Work Text:
Rouge leaned over the teal, porcelain sink, stained with various chemicals and dyes, sloppily applying her lipstick. Although her hand swiped with no precision, the final look was flawless. She had already applied her red, shadowy eyeshadow with golden eyeliner, lashes, and jewelry and was finally ready to go on her daily outing with her roommate, Shadow.
"SHADOW GIT YUR ASS OVER
'ERE NOW! I'VE BEEN WAITING FER YOU FEREVURRR!!" Rouge shrieks through the apartment. The apartment was a perfect mixture of organized and cluttered. With Shadows need for neatness, ans Rouges serious hoarding problems, it was bound to be the perf mixture of the two.
"Here. You forgot your mask on the couch." Shadow dryly spoke, causing Rouges ears to point up in suprise.
"Oh now yer just doin' that on perpose." She replied, equally dry, snatching the mask from his hands. With swift movement, Rouge pulled the white ski mask with hot pink stars over her head, wiggling her large ears to poke through. Shadow did the same, pulling his matching hot pink with white stars ski mask over his face. Rouge pouted at her smuged eyeliner, popping a pen out to fix it.
"We don't have time for this."
"I am NOT robbing a jewelry store looking like a criminal, Shadow." She snapped the cap of the pen shut, placing the eyeliner back into her large designer bag, stolen, of course. She then carefully repositioned her HUMONGOUS bahoonkas, applying enough highlighter on them to blind any witnesses. The bajoingaloings could be comparably to the strength of diamonds, capable of (and this has happened several times before) killing a man (We respect women and all those between and after, here).
"Okay, I'm ready now!" She grinned.
"Finally. Get to the motorcycle. And for CHAOS'S sake, face backwards."
"Heh, alright. But don't blame me, blame these honkers!"
Shadow exits the apartments doors and leaves Rouge to catch up as he drives his motorcycle away. All that is left is a cloud of dust as Rouge flies towards him.
"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU MADE ME RUN AFTER YOU IN HEELS!!"
Rouge shrieked outside of the new jewelry store. So much for being inconspicuous. At least the new owners, naive and fresh faces in town, wouldn't know of Rouge and Shadows extensively criminal list.
"Not my fault you wore heels. Besides, you only ran for about 5 seconds before picking your fat ass up in the air with those wings."
"And the sacrifices I make to have the juiciest ass in this town.."
"I'm sure that bbl took a lot of sacrifice."
"THIS IS NATURAL!"
"Hmph. Your ass quite literally juts out three feet from your body. Same as your boingalpingas. Every time you TURN in the apartment, everything gets completely demolished. Hurricane Katrina is half as bad as you are."
Rouge proves Shadow right and does a little spin in front of the store, completely demolishing the entire store. Right in the middle of the rubble stood two mobians, a ferret and a hamster, shivering and clutching their pearls.
"Oh my! What quality pearls you own!" Rouge struts over and snatches the pearls off of the two's necks, placing both of the necklaces on her own neck.
"Hmm, you two are pretty cute! Wanna be a throuple?"
The ferret and the hamster shared a glance, then just noticed the honking bonkers in front of them. Their eyes were bursting with tears of joy, their hands shook with excitement.
"Uhm. Nevermind…"
The two owners then exploded and their guts covered Rouges bouncing juggle balloons.
"EW EW EW EW SHADOW GIT THEM OFF ME EW EW EW!!!"
"SHUT UP. SHUT UP FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND. I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF. JUST PUT THE GODDAMM JEWELS IN YOUR BAG!"
"Yew buhlieve in gaud?"
"Repent for your sins."
"Mmmh, but sinners jeust lewk so sexshyyyyy!"
"You must be an outlier."
Rouge smirks harshly, playing with the pearls so harshly they could break off and roll away any second.
"Stop playing with those DAMN pearls and get on the motorcycle before I leave you. Again. And for God's sake, PLEASE ride backwards. Those joingaloing piercings gave me permanent scars on my back and ruined almost half of my expensive leather jacket collection."
"Hmm, alright, but just for yew!" Rouge slid him a sly wink before neatly flying and positioning herself so her lopaplaposies facing away from Shadow.
The two drove off in a burst of flying debris and dirt as the sound of alarms faded behind them.
"Purdy successful outing, raight dawling?"
"Agreed. Chipotle?"
"Yep! Speed up weather boy, girly needs a burrito!"
The night ended in a slow hum of noises and lights of beans and fluorescent lamps. Shadow chaos controlled to the toilet first, Rouge was left to sob outside the door, still munching on the culprit of her pain.