Chapter Text
”Napoleon.”
“What is it?” Napoleon leaned back against the lab counter, cheerfully ignoring the edge in his partner's voice.
“Move. I need something from that cabinet.”
Napoleon stayed put. ”Don’t you think you’ve been working long enough? There’s only so much sunshine left and I want to get out of this basement before it’s gone.”
”There’s nothing stopping you. Now move.” Why he insisted on lounging around Illya’s lab was a mystery. There was nothing down here that Napoleon was interested in. Just boxes of experimental technology and jars of various dangerous chemicals.
“Sunshine, Illya? The thing that lets crops grow and human civilization flourish? What ancient people worshipped as a life-bringing god?”
Clearly something had gotten into him, and he’d be intolerable until he played it out. Which meant Illya would have to play along.
”I would have thought you’d be perfectly happy as a lurking creature of the night. There aren’t many bars to find adventurous ladies in the middle of the day.”
“There are other nice things you can do during the day. Driving, sailing, to name just two. So if you need another incentive, I can give you plenty.”
Before he could launch into an extensive list, Illya replied, “And I can give you an incentive to get out of the way of my cabinets. I’m working, Napoleon. I’m sure there’s some girl out there you can complain to instead of coming to me.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen the sun all week,” Napoleon sighed, and for a moment Illya almost felt bad for him. “We’ve been arriving at the tailor shop in the dark, spending all day in the office and the labs, and then leaving in the dark. I’m starting to feel like some sort of naked mole rat.”
There were any number of innuendos Illya could make after a remark like that, and he wouldn’t give Napoleon the satisfaction of voicing any of them. Or saying anything about Russian winters.
“Do you?” he said, reaching for a notebook to jot down the baseline readings.
Napoleon was quiet for a few moments. Illya almost thought he was about to leave him in peace when he said, ”Sunshine or not, I was hoping to spend the evening with a friend of mine.”
”What’s stopping you? I’m sure she’d be willing.”
”Well, he’s insisting on finishing some sort of experiment, and won’t tell me when he’ll be done…” Napoleon smiled, a real one this time, and Illya had no chance.
He sighed and studied his progress. If he waited until tomorrow to prepare the second set of samples, it would give him a chance to verify the setup of the first batch before putting more resources into the next. He would never admit it out loud, but maybe Napoleon had a point.
“I should be able to wrap this up in about ten minutes,” he offered. “But I will need access to my cabinets.”
”Granted.” Napoleon stepped aside, beaming like the sun.