I told you, I like the green one. What more do you want from me?” Sirius didn’t dignify that with a response, staring critically into the full length mirror on the wall with the tip of his nose barely an inch from the glass. James heaved a sigh and shoved himself to his feet, coming up behind his friend in the mirror. “Do you really think it’s a date?”

 “...no,” Sirius sighed petulantly, meeting his eyes in the reflection. “But he didn’t call me a dirty homo or anything when he found out. That’s got to count for something, right?”

 James' kind brown eyes regarded him closely for several seconds. “Okay,” he nodded, his tone businesslike. “I really do think the green one is cooler but the black one fits you better. Now show me the shirts again.” It was another hour before Sirius had decided on the perfect outfit (black swim shorts, black tank under a breezy white shirt, black sunglasses, black sandals, black bandana over loose black curls, thank you very much) and gotten a sufficient number of compliments from James for them to load their brand new camping supplies into the trunk of the Sunfire while Monte pretended to help but was really just retelling all his old stories of backpacking across Europe. It was another hour of listening politely before they were able to escape, and by the time they got to the lake and found the right campsite it was after noon. The campsite was more appropriately a village by that time, most of the 20+ park employees having camped out on the grassy area above the beach. Someone had strung a tarp between two willowy trees that covered a large white table that had already been set up for beer pong and a semi circle of ice chests. There were at least ten tents that had been already put up and when they found a blank patch of grass to park on they saw that Lily was stretched out on a lounge chair in the shade in front of one of the largest, a gargantuan black and orange number that looked as if it could easily fit eight people inside.

 “Oi, Evans!” James grinned widely, sticking one arm and his entire head out of the driver’s side window before he’d put the car into park. She lifted her head and raised one freckled arm to block the sun, squinting in their direction. James waved wildly and only received a hearty eye roll in return as she settled herself back down on the chair.

 “Tough luck, bud,” Sirius clicked his tongue as James turned the car off, deflated.

 “I don’t understand,” he frowned, puzzled. “She can’t get enough of me after dark!”

 “So just do whatever it is you do after dark,” Sirius suggested sweetly, gesturing in Lily’s direction with a flourish. James gave him a withering look that made him bark with laughter. “Cheer up, man, she’ll give. And if not, it’ll be dark soon.”

 “Gee, thanks,” he scoffed.

 “Hey, at least you’re getting some,” Sirius pointed out, shoving the passenger door open and throwing himself out into the stifling heat. James couldn’t argue with that so they set about the arduous task of setting up their tent under the blazing midday sun, both of them drenched in sweat and swearing by the time they had finished. So much for the perfect outfit, Sirius thought bitterly, yanking the bandana off his head and using it to wipe his dripping face. “Whose awesome idea was it to go camping in July?” he panted, coming up for air after unrolling their sleeping bags inside the sweltering tent. “I need to get in the water. I’m about to die.”

 “Don’t die. Leave that flap open,” James instructed breathlessly, his own fact beet red as he hammered in the last of the stakes.

 “I am so far ahead of you,” Sirius assured him, busy unzipping every zipper on the tent to try to generate air flow.

 “You guys usually have the help do this part, huh?” Mary sniped from behind them, appearing suddenly in a stunning gold one-piece and a sheer white sarong tied around her waist. Sirius smirked up at her from his place on the ground and James lifted his eyebrows before quickly casting his gaze back down at his hands.

 “Shut up, it’s a new tent,” he grunted, beating the final stake into the sunbaked ground.

 “Why, is the help around?” Sirius drawled, gathering himself to his feet. Mary punched him in the arm a bit harder than playfully and flashed him a wolfish smile, looking every inch the predator. “Are you about to go in? I need a dip so fuckin’ bad.”

 “Yeah, everyone else went ahead. You guys just looked like you needed some encouragement,” she smiled. James fell back on his ass with a loud huff.

 “There, it’s done!” he announced. “Let’s go.” Sirius extended a hand to help him up only for James to tug hard and pull Sirius down onto the ground on top of him in a tumble of elbows and knees.

 “Shit– Potter!!” Sirius sputtered, bucking hard and just managing to roll away as James went in for a headlock.

 “Good Lord, honestly,” Mary sighed, throwing her head back in exasperation and starting off toward the water’s edge where Lily and Marlene were floating on hot pink and neon green blow up mattresses.

 “Mary, fucking– help me!” Sirius squealed, using James’ weight against him to knock him flat and scrambling to pin him.

 “You’re on your own!” she called back breezily over her shoulder. “Bunch of fags, swear to God.”

 James won the scuffle by flicking Sirius in his bruised ear, which was cheating, unethical, and did not count. But by that time the humidity was so intense that breathing was becoming difficult, so they abandoned the sweaty pile they were in and started chasing one another to the water’s edge instead, Sirius just managing to maneuver ahead by giving a mighty yank on the back of James’ t-shirt as they barrelled at full speed into the lake. The resulting splash soaked all three of the girls and made them shriek at full volume. “Sorry babes, did we get you wet?” Sirius laughed merrily, coming up for air and slinging his wet hair out of his face.

 “You’re dead, Black,” Lily snarled, abandoning her air mattress to lunge after him.

 The five of them carried on like that for some time, splashing and wrestling and dunking each other below the water’s surface, before they were all exhausted and sunburnt and starving for the hot dogs that Frank was cooking on the grill. He and Alice seemed to have settled in as the unofficial leaders of the group, distributing paper plates and job assignments from underneath the main tarp. “Did you guys bring drinks?” Alice asked, narrowing her eyes at James and Sirius as they approached.

 “Yeah! We’ve got a cooler, want me to bring it over?” James offered brightly.

 She shook her head, holding out a platter of slightly burnt hot dogs. “You can eat first,” she allowed magnanimously. “Chips and buns are over there.”

 “Thanks mom,” Sirius chirped, narrowly avoiding a swat as he grabbed a hot dog off the plate with his fingertips and stuck it between his teeth. “Are you and dad gonna join us for a game of chicken later on?”

Alice cut her eyes over to Frank who was scrubbing the grill grate with a charcoal brush like it owed him rent. “I dunno if the old man is up for it,” she shrugged, speaking loudly enough to get his attention. 

He scowled, straightening up. “I’m up for whatever you think you can handle,” he told her gruffly, brandishing the brush. “As long as you don’t lose it for us.”

“Me? I’m the chicken fucking champion, dude,” she boasted, turning back to Sirius and flashing a grin. “It’s on.”

“Awesome. Me and Sirius against you guys, winners take James and Lily,” Mary decided grandly, settling in a folding chair with her plate like it was a throne and crossing her bare legs. There weren’t enough chairs to go around and despite having brought a pair themselves, Sirius and James flopped down on a makeshift picnic blanket of damp towels in the sun-crisped grass with their own food.

“Marley needs a partner,” Lily reminded them, laying her head on Marlene’s shoulder sympathetically.

“Remus can be your partner,” James chewed.

“Remus isn’t coming,” Alice tossed off easily as she folded herself criss-cross on the ground between Frank’s feet.

“Sure he is,” James frowned at the same time Sirius let out a treacherous “What?” He noticed Lily’s head snap in his direction, but steadfastly refused to meet her eyes.

Alice shook her head, apparently unaware she was ruining Sirius’ entire day. “No. He doesn’t come to stuff like this. Never has.”

“He said he was coming,” he argued, speaking around the hole caving in the center of his chest. “It’s still early, what time is it?”

“Yeah, it’s only–” James felt for his phone in his pocket before remembering that he’d left it in the car.

“It’s after four,” Frank said tonelessly. “Bossman ain’t coming.”

“He said he’d be here?” Lily asked, tilting her head as if considering a difficult puzzle.

“Yeah,” Sirius insisted. “He said….” He thought back to the conversation they'd had in the dark and found it admittedly hazy. “Well he did say he was coming.” Lily and James were both giving him that look now and it was beginning to resemble pity.

“He’s a people pleaser at heart,” Alice carried on, flourishing her hot dog as she spoke. “He probably just said that to get you off his back. Love the big guy, but he’s not exactly the most social of animals. He’ll just pretend he forgot.”

“That’s not fair. Rem’s lots of fun,” Lily protested. “He just…likes to read.” That got a round of raucous laughter from everyone within earshot besides Sirius who had busied himself smashing a chip into a grease smear between his thumb and index finger. James recovered himself quickly and shook his head, accidentally on purpose bumping Sirius’ shoulder as he spoke.

“Nah, bet ten bucks he’ll show,” he said confidently.

“Hey, I’ll take that action,” Fabian called over from the next grouping of chairs underneath a knot of willow trees. “Make it twenty though.”

“Easy money,” James grinned. No one else seemed to agree, even Lily who seemed ever inclined to take up for Remus. “You’ll see. He’ll be here.” When the subject had changed inexplicably to Frank’s prowess in the bedroom and no one was looking, James nudged Sirius’ knee with his foot in solidarity. Sirius didn’t look up from where he was meticulously shredding his hot dog bun.

When everyone had eaten, passed around a few ADJs courtesy of Barty Crouch, and fell back into their games of horseshoes, cornhole, and volleyball Sirius started back toward the car without a word. He wasn’t sulking. He wasn’t. “Hey, where are you going?” Mary demanded, her fists on the soft swell of her hips. “We have a date to destroy Frank and Alice, remember?”

“Play with Marlene until I get back,” he deflected. “I’m gonna go grab our cooler and some other shit we forgot.”

“Um, no? Marls is a top and I’m definitely not a base,” she huffed. Privately, Sirius balked. Mary was sturdy as hell and her muscular legs looked to him much more fitting to play base to Marlene’s more petite frame than they did for squeezing the life out of his neck while he stumbled around below her on clumsy feet.

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” he tried again, walking backwards now to try and make his escape. She frowned and he could tell she was trying to suss out the lie. Was it drugs? Sex? “Seriously, go ahead.”

“Siri-us,” she whined, drawing out his name and stomping her foot on the grass. “You’re supposed to be my partner. What are you doing? I won’t tell anybody.”

“I already told you,” he replied, turning back around and hoping he sounded final. “You’re not missing out on anything, I swear. Play with Marlene. You guys’ll do great.”

“Well fuck you too,” she snapped hotly. He breathed a laugh through his nose and kept walking, unworried. Mary’s emotions flowed through her like water, anger and fondness rushing in and out in perfect balance. All real and all temporary. He admired that about her, the way she could feel so many things without getting sick from the aftertaste like he so often found himself.

He threw himself heavily into the driver’s seat of James’ car and fished out the Fireball from underneath it. The glass bottle was hot to the touch and the first swallow nearly burst back out of him like firebreath, but the second and third went down easier. He wiped his eyes and coughed when when he had finished, the hole in his chest significantly smaller (or at least filled with whiskey) and the world wobbled as he stood. He slammed the door too hard and rolled his shoulders back, swallowing down the urge to puke warm liquor and hot dogs all over the grass. Fuck Remus. He didn’t need Remus to have fun. Remus was never fun, as a matter of fact. He felt his face getting warmer as he stalked back toward the beach and the sounds of his friends splashing and playing in the water. His real friends, not like stupid fucking Remus Lupin.

“Well, well, well, look who finally got off his high horse and decided to join us peasants,” Frank crowed as he approached, his face breaking into a grin.

“I wasn’t gone ten minutes!” Sirius shot back, careful not to slur his words. Frank’s grin staled and as his eyes flickered to the younger man Sirius realized that he hadn’t been addressing him at all. He turned over his shoulder and lo and behold, there stood stupid fucking Remus Lupin–all tall and curly-haired and dumb-looking, backlit by the sun that was only just beginning the descent from its high point in the sky–next to his truck at the top of the embankment with a twelve pack of beer in his right hand. “Oh.”

Confusion gave way to relief gave way to fury. How dare they? All of them, Remus included. Sirius whirled back around and commandeered the hot pink air mattress from where it had been abandoned on the sand, stomping out into the water, throwing himself down on it with a splash, and kicking away from the shore. He tugged his sunglasses down from where they were ratted into his hair and shut his eyes firmly behind them. And that’s where he stayed, floating. He listened to Marlene and Mary beat the hell out of Alice and Frank, and then Lily and James in successive rounds of chicken. He listened to Barty and Evan bitching each other out repeatedly for crossing the other’s fishing line. He listened to Chris and Emmaline discussing their surprise at what they referred to as "James' cum gutters” while they floated nearer the shore on matching inner tubes. It was nice and warm and for a while it was like he didn’t exist at all, breathing in and out and trailing his fingers in the cool water below him.

“Oh, babe, you are cooked.” That was all the warning he received sometime later before four hands came up abruptly underneath him and flipped him, mattress and all, into the lake. “Honey, didn’t you rotate?” Mary tsked as he came up sputtering and wiping water from his eyes and fishing around for his sunglasses before they sank.

“Ouch, no joke,” Lily winced, looking him up and down.

“Fucking bitches,” he coughed, wringing his hair out and throwing it back over his shoulder. “I was only out here for–”

“Like, four hours. Come on, dinner’s ready,” Mary shoved him, leaving a flash of white handprint on his shoulder that was burned bright pink and suddenly sore.

“Ah, fuck,” Sirius hissed. “Goddammit. No one thought to wake me up?”

“You were being moody,” Lily shrugged. “We made sure you didn’t float away. You’re welcome. Come on, Remus brought a first aid kit and I’m pretty sure it has aloe.” She reached out and took his hand easily, like she had done it every day of her life instead of having spent eighty percent of the time she’d known him calling him a twat. He allowed it, blaming it on the surprise and the sun as he trailed behind her with Mary at his side, dragging the mattress for him. It felt like a dream, not quite still drunk and having the strange sensation of being pulled through time, the sky all in orange and hazy pinks that matched his sunburn. The girls both had soft smiles on and he felt distinctly not in on some joke but too disconnected to care

They sat him in one of the chairs under the main tarp and Alice shoved a bottle of water into his hands. “You look like shit,” she informed him bluntly. “No more booze until you finish that. We’re not trying to get your mommy and daddy out here.”

“Hey, fuck you,” he stiffened. She didn’t seem phased, giving him a sweet smile not unlike the ones Lily and Mary had given him. “Why is everyone being weird?” He cracked the water and took a sip, two sips, then drained half the bottle in one go.

“We’re not weird, you’re just baked,” Alice told him.

“Hey, speaking of baked,” Barty croaked through a lungful of smoke, leaning over his shoulder and handing him a burning spliff. He blinked and accepted it, still stunned. James, Evan, Davey, and Chris were loping over, all of them drenched in sweat and James leading the pack, walking backwards while he spun a volleyball between his fingers and talked animatedly. About lacrosse, Sirius was certain. He took a large hit and then another for good measure, knowing he’d need it if he had to listen to James go on about sports.

“Ayy, look who’s up,” James greeted him as they approached, flopping down on the grass. “Didn’t you put on sunscreen? You’re fried.”

“I’ve heard,” Sirius sighed, passing the joint and sliding his sunglasses back on despite the dimming light. He closed his burning eyes behind the shades, trying to ward off the headache he could feel building in his skull.

“Kiddo, drink your water. I wasn’t joking,” Alice reminded him, tapping the water bottle with her finger as she passed. “Chicken or a burger?”

“Both?” he tried.

“Not until everyone gets fed. Pick one.”

“Chicken,” he swallowed, suddenly ashamed. She handed him a fully made plate with barbeque chicken, potato salad, and corn on the cob. “Thanks Alice,” he smiled, pulling his sunglasses off and making an attempt at genuine graciousness. She blew him a sarcastic kiss and pantomimed drinking water until he tipped up the bottle and finished it, holding the empty plastic up as evidence. She ruffled his hair and rewarded him with a can of Keystone.

“Where’d Remus go?” Lily asked no one in particular, leaning forward over the table to make a plate for herself.

“He and Frank went fishing down the beach,” Alice replied. “He’ll be back.”

“I’m so glad he came,” Lily grinned. “I haven’t seen him let loose in forever.”

“You mean never,” Marlene corrected her.

“I’ve seen him cut loose! He rode four wheelers with us on the 4th of July,” James volunteered.

“Yeah, y’all shake things up. It’s good for him,” she hummed, quiet enough that no one felt obligated to answer.

Sirius stared at his plate and chewed robotically. He was too tired to untangle the knot of feelings in his chest so he shoveled chicken on top of them instead and drowned them in cheap beer. Barty continually supplied the joints like a metal-studded angel from heaven and by the time Remus finally made his way back to the campsite with Frank, Sirius had any number of excuses for why his hands were tingling that had nothing to do with how unfairly good Remus looked. He was smiling, relaxed, and fully dressed in his customary jeans and long sleeves as if he’d just stepped off of the park grounds. On second glance though, he was drenched through, his clothes clinging to him and his hair only beginning to dry in the fading heat of the day. “What happened to the two of you?” Alice laughed, and only then did he notice that both of them were thoroughly soaked, only Frank was wearing swim trunks and had the sense to have removed his wet t-shirt.

“Remus wrestled an alligator,” Frank announced with a completely straight face. “I mostly got in the way, but I got a couple shots in.”

“We fell in,” Remus corrected him dryly, with no commitment whatsoever to the act.

“The man’s modest,” Frank continued, slapping him on the shoulder. “The ole bitch pulled us in, twelve feet long, only about three feet shorter than Remus’ dick so should have been no problem, but crikey, she was a feisty girl!” That got a round of laughter louder than the one that had been at Remus’ expense before he arrived, and that settled something in Sirius that he hadn’t realized was out of place.

“Frank saw an alligator. Then we fell in,” Remus repeated, leaning the fishing pole up against one of the perimeter trees and setting the tackle box down at the base. “Trust me, if I was wrestling alligators I’d be out on the road, not here slumming it with you kids.”

“I can’t believe you’re slumming it with us anyway,” Gideon piped up sourly.

“He’s just pissed he lost the bet,” James beamed, a smear of barbeque sauce so high on his cheek it was anyone’s guess how it had gotten there. “Thanks for that one, by the way Rem.”

“You guys were betting on me?” he asked, cocking an unimpressed brow. He seemed determined not to look for too long in Sirius’ direction, which was fine with Sirius because he had slid his sunglasses back onto the bridge of his nose and was perfectly content with watching him from behind blacked out lenses.

“No, they were betting against you,” James clarified. “I was betting on you, and I won.”

“That’ll teach ‘em,” Remus sighed, pulling his long legs out of his muck boots and squishing wet socks in the dirt with a grimace. “Gross. I’m going to change.”

“Where’d you set your tent up?” Frank asked.

“Oh, I’m not staying. I just came by to make sure I’ll still have a crew in the morning,” he smirked, turning and heading toward his truck.

That was the last straw. Sirius leapt to his feet so quickly that Lily flinched away, startled, and threw his plate in the trash bag with enough force to splatter Archie with barbeque sauce. “Ay, watch it!” he shot, flinching away.

“Sorry,” Sirius muttered, turning on heel and stomping toward the rows of vehicles up the hill. He found Remus pulling a dry t-shirt over his head–long sleeved cotton as per usual–with his head ducked low and facing the cab of his truck. “What is your problem?” he demanded.

Remus turned quickly, banging the side of his head on the door. “Ow! Fuck! What? What are you talking about?” he frowned, rubbing the bump.

“It took you fucking forever to show your stupid face and now you’re leaving?” The words were spilling out of him too fast to think about them and he ignored the soft voice in his head that was begging him to stop. “Why did you even come?”

Remus looked thoroughly bewildered, blinking rapidly. “I–I’m not leaving right now,” he stammered, his voice lilting upward like he was asking a question and his eyes darting side to side to try to make sense of what was happening. “I don’t understand.”

“Of course not. Of course you don’t,” Sirius raged, though he was having trouble understanding himself. “I just thought, you know because you said, that you were going to come hang out and now you’re just doing whatever and not staying the night and I just didn’t know that’s what you meant, I guess, sorry. My fucking bad.”

“‘You’re really mad,” Remus frowned, still sounding more confused than offended.

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m really mad!” Sirius confirmed, throwing his hands in the air. “You shouldn’t fucking say shit that you don’t mean! Okay? It’s fucking rude to tell someone you’re going to be somewhere and then not show up.”

“I showed up,” he pointed out fruitlessly.

“At the end of the day! For like, a minute!” Sirius was almost shouting and he whipped around quickly to make sure that no one was looking after them. “I thought you were going to hang out with me.” That last bit sounded pathetic even to Sirius’ ears and he grit his teeth, swallowing bitter disappointment as he turned to stalk away.

“Hey.” Remus caught his arm and turned him, gripping his sunburnt skin too tightly. “Don’t walk away from me. Are you drunk?”

“No,” Sirius bit out, yanking away and stumbling against the side of Marlene’s Subaru.

“Are you sure? Because you’re acting like an idiot,” he said bluntly. Sirius felt like he’d been hit. “The only reason I came here is to hang out with you.”

“I–” The words were snatched out of Sirius’ throat. “Really?”

“Yeah, you moron,” Remus scoffed. “You’re the one that’s been avoiding me since I got here. What’s up with that?”

Sirius sputtered but was unable to deny it. “You–you don’t even have a swimsuit!” he argued nonsensically. Remus stared at him for a moment and then chuckled, dropping his gaze and shaking his head.

“Okay,” he said, his voice lowering in a way that made Sirius' stomach drop like he’d just gone over a roller coaster. “I’m sorry.”

Whatever response Sirius’ nervous system had steeled itself for, it wasn’t that one. “You–you’re sorry?”

Remus took a step forward. “Yep.”

Sirius took a step back. “For what?”

“Whatever you want.” Sirius’ mouth fell open for a moment as his brain short circuited and he (must have) hallucinated Remus licking his lips. He stood there, gaping like the moron he’d been called, unable to speak or breathe or think. “Not good enough?” Remus guessed, looking down at Sirius with only his eyes. Definitely smoldering. “Sorry I was late. Sorry I didn’t bring the right shit.” He paused. “Sorry you thought I wasn’t coming.”

“I didn’t think that,” Sirius lied, looking away.

“No? How much did you bet, then?” he challenged.

“Shut the fuck up,” Sirius scoffed.

“I told you I’d be here,” Remus continued like he hadn’t spoken at all.

Sirius felt a knot of guilt twist in his chest. “I know,” he mumbled. “Just, everyone else said that you wouldn’t, I dunno, and–”

“Fuck everyone else,” he cut in abruptly. “I didn’t tell them, I told you. When I tell you something you can trust me, okay?”

“....okay,” Sirius said, because his brain had stopped functioning completely and he’d lost all his other words. Remus gave him a smile that showed sharp white teeth.

“Okay. Let’s go back. I just….” He motioned to his pants that Sirius realized were still clinging wet.

“Oh! Okay. Uh, yeah,” Sirius blinked, taking a step backward and bumping again into the Subaru. “I’ll just….”

“Just give me a second,” Remus laughed quietly, reaching for a fresh pair of jeans in his truck. Sirius turned around, feeling overwhelmed and childish and…excited? Fuck, maybe he was drunk. “Ready?” Sirius jumped as Remus came up behind him, his fingertips grazing the back of his arm. “Sorry,” he smirked. Sirius swallowed, staring. That hysterical too-muchness from before hadn’t faded entirely and his tongue felt too light, too quick, too sharp. It was fueled by Remus in his well-worn shirt sleeves, looking impossibly soft with curling ringlets around his ears, the sun-blush spreading across his cheeks and the bridge of his gently crooked nose. The golden light of the setting sun around them was intoxicating and Sirius was gone on it.

“Why are you always in long sleeves?” he asked without meaning to as they began to walk.

Remus blinked at him. His lashes were long enough to cast shadows in the low light. “I, uh…I was in a wreck a long time ago,” he answered, tugging at his sleeves and looking suddenly sheepish. “I’m pretty scarred up. No one wants to look at that shit.”

 Sirius winced at his raw self-depreciation, but didn’t try to argue. “Is that why you walk like that?”

“What?” Remus laughed incredulously. “Walk like what?”

It was Effie’s voice in his head now, reminding him that he was being rude. It didn’t feel rude, though, not with Remus. “You know. The way you walk. Like a limp-swagger thing,” he shrugged. “All Jack Sparrow-y.”

“I don’t limp,” he snorted.

“No, that’s not what I said,” Sirius insisted. “I’m not trying to say anything bad! I think it makes you look, like, cool and rugged and shit.”

“Who’s cool and rugged and shit?” They were close enough now to the campfire that their conversation was now everyone’s conversation and although Sirius still felt dazed and dumb he was definitely able to clock the uncomfortable tightening of Remus’ jaw.

“Wolverine,” he answered without a beat of hesitation, slapping a hand to his heart and throwing his head back in a theatrical swoon, then wincing in pain from the sharp smack against his sunburn. “Ow.” There were a few chuckles at his expense as they picked their way through people in chairs and on blankets to get to the coolers on the far side of the tent. Sirius went straight for the beer but Remus shoved something else into his hand instead; a bright green bottle of aloe that had been chilling in the ice. Sirius smiled but Remus wasn’t looking at him, fishing around for a beer of his own.

“Come sit over here,” called Lily lazily from across the circle. She was curled up on the ground like a cat with her head in James’ lap while his fingers combed through her hair with reverence. Remus glanced up and tapped Sirius’ elbow with a little nod in that direction, a communication so subtle it was almost like he hadn’t even been aware of doing it as he moved them both with just his presence. Sirius, on the other hand, was acutely aware of what Remus was doing. Of everything that Remus was doing. The way the line of his shoulders had finally relaxed, his Adam’s apple sitting low in his throat, the strength of his grip on the wet beer can. Remus lowered himself to the ground next to Lily’s feet and sat with both knees drawn up in front and his elbows resting on them. Sirius sat closer to James, leaving a good four feet for the holy spirit between them, all while imagining how it would feel to take the seat between Remus’ thighs instead.

“Earth to Sirius, hello??” He blinked, jerking back to reality when he realized James had been trying to get his attention.

“Hm? What?” he frowned.

“Are you going to use that or not?” James asked again, pointing at the bottle of aloe that dangled forgotten in his hand with a look that said plainly he thought the answer should be yes.

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” Sirius nodded, fumbling with the lid. Across the circle someone had pulled out an acoustic guitar and was strumming gentle nonsense, barely visible through the campfire smoke.

“Need any help?” Lily asked languidly from her place in James’ lap, and Sirius began to suspect that her intentions were less than pure.

“No, I think I can handle it,” he rolled his eyes and reclined back onto one elbow, squirting a healthy dollop of gel onto his stomach with an obscene squelch from the plastic bottle. He gasped at the cold, earning a few more snickers from those close enough to hear, and starting rubbing it into his overwarm skin, the gel a gleaming translucent sheen over his torso in the firelight. He grimaced at the sticky sensation of it in the creases of his stomach when he sat up to apply it over his shoulders and arms and by the time he bent forward to get his thighs and calves, he was vaguely aware that he was being watched. That was nothing he wasn’t used to, but this time felt different; his fingers shook and his heart started to race because the eyes he felt were soft amber and lit like the sun in the glow of the campfire.

The pinks and oranges of sunset had been overtaken by a gossamer blanket of purple and black and–besides Barty and Evan, who were desperately trying to get another round of beer pong started–everyone was settling into a sated silence. All of them were exhausted from the sun and the good food, not to mention the steady flow of booze and pot, and not a small number of them had coupled up around the fire. Lily was half asleep draped over James who had a smile on his face softer than anything Sirius had ever seen before and was as awed as he was repulsed by it. Alice and Frank were curled in a chair together across the circle, whispering with their heads close and fingers intertwined. Even Davey had somehow snaked his arm around Emmaline’s shoulders and was tapping the fingers of his other hand anxiously against his knee while he agonized over his next move.Sirius pulled the nearest towel around his shoulders and drew his legs up close, resting his chin on his knees with an exhale that was not a sigh, if anyone asked. Evan and Barty finally fucked off someplace and a hush fell like a thick curtain. People spoke in murmurs, their words muted under the drone of cicadas and croaking frogs. Whoever had been playing guitar had set it aside and the loudest sounds were the popping logs and the occasional crack of a beer can. Sirius stared at the fire, imagining imps and faeries dancing in the embers. He was so singularly focused that when Remus stood to add another log he broke off a long thin stick for him to use as a poker and handed it over without a word, a gesture that had Sirius’ throat unexpectedly tight as he pushed around the coals.

James and Lily weren’t the first to slink away from the fire but they had done so without saying anything and at some point Sirius looked up from the flames and realized that the number of people sitting in the circle had dwindled to less than half and that his own tent (more than likely) would be quite occupied and therefore off limits. “You’re gonna wet the bed.”

Sirius whipped his head around. He hadn’t forgotten Remus was there, not for a second, but he’d almost forgotten the man was capable of speech. “Excuse me?”

“You never heard that growing up?” Remus smirked, moving over to close the gap that had been left between them by Lily and James’ absence. “Play with fire and you’ll wet the bed.”

“Oh,” Sirius forced a chuckle. “Yeah, I’ve heard that.” The silence that followed was undeniably awkward.

“Still mad at me?” Remus asked finally, the words coming out stilted like he was chewing glass. Sirius shook his head without turning to look at him. More silence and Sirius wished that he could think of something to say that didn’t sound either petulant or pitiful. “Wanna walk down to the water?” Sirius’ nerves lit up like he’d been struck by lightning. Goosebumps covered the backs of his arms in the warm night and he nodded stupidly, unable to make his throat work. Remus didn’t seem to mind, climbing to his feet and holding one hand out to help pull Sirius to his before ambling casually toward the rocky beach. Sirius followed, feeling much clumsier than usual and wishing he hadn’t partaken in the last couple of joints. “You good?” Remus asked quietly, reaching to steady him when his foot sank into a soft spot of wet sand.

“M’good,” he swallowed.

“Good.” They didn’t speak again until they had walked further down the beach, Remus leading the way as if he had a destination in mind. They turned a bend just deep enough to lose track of the campfire and Remus apparently found what he was looking for, heading straight for a gnarled tree trunk that had washed up on the shore at some point and lodged itself in the red clay embankment to form a natural bench, bleached white and smooth by the wind and sun. When they sat side by side Sirius could still feel the warmth from the day bleeding out into the cool wind. “I was thinking,” Remus started after a moment, looking out over the black waves, “I didn’t tell you the other night what I thought, I mean, that I thought you were really brave.”

Sirius frowned, not sure he’d heard correctly. “Brave?” he repeated, puzzled. “For what, knocking the shit out of some kid?”

“No, for what you told me.” Remus still hadn’t looked at him and Sirius felt more free than usual to stare at the sharp cut of his stubble-covered jaw. “After.”

“That’s not brave,” Sirius protested. “That’s just…what I am.”

“That’s the brave part,” Remus said, quieter and through a half-breathed laugh as he shook his head. “I don’t think you know how fucking brave that is.”

Sirius shrugged. “It really isn’t,” he argued wearily. “It isn’t like I have a choice. And it’s not the seventies or whatever anymore, no one’s going to try to kill me. I mean, probably. No one at Funland anyway.”

“Don’t do that, don’t…it’s not…not everyone can do that. Be who they are. It really is incredible.” He licked his lips and took in a deep breath through his nose as if steeling himself before he slowly turned to make eye contact. “You are. Incredible, I mean.”

The air thinned between them and the moonlight reflected on the lake glowed so brightly that Sirius could make out the freckles on Remus’ face, the twitching muscle in his neck, the furrow between his brows. Sirius panicked. “If you mean ‘not at all credible’ you’re not the first to say that,” he joked lamely. Remus didn’t laugh, didn’t look away. Just keep gazing at him with that expression that felt unending and magical. After a long moment he spoke again, his voice softer. “Moony, are you being brave?”

“Trying,” he rasped.

“Oh.” The clouds turned to seafoam in the star-studded sky, the ground became the effervescent sea and swallowed him whole. He was tumbling backwards through the blue cosmos, weightless. Untethered and drifting away. “So, like….”

“Yeah,” he swallowed. “Yeah.”

“That’s….” Sirius trailed off. They were sitting so close, barely an inch between their knees, elbows brushing when they breathed. I only came to hang out with you.

It must have been Sirius who started it, but it wasn’t a conscious decision on his part. One moment he was floating and the next he was anchored. Remus’ lips were smooth and yielding, his body so warm, his curls like a handful of silk. Sirius heard himself whimper, powerless to stop it. “Shh,” Remus breathed against his mouth, shaking. His hands were locked onto Sirius’ hips– big, rough palms gripping and squeezing and pulling him–pulling him closer, into his lap, against his chest, fuuck– “Hang on, hang on, stop,” Remus panted, shaking his head. “We’re not…this isn’t…I wasn’t….” Each attempt was thwarted by Sirius’ eager mouth, clever tongue and teasing teeth exploring Remus’ as if it was his mission on earth. “Sirius, slow–fuck–slow down.” Hands moved to Sirius’ chest, careful, hesitant, and then they were pushing him away.

“Wh-what? What’s wrong?” he gasped, pupils blown wide in the moonlight.

“That wasn’t…that’s not…just, gimmie a sec,” Remus sputtered.

“Why are we stopping?” Sirius demanded.

“I need to think,” he huffed, a brand new edge of something in his voice that Sirius had never heard before.

“Don’t think. Thinking’s bad,” Sirius insisted, every inhibition he’d ever possessed long out the window as he did his best to crawl back into Remus’ lap.

“That’s–we can’t do this. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he explained, sounding apologetic of all the damn things. He was holding Sirius' wrists like manacles, but he was holding Sirius’ wrists like manacles and it was so hard to string together a coherent thought. Remus seemed to be struggling as well, his eyes trained on Sirius’ lips while his chest heaved, which made the whole thing even more confusing.

“I’m–I don’t understand,” he blinked.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” he shook his head, releasing him to drag one hand down his face in what definitely looked like regret. “This is a mistake.”

“A mistake,” Sirius echoed blankly.

“No! Not–fuck, okay. Hang on. I told you, I need to think.” And suddenly it was happening again, frantic and messy, and those hands were everywhere. In Sirius’ hair, raking up his ribs, grabbing his jaw. His world had narrowed to the taste of their shared breath and the salt smell of sun and sweat on Remus’ neck. Spit-slick lips slid hot and hungry against his own and Sirius sank his teeth into the plump, delicate flesh, drawing a growl out of Remus that rumbled from deep in his chest like thunder. The noise that escaped from Sirius in return was a high and needy whine that Remus swallowed like he was starving. “Incredible,” he breathed, the stubble on his chin scraping down Sirius’ throat as he lavished wet kisses down his jaw and into the dip behind his ear.

“R-Remus, fuck,” Sirius whispered, tipping his head back to the stars as the searching mouth latched onto the sensitive spot in the hollow of his collarbone and sucked hard. Soft cotton rubbed friction into Sirius’ sunburnt stomach until he squirmed, tickled and overstimulated under Remus’ roaming hands.

“Shit, sorry,” he murmured against damp skin.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Sirius hissed, giddy with sensation. Remus choked out a strangled laugh of his own and drug his nails down the inside of Sirius’ arms when he felt them sliding out of his grip.

“Wha-”

“Shut up,” Sirius kissed him again, dropping to the ground between Remus’ knees. It took a precious few seconds before he caught up to what was happening and by that time Sirius had squeezed his hands worshipfully over both surprisingly sculpted thighs and was reaching for the button on his jeans.

“Whoa, whoa, hang on,” Remus came to life, startling out of his haze and stilling Sirius’ hands with his own. “Don’t, don’t do that.”

“I want to,” Sirius breathed, his eyes fixed on the swollen inseam of Remus’ jeans.

“Hey, hey.” Remus curled his fingers around Sirius’ hands, leaning forward so that he was eye to eye with the younger man kneeling in the wet sand. “I don’t– that’s not– c’mere.” He kissed him, slow and deep, one hand coming up to cradle Sirius’ face. “Okay. Okay,” he soothed, pulling away with softer kisses at the corner of his mouth, his bottom lip, his chin. “Here, get off the ground.” Remus pulled him in, spreading his legs on the log to settle him between them in the cage of his strong arms and let Sirius kiss him again, guiding the pace with his fingers threaded into the black curls.

“Take me home with you,” Sirius pleaded, low and urgent in Remus’ ear.

“Hold on baby, we’re not–” It was clear that he hadn’t meant to say it, that he hadn’t even noticed he had until he heard Sirius’ sharp intake of breath. “Fuck. Sorry, just slow–”

“Say it again,” he groaned, dropping his forehead into the crook of Remus’ neck. He felt so solid, so completely there and warm and alive beneath Sirius’ hands. The hand on his back stilled for a moment and then slowly started to move again, smoothing up and down Sirius’ spine in long, steady strokes.

“Baby,” he acquiesced in a deep gravelly tone that Sirius felt more than he heard and made him shudder all over, “we gotta slow down, okay? This is further than this was supposed to go. I’m sorry, I’m…I’m a fuckin’ mess with you.”

“Hm? You’re not, you’re good,” Sirius protested, hardly understanding the words spilling out of him. He just needed moremoremore.

“No. I’m not, that’s– that’s the point.” He pulled Sirius back just enough to meet his eyes, dazzling and dazed in the starlight. He looked like he was in pain and it startled Sirius momentarily out of his heated frenzy.

“Are you okay?” he frowned, blinking rapidly.

“Am I– Christ, Sirius,” Remus huffed, pulling him back into his chest in a rough embrace. He breathed against Sirius’ scalp, hot, heavy breaths. “No, I am fucking not okay,” he laughed softly, calloused fingertips skating over the sensitive skin of Sirius’ back and making him shiver. “Goddammit, you’re…you’re making this so fucking hard.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea,” Sirius grinned devilishly, ducking back in to bite behind the hinge of Remus’ jaw.

“You’re…you’re something else,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and going lax for a moment. “Okay, okay, hey. Seriously, we need to stop.” He tugged his fingers out from where they’d been hopelessly tangled into Sirius’ curls and moved them instead to rest low on his neck, rubbing not gently around his collarbones and feeling at the prominence of his throat. 

“Why?” Sirius frowned, slowly becoming more lucid as Remus held him at bay. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to be responsible,” he said quietly. “I’m your boss. I’m a lot older than you, I–”

“Hang on, wait. Stop,” Sirius silenced him, suddenly all business. “I hooked up with three of my professors last year. I don’t know what kind of virginal fantasy you’re projecting on me, but that’s not a concern.”

“What? No, it isn’t about you,” Remus insisted, shaking his head as if trying to rid himself of that image. “It’s me. I’m not– you’re still figuring things out. I don’t want to mix my shit up in that. It’s not fair.”

“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that? I want you.” Sirius took hold of the thick wrist at his neck and brought it up to kiss the center of Remus’ palm, nuzzling into it. “Please?” Remus didn’t fight it when Sirius wrapped his lips around the tip of his thumb; to Sirius’ delight he pushed it the rest of the way in and pressed down hard on the center of his tongue instead, making Sirius open his mouth wide and suck in a breath around the warm, rough digit.

“Fuck,” Remus growled, Sirius’ teeth scraping the back of his thumb as he pulled it out. “You’ve gotta stop. I can’t…I just can’t.”

“Can’t what? We’re not getting married, just take me home,” he begged, shifting closer and grinding down into Remus’ lap. “Tell me you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” he assured him, breathing hard and holding low on Sirius’ back. “I really want to.”

“I’ll be so good for you, Rem. I’ll–”

“God, don’t,” he choked out, squeezing his eyes closed. “Please. Please, baby.” He leaned forward and captured Sirius by the back of the neck, holding their foreheads together. “Trust me?” he asked, his voice shaking.

“I trust you,” Sirius nodded hungrily.

“Then trust me. You don’t want this,” he murmured, stroking the fine black hairs at Sirius’ temple with his thumb. “You don’t want me.”

“I really do though,” Sirius whined, fluttering his lashes and wiggling his ass and using every trick he had, desperation clawing up inside him ugly and powerful. “I want you so fucking bad.” Remus kissed him again, and it tasted like goodbye. “No, wait, Remus,” Sirius scrambled, grabbing at his shoulders.

“It’s okay,” he shushed against his lips. “M’right here.”

“Don’t go.”

“I won’t.” And he didn’t. One arm hooked around his waist and the other held the back of his head as Sirius went boneless against his chest and breathed him in. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“Okay.”

They sat that way for a long time, listening to the waves. So long Sirius that lost all track of time. He might even have dozed off, but Remus never moved and at some point Sirius had stopped shaking and he was just warm and empty and lost. “What happens now?” he croaked.

“Now? Nothing. Nothing’s changed,” Remus replied, fingers combing through his hair gently.

“No?” Sirius scoffed.

“You think I haven’t been thinking about this for three fuckin’ weeks?” Sirius’ back stiffened and Remus exhaled all at once. “Sorry, that’s…that’s not helpful.”

“It’s not,” Sirius agreed shakily.

“Sorry,” he repeated, quietly. “So, nothing’s changed. I’m going to go home and you’re going to go to sleep and we’ll see each other tomorrow.”

“That’s so fucked, Moony,” Sirius mumbled into the older man’s shoulder. Remus chuckled and nodded, still rubbing circles on Sirius’ back that threatened to shatter him into pieces. “I like you.”

“I–” Remus swallowed with an audible click. “I’m sorry.”

That did it. Sirius felt the pain finally seep in through a cavernous crack in his armor and settle in his chest like cement. Suddenly the embrace was suffocating and he pulled out of Remus’ arms, and used one fist to rub hard at his own sternum. “It’s fine,” he sighed, moving back to sit on the log next to him and frowning out at the lake. “Just…embarassing.”

“You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about," Remus frowned.

“Yeah. Right,” he muttered.

“You were–” Remus paused as he registered Sirius’ flinching when he went to rest a palm on his knee. “–perfect,” he finished softly, clenching the hand into a fist and pulling it back.

“Mhm. Just…what, not old enough?” Sirius sniffed irritably.

“It’s…more complicated than that,” Remus winced.

“Yep. Super complicated,” Sirius nodded. His throat was tightening and it was getting harder to breathe with the new weight on his chest. “I think I’m going to go to bed,” he forced out while he could still manage to get the words out.

“Sirius–”

“It’s fine. Totally fine. I’m just tired,” he lied, shaking his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” His eyes were stinging and he knew that the next words out of his mouth would give him away if he didn’t make a swift escape.

“Okay,” Remus resigned. “Goodnight.” Sirius jumped to his feet and hurried back the way they’d come before he could say anything else, before Remus could see just how humiliated he was.

By the time he made it back to the campsite the fire had burned low and he could just make out the shapes of the last couple asleep in the orange glow of the embers. Or pretending to sleep; either way they didn’t stir when a ragged breath burst from his chest. He clamped his hands over his nose and mouth and stumbled in the dark toward James’ car in a last minute decision. He couldn’t remember where the tent was set up and even if he did, wouldn’t have been able to handle the rejection of finding Lily in his spot. Instead he passed the rest of the night doubled over in the familiar smelling backseat, trying to crush the pain into as small a point in his stomach as he could manage by swallowing it over and over until his throat ached. It was a long time, longer than he expected, before the unmistakable roar of Remus’ truck broke through the quiet of the night and as it rumbled into the distance Sirius bit down on his fist and didn’t cry at all, staring ahead into the dark until pink morning light began to creep over the trees.

Chapter Text

 Remus stared at Sirius’s mural from his kitchen window while he drank his coffee, like he had every morning since the kid had shown up at seven a.m. with a backpack full of spray paint and a sleepy grin a week and a half earlier. He had more than fixed what Sev had ruined. While Remus watched he had added a menagerie of smoky figures around the edges, wispy designs woven nearly imperceptibly into the lion’s mane. A snake, raven, badger. A stag. A rat. A dog and a wolf. The same wolf that was sketched onto the birth chart that Remus had pinned to his fridge. Remus had never been one for art but lately he found himself spending more and more late nights on the office computer clicking through pieces by the artists that Sirius went on about, people like Shepard Fairey and Banksy. Sirius was better than most of them, as far as Remus was concerned, but he saw the appeal. 

 He hadn’t slept at all after tossing and turning in bed for hours and his shoes were still gritty with sand. He had only just rinsed the campfire smoke from his hair, though he could still smell it in the discarded pile of clothes on his bathroom floor and he wondered if he would ever again be able to associate that smell with anything other than the taste of Sirius Black, the perfect jigsaw fit of their bodies. He screwed up his face in distaste, disgusted by the melodrama in his own head. “Get it the fuck together, Lupin,” he muttered to himself, shaking the memory out of his head and throwing his coffee cup with too much force into the sink. I want you so fucking bad.

 He turned away from the window and started toward the door, switching on auto pilot. He had a list of things a mile long he could be doing, and each of them individually were more productive than pining at his window like a lovesick Juliet. Maybe if he kept his hands busy enough he could forget what they looked like with black curls running through his fingers like water. I’ll be so good for you, Rem.

 He smashed his knuckles wide open when the wrench slipped trying to tighten a loose bolt under one of the mini-coaster cars. He spilled an entire quart of white paint on the operator’s deck of the Zipper. He snapped a screwdriver off at the handle and stripped the screw he had been trying to replace on a rusted hinge. He broke a lightbulb at its base in concessions by twisting too hard and sliced the webbing between his index finger and his thumb on the same goddamn hand that was still throbbing from impact. He didn’t react. The pain felt far from him and that was good. That was fine. Remus wrapped a paper towel around his hand and kept going.

 He was cleaning gutters behind the office when someone cleared their throat behind him and almost startled him off the ladder. “Shit, my bad,” Sirius laughed. Remus had been at it for hours at that point and was caked in dirt and grime, not to mention the accents of blood and paint smeared across his hands and his forehead where he kept wiping away trickles of sweat. His face was already twisted into a scowl when he turned and he did his best to tame it, but if the look on Sirius’ face was anything to go by, his attempt was mediocre at best. “Wow, you look like shit.”

 “Thanks,” he huffed. Sirius wasn’t exactly one to talk. He was grey under the pink sunburn that covered most of his face and neck, circles under his eyes, his hair twisted into a gnarled bun on the top of his head and wore a form-fitting black hoodie that was covered in lintballs and some kind of animal hair with basketball shorts that looked far too baggy to be his own. Remus blinked at him for a moment before turning back to his gutters. “You’re early.”

 “Yeah, well,” Sirius scuffed his shoes in the dirt. “I would have just texted you but you’re the last person in the universe without a cell phone.”

 “Ha-ha,” said Remus dryly.

 “Can you come down from there? You’re making me dizzy,” he complained, shielding his eyes from the sun as he peered up.

 “I–” Remus started to protest and realized he wasn’t sure why. He bit down on his cheek and descended the ladder. Nothing’s changed. “What’s up?”

 “Fucking hungover as shit,” he sighed, falling back a few steps to sit on the retaining wall in the shade.

 “I thought you said you weren’t drunk,” Remus reminded him, shoving his hands in his pockets and leaning his back against the sun warmed wall.

 “Not nearly drunk enough to be this hungover, that’s for sure,” he muttered. He licked his lips and stared at the ground for a moment before he looked up. “So. I don’t want this to be weird.”

 Remus raised his brows. “This?”

 “This,” Sirius emphasized, pointing back and forth between the two of them. “And if we’re being totally honest with each other, I don’t want to have to quit and lose all my money either.” Remus snorted and Sirius smirked at him shyly. “So can we just…like…not?”

 “Definitely,” Remus nodded, unable to keep the corners of his mouth from curling upward. He’s so cute, his brain supplied unhelpfully. Fucking adorable.

 “Okay good,” Sirius said, all the breath rushing out of him at once as if he’d been prepared for rejection. Another rejection. He peered at the ladder leaning against the wall and then looked Remus up and down, really seeing him. “What are you doing out here?”

 “Just…making a mess. Some stuff I’ve been meaning to get to,” he shrugged, waving a hand and suddenly feeling foolish. 

 “Whoa, what the fuck, are you bleeding?” Sirius was on his feet in an instant, closing the gap between them and reaching for his hand. “Jesus Christ, did you get your shit stuck in a woodchipper? What happened?”

 “It’s nothing,” Remus shook his head, trying to pull it back out of Sirius’ surprisingly strong grip.

 “Yeah, okay,” Sirius scoffed, releasing it once he seemed satisfied that he was in no immediate danger of bleeding out. “It looks gnarly. You better put something on that before Lily sees it.”

 Remus hesitated. “Okay, yeah, that’s a good idea,” he admitted.

 “Got you there, huh?” Sirius chortled. “You go, I’ll put the ladder up.”

 “No, leave it. Those gutters are nasty,” Remus shook his head, turning toward the office.

 “Yeah, no shit. That’s why I’m putting it away. You’ll have me up there cleaning the damn things,” Sirius replied breezily, already unlocking the legs. “Go fix your hand.”

 Sirius was not the only park employee to drag in with a hangover that day. A cursory glance of the parking lot while Remus was taping his knuckles revealed a single red Sunfire in the parking lot with a wild mess of black hair slumped over the steering wheel and a pair of glasses slung carelessly on the dashboard. Two-thirds of the shift stumbled in late, Barty and Evan winning a round of applause from the rest of the ride attendants when they were the last to arrive a full hour and a half after opening. Emmaline gagged every time she had to walk past the hot dogs and Lily sent her home before the rush, even though she herself was a pale green under stark freckles. Mary and Archie didn’t show up at all, and even Frank came in complaining about his back, but that was more about sleeping on the ground after thirty than the booze. Thankfully, Tuesdays were the slowest days of the week and it was way too hot for most people to want to spend it baking in the concrete oven of the park. The go kart track was by far the busiest attraction of the day, leaving everyone else able to skate by just staying upright.

 Remus spent as much as the day on his own as he could manage, choosing to remain ignorant of how his crew was handling the day as long as it was handled. Keeping Kenny on his ass in the office and turning a blind eye was the best he could do for them, not to mention it helped the throbbing headache that he himself was nursing from the three beers and no sleep. His heart was racing on and off throughout the day and he had no interest in passing out in front of the crew so he let Sirius take charge of the list and do whatever he felt like (which, according to Lily’s report was mostly sitting in the shade and petting chickens with James) while he stared at overdue paperwork without making any progress until his limbs were like concrete and he stood with a groan. “Fu-uck me,” he groaned, stretching his arms over his head and narrowly avoiding knocking out the light fixture. “I’m getting old, Ken.”

 “What does that make me, then?” he grinned through tobacco-stained teeth. Remus grimaced internally and then shoved his hand in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

 “I dunno, man, the crypt keeper?” Kenny barked out a wheezy laugh. “I’m gonna burn one and take a walk around. You need a corn dog or anything?”

 “M’good here, RJ. Might take off early though if it stays slow, you good to bum the window?” Kenny replied. Remus gave a thumbs up on his way out and stepped out into the heat of the day, sweat instantly dewing his forehead. He strolled the main circuit, nodding benignly at the clusters of employees that were smoking near the fence and giving them a wide enough berth that no one felt the need to move. Lily and Chris were both laid out with their heads on their arms on the prep table and James was half dozing in his chair next to the petting zoo entrance. Remus wasn’t looking for Sirius, definitely not, but he also didn’t find him. He finished his cigarette and did one more lap around for good measure before he started back toward the office.

 Somehow–and he wasn’t sure how, but somehow–he ended up doubling back to the petting zoo. “Ay, sleeping beauty,” he whistled, kicking lightly at James’ foot.

 “M’wake,” he mumbled, dragging his eyes open slowly with his eyebrows.

 “Yeah, you look it. Where’s your better half?” Remus smirked.

 “Psshht, better half,” James yawned, stretching his arms over his head and arching his back in the chair so that his long body was in danger of sliding out of it. “He’s like, my shittier quarter.”

 “Okay,” Remus laughed. “Know where your shittier quarter got off to?” James shook his head at first, then nodded rapidly, yawning again and too largely to speak. Remus scrubbed at his mouth to keep his own yawn at bay while he waited.

 “Gutters,” James managed finally, leaning forward over his knees and scratching hard at one calf. “Said the gutters were nasty.”

 Remus blinked. “Okay. Uh, thanks,” he replied, floored by the information. If James noticed the shock in his voice he didn’t mention it, crossing his legs at the ankle and tipping his head back against the chair. “Hey, are you short a couple of goats?”

 James jerked forward, his eyes flying open. “What?”

 “Just kidding,” he grinned, earning himself a rare James Potter scowl. “That’s for the mayo in the soap dispenser last week.”

 “Ah, worth it,” James shrugged smugly, settling back down in his chair and rubbing his eyes. Remus couldn’t help wondering what Sirius had told him, if anything, and watched him for a moment too long before he turned away. 

 Sure enough, he found Sirius tucked behind the office on the same ladder he’d insisted on putting away, digging brown muck out of the gutters with yellow dishwashing gloves pulled up over his hoodie sleeves. “Are you not hot?” Remus greeted him loudly, half hoping to return the scare he’d gotten that morning. No such luck. Sirius turned lazily, his face cherry red and loose hairs plastered to his face with sweat.

 “Fuckin’ boiling, thanks,” he panted through his mouth.

 “Come down and take off that sweatshirt, psycho,” Remus frowned as he rested a steadying hand on the ladder. Sirius gave him a long blank stare before reaching up and yanking the side of his collar down with two fingers to expose a dark mark in vibrant violet and magenta where his neck and his shoulder met. He raised his eyebrows pointedly.

 YES. No. MINE. Wrong.

 Remus’ jaw dropped. The warring voices in his head were screaming, clawing against his skull in equal parts disgust and triumph. “Holy shit I’m so sorry,” he said all at once even as one hand flew to his mouth to muffle the words. His head turned on an automatic swivel, scanning around them quickly. “I didn’t mean–did I–was that me?”

 “No, Rem, it’s totally unrelated,” Sirius scoffed, the sarcasm thick in his voice. Remus must have looked as stricken as he felt, because Sirius took pity on him and softened. “Well don’t look like that about it, it’s not a big deal. I mean, it wouldn’t be a big deal, if…you know. If it wasn’t.” A smirk crept onto his face as he covered the offending mark. “I wouldn’t mind, I mean.”

 Remus shook his head, horrified. “Get down from there and go inside before you pass out. Fuck. I’m so sorry,” he demanded roughly, dragging his palm down over his jaw. His face was hot and his heart was racing and Sirius had the nerve to laugh.

 “You got it, boss,” he grinned, hopping down and wobbling slightly when his feet hit the ground, just enough for Remus to reach out and grab his shoulder harder than he meant to and earn himself another snort of teasing laughter. He pulled back like he’d been burnt.

 “What are you doing up there in the first place?” Remus grumbled, moving away to fold up the ladder in a direct reversal of their earlier roles.

 “Finished the list,” Sirius shrugged, watching him mischievously.

 “You finished the list?” Remus frowned. “The whole thing?”

 “What, like it was hard?” Sirius blinked, wide-eyed and faux innocent.

 Remus snorted. “You’re so full of shit. Get your ass in the A/C,” he dismissed, throwing the ladder up on his shoulder and starting toward the maintenance shed. Remus walked slowly enough to smoke a third cigarette, thinking hard about the grease trap, the dirty grout in the bathrooms, Sev’s pizza face. Anything but the shape of his own mouth that was bruised into his mind as deeply as it was bruised into Sirius’ elegant neck. It was gorgeous, terrible, infuriating, shameful. It made his fingers tingle. It made his dick hard.

 When he was able to return to the office without going blood-red every time he thought about Sirius, he found him sitting in Kenny’s chair with his feet pulled up underneath him, thumbing through Remus’ most recent novel. His first instinct was to jerk forward and grab it out of his hands, but his rational mind knew that was an overreaction and it wouldn’t do any good anyway. Sirius raised his eyebrows and held the book up in front of him. “This is…pretty gay, Moony,” he smirked. “Dunno how you managed to stay in the closet so long leaving shit like this laying around.”

 “Everyone else around here minds their own business,” Remus scowled, stalking across the room and holding out his hand. Sirius tilted his head back and forth, cheekily considering his options with his teeth catching on his lip. “Give it.”

 “No,” he decided, snatching it back and holding it close. “I want to borrow it. I haven’t gotten to the dirty parts yet.”

 “There aren’t any,” Remus muttered. “Give it back.”

 “You must not have gotten there yet either. This is horny as hell,” Sirius laughed. Remus felt the tips of his ears going red and shame crawling up his throat, unable to stop himself from glancing furtively around the room. “No one’s here, don’t worry,” he rolled his eyes. “Ken left me in charge because I’m so mature and trustworthy.”

 “I’m sure that’s what happened. Give me my book back,” he insisted dryly. Sirius heaved a huge sigh of disappointment and frisbee-ed the book into Remus’ chest.

 “Fine. I’ll just never know what happens to David and Giovanni,” he shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to make up my own ending. They probably run off to Cabo together to sell knockoff Versace and fuck.”

 “Yep. You nailed it. Congratulations,” Remus replied, tucking the book safely into his back pocket. “Move, you’re in my chair.”

 “Kenny said I could run the window,” Sirius challenged with a grin.

 “What were his exact words?”

 “Sirius, you can run the window because you’re so smart and sexy and talented,” he mocked. “Also, Remus is a fat piece of shit.” That made Remus snort in laughter despite himself and Sirius beamed. The brightest star.

 “You’re insufferable. Move. Go organize the shelves behind the desk, make yourself useful,” Remus instructed, grabbing the back of the chair and pulling it down and back so that Sirius’ arms and legs flailed outward in an attempt to balance himself in midair.

 “Ahh! Moony, stop!” Remus released him with a smirk and stepped back to let him stand. “You’re such a baby.”

 “Oh, I’m the baby,” he scoffed.

“Insufferable,” Sirius repeated, twisting his face like the word was sour. “What, have you been hanging out with my mother?” He launched himself out of the chair dramatically, drawing himself up in a puffed out impression of someone Remus had never met. “Sirius Orion Black, have you no propriety??” he screeched in a piercing falsetto.

 “Orion? Hold on, you’re Sirius Orion?” Remus asked in disbelief as he flopped back into the vacated seat.

 “You knew that,” he accused, grey eyes narrowing.

 “I assure you that I did not,” Remus chuckled, swiveling the chair toward the window so that he could kick his feet up on the file cabinet under the desk. “I would remember if I knew your name was Star-Star.”

 Sirius sputtered. “Oh-ho, that is rich coming from Wolfy John McWolferson,” he shot back indignantly. 

 Remus paused and tilted his head. “Ohh. That’s what that meant. The drawing?” he realized. He could picture it perfectly, the same wispy wolf from his birth chart that Sirius had added to the mural.

 “Um, yeah? Duh?” Sirius’ brows were arched nearly to his hairline and the haughty expression on a face that had a perfect sunburnt imprint of large, gaudy sunglasses was too much for Remus to bear. He brought a hand to his mouth to rub out the laugh that bubbled up out of him, the laugh that wanted to be a plaintive whine, a possessive snarl. The brightest star.

 “Yup. Yeah, you got me, Star-Star,” he nodded against his fist, relishing the dirty look he was given. “Are you going to organize those shelves or do I need to ask you again?” The attitude left his face in an instant, replaced by something surprised and open and vacant and lovely for a only fraction of a moment before he blinked it away.

 “Yeah. I mean, no,” he answered. “I got it.” Sirius was the first to break eye contact and Remus felt satisfaction settle in his chest, warm and solid. Good boy, he didn’t say. Swallowed it down like fire and pulled out his book again as Sirius went obediently to work.

 Sirius managed companionable silence for nearly half an hour while he arranged loose paperwork into a dozen different stacks, which by Remus’ estimation was a new personal record. “Can I ask you something?” he asked finally, rather redundantly. He kept his eyes down, pretending to focus on the task at hand.

 “Yeah,” Remus replied without looking up from his book. He waited, but no question came. After too long a pause he glanced up and found that Sirius was still, a rare sight, besides a constant gnawing at his lip. “What’s up?”

 “I’m not trying to be weird,” he prefaced, eyes darting up and back down quickly.

 “Clearly,” Remus teased. Sirius gave a polite approximation of a laugh and took a breath, looking at him nervously out of the corner of his eye.

 “I just…I was wondering why…if you weren’t trying to….” he motioned around his collarbones and Remus clenched his jaw reflexively. “Why did you take me down to the beach?”

 “I–” Remus’ mouth started before his brain had a chance to catch up and he found himself blinking stupidly. “I wanted to tell you that I thought…you know, you were brave. And I didn’t want you to feel alone.”

 “Alone?” Apparently that answer was unsatisfactory; Sirius gave him a look that might have been pitying if it wasn’t so disdainful and took a step away from his work. “Why would I feel alone? It’s 2005, the gays are everywhere. You know about Chris, right? And his huge, giant, mega crush on you?”

 “Well yeah, I just–”

 “And Barty, and Evan?” Sirius slung the names like ammunition and they hit, making Remus recoil with a frown.

 “No, they’re friends–”

 “Who make out with each other every chance they get,” Sirius barked a laugh, barreling forward. “And Marlene–”

 “I know about Marlene,” Remus interjected defensively.

 “Then you know that’s bullshit. Try again.” If Sirius had been nervous when the conversation began he wasn’t any longer, all flashing eyes and teeth. “Why?”

 “I– it felt polite,” he shrugged, feeling lame and wrong-footed. “You told me, so I wanted to tell you.”

 “You were being polite?” Sirius repeated slowly.

 Remus scowled. “Yes. I don’t know what you want from me, I was…I was trying to be…I just wanted to talk to you. Is that such a wild idea? Am I such an asshole for that?”

 “I never said you were an asshole,” Sirius protested. He pursed his lips thoughtfully, scrutinizing Remus with unwavering eye contact for several seconds while everything inside Remus squirmed uncomfortably. “Okay. Fine. If it were anyone else I’d say they were full of shit, but I guess that tracks. For you.”

 “What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus huffed.

 “You’re you. Surely you know,” he smirked. Remus didn’t know, but it didn’t sound like a compliment. “You know, all quiet and polite and bringing brownies to the barbeque. You’re so nice. You’ve probably never done anything wrong your whole life.”

 Remus tried, he tried so hard to lock himself down, not to flinch. He wanted to say something casual, to laugh it off and turn away, but the breath had been punched from his lungs and it was too long a second before he could pull in another. Sirius’ smirk fell. “Yeah,” Remus managed to cough out, hoping it sounded like a laugh. “Nice.” He had to stare at the floor, tapping the spine of his book against his knee.

 “Hey, it’s not a bad thing,” Sirius conceded, misreading the situation entirely. He moved closer and took a seat in the wheeled chair across from him that wouldn’t support Kenny’s weight or Remus’ height. “I was just kidding. I didn’t mean it like that.”

 “It’s fine,” Remus insisted, shaking his head and forcing his eyes up to meet Sirius’. They were cool and kind. “Know thyself, right?”

 “I guess,” Sirius blinked, something in his tone not quite settled. “I mean, you aren’t that nice. You did call the cops on me.”

 “I’ll do it again too,” Remus threatened weakly.

 “And you didn’t let me blow you on the beach. That wasn’t very nice.”

 “Jesus Christ,” Remus blanched, glancing toward the door again while Sirius laughed, sparkling. “I thought you weren’t being weird?”

 “This is me not being weird,” he informed him with delight. “Don’t flatter yourself Moony, I’m over it anyway. Now that everything’s out in the open it’s not even that hot anymore.”

 “Oh, really?” mumbled Remus, his nerves frayed and sensibilities rattled. He felt the muddling of two worlds that he had very purposefully and very carefully kept separate his entire adult life and his stomach churned with anxiety, but Sirius had dark circles under his eyes and somehow they looked good on him and Remus couldn’t focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds a time.

 “Really,” he nodded. “It was ninety-nine percent you being straight and unattainable. Now that I know you’re holding yourself back–”

 “Now hang on–”

 “–and just devastated by how hot and young and forbidden I am,” Sirius continued brightly over Remus like he hadn’t spoken, “it’s kind of lost its appeal. I’m a fickle man.”

 “Got it,” Remus chuckled, reopening his book for something to do with his sweating hands. “Glad you’ve moved on.”

 “I have,” Sirius replied primly.

 “Good. I’m glad,” Remus said again.

 “I’m glad you’re glad.”

 “Good.” Sirius stood airily from the chair and gave it a backwards kick so that it rolled back into its corner, so effortlessly graceful it could have been ballet. “Now that that’s settled.” He went back to the desk and started shuffling through files like nothing had happened, like he hadn’t rocked Remus’ world and left him struggling to breathe through the aftershocks. He stared at the pages of his book, chewing the inside of his cheek and listening to Sirius hum happily. Take me home with you.

Over the next few hours Remus discovered that Sirius’ version of not being weird involved a lot more overt flirting than he had been prepared for, and at this rate it was going to give him an ulcer. “Hey Moony, how tall are you?”

 “Six-four,” he answered without looking up.

 “Mhm. And what size shoe do you wear?”

 He looked up then. “Why? Shopping for me?” he shot suspiciously. Sirius just shrugged and grinned, going back to digging in the desk drawers.

 “Hey Moony?”

 “What?”

 “You don’t mind if I tell James we’re not hooking up, right?” Remus gave him a sharp look. “What?? I said we’re not hooking up. He’s gonna ask,” he defended, raising his hands in front of him.

 “Why would he ask?” Remus asked tiredly.

 “I mean that was kind of the main goal for yesterday and I never went back to the tent, so–”

 “What do you mean you didn’t go back to the tent?” he frowned.

 “I mean I’m not into a threesome with Lily and James so I slept in the car. But Prongs doesn’t know that,” he wiggled his eyebrows lewdly. “So. Really unless you want him to think that we are hooking up–”

 “You can tell him that we are not hooking up,” Remus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 “Headache?” Sirius asked, his voice dripping with false sympathy like sticky-sweet honey.

 “Yes. Named Sirius Orion Black,” he nodded.

 “Sounds handsome.” Remus clenched his teeth and reread the same line for the tenth time. “Do you not agree?”

 “With what?”

 “That he sounds handsome,” Sirius drawled slowly, as if he were the one exasperated.

 “He sounds like an annoying little brat,” Remus sniped, glancing up to find him quite handsome and thoroughly pleased with himself.

 “Not the first time he’s been called that,” Sirius winked, and Remus rolled his eyes.

 “I should have left you outside.”

 “Yep. Once you let me in there’s no getting rid of me. Ask the Potters,” he smiled. Remus rolled his eyes again and grabbed the remote control where Kenny had left it on the counter, not subtly turning on the television to drown out his company. Sirius barked a happy laugh and kept rifling through papers, through how much organizing he was getting done was anybody’s guess.

 The television seemed to do the trick for a while. Remus stared at his book and listened to Sirius shushing papers together underneath the cheerful sounds of the obscure game show. He couldn’t get any reading done, not with Sirius humming softly and moving through the room like a comet; burning bright, orbiting the desk and leaving afterimages printed on the inside of Remus’ lids. He was brilliant and Remus was fucked.

 “Whoa, Moons,” he said at some point later, low and appreciative. “Look at that smile. You must have been a problem back in your prime.”

 “In my prime,” Remus scoffed, turning to see what–

 Sirius was holding up a wrinkled polaroid, one corner folded down from years of living in the desk drawer. Not forgotten, just…put away. Remus didn’t have to see the picture to know what it was. It was branded into him. Two boys, no older than sixteen, hanging upside down on an old couch side by side holding two Nintendo controllers with wires that led out of the frame. Remus was laughing with his eyes shut, curls hanging too long and bleached blond by the summer sun. Grant was sticking out his tongue and crossing his eyes at his mom behind the camera. It hurt. Fuck, it hurt. “You want this? It looks very cool and vintage,” Sirius carried on admiringly.

 “Yeah,” Remus said quietly. Sirius, already on to the next thing, held his arm out without looking so that Remus had to stand and lean over to take it, smoothing it out and sliding it into his back pocket without glancing at it once. He measured his breathing and kept his face slack and went back to his book like Sirius hadn’t flayed him open, leaving him bloody. It didn’t matter. It was fine. In fact, Remus needed the reminder. You hurt beautiful things.

 They miraculously made it through the rest of the shift and by the time Sirius and James were driving off into the night it felt almost like nothing had happened. Or more accurately, like it had always been this way. If James wondered what had happened between Remus and Sirius he didn’t let on, just as easy and open as always once he’d had a little water and some late-in-the-day nachos courtesy of Lily. “Thanks babe,” he’d grinned, spilling a line of neon orange cheese down his front.

 “...and so I kicked the fuckin’ shit out of him, because, seriously dude?? In front of everybody?” He’s the fucking worst, Rem, I swear to God,” Lily ranted, slamming her drawer down onto the front counter so hard that the coins jumped a full inch out of their compartments.

 “You were all about it last night,” Remus reminded her, briefly pausing his count.

 “What happens at the lake doesn’t count,” she insisted, before a mischievous spark lit a fire that roared to a blaze in her green eyes. “Which I think you’re aware of. I happen to know that a certain little twink did not return to his tent last night and he was last seen in the company of a certain moody park manager. So. Spill it.”

 “There’s nothing to spill,” he said evenly.

 “Remus.”

 “Lily.”

 “You motherfucker, if you don’t give me details of what you did to him right this minute I promise you that I will assume the worst,” she threatened, advancing on him so quickly that he had to back up against the file cabinet. “Tell me!”

 “There is nothing to tell,” he maintained coolly, putting his shoulders back to brace for the full fury of the force of nature that was Lily Evans.

 “That’s bullshit and you know it. James told me that Sirius has it fucking bad for you and Roman told me that you two went down to the water–alone–last night after everyone else went to bed. Give it up,” she demanded.

 “Nope. There’s too much gossip in this place already, apparently,” he refused.

 “Remus! This isn’t gossip, I’m your best friend! Tell me!!” she begged, stamping her foot petulantly. “And the fact that you didn’t flip your shit just now tells me that you already knew that he likes you, which means–”

 “Which means nothing,” he shrugged, turning away. “I told you before, I’m not interested.”

 “But you were clearly lying,” she dismissed.

 “Obviously not,” he said pointedly, raising his brows. She opened her mouth to continue but stopped herself short and tilted her head curiously.

 “Okay. Okay, what happened?” she asked more soberly, taking a step back.

 He heaved a sigh. “Goddammit, Lily, he’s twenty fucking years old,” he growled in exasperation, turning back to her with his hands splayed out in front of him like a beggar. “He’s got enough shit to worry about without getting into it with his summer boss.” He spat the last two words like they tasted bad, because they did. Metallic and dirty like arcade tokens. “I’m not trying to send him away any more fucked up than he was when he got here.”

 “You’re being a little ridiculous,” she said calmly, as if she were the reasonable one.

 “What if he was a girl? Huh? Some fucking…I dunno, cute barely legal chick? Would you have the same advice then?” he accused.

 “Okay, so the way you could hardly make it through that sentence is proof that you’re more a victim of the patriarchy than a pillar of it, which is one big difference,” she informed him, barely stifling a laugh. “Listen, James told me that he slept with two of their professors last year. If anybody is taking advantage of anybody–”

 “Can you drop it? Can you just stop, please?” Remus groaned, dropping the half counted stacks of five dollar bills on the desk and pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. He felt hot and sick. The ancient polaroid burned in his pocket and the shape of his mouth was tattooed onto Sirius’ throat. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s over. I’m done.”

 Something in his voice must have made her believe him, because for once she didn’t press any further. Instead she heaved a huge sigh and sidestepped him to snatch up the bills from the desk. “Go to bed, you giant idiot,” she ordered. It must have been a night for firsts, because for once he didn’t argue.

 “Goodnight,” he rasped, letting his hands fall from his face and starting toward the door. She didn’t reply, already counting under her breath.

 Bed was the sensible thing. He was running on nearly no sleep, ragged and frayed from the upheaval of emotions when he was so accustomed to feeling nothing at all. Sirius had opened a well inside of him that Remus thought had long run dry and old pain was being dredged up by the bucketful. He was exhausted, truly, but he didn’t remove his shoes at the door. He pulled the little cigar box down from above his kitchen sink and rolled a fat joint, as fat as his trembling fingers would allow. His coffee cup was still lying on its side where he’d thrown it that morning, in a little brown puddle in the sink he hadn’t bothered to rinse down the drain. He lifted his gaze to the window and his eyes found the mural by habit. The lion had been impressive alone, but Remus’ attention was always drawn to the new additions. The stag. The rat. The dog and the wolf. He stood, washed in moonlight, and stared while the joint became a roach and then the smoke slowly dissipated from the kitchen. You hurt beautiful things.

Chapter Text

 If Remus believed in that kind of thing, he might have blamed the upcoming supermoon for his mood. He had gone to bed far too late, sick with misery, and woken up on edge with that familiar anger thrumming not far under his skin. Good. Anger was soothing. Anger was safe.

 “Looks like shit in here,” he muttered, barely glancing up at Sev as he slammed the breaker box shut. “You know where the broom is?”

 “Thought I was supposed to watch the prize counter,” he sniffed. “You’re the one that said these kids take anything not nailed down.”

 “I’m gonna need you to multitask occasionally, all right? Unless you want to spend the rest of the summer on ride duty. I’m sure one of the guys would appreciate the air conditioning,” he shot. Sev didn’t feel the need to dignify that with a response and Remus’ fingers twitched at his sides. He had never been a violent person, even less so in his adulthood, but just fucking once he’d like to knock that little bastard’s head off. He turned heel and stalked out of the arcade before he could say anything he’d regret–or worse, that he wouldn’t.

 Clouds had come in around sunrise and it had been raining on and off, interspersed with periods of intense sunlight that turned the air thick and wet. The rain had driven away all but the most determined of park guests who seemed to have divided themselves into two camps: the huddlers and the splashers. The splashers included a fair number of employees who were required to shut down the rides every time it started to rain and had nothing better to do in the meantime than to launch themselves headlong into mud puddles like children. The huddlers were knotted under the midway awnings, some of them with the decency to play the games and others just taking advantage of the cover. If asked, Remus would have bet his bottom dollar that Sirius was a splasher through and through, and yet when he strode past the western opening to carnival row he caught a distinct flash of wet black hair ducked low between the shooting gallery and the ring toss booths, and it was hard to say with the all ambient noise from the rain and sixty percent of the park’s guests all chattering in close quarters, but he thought he could hear breathy laughter in that unmistakable tone.

 The last thing he needed was to find Sirius–who had cheerfully offered to cover the Zipper shift when Miles had called in–slacking off, because he might start to yell at him, and if he started to yell at him he might accidentally slip and grab him by his goddamn gorgeous neck and kiss him until he could obey a simple fucking instruction. He clenched his fists and turned away, heading for the go-kart shack to bum a dry smoke off Frank. He was completely soaked in sweat and rain; his Converse, his jeans, his double-layered t-shirts. His hair was plastered to the back of his neck and itching like hell and the heat was un-fucking-bearable. “You good, boss?” Frank grunted, clocking his shaky hands as he lit the smoke and sucked in hard.

 “Great,” he exhaled. The rain was slowing to a sprinkle again and the sun was already burning through the clouds. “Outstanding.”

 “Not as young as we used to be, hm? Swear every decade adds a day to the end of my hangovers,” he quipped. Remus grunted. “Good to see you let your hair down, though, man. Kids got a kick outta that.”

 “Yeah, I live to give the kids a kick,” Remus muttered.

“Hey, boss, speaking of kids,” Frank started, and the change in his voice was marked enough that Remus lifted his head and frowned. “That new one, that Black? Do you know much about him?”

“No more than I know about the rest of them,” Remus answered evenly.

“Alice mentioned a few things,” said Frank, and surely he noticed the way Remus’ whole body tensed. “I guess her kid sister was in his year in school and he was kind of wild.”

“Weren’t we all,” Remus chuckled uneasily under his breath, shifting his feet in the dirt and keeping his eyes down.

“You’re not wrong,” Frank grinned. “I was a little hellion for sure. Never landed my ass on the evening news, though. Do you remember that? A few years ago, that congressman’s kid that went missing?”

“I don’t watch the news,” Remus inhaled, focusing on keeping his hand steady as he brought the cigarette up to his lips.

“It was a big deal,” he shrugged. “He was missing for a couple months. Had his mama and daddy bawling on the tv, thinking he was kidnapped or hurt or some shit, and then they found him holed up with a bunch of junkies over in Woodville. Got sent off to boot camp or something after that.”

“Doesn’t really sound like my business,” Remus exhaled.

“I just mean you probably oughtta keep an eye on your tools and shit, yeah?” Frank joked, but not joked at the same time. “I heard he was hanging out with a lot of the kids at the dance and–”

“He wasn’t,” Remus interjected. “He was there to work.”

“All right, boss,” Frank backed off, sensing the tension now if he hadn’t before. “I just don’t want you to get blindsided. Worth keeping an eye on is all.”

“I appreciate it,” Remus clipped, dropping his cigarette to the ground and grinding it harshly with his toe. “The smoke, too. I’m gonna go ahead and get back to it.”

“And I guess it doesn’t matter, what with Chris and Marley, and I know the world’s changing and everything. But. She did say he was queer,” Frank added.

Remus froze, half turned away. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter,” he grunted. “I’ll catch you later, Frank.”

“Uh, yeah, man. See ya.” Remus didn’t look to see Frank’s expression, strung too tightly and buzzing beneath his skin. Frank wasn’t a bad guy and he knew the buzzing was just his own want and sense of responsibility warring inside him–even though it felt like rage, bright and hot. He roamed away from the go-kart track and around the edges of the park, restless. He didn’t trust himself to sit in the office with Kenny without snapping and at this rate even hiding in concessions would likely subject someone to the shapeless fury that seemed intent on escaping him.

The air was soup, thick and muggy in that late July post-rain haze that made the world shimmer and shift, and when Remus saw Sirius leaning back against the operator platform of the Zipper he thought for several seconds that he must be seeing things. He blinked, blinked again. Shook his head. But there he was, his back pressed against it with one arm extended languidly along the top bar, one hip cocked dangerously low and smirking coquettishly up at a buzz cut and neck tattoos who was leaning close with his forearm propped up next to Sirius’ shoulder. He leaned closer, so his mouth was damn near touching the shell of Sirius’ ear as he spoke. Sirius laughed.

Remus saw red. MINE. His mouth was open to shout at them before his brain caught up and he turned on heel, stalking back the way he’d come as quick as he could. “Fucking…fuck,” he hissed, his voice shaky and unrecognizable under his breath. He stepped in a puddle and rolled his ankle, nearly going down with a shout before he was able to right himself.

“Ay boss, you cool?” Archie shouted from the Tilt-A-Whirl. Remus threw a thumbs up into the air without looking that way. Fine. This was fine. He ground his teeth and tried like hell to force air in and out of his lungs but it felt like acrid gas and exploded back out of him as soon as he’d choked it down. He wanted to hit something, hit it fucking hard.

“Alice!” he barked, approaching the midway like a man on the warpath. Her eyes widened as he approached, looking him up and down.

“Hey,” she greeted him carefully, raising a palm toward him in what was both a wave and a halting gesture. “What’s up?”

“I’m gonna run the ducks. Take a break or something,” he told her gruffly.

She paused, tilting her head. “You?”

“Is that okay?” he demanded more harshly than he meant to.

“Sure, sure! I just… I mean, you know how, right?” she asked, attempting to disguise her smirk but not very well.

“I know how,” he huffed. Granted, it had probably been four or five years since he had done it last, but it isn’t like the game changed. Duck, number, prize. Duck, number, prize. “Five bucks, three ducks, everyone’s a winner!” he called, shutting his brain off entirely and letting the routine numb him. It felt twisted and familiar, dredging up sensory memories of his early days at the park when he had been all exposed nerves and raw anger. It had numbed eventually, buried deep under years of these small repetitions. It was the only therapy he knew. “Everyone gets a prize, step right up!”

Remus played with rubber ducks and little kids until his jeans were wet and his newly found emotions were sufficiently under control. As reluctant as Alice had seemed to leave her post, she was apparently in no hurry to get back and halfway through the afternoon Remus put up the On Break sign and carried the moneybox with him to find his relief.

Relief, unfortunately, came in the form of more torture as he approached concessions. “...with his tongue down his throat like– oh! Good! Remus, you should hear this.” Sev was happier than Remus had ever seen him, downright gleeful, and it gave him a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Your little pet Black was behind the arcade making out with another guy. It was disgusting, not to mention completely inappropriate–”

“Heard. Is the arcade closed again?” Remus cut in.

Sev’s mouth hung open for a moment while he processed. “Uh, yeah, I–”

“Why the fuck is the arcade closed again Sev?” he clipped, allowing the white hot flames of rage that had been licking up his spine all day consume his vision with a singular focus. He took a step forward without meaning to, glad when Sev took a step back. “So you could come up here and spread fucking gossip, is that why?”

“Are you just going to let him–”

“You, Sev, I’m talking to you!” Remus exploded, making several people in the vicinity jump. Lily was among them, and she leaned through the window with a concerned furrow between her eyes. He slammed the moneybox on the counter and towered over him, blocking him in against the building without a single thought in his head besides what Sev’s cheekbone would sound like crunching under his fist..

“Remus–” Lily started, tinny background noise to the roar in his head.

“You begged me to let you run the arcade–you and you alone–and every goddamn time I turn around you’re in someone else’s business and the arcade is locked!! We don’t fucking pay you to lock up ten times a day, do you understand that?” He had apparently taken another step forward because Sev’s back was pressed against the cinderblocks now and his eyes were darting back and forth like a pinned rabbit. Remus tasted iron.

“Remus!” Lily grabbed his arm and pulled hard to break his gaze. “You’re making a scene, come on.”

“I’m sick of it! I’m fucking sick of his shit, I’m done!” he yelled, rounding on her before he could stop himself. She grabbed both of his shoulders and stood on tiptoe to get in his face, her fingernails digging into him like tiny daggers.

“You are making a scene,” she said again, enunciating each word quietly.

“I don’t–” But he did give a fuck, actually, and his eyes flickered over the patio area where every guest within earshot was watching. He clenched his jaw.

“Come on,” she urged, tugging him toward the door to concessions. She glared at Sev behind his back and pointed angrily to the arcade as if sending a dog to its crate. “You, go,” she ordered. Remus didn’t look to see if he listened. One more loathsome second in his presence and he’d do something truly regretful. Instead he kicked the door as hard as he could into the wall with a snarl, just barely catching it before it bounced back and slammed him in the face. “Remus!” Lily admonished him, shoving him further into the room and resetting the doorstop. He raked both hands roughly through his hair, eyes flashing at Emmaline and Chris who were steadfastly keeping their eyes on the floor. “Hey, chill out! What’s the matter with you?”

“With me?” he thundered. “I’m sick of that weasley little creep skulking the fuck around where he isn’t wanted, Lily! I know he’s your best fucking buddy or whatever but he freaks everybody else out and I’m tired of looking at his ugly fucking face!”

“You are having a bad day,” Lily told him evenly, cutting her eyes over to Emmaline who had to cover her mouth to keep from laughing. “I’ll talk to him, okay? I’ll handle it.”

“Yeah well somebody better fuckin handle it before I lose my goddamn shit,” he raved.

“Because that’s not what this is right now?” she admonished him, gesturing at his tantrum. “You need to cool it.” Remus let out another wordless snarl and turned toward the wall, trying to smother the wild something inside him that was clawing and howling for release. “Do you want me to talk to Sirius too?”

“What?” he shot, whirling back to her.

She gave him a meaningful look. “Remus,” she said gently, the supreme voice of fucking reason that made him want to lunge at her. It was that urge that stunned him back into his body, blinking at Lily rapidly and breathing too hard.

“No. No, I’ll talk to him,” he seethed, bringing one hand to his forehead. “You’re right, I’m…I’m having a shit fucking day. Sorry.”

“Happens to everyone,” she allowed magnanimously. Remus clenched his teeth and had to make a concerted effort not to snap. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, peachy. Awesome,” he muttered.

“Migraine?” she sympathized.

“No. No, I’m fine. I am. Just a really shit day,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. She gave him a pitying look and reached behind him to pull out one of the rusted folded chairs that was leaning against the cinderblock wall. He dropped into it without argument, curling forward with his elbows on his knees and his dignity pooling someplace underfoot.

Lily turned away, leveling Emmaline with a glare that managed to keep her silent for a blessed few minutes, and the world continued to turn. Remus could feel it grinding on its axis. “What is this? Where is this supposed to go?” Lily asked, rattling the moneybox he’d abandoned in plain view of any passerby that wanted it. 

“Alice,” he grunted without looking up to see what she did with it. As far as he was concerned the whole fucking park could go up in flames, ducks included. He planted his feet and tried not to think about anything, let alone the intrusive images of Sirius’ lips, his hands, his body pressed against someone else’s. That lurking thing in his ribs, angry and desperate, was yanking hard at his insides. Demanding, insistent. He had shuttered it though, just managing to clamp down on every animal instinct that wanted to find him, grab him, and fucking–

“Remus?”

His body didn’t startle, just forced his eyes open and steeled itself for another fight. “Hi Chris,” he rasped. Chris’ dark brown eyes were honest and wide, nothing coy or held back or performed, and he was holding a tray of nachos in his hand.

“I heard you’re having a bad day,” he fidgeted carefully.

“Yeah I think everyone’s heard,” Remus scoffed, unable to help himself.

Chris looked like he wanted to flee, but he’d made it this far. “Are…are you okay? I mean, can I do anything?”

That earnestness would have softened him at any other time, but just now he had to fight to keep from telling him to fuck off. “I’m fine. Don’t do anything,” he said instead, forcing neutrality into his tone.

“Okay, um.” He paused, panicking. “I made you these but I can just throw them away, or whatever. If you don’t want them,” he shifted awkwardly, lifting the nachos between them.

Goddammit. “Thanks kiddo,” Remus deflated, holding out one hand in resignation. That seemed to cheer him up a bit and Remus found the will within him to lift one corner of his mouth in what he hoped resembled a smile. “That was nice of you.”

“I just feel really bad that–”

“Chris, please don’t feel bad for me, seriously,” Remus frowned, balancing the tray on his knee. “I’m fine. My main malady is being a douchebag.”

“You aren’t,” he laughed quietly, very nearly a giggle. Remus shoved nachos into his mouth so that he wouldn’t have to reply. “Sev’s such an asshole,” he confided after a moment, and Remus thought that it was the first time he’d ever heard him curse. “Have you seen his Myspace page? He’s the one that’s disgusting. He posts on his blog every day, stuff about how nice guys can never get with pretty girls and how awful it is to be stuck in the friendzone. Like being too nice is his problem.” Remus couldn’t bite back a snicker at that, nodding along while he chewed deliberately and kept his eyes on the tray. That was the invitation that Chris had been waiting on, and he pulled a second chair close enough to take a seat next to Remus, angled so that their knees would inevitably brush unless Remus straightened. Remus straightened.

“I shouldn’t have said all that in front of everyone,” he amended, clearing his throat and firmly redrawing the lines that he didn’t seem to be able to hold anymore. “About Sev. It wasn’t professional of me.”

 “It was all true,” Chris argued mildly. “You don’t have to be professional all the time.”

 “At work I do,” Remus countered.

 “But you’re always at work,” Chris pointed out, leaning forward and tilting his head back to expose his neck, the collar of his t-shirt tugging down over his collarbone. Remus blinked. Had everyone lost their fucking minds? “What do you do for fun?”

 “I uh, read,” Remus mumbled, looking down at his chips again and shoving in another mouthful.

 “I like to read,” Chris perked up, and Remus hoped to god that he imagined the encouraging glance that he thought he saw Emmaline give him from across the room.

 Why not? whispered some terrible breach in his thinning armor. You’re already damned. Might as well fuck the entire crew. Chris was saying something and he had no idea what, but then he had stopped and was waiting for a response and Remus had nothing for him. “What? Sorry, I spaced.”

 “I was just saying, asking, I mean, if you like Lord of the Rings,” he summarized bashfully, rubbing at his arm.

 “I haven’t seen them,” he chewed.

 “I just bought the full trilogy on dvd and–”

 “RJ, you’re on window when ya can,” burst Kenny’s voice out of the walkie attached to Remus’ hip, making both of them jump. “It’s slow as shit ‘n I’m bored to tears, lookin’ to get outta here whenever you can get away.”

 “Sorry Chris,” Remus apologized, hoping the relief wasn’t too evident in his voice as he stood too quickly and powered through the spots in his vision. He tossed the nachos in the trash and brushed his hands on his jeans. “Gotta go.”

 “Yeah, uh, maybe later–”

 “Yeah dude, later,” he nodded with a little wave toward Lily, ducking out the door as quickly as if there had been a genuine emergency on the other end. The thought of the empty office, cool and quiet, was balm to the fever in Remus’ mind and if he could just get there he might be able to make it through this wretched day. Thunder rolled overhead just as he reached for the doorhandle.

 “Damn, kid, that was quick,” Kenny blinked at him when he crossed the threshold.

 “Thought you wanted to go home?” Remus grunted, receiving a tobacco stained grin.

 “Hell yeah bud. Sonia likes storms. If it goes to lightnin’in’in your ole uncle might just get lucky,” he cackled conspiratorially. Remus forced out a stale chuckle. “Weather like this ain’t any good for business anyhow. Goddamn rides been closed half the goddamn day, and those boys still take their checks every week, don’t they?” Remus hummed. “Oughtta just close ‘er on down if it stays like this.”

 “I’ll think about it,” Remus nodded, hovering in the center of the room while he waited for Kenny to gather his word search, sunflower seeds, and Dr Pepper so that he could take his seat. But Kenny was lingering, scratching the back of his neck uneasily in that way he did when he had something to say. “You good?” Remus prompted, a demanding edge to his voice that he was unable to swallow.

  “That, uh, that creepy kid? The one with the pants and the–” He gestured to his own face with a grimace, stepping sideways and closer to the door. “He came in here trying to tattle about some goddamn thing or the other. I told him you had it handled. Right?”

 “Right,” Remus replied, his voice betraying nothing.

 “Good, ‘cuz you know I’m the last person to give a shit about what a person’s got going on in the bedroom, but that faggot shit needs to stay in the bedroom and not anywhere near my property,” Kenny continued, relieved that his nephew understood.

 “Yeah,” Remus nodded, numb. “I’ve got it handled.”

 “Good man, RJ. I’ll see you in the morning kiddo,” he grinned, giving a two-finger salute as he tugged open the door to the side lot. As soon as it fell shut behind him there was another crash of thunder and a muffled, “Sonofabitch!” as he flinched and it began to rain in earnest. The normal noises of the midway turned into squeals and shrieks as guests started running for cover and the rides began grinding once again to a halt.

 Remus got maybe thirty seconds of respite, sitting with his eyes closed and his head tipped forward into his hands. The sound of rain on the windows was soothing and he wondered if he could just fall asleep and wake up someone else. “Moony! Fuck, it’s really coming down out there!” Sirius laughed, bounding inside like an overexcited puppy and shaking out his mane of wet hair. “You’re missing all the fun.”

 “Oh yeah?” he said automatically, his mouth moving on autopilot.

 “All cozy in the office like a bigwig,” Sirius teased, his grin extra amiable. “Evan said sometimes you guys close early when it gets like this. Any chance–”

 “Yeah, we’re done,” Remus agreed, already reaching for the walkie-talkie on the desk. Sirius pumped his fist victoriously and pulled the Zipper key from around his neck, tossing it lightly so that it landed directly in front of Remus.

 “Cool. I’m gonna get started, I’ve got a date tonight,” he sparkled, shimmying his shoulders playfully and bouncing back toward the door.

 “Wait, hang on,” Remus halted him without meeting his eyes. “Uh, no…no more PDA, okay? I’ve got Sev and Kenny both crawling up my ass about it and that’s not a fun conversation to have.”

 Sirius at least had the decency to flush. “Oops,” he grinned. “My bad, It was just a second, though, I swear. And it was hardly public, that weirdo was looking for a show.”

 “I’m sure,” Remus scoffed.

 “Sorry Moons. I’ll behave,” he promised, throwing him a wink. “Do you want me to write lines? ‘I will not kiss hot dudes on the midway,’ a hundred times by tomorrow?”

 “We’ll save that for next time. Get outta here,” Remus sighed, leaning back in his chair and letting himself really look. Sirius was soaked through and vibrant, beaming cheekily as he ducked back out of the doorway and went jogging between the sheets of rain coming down. It was casual, easy conversation between casual coworkers who were very casual. There was nothing simmering beneath, no burning, out of place possessiveness that was responsible for curling Remus’ fingers into fists, and if he felt like throwing up it was only because of Chris’ goddamn stupid nachos.

 Remus tossed and turned through another night. The storm had cleared up by the time he fell into bed and a single shaft of vengefully bright moonlight fell at a perfect angle through his curtains and across his face when he shifted into the only comfortable position he could take on the too-small bed. It felt like he had only managed to drift off when his alarm clock started to blare 90s alternative rock through the early morning still and jerked him out of strange half dreams of chasing rabbits through a dark wood. His head hurt, his legs ached, and the nachos from the night before were still wrecking his gut. He threw away his breakfast of a single protein bar after one cardboard-flavored bite and smoked a rare morning joint instead. He was stewing, he knew, but there was nothing for it. He was miserable. He dragged his feet, stubbornly refusing to make fresh coffee and drinking the leftover cold from the day before purposely to punish himself. His hot water sputtered while he showered, leaving him scalded and frozen in spurts. It was bound to be another terrible, rotten, no-good day and Remus reminisced on his emotionless existence of Before.

 Before Sirius, that is, which Remus realized with horror is how he had been dividing time lately. There was everything before, the shiny good pieces hidden like flakes of gold in the mosaic of the bad, a long quiet, and then Sirius. Nothing had been quiet since Sirius had come into his life. It was all artillery shells and sparklers, full to the brim of gunpowder and lightning. Remus was sick with it, dizzy and reeling and angry at himself for letting this menace of a boy slip not only through his armor, but into his pores and under his skin. He was infected, infatuated, and fucked without recourse. There was no other option but to swallow it down like medicine and hope that the end of the summer came soon.

Remus eventually made his way down to the office to start the morning work. He had done most of it the night before (anything to keep his mind off of whose hands were where and doing what to whom elsewhere) but he had sulked most of the morning away and expected the staff to start showing up at any minute. Most mornings Sirius would show up in Remus’ office ten minutes earlier than anyone else with two Red Bulls, offer one to Remus, and inevitably end up drinking both. In fact, his presence was normally so reliable that when he realized it was already ten minutes til open he was suddenly gripped with the conviction that something was terribly wrong. He gave a quick scan of the parking lot and James’ ostentatious Sunfire was front and center as always, but logical thought had no sway over the instinctual dread that filled his chest and mouth like cotton. His hand shook as he grabbed the walkie off the desk. “Anybody seen Sirius?” he barked into it without any pretense.

 There was a pregnant pause and Remus took a slow inhale to steady himself before: “Copy, copy, ten-four,” came a merry crackle over the speaker. “Present and accounted for, boss-arooni. Over.”

 A wave of prickly embarrassment flooded through Remus, not quite washing away the oily stain of unease. “We’re about to open,” was all that came to mind and that was fucking stupid, so he threw the walkie back onto his desk as soon as he said it and shoved both hands through his hair. Stupid. Idiot. Pathetic. Sirius knew the job by then and there was no real reason for them to start every morning together, other than (Remus realized all at once) that he liked to. Had liked to, anyway, before Remus had ruined even that simple pleasure. It was so clear in hindsight how he’d led him on without even realizing it, how Sirius had been watching for signs and reading into every kindness that he’d allowed himself to show. His self-loathing grew fangs and gnawed mercilessly at him like a wolf with a bone.

 Morbidly, Remus wondered how his date had gone. So well that he really was over the brief crush on the most readily available authority figure in the vicinity? All of his other emotions were so fickle, fluctuating so wildly, that Remus had no reason to suspect that wasn’t the case. And why shouldn’t it be? He’d been very clear about his intentions, or his lack thereof. Where had they gone? Was it a proper date, or did it begin and end in the backseat of the Jeep he’d watched Sirius climb into through the office window? By the time Kenny had made it in around noon Remus had worked himself into a proper state and spent the next hour chain smoking while he paced the fenced perimeter like a caged animal.

 Late in the afternoon it was clear that Sirius was avoiding him. He had gotten exactly three glimpses of the back of him throughout the day and other than that he was a ghost, always having just been where Remus was and managing to never cross his path in the small park. Must have been a good date, Remus thought bitterly. He tried to remind himself that this was the obvious outcome of rejecting his advances and that it was better this way anyway. What, had he thought they were friends? If he had, he was more the fool for it. It was easier for everyone if they kept their distance and Remus was sure that eventually it would stop feeling like he was swallowing glass every moment.

 He admittedly didn’t get much done throughout the day, a dizzy static between his ears that he couldn’t dispel. He wandered around under the guise of making rounds, but he had no real destination or project in mind. He really wasn’t looking for Sirius, especially not when he meandered back to the maintenance shed. He didn’t need anything, he was just thinking about reorganizing the shelves or sitting on an upturned bucket for a while in the quiet. He had no reason to expect Sirius to be rummaging for something on a low shelf, bent at the waist in tight jeans. He hadn’t noticed Remus yet; he could leave. Instead he cleared his throat, making Sirius yelp and whip around as he straightened.

 For a long moment Remus wasn’t sure what he was looking at. “Shit! Why are you always sneaking up on people?” Sirius startled. He didn’t answer, blinking, and Sirius’ face cracked with a knowing sigh. “I know, it’s fugly. It’ll fade in a couple of days though.”

 Remus stared, breathing hard. Indigo was giving way to violet around Sirius’ left temple and cheekbone, rose red blooming at his eyebrow where the skin was broken. The swollen lid blinked slowly, just a whisper slower than the other. “Did…did he do that to you?” Remus asked, unable to force out anything louder than a murmur.

 “What? Who?” Sirius asked wryly, smirking and tilting his head like it was no big deal. Like half his dates ended in black eyes. Like Remus wasn’t about to combust, explode, go in every direction at fucking once. Maybe he suspected it though, because after just a beat of silence he gave in with a sheepish tilt of his head.

 “That dirty little mutherfucker hit you?” Remus demanded, both of them shocked by the sudden volume of his voice.

 “Well, yeah. But not, not like in a domestic violence kind of way. It was more like mutual combat.” Sirius was still smiling, trying to joke, but Remus felt hot and sick. “It’s…it’s really not a big deal, Rem.”

 “Not a–” Remus lifted both palms to his eyes and pressed hard, but when he pulled them away Sirius was still in front of him, still bruised. He started forward and stopped. Started again, stopped. Stretched out one hand, pulled it back. Bit down on a growl that built low in his chest and reverberated behind his teeth. “Can I touch you?” he asked finally, the question exploding out of him desperately before he could temper it. 

 “Yeah,” Sirius swallowed immediately, looking up through thick lashes. Remus surged forward without a single thought and plunged one hand into the curls around the back of Sirius’ head, holding him still while the fingertips of his other hand hovered around the circumference of the bruise. “Remus, it’s–”

 “What’s his name?” Remus growled, his fingers tightening reflexively in Sirius’ hair.

 “Avery,” he gave up easily, his neck going lax under Remus’ grip.

 “First or last?”

 Sirius let the full weight of his head fall into Remus’ hand and his eyes sparkled. “You know, I’m not sure.”

 “Sirius.”

 “Remus,” he laughed, maddening and beautiful, starting to pull away from the touch. “Really, it’s okay. He was an asshole. I’m also kind of an asshole, if you haven’t noticed. We collided. It happens.”

 A snarl ripped out of Remus’ throat and he took another step forward, crowding into Sirius’ space and cupping his jaw roughly. “Bullshit. I’ll fucking kill him,” he threatened, turning Sirius’ face so that he could clearly see the full scope of the bruising. Lovely cerulean that brought out flecks of periwinkle in his eyes. Eyes that blinked up at him, puzzled.

 “I’m okay,” he promised, quieter, tipping his chin downward in the slightest of nods. His cheek was impossibly soft in Remus’ palm, his pulse thumping a warm and comforting rhythm into his fingers. Desperation was welling up inside him, fizzing in his blood and filling his throat and leaking out his pores. He couldn’t breathe. There was static in his brain and the only image he could make out was that fucking bruise around Sirius’ eye, precious and bloodshot. There was a distant roar in his ears that sounded like crunching metal.

 “You’re not seeing him again,” Remus declared, and he didn’t give a fuck how ridiculous that sounded. “I fucking mean it.”

 That stirred a flicker of something uncertain and prickly in Sirius. “That’s not really your call,” he reminded him mildly, tilting his head away from Remus’ palm.

 “I’m making it my call,” he insisted, rough fingers sliding down to the curve of Sirius’ neck instead of releasing him. “Don’t go out with him again.”

 “Or what?” Sirius challenged, his chin jutting forward defiantly. A series of suitable punishments flashed through Remus’ mind, each more filthy than the last. He squeezed the base of Sirius’ neck. He could hear his own breath between them, heavy and too quick to be casual. Silver eyes, sacred, holy eyes, were locked onto his own and they were laughing at him. The darkest part of him salivated and howled. “What are you gonna do, Remus?” Fold you in half, make you come until you cry, mark every inch of you so they’ll know you’re mine.

 Remus released him with considerable effort, pulling his hand back and making a fist that he lowered to his side. “I’m gonna go find that little prick and beat him within an inch of his miserable fucking life,” he snapped.

 “Okay, no, you are not,” Sirius chuckled with the air of someone who had had enough fun and was breaking the fourth wall. “That’s sweet but you’re definitely not going to do that. And I’m not going to go out with him again, so you don’t even have to worry about it.” He paused thoughtfully, studying Remus. “The only reason I went out with him in the first place is so you’d look at me like that. Worth it.”

 “Like what?” Remus frowned. 

Sirius licked his lips and hollowed his cheeks for a moment before he spoke, husky and low. “Like I belong to you,” he said, like he was telling a secret. Remus felt like he’d been shot. The most primal part of him was on fire, clawing at him and ripping his restraint to shreds. Because you do, he thought, in bright neon, mile high letters. You do.

Dizzy and reeling, he managed to murmur, “You shouldn’t belong to anyone,” even though the words tasted like ash on his tongue.

Sirius’ sultry expression soured. “Well I don’t. So. Awesome for me.”

“Sirius–”

“No, fuck off, Remus,” he shot, suddenly alight with piercing eyes. “Everybody wants to fuck me, are you aware of that? That isn’t a problem for me. It’s just that no one’s fucking liked me since middle school. I get one week into hanging out with anybody and they see I’m a goddamn nut job and don’t want anything to do with me. If they even hang around that long. And then you come along, all tall and nice, and you made me like you, and you fucking handle me, and you’re the only person on the planet that won’t fuck me? Tell me how that’s fair. And it sure as hell isn’t fair for you to come in here ordering me around, like you give a shit about me–”

“Goddammit, Sirius!” Remus broke, his voice shooting upward in frustration. “You don’t understand, you-you don’t have any fucking idea how special you are! You think people don’t like you? People don’t know what to do with you. You’re a fucking light. You’re brilliant and resilient and you feel things so deeply that it scares me. You shine like no one I’ve ever met in my life and it’s awesome and thinking about taking advantage of that or dulling that shine in any way–even accidentally, even…even with good intentions–makes me fucking sick. You’re so much fucking better than me. You should have better than me. I’m not…I don’t have any of those good things. I can’t. I don’t have anything to offer and I…I can’t just take from you.”

“That is so fucking stupid,” Sirius choked, on the verge of tears Remus realized with alarm. “You’re such an idiot, oh my God.” He sniffed hard and brought up both hands to swipe hard at his eyes, then winced. “This is what it gets me,” he exclaimed fiercely, throwing his hands to the sides and motioning to his injured eye in a sudden burst of anger. “This is all it ever gets me. Fucking losers who just want me on my knees and who don’t give a single shit about taking advantage of me. If you don’t want me it’s fine, but don’t act like you’re doing me some favor, because no one–” His voice broke and he brought one hand up to cover his mouth as he took in a gasping breath and the sparkling tears in his eyes spilled like crystals as they tumbled down his cheeks. “–h-has ever said anything r-remotely like that to me before, n-not even–”

 If there was more he meant to say, the words were lost in a flood of tears and Remus couldn’t stand it any long. He closed the gap between them in a single stride and wrapped both arms around his back, crushing them together too tightly for comfort. He could feel Sirius’ hot, shuddering breaths on his neck. “Don’t, don’t cry. Don’t cry,” he murmured.

“Remus, please,” Sirius whispered, more breath than words, his lips moving against Remus’ neck and seeking upward, searching, begging. “I’m-I’m already fucked up. You don’t have to protect me.”

“Shh,” Remus shushed him, his neck bending without his permission and one hand coming up to thumb at the delicate corner of Sirius’ mouth. They weren’t kissing, just sampling mingled breath, bumping noses, grazing eyelashes. Remus could taste the salt-tang of tears on his own lips and chased it, pressing closer. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he mumbled inconsequentially, mostly to feel the lovely selfish brush of his mouth on Sirius’ jaw.

Sirius’ inhales still hitched around barely stifled sobs and his lashes were wet and clumped together, fluttering against Remus’ cheek. “I want you so bad,” he whimpered, and this time he wasn’t aiming to seduce. He was soft and petulant, spoiled and surprised at not getting his way. Poor little rich boy. It was endearing and enraging and Remus wanted to give him everything his heart desired, without question.

“Yeah,” he whispered, losing the battle with the responsible voice in his head, the one who was being held down and strangled by the need to make Sirius whole. Sirius, who jerked back and looked up at Remus with eyes so wide that he knew it must hurt and there was a violent twist in his stomach and a renewed desire to find that fuck Avery and drag his face around a parking lot.

“Yeah?” Sirius gulped, searching Remus’ eyes with disbelief.

He nodded quickly before rationale could catch up, wiping away the moisture under Sirius’ eye with the knuckle of his index finger, gentler than he knew he could be. “Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he chanted under his breath, a mantra to convince himself. Sirius needed no convincing and grabbed onto Remus’ arms with clinging fingers, yanking him forward into a clumsy kiss that was all teeth and desperation. “Easy, easy.” Sirius sobbed into his mouth in response, biting down hard on his upper lip in what was a clear punishment for making him beg. “Fuck–” he hissed, but the curse was swallowed down by Sirius’ eager lips, soothing the bite.

“Don’t push me away,” Sirius threatened between wet, manic kisses.

“M’not going anywhere,” Remus panted, even as he fisted his hand into the fabric of Sirius’ t-shirt and pulled him down and away from the embrace. He glanced around them and dragged Sirius a few steps further into the dark and dusty shed. “C’mere.” He kissed him then, fully and properly like he was starving for it because fuck, he was starving for it. Both hands buried in black curls, his mouth seeking and searching and worshipping as he groaned against Sirius’ lips. It was more battle than surrender. Sirius grappled and stumbled with him as Remus shoved him back against a row of storage shelves with a clatter that didn’t slow either of them.

“Prove it,” he gasped, his hands gripping and squeezing at Remus’ shoulders. “Prove–”

“Mouthy brat,” Remus growled, slotting his thigh between Sirius’ legs hard enough to force him up onto his tiptoes, pinning his back against the shelves and cutting him off with a sharp intake of breath. “Spoiled fucking little shit. You wanna be handled? I’ll fuckin–”

“Yeah,” Sirius whimpered, holding on tightly and grinding down so that Remus could feel him, all of him, through two layers of insufferable denim. He let a low moan escape his throat with Sirius’ earlobe between his teeth and was rewarded with a full-body shiver from the warm body in his arms. “Moony, please–”

Remus shut him up with another kiss, harder, more intent on stopping those pretty words from that pretty mouth. He was delirious, sick with need. “I know baby, I know. I’ve got you,” he pressed into his jaw, pulling on his curls to expose the soft white underside and exploring it with his tongue. He wrapped an arm low around Sirius’ back and kneaded the supple flesh of his ass as he guided those clever hips into a slow, rolling rhythm. He could feel Sirius’ nails clawing at the back of his shirt, his chest heaving as he rutted against his leg. “Kiss me.” Sirius obeyed without hesitation, seeking Remus’ lips and pouring himself into them like he was made for it–soft flower petal lips, curious tongue, sharp mischievous teeth. He tasted like cherry candy and Remus’ hips pushed back of their own accord. “Not talking back now, huh?” he chuckled in a low huff. Sirius moaned.

“God, you’re hot,” he whispered like a lamentation. They were both hot, their clothes damp with sweat from the stifling mugginess of the storage shed. Remus wet his thumb in his mouth quickly and pressed the pad of it against Sirius’ nipple through his shirt, eliciting a high, needy whine and an unsynchronized jerk of his hips.

“So sensitive,” Remus grinned wolfishly, pinching the pebbled mound gently and mouthing at the gorgeous little sounds Sirius made in response. He had tipped his head backward again to give Remus full access to his throat and his eyes had fallen nearly shut, all pupil under the twitching lids. “How are you doing, baby, you still with me?”

“Y-yeah, I….” Sirius’ voice was shaking and a flush was rising in his porcelain cheeks.

“Already?” Remus murmured reverently. Sirius made a strangled noise that wasn’t quite a sob but couldn’t be mistaken for anything else. Remus felt a hot tightening low in his own groin, pressing himself forward into the yielding plane of Sirius’ stomach. “That’s so fuckin’ sweet,” he groaned, licking into the hollow of his collarbones. “Go on, sweetheart, go ahead. Come for me.” Like he’d been waiting for permission, Sirius let out a series of breathy little cries into Remus’ hair with his fingers tangled in his shirt and every muscle in his body tensed and trembling. “Jesus fuck, baby.”

“Sorry, I–” Sirius began breathlessly.

“Don’t apologize,” Remus scoffed.

“I can–”

“Stop. You’re okay,” he murmured, swaying gently back onto his heels so that Sirius had to lean against him. He kissed his cheek, the hinge of his jaw, his brow. “Perfect.”

“Remus,” Sirius blushed, hiding his face in Remus’ neck and shifting against his front. “You’re still–”

“I know. It’s fine…just…not this time.” Sirius seemed sated with the promise of a next time and relaxed against him, still quivering slightly all over. Remus breathed into the mane of curls, inhaling his scent and exhaling adoration for several seconds while the world fell back into place around them. Heat and dust still pressed in on every side, the cicadas outside were still screaming, and further away they could still hear the sounds of the park as if the entire universe hadn’t just shifted. “You okay?”

“Um. Yeah,” Sirius breathed a sheepish laugh that Remus felt on his shoulder. “Just. You know. Kind of in a pickle here.”

“Yeah,” Remus huffed. “Yeah, I, uh. Sorry, I–”

“Well don’t you apologize,” he laughed incredulously, starting the process of detangling his arms from around Remus’ torso. Remus couldn’t bite back a grin of his own, feeling light and giddy as they pulled away from one another. Sirius’ hair was a mess, sticking up in the back with strands plastered to his forehead and the sides of his flushed face. His eyes were bright.

“Here,” Remus offered quickly, pulling off the Guns N Roses t-shirt he was wearing over his cotton undershirt. “I can get–”

“I have shorts in James’ car,” Sirius interrupted, taking the shirt and wrapping it shyly around one hand.

“Okay,” he nodded. “I’ll–”

“But it’s locked,” Sirius blinked up at him. Remus bit down on the inside of his cheek and nodded slowly.

“Yeah. Okay. I’ll…I’ll grab the keys from James,” he agreed hesitantly. Sirius broke into a smile that he had never seen before–small, soft, grateful–and Remus felt a strong surge of pride at having passed some test he wasn’t aware he’d been taking. But it felt wrong to walk away and leave him like that. Alone. Vulnerable. “I’ll be right back,” he said lamely, backing slowly toward the door.

“I’ll be right here,” Sirius grimaced down at himself. Remus smirked, hesitated, and reached for Sirius’s chin, planting a quick kiss on his lips before he could think too much about it. He left without another look back, not sure he’d be able to stop himself if kept staring at Sirius’ swollen mouth.

Stepping back into the sunlight was like entering another dimension. The rest of the world seemed blissfully unaware that Remus had just broken his word, the sacred covenant he’d made with himself and kept for years. He didn’t have time to dwell on it, tried not to even think about it, because Sirius was waiting and he had a task he could focus on instead. One foot in front of the other. The next right thing. He had been walking in a daze for several seconds before he even thought to check himself over and shove a hand through his hair to tame the tousled locks. Surely everyone would know anyway. Surely they could see shame and exhilaration etched into every line in his face.

He felt awkward as he approached the petting zoo. His hands were sweating like he wasn’t on his own turf, quite literally at home. “Hey,” he said too loudly, then cleared his throat and waved one hand stiffly at James. “Hey.”

“Hey Rem,” he greeted him sunnily. Remus blinked. This was good. James was warm and easy to talk to and…and he had been standing there for too long without speaking and James was looking at him now with a vaguely concerned expression. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah, uh, sorry. I’m a little stoned,” he lied, furrowing his brow in concentration. That seemed to work; James’ smile eased and the knot in Remus’ stomach loosened a bit with it. “Hey, can I get your car keys?”

“Um, sure,” he answered, somewhat warily. “Are you going somewhere?”

“No, no, just,” Remus fumbled, “Sirius spilled some chemicals on his clothes. Asked me to grab him some.”

James hesitated just a second before going in his pocket for his car keys. “Oh yeah, no problem,” he nodded. “You want me to grab it?”

“I got it,” he said quickly. Probably too quickly. But James just tossed the keys to him, underhanded and unbothered.

“Cool. You can just give the keys to him when you’re done.” He took his seat, leaning back casually. “Have you…checked a mirror recently?”

“What?” Remus frowned, freezing with the keys clutched in his hand.

James was struggling with everything he had not to smirk. “You should…like…wash your face,” he advised, pressing his tongue against his inner cheek. Remus burned and turned away without saying anything else, heading straight for the parking lot before he could see anyone else. When he made it to James’ car he bent to check his face in the driver’s side mirror and found the clear pink imprint of teeth just above his upper lip.

“Fucking brat,” he hissed out loud, and broke out in goosebumps all over.

When he got back to the maintenance shed he was in for another shock to the system, finding Sirius wearing only boxers and Remus’ t-shirt, sitting on an upturned milk crate with his chin in his hands. Cute. Lovely. Adorable. He hadn’t expected Sirius to wear the shirt he’d given him–the old threadbare thing more suited as a rag than clothes for Sirius’ elegant frame–but the instant he laid eyes on him he was fully, completely, irrevocably on board. He’d sacrifice every article of clothing he owned to see Sirius wearing them and couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. “Hey. I was really awkward to get these for you. So. Enjoy,” he joked lamely, holding out the pair of shorts he’d had to root around in James’ hot car for.

Sirius took them in one hand, letting them drag on the ground listlessly. He licked his lips and took a breath that shook slightly on the way in. “Thanks,” he said quietly, his gaze in the middle distance.

 Remus went cold and the smile fell from his face. “What’s wrong?” he frowned, barely resisting the urge to drop down on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

 Sirius shook his head at first, a tight little movement that seemed painfully out of character. Then he bit down on his lips and swallowed. “I just…I wanted to say sorry,” he rasped, not raising his gaze.

 “For what?” Remus pressed, his fists opening and closing uselessly at his sides. “Are you okay? What did I do?”

 “Nothing, it’s fine, just…embarassing,” he sniffed softly, and Remus did drop to one knee then and reached out gently to take Sirius’ hand. He tugged it away, shaking his head again, and let out a wet, self-depreciating laugh. “And you’re so fucking nice, my God.”

 “Hey, what’s up? What are you embarrassed about?” Remus asked softly.

 Sirius met his eyes then with a scathing look. “I didn’t…I was…” he struggled, twisting up his face in an obvious attempt not to cry. “I just–I didn’t mean to be so fuckin’ desperate and then, like…come in my pants after ten seconds like a fuckin’ teenager.” He pressed the heel of the hand he’d pulled away against the bridge of his nose and sniffed again.

 “Baby,” Remus murmured, reaching up slowly to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear. “I meant what I said. You were perfect. So perfect. I want you to feel good, yeah?” Sirius didn’t answer, still hiding his face. “Sirius. Come on, come here.” Remus expected resistance, but instead he fell forward immediately, his head going to Remus’ shoulder like a magnet and sucking in another quick breath.

 “I just really like you,” Sirius whined, his voice high and thready.

“You were exactly what I wanted,” he whispered into the top of Sirius’ head, rubbing slow circles into the back of his own t-shirt. “I’ve been laying awake every night for weeks thinking about the sound you’d make when I finally got you to come for me.” That got a watery little noise from somewhere around his collarbone. “I couldn’t have waited for one more fucking second.”

 “Shut the fuck up,” Sirius tried not to laugh as he burrowed further into Remus’ neck.

 “It’s true,” Remus chuckled, placing a kiss on his temple. “I think you’re precious. And one thing I want you to understand going forward,” Remus pulled back just enough to tip Sirius’ chin up, meeting his glassy eyes solemnly. “When you come, it’s because I say you can. Hear me?”

 Sirius blinked. “I…yeah, okay,” he agreed dazedly.

 “So you’ve got nothing to apologize for,” he reiterated, sliding his hand up from Sirius’ chin to graze his thumb across the hateful bruise. “Nothing at all.”

 “Okay,” he swallowed, still sounding a bit wobbly. Remus moved his hand to the back of his neck and held it there, hoping to ground him with the gentle pressure. “Okay, yeah. Sorry. Wait, I mean–”

 “You’re adorable,” Remus smirked, unable to help himself, and bent forward to capture his lips again. Sirius’ mouth opened like an invitation and they spent several more seconds that way. It was slower and less frenzied than anything they’d shared yet, almost lazy in the way Remus thumbed at Sirius’ cheek and Sirius rested both hands lightly on Remus’ ribs. When they parted their foreheads were pressed together, eyes closed, breathing quietly. “You okay?”

 “Yeah,” Sirius sighed. “Not sure how to go back to work after all that, but yeah.” Remus chuckled, pulling away fondly. “You aren’t going to, like, take it back, are you?”

 “No takebacks,” he shook his head. He paused. “And you’re not seeing him again?”

 “Obviously not,” Sirius snorted.

 “Good,” Remus growled, squeezing the fingers of each hand into both of Sirius’ thighs before straightening, his knees cracking loudly as he rose to his feet. “Now put those goddamn pants on before I lose my mind.”

Chapter Text

 Sirius spent the rest of the day sitting with Mary in the shooting gallery, pretending to oil the hinges on the popup ducks but really just gossiping and coming down from the deranged plane of existence Remus had left him on. Since Sev had made sure to tell everyone that Sirius had kissed a boy behind the arcade his reputation had only seemed to improve with all the girls and Mary wanted to grill him on exactly how gay he was, if she’d ever had a chance, or if he’d been fucking with her the whole time. Fortunately, the answers didn’t upset her too much.

 “I should have known. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I love gay guys,” she sighed. “I swear, I’m just a gay guy in a woman’s fantastic body.”

 “That’s a thing,” Sirius replied idly.

 “Be a shame to waste tits like these though,” she pondered, looking down at herself consideringly. Sirius tried to nod like he wasn’t still entirely preoccupied thinking about Remus’ forearms. “So what happened to your eye?”

 “Huh? Oh, nothing,” he dismissed, but she leveled him with a look that slithered inside and insidiously picked the lock on his defenses rather than broke through. “Nothing, seriously, just,” he shrugged, waving his hand in a flourish. “Men.”

 “Sirius, for real?” she tutted disapprovingly. “Ew. Have better taste.”

 “I’m working on that,” he laughed. “It’s fine, he’s got one to match.”

 “Shame. He was cute. Who started it?” she asked, eyes gleaming.

 “I don’t– probably me,” he huffed. “We were fucked up, it’s kind of hazy.”

 “Sounds like a night,” she said sagely.

 “It was indeed a night,” he agreed. She stared at him with that same look, inquisitive and invasive. He sighed. “We went to some shitty dive bar to see some of his friends playing a shitty gig. He wanted me to blow him in the bathroom,” he gagged.

 “Ewww,” she repeated, drawing the syllable out and making a face.

 “It was pretty awful,” Sirius chuckled. “And it was a ska band.”

 “Oh God,” she gasped.

 “Right? And he had this ‘best friend’ that he’s definitely fucking except he’s supposed to be straight, but he kept casually dropping words like gangbang and looking over at me, like, no thank you straight boy? The options in this town are pretty miserable. Oh, and the bar only served beer. What the fuck kind of bar only serves beer?” As with all things, once Sirius got started it was difficult to stop so he and Mary went on talking shit about the town and the boys and the bars for quite some time, which naturally turned to talking shit about their jobs and their coworkers.

 “So…what do you think of Chris? He’s so sweet–”

 “Mary, I’m going to stop you right there. Me and Chris are not going to happen. Not ever. This? This is much more my type,” Sirius deadpanned, motioning toward the darkening bruise on his face.

 “I thought you were trying to have better taste,” she reminded him.

 “That’s quite a swing,” he snickered. “I don’t know if I have that much range in me, to be honest. I’m a shallow man.”

 “That’s mean. There’s nothing wrong with Chris,” she scolded.

 “Yeah, okay,” he shrugged. “Have him bend you over and rail you within an inch of your life then.”

 Mary shrieked a laugh. “Okay, point taken,” she conceded. “So. Frank, then?”

 “Okay, so I see why you would say that,” Sirius snorted, “but no, absolutely not. And not just because he’s the straightest man in existence. I’m not that into…like, camo.”

 “So who, the twins? I bet you’re into the twins,” she grinned.

 “I’m not not into the twins,” Sirius weighed consideringly. “I mean, as a rule the ginger thing doesn’t do it for me, but they’re kind of jacked.”

 “I’ve had Gid, and he is, don’t get me wrong, but he tried too hard? Does that make sense? Like, lots of moving around and sweating and but not a lot of payoff. And Fab doesn’t try nearly hard enough. Homeboy doesn’t even wear deodorant,” she dished.

 “It isn’t even really about them as people, it’s strictly the twin thing. If I had one I’d want them both,” Sirius shrugged.

 “God, that sounds like so much work,” Mary cringed.

 “Do what you love and you won’t work a day in your life,” he chirped, sending Mary into another feverish round of giggles.

 When she had composed herself she fixed him with another of those conspiratorial looks that were quickly winning him over. “Okay, but James. I need all of those details yesterday.”

 “James?” Sirius grimaced. “What details?”

 “Look, I’ve seen the boy without his shirt on and I’ve seen the way you two can’t keep your hands off each other–”

 “Oh! Oh, oh my God, no! No way!” Sirius squealed, mortified. “Absolutely not. Never. I’d let every person at this park fuck me twice with a two foot strap on before I’d let James hit. Gross. You’re gross.”

 “Oh whatever,” she scoffed, giving a half-hearted apology wave to the mother who bustled her young daughter away from the shooting gallery with haste. “He’s fine as hell, I know that you’ve–”

 “With my hetero life partner? No. Hell no. What you’re insinuating is incest and it’s fucking disgusting. You should work on that, thanks,” he shuddered.

 “You’re so full of shit, Sirius,” she laughed.

 The two of them went on like that past sundown and when Mary brought up the boss Sirius prided himself on the way he gave a very moderate six out of ten, like he hadn’t really thought about it, instead of immediately launching into the sonnet he had been composing in the back of his mind about Remus’ eyes. “Really? I think everybody has had a crush on Rem at some point or another,” she shrugged, giving a fond half smile toward the office. “He’s such a sweetie.”

 As if summoned by magic, the walkie on Alice’s hip from the booth beside them crackled suddenly with Evan’s nasally tenor. “‘Hey, the eagle has landed dudes, fuckin’ hard over here behind the House of Mirrors. Somebody come help me pick his big ass up, yeah?”

 “What’s that mean?” Sirius frowned at the sympathetic tutting sound Mary made without making a move to help.

 “That’s him–Rem. He’s got that fainting thing, and it’s always worse when it’s hot. Poor baby,” she cooed.

 Sirius didn’t remember if he’d said anything when he stood or if he’d just bolted to his feet and ran off. So much for discretion, he thought grimly, his jaw clenched. He rounded the corner so quickly his feet nearly slid out from underneath him, but when he saw Remus he stopped short and just stood. He was sitting on the ground in the yellow wash of the floodlight with his back against the side wall of the House of Mirrors, grey-pale with his eyes closed. Lily was standing over him and delivering what appeared to be an animated lecture, Frank was crouched at his side with his elbows on his knees and his brows furrowed, and Barry and Evan were standing off to themselves like fucking idiots doing nothing. The emergency seemed thoroughly handled, except that no one was moving the sweat-dark curls out of Remus’ eyes and Sirius itched to do it, frozen to the spot.

 He wasn’t close enough to make out what Lily was raving about, but was just close enough to see Remus’ eyes when they opened. They were more tired than they’d been that morning–glowing wolfishly and smoldering at Sirius in the maintenance shed–but they settled on him from across the midway instantly and one corner of his mouth turned up in a weary little smile. Sirius moved. “What happened?” he demanded, hands on his hips.

 Lily abruptly stopped speaking and looked up, affronted. “And where the fuck were you, huh? Aren’t you his fucking keeper these days?” she spat, brandishing one arm. Remus blinked up at him from the ground curiously and the vague detachment in his stare made Sirius want to shake him.

 “I was helping Mary,” he frowned, the protest weak on his tongue.

 “Don’t listen to her, it’s fine,” Remus mumbled tonelessly, low and lost under Lily’s tirade.

 “It isn’t, actually! If you’re not going to do what the fuck you know you’re supposed to do to take care of yourself then someone needs to be watching you,” she wheeled on him on hotly.

 “I heard you the first time,” he said louder, letting his eyes slide shut again. “You don’t have to keep going for his benefit.” His words were slightly slurred and Sirius was again overcome with the dizzying urge to touch him.

 “Why are you yelling at him?” he interjected, the words bubbling out of him before he could stop them.

 Lily’s eyes widened. “Because he’s mine to fucking yell at, first of all,” she shot back indignantly.

 “Can it wait? Did anybody go to get him water or anything or are we all just standing around with our thumbs up our asses?” he snapped, his voice rising sharply. All eyes were on him and he felt dangerous, like a weapon in unsteady hands.

 “Easy, kid,” Frank frowned, rising to his full height and taking a step toward Sirius. “This ain’t our first rodeo and we got it under control. How about you just go find something to do?”

 “S’okay,” Remus mumbled, shaking his head and then dropping it forward with a groan. “It’s fine, everything’s fine.”

 “Are you fucking kidding me?” Lily growled, throwing up her hands and fisting them in her hair. “I’m so sick of you. Done. I don’t even care anymore.”

 None of this made sense to Sirius. And why was Remus’ hair still in his fucking eyes? His hands twitched, needing to brush it back. To punch Frank. To do any damn thing that would make Lily stop talking. “What happened?” he asked again, although it felt vastly insufficient.

 “Nothing,” Remus insisted, at the same time as Lily let out a mean laugh and Emmaline appeared with a bottle of light blue Gatorade–Remus’ favorite. “Thanks Em,” he sighed, moving as if to stand for it and receiving warning shouts from all sides. “I wasn’t–”

 “Shut up and drink,” Lily ordered, grabbing it from Emmaline and thrusting it into Remus’ face. “You know this is preventable and you’re deliberately being a jackass.”

 “I am not deliberately doing anything,” he argued in a tired monotone between sips. Sirius felt like the top of his head was going to pop off, like he was going to puke or scream or die. He was sweating with the effort it took not to drop to his knees and run his hands over Remus’ arms, his shoulders, his chest. What would he do if he did? Would he push him away? “I forgot to eat lunch. Throw me in jail.”

 “If it were up to me I would!” she fumed. Something changed in Remus’ expression and he winced, rubbing ruefully between his eyes.

 “Okay, now I really need you to bring it down,” he muttered, letting his eyes close again for a moment before squinting around at his entourage. “Enough. You two, back to work,” he ordered, pointing between Barty and Evan. “Lily, you’ll have to do the count tonight. And thanks, Frank, but I’m good now, man.”

 “Nah, bullshit,” Frank argued, crossing his arms. “You don’t need to be walking anywhere by yourself, boss.”

 “I live three hundred feet from here. I’m good,” Remus repeated, drawing his knees up and leaning forward. “I’m just gonna sit here awhile. I don’t need an audience for that.”

 “I’ve got him,” Sirius piped up, blinking too quickly. All eyes turned to him and he felt his face growing hot. “I mean, I’m his fucking keeper these days.”

 “Too fucking right you are,” Lily snapped. Remus didn’t say anything, looking foggily at Sirius as if he were an apparition or a dream.

 “I’ve got him,” he repeated with a nod and more certainty.

 “Your scrawny ass can’t carry him up those stairs,” Frank scoffed, shaking his head.

 “I don’t have to carry him,” Sirius bristled, though he certainly could if he had to, thank you very much. “We’re going to sit here awhile and then he’s going to walk.”

 Remus raised one arm and pointed at Sirius in an exhausted gesture of triumph that was undermined slightly by the way he couldn’t quite hold his head up. “Yes. Solid plan.”

 Frank hesitated but Lily seemed very suddenly placated and when he looked to her for help she nodded her permission. All of which seemed completely unnecessary to Sirius, considering they were both perfectly capable grown men, but Remus still had that stubborn line between his eyes like he was in pain and Sirius’ jaw ached with how tightly he had to clench it to stay silent. “You need to fucking eat something. Not this gutrot concession shit, real food,” Lily told him threateningly.

 “Got food in the fridge,” Remus assured her. Lily cut her eyes sharply over to Sirius who nodded at the implicit instruction. “I’m good, Lil. Swear.”

 “Okay. Fine. Do not. Make me come over here. Again,” she hissed. Remus nodded, holding his hand up.

 “Scout’s honor,” he vowed.

 “You get me on the radio if he goes to falling over again,” Frank told Sirius.

 “S’fine, Frank,” Remus mumbled.

 “We’re good,” Sirius sniffed. The older man didn’t look convinced and he looked back over his shoulder at them more than once as he and Lily walked back toward the center of the park, leaving them alone with the crickets. Remus tipped his head back against the wall, his eyes closed, and Sirius was suddenly thrumming with anxiety.

 He sat slowly, folding himself criss-cross on the ground across from him and chewed his lip. “What, are you going to start in on me now too?”

 “No,” Sirius frowned, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. “Why were they being such dicks? What happened?”

 “They’re just sick of my shit. Can’t say I blame them,” Remus huffed. He sucked in a breath and opened his eyes like it took effort. “Just…fell out a little. Nothing big.”

 “By ‘fell out a little’ do you mean you passed out? Like, all the way out, full on on the ground? Unconscious?” Sirius asked.

 “Nothing big,” Remus repeated with a weak shrug.

 Sirius took a deep breath. “Does that happen a lot?”

 “No. M’usually more on top of it,” he dismissed. He looked Sirius up and down for a moment and gave him a tired smirk. “I was just distracted today.”

 “Oh, so this is my fault?” Sirius huffed, fidgeting with his shoelace. He glanced up, looking in the direction Lily and Frank had walked. “I–can I touch you?” he asked helplessly.

 Remus crinkled one brow in confusion, but inclined his head just slightly after he had done a privacy sweep of his own. Sirius leaned closer and brushed the hair back off of Remus’ forehead gently, breathing a sigh of relief when it was done. “What, was that bothering you?” Remus chuckled.

 “So bad,” Sirius nodded, still worrying his lower lip between his teeth. Remus laughed again, soft and unguarded, and something ached in Sirius’ chest. “Are you really okay?”

 “More than okay,” he assured him, smiling lazily. “Honest.”

 “Would you tell somebody if you weren’t?” Sirius asked, his voice coming out much more solemn than he meant it to. Remus blinked like the question startled him and tried to turn his surprise into a laugh.

 “Sure,” he shrugged, but his jaw was twitching minutely up near his ear and Sirius made a mental note to play him in a game of poker before the summer was over. “I’m fine. Really. I’m an old pro at this, believe me.”

 Sirius hummed, unconvinced. “How long have you been–” He cut himself off before he could say ‘sick,’ remembering how well that had gone over the first time.

 “Since I was fourteen,” Remus supplied. “Took about a year to get it figured out, but it’s been smooth sailing ever since.” Sirius gave him an unimpressed look. “Well, mostly.”

 “Uh huh,” Sirius blinked.

 “Yep,” Remus added like punctuation. Silence stretched between them and the rabid animal that had taken up residence in Sirius’ chest clawed and whined. He wasn’t good at this, not the way the Potters were. He had never taken care of anyone in his life–unless you counted Regulus, which Regulus certainly did not so it didn’t seem fair that Sirius should. Remus’ eyes were closed again, his head back, and he looked like he could almost be asleep. Which would be bad, right? The sudden weight of responsibility pressed down on him and his heart started to race. “My parents thought I was faking it for a long time,” Remus smirked without opening his eyes, his voice low and smooth. “I’d go down at school and they’d take away my Nintendo.”

 “Jeez,” Sirius winced, drawing his knees up in front of him and wrapping his arms around his knees. “That’s cold.”

 “Hm. Thought it was kinda funny,” Remus remarked thoughtfully.

 “That’s probably because you have brain damage from repeatedly bashing your skull on the ground,” Sirius muttered, and he wasn’t really joking but he was grateful for the warm laugh that spilled out of the older man. It stilled his restless nerves and loosened the rope around his chest. “So how long until you can stand up, old pro?”

 “M’getting there. Why, you got somewhere to be?” he teased.

 “Uh, yeah,” Sirius flushed, suddenly emboldened by the same mania that had been strangling him a moment earlier. “I was hoping I could get out of here a little early. I’ve got a date.”

 Remus’ eyes opened and his head snapped up so quickly that Sirius’ first instinct was to scold him, but the steady, predatory gleam in his gaze made him hold his tongue. “Oh, you do?” he rumbled, one brow quirking upward with interest.

 “Yeah,” Sirius sniffed, fluttering his long lashes and tracing his fingers in what he hoped looked like idle circles in the dirt. He looked up with intention, locking grey eyes on amber. “If that’s okay.”

 Remus hesitated then, and the entire world shimmered like glass as he broke the rules of the game. “I won’t be very good company tonight, baby,” he sighed, glancing left and right before moving his shoe to knock gently against Sirius’ in what felt far too much like consolation.

 “I don’t care,” Sirius said quickly, shaking his head. “We don’t have to do anything. You can sleep. Let me just….” He trailed off, because be with you was far too pathetic a thing to say out loud. Getting his way was more of an art than a science and for a long moment Sirius felt that his flirty sideways glances and licking his lips too slowly wouldn’t be enough while Remus observed him. He shivered under that lens; he felt seen. Cracked open in the best way, and the next breath he took trembled on the way in. “Please?”

 “What do you mean, you’re working late?” James repeated back to him suspiciously, squeezing his newly returned keys in one hand while he gave Sirius a critical once over. “Whose shirt is that?”

 “It’s my shirt, Prongs,” Sirius snarled meaningfully. “I mean you go home and I will see you later. Don’t wait up.”

 “You don’t own a Guns N Roses shirt,” James protested. “Is it that prick? Is he picking you up? Nuh uh, fuck that. I’ll tell Mom.”

 “No one is picking me up,” Sirius huffed, equal parts fond and frustrated by James’ protective streak. “I’m working late. Here. I’m staying here.”

 A smile crept over James’ face as comprehension dawned on him slowly. “Yeah?” Sirius tried and failed to bite back a similarly giddy expression. “Hell yes, dude! It is about time!”

 “Shut up,” Sirius flushed, struggling to keep from shouting out in exuberance. “I’ll see you later.”

 “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” James grinned.

 “You’re leaving me a pretty short list, there, buddy,” Sirius grimaced, letting James pull him into a celebratory hug and shoving nearly immediately at his thick torso. “Get the fuck off me.”

 “Go eat a dick,” James countered, earning himself a quick jab to the ribs that he accepted with grace. Mostly because he was laughing too hard at his own dumb joke to get a shot off himself.

 Instead of working late, Sirius took out the trash–only because Remus specifically asked him to and was precious when he was tired–and then bounded back up the stairs to the little apartment while the rest of the crew was still milling around the midway. Remus was right where he’d left him; flat on the old couch with his legs propped on a cushion that had fallen too flat for Sirius’ liking. “Still alive?” Sirius greeted him cheerfully.

 “Mhm,” Remus hummed low in his throat without otherwise acknowledging his presence.

 “You okay?” Sirius asked, pausing in the doorway that separated the living room from the small kitchen.

 “Mhm,” he said“Mhm,” he said again in exactly the same tone. “Can you bring me two of the pills over the sink?”

 “On it.” There were lots of pills over the sink, but Sirius was fairly certain he didn’t mean the Pepto-Bismal or the aspirin. He chose the orange pill bottle with the most syllables on the side and found another Gatorade from the drawer in the fridge. The fridge, which was stark evidence of Remus’ bold-faced lie, held half a container of bologna, some orange juice, and a few eggs in the door. Sirius scowled and grabbed the eggs before bumping the door closed with his hip and going back to the living room. “You don’t have any food.”

 Remus drug one eyelid open like it weighed a thousand pounds. “There’s some protein bars in the cabinet,” he murmured, unbothered. He lifted his hand in degrees, flipping it over and extending it with effort so that Sirius could hand him the pills.

 “Yeah, no. I’m making eggs,” he rolled his eyes.

 Remus frowned and his shoulders rose up off of the couch cushions. “Hang on–”

 “No. Down,” Sirius snapped, pushing at his solid chest. “I’m no five star chef but I can manage some eggs. And Lily said so. So.”

 “I don’t want you to cook for me,” Remus argued, a furrow appearing between his brows as he ignored Sirius’ hand and shoved himself all the way upright.

 “Tough shit,” Sirius snorted. “Guess you’ll have to come stop me.”

 “Hey.” Remus’ voice was suddenly sharp and his hand steady where he grabbed Sirius’ wrist. “I’m not kidding around.”

 “And you think I am? You have to eat,” Sirius deadpanned, tugging out of his grasp. “You’re a mess. I’m here. I’m doing it.” Before he could protest any further Sirius turned and stalked back to the kitchen, determined to make the best goddamn scrambled eggs of his entire life.

 He pulled his hair into a knot on top of his head and kicked off his shoes in the corner of the room, humming anxiously as he set about finding the utensils he needed. Having something to do with his hands helped and he was soothed by the simple motions. Melt the butter, crack the eggs. He intended to add a splash of milk but the smell from the bottom of the carton dissuaded him and he threw the whole thing out instead. He tutted at the three mismatched plates and two chipped coffee mugs in the cabinet, selecting a thick white disc with pale blue flowers around the rim and pouring the last of the orange juice into a mug with the logo of the local hardware store printed on the side. Satisfied with his creation, he turned back toward the living room and nearly threw everything into the air with a gasp and a violent flinch backward. “Shit, sorry,” Remus laughed softly, reaching forward from where he had been leaning in the doorway to steady him so that only a little bit of the juice sloshed onto the faded linoleum. “‘Didn’t mean to startle you.”

 “What are you doing? How long were you lurking around like that?” Sirius panted, setting the plate down onto the counter harder than he meant to so that he could plant his hand over his pounding heart.

 “I live here,” Remus chuckled, all of the stern edge from before faded entirely. “I wasn’t lurking around.”

 “That was a lurk if I’ve ever seen one,” Sirius accused. “You’re supposed to be laying down.”

 “I was. I just had to make sure you weren’t burning down my kitchen,” he smirked, his eyes traveling unabashedly over Sirius’ frame. “If this is going to be a thing I’m gonna have to buy you an apron.”

 “This is not a thing,” Sirius blushed, shoving the mug unceremoniously into Remus’ hand and turning back to the stove in an attempt to hide just how affected he was by this giant fucking dork. “I don’t cook or clean, so go ahead and get that thought out of your head.”

 “Guess I just got lucky this time,” he shrugged. He sipped the juice and licked his lips in a way that felt obscene to Sirius, in the same oversensitive way that the friction from the threadbare rag he twisted around one hand was lighting sparks under his skin that went straight to his groin. “Might still get you that apron though.” Sirius took a swipe at him with the dishrag and Remus took the hit with a cheeky grin, catching his arm and tugging him closer. “Hey. Thanks,” he murmured with a soft kiss against the side of Sirius’ head that made his breath catch. It was affectionate and so warm that he had to swallow several times before he was able to pull away.

 “Don’t be sappy,” he teased weakly, hoping and praying that Remus would keep being sappy. The older man just smirked at him and motioned to the plate of eggs on the counter.

 “Where’s yours?” he asked, allowing the spell to break.

 “You only had three eggs in the fridge,” Sirius scoffed. “That’s all you, big guy.”

 “Hmm, no.” Remus reached past him for the plate, slow but steady, and took a seat at the dingy card table at the other end of the room looking entirely too pleased with himself for a man who had two folding chairs as his formal seating. “Come sit with me.”

 “I’m not hungry,” Sirius insisted, drifting over to the table anyway as if being pulled by an invisible tether. Remus was already digging in and Sirius felt a thrill to his toes when he let out an appreciative moan.

 “Bullshit,” he chewed. “You didn’t eat any more than I did today. Come here and eat.” As soon as Sirius was close enough Remus’ arm shot out and had him by the wrist again, pulling him easily onto one strong thigh. Sirius blinked in surprise. “Are you gonna make me feed you?”

 “That’s ridiculous,” Sirius huffed, but apparently he didn’t move quickly enough and was suddenly being presented with a forkful of yellow egg, Remus’ smug face looming in the background. There was no dignified option, other than maybe to shove himself off of Remus’ lap (fat fucking chance of that), so he opened up and let himself be fed. “You are entirely too much,” he flushed, covering his mouth with one hand while he chewed.

 “Yep. I tried to warn you,” Remus replied lowly, one hand traveling down the length of Sirius’ side and squeezing firmly where it landed on his hip. “Now you’re fucked.”

 “So who’s the lucky one now?” Sirius muttered, flirting mostly out of defense because every molecule of his body was tingling and threatening to float away. Remus smirked and buried his nose behind Sirius’ ear, inhaling deeply. He reached up and unspooled the loose bun, letting the black curls bounce down around Sirius’ shoulders.

 “Better,” he hummed, slipping his fingers up the back of Sirius’ neck and into his hair. He squeezed gently, for only a moment, before moving his hand to rest again on Sirius’ hip and kneading there. “Open,” he instructed, holding up another scoop of eggs.

 Sirius intended to tell Remus to fuck off, but direct orders were making him go a little fuzzy and when his mouth opened it hung there dumbly until it obediently received some eggs. “You’re supposed to be the one eating,” he reminded him, the words coming out in much more of a pout than the ultimatum he had started with in his mind.

 “Mm, bossy,” Remus murmured thoughtfully. He did take another bite though, and between the two of them they made the plate disappear within just a few minutes while Remus’ left hand kept stroking and squeezing at his ass. “Wanna watch a movie?” he suggested quietly, his breath hot on Sirius’ neck.

 “Yeah,” Sirius nodded, vaguely aware how much desperation was dripping off the single syllable. Remus flashed him another grin that was all canine and heat and patted Sirius’ thigh with his big (hugegiantfuckingLARGE) hand.

 “Up,” he directed mildly, and just that nearly had Sirius whimpering. “C’mon, tonight’s not the night for you to make me throw you over my shoulder.” Sirius was present enough to make an indignant squeak as he hopped up off of Remus’ leg and shot him a glare over his shoulder that just made him laugh. When Remus stood it was slow and purposeful enough that Sirius remembered why he was here in the first place and blinked to clear some of the fog from his mind that had been building in the wake of Remus’ intense brand of flirting. He slid his arm around the older man’s waist and got a distinctly sideways look for his trouble, but it was allowed and Remus even pulled him close enough that it disguised any weight he may or may not have leaned onto Sirius’ shoulder on the short walk from the table to the couch. “Movies in the cabinet. You pick,” he grunted, flopping back down onto the sofa.

 Sirius was thankful for the reminder and the grounding ritual of selecting a movie. It wouldn’t do to let himself come undone so easily again; he had a Plan. “Of course you still have a VCR,” he grumbled, sliding his fingers over the slick VHS covers that reminded him of the cousin slumber parties he’d gone to at his grandfather’s house until Andi got kicked out and the twins got sent to an all-girls boarding school in Connecticut. They had been mostly terrible, but nostalgia is nostalgia all the same. “Which one is your favorite?”

 “Boring stuff,” he sniffed, opening one eye and throwing him half a lazy smile. “I want you to pick.”

 “I am, I was just wondering,” Sirius huffed. “I’ve never seen most of these.”

 “Some are probably older than you are,” he smirked.

 “Lots of things are older than I am,” Sirius replied sweetly, wiping the smirk directly from Remus’ face. Satisfied, he plucked a film from the end and checked the tape before sliding it into the slot.

 “What’d you pick?” Remus asked wearily, lifting an arm toward him. 

 “You’ll see,” Sirius chirped as the previews started to play on the screen. “I’ll be right back.” He turned off the overhead light on his way to the bathroom, leaving the living room in a soft yellow glow from the corner lamp and Remus with a puzzled look on his face.

 Remus’ tiny bathroom was fastidiously tidy with a striped shower curtain, a single toothbrush in a striped plastic cup, a striped plastic trash can, and a striped bath mat that all matched exactly. There was a hamper behind the door with a single pair of socks and a t-shirt crumpled at the bottom and a shelf above the toilet that had two folded towels and one washcloth. Sirius found his cute little bachelor lifestyle too endearing and scrunched up his face at himself in the mirror to suppress the unbecoming little squeal of giddy affection that threatened to burst out of him. He gave his hands and his shoulders a little shake to settle himself back into his body and surveyed his reflection.

 Sirius was not blind. He saw in the mirror what everyone else saw and used it to his advantage. It was just that if he looked for too long or glanced too quickly what he saw was the startling image of his mother, his grandfather, his cousins, his brother. His good looks were only a result of his genes and if he had the option to rip them out of his DNA he’d do it in a heartbeat. Still, they had served him well and he examined himself now in the mirror, fluffing his hair and biting his lips to give them a bit more color. He used a little water from the tap and the heel of his hand to rub the fading concealer from the hickey on his neck that was only partly visible in Remus’ t-shirt. There wasn’t much that could be done about the shiner, so he simply slid off the shorts that Remus had brought him to replace the tight pair of skinny jeans that he had so gracefully destroyed. The shirt was soft and oversized, falling to Sirius’ mid-thigh, and he turned himself in front of the full-length mirror with his ankle flexed and his knee bent to get the full profile. He licked his lips and traced his jawline with his fingertips, biting his index finger coyly. 

 When he was satisfied that he was attractive enough to pull off the next phase of the Plan, he threw the bathroom door open and sauntered back into the living room, dropping himself down soundly and suddenly on Remus’ legs just as the opening credits to Braveheart came on the screen. “Well hello,” Remus chuckled, steadying him with his hands on his waist. They traveled downward in tandem, smoothing over his hips. “I like you in my shirt. I–” He stopped short with a sudden inhale through his nose as his fingers reached the hem of the shirt and found bare skin. He raised his head off of the pillow a few inches, just enough to confirm his findings. His eyebrows shot up. “Sirius?”

 “Yes?” Sirius asked innocently.

 Remus sighed and dropped his head back against the couch, his gaze turning plaintive. “Baby. I told you I wouldn’t be good company tonight,” he murmured, all while his thumbs pressed slow circles into Sirius’ inner thighs. “I want to make it perfect for you when it happens. Let me do that, yeah?”

 “You’re being very presumptuous,” Sirius told him, pretending to be scandalized. “I was just getting comfortable. Is that okay with you?” Remus gave him a look that was a little fond and a lot exasperated. “And I want you to get comfortable too,” he suggested meaningfully, toying with the hem of Remus’ shirt. The hesitation was heavy, charged with much more than the anticipation of the moment. Sirius tried to be sensitive to that, but goddammit he was so ready to see Remus’ body. He had imagined it for weeks, woken up wet and gasping over it in the middle of the night. Impatience had him tugging and twisting at the hem and finally after what seemed like forever Remus finally gave a little nod and sat halfway up, reaching behind himself to grab the back of the shirt and pull it up over his head.

 It was much better than his imagination. The scars weren’t nearly as bad as Remus had made him believe. They were just like the silvery seams on his face, only thicker as they approached center mass. More captivating by far than the scars was the sculpted plane of Remus’ chest and stomach, softly sloping abs and obliques that rippled from years of labor and a fine covering of golden hair. Sirius caught his lower lip between his teeth entirely by accident, blinking slowly as his eyes traveled down and over, up and down again. Collarbones, navel, sculpted biceps; all on display for the first time and Sirius felt like a starving man at a buffet. “Moony, you’re gorgeous,” he whispered in awe. Remus was chewing his cheeks anxiously, doing everything he could not to shift underneath Sirius’ weight. He opened his mouth as if to speak, and closed it again. “Does this bother you?” Sirius worried.

 “No. I mean, yeah, but. It’s okay. I’m just…no one’s seen…them. Before. No one’s seen them before,” he managed haltingly.

 “No one?” There was only the slightest pause before Remus shook his head. Sirius licked his lips. “Can I touch them?” Remus swallowed hard and nodded. Sirius hadn’t anticipated quite how tense he would be, his muscles like rock when he laid his palms flat against Remus’ chest. He wasn’t deterred; if anything, it only meant he got to spend more time in the most enjoyable part of his Plan. He started at Remus’ shoulder, trailing along the jagged line that stopped just short of his nipple. First with his thumb, then with each finger of that hand. There was another that curved across his ribcage on the other side that received the same reverent treatment. Another that slashed directly through his navel. He moved to tracing the patchwork of scars down his arms, more on the right than the left. Gentle taps to each and every little white check mark peppered across his shoulders, down his stomach. It took a long time to make the entire circuit and when he had, Sirius started over.

 It took three complete rounds before Remus finally relaxed under Sirius’ hands. His eyes half lidded, head tipped toward the television like either of them were paying any attention to the movie, lips parted slightly. Sirius watched him closely, on alert for the little twitches of discomfort under Remus’ skin as his hand smoothed down his side, slowly, and rested on the piece de resistance, the gnarled mass of scar tissue at his hip. He flinched when it was touched and closed his eyes, a soft rumble sounding from deep inside his chest. “Is that okay?” Sirius murmured. He nodded minutely, breathing shallowly through his mouth. “Moony?”

 “It’s okay,” he said, his voice a bit raspy but steadier than he looked.

 “This must be where the sexy swagger comes from,” Sirius teased softly, earning an even softer breath of laughter through Remus’ nose.

 “Oh, it’s ‘sexy’ now?” he muttered, raising his eyebrows without opening his eyes.

 “It was sexy the whole time. I was just playing hard to get before,” Sirius flirted, shifting experimentally on Remus’ lap as he gently pet the whorls and divots of the scar on his hip. “Did I do a good job?”

 “A very good job.” Remus’ eyes opened and it must have been a trick of the light, but they had darkened somehow and the flecks of green that were usually barely visible had spilled over the golden irises like drops of watercolor. Sirius felt his cheeks grow warm at the praise, fished for or not. Remus’ hands came to life and slid to cover Sirius’ bare knees on either side of his hips. For a moment it seemed like he was going to speak, but he just kept staring up at Sirius with an inscrutable intensity that made the younger man shiver.

 “Does it hurt?” he asked, brushing Remus’ hand as he dipped his fingers just an inch beneath the waistband of his jeans.

“Mm. Sometimes. Not now,” he hummed. “Feels good. What you’re doing.”

“Yeah?” Sirius preened.

“Mhm.” Remus’ eyes slid shut again and gripped Sirius’ knees with his fingertips.

“I’m glad.” His heart fluttered a bit, picking up speed as he braced the hand that wasn’t slowly stroking the scar on Remus’ hip on the arm of the couch and leaned forward. Long strands of black hair fell before him like a sheet, tickling Remus’ ribs, and Sirius met his eyes when they opened in surprise, holding eye contact as he lowered his mouth to press against his sternum.

“Sirius,” Remus warned, and he felt the delightful vibration of it under his lips.

“I’m being good,” he promised between chaste kisses, tracing the same path along the scars that his fingers had already become familiar with. With his lips he spiraled out from Remus’ center, pausing to let his breath ghost across each hardened nipple and raising a field of goosebumps across his stomach and chest. Remus breathed slowly, betraying nothing, but Sirius could feel the enormous response pressing upward through denim beneath his own wiggling hips. He abandoned the trail and kissed Remus' collarbone, into the hollow of it and up the side of his throat with featherlight pressure, expecting to be scolded any moment.

Instead, Remus’ hand moved with lightning speed and precision, grabbing a handful of Sirius’ hair at the base of his skull and dragging him into a bruising, filthy kiss. Sirius gasped, his mind and his body hurrying to bridge the gap between intention and execution as Remus licked into his mouth. It took every last ounce of restraint, every bit of dedication to the Plan that he had to pull away, breaking the strong hold. “I told you,” he panted, planting one hand on Remus’ neck and pushing him firmly back into the arm of the couch. “I’m being good.”

“Uh huh,” Remus grunted, gliding the tip of his tongue over sharp white teeth. He stared up at Sirius for a moment before bringing one hand down in a deliberate smack on his ass, the sound of it ringing through the empty apartment but only hard enough to make Sirius catch his breath. “Go on then. Be good.”

Remus was a good enough sport to pretend not to hear the whimper that escaped Sirius at that, but didn’t seem able (or willing) to suppress the wolfish grin that spread across his face. Sirius ignored it, ignored the way it lit him up inside and how every inch of him was tingling, ignored the way Remus’ eyes were fixed on his half-hard cock bobbing beneath the fabric of the t-shirt pooling around their hips. He focused on the task at hand, cataloguing each scar with the careful attention of his lips, and maybe getting distracted by mouthing at a couple of particularly enchanting freckles along the way. He kissed Remus’ shoulders, nosed close to the evening musk of his underarm and breathed him in. When he trailed pecks down his inner arm, Remus turned it slightly to give him better access and Sirius smirked triumphantly against his skin, slipping his tongue and sucking lightly at the knob of Remus’ elbow. He scraped his teeth down the inside of his forearm and nipped the thin skin at his pulse point before pressing a wet kiss to the center of Remus’ palm.

Long, solid fingers curled around his jaw then, cupping his chin and feeling around the hinges before pressing down on his bottom lip with his thumb and pulling Sirius’ mouth open. Fuck the Plan, he thought feverishly, his eyes wide and eager. If Remus wanted to hold him down and fuck his mouth with whatever county fair winner that was making that giant bulge in his jeans, so be it. Remus tipped his head lazily this way and that, apparently weighing a similar set of options before he rotated his hand and pressed his middle and ring finger inside. He went slowly at first–bless his heart–but when Sirius closed his eyes and sucked with a moan like he’d been given a treat he shoved them further, dragging his fingertips toward the back of his wet tongue. Sirius met the challenge with an audible gulp, meeting Remus’ eyes even as his vision blurred. “Mm, you are a good boy, aren’t you?” Remus praised him lowly and Sirius’ ears started ringing. “You want another?”

Before he could process the question Remus’ index finger joined the other two, stretching Sirius’ mouth wide as he pushed them further into the tight quarters of his throat. His face was lax, head heavy, mind blank. “Good boy,” Remus repeated roughly, his other hand massaging just above Sirius’ knee. He gave two slow experimental thrusts with his fingers that Sirius swallowed down dutifully before he removed them and trailed the spit-slick digits down the column of Sirius’ throat and chest. He held his breath, quivering as Remus’ hand skipped over his straining dick–still covered and soaking a dark spot of precome through the front of the shirt– to palm at his thighs.

The fact that Remus was a literal monster was a good thing, Sirius told himself once his brain could string together a thought. He had been floating somewhere near the ceiling when he realized that the man beneath him had returned both warm hands to Sirius’ knees and had turned his head, and was watching the goddamn movie of all things with a self satisfied half-smile that nearly sent Sirius through the roof again. He took a breath in through his nose and took the moment to recommit himself to his performance. Sirius had always maintained that he was not an exhibitionist, no matter what campus security might have accused him of. It was simply that when he did have an audience, he wanted to give them what they liked–and he always knew what they liked. He stretched with a soft yawn, arching his back, lifting his arms above his head and the hem of the shirt in tandem, tangling his hands in his hair and his hem dragging up, up, up–

He met Remus’ eyes just as he brought his arms back down and rolled his hips, grinding down against the denim with purpose. Remus bit his lip with a groan, but there were no further attempts to get him to behave. He slid both hands under the t-shirt to grab at Sirius’ hips, holding them reverently for a moment before working them into a slow, steady rhythm against him. It was the same guiding pressure as before in the maintenance shed and if Sirius didn’t hold it together he’d be falling apart again in an instant–which would be inexcusable. He clenched his teeth and rocked forward, making Remus twitch underneath him. For just a moment he let himself imagine it, fucking huge and wet and throbbing, and then he blinked the thought away so that he could whisper, “I’m not going to let you fuck me today,” in the most sultry tone he could manage. Remus’ lips curled in an unmistakable snarl and his grip on Sirius became almost too tight. Sirius grinned. “But wh– if I let you fuck me, I wanna ride you like this.”

“Show me,” Remus exhaled, his voice like gravel and his eyes locked on Sirius like a predator. Sirius rocked, pressing himself down in slow thrusts and steady circles of his hips, reaching up to grab his own hair with one hand and kneading around Remus’ throat with the other. “You want me to see your face when I come inside you, baby? S’that it? Want me to watch how pretty those eyes get when you’re so fucking full you can’t think?”

Focus, Sirius. He shifted his weight, rocking his hips back and leaning forward so that his hair dragged against Remus’ bare chest. “Wanna see you,” he whimpered. “Want you to look at me.”

“I’m looking, sweetheart. I see you,” Remus growled, reaching up to push the hair back and holding it tight at the back of his neck. Sirius could have sobbed. Instead he leaned the rest of the way down and closed his mouth over Remus’ nipple, teasing it with the tip of his tongue. Remus arched his back and used the hand in Sirius’ hair to yank him up for another kiss, their teeth knocking hard and neither of them pulling back. Sirius shifted so that he had one bare leg pressed between Remus’, grinding and desperately trying to think nonsexy thoughts.

“You wanna fill me up, Daddy?” he groaned into Remus' ear. He hadn’t thought about it at all before it came out of his mouth and for half a second he was worried that Remus would balk, but the reaction was immediate and strong. Remus’ entire body drew up and released in a violent shudder, he moaned through his teeth like an animal, and buried his face in Sirius’ neck, breathing hard. He squeezed Sirius tightly against his front, thrusting against him slowly as his whole body trembled.

“Fu-uck,” he gasped, panting a wet spot into Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius was dizzy with arousal, but not so far gone he couldn’t feel smug. “Fuck…I didn’t…didn’t see that coming.”

“You like that?” Sirius murmured, kissing his damp temple. “Now we’re even.” Remus bit out a laugh and squeezed Sirius’ ass.

“Fuck…off,” he scoffed, still out of breath. He squeezed again, pulling them together and lifting his hips slightly so that Sirius shuddered and twitched for more. “Your turn?” Sirius shook his head, even as his hips canted downward of their own volition. “No?” he chuckled.

“Wouldn’t make us very even, would it?” Sirius murmured, tilting his head to look hazily up at Remus, who raised his eyebrows. “Just…give me a minute.”

“Fuckin’ likewise,” Remus huffed, thankfully moving his hand up to rub soothing circles into Sirius’ back. They stayed pressed together like that, front to front with Sirius splayed across Remus’ chest until they were breathing together, perfectly in sync, and their thundering heartbeats had slowed. Sirius had even started to take a passing interest in the movie, if nothing else as a distraction from the throbbing problem between his legs, when Remus tapped his arm gently and moved to shift out from beneath him. Sirius curled up on one half of the couch, trying for adorable, while Remus sat upright for several seconds without moving. “You need anything?” he rasped finally.

“I wouldn’t say no to a new shirt,” he answered coyly, earning another devilish grin and a fond squeeze of his knee as Remus stood.

Alone in the room, Sirius finished making a mess of his current shirt by wiping the slick precome off of his stomach and took a deep grounding breath before taking hold of his painfully hard cock. Every instinct screamed at him to stroke, to chase relief, except the one that held onto the powerful sensory memory from earlier in the day when Remus had, in no uncertain terms, told him, “When you come, it’s because I say you can.” Sirius clenched his whole body, fighting the waves of tingles that rushed over him when he thought about it too hard. Distraction was best, and when Remus came back he was staring intently at the television. “Why’d you pick Braveheart?” Remus asked, his voice only a little deeper than normal.

Sirius opened his mouth to answer but was momentarily stunned by the sight of Remus in flannel pajama pants, every edge softened in the golden light. “I…it’s really long and kind of hot,” he shrugged. Remus snorted, like everything was normal, and handed Sirius a new shirt–black with a faded Boston logo. “Are you making a joke?”

“Maybe. Is it funny?” Remus smirked. Sirius rolled his eyes (it was very funny) and pointedly did not watch to see if Remus was looking while he slithered out of Guns N Roses and into Boston, tossing the former into a heap in the hallway.

“Thanks.” He glanced sideways at Remus who was pointedly not looking. “Do you not like Braveheart?”

“Braveheart’s okay.” Without taking his eyes off the tv Remus extended his arm and Sirius slipped into place between his warm ribcage and the back of the couch like he was made for it, his cheek finding a pillow on Remus’ warm chest. He sighed without meaning to and Remus chuckled, smoothing his hair down his back with one hand. “You sure you don’t want me to take care of you?”

“S’okay,” Sirius replied sleepily. “Wanna be good.” Truthfully, the little electric shocks in the soles of his feet and in his palms were beginning to fade, but they had been lovely, and everywhere that Remus touched him still lit up with little sparks.

Apparently his answer had been the correct one, because the sparks became fireworks as Remus let out another growl, this one undeniable affection. “You’re so good,” he emphasized, hugging Sirius close and searching out his lips for a slow kiss. “Perfect, baby.”

And that’s all that Sirius ever really wanted to be.

Chapter Text

“Remus. Remus, wake up.” Remus came awake slowly, then all at once when he realized he wasn’t dreaming. He jerked upright, blinking wildly, and was met with a mess of black hair sticking in every direction and the sweetest, sleepiest grey eyes he ever did see blinking blearily. “Can you take me home?”

“Hm?” he grunted groggily, his brain not quite caught up.

Sirius shivered and tucked his feet up underneath him at the other end of the couch. The room was dark, lit only by the blank blue tv screen. “I can call James,” he offered, looking tiny as he picked at the loose threads at the hem wearing only Remus’ oldest shirt.

“No. No, I’m…time’s it?” Remus mumbled, rubbing at the grit in his eyes.

“Late. Early? Like, five,” Sirius yawned. “We fell asleep.”

“Kay. Coffee. S’there time for coffee?” Sirius smiled up at him and tilted his chin downward in an indulgent nod. “Just a minute.” He staggered into the kitchen and flipped on the overhead light, flinching at the sudden brightness. He moved on auto pilot, still mostly asleep, until the smell of the coffee brewing kicked his brain on. Shame flooded him, sticky and thick. He felt suddenly exposed; brazenly shirtless in the kitchen with the imprint of Sirius’ cheek on his chest. Remus wasn’t celibate, whatever Lily might think, but they had all been cheeky fucks, one night stands with strangers and never ever in his own home. Never ever with someone who carbonated his blood and squeezed his airway from inside like Sirius did. He wanted to apologize and to fling himself on the floor and beg for forgiveness. The animal in him that had been so persistent on having Sirius was silent and sated, leaving Remus alone to wallow in his guilt.

A quiet footstep on the linoleum behind him tugged him out of his private spiral and before he could turn around Sirius had flopped against his bare back with an ‘oof’ and threw his arms around Remus’ waist, resting his weight there like it was the most natural thing in the world. “Sleepy,” he murmured, lips moving against Remus’s skin. The knot in his chest loosened slightly under Sirius’ ice cold palms and he was able to take in a breath. “S’too early.”

“Coffee?” Remus offered, his voice still full of morning gravel.

“You don’t have any milk,” Sirius went on in that same sleepy tone that wasn’t quite a complaint, still speaking directly against Remus’ back.

“Yes I do,” he argued, certain that he did.

“Mm-nmm. It was bad,” Sirius yawned, pulling his arm away to point at the trash can on the other side of the kitchen before he wrapped it more securely around his front. “Threw it away.”

Remus flushed. “I…I wasn’t expecting anybody. I’m sorry. I’ll have some shit next time you’re here,” he promised.

“Hmm, next time,” Sirius hummed, nuzzling his face against him sleepily. The coffee pot gurgled its finale and Remus reached up to pull a cup down from the cabinet, trying not to move too much lest the strange spell be broken. It was soothing the most jagged edges of his shame, the way Sirius had attached himself so firmly and surely flush against Remus’ skin–scars and all. He seemed content to stay there, swaying with Remus’ movements as he poured his coffee, added sugar, and took a long sip. Finally the moment couldn’t be drawn out any longer and Remus turned to face his human backpack with a shy smirk.

He had put his shorts back on–thank God–and was somehow more Sirius now, like the ethereal creature from the night before had been folded back into itself. His eyes were barely open, blinking slowly with considerable effort and not a small amount of assistance from his eyebrows. “Hey,” he yawned again, covering his mouth with one hand and bringing the other over his head and back for a long stretch.

“Hey,” Remus replied. He hesitated, but in the end he couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Are you okay?”

Sirius gave him a curious look. “Totally,” he affirmed easily, and leaned swiftly back in to tuck his head under Remus’ chin with a little wiggle. “Awesome, in fact.”

“Okay, good,” he sighed quietly, letting his lips rest for a moment on top of Sirius' head before he spoke again. “Okay. Let me grab a shirt and we’ll go.”

“Boo,” Sirius grinned, stepping back from where he’d effectively trapped Remus against the counter. “Half naked Moony is my favorite.”

“Don’t get used to it,” Remus chuckled, shaking his head to try to disguise the blush rising from his chest to his neck.

“Too late,” Sirius declared, retrieving his shoes from the corner of the room and sitting at the table to tie them on. “I’m already spoiled. More spoiled than your milk.”

“Fuck off,” Remus scoffed, already on his way out of the kitchen. He didn’t bother with the undershirt, seeing as it was a bit pointless now, and pulled on a plain white t-shirt instead and shoved his feet into his most worn pair of Chucks. When he turned around Sirius was leaning silently in the doorway of his bedroom, watching him with a completely neutral expression. Another sharp bolt of anxiety shot through him. “What?” he frowned.

“What what?” Sirius replied, tilting his head.

“What are you doing?” Remus asked.

“Waiting,” he huffed, leaning his head back against the doorframe. “You’re taking forever.”

“Well now I’m waiting on you,” Remus informed him, picking up his coffee cup from where it was leaving another ring on the weathered dressertop and using it to motion at the door that Sirius was blocking. “Vamanos, chico.”

“Ai papi,” Sirius lit up, making Remus roll his eyes mightily and step forward, backing Sirius down the hallway with his body. “Do you speak Spanish?”

“Nope.

“I speak French,” he volunteered, considerably more awake all of a sudden. Remus cocked his head to the side as he reached for the doorknob.

“Really?” he asked, undeniably intrigued.

“Yeah! I told you I was born in France,” Sirius nodded excitedly.

“I was born in Wales, doesn’t mean I speak Welsh,” Remus grunted, following him out onto the stairs.

“Yeah, but Welsh is ugly,” Sirius teased. “La langue française est une femme. Et cette femme est si belle, si fière, si modeste, si hardie, touchante, voluptueuse, chaste, noble, familière, folle, sage, qu'on l'aime de toute son âme, et qu'on n'est jamais tenté de lui être infidèle.”

Remus halted at the bottom of the steps. “You shittin’ me right now?”

Sirius fell into beautiful laughter and Remus could see him in another life, dressing in silk suits and speaking French with people who looked like him–or at least matched him. Not for the first time Remus felt overwhelmed and undersophisticated and he rubbed self consciously at his face. Sirius went to open the glass exit door for them both, yanking hard and finding it locked. “Oh,” he blinked, staring at his hand like it had betrayed him.

Remus chuckled, reaching around him to unlock the door. “What did you say?”

“The French language is a woman. And this woman is so beautiful, so proud, so modest, so daring, touching, voluptuous, chaste, noble, familiar, mad, wise, that you love her with all your soul, and one is never tempted to be unfaithful to her,” Sirius recited to the dark early morning sky. “It’s on the wall of my dad’s office. He’s a freak.”

“That is very intense. Explains why I was never into French though, I guess.” Sirius snorted an obscene laugh and got into the passenger seat of the truck without waiting for him to finish locking the door behind them. That warmed something in Remus and further settled the anxiety still fluttering within him. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing Sirius in his truck, window down and breeze blowing his curls back from his face. He was curled up against the door, gone quiet again as they passed trees and pastures on the drive back to Godric’s Hollow. Remus’ nature was to overthink his silence, but his face was so gorgeously serene that all he could think about were the shadows cast by Sirius’ marble cut cheekbones. His eyes were closed by the time Remus turned into the driveway. The eastern sky was beginning to lighten and the birds were starting to sing. “Sirius, hey. Do we need to walk the rest?” he stage whispered, reaching across the bench seat to rest a hand on his arm.

Sirius blinked slowly, like he hadn’t truly been asleep but he didn’t look quite awake yet either. “Hmm’no,” he stretched, arching his back in the seat sinfully. “She doesn’t care if I come in late. Just doesn’t want me fighting. ‘N she already read me the riot act about my eye.”

Remus nodded and eased off the brake. “Will she ask where you were?” he asked, trying and failing to sound nonchalant. Sirius’ gaze sharpened and he licked his lips before he answered.

“I dunno. She doesn’t like to pry,” he said slowly. “What do I say if she does?”

“That’s not up to me,” Remus shook his head quickly.

“Okay, but obviously you have an opinion,” he needled. This was a trap and Remus was sorry he’d said anything, chewing the inside of his lip. “It’s not a long driveway, Moons.”

“It’s actually a very long driveway,” he grumbled, eyes forward.

“You want me to lie?” The question was pointed, sharp as a thorn.

“I never said that,” Remus said, flexing his hands on the steering wheel.

“You didn’t say anything,” Sirius argued. “So this is the part where you tell me no one can find out about us, right?”

“No. No, that’s not– not that,” Remus insisted vehemently. “You’re– I’m not….” He clenched his teeth, struggling. He applied the brake suddenly, jerking both of them forward a bit only partway down the lengthy drive. “Look. I’m…I’m in the closet.”

“You don’t say,” Sirius laughed coolly.

“Listen to me,” Remus ordered in exasperation, and Sirius shut his mouth in an instant. “I…I need people at work not to know. Okay? That’s all I’m asking. I don’t care about anything else and it isn’t anything to do with you.” He stared straight ahead into the dark, gripping the wheel tightly and waiting for a reply. Sirius made him wait for several tense moments before he let out a theatrical sigh.

“That’s fair enough,” he decided judiciously. “But I don’t lie to James.”

“That’s fair enough,” Remus exhaled, allowing the truck to creep forward again. When he chanced a sideways glance Sirius was grinning at him mischievously.

“Don’t look so fucked up about it. I would have let you keep me your dirty little secret. I just wanted to make you sweat a little,” he winked. Remus reached for his leg on pure instinct and drug him across the bench seat until their thighs were pressed together and he could let out a little growl in his ear. Sirius giggled.

“You’re such a brat,” he hissed, squeezing his knee hard enough to make him yelp and coming to a stop at his front door.

“Mhm. Your brat,” Sirius chirped, kissing him hard and fast before bouncing out of the passenger side door. “See you at work,” he smirked, slamming the heavy door behind him and dashing inside. Remus blinked after him for several seconds before scrubbing at the stupid grin that spread across his face and turning the truck back the way he came. Mine.

It took exactly four hours for Sirius and Lily to join forces against him. “We'll start at James's house but I don't wanna stay in all night so we'll have to think of something. We can always go backroading, or out to that club in Jefferson,” Lily rattled on, cross-legged on the ground. She had volunteered to help Remus repaint the faded panels of the mine cart ride but had yet to pick up a brush.

“Not the club in Jefferson,” Remus cringed. If it had been only Lily he would have never agreed to a Friday night outside of the comfort of his own apartment, but when she informed him that ‘they’ were going out Sirius had been standing next to her with a cherry Blow Pop in his cheek and a hopeful sparkle in his eye. Remus was weak.

“Why? They don't ID. Oh my God, you've been!” she gasped. “Remus, you scoundrel!”

“Of course I've been, I'm not made of stone,” he muttered sheepishly, the tips of his ears burning. “So let's not go there.”

“Okay, but there's nowhere else,” she huffed. “I hate this backwardass bumfuck town. There's never anything to do.”

“We'll go backroading,” Remus consoled her. “I’ll be DD. Unless you want to drive to Dallas at midnight.”

“Hey, that’s–”

“No, Lily. I was joking,” he cut her off definitively. She pouted and deflated a bit on the grass, thinking hard.

“Maybe there’s a party somewhere. That would be fun,” she pondered. That did not sound like fun, but he was already so far in over his head that Remus just grit his teeth and kept sanding. He tried not to consider the logistics of driving around a truck full of underaged drunks because if he thought about it for too long he’d definitely back out, and then what would Sirius think? Remus cursed himself silently. His priorities were all fucked up, his instincts dulled, and his defenses disarmed. Thoroughly cracked open to whatever pain it would bring. “Sev is always trying to get me to go to Woodville with him on Fridays. He hangs out at some card shop–”

“I’d rather go to the club,” Remus interrupted flatly.

“You know, if he just had a few more friends he wouldn’t be such an asshole. He’s just lonely,” she insisted.

“It’s kind of a chicken and egg situation at this point, Lil,” he shrugged. “Is he an asshole because he’s lonely or is he lonely because he’s an asshole? I don’t know, I don’t care. I’m not hanging out with him though.” She didn’t press and Remus knew it was because she didn’t want to spend her Friday night in a dingy card shop watching Sev and his friends nerd out over Magic the Gathering anymore than he did.

“You aren’t being very solution oriented,” she complained.

“None of this was my idea,” he reminded her.

“Wow, someone’s a piece of shit boyfriend,” she quipped. His head whipped around so quickly that his neck audibly cracked.

“What? Don’t say that. Don’t use that word,” he bristled uncomfortably.

“What, shit?” she twinkled.

“Oh, so I guess that makes James your boyfriend then?” he shot.

She pulled a face. “Ew, no. Not the same thing. We don’t run around making stupid googly eyes at each other every time we’re in the same room.”

“First of all, bullshit,” he straightened, raising an accusatory finger. “You absolutely do. Frankly it’s disgusting and the rest of us have just been too decent to bring it up.”

“Get fucked, Rem,” she laughed good naturedly. “Me and the jock are not that deep. He’s just my summer boytoy.”

“Second,” he continued righteously, “we, unlike you and boytoy, absolutely do not. If anything, we've been spending a lot more time apart.”

“Yeah, because you can’t be around him without jumping his bones,” she snickered. Remus did not dignify that with a response, blowing dust off the sanded panel and bending to open the can of paint at his feet.

“Are you going to help me with this or not? I should write you up,” he threatened impotently.

“When you start pretending to be my boss I know I’ve got you on the ropes,” she grinned, shoving herself to her feet and dusting her hands on her shorts. “Wouldn’t want you to fuck it up though.”

“I appreciate that,” he said without looking up, handing her a paintbrush.

“I know you do. Which is why we’re doing this tonight. I think you need help,” she told him primly, accepting the brush and starting work on the sanded panel while Remus moved on to the next. He frowned at her. “Don’t give me that. When’s the last time you’ve been on a real date?”

“I don’t date,” he objected gruffly.

“Well you do now,” she sing-songed happily.

“You know, you’re throwing around an awful lot of terms that no one else is using,” he sighed in exasperation. “This is just…this isn’t….” He trailed off, because he had no idea what it was. Maddening, yes. Dizzying, terrifying, electrifying. All of the above. Beyond that he couldn’t say.

“Aww, look at you! This is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen. I love it,” she glowed.

“You are putting a lot more pressure on this than is necessary,” he groaned. “It’s just…we’re just hanging out. Don’t make it such a big deal.”

“It’s a huge deal. My best friend’s going on his very first date,” she cooed.

That nearly did him in and he sputtered like an idiot, his face going red. Lily threw her head back with a peal of laughter. “I can’t stand you,” he managed.

“You love me,” she cackled. “Oh, Remus. I’m just so happy for you! You should have seen his little face when he thought you weren’t coming to the lake. He was heartbroken. I bet he cries when they go back to school.”

“You are the loudest person I have ever met,” Remus hissed through gritted teeth, glancing back and forth. They were very much alone, sequestered on a secluded bit of grass between the fence and the back of the House of Mirrors where kids wouldn’t be likely to brush up against their fresh paint job. Probably where Sirius had been spotted kissing the buzzcut, but Remus tried not to dwell on that thought. “I don’t need your creepy little buddy spreading any more rumors than he already has.”

She clicked her tongue behind her teeth. “You’re paranoid,” she dismissed, but she did lower her voice. “But it’s not really your first date, is it Rem? I mean, you’ve been to that club–”

“I don’t date anyone from there,” he insisted.

“Oof, honey, that isn’t better,” Lily cringed. “You’re…safe, right?”

“Oh my God–”

“I’m just making sure!! You know how people are!” she shot back shrilly, slinging an errant drop of paint as she brought her hands up defensively. “It’s just, I’ve known you for four years now and you’ve never mentioned anyone. I think you deserve somebody to be close to.”

“Wow, you make me sound so pathetic,” Remus chuckled, swallowing the unease that was coiling around the base of his throat at her words. “Can we just focus on tonight? Have you been to James’ house yet?”

“No way. He keeps telling me he wants me to meet his mom, can you imagine?” she pretended to gag.

“Hey, she’s really nice,” he frowned, surprised at the twist of visceral protectiveness he felt in his gut for Mrs Potter.

“Well yeah, I’m sure she’s nice, that’s not the point. She’d have to be to raise a goddamn golden retriever like James,” Lily snorted.

“Well she is.” He bent down to blow the dust away from the panel and wiped sweat off his forehead with his arm. “You’re going to freak, Lil. The house is insane.”

“We’ll see. I can’t imagine anybody with real money would spend it out here in the middle of nowhere,” she shrugged skeptically.

Remus watched her face smugly a few hours later as he followed James’ car into the driveway of his house and her jaw dropped in abject horror in the passenger seat. “I told you.”

“No, we can’t, we have to leave,” she panicked, pressing her face against the window as the lit mansion rose out of the dark night like a mushroom cloud of extragavance. “I can’t go in there! My shoes are fuckin’ filthy!”

“Can you imagine how I felt? Coming out here in the middle of a goddamn garden party,” he exclaimed.

“Oh, Remus,” she sympathized, and he felt vindicated.

Remus parked next to the Sunfire in front of the massive garage and Lily was out of the truck bitching James up one side and down the other for not properly warning her before he was able to shut off the engine. He chuckled, but no sooner had his own foot hit the pavement than he was being crowded back into the cab by Sirius and his eager grin. “No, get in, we’re going to Walmart,” he announced.

“What? Why Walmart?” he frowned.

“I dunno, we need shit. You’re driving,” Sirius herded him, backing him up until his ass hit the seat and he folded back into it. He kept pressing forward, hiking one foot up on the running board and climbing in with his knee on the other side of Remus’ hips, half-straddling him with a wicked grin and a hand in the center of his chest for just a moment before climbing up and over him and settling into the middle seat.

“Jesus Christ, dude,” James laughed, opening the passenger side door and taking a step back to allow Lily to hop in first.

“What?” Sirius asked innocently. Remus was burning from his neck to his hairline but he had no choice other than to clench his jaw and swing his legs back into the truck, starting the engine up with a growl. He turned to look over his shoulder, lifting his arm up and over Sirius’ head and bracing his hand on the opposite headrest for leverage. Instantly Sirius’ eyes widened and a devilish grin spread across his face as he leaned closer. Lily turned toward the window to hide her laughter and Remus could do nothing but scoff, reversing quickly and nearly elbowing Sirius in the side of the head in his haste to pull his arm away and get his hand back on the goddamn gear shift…which naturally was positioned directly between Sirius’ knees. “It’s so cool you can drive a stick,” he flirted shamelessly, one finger coming up to twist at the end of his curls as Remus put the truck in gear.

“Fuck off with that,” Remus chuckled humorlessly, absolutely on fire.

“See?” Sirius popped off, turning to tilt his head at James. “Told you I’m not getting any special treatment. Still as mean as ever.”

“Meanie Moony,” Lily sang cheerfully. He rolled his eyes as his three passengers launched into a chant and then devolved into giggles while he made his way back down the lengthy driveway. The bench seat wasn’t really intended for four people and Sirius was pressed to Remus’ side from knee to shoulder, warm and wiggly, close enough to smell the cinnamon gum he was snapping repeatedly between his teeth. His hair was everywhere, levitating in the crossdraft created by the two open windows and blowing in Remus’ eyes and mouth. Lily fought with it on his other side, batting it away while Sirius laughed and shook it out even more wildly. “Roll the windows up,” she fussed, trying not to laugh.

“Too hot, no A/C,” Remus shrugged, shifting into second and letting his forearm press lightly against the inside of Sirius’ knee during the brief pause before he shifted into third.

“Well then put your hair up!” she shrieked, leaning backward into James.

“No! You should take yours down,” Sirius grinned, reaching for her ponytail.

“Do not touch my hair!” she hissed, slapping at his hand.

“Well don’t touch mine!” he huffed, drawing himself back as if offended. “Moony likes it.” Remus didn’t answer the implicit question, biting down on his cheek to keep from smirking with his eyes straight ahead. “See? Moony likes it.”

Lily didn’t lean away from James and Remus didn’t take his hand off the gearshift until they were in the Walmart parking lot and both doors popped open, spilling bodies out into the humid night. “Race you,” James challenged, already sprinting past Sirius toward the glass doors of the store.

“Oh my God,” Lily groaned, falling into step with Remus and taking his arm. “They’re the worst.”

“Bet Sirius wins,” Remus wagered, watching them giggle like children as they ran ahead.

“No way,” Lily scoffed.

Sirius did win, catapulting himself ahead by dragging James backward, and by the time Lily and Remus got to the front of the store he was already sitting cross-legged in a cart, his smile blinding bright. “Push me,” he beamed, practically bouncing up and down in the basket.

“Sirius–” Remus cringed.

“Come on,” he whined, as James pulled out a second cart and bowed deeply to Lily, who was flushing bright crimson at the mere suggestion.

“It’s fine, we’re the only ones here,” James coaxed, his voice dropping into a honey-soft register that made Remus’ skin crawl. He grabbed onto the handle with both hands and gave Sirius a shove, making his decision and leaving Lily behind to make hers.

It was ridiculous and Remus was far too old to be engaging in it, but Sirius’ cheeks were rosy with excitement while he directed them around. James was right; it was nearly one in the morning and they had free reign of the store, so it wasn’t quite so embarrassing when Sirius urged him faster and faster through the empty corridors. First they went to the candy aisle where Sirius grabbed four different kinds of sour candy, then the electronics section where James and Lily caught up with them, Lily having given in to James’ whims. “Buggy buddy,” Sirius cheered, stretching out his fingertips toward Lily as James came close enough for them to touch. Lily rolled her eyes, but she did extend her own hand just enough to wiggle their fingers together. “Don’t be such a sourpuss. Here.” He tossed one of the plastic bags of candy into her lap. “Eat those.”

“Sirius,” James hissed.

“James, I'm going to pay for them,” he sighed heavily, ripping into a bag of his own. “I haven’t shoplifted since I was like seventeen.” That got a snort of laughter out of Remus who made the executive decision to turn down the video game aisle. “Ooh, let me out, let me out!” Sirius scrambled down from the cart and snatched up the demo controller for the new Guitar Hero game that was attached to the glass video game case. “Moony, what song?” he asked through a mouthful of gummy worms.

“Mmm…Killer Queen,” Remus decided, choosing from the list. Sirius flashed him a grin and locked in, his full focus on the screen fastened at the top of the display.

Apparently whoever had set the difficulty was a master of the game, because the notes flew at him furiously and by the end of the song he was visibly sweating and still only received a three star rating. “Fuck that! Again!” he howled. On his third attempt Remus slipped away to flip idly through the poster display until he was hit in the ass by the cart that he’d abandoned. “You left me,” Sirius accused summarily, climbing back into the cart and tapping it expectantly.

“Thought maybe you’d do better without an audience,” Remus smirked, turning away from the posters and taking up his post again as cart chauffer.

Sirius gasped, affronted. “Hey, I got four stars! And didn’t see you doing any better!”

“I didn’t see you giving anyone else a turn,” Remus teased, picking up speed as he rounded the corner and bumped purposefully into the side of Lily’s cart. She and Sirius both jolted dramatically with nearly identical grunts of frustration that made James and Remus break down in laughter.

“Hey, have you seen this?” James asked, tossing a DVD over Sirius’ head and into the basket in front of Remus. Sirius scrambled to get his hands on it but Remus was quicker, snatching it up before he could get a glimpse of the front.

“No? Have you?” He tossed it back effortlessly, ignoring Sirius’ grasping hands.

“No. He wouldn’t watch it with me. Wanna?” James grinned mischievously.

“What is it? What’s happening? Is it porn?” Sirius demanded.

“Yeah, okay,” Remus smirked, still pointedly ignoring the boy in the cart who was leaning far over the side to try to see the DVD that Lily had hidden under her leg.

“Well this is fucked up,” he pouted, crossing both arms over his chest and sitting back on his ass in the cart. “I wanna see.”

“You will,” James assured him brightly. “Now snacks!”

“Nuh-uh, hardware,” Sirius protested, twisting to give Remus imploring eyes, who heaved an indulgent sigh and pointed the basket in that direction.

“Hardware,” he shrugged at James who gave him a shit-eating grin and winked knowingly. “We’ll meet you up front.”

“Onward!” Sirius shouted victoriously, pointing ahead. They split ways and Remus pushed Sirius dutifully into the hardware section. “Here, stop,” he directed, hopping out lithely in front of the spraypaint. He turned on heel and narrowed his eyes at Remus once he was on his feet, stepping close and tilting his chin upward to fix him with a suspicious glare. “What’s he planning?” he demanded.

“You’ll see,” Remus chuckled, barely resisting the urge to tousle Sirius’ hair.

“I don’t like this,” he complained, sounding only mildly inconvenienced as he turned back to the wall of spray paint cans.

“You’ll be okay,” Remus promised.

Sirius rolled his eyes and started grabbing cans. “What’s your favorite color?”

When their cart was full of a number of spray paint cans that would alarm any normal person in every shade of blue they had, they set back off toward the groceries in search of the rest of their party. “Marco!” Sirius called gleefully, munching on his second bag of candy.

“Polo!” James yelled back from someplace in the grocery section.

“Marco!”

“Polo!”

“You are embarrassing me!” Lily hissed as they rounded the corner of the soda aisle. James was red-faced but he didn’t look embarrassed; he looked pleased as punch, actually, and Lily’s hair had been pulled out of the tie and was hanging messily around her face. She was out of the basket and the cart was full of Arizona Green Tea, Funyuns, and white-chocolate covered pretzels; all of her comfort snacks. He had to hand it to James; the kid knew what he was doing.

“In front of who? Remus?” he laughed easily. “Or are you trying to make a good impression on Padfoot?”

“She’s really just using you to get to me,” Sirius chirped. “Had you not picked up on that?”

“Oh, please,” she scoffed. “Let’s go, I’m bored.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Sirius demanded.

“It means I’m not into skinny little shits like you,” she stuck out her tongue and started pushing the cart primly away from them while Sirius turned wide-eyed to Remus for validation.

“She’s just jealous,” he smirked, leaning close and speaking low. Sirius nodded once, satisfied, and settled back into the basket with a bag of Sunchips he’d snagged off the shelf.

James paid for the entire lot with a card, including Sirius’ chips and spray paint and the two empty bags of candy he’d already finished. Remus felt a sharp flicker of envy at the way he didn’t even listen to the total before handing it over and he didn’t miss the same break in Lily’s expression. Sirius didn’t seem to notice, never pausing his spirited monologue comparing the different brands of energy drinks in the cold box behind them in the checkout (Rockstar was superior to Red Bull, which was superior to Monster, which was superior to everything else). They were of a completely separate world, one that Remus and Lily had no access to, and weren’t even aware of it.

Remus had learned his lesson and paused after opening the driver’s side door, motioning for Sirius to clamor in first. “What a gentleman,” he snickered. In a moment of delirium Remus turned quickly and swatted him on the ass as he bounced into the seat. “Hey!” he yelped, shooting him a glare over his shoulder.

“Hey yourself,” Remus smirked, stepping in after him.

“I’ve recently been told by my boss to cool it on the PDA, thank you very much,” he sniffed.

“Really? I haven’t,” Remus shrugged. His anxiety had bled into something easier to hold on to and Sirius’ irreverence was infectious. James and Lily were easy companions who were too caught up whispering to one another with their heads close to pay any attention to what he and Sirius were up to and it provided an illusion of privacy that emboldened him. He rested his forearm fully on Sirius’ knee while he shifted gears, the scrape of denim on the inside of his wrist driving him fucking wild.

They stopped at a gas station where Sirius volunteered to get the beer with a cousin’s stolen ID and James put twenty bucks worth of gas in the tank despite Remus’ vehement protests. “He’s not really my cousin, he’s married in, but leave it to Bella to marry a dude that looks just fucking like her,” Sirius explained unnecessarily, tossing the license on the dashboard as he climbed back into the cab.

“Does he know you have his ID?” Remus asked, amused.

“Ask me if I give a fuck,” he scoffed, ripping open the thirty pack of Keystone he’d hoisted into the passenger floorboard and cracking one open. “Ol’ Rudy might as well be good for something.”

“Ugh, for a rich kid you have terrible taste,” Lily complained, hopping back into the seat next to him while James started pumping the gas and grabbing a can of her own.

“Can you at least let me pump? People are going to think I’m your fuckin’ girlfriend,” Remus winced, turning to step toward James at the pump.

“Yeah, Prongs, get your own girlfriend!” Sirius called from inside the truck.

“What if I want yours?” James yelled back, throwing a lewd wink at Remus as he relinquished the gas pump.

“Not a single chance in hell. You’ll just have to settle for Red.” What followed was the unmistakable sound of Lily beating the shit out of Sirius in the cab; smacking and shrieking and laughter. When he loaded back up Sirius was rubbing at a bright pink spot in the center of his forehead and Lily was sipping her beer smugly.

“Where to?” he grunted, his eyes cutting sharply at James whose beer had been sitting on the dash when the truck lurched forward into the street.

“Ah, shit, sorry Moons,” he said, searching for something to wipe up the spill.

“Don’t worry about it,” he dismissed. “This truck’s older than I am, it’s seen worse. Where are we going?” Remus drove out of town while Sirius and Lily argued about their destination and James showed off his new joint rolling skills by twisting up a fat one between his knees. Fat enough that the argument somehow morphed into a heated discussion about UFOs as the truck cruised down by the lake.

“It isn’t a question of whether they exist, it’s a question of what they are. We know they exist,” Sirius argued vehemently. “The government has loads of documented encounters with technology that no one’s ever seen before.”

“Okay, but if they’re so advanced why are they letting us see them in the first place?” Lily asked skeptically.

“Because they’re testing us,” he replied conspiratorially. “They’re trying to see if we’re ready to join the galactic federation.”

“That’s enough for you,” Remus chuckled, grabbing for the spliff that Sirius was waving around the cabin and sticking it in his own mouth.

“You’re telling me you don’t believe,” Sirius asked disbelievingly.

“I didn’t say that,” Remus inhaled.

“Ha!” he grinned. “Tell us your story, Moony. What was your close encounter like?”

“Nothing dramatic,” he shrugged, reaching over Sirius and Lily to pass the joint over to James. “Just, I dunno. I was watching the sunrise a couple of years ago and I saw a star moving parallel to the horizon. Which isn’t the weird part, there’s satellites and all kinds of stuff and lots of them launch from Texas, but this one just looked extra…shiny? I don’t really know how to explain it, but I was watching it and it just stopped. Dead stopped in the sky. Then a smaller star came off the back of it and started going the opposite direction and the original one just hauls ass, man, like a bat outta hell. That was pretty weird. I didn’t know what to think about that.”

“Aliens,” Sirius nodded sagely.

“Okay, that’s weird, but it's not necessarily aliens,” Lily maintained.

“Me and James saw one last summer,” he insisted. “Tell her.”

“We were on acid, Pads,” James coughed.

“That isn’t relevant to the story!” Sirius fussed, making everyone else laugh. “Don’t act like I’m crazy. Tell them!”

“We did see something,” James admitted. “It was like a star but it was bobbing around like a flashlight in the sky, like someone was looking for something. It was spooky. We thought we were going to get abducted.”

“Kenny says he got abducted back in the early eighties,” Remus considered. “I think he was on acid too, though, come to think of it.”

“Have you ever done it?” Sirius asked excitedly.

“Been abducted?”

“Acid,” he snorted

“Nope.” Sirius’ face was Christmas in July. “Nope.”

“Yes! Tattoos and acid, this is the best summer ever,” he declared happily.

“Ooh, when are we getting tattoos?” Lily interjected.

“I’m giving Moony one before we go back. Why, do you want one?” Sirius offered.

“Wait, from you?” she recoiled. He nodded eagerly.

“No, he’s actually really good,” James spoke up. “He did all mine.”

That got Remus’ attention. “James, you have tattoos?” he frowned.

“Oh my God, wait, stop,” Lily laughed so hard she snorted, covering her face with one hand. “Your best friend…your gay best friend…tattooed your nickname…the nickname that he gave you…on your inner thigh??”

“Okay, well when you say it like that,” James ruffled, shooting a glare at Sirius who gave a loud bark of a laugh. “That was just the first one! It was practice! And I didn’t want my mom to see, so–”

“So you put it on your inner thigh. Fucking adorable. Good Lord. You are a precious boy,” she sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes.

“Hang on, how many tattoos do you have?” Remus pressed.

“No, stop, don’t change the subject,” Sirius shook his head importantly. “We’re doing acid.” Two more joints, three revealed tattoos, and a pinky promise to all do acid together before the end of the summer later, they had all but run out of road and had completely run out of weed so it was back to the Potters for a movie in the upstairs media room.

“It’s not a real media room,” Remus informed Lily as he parked next to James’ car. “A real media room doesn’t have windows.”

“Ayy! We’ll make a snob out of you yet,” Sirius grinned proudly, elbowing him.

“Awesome, there’s inside jokes,” Lily deadpanned. They entered through the garage so Sirius could unload his armful of spray paint into a battered bin while Lily and Remus looked around them in awe. All four walls, the concrete floor, and the ceiling were covered in layer upon layer of Sirius’ signature style of painting. It was like being inside his mind; loud, chaotic, and beautiful. “This is amazing,” Lily marveled. “Sirius, you’re really good!”

“Huh? Oh, thanks.” He glanced bemusedly around the room. “This is all old stuff. I haven’t worked in here in over a year.”

“It was Dad’s idea to keep him out of trouble. See how well that turned out,” James smirked, giving his best friend a shove from behind.

“I’m out of room, what was I supposed to do?” Sirius argued. “Besides, none of us would be here right now if it wasn’t for my artistic integrity. So. Y’all are welcome.”

“Integrity,” Remus scoffed, reaching to grab the door from James as Lily and Sirius skipped ahead into the foyer.

“Do I need to take my shoes off?” Lily whispered, blinking up at the high ceilings.

“You’re being silly,” James assured her warmly.

“Yes, integrity!” Sirius wheeled back on Remus. “As in, it's my charitable duty as a citizen to beautify this shitdick town however I can.”

“You’re super charitable,” Lily agreed. “So where is this famous media room? Are we being too loud?”

“Nah, Mom and Dad are at a conference. We can be as loud as we want!” James shouted, leading the way up the staircase.

“James! We could have thrown a party??” she squealed.

He turned and blinked at her, the possibility obviously having never crossed his mind. “I mean, I guess,” he realized. She wheeled on Sirius for answers, her hands thrown out in bewilderment.

“Don’t look at me,” he shrugged. “All my friends are here.”

“All this house and no house party. Such a goddamn shame,” she lamented, shaking her head.

“We are the party, bay-bee,” James poked at her playfully, receiving a swat in return that was marginally less playful.

“I don’t know what exactly about him makes you think he doesn’t ask his mommy before he throws parties anyway,” Sirius snorted.

“I mean, she would have said yes,” James defended himself.

“Yeah, and bought snacks,” he snickered.

“Look, it’s not my fault your mom doesn’t love you,” James shrugged, which felt a bit close to home to Remus, but Sirius just laughed again brightly and threw open the door to the media room.

He went straight for the mini fridge under the bar and started to unload the cans of Keystone, lining them up carefully next to Lily’s tea. “So what’s the big secret? What are we watching?” he asked. There were two oversized loveseats in front of the obscenely large television and Remus sat in the corner of the one furthest from the door, watching with a smirk as James tried to slide the DVD covertly out of the sack.

“So, I mentioned that Lily really likes scary movies, right?” he began, and Sirius whirled around so fast that his hair flew out around his face in a dark halo.

“No. You’re both psychopaths, great,” he replied, his voice clipped. “What’s your point?”

“Aw, Siri, you don’t like scary movies?” Lily cooed.

“It isn’t that, I just prefer to enjoy myself is all,” he grumbled. “And don’t call me that.”

“Well, you got outvoted on this one,” James smirked, finally holding up the movie he’d picked so that he could see the cover.

Sirius' eyes widened a bit and then he went still in that way that Remus had hardly ever seen him, so completely motionless that even the world around him seemed to freeze. “I don’t want to watch that.”

“Dude, it’s PG-13. I think you’ll survive,” James dismissed, bending double in front of the entertainment center. 

Sirius finally blinked and went a shade paler, his eyes flickering over to Remus and fixing him with a stare that reached inside his chest and squeezed. “I don’t want to watch that,” he repeated, softer.

“Okay,” Remus heard himself saying without hesitation. “We won’t.”

James looked up, crestfallen. “Wait, what?”

“We’ll do something else. Not a big deal,” he shrugged, standing. It felt simple, not even a decision really. He didn’t look directly at James, disliking the uneasy feeling that had suddenly grown in the pit of his stomach and had given Remus the strong urge to call him an asshole. He kept his eyes on Sirius instead, whose expression was doing something strange. “Come on.”

“Wait, really?” he frowned, as if he hadn’t been the one to protest.

“Yeah? Let’s go.” Remus held out his hand and all at once realized that if Sirius reached out to take it they would be holding hands and he wished he’d wiped his palm on his jeans or something.

Sirius didn’t reach out to take it though, instead angling his head like a puzzled puppy and narrowing his eyes a little. “Don’t be such a pussy,” James rolled his eyes and Remus couldn’t help the way his brow furrowed.

“Fuck off Prongs,” Sirius shot, somewhat lacking in venom without ever taking his eyes off of Remus.

“Come on, let’s go,” Remus repeated, lower. “Looks like a stupid movie anyway.”

“Hey!” James huffed.

Sirius smiled a little. Not his usual bright grin, but something softer and just for Remus. “No, it’s okay. We can stay.”

“Nah, fuck that. We’ll–”

“Remus, really. It’s fine. We’ll watch the stupid movie. If it’s dumb enough for James to follow the plot it probably won’t be that scary anyway,” he sighed, sticking his tongue out at his friend who was beginning to visibly falter.

“Well geez, if nobody wants to watch it–”

“I want to watch it,” Lily cut in happily.

“I said it’s fine! Let’s just watch it so James can shut the fuck up,” Sirius declared, crossing over to the bar and rummaging loudly through the cabinets.

James was conflicted, looking sheepishly between the three of them. “We could watch something else?” he offered.

“No, this is good,” Lily insisted, and then beamed when Remus glared at her. He could guess what mischief she was up to, but the stillness that had fallen over Sirius made Remus irrational, made him want to protect and possess. He shook his head to clear it and when that didn’t work he took three purposeful strides to the bar where Sirius was putting a bag of popcorn into the built-in microwave.

“Hey, we can go,” he said again, grabbing onto the edge of the bar and leaning into it, thankful for the slab of granite between them that kept him from just grabbing him up like a caveman and dragging him out of the room. “We can do whatever you want.”

Sirius shook his head. “It’s really okay. I was just….” His hands fluttered around himself restlessly and he inhaled through his nose. “Being dramatic. It’s fine.”

“I didn’t…” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have–”

“I know,” Sirius assured him, pulling in his bottom lip in an attempt to stifle another soft smile. “I’m not a baby or anything. I can handle a movie.”

“I know,” Remus nodded, his turn to do the assuring. “I just want to do what you want to do.” Sirius’ attempt failed, the smile breaking into a full-fledged grin.

“I’ll remember that,” he winked. “Do you want a beer?” Remus accepted and lingered against the bar awkwardly while the popcorn popped and Sirius tried painstakingly to divide it into two bowls before eventually giving up and throwing another bag into the microwave. “Here. Go sit down, you’re making me nervous,” he instructed, pushing the bowl toward Remus and waving him toward the loveseat. Remus sat with the popcorn on the seat next to him and rubbed his palms on his knees anxiously. James and Lily had fallen into a hushed conversation on the opposite sofa while a preview for The Ring 2 played on the giant screen and there was a long-forgotten fluttering sensation in Remus' chest that he had no idea what to do with. He wiped his palms on his jeans and swallowed, staring forward and tapping his foot.

When it was ready Sirius all but dumped the second bowl of popcorn into James’ lap and dimmed the lights just as the dvd menu came on-screen. He gave it a slight grimace before folding himself gracefully onto the carpet between Remus’ feet, settling the internal war he had been having about how to react when Sirius took the place next to him. Remus exhaled. “Okay, are we ready?” James announced.

“Everybody comfy?” Lily chirped. Sirius made a noncommittal noise and reached back to grab the throw pillow from the other end of the loveseat, hugging it to his chest and fixing his pale eyes on the screen.

Truth be told, Remus was a fan of horror movies and had been looking forward to this one, but he was entirely consumed with his own thoughts and totally unable to follow what was happening. Something about a suicide? Sirius was sitting rod-straight on the floor, but if he shifted an inch in either direction his shoulder would be pressed to Remus’ leg, and if he were to just turn around to face him and open that pretty mouth–

“Shit!!” Approximately seven minutes in the first jumpscare had Sirius flinching back from the screen and grabbing reflexively at Remus’ knee. “Sorry, shit, sorry,” he hissed, pulling away and breathing hard.

Fuck it. Remus slid off of the squashy cushion, settling on the floor behind Sirius and hooking one arm loosely around his neck. “You good?” he murmured against the top of his head. Sirius dropped the pillow and his hands came up immediately, cold fingers gripping Remus’ bicep and forearm. He nodded, drawing up his legs in front of him and pressing his nose into the crook of Remus’ elbow, prepared to hide his face at an instant’s notice. He had been braced for a reaction from the couple to their left but there wasn’t one and they were behind him now so he could pretend they weren’t there at all and relaxed a bit, allowing himself to focus fully on the fact that he could feel Sirius’ heart thumping under his arm. He felt warm and small gathered against Remus’ chest, and maybe James wasn’t such an asshole after all.

It was clear though that Sirius genuinely was not a fan of scary movies. He was stiff and tense, easing himself back by degrees only to tighten up again at the first ominous note. Remus rubbed small circles into Sirius’ shoulder with his fingertips and squeezed gently when his breathing got shaky. After nearly an hour during a scene where the ghost came up from beneath the blankets he scrambled backward with a barely stifled yelp so that his back was pressed flush to Remus’ chest, fully enclosed in the cage of his arms and legs. “That isn’t fucking fair,” he gulped, shaking his head and barely seeming to notice when Remus snaked his other arm around his waist. “You’re supposed to be safe under the covers.”

“I’ve got you,” Remus breathed a laugh into Sirius’ hair, tightening his hold on him.

“Good,” he muttered, tucking in his legs impossibly tighter and digging his nails deeper into Remus’ arm.

Remus was fairly sure he was the only one with eyes on the screen during the movie’s climax. There had been some amorous noises from the loveseat over his shoulder for the past half hour and Sirius had given up entirely around the time that Karen re-entered the house for the last time, turning his eyes into Remus’ shoulder with a whimper and keeping them there until the credits rolled. “So that’s it? The haunted house wins?” he groaned, muffled in Remus’s shirt. “That’s so messed up. Fuck that. I’m going to throw up.”

“Okay, now you’re being dramatic,” Remus chuckled, squeezing him tightly.

“James is going to show me his room,” Lily announced without preamble, sounding slightly out of breath. There was no argument from James and the two of them staggered out of the room in the corner of Remus’ vision without another word, leaving them alone in the dark room.

“You okay?” Remus asked, dipping his head so that his nose fit just behind Sirius’ ear.

“No,” he sulked, giving no indication of coming out from his hiding place. “I know James thinks he was doing me a favor, but fuck.”

“I think he was doing me the favor,” Remus smirked, planting a mostly chaste kiss on the side of Sirius’ neck.

“How are you not scared right now?” Sirius whined, pulling back a fraction to peek accusingly at Remus. “That was so scary.”

“I’m really tough,” Remus grinned. Sirius punched him in the chest and hid his face again. A glowing golden warmth smoldered in Remus’ center; probably unrelated. “No, do you really wanna know? It’s because the house is in Japan.”

That earned him the gaze of wide winter-blue eyes. “What?”

“The haunted house is in Japan. I’m not. What’s there to be scared of?”

Sirius blinked at him slowly. “That’s…surprisingly comforting,” he frowned.

“And I bet James’ parents built this house, right?” Remus continued. Sirius nodded. “See? So no one’s died here, terrible rage or otherwise.”

“Okay,” he nodded again after a beat. “Okay, that makes sense.”

“See? It’s all good,” he smiled. Sirius had relaxed marginally and his head was tipped back against Remus’ shoulder, looking up at him softly. “Well, except for those poor assholes in Japan.” Sirius laughed. Or more accurately, giggled, and tilted his chin upward in a clear invitation.

The kiss was slow, Sirius’ lips parting coyly. He tasted like gummy worms and popcorn and when Remus slipped his tongue inside his hands came to life, slender and cool on either side of Remus’ neck. He could feel each individual fingertip running up and down in a barely there graze that sent chills down his back and raised goosebumps on his arms. He was being stroked lightly and reverently by soft fingers, petted like something kept and desired. Remus wished he was capable of returning such gentleness so badly it was like a stomachache and all he could manage was to tighten his crushing grip on Sirius’ lower back. “Thank you for coming,” he whispered, their noses still pressed together. “I didn’t know if you would.”

“Hm? Why wouldn’t I?” Remus whispered back, embarrassed by his own raspy timbre croaking out like something malfunctioning in the dark. 

“I dunno. Thought you might be too cool to hang out with us,” Sirius shrugged, his lips twitching up into a self depreciating smirk that Remus felt against the corner of his mouth. He couldn’t help capturing it with his own lips, kissing him until his expression went slack again.

“Definitely not too cool. You’ve got it backwards,” he murmured.

“Whatever,” Sirius scoffed into his mouth. He pulled away just enough to twist around fully and press Remus back against the cushions. “You know you’re cool as fuck.”

“I’m really glad you think so,” Remus chuckled, letting Sirius straddle him with purpose. “Speaking of fuck,” he raised his eyebrows.

“If you want,” Sirius laughed devilishly, those cheeky teeth making an appearance against Remus’ throat. “James’ll knock.”

“Lily won’t,” he growled, sliding a hand up into Sirius’ hair and dragging him back into another long kiss, slow and deep like the one he’d been enjoying so thoroughly before the brat decided to start talking. “We don’t have time for what I’m gonna do to you.”

“What are you gonna do to me?” Sirius challenged him, grinding his hips down and threading both hands up into Remus’ hair. Remus kissed him again, again, and again, addicted and obsessed with the satin feel of his pink seashell lips. He kissed him so slowly, refusing to let Sirius set the pace and licked deep into his mouth until they were both out of breath.

“You think you like to be on top,” he breathed, chest heaving like he’d run a mile. “You think you wanna be in control.”

“I do like to be on top,” Sirius teased, pressing forward again. Remus nearly pulled a muscle in his neck wrenching it back before he got his wits about him and tugged Sirius off by his hair.

“No,” Remus rumbled, turning his face so that he could scrape kisses down the sharp line of Sirius’ jaw. “You just wanna feel safe. M’gonna take you apart, baby, and you’re gonna feel so safe.” Remus felt the breath catch in Sirius’ chest. “Say it again. What you said last night.”

There was only the slightest hesitation before Sirius whispered, “Daddy?” and Remus really hadn’t intended to start kissing him again, but he was only a man.

“You know what that means?” he murmured when he was able to break away. Sirius blinked at him and there was only a sliver of color left around his pupil. “Means you’re mine, and you’re always safe with me. Okay?”

“Okay,” Sirius breathed instantly, his lips hovering millimeters from Remus’. Remus closed the distance, kissing him like he’d been poisoned and the antidote was hiding behind Sirius’ tonsils. He kissed him like his only access to oxygen was through Sirius’ mouth, like he was parched to death and Sirius had drank the last few drops of water on earth. When they parted again Sirius was whimpering and Remus had broken out in a sweat. “You don’t–” Sirius panted, shaking his head. “The things you say, Remus, fuck.”

“Not even trying yet, sweetheart,” he laughed, deep and breathy with his head bowed to kiss the hollow of Sirius’ throat. “Didn’t even let me get to how Daddy’s gonna fuckin’ ruin you.”

By the time Lily burst back in the room (without knocking) Sirius had swindled him out of his shirt and was busy sucking a roadmap of hickies down Remus’ chest in retaliation for the single fading mark on his neck. “Oh. Hot. Sorry. Remus, it’s almost four. I’ve got to get home before my daddy wakes up,” she announced.

“Ugh, that’s gross. Make her go away,” Sirius groaned into Remus’ stomach, dropping his forehead to rest heavily against his ribcage.

“You go away, fuckface,” she scowled, flipping on the overhead lights.

“Lily, Jesus!” Remus winced, grabbing the throw pillow next to them to cover himself.

“Jesus don't have nothing to do with what's happening here,” she tsked, waving a finger at the two of them. “And what are y'all doing on the floor? Remus, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“Oh my God, I will be right out,” Remus hissed in exasperation, staring straight at the ceiling while Sirius snickered.

“Okay, well, hurry,” she huffed. “James is in the shower and I look like I’m robbing the place. Sirius, are there cameras?”

“Lily, go!” Remus growled. She closed the door with an indignant huff while Sirius kept laughing, warm puffs of air across Remus’ skin. “Are there cameras?” he asked as an afterthought.

“Not in here,” Sirius grinned up at him. Remus scoffed a laugh and shoved at his shoulders gently, rolling sideways and planting his knee directly into the popcorn bowl that had migrated to the floor somewhere around the midpoint of the movie. “Nice.”

“Shut up, help me find my shirt,” he grumbled, scooping the kernels back into the bowl with both hands.

“Uh-uh. If I ran the world it’d be against the law for you to even own a shirt,” Sirius declined lazily, stretching out on the carpet and popping a piece of floor-popcorn into his mouth.

“Ha-ha, you’re very funny,” Remus rolled his eyes, grabbing the wadded fabric from where it had been half shoved beneath the loveseat.

“I’m not joking even a little bit,” he replied seriously, letting his eyes close for just a moment before they sprang back open. “Hey, you can’t leave right now,” he protested, sitting up quickly and looking around the room. “Not until James is out of the shower. What if she gets me?”

“Who?” Remus frowned, struggling with his double layered t-shirts as he yanked them on over his head.

“Ky-a-gami. Ka-gomo. Ki-goya. You know,” Sirius attempted, standing and motioning forcefully at the television.

“Kayako?” Remus chuckled.

“Miss Scary Bitch, yes,” Sirius clarified dryly, reaching out to help straighten Remus’ shirts with impatient fingers. “It’s the middle of summer, why the hell do you insist on wearing a thousand layers all the time?” It was harmless and probably rhetorical in the way it was muttered, but it landed and Remus cleared his throat.

“It’s comfortable,” he said, putting his shoulders back and tugging at the hem so that Sirius’ hands fell away. Remus stepped back, Sirius didn’t say anything and there was a moment of silence that threatened to sour. “We decided we’re not in Japan though, so there’s no reason to be scared. Right?”

It was an olive branch that Sirius latched onto without hesitation. “Oh, right. Okay, but still. Do you have to leave?” He stepped forward, looking up at him with swollen lips and mischievous eyes. “Stay the night.” He trailed his fingers up from Remus’ wrists to his elbows and held on. Remus’ arms went automatically around his body.

“I’ve got to take Lily home,” he murmured, swaying back so that Sirius’ weight fell against him.

“James can drive her,” Sirius pointed out.

“I’m sure he offered,” Remus smirked.

“You could come back?” he suggested, and when there was a pause he pounced with a breathy, “Please? I’m scared,” whispered against the side of Remus’ neck.

“Baby, I…I can’t. I can’t…stay here. It doesn’t feel…right,” he struggled after a long moment of that ‘please’ battering mercilessly around the inside of his skull. “I’m sorry. I know that’s just me.”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius asked, pulling back a degree but allowing himself to remain in Remus’ embrace.

“I can’t…I mean, just not…here. I can’t stay the night here. Not at your family’s place,” Remus shrugged sheepishly, feeling his neck and cheeks begin to heat up again. “It’s probably stupid–”

“It’s pretty stupid,” Sirius agreed.

“I’m sorry, I–”

“So, what, if we got married you just wouldn’t come stay with my family for Thanksgiving?”

A pause, in which Remus could have sworn he heard a record scratch. “What the fuck?” Laughter was bubbling up out of him before he could stop it and it was Sirius’ turn to go crimson, but his chin jutted out defiantly and he didn’t back down. “Are we getting married?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” he burned. “I’m just saying, your rule is arbitrary and stupid.”

“It isn’t a rule,” Remus shook his head. He wasn’t sure if they were fighting, but he tightened his hold on Sirius just in case and slid a hand down toward his ass. “It’s just a feeling I have. I dunno. I feel weird staying the night here.” He licked his lips and smirked. “But I promise if we get married I’ll get over it in time for Thanksgiving.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but leaned back into Remus’ chest, which he took as a win. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“But it’s what you said,” Remus reminded him with a loud kiss to the top of his head. “Don’t be pissed at me.”

“I’m not pissed at you, I want you to stay,” he muttered.

Remus sighed, thinking. “Stay at my place tomorrow?”

Sirius also sighed, and he was much better at it than Remus was. “Okay. But you have to bring me back in the morning to shower,” he bargained.

“I have a shower,” Remus informed him.

“No, I want my shower,” Sirius insisted.

“Okay, fine,” he laughed. “Stay with me tomorrow and I’ll bring you home for a shower.”

“Cool, yes. But that’s just plans for tomorrow, that doesn’t make up for not staying tonight,” he pouted.

“It’s four in the morning, baby. This doesn’t count?” Remus groaned, exhausted now that arousal wasn’t simmering hot under his skin. Sirius shook his head. “What do you want me to do?”

“Guess you’ll just have to figure something out,” Sirius shrugged, stretching up on his tiptoes to kiss Remus’ chin. “It’s okay. You’re smart.”

“Smart, cool. I’m on a roll,” Remus murmured, catching Sirius’ jaw and bringing him up for a proper kiss.

They were interrupted by a sharp rap on the door. “Remus!” Lily demanded.

“Okay, I’ve got to go,” he tried, but Sirius was relentless. Remus eventually had to walk backwards to the door, content with being kissed aggressively every step. Sirius finally detached himself when the door opened, giving Lily a pointedly disdainful look as they stepped into the hall.

“Don’t look at me like that you little bitch,” she snapped.

“I live here, I can look at you however I want.” He stuck his tongue out and pushed up his nose with one finger, giving her a childish grimace with his eyes crossed.

“Y’all play nice. Come on, let’s go,” Remus scolded, starting toward the nearest staircase.

“Wait!” Sirius gasped, running ahead on tiptoe and attaching himself to the wall on the other side of the shadowy gap at the top of the stairs. “Okay, you can go.”

“You are something else,” Lily cackled. “That movie was not scary.”

“Okay, well, joke’s on you, I’m sleeping with your boyfriend tonight,” he told her.

“Joke’s on you, your boyfriend’s coming home with me,” she shot back in a mocking tone.

“Goodnight,” Remus announced loudly before it could go any further. Lily flipped Sirius the bird, blew him a kiss, and started primly down the stairs before him so that Remus was able to turn around in private and grab him by the chin. “Go to bed,” he ordered lowly, a smile twitching at one corner of his mouth while he grazed his thumb over Sirius’ swollen bottom lip.

“Goodnight,” he purred, his lids dropping by half as he waited. Remus made him wait a moment longer before kissing him, quick and deep. “See you tomorrow.”

“See you today,” Remus reminded him. Sirius groaned.

“Okay, enough,” Lily called from the front door. “You’ll see each other in six hours, quit being gross.”

“I’ve gotta go,” he whispered. Sirius kissed him again. “Do I need to lock the door?”

“The alarm activates automatically,” he shook his head. “Bye.”

“Bye.” Remus tried not to look back, so he managed to only do so once at the bottom of the stairs and found Sirius still standing there with a stupid, besotted smile to match his own.

“Remus!” Lily snapped.

“Yep!” He turned quickly, finally wrenching himself away. “Coming.” Together they slipped out the front door and into the truck, and when Lily was silent for more than a minute he turned to look at her, alarmed. “You good?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Just thinking,” she hummed, looking out the window.

There was another beat of silence before Remus tried again.“Did you have a good time with boytoy?” he prodded experimentally.

“Sure. James is always fun,” she answered breezily, her tone revealing nothing. “I’ve just never had a rich boy before. It’s weird.”

“Oh, that,” Remus nodded understandingly.

“He asked if I wanted to go to the Bahamas with him,” she confided in a soft voice that was utterly unlike her. “Like, now. Before summer’s over. What kind of maniac just takes a spontaneous trip to the Bahamas?”

“Are you going?” Remus smirked.

“Do I look like the kind of bitch that has a passport?” she retorted. “I told him I’d think about Galveston. But still! He’s not talking about sleeping in the car on the beach, Rem. And that house?! I just…fuck, man, I don’t know. It’s a lot.”

“It’s a lot,” Remus agreed quietly. They didn’t talk after that. Remus knew the way to Lily’s house, a rundown trailer at the back of Money Talks Trailer Park. Most of those places at least had the decency to call themselves a mobile home park, but not Money Talks. A quarter of the residents were still up at that hour, most of them open for business on their porches in the hot night, which meant that Lily’s dad wouldn’t notice the roar of Remus’ truck as he dropped off his daughter just outside. “Don’t be late for work,” he told her as she hopped down from the passenger seat.

“Work starts whenever I get there, you know that,” she winked. “Night Remus. Love you.”

“G’night Lils.” He watched until she got inside the house, returning a nod to the dealer next door, and drove back to the park. The silence was roaring loud after the cacophonous night he’d had and his ears were ringing with it, all of it. His palms still buzzed from roaming over Sirius’ skin and when he finally arrived home he felt as if he might never sleep again, lying fully dressed on his couch less than an hour before daybreak. He needed to pace or run or sing. Repent, fall on his knees. Sacrifice something sacred, rip out his insides and offer them on an altar. Run back to Sirius on all fours, howling at the moon, and devour him whole.

He settled for touching himself.

Chapter Text

Sirius was practically vibrating, bright-eyed and breathless from anticipation. “Oh my God, that was so hot,” he groaned, pouncing on Remus the instant the truck bounced over the curb and out of the Dandy’s parking lot. A huff of laughter escaped Remus, more flustered than he cared to admit by Sirius’ slim hands raking up and down his inner thighs and his hot mouth hovering at his ear. “You know they all want you, right? Every last one of them.”

“Okay,” Remus laughed, really laughed then, because Sirius was ridiculous and his hair was tickling Remus’ neck.

“I mean it!” he insisted, climbing up onto his knees on the bench seat and running his hands over Remus’ shoulders, his chest. “You’re so fucking sexy, Moons.”

Remus clenched his teeth and everything else, urging the truck a little faster down the empty road. “I’m trying to drive,” he said uselessly.

“Know what I’m trying to do?” Sirius grinned impishly, so close that his slick teeth bumped Remus’ jaw.

Remus had an idea. The entire day had been an exercise in restraint, starting with the forty dollars he’d dropped on breakfast burritos on the way home from the grocery store as an apology for not staying the night, only he couldn’t be caught dead buying breakfast unless it was for the entire crew. Sirius had caught his eyes over everyone else’s while he licked salsa lasciviously from his bottom lip, so it had been worth it. Lack of sleep made him useless and jittery, accustomed to the usual 8-10 hours he’d gotten nightly before this whirlwind of electric energy had knocked his previously boring life completely out of orbit. Sirius was wide awake and on one, chattering animatedly at Remus’ elbow while he did his best to keep his eyes forward.

No easy feat, considering Sirius had made it his mission in life to keep Remus well and truly distracted. He had shown up with both sleeves cut off into gaping holes that showed the milky white curve of his sides, black ink scrawled across his ribcage with the word “MENACE” in block letters visible under one arm and a giant lotus under the other. He was hardly the only person on staff to have modified their uniform but no one else’s made Remus’ eye twitch (or his hands with the urge to rip and tear and claw). Sirius had cocked one brow, daring him to say something, and Remus–with every ounce of restraint in his body–ignored it completely. When that hadn’t worked he accidentally on purpose soaked himself with the hose while spraying spilled slushee off the Gravitron platform. Remus still hadn’t commented, the muscles of his jaw working overtime. Finally, he’d been goaded into a reaction when he looked up from a few moments’ respite to see the little demon swinging from one of the ferris wheel gondolas fifteen feet in the air. “GET DOWN FROM THERE!” he’d bellowed with his entire chest, and Sirius’ eyes had gone momentarily wide and blank with surprise as he scrambled back down the steel framing and landed deftly on his feet in front of him.

“I was just–”

“No.”

“But it was only–”

“I am so fucking serious,” Remus threatened, hearing himself a second too late and holding up a halting hand to cut Sirius off before he began. “Enough. You stay off of that fucking thing, do you hear me? I’m not about to haul you into the Potters’ clinic with a broken neck, all right?”

“Geez, okay,” he’d rolled his eyes at the time. But there was no more rolling his eyes in the humid cab of the truck with no space between them in the dim glow of the dash. “Remember when you yelled at me?” he breathed, husky and low against his throat.

“Remember when you tried to give me a heart attack?” Remus shot back, focusing hard on the road ahead of him. Cool, teasing fingers dipped under the hem of his shirt and back out again.

“You were worried about me,” Sirius giggled accusingly.

“You’re a lawsuit waiting to happen,” Remus muttered. Sirius laughed brightly and stroked one finger along the line of his collarbone. He shrugged one shoulder as he pressed his nose into Remus’ hair behind his ear and inhaled, raising a field of goosebumps with the cool stream of air.

“You’re very attractive,” Sirius changed the subject with confidence, one hand coming up on Remus’ other side to play innocently with the curls that brushed his collar. Effectively trapped, Remus gave in on a turn and captured Sirius’ lips with his own, gripping him just above the knee and squeezing tightly.

“You gotta let me drive,” he insisted when he broke away, his voice coming out rough.

“You’re doing fine,” Sirius assured him softly, leaving a lingering kiss on the corner of Remus’ mouth. He huffed a little laugh that was mostly just a minute release of the pressure building inside him, threatening to blow. Being confined with Sirius–so close–after keeping such a careful distance was like hurtling several thousand feet in the air all at once and Remus had the sensation of needing to pop his ears, of the air being too thin, of vertigo. And that wasn’t even counting the wildfire of need that ignited at every touch and raged through him. He was sweating, but he didn’t reach to roll down the window.

By the time he pulled into his spot in the gravel lot Sirius was practically in his lap and Remus had to reach around him to put the truck in park. “Think you can hold off until we get inside?” He’d meant only to tease, but the way Sirius was pawing at his inseam left room for doubt.

“Dunno. Kind of want you to fuck me in your truck,” he whispered, dropping one knee to rest between Remus’ legs and pressing him back against the seat. “Thoughts?”

“Thoughts,” he snorted, grabbing the back of his thigh and making him inhale sharply. “Yeah, I’ve got some fuckin’ thoughts.” He kissed him properly then with his other hand holding the back of his elegant neck. Sirius kissed him back and there was nothing proper about it. It was ravenous and messy–like he wanted to win, which wouldn’t do. Remus sucked on his tongue and squeezed his ass and took the hit when Sirius shoved him back with his hands braced on either side of Remus’ head. He chuckled, a low breath that was half growl with Sirius’ lower lip trapped between his teeth, and gave that silky mess of curls a sound tug. Sirius grabbed his jaw with both hands and knocked Remus' head against the back glass, fully straddling him with a ferocity that would strike him as desperate on anyone else. On Sirius, it was passion; Poprocks and Coke, Mentos and Pepsi.

They carried on that way for too many seconds, panting and struggling with each other in a dance that was half sparring match, until Sirus’ back hit the center of the steering wheel and startled both of them with a loud honk of the horn. Sirius’ sharp intake of breath was a cold rush against Remus’ lips. “Come on,” he decided, using his left hand to open the door and his right to give Sirius a firm pinch just under his ribs. He crumpled sideways with an indignant squeak and let Remus drag him out of the truck and into another bruising kiss.

Sirius grinned up at him breathlessly. “Not in the truck, then?”

Remus leaned forward so that their foreheads were pressed together, shaking his head slightly and panting hard into Sirius’ mouth. “No. Want you in my bed.” It was half a race after that, the two of them dragging each other toward the office door, up the back stairs, into the apartment. Remus pinned him against the door for another long, long kiss and let his hands roam with rough abandon. His fingers explored the ridges and valleys of his ribs until he was squirming up against him and Remus could feel him getting hard against his front. “Ticklish?” he teased.

“Not usually,” Sirius smirked, nipping playfully at his bottom lip just hard enough to be painful. Remus snarled. Sirius shivered. Remus walked him backwards, down the hall one large step at a time–steps that were by design slightly too large for Sirius’ legs so he had to cling to Remus’ arms to keep his balance. “Five minutes,” he whispered, sliding out of Remus’ arms and slipping sideways into the bathroom halfway down the hall. He closed the door in his face with a final click that echoed between Remus’ ears and left him standing dumbly in the hallway with static buzzing in his ears and no blood left between them. He set his breathing to manual and forced himself into his bedroom where he flipped on the overhead light, thought better of it, then remembered the bulb in the lamp on his nightstand needed replacing.

“Fuck,” he hissed, turning the overhead light back on and going into his closet to search for the box of lightbulbs he knew he had stashed away somewhere. He felt like an idiot, hands shaking as he rifled through junk boxes on the shelf and tried to screw a new bulb in before Sirius caught him. Then he finished, which was nearly worse, because what was he supposed to be doing when Sirius came in? He straightened the lampshade, sat on the bed, then stood and smoothed the blankets. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced reflexively at the mirror, which was a fucking mistake. He stepped out into the hallway and cleared his throat. “Do you want something to drink?” he called, heading for the kitchen.

“I’m good,” Sirius sang back through the bathroom door. Remus downed a glass of water at the sink and went back to the bedroom, avoiding the mirror, his gaze instead falling on the nightstand drawer where the incriminating stash of condoms and lube he’d bought that morning was waiting loudly like a tell-tale heart. He chewed the insides of his cheeks. What had he been thinking? A soft clearing of Sirius’ throat from behind him signaled that he’d run out of time to worry about it, and he had no choice but to turn around.

Sirius hadn’t made any outward physical changes but he hung himself in the doorway like a prime cut on display and locked onto Remus with a gaze that was hungry and raw. Heat rose in Remus like a wildfire and his uncertainty faded into unadulterated need. “Hey.”

“Hey.” And then Sirius was on him, fucking climbing him, pushing him back onto the bed, his legs around Remus’ hips, his tongue in Remus’ mouth. He allowed himself to be kissed for several blissful seconds before his hand fisted in the back of Sirius’ shirt and he flipped them so that he–finally, fucking finally–had him trapped between his chest and his mattress. A growl filled his mouth and spilled through his teeth and Sirius whimpered like a rabbit caught in his jaws. “Are you gonna fuck me now or what?” he breathed, trying hard to sound demanding.

“Or…what?” Remus growled, sucking his earlobe into his mouth and rolling his body down firmly over sharp hipbones. He scraped his stubble-covered chin down Sirius’ velvet throat, soothing the irritated flesh with his tongue. He tasted like donuts, sugary-sweet and pillow-soft beneath his lips.

“I-I want–”

“I know what you want,” Remus cut him off, forcing his chin up with one hand under his jaw. He was obsessed with the feeling of those razor sharp jawbones under his fingers. “And I don’t particularly give a fuck.” Lovely grey eyes went wide and surprised. “Gonna give you what you need, though, yeah? Nice and fuckin’ slow, baby.”

“Please,” Sirius gasped, all pretense of control gone. Remus kissed him, once (then twice, three times) for every long, lonely year he had gone without kissing anyone who mattered at all. Sirius arched upwards, clung to Remus’ arms, kissed him back feverishly.

Remus allowed it, might have encouraged it a bit by pulling back just enough so that Sirius had to chase his lips. Time stretched thick and sweet like honey with Sirius beneath him so Remus took his, trailing languid kisses across his jaw and holding the curve of his narrow waist on both sides through the obscenely large arm holes he’d cut in his shirt. His skin was so fucking soft, so warm and pliable under his own rough hands. Want was pouring out of him like rain, little keens of desire hot against Remus’ scalp and his fingers curling into the back of his t-shirt. “Hands,” Remus breathed, hovering over Sirius and reaching back to grab both of those slim wrists, pinning them above his head in one hand with a deep hum of approval. “Keep ‘em there.”

Sirius, predictably, tried to twist his hands in Remus’ grasp and found his grip unyielding. He grinned, delighted. “Are you gonna hold me down, boss?” he challenged breathlessly.

“Are you gonna make me?” Remus growled back, squeezing his wrists. “And that’s not my fuckin’ name.”

Sirius swallowed. “What–”

“You know what.” His voice was steel and Sirius exhaled shakily, his lashes fluttering over eyes that were more black now than grey. “S’okay, baby, you’ll be saying it soon enough.” His eyes closed then and his lower lip went between his teeth, biting down hard on the whine Remus could smell building, building, building just below his Adam’s apple. It was cinnamon and motor oil and when he pressed his lips there he swore he could taste it, a heady aroma that filled his nose and mouth and head and made him fucking insane. He blinked hard, then again, centering himself and releasing Sirius’ wrists. “Hey, uh.” He pressed his face into the crook of Sirius’ shoulder where it was warm and dark and kissed his neck slowly while he spoke. “I know I got carried away the other night…you know, talking…I just wanted you to know I’m gonna be safe.”

“Hm?” Sirius shifted, forcing Remus to lift his head and take in the brand new line between his hazy eyes.

“Just….” Fuck, why did he say anything? “I’ve got protection.” He cursed himself silently for being such a fucking nerd and dropped his head back onto Sirius’ shoulder. Not hiding–definitely not hiding.

It was no good; Sirius was pushing up onto his elbows with a puzzled expression on his face. “It’s okay,” he shook his head, the tip of his candy-pink tongue sliding out to trace the outline of his lips wickedly. “I don’t care.”

Remus cleared his throat and Sirius clocked it immediately, his spine stiffening even before the older man began to speak. “It’s okay. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he tried.

“I’m not uncomfortable,” he frowned. “I mean, should I be? Is there anything to worry about?” And just like that, Remus had ruined it. Sirius was pushing himself upright so that Remus had no choice but to settle back on his heels, searching for the right thing to say.

“No, I had a test last month,” Remus assured him quietly, motioning absently to the dresser where the results were sitting in the top drawer. Sirius didn’t look surprised by that information and his frown deepened.

“So you’re worried about me, is that it?” Sirius snapped.

“Sirius–”

“No! No, it’s fine. I get it,” he bit out, closing himself off. What had been warm and liquid and golden in Remus’ chest drained so thoroughly that a shiver passed through him. “Better safe than sorry. You don’t know where I’ve been.”

“Hey, don’t take it like that,” Remus bristled, shaking his head quickly and reaching for Sirius’ hand. He let him and it felt cool and limp between both of Remus’. “I don’t give a fuck who you’ve been with, okay? I’m not insulting you, I’m just being responsible. Plus you’re the one who wanted to rid me of my, what’d you call them, angelic fantasies?” He was half trying to tease, coax Sirius back into something playful, but it wasn’t working. “Come on, don’t be upset.”

“I’m-I’m not upset,” he lied, distress lining his face. His throat worked and his eyes were steadfastly focused on his lap where he was anxiously toying with the hem of his shirt. “I just…I might have exaggerated my level of experience, okay?” he mumbled.

It was Remus’ turn to straighten. “What do you mean?” Sirius opened his mouth but nothing came out and his eyes stayed fixed on the blanket. “I mean it’s fine, it doesn’t matter, just…I mean…are you a virgin?”

“No,” Sirius answered quickly, glancing up and back down. “Not…okay.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t lie. I did hook up with a couple of TAs, but…I dunno, we just did mouth stuff.” His face was bright red and he was looking everywhere but at Remus. “And then at the end of the semester, my advisor, he…we did some stuff in his office. So. Not a virgin, just–”

“Hang on,” Remus shook his head to clear the stormclouds that were gathering there. “Were you…was that your idea?”

“What?”

“With your advisor?”

“Oh. I guess? I dunno, I’ve been flirting with him since freshman year. I should have seen it coming,” he shrugged, a note of self-deprecating laughter in his voice that made Remus feel sick. He swallowed. “Everything was fine, it just…happened fast.”

“Okay,” Remus said, working hard to keep his tone even. “So that was your first time?” He nodded. “Did he use a condom?”

Remus wouldn’t have thought it was possible for Sirius to flush any harder and this was not the way he’d planned to turn those pretty cheeks so rosy. “No. But James thought it was weird so he made me get tested and I’m good.” He brought his eyes back up to meet Remus’ slowly, reluctantly, finally, like it hurt. “So we’re good. Everything’s good. Right?”

Good was not what Remus was feeling and judging by the half panicked look in Sirius’ eyes it wasn’t what he felt either. “Yeah,” he nodded, his brows drawn together.

“Okay, cool.” Sirius moved forward on his knees and took Remus’ face in both hands, kissing him soundly like punctuation. The kiss was flawless in execution but it was detached. Remus wrapped one arm around his lower back and pulled him close, pressing their fronts together in what was very nearly a hug. “You’ll still…we’re still….?” Sirius whispered worriedly when the kiss slowed and faded rather than built. Remus nodded, unable to deny him even as his mind was racing, and kissed him again, even slower. Sirius shifted, rising restlessly on his knees and palming Remus’ jaw and neck insistently, still pushing with an empty precision as if trying to prove a point. Remus pulled away.

“You trust me?” Sirius nodded eagerly, already leaning back in for another performative kiss that Remus dodged easily. “Good. Get on the floor.”

He blinked in surprise. “What? Why?”

Remus gave him a quick slap on his leg that made him jump but didn’t hurt. “Because I fuckin’ said so, now move. On your knees.”

Sirius moved like lightning once he understood, mischief flashing in his eyes as he knelt quickly next to the bed. “Kinky,” he grinned.

“Shut up,” Remus ordered, but he couldn’t help the smirk that pulled up one corner of his mouth as he stood. “Close your eyes and be still.”

Sirius was shit at being still. He wiggled and shifted while Remus watched from above, a cozy fondness edging out the icy pit that had formed in his stomach. He chewed on his lip and stretched his neck and huffed. After several long moments he flexed his fingers uneasily and his eyes twitched behind the closed lids. “Remus?”

“Right here,” he assured him lowly. “Thought you said you trusted me?”

“I do,” he said quickly.

“Good. Keep ‘em closed, and be still,” he growled. Sirius set his jaw and Remus watched the concentration and determination lock in across his features, and after another long moment he went still. Not the motionless freeze that made Remus want to shield and protect, but a soft settling that was nearly serene. “That’s right. Just like that.” Sirius took in a trembling breath as Remus rested the full weight of one hand on his head and threaded his fingers back through the soft, black hair. His shoulders were beginning to drop, the tension in his face going lax. “You feel okay?”

“Yeah,” Sirius answered softly.

Remus tapped his shoulder firmly with two fingers. “Good. Shirt off.” The pink fabric hit the floor in an instant and Sirius straightened on his knees, eyes shut tight and his arms hanging loose at his sides. Remus licked his lips, his own breathing suddenly heavy. Sirius was beautiful. Black and white and red all over, cheeks growing pink for the right reasons now, quivering just slightly with the strain of being so, so good. Remus ran one hand down his back, slowly. “Take a breath.” Sirius inhaled. “Now out.” He exhaled. All that fight was bleeding into something sweet and Remus wanted to savor it like hard candy. He trailed his fingers lightly beneath his chin, turning his face this way and that with the lightest pressure, taking him in. He felt safe this way; free to study his object of fascination without judgement. Lovely goosebumps had scattered across Sirius’ chest and arms and his nipples had hardened into pert, pink points. “Are you cold?”

“No,” he breathed.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“N-nothing,” Sirius stammered over the honest answer like it might be the wrong one and Remus soothed him with a gentle grip on the back of his neck.

“Can you feel my hand?”

“Yes,” he nodded. Remus closed his hand around the hair at the base of Sirius’ skull and squeezed lightly.

“Yes what?”

Sirius sucked in a breath then and his eyes flickered open for just a fraction of a second before he slammed them shut tight again. “Yes…Daddy,” he whispered shyly, the blush in his cheeks beginning to spread, lovely and red, down his throat. Remus pulled back on his fistful of unruly silk so that his head was tipped back, exposing his bobbing Adam’s apple.

“Eyes,” Remus ordered, softer. There was hardly any color left when they opened, his iris reduced to a bright silver lining around his huge pupil. “Only if you like it too.”

“Yes Daddy,” he breathed, this time without any hint of hesitation. Remus bit down hard on the grin that threatened to split his face in half.

“Good boy,” he praised warmly, releasing him and taking a step back. “Now get outta those pants and sit your pretty little ass on the bed.”

Sirius didn’t have to be told twice, shimmying out of his (tighttighttight) black jeans and perching on the edge of Remus’ bed in only a pair of white boxer-briefs with his knees together and his hands clasped beneath his pale thighs. There was a noticeable tent in his underwear that made Remus’ throat work thickly. He leaned forward eagerly, his eyes searching for his next instruction. Remus approached the bed slowly, towering over him. “Tell me what you want to do,” he invited, tilting his head curiously as he gazed down appreciatively at the newly revealed skin.

There was a pause, a flitter of uncertainty. “I want you to fuck me,” he replied, the vulgar words he’d tossed out so carelessly before sounding foreign in this sweet tone of voice. Remus’ clicked his tongue disapprovingly as his wrist shot out and closed the gap between them in an instant, grabbing his chin and holding it still.

“Didn’t ask what you wanted me to do,” he rumbled. “Are you listening?”

He tried to nod but Remus’ grip was like iron. “Yes Daddy,” he promised, plaintive and soft.

“Tell me what you want to do,” he repeated, sliding his hand further down the column of Sirius’ throat and letting his hand rest at the base, just above his collarbones where he could span the width of his neck with one hand, and massaging there while Sirius struggled to form an answer in his hazy mind. But Remus knew he was clever, and waited.

“I wanna suck you off,” he murmured huskily after a long moment, looking up at Remus through his lashes with the coy certainty of having given the correct response. Remus raised one brow and stared down at him for a moment before he gave another click and a little downward nod. Sirius blinked and lowered his gaze as Remus toed his feet apart, moving to stand between his knees. Slim, elegant hands came up hesitantly, deft fingers going for the button of his jeans and pausing to check in with a nervous glance upwards that was so unlike brash, charismatic Sirius that Remus couldn’t help cupping his jaw affectionately and thumbing over his wet lower lip.

“Pretty boy,” he reassured him gently, marveling at the honesty of it.

That gave Sirius the courage he needed to open Remus’ pants and release his cock–every bit as hard as it had even been–to stand up straight and proud against his stomach, still clothed in his customary two layers. His eyes widened a bit and he licked his lips, staring shamelessly ahead. “Jesus, you’re fucking huge,” he blinked quietly.

“What was that?” Remus demanded sharply, drawing Sirius’ bleary gaze upward.

“Sorry Daddy,” he said breathlessly, a grin teasing at the corners of his mouth and sparkling in his eyes. “But you are.” Before Remus could scold him Sirius had stacked both delicate hands around the base of his dick, one above the other, and was mouthing softly at the dripping inches that stuck up above them. Remus barely suppressed a groan, bracing himself and slipping one hand into his hair–not to hold, just to feel.

Sirius pouted his pretty lips around the tip of Remus’ dick, placing featherlight kisses along the ridge and tonguing at the slit like such a good…. “Such a good boy,” Remus sighed, tipping his head back as Sirius replaced one cool hand with the wet, warm heat of his mouth. He felt his head already pressing at the soft entrance of Sirius’ throat, then past it. He was being expertly swallowed down while Sirius massaged the underside of his cock with a wide tongue and made the most gorgeous little choked off noises Remus had ever heard. He realized all at once that his fingertips were digging too hard into Sirius’ scalp and eased his grip, taking a deep breath through his nose. Sirius’ other hand had left Remus’ cock and he was making every attempt to take down all of him, coming up a couple of inches short despite his fervent determination.

Remus’ hips twitched involuntarily and Sirius gagged, the tears in his eyes spilling over rosy cheeks as he hollowed them and gulped correctively, desperately, beautifully. “Yeah, baby, yeah, fu-uck,” Remus groaned, unable to keep his hand from sliding back into Sirius’ hair again and raking blunt nails along his scalp. One of Sirius’ hands came up to rest on Remus’ bad hip, light as a butterfly landing, and Remus fumbled for it with his sweaty palm and gripped it too tightly. “S’perfect, baby, doing so good for me.” Sirius moaned around his cock and Remus felt it to his toes, his knees trembling. He was alternating quick bobs with long, deep strokes and his eyes were half lidded and blissed out like there was nowhere he’d rather be than with his face buried in Remus’ groin. It felt so right that it ached and Remus felt a too-familiar tingling in his stomach.

“Getting close,” he grunted, pulling his hand out of Sirius’ hair and dragging it down the side of his face, wet with tears. He was a mess, saliva dripping down his chin and strands of hair sticking to his cheeks. “Real close, baby.” That seemed to be of little consequence to Sirius who only sped up his motions and brought up his free hand to fondle Remus’ heavy balls. The electricity built in his veins and built and built as Sirius sucked and sucked and at the very last moment when Remus’ sack drew upward and quivered in Sirius’ velvet palm, he pulled very nearly all the way off to collect the entire release on his tongue with a wanton groan of pleasure. Remus’ vision nearly whited out from the intensity of his orgasm but he forced himself to remain present, because Sirius had meticulously allowed a single streak of come to dribble from the corner of his mouth and when their eyes met he opened his mouth to show Remus his prize. “Swallow,” Remus managed hoarsely and Sirius gulped it down eagerly. He licked his lips and when Remus thumbed the spilt bit up his neck and back into his mouth he kissed and sucked the tip gratefully. “Good fucking boy,” he moaned appreciatively, reaching for his waist with both hands and shoving him further up onto the mattress.

“What are you–”

“Nobody told you to talk,” Remus cut him off, placing one hand in the center of his chest and shoving his upper half down onto the bed, using the other to tuck himself back into his pants. Sirius bit his lips together and arched his back as Remus leaned over him to grab a pillow and tossed it onto the floor before lowering himself slowly, his shoulders bracketed on either side by Sirius’ calves. He placed both hands on Sirius’ trembling knees and slid them down slowly, reverently, to hold his ankles and lifted them so that his heels were braced on the edge of the mattress. He pressed a kiss to the inside of his right thigh, then the left. “You okay? You’re shaking.” There was a weak affirmative noise. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“Don’t– stop,” he gasped out, his voice wrecked. Remus stretched one hand out over Sirius’ heaving chest, teasing one nipple and dragging it down over the twitching muscles of his stomach. His white underwear was pulled tight and soaked over the head of his dick and Remus meant to go slow but the pretty outline was just so fucking perfect he couldn’t help but cover it with his mouth and breathe heat through the salty fabric. Sirius jerked so hard on the bed Remus had to readjust his feet with a low chuckle into the pillow-softness of Sirius’ balls. “Ah-h, Daddy, fuck,” he whimpered, squirming and twitching uncontrollably.

“You’re so fuckin’ sensitive, baby,” Remus praised him, curling his fingers into the waistband of Sirius’ briefs. “M’gonna take these off now, s’that okay?”

“Pleasepleaseplease,” he begged, his toes curling and clenching near Remus’ shoulders as his hips wiggled frantically on the bed.

“Oh, so polite now?” Remus laughed softly, leaning forward to kiss the curl of black hair just below Sirius’ navel, just above the naughty ‘woof’ tattoo that barely peeked above his waistband. “Asking so nicely, hm? Maybe I should keep you like this.”

“Off, Daddy, please,” Sirius whined, tossing his head back and forth on the bed. “Need you so bad, need–” He broke off with a gasp as Remus yanked them down and off in a single swift movement, freeing Sirius’ gorgeous pink cock so quickly that it bounced against his bare stomach with a lewd slap and strained upright–so hard it looked painful. Sirius grunted once, a high-pitched “Unh!” and canted his hips up toward the ceiling. “R-Re….”

“Who?” Remus asked, bemused as he slid one large palm under Sirius’ back with the heel of his hand supporting his tailbone and his fingers spanning almost the width of his hips. Sirius let out a wordless groan and pointed his toes toward the floor, the muscles of his calves standing out like wires. Remus delivered another smack to the side of his leg. “Asked you a question.”

“Daddy, my Daddy,” Sirius moaned, grinding down against Remus’ hand and twitching toward the edge of the bed. That went straight to Remus’ chest and he let out a snarl, reaching one handed for the bottle of lube in his nightstand, cracking the lid off with his teeth and coating his fingers.

“Just my hand, sweetheart,” Remus soothed when Sirius flinched, peppering kisses up and down his inner thigh. “Is that okay?” He nodded in a frenzy, choking out a sob when Remus pressed two fingers against his pulsing hole, holding firm pressure without probing. “Shh, shh,” he breathed, his mouth centimeters from the heated flesh of Sirius’ shaft. “Fuck, you’re so pretty. So fuckin’ pretty, Sirius, my God,” he worshipped, nosing into the crease of his thigh and inhaling deeply. He opened his mouth and let his kisses grow wetter and wetter as his breathing got heavy and he felt Sirius begin to relax against his slick fingers. He kissed down, down, laving his tongue over the seam of Sirius’ round balls and sliding it down into the sensitive valley of his taint.

The strangled, keening noise that came out of Sirius was the sweetest music Remus had ever heard and the taste was ambrosia; anise and clove and rich, dark tobacco. One leg shot out and hooked around his shoulders, ten fingers twisted in Remus’ hair and he was pulling him closer and pushing him away at the same time as if his body couldn’t decide which side of too much it was on. Remus held him steady with his hand on his lower back and the strength of his neck, sucking and licking and kissing back up to Sirius’ cock and taking it all in his mouth at once at the same time one fingertip slipped so gently past his fluttering rim. Sirius was swearing a steady stream of filth when he wasn’t moaning for Daddy and Remus could feel himself growing hard again in his pants.

Sirius’ pretty pink dick fit perfectly in Remus’ mouth, the plush tip just nudging at his gag reflex. He relaxed his jaw fully and let him slide even further, pressing his face into the thatch of neatly trimmed black hair and dragging his top teeth lightly against the pubic mound. He pulsed and throbbed against Remus’ tongue and around his finger, so hard, so tight. He began to make small movements with his hand, more rocking than thrusting, working the sweet little hole open with precision and care until he had slipped in a second fingertip and could rotate his wrist slowly back and forth. “Remus, Remus I can’t,” Sirius gasped suddenly, his entire body arching wildly. He was covered in a light sheen of sweat, flushed all the way down to his belly. “Too, it’s too–” Remus stilled his hand and pulled slowly off Sirius’ cock, nuzzling it with his cheek.

“Take a breath,” he ordered soothingly, kissing the sharp jut of his hip. Sirius sucked in a deep lungful of air and held it, making Remus chuckle affectionately. “Now out.” It rushed out of him all at once and he trembled all over in a wave. “Again baby. In, and out. You’re doing so good, so fuckin’ good for me. How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?”

“I-I don’t…I don’t know, I….” he gasped.

“Baby, breathe,” Remus coaxed, slipping his hand out from underneath Sirius’ back and using it to smooth his hair back from his face. He had a sudden visceral sensory memory of the first time he’d touched Sirius, pushing a strand of loose hair out of his eyes behind the Tilt-A-Whirl. Remus shivered. Sirius looked utterly debauched; swollen red lips, tear-stained cheeks, blown-wide eyes. He was shaking all over like a live wire and Remus lifted up to place one knee on the edge of the mattress and lean his fully-clothed body far over Sirius’ naked one without removing his fingers. “It’s a lot, hm?” Sirius nodded frantically. “You’re taking it so well, sweetheart. We can stop if you need to stop.”

“N-no! No, no, I…I just…c-can…need’ta come,” he stammered. “Can I? C-can I come, please?”

Remus blinked at him for a moment, stunned by how fucking good he was. “Hmm,” he considered, curling his wrist so slowly and angling it until Sirius cried out. “Yeah, baby, come for Daddy,” he smiled, kissing slowly along the line of his jaw as he stroked Sirius’s prostate with one crooked finger.

Sirius came untouched with a broken sob, his hips bucking upward and splattering Remus’ t-shirt and his own bare stomach with pearly ropes. Remus immediately shifted to the side and drug his fingers through the mess, massaging it into the inked skin, tracing the lotus blossom on his ribs, circling his nipples until he twitched and flinched from overstimulation. When it had cooled and Sirius’ breathing was beginning to approach normal again Remus brought his fingers to his cherry mouth and was delighted when he opened up without hesitation and licked them clean.

“Sirius. You’re amazing, baby. Absolutely incredible,” Remus whispered in his ear. “One more time for me, breathe in.” He wasn’t sure if Sirius could hear him, boneless and loose where he was splayed out on the mattress, but the part of his brain that took orders was apparently still online because he obeyed. Remus slipped his fingers out of him and Sirius’ exhale afterward was complete and even. “That’s it. My gorgeous boy, yeah? Did so good for me.” Sirius whimpered, rolling his head slowly around and making a concerted effort to open his eyes. Remus cupped his jaw and stroked his damp temple with the pad of his thumb. “You with me?”

“Dunno,” Sirius mumbled, one corner of his mouth lifting wearily. “Feel…gone.”

“Gone good or gone bad?”

“Gone good,” he nodded quickly, his eyes sliding shut again. “Gone so so good.” Remus grinned, pleased with that response, and placed several smacking kisses on Sirius’ shoulder.

“Don’t move. I’ll be right back,” Remus told him, reluctantly sliding off of the bed with a lingering squeeze to Sirius’ thigh. He stripped his shirt on the way down the hallway and spent a few minutes in the bathroom before returning with a warm washcloth and a t-shirt that had once been royal before fading to a cottony baby blue with hundreds of washes. Sirius was right where he’d left him, eyes half-lidded now and watching him reenter the room hazily.

“Hi,” he blinked lazily.

“Hi,” Remus smiled, kneeling on the bed and using the washcloth to clean the remaining evidence from Sirius’ torso. “You okay?”

“Really, really okay,” he sighed, looking up at Remus. “That was intense.” Remus hummed in acknowledgement and kept his eyes on his methodical movements, suddenly struck shy. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Remus said quickly, looking up at him to find kind grey eyes muddled with worry. He reached up and brushed the back of his knuckles against Sirius’ smooth cheek. “You were perfect.”

Sirius preened. “Not so bad yourself,” he winked, letting Remus manipulate his limp body without resistance as he cleaned every trace of their encounter from his skin. When he was pristine again Remus tugged him upright just long enough to pull his jelly arms into the blue t-shirt and to strip away the soiled blanket beneath his hips. He ended up half on his stomach, curled around Remus’ pillow with one leg hiked up toward his middle and his tangled curls cascading down his back. “You didn’t fuck me,” he murmured drowsily as Remus covered him with the oldest and softest quilt he owned from the linen closet.

“Of all the spoiled rotten things to say,” he growled fondly with the full line of his nose pressed to the side of Sirius’ face. He kissed his cheek and the sleepy giggle from beneath him wasn’t a denial. “All in good time, baby.”

“You could fuck me now,” he grinned, his face half hidden in the pillow as he wiggled his hips enticingly under the blanket.

Remus snorted, giving him the lightest tap on his ass. “You think you’re up for it?”

“M’up for whatever you can give me, old man,” he challenged, even as the words slurred together and he was seconds away from sleep. Remus snorted a laugh and palmed himself, still half-hard in his jeans.

“Gotta teach you some patience,” he murmured, stroking the greening edge of the bruise beneath his eye. “Want some water?”

“No, I want you to stop doing shit and c’mere,” he huffed, reaching over his shoulder with one hand and grabbing weakly at Remus’ arm.

“Okay, okay, hang on,” he laughed softly, standing and rounding the end of the bed to turn off the lamp. Sirius watched him with heavy, smiling eyes as Remus kicked off his jeans and crawled into the wrong side of his bed in plaid boxers. “Is this okay?” he asked, pressing himself gingerly against Sirius’ back and wrapping a tentative arm over his waist.

“Yeah,” Sirius sighed, sinking back into the warmth. “S’really nice.”

“Good.” Remus tightened his grip, flexing his hand over Sirius’ soft stomach and inhaling with his nose pressed into a snarl of black curls. Quiet settled around them, the window unit humming and the cicadas screaming outside the window. Remus was sated and should have been satisfied, but his mind was still circling, turning, hackles raised. He could feel himself about to fuck everything up, unable to stifle the roaring unease in his skull. “Sirius?” he whispered, hoping fervently that he was asleep. He grunted in response and Remus held on for a single moment longer, wishing his hesitation could stretch for eternity. “Your advisor sounds like a fuckin’ predator and I don’t think you should be alone with him anymore.”

Every day he’d spent with Sirius thus far had prepared him for a fight. He steeled himself for the warm body to be ripped out of his arms, for the crashing wave of icy independence that was sure to follow. What he didn’t expect was for Sirius to turn around and curl even smaller in his arms, tucking himself right up underneath Remus’ chin with a sleepy sigh. “Mkay, Daddy,” he mumbled, lips barely moving against Remus’ throat. “Go ‘sleep.”

Remus let a soft rumble sound from his chest and closed his eyes. The rabid animal that lived inside of him was quiet. It stretched, yawned, did several self-satisfied circles, and finally–finally–slept.