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“He’s not good for you,” Zoro grumbled, words barely audible over Usopp’s crowd-favorite rendition of You Don’t Know My Name by Alicia Keys.
Sanji sucked his teeth as he leaned back into the karaoke booth. “You too?”
Zoro winced underneath the party lights and the glow from the television screen. Despite the darkness, Sanji could spot his distaste clear as day.
A rush of piano keys and an impressive attempt at a high note sent the room of their friends into cheers, but Sanji’s mood soured. He was used to these complaints from the rest of the crew. Nami threw snide insults at his boyfriend every time they were in a room together, hastily covered by a smile full of bared teeth. Robin, ever poised, kept their interactions to greetings and goodbyes—probably to stop herself from saying something unladylike—while Sanji had caught Luffy half a second away from striking the man too many times to count. Even Usopp was getting bold with his disapproval, if him queuing I Don’t Fuck With You by Big Sean as soon as Sanji’s boyfriend strolled in an hour late was any indication. Everyone hated him. Interventions had been held and Sanji hadn’t budged. But throughout it all, Zoro was the only one who had the decency to remain silent.
Until tonight, apparently.
“I’d regret it if I didn’t say at least that,” Zoro said, avoiding his eyes as he grabbed his beer from the table.
And while this was the nicest approach about Gin that Sanji had received to date, it burned worse than the others. Made his eyes narrow and his heart race. “Well I liked it better when you minded your own damn business,” he spat.
Zoro, unfazed, brought his beer to his lips and chugged. Each gulp felt like an eternity as the music continued to blare in the background. Finally, he finished with a sloppy wipe of his lips and made eye contact with Sanji for the first time of the night. “It’s my business when he makes you cry.”
Sanji flinched. No one—especially Zoro—should’ve known how often that happened. He was careful that way. Careful not to bring up the few times Gin cheated on him and the insults he slung when he was drunk. Cautious about divulging all the times he’d gotten stood up, all the times he’d gotten screwed over, and all the times he’d gone to sleep with a wet pillow and a stuffy nose. It was funny, actually, how much more his friends would hate him if they knew the whole truth.
“I’ve never cried in front of—“
“Sounded like you sniffling in the bathroom earlier,” Zoro said, cutting him off. His tone was rough but his eyes were soft and focused, which was the worst part. Sympathy and concern from the moss… one could only assume they’d hit rock bottom. “And sounded like him on the phone, treating you like shit and somehow blaming you for it.”
Shame wrapped around Sanji’s throat. Zoro’s gaze felt like a spotlight, and Sanji couldn’t help but shrink into himself in the booth. When all his friends could only go off of their sparse interactions altogether, it was easier to dodge their concerns. But it was different with evidence. Different when it was Zoro.
“I had a long day at work—“
“Bullshit,” Zoro practically growled, and all of that caution hardened into anger. He scooted closer as the songs changed and the mics swapped hands. “I don’t like the way he raises his voice at you. Don’t like the way he talks to you. And I don’t like the way he manhandles you into leaving us whenever he sees you’re having too much fun.”
Sanji scoffed. “You’re one to talk about manhandling,” he said, but even he knew the difference between their jostling and the nails digging into his arm before a speech about how ‘annoying he gets around his friends’ during the car ride home.
“If he ever lays a hand on you,” Zoro seethed, encroaching even closer. “I’ll kill him.” Up close, his eyes were more panicked than angry. But there was something else in those wide pupils and slate irises. Something vulnerable. Something Sanji felt he was walking in on, like an overheard phone call in a karaoke bathroom.
“He hasn’t,” Sanji mumbled, his response lowering Zoro’s hiked up shoulders and deflating his puffed out chest. “But I could take care of myself if he did.”
Zoro scoffed. “You could. But you’d probably take it, ‘cause you think you deserve it. Just like you think you deserve that fuckass relationship.”
The words stung like a slap across the face. Unlike his other friends, who had the discernment to tread carefully, Zoro just had to slice through the fat and poke at the unspoken truth—the truth that Sanji was well aware of, but chose to ignore for love. And that’s the unspoken truth nobody seemed to understand.
Sanji sat up on his knees, the soft pleather of the booth wheezing underneath the new weight. He poked Zoro in the chest as he huffed. “You think you know our relationship, but you don’t,” he said, voice cracking. “You’ll never understand what it’s like to fall in love—you’re so against it! Because you don’t need it. You don’t know what it’s like to need it.” His hands fisted the collar of Zoro’s shirt as his heart raced in time to the music. “I’m so tired of everyone’s concern. I love him. I fall in love easily, I know, but he loves me back. I know because he never leaves. No matter how bad things get, no matter how much his eyes stray, no matter how many times we fight, he always comes back. He loves me. So is being with him really such a fucking crime?”
Zoro stared at him, wide-eyed, until his expression settled into something more resolute. Straight lips. Down-turned eyes. A twitch of his eyebrows. Seconds felt like hours, and the song in the background faded into the sound of his shallow breaths as he waited for an answer. Finally, Zoro opened his mouth and then—
Sanji’s phone rang, blaring like an emergency signal. Everyone in the room snapped toward them, grimaces and recognition prevalent on their faces. He sent the group a sorry glance before scrambling for his phone and picking up the call. Covering his ears, he made a b-line toward the karaoke room door and stepped outside as fast as he could. Gin hated when he didn’t pick up on the first ring.
“Took you long enough,” Gin scoffed. “I’m downstairs and bored. You didn’t even come look for me.”
Sanji ignored the sick feeling inside of his stomach and walked down the corridor of karaoke rooms with his phone held between his shoulder and his face. “I’m sorry, baby. I thought you were in the bathroom.”
“Yeah, for five minutes. What about the other ten?”
Sanji hurried down the stairs and entered the front lobby with his head on a swivel. Gin liked to hide to prove a point, and if he didn’t spot him in less than a minute then—
“Dartbrow!” Zoro yelled, loud footsteps from those stupid boots following behind him.
Sanji turned around to watch Zoro almost trip off of the last step, face flushed and eyes wavering. “What, Mosshead,” Sanji barked, not in the mood to hear another word about Gin as his eyes continued to scan the space. Besides the reception area, there was a long line of people waiting to get a room, and an even larger crowd of people sitting in the neon waiting area.
Zoro crossed the space between them with purpose, and snatched Sanji’s phone to press the ‘end call’ button.
“What the fuck?” Sanji spluttered, finally giving Zoro his full attention.
Zoro clutched the phone to his chest and bit his lip. “I just downed three bottles of soju. The yogurt flavor.”
Sanji squinted his eyes in disbelief. “Do you want a cookie?”
“I want you,” he blurted out, face flushing further at the words. “Fuck. This played out a lot smoother in my head.”
Sanji forgot how to breathe. The chatter and low music faded away to reveal the dull throb of his heart. “What?” he said, voice barely above a whisper.
Zoro stepped closer with pleading eyes. “You’re wrong. I know what it’s like to fall in love. Especially with you. I fell in love with you the first time I saw those stupid eyebrows.” When Sanji said nothing, Zoro prattled on, shifting the weight between his feet. “I love your ridiculously long stride and the smell of the cancer you smoke and your heart, which isn’t in good hands. So I haven’t said anything about the dickhead you’re with because, coming from me, it’d only be selfish. But fuck, Sanji, I can’t stand to hear you cry. I can’t… I’d never forgive myself if I just let him shit all over your pretty little heart without saying a word.”
The words glazed over in Sanji’s mind. He wanted to listen, wanted to be present, but he couldn’t shake the impending anxiety and building dread bubbling in his stomach. If he didn't find Gin, he was in for a night of fighting. A long car ride of lecturing and belittling and accusations he could only soothe with sex. But if Gin was nearby, and he overheard Zoro’s confession… Sanji wasn’t sure what he’d do.
Carefully, Sanji snapped his gaze away from Zoro to do one last check of the room. But that was enough. It was everything. He faced Zoro after coming up short in his search, and was met with devastating eyes and quivering lips.
To his credit, Zoro pulled it together quickly. The emotion on his face morphed into his usual stoicness in seconds, as if that heart-shattering display was just a fluke. He nodded, and then nodded again, before pointing back toward the stairwell and handing him back his phone. “Got it. Gonna go puke, then.”
Sanji stared, open-mouthed, as a shadow crept along the periphery of his vision.
“You do that,” Gin said gruffly. He wedged himself between them and gripped onto Sanji’s arm as if it were a lifeline. Sanji hated himself for how much he liked it, and just how much he melted into his possessiveness.
Zoro only snorted. “I could kick your ass even in a coma. Just waiting for an excuse.” He didn’t bother though, choosing to wobble on his heel instead and begin his trek back upstairs.
When his looming figure disappeared, Gin’s shoulders slumped. “The nerve of that bastard! Hitting on my boyfriend in front of me—”
“Please, let’s just go home,” Sanji mumbled as he squeezed him tighter. His brain hurt, and his heart ached.
Gin went uncharacteristically quiet. No ranting. No fighting. No smart comments about all of the things he could’ve done or said but never did. Instead, he placed a kiss against Sanji’s shoulder with a softness he hadn’t felt since they first started dating. And, for the first time since Gin left that cursed karaoke room to feed Sanji to the wolves, Sanji could finally breathe.
The elevator doors opened as Sanji and Gin made their way toward the exit, revealing Luffy’s lanky frame. Luffy and Sanji made eye contact, Luffy’s expression going stern as he took in the state of the couple. His jaw tightened and his fists clenched before looking around the rest of the room.
’Bathroom,’ Sanji mouthed when their eyes met again, minute enough to go unnoticed by Gin as they continued forward.
Luffy met his answer with a rigid nod, and took off toward the stairs.
Sanji and Gin left without another word. The cool night air broke the building sweat on Sanji’s forehead, and the buzz of streetlights zapped him back into the present. As their footsteps clicked against the parking lot, and Sanji’s car came into view, Zoro’s voice echoed in his mind. The words became clearer—his feelings became clearer.
Blushing, Sanji gripped onto Gin tighter and received another out of place kiss on his shoulder. It dripped of all of the love that Zoro promised, and all of the love that Gin wouldn’t deliver.
So that night, with his face buried in Gin’s sleeping back, bundled up in their bed and in their apartment, Sanji couldn’t help but think of Zoro. Couldn’t help but hope he was okay.
—
Sanji didn’t talk to Zoro for 3 months. He didn’t talk to Luffy either. Or Usopp. Or Nami. Or Robin, or Franky, or Brook, or Chopper, or Jinbei.
Blocking Zoro on everything had been Gin’s request,—which was reasonable given the circumstances—but ignoring his friends was Sanji’s decision. The shame was too much to bear. He didn’t know how to face them. Wasn’t sure if he could.
But Gin was making up for it. In the last three months, Gin had turned into the perfect gentlemen, and the perfect boyfriend. Attentive, loving, and caring. Taking him out on dates, washing the dishes after dinner, deleting the dating apps off of his phone, and going days without starting arguments.
And it was all thanks to Zoro.
He hated the way he relished in how Zoro’s confession made Gin act right. It was selfish, and cruel, and tone deaf. But if he thought about the confession in any other way, he’d only feel more guilty. Because it’d mean he’d have to come face to face with the feelings he’d tossed aside all those years ago when he thought he didn’t have a chance.
Besides, everything was perfect now. He had Gin, and he was close to finally closing the deal on a property for his restaurant—or trying to, anyway.
Until everything went to shit on a random Friday night.
Sanji sighed as he stepped through the door of their place. He reeked of spilled vinegar, long hours, and high cortisol, but the echo of his jingling keys brought a small grin to his tired face.
Empty.
Having the place to himself was a rarity these days, which was probably a good thing considering Gin’s past extra-curriculars, but it meant he could never truly relax.
He shrugged off his shoes and set his work bag down by the door before making his way to the kitchen. His lips twitched into a smile as he noticed the clean rack of dishes and the ground beef Gin actually remembered to leave out for thawing, but stopped in his tracks once he noticed his lit up cellphone perched on top of the kitchen island.
God, that was tempting.
Sanji bit his lip as he looked around the room. Gin definitely wasn’t here so—ah. His eyes found the messy garbage can with its top flipped open and insides bare of plastic lining. The trash
His stomach tossed as his instincts buzzed. Things were good. He had no reason to go through his boyfriends’ phone anymore, but he couldn’t erase the nagging in his brain and the way the glow of the screen was calling to him—humming and pulling him in like a moth to a flame.
Sanji pulled at the ends of his hair. His Gin flavored anxiety crept up on his tongue, drawing in his cheeks and causing bile to rise in the back of his throat. They were supposed to be over this. Sanji, especially, should’ve been better than this. But—
“Fuck it,” Sanji mumbled before lurching for the phone.
He checked his messages first. All clear. Checked his social media. All clear. Searched for dating apps, viewed his Venmo history, and checked his call logs.
All clear.
Just as he started to feel ridiculous, he found an email app from a provider Gin didn’t use and shivered as paranoia surged through his veins.
His heart stopped when only one, singular message loaded. With shaky hands, he clicked on the email addressed to him.
Dear Sanji Black,
Your application withdrawal for the All Blue property has been processed. Attached is signed documentation to keep for your records.
Give us a call if you change your mind, this property won’t be on the market for long!
Sanji’s ears rang. His vision went blurry as static crawled across his tongue. He barely registered the front door opening and Gin walking in, but he didn’t have to say a word when Gin froze at the sight of Sanji with his phone in his hands.
“What is this?” Sanji asked shakily, holding up the email on Gin’s phone.
Gin slipped off his shoes and rushed toward the other side of the kitchen island with frantic eyes. “Why the fuck are you going through my phone?”
Sanji struggled to breathe. “What the fuck is this?” He asked, raising his voice in a way he only reserved for a certain green-haired idiot.
Gin took a surprised step back. No matter how many times they got into it, Sanji never fought back—not like this. “This is you not trusting me. This is you invading my privacy,” he tried.
Sanji gripped the counter with his freehand and tried to steady himself, but he could feel his breaths turning into pants and his sanity slipping off the ledge. “No,” he said, voice sounding far away. “This is you sabotaging my dream.”
“Sanji,” Gin purred, switching from victim to pleaser. He rounded the counter and tried to coax his phone out of Sanji’s hand, but Sanji snatched his hand away and put as much distance between them as possible. Just one brush of his touch filled him with dread—made his skin crawl. “I’m not sabotaging your dream. I just, we’re doing so good right now. And the restaurant—we can’t handle it. You’ll be busy and I’ll be tempted, and if it doesn’t work out you’ll be crushed, and I don’t know if I can carry us alone.”
Sanji’s mind went blank. He tossed the phone on the counter and wrung out his hands, trying to be present. Trying to be calm. “How many?”
“What?”
“How many times were you responsible for each property falling through?”
Gin stared at him with big, pathetic eyes. He fidgeted with the hem of his jacket before looking down at his shoes. “Five.”
“All five,” Sanji clarified. God, his chest felt like it was being pounded with a hammer. “You screwed me over five times.”
Gin took another step forward, and when Sanji didn’t retreat he came in close to press a seething, stupid kiss on his shoulder.
That's what did it. That’s what broke him.
“We’re done,” Sanji said firmly, his mind slipping out of his body. “I’m breaking up with you. We’re not getting back together. I’m moving out tomorrow, and I hope for your sake you never reach out to me again.” The words landed like bricks, splintering the broken foundation between them for good.
Everything after that was a blur.
Sanji remembered the way Gin clung onto him, clawing at his clothes and pressing desperate kisses to his skin as he rummaged through a few of his things. He remembered Gin’s tears and his empty promises and his sorry apologies as he scrounged around in the fridge to warm Gin up something quick, morals still alive even if the love wasn’t. And he remembered sitting still in the passenger seat of his car, one bag packed with his dreams and his love, feeling just alone as he had for the past three months.
He didn’t know how long he sat despondently. The sun set and the apartment parking lot filled up before he had the courage to move, let alone think. But when he finally snapped out of his stupor, he managed to fish for his phone and dial up one number he knew by heart.
“Sanji!” Usopp’s voice swooned, warm and sweet despite the passing time. “I’ve missed you, buddy.”
“Sanji?!” Luffy yelled from the background. “Tell Sanji I love him!” He said, voice growing closer until the last word was smushed up against the receiver. “Sanji, I love you! Come hang with us! We’re at Usopp’s!”
Right. Monthly game night. Nami had probably stolen his title of poker champion by now.
“Sanji,” Nami’s voice called. She said his name like strings pulled too tight. “I haven’t been able to swindle anybody at cards for three months now. We don’t play unless everyone is here, so you owe me money.”
“Put him on speakerphone!” Franky urged from far away.
“Oh, Sanji,” Robin cut in softly. “I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
And, for the second time that night, Sanji broke.
The first sob was sharp. It cut through his throat and left his heart bleeding. The chaos on the other line went silent as the floodgates opened, and Sanji melted into a sorry mess of tears and feeble gasps for air.
He was so pathetic, forcing his friends into sympathy when he’d ignored them like they were nothing. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing he could choke out in between his shame.
Rustling sounded from the other line, and then a familiar grunt. “I’m gonna fucking kill him,” Zoro seethed, tone more dark and dangerous than Sanji had ever heard before. But it filled him with more warmth than he was willing to admit.
“Shit,” Usopp mumbled before more rustling and static ensued. Zoro’s name was yelled, objects fell over, and Sanji listened helplessly to it all with shaky hands.
“I’m okay!” He said, voice cracking in between his sniffles. “He didn’t… I just broke up with him, is all. I need a place to stay.”
That brought the ruckus to a halt, but the silence that followed wasn’t any better.
Then, finally, Luffy spoke up. “I’m proud of you,” he said, and Sanji could practically see his grin.
Sanji let the words sink in as more footsteps followed, and the creak of a shut door made Usopp’s breaths clearer.
“Where you at right now? Do you need me to come get you?” Usopp asked. “I can kick everyone out if you need some alone time, and we can work out a time for a few of us to get your things tomorrow.”
Sanji shook his head, even though he knew Usopp couldn’t see it. “I don’t deserve this. Why are you being so accommodating?”
Usopp scoffed. “You’re my best friend. Three months of you ‘going through it’ doesn’t erase that. And besides, I’ve gotten pretty good at gathering when you two are ‘off’ and I’ve never once heard you use the term ‘broken up’ before today. This is a big deal.”
Sanji hummed to stop himself from crying all over again. “Thank you,” he whispered.
“I’m gonna kick them out,” Usopp decided. “When you get here we can talk or we can not talk. Or we can listen to the Take Care deluxe album and relive our college days. I know he’s a weirdo woman hating loser now and that goes against your whole brand but like, everyone deserves to listen to whiny heartbroken Drake after a bad breakup. I won’t tell anyone.”
That managed to get a small snort from Sanji. “Even if I want Marvin’s Room on repeat?”
“Especially if you want Marvin’s Room on repeat,” Usopp confirmed. “Although, I think Shot For Me is more appropriate. That bald-headed excuse for a man will be nothing without you.”
“He’s not bald,” Sanji defended.
“2016 called, they want their Nike Swoosh headbands back,” Usopp deadpanned. “He’s not fooling anyone trying to cover up that hairline.”
And that got a real laugh out of Sanji—the first time he’s laughed in months. “I’ll be there in 15.”
“Bet.”
Sanji turned his key into the ignition and pursed his lips before adding one last thing. “I really missed you too.”
“Of course you did, I’m amazing,” Usopp teased before adding a ‘drive a safe.’
Sanji was beginning to think that his friends loved him more than Gin ever could.
—
Sanji fiddled with his vegan cheesy buffalo dip—a challenge for even his hands when keeping the taste of Luffy’s carnivorous appetite in mind—as Usopp fiddled with random decor around his apartment for the umpteenth time. Usopp had been in this trance all day, bouncing from one end of the apartment to the other and blasting Jersey Beats and Dance Mixes from the Bluetooth speaker to paralyze whatever thoughts were running around in his mind. Finally, Sanji broke the barrier.
“You wanna talk about it?” He asked from the kitchen, causing Usopp to snap his head up from where he’d been stacking the board games on the living room floor by rainbow color order. Height order was apparently ‘too boujee.’
Usopp shook his head. “I should be asking you that question,” he said, frowning. “We can always cancel.”
“Like hell I’m giving you an excuse to put off seeing your girlfriend.”
Usopp glared at him, but Sanji didn’t miss the way his hands gravitated toward his curls, twisting and pulling in a manner far more gentle than Sanji treated his own uneven mop.
Sighing, Sanji stepped into the living room and crouched down on the floor beside him. “She wouldn’t come if she weren’t interested.”
“Friends come to game nights,” Usopp said with a shrug. “She sees me as a friend.”
They’d been through this conversation hundreds of times, and while Sanji had a habit of living on a deluded island, he had a good feeling about Kaya.
“Let’s say you’re right,” Sanji caved with an unhappy roll of his eyes. “Tonight is a chance for her to see you in a different light. Plus, if you’re feeling really brave, you could always—“
Usopp cringed. “Absolutely not.”
And well, Sanji didn’t really have room to talk as both the Prince of Rejection and the person that blocked a man on everything and ignored him for 3 months after getting the courage to confess.
“Fine. Then you being yourself and my vegan food will just win her over by the end of the night anyway.”
Usopp nodded half-heartedly, turning his gaze back to the board games and the rest of his tidy apartment. Knowing there had to be something else on his mind, Sanji lowered himself onto the carpet fully and spread his legs out in front of him. Their shoulders bumped together, and it was like being transported back in time to their shitty college apartment, eating experimental meals on cracked tile because they couldn’t afford a proper table.
“You say a lot in your silence.”
“Because I never shut up?” Usopp offered, smiling softly but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Sanji’s lips pulled into a frown. “You need to spit out whatever’s wrong before I start overthinking.”
Usopp sighed before turning to face him. “This is personal. Like really, really personal. And could come off a little offensive. So you don’t have to answer if it makes you feel uncomfortable. In fact, you could even kick me if you’re mad. One good kick. Just aim somewhere that can heal easily—“
“Just say it,” Sanji spat. His curiosity never came without anxiety.
Usopp squeaked before looking down at his lap. “I know, um, we didn’t have the best luck with the dad lottery… or the parents being in a healthy relationship lottery either. So let’s say, for some reason, Kaya does like me back. How do… how do I stop myself from…”
“Ending up like me?” Sanji offered.
“Like our examples,” Usopp corrected, voice laced with guilt. “I just don’t know anything different.”
Sanji brought his knees to his chest and sighed into the denim of his jeans. “I don’t know either,” he said honestly. “Clearly.”
He’d gotten a month to process the Gin breakup, and it was easier than he anticipated. They’d been on and off for a little bit over a year, and each offense only made him more numb and detached until the only thing keeping him there was desperation and self-harm. The self-awareness made it worse though. Made him feel less like a victim and more like a masochist. He didn’t feel deserving of sympathy, or understanding, or kindness for the choices he made and all the times he chose to stay, but he was trying to accept it anyway.
There were nights he missed Gin, and there were nights he still cried over him. He mourned the love he always wanted but never got, and shamed himself for all of the actions he let slide in his quest to find it. But really, most of his tears were over the loss of his innocence. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to love without feeling alone, or if his heart deserved to beat without earning it. But Usopp was different. Usopp was deserving.
“I think all of that ‘love yourself’ bullshit is counterproductive and false in the whole finding long-lasting love argument,” Sanji said carefully, pulling his thoughts together. “You don’t need to love yourself to be deserving of love. If that was the case, I wouldn’t be free-loading off of you right now.”
“Sanji—“
Sanji put his hand up to let himself finish. “But I do think you need to respect yourself,” he said firmly. “Respect yourself enough to not let anyone make you feel like shit. Respect yourself enough to know you’d never let yourself become the person you despise, or be in the kind of relationships you loathe. Respect yourself enough to be honest and let yourself stumble, because you will. And respect your friends enough to know we’ll get you through if you’re hurt, and kick your ass if you hurt someone else.” He hugged himself tighter. “Just do everything I didn’t.”
Usopp was wrapped around him before he could even get the last word out, hugging him tightly from the side and squeezing the air out of his lungs. “Stop being so hard on yourself. That could’ve been any of us. That could’ve been me, and I know you’d never think of me that way,” he mumbled.
Which was true. But Sanji had a lot of apologies to make for ignoring his friends, which was the entire reason why he agreed to hosting game night on time this month instead of postponing it. He’d gotten to see Franky, Robin, and Jinbei—the body guard lineup—when they helped him move out of Gin’s, but he barely said a word besides instructing where some of his things should go. Although, he’d admittedly cried in Robin’s arms when she held him tight, but that was about it.
Usopp pulled away to give his shoulder one last pat. “You’re handling everything really well. I’m proud of you. Everyone’s proud of you, and they don’t even know all of the details. So they’d totally understand if you want to—”
“We’re having this damn game night,” Sanji grumbled.
Nodding, Usopp sat back on his hands. “But are you ready to face Zoro?”
Sanji’s body went rigid at his name.
“You know I have to ask. We’ve talked about everything else except Zoro,” Usopp said softly. “And you know I know about that time we got drunk and—”
Sanji winced at the memory. “Don’t—“
“But the point is,” Usopp whined. “I know that at one point, you felt the same.”
“That was years ago.”
“Yes,” Usopp agreed. “But was it?”
Sanji pursed his lips. “I haven’t had the time to think about it,” which was as true as the real answer to Usopp’s question. “And he deserves better than—”
“—You better not say you.”
“Than an answer I can’t act on right now,” Sanji said with a glare. “I wouldn’t want him to just be a rebound.”
Usopp nodded reluctantly. “But we all know he wouldn’t be.”
“If I was mentally stable and had my life together, sure,” Sanji said with a snort.
“Fine,” Usopp said with a dramatic groan. “But just for the record, I don’t mind you staying here. I actually prefer it.”
Sanji shrugged. “Until your girlfriend starts staying over and you want the privacy.”
Usopp slapped his arm. “Stop that.”
***
“Where’s Zoro?”
The question of the night. One that Sanji hadn’t dared to ask between rounds of cards and serving drinks, but thought continuously about as the night grew darker and the rest of their friends grew tipsier.
Sanji barely got one word into each of his one-on-one apologies before either getting slammed with hugs and ‘i love you’s,’ or teased endearingly with gestures that proved that everything was going to be okay. And if he shed a few tears in between watching Luffy inhale his food, Nami grin after taking his money in poker, and Franky out-right spilling tears on top of his head during their hug, then that was his business.
“He’s probably just lost,” Chopper offered, but Nami’s insistence on avoiding Sanji’s eyes said otherwise.
Sighing, Sanji placed another plate of snacks on the living room table. “I’m gonna have a smoke,” he mumbled as disappointment rumbled in his stomach. He knew he couldn’t blame Zoro for not showing up. Hell, he probably wouldn’t either. But Sanji never wanted to be the reason why he couldn’t be around his friends.
He spun on his heel without another word and stalked over to the front door, thrusting it open with a bit more strength than needed. The door slammed shut behind him, but it wasn’t louder than the mean voices in his head that convinced him he ruined everything. Zoro had every right not to want anything to do with him. Usopp and him had the nerve to talk about feelings, when Sanji should be groveling at the man’s feet just to get their friendship back to where it was. And he’d do it too, because Zoro was just that special. That important, and that infuriatingly lovable.
Sanji stomped down the building stairs, marched past the lobby, and breezed through the entryway doors with his pack of cigarettes already in hand before stopping in his tracks.
Zoro.
Zoro with his hands in his leather jacket pockets, staring down at the sidewalk of the small courtyard, and pulling at the chapped skin on his lips. The moss on his head was wind-blown, like he’d been outside for a while and let the decision to come in beat him down.
That only made the frown on Sanji’s lips deepen.
“You can go upstairs,” he called out, causing those pretty grey eyes to snap up and meet his gaze. “I’ll be out here for a while.” Half a packet of anxiety-curers should do it.
Zoro’s eyes dropped and his shoulders slumped. “Yeah, figured I should’ve stayed home.”
“What?” Sanji said, scrunching up his face. “I’m literally telling you to go see your friends.”
“‘Cause you don’t wanna be near me,” Zoro said slowly, nodding as if they were on the same page when it seemed that was statistically impossible.
Groaning, Sanji walked over to him and poked him in the chest. “Four months and I almost forgot what an idiot you are. You’re the one that should be avoiding me. I’m the one that should be begging you for forgiveness.”
Zoro furrowed his eyebrows, looking even more confused. “I’m the one that ruined our friendship, and probably made your relationship even worse.” He couldn’t make eye contact as his mouth opened and closed, wordlessly. “I put you in a tough spot. I knew the situation, and I could’ve hurt you. I’m just happy you’re okay.”
“Oh my God,” Sanji said, voice cracking as he pulled on the collar of Zoro’s shirt the same way he had in that wretched karaoke room. “You’ve been feeling this guilty and responsible over my dumpster fire of a love life?”
“I was selfish,” Zoro mumbled as he met his eyes again, shyer this time.
“You were brave,” Sanji corrected, but he couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the memory of Zoro’s imbalance and clumsy speech. “Even if you puked your brains out after.”
Zoro’s cheeks reddened underneath the night sky. He pushed Sanji’s hand off of him as he pursed his lips. “Can’t drink yogurt flavored soju anymore.”
Sanji’s chuckle turned into full on laughter as he tossed his head back and clutched his stomach. “And that’s the best one too,” he said in between squeaky breaths.
“I’d sacrifice soju again if it means I get to see you laugh like that,” Zoro said softly.
Sanji’s chortling came to a halt as he looked back at Zoro, whose expression turned soft.
“Haven’t heard you laugh like that in forever,” he continued, shrugging his shoulders as if he couldn’t help but call it out. “So guess this is as good a time as ever to apologize. Not for being in love with you, or for threatening to kill your ex twice—‘cause I meant that—but I will apologize for making your life harder.”
Sanji shook his head with a sigh. “Me and Gin… I’m the only one to blame for that—”
“No. You just think everything is your fault, but I’m sure the rest of the crew will knock some sense into you about the whole thing after some more time passes and you start to heal,” he said bluntly.
Having already had this conversation 8 other times today, Sanji let it slide and continued forward. “Whatever. I know enough to know that the relationship needed to end. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one who's sorry for cutting you out of my life.”
Zoro shrugged again. “You did what you had to do.”
“But I didn’t tell you what I thought about your confession,” Sanji said quietly. He took in Zoro’s vulnerable expression and only hoped he could match that one day soon, when his heart didn’t hurt so much and his optimism once again out-shined his fear.
“I think you were pretty clear,” Zoro mumbled as he shoved his hands back into his pockets.
Sanji shook his head, and dared to take a step closer. He took a breath before spilling his guts the same way Zoro probably had in that karaoke toilet. “I had a crush on you when we first met, junior year, but I thought you hated me. And then senior year came, and our friendship got better, and it was just easier to pretend my feelings weren’t getting deeper, until we graduated and got jobs and the busy schedule meant I got better at lying to myself. The years kept coming, and you started hooking up with people who looked nothing like me, and I pretty much deaded any delusions I had for you. And then the universe brought me Gin…
“Zoro, it’d be unfair if I said I loved you back right now,” Sanji blurted out, wind deflating. “I’m a mess. I’m still not completely over Gin. I probably need a therapist to work on all of the shit wrong with me that got me in that situation in the first place. But if you’re willing to wait—”
Zoro closed the remaining space between them by cupping a gentle hand around his cheek. “I’ll wait,” he said firmly. He pressed their foreheads together, the same way they had a hundred times before, and sighed as if he’d been holding his breath for all the years their mutual feelings remained unsaid. “Whatever you need. Space. Time. Support. I’ll be here. I’ll wait.”
Which was everything Gin couldn’t provide.
Sanji resisted the urge to melt against Zoro. He closed his eyes as the warmth of his skin spread to his chest, and tried to ignore the way his lips buzzed from their proximity. He never realized just how much he wanted to kiss Zoro until now. Never realized it could be an option.
But Zoro had the good sense to pull away, licking his own lips with flushed cheeks and a small smile. “So what’d the dickhead do to finally lose you?”
Sanji cleared his throat, knowing his face had to be just as red. No one else besides Usopp had asked for the dirty details, but if he and Zoro were going to be something then he deserved to know. “He impersonated me and rescinded my property applications for the restaurant,” he mumbled.
Zoro’s eyes darkened. “You gotta let me—”
Sanji rolled his eyes. “You have to stop threatening homicide every time I bring up my ex because this doesn’t even scratch the surface.”
“But that’s your dream,” he emphasized.
“Yeah,” Sanji said, biting back a smile. Because Zoro understood. He had always understood.
Zoro huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “What about his tires? Can I slash those?”
One moment of hesitation from Sanji was all Zoro needed to break into a shit-eating grin. His eyes danced wildly, pupils growing wide. “Got it.”
Sanji smacked his hand over his own face and sighed. “The annoying part is that I know you’re not kidding.”
Zoro pointed back toward the parking lot, feet already squared off in that direction. “Give me 30 minutes.”
“I did not ask you to do this.”
“Whatever you need to say for the police report,” Zoro said, already walking backwards. “But I think he knows better not to say shit.”
Sanji groaned. “His complex has cameras.”
“I’ll just wear my helmet as a mask.”
“License plate—”
“I’ll park far.”
Sanji watched helplessly as Zoro stepped off of the curb and onto the pavement of the parking lot. “Just make it quick,” he said finally.
Zoro sent him one last teasing smile. “Got it, babe,” he said, full of sarcasm, but that did nothing to offset the debilitating effect of the petname.
Flustered, Sanji flipped him off with both hands as Zoro laughed and turned on his heel.
“Don’t wait up,” he called over his shoulder.
But Sanji did, with his cigarettes and heart to keep him company. Zoro was worth waiting for too, afterall.
—
“You look fine,” Sanji reassured from his spot on Usopp’s couch.
“Okay but do I look fine, or do I look fine,” Usopp stressed as he turned to face him again.
He was wearing a navy blue crew neck with cream lettering over a beige t-shirt that peeked out just enough to add some contrast. He paired it with structured, olive green cargo pants, an olive green bucket hat to match, two gold necklaces that always lived around his neck, and cream colored Air Force Ones. It was a little more casual than anything Sanji would’ve worn on a date but—
“You look fine,” he answered honestly, rolling his eyes when Usopp struck a pose with his hand on his hip and his knee popped out. “Stop playing around and go pick her up.”
Usopp nodded in agreement as he patted his pockets for his wallet and keys, and sighed in relief once everything was accounted for. “I still can't believe this is actually happening.”
“She’s going to say yes,” Sanji said, cutting to the chase.
“But what if it’s too soon?” he whined.
“This is your third date.”
“We haven’t even kissed yet.”
“You can kiss her after she agrees to be your girlfriend.”
Usopp nodded again, but scurried over to Sanji and took a seat on the couch.
Sanji glared. “This is not the passenger seat of your car.”
Pouting, Usopp slumped further into the cushions. “I can’t do it.”
“You’re doing it, even if I have to drag you there myself,” Sanji said, scoffing. “No way we did all of that role-playing for nothing.”
“It was helpful,” Usopp whined.
Sanji sat up straighter to look at him better. “How on earth was you role-playing as Kaya helpful in this situation?”
Usopp smiled sheepishly. “You’re better at flirting than I am.”
Alright. He’d had enough.
Sanji stood up from the coach and tugged Usopp onto his feet with him. “You are going to show that beautiful young woman a nice time at the fair. At the end of the night, you’re going to ask her out at the top of the Ferris wheel, kiss her like your life depends on it when she says yes, and return home as her boyfriend.”
“I think it would be helpful if I saw you do it, like for real,” Usopp said as he brought his hands behind his back.
“You want me to ask out Kaya for you?” Sanji deadpanned.
Usopp shook his head. “I was thinking more like asking Zoro on a date.”
Sanji shoved him as soon as the realization of his little scheme washed over him. His face flushed at just the thought. “That wasn’t funny.”
“I’m not joking,” Usopp said, which was hard to take seriously through his giggles. “It’s been months. You talk on the phone everyday for hours. Therapy is going well, you’re moving out in a few weeks, and I know the restaurant is on the back burner for now but you’re getting there. So what’s stopping you?”
Sanji flopped back down onto the couch and went mentally grasping for straws. “His feelings could’ve changed.”
Usopp shot him an unimpressed look. “C’mon, you gotta do better than that.”
Sighing, Sanji sunk into the couch cushions the same way Usopp had earlier. “Why do we keep having all of these shitty heart-to-hearts?”
“Because if we had done this more often…” Usopp paused, playing with his hands. “I don’t know man, maybe I could've been a better support to you when you needed it.”
“Oh,” is all Sanji said. He was still working on the whole ‘blaming himself for dating an asshole’ thing with his therapist, so this was as good as Usopp was going to get. Progress, though.
Usopp sat down next to him again. “So what’s the real reason?”
Sanji sucked his teeth. He tried to keep the Zoro conversations with his therapist short, but they had discussed what it would look like for him to start dating someone new. Sanji was pretty sure all of his questions gave it away anyway.
“I know heartbreak is inevitable in life or whatever,” Sanji said after collecting his thoughts. “But I’m just not sure if I could handle heartbreak from Zoro.”
“Fair,” Usopp said, surprising him. He expected a quick denial about the possibility of them ever breaking up, or a lecture about not always preparing for the worst. “But I’ll always be here to pick you up when you’re down. I’ll just have to upgrade my living situation so you’ll always have a place to land.”
When Sanji stared at him wordlessly, Usopp pulled at one of his curls with a shy smile. “And anyway, if you think the heartbreak will be that bad, that just means the love you have for him is that strong. Don’t you wanna experience that?” He asked. “You know, the love part?”
This time, it was Sanji who cut Usopp off with a hug before he could finish his sentence. He wrapped his arms around him tightly and hoped that could communicate just how much he appreciated having him in his life. He couldn’t have gotten through any of this without him.
“I love you,” he mumbled against him, hoping he wasn’t making this too sappy. Damn heart-to-hearts.
Usopp squeezed him back even tighter. “I love you too.”
When they pulled away, Usopp took a peek at the time illuminated on the TV and shot up from the couch with wide eyes. “Okay, as much as I know I’m very handsome and crush worthy right now, I do need to get going.”
Sanji rolled his eyes at his teasing, but shooed him away anyway.
“Call him,” Usopp said as he rushed toward the door, pointing a stern finger. “I expect an update in an hour.”
Before Sanji could protest, he was out the door.
Left alone with his thoughts once again, Sanji did everything he could to delay that phone call. He cooked dinner, deep cleaned the kitchen, started laundry, and considered ironing his bedsheets before gritting his teeth at his own ridiculousness. Sanji was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a coward.
After stepping outside to smoke a cigarette for good luck, Sanji let the evening air cool him down enough to whip out his phone. He clicked on Zoro’s contact name for a video call as if it were second nature.
Zoro picked up on the first ring. “‘Sup Curls,” he said tiredly, face shiny with sweat and a towel wrapped around his neck from the gym—which was just unfair. He walked through a door and stepped into fresh air as he adjusted the camera to get his full face into the frame.
“Moss,” Sanji said plainly as he watched his own parking lot sunset paint the sky in a peachy sorbet. He hoped Usopp was on that Ferris wheel right now.
“Damn. Rough day?” Zoro mumbled at his tone. The phone thumped with static as his feet hit the pavement.
Sanji looked down at the phone just in time to catch the view of Zoro’s sunset peek out from behind the gym building. He let the warmth of their shared sun fill his chest and let the words spill out.
“Zoro,” Sanji said softly, earning his full attention. “Would you like to go on a date with me next week?”
Zoro stopped in his tracks, eyes widening in surprise. It took him a second before a wide smile spread across his lips. “I thought you’d never ask.”
—
Fin.