Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s only when the gate slams shut that I realise someone’s in the garden. I lift my head from the sticky-leaf bush.

“Soren! My love, what are you doing here?”

Soren whips towards me — he’s only just heard me.

“Neema!”

He almost runs to me. I stand up and open my arms.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!" We hug. "How did you get here?” There’s no horse behind the gate.

Soren lets go of me. He looks serious, but tries to smile.

“Pyrrah brought me.”

“That’s your… dragoness?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And where is she now?”

“I let her fly around. She should come back in a day or two.”

He looks away, and suddenly it hits me just how terribly sad he is. His eyes are red—like he’s been crying. But maybe it’s just from flying against the wind…?

He stands quietly in front of me.

“Soren? What happened?”

“Is dad home?”

“No, he went to the village. Took Claudia to Qhari Ma for a few days… He’ll be back this afternoon.”

Soren nods.

“That’s good… Good. Because I wanted to talk to you.”

That's... unexpected.

“Come on.” I take him by the arm and pull him towards the house. “Had Lorien told me you were coming, I would’ve made you burgers...”

Soren smiles a small smile.

“Lorien’s off, training. I am not even sure where...”

True. That had completely slipped my mind.

We step onto the terrace.

“Want something to eat or drink? I was just about to make myself lunch.”

“You know I’m always up for that... But I’d like to talk first.”

Soren doesn’t want to eat…? Something must be seriously wrong.

“Where do you want to go?”

He nods towards the bench. We sit.

I touch his arm.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

Soren looks down at his hands… then at the garden… and finally at me.

“I… I got a reply. From her,” he says quietly.

I sit in silence. I think I know who he is talking about.

“I wrote to her… you know… Dad found out where she lives, and I wrote.”

He sighs heavily. He pulls a crumpled letter from inside his jacket.

“And… see for yourself.”

His nose goes a bit red. He wipes it with the back of his hand.

I touch the warm paper.

“Are you sure?”

“That’s why I came, isn’t it?”

I unfold the letter.

Soren,

Yes, you have the right address, though I don’t know how you got it. I am sure your father must know the right spells.

Forgive me, but I’m not ready to meet. I don’t think I ever will be.

I have a new family now, and they don’t know who your father was. I don’t want them to know. I’m sorry to put it so bluntly, but I don’t want any further contact — not with him, not with either of you.

That chapter of my life is closed.

Believe me, it isn’t easy to write, but it is better this way.

I’m glad your life has worked out well. I wish you and your sister all the best.

Lissa

Not even “mum”…

What a horrible, cruel letter…!

“Soren…” I say quietly, because I have no idea what else to say. “Soren, love…”

“Well…” Soren says, and I see two huge tears rolling down his nose, “Well, you see…? You see…?”

“Come here…” I pull him close. “Oh Soren… this is just a nightmare.”

He lets me hold him. After a while, he straightens up and looks at me with unbearable sadness.

“And I wanted to ask you… because you’re a mother, too… is this… is this ...normal?”

I look at the letter in my hand.

“This…?”

He nods.

“No, Soren, it’s not. It’s cold and cruel. And I don’t even want to say that maybe we should try to understand her, or something… It’s a nasty letter. And it’s awful—just awful—that you of all people got something like that.”

“I haven’t even let Claudia know…”

“And don’t. At least not for now.”

“I just… I was talking to Lorien, and I thought I’d fly over…”

“And I’m glad you did.” I brush his fringe off his forehead.

He nods.

“I’ll tell dad later… but somehow I just wanted… I don’t even know what I wanted, really…”

My poor, dear Soren. My heart breaks for him.

“Soren… I know I can never take her place… I know that. But I want you to know you’ll always have a place here, all right? That you can always come here, don’t ever hesitate. Your father loves you very much… I know you two have lost a lot of time, but now it’s different, isn’t it?”

“Uh-huh...”

“And… I love you, too. Very much. And now I just want to cry with you...”

He rests his elbows on his knees, then his chin on his hands.

“It all just sucks.”

I stroke his back.

“Yeah. It does.”

He sniffles again.

“At least I’ve got a decent stepmother…” He glances at me with his blue eyes.

“I’m trying...”

He sits up straighter and stretches a bit.

“Thanks, Neema. Really. Thanks. I feel a bit better now.”

“That’s good. And now… would you like something to eat?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What would you like?”

“Whatever you got.”

“What, everything?”

Soren starts to smile.

“Yeah. Everything.”

Chapter Text

He stands up the moment he hears Viren entering the house. It’s always there: the military discipline, the hardness of it.

I can feel the tension, the defensiveness building up.

Viren comes into the kitchen. He casts a surprised look at Soren.

“Soren? What are you doing here?” He comes up to his son, then stops, awkwardly. Looks into his upset, angry face. Then to me. “What happened?”

I touch his arm.

“Come in properly, first. I have just put the kettle on. Soren, will you have anything?”

Soren exhales, stepping down in a true military fashion. He shrugs.

“I’m not sure…”

Viren takes out three mugs.

“Brown potion?” he asks. Soren shakes his head.

We both move to the table, but the boy still stands next to it.

Viren sits down.

“Aren’t you going to join us?” he asks.

Soren looks at the floor. He shrugs again.

“I… I just…”

I watch the two of them. There is so much tension… Viren is beginning to worry. Soren is all tied up in knots. I know he would like Viren to know about the letter, but he’d also like to avoid telling him about it.

“Dad…?” he starts quietly.

Viren looks up. Says nothing. He looks cautious, guarded. Focused.

Soren takes a step towards him, and reaches into his pocket. He slowly pulls out the crumpled letter. Holds it in his hand.

“I got this…” he says and puts it in front of Viren.

It looks as if he is putting a bad school report down on the table, for his father to get angry about.

Viren frowns.

“What is it?”

“Just read it.” Soren is so quiet, so sore.

Viren takes the letter, leans back in his chair. He opens it and winces: I am sure he recognises the handwriting.

His eyes move quickly down the page. He presses his lips and huffs angrily through the nose. Then he drops the letter onto the table. It slides, stopping at the other side.

“You shouldn’t have written to her…” he begins.

Soren goes bright red.

“I…? So it’s my fault again…?! I knew it! I fucking knew it!” He storms out of the kitchen.

Viren closes his eyes.

I don’t believe it…!

“Viren, what did you just say to him…?”

“What…?”

“What did you just say to him?”

“Look, I….” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know…”

“You better go to him.” I have not felt hurt like Soren’s in a long time. Viren looks at me.

“I only thought…”

“It doesn’t matter what you thought! You go to that boy and apologise for even implying he was at fault!”

“I wasn’t implying anything….”

“That is SO not how it sounded!”

Viren looks like I’ve just smacked him.

He puts his mug down and leaves.

I go to the window. I can’t see Soren anywhere.

“Soren?” Clearly, neither can Viren. “Soren? Come on, son…!”

And now I see him: with his small backpack over his shoulder, he storms out of the paddock and heads towards the beach path. If Viren lets him go now, we will never see him again.

Thankfully, Viren notices him, too. He runs to the gate, out into the road.

“Soren! Soren, wait…!”

Soren marches on.

Viren runs after him.

Grabs him by the shoulder.

I can’t see it all clearly but Soren turns and yells. Screams right into his father’s face. I cannot hear exact words, but I don’t need to. Viren stumbles back, as if Soren had hit him. I feel the boy’s fury even here, like a fist to my stomach, too.

Viren says something, raises his hands. Soren doesn’t want to hear him, tries to step away. But Viren grabs his backpack. Awkwardly, at a stretch. The strap slides down Soren’s arm. He tugs at it angrily, and it is all messy, and desperate, and stupid. And then Soren just drops it to the ground and turns to Viren. And says one thing after another… fast, aggressive… and so, so upset. And Viren takes it, like a series of blows… but doesn’t flinch. Doesn’t talk—just takes in Soren’s fury, and disappointment, and grief.

And finally Soren stops. He’s got nothing left to say.

They just stand there, in the middle of the forest track. One with his head hanging down, the other with his usual stiffness and pride, but also still holding on to the strap of the small backpack, forgotten on the ground.

And then Viren picks the pack up, slings it over his shoulder, and comes up to his son. He takes him by the arm and tries to turn him back towards the garden gate.

It takes a moment, and a few quiet words, but, finally, Soren starts to walk towards the house.

Time to come back.

To get back.

Time to take the boy in.

Chapter Text

He’s sitting on the sofa, not looking at me. He came in a little while ago, after a long talk with his father.

I’m not sure what he’s expecting. I don’t really know what to say.

All I can do is listen… I think.

He glances at me briefly from under his blond fringe. In the warm evening light, his eyes look very, very blue.

“I don’t know…” he begins, uncertain. “I don’t know what to do…”

I sit down on the other end of the sofa. I wait.

He sits in silence, so I ask:

“Don’t know what to do… about what?”

“About… what dad told me…”

He stops. I can see tears in his eyes. I can feel how much it hurts, how confused and shaken he is.

“My mother…” He sniffles. Then he draws a breath and tries to get a grip on the whirlwind of emotions inside him. “My mother didn’t want me… And I actually remember that.”

I look at him.

“Soren… I am so sorry that it happened to you…”

“You know about it?”

“I know some of it. Viren told me… I don’t know if he told me everything, but we talked about it—before you came here for the first time.”

Soren nods.

“My whole life I thought… I always thought… When he was like that… when he… I thought he had driven her away. That she really loved us, but that he…”

“He terrified her. It’s hard to live in fear.”

“But I didn’t terrify her! How could I have terrified her, when I was what… two, three years old? Maybe five. I was barely eight when she moved out. And during that whole time, both of them were… both of them…”

Poor kid. He’s sitting on my sofa, tears running down his face.

I move closer to him and take his hand. It’s strong, a bit rough. And a very similar shape to Viren’s.

“Soren, I have no idea why any of this happened to you.”

He looks at me, angry and sad.

“Exactly. Why?”

“I don’t know. I only know that if I had a son like you, I’d be bursting with pride.”

He nods, unconvinced.

“Thanks… It’s just that she doesn’t want to know what kind of son she has.”

I say nothing. There’s nothing I can say to that.

Soren looks at me with those blue eyes of his.

“What do you see in him?”

I smile at him.

“I see someone who wants to change. Who’s willing to make every effort to keep away from dark magic now. Someone who wants to be an honest man and make amends for the harm he’s done—and Goddess knows he’s got a lot to make amends for…” I squeeze his hand gently. “Someone who doesn’t try to hide, doesn’t make excuses. And someone who, beneath all the horror, has managed to hold on to something very gentle and good inside him.”

He looks at me, sceptical.

“My father… gentle?”

“Uh-huh.”

“What he did today, that was gentle?”

I sigh.

“That was a knee-jerk reaction. Shock. But when you ran out, he ran after you.”

Soren nods.

“Well… maybe.  I thought… I thought I wasn’t going to… I’m sorry.”

“Soren, what for?”

“Well…” He pulls his hand out from under mine. “I shouldn’t be falling apart like that.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean: why not?”

“Because…” he sighs. “Oh, I don’t even know…”

He rubs his eye with a fist.

“I don’t know anything anymore.”

He is so tired, so sad.

“Soren, how did your conversation with dad end?”

“I told him I needed to be alone. And I came here.”

“And where is he now?”

“I don’t know, probably in the garden. Or maybe on the terrace?”

I draw a breath.

“You know what?”

“Hm?”

“I think you two didn't really finish that talk...”

I touch his back. Stroke him gently.

“I think maybe I should go and get him. Bring him in here.”

“But if he sees me like this…”

“Let him see. Soren, your father sat right here with me and cried just like you’re doing now.
He’s not ashamed of tears. And he won’t say anything bad to you, I’m sure of that.”

Soren hunches down…

“Or, if you’d rather, we can sit here, just the two of us. Or tell me, and I’ll go, too.”

“No!” He says immediately. And then, more calmly: “I really don’t want to be alone.
I only told him that, because… because I needed to step away from him for a bit.”

I nod.

All right. Then we’ll just sit here like this.

I rub his back with one hand. It helped Viren once…

Soren seems to relax a little.

Viren appears in the doorway. He looks at us.

“May I come in?”

Soren glances up.

“Uh-huh…”

Viren steps closer.

“Son, I…” He sits on the other side of his child. Soren doesn’t look at him, just wipes his nose with his cuff. “Son…”

I stop stroking Soren’s back and get up.

“I think you two need to finish at least some of it. I’ll leave you here, all right? Shall I bring you anything?”

Soren shakes his head.

Viren gives me a faint smile.

“No, I don’t think so. Thanks, my love. If we need anything, we’ll let you know.”

“Of course.”

I leave the room, letting the two of them sit there on the sofa.

At last they’re close.

At last there’s something soft, something gentle happening between them.

Long may it continue…

It’s very late now, nearly midnight, and Viren and Soren are still in the living room. I come quietly to the door to let Viren know I’m going to bed. I peek in and…

…and I stop, hand on my mouth.

I expected anything but this:

Viren is sitting on the floor, leaning sideways against the sofa… And on the sofa, Soren is asleep.
And Viren sits there, eyes and nose red, watching over his sleeping son.

I start to back away, but Viren looks up at me without saying a word.

I send him a sad smile.

Then I go into the room, take a blanket, and cover Soren carefully.

"Do you need anything?" I mouth.

Viren shakes his head.

I tiptoe out of the room.

Chapter Text

Viren comes to bed late-late at night.

I watch him.

He undresses in the dark, then very quietly slips under the covers.

He turns his back to me and curls up.

We lie in the ringing silence. I touch his back and he tenses.

“I thought you were asleep,” he whispers.

“I couldn’t…”

He is still turned away from me.

I stroke his back.

“I…” He sighs. “I think I’d rather not…”

I take my hand back.

After a while, I turn away from him and curl up, too, cuddling my small pillow to my chest.

The silence is awful.

I am trying to breathe as quietly as I can, I tell myself not to cry.

I can feel the pain burning through Viren, I can feel how upset he is, how sad. And how quiet. Have I missed him falling asleep…?

My eyes are beginning to close.

Then I hear him stir, and the covers tug a little. I feel his head touching my back. And then his fingers, reaching for my side.

I shift, too, and a moment later I shuffle back, nestling against him.

Viren unfurls and pulls me close. And keeps me close, with his arm around me.

This is better.

This is so much better…

Chapter Text

Soren wakes up on the sofa.

At first, he’s not sure where he is. A moment later, he feels the heaviness in his eyelids.

And… yes, now he knows: that letter…! The talk with Lorien, and the sudden impulse… He’d told Callum he had to disappear for a few days. He must’ve looked bad enough, because Callum just nodded.

And then… Gods, what a mess…

Soren stretches a little, his hand instinctively going to his morning erection. If only Corvus were here… He strokes himself lightly, just for comfort, but decides to leave it at that. Wouldn’t it be just awful if Neema walked in right now…! The very thought makes it all go away.

He pulls up the blanket and only then realises someone had covered him. Definitely Neema. Dad wouldn’t have thought of that.

He’d shouted everything at dad yesterday… Shouted until he went hoarse and had nothing more left, no energy, no words. And dad had just stood there, taking it all, looking more and more shaken. He’s probably only just beginning to understand…

And then that conversation… What a nightmare! And dad… So different. Focused. Very cautious. Soren can’t find a better word for it than “caring,” even though that doesn’t fit dad at all. Oh: “mindful.” Maybe that.

It was so horrible to see, all at once, that everything was different from what he’d believed… And dad probably still didn’t tell him all of it.

Soren can feel how puffy his eyelids are. He’s never cried this much in his life… And dad had no idea what to do with that.

That’s new: dad who doesn’t know. Doesn’t know what to do, what to say. He was always so hard and polished, so in control, always had an answer to everything. And yesterday, in the end, he’d cried, too — and over Soren, not himself…!

The world is coming to an end.

Soren hears a door opening somewhere nearby, muffled voices, footsteps.

Someone knocks on the living-room door.

“Son?”

“Let him sleep, leave him be!” That’s Neema.

“I’m already awake,” Soren says, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounds.

Viren cracks the door open.

“I’m making brown potion, would you like some?”

Soren looks at his father uncertainly.

“Yeah...”

“I’ll be right back.”

Chapter Text

Soren lies in the bathtub, still finding it hard to believe it. He’s in Neema’s house. No: in his father and Neema’s house. Even Claudia has her room here now. And he… he’s supposed to feel at home. When Neema had said that, he’d blurted out, “I hope not…” Dad had made a face but said nothing. But Soren really did hope that this place will be nothing like their old home. Neema had nodded. “Well then—like at your own place,” she’d corrected herself.

Then came breakfast.

Dad made that brown potion of his. He’d always been obsessed with it. Soren noticed dad even had his old mug here, the yellow one with brown patterns. How strange to see it here, so far from the castle…

Breakfast was good. And big: eggs and bacon, and that great bread Soren remembered from earlier visits. Jam, honey, fruit. And Neema laughed with him, and at him, and told him she could make him pancakes too, but he’d said maybe for elevenses, then.

When Neema had finished eating, she took everything to the sink and came over to dad. And it was so strange, because dad was still eating, but he wiped his mouth, pushed his plate aside, and put his arm around her waist. And Neema told him (or rather, both of them) that she had two appointments, so she was going to the sick room, and when she was done, she’d make those pancakes.

And all this in dad’s embrace, and dad looked at her as if she wasn’t talking about pancakes and patients at all, but reciting poetry, or something.

And then she’d kissed dad on the top of his head, and he hugged her tighter, and Soren thought his father just didn’t want to let her go. But, of course, he did. And then went back to eating.

The rest of the breakfast passed in silence, because neither of them was quite sure what to talk about. But Soren wasn’t especially nervous about it.

Eventually dad had said he’d show him where his place was, and took him to a nice, large room with a view of the garden and the forest behind the house. And, to Soren’s astonishment, offered to run him a bath.

So now Soren has locked himself in the bathroom. He sits in the hot water, and feels the tension leaving his body.

When he gets out, he’ll go and work out in the garden. Or maybe not…? Maybe he’ll lie down for a bit longer instead? Both Neema and dad said he could do whatever he wanted.

An image of Corvus emerges from the steam. It would be so good to have him here, to be together in this huge tub, to let Corvus wash him, rub all the worries away…

Soren glances at the latch on the door: yes, it’s locked.

With a sigh of relief, he leans back and reaches under the water.

Chapter Text

“Dad?”

Viren looks up from his book.

Soren has appeared on the terrace unexpectedly. Now he stands there, looking down at him.

“What is it, son?” It’s been a long time since their quest, and yet calling Soren that still feels new. “Are you feeling any better?”

Soren nods. His hair is still wet from the bath. He looks much calmer than yesterday.

“Yeah. But… I still need to ask you something.”

“I’m listening.”

Soren sits down beside Viren. They’re on the bench now, shoulder to shoulder. Close, but not looking at each other.

“I’ve had enough of talking about… about her. And I don’t want to go back to it again.”

Viren nods.

“All right. But…?”

“But I want to know everything. All of it.”

“Son…”

“No, dad, you don’t understand. I’m trying to put this together in my head. And you have to help me.”

“You really want to tear it all open again?”

“It’s already torn open. I just… I just don’t know everything.”

Viren looks at his son.

“All right. I suppose… I suppose I owe you that. What do you want to know?”

Soren thinks for a moment, then draws a breath.

“You told me you forced her to… take part in a ritual… to save me. What kind of ritual was it?”

Viren sighs heavily.

“It wasn’t… a ritual as such.”

“You used that word, I remember.”

“Because I had to cast the spell. And yes, that was a ritual, but your mother didn’t take part in that.”

Silence falls.

“And?”

Viren draws another breath.

“And… oh, Soren…” He rubs his forehead. “I hate talking about this. It was vile.”

“Did you do something to her?”

Viren nods slowly.

“I forced her to… give me something that was an ingredient for the spell.”

“And she gave it to you?”

“Once I forced her, yes.”

“You cut her, or something?”

“What…? No! I didn’t… cut her. Though she reacted as if I did.”

“Dad, stop going around in circles, just tell me!”

Viren clenches his fists briefly.

“I forced her to give me… to give me her tears. I needed her tears. Mother’s tears. She’d been crying almost all the time, I was sure she’d agree. But she wanted nothing to do with dark magic. So…”

Soren stares at him, unmoving.

“…so I grabbed her by the hair and scared her so badly I made her cry. And I collected those tears in a vial…”

Soren gets up.

“Wait, dad, hold on… Wait…!”

Viren looks up at him from the bench. He feels awful. He hates remembering the day everything began to fall apart.

“Dad, wait… You’re telling me I could’ve died, and she wouldn’t cry a few tears?”

“Son…”

“Mum wouldn’t give you a few stupid tears, even if it meant I’d die?”

“Soren… Yes.”

The silence is absolute.

Soren stands before the bench. He looks as if he’s about to cry again.

Viren slowly gets to his feet.

“And you… you chose her after that? I remember you bending over backwards for her… And she just kept pulling away… And you chose her? What about me?”

Viren doesn’t know where to put himself.

“I was stupid, Soren. Young, desperate, and stupid.”

Soren looks at him, brows furrowed.

“Dad… that… that’s… And now? What am I supposed to do with that now…?”

Viren looks at his son. It’s all so, so hard…

“I don’t know what to do with it, Soren. I have no idea. I only know I’m not the same, and that I… that I regret it all. That if I could turn back time… if only… but I can’t. You wanted to know… And now you know everything. There’s nothing more, you understand? No more secrets, nothing…”

Soren stands before him.

“Dad…”

“Son?”

“Dad, I…”

“Come here… just come here,” Viren says. He’s no idea where the courage is coming from, but he pulls Soren close. And Soren seems to shrink a little, letting his arms hang down his sides. Viren holds him and thinks that this is something Neema would do. And it is all a bit stiff, at first, but then… Soren sighs… and tries to make his head more comfortable against Viren’s. And finally, he hugs his dad back and holds him so, so tight.

Viren feels his heart pounding so hard it hurts.

“My boy… my precious boy…”

Let it last…

Let it last.

Chapter Text

He’s sitting in the kitchen, looking so miserable.

Hunched, defeated, staring at the table.

“Soren?”

“Hm?” He lifts his eyes and sighs.

“What’s going on?”

Another sigh.

“I… don’t know… I’m not really sure… I just… I feel awful.”

I walk over to him.

“Can I check your forehead?”

“What?”

“Can I touch your forehead?”

“Uh-huh.”

I touch his head. Oh, that’s too warm…

“Give me your hand, I’ll check your pulse, too.”

I wait in silence, counting… It’s too fast.

“Soren, you’ve got a bit of a fever. I’ll make you something to drink, and maybe you should go and lie down, hm?”

“I don’t know… I don’t know anything anymore…”

“You’ve had really nasty two days… First that letter, then the talks with dad…”

“But that wouldn’t make me ill, would it?”

“I think it was all incredibly hard. And after so many years… Anyone would be feeling rough.”

“But this rough?”

He glances at me from under his fringe.

“This rough. Sweetheart, go to your room, I’ll make you some tea for the fever and bring it in a moment. Unless you’d like to go to my garden patch. I could help you with magic…”

“No, no! No, Neema, I don’t want any magic, OK?”

“Right. I’ll give you aui tea, then, that will warm you up, and the fever will pass. Go and lie down.”

“Neema?”

“What is it?”

“Where’s dad?”

I look at him and check what he’s feeling… Worry, first of all. Sadness… so much sadness. And — that is a new one — longing for Viren.

“He’s feeding the caterpillars in the barn, he’ll be back soon.”

“He’ll be angry I fell apart like this.”

“Soren, what are you even saying? He’s all shaken up, too. Holding it together, but barely. He won’t be angry.”

Soren stands up. I see he’s shivering.

“I’ll make you broth, you will have some later.”

“Chicken broth?”

“Chicken broth.”

“With noodles?”

“I can make you noodles.”

“Neema…?”

“Sweetheart, straight to bed, now!”

“Thanks…”

“Go on, Soren, really…!”

He goes.

I look out the window. If Viren doesn’t show up soon, I will go to him.

I head to the pantry for the chicken (I thought I’d roast it tomorrow, but the soup is more urgent) and vegetables. I’ll have it all on in no time, and Viren had better turn up before it’s done.

The soup is quietly bubbling on the stove, smelling of lovage and vegetables. The door opens slowly. Viren.

“Where’s Soren? I thought I might show him the caterpillars.”

“You won’t be showing him anything. He’s unwell.”

He feels a sharp jolt of worry, I can sense it right away.

“What happened?”

“He’s got a fever and chills. I think it’s because of the nerves.”

“And where is he now?”

“I told him to go to bed. I said I could help him with magic, but he wouldn’t have it. I’m making him chicken broth.”

Viren nods slowly.

“That’ll do him good. You’re sure it’s only nerves?”

“I wouldn’t say only. But yes, I checked him quickly and I don’t think there’s anything else wrong.”

Viren rubs his forehead.

“I shouldn’t have told him everything…”

“Viren, love, and what… you’d let him stew in guesses, theories? Better he knows it all now and can deal with it. He’ll work through it. Now he knows the whole story, he won’t torment himself wondering. Go to him, sit with him for a while.”

Viren wrinkles his nose.

“He probably won’t want me…”

“Don’t you start. He’s afraid you’ll be angry with him.”

“About what?”

“About taking it so hard.”

Viren’s shoulders drop.

“He said that?”

“He said that.”

My husband heads for the door.

“Wait, I’ll pour the tea.”

I pour hot water over aui leaves, add honey and raspberry jam.

“Take this to him. And just… sit with him.”

“When Claudia was little, I used to sit with her like that…”

“Then sit with him now.”

Viren comes to take the mug from me. He kisses my temple.

“You’re a wise woman, you know that?”

I give him a long look.

“Of course I am. Go.”

Chapter Text

Soren steps outside.

It’s evening. He’s slept through most of the day, only now feeling well enough to leave his room.

What a strange day it’s been…

Dad had been so worried... He brought lunch to Soren's room, sat with him for a while. He’d even brought a book for himself. Soren had dozed off… and when he woke, dad was still there, in the chair, book in hand.

Neither of them had really known what to say, so they’d just been there, in the same room. Dad smiled at him, when he saw Soren wake up, but then stopped smiling and just looked at him, concerned. And finally he’d said he’d go to get Neema.

She was so calm, so… normal. Checked Soren’s pulse again, touched his forehead. By the afternoon the fever was gone, and he was starving.

Neema had brought him a big mug of delicious chicken broth—with noodles!—and chicken stew. And bread, and then a piece of cake. Soren had devoured it all, until he was sleepy again.

Now he’s woken up, put a jumper over his pyjamas, and decided to go out onto the terrace.

“Dad?”

Viren is sitting on the steps, looking at the garden.

It’s a little cooler now after the day’s heat, though still warm. Maybe too warm for a pullover?

“How are you feeling?” Viren turns to look at him.

“OK. Just very tired.”

“Me too.”

“You too…?”

“Yeah. I feel all beaten up.” Soren can see it--in the slight curve of Viren’s shoulders, in the way dad closes his eyes for a wink too long.

Soren comes closer.

“Well... I think I’m on the mend now.”

Viren nods.

“It’s good everything’s been said.”

“Really everything?”

Viren looks up at his son.

“Everything,” he says very seriously. And Soren believes him.

They both turn towards the house when they hear quiet footsteps. Neema appears in the doorway. She’s got a towel on her head, like a tall turban.

“Soren! Feeling a bit better?”

“Yes.”

When she is there, they both breathe a bit easier.

“Maybe I should leave you two to talk in peace?”

“No,” they both say, almost at the same time. Then Viren adds:

“Got everything?”

“Uhm.”

“Then come here.”

Neema smiles at Soren.

“Pull up a chair, or sit on the steps. But lower, because I need… I need to be here.”

Soren looks at his dad and Neema, not quite following.

Neema takes the towel off her head and he sees that her hair is wet. She hands the towel to Viren, then pulls a bone comb from the pocket of her dress.

She goes down two steps from Viren and sits between his knees.

And Soren, astonished, watches his father very carefully towel-dry Neema’s hair, and then—that is completely unbelievable!—combing it. Slowly, calmly, and very gently.

“Maybe I should go…” Soren says uncertainly. He’s never seen dad like this and doesn’t know what to do.

“Don’t go,” says Neema. “It’s our little evening ritual, but you can stay with us.”

“Grab a chair,” Viren nods towards the new chairs he’d brought from Katolis.

So Soren gets a chair and sits there with dad and Neema on the terrace.

They talk lazily about Neema’s patients, about Viren’s butterflies… And somehow it comes around to Soren telling them a bit about Corvus, and Viren remembering him… And Soren says they’ve only been together a short while, though they’ve known each other for years. And that Corvus is away from the castle now.

Viren replies carefully, saying that Corvus has always struck him as a serious, sensible man, and asks if he remembers correctly that Corvus is a bit older than Soren. Well, he does.

The conversation stalls for a bit, but not in a nasty, heavy way. It just… trails off.

Viren finishes combing Neema’s hair and starts drying it magically, strand by strand.

“You used to dry Claudia’s hair like that, didn’t you?” Soren remembers.

Viren smiles.

“Yes…”

“But this isn’t dark magic now…?”

They both bristle:

“No, of course not!”

Neema puts her hand on Viren’s. She looks up at him, and Soren thinks that they talk without words.

“Soren?” She says with a small smile.

“Uh-huh?”

“Bring Corvus here sometime. I’d really like to meet him.”

Viren glances at Soren and frowns.

“Maybe just tell him that I’ve changed a bit.”

Soren snorts.

“Well, ‘a bit’… yeah, I guess so.”

Dusk settles. The first fireflies blink in the grass. Tree drakes start their hunt, whistling in the woods.

It’s good, sitting like that… together, on the terrace.

Chapter Text

Time to go to sleep.

Soren has left the terrace some time ago. We sat for a while longer, but when the night’s chill started licking my bare feet, we decided it was time to go, too.

And now, I am already under the covers, and Viren is beginning to undress.

“Seems like he’s finally calmed down, hasn’t he?”

Viren glances at me and nods.

“Yes. He’s definitely better. Says he’ll have to fly back soon. I promised him we’d go to the village, to get Claudia back tomorrow.”

“Do you think he’ll tell her anything?”

Viren pulls off his shirt. He stops for a moment to think about it.

“I hope not. I asked him not to mention that letter to her for now. He agreed it wouldn’t help her in the least.”

Viren folds his clothes neatly on the chair and gets under the duvet. He lies beside me, looking at me. I open my arms.

“Want a cuddle?”

He nods.

“But won’t it be uncomfortable for you?” he asks.

“Eh, give it a try.”

He snuggles against me. It’s probably a bit hard for him—he is on my right side, where I have the scar, not a breast.

We adjust a bit. Make sure our bodies fit together.

“Neema?”

“What, love?”

“I’m glad we have you. The children and I.”

I hug him a bit closer.

“And I’m glad I have you.”

“I really don’t know how I’d have managed without you. Most likely I wouldn’t even be alive…”

“Viren, please...! You’re alive, they’re alive. It will all work out, you’ll see. The most important thing is that you seem to actually love each other.”

“You think Soren…?”

“That he loves you? I don't just "think" so. I’m sure of it. Even though he’s very afraid of it.”

He runs his hand over my belly.

“You’re so soft…” he says with a sigh.

I kiss the top of his head.

“And you smell nice. And I like it when you stroke me.”

“Mmm…” He strokes my skin again, then wraps his arm around me and drapes one bent knee over mine. I smooth my hand down his thigh. It’s so lean, sinewy, strong… and ever so slightly hairy.

“Neema?”

“Mm?”

“Are we sleeping just yet?”

“If you want to…”

He kisses my chest. And strokes my side.

“I’m not sure what I want.”

I run my fingers through his hair.

“My lovely love. It’s been such a hard couple of days…”

He holds me tighter.

“Oh, it has… And I still can’t believe Soren has actually come here with it all…”

“Exactly.”

Viren goes silent for a moment.

“And then, the thing about Corvus…”

“He was afraid to tell you.”

He shakes his head.

“You know what he told me? That he was worried I’d be angry because Corvus isn’t of noble birth.”

“What did you say to that?”

“That you aren’t either. And neither am I, really.”

“But your father…”

“My father was a townsman. Wealthy, yes, but not nobility. It’s all such nonsense, anyway.”

“Aren’t you a bit sad it’s not a girl?”

“No. I just want him to finally be happy. And I remember that Corvus… Decent man. Smart, disciplined, serious. A very skilled tracker. And I remember, they were inseparable.”

We lie in silence for a bit. Viren kisses me again.

“You know what?” he says.

“What?”

“Let’s not talk anymore.”

“Mhm…”

He kisses my scar, then shifts up higher. Looks into my face.

“Mrs Sorensen?”

“Yes, Mr Sorensen?”

He kisses my nose, my mouth.

“Mrs Sorensen…?”

“Mmm?”

“Mmmm…”