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As the elevator whirs to life and begins its shaky descent, Bucky doesn't know what to say to Steve, not really.
At times since this all began, it flowed so well; they fit back together as easily as breathing, as if this is where they were meant to be- together.
But there were little things, and big things, that reminded him how different things are now. How different they both are, and the words caught in his throat.
It's not just Bucky and Steve against the world, not anymore. It's not just them, with the simplicity of life before the war, life before Steve went in the ice and before Bucky went under.
Now, it's Steve and his team, it's Steve and Sam and their friendship, it's Steve and everything , everyone in his new life, everything and everyone that isn't Bucky.
It's Bucky, and his metal arm. It's Bucky and the imprint of obey, obey, obey that is always on the edge of his subconscious. It's Bucky and Howard’s pleas, it's Bucky and a gun and a scar above Natasha’s hip.
It's Bucky and his mistakes and all the missed time, and all the things that have dragged them apart, but-
But even after everything, Steve tries . It's evident in his every move, every breath. It's evident in how he becomes a criminal, a vigilante on the run just for him , a man who doesn't deserve such treatment. Steve tries just for him, and Bucky doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how to say thank you, you don't have to do this, I love you, thank you, I'm not worth all this, thank you, thank you-
He doesn't know what to say, as the elevator goes down, down, down , as Steve watches him with adoration and happiness, gaze unblinking as if he's afraid this, whatever it is, will all go away with the blink of an eye. Unblinking, as if they'll be torn apart again if he looks away even for a moment.
He doesn't know what to say, so he acts instead. As the elevator rattles around them Bucky crowds forward into Steve's space, flesh hand going to his hip, metal hand cupping his face (and oh, how lovely it is that Steve doesn't flinch away from this dead and cold part of him), and as Steve sucks in a breathe of surprise, he presses a kiss to his warm mouth, putting all the things he can't say into the kiss; his love, his gratitude, his apologies.
He doesn't know what to say, not yet. Words will come later, they have to, but for now- seeing Steve's flushed face light up as Bucky pulls away, seeing his mouth bare the brightest grin in such a dark time, feeling Steve fall against him and letting him tuck his face into Bucky’s neck as he huffs a giddy laugh-
Words will come later, they have to, but for now- he thinks that maybe this is enough.