Archive of Our Own ^beta

Felix has never thought of Jeongin like that. Well - okay, maybe once. Or twice. But to be completely truthful - Felix has thought about all of his friends like that at some point. He’s young, sexually active, and has eyes. All things considered it’s a miracle he isn’t pining after any of them.

Minho and Chan have a thing going on - sort of. Seungmin is hopelessly vying after a very obviously lesbian Chaeryeong. Hyunjin and Changbin are actively pursuing Jisung. And, somehow, in a weird roundabout way - Jisung is constantly making sad, googly eyes at Seungmin.

His friend group is a mess. Him and Jeongin pair well because they’re the only ones outside of this mess of tangled needs and wants and bursting hormones. Neither care about dating, always being the only ‘romance-sober’ ones out of the group.

Jeongin is cute, smiley and truthfully - a drop-dead gorgeous man. He loves staying in, going to church and working out. He attracts more attention than he likes, and then ends up cowering away in a corner during social gatherings. Felix is his opposite - lean instead of wide at the shoulders, shorter, blonde and outgoing. Jeongin is different to him, as obvious as day and night - and yet they’re the two most similar to each other out of the whole group.

Chan shares Felix’s childhood memories of seaweed stuck to damp feet and sand-scratched knees. Minho shares his love for animals and caring for others through cooking. Changbin and Hyunjin understand Felix sexually, having invited him to be their third on multiple occasions, without it thankfully ever turning awkward.

Him and Seungmin work in the same coffee shop and share a similar love for k-dramas and comic books, wasting away for days in one of their rooms, binging on them. Jisung is, basically, his more nervous and introverted twin, sharing almost everything - even a birthday - with Felix. 

And yet it’s Jeongin that accompanies him to church each Sunday. It’s him who spends hours gaming with Felix, to soothe his very overactive mind. And it’s him Felix gravitates to the most in unknown situations.

He’s like Felix’s personal little pocket of comfort and warmth, always there for him when he needs stability and the rare balm of quiet company.

When it comes to hanging out he goes to all of his friends, of course, and even tends to prefer certain people for certain things. But Jeongin is who he considers to be the most homey, a soothing presence that reminds him to breathe at times - to relax. Unwind in a different way than he typically would with the others.

So it comes to no one’s surprise when they choose each other to room with.

All eight of them have decided to rent a house in the middle of their small college town, to cut down on costs and bridge that impending sense of adult loneliness. With half of them still attending university, and the other half working nearby - it just made the most sense.

On top of everything, the individual monthly rent for it justified having to share a living space with eight others and a bathroom with someone else.

Felix remembers the way his chest soared, when Chan asked the group if they wanted to room with anyone specific, in the case there weren’t enough rooms - Jeongin had raised his arm and looked straight at Felix, no hesitation. He’d nearly launched himself over the table, only settling on making grabby hands and kissy noises, much to everyone else’s amusement and Jeongin’s disgust.

Chan’s parents found them a house pretty quickly, privileged as they are, and it took less than a week to deal with the paperwork. Most of them were living with their parents, or in dorms, and the ones who were renting - had to wait at least a month to be able to move out and into the new house.

Because of that, they collectively decided to wait and move in all at once. That was a month ago.

Felix is carrying boxes from Chan’s overpacked car to their new living room, where they’re then picked up by someone stronger and carried upstairs. Minho and Seungmin are working. Jeongin and Jisung have classes for a couple more hours. And Hyunjin is busy driving around from place to place, bringing the furniture they decided to keep, in his scraggly powder-pink Volkswagen.

Felix carries the last of the boxes inside and then waddles back out, cringing at the feeling of sweat dripping down his back and right into his underwear. Hyunjin meets his gaze with a squinted smile, leaning against his funny little van.

“I have a clothing rack, a gaming chair and a whole stereo system. Chop chop!”

Hyunjin walks around to the back of the van and opens it, doors creaking at the hinges. ”By the way, met Lucas when I dropped by Chan’s to pick his shit up. He asked if we’re still up for bowling night this Friday.”

Felix helps him drag the clothing rack out first, huffing and puffing until it’s down on the ground. The sharp metal edge of it misses his foot by an inch. 

Hyunjin’s hair has fully grown out and a part of Felix misses the buzzcut already. Hyunjin snaps his fingers at him and he blinks, slow like molasses. The heat is already scrambling his brain. “Yeah? I guess. Why are you asking me and not Chan?”

He knows why, but playing stupid is what keeps him safe and ahead of everyone else. People will always underestimate the blonde bimbo archetype.

Hyunjin, though often playing into it, knows as much. “Cut it out, fairy. That poor thing keeps trailing after you with lovesick eyes. You should see how constipated Chan looks whenever he spots him doing it. Are you coming to bowl or not?”

Felix locks the little wheels on the clothing rack - so it won’t start sliding down the road and into their new neighbour’s freshly mowed lawn - and sighs, helping Hyunjin wrangle the gaming chair out next. Bowling night. Lucas. Right. He rolls his eyes and scrunches his nose up, aiming for avoidance and a change of topics.

“Who even talks like that? Are you coming to bowl ? Lame as hell. And no, can’t, promised Innie some league time. He’s helping me get that gold.”

Hyunjin lets it go, clicking his tongue, grunting and sweating buckets through his fancy little Versace bandana. He then spins the chair once it’s down and sits on it, sweat and all. “Fuck me. I hate working out.”

Felix holds a palm up to his forehead, hiding his eyes from the blazing sun, and laughs. He’s damp, but his face sweats way less than Hyunjin’s, who looks downright showered. “That is not working out. You just have shit stamina.”

“Why do I need muscles when my boyfriend has them? Gay math.” Just then, Hyunjin brings the bottom of his shirt up and wipes his face with it, unveiling unsurprisingly well-defined muscles. A dancer’s body. What a hypocrite. “You still haven’t answered me. When are you gonna let that poor thing down? It’s been a year of pathetic pining from his end.”

Felix huffs and sits in the back of the van, barely shielded from the sun. “I’m best friends with Chan, now living with him. His parents basically found us a house to rent. He was also my first kiss, if you remember. And I’m supposed to break Lucas’s heart? Suppose I do, and then I get invited to one of their family gatherings.. It’s gonna get real awkward. Plus, he’s a good kid. I don’t wanna hurt him.”

Hyunjin puts his elbows on his knees and leans forward, into the small shade of the van’s open doors. When he speaks, he mimes Felix’s pouty mouth and deeper voice. “ Hey Lucas, I know you have a crush on me, and I think that’s great and all, but I’d like to let you know that I’m not interested and that I see you as more of a little brother. Sorry. Is that so hard?”

Felix cringes so hard he bumps into one of Chan’s speakers and it rattles him good. His whine gets lost amongst Hyunjin’s rapid-fire high-pitched giggles.

“Shut up. That sounds like a shit way to reject someone. For all I know it could be something else and not a crush crush. I’ll reject him if he ever actually approaches me with it.”

Hyunjin shakes his head, moaning when a small breeze ruffles his sweat-drenched hair. “Suit yourself. Chan will probably have an aneurysm if he has to watch Lucas drool over you on Friday. Oh! Talk about drooling. Hey puppy!”

Changbin bounds over to them, smiling from ear to ear, bouncing in all the right places. Felix knows both him and Hyunjin are wearing the same appreciative gazes. It can’t be helped. Felix unglues his eyes from the imprint of Changbin’s tits in his meager tank top and huffs. “I told you I’m not coming this Friday. Chan will be fine.”

Hyunjin sends Felix a smirk and then drags Changbin closer by his right asscheek, gripping a thick handful and getting a loud squeak in return. “Right, you have nerd time with your nerdy boyfriend.”

Felix laughs and rolls his eyes.

Jeongin is either straight or asexual, none of them really know or dare to ask. It’s a wonder he still hangs out with the seven of them anyway. Jeongin is, after all, more conservative in his ways than them; be it in his choices, or even in his way of approaching family and society in general. A lot of those older values that Felix had to leave behind to feel like himself again. But Jeongin thrives like this, and Felix is happy to see something that hadn’t worked for himself - work for somebody he deeply cares about.  

The sweat on the back of his shirt leaves a damp spot on one of the speakers when he gets up. “Don’t let Jeongin hear you call him that. He’d probably move out.”

Hyunjin laughs, throwing his head back and making the chair bounce. Changbin pulls him into a kiss, as if drawn to the song of a siren, with a dopey smile on his face.

They’re so cute it makes Felix clench his fists as he pushes the clothing rack up the little walkway to their new home.



…



Jeongin and Felix share a bathroom, their rooms linked through it. It’s a little unusual - to Felix at least, who grew up with sisters and absolutely no sharing of personal things and spaces. But Jeongin seems more than fine with it, despite being the more reserved one of them.

“I shared a room with my younger brother growing up. This is nothing.”

Felix thinks sharing a bathroom in adulthood with your adult roommate isn’t the same as sharing a room with your kid brother when you’re - you know - a kid . But at least Jeongin’s comfortable with the set-up. Felix is too, just - extremely new to it. So far he’d only ever shared a bathroom with past college roommates, but those were communal showers that didn’t connect to any of their personal rooms.

It makes him a little nervous, whenever he uses it, having to check if the right doors are locked, and listening in for Jeongin on the other side before taking a particularly long piss. It doesn’t come as easy to him.

It also doesn’t help that Jeongin often pushes the sanctity of his bathroom door by using it to come to Felix’s room. It’s stupid - he knows. But there’s a perfectly good door that everyone else uses, from the corridor, that Felix expects to see people come in from. He never expects Jeongin’s visits though, because whenever he hears noises in the bathroom - he assumes Jeongin’s doing his thing in it.

He never assumes that Jeongin’s coming to see him . It leaves him feeling jumpy at best, which the younger one seems to find amusing.

It’s been two whole weeks since moving in, and Felix dreads every single time he uses the room - as if something will inevitably go wrong, somehow. 

He doesn’t have to wait too long for that self-fulfilling prophecy to come to fruition.

Everyone is out as it’s Friday. Minho, Chan and Seungmin are working. Hyunjin and Changbin are having an impromptu double date with Changbin’s sister and her husband. Jisung is at a party, probably high off his ass already - even if it’s barely noon, and Jeongin said he had a few errands to run.

Their main and back doors are both locked, as always. His own? Also locked. He’s alone for who knows how long and he’ll enjoy that as much as he can for as long as he can.

He takes a long ‘everything’ shower. Shampoos twice, uses a hair balsam, a body scrub and even a foot peel. Tries something new, like shaving his groin area instead of just dry buzzing it, and spends the next fifteen minutes crying while the cut on his balls bleeds pink under the strong stream of hot water. He reaches for the hair removal cream silently - defeated.

Felix cleans himself up, inside and out, douching himself until his knees get weak and he can’t squat anymore without cramping up. The process itself is weirdly satisfying, the showering, getting himself ready in every way, the prep - like a cleansing ritual. A workout and a spa session all in one.

He takes time cleaning the bathroom after himself too, gentlemanly, airing the scent of nair cream out before Jeongin can whine about it.

All in all he feels like he’s floating on the tip of his toes by the time he’s back in his room.

There’s a new camboy debuting tonight, on Felix’s favourite camming site. And even though the camboy himself won’t be seeing Felix, he still takes the time to get himself ready. The only time he does so - out of his own volition, and not because of Hyunjin’s persistent insistence that they match.

He dons one of his rarely used tennis skirts - pleated, white, light on the skin and comfortable, a little wrinkled - as well as a pair of knee high socks to match it. He chooses a simple oversized shirt to finish the look - if you can even call it that.

He likes the skirt because it makes him feel good, pretty. Something he doesn’t enjoy much outside of the bedroom. On a day to day basis he likes his backwards caps, bigger shoes, wider shorts and oversized hoodies. If it’s not a themed party outfit - chances are he’ll wear outside whatever he wears at home. Nobody seems to mind. And he doesn’t care.

His hair stays down, nearly dry, falling in soft blonde waves around his shoulders. It’s gotten too long now, longer than his sisters’ even, much to his father’s displeasure. Felix scrunches his nose up and pushes that thought as far away as he can. Not now.

Lube, one of his most beloved toys, and a pack of wet wipes get thrown on the bed, next to the already open laptop. A glimpse at the time tells him there’s less than a minute left.

Every introductory live lasts less than twenty minutes - he thinks it’s the website’s way of gauging the amount of interest a new camboy gathers. There isn’t much of the usual talking either, which he greatly enjoys and will definitely miss. But it still works.

He clicks on the little live icon as soon as it appears. The screen is black at first, and then the guy comes into view - first his massive tits, then his broad shoulders, and at last his face. He’s got a genuinely attractive smile, even if he’s not traditionally handsome.

Felix doesn’t really care about his face - to be completely honest.

The man talks, introducing himself and saying a few things that’ll probably become his catchphrases, his thing, and then he reaches out for his cock - out of frame. Felix groans, waiting for someone to donate something to keep the guy going. It’s not the smartest thing to do on your first stream - make people pay without showing the ‘product’ first - but who’s Felix to tell anyone what to do?

His lube is strawberry scented and he hums at the brief whiff he gets while he lathers it all over his toy - neon pink, a good six inches, very bendy - warming it up in the process.

Someone finally donates enough, and the guy tilts the camera down. His cock is average at best, but it’s thick and his balls sit nice and tight. Will do.

Felix finally gets comfortable, getting on all fours, chest pressed to the sheets and knees spread wide. He has to turn his head to the right to watch the stream - but it works. Cock is cock, even sideways. His ass is to the door, but he doesn’t care because it’s locked.

The guy pulls out one of those silicone pussies, and squirts a hearty amount of lube in it. For some reason it makes his own breath stutter, and he grabs his dildo - pushing it under his skirt. The guy says something, but Felix tunes him out, set on teasing himself with the same movements and rhythm the guy teases the toy’s hole with.

He’s more than loose enough after getting ready in the shower, and the rough drag he gets from going in a little raw makes the hairs on his arms and legs stand up.

He likes when it hurts a tinge, when it stings and feels like he almost shouldn’t be doing it. Just like how wearing a skirt makes him feel - it’s not supposed to make it feel better, but it does. The shame and the embarrassment do it for him. The fear of getting found out too, maybe.

It’s why he’s so picky about his partners. Rarely indulging in something like one-night stands. He needs to know the person - how they like things in bed, how open they are to certain things, how they’ll handle Felix’s moods and kinks. Molding himself to his partner’s whimsies is part of the fun.

If he’s unsure about any of these - he’ll quite literally not be able to get it up. Hyunjin said it’s a mental block thing. He also majors in psychology. Felix will trust Hyunjin above anyone else.

The guy on the screen finally pushes his cock into the toy, and a glob of lube squishes out the sides of it, running down his balls. Felix doesn’t wait - pushes the entirety of his dildo inside as well, gasping softly at the fresh sting of it and the feeling of being weirdly full. He clenches around it and it makes him feel even fuller - more stretched than he actually is.

The guy whimpers and that finally makes him feel something real. He gasps and aims to mirror the movements on the screen, watching as the guy’s hips fuck up into the toy with precise little thrusts. His balls move too, and Felix aches to sink his teeth into them - like a rabid dog.

He aches to sink his teeth into anything - and he does, biting his sheets when he angles the toy just right. It pulls a low keen out of the depths of his chest.

He keeps going, imagining himself bouncing in that guy’s lap, being held the way that toy is held - used. The thought makes his hips stutter, and his knees slide open that much wider, hips nearly meeting the bed.

His untouched cock dangles above it, tip brushing against a fold in the sheets every time he pushes the toy inside at a certain angle. The small zing of pleasure feels punishing, teasing. He fucks himself a little faster.

The guy’s mic gives out and his voice comes out a little muffled, distorted. “Do you like my cock, kitten?”

Felix laughs, muffled and interspersed between low moans and soft airy exhales. His cock twitches anyway. He rolls his eyes and shoves his free hand under himself, grabbing a hold of his traitor of a cock and tugging at it, almost harshly.

He prefers getting off in other ways - and finds cumming by touching his cock a little underwhelming. But the guy keeps talking, and his voice through the webcam he’s using comes out soft enough to give off some of that intimacy Felix craves.

Choosers can’t be beggars though, and he uses the precum dripping off the head of his cock to wet the entire length. He’s slowly climbing up to an orgasm - can feel it in his toes, in the back of his throat, in his perineum.

His wrist is getting tired, bent in a way that’ll ache later - but he likes that, will blame it on gaming if asked.

The toy feels good, but it’s slippery with the lube he’d applied earlier, the friction of the thrusts having spread it all over his hand, wrist and thighs.

“You’re so wet for me.”

That line - stupid and cliche as it is, gets to him. It matches his thoughts - and suddenly he imagines hands around his waist, gripping him tight and pulling him back onto a wet cock, almost forcefully, fucking the breath out of him while they tell him he’s messy and wet - just a tight hole to be used.

His wrist starts cramping up just as he’s upping the speed of his thrusts, and that makes him desperate. He shifts - knees giving up on him, pushing his cock into the cold sheets. He gasps and pushes the toy inside until the flared base of it sticks to his balls with lube. The hand around his cock doesn’t even move, just clenches and unclenches around it like a mouth. 

He’s nearly there, tilting over the edge, almost falling - and then the bathroom door opens casually.

He’s immediately buckling down, snapping his legs closed and reaching over to brush the skirt back over his ass unceremoniously.

The guy on the stream is still moaning when Felix slams his laptop shut. There’s lube running down his elbow, his damp hair is plastered to his face and neck, and he’s sure he looks five seconds away from crying, remaining threads of a ruined orgasm making him tremble from head to toe.

Jeongin is standing there, holding the lotion Felix used earlier in one hand, his sport’s bag in the other. His face is unreadable, stuck between something like shock and annoyance. The shirt he wears is stuck to him like a second layer of skin, showing off the shadowy shapes of his chest and arms.

Felix’s orgasm might be ruined, and he might be five seconds away from crying - but he’s still horny. His eyes trail over that chest briefly, before he remembers himself.

He must make a face of some sort, embarrassingly so, because Jeongin swallows and looks away from him. Then, he looks down at the bottle of lotion in his outstretched hand, as if finally remembering why he’s there.

“Uh.. have you been using my lotion?”

“Yeah.. Ran out of mine.”

His voice cracks, weak and rough, and he clears his throat. He’s frozen where he lays, still wearing the skirt, with the pleats awkwardly bunched up against his painfully pulsing cock. There’s a dildo up his ass and he’s still horny. He prays to God that Jeongin can’t see the gleaming wetness on his thighs from where he stands.

Jeongin stares at the wall farthest away from Felix, gripping onto his sport’s bag until his fingers turn white. “Right. Okay. Make sure to buy me a new one - it’s.. It’s running low.”

He finally looks at Felix, albeit completely avoiding his body, and then slowly backs up until he bumps against the doorframe. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

His bathroom door closes with a bang, and it breaks the spell Felix fell into. He slumps with a grunt, pushing his face into his sheets until he can’t breathe anymore. He slams one of his fists on the bed, and snags one of his knuckles on the laptop’s edge in the process.

The pain is refreshing. He finally pushes himself into a sitting position, tugging the toy out of his sensitive asshole. Horny aside, he has no plans to keep going now.

Jeongin just saw him fucking himself to someone’s stream. Like the perverted twink he fucking is. They have another gaming session planned for next week. How will he look at him?

With his orgasm ruined, and the embarrassment of being found out pushing every other want out of his system, he trudges back to the bathroom to clean himself up, locking every single door like his life depends on it. There’s music blasting from Jeongin’s room, and Felix is thankful for the noise, as it drowns out the anxiety slowly engulfing him.

He’ll just act normal, will pretend nothing happened - and knows he’ll be met with the same act. Jeongin isn’t one to care much about anything. If he sees something he isn’t supposed to - he’ll move on and let it go. Felix likes to think he knows his friends well enough to know what to expect from them.

He’s wrong.

After a quick restless nap and a change of clothes, he goes downstairs to help with dinner. Most days everybody eats when they can, cooking for themselves or ordering food, what with their spastic schedules. But on some days, like today, they all gather after school or work, and have a proper family meal.

Cooking is a rarity in their newly-minted household. There’s a groupchat with them all, and someone will just ask what everyone’s craving and then order that for their ‘family meal’ days. This has been a thing even before the move.

When they do cook, Felix acts as a sous-chef to either Minho or Chan, their unofficial parental figures.

Surprisingly, Jeongin’s there too when Felix walks into the kitchen, looking cute in one of Minho’s aprons - blue and dotted all over with cat paw prints. His shirt is rolled up to his shoulders, and he’s peeling a mountain of potatoes. Minho’s on the other side of the kitchen, frying something that smells like garlic and butter, making his mouth water.

There’s a cutting board waiting for him already, as well as a few oven trays lined with foil. He tightens the little ponytail he put his hair into, and grabs the only other apron left, his favorite - the frilly pink one that reminds him of those housewives from the fifties.

He struggles tying it for long enough that he slowly starts inching towards Minho, to ask for help.

But Jeongin, as if sensing what he’s doing, beacons him closer, empty-handed now. “Here. Let me.”

Act normal. There’s a train horn blaring in the back of his mind, but he smiles anyway, nodding.

Felix walks over and then turns around. “Not too loose, or it makes the whole thing sit wrong.” I like it tighter. He almost says, but stops himself just in time, closing his eyes in relief. How fucking embarrassing would’ve that been?

“Mhm.”

Jeongin grabs the two long strings lying limp on the sides, and wraps each one around Felix’s waist, to shorten the length. He’s close enough that his breath fans over Felix’s nape, making him jolt in place.

“You have a really small waist.”

It’s said casually, like a subconsciously murmured thought, as if Jeongin’s realizing it just now. Which wouldn’t hold true, since they’ve all seen one another in swimming shorts at the very least, or in Chan’s case - fully naked.

“Thanks..?”

Jeongin hums and cinches it by tying the strings together, tugging at them and pulling at Felix’s body like he’s puppetting him. Felix has to grab the edge of the counter to hold on, eyes widening with the way he’s being jostled around.

“There. Made a pretty bow just for you.” Another tug, then a gentle push, “Get to cutting the vegetables. We have a lot to do.”

Short, sweet, straight to the point, and yet Felix walks back to his designated place at the kitchen island as if there’s a rod stuck up his ass. He doesn’t forget his manners, though, and mumbles a thanks under his breath.

He then takes a deep breath and gets to work.

Nothing else weird happens. Or - nothing weird happened at all to begin with. He might just be perceiving things differently because of the earlier ‘mishap’. That’s what his inner Hyunjin is saying, at least. His outer Hyunjin, if he finds out, might laugh at him until he cries.

Jeongin’s always been more affectionate with him than with the others anyway. This shouldn’t feel so out of the ordinary. He just helped him tie his apron. That’s all.

Felix clings onto that, even as the evening passes and his focus seems to be unwaveringly and peripherally stuck to Jeongin. His head is full and he’s struggling to pull himself out of this sludge of embarrassment and paranoia he’d cornered himself into.

How could he not? When Jeongin keeps doing things that feel different.

Before the meal started, Chan had asked each of them how they wanted their steaks - Felix was too busy plating and bringing food to the table to pay attention, and Jeongin had answered for him. Felix only caught the tail-end of the conversation, when Jeongin leaned back into his chair and said, “He likes it a little raw, make it medium rare.”

Felix promptly turned around and left to grab a few glasses, ignoring Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s quiet chortles. He stayed in the kitchen until Minho came searching for him, watching him with concerned eyes.

“You alright?”

Felix nodded and then they joined the others.

There was only one seat left, next to a smiling Jeongin, and he sat down with a small smile, knees a little weak. His steak was done perfectly, and a part of him warmed at the fact that Jeongin knew something so trivial about him. It washed away some of that paranoia and awkwardness.

They were close, close enough for what happened today to be a fun little story they reminisce about in a couple of years, or even months. Things will be fine, even if they feel off right now.

Jeongin drops his fork and Felix, being closest to it, slides under the table to pick it up. When he comes back out, holding it in his hand triumphantly, Jeongin strokes the back of his head and gives him a warm, dimpled smile, almost fond.

And for the first time ever, it makes Felix’s heart stutter in his chest.

He sits back in his chair and finishes eating, ignoring the small inquisitive looks Hyunjin keeps trying to sneak at him. He can’t stop thinking of their youngest’s hand cupping the back of his head.



…




There’s some unspoken tension between them, at least on Felix’s end. He sits on his bed some days, and watches his bathroom door in absolute silence, especially when Jeongin’s in there. He pulls himself out of it, usually, and then promptly distracts himself with something else, feeling like an overthinking creep.

Today isn’t one of those days, though. Jeongin’s banging something in there, and Felix recognizes the sound of their little toiletry cupboard smacking closed. There are a few muttered words he can’t make out, and then the sound of water turning off.

Felix watches as the handle to his door moves, then goes back in place. There’s a knock afterwards, and it makes Felix smile, amused at the audacity of it. So Jeongin knows how to knock then?

“Come in.”

The door opens to a dripping wet Jeongin, towel wrapped loosely around his waist. Felix zeroes in on the little trail of hair starting right under his belly button before he can help himself. His eyes dart back up. Jeongin doesn’t seem to have caught where he was looking, too busy fidgeting and squinting in Felix’s general direction.

Half of his face is foamed up and he looks a little winded. “Have you seen my contact lenses?”

Felix blinks, eyeing the small, glinting droplets of water on the younger’s body, accentuated by the stream of rays falling through his bedroom window. “No. The little blue case? Wasn’t it next to the soap?”

Jeongin huffs and runs a hand through his freshly washed hair, exposing his forehead. Felix feels a little faint for reasons he ignores. Victorian men were onto something. “It was there last night. I don’t know where the fuck I put it. I can’t shave with my glasses on, they fog up like crazy.”

His mouth speaks before he thinks it through, head busy with a slew of indecent thoughts pertaining to the one and only Yang Jeongin. Yang Jeongin who’s deliciously naked for the first time in what seems like years since they’d met. He’s become so built.. “I’ll help.”

Jeongin blinks, arms dropping limp from where they’d been propped on his waist. “What? You have spare contacts?”

“No. I mean, I do but I don’t think they’ll work for you. I meant, like, I’ll help you shave.”

It’s said in a rush, heady with pink cheeks and darting eyes. Jeongin seems to think it through fast, before nodding and walking back inside the bathroom. “Sure. Just don’t cut me.”

Felix smiles, giddy for reasons - again - very known to him but also very ignored. He follows Jeongin and pushes his sleeves up his arms. He can do this, it was his idea and he’ll finish what he started.

“Where do you want me?” Jeongin asks, standing with his back to the sink, leaning against it in an unfairly attractive manner. He’s still mostly naked, and he’ll be that way for a while too. Felix will have to be up in the youngest’s face while he’s looking like that.

Felix struggles with his own thoughts for a while, a vast void of nothing but sex and need, forced awake by the other’s words and the vision of him looking like a sparkling god. Where was this libido when he needed it in the past to get his cock up for random hook-ups?

“Here is good. Lift your head up a little.”

Jeongin does as asked, and Felix foams his neck and jaw again, picking up the forgotten razor on the counter and gently running it against soft, taut skin. He breathes only when he’s done swiping, shaking the razor off into the sink before repeating the motion a couple more times.

They’re standing toe to toe, and Felix has to spread his legs a little, to make himself reach closer and to not accidentally bump knees with Jeongin.

“You don’t look comfortable.” Jeongin says when he’s rinsing the razor, watching his feet with narrowed eyes.

Felix huffs, clicking his tongue. “I’ll live.”

Before he can bring the razor back up, he feels hands wrap around his middle and then the room spins. Then, he’s being picked up and sat on the empty counter space between the two sinks. Felix’s too shocked to say anything smart. “Woah.”

He’s light, but not feather-light, quite a bit of muscle weight packed tight into his lithe body. He’s smaller than most, but heavy nonetheless. The way Jeongin just picked him up and sat him down sears something sickly sweet in his guts.

He’s so fucking turned on.

The lick to his lips feels dry as all hell, and he clears his throat before getting back to shaving. Jeongin’s arms stay propped on the counter, around Felix, and it feels like every time he turns back to face Jeongin after having rinsed the razor off - he’s closer than before.

Felix is so jittery that he does end up accidentally nicking Jeongin, above his upper lip, right when he’s almost done. The man grunts and it evokes a reaction like no other out of Felix. His knees jolt up and knock helplessly against Jeongin’s sides, before he realizes what he’s doing and relaxes his thighs.

“Sorry, shit. I’m sorry. We’re done.”

Jeongin waves him off, bending over Felix’s lap to reach one of the sinks, so he could rinse his face off. The closeness is unbearable, if only for the embarrassment coursing through his veins. Why can’t he act normal?

Jeongin finishes rinsing his face, and then looks into the mirror, still half-caging Felix in. His heart is about to beat out of his chest. The youngest inspects himself, still squinting, and then nods, frowning when the little cut beads a small droplet of blood to the surface of his skin.

“Does it hurt?”

Jeongin huffs a chuckle, raising his brows and turning back to face him. “As every cut does. I’m fine. What? Don’t make that face.”

Felix stops frowning, mouth pressing into a thin line instead of the pout it’d been into. “What face? I don’t make faces. And weren’t you blind?”

Jeongin hums, his hands sliding across the counter, coming closer to Felix’s thighs. “You know I’m nearsighted.”

Felix refuses to acknowledge the tension in the room, and so does Jeongin apparently. It’s an addicting game of cat and mouse. He’s tingling everywhere. “Then why did you need help shaving?”

A corner of Jeongin’s mouth quirks up faintly. “The mirror’s far enough that my eyes start straining if I shave without contacts. You offered help first, anyway.”

His hands stop right next to Felix’s thighs, and he swears he feels Jeongin’s thumbs toy with the bunched up fabric of his sleep shorts. “Apparently I did, huh? And now you’re maimed.”

Jeongin laughs, a pretty, breathy sound. He bends over and his damp hair touches Felix’s clothed shoulder. Pervertedly, he wishes that he was shirtless too, so he could feel the little cool and wet touch of cocoa scented wet hair against his skin.

“Maimed? You’re so dramatic.” He rights himself and looks at Felix - still holding that small grin on his face - and continues, “Why don’t you kiss it better then?”

All the blood in Felix’s body splits into two, rushing upwards to his cheeks and downwards to his poorly hidden cock. He’s wearing sleeping shorts for fuck’s sake - one single wrong move and he’s doomed to make a scene. 

“What?”

His eyes dart all over Jeongin’s face, not knowing where to settle. He knows Jeongin’s teasing him, being playful by making a stupid sexual joke. But that’s the thing - they don’t do that.

Felix has seen Jeongin make stupid jokes with other people, ones that barely border on sexual, putting them through the wringer by being a smartass. But never like this. Never with Felix either. He doesn’t know how to react. His cheeks sting from the heat of his blood.

If he laughs it off, it might dispel whatever strange warmth has settled over them both. But if he goes through with it? He fears actually scaring the younger off and ending whatever has been going on between them.

Unsurprisingly, Jeongin makes the choice for him, pouting in an obviously faux way, batting his eyelashes at him. “So you hate me?”

Felix laughs. And after that it’s easy to lean in and press his plush lips right to the cut. His lower lip touches the upper corner of Jeongin’s mouth, and Felix leans back with butterflies swarming his stomach.

Jeongin’s eyes look like black pools, hidden under the damp curtain of his messy bangs. “You’ve got..” He gestures to his own lips, eyes darting up to Felix’s before sliding back down, as if unable to stray too far.

Unthinkingly, Felix licks his lips, tasting blood only after it dissolves on his tongue. Jeongin’s blood.

The youngest smiles, watching him like a cat watches his prey. “How do I taste?”

That’s enough to make Felix jolt and finally get off the counter, ass numb and legs weak. He huffs on his way out, too embarrassed to say anything, and is followed by a chorus of giggles and the closing of a door.

Only once Felix’s all alone in his room does he breathe normal again, chest hurting with suppressed sighs and inhales.

“Goddammit, Yang Jeongin.”




…




The end of August means a lot of cleaning, apparently. A house of eight active men gets disgusting real quick, and a simple wipe-down stops working after the fourth time. Everybody has been given a list of chores curated by a very energetic Jisung, and then sent off to do them on their own. Felix’s include cleaning the living room and all the hallways, as well as his own bedroom, from top to bottom.

Jeongin, as if the universe is aiming to torture Felix, has been assigned to clean the nearby kitchen and dining room - giving him a full view of the younger man in a tank top and biking shorts. Not that Felix is any better, wearing a simple shirt with the shortest pair of shorts he has. But the heat is unbearable and he couldn’t care less about looking presentable in his own home.

Thing is - Jeongin won’t stop talking today. Not that it’s a bad thing, Felix adores listening to the younger one yap whenever he’s in the mood for it, but today? He just won’t stop bothering Felix when he’s just trying to get his chores dealt with.

Jeongin is on a rant about harmful cleaning products when Felix snaps, albeit softer than he would’ve with anybody else. “My brother in Christ, do you not have chores to do?”

There’s a brief moment of silence that allows Felix’s own words to fully sink in, and he’s already on his way to apologize, opening his mouth, when Jeongin beats him to it. “You go to church and pray with that mouth?”

Felix looks back, slightly offended. There’s a faint laugh coming from down the hall, from one of the bathrooms. Felix raises his voice and yells, still looking at Jeongin’s smug little face. “Jisung, mind your business!”

He waits until the laughing stops, and lowers his voice, almost hissing. It doesn’t bother him that he’s on his knees, scrubbing the floor. Jeongin has, quite literally, seen worse of him. “You don’t even know what I can do with this mouth. Get lost, nerd.”

Jeongin giggles, aiming his spray at Felix, even if he’s half a room away. “Bad dogs get sprayed.”

Felix huffs, trying not to laugh and break the little act he’s putting on. He rolls his eyes and gets back to scrubbing, the tips of his ears red. “Get back to cleaning or this dog will bite you in the ass.”

Another trail of quiet giggles - Felix’s annoyance grows even more, just because the sound of them soothes him more than anything.

“Down boy.”

A flash of sudden heat spikes from his gut to the rest of his body, and he refuses to glance up and see if Jeongin’s noticed the way his body clenched up, as if struck. This is terrible. This is horrible news for Felix.

A voice suddenly joins in, calm and soft as ever. He wonders just for how long has Minho been standing there, listening in on them. “If you two are done doing your mating dance, can you please wrap it up? Me and Chan need to start cooking soon.”

Jeongin makes what could only be called an embarrassed chortle, and then mutters something under his breath. Felix stays quiet, afraid of being called out. He doesn’t look up to check either.




…





They don’t get to properly game again until a month or so later. His gaming chair broke and he refuses to play on his laptop from the comfort of his own bed - knowing he’ll fall asleep like that. So they both decide to cram themselves around Jeongin’s desk for now, with it being wide enough to fit two.

Felix sits on one of their dining chairs, comfortable enough, despite the youngest trying to lure him into taking his own gaming chair. Right of guest or something. Felix never relents, so - Jeongin had let it go, but now his ass is numb and he’s getting angry at the way their game is going.

Next to him, Jeongin sighs and takes his headphones off, running a hand through his lusciously soft hair. Felix wants to run his fingers through and grip it with all his might, if only to watch Jeongin get annoyed with him. “I swear, if he ults the tank one more time…”

Felix snorts and yawns, not even bothering to cover it up. The younger looks over and smiles, tight-lipped and soft. They’re both a little sleepy. It’s been five hours of non-stop gaming with just a small snack break, one that left Felix even sleepier than before. “Tired?”

Felix knows how he looks when he’s sleepy - droopy eyed and pouty, a little befuddled, and he tries his best not to seem so right now, clearing his throat and righting his shoulders, before getting up. “A lil. I need to use the bathroom. You can start without me. I'll sit this next one out, alright?”

Jeongin shrugs and nods, spreading his legs and slumping comfortably in his chair. Felix looks away from the way his shapeless sweatpants cling to his thighs, and trots over to the bathroom awkwardly. He really did need to piss, and to move a little before he lost all feeling in his ass.

When he comes back, all the bright lights in the room are dimmed or turned off, only the pulsing LEDs behind Jeongin’s screens left on. They flow between shades of blue and pink, gentle. There’s an unfamiliar game soundtrack playing in the background and Felix watches Jeongin’s side profile curiously.

The younger one opens his eyes when he finally hears Felix, and smiles, pointing at the loading screen with his chin. “I wanted to try a new game today. Getting real tired of league, what do you say?”

Felix can only nod, finally letting that sigh that’s been building up - out of his tight chest.

Jeongin chuckles and proceeds to pat his own lap while still staring at him, fully stopping Felix in his tracks. He blinks, and looks at Jeongin with a mixture of confusion and embarrassment, much more awake now. “Huh?”

Jeongin smiles and pats his lap again, nonchalantly. “C’mere. I saw the way you waddled to the bathroom. I’m more comfortable than a dining chair. Don’t be annoying, Lixie pookie.”

That moves him. Spite - that is. Felix huffs and marches his way to said lap, plopping down in it with unnecessary aggression, prompting a huff out of the other. “You’re insufferable. And a nerd. And annoying.”

Jeongin laughs, eyebrows raised. Felix can see his reflection in the dimming screen of his PC - sees the way Jeongin’s eyes trail over the loosened shoulder of Felix’s shirt, where it sits exposed. “Look who’s talking. If it wasn’t for me you’d have stayed bronze forever.”

Felix is as easily baited as he is naive. He turns around with an affronted gasp, catching the tail-end of a smirk on the other’s face. “That joke is long tired and you’re pathetic for using it against me when I’m in a vulnerable situation!”

Jeongin wraps one of his arms around Felix’s waist loosely, and grins, still watching him half-lidded. “And what situation would that be?”

Felix pouts and slumps, letting all of his weight melt on top of Jeongin, even if it makes his heart thump harder in his chest. “Bum hurty.”

Jeongin grunts from the sudden weight, before he chuckles, low and gruff, and the sound of it spreads down Felix’s skin like gooseflesh. “Aw poor baby. Want me to kiss it better?”

That shuts him up real quick, and he turns back to face the screen. Jeongin laughs and pulls him closer - until his back is warmed by the other’s chest - while still keeping his left arm safely around Felix.

Felix’s head is a mess of a few tens of thoughts battling each other for righteousness and depravity. He’s never been this close to Jeongin, never allowed himself to joke like this - flirt like this. And the younger one seems more than okay with it..

Felix bites his lip and watches the game’s intro through blurry eyes, until his thoughts quiet down and the pulsing LED lights lull him to sleep. He wakes up once, jostled into somebody’s arms, and sticks his cold nose into their neck, saying something that probably makes no sense.

There are a few words murmured back to him, before he’s laid on something that feels soft and cool on his heated skin. Sleep overtakes him again.




…





“- and guess what, he took them!”

Minho is busy haggling with a vendor for a better price on some bruised tomatoes, and the tips of his ears are blazing red - because Chan is just standing there, right next to him, like a smiling moron, unable to take his eyes off of him. The vendor is as entertained by it as Felix is.

Hyunjin huffs and puts his hands on his waist, tilting his pelvis forward in a manner that makes him look like a pregnant lady. “Hello?”

Felix blinks, looks at him, then blinks a couple more times. He sees those floaties in his eyes and dissociates again, eyes going unfocused. Jeongin is somewhere around here, wearing that fuckass cropped top and leather jacket like the slut he is. God, since when is he a slut?

“Hm?”

Hyunjin all but gives up on him, lifting his arms up and turning around to say something to the kind lady behind the counter waiting to be paid. “You’re completely useless today, why did we even bother pulling your ass out the house? Sorry, can you add a pomegranate to that? Thank you.”

Felix digs into his backpack and pulls out one of those burlap bags Hyunjin makes everyone carry with them - for the betterment of the environment or something. There’s a little hole at the bottom, but it’s small enough not to slip any fruit through. Hyunjin turns to him once he’s finished paying for everything.

Jeongin put on cologne before they left, it stunk the whole bathroom - but on him? When he passed by Felix in the hallway? It smelled like ripe grapes and something spicy. Felix swallows the saliva slowly pooling in his mouth.

He looks at the bottom of the bag. Apples, watermelon, strawberries, pomegranate, kiwis. “There was no watermelon on the list. No kiwis too.”

Hyunjin looks up, alarmed, and shushes him, angling his body in such a way that Minho doesn’t see him load the multitude of fruit that they definitely weren’t supposed to buy into the bag. “Shut up! Why are you still here anyway? Scram if you’re gonna snitch on me.”

Felix shakes the little cross-body bag he’s been thrust into, and smiles, all canines and glinting sharp-edged pride. “I’m the piggybank today.”

There’s some shuffling behind him and he watches Hyunjin falter in his movements, holding the bag of fruits slightly behind his back. Minho definitely knows what’s going on, judging by his imminent death stare.

The others are probably done with their part of shopping by now. He wonders if sending Seungmin and Jeongin to buy meat was a good idea to begin with. Nevermind sending Changbin for home essentials.

Jeongin..

Two days ago he’d been rinsing a hair mask out, bent over one of the sinks, when the younger had burst into the bathroom, unexpectedly. He was naked from the waist up and in a hurry. He didn’t even get to get a word in before Jeongin slapped his ass, threw out a casual goodbye and ran out.

He’s seen more of Jeongin’s body in the last two months than he did in the whole time they’ve known each other. It’s jarring, and a little exciting - nobody else has seen him like that. He rubs his thighs together, subtly.

“I wanna pee.”

Chan and Minho both look up as if electrocuted, and they immediately start looking around for any public toilet signs. Felix is still dissociating, busy trying to read the front page of a magazine with his eyes unfocused. Jeongin’s still floating around in his head like a bubble thought, everpresent.

Somewhere next to him Hyunjin sighs, getting his phone out. “Oh my god.”

Chan smiles at him and takes the bag of baked goods out of his hand. Felix realizes he’d forgotten about it - as if it fused with his palm over the past hour. “How bad do you need to go, Lixie?”

Their eldest kind of treats him like his actual baby, and Felix - much to everyone’s amusement - leans into it as much as he can. “Really bad.”

Chan rubs his back and all is good. Maybe his situation with Jeongin isn’t so bad. Except that he’s wearing a pair of grey sweatpants right now, and if he doesn’t get to a bathroom in the next fifteen minutes, everyone will get to see just how fast Felix junior gets excited from thoughts of their youngest.

Hyunjin looks up from his phone and reaches over to grab one of Felix’s hands, dragging him like he’s a disgruntled mother. “Can you hold it for five minutes? We’re gonna go meet the others, they stopped at the little restaurant near the parking lot. There are clean bathrooms there.”

Felix nods, trying his best to expel visions of Jeongin from his mind. He almost kissed him, that day, in the bathroom. He nearly kissed Yang Jeongin.. He knows the feel of his skin under his lips as well as the taste of his blood on his tongue. Maybe five minutes is too long. “I can do three minutes tops.”

There’s a chorus of groans around him and then they’re speeding up.

They make it in two.

He doesn’t say anything, only drops his little cross-body bag on their table and skidaddles out of there, thanking all gods that the bathroom seems empty. Each stall has its own little space, walls from ceiling to floor, good sturdy doors that can’t be peeked through. His pants are down to his ankles before he can blink.

A force, bigger than himself and his inhibition, forces his hand to the swell of his hardening cock. There’s nothing in his head except flashes of Jeongin’s dark eyes and his quirked mouth - not even his body. Felix is going fucking insane.

He’s so wet.

“God.. why him?!”

His pathetic prayers are answered with another vision - of Jeongin’s hands, big and elegant - wrapping around his waist, spinning him around, lifting him up.

He glides his small palm against the head of his weeping cock and shudders. The hands in his vision roam upwards, downwards, everywhere. They wrap around his thighs to pin him down - to lift his legs up, but they also wrap around his throat - squeezing until the world fades away.

It’s pathetic. He comes with a strangled little virginal whine, dizzy from the sudden rush of need, need, need cursing through his veins.

His head is pounding as he slides down, squatting and leaning against the door to catch his breath. There’s shame pulsing in his gut - but at least his head is empty.

It takes him ten more minutes to get his bearings, and then he leaves, face damp from repeated splashes of cold water.

Jeongin saved him a seat, right next to him, squeezed into a bench too small for four people. He slides in anyway, ignoring the way Jeongin’s hand settles on his waist as he passes by, helping with keeping him upright.

“Damn Lix, did you eat something bad?”

His eyes betray him and stray towards the person to his left and his cropped top, and he squirms, knowing at least a few of them caught that. Hyunjin’s squinting at him like Felix killed his petunia plant.

“I guess. Did you order already?”

Changbin pulls his face out of Hyunjin’s sweaty neck and hums. “Yep, your boyfriend over there ordered for you, so beef with him if you have to. Chan said no food take-backs since the people here work hard enough as is.”

Everyone chuckles, given their expectation of a disgruntled huff or a loud burst of annoyance from their youngest. He’s always hated jokes like these. Always. And he’s good bait when it comes to them, always giving some kind of played up displeasure for everyone to feast on.

Instead, he smiles, that small tight-lipped quirk of lips that makes him look like he knows a secret or two, and turns to Felix. “I ordered fries, iced tea and a chicken wrap for you. Sounds good?”

Felix hates how soggy the slices of tomato get in wraps, but he’ll eat it anyway. He’ll eat anything Jeongin gives him - out of his hand if need be. He nods, a little enraptured by the way Jeongin’s mouth moves when he speaks. “Sounds great.”

There’s an exaggerated gag from Seungmin, before someone muffles it with their hand. Jeongin’s still looking at him, eyes tracking little spots on his face as if he’s seeing them for the first time.

Meekly, Chan pipes up. “So. The uh, the food is coming.”

Jeongin looks away and Felix’s lungs expand threefold. He’s been holding his breath all this time and now it hurts to breathe. When he looks across the table, he catches Hyunjin’s knowing stare. Felix shakes his head and waits until he can dig into his food, left side completely warm.




…





He’s alone again. Two and a half months after that embarrassing day when he was caught ass up watching someone’s stream.

Staring at himself and the little flaws and shapes his body makes, tracing little freckled spots and dips of his skin where prominent bones hollow it, he wonders if Jeongin thinks of him too. He’s been stupidly in denial about it, even if he knows, deep down, that there’s something different in the way Jeongin looks at him now.

A tinge sweeter, like Felix is no longer just a friend he can throw around and game with.

Hyunjin had pulled him aside a while ago and demanded to know everything - to which Felix unloaded like never before, tripping over his words and getting so overwhelmed that Hyunjin had to hold him for a while after.

Turns out this isn’t just a crush. Not anymore at least. Not when Felix can’t take his eyes off of Jeongin whenever he’s around, and not when the younger plagues more dreams of his than not.

These dreams are also the reason why he’s so pent-up, near tears almost, no longer satisfied with a hand around his cock in the middle of the night. He needs something to take the edge off while he builds the courage to talk to Jeongin like the adult he is.

He stares at the small scar under his right nipple and sighs, shaking himself off before throwing a worn-out shirt over himself and nothing else. His hair is dry already - that’s how long he’s been staring in the mirror and scrutinizing every part of himself.

It used to nag him that he looks so feminine no matter how much he works out. Building muscles has only given him a plumper ass and a bigger difference between the size of his shoulders and his small waist. But now.. Now he wonders if he’s feminine enough for Jeongin to want to touch him. If he’s pretty enough to be deserving of hands wrapping around his waist.

Closing his eyes with a sigh, he exits the bathroom and turns all the main lights off, leaving only his lamp casting a warm filter over his unusually cold room. He puts some music on, and sits on the edge of the bed, feeling as if his chest is going haywire for no reason.

He puts a hand over it and slowly breathes in. He’s not doing anything bad - he’s just.. taking the edge off. Even if it involves day-dreaming about his best friend while he gets himself off. Not that he hasn’t done that before - but that was.. A quick little thing in a restaurant bathroom.

It wasn’t planned, not like this.

There’s no shame in it, in theory, but it hits Felix that it’ll be the first time he ever does one of his self-care sessions with someone specific in mind, no streams, no camboys. Someone he knows.

The mattress creaks a little when he shifts, laying down on his stomach and lifting his hips up, knees sinking into the softness of his new cotton bedding. Deep breaths. Deep, slow breaths. His hand inches slowly up the gentle give of his upper thigh, through the soft fuzzy hairs there, trailing inwards when he’s close enough.

His hands are too small for him to imagine them being Jeongin’s. But he can still fantasize that Jeongin’s watching him.

What would it even be like? Having him sit propped up against Felix’s headboard, with a full unperturbed view of the blonde spread open like this, squirming and panting before he even touches himself - like he’s in heat.

Felix exhales shakily at that, and closes his eyes, building on that thought. Jeongin would probably be so quiet, as he usually is when he’s focused, or is in the comfort of close company. He’d probably ache Felix’s insides by not touching him until he’s begging for it.

That brings forth a shudder, and he stops rubbing useless circles around his dry hole, bringing his hand back up to wet it in his favorite lube. The scent of strawberries is almost overpowering - but it still doesn’t wash away the vision of Jeongin behind him.

He wonders if the younger one has any experience at all, with him being so secretive about this part of his life. He wonders if Jeongin even feels sexual need in general - if he’d prefer to just watch, guiding Felix with his words instead, if only for the pleasure of entertainment and nothing else.

The Jeongin in his head touches him though, at some point, after Felix has squirmed and whined enough. His big hands finally settle on Felix’s waist and they grip. So tight that it bruises his tan skin.

“Shit..”

He slips a finger inside himself and pushes, rushing things a little - just because vision Jeongin wants that - telling him that he can do it, that he can take more. A ghost-like voice reverberates in his skull, bouncing against the back of his eyes and making them water. But it’s not real.

Come on, you can fit more than that. Show me. Prove to me that you’re worthy.

Felix sinks his sharp teeth in the plush of his lower lip and keens, pushing one more finger alongside the first, trembling at the delicious sting of it. He loves this. He loves when it stings and burns and hurts. He’d love it even more if it was Jeongin’s fingers he was fucking back onto.

He needs him. He needs him so intensely that it’s dizzying, overwhelming. Being lonely has never hurt more, and he uses that sting to feed into it, fucking his small fingers in and out of himself until it no longer feels like being split open.

The squelches of his wet hole serve only as a reminder that he’s doing this alone, to himself, with no one behind him to grip onto his waist and tell him what to do. He wants and he needs and he’s about to cry over not getting the chance to fuck Jeongin.

A muffled laugh pours out of him, at how pathetic he is, stifled by a longer groan once the tips of his fingers touch his prostate. Barely. Almost there. But not enough. “Fuck!”

He takes his fingers out and shakily reaches for his toy, lathering it in a meager amount of lube before shoving it in, desperate. With his hands no longer touching his own skin, he can pretend that Jeongin is holding the toy, fucking it into Felix at different angles, not allowing him to crest yet, just teasing - slightly to the left of his prostate.

He hiccups then, opening his eyes to a striking realization. He’s crying. Fat globby tears making their way down his face and into his sheets, to the beat of his thrusts no less - body swaying back and forth.

The sob he lets out is freeing, if only a little deranged. He doesn’t even want to touch his cock, doesn’t feel like he deserves it. Not with vision Jeongin there as proof of his perversion. But it’s not enough - and he’ll never be able to cum untouched unless someone takes the wheel from him.

Another sob - sadder this time. He’s so fucking pathetic.

It takes him a couple of seconds before he hears the insistent knocking on his door. On his bathroom door, the one he left unlocked for reasons that are too embarrassing to admit.

He slows his hand, finally noticing the imminent cramp in it, and takes a few full breaths before opening mouth. The croak he lets out is pitiful. “Yes?”

“Lix? Are you okay?”

Jeongin. The sound of his voice ignites something inside him that licks rapid fire right into his gut. His heart stutters and he stays quiet long enough for Jeongin to start worrying.

“Lix? Please answer me or I’m coming in!”

What sin is there, bigger than the depravity of wanting to seduce? Lusting after someone’s flesh and the glint of their eyes so bad that you throw all morals out of the window. Felix pulls the toy out of himself and throws it to the side, letting his shirt fall into place as he pushes himself up to his knees.

He’s barely covered like this, sweaty and shaky and teary-eyed, when Jeongin - apparently worried enough to not care about invasion of privacy anymore - pushes the door open.

He’s still wearing his workout clothes, damp around the edges, hair pushed back, brows furrowed and eyes wild as he scans Felix’s darkened room. That’s enough to break whatever thin thread was holding Felix together, and he cries - honest to God cries - little sparkling trails falling down his cheek.

It’s hitting him now, what he was doing - has been doing, and what he’s feeling about it. All the confusion and want and desperation - and most of all, shame.

Jeongin’s face morphs into anguish and he hurries towards him. Felix has never seen him like this before. Large hands cup his cheeks and suddenly he’s faced with his favourite pair of dark eyes, full of worry and confusion.

“Lixie, what happened? Are you hurt?”

He never calls him that unless he’s truly worried. Felix sobs again, pathetically whiny, and his lower lip trembles softly - as if to make a point. He doesn’t even want to cry anymore, but he’s so far gone he can’t stop. “I’m sorry.”

Jeongin blinks a couple of times, as if in disbelief, wiping Felix’s tears away. “What? What are you sorry for? What happened? Did you break something of mine? Is that why you’re crying? You know I don’t care about anything like that. Hey don’t cry, you’re breaking my heart here.”

He chuckles, as if to bring Felix out of whatever guilt-ridden sink-hole he’d fallen into, but it only makes Felix cry harder. It’s becoming laughable - the way he breaks in the arms of the one he’s fallen in love with. Because that’s what it is - what it’s become.

“I can’t get off.”

That’s the only thing he manages to utter out - the only one that won’t fray his heart apart.

Jeongin leans back, still holding onto his face. He looks like he’s truly worried for him, if not a little amused by his answer. “You can’t.. Get off? Is that it? Why are you crying dummy? We’ll just call Chan and he can make a doctor’s appointment for you.. Hey, breathe for me.”

Felix does just that, if only to gather some strength to explain himself. “It’s not - that’s not the issue. I can’t get off without thinking about you.”

He catches a blip of Jeongin’s eyes widening, before he tears his eyes away and looks down. His thighs are still wet with lube, shirt damp all over. He’s a fucking mess.

“Felix..”

“Before you think of me badly, please know that I’m sorry. I can’t help it - ever since that fucking day when you walked in on me.. I can’t stop thinking about it - about you. I’m losing my mind and I feel so bad all the time.. I feel so much already, and the feelings I have for you eclipse everything else - and suddenly, I can’t do anything without thinking of you.”

He’s breathing so fast and his heart beats so hard that he feels a little faint.

“Are you done? Look at me.”

Felix stares at his lap for a bit longer, before he breathes out a silent plea and looks up. Jeongin’s kneeling on the bed, hands hovering as if he’d just stopped himself from reaching out for him. They drop limp with a deep sign, and Felix expects the worst.

“I think it’s partly my fault that you’ve pushed yourself into this state. I knew something was happening - I just.. Felix I’m demisexual. It didn’t hit me until way too late that what I’m feeling for you has changed. I took my time understanding these changes, without properly talking with you first. I left you wondering and here we are.”

Felix opens his mouth, and then says nothing, empty-headed.

Jeongin smiles softly, and continues. “I won’t shoulder all the blame though. You know you could've also come to me with this. Why didn’t you?”

A hand cups his jaw and lifts it. Jeongin’s face is so close to his, staring down at him through his thick lashes, eyes as dark as night. Felix blinks as if ensnared, replying only because he feels like the younger deserves a proper answer.

“I’m a coward. I didn’t want the possibility of this being nothing but light fun to ruin what was already going on. I didn’t want it to end. I’m.. I need you.”

Jeongin’s brows furrow as if he’s in pain, before he laughs, not cruel - but light, the hand around Felix’s jaw sliding down and cupping the side of his neck instead, keeping it warm. “I’ve been.. dreaming about you for months, dumbass. I have never wanted someone this much before. It’s new to me too, a little overwhelming.”

Felix finally registers what he has been told so far, and he gasps. “Are you - I mean. Does that mean you like me? You said demisexual but I don’t - I’m not the most knowledgeable about that.”

Jeongin uses his thumb to stroke Felix’s neck, and he swallows like there’s rocks in it, tempted to put his own hand on top of it and urge Jeongin to just squeeze.

“I’ve always been attracted to you, in a bee-to-flower kind of way. But to me that doesn’t mean much unless those feelings spill into something more. I realized what I was feeling for you was more than friendly fondness when I walked in on you. I don’t feel anything sexual for my partners unless I have a strong enough bond with them. I just didn’t realize that our bond, at least to me, became.. Well, romantic. Because if it wasn’t, seeing you like that wouldn’t have left me scrambling. Suddenly, you were in every single one of my thoughts. And..”

His other hand comes up and holds onto the other side of Felix’s neck. He gasps, still fraying at the edges. “And..?”

Jeongin smiles, pressing their foreheads together. Felix is sure he goes cross-eyed for a second, before the feel of Jeongin’s breath hitting his lips makes his eyes flutter closed.

“If you’re sorry for getting off to me once.. I should be on my knees begging for forgiveness for every single time I’ve touched myself thinking of you. So many times. Only you. Do you want me to do that?”

Felix’s head is buzzing strangely, excitement mixing with the comfort of being held. He briefly imagines Jeongin on his knees for him, and shudders. “Ngh.”

Jeongin laughs and then kisses it right into Felix’s open mouth, pulling a needy keen out of him.

It’s rough from the start - he’s swallowing Felix more than he kisses him, trying to take his breath away, shoving his tongue as deep as he can. Felix loves it - relinquishes the kiss to him, letting himself be incubus-ed.

Jeongin’s mouth is hot, literally, and his teeth are straight and even - so whenever they nip at his tongue, it hurts more, he loves that too. The licks to the roof of his mouth, behind his teeth - makes Felix feel numb, saliva dripping down his chin and into his ruined shirt.

His gasping breaths also get swallowed by Jeongin, whose hands haven’t stopped squeezing and releasing Felix’s throat, pulsating. “I need you too. Will you allow me to have you?”

Felix opens his eyes and breathes out sharply. Jeongin’s a vision - a real one this time, kiss-red lips pulled into a soft foxy grin. Felix would give him anything. “Fuck me. Fuck me like a boyfriend would.”

The younger’s eyes dim a little, gentled. “Yeah? Is that what you want, baby?”

His insides are roiling over themselves, aching, needing. Felix nods, and leans away from the safe grip around his throat. When he lays back on the bed, his shirt rides up, showing off his bruised-pink cock and the wetness of his inner thighs. “Yeah. Want you to make me yours.”

Jeongin’s hands don’t hesitate, they grab onto his thighs and it’s a much more glorious sight than he’d envisioned. They wrap almost all the way around them, and it gives his cock a little kick.

“How into foreplay are you?”

Felix wants to sucks his cock until he starts crying. But not today. “Very, but not right now. If I don’t get your cock in me soon I’ll start crying again.”

And it’s true - he will. He’s still shaking, skin buzzing with something he can’t place - and he knows that he’ll break down again if he doesn’t get filled up to the brim. Jeongin seems to consider that for a while, before pulling back enough to get his clothes off.

Mouthwatering - lean and tight all over, fresh from the gym too. Felix closes his eyes just so that he can seal that image away in his head. Jeongin’s waist tapers off prettily into his hips. And there it is. “You’re fucking thick. God. I need you to split me open.”

Jeongin nearly slips off the bed. He looks up at Felix with wide eyes, laughing excitedly. “Is this how you always are in bed?”

His smile gives him butterflies. Felix just grips the backs of his thighs and lifts them up, nearly folding himself in half. He’s beyond being desperate - he’ll crawl inside Jeongin’s skin if he’ll let him.

Jeongin laughs again, trailing his eyes and hands all over his thighs, pinching and squeezing at times, steering away from where he needs him most. Felix almost growls in frustration, about to snap his teeth at him, when Jeongin leans down and places a soft kiss to the head of his cock - cutting his thoughts in half. He gasps, letting go of his thighs to grip the sheets instead.

It’s alright, because Jeongin takes over, holding him open while he presses small kisses all over the sticky wetness of his lower half. “Fuck.. Innie - please.”

The younger man presses a pleased hum in the form of a wet kiss right under his balls, and embarrassingly - Felix jerks away as if electrocuted. It’s been years since anyone has put their mouth there - and not like he’s the biggest fan of rimming either - but God.. Jeongin looks so good like that, between his legs.

He cranes his neck up until it aches, just to watch the brunette plaster wetter and wetter kisses to his hole. It feels soft at first, little zings of pleasure that leave him biting his lip and humming - until Jeongin’s tongue makes an appearance, thick and long, pushing its way deeper into Felix’s already stretched hole.

His hums and soft sighs turn into moans, and his hand shoots up to grip onto Jeongin’s hair. He’s weeping, cock dripping all over his stomach, little watery puddles pooled into the valleys of his stomach.

“Stop that or I’m gonna cum!”

Jeongin looks up, smirks, and goes back to licking his insides. Felix’s head drops back down with a drawn-out groan. The fire inside him grows with every single lick, and then Jeongin goes and bites his ass - like an animal. Felix lets go of the younger’s hair and immediately grabs the base of his cock, hissing.

His ears feel as if he’s underwater, and the fire inside him licks little lightning bolts down his legs. Jeongin’s no longer between his legs, but hovering above him, watching, hand around his own cock. Felix whines.

“You’re so sensitive and easy to please. Whose gorgeous boyfriend are you?” The kiss he presses to his mouth tastes like strawberries and Felix couldn’t care less that the same mouth has just been on his hole.

His head is clouded with need and affection to the point it makes him a little dumb. “Yours.”

Jeongin presses another kiss to his lips, humming in approval, before moving down to his neck, sucking bruising little kisses into his skin. This close - he finally scents the sweat on Jeongin’s body. It’s strong. His cock twitches.

“Fuck. Please. I need it, Innie please fuck me.”

Unprompted. He closes his eyes against the wash of shame, and then opens them when he feels two hands slip under his shirt to tug it up urgently. Jeongin looks just as gone as he is, chest rising and falling with deeper breaths, pupils blown wide - making him look almost dangerous in the low light.

“Take this off. I need to see all of you.”

He tugs his shirt off and flings it somewhere to the right, letting himself melt into the soft, cold sheets. His nipples pebble immediately, and Jeongin wastes no time in leaning down and getting his mouth around one of them. Felix hisses when he feels teeth, and moans, wrapping his legs around the other’s waist and tugging him closer - urging.

“I swear to God, if you don’t shove that fat cock in me I’ll bite the fuck out of it! Jeongin- Stop laughing!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re just so cute when you get angry.” He presses a few kisses to his sternum, before pushing himself up, completely ignoring the way Felix’s cheeks blaze red.

He’s so handsome, and he smells so good. Felix hopes Jeongin will let him lick his sweat after they’re done.

“Lube?”

“Nuh uh.”

Jeongin grips his thighs and squeezes them, pulling a gasp out of him. “What do you mean nuh uh? I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Felix’s cock twitches once, and that’s all Jeongin needs to see before he looks at him for a proper answer. The blonde gives up, rubbing a hand over his red face, before tightening his legs around Jeongin’s thin waist.

“I need that. Please? I’ll tap out if it’s too much.. But I want it to hurt. A boyfriend gift from you to me - think of it as that.”

Jeongin presses his cheek to one of Felix’s knees, keeping his leg up and almost hugging it, before sighing. “Are you sure?”

Felix’s chest soars, and he nods, lifting his arms so that Jeongin can fall into them, closer to him. This time, it’s him who steals a ferocious little kiss from Jeongin, nipping at his upper lip in hopes of getting another taste of his blood.

“A hundred percent. I want to feel you like this - all of you. No condoms, and barely enough lube.”

Jeongin groans and slots his hips just right, hiking Felix’s ass up into his lap a little - to make him more comfortable, and he fits perfectly there, as if made for it. Felix lets himself be manhandled, because he loves it - but also because he’s a depraved little freak; he grabs Jeongin’s cock and angles it just right, before sinking onto it in one go.

Jeongin keels over, making the prettiest noise Felix has ever heard, a soft, bruised whine that gets muffled in Felix’s blonde halo of locks. He, himself, is tingling everywhere. Never has a cock made him feel like this - ever. He starts wondering if sex ever felt right to begin with - before Jeongin.

“Oh fuck me..”

Felix moves his hips just to feel the sting of being stretched, and moans, angling his head so that he can latch his hungry mouth onto Jeongin’s neck. “Next time, baby. Fuck, move. Please.”

His boyfriend is good with orders, is what he finds out, because Jeongin props himself up on his elbows and starts ramming into him like it’s the only thing keeping him alive. Felix is jolted with every thrust, and he has to hold onto him for dear life. His teeth sink into soft, supple skin before he can ask permission, punched out little moans and grunts wetly muffled.

“You feel so good. Fuck, Felix you feel so good..”

Felix laughs, infinitely attracted to the way Jeongin whines his words out, as if he can’t control himself or his voice. It’s beyond sexy. He squeezes around his cock as a reward, closing his eyes and melting into the sound of Jeongin gasping in his ear.

His chest feels tight, as if every thrust serves to be a suction device to empty his lungs out. He’s shaking too - he notices in his dazed euphoria. There’s sweat everywhere, and he licks a trail of it off of Jeongin’s bruised neck, bypassing the fresh indent of his own teeth.

“I love how you sound- Hng!” There’s suddenly a hand around his throat and he almost cums, holding back only by the figurative tips of his fingers. “Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

Jeongin pushes himself up, presses a wet, panting kiss to his mouth, and smiles. “I knew it. Tell me what you want me to do.”

It’s not a rhetorical question, nor is it any kind of teasing game, Jeongin looks genuinely into it - as if he’s hanging by each one of Felix’s words.

When he speaks, it’s rough, voice raspy and fucked out. He feels Jeongin twitch inside him. “Choke me and keep fucking me like this. I need to feel you cum inside.”

No ‘please’s, no nothing. Jeongin lights up like a Christmas tree with a purpose. The thrusts go from frantic and needy to deep and rhythmic, pulling all sorts of noises from Felix, embarrassing ones that he can’t even muffle - because Jeongin slaps his hand out of the way and squeezes his throat again, gently at first.

Felix wants to feel like blood is pooling in his head, as well as his breath fading away. He wants all of it, so he scrambles to grip Jeongin’s hand with both of his - only to squeeze harder. It’s borderline painful, but it does the job.

Jeongin, even for this being their first time together, is so in tune with him that as soon as Felix gets that tingly feeling in his gut he grabs Felix’s cock and strokes it in time with his thrusts.

Felix can’t look away. Jeongin’s neck is bruised purple, bitten raw and puffy. His lips are cherry-red and his eyes swim with little sparkles. He sees himself reflected in them - and for some reason, that and the lack of air and blood to his head - does it.

He cums explosively, squirming and whining and shaking. Jeongin holds him down, fucks him good until the tremors of his orgasm turn spikey. He blinks away the black spots in his eyes and manages to catch Jeongin cum too, pretty mouth open in a silent moan, head thrown back.

When Jeongin falls on top of him, boneless, he doesn’t even complain, wrapping his limbs around him and kissing the puffy indentation of his teeth on the younger’s neck.

“Is this what you imagined?”

His throat feels raw, but it’s worth it, especially when Jeongin looks up with the cutest dimpled smile, eyes a little droopy. “That was better than anything I could ever imagine, are you joking? I think I just left my soul in your ass..”

Felix hums, laughing softly and letting Jeongin pepper kisses all over his neck. “Rest first and then you can go digging for it later.”

Jeongin’s head pops up cutely, and he’s staring at him expectantly. “Really..? You’ll let me hit again?”

He grunts and shoves the man away, pretending to get up. “Not anymore.”

Jeongin grabs his arm and pulls him close, leeching himself to his back. Felix hides a smile into his soiled sheets. “Nooo, I’m sorry. I’ll never say that again.”

Felix giggles, and he feels his boyfriend press a smiley kiss to his back. Maybe he’s also kind of into Jeongin being a fucking loser. Who knew.

Felix has never thought of Jeongin like that. Well - okay, maybe months ago he hadn’t. But now, that is all he thinks about. The shape of Jeongin’s smiling kiss will forever be imprinted into his skin, after all.