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Stumbling into the 3rd years classroom one monday morning, being mid yawn and feeling beyond exhausted (yet feeling not an ounce of regret for staying up with his girlfriend over the phone late into the night, even if it was about a recent BL Manga she had read), it took Ogasawara a solid moment to notice something, or rather someone, acting odd.
“What’s his issue,” he asked Hirano in lieu of any greeting, who was sitting at his desk and did not even try to hide his concern, looking just as worried as Ogasawara felt.
“Beats me,” the blond answered with furrowed brows. Both of them looked at their classmate who sat between their desks. Said classmate ignored them openly talking about him, rather choosing to wallow in his misery.
Slumped over his desk with his arms curling over his head, making tufts of orange hair peek out between them, was one very miserable Sasaki. The sight sent a weird pang of deja vu through Oragasawa’s chest. This… It was a familiar sight to him yet it never felt more wrong to see again. As if seeing two almost identical pictures but something in your gut just screams at you “It’s not right! Something’s wrong!” .
At one point, their entire class grew used to seeing the ginger nap in class. They expected it, alongside his general disinterest and apathy towards school and life, but this view… Oragasawa could not help but feel tilted by it.
Had this been their 1st year– or hell, even their 2nd year, he would not have batted an eye, much less be as worried as he was now (he was worried back then too, but now it’s different. Now he knows how different– how happy Sasaki can be). But anyone with a pair of eyes and a half functioning brain would know that something was wrong. Over the last year, the chronically late and lazy ginger napped less and less, he started to pay increasingly more attention in class and put actual effort into improving his grades, to the point that seeing him sleep now was just odd.
But Oragasawa could tell that his friend was not trying to sleep. His body was too tense and he would fidget with his fingers or shake his leg every other second before stopping it, only to start up again soon after.
To put it simply, Sasaki looked stressed .
Setting his bag down on his desk, Ogasawara stopped next to Sasaki’s. “Hey, what’s gotten you so highstrung?” No response. No dismissive hum, a curt “ buzz off ” or as much as an annoyed sigh . It made Hirano and him share worried looks over the ginger’s head. It just keeps getting weirder . He never saw the other act so despondent like now, especially after getting together with that fudanshi of his.
As put off by BL Ogasawara may at times, he genuinely is happy for his friend finding his special someone like Oragasawa found Eimi. He still remembered the immense relief he felt when Sasaki finally found his reason to live and enjoy life. With each day, with each smile growing easier and faster on that face, he slowly stopped expecting that dreaded call or message of when his friend finally grew too troubled with life.
And he will admit if asked (though not to Sasaki, lest he wants to draw his ire) that he too has grown fond of the little fudanshi. That underclassman just has that charm to him that draws people in once he stops acting so nervous and practically glows with how passionate he can get.
Not to mention that after meeting the fudanshi, Sasaki progressively became almost unrecognisable to who he was at the start of high school. Sure, he still was not a social butterfly and held little enthusiasm that did not benefit him or the fudanshi, but he stopped napping, started to actually participate and try, and worked on improving himself.
So, to see him like this now, when weeks before he was practically walking on cloud nine after the two finally became a couple, must mean then that–
“This has something to do with the fudanshi.”
A full body flinch. Bingo.
“What did he–” Shooting up in his chair, dull greys flared up in rage.
“He didn’t do anything! Don’t blame Miya for my own issues. ”
Ogasawara quickly took a step back and lifted his hands in surrender under Sasaki’s death glare, promising a bad fate to anyone who dared to accuse his Miya of doing anything wrong. “Woah, dude, chill.”
“We’re just worried about you,” Hirano jumped in to defuse the tension. “You haven’t acted this down since before meeting Miyano. So, to see you now acting like this…” Sasaki’s glare softened and let his head fall back onto the desk, groaning.
“Sorry, I’m just…” Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. “Nothing. It’s nothing.” Doesn’t look like nothing, went through the other two’s heads.
And it was evidently not “nothing” as Sasaki claimed.
For all of their classes until lunch, Sasaki’s depressive mood stayed and actually seemed to grow worse. Ogasawara and Hirano would glance at him and each other every now and again, gazes filled with concern for the ginger. When the bell rang signaling lunch, the blond looked conflicted when he stood up and picked up his bag.
“As much as I want to stay and talk about this, the Disciplinary Committee has meetings all throughout the day.” That instantly got Sasaki’s attention. Looking up for the first time since this morning, he looked stricken .
“Wait, so Miya…”
“Is attending those meetings too. Didn’t Miyano mention that to you?”
“No, he– Yeah, he did, I forgot– I just… wanted…” Sasaki shook his head. “Nothing. Have fun at… whatever you guys do,” he said, looking as sad and disappointed and resigned as he sounded.
|=|=|=|
Throughout the meeting, Hirano could not shake his nagging guilt and worry eating away at his insides. And sitting next to Miyano, who was in the dark about his partner’s worrying behaviour, only made him feel worse. Hirano really grew to care about his underclassman (in spite of his more unfortunate habits) and hated not telling him about the situation. Just imagining someone keeping the fact that Kagi was feeling unwell from him made his blood boil.
But he could not exactly talk about this in the middle of a club meeting either…
Riiing!
The first warning bell caught him off guard. It was already over?!
“Well, looks like we’re done for now,” Hanzawa said, grinning. When isn’t he. “Don’t forget that we’ll be continuing this after class.” Officially dismissed, the other members were quickly packing up to not be late to class. Still off kilter, Hirano fumbled a bit with his stuff, getting everything in order as fast as possible. Seeing Miyano stand up to leave, he called out to him.
“Miyano, wait!” Turning to face him, a pair of big brown eyes looked up at him questioningly.
“What is it, Hirano-senpai?” Miyano’s eyes widened with some sudden realization. “Is something wrong? I noticed you have been oddly quiet today, but figured you didn’t want someone to pry.” And where is this consideration when pestering me about my roommate, thought Hirano with some irritation.
“It’s not me but Sa–” Riiing!
The pair jumped at the last bell. “We have to go now if we don’t want to be late.” Miyano sent him an apologetic look. “You could tell me after class what it is. Maybe before the club meeting?”
Internally, Hirano fought with his worry for his classmate and consideration for not making his underclassman worry while stuck in class and unable to do anything. Neither option was good, but… The blond sighed. “Just, please come to me as soon as possible.”
“I will.”
|=|=|=|
Time flew today, Miyano thought. He could swear that he was in his morning class and yet here he was, packing up after the last bell for the day rang to go to the afterschool club meeting. Thinking about it, Miyano sighed. As much as he liked being in the Disciplinary Committee, he cannot help but feel like it was a bit excessive to do three today. The things they are discussing in them could have just as easily been done spread over the week. Not that he would say that directly to Hanzawa’s face. The soon-to-be-graduated club president seemed like keeping busy.
And Miyano normally would not complain too much about it (even if it did take away from his manga reading), but he now has a boyfriend whom he has not seen since last week and really wanted to go spend time with.
As alluring the thought of skipping the last meeting is, Miyano is never one to skirt responsibilities. Even if it means attending three meetings today: before school, during lunch, and after school.
It did irk him not taking the train together with Sasaki, but he knew that his boyfriend ( his boyfriend!) helped out in his family’s bakery in the morning and Miyano did not want to pull him away from that. The thought of stopping by on his way to school did cross his mind, which he ended up chickening out as he worried about coming across as too needy or clingy.
Remembering that Hirano wanted to talk with him before the meeting, Miyano went to the 3rd year’s classroom, figuring he would find him there (and hoped to have a brief moment with Sasaki while there). Coming up the stairs, he was surprised to see the blond stand some meters away from his closed classroom door, appearing to be waiting there for him.
“Hirano-senpai,” he greeted. Hirano looked over to him and his face slightly softened. “Miyano, there you are.”
“You wanted to talk?” Blue eyes glanced back to the classroom door, face tightening with concern, Miyano realized.
“Yeah, I..,” he sighed. “It’s about Sasaki.” Miyano’s heart sank.
“W-what’s wrong with him? Is he okay?!” Startled, Hirano quickly reassured his panicking underclassman.
“He’s fine. At least, physically. It’s just, since this morning, he’s been acting off.” Miyano frowned.
“ ‘Off’ how?”
“Tense? Or sad? I don’t know how to describe it,” Hirano admits. “He seems stressed.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Miyano snapped, surprising both of them at his tone.
“I wanted to,” Hirano promised. “But we had no time before classes began again and I didn’t want you to worry while stuck in class.”
Running a hand through his hair, Miyano’s mind ran a mile a minute. “I get why you did it, I just wish…” He floundered for the right words.
“That things were different?”
Miyano deflated. “Yeah…”
Seeing how down the younger one is, Hirano put a supportive hand on his shoulder. “Listen, I can imagine how you must feel right now. You want to know when your boyfriend isn’t doing well and want to help him feel better, which is totally understandable.” He smiled down at him, hoping that it comes across as reassuring as he hopes it to be. “And I think you going in there and talking with him will help. Do you know how disheartened he looked when reminded about those meetings and being unable to see you during lunch?”
Miyano shook his head.
“Well, he was.” Hirano patted him on his shoulder before letting that hand fall. “Now c’mon, let’s go inside.”
Miyano smiled at him.
“Thanks, Hirano-senpai.”
Hirano chuckled. “No problem. Besides, if you can’t get him out of that funk, I will just beat it out of him.”
Feeling a sweat drop, Miyano awkwardly laughed, not entirely sure if that was a joke or not. It wasn’t.
With trepidation, Miyano hesitantly walked inside the classroom. He barely stopped himself from jumping when the door closed with a click behind him. While grateful that Hirano left to give them some privacy and to give an excuse to Hanzawa as to why Miyano would miss the meeting (though he likely knew why), he cannot help himself from feeling nervous as he approached the hunched form of his boyfriend sprawled across his desk. Hirano wasn’t kidding about Sasaki’s mood.
It honestly broke his heart a little to see his usually cheerful look so bone-achingly sad. He now understood what Hirano meant by it being difficult to describe.
Keeping his footwork light, he quietly got to a stop next to Sasaki’s desk. Even while being unable to see his face, Miyano could tell he was not asleep. He struggled on how to break the silence, the tension in the air curling around his neck and stopping any words from climbing past his mouth. Miyano cursed his nerves. How can he help his own boyfriend when he can’t even get a single word out?
And like always, it was Sasaki who helped him.
“Go away,” came the muffled voice of his boyfriend from underneath his crossed arms. Startled, Miyano blanked on what to say. Did he mean me… or someone else? At a loss, he waited to see if Sasaki would say more.
Finally lifting himself up into a sitting position, Sasaki had a pinched expression when he turned to him. “I really don’t want to hear it again, Oga–” Miyano could feel his own teeth ache in sympathy with how fast Sasaki shut his mouth.
He cannot say that he ever saw the ginger look so surprised to see him: his eyes completely wide filled with disbelief.
“Miya…” He breathed out, as if trying the word for the first time. “Y-you are here! Why aren’t you…?”
“In the club meeting?” Miyano finished. “Hirano told me about how out of it you’re been acting today.”
“You didn’t have to–”
“Of course, I have to!” Taken aback by how loud he got, Miyano felt his face flush, though he still felt the anger swirling in his stomach. He always does this, he thought in dismay. Always putting himself last when it comes to me. (To us.) “I-I mean,” he stuttered, flustered. “I don’t have to, but I want to. You’re my boyfriend , for crying out loud!”
He leaned down and took Sasaki’s hands in his, looking straight into those beautiful hazel eyes. “That’s how relationships are supposed to work. I want to know when you’re happy and be right there to share with you that happiness, as much as I want to share with you my own. I want to know when you’re sad and be there to listen and support you, as much as I want you to be there for me when I’m sad. Relationships are about giving and taking; not give or take.”
Lifting one hand up, Miyano gently took one cheek into his hand. Sasaki leaned into it, some of the tension in his shoulder easing.
“I didn’t want to burden you,” came the whisper. Miyano felt his heart simultaneously burst and break at that.
“I understand the desire to only show your best with me. I want to only be my best with you too,” he softly admitted. “But there are always gonna be moments and days when we aren’t at our best. And even then, I would rather have you by my side than either of us face the bad times alone.”
Sasaki’s eyes shined teary before reaching forward and pulling Miyano into a hug, burying his face into his neck. Miyano hugged him back just as fiercely, not acknowledging the wetness he felt on his skin. They stood there for an unknown amount of time as Miyano rubbed the ginger’s back until the shakiness in Sasaki’s body subsided.
Eventually, Sasaki relaxed his hold and pulled back a little. Not enough to break the embrace, but enough so they could see each other's face.
“Think you can talk about it now?” Miyano gently asked, once he was sure that his boyfriend had calmed down. Seeing his boyfriend act so demurely now was kind of endearing if it was not so saddening with the context.
“I don’t know…” Sasaki started, avoiding Miyano’s piercing stare. “I just… I think…” He trailed off. Miyano pressed a kiss to his forehead. Despite everything, he felt strangely calm and composed in this situation.
“Take your time.”
Some colour returned to Sasaki’s paled face as a light blush bloomed on his face.
“... I didn’t want to be too overbearing.”
“You couldn’t. And even if you were acting overbearing–,” he pinned his boyfriend down with his stare, stopping any interjections. “I would tell you when you are. As much as I may protest and act like I don’t like the things you do or say, I never actually minded them.” It was now his turn to blush. “You are just… bolder than I ever could be about it.”
Sasaki’s eyes widened as his lips grew into a small smile.
“Miya,” he said, full of so much adoration and love, it made Miyano’s blush darken. Maybe I should try to be bold too. For Sasaki.
“Shuumei,” he cooed, despite feeling embarrassed. Seeing Sasaki fluster at his first name made it worth it. “Please tell me what’s really bothering you.”
Sasaki swallowed hard. “I…We haven’t seen or talked since wednesday and I missed you and wanted to see you so badly , but… didn’t want to look too needy or clingy.”
Miyano froze.
Growing worried, Sasaki jumped a little when the other burst out laughing. He did not know what he should do, sitting there confused as his boyfriend put his head on his shoulder and just laughed.
“Miya?”
“Sorry, I–” He gasped, giggling at the hilarity of the situation. “Sorry for – snort– laughing out of nowhere, I just–” Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to calm down (though a giggle would escape him now and again). “I just– I had that same exact thought this morning!” Despite his best efforts, Miyano devolved back into laughter as Sasaki just gaped at him. “I wanted to see you on my way to school and thought about visiting you at the bakery but ended up not going through with it. God, had I known you too–”
“Aww, Miya,” Sasaki cooed, now too grinning and laughing. “One would’ve thought after reading so much BL, we should know better about miscommunication, huh,” he teased, only to be completely thrown off guard when Miyano guffawed and toppled over into his arms.
“It totally is!” He almost yelled, face almost split in half as he could barely hold himself up. “Oh my god, I’m currently reading one about it too! Hah!” Regaining some composure, he shifted into a more comfortable sitting position across Sasaki’s lap. “Remind me to lend it to you later, you will get how funny this is then.”
Gazing lovingly down at his most favourite person in the world, Sasaki nuzzled into the soft hair of his beloved boyfriend, feeling the knot inside his stomach and heart unravel with Miyano in his arms. “I will.”
Miyano calmed down and smiled lovingly back, his chest bursting with love. With the situation resolved (for now! They will definitely revisit this again in the future, as he knows that just one conversation won’t fix everything), his face reddened in realization of how he acted the past minutes and especially of their current position. “Y-yeah,” he squeaked.
Sasaki snickered seeing how bashful Miyano suddenly grew. “Aww, acting shy now?” He asked. Putting their faces closer together, he grinned. “You were so cool, being all calm and composed. Just like that one character from the manga you lent me last week, no?”
“Sasaki…,” Miyano whined, hiding his face against Sasaki’s shoulder. Sasaki’s grin widened.
“Or how about that one from last month–” Shutting him up with a kiss, Miyano tried to glare at his boyfriend, the effect ruined by his red face and inability to look him in the eyes.
“You’re really unfair…”
Feeling a little shy himself, Sasaki leaned in for another kiss. “I think that’s my line.”