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Life is a lot different after saving the world. Noelle graduates, for starters, and that’s just the easy part. A lot changes. The only thing that really stays consistent in that time is the three of them.
After several nights of long conversations and mulling through applications, Noelle and Kris eventually decide to go to college together in the city. Noelle opts to double major in Literature and Biomed with her college fund that Dad started for her eons ago, and Kris gets a scholarship for piano, and Susie, not one to be left behind but with no interest whatsoever in pursuing college, gets a kitchen job at a diner halfway between the college and the apartment they share altogether.
It’s a two bedroom on the second floor with an elevator across the hall. The elevator is loud as anything and it’s an old building, which means the heating has a tendency to go out or kick on whenever it deigns to do so, but it fits the three of them and it works. Noelle and Susie share the master bedroom, and it’s perpetually half-organized and half-covered in whatever trinket or bauble Susie brought home this time, and Noelle wouldn’t trade it for anything. They’ve been going steady since everything with the Roaring and the near-apocalypse, and sharing a bed was only scary the first night until it really sank in that Mom wasn’t here to burst into the room at any second. The chances of that happening are never zero, though, but Noelle's residual anxiety about that scenario has since abated significantly.
Kris takes the other room with the corner windows. They didn’t have much of their own to bring to decorate it, but Noelle and Susie have filled in the gaps, and reminders of the Dark World now linger everywhere there. They have two electric guitars now, one of which Noelle is positive they stole from Dess, but Dess never opts to confirm or deny the fact.
Dess had given Noelle an odd look when she'd told her the three of them would be rooming together, but it’s never weird having Kris in the apartment. When Susie and Noelle had started looking, it had always been two bedrooms, because the assumption had always been that Kris would be there, too. They’re the reason they chose this unit in the first place— after everything, stairs don’t really agree with their body anymore, so the elevator is a blessing in disguise. Toriel wasn’t about to let them live on their own, either, as much as they’d protested her fussing.
Things have been different in the aftermath in a way Noelle hasn’t fully reconciled, as much as she’s tried. Kris died saving everyone, stopping the Roaring for good, and it’s become evident that they’re never going to be the same as they were. Even little things take them large amounts of effort, especially the longer they have to do them. Walking, lifting— even eating and breathing get hard on bad days.
Noelle likes being available to help, because she worries, and she has the sole privilege of worrying without Kris getting annoyed. They usually go to Susie for help, anyways, but Noelle has a sneaking suspicion that they play it up a little just so she’ll carry them around. Not that she can really blame them. Susie’s work as an assistant chef and time spent as an “aspiring gym bro” has done wonders for her arms.
It’s a weird system, of that Noelle has no doubt, but it works for them. Her, her girlfriend, and the best friend that they share. Susie brings home leftovers from the diner, so their fridge is never empty, and then she and Kris will butt heads in Smashing Fighters while Noelle’s textbooks take up the entire coffee table. Despite their scholarship, Kris doesn’t really care for most of their classes that aren’t strictly music-related, so they spend a lot of time sleeping at home. They’re a deep sleeper, too, which is new. Noelle thinks that it’s probably their body making up for lost time, all that residual fatigue from pushing themself so hard finally coming to pay its due.
Date nights are usually a simple affair. Susie’s happy wherever Noelle is, and Noelle is having what Kris likes to call a “cost-efficiency phase,” so most of the time, they stay at home, watching movies or making dinner together. They’ll kiss while doing the dishes, and then Susie will dry her wet hands on Noelle, and she’ll scream and laugh and fall for it every time. It’s good. They’re good dates.
Admittedly, Noelle calls them dates, but she’s not a hundred percent sure that that’s what they are, because the consistent variable through all of this is that Kris is there, too.
It’s not even awkward, either, which is what stumps her. The three of them will cram together on the couch, and Susie will try to get Kris to catch popcorn in their mouth. When they’re cooking, Noelle will clean vegetables and pass them to Kris for them to chop, and their fingers will brush and Noelle will feel warm all over for a half-second before the feeling passes. And it’s not really anything that Noelle has thought twice about until recently. She’d never thought anything strange of it until now.
Because now, Noelle and Susie have shared the bed in… other, more intimate ways. And it was great! It was good, and Noelle isn’t about to complain about that, but it just felt… quiet in the apartment afterwards, like it does every time, and for all that Kris doesn’t talk, they make a lot of noise in other ways. Plucking at the strings of their electric guitar, or sounding something out on their keyboard, or trying to beat Noelle’s score on Dragon Blazers, or humming, or laughing quietly at something Susie did, or lamenting to Noelle about how much they hate that Calculus is a mandatory class for a Music History major. They fill in all the gaps of the apartment that Noelle only realizes are there when they’re gone.
Noelle knows the procedure. Susie will text Kris something along the lines of clear out, having sex 2nite and Kris will reply with nothing but a thumbs up and magically disappear until the next morning. She doesn’t know where Kris goes on nights like that, only that they’re back again like clockwork at the crack of dawn the next day, a pot of coffee already brewing by the time Noelle pulls herself out of bed.
It’s not something she’s thought of until now, and even then, she's not sure if she has a word for what she’s feeling. She’s not sure how to talk about it with Susie, or even if she should, but it’s clear that they’ve both noticed something is going on.
What that is, though, Noelle can’t say. Midterms are around the corner, though, so it's easy enough to distract herself from the issue in the interim. It’s like a field study, right? She just… needs more evidence before proposing anything solid.
Yes. That’s the excuse she’ll go with.
In the end, all that worrying amounts to nothing. Susie beats her to it.
“Hey,” Susie says, leaning against the doorframe to their bedroom, fingers drumming a beat against the plywood. “So. Can we have a conversation? Like, real quick.”
Noelle is color coding her notes for the practice exam she has tomorrow, but she looks up at the intrusion. It’s quiet in the apartment again— Kris won’t be back until sunrise, which Noelle knows Susie knows, which only makes this conversation feel all the more ominous in nature.
“Yes? I mean, sure,” she says, setting aside the lukewarm cup of hot chocolate she’d been nursing. “What about? You look nervous.”
“Am not,” Susie protests reflexively, settling down next to her and flopping heavily into her side. Noelle lifts a hand to rub circles between her shoulder blades. “I just— I don’t know how to start a conversation like this. Like, I never thought this was, you know, a me thing, and it also has to be a you thing, and a them thing, so—” she inhales deeply, exhaling slowly between her teeth. “Sorry. Let me just— hang on.”
“You’re okay,” Noelle says, mostly still concerned as she tries to piece together the subtext in Susie’s words. “Is this— is this about Kris?”
“Yeah. Sort of. I guess. And please— don’t jump to conclusions yet, I’m just. I need to figure out how to say it.”
“I won’t,” Noelle promises easily, because she isn’t. It’s something she’s gotten better at since she started taking anti-anxieties. “I love you, you know?”
Susie’s face screws up like she’s bitten into a lemon. “What makes you say that?”
“Because you’re nervous, and I don’t want you to be nervous, because whatever you’re about to say changes nothing,” Noelle says.
Susie’s expression wavers again, always surprised to find that she is wanted and welcomed and loved without condition, and she squeezes her eyes shut to breathe for a moment, one of her large hands finding Noelle’s. Noelle uses the moment of quiet to reach for her mug and take another drink before it gets too cold.
“Okay,” Susie starts, speaking slowly. “So, do you think we’re, like, in love with Kris?”
Noelle chokes on her hot chocolate.
“What? What? What?” Noelle splutters when she’s done coughing. “I— we— what?”
Susie pats her back in what feels like a commiserating gesture. “Damn, sorry. Thought you knew.”
“What?!” What’s that supposed to mean? And which part?
All of Susie's bravado seems to be faltering under Noelle's continued confusion.
“Oh, you didn’t— I mean, haven’t you thought about it? Like, we’re all rooming together, and they’re there for like, all our dates, and they kind of feel like dates for all three of us? Because you— remember last week? You chose that dinner spot because you knew Kris liked the shrimp from the one time we got takeout there?”
Noelle’s mouth moves soundlessly, words starting to form before dying in her throat, because, well, there’s a lot more going on than she really knows what to do with. Susie had thought of those as dates, too? Except dates that Kris was also on? And Noelle hadn’t really thought about it like that when she’d chosen that corner shop for a rare night out, but Kris did like the shrimp, and it had been worth the splurge to see them smile, and— oh, oh dear.
Susie laughs nervously, fighting desperately to fill the silence that Noelle’s let drag on agonizingly long. “But it’s cool! If you’re not. I just, I think, maybe, I do? You know, like them? Because I feel the same way about them that I do you, and I’ve got this big, embarrassing crush on you, so, like. You know.” Her face has gone a dark, dark shade of purple. “Besides, I mean, hey! Kris is totally in love with you!”
All of Noelle’s thoughts screech to an abrupt halt. She stares at Susie— not like she’s looking at her, but like she’s spectating both of them from outside her body. This can’t be happening. She’s dreaming again, right? “I thought Kris was totally in love with you,” she manages.
Susie gawks at her, eyes bugging out. “Huh?! No way. Because that would mean they— that would… huh. Wait.”
Noelle knows Kris better than anyone, so she'd known, or at least suspected, that they’re in love with Susie. The two of them had almost talked about it before, at the end of summer before college, but Kris had just shrugged and smiled and said, I want you to be happy. Noelle hadn't thought about any double meaning to those words at the time— had only thought of them as Kris’ blessing to follow her heart. If what Susie’s saying is true, then that hadn't been the case at all: that had been Kris, falling on the sword, thinking that Susie and Noelle would be happier without them. Bowing out before anyone could make any decisions otherwise.
“Oh,” she says numbly, but her mind keeps spinning. She’s watching entire conversations on a playback loop. Every time Kris let Susie eat the pepperoni off their pizza, every time they stayed up with Noelle after hard phone calls with Mom. Kris, tearing their SOUL out one last time to save Susie from the prophecy, to save Dess, to save everyone.
“Oh,” Noelle says again, quieter, a little horrified. “You don’t think…”
“That little shit,” Susie growls, standing to pace the length of the room. She must be coming to the exact same conclusion. “They’re in love with both of us! Would it kill Kris to talk about their stupid feelings just one time?!”
“It might,” Noelle says faintly. She’s not sure how she’s supposed to be feeling about all of this. She’s feeling so many things simultaneously that they’re all cancelling each other out.
“Okay, okay, wait. I’ve got this.” Susie starts miming drawing a triangle in the air. “You’re in love with me. And I love you back, obviously. But I’m also in love with Kris. And Kris is in love with me, but they’re also definitely, one-hundred percent in love with you.” She stops, turning to meet Noelle’s gaze again. Noelle has no idea what her body language is communicating, judging purely on the twist of Susie’s mouth. “Are you in love with Kris?”
“I… I don’t know.” Noelle feels awful for saying it, because that’s the sort of answer that’s supposed to come immediately, but she’s just… never thought about it before. She didn't know she could.
Susie’s arms drop, and she lowers herself next to the bed, placing a steadying hand on Noelle’s knee. “Hey, look, it’s fine! Just… think about it, okay? We don’t have to do anything right now, if you don’t want to. But I think… I think you should think about it. I know I’m thinking about it.”
“Okay,” Noelle manages, mindlessly returning the kiss Susie presses against the corner of her mouth. It’s an easy enough thing to promise; she doesn’t think it’ll be possible for her to think about anything else for the next three to five business days.
It ends up keeping her up for most of the night, too, Susie snoring in her ear as she stares up at the glow in the dark stars Kris filled the apartment with.
Noelle loves Susie. That is an immutable fact, and their relationship has withstood time and trial and the end of the world. She loves the way her tail wags when she's really excited about something, and the easy way she smiles, and the broad, unflinching goodness of her heart. But Susie had been really, really excited when talking about Kris earlier, and she’s always excited when she talks about Kris, and those two have an equally immutable bond in their shared weirdness, like eating each other’s shampoo as if it’s some sort of love language. Noelle and Kris grew up together, and they’d grown apart for a while but came back stronger together after everything, and Kris almost broke the world trying to save her sister, but then they died in actually doing it, and now Noelle has all the people she loves in her life because of them. And Kris did all of that for her. Noelle and Susie are already dating, but Susie and Kris are also… something? Which Noelle doesn’t really mind, thinking about it, and thinking about being able to kiss both Susie and Kris in the morning is extremely appealing in ways she’s struggling to unpack.
It’s a very unrestful sleep, to say the least.
She hears Kris key into the apartment somewhere between the hours of five and six in the morning, twenty minutes before her first alarm is due to go off. She waits another ten minutes, listening to them move quietly about the kitchen before she slips out of Susie’s grasp and tugs her night robe over her pajamas.
Kris looks up from doctoring their drink when she closes the door to the bedroom behind her, crossing the living room to join them in the kitchen. They wordlessly slide her a mug of coffee with so much creamer in it it’s basically milk, and their fingers brush over the ceramic and it’s a jolt Noelle feels all the way up her spine.
“You okay?” they ask, voice low, head tilted to the side so she catches the glint of their eyes through their hair. She’s always appreciated the way Kris looks, but now she wonders how much of that was ever strictly platonic in nature. If it’s love, it’s a different kind of love than the one she shares with Susie, but that doesn’t make it any more or less valuable or romantic, does it? “Earth to Noelle?”
“Yes,” she says, voice high and reedy. Kris raises an unconvinced eyebrow. “Sorry, I was just, I’m. Lost in thought?”
“I can see that,” Kris deadpans, reaching out to tap her forehead gently. “You look like you’re overthinking. It’s six in the morning. Way too early to be thinking that much.” But as they pull back, their fingertips flutter over her knuckles, a passing gesture that belies their concern. They’ve done it before; they know how much touch grounds her when she starts to spin out of control.
Noelle swallows hard, giving herself a small shake to get her thoughts back in order. “Right. Yes. I’ll, um, try to think less?”
Kris hums, watching her for a moment longer before they pick up their own coffee and start to shuffle back toward their room. Noelle watches them go. She imagines catching their wrist and spinning them around and kissing them. She imagines following them inside, Susie hot on her heels. She imagines a lot of things in a three second stretch of time.
“Kris,” she blurts out, her mouth ahead of her brain. Kris stalls in the doorway and swivels to look at her. “When we— you know. Where do you go? For the, um, the night.”
Kris stares at her, unruffled by the sudden change in topic but bemused by it nonetheless. “I go play games over at Berdly’s,” they say, jerking a thumb over their shoulder like he’s in the room behind them. “He’s trying to beat me at Rhythmbuster. I’m letting him get close to my score so I can shatter his spirit after exams.”
Noelle smothers a laugh behind her hand, but she is embarrassingly relieved by the fact that they don’t head off alone. “Kris! That’s so mean.”
The corner of Kris’ mouth crooks into a smile. “I know.” They lift their mug to their lips and take a sip, immediately wincing and pulling it away fast enough that it sloshes a little onto the floor. “Ow.”
Oh no, she thinks, laughing harder when they scowl at her, burned tongue pinched between their teeth. Feeling delirious and exhausted and happy, somewhere in all of that. I think I’m in love with Kris.
Kris invites the two of them to their winter piano recital. It’s part of their midterm, they’d said, and their music courses are the only ones they actually care about, so it means a lot that they invited Noelle and Susie to it.
Noelle breaks out the dress she usually reserves for the Holiday household Christmas party, but since she’s not going this year, it’s as good an excuse as any to wear it. Susie even lets her spruce her up a little, and they find a fetching two-piece suit at the thrift store that Susie tears the sleeves off of, which somehow works for her.
The venue is crowded by the time they get there. It’s a full recital, so there would have been other students performing as well, but Susie only cared to come for Kris’ part. She got them flowers and everything, which Noelle thinks is sweet.
They find a cramped spot up toward the front right as Kris is stepping out onto the stage. They're dressed sharply in an outfit Noelle has never seen them wear, and there's a level of care in their presentation that indicates they’ve put a lot of effort into how they look tonight.
It’s… really attractive. Susie wolf whistles loudly, which alerts Kris to their location, and their face softens imperceptibly with relief. Noelle lifts a hand to wave, too, but it’s a weak motion because she’s busy trying to smother how warm her face and ears feel.
They play a beautiful set. It's slow and haunting, and then fast and complicated, each piece bleeding seamlessly into the next. Noelle hasn't heard them play like this in a long, long time, or maybe ever— especially not for a crowd this big. Everyone's gone quiet, enraptured by the sound. Toward the end of the half hour, they relax their shoulders and pick up the slow first notes of their last song of the night.
Noelle recognizes this song. It’s been a long time since she last heard it. This was the song Dess wrote for Kris when they were first learning how to play. It’s far more elaborate than it had been back then, but the sounds are familiar and soulful and gentle, full of heart. Kris looks at peace, playing it, and then they tilt their head a little in the stage lights and they’re looking right at her, red eyes almost aglow with a nameless emotion Noelle has seen a hundred times before. She didn’t know what it was then, but she knows now. How could she not?
You did this for me, she thinks, hands clasped over her chest as she fights not to cry. You really love me, don’t you? Susie had said it before, but Noelle hadn’t really believed her until now. She doesn’t know how she’s never seen it before— it’s written there in the softness of their face, like they’re smiling at her with just their eyes. Watching her with such fondness, but sadness there, too, like they're mourning something that never had a chance to happen. How could that be anything but love? What is love if not art, if not expression, if not enduring?
Kris is not a loud person. They love quietly, finding other ways to express what they mean when words fail them. It’s confusing and strange to anyone that doesn’t know them, but Noelle does. Noelle has known Kris her whole life, and she’d still misread all the signs.
You love me, she thinks again as Kris brings the song to a close. And I think I love you, too. I think maybe I always have.
Kris stands and bows curtly, and Susie jumps out of her seat with a loud cheer like they’re at a rock concert instead of a swanky college recital, which makes Kris’ mouth twitch like they’re threatening to laugh, and Noelle rises to applaud with the rest of the crowd and decides, right then, what she’s going to do.
Normally, Noelle reserves this sort of thing for dire emergencies. Desperate times, however, call for desperate measures. Susie and Kris fell asleep bundled together on the sofa ten minutes into the Monster Movie Special, so Noelle steps out onto their small balcony and dusts the snow off of the railing and calls Dess.
Dess picks up on the second ring. “What’s up, chicken butt?”
There’s the distant sound of sobbing somewhere in the background. Noelle is so befuddled by the sound that she sets aside the emergency at hand for the moment. “Are… are you crying?” she asks. It doesn’t sound like Dess— not that Dess is the kind of person to show vulnerability in front of others, anyway, but Noelle doesn’t have any idea what else it could be.
“What? Oh, no, that’s Azzy. I’m over at his place. He took too many weed gummies, so now I’m playing babysitter. He’s texting me how much he misses me, apparently.” Noelle hears a distant, miserably drawn out hi Noelle that devolves back into crying before Dess presses the phone back to her ear. “Anyway, what’s so important that it has you calling at two in the morning?”
“It’s only eleven.”
“I was close.”
“That’s three hours off!”
“I’m rounding. And you’re stalling,” Dess sing-songs.
Having Dess in her life again has been the happiest few months of Noelle’s life. Noelle had, however, forgotten how relentless her teasing could be. “I'm having a crisis,” she says. “As my sister you're obligated to provide emotional support.”
“You're always having a crisis,” Dess points out. “But what's the occasion this time?”
“I— um.” Noelle’s been thinking about how to tell Dess all evening, but now that she’s here, the words are just… gone. Her elaborate plan vanishes into the lazy midnight snow. “I— apparently, I'm, um, in love with Kris?”
“You just figured that out?” Dess drawls.
“Dess!” Noelle whines.
“Kidding. Mostly.” It sounds like Dess is also stepping outside. “Look, I don’t know what you want me to say, Elly. It was really obvious to everyone that wasn’t you. Even Azzy knew, and you know how he is. I was honestly surprised to find out you were dating that purple girl instead when I got back.”
“You know Susie hates when you call her that.”
“Faha, yeah, that’s why I do it.”
Noelle pinches the bridge of her nose. “Was it really obvious? The whole time?”
“Painfully.”
“I still love Susie, though.” Her heavy sigh clouds in the air in front of her. “And I think Susie loves Kris, and I think that maybe Kris is in love with both of us, too, but I don’t… I don’t really know where to go with that?”
“Easy. Just date both of them— you’ve got two hands.”
“Isn’t that— I don’t know.” Noelle cuts herself off before the thought has a chance to finish formulating. It’s not something she’s said aloud, but she has thought it in Mom’s stern, glacial tone every time she catches the flush in Kris’ cheeks. She doesn’t know how to explain the guilt to Dess— not when she doesn’t fully understand it, herself.
“...Wrong?” Dess finishes. Noelle swallows hard. “It’s untraditional, sure, but it’s not like any of you are very traditional, anyway. Mom would probably hate it.”
Mom is still a sore subject. Noelle will always love her, but she’ll always hate her, too, for what she did to Kris— what she almost did to everyone. She would probably hate this whole love triangle solely on account of Susie being a part of it. “I know.”
“But it would make you happy, right? All of you.”
Noelle glances over her shoulder, back to the living room where Susie and Kris are. Susie is sprawled across the entire length of the sofa, and Kris is curled up on top of her like a cat. They look happy, but the spot in the middle that Noelle vacated looks cold and empty without her. “Yes,” she says. “I hope so.”
Dess’ tone gentles. It’s the way she used to talk to Noelle, back when she was young and afraid of everything. Dess is the only person in the world that can make her feel brave. “Then how could it be wrong?”
The view of the street below gets blurry. Dess always knows just what to say. Sometimes it’s unfathomable that Noelle made it six years without her. The grief never fully settled in that time. Maybe the relief won’t, either.
“Thanks, Dess,” she says, discreetly wiping at her eyes even though Dess isn’t even here to see her cry. “I think I really needed to hear that.”
Dess hums knowingly. “Anything for my favorite sister.”
Noelle snorts. “I’m your only sister.”
“Still my favorite. You gonna be okay?”
Noelle takes a steadying breath, holding the cold air in her lungs before letting it out slowly. She has everything she could ever need in the apartment behind her, and everything else is a phone call away. “I am,” she says, meaning it. “Have a safe night, Dess. Please text Asriel back so he doesn’t think you’ve disappeared again.”
Noelle can almost hear Dess roll her eyes. “You go missing one time.”
Noelle laughs. “I love you,” she says. She says it a lot now. She didn’t say it enough before; she has a lot of years to make up for.
“Whatever. Love you too, nerd.” Dess hangs up first. She always does.
Noelle tucks her phone back into her pocket and bundles her arms around herself, turning to retreat back into the warmth of the apartment. She settles back into the empty space they left for her, and Susie grumbles when she kisses her jaw, but she doesn’t stir. After a moment of deliberation, Noelle turns and kisses Kris’ cheek, too.
How could it be wrong? she thinks, hearing not her mother this time but her own voice echoed back at her. If you’re happy, how could it be wrong?
Something about tonight is different.
Noelle can tell the difference as soon as she turns the housekey to enter the apartment— it’s like the air around her changes, one of her ears flicking as she tries to figure out what’s going on. The quiet in the apartment is thick, almost oppressive. She knows Kris is home. She knows because they texted the group chat two hours ago that they finished their last exam and were going home to sleep.
“Kris?” she calls, just to be safe, peering around the corner that blocks the entryway from the rest of the flat. It’s dark inside, but not too dark for her to make out what’s going on.
Kris is sitting on the sofa, wearing a large sweater, looking safe and cozy. Their knees are tucked up to their chest, arms wrapped loosely around them, and they’re staring at the far wall with a distant, vacant expression. Kris spaces out a lot more now. They’ve never talked about it, and they try to downplay it all the time, but they have a hard time staying present after everything. Their head tilts just a little to catch her eye as she steps inside.
Noelle immediately recognizes the look. That’s not Kris— that’s their SOUL.
The SOUL’s presence comes and goes, infrequent at best. It has, for the most part, resumed the typical functions of a SOUL when it revived Kris after their death closing the last Fountain, but it was not a choice that came without its own sacrifices. Kris can’t take it out anymore, and it can’t use their body to move or speak like it used to, but there are times where it’s clear Kris isn’t the one steering the ship. Long weeks will pass where Kris is just Kris, and then there are days where that soft-eyed stare takes over and they drift through life as if on autopilot. It will ease over time as Kris works through whatever it is they’re working through, but it’s always a little scary when it happens.
“I’m home,” she says, injecting calm into her voice, tugging off her winter coat and hanging it on the wall to dry. It’s been a cold, wet winter. “I’m going to text Susie to bring home leftovers and turn on that show we started. We were on season two, right?”
Trying to get Kris to respond in this state is a lost cause, but they’ve stated before that it’s helpful not to make a big deal of it and carry on like things are normal, which is easy enough for Noelle to do. She busies herself by talking about her day, about the lab her Microbiology professor is making them do next week, about the funny looking dog she saw on the bus, about the blizzard coming in tomorrow that threatens to trap them all at home for the day.
As she does, she lights the candles they keep around the living room, and she slips into a warm sweater paired with a long, soft skirt. She grabs the old novel she’s working on annotating for Seminar, and she turns on both the TV and the gas fireplace Mom got her as a housewarming gift, and she tucks herself next to Kris on the sofa. Not close enough to touch, because she’s not sure if that’s okay yet, but close enough that they could, if they wanted to.
It takes two episodes for them to lean against her shoulder, and another two after that for them to fold completely into her side. A shuddering breath escapes them, and then their arms wind around her waist, clutching at her sweater.
Noelle sets down her book and shifts to better accommodate them, bringing them closer in a way that makes them shiver with wordless relief. She cards her fingers through their hair in slow, rhythmic pulls and presses their nose against her collarbone, feeling a lot of things and not having names for any of them. She’s glad they feel safe enough to do this. Kris is extremely tactile if you're the right person. Noelle feels very honored to be one of them.
It’s toward the end of episode five that she can finally feel the last of the tension ebb from their shoulders. Their breathing has evened out again— not like they’re sleeping, but like they’re calm, even if they’re still hiding their face in her shoulder, humming every time her nails scratch against the spot above their ear. She’s not sure if it’s a human thing or a Kris thing, but they’ve always liked this since they were little. For all that the two of them have changed, it’s nice to know that some things never will.
“Hey,” she says, pulling back a little to catch their eyes, dull red shadowed by exhaustion. “Welcome back. How are you feeling?”
“Better,” they rasp, easing back a little further to rub their hands over their face. “A little gross. When’d you get home?”
Noelle glances at her watch. “Um, two hours ago?”
Kris grimaces. “Damn.” By the twist of their mouth, they’re not thrilled with how long they were out of it, as if that’s something they could possibly control.
“Do you… want to talk about it?”
They shrug noncommittally. “Weird day. Had a dream I was dead again.” They glance over to the kitchen. Gathering points of recognition, trying to piece together where they’d been and what they’d been doing before their episode. “Remembered to order groceries, though. I got Susie a new toothbrush and more of those biscuits you like.”
Something about tonight is different. Noelle knows that Susie wanted to make a moment of it whenever it happened— whenever they decided to actually sit down and talk with Kris.
But something about right now, the way they’re avoiding looking at her, but their fingers are still playing at the hem of her sweater… something about the normalcy of it hits her very suddenly. This is something Kris wants. This is something she wants. Haven’t they waited long enough?
“Kris, are you in love with Susie and I?” she asks. Normally, conversations like this would have her petrified with fear, but it’s just Kris. She’s never been scared of Kris. Only scared for them.
Kris flinches. They’ve waited for this to happen for a long time— they’re gearing up for something, or bracing for it, maybe, their expression carefully neutral in a forced way.
“Yes,” they say very, very quietly. Their eyes flick between hers, but they don’t seem very reassured by whatever they find. Confused, maybe, a burgeoning hope that they’re fighting to temper.
“Kris,” Noelle whispers again, this time with more intention, reaching up and cradling their face so they can’t look away. “Were you ever going to say anything?”
Kris shrugs, which Noelle takes to mean no, most certainly not, I’m going to keep all my feelings right here in my chest and then one day, I’ll die. “I didn’t want to get between you. You guys were happy, and I was happy enough. I didn’t want anything to change.”
“Kris, you make us happy. You being here, being alive—” Noelle’s breath hitches. They haven’t really talked about the whole Kris dying thing. She tries not to think about it, that rueful smile on their face, like they were okay with this outcome. She knocks their foreheads together. If she tries hard enough, maybe she can knock it into their head that there are ways to show love without sacrifice. “I’ve spent too much of my life missing you. Nothing’s the same if you’re not there. We love you— you know that, right?”
Kris hesitates, and it aches somewhere in Noelle’s chest, even though she knows she has nothing to do with the pause. It’s not her fault that people haven’t loved Kris in ways that are clear to them, it’s not their fault that they can’t recognize it when it’s there, she just… wishes there was something more she could do. Something she could say that could fix everything, but there isn’t. Sometimes, it has to be enough that she and Susie are there.
“I know,” they say quietly. “I— I’m just, I didn’t know how to say it. I wanted… if anything happened, I wanted to do it right.”
Noelle rubs her thumb over their cheek. Their eyes flutter, and they crumble into the touch. “Kris,” she whispers. “You said it all the time. I just wasn’t listening.” All those pranks when they were kids, the way they’d tried to keep her safe in the Dark World, the recital. She wonders how long they’ve known; how much time she’s wasted. “I’m listening now.”
Kris turns and presses a kiss against the inside of her palm, exhaling unsteadily against her wrist, and then they close their eyes and lean forward and kiss her soundly.
Kissing Kris isn’t like kissing Susie. Susie kisses brazenly, headlong and headstrong into everything she does. Kris is careful. Every press of their lips is a discovery, deliberate and unhurried.
Noelle breaks away first, shifting to settle onto their lap, a warm, comforting weight. Her hands loop around the back of their neck.
“Is this okay?” she asks, eyes dark.
“Mhm,” Kris hums. They reach up to sweep a few errant strands of hair out of her face, and she kisses them again, open-mouthed and gentle. They taste like coffee when Noelle allows herself to explore, letting herself relax into it. Their hands are cold when they hike up beneath her sweater to press into the fine fur at the small of her back, and she makes a small, appreciative noise.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” Kris confesses, first to pull away this time. Their eyes are swimming with emotion— want, love, palpable relief. “It felt like I was missing you both all the time, even though you’re right here.”
Noelle tugs them close again only to wrap her arms around their shoulders and hug them tightly. “We were missing you, too,” she says. “Even back at the start, I think we both knew it wouldn’t work without you.”
“...Is it selfish of me to say I’m glad?” they ask, hugging her back gently. “I wanted you guys to be happy— that’s all I ever wanted, but I wanted… I wanted that to include me, too.”
Noelle makes a noise of understanding. Susie would probably be better at this part— she would know exactly what Kris wants to hear right now, and say it in a way that makes them laugh. Noelle is honest to a fault, but that in itself can have its perks. Kris knows she would never try to lie to them. Not about this.
“Maybe,” she admits, nuzzling against their ear. “But I think we deserve to be a little selfish, after everything.”
The next time it happens, Susie skips the procedures. She just texts Kris sex time, u comin? haha get it and Kris texts back no im doing raids w berdly, glhf tho and things just… carry on as usual. Kris doesn’t disappear, they just hang out in the living room, and Noelle knows exactly where they are, and something in her chest just… settles. She hadn’t realized how deep the worry ran until it’s gone.
It’s still early in the night by the time they’re done, tumbling out of the bedroom after one another giggling like children. Kris is in the kitchen, headphones around their neck, pouring coffee into three mismatched mugs, and Noelle hadn’t realized that this tradition would continue despite the other schedule changes, but she’s happy to find that it has. She accepts the mug when Kris passes it to her, and thanks them by kissing them sweetly, just because she can.
“Hey,” Susie says when she picks up her mug from the counter, smelling like sweat and Monster Axe, and Kris looks at her with a muted sort of interest. She is, after all, dressed in nothing but her boxers and one of her big shirts that she de-sleeved. “We’re done. Wanna come shower?”
Kris pauses to think about it, eyes skirting over to Noelle. Noelle gets it— they grew up together, so she’s already seen every part of them, and vice versa. Mutually assured dysphoria, or whatever Kris had called it back then, joking but not really. Susie is different. Kris is always trying to be someone in her eyes, wholly unaware or unwilling to believe that everything she wants is already in front of her.
“Pass,” they say eventually, eyes flicking back to Susie as they relax back into the counter. “Maybe next time.”
Susie must see something in their expression, because she crosses the distance in a few short steps and kisses them hard. They clearly hadn’t been expecting it, because they look a little dazed when she pulls away.
“I’m gonna go shower,” she reiterates, “and then we’re gonna do a whole lot more of that, got it?”
Kris licks their lips and nods, eyes following her as she just as swiftly storms off toward the bathroom. Noelle laughs into her hand— it’s just, they look so starstruck, and it’s just… cute.
“I forget I can just do that now,” they mumble, busying their hands with their coffee again, even as their ears go red.
“That’s okay,” Noelle says, leaning in to kiss them again. She can feel the pleased hum they let out catch between their lips. The future after the end of the world has always been a daunting prospect, but it doesn’t seem so scary now. “We’ll just have to keep reminding you.”