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The world was spinning. Opening his eyes slightly, it took him a second in the morning haze to identify his own room: the white curtain, the dresser and the desk under the window. The world was spinning and he felt the bizarre almost acid taste of dry saliva in his mouth. Disgust turned his stomach and Minho whipped around as if trying to shrink back into the sheets to hide again in his dreams.
The sheets were soaked through and sticking uncomfortably to his thighs as he tried to toss or roll over. He groaned softly, breathing in discomfort against the damp pillow. Sweat, a little saliva maybe, and slick. Minho could feel it rolling down his inner thighs, uncomfortably making the sheets sticky and soggy to the touch. The sensation was irritating and disgusting, but the mere thought of moving and getting up from the mattress exhausted him.
The world was spinning. No, scratch that. Minho's head was spinning and as much as he wanted to hide and disappear into the sheets, the damp feeling was bothering him, making him hyper-aware of his own state.
It was hard to tell what time it was, but the sun was streaming through the window and falling right where Minho was trying to turn into a cocoon folding over himself. He grunted in annoyance, the excessive brightness bothering him as he tried to look up at the open window, as if he could protest it with his eyes alone. Who the hell had left it open? Minho never left the blinds open.
Then, as he planned how to scramble from the bed to close it, his gaze fell on the nightstand between his bed and the desk under the window. Next to the bedside lamp his cell phone rang with a notification and, making a superhuman effort, Minho reached out to grab it. He had several unread messages. The group chat was at the top of the list, about fifty messages had accumulated. Minho didn't look at all of them, just slid over Hyunjin's complaints, Jisung's memes. His finger paused briefly over the most recent messages.
Yongbook-ah: Minho didn't come to class today. ???
Jisung jagiya: He hasn't responded to my texts either and last night he didn't watch the tiktoks I sent him. HYUNGGGGG COME BACK.
Jisung jagiya: [sad sticker]
Hwang Hyunjin: Yesterday he seemed to feel bad during dance practice?
Hwang Hyunjin: Maybe he’s sick?
Jeongin: Hyung has been acting strange since the other day.
Channie hyung: The nurse said he should just rest and let his cycle adjust.
Seo Changbin: @Seungmo ?
Seungmo: He was sleeping when I left the dorm.
Yongbook-ah: Ah, maybe he's still exhausted :(((( ??
Seungmo: Prob. Yup.
Hwang Hyunjin: Ugh.
Jisung jagiya: [crying sticker]
Seungmo: I already delivered a note to his apartment to excuse him for the day.
The conversation drifted from there. Felix had sent a link about some fashion club event and Hyunjin was complaining that the timetable overlapped with some of his lectures. Changbin had sent a selfie in the chemistry lab and Chan had excused himself from lunch in the cafeteria, saying he had a meeting with a professor. Minho put his phone away, closing his eyes for another moment and feeling his chest tighten.
He didn't want his friends to worry, much less witness this neglected version of himself that he had been over the past few days. It was his fault, Minho was aware it was his fault. At first he had been fine, it was easy to pretend everything was fine. His heats were, however, hell. they had always been, but now the lonely pit in his stomach made them worse and turned him into the whinier, weaker version of himself that he preferred to bury away. The only logical choice was to avoid them.
It was easier, much easier, when the suppressants numbed his senses and kept his hormones from affecting him too much. Every morning he would take one of the pills and when he was supposed to, according to the prescription, stop until his next cycle came, Minho would start a new blister pack right away. He knew , he knew it was bad and that he shouldn't be messing with his hormonal system: his omega, though muted by the drugs, stirred uncomfortably with the chemical way Minho had decided to suppress it.
But Minho was stubborn and it was easier to continue poisoning his body with chemicals than the alternative, than this: lying in bed while feeling the emptiness eat him up. Minho was so empty, so alone, so miserably alone. The loneliness pressed on his chest and suddenly he couldn't breathe. The world was spinning, his head was spinning. He turned over, trying to breathe, taking deep breaths in vain, he was choking. He held a hand to his chest, grasping the soggy, useless piece of cloth, and coughed. It was a dry cough that soon became watery and Minho watched the droplets of blood paint polka dots on the pillow. The metallic taste was accompanied by the fragrance of rotting flowers. Nothing came out, but Minho could breathe again, shakily, as if trying to recover himself.
No, he could not, he felt on the edge of an impassable abyss. His omega stirred and begged. Ah, it had been whining every day since the nurse at the Health Center had told him he should rest from the suppressants if he didn't want to have major problems or permanent damage. If only he could explain to her that the opposite was worse. The woman had looked at him with pity and Minho had felt furious and had wanted to cry. His omega was angry, it was angry that Minho had pushed it for so long and Minho was going to suffer the consequences: he was already suffering them.
Minho wanted to cry, but the feeling of the damp sheets clinging to his exposed skin was more unpleasant and humiliating, so he eventually gathered enough strength to get up. The first thing he did was shuffle his feet into the kitchen, his brain clear enough for a second for Minho to remember that during his hot flashes he should stay hydrated. One glass wasn't enough, Minho gulped down three of them to wash away the taste of blood and try to get rid of the fragrance of rotting flowers that flooded his senses.
His stomach growled, but the mere thought of eating made him gag, so he refrained. There was a cup of coffee on the counter and Minho looked at it for a long second. It was cold when Minho brushed it with his fingers and he knew the coffee would probably taste bitter and unsavory, but he lifted it to his lips anyway and drank. The coffee was cold and indeed tasted bitter and unsavory, but it warmed him inside, soothing his omega.
Ah, stupid omega.
Minho left the cup in the sink and returned to his room. The clouds in his head cleared a little and now that his mouth was no longer dry, he took a bath. He felt dirty, all sticky between his legs —although there wasn't much he could do about it. He washed until the sensitive skin on his shoulders and chest was reddish and returned to his room with his hair still damp and only a towel around his waist.
Although the window was open the scent in the room was heavy and Minho hurried to remove the sheets from the bed. Hastily wrapped, he carried them to the laundry room and quickly put them in the machine. Mechanically he put them in the wash and once the machine started cranking Minho plopped down on the floor. The cold metal against his back soothed the sensation of burning from the inside out. It was hard to tell how many minutes he sat there, in the laundry room, where the soft scent of lavender and soap soothed his senses a little.
Beneath the smell of lavender and soap there was another, milder and warmer smell. Minho sniffed the air and his nose found its way to the laundry basket where Seungmin's clothes were piled for the weekend's laundry. Objectively and rationally Minho would never have gone near another human being's dirty clothes. But Minho wasn't being particularly rational, so he crawled over to the laundry basket and took a deep breath, feeling the faint scent of the beta caress his senses and clear once and for all the fragrance of rotting flowers that stuck in his throat.
There was no point, this would only soothe him for so long. These clothes were only a substitute for what he couldn't have. Minho was playing with fire, testing how much he could bend the limit without breaking it, without breaking himself. But the world was spinning and it felt so damn good to press his cheek against the pile of clothes in the basket.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
He was fine.
It started as a mild cough, sporadic and apparently harmless, with no specific pattern. Minho hadn't given it any thought until the cough turned into difficulty breathing. The first time he ran out of air was during lunchtime. Hyunjin had set aside a table for all of them and as usual everyone was talking and conversation flowed over the food, surrounded by the noises of the university cafeteria. Minho was slurping his noodles when in the middle of a joke Changbin wrapped an arm around Seungmin, circling his neck with his forearm and making the beta explode in laughter in the midst of their tussle. It was a common game between them, the younger one was always teasing Changbin until the alpha would roughly return the game.
The group of friends was used to it, Minho was used to it. But his stomach churned and his chest tightened. Then he was coughing, Jisung passed him the glass of water and Minho tried to drink it, gasping for air. On the other side Chan patted his back until Minho regained his breath.
“Hyung? Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked and Minho could feel all the eyes at the table on him, especially Seungmin's from the other side.
“Yes...” He dismissed it with one hand and pushed the bowl of noodles away. “I just choked.”
“Ughh, that's so annoying.” Hyunjin said, somewhat empathetically and quietly, the conversation drifted off again.
When the shortness of breath became more present, Minho visited the Health Center, but the nurse who examined him assured him that no, he had not developed sudden asthma. It would be good to have some x-rays, she had said, but Minho had simply requested a prescription for cough relief.
He was fine.
The first petals did not come immediately, but Minho remembered them. It was a cold night, he'd stayed in the library bending his elbows for his mechanical physics exam. His eyes were closing over the books when someone set a cup of coffee down next to him. “I don't think that's a good way to study.”
Minho blinked and his eyes found Seungmin standing beside him. The beta tilted his head, looking tender as he looked at the older man with those dark, mysterious eyes, and the omega felt his whole face heat up. “Yah, what would you know about that, Kim Seungmin.” He snorted, sipping his coffee to bring down the lump that was forming in his throat.
The younger one let out a chuckle and Minho choked on his coffee and coughed. The other one's eyes widened with concern, “Are you catching a cold?” he asked innocently and offered him a handkerchief —sometimes he behaved as if he didn't belong in this century. Minho used it to cover his mouth and when he removed it he found a small dark petal, soaked with blood. His heart skipped a beat and before Seungmin saw it, he caught it in the handkerchief, hiding it.
He would bury it deep, bury it very deep. No, he had already buried it. Or was he still trying to cover it with dirt?
He was fine.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
It was mid-afternoon when Minho felt a cold hand touch his forehead. He groaned with a low sound, opening his eyes slowly. The world was spinning again, and it took Minho a second too long to identify Seungmin's face through the fog. The beta was moving his lips and it took him a minute to decipher his words, “You're burning hot.”
“Seungmin-ah... wh-where’re you going-...” Minho slurred, rolling on the bed as Seungmin turned away to look for something.
Seungmin usually stayed late into the night studying at the library, he said the atmosphere helped him concentrate. Minho only sat in the library during exam time, but Seungmin was a nerd. He had been in the library when he was called from the SNU Health Center a couple of nights ago when Minho collapsed in the dance club room.
It was only mid-afternoon and Seungmin was back in the dorm. He was back earlier because of him. Minho's chest tightened and he felt the familiar pressure in his throat. No, no, no, no, no. He tried to stop the coughing, but it erupted anyway, rattling his chest and leaving him breathless. He covered his mouth and felt the red dripping between the gaps within his fingers onto the pillow. The rotting smell of flowers permeated his senses as Seungmin returned with a glass of water and some medicine.
“Hyung, you should take-....” Seungmin interrupted and Minho refused to look at him. He wiped his hand on the pillow, because it was ruined anyway. The dark, soggy petals making a bizarre picture in contrast to the white and blood.
He hadn't rearranged the bed with clean sheets. He had barely made it back to his room and, allowing his omega to take over for the first time in months, used Seungmin's dirty clothes to cover the mattress. He had at least put on underwear and one of the beta's hoodies, because the soft touch let him imagine it was Seungmin's skin against his skin.
There was an awkward silence, Minho's eyes watered as he felt he couldn't smell the beta over the rotten aroma. “Fuck, fuck, fuck ...” He mumbled through his teeth, wincing.
Maybe Seungmin said something, Minho couldn't be sure.
“I didn't want you to see it...” He muttered. He tried to sit up, to clean himself and hide from Seungmin. He didn't want to know what look he had in his eyes. Minho couldn't smell it, all he could smell was the rotting blood and despair was returning to his skin.
“Hyung.”
A pause. Then quieter, “What… is this?”
He didn’t sound scared yet. Just confused, unsure of how to approach Minho. He crouched by the bed, eyes flicking from the blood to the petals to Minho’s face and the stains on his lips, his lips that were trembling as he avoided the beta’s eyes.
“I'm fine, Kim Seungmin.” He tried to keep his tone normal, but he made the mistake of looking at the beta out of the corner of his eye and when he met his eyes, softened with worry and fear, his voice broke on the last syllable.
“That’s blood.” He didn't move closer and for a second Minho didn’t know if he wanted him to get closer or to get away. “And petals. Hyung?"
No. This shouldn't be happening.
“I didn't want you to see it...” He slurred again, trying to hold back the sobs, burying deeper into the hoodie, searching for the fading trace of Seungmin’s scent. “Don’t look, don’t look…”
The world was spinning because Seungmin was seeing him like this: like the weeping mess that was Minho on top of his dirty clothes and a stained pillow. It had to be an unpleasant sight. Minho was an ugly picture. It was a thought born of momentary frustration, one he wouldn't have had if his mind had been clear and not in a state of frantic need to hide, make himself smaller, and run away from the beta's eyes. But it was the thought that made him cry.
The mattress dipped when Seungmin moved to him and Minho panicked at the mere idea of Seungmin getting close enough to smell the rot coming from him too. The death.
“Don’t….” He repeated under his breath, feeling like he was getting out of air. The world stopped spinning when suddenly Minho felt arms hold him. “I didn't want you to see it...”
“Hyung, hyung, it's okay.”
Minho wanted to hide, to turn away and turn into a cocoon among hoodies and tracksuits. His omega wouldn't let him and urgently clung to the beta, climbing over him until his nose found the base of Seungmin's neck and pressed against the warm skin. He didn't have the mind to be ashamed, to think.
He didn't have the mind to be ashamed, to think that the way he was now clinging to Seungmin threw away all his efforts to bury his feelings. His mind had room for only one thing. Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin. Soothing hands lulled at his back, soft circles through the sweatshirt. And slowly, Minho's sobs died down and he fell asleep again, clinging to the beta.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
Flowers growing in your lungs.
It was a myth. At least, It was supposed to be.
Or at least something that was supposed to happen only in manga or anime. Never to anyone Minho knew. Never to Minho. It was supposed to be a myth and yet Minho couldn't deny the petals bursting from his throat.
He had told no one, not even Jisung or Chan, with whom he shared almost everything. Jisung would probably freak out or couldn't help but blurt it out unintentionally and Chan would probably feel guilty and treat Minho differently. After all, he was the one who had introduced Minho to Seungmin when the latter was looking for a roommate and the omega needed to move closer to the university.
He hadn't even been to the doctor. It didn't make sense, Minho had read enough online to know he only had two options. He had discarded one as impossible and all that was left was to get rid of his feelings. And Minho had been trying to forget them for the past few months. He had really tried. But if Minho was stubborn, even more so was his omega, who refused to let go of the beta. It cried for Seungmin during every heat and Minho had to bite the sounds into his pillow, terrified that his roommate would hear him moaning his name. It was for this reason that he had started taking suppressants.
For a few weeks he thought the problem was that Seungmin was always there: they had lunch at the same table with their group of friends, Minho would sporadically join him to study, Seungmin would pick him up from his dance club practices to come home, and they would have dinner together almost every night. And for weeks he had tried to avoid it, because perhaps if the beta's presence in his days was minimized, Minho would get the idea that his world could not be revolving around the beta as the beta's would never revolve around him. It had been the worst weeks of his life.
He would get up earlier and leave home before Seungmin could make him coffee. He would order himself one of the cheap, watered-down cups of coffee on campus and make excuses not to have lunch with his friends. Every time he had dance practice he would text an excuse for Seungmin not to pick him up: he would stay longer, leave early, meet someone from his class, have dinner out... and in any case, Seungmin should go home without him.
It worked for a short time. Not seeing Seungmin meant not having to remember what he couldn't have. But, as soon as Minho began to miss him, his will fell apart. Every time Seungmin responded with a sad emoji face to one of his elusive messages, Minho's chest felt tight. And that day when he forgot his alarm and woke up smelling of coffee, Minho had to lock himself in the bathroom for a long time.
No matter how hard Minho pushed, his feelings came rushing back into his throat in petal-like clusters. At first they had been white camellia flowers, but they had darkened and for several months now, hellebore had been growing in his throat.
Flowers growing in your lungs. It was supposed to be a myth, but Minho would one day suffocate and die from it, because it was easier than letting go, because he didn't want to let go. Seungmin would never have him as his, but he would always belong to Seungmin.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
When Minho woke up again, he was alone. He felt heavy limbs and the wet between his legs. Rolling onto his other side, he sprawled, as if looking for something, but the bed was cold and empty. He opened his eyes gently and found nothing but his room in semi-darkness. Outside the window it was getting dark and on the small table beside him was a glass of water.
He didn't know what time it was: the curtains were closed and Minho didn't feel like reaching for his cell phone. He stirred, burying his nose in the sheets and messy clothes. The scent was faint, his own smell dulling it.
Seungmin probably left the room as soon as Minho fell asleep. If he had not, if he had reclined with the omega, if he had held him a little longer, his scent would have lingered on the sheets. But of course Seungmin hadn't stayed, the rational part of Minho mused –the part that was pushing his omega down, the part that hated the way his body craved the fading scent of beta in the clothes of his improvised nest.
Why would Seungmin stay? Why would he hold Minho close to his chest? Why would he caress the omega tenderly or ever kiss his cheeks to soothe him? His omega shrank, and Minho let out a small sob, feeling the lump in his throat. Seungmin would take care of him just because they were friends, just because Seungmin was caring enough to worry about Minho drinking water and eating something during his heat. Nothing more. Nothing more. Seungmin would never feel more for Minho.
Minho knew that. There had been no need for Seungmin to say it directly. Minho never really verbalized his feelings to be rejected. A part of him knew it was pointless, that it would only tear him apart and shatter their friendship as well. But another part of him, more irrational and deep, had clung with his teeth and nails to the lack of a refusal and had let the flowers grow, allowing the pointless love to flood him deep into sickness.
He didn't even realize he was crying, didn't even realize he was coughing, until there was a hand on his shoulder. His senses jolted, fear and hope curling up in equal parts. He didn't want Seungmin to see him. He wanted Seungmin to see him. But it wasn't Seungmin's voice that called out, "Minho-yah..."
Minho turned, moving away from the hand with a growl. Chan took a step back, his soft eyes taking in the scene in front of him, “Hey, easy, it's okay.” He said, a soft tone. “I'm just here to check on you.” Slowly, seeing that Minho didn't jump up to bite him or anything, Chan tried again, this time reaching for the glass on the table, "Here, have some, yeah...it'll help."
Hesitantly, Minho sat up a bit, making sure to cover his lap with the pillow before accepting the glass and taking a small sip. Chan's expression was indecipherable, calm, always steady, always there for his dongsaengs. Any other time, Minho would have leaned against him, would have let the only hyung he had in his group of friends pat his hair and tell him it was okay. Now, however, as soon as Minho let the water lower the lump in his throat and let him breathe again, all Minho wanted was for the alpha to leave the room.
"Seungmin?" he muttered, wiping his face with his wrist and trying to compose himself, which was difficult when the alpha's scent was settling in the room.
Chan was anything but a threat to his omega in heat: even before he started dating Felix, Minho knew he could find comfort in Chan without fear that the alpha was going to take more than Minho allowed or asked for —which was usually just food, water, and some cuddling. So Minho wasn't sure why his omega wanted him away now, it wasn't fear, he didn't have a reason to be afraid of Chan. Nor did he yearn for him, as it would have been possible in the midst of the heat for an omega to desire any alpha they trusted. He simply wanted him away, out of his room, because his scent was too strong... too strong for Minho to pick up on that of the absent beta.
“He's making you something to eat.” Chan explained, "He was worried about you, that's why he called me."
Chan took the glass back, setting it on the table before eyeing the edge of the bed,
“Can I...?”
Minho grunted and Chan arched his eyebrows, but raised his hands and stepped back, dragging the desk chair to sit instead.
“What's going on, Minho?” he asked then, giving him a worried look. Minho hated that expression on Chan, it made him feel guilty for making him worry. “Seungmin said you were coughing up blood... and petals.” The last he said, looking towards the area of the mattress where Minho had been cowering crying when Chan came in.
"Nothing. I'm fine." He forced himself to reply.
“Minho.” Chan scolded, his expression softening again after a second. His eyes looked sad. He knew, Chan knew. And if he knew, then so did Seungmin. And the rest of his friends. Minho felt his chest tighten, shame and fear. "Minho, we just want to help, if you would tell me..... why didn't you tell me before that you were...?"
"No." Minho stirred, he was beginning to feel physically uncomfortable with the essence of the alpha surrounding his senses. “Please, just...”
"If not me, then Jisung. Or anyone. Why are you repressing it? You know we'd listen to you and we wouldn't have..."
“I can't.” The omega replied, bringing a hand to his chest and squeezing the fabric of the shirt, taking a deep breath, but drowning in the alpha's scent. “I can't.” He didn't even realize he was holding back tears until the door opened and his eyes met Seungmin.
The beta tilted his head shyly, with a tap on the wood, as if asking for permission. The world became a blur and Minho cracked. He let out a whining sound and before he knew it he was stretching his arms out for the beta, desperate. As soon as Seungmin was near the bed, Minho threw himself at him, unable to contain the urge, he clung to his waist and nuzzled in to find his scent, letting out a moan.
Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin.
Seungmin staggered and Chan had to hold the tray of food, so the beta –with eyes widened in surprise– turned to hold Minho and stabilized himself, putting one knee on the mattress. For Minho it wasn't enough, he dragged him closer, he needed him closer. “Hyung...” Seungmin mumbled, but Minho managed to sit on his lap, clinging to him like a lifeline.
“Don't go.” He murmured, low enough for only Seungmin to hear.
A hand on the back of his neck, shyly stroking the hair that fell over the back of his neck, and then softly, “I’m not going anywhere.”
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
“I'm never going to have something like them.” Seungmin had said.
He was a little drunk, perhaps drunker than Minho had ever seen him since they met. Minho turned to look at him, the beta resting his head on the omega's shoulder as he looked out the bus window. It was about four in the morning, most of the passengers were returning home after a long shift or leaving for a very early shift. Minho just wanted to get home and sleep and until a moment ago he had assumed the beta was dozing on his shoulder.
They were on their way home from celebrating the formal pairing of Chan and Felix, where Felix had proudly displayed —making Chan embarrassed— the mark on his neck. It had been Han's idea and no one had really objected, after all, everyone had watched the love story of those two unfold and they were all happy that it had finally worked out. Hyunjin had insisted on going karaoke after dinner and most had ended up drunk. Minho had only stopped himself from drinking too much, because he knew he had to make sure he and Seungmin got home safely.
"Hm?" Minho arched an eyebrow, eyes fixed on Seungmin's pout,
"A mate." He said, and there was something deeply sad in his voice. "I'm never going to have a mate. Like Chan and Lixie."
Minho felt his heart shrink and frowned, “What are you talking about, Seungmin-ah.” He puffed, he'd never been good with sappy talk. Sometimes Jisung forced him to listen to him whine —it wasn't easy to romance Yang Jeongin— but Minho had never expected to have to talk about feelings precisely with Kim Seungmin.
The beta always looked uninterested, since they had lived together he had never brought anyone home —Minho hadn't either, but that wasn't the point— and his rather nonchalant nature seemed only to be interested in books, music, and baseball.
"A mate. Minho-hyung will have one too." Seungmin kept muttering in his drunken tone, slurring the consonants. The omega nearly snorted and relented enough to tell Seungmin to cut the crap when he was handsome and a good catch: there weren't many people who wouldn't want to date him. “I'll never want anyone like that.”
“Like that?” Minho found himself asking, feeling like he was walking on an unwritten boundary, that Seungmin was giving him more of himself than he usually gave anyone.
"I've never desired anyone, like omegas or alphas do."
He paused and it was almost as if he had fallen asleep again. "I'm a beta. There is no other half to yearn for. I can’t mate, I don’t desire to." He muttered and Minho stopped the hand he was moving towards Seungmin's, "...'s ‘kay. I just sometimes think it's sad I won’t get to love anyone like that."
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
Seungmin was afraid. He had never been so afraid as he was now, with Minho clinging to his shirt, nose buried in Seungmin's neck as he took in shaky breaths. Seungmin had never seen the omega being weak in any way, being vulnerable, allowing himself to cry or even looking like he needed to. And Seungmin couldn't help but wonder how much Minho had pushed down, how many feelings he had put aside so that they were now overflowing into this tearful version of him. Ever since they'd moved in together, Seungmin had known he could trust Minho, could drop some of the weight from his shoulders and let his hyung help him hold some of it.
Now, as his hands stroked the sweat-damp hair on the back of Minho's neck, Seungmin just wanted to know what the weight on his hyung's shoulders was, to carry it with him.
Seungmin held him close, rocking him in his arms until he felt Minho relax, until Minho seemed to understand that Seungmin wasn't going anywhere. Seungmin wouldn't go anywhere, not when his hyung needed him so desperately.
No. Even if he didn't need him, Seungmin wouldn't leave.
If Minho had accepted help from Chan or any other alpha in his group of friends, Seungmin would have stayed just the same. He would have sat in the living room, or paced around the kitchen in circles and double-checked that his hyung was okay. If Minho had not accepted anyone's help and preferred to lock himself in, Seungmin would have sat outside his door, grateful for his imperceptible scent. Seungmin would have stayed either way.
When Minho's crying had quieted on Seungmin's shoulder, Chan whispered,
“I think I'd better go. You know the basics, right? I know you took a second gender biology course with Lix.”
The beta looked at him with some fear and hot cheeks, still holding Minho, “Hyung.”
“You'll be fine, Seungmin-ah.” The alpha said, messing his hair with fondness and a big brother's smile. The omega growled, possessively clinging to Seungmin and the older one pulled his hand away. “Minho doesn't seem to want anyone else around and my scent only gets him more distressed.”
Seungmin frowned slightly, confused, and the elder just shook his head.
"Call me if anything is wrong, if you think we should take him to the hospital or something." There was a pause as Chan grabbed his jacket, “I think he'll be fine as long as he's with you.”
Seungmin didn't know what to reply to and Chan left the room without much more, just one last glance to make sure Seungmin nodded. It was true that most of the time it was Minho who shared the weight of Seungmin's shoulders: making sure the beta had a healthy dinner, watching that his breakfast wasn't just coffee and interrupting his study sessions just so Seungmin wouldn't overdo it.
And it was scary to think that Minho needed him out of all people.
No one had ever needed Seungmin. Sure, he knew that his friends enjoyed having him around, that in exam weeks Jeongin would look for his help, that Felix always sought his approval and advice when he felt insecure and that Hyunjin always came to him to talk about things he wouldn't talk about with anyone else.
But Seungmin didn't think of himself as indispensable. As a need . He was just a good friend. A normal friend doing stuff anyone would do for their friends.
He had once told Changbin that, and his hyung had given him a scowl, "What kind of nonsense, Seungmin-ah? Are you drunk? You're a part of the pack just like any other of us."
They had washed it off with another beer, and Changbin had tried to shake that stupid thought out of him with overly tight hugs and pats on the back as they laughed at Jisung on the other side of the table. Seungmin knew his hyung was right and, don't get him wrong, he didn't think any of his friends loved him any less for being a beta.
But Seungmin also knew that no one would ever need him. Not in the way Felix knew he needed Chan, for example. He had never considered it a possibility and now, as Minho clung to him and slowly brushed his nose against the skin of Seungmin's neck, the beta was afraid. What if Chan was wrong and it wasn't enough that Seungmin was there. And if Minho needed something that Seungmin couldn't give him. Then what?
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Before Chan showed up at his apartment that November afternoon, stepping aside to introduce his friend as he said, "Seungmin-ah, this is the friend I told you about who needs a place to live closer to the countryside, Lee Minho", Seungmin already had a crush on him.
The first time he had seen Minho had been one afternoon when he passed by to pick up Hyunjin outside the dance club room. His friend was being held up, so Seungmin, like any normal person with a schedule and a desire to get home, poked his head in to find him. He had no trouble spotting him, getting directions from someone else. Hyunjin saw him over the other person's shoulder and seemed to remember their appointment, so he quickly apologized to this “hyung” and hurried to grab his things and leave with Seungmin.
When the older one turned around, he frowned at Seungmin and the beta couldn't help the bubble of curiosity in his stomach.
It had not been instant love. Seungmin neither understood the concept of love at first sight nor believed in it —no matter how much Hyunjin insisted it was real and he had felt it a couple times . But if he had made a habit of picking up his friend from the dance club on Fridays for coffee afterwards, just to get a glimpse of that senior, no one needed to know.
It had been a pleasant surprise when Minho had shown up at his house with Chan. Of course, it hadn't been because of his crush that he'd accepted Minho as a roommate. That afternoon they had gone through a long list of questions about habits and preferences, because Seungmin was nothing if not methodical.
Minho answering all the questions in a way that suited Seungmin's preferences and habits had been just another pleasant surprise. When Seungmin got to the last question and decided that was it, putting the survey aside, he looked up and blinked in confusion at the senior's frown,
"Is there a problem?"
"You didn't ask about my secondary gender." Minho said.
Seungmin gave Chan a glance, confused. His hyung knew that Seungmin was looking preferably for a beta flatmate. That would make things more comfortable between them. So when Chan brought Minho over, introducing him as what he believed would be a perfect match for Seungmin's life, he had just assumed.
Chan scratched the back of his neck, slightly uncomfortable and avoided Seungmin's eyes. The junior had no choice but to ask, “Aren't you a beta?”
Minho blinked as if that had surprised him, arching his eyebrows curiously, “Assuming that just because I said I don't usually bring unfamiliar people home is a bit much.”
Before Seungmin could respond, Chan interjected, “No, no, Minho-yah, it's just that Seungmin-ah had told me that he would prefer a roommate who was a beta like him, so he must have been mistaken.” He let out an awkward chuckle, "Anyway I think Minho would be a great roommate for you, Seungmin-ah. I don't think him being an omega would be a problem. Right?"
An omega? Minho was an omega? Seungmin remembered looking at him more closely and thinking that nothing about Minho quite called out omega. Certainly he was shorter than Seungmin and there was something soft about his eyes and the shape of his lips. But on the other hand the demeanor, the confidence, the way the shirt was tight around his chest and it looked like Minho exercised regularly, would have made it easier to guess he was an alpha.
“No, no, uh...” He tried to say quickly, excusing himself. "It's not a problem. I'm sorry I assumed wrong." The last he said, throwing a glance at Chan, who smiled apologetically.
Minho snorted, “Okay.” He paused, looking Seungmin up and down and the beta could have sworn he saw him sniff a little more intentionally, as if he wanted to catch his scent. "Anyway if you want to add any questions about it to your .... quiz."
Seungmin blushed slightly, "No, I don't think it's necessary. If you like, you can move in whenever you want."
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“Here, Hyung, have some water, please” Seungmin murmured, his voice soft as if he was afraid of scaring Minho.
The omega pulled his nose away from Seungmin's neck and turned his face enough for Seungmin to put the edge of the glass to his lips. Gently he tilted it, letting Minho drink. The silence was a little awkward, Minho still sitting on his lap, arms around Seungmin and fingers clutching at his shirt. He didn’t want to think about the wetness he felt against his thigh, he made the mental quick choice to ignore it.
“Thank you.” He murmured in a deep voice, pulling away when he'd had enough to drink.
Seungmin reached out and set the glass down on the nightstand, not making an attempt to disentangle himself from Minho.
The omega hid his face in Seungmin's neck again and the beta felt his nose caressing at his skin, seeking his scent closer to his jaw and then down over his adam's apple and toward the junction with his collar. Minho mapped him slowly, instinctively going to the places where his scent would be strongest.
"Hyung... don't you want to eat something? I cooked some seaweed soup and..." He said, his voice low, but Minho groaned,
"I'm not hungry, Seungmin-ah."
Seungmin swallowed dryly, taking a deep breath as he reviewed in his mind what to do. He felt Minho press on the base of his neck, where the pheromone gland was normally located and Seungmin's heart clenched as he felt a faint dissatisfied moan from the omega.
"I... I-I'm sorry, hyung, there's nothing there, it's..."
“You smell like coffee.”
Seungmin’s heart skipped a beat, and Minho straightened up a little, just enough to look him in the eyes. Seungmin held his gaze, not quite sure what to do. He wished for a second that Chan had stayed, that he had told him what was okay to do and what was off limits. Minho's eyes stared back at him, darkened and somewhat moist, the rims still red from crying. Seungmin wondered if there was still any rational part of Minho, if Minho had ever embraced Seungmin this way, as if he needed it, if he wasn't in heat.
The silence grew heavy and after a second he saw the blush spread across Minho's cheeks and it was as if the omega was suddenly self-conscious. Minho pulled away, withdrawing his hands and pushing himself off Seungmin's lap, brow slightly furrowed, “I'm sorry, it's...” He took a deep breath, his words slightly choppy as he squeezed his knees together, “Sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Seungmin asked, feeling the loss of Minho's body against his own.
"For... all of this. For me–" He made a small upset sound, closing his eyes and covering his face with his hands, pressing the palms over his eyes. "Shit. Shit. You're uncomfortable, I'm... Shit."
“Hyung...” Seungmin couldn't help but reach out, trying to touch him, or somehow comfort him, reassure him that it was alright.
He backed away from the beta's touch, trembling a bit, he took deep breaths, hands falling from his face to clutch the bedsheets. Minho babbled about hating the way his body was reacting, about hating the itchy feeling on his skin, about hating this broken, weak version of himself. Seungmin didn't understand half of his words, but he frowned. Minho was talking too fast, his breathing became labored. And then he choked again.
“Fuck.” Seungmin reached out, instinctively trying to hold him. Minho shivered, gasping for air he couldn’t find on his lungs where all left was petals overgrown. “Hyung, it's okay, breathe, hyung, look at me.” Seungmin called softly, both hands reaching for his cheeks. Minho’s eyes went wet as coughs overcame him with petals and blood staining his fingers when he tried to cover it from falling onto Seungmin.
When the cough was past and Minho was breathing again, Seungmin was still holding his face, looking at him with eyes full of worry. Then, when Minho dared to look up at his eyes again, he begged, “Talk to me, hyung. Tell me what's wrong.” A pause, “Tell me what you need me to do.”
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It bloomed slowly.
For someone whose previous roommate left dirty dishes piled up for a week, forgot to do laundry and woke up with a terrible hangover and two strangers on Saturday mornings, living with Seungmin was a blessing. The beta always woke up before Minho, even on Saturdays; not only was he neatly organized, but also having them divide the chores on a board had been his idea.
At first, as they adjusted to existing around each other —around Seungmin's stress and Minho's nonverbal days— it had been a bit awkward. Awkward as it was to learn a new dance routine with a new group where everyone is still not used to each other's movements and someone keeps stepping on your foot or you keep bumping into someone who can't keep up.
Sometimes Seungmin would bring food home when Minho was already preparing dinner, sometimes Minho would be too tired to wash the dishes properly and Seungmin would stand at his side to give instructions or drive him crazy, sometimes Seungmin would use his shampoo and Minho would steal his moisturizer in return. Sometimes Minho was too tired to be functional and Seungmin got grumpy over his shoes by the door. Sometimes Seungmin was too careless about himself or his eating and Minho had to lecture him with a wooden spatula, threatening to hit him if Seungmin didn’t eat something other than energy drinks and coffee during his exams or the university’s baseball team play season.
Seungmin's personality tended to push Minho's buttons and Minho, who had always had to restrain himself, responded and found that the beta only responded by taking it to the next level. The way they could match each other was probably why they ended up drawing a complex waltz around the other, matching the other’s steps and finding a way to step and complement the other without shrinking themselves.
In the end they had settled on the comfort of knowing each other as an extension of themselves: Seungmin knew when to stock the fridge with sugary drinks and pudding for Minho during his heats or during the times his dance club had a performance; and Minho knew how to get Seungmin out of his excessively long study sessions by cooking his favorite food and letting the smell fly through the house.
Their groups of friends became totally intermingled in the span of a few months living together. And before either of them knew it, they were both the source of pranks aimed at Changbin, and Jisung protested when he was teased by both of them at the same time. Jeongin, the latest addition to the group, had come to think that the two were dating by the way they behaved. Chan would just smile at their fooling around, at the way they both had a soft spot for Felix or how Hyunjin would act jealous if his “best friend” Seungmin chose Minho for his team during game night.
Chan smiled as if he knew , as if he had seen what Minho couldn't. As if he had noticed the way all Seungmin’s clothes smelled like Minho sometimes, the way Minho bumped against him with a stupid excuse, the way Minho tended to glare longer at the beta, or the way he was between nervous and too comfortable every time their skin touched. Or maybe he had noticed the way Seungmin always glanced at Minho after a joke, making sure his hyung had laughed, the way Seungmin kept buying ingredients for his hyung even when he didn’t ask, the way his eyes followed Minho’s legs when they went to one of his dance performances.
It had blossomed so slowly that none of them had noticed the flowers on each other’s skins.
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“Talk to me, hyung. Tell me what's wrong.” Seungmin had asked, “Tell me what you need me to do.” Seungmin begged. Those puppy eyes full of worry, those eyes full of promises Minho knew Seungmin would hold.
“You-u.” He found himself answering. Not sure if he was speaking out loud or if his mind was too loud. “I need you .”
He couldn't take it anymore.
“Touch me.” Minho said, softly, not quite shy, not quite sure. Seungmin's eyes widened a little, Minho thought he saw a glint, but as he averted his out of embarrassment, he couldn't be sure. When a second passed and Seungmin still hadn't jumped over to claim him, Minho felt his omega curl in on itself. He wanted to cry. But he didn't, he growled, “I need you to touch me now, Kim Seungmin”, a tiny part of his brain suggesting that the beta was too respectful and too Seungmin, because he was past logic, he prompted himself to catch his lips.
Seungmin's hands did not leave his cheeks as the beta's breath hitched at the first contact. Seungmin's hands held him close and pulled him back when Minho hesitated and tried to pull away. Seungmin's lips were soft, not overly soft, not overly gentle or big, just enough for Minho to melt when the beta kissed him back.
The kiss grew out from a peck, lips opening for more, short gasps as Minho’s hands went to Seungmin’s shoulders to grab, to pull. Minho's mind was chaos, a chorus of voices chanting: Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin. The kiss tasted like Seungmin. The coffee overpowering the metal taste of blood on his lip. And Minho wanted to drown himself in the scent. The faint scent wasn’t faint anymore, it was all over his senses and Minho whined, finally pleased. A bit, at least. Because a kiss wasn’t enough.
Minho didn’t have the patience to wait for Seungmin. He grabbed a bunch at his t-shirt, pulling and using the strength in his legs to pull him closer, willingly falling with his legs open and Seungmin in between. The beta broke the kiss to breathe, panting as Minho looked up at him with wet eyes and red cheeks. Seungmin opened his mouth, as if he was gonna talk, as if his brain was running too fast, and Minho made a soft crying sound. If Seungmin stopped them now, he would certainly die.
“It hurts.” He said, effectively cutting Seungmin’s thoughts. “Please.”
Like turning a switch.
“It’s okay, it’s okay, hyung, I’m here.” Seungmin whispered, lips finding Minho’s again.
Minho melted again, a soft moan and his hands moving to Seungmin’s back.
“I got you.” The beta promised before kissing him again.
There was fear in Seungmin's fingers that ventured to Minho's waist, as if he knew they were on the edge, dancing past a limit. His hand slipped upward, cool against the omega's feverish skin. Minho nodded his head, breaking the kiss only slightly before locking his lips with Seungmin's again. The beta let out a heavy breath as he felt Minho's fingers tangle in his hair.
“Can I...?” He asked against Minho's lips, tugging at his hoodie and Minho nodded eagerly, unable to voice it out. It wasn't needed, Seungmin knew his way around when Minho was nonverbal. The fabric was quickly discarded over the omega's head and Minho tugged at Seungmin's sweater too, demanding. He didn't waste time, pulled his shirt off and let Minho tug him in for another kiss.
This time it was a little more needy, the air a little heavier as Seungmin moved his hands to the omega's chest, who arched with arousal. He wasn’t able to talk, the words piling onto his tongue as he rushed to write them on Seungmin’s open lips. But it was too much, there was so much to feel, so much to ask for. He felt his throat clogged, as if the petals were coming out with his fears.
Their mouths parted, just for a second, to breathe, and Minho’s breath caught in fear. He felt the metallic taste. A soft sound slipped past his lips, way too close to a sob. But then Seungmin’s lip found his throat, kissing right where Minho felt the knot. The omega fell apart, titling his head to give him more room. The hand in Seungmin's hair squeezed and the beta let out a soft sound, lips pressing on the sensitive spot, a brush of teeth. Minho whined and Seungmin looked up in worry, “Did I—...? Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t…”
Minho groaned. Stupid, Seungmin , he wanted to say, but if he opened his mouth now, he would ruin it. So instead, he took Seungmin’s hand from his chest and pulled him down, shyly blushing and frowning as he showed the beta what he needed. The blush that spreaded across Seungmin’s cheeks was adorable, the way his hand tentatively grabbed Minho through the clothes made the omega moan and narrow his eyes with a nod.
He noticed the way Seungmin’s breath hitched, the way his hand pressed further down, making Minho squirm a bit. He also noticed the way he was holding back, trying to keep control over the situation. His mind wasn’t full of fluff and desire as Minho’s was, his stomach wasn’t clenching as he felt empty, as he felt needy.
“Do you want me to take these off?” Seungmin whispered, hands on his waistband.
Minho nodded, a plea on his tongue never needing to be said as Seungmin compiled, pulling the pants down and taking them off slowly, as if he was giving Minho time to take it back. He didn’t, he felt exposed, he felt Seungmin’s eyes on the wet that had slipped to his thighs, he felt his nerves, he felt the hesitation. He ached and his eyes watered but Seungmin’s eyes softened, gentle, caring.
“Hyung…” Seungmin whispered softly, looking at Minho’s eyes all the time as his hand reached for his thigh, slowly going up, fingers finding the mess. “Why are you crying?” His eyes widened, hand stopping. “Do you want to slow down or maybe…?”
Oh, no, he couldn’t stop, not now. Minho shook his head, trying to clean his own tears. It was too much, he was crying. He didn’t want this to stop. What exactly was t his ? Minho wasn’t sure. He had sex before, but he hadn’t even been touched yet and he felt so bare, so exposed for Seungmin to see it all. All his body, and all of him. He wanted him to see, to see for real, as much as he wanted to shrink and hide.
Seungmin’s hands were soft as he caressed Minho’s thighs, and up his hips and found his hands, taking them away to see his face. The way Seungmin was looking at him, with care, and maybe a bit of worry mixed in the desire, was making it a bit too much. “Hyung, please, If you want to stop, I will, we can eat a snack and cuddle or I can call anyone you want to be here and…”
“Don’t stop.” It was broken, but as long as Seungmin heard it, it was good enough. Seungmin stared at him for a longer second, just to make sure he got it right. Minho held onto him, one hand to the back of his neck, the other clutching his hand. He shook his head trying to breathe as he pulled Seungmin in for a messy kiss, “I need it… I want it.” A pause, tears rolling down in the kiss, “Don’t go, don’t go.”
Seungmin gave in immediately. “I’m not going.” A soft kiss to his cheek, so tender in the middle of all, “But if you want me to stop you need to tell me. Or… or tap me three times if you…” Minho nodded, lips demanding to be kissed again, and Seungmin obeyed. He always did when it was Minho, hand finding his way down again and touching where Minho was aching hard against his own stomach.
Minho whined against Seungmin’s lips as the beta touched him, grabbing him easily in long fingers. Everything felt easier from there. Sounds kept slipping past Minho’s lips as he trembled and Seungmin moved his hand faster, making the heat pool in his stomach. “Min-” He whispered when it became too much, hand clutching Seungmin’s and the beta stopped slowly, going down to kiss him.
He didn’t know when the first praise hit, but suddenly Seungmin’s fingers were in the middle of his mess, where he needed him, and the beta kept calling him pretty, kept telling him it’s fine, kept repeating soft whispers to his ears as two fingers curled inside Minho. Even when he was obviously nervous, he took the lead, allowing Minho to melt, to go loose under him. After three fingers, Minho was overwhelmed, but it didn’t feel like it was enough.
“Seungmin.” He whispered, hand finding the beta’s wrist, and Seungmin understood the plea. He took his fingers out and moved away just to discard his pants. Minho brought him back towards himself with shaky hands and Seungmin kissed him again before the omega tried to move and turn around. Seungmin stopped him, holding him by the waist.
“I wanna see you.” He muttered in Minho’s cheek, reaching for the pillow to accommodate it down his hips. “Please?”
Minho’s breath hitched and he nodded. His eyes were still wet when Seungmin positioned himself. He wasn’t sure when Seungmin got a condom and he wanted it off, but he didn't say anything, afraid it would be too much to ask right now. He was already asking for so much, Seungmin was already giving him a lot.
“Hyung, look at me.”
Minho looked up at the whisper, the younger boy kissed his cheek softly, lingering longer than needed, “Tell me if it hurts, okay?” He had enough time to nod before Seungmin pushed in slowly, eyes finding Minho’s. The omega bit his lip, his hand gripped Seungmin's as the boy settled fully inside him with a groan and dropped his head on Minho’s shoulder. He felt the way Seungmin took deep breaths, the way the boy shivered on top of him.
“Is it…?”
He hummed, dragging one hand to the back of Seungmin’s hair, caressing the soft hair in the base. The beta’s shoulders relaxed and he stayed like that for a longer second, one of his hands on Minho’s thigh, pushing it up and caressing the soft skin. It was soft, and Minho felt full, his chest felt light and his stomach felt warm. He closed his eyes and just enjoyed the feeling of Seungmin being everywhere he needed him.
“I’mma move now, hyung.” Seungmin said then, kissing his shoulder before pushing himself up and starting to move his hips. It was slow first, he was barely moving at all, and slowly he increased the phase. Minho let out a soft approving hum, then a gasp and after that he broke into moans when Seungmin set a rhythm and found the right spot to aim.
He knew Seungmin was praising him, calling him pretty, kissing his cheek and looking at his eyes, but he could barely register the words. His mind was clouded, the chorus raising. Seungmin. Seungmin. Seungmin. Seungmin. Seungmin was everywhere. Seungmin was kissing him. Seungmin was touching him. Seungmin was turning his hips to make Minho arch and tremble. Seungmin was squeezing his hand back when Minho clung harder and whined. Seungmin was here. Seungmin was looking at him, at the mess Minho is, not able to talk or think properly, crying even, overwhelmed with want. Seungmin was seeing him, and he was not moving his eyes away.
He let go. He allowed himself to drown in the feeling, in the methodical rhythm of Seungmin’s hips, in the way his lips were against his cheek, in the way he was also out of air after a bit. He wanted this to last, he wanted this to be real. He wanted it so badly it hurt.
He felt a soft caress on the back of his hand and that, combined with the friction he was getting against Seungmin’s belly, is what made him crack, “I love you.” His voice broke and he could feel the second Seungmin freezed and wide eyes found his. But he couldn’t take it back, his chest hadn’t felt this light in months. He pulled at Seungmin’s neck, bringing him for a kiss, if just for him to stop looking at Minho with big scared puppy’s eyes, “I love you.” He repeated, against Seungmin’s lips. The second time it sounded wet, with tears pouring from his eyes and a sob.
It took a second but Seungmin kissed back and Minho let out a relieved sob. Seungmin moved faster, making Minho gasp for air and moan, breaking the kiss as he was over the edge. He felt Seungmin’s nose behind his ear and then, so softly, as if Seungmin was scared to voice it, “I… I love you too, hyung.”
It hit Minho all at once and he felt full, too full, like his body was about to explode. He closed his eyes with a whimper as he came and his mind fell into darkness.
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The world was no longer spinning when Minho opened his eyes again.
He could still feel the tingle under his skin and the warmth lingering in his stomach. His heat wasn’t fully over yet. However, the clouds in his head felt lighter and it was the first time in hours that Minho felt awake and not spiraling between need and pain. He blinked to clear his eyes. The omega was thirsty and figured it was a good time to get up and get some water.
But as soon as he tried to move a pair of hands held him in place —long fingers and slightly rough skin spread across Minho’s belly. He was suddenly aware of the arms around his waist and Seungmin's soft, paced breathing on the back of his neck. Minho froze, too conscious of the sex smell lingering around them and all the spots where their bare skins touched. Of course he remembered, shattered pieces, like a fever dream, hands burning on his skin, soft lips and so many sweet words whispered that Minho felt his ears burning.
At any other time, Minho would have been overthinking, but he found that quite impossible right now. His omega was pleased and a sense of ease let him draw in full breaths, even if his heart felt racing and embarrassment itched in his cheeks. Above all things one thought washed over him: Seungmin had stayed, even after the omega had been knocked out. Seungmin had stayed, and had probably cleaned up the mess —considering he couldn't feel a wet mess between his legs or anything sticky in his stomach.
Minho had forgotten the last time he felt like he could purr, the last time existing in his body without any chemical to shush him was anything but chaos in his mind and pain in his chest or petals in his throat. He felt so soft, so warm, so safe with Seungmin’s long fingers spread on his stomach, the feeling of another body at his back and warm breathing on his neck, that he could cry.
“Hyung?” A hoarse voice came from behind and Minho tensed, worried that the moment would break, but Seungmin didn’t move away or untangled them, “You awake…?”
He moved just enough to push his head up to look at Minho and then turn it to catch a glance of the clock. Minho didn’t move, afraid of turning and facing him, afraid of breaking the bubble. He felt Seungmin’s hand dragging softly away from his stomach —a tiny little stop on his waist— as he moved to sit up.
“You want some water? You should probably drink some…” Seungmin muttered, reaching for the bottle he had left on the nightstand before.
“Hm.” He had no choice but to turn on his back and sit up a bit as Seungmin passed him the bottle. Minho avoided his eyes, gulping down the water, realizing how dry his throat actually was. Dry because he hadn't drank in hours and dry because there was no blood or petals bubbling up.
Seungmin's eyes were on him, one hand still behind Minho, their shoulders almost touching. He took the bottle when Minho was done and put it away quickly, “How do you feel?”
The beta was testing the waters.
“I’m…” Minho licked his own lips, his mouth still feeling weird and heavy even after drinking. Dried saliva. “Awake.” He muttered, but he saw a glimpse of Seungmin worried frown and he tried again, “I’m fine, Seungmin-ah. Stop looking at me like that. I’m better. The heat isn’t over, but it’s okay for now.” He finally lifted his head enough to meet his eyes, “I could use some food…”
Seungmin blinked nervously and jolted, moving towards the nightstand, grabbing the tray he had brought before. Minho was thankful for them both having at least underwear on —certainly Mr. Clean Seungmin’s doing.
“It’s probably cold.” The beta said, bringing the tray, “I can go and reheat it for you.”
The mere idea of Seungmin getting up, even if it was just for five minutes to warm the food, made Minho groan and Seungmin raised an eyebrow. The omega ignored it and took the tray, bringing it over his leg and reaching for the bowl of soup, “No, I’ll eat it like this.”
“But, hyung…”
“Did you clean?” Minho interrupted him, ears red.
Seungmin blushed a bit, looking away for a second,
“Yes… but I promised I wouldn't move anything from the nest. I just thought you would appreciate not being sticky when waking up.” He found Minho’s eyes, bluntly adding, “I used wet-wipes.”
The omega blushed and gulped down on the seaweed soup to avoid answering. But he could still feel the other’s eyes on him. He wasn’t able to look back at him though, not with the thought of Seungmin taking care of him like that, cleaning him and then picking a soft underwear for him to not hate the texture against his skin.
“What did you do with the hoodie?” He whispered, frowning as he realized the hoodie was gone.
“I put it on the washing machine.” Seungmin answers and when he sees Minho pressing his lips he adds, “I can give you another one if you want it, hyung.”
“Yes.”
The silence settled between them after that, only interrupted by Minho’s chopsticks and he slurping occasionally. Soon enough he didn’t have more food to hide behind and Seungmin put the tray away, disarming him. Minho followed the beta with his eyes ast the younger came back to sit on the matters, looking at him intently. When Minho didn’t move nor did anything to break the awkward silence, he whispered:
“I think we should talk.”
The omega took a deep breath, feeling his chest tightening a bit, “About what?”
There were so many possible things that needed to be discussed: them having sex, Minho coughing blood and petals. And out of all of the possibilities, Seungmin, not one to beat around the bush, picked the hardest one:
“You said you love me.” There was a little pause as Minho remembered the moment, the exact second the words had slipped.
His heart skipped a bit, he felt his throat close for a second. Seungmin didn’t move, didn’t push him, just sat there while Minho decided if he wanted to lie and bury it all in his chest or wanted to tear his chest open and present each of his walls for Seungmin to see what he guarded so well. Deep down he knew there was no point in taking it back now, not when he had already shown so much of himself and Seungmin had still stayed.
And there was also a detail, hanging on Minho’s memory and burning on the back of his mind, hard to ignore.
“You said it back.” The omega pointed back, in a tone that was less plain than he wanted. He lifted his eyes and they held each other's gaze for a longer second. He would've appreciated Seungmin's blush if it wasn't for his own burning ears.
He was afraid. So afraid. But he could see the same type of fear in Seungmin's eyes and still the beta found his courage way before Minho could grab a hold of his own feelings.
“Did you mean it?” Seungmin’s words were aimed right at his chest and it hurt how blunt they hit him, “Minho hyung, do you love me?”
Minho wanted to look away, wanted to take it back and pretend it was just the heat, apologize and cry after Seungmin inevitably left the room: left him. But he couldn't, because the beta had said it back. It hadn't felt like a lie at that moment, and if he was being honest with himself, Seungmin was never the type to lie when it was important.
“I do.” He whispered, a simple admission and yet too much. He felt his throat clogged and he tried to get a deep breath, lips shivering as he couldn't find more words. There was so much to say, so much to explain. Too much. “I- love you-u.”
Minho didn't realize he was crying until he felt Seungmin’s hands cradling his face, long fingers holding him and a soft worried voice calling him:
“Hyung, I–” Seungmin said, but Minho interrupted.
He was unable to stop the words, they hurried out, slipping past his lips, too fast, too messy.
“I didn't want to tell you. Don't say anything. I know you won't ever feel the same for me. You don't need to–... I know it's–...”
“I love you.”
The omega felt his chest tighten but he took in a shaky breath, air filling his lungs again as the beta held his gaze and repeated the words:
“I love you. I've… I've liked you for a while. I had a crush before you even moved in, hyung.” He said, eyes staring directly onto Minho, hands not allowing the omega to look away.
And Minho listened.
“I was afraid of saying it because… I'm a beta. I can’t… I probably can't give you all you need, and so I thought it was better to keep it to myself and love you quietly.” Seungmin’s voice softened. “Minho-hyung, I love you.”
The omega bit his lip and unable to respond with words he leaned forward and clinged to Seungmin. The younger was taken by surprise, but his hands took hold of Minho's waist as he made himself small on Seungmin's lap and hid his face on the side of Seungmin's neck.
“Hold me.” Minho asked and Seungmin did.
His nose deepened on the beta's smell, tracing the side of his neck, up his jaw and all the way to bump into Seungmin's nose. They were so close that it was awkward to look into each other's eyes –Minho's still wet–, but they held each other’s gaze. A quiet declaration.
Lips bumped other lips and they kissed desperately. If Seungmin tasted the blood in his tongue, he said nothing and instead pressed Minho into the mattress and held him even closer.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
Seugmin stayed with him until the heat was over. He kissed, he caressed, he held. Minho let himself be undone by Seungmin's hands, mouth and body, until he couldn't take it anymore. He compensated for his flaws with devotion and perseverance. When Minho fell asleep, Seungmin took his time to clean them a bit, but didn't bother to put on more than boxers on himself most times –as he knew it would be a waste to do much more. When Minho wasn't napping and the need to be filled or touched or marked wasn't strong enough to cloud his mind, Seungmin made sure they ate and drank water.
Two mornings after, when Minho woke up and no longer felt the heat lingering under his skin, he found the exhausted beta soundly asleep by his side. He felt a bit guilty but he couldn't help the shy smile from curving his lips as he watched all the red spots around Seungmin's shoulders and neck, where Minho had claimed and marked.
Slowly, not wanting to wake him up, Minho leaned in and kissed the soft cheek before slipping out of the bed. The room smelled like sex and a bit too much like himself, so Minho opened the window wide and moved to the bathroom. He would need to wash his bedsheets and all the pieces of clothes piled on it. But not now, because Seungmin was sleeping and he deserved the proper rest without Minho waking him up by riding him in the middle of the night.
His head felt light, quiet for the first time in a while, as he made his way to the bathroom and took a long shower. His senses were seated, his omega lulled into a soft content state, and he even hummed as he prepared some breakfast. The kitchen was a mess, as Seungmin had little time or energy to clean in the past two days, so Minho settled the rice on the cooker and started doing the dishes efficiently.
He was taking off the plastic gloves when sleepy feet dragged Seungmin to the kitchen. The beta blinked adorably into his direction as their eyes met. Minho felt his heart skip a bit when without hesitation, Seungmin stepped close enough to kiss his cheek.
“Morning, hyung. Are you making breakfast? I can do that, you can…”
“My heat is over.” Minho blurted, catching the way Seungmin looked at him. Minho felt his chest tight a bit with insecurity, but the beta didn't pull away.
“Oh. That's good.” He said and smiled a bit, arms going around Minho's waist as his head fell into his shoulder, “Because I think If I go another round my dick will fall off and I'll just die.”
Minho laughed, feeling his ears red, and hit him on the side, offended. “Shut up, Kim Seungmin.” He said, but his voice was too soft for the sentence, “And go take a shower, you stink.”
The younger one hummed, but he was not moving just yet, “Hyung…?” He muttered and his tone made Minho's chest hurt a bit in fear, “What are we now?”
“What do you wanna be?” The words passed with some difficulty through the knot on his throat.
Seungmin lifted his head, looking Minho in the eyes for a second before answering bluntly,
“Your boyfriend.”
Minho raised an eyebrow, begging his cheeks to not go red as he felt too much inside. But Seungmin didn't take it back, just added, softly:
“If you want to.”
He closed his eyes with a sigh half a way to a smile and nodded, shyly finding his gaze again, “You know It's not easy to deal with an omega as–”
“I love dealing with you, hyung.”
Minho bit his lip as the world ‘love’ felt so easy on the other’s lips and it was Seungmin's time to ask:
“Do you mind I'm not an alpha and we won't be able to mate?”
“No.” He frowned a bit, “I don't want a mate, I want you.” A pause, the taste of blood on the back of his throat, and then: “I love you.”
The Seungmin smiled, that stupid puppy smile he had, and pressed a kiss on Minho’s cheek:
“Then be my boyfriend, Minho-hyung.”
“I will if you go shower now.”
Seungmin giggled and it didn't hurt to smile or kiss him on the cheek with a fake annoyed huff.
🐾 ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 🐾ﾟ
The petals disappeared slowly, as slowly as they'd bloomed on his lungs. The first couple days while Minho got used to his new situation, he still coughed when it felt too much, too intense and on a couple occasions Seungmin had eyed him worriedly when a petal or two fell out. But then it was only the taste of blood on his throat at times and after a few more weeks of Seungmin still holding his hand on the way to college and kissing him good morning before brushing his teeth, it was only a bit of pain in his chest left.
It took him a couple months to get rid of all the symptoms. It happened so slowly that Minho barely registered when it ended, when it stopped being hard to call Seungmin his boyfriend or scent him even when their friends were around to complain of the PDA. Chan would look at them fondly as Jeongin made faces of disgust during their D&D nights at Seungmin’s place.
Besides the kissing, the scenting and the hand holding, their relationship didn't change much. It was easy to switch from friends to boyfriends as they had been dancing around the other for so long. It was easy to fix Seungmin's sleepy hair when he went out or let him organize a whole Excel with their home dates and dates outside. It was easy to let their families know, to cuddle at night or jump together for a shower to wash each other's hair.
Maybe only their friends struggled a bit as Minho had found a new way to bother them and Seungmin had been happy to play along.
Minho: @Seungmo💜 we're out of condoms. Buy.
Jisung jagiya: HYUNG. WTF.
Jisung jagiya: [crying sticker]
Hwang Hyunjin: OH COME ON TEXT HIM ON PRIV.
Seungmo💜: Sure, hyung. I'll buy some.
Minho: thanks, puppy, we will need them tonight :)
[Jeongin left the group]
[Channie hyung added Jeongin]
Channie hyung: Minho, please.
Seo Changbin: I love you two being happy but.
Yongbook-ah: [sent a gif]
Minho: I bought something.
Minho: [sent a picture]
Seungmo💜: Pretty.
Seo Changbin: WE DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU IN LINGERIE, LEE MINHO.
[Jeongin left the chat]
Yongbook-ah: Oh! Where did you buy it??? 👀
Hwang Hyunjin: I'mma take my eyes out.
Jisung jagiya: I need therapy.
[Channie hyung added Jeongin]
Minho: :)))
Slowly, as slowly as the petals had bloomed and disappeared, love became easy.