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Let Me Tempt You
We here at The Sword and Serpent are starting summer Trivia this Wednesday, so make sure to pop in and agitate our current champs, Risky Quizness. They could really use some competition; they are letting it go to their head. Pub Quiz! Do it!
Tuesday is karaoke. Mrs. S just got a new machine and expanded the song catalogue so come give it a shot.
I’ve been told to mention that outside beverages are not allowed in the pub, and we’ll ban whoever we catch doing it. Nadia is out for foreseeable Fridays, and we’ll have a temporary replacement for her soon. It’ll likely be Crowley, though. He keeps whinging about needing the money.
There’s a new cook, her name’s Pepper. How’s that for irony? She’s already been put through her paces by some overpretentious foodies at the uni’s newspaper. We’re waiting with bated breath to know what they think!
Lastly first drink is discounted with a flash of your Tadfield Uni ID. If you saw the post earlier today, I may have mentioned a particular deal for students. Well, that’s not a thing, so ignore that and just show up anyway.
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Welcome back, dear readers!
After a short exam break, I am pleased to let you know that I am back to this series of articles. As a reminder: my goal is to help you choose a perfect place for a spot of lunch at our campus! In my last installment, I wrote about my visit at The Sword and Serpent, the pub I know a lot of you like to visit after particularly exhausting classes. As you remember, I wasn't particularly satisfied with their shepherd's pie. A few of my friends asked me to give this place a second chance - apparently they particularly like the fish and chips that you can get here. I woke up yesterday with a craving for some scrumptious fish and chips and decided that I must be a fair journalist and judge other dishes the pub offers in the menu. I visited The Sword and Serpent yesterday evening and I must say, I did rather enjoy the atmosphere of the place. My last visit took place a bit earlier in the evening and there were only a handful of patrons inside. This time I decided to go a bit later and I enjoyed seeing so many students absorbed in lively conversations. I got my order fairly quickly and the service was efficient. I must say, however, that their fish and chips left a lot to be desired. I appreciated the crispiness of the fish but unfortunately, I believe there was too much salt in the dish. Additionally, I must admit that ketchup served directly on the fries is one of my pet peeves. I would like the chance to decide by myself how much of it I'd like. To sum up: I find this a better choice than the shepherd's pie. I had higher hopes for my dinner, however. I'm not quite convinced I'll ever visit this place again, at least not with the intention of eating. |
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Let Me Tempt You
Thanks to everyone who visited over this past weekend! The impromptu dance contest was a real highlight, but we’re going to have to remind everyone that neither the tables nor the bar is for dancing. The tables are old and they are wobbly. We don’t have enough insurance for that foolishness. To the winners of the contest: see Mr P for your gift certificate for the pizza. It is amazing what you all will do for pizza.
As many of you have been bringing in copies of the school paper to show that ridiculous review to Pepper, we’re asking for safety to please not bring it in. Anyone seen carrying around that issue of the paper will be removed from the premises. For all we know, that know-nothing food reviewer came in before Pepper even started. He probably tried Greasy Johnson’s food. We all know that the time between Tracy and Pepper was dark days. Now ol’ Greasy’s back to practising the janitorial arts, and the fish and chips are the best they’ve ever been. There’s no accounting for taste. I mean, maybe this reviewer just likes bland food. Maybe they thought the mash on the shepherd’s pie was too fluffy! And they insulted our early evening handful of regulars. Are you going to take that lying down, gentlemen?
Remember to come in on Wednesday for the pub trivia. Nobody even tried to take on Risky Quizness, and taking this opportunity to speak for everyone who works here: They need to be taken down. Come in on Wednesday! Winning team gets a free drink. Just one to split amongst the entire team. (Note: This may be reconsidered if someone other than Risky Quizness wins.)
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I borrowed your toothpaste. Also a pair of your socks… And one of your yoghurts. I swear I’ll replace! Pasta tonight! -C
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The Dark Days Of Cuisine
As I am nearing the end of my gastronomical adventure, I must say that I'm finding it difficult to restrain myself from sharing my thoughts with all my esteemed readers. You see, I believe that it has become difficult these days to be a person with certain standards. My taste buds have experienced mashed potatoes with texture resembling a flat tire, a shepherd's pie tasting suspiciously of vinegar, french toast made using bread that surely did, in fact, arrive from France, judging by how stale it was by the time it reached this country and numerous other bizarre kitchen experiments. An opinion reached me recently, proclaiming me someone with a taste for bland food and I have to admit it feels quite disappointing. I haven't quite found my own Culinary Heaven on this campus and it leaves me wondering about the state of the great art that is cooking. Have we, on this campus, so completely lost ourselves in the Dionysian pleasure of drinking weak beer that we cannot find good food anymore? It seems to me that I may just have to focus on a different aspect that our campus establishments have to offer. Perhaps it's time for a new series, this time focusing on the drinks? Is a good, interesting cocktail as difficult to find as a good meal? I shall hold onto hope! |
I'm too pleased to hear your dinner proposition to be angry about your thievery! I shall grab a bottle of wine to match the pasta - that way you won't have to steal that too! See you tonight! - A
I am joking, of course. I wasn't sure if it's clear. Hopefully the socks kept you warm! - A
Let Me Tempt You
Methinks the blog may have poked a hungry bear. Weak beer is the best you’ve got? Do you know how many different beers we have on tap? We have top-notch bartenders. People love us. So stop in tonight, and the first twenty patrons get a free beer. Will it be quality? That’s up to the person in front of you.
Mr P is instituting karaoke starting from Tuesday. We can’t wait.
We have new pub quiz winners, but they may be worse than Risky Quizness, so we may need those cunts idiots back. Congratulations to My Drinking Team Has a Trivia Problem. It’s a bit wordy, don’t you think? This week, the winning team gets fish and chips for the table. You can tell Pepper—to her face!— if you agree with the Bland Bandit or not.
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Hey mate, I’ve replaced all your things but kept your old socks because they’re comfy. That’s right, I said comfy.
I’ve left it all on the table for you downstairs. Except the yoghurt, that’s in the refrigerator.
Some folks are going to a football match tomorrow, want to come along? It’s just Eric’s little sister, nothing too serious.
I bought more toothpaste. I might start making that brand my regular. Impeccable taste in toothpastes, Fell.
I bought 2 yoghurts to replace the one I borrowed. Also, there’s a slice of cake someone gave me that you are more than welcome to!
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Beer et circenses
Dear readers, I'm glad to see some comments of individuals who agreed with my perception of the dining experience on our campus. I am decidedly relieved to see that some people still have standards. I believe it's a pity that some are on a horse so high that they can't possibly even see the clarity anymore.
If having a bland taste is the label I have to wear, so be it. Not everyone seems to know better. I have decided to see for myself a certain establishment that clearly has to resort to crowd manipulation tactics to defend the good name of their service. Isn't giving the drinks away for free just propaganda? Unfortunately, I wasn't quite able to even note what my beer tasted like due to the singing - if I could even call it that. When has the ritual of a relaxing drink turned into a spectacle? I do understand the appeal karaoke may have to some, but shouldn't it be done in a dedicated place? It's hard to enjoy even the best of drinks when the accompaniment is some bepop sang by a drunk person who should quite possibly quit smoking.> Well, I suppose the People just want their bread and games... or, beer and very loud singing. |
Thank you for returning most of my belongings - perhaps there is some code of honor in your thieving heart! I will forgive the socks - I'm glad you agree they're of top-notch quality. I am not one for football but perhaps I could be persuaded?
Ah, yet more of that good taste you're clearly hiding under all the black clothes. Do let me know if you'd like any more recommendations!
It was some excellent cake! Your dairy debt has been fully forgiven. If more theft means more cake, I might not mind more of it.
Let Me Tempt You
Well, well, well. It seems the Bland Bandit was here on Tuesday. How convenient! The night everyone in the bar is distracted by the terrible singing. Surely you all know how awful you are. Sonic torture isn’t funny. The bartenders and wait staff have waged a successful campaign to ban Wonderwall from the karaoke catalogue.
Back to Blandy, not knowing the difference between promotion and propaganda. Propaganda would be telling you all that we’re the greatest pub in town and that Ruth’s doesn’t wash their glasses. But nobody said that, did they? We just offered our loving public free drinks for spending their time with us.
Why, exactly, does our uni have such a pretentious article in the school paper? Why do we have a newspaper? Why is it written by someone who uses the word bebop unironically? What is happening?
Footie and dinner after? My treat for making you sit through teenage football.
I left notes, I replaced what I took, there’s always been a code. I’m like Robin Hood.
I steal from the rich, use what I need, and replace it. That’s what Robin Hood did, right?
Also, there is an ENTIRE cake in the fridge that might have your name on it. Literally.
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An Experiment
It's been suggested by some of the readers that my recent articles have felt a bit pretentious. Well, let us stick to the basics, then. I have visited a few campus establishments over the past two weeks or so, in order to judge the drinks they have on offer - perhaps they really are better than the food? Here are my conclusions: The Four Riders: a solid collection of beer. I found it impossible to taste any of it, however, due to the complete mess the tables were. I'm not particularly certain whether the tables are ever really cleaned, I'm afraid. I would rather not think too much about this one red stain under one of the tables. H & L: I must say, if the previous place was not very clean, this one made me take an hour long shower after coming home. I wasn't brave enough to venture inside. The Sword and Serpent: Surprisingly rich collection of cocktails. While I'm not certain about the freshness of the decorative cherries, I found myself quite drawn to their more experimental drinks. It would, of course, be a bit helpful if the amount of decibels could be lowered a bit. Definitely better than during the karaoke night. How was this, dear readers? As interesting this experiment in dry writing was, I don't believe I could ever commit to such a writing style. You see, it's not easy to differ from the majority. I do believe it may be worth it, though. Until next time! |
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Temptation accomplished, dear!
I shall take the time during dinner to educate you a bit about Robin Hood. Even if you're just teasing me.
The cake was positively scrumptious! You're absolutely rising in my Best Roommate ranking.
Someone gave me two tickets to the showing of that film about the frontman (?) of that Queen band you told me about recently. Would you like to go?
Let Me Tempt You
Mr P has started writing these posts out for me, but refuses just to write them himself. Karaoke is doing well, you all are making a little more effort with pub quiz. What’s another idea for a theme night? Poetry reading, disco night, or another night of karaoke? Tell Mr P the next time you see him that nobody wants two nights of karaoke a week. Nobody.
Pepper has been tinkering with the shepherd’s pie this last week or so. Stop in, try it, and answer her extensive survey about it after. Seems the Bland Bandit’s opinion means more than she originally let on.
Speaking of Blandy, how does he continuously manage to come in when I’m out? I feel like I’d be able to spot him if he was there same time as me. I mean, what does a pretentious uni food and wine snob look like? Probably slicked back hair, thick black frame glasses, cuffed jeans, and a fancy jumper, right? Anyhow, Blandy has decided our drinks aren’t terrible. Suppose that’s a compliment. We’re not as gross as H&L’s or T4R. We’re all so proud.
Re:
We do not all stereotype, it’s just the idiot writing this blog.
Mr. P
Re:
Oi!
Just A Blog, Really
Fuck. The new flatmate is kind of great, even if he looks like a Victorian dandy. He’s sweet but also a snarky bitch. Fuck fuck fuck this could be a problem.
Aziraphale!!! I still cannot believe you have lived this much of your life without knowing who Freddie Mercury and Queen are.
I am taking those tickets, and you are coming with me.
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A Gentleman's Guide To Enjoying A Loud Establishment
I believe I may have finally come to terms with the fact that a perfect spot for a drink and a lunch doesn't exist on our campus - at least, not one suitable for me. Instead, I've decided to share with my dearest readers some tips that I compiled over the last few weeks. Perhaps it's not always black or white and you can still enjoy a drink in a decidedly too noisy environment. A certain person made me ponder life's shades of light grey recently. 1. Get something you can savour for a long time It can be daunting to constantly have to yell to the bartenders whenever you need to order a refill. You won't have to strain your voice and attempt a losing fight with the music. 2. Sit in a corner I've found that if you choose the right spot, the chaos won't bother you as much. Corner seats seem like the perfect option. 3. If reading, bring a book you haven't read before I've realized I become easier to distract if I'm already familiar with the story. As much as I love my Jane Austen, it's good to take something new and exciting with you. I will be trying all of these out as I continue judging the drinks selection on campus. Perhaps I'll also give lunch another shot? Some things may have changed over the last few weeks. Who knows. Until next time! |
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GROCERIES
milk
English Breakfast tea
the yoghurt C liked :)
more of that wine C liked last time
bread
more warm socks
Of course, my dear. I suppose I must see for myself what the fuss is about. I haven't been to the cinema in a while and I'm not convinced what the proper attire is - bowtie or no bowtie? You always look like a fashion expert. -A
Let Me Tempt You
I was fully prepared to not even bring it up, but Pepper has been working on rehabilitating the menu since Greasy’s brief reign and is issuing a challenge to Sir Blandsalot: lunch on Wednesday. She said whenever, but the writer of this blog is working Wednesday and I want to see if I can work out who you are!
Also some other stuff is going on.
Let Me Tempt You
FINE.
Karaoke is cancelled for this week, possibly next, after that girl threw the microphone at a heckler.
There'll be no Guinness on tap til Friday.
And Margot is running Pub Quiz this week and she's got an exam in organic chemistry. Good luck!
Of course, my dear. I suppose I must see for myself what the fuss is about. I haven't been to the cinema in a while and I'm not convinced what the proper attire is - bowtie or no bowtie? You always look like a fashion expert. -A
You do you angel Aziraphale
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Let Me Tempt You
I’ve been trying to spend as much time as possible with Aziraphale. He’s pretty much perfect, except for his preoccupation with books, but I can deal with that. He’s sweet, but can also be kind of a dick, which is great. He’s pretty, has great taste, and smells amazing. How am I supposed to live with him, but I don’t want to not either.
Let Me Tempt You
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Let Me Tempt You
SOMEONE HACKED THE PUB’S BLOG!! WE HAVE IT UNDER CONTROL NOW.
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Hello dear readers!
I apologize for the absence for the last couple of days. I'm afraid I caught a cold and I couldn't go out to bring you any news from the culinary world. I hope you enjoyed the articles Anathema wrote in my absence about the history of witches - fascinating stuff, if I say so myself. It turned out that there was a surprise waiting for me when I came back - a challenge from the cook working at The Sword & The Serpent! I must admit I'm intrigued and so I'm going to take you up on it, dear Pepper.You can expect an article about this next time! |
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Crowley, I don't know if you're still in your room or not but we do have to talk about this. Please. -A
Let Me Tempt You
What was that business on the blog a couple of days ago? Weird, right? Everything’s been secured, hasn’t happened again.
Have a promo code for a free order of chips! It can only be used 25 times: TSTSFREE
Karaoke is back, but the microphone can no longer be removed from the stand.
We’re going to focus on a new local microbrewery each weekend until Hallowe’en. First up is Demon Horn Brewing!
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Ngk. I don’t know what you mean.
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The Challenge
Hello, dear readers! I'm sure you remember the challenge issued for me a couple of days ago. As promised, I visited The Sword and The Serpent on Wednesday. I have to admit, I may have been too harsh previously. Someone made me realize that I tend to be quick in my judgement and that perhaps I struggle to change an opinion I previously made. The lunch I ate here on Wednesday was definitely better than what I got previously. The chips were pleasantly crispy and the fish wasn't dry and yet not too oily either - I feel like this is often the issue I have when ordering good old fish and chips. If one finds themselves peckish, out of all the establishments on our campus, I'd recommend this one. Chapeau bas to Pepper and everyone working at the pub! |
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Please, my dear. The living room is empty without you, I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ I wish you were here. We could watch one of your spy movies?
Are you mad about my articles? Please, just tell me.
P.S Take a look at the newspaper website, I wrote about the pub.
Shopping list:
C's favourite wine
More yoghurt
Snake socks I saw?
F̶l̶o̶w̶e̶r̶s̶
Bread
Milk
Let Me Tempt You
Pepper has framed the most recent article from the uni’s food critic, though she’s determined to improve the menu even more. I’ve discovered the Bland Bandit’s identity, but I shan’t tell anybody. It wouldn’t be very sporting to ruin his entire schtick at the newspaper. It’s nice that it’s all over for now. Things can start getting back to normal around here.
Karaoke is off again, permanently this time, after a singer decided to throw the entire microphone stand when they couldn’t throw just the microphone. Mr P says it’s too much of a liability. Everyone is heart broken.
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Dear Aziraphale, |
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Open Questions
Dear readers! I'm amazed by everyone's responses to my culinary series! I admit, I never planned it to be this long but I've had quite a lot of fun on this journey. Before we move onto another subject, I was thinking we could have an open discussion in the comment section of the newspaper's website. Do feel free to also send in your letters! I thought it might be interesting to discuss your favourite date spots on or near the campus! What restaurant would you invite someone to? Which of them offers the best atmosphere and, of course, the most scrumptious food? I would love to hear about places with a good wine selection. It might be important to some people. Who knows, perhaps I'll have a chance of writing a review of some of those places soon, if luck is on my side? |
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My dearest Crowley,
You must forgive me. You've often teased me about my lack of awareness regarding the Internet and some level of ignorance as to the gossip on our campus. Perhaps it's a little unjournalistic of me?
I believe I will have to thank Anathema, because it was her who told me about your little mistake.
Please, don't doubt for a second that I enjoy your company greatly and that I'd never wish to get rid of you.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think you would ever feel the same way as I do. I believe, however, that I should tell you all this in person.
I have it on good authority that there's a very charming Italian restaurant not far from campus that has a wonderful wine selection. Would you do me the honor of accompanying me there tomorrow at 7?
Yours,
Aziraphale
See you there!
Review article notes
good lightning
cozy
good wine
good food
C̶r̶o̶w̶l̶e̶y̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶
quick service
not far from campus C̶r̶o̶w̶l̶e̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ we enjoyed it
penne arrabbiata = would recommend
Note to self: Make sure you focus on the restaurant, not Crowley
Make sure Crowley doesn't see these notes. He'll never stop teasing.
Good morning, handsome :) I didn't have the heart to wake you up - you looked too ̶a̶d̶o̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ comfortable. I shall be back soon - went out to buy us breakfast. Feel free to borrow one of my sweaters if you don't feel like going back to your room. And, of course, any socks, if you're cold. Yours, The Bland Bandit