Chapter Text
I didn’t want to be a werewolf. It isn’t my fault that my father decided to advocate against werewolf rights. Nor that he said he would fund a team of Aurors to hunt down undocumented werewolves. He angered that beast, I was 6. Yes, I was a little spoiled, and yes, I was louder than my father in my agreement that all of them should be put down, but did that mean I deserved this agony that encompasses my entire body, starting at my bones? The dark walls of the family dungeon echo every scream to drown out the chains around my wrists that my mother shakes to put on. She shakes in fear of her son. She’s braver than my father, who hasn’t looked at me the same since. Five years and, my father can only look at me with disgust and resentment. My mother and he fight now, although maybe they did before, and I was just too oblivious.
What they fight about now, though, would be different, seeing as they only fight over me, over this. This torture breaks every bone in my body and mends it back together. Though I hate the hair growing more. It feels as if it pushes and pulls, and white fur replaces it. My full body shivers every time it happens as if repulsed by its actions. My face breaking and elongating takes the cake, because it is unavoidable to see, as my eyes need to be open to change shape. I didn’t choose this, but it could be worse. Wolfsbane potion tempers the wolf. It tastes disgusting, though, but the effects far out way that. I’ve only been off the potion once, on my second transformation, I refused based on the taste, and transformed without it. When I woke up the next day, I no longer felt like Draco Malfoy, as if the wolf had killed him for his grave mistakes. At least those scars healed.
I’m eleven now and in my last transformation before I have to leave and go to Hogwarts. My father wanted to send me to Durmstrange, but that swiftly changed when he realized the only school that would take me was Hogwarts, as it had housed werewolves before. It also means that I’ll have to be around other people outside of my mother and father. I used to have friends, but after, I guess my father didn't want it getting out that his precious boy was a monster. I don’t feel like a monster; mostly, I just feel alone. Especially in moments after I transform, and am only left with a feeling of need for comfort. For a pack, probably. I don’t know why I do it every time. After the first few, you think it would give up, but no. The dumb beast.
It paces to get out the energy, it destroys the toys that are replaced every time, as if they were an apology for the way they treat me every other day of the month. I don’t think they know if it plays with them that rough or destroys them on purpose. I don’t know half the time either. Sleeping helps; it means I don’t have to be bored. Boredom usually leads to thinking, and thinking leads to the niggling idea that I can find a way out.
I’m studying magic this year, and wolfsbane already exists, who’s to say there isn’t a cure? Ya, so I don’t want to be this way anymore, big surprise. I think that the thought that I or someone else will find a cure keeps me enduring my current situation. That being that I’m going to Hogwarts and am risking exposing myself as a, well, you know. Going to Hogwarts means talking to other kids, other adults, and possibly figuring it out. Well, others outside of Severus, my godfather, who happens to also be the one making and providing wolfsbane. He doesn’t look at me differently. Although not different, is still a sneer, so not sure if that’s a positive. Yet he gives me more than just my relief, he also gives me books on potions to read and then brew. It’s my favorite, experimenting with potions. Usually, he’ll give a snide remark as a warning when he thinks my potion won't turn. He’s usually right. Ok, he’s always right. Still, I read other books to pass the time. History, fantasy, sometimes romance. I read about all these great adventures that I haven’t been on. That someone like me wouldn’t be on. Yet I hope for one when I leave, but the doubt creeps into darker and darker corners.
I hope I fall asleep soon. I can feel my eyes long and grey start to droop, and my breathing even out. I think of how all away and cold alone hoping this time it will be my father or mother who comes to fetch me instead of a house elf. I really can’t handle being bored.
Cold hands reach my shoulder, shaking me awake. It’s Dobby. It’s always Dobby.
“Master Draco must be awake now.” His voice grated with the lasting sourness, “Professor Snape has arrived with Master Draco’s medicine.” I make the conscious effort not to strangle the elf. I then realize I have to be conscious to do that.
“ Tell him I’ll be there in a moment.” Knowing full well, I will fall right back asleep when he leaves.
“ Right away, Master Draco.” My smug demeanor only lasts until he appears right next to me. The crack echoes off the walls, increasing the ringing in my ears.
“Bloody house elf,” I murmur, rubbing the sleep from my face. He knew I wouldn’t have gotten up if he hadn’t yet he still needed to follow my direct order. He’s too smart for a house elf. CRACK!
”Dobby has returned after delivering the young Master Malfoy’s message.” I’m regretting not strangling him.
“ Alright, get me some warm clothes and have breakfast ready when I get to my room, please.” The best thing I’ve learned is to give him a task so I don’t have to continue planning his murder. He’s the only thing I have close to a friend. That’s way too sad. I can’t be friends with an elf. Especially the elf who does my cleaning. That's just too depressing, especially when I can still feel my bones shifting back into place. I can feel them creak and ache, putting on the clothes Dobby has picked out for me. I make my way to my room, moving from its original second story to the first, closest to the dungeons. The room used to be a broom cupboard. It’s not small, though, with an undetectable extension charm put in place. It doesn’t have windows either.
Opening the door, Severus greets me with that ever-present scowl.
“ Just a moment?” He questions with a drawl as if it hurts to say.
”As fast as I could be, unless you wanted me to come up without clothes on?”
“No, this is fine.” He says, rolling his eyes, the drama queen.
“ Alright, well I feel like I pulled every muscle in my body, so?” I trail off imploringly.
”First food, then Healing potion like every other time I give it to you.”
”Yes, but I keep hoping that one day you’ll take mercy on my poor little soul and grant me the relief I yearn for.” Fluttering my eyelashes for effect.
”Well, lucky for you, I have no soul, so eat up.”
“Yes, yes, leave me in pain.”
“ Chocolate first.” Ignoring my half assed plea. I take a bite and look at the spread Dobby has provided. Eggs and toast with chocolate milk. The same is on Severus’s plate, minus the milk. Our quiet breakfast brings a much-needed calm after the storm. A normalcy I haven’t experienced in years.
“ Eat fast, we need to leave in an hour.”
“For what?” I say in between bites of toast. Usually, I stay in bed for the rest of the day.
”I’m taking you to get your stuff for Hogwarts. I won’t be able to take you any other day.”
“ I thought mother was taking me?”
“Evidently not.” I tamp down the disappointment. “We will be going to Diagon Alley First, you’ll get your robes fitted while I run an errand.” He gives me a look as if daring me to ask him what errand. I really should know better.
” What errand?”
”None of your concern.” Yep, saw that coming.
“ Will we be stopping at quality Quidditch equipment?”
“No. You’re a first-year student, you have no use.” I pout, but the food in my mouth probably ruins the effort.
“ Here.” He says, handing me my healing potion finally. I gulp it down, its earthy flavor, while not enjoyable, has nothing on wolfsbane. I let out a long sigh as I finally relaxed in my body. I lay back in my chair, finally able to touch my back to something without immediately being in pain. We sit in silence after that and finish our meals. I take a bath as the thought of standing alone makes me dizzy. I let the weariness slip away along with the filth I built up last night. I hear Severus giving increasingly loud muterances about not being late as I dress myself. I look in the mirror that no longer talks to me after being yelled at one too many times when commenting on my hair. It’s shaggy all around and slightly curls at the ends due to the curly genes from the Black side of the family, which my father detests. He hates my hair fully but won't comment even though I know he wishes he could. Too bad for him.
I exit my room to an anxious Severus impatiently tapping his foot.
”Finally, let’s go, shall we?” Holding out his hand to take, I brace myself for apparition. We landed right in front of Madame Malkin's. I pick my skin, trying to distract from the aching pains that shoot up my legs every time I take a step. The recent breaking of my bones is still evident even now in their healed state.
“In case I do not return, this should suffice.” Severus drops a bag of coins into my open hand.
“ What if I’m done before your back?” Hoping he’ll say Fortescue's ice cream.
” I know you want me to say Fortescue’s, but no. You will be meeting me at Flourish and Blotts for your books. I let out a long sigh, reworking my plans for ice cream, debating if blackmail is appropriate. Putting those thoughts aside, I face the storefront. Severus seems to be waiting for me to go, but I can’t bring myself to just yet.
” What if she sees my scars?” I finally breathed out in a meek voice. Severus raises one eyebrow.
” Your scars that are covered by your clothes, which she measures over?” Still not content, he continues,” Many children have scars, yours aren’t special.” At that, I turn to look at him and give the most stank I can muster.
“ And if nothing else, that woman will be too preoccupied working in her shop to care.” He looks at me finally at this moment and sighs, “If you go in there on your own, we'll get ice cream after.”
At this, I take a deep breath, reassured that if anything happens, Severus will have my back.
“ Alright, I’ll do it, but only on the promise of ice cream after. I’m off having fun with your mysterious errand.” I say over my shoulder, finally taking steps towards the building. Walking there feels like a lifetime, but soon I am face to face with a woman. She seems older in years, though I don’t really know, seeing as wizarding ages can be all over the place. She could be 40 or 140, who knows at this point.
” I’m here to get fitted for new Hogwarts robes, please.” Keeping the shake out of my voice as much as possible, “ I’ll need all the ones a first year needs and custom-fitted.” Mentally high-fiving myself for still having some of those decorum lessons still in me.
“ Of Course dear, right this way.” She leads me to the back. There is a room with more mirrors than my father's bathroom, which is impressive. In the middle of the room are two platforms, both empty. I stand on the farther one, being poked and prodded immediately. She takes my measurements with as much grace as a flobberworm, but surprisingly speedily. The bell chimes, and she runs to the front, leaving me to stand arms out at awkward angles in an empty room. It takes me a full minute to decide to put them down when the door opens and a scrawny boy with brown skin and jet black hair messier than mine. Baggy clothes that look like they're swallowing him whole. He hid emerald green eyes behind a hideous pair of glasses. The boy may be a walking fashion disaster, but he also has a soft face and a kind smile. They might be the first person I meet who is also going to Hogwarts. If I make a good impression I might be able to make a friend before I leave and then I won’t have to ride the train alone, and we’ll talk and laugh and end up in the same house, and I’ll help him with his appearance, and he’ll help me meet others. We'll play games and fly on brooms, and sneak around the castle late. And once a month on the full moon, I’ll disappear from our room without an explanation, and he may not get it, but he’ll figure it out, ya no. It’s best if I don’t, no attachments. Still, having someone to sit with on the train would be nice, and then we’ll end up in different houses anyway. I should ask First. Though just in case.
”Hi, Hogwarts too?” Easy question, no stress.
”ya, it’s my first year.” Success!!
”Mine too, do you know what house you're going to be in?”
”House?”
“The four houses? Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Grifindor, and Hufflepuff.” The boy looks even more confused. Oh, he doesn’t know anything, so probably a Muggle-born, but that’s fine, I mean it will just be until we get to Hogwarts at most. Plus, who am I to judge?
“ Ok, so you’ll be sorted into one of those houses based on what traits they think you most fit. Slitherin is ambition and cunning, ravenclaw is book smarts, gryffindor is dumb bravery, and hufflepuff is friendship, I think.”
“Why are Gryffindors dumb?”
”Dumb bravery, The charge in with no regard.”
“Isn’t that just bravery then?”
“Not a Ravenclaw, I see.” I wince at my own harsh words as the boy I still don’t know the name of yet sends a glare. At this point, Madam Malkin has been working on my measurements for 15 minutes and seems to be wrapping up. She interrupts the Awkward moment to ask if I can wait while she finishes up and runs into the main room, leaving us alone.
“That was harsh,” I state, referring to my previous comment.
”It was, but also kinda accurate. I don’t think I’ll be in Ravenclaw either.” He says with a smile. I finally let that breath I've been holding in and sighed in relief.
“ Do you have any idea what house you will be in?”
“ No, I guess we’ll just find out when we get there.”
”Ya.” Smiling bigger than I should be. Madame Malkin came back in loudly.
” I just need one more measurement, arms up please.” I put them up without thinking. My sleeves fall to my elbows, revealing large scars from multiple bite marks and long scratches. I dart my gaze over to the boy and see he’s already seen them and is still staring. I grab my sleeves, pulling them back up. I can feel my hands shaking as I hold them. My mind goes blank. I can barely make out Madame Malkin telling me I’m all done and free to go. I race to the door, but not before he asks me.
”Your arms?” He’s looking at them now, even as they’re covered.
“None of your business.” With venom on my breath, I take the last few steps out of the shop. I see Severus.
” You better get me ice cream when we're done.” I'm almost out of breath from that, and my legs are now on fire, aching with exertion. Noticing my discomfort, Severus pulls another potion.
“Yes, yes, that is what we agreed on is it not? Why are you such a demanding child?” Handing me the potion uncapped, I don't even register the taste.
“ After the absolute disaster I just faced, I think it's earned.”
“Quiet, especially considering you haven’t noticed the owl.” Looking at the table outside of Madame Malikings, I see an Owl.
“ WHAT??” Amid my panic, I hadn’t even noticed it, with its white and brown patterns distinctly barn owl.
“ I believe I missed your birthday.” That was as close to happy birthday as I was going to get.
” Thank you! He’s beautiful.” Severus just raises an eyebrow.
“ I’ll name him Augustus.”
” If you must.”
“ This isn’t getting you out of ice cream, we are still getting later.” He rolls his eyes at the child.
” For the last time, I said yes, now come on, we don't have all day.” The next few errands started to take a toll on my post-transformation body, and I found myself sitting down a lot. I got my books and had Severus tell me his favorite potions book, which I also bought, and a wand. Hawthorn ten inches with a unicorn hair core. Olivander said my wand needed a stubborn hand, and other wands like it had excelled in healing and medical spells. My father would have flipped if he knew. All Severus did was raise an eyebrow at me. Olivander's words soothe me. I don’t know what I would have done if I got a wand that was only good at dark spells. The thought of healing people instead of hurting people reassured me. Not as much reassurance as the ice cream I ate gave me.