Chapter Text
It had been two weeks. Two weeks of damage control in the wake of the Idol Awards. Two weeks of Celine working overtime with the board of Sunlight Entertainment to smooth things over. Two weeks of Bobby more than earning his 3% cut - especially in the wake of also learning about the dual nature of the lives his girls had been leading. His only real complaint was that it meant Huntrix had not been actually getting real breaks. So with the Honmoon supposedly whole, Bobby spinning the Saja Boys as a long-form interactive stunt to promote Rumi publicly embracing her “scars”, he insisted on them all taking a real break. There were a few minor contract obligations - photo shoots for sponsorship deals, a volunteer day at a hospital, and one food eating contest that Zoey had insisted on keeping because really who didn't want to know how many hot dogs they could eat in 5 minutes.
Zoey was definitely going to be pushing for a bump in Bobby’s percentage cut during his next contract negotiation.
There had also been a halting back and forth between newfound awkwardness and the previous closeness that Zoey had shared with both Rumi and Mira over the last couple of weeks. While they had started exploring something more than friendship in the last third of their world tour, it had been achingly slow and careful, and not only because of their lives being under a microscope during that time. Rumi’s reasons for hesitance with intimacy were abundantly clear now and neither Zoey or Mira held that against their leader; but at the time Mira and Zoey had just assumed it was Rumi being Rumi. Mira actively chafed against definitions and labels in her day to day life, which left Zoey to try and find some semblance of normalcy in the situationship that the three had found themselves in.
Now that uncertainty was heightened to dizzying levels, as if every step forward had a step diagonally and upside down, like the world's worst choreography.
It was driving Zoey insane .
Insane because she was trying to figure out what the right words were. What the right things were to say. Zoey thought she had finally met two people that she understood and could really navigate. Except now? Now, it felt like she was right back at high school. Not understanding what people meant when they were saying things. Conversations filled with double meanings that Zoey struggled to puzzle out, and emotions that Rumi wouldn’t voice and Mira kept intellectualizing away. It had her retreating inside of herself. Going back to closed doors and filled notebooks with lyrics that were far too raw to ever use. Rumi and Mira had both noticed and tried to pull her outside of her shell again but the volatility of everyone’s feelings just meant that she would be back inside her shell the next time a fight broke out.
There was a reason Zoey liked turtles so much.
She sighed, sinking deeper into the couch in the Huntrix’ shared penthouse before tossing her phone onto a pile of blankets haphazardly strewn across the cushions next to her. Doomscrolling could only distract her for so long and she was pretty sure TikTok had run out of turtle-based algorithm material to show her at this point. An indignant rumbling “mreaow” came from beneath the blankets courtesy of the giant blue demon tiger that had taken up residence after the awards.
(About the only good thing from that night.)
Zoey winced at the thought and crawled underneath the blankets cuddling up to the now purring monstrosity, “Sorry Derpy I didn’t mean to hit you. Forgive me?”
A giant sandpaper tongue licked at her cheek in confirmation.
She wished the void between her and her band mates was so easily solved. It wasn’t that they hadn’t apologized. They had. Rumi for the years of lying. Mira and Zoey for raising their weapons. Mira again for the words she’d said to Zoey as they fell prey to Gwi-Ma whispering in their ears. There had been tears and hugs. There had even been some genuine moments. They all loved each other. They all wanted to be better and to forgive each other. In some respects they had.
Zoey just wasn’t sure any of them had forgiven themselves.
(Zoey, please!)
Zoey stood shaking her head to knock those haunting pleas from her brain before going to stand in front of the window. Thousands of glittering lights from the city glittered in tandem with the iridescent lines of the Honmoon. It looked peaceful. Whole.
The fight earlier today weighed heavily on Zoey’s mind. That these small pressure points kept happening - kept repeating - weighed even heavier. It reminded her of a different time and different people. Neither of her parents had been bad people. No one cheated, no one was cruel. But they fought on little things and then they fought on big things, and then they had stopped fighting at all and given up on fixing what was broken.
Worse still, she felt herself being caught in the middle again; untethered and alone. She hadn’t felt that way since she started splitting time between her parents - her mother in Busan and her father in Burbank. She’d planned to finish high school in America. Mikey - her older brother - was still in the States at USC and her parents had thought keeping things more stable would be good for Zoey. Summers with Mom in Busan, and Burbank with dad during the school year.
That had - to put it simply - not worked out. Zoey’s academics and social life tanked hard enough by the end of her sophomore year that her parents had actually quickly and decisively, agreed on a plan of action and moved her out to Korea for most of the year. That had been when Celine had recruited her for Huntrix and Zoey finally felt connected and grounded for the first time since her parent’s divorce.
“Oh,” Rumi’s voice cuts through the quiet darkness and Zoey’s much louder thoughts, “I didn’t realize anyone was out here.”
She sounds hesitant. Unsteady.
(She always seemed so sure.)
“Just me and our demon rescues.” Zoey tried for humor.
Rumi laughs softly at that one, “am I included in that?”
“You’re not a rescue. Or an animal.” Zoey comments flatly as she turns around to look at Rumi. There were bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep.
“A demon though.” Rumi presses.
“You’re Rumi. None of us are any one thing or another,” Zoey sighs before rubbing her eyes in frustration, “Why are you picking this fight with me Ru? You already know how I feel about this. We literally all just fought about it this morning.”
“Maybe you’ve changed your mind,” Rumi’s voice is quiet and scared and it breaks Zoey’s heart, “maybe that fight changed your mind. I don’t know, I'm sorry I just keep replaying...”
Zoey’s never been good at staying mad.
“Yeah I know. I know. Me too. Come here,” Zoey gestures with her arms until Rumi steps forward and relaxes into Zoey’s open arms, “I love you silly goose. And Mira loves you too. Okay? We are all changing right now but that doesn’t mean I have or will change my mind about you or Mira. You two are the most important people in my life.”
Rumi’s arms tighten and Zoey can feel the silent tears making a wet spot on her shoulder. They stay in the embrace for a while longer before Rumi eventually pulls back, “a silly goose huh?”
“Well yes I am convinced they are definitely part demon.” Zoey says with a teasing smile and a playful pinch to Rumi’s side.
Rumi’s laugh is genuine and full, echoing in the living room and reverberating in iridescent lines as it mingles with the Honmooon. It leaves Zoey breathless and she places a kiss to the bottom of Rumi’s jaw, “I’ve missed that laugh.”
“Me too, Zo. Me too.” Rumi says before placing a kiss of her own on Zoey’s forehead and then softly, hesitantly on Zoey’s lips. It’s a chaste thing; nervous and tentative in the wake of their healing. From the outside it might look like something closer to a first kiss not a fiftieth except for the familiarity that seeps into both of their faces. Like the moment of stepping off a plane and breathing in the scent of your home city.
Zoey deepens the kiss for just a few moments more before Rumi pulls back. Her patterns flicker with a brief kaleidoscope of colors as she glances down at Zoey, “Should we head to bed or did you want to keep brooding?”
“I’ll leave the brooding up to you and Mira. You’re both much sexier when you brood. I just look constipated.” Zoey quips before untangling herself from Rumi’s arms and entwining their fingers.
Rumi kisses the back of Zoey’s hand that is interlocked with hers, “I think you look pretty. I just don’t like seeing you sad.”
The love and affection in Rumi’s voice wraps itself around Zoey’s bruised heart like a balm and “Mira’s bed?”
“I don’t want to wake her. She has that early meeting with Dior and she and I haven’t really,” Rumi gestures unhelpfully as they both climb up the stairs towards their actual rooms, “cleared the air.”
“We’ll be quiet.” Zoey insists, “And she’s a big teddy bear you know she loves cuddling. Let the bad stuff today go. We all have shitty moments. Mira knows this. Let’s just forget about it and be.”
“If you’re sure.” Rumi concedes, sounding anything but sure herself, “I just don’t want -”
Zoey cuts Rumi off with a reassuring peck to the lips before pulling back, “I’m sure.”
They open the door softly and pad over to the large bed with what Zoey had once called “an embarrassing number of Teddy Bears” to which Mira had responded with a scowl and a threat about no one finding Zoey’s body.
Zoey sits on the bed in front of Mira’s sleeping form and tucks a stray strand of hair behind Mira’s ear, “hey pretty girl, can you scoot over so we can join you.”
The audible “mrffrp” is less a solid confirmation than a tired grunt but Mira turns over and wiggles beneath the sheets to the far side of the bed leaving plenty of room for Rumi and Zoey to join her. Zoey slides in first, tucking herself into Mira’s arms. She feels a gentle kiss pressed into the back of her neck before she hears Mira’s breathing even out into the gentle slumber she’d been in moments before. Rumi hesitates at the side of the bed before breathing deeply and taking off the hoodie she’d been wearing.
The patterns were generally less visible these days, fading to an opaline white color that caught in the sun or under the concert lights but was otherwise subtle. Nothing like the stark purple and neon pink they had been when Zoey and Mira had seen them for the first time.
The patterns had been breathtaking back then. Literally. The shock of the reveal had stolen the breath from her and Mira’s lungs like a punch to the gut. Now they were breathtaking to Zoey for an entirely different set of reasons.
Zoey can feel her face flushing as she drinks in the sight of Rumi half-shrouded in the darkness of the room and wearing an old cropped tee from one of Huntrix’ previous tours. She traces the lightly glowing lines with her eyes until they disappear beneath the waistband of Rumi’s pajama pants. Zoey inhales sharply through her nose and forces herself to calm down because as much as she might like to try and start something that they finally finish, Mira is actively sleeping and trying to pitch having sex at 2am works a lot better when one party doesn't have to wake up at 5am and when they’ve actually talked about if Rumi is okay with that now.
(Still, let the record show that Zoey would totally jump both of their bones in this moment if she could.)
She settles for lifting the corner of the blanket and letting Rumi crawl in next to her, her back pressing into Zoey’s front as Zoey snakes an arm around Rumi’s waist; fingers tracing gently across the patterns she’d been ogling earlier.
“Mmm feels nice,” Rumi mumbles before drifting off to sleep.
It doesn’t take long for Zoey to follow her into unconsciousness.
Mira’s alarm goes off at 4:30am. As awful as these early mornings are, she's grateful that she can just roll up to hair and makeup half awake and have food brought to her.
She doesn’t remember Zoey and Rumi climbing into bed last night but it must have been late. Regardless, it brings a soft smile to her face seeing Zoey passed out on her chest and Rumi turned towards them, hand outstretched so her knuckles brush against Zoey’s lower back. They’ve all been so tense since the Idol Awards and Mira herself hasn’t exactly been the easiest person to get along with.
(You don't deserve them.)
She shakes the words that haunted her well before Gwi-ma showed up and carefully moves Zoey off her before padding to the bathroom down the hall. Mira hops into the shower, tucking her hair under a shower cap to keep it dry. It’s meant to be utilitarian and quick until she hears someone else enter the bathroom.
Mira catches a flash of black hair and calls out a greeting, “Heya Zo, it’s early. Go back to bed.”
Zoey lets out a comically exaggerated yawn before coming over and cracking the shower door, “Someone took away my pillow. Also I had to pee.”
Mira thought it was unfair that Zoey looked so good after just waking up and her hair sticking in all directions but well, life wasn’t fair and she was enjoying the view of her sleepy maknae.
She lathered up a leg with shaving cream and spread it down her leg as she responded, “I’m sure Rumi can take over as your pillow for a few hours.”
“And she will but first I didn’t get a proper good night last night and you’re gonna be gone alllllllll day.” Zoey was watching Mira’s legs with a hunger in her eyes that went straight to Mira’s core, “So I’m gonna shower with you and then go back to bed. But peeing first.”
Mira barks a laugh as she finishes shaving her first leg and rinses off the remaining suds, “And thank God for that.”
She finishes shaving her second leg before she hears a flush and the sink turning on. It’s only moments later that the large glass door of their shower is opened and Zoey hops in, dunking underneath the spray and clinging to Mira.
“Ah! Fuck that is hot.” Zoey exclaimed, hissing at the sting of the water on her skin as she adjusted to the heat, “Like I like hot showers but this is insane. Are we sure you’re not part demon too? I think I am melting.”
“I’ll write you a lovely obituary.” Mira responded with a smirk.
“Um rude, I was gonna make out with you before you have to go and sit under hot studio lights all day but if you’re gonna be like that...”
Mira’s smirk turns a touch smug as she responds, “Threats only work if you follow through on them”
“Are you calling me a liar?” Zoey says with mock outrage before flicking her thumb over one of Mira’s nipples.
“No, I am calling you horny- fuck me that feels good.” Zoey’s mouth had followed the trail her finger had blazed. It was driving Mira mad. She tried to pull Zoey in tighter, desperate for more contact only to have the shorter woman pull back and leer at how immediate the effect had been on Mira.
“Well I think the call is coming from inside the house Mira, you’re about a centimeter away from grinding on my thigh.”
Mira groans because damn, Zoey is right. But also she sooooooo does not have time for this, “Unfortunately for both of us I needed to wake up at least 15 min earlier than I did if we were going to get each other off in the shower.”
“I could be fast” Zoey’s hand slides up Mira’s thigh and rests softly on her hip, thumb stroking lazily at the joint where her thigh meets her torso.
This was hell and also it was awesome, but Mira knew she needed to pump the brakes a bit, “That is wildly tempting babe, but I know you’re not that fast because you are a tease and honestly? I don’t really want it to be fast. We’ve been on pins and needles for a while and I know it won’t be the first time for you and I but...”
Zoey nods, “Yeah. Okay you big sap you win but I still want some kisses. Are you done washing?”
“Get my back for me quick and then I have,” Mira eyes the clock on the wall, “about 3 minutes before I have to go.”
Zoey lathers the loofah and brings it to the large expanse of Mira’s back starting at her shoulders and working her way down quickly before tossing the scrubber to the side, “okay turn and rinse off and then give me a kiss before you go off to the front lines.”
“You’re such a big goof,” Mira says with a tease in her tone letting the spray of the shower rinse her body as she pulls Zoey in for a kiss, hands wrapping around to press the shorter woman closer to her, letting the steam of the shower and the steady beat of Zoey’s heart envelope her in a sense of home and belonging.
If it’s closer to five minutes than three when Mira finally makes it out of the shower to pull on clothes and bolt out the door for a driver that has already been waiting well... It was worth it.
Zoey has regrets. Specifically this hot dog eating competition that she insisted on. She really should have listened to Bobby.
Still, 12 hot dogs in 5 minutes was impressive if she did say so herself.
She leaned against the wall of the elevator to their penthouse and tried to stand in a way that didn’t hurt her stomach and waited to get to the top.
She forgot about her stomach issues when the elevator door opened.
“-that is not what I said, stop putting words into my mouth” Mira’s voice echoed down the hall and rattled it’s frustration in Zoey’s ears. She could hear Rumi scoffing at what Mira had said and began to walk quickly down the hall. Whatever they had been talking about their tones now were already elevated beyond the norm.
Whatever had happened they were both pissed. And both of them were shitty to be around these days when they were pissed.
Zoey could hear Rumi talking now, her voice pitching up with anger and frustration, “You literally just said ‘you need professional help’. What words exactly am I putting in your mouth Mira?”
“The ones where you interpreted a statement about getting therapy - a completely normal thing to do by the way - to mean that I want to have you committed, or shipped away, or destroyed?” Mira sounded annoyed, “Like I get we’re all still processing but what the fuck Rumi? Do you really think that?”
Zoey halted at the end of the hallway, not turning the corner yet and debating if she should. Maybe she should let them just work this out on their own.
“I'm done talking about this,” Rumi snapped, “I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine.”
This was not good. Zoey wasn’t sure exactly what had happened but this fight was starting to take a shape she’d already seen from the both of them in the last few weeks. This was not the first time Mira pressed hard for more information, nor was it the first time Rumi had tried to shut an argument down by refusing to talk about things. It was maddening. But it seemed like today Mira was refusing to back down. Zoey needed to break this up before it got worse.
“Jesus Rumi, no we’re not.” Mira looked wrecked as Zoey turned the corner, this was not a fight that had just started for either of them. Rumi’s normally ‘no hair out of place’ braid had come undone in sections, a clear sign she’d been trying to run her hand through her hair and messing up her braid on accident. Mira meanwhile had smudged her make-up through some mixture of tears and rubbing at her face in frustration.
(What the fuck had happened?)
Mira continued, her body leaned up against their kitchen island, Rumi facing away from her and staring out the window to early afternoon sun, “I’m not fine, Zoey’s not fine, and you’re certainly not fine. You flinched the other night when Zoey spun around with the knife to cut the kimbap roll. Your patterns flashed the same pink-purple as that night - you looked scared of her again for a second. I don’t think she noticed but you can’t just pretend everything is 100% okay now and that we aren’t all going to be feeling the ramifications of this for years.”
“It’s not your problem to worry about.” Rumi states and turns to look at Mira again only to be surprised at Zoey’s presence, “oh - hey Zoey.”
Mira’s head whips around to see Zoey and freezes, realizing what Zoey had likely just overheard, worry etched into the lines of her face. Zoey waves a weary hello and walks to stand with the cabinet wall at her back. There’s a moment where it looks like Mira might drop the fight right there, but then Zoey catches the resolve in her eyes and the stubborn line of her lips as she continues, “It is my problem though. It’s mine and Zoey’s. With you. For you. If you keep bottling this up I worry what that will do to you.”
“I've been handling this for years Mira. Pretty fucking well all things considered," Rumi retorts, and then continues "unless you're just waiting for me to lose control and come for your souls.”
The taunt is dismissive and intentional. If Mira wouldn’t drop the conversation then Rumi would blow it up instead.
“No,” Zoey responds, shaking her head and cutting off what was surely an acerbic comment from Mira. Her tone sounds far more steady than the shaky knot of anxiety that is bubbling inside but she continues moving towards where Rumi was standing near the window, “No I don’t care if you lose control. I can deal with that. I care if I lose you. And my soul, Rumi? I don't care if you come for my soul, both of you have already had it for years. Stop trying to hide.”
Zoey realizes as soon as she says it that mentioning “hiding” at all had been an exceptionally poor choice of words. Mira is still partially turned away from Rumi and looking at Zoey, nodding in agreement with what Zoey had said. She didn’t see the sneer that was painted across Rumi’s face, short fangs peaking out now and eyes gone a chilling golden yellow.
It’s too late now to abort as Mira continues with Zoey’s line of thinking and finally turns to face Rumi, “That’s exactly right. You might not be lying but you are still hiding. And I - we’re worried about you. It's unhealthy not to process any of this trauma. You’re still clinging to ‘our faults and fears must never be seen’ even when it comes to me and Zoey.” Mira can fully see Rumi’s demonic heritage writ across her face now, but she continues, “We don’t care if you’re a demon, it doesn’t scare us.”
Rumi laughs then, a hideous thing tainted with anger and fear.
“Really? Are you sure?” Rumi’s tone is bordering on cruel and her patterns flash in a sequence of tumultuous pink and purple hues, “The patterns are the first thing either of you see anytime you look at me. You want to talk about flinching?” She turns towards Mira and points with a finger where the acrylic is starting to blend with demonic claw. “Mira, you started summoning your woldo the other night when I sat up from the couch in the dark before you realized it was me.”
“Rumi,” Zoey starts gently, “We’ve all had 6 years of intense training to hone in on patterns in a split second and to never be defenseless. It’s going to take us a little while to unlearn that instinct. I’m sorry it hurts you but that doesn’t mean that you scare us.”
Zoey reaches out a hand tentatively to place on Rumi’s shoulder. Something to ground her but the woman steps back deliberately out of reach before snapping, voice laden with a demonic timbre, “Quit babying me! Quit treating me like glass, Zoey. Quit acting like I’ll break or run or snap if you don’t calm me down. I’m your leader, not your child.”
“What - that’s not-” Zoey tries but is cut off by Rumi barreling forward with her rant, emotions playing out in rapid sequence across the older woman's face. Patterns flashing in a sporadic kaleidoscope of hues.
“Quit flinching away any time we kiss and things get heated. Quit leaving me alone in bed to go fuck Mira in the shower because you think I’m some fragile little thing that might get overwhelmed or isn’t ready.”
Rumi’s words hit their target and sit more heavily in Zoey’s stomach than the hot dogs. She could feel a flush of embarrassment and shame splashed across her cheeks at the words even if she and Mira hadn’t actually fucked since before the Idol Awards and certainly hadn’t had time for it the other morning.
(You’re always too much for people)
“Hey!” Mira snaps, inserting herself to stand in between Rumi and Zoey, lightly shoving at Rumi’s shoulders to create some space, “that was wildly uncalled for, what the fuck? Zoey’s been respecting your boundaries. You know the ones you have been enforcing for years even before this last tour?”
The shove seems to knock a bit of sense into Rumi for a moment as her eyes flick to Zoey with a touch of regret in them, but they harden quickly as Mira continues, “This is what I am saying; If those boundaries have changed you need to fucking tell us. Stop deflecting.”
Rumi growls low in her throat; an actual, for-real growl. Not some fake sexy one from one of those faerie porn books that Mira pretends to hate. Rumi’s patterns are oscillating so rapidly now that they almost look like a turbulent lightning storm and she steps deliberately into Mira’s space and hisses at her, “Stop therapy-speaking me. I’m not one of your case studies for class.”
“Guys-” Zoey tries again but is cut off by Mira posturing and using every bit of her one inch height advantage on Rumi to rise to the challenge. “Well you won’t go see a real therapist so guess I’ll have to keep soldiering on.”
Zoey tries a third time, louder and tugging at both of their sleeves now, trying anything she can to bring down the tension level in the room, “Guys! Let’s maybe cool off and-”
Mira wrenches her sleeve from Zoey’s hand and raises a hand up to her, dismissive and final, “Zoey babe, I love that you’re trying but this isn’t something you can fix. Not until Rumi stops lashing out and picking fights with us as some fucked up way to punish herself.”
“I’m not trying to punish myself,” Rumi says, unconvincingly.
“Yes you are,” Zoey and Mira respond in tandem before Zoey continues, “I hear you Mir, but Rumi isn’t the only one lashing. Or projecting. You’re dialed up to a 10 right now. This isn’t going to be productive.”
Mira looks hurt and Zoey knows she’s said the wrong thing again. God why couldn’t she get anything right today.
“Are you serious? She just came at us with actual claws and tried to shame us for having sex that - for the record Rumi - we haven’t had in weeks, and that you've never said you had a problem with. But I’m the one dialed up to a 10?” Mira shakes her head and steps back from where the two other Huntrix still stand, “Why are you taking her side?”
Rumi is starting to deflate a bit, the fight rapidly draining out of her as her brain finally catches up with her mouth and she realizes some of the things she’s said over the course of the last couple minutes, “I’m sorry- I shouldn’t have, that is I don’t think you are-”
“You know what Rumi? Just shut up for a second.” Zoey snaps, finally losing a bit of her composure before re-centering herself and turning back to Mira, “I am not taking anyone’s side. I just think maybe we need to take a breather.”
“We’ve been doing that Zoey." Mira scoffs, "We fight and then we have a breather and the second things start feeling secure everything starts blowing up again. Ignoring the problem isn’t going to help.”
“Neither is yelling at each other,” Zoey counters, “Lets just take 10, regroup, and then come back and have a real discussion that is-”
Mira scoffs and cuts Zoey off, “What ‘real’ discussion? Rumi refuses to have even a simple conversation without throwing up walls that are harder to breach than a bank vault. What exactly is 10 minutes supposed to accomplish here Zo? I can’t just sit back and try to manifest a happy ending like you. I need to actually do something about it.”
The tears are stinging at Zoey’s eyes before she can stop them but she manages to choke out a response anyway as she turns to walk down the hallway, “You know what, Mira? Fine. I'd rather manifest a happy ending than stand around in the kitchen catching strays from both of you.”
“Wait, no Zoey I’m sorry I-” Mira reaches out to grab Zoey’s arm but Zoey yanks her arm forcefully back and out of reach, glaring at both of her band mates and partners.
“Don’t fucking touch me and don’t fucking follow me.” Zoey’s tone is cold and unyielding as she walks down the staircase towards the floor that houses her bedroom.
She makes it inside her room and to her bed before she lets the tears fall in earnest. Instinctively, she reaches out to the two stuffed animals that never leave her side. They had been with her for years, each a gift from her girls. The softest purple tiger from Rumi, and an addictively squishy pink raptor from Mira. They weren’t her largest, or most expensive since they were gifted before they even debuted. But they were her most cherished. Rumi and Mira had gifted them to her back when Zoey was still barely comfortable around the other girls.
Rapper the Raptor and Juni the Tiger hadn’t been far from her since. They traveled everywhere with her, giving her a sense of comfort and home even if both Burbank and Seoul were far away. Especially if the gift givers had to separate from Zoey for some reason. They were a poor substitution for her girlfriends, but it was enough to soothe Zoey. Most of the time.
Right now, not even they could comfort her. She can still hear Rumi and Mira’s muffled argument through her closed door and it feels like an ending she can’t do anything to prevent. She hugs Rapper and Juni close to her chest, trying to steady her breathing.
The arguing fades and Zoey can vaguely make out someone moving in the kitchen and someone leaving through the elevator. She’s tempted to go out and see where the dust settled. To soothe and smooth things over, but she’s just so tired of the back and forth and being caught in the middle over and over again. Instead she gathers her favorite plushies into the crook of one arm and slides open the home screen on her phne with the other. She taps her contact for Bobby and lets the line ring.
“Hey Zoey, how’d the contest go?” Bobby’s kind voice filteres through her phones speaker bright and cheerful. It's like hearing the first sip of tea on a cold morning.
“It was okay.” Zoey responds a bit woodenly, “I ate 12 hot dogs in 5 minutes.”
“Daaaaaang Zozo that’s impressive.” Bobby gave a low whistle in admiration of such a feat, “I think Hwan from my old group only hit 8 and he was like twice as big as you.”
Zoey isn’t really sure what to say to that as a response. She instead strokes at the worn-down left ear of Juni and fiddles with the custom snapback Mira had sown for Rapper after learning about his name. She opens her mouth to respond but just doesn’t have the words. It’s unusual behavior from her so it’s no surprise that Bobby picks up on how quiet she is, “everything okay?”
“No,” Zoey’s voice cracks on the syllable and she can immediately hear a more serious tone creep into Bobby’s voice when he asks, “Are you safe?”
Zoey nods even though Bobby can’t see her through the phone right now. She tightens her grip around Rapper, its delightful squish doing nothing to soothe her as she responds with, “Yes.”
She can tell Bobby is choosing his words carefully, “Do you want me to come over?”
“No, no it’s okay,” Zoey does not want to drag him into their relationship drama in tandem with the, you know, real-actual-dangerous problems that come from demon hunting as well. Still, she needs a break. To be away from this for a minute and regroup. She pets Juni, drawing strength from the object even as she feels like she’s betraying Rumi and Mira. “But Bobby, can you move up my trip? I just- I can’t stay here right now.”
Bobby is quiet for another beat and Zoey thinks he might try and convince her to stay but instead she hears him crackle again through the phone, “Okay I can get you on a charter to Burbank tomorrow.”
Zoey exhales with relief, “That will work. Can you book me a hotel by the airport for tonight?”
That request does catch him a bit by surprise a soft, “oh” coming from him before he follows up, “yeah I can do that.”
“Thanks Bobby.”
He stays on the line and doesn’t talk but Zoey can hear the clicking of keys on his laptop. She tries to distract herself by playing with Juni and Rapper. It only half works, because she can still feel her mind racing and her lips trembling. Still it is enough to prevent her from spilling her heart out to an unsuspecting Bobby.
“Okay I’ve got you booked at the Grand Hyatt Incheon tonight under the pseudonym ‘Haley Graham’ and a car to take you to the tarmac tomorrow morning,” Bobby confirms the details and pauses for a beat before continuing, “I’m not trying to overstep but have you thought about talking with Celine about whatever it is going on?”
Zoey snorts, “I don’t think Celine ‘our faults and fears must never be shown’ Chung, is going to be great at helping me navigate emotional drama with Rumi and Mira.”
Bobby laughs, “I suppose that’s fair, but she might surprise you. She and her group had their fair share of struggles. She might have some insight. Especially given - you know, she raised Rumi. She might be all about not showing those fears, but it doesn’t mean she never had them. And she can open up. It's just that it sometimes takes a pair of industrial strength pliers to pry anything out of her.”
Zoey still wasn’t sure. She and Celine had never been that close. Mira had started training with Rumi a few months before Zoey had even joined and the lack of warmth in their mentor meant that Zoey tended to stifle herself a bit in the former idol’s presence.
Still, Bobby wasn’t usually wrong about these things. And Celine really might have more context to help Rumi with whatever the hell was going on in her mind.
“Okay Bobby. I’ll give her a call and see if she’s in the city. Maybe meet up tonight before I go to the hotel.”
“Okay kiddo. Either way you call me if you need anything. My only date tonight is with a backlog of Love Island and a cheese board a potential sponsor sent to me from Germany.”
Zoey laughs and it feels good . She feels lighter again with this plan in motion, “Have a good night Bobby. Strawberry Soju pairs really nicely with brie - just sayin’.”
Bobby chuckles on the other end of the line, “And this is why you’re my favorite Zoey Kim.”
“Don’t lie, we’re all your favorite.” Zoey managed to keep her voice from cracking. Barely. Because she desperately hoped that there would still be a "we" when she came back.
“That is so true. I couldn’t possibly pick between my girls.”
Zoey couldn't stop her half-hearted chuckle at his attempt at humor, because she couldn't pick either. She didn't want to but the only choice her fracturing heart could take was if she, for once, picked herself.
She tried to not feel like she was betraying them. She held Juni and Rapper closer, her mind flashing back to when they were originally gifted.
("You belong with us." Rumi's voice was soft, tentative in a way it rarely was. "Just hold these and remember that you belong with us."
"And that we'll always be here with you." Mira added, just as softly.)
Zoey couldn’t stop herself from choking up this time. “Bye Bobby.”
“Bye Zoey.” Thankfully, he let it go. Just said farewell in the gentlest voice possible.
Zoey hangs up the phone and spends a few minutes just holding Juni and Rapper to her chest. When her breathing had evened out, she stood up and began to pack. In her distracted state, with how haphazardly she’s throwing clothes into her suitcase, the maknae didn’t notice when she accidentally knocked Rapper and Juni off her bed. With the path she was taking between her closet and suitcase, that area was rarely visible. Even if it were, her eyes were blurred with tears.
When she was finished packing, for the first time ever Zoey doesn’t triple check that Rapper and Juni were there. She had them at the start, she must’ve packed them first. Even if she normally packs them last.
When she leaves, Juni and Rapper remain. Lying on the floor, looking for all the world like they were intentionally thrown there in anger.
Like they were abandoned on purpose.
If Zoey sneaks out with her bags while she hears the shower running, that’s between her and the Honmoon. She sees the ingredients out on the kitchen counter, mid-prep for budae jjigae, the stew Rumi and Mira always make for her when she’s feeling sick. She knows her girls are probably trying to apologize with food and she hesitates for just a moment before turning away from the kitchen and moving down the hall. It was a thoughtful and likely sincere apology; but Zoey is tired of hearing apologies these days.
So she leaves.