Chapter Text
Kodya
Kodya runs into the TA room and almost slams but does not slam his laptop down on the desk.
The guy sitting behind the TA sign looks up and Kodya’s all encompassing stress halts for just long enough to process earrings, ponytail, green hair?!, hot before slamming back into I’m going to lose my scholarship.
He says desperately, “I don’t know what a linked list is and nothing will compile and I’m going to fail.”
The guy says, “I’m not–” Looks at the sign. Looks back at Kodya. Then he says, “Do you want me to explain what a linked list is or look at the code?”
Wordlessly, Kodya pushes the laptop toward him. Then, because he can’t sit still when his life is on the line like this, he stalks around to the other side of the table to look over the guy’s shoulder. He can feel his chest like an inch from the guy’s shoulder.
The guy says, astonished, “This is the homework for the first class?”
Kodya groans. “Don’t get me started. I’m a zoology major, this is a fucking mandatory requirement for who knows what reason, and he explained exactly fuck all.”
The guy’s nodding sympathetically. “Merrymount?”
“Yes.”
The guy says, “Yeah, that checks out. I think listening to him talk will actually confuse you more. Oh, you missed a semi-colon here.”
“What? Where?” Kodya leans forward even closer to see, brushing his whole side against the guy’s shoulder.
The guy says, “Uh, everywhere, actually. You have to put them at the end of each line or nothing will compile.”
Kodya stares at him. Stares at the computer. Stares at him. Then he throws his hands up and snarls at the ceiling.
The guy says sympathetically, “It’s not too late to drop and try to get a more reasonable prof next semester.”
Kodya balls up his fists and shoves them in his face. “I have to start taking labs next semester, and there’s no way I can balance this and labwork.”
“... Maybe you should pull up a chair.”
It takes hours.
Kodya will admit, it’s kind of interesting. He just wishes he wasn’t learning it with his scholarship on the line. And the guy is good at explaining it. He goes on detail tangents sometimes, but Kodya’s usually able to corral him with a question or two. He actually finds the detail tangents interesting and wishes he had more time to listen to them, but he’s got a deadline.
Though Kodya will admit, he derails them a bit too. It’s kind of hard not to when he’s so tired – his filter, which is generally terrible, gets even worse. Also, the guy is hot, and sometimes Kodya’s tongue doubles back on itself in confusion while he stares into the guy’s eyes and blurts something out like, “I had a cat named Snuffles when I was a kid. She once ate my socks and then vomited them on my homework.”
But they finally manage to get through the assignment. At 11:52 pm, he presses “Submit” and then sinks so far back in his chair he thinks he might fall on the floor. He’s never been so fucking tired. Is all of college going to be like this?
The guy says, “Uh, kinda. Though I don’t know about zoology. But this is like 80% of mechanical engineering. Though at least we don’t get zeroes if it doesn’t compile.”
Kodya stares at him, feeling his face redden. “Sorry, I must be more tired than I thought.” Since when does he care what other people think? He rubs his face. Also, what is that about mechanical engineering? Is this guy double majoring or something? “I need to sleep. Thanks for all your help.”
The guy says, “Any time.” Then he grins. “By all means, don’t let me keep you up.”
Kodya’s halfway across the campus before he realizes he never asked for his name.
He spends hours replaying by all means, don’t let me keep you up in his head.
Gyrus
The stressed freshman – whose name, apparently, is Kodya, because today he’s wearing a nametag – is back two days later. Which makes sense, because it was a Wednesday and now it’s a Friday, and that’s when office hours are for both computer science and mechanical engineering. Kodya throws himself into a chair and pushes the laptop toward Gyrus with a scowl that is somehow also pleading.
And for the second time, the computer science TA isn’t here. Gyrus has never met them, but he’s pretty sure showing up to office hours is one of the job requirements.
On the other hand, Gyrus is double majoring in computer science. And though he’s the TA for mechanical engineering, there isn’t exactly a line of mechanical engineering students asking for help. So if he’s going to be sitting here, it’s not bad that he’s helping someone.
Also, Kodya looks truly desperate.
Also, Gyrus thought of two separate things he wanted to tell Kodya in the two days since he saw him last, which is weird. Random things. Like, Hey, remember how you said you love birds and told me all about northern flickers? I saw a bird following someone yesterday and thought of you. And, I realized there’s a statue on campus that looks almost exactly like the cartoon on your hoodie.
He leans forward and starts to read the code.
Ah.
Gyrus says, “You forgot to initialize the list1 variable. And you need to use the keyword static on line 27.”
Kodya growls and makes a swipe for the computer. His arm brushes over Gyrus’ left side. He’s so intense about everything. It’s kind of… well, funny isn’t the right word. It’s nice that he’s honest. Gyrus wishes more people were as direct as Kodya. Reading them is exhausting. With Kodya, he feels like he knows where he stands.
Kodya takes a deep breath and says, “It fucking compiles. You’re a godsend.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Does it actually work?”
“Who cares?” Kodya says sarcastically. Gyrus feels bad for the keyboard. Kodya’s typing is… aggressive. Like he wants to murder his computer. He’s staring at it like he wants to murder it, too. Then Kodya shoves himself back from the table and yells, “Holy FUCK, it WORKS!”
Someone walking by the hallway flinches and stops. Gyrus smiles and waves at them with a don’t worry, all good face. They smile back sheepishly and keep walking.
Kodya hasn’t looked up at him, is just staring at the screen in what seems to be some kind of very aggressive joy. Gyrus is starting to get the feeling that Kodya doesn’t do anything by halves. He has to stop himself from laughing.
Kodya turns, grabs him by the shoulders, and says, “Thank fuck. I thought I was going to die. I owe you so many favors.” His hands are warm. He looks truly relieved, like he genuinely thought he was going to die.
Gyrus grins. “Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to help.” Then he adds, “Also, this was like, two minutes. If anything, you owe me for Wednesday.”
Kodya snorts, lets him go, and throws himself back in his chair. Gyrus is surprised the chair doesn’t break. “You want my firstborn?”
Gyrus snorts. “Nothankyou.”
“Yeah, kids are a pain.”
Gyrus says, “Just like relationships.” Then he shrugs, feeling compelled to be completely honest. “At least, from what I hear.” Maria’s breakup with Brendon had been epic. And Gyrus doesn’t think he’s ever been in love, so what use would he have for a relationship?
Kodya says, “Why?”
Normally, Gyrus would brush this off with a joke, if he even talked about it at all. Why is he talking about it? But he can’t seem to stop the honest answer from spilling out of his mouth. Kodya’s eyes are bright. Curious. Almost burning, they’re so intense. “Dunno. Just don’t really believe in them.” Then he rushes to add, “At least, for me. It just seems… limited?”
Kodya tilts his head, but he doesn’t seem judgmental or angry. He seems… genuinely curious. The laptop is completely forgotten.
Really doesn’t do anything by halves, does he?
Gyrus thinks he should be uncomfortable with how intense Kodya is. But if he’s being honest, he’s just like Gyrus underneath his people pleasing mask. Better, because he’s the sort of honest Gyrus wishes he could be with the world.
Gyrus meets Kodya’s eyes directly, speaking slowly so he can fit the words into place. “... If you ever have someone like that. Someone you can be everything and anyone with. Why would you want to limit it instead of just enjoying it?” That makes it sound more likely for you than it is. “Plus, it would require me to fall in love, and I’m pretty sure I can’t.” He can feel his face getting red.
Why are you spilling your guts to a freshman in the middle of the TA room?
Kodya stares right at him for a moment. Then he claps a hand on Gyrus’ shoulder and says, “Good for you. It’s good to know yourself and know what you want.” His eyes feel like they’re boring straight through Gyrus’ skull into his soul.
Then he looks down and Gyrus feels the moment his attention zooms away from Gyrus and back into his computer screen. Takes the strings of his hoodie and chews on them as he stares intently at the laptop. It’s the same sweatshirt he was wearing two days ago – blue, with brown bands around the forearms and biceps. He keeps fiddling with the zipper. It says North Shore Archers on it and has a silly cartoon drawing of a person with a bow and arrow.
He should tell Kodya about the statue.
Kodya says abruptly, “Can I do some more work here? I’ve got other stuff due tomorrow and my roommate’s doing some sort of weird voodoo magic to try and seduce girls.” He scowls.
Gyrus shrugs and smiles cheekily. “As long as you don’t mind me cursing the inventors of thermodynamics.”
Kodya laughs without looking up. He’s heard it before, but it’s the first time he’s noticed how well Kodya’s laugh seems to fit him. Kind of rough, kind of intense. Honest.
Kodya gives him a confused look. Then, looking sheepish for the first time, says, “Uh. What’s your name?”
Gyrus wants to laugh but settles for a grin. Something about this guy’s behavior is just really amusing to him. “I’m Gyrus.”
Kodya nods firmly. “Kodya.”
Gyrus says, “I know.” Nods at the nametag.
Kodya groans and rips it off. “Fucking mandatory mixer. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t mandatory, but my onboarding advisor said we had to go. Huge waste of time.”
Gyrus grins. “Yeah, that sounds like something they’d do. They haven’t yet had the school spirit beaten out of them with a stick.”
Kodya snorts. “Idiots.”
They lapse into silence. But it’s not uncomfortable. Gyrus is being super productive, even if Kodya occasionally groans and squirms in the chair. They exchange occasional comments, but mostly they don’t say anything at all.
He barely notices when Kodya stands up, says, “Bye,” and leaves abruptly. Raises a hand without taking his eyes off the screen.
Kodya
He’s in the cafeteria a few days later when he sees a familiar shock of green hair.
Usually, he doesn’t like to approach people.
But Gyrus is sleeping in a way that looks really uncomfortable. There are also goosebumps on his arm, which means he’s cold even though it’s not even September yet.
Kodya straightens up and looks around for someone he can push this problem off onto, but there don’t seem to be any friends in the immediate vicinity. He scowls. Isn’t anyone checking on this guy?
Kodya, without much memory of deciding to, is suddenly standing in front of him.
Hey, remember how you said that you liked I, Robot? I checked it out of the library and read the whole thing instead of sleeping and I want to talk to you about it.
He shakes his head. For one thing, Gyrus is asleep. For another, that would almost certainly give away the giant, massive crush that hit Kodya over the head like a tsunami wave about two hours after he left their second set of office hours. The office hours where he told you he doesn't believe in relationships. And you’re crushing on him anyway.
Focus.
Does Gyrus have a class he’s missing? It’s 5 PM, so he might, but it’s more likely he’s already missed it. Probably? He doesn't know anything about the classes this guy is in. Just that he’s likely doing both computer science and mechanical engineering and is probably pretty good at both of them.
The bags under Gyrus’ eyes say he probably needs to sleep more than he needs to get to his next class. And he’s shivering, probably because he’s chosen to sleep right next to a vent that’s currently pumping out air conditioning.
Kodya sighs, pulls off his jacket, and puts it around Gyrus’ shoulders. Gyrus doesn’t even twitch. His shoulders are too cold against Kodya’s hands. He wants to let them linger to warm him up. Wants to zip Gyrus up in his hoodie and parade him around.
That’s… definitely not a feeling he should get used to. That feeling of possessiveness. Of he’s mine, see? Ridiculous. Because he’s not and he won’t be.
Truly, crushing on someone he knows is never going to like him back or even want a relationship is right up there with the dumbest things he’s ever done. But it’s not like he can stop.
And he is a good TA in a subject Kodya seems to suck at, so he’d better get used to it.
Kodya uses Gyrus’ pencil to scribble on the corner of his homework - Get some sleep. See you in office hours
He does not write, I saw a Pomeranian today with a pink tail and I think you would have laughed.
Then he frowns. They’re in the cafeteria. So why doesn’t Gyrus have any food? Well, since he’s already here, and it’s a buffet…
Kodya grabs a few muffins and an apple and leaves them on the table next to him.
Gyrus still hasn’t woken up. Kodya feels like he should leave. Feels like he should do more. There’s a strand of hair that’s falling into Gyrus’ mouth. And, again. Green hair? Does he dye it?
Kodya wants to know. Wants to ask so many questions.
Wants to touch his cheek and lips and that cute freckle on the end of his nose and move the offending piece of hair.
But touching a sleeping basically-stranger is definitely creepy, so Kodya makes himself leave. Because that’s what they are. Strangers who’ve had a few conversations.
It’s weird to want more.
But he feels an itching in his hands anyway.
Can’t get the image of Gyrus sleeping and open and vulnerable out of his head for the rest of the day.
Gyrus
Gyrus wakes up warm.
Something is different. Not bad different. But different.
Then he realizes what happened and grabs for his phone in a panic. But it’s only 6 PM. Thank god.
He drops his head back to the table. Why did he ever think a 9 AM class was a good idea? It’s not even that much earlier than 10. But every night, without fail, his brain clicks back online at midnight. Well, at least it’s only once a week. He still has time to get to volunteering at 7…
Then he realizes the sweatshirt on his shoulders isn’t his.
He sits bolt upright in alarm. What the…
He pulls it off and inspects it. Blue and brown, with a familiar goofy cartoon archer.
And… someone left him food. His stomach grumbles appreciatively.
He groans. Almost shoves his face in the sweatshirt but then remembers it’s not his and stops himself at the last second. He can feel heat creeping across his face. This is the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to him in… a very long time.
It’s also incredibly kind. He hopes Kodya isn’t cold. Thinks of him walking around campus, rubbing his arms and shivering. Gyrus winces at the thought.
He considers putting it back on. He is still cold. Can feel a cold breeze coming from somewhere. But that would be… weird. Very weird.
And someone would definitely ask why he’s wearing a sweatshirt that obviously isn’t his, and Gyrus wouldn’t know what to tell them. Not that he can make heads or tails of it himself.
Kodya
Kodya’s looking forward to office hours, but it turns out he doesn’t have to wait that long.
“Hey.” There’s an arm slung over his shoulder and a green ponytail in his peripheral.
Kodya feels his heartbeat double and only by an act of willpower is able to stop himself from jumping ten feet into the air, directly out of his library seat and straight into the ceiling.
“Hey.” He shoves his laptop away and turns. His notes are scattered all over the table. He can feel every muscle in Gyrus’ arm because Gyrus is wearing a fucking tank top.
Why would you wear a tank top when you get cold so easily, he wants to know. Gyrus is smiling at him. At this point, he’s about 90% certain this is a dream.
Then Gyrus says, “Uh, just wanted to say thanks.” He drops the eye contact, removes his arm, and pulls Kodya’s hoodie from seemingly nowhere. The tank top he’s wearing is grey and really low cut. Like, really low cut, both in the front and in deep slits on the side. Also, he’s sweating, but it’s somehow working for him, which is just… not fair. “I washed it and everything–”
Kodya wants to say, Keep it. I like it when you wear it. Instead he says, “You didn’t have to do that. But thanks.” Takes it and slips it on. Maybe that was a mistake. It’s kind of warm in here, and he can feel an extra warm spot on the left side where Gyrus has obviously been carrying it around.
Can feel the trail of heat on his arm from where Gyrus’ bare skin was touching him.
At this point, he may as well burst into flames.
Really, you’re pathetic. This is, what, your third conversation?
Looks up and Gyrus is watching him. Then Gyrus shakes himself, flashes that thousand kilowatt grin again, and says, “I’ve gotta go. But in the absence of a miraculous cure for the illness that is Merrythought, I’ll just assume I’m helping you tomorrow.”
Office hours. Not like Kodya could forget. But he can’t think of anything to say, so he just croaks, “Um.”
Then Gyrus is gone.
Kodya’s hoodie smells… different.
Someone snickers from a table behind him, but when he turns, hands clenched, nobody makes eye contact.
Kodya has a ton of homework for his zoology classes, so he doesn’t go to computer science office hours the next day. And there’s no homework anyway, so it would be silly. But as he crawls into bed, he feels… guilty.
Which is ridiculous. This whole thing is ridiculous. He feels ridiculous. Feels twelve years old and two inches tall at the same time. Feels the itch he can’t control working its way under his ribcage.
Gyrus
Kodya doesn’t come to office hours. Which is… fine. Gyrus gets a lot of work done. But he also finds himself twitching at footsteps in the hallway. It’s… weird.
Is he okay? Does he need someone to check on him? Gyrus doesn’t have the class roster, but he can definitely find it…
He’s three pages deep into social media when he realizes he’s stalking a freshman’s friends because he didn’t come to office hours. (He hasn’t found any evidence that Kodya’s alive, but he also hasn’t found any evidence that Kodya’s dead. He has found evidence of a childhood best friend named Neph. He assumed she was Kodya’s girlfriend until he found a page on some guy named Iro’s page of them holding hands. Kodya doesn’t post anything – pretty much all the photos of him are from Neph’s page, but she takes a lot of pictures and seems to have a lot of friends.)
Gyrus puts his head down on the desk as though hitting it will make some common sense fall out. Or back in, as the case may be, because clearly his common sense and his brain aren’t overlapping today. Why is he doing so many embarrassing things lately? This year is supposed to be calm. He’s already accepted his return job offer from his summer internship – this is supposed to be a don’t fail and everything is fine year.
We talked about nihilism in my philosophy class yesterday and I wanted to ask you about it.
He wishes his brain would stop feeling like it’s running in an infinite loop.
Kodya
Kodya goes to the animal shelter after school on Thursday to volunteer. It’s something he’s used to doing at home, and this is the time the woman he was emailing said worked for them.
When he gets there, it’s a flurry of activity. At first, he thinks he’s having a fever dream, because there are a lot of university sweatshirts, but he’s definitely not on campus. They’re all chatting and shouting and yelling. Kodya makes a face.
Then he sees someone with green hair waving a clipboard. One of the shelter workers goes up to Gyrus and whispers something. He sees Gyrus wave at a girl with a hijab and match her with the shelter worker. Then, just as Gyrus is about to make another effort to address the crowd, one of the volunteers starts to shriek. Apparently, one of the dogs is very cute.
They’re clogging the path and Kodya can see Gyrus glancing at it as he tries to get them to quiet down and move.
Gyrus clears his throat again, but the dog the shelter worker brought out has started peeing on the floor, and the student volunteers seem to be losing their collective minds.
Kodya takes three steps toward the front of the room and yells as loudly as he can, “HEY!” As loudly as he can is pretty damn loud, it turns out, because half of them flinch and almost everyone turns to look at him. The dog barks at him, but Kodya ignores it. He points at Gyrus and then takes a step back. He feels bad for scaring the dog, so he checks its body language, makes eye contact with the shelter volunteer holding its leash, then bends down to pet it. It immediately starts licking his face, and he makes an unhappy face, but doesn’t stop the pets.
Gyrus says, “Thanks, Kodya,” and smiles at him. “Remind me to take you with me the next time I need a megaphone!” A smattering of chuckles. Kodya feels himself blushing. Good thing he has this nice dog to hide behind.
Gyrus gives them instructions. They’re pretty simple. They’re just supposed to feed, water, and walk the dogs, then try to get some cute pictures and videos of them once they’ve calmed down. He doesn’t give Kodya an assignment, which is probably because technically, Kodya isn’t here.
Gyrus ushers the last person out the door and then turns and grins at him. “Thanks for the save.”
Kodya wishes his tongue didn’t feel so swollen and awkward. “Well, they weren’t listening, so…”
Gyrus says, frowning at the piece of paper, “You aren’t on my list.”
Kodya says wryly, “I wasn’t trying to join a club or anything. I’m just used to volunteering at the animal shelter and wanted to keep up the habit. They told me to come at this time.”
Gyrus frowns at the clipboard, then seemingly comes to a conclusion. “They must have seen your email address and just assumed you were confused.”
Kodya shrugs.
Gyrus says, “Well, we actually have more volunteers than we need, so you want to pair up with me?”
Kodya raises an eyebrow. “First week excitement?”
Gyrus snorts, but it feels friendly. “You’re too young to be so cynical.”
Kodya knocks him in the shoulder and mumbles, “You’re, like, three years older than me.” Feels a trail of heat all down his arm from the contact.
Gyrus grins at him again. “Old and wise!”
Kodya doesn’t know what to say to that. He feels like he should apologize for not coming to office hours. But that’s… kind of ridiculous, right?
One of the shelter volunteers runs up to them and says, “Gyrus! Can you be a dear and take this to Lynette in 32C for me?” And she points at a truly massive pile of dog food.
Kodya can’t suppress a snort and she gives him a weird look.
Gyrus smiles at her. “Sure, Ana.”
Kodya starts picking up the bags. Turns out, he can carry one in each arm. He’s tempted to try three, just to see if he can, but thinks he’d probably drop one. Gyrus does the same.
Kodya feels a weird itching inside his chest. “Race you?” He tilts his head and does his best I challenge you face.
Gyrus stares at him.
Kodya raises an eyebrow.
Gyrus shakes his head, a red mark creeping down his neck, flashes that blinding smile again, and takes off. It’s like Kodya can see him pushing past the social embarrassment.
It’s not a running race so much as a walking quickly race, which Gyrus wins only because he knows 32C is actually inside 32B.
Kodya grumbles, “I want a rematch.”
Gyrus laughs. “Lucky for you, there’s plenty of manual labor to do around here.”
Kodya rolls his eyes and hip checks him. Feels that burning on his skin again, even under his clothes. Especially under his clothes. He says, because he’s been itching to know ever since he found Gyrus passed out in the cafeteria, “How have you been sleeping?”
Gyrus blushes. “Uh, better!”
Kodya gives him a look, because that sounds like a lie.
Gyrus gives an embarrassed smile with a face that says, you caught me and I can’t decide if I’m embarrassed or not. “I said better, not well.”
Kodya rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” But he smiles so Gyrus knows he’s teasing. Gives a playful nudge to his forearm.
Gyrus says, “Oh! I wanted to tell you. Something funny happened at the museum the other day that reminded me of what you said about coding…”
They chatter as they move the bags and handle the dogs. More accurately, Gyrus chatters and Kodya asks questions. It’s nice to finally have time to do this, even if people keep coming up to them and interrupting them to ask Gyrus for things. Kodya has a lot of questions. He’s kind of startled by how much he wants to talk. He wishes people would stop disrupting them. Feels like he’s been underground for years and is finally getting sun, but only in short bursts.
The first dog they get assigned is an adorable grey pitbull named Sophie. She licks Kodya’s hand softly and then headbutts his knee. After the third person who’s asked Gyrus for something, Kodya says, “They’re pretty needy, aren’t they?”
Gyrus blushes and swats him on the arm. “Kodya!”
It doesn’t feel like anger, so Kodya grins at him. Leans into his shoulder. “I’m just saying.”
Gyrus grumbles, “They mean well. And I like to help.”
Kodya jokes, “If you’re helping everyone, who’s helping you?”
But instead of rolling his eyes and making a joke, Gyrus smiles at him – not a blinding smile, but a softer one, one Kodya hasn’t seen before – and says softly, “Apparently, you.”
Kodya feels his entire face go beet red as Sophie lunges forward and pulls Gyrus down.
Kodya
Kodya slinks into office hours, feeling a bit like a criminal returning to a crime scene. “Hey?”
Gyrus grins at him. “Hey! The prodigal son returns.” His smile is like the sun. Kodya’s lucky he’s stationary or he might have walked into a wall.
Still, he can’t help but smile back. “Merrythought forgot to be an asshole for about forty-eight hours.” Falls into the chair to Gyrus’ left. If he’s being dramatic, it feels a bit like he’s been running in place and now he can finally breathe.
“What’ve you got this week?” Gyrus is still smiling. Tucks a strand of hair behind his ear as he shifts his attention from his laptop to Kodya. “And, no offense, but don’t you have plans on a Friday night?” His hair is half down today – there are a few strands falling in front of his ears. Kodya wants to tuck them back. He could, from here. Wants to.
Instead, he tucks his hands behind his back and shrugs. “My best friend always wants to go out partying, and that’s not my scene.” He scowls.
“Not a drinker?”
Kodya makes a face. “It doesn’t like my brain.”
Gyrus laughs. “Yeah. Personally…” His mouth twitches. “Bad memories. Plus, I hate the loud noises. I’d rather just stay in and watch TV or something.”
“What kinds of stuff do you like?” Kodya doesn’t know what to do with his hands – puts an elbow on the table and props his head on his hand. He doesn’t really want to talk about homework anyway. Enjoyed talking about anything and everything yesterday. Has thought of a bunch of things he wants to ask Gyrus about since then.
Gyrus shrugs. “Mostly sci-fi? I’ve been watching this one recently – it’s kind of random though. Room of Swords?”
Kodya grins. “Wait, I love that show. I’ve been watching it for two years!”
“Seriously?” Another blinding grin, but this one feels different, somehow. “I’m just at the part where the guy in blue dies. It was awful, holy shit.”
Kodya gives him a comforting pat on the shoulder and says sympathetically, “Don’t worry, that’s really the worst part.”
Gyrus rolls his eyes. “I know he doesn’t stay dead, but like, he lost all his memories! It sucks.”
Kodya grins, then tries to look repentant and tragic.
“Oh, so he keeps his memories?”
Kodya tries to look sad and says, “No, what? No!”
Gyrus laughs. “It’s fine. Your face is just –” he waves a hand. “Very open.”
Kodya startles a bit. “That’s a surprise. Most people say I have resting bitch face.”
Gyrus squints at him. “I mean… kind of? But there are variations.” He points at Kodya’s eyebrow. “Like, that! That means you’re curious about something.” Then he adds, “Sometimes you get curious about something and then don’t ask about it, though, which is usually when you shake your head and start to frown more.”
Kodya feels himself start to blush. Feels like a moon orbiting a planet – just can’t stop himself from being pulled closer. Hey, at least he’s paying attention to you.
Gyrus stares at him in concern. “I don’t know what that one means,” he admits.
It means I want to throw you on the floor and make you forget your name. Kodya says, “It’s a bit – I’m embarrassed. I thought I was harder to read.”
Gyrus looks anxious. “Sorry! I didn’t mean–” He’s waving his hand around in a gesture of consternation.
Kodya catches it. Holy fuck, why are you holding his hand? “Hey, it’s fine! I don’t mind. It’s… interesting. To hear how people perceive me.” He lets go before Gyrus can say anything. To cut off the awkward silence, says, “You seem pretty good at reading people.”
Gyrus says, “I’m actually really terrible. It’s mostly autistic self-defense.” He says it like a joke, but Kodya feels like he’s telling the truth.
Kodya reaches out a hand and high fives him. Can’t you keep your hands away from his hands for like two seconds?
Gyrus grins but looks confused.
“ADHD,” Kodya explains. “We can avoid people together.” He snorts, then has a sudden image of Gyrus tucked into his bed under his arm. Smiling at him. He feels his face redden again.
Gyrus says, “Oh, we were reading about Simone de Beauvoir in my philosophy class the other day! I thought you might like her based on what you said the other day about nihilism, but I’m not sure if you’ve read her stuff…” He trails off.
Kodya can’t stop a smile from creeping across his face. Feels… special, if he’s being honest. Like he’s a specimen under Gyrus’ microscope, but in a good way. “Good guess, yeah. Life has the meaning we give it. It doesn’t matter if there’s a god or not or even what reality is.”
Gyrus tilts his head. “Aren’t you a freshman?”
Kodya shrugs. “I did some transfer credits at community college.”
“So how old are you?”
Kodya thinks, It’s legal to fuck me. Feels his face go bright red and says, “I’ll be nineteen…” He checks the date for something to do with his hands. “Holy shit, in less than three months.”
Gyrus grins at him. “So no big plans, then?”
Kodya makes a face. “Last year, Neph threw a rager for my birthday. She’s a great friend, but…” He grimaces. “She has a lot of other friends.”
Gyrus nods sympathetically. “Well, you know where I’ll be if you need a quick escape.” He’s grinning again. Kodya feels an answering smile spreading across his face.
“Yeah, because you just live here, right?” Then he shakes his head. “What episode are you on?” Shouldn’t you be focusing on schoolwork? But it’s a Friday night and the magnet in his chest wants to know and there’s no one else there to interrupt.
Gyrus’ eyes light up. “Just finished fifty-three! It’s actually what made me think about the Simone stuff, I’m so glad someone finally knows what I’m talking about…”
They talk about TV and books and philosophy for hours. The more he learns about Gyrus, the more Kodya wants to know. He feels like he’s getting to know him in leaps and bounds but he still doesn’t have enough. Wants to open up his mouth and swallow him whole, or maybe pull his soul out of his body and stuff it into Gyrus’ mind so he can run around and know what’s happening in there.
Then the lights start to flicker.
Gyrus groans. “Shit, they’re shutting the building down. We didn’t talk about your assignment at all.” He looks like he really feels bad about it, which… if Kodya’s being honest, he doesn’t feel bad at all. Feels an itch. Wants more. More time. More energy. More answers to the questions that keep burning up his insides.
Kodya hears himself say, “It’s fine.” Then he drops a hint and holds his breath. “It’s not due till Tuesday anyway.” There aren’t any office hours between now and Tuesday.
Gyrus bites almost immediately. “Oh, here! I’ll give you my number.”
Kodya does not fumble his phone and is incredibly proud of himself. Watching Gyrus hold it is… surreal. In a good way.
Kodya wants to take him home in every sense of the word.
He hands it back with another thousand kilowatt smile and pokes Kodya in the chest. Kodya has to force himself not to reach for his hand, not to try to pin it there like a bug on a card. “I’m serious! Text me.” Kodya’s already texting him his name – just an excuse to start communication, really. He holds up the phone mockingly and Gyrus grins. “I could use an excuse to be productive tomorrow night, but I’m flexible.”
Immediately, Kodya has the dirtiest image flash through his mind. Gyrus, legs bent backwards behind his head, moaning…
He zones back into reality and thanks all the gods that may or may not exist that Gyrus had started packing up his backpack and didn’t look at his face.
He can’t stop himself from one more touch, pressing his fingers into Gyrus’ shoulder as they go their opposite ways.
Ten minutes later, he gets a blurry picture of a rabbit running on a lawn. New vet patient? says the caption.
He grins and starts to type back.
When he gets back to his room, Anan is fast asleep.
Kodya stays up texting as late as he can, until he passes out on the pillow with the phone open next to him.
Gyrus
Things Gyrus has learned about Kodya in the last nineteen hours:
- One of his moms is Russian and spoke Russian to him as a child (so he’s really good at speaking and listening, not so good at reading and writing).
- He wants to be a vet (Gyrus already knew this. But it’s nice to hear it again).
- He’s selfless to a fault. At one point, Kodya had stopped texting for half an hour, and Gyrus thought he’d finally decided he had better things to do. Then Kodya had come back explaining that he saw some girl break her ankle on the quad and carried her to the student health center. He explained this with lots of swear words and insults, but it doesn't hide what he did.
- When he was a kid, he wanted to be a pilot so he could fly like the birds did.
- He likes animals. He really likes birds.
- He’s on a scholarship, which explains his even higher than usual stress about his grades.
- He’s a good listener. At one point, Gyrus had started rambling about nanotechnology. Then he’d scrolled back up and realized he’d written over a thousand words. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that, like most people, Kodya would find him boring or annoying. This was why he always kept the lid tightly shut.
- But Kodya had responded almost immediately with a bunch of thoughtful questions that seemed to indicate genuine curiosity and also made Gyrus think differently about what he was explaining. Gyrus wasn’t sure if he’d googled some of them, but even if he had, that just showed he was trying, right? It gave Gyrus a weird feeling. He wasn’t sure he was worth the effort. But he liked feeling like Kodya thought he might be.
Unfortunately, it’s all about to come crashing to a screeching halt, because they’re supposed to meet at 7 PM at Gyrus’ place and he’s rushing back from volunteering at the museum when he gets a text.
Maria: GAME NIGHT! Bring popcorn bitch
Attached is a picture of their friend group slung across the couch.
Gyrus looks at his phone in despair. It’s… 6:57. He’s royally fucked.
He has just enough time to text Kodya sorry about this as he slams open the door and beholds the chaos that is his house. The quiet study hours he’d planned have gone completely out the window. It’s… probably too late to turn around and run away.
Then there’s a knock at the door. Before Gyrus can speak, Maria steps out of the kitchen, throws it open, and says, “Heyyyy…!?” It trails off into a question mark.
Kodya’s eyes are wide and terrified. “Uh, wrong house?”
Gyrus says, “No, hi! Sorry for the chaos. We can go–” He reaches for Kodya’s wrist, intent on wresting them both as far from the chaos as possible.
Then Bronzo grabs him by the shoulder. “Gyrus!!!” He’s… super drunk. Looks up, slurring his words, and says, “New friend?” Throws an arm over Kodya’s shoulder – Gyrus’ grip on his wrist tightens – and sings, “Come play our nerd game.” His voice sounds terrible.
Gyrus mouths at Kodya, Sorry, and jerks a thumb at the door to indicate we can go.
Kodya shrugs and whispers, “What kind of game?” Gyrus has a weird feeling in his chest.
Bronzo says, “I’m so glad you asked!”
Gyrus, suddenly irritated, says, “Okay, get off him.” Pushes Bronzo’s arm off Kodya’s shoulders. Maria snorts behind him. Gyrus, for no reason he understands, feels his face heat.
Bronzo says grandly, “Join our conquest,” sweeping his arm out across the entirety of the living room.
The conquest, it turns out, is a super intense game of charades, which is only nerdy because all of Gyrus’ friends are nerds.
Kodya ends up tucked next to him at the end of the couch. Gyrus whispers, “Are you really alright? We can leave.”
Kodya shrugs. “They’re your friends.” Then his face goes red. “Not like I have anywhere better to be.”
Gyrus feels that strange pull again. That feeling that bypasses all his filters. He says teasingly, like they’ve known each for years rather than two weeks, “Really? Mr. Campus Superhero doesn’t have a cat to get down from a tree?”
Kodya blushes and shoves at his shoulder. Gyrus grins at him.
Then Maria squeezes herself against Gyrus’ other side and says, “Whoa, superhero? What’d he do?”
“Oh, just carried some poor girl with a broken ankle all the way from Martin Quad to the health center. No big deal.” He raises an eyebrow at Kodya as though to say, I dare you to contradict me.
Maria whoops. “Damn! Did you at least get her number?”
Kodya says, “Uh, definitely not?” He looks… vaguely ill. “I’m gay.”
Gyrus files that away in his list of facts. He hopes Kodya didn’t feel afraid to tell him. Not that anything related to it has really come up…
Vela pops her head over Maria’s and yells, “ME TOO!” before crashing back down on the couch.
Then the game starts.
Kodya’s quiet for the first half of the game. Gyrus keeps wanting to turn to check on him and having to stop himself. Then Knox steps forward, does a single leftward movement of his right hand, and Kodya yells, “Anteater!”
Knox says, expressionless, “Yes.”
Gyrus whoops and thumps Kodya on the back. “How did you get that?”
Kodya’s face is red again, but he’s grinning. “I like animals.”
Gyrus grins back. “No shit! Keep it up.”
When it’s Kodya’s time to act, he sighs, scrunches his face up, then puts his left hand up in front of his face and his right hand back to his ear.
“Archer!”
It’s out of Gyrus’ mouth before he can stop himself. Kodya nods at him with a small smile.
Gyrus hears his mouth say teasingly, “I spent a lot of time staring at that sweatshirt.”
Kodya turns even redder and walks into the table as the rest of Gyrus’ friends start cackling. Kodya flops down next to him. “Is your leg hurt?” Kodya shakes his head silently.
There’s so little room on the couch that Gyrus’ left side has basically merged with Kodya’s right side.
He doesn't think I’m being weird, right? Well, he’s still here…
I’m definitely being weird. Why do I keep looking at him? And why is my face so hot? Am I sick? I feel kind of sick. My heart won’t stop racing.
Kodya says, “Hey. Are you okay?” Gyrus doesn't respond. Then there’s a hand on his arm. “Hey.” His friends are so loud.
He follows the warmth of the hand back to reality. Feels the echoes of his thoughts start to recede. “Hey. Sorry.” He gives a weak smile.
Kodya says, “Do you want to step outside?”
“No, I’m okay.” He tries to smile again.
“Gyrus!” Bronzo is waving a slip of paper at him.
He stands up and pastes a grin on his face. Stares at the slip of paper. Says jokingly, “All the funny things I could say are actually clues, so…” Then starts waving his arms.
“Streamers!”
“The ocean?”
Kodya says sarcastically, “Walther Nernst?”
Gyrus is shocked into a wave of giggles.
Then Maria, who’s looking at Kodya thoughtfully, says, “Thermodynamics?”
Gyrus grins at her. “Yep!”
Then drops back onto the couch. Kodya’s warm against his side. Gyrus says jokingly, “Nernst? Really?”
“You’re not the only one who’s easy to read. And you spent like an hour complaining about the guy.” Kodya nudges him in the shoulder. His eyes are playful.
Gyrus didn’t think they could get closer, but apparently they can, because when he elbows Kodya in the ribs, Kodya snorts and shoves him in the shoulder.
Gyrus goes for Kodya’s wrist at the same time that Kodya goes for his shoulder and somehow, they end up on the floor. Kodya’s laughing. Gyrus can’t stop smiling, grabbing at his wrists and leaning over him while Kodya tries to knee him in the face. There’s a freckle under Kodya’s left eye that he’s never noticed before.
Then suddenly, it’s silent.
Gyrus turns his head, feeling the anxiety start to bubble up in his stomach. Knox says, “Kodya’s turn.”
Everyone is looking at them, but the moment they notice Gyrus looking back, they do their best to pretend they’re not.
Kodya says, “R-right.” Tries to move but can’t, because Gyrus is still leaning on his knees and holding his wrists. They make eye contact and Gyrus lets him go immediately. Pulls back and sits awkwardly on his ankles. There’s a weird feeling in his stomach that he can’t name. He might be embarrassed, but he’s not sure. His hands feel… empty. He clambers back onto the couch.
He zones out Kodya’s entire turn. Turning over that strange bubbling feeling in his stomach.
He thinks he’s… annoyed.
Kodya sits next to him, eyes locked on Vela as she does some kind of strange jerky throwing motion.
Gyrus is definitely annoyed.
But Kodya’s having fun, right? So he shouldn’t interrupt him. He’s starting to feel that familiar floating sensation, where he’s not actually in his body, just hovering above and around it.
He doesn’t realize he’s staring until Kodya looks at him, raises an eyebrow, then stands and holds out a hand. Gyrus takes it without thinking. Someone mutters something Gyrus doesn’t hear, but it makes Kodya flush red.
Kodya pulls him out the front door and onto the porch. Lets go of his hand. “You want to take a walk?”
Gyrus can’t form words. Feels that strange annoyance bubbling in his stomach. Just nods.
Kodya’s talking, but Gyrus doesn't hear anything.
“Hey.”
Gyrus startles. Kodya’s hand is on his shoulder. He gives a weak smile. “Sorry.”
Kodya’s staring at him. “Social anxiety?”
“What?”
“Something about… crowds?” Kodya waves a hand at his face. Is still staring deeply into his eyes. Gyrus wishes he would stop. It’s making the annoyed feeling more intense. But he’s not annoyed at Kodya. “My sister has it.”
Gyrus says, “Uh, yeah. It’s usually fine when I’m with my friends. I guess I’m just tired.” Rubs at the back of his neck.
“Do you get panic attacks?”
Gyrus freezes. He doesn’t tell people about that. The only person who knows here is Maria, and that’s because she found him in the bathroom one time hyperventilating.
Kodya continues, “It’s fine if you do. Like I said, my sister gets them.” Then he says quietly, “Sorry, am I being too pushy?”
And Gyrus recognizes that, at least. The sorry, am I too much? Feels his heart twitch in sympathy. “No! No. It’s – it’s kind of you. Thank you.” Kodya still looks unhappy. He’s biting his lip. “I just. I haven’t really told anyone.”
Kodya says, “Sorry. I didn’t mean–” Pulls his hand back.
Gyrus says, “Really. It’s fine. I’m not hiding it. And you…” He looks down at his own hand. Flexes it into a fist. Feels his pulse, slower than it was a few minutes ago. “You actually really helped, Kodya.” He smiles at him, trying to be reassuring. “I feel a lot better.”
Kodya’s face is red again. He’s scratching the back of his head awkwardly.
“You want to go back?”
Kodya says, “Will you be okay?”
Gyrus laughs. “They’re my friends. You’re the one in shark infested waters.”
Kodya shrugs and says gruffly, “They’re fine.”
Gyrus feels himself perk up. “Oh, but I actually wanted to show you something. Since we’re already out here.”
Kodya tilts his head in a question.
Gyrus grins and makes his way down the street. The streetlights are bright. It’s quiet, but not uncomfortable. He gets to the steep steps that go down to the river and says, “Be careful! I don’t think I can carry you to the hospital if you trip and knock yourself out.”
Kodya bumps into his shoulder. “But what if I want to be carried?”
Gyrus laughs. “There are easier ways than getting a concussion.”
Kodya mutters something Gyrus doesn’t hear.
When Gyrus gets to the bottom step, he jumps down and holds out a hand. “Your royal highness?”
Kodya snorts and takes the offered hand.
Gyrus doesn’t let go as he pulls him around to the base of a large tree. Then he looks up at the nest at the very top of the tree. He’s pretty sure it’s a Great Egret nest. He’s been wanting to show it to Kodya for a week.
He looks back at Kodya, expecting him to be excited about the nest.
Kodya’s staring at him with a weird expression on his face.
Gyrus falters. Did he do something wrong? He says numbly, “Uh. It’s. I think it’s a Great Egret nest? I don’t know where the rest of their colony is. But, uh. Birds?” He realizes too late that he’s still holding Kodya’s hand.
The feeling of annoyance is back. Itching under his skin. Like there’s something cocooned inside his stomach that wants to get out.
Kodya takes the hand that Gyrus isn’t holding and puts it up in the air. Almost as though he wants to touch Gyrus’ face. Gyrus doesn’t move. Doesn’t breathe.
Then Kodya drops it, takes a shaky breath, looks up, and says, “Yeah. Um. Yeah. I think that’s what it is. That’s really cool. How did you find it?”
“I volunteer for river cleanup sometimes.”
Kodya snorts, and now they finally feel on firmer ground. Gyrus still can’t feel his face. Can feel that wave of something pulsing through his veins. Kodya says, “So, let me get this straight. The animal shelter. The river cleanup. The teaching kids to read. The museum. You work in the library. And you’re a double major and a TA. When do you sleep?”
“When I’m dead,” Gyrus jokes.
Kodya grumbles, “With the sleep deprivation, that might be sooner than you think. You know it’s basically brain damage?”
“I get… nightmares.” It echoes across the river.
Kodya squeezes his hand. “I’m sorry.”
Gyrus shrugs. “Just from some bad stuff that happened when I was a kid.”
Kodya doesn’t ask, but Gyrus knows he could tell him. Could open his mouth and pour out all the bruises and twisted parts of his past, and Kodya would listen. But Gyrus doesn’t want to spend the night being sad.
Kodya makes a weird face, then turns away and tries to stifle a yawn with his elbow. He’s not successful.
Gyrus immediately drops his hand. “Sorry! I’ve been keeping you up.” It’s well past midnight.
Kodya’s still fighting off the yawn. His eyes are closed tightly. It’s… endearing. Gyrus wants to wrap him up in a blanket.
Instead, he says, “Which direction are you?”
Kodya says, “Don’t worry about it. I’m the opposite way.”
Gyrus feels… weirdly disappointed. “Ah. Okay. Well.” He clears his throat. “I’ll see you?”
He can’t see Kodya’s face very well in the dim light. “Uh – yeah. Yeah.” He turns and walks off.
Gyrus watches him go, frowning. Then he turns and, sighing, makes his way back home.
He listens at the door. Silence. He grins. His friends may be loud, but they’re reliable.
Sure enough, when he opens the door, everyone is asleep except Knox, who nods at him.
Gyrus helps clean up and then stays up for another two hours working on a mechanical engineering project.
His phone doesn’t go off, but he doesn't expect it to.
He falls asleep at his desk.
Kodya
Kodya doesn’t go to his room. Instead, he walks in circles around the quad, jumping at any brief flashes of green. He feels keyed up to about an eleven.
Gyrus held his hand. Multiple times.
But he doesn't believe in relationships. Doesn’t want one. What did he say? He doesn’t think he’ll ever fall in love? Doesn’t think he can?
But his hands are burning where Gyrus kept pulling on them. Feels branded, like every place Gyrus touched him is a mark.
So what does this mean? Is he just like this with all his friends? Kodya doesn’t think that’s it, but it’s not like he’s seen a lot of them.
Kodya wishes he had more experience with this. Wishes he felt like he knew what he was doing. The sum total of his experience comes from dating Chris Rodriguez for about two weeks in junior year of high school. When Kodya tried to kiss him, Chris had let him, and then immediately pulled away and said, “I think we should see other people.” Really shitty first kiss, that.
So he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing.
But he finds himself googling things as he wanders. Things like how to know if someone is flirting with you and how to know if a guy is flirting with you.
Then he shakes his head, closes all the tabs, and locks his phone.
This is ridiculous. He’s being… so weird about this. If anything, he’s finally started to make a friend who isn’t Nephthys. That’s probably good. It’s not like he has enough friends to really know what’s normal, anyway, especially not since he got outed. And Gyrus is so bright and brilliant, he probably comes into everyone’s lives like this. A beautiful star that might burn itself out.
He can’t fuck it up by being weird.
He swipes down his notifications, but he doesn’t have any messages from Gyrus.
Which is fine. He didn’t expect any.
He doesn’t expect anything because Gyrus warned him, didn’t he? He was honest. Kodya’s the one who’s out of bounds here.
Well beyond out of bounds.
The next afternoon, he gets texts.
Gyrus: we never worked on your homework
Gyrus: free now?
Kodya: where?
Gyrus: library
Kodya’s moving before his brain fully registers. Has his textbook in his backpack and his laptop in his hand before he can stop and think.
He finds Gyrus in the library easily. He’s sitting directly in a beam of sunlight.
Kodya thinks the metaphor is a bit heavy-handed, thanks.
Gyrus smiles at him and Kodya smiles back helplessly. He probably looks sick. Feels something tense and unpleasant in his stomach finally unclench as Gyrus says, “Hey.”
“Hey.” He plops down and waits to see if Gyrus says anything about yesterday. Is way too aware of his hands. Wants to touch him.
But Gyrus just says, “So, what’s the assignment?”
Kodya bites back a surge of disappointment and pulls out his laptop. So… are they not friends? Did Gyrus read all his weird thoughts on his face?
If he doesn’t want to be friends now, it’s your own damn fault. There are so many people who seem to want Gyrus’ time and attention. His phone seems to be going off constantly. He’s in a leadership role in pretty much everything he does. People like Gyrus.
There are plenty of people he’d probably rather be friends with than Kodya.
They finish the computer science work in record time – record time being about two hours. Gyrus is laser focused on it – barely steers them off topic at all. Kodya follows his lead, feeling like a fish out of water. Like he doesn’t know what’s going on or what’s happening, but something is wrong.
Kodya leans back and says, “Thanks.” Still feels that weird surge of disappointment. Last night is starting to feel more and more like a fever dream.
Then Gyrus grins and says, “Thank god that’s over. You want to go eat? I’m hungry.”
Kodya stares at him in a way that he hopes isn’t incriminating. “Uh, yeah. I mean – yeah.”
Oh.
Gyrus
Kodya deadpans, “I hear that table’s particularly good for naps.”
Gyrus rolls his eyes as he weaves through the cafeteria tables. “Nah, too cold. Luckily, there are campus superheroes swooping around to drape their capes on unsuspecting civilians.” He grins.
Kodya flushes bright red. “Just you,” he mutters.
He seems stressed. Does he not like compliments? Gyrus says teasingly, “Don’t worry, I won’t let it go to my head.”
Kodya makes a face. “Where are the eggs?” He’s frowning.
“Uh, probably at breakfast with the bacon and the pancakes.”
Kodya sighs and starts to pile his tray with chicken and fruit.
Gyrus snorts as he follows Kodya to a table. Kodya moves so quickly. It’s kind of a relief, since Gyrus feels like most people are too fucking slow.
“Proteinloading? Is that a new fad?”
Kodya’s face goes red. Cute.
Gyrus starts. Where did that thought come from? Well, it’s fine. He just meant it like… dogs are cute.
Then Kodya says, not looking up from where he’s shoving an entire chicken breast onto his fork, “I need to work out later.” He starts eating it right off the fork.
Gyrus hears himself say, “Oh, me too. What, are you just following me around now?” Puts enough joke and charm into it that Kodya can ignore the offer in it, if he wants.
Kodya rolls his eyes. “You got me. I’m a stalker and I’m here to slit your throat. Grrr.” He holds his hands up like little claws. One of them still has the fork and most of a chicken breast.
It’s so fucking cute and unexpected that Gyrus starts laughing. He laughs so hard he can’t breathe. Kodya’s snickering too. Gyrus feels something light and airy inflating inside his chest. Finally catches his breath and grins at him. “You’re adorable. What time is the stalker going to the gym?”
Kodya stares him in the eyes and says matter-of-factly, “Why? You want company?”
Gyrus is still grinning. “Unless you’re one of those types who yells and drops the weights from shoulder height, in which case, we can’t be friends.”
Kodya smiles at that, then says, focused intently on his chicken, “Yeah, I could use a spotter. I was going to go after this.”
Gyrus says, “Great! Let’s get changed and meet there?” Then he feels his face redden. “I mean – never mind. You know what I meant.”
Kodya deadpans, “Yeah, but keep trying to explain it. I think that will help.”
Another ripple of laughter pops out of Gyrus’ mouth.
They eat in silence for a few minutes. Then Gyrus says, “Ready?”
Kodya makes a yes face and gestures for Gyrus to lead the way. As they drop their trays off, Gyrus has the weirdest feeling. Like he’s missing something. He shakes his head, grins at Kodya, and says cheerfully, “See you soon!”
As he turns away, he can’t shake off that strange feeling that’s settling all over his skin. Like a layer of numb or an extra, uncomfortable glue all over his skin that he can’t remove.
Kodya
When Kodya sees Gyrus waiting for him in front of the gym, he realizes how bad an idea this was. He should have guessed, of course. That fucking grey tank top Gyrus was wearing in the library when he returned Kodya’s hoodie was a bright red warning flag.
Gyrus isn’t wearing the grey tank top.
The grey tank top would actually be better.
Instead, he’s wearing something black and skin tight with fucking cutouts at the hipbones. With the ponytail, he looks like a fucking supermodel.
Kodya barely knows what a cutout is, but it’s fucking hot.
He’s pretty sure his face is on fire. He doesn’t know what to do with his eyes or his hands.
Gyrus says, “Hey! You ready?” He’s grinning like everything is normal. Everything is fine. Why are your shorts so short. Kodya can’t feel his fingers, just nods and follows Gyrus into the maze of machines.
Gyrus says, “I usually start with squats, but I’m open to alternatives?”
“You don’t warm up?”
Gyrus says sheepishly, “I always get bored.”
“So do I, but you’ll get injured.” He pokes Gyrus in the chest and Gyrus pretends like Kodya’s finger has injured him, gasping and then drooping dramatically until Kodya’s forced to catch him. His hand brushes over the fucking hip cutout and he briefly considers burning down the entire building.
Gyrus opens his eyes and grins at him. “See, I’m fine! What would I do without you?”
Kodya, from where he’s still got his fucking arms wrapped around him, gives an audible gulp. Why are his eyes so purple.
Nope. Focus. He firmly pulls Gyrus back up, sets him on his feet, and says, “Come on. Time to run.”
It takes him about ten minutes to decide that, sexual torment aside, he prefers this to working out alone. Or maybe it’s just because the someone else he’s working out with is Gyrus, who keeps smiling at him and making funny faces and tiny jokes.
Unfortunately for Kodya’s sanity, somehow sweating makes Gyrus hotter. Traces paths down his neck muscles and chest. He keeps getting visions of Gyrus on his bed instead. Luckily, he planned for this, so his raging hard-on is pretty well hidden by his layered shorts. Thank god.
Gyrus also makes noises. Not loud ones. But he grunts sometimes when he’s close to the end of a set. Takes little gasping breaths of relief when he finishes a particularly difficult exercise.
The noises are definitely going to feature in Kodya’s shower fantasies tonight, that’s for damn sure.
At one point, Gyrus pulls up his shirt to wipe his face, and Kodya gets a faceful of abs.
Christ above, he’s going to die. All he can think is, Please fuck me. He doesn’t even know how the skin tight shirt can move like that. He is going to melt into a puddle on the floor.
Gyrus, luckily, seems oblivious to this. For better or worse. Kodya catches more than one person staring at him and glares at them until they look away.
Gyrus finishes his sets first, but he seems fine to spot for Kodya until he finishes.
Kodya reracks, stands up, and wipes his face with his shirt. Then he starts wiping down the machine.
Gyrus grins. “This was fun! It’s nice to have a spotter.”
Kodya nods, still too tired and full of endorphins to speak.
Gyrus slings an arm over his shoulders and presses his entire side up against Kodya. Kodya freezes, hand on the machine, and Gyrus says cheerfully, “Guess you’re not getting rid of me now.”
The fucking cutout is pressing right into his hand again. In fact, he’s basically cradling Gyrus’ hip with his hand.
“G-guess I’m not,” he manages to stammer.
Gyrus grins at him. “Time to shower!”
Kodya chokes. “What?”
Gyrus gives him a weird look. “What?”
Kodya feels himself flush everywhere. “No, never mind – misheard you.”
Gyrus is still giving him a weird look.
Kodya says, “Okay, bye.”
Gyrus says, “You’re not going to shower?”
No, I’m not going to jerk off to you while you’re on the other side of the wall. “Uhh… left my. Soap.”
Gyrus gives him a confused smile. “Uh, okay.”
Kodya hears his mouth say, “I’ll text you.”
Gyrus smiles at him, like he means it this time. “You’d better.”
Gyrus
And somehow, without Gyrus even noticing at first, they fall into an easy routine. Until it’s weirder to have a day without Kodya than with him. Gyrus comes to expect him there. Rolling his eyes. Snickering at his own jokes. With a near-constant stream of physical contact – shoulder nudges, knees against knees, hands on wrists and elbows.
Gyrus doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’s had plenty of friends, but he’s never had a friend like this before. Something that feels this intense.
He keeps waiting for it to slip through his fingers. For Kodya to wake up one day and decide he’s had enough, that he’s done. Or to show his true colors and turn into a raging asshole. But neither happens.
It’s… frustrating.
He feels like he’s standing on the edge of a cliff and there’s something down at the bottom of the canyon that he could just see if he jumped.
But he can’t bring himself to do it.
Feels like he’s clinging to the last of something with his fingertips, terrified of losing control of… whatever it is that’s ripping through his chest like a tornado.
But he’s happy. He means his smiles more. What would Kodya say keeps worming its way into his brain until Gyrus feels like he’s carrying around Kodya’s voice in his head. And when his dad calls, it’s not even that bad. Gyrus is able to get back to normal within a few minutes because Kodya comes in the door, throws his backpack on the ground – he does everything with so much energy – and then pokes at Gyrus until he makes room on the couch so Kodya can fling himself aggressively onto it. It makes an ominous creaking noise and Gyrus winces.
And Kodya starts to talk – something about biology, maybe about ribosomes – and Gyrus just basks in him. Feels like a plant leaning toward the light.
And the fist he hadn’t realized he was clenching relaxes.
And he breathes.
And, without conscious thought, a song lyric floats through his mind. These things we just don’t speak about.
Something too big – too important – for words.
Kodya
Kodya feels overwhelmed, but in a good way. Like he’s set foot in a rushing river, the water higher than his head, and somehow hasn’t drowned. Is bobbing along, enjoying the feeling of sunshine on his face and cool water on his skin.
He feels obsessed. Like he can’t get enough. Like he’s always going to want more. To burrow under Gyrus’ skin and sort through the mechanical pieces that make up his heart so he can figure him out.
He thinks Gyrus might be the best person he’s ever met. He’s kind and giving and selfless when a lot of people never look beyond themselves. And he always tries to do better. To learn. To grow.
He’s patient with the people at the shelter when Kodya gets annoyed with them. Understanding and reassuring to the students when Maria-Elena has a completely needless freakout that one of the dogs smiled at her.
He’s so helpful. He’s always running between the library and the museum and office hours and one of a million other things he’s doing for other people.
He seems to think he can fix the world if he just tries hard enough. And he’s so smart and competent that maybe he can. Maybe he is. And Kodya loves that he cares.
He’s flawed, sure. He doesn’t take care of himself. He occasionally forgets other people have feelings.
But Kodya wants to get inside his soul and map out every piece of him by hand.
He feels like he’s somehow dying of thirst in the rushing river, but he still can’t give it up. Doesn’t want to. It’s too precious. Too special.
Too much.
Gyrus & Kodya
The weeks pass in a strange but comfortable routine. In days in the library and the TA basement and sprawled across couches and in the animal shelter, in hours talking on the front porch. The calendar flips from September to October and then late October and the trees shed their sunset colored leaves.
They don’t talk about it, whatever it is. But it’s almost more precious because they don’t talk about it.
Gyrus thinks that if he said something, he’d be limiting… whatever they’re building. Whatever they have. That it’s too big for words, too much for language. That he wants all of it, not all of it minus the bits and pieces of other people’s expectations. He’s a bit terrified of how much he cares.
Kodya thinks that if he said something, Gyrus would realize Kodya wants something Gyrus is never going to give him and leave, because he told Kodya himself he doesn’t believe in relationships. That he doesn’t think he even can fall in love. That Kodya has to keep the feelings he’s trying not to admit he even has buried deep down. If they don’t talk about it, he gets to keep it.
So it’s fine.
More than fine – everything is good. They circle each other like planets, clash and collide like electricity. Secrets pour out like blood from a sliced throat, connection reaches out and holds like they’re sharing a body, and they live and breathe together like they’ve lived in a simulation together for a trillion years.
Everything is great.
And then they start sleeping together.
Literally.