Archive of Our Own ^beta

They say that you find yourself in College. If anything, the things that Oscar had found was a coffee addiction and an absolute disdain towards his organic chemistry professor. (Fuck Professor Sullivan.)

Oh, and a life-altering crush on a guy who was in the grade above him. 

Lando Norris. He was the complete archetype of a man who was completely untouchable. He could say something that was completely wrong and everyone would agree with him, not only because they wanted to fuck him, but because they truly believed whatever he said had to be correct.

He wore these perfectly planned out outfits that looked both casual and stylish, and had brown, curly hair that contrasted his tan skin. He only had such an olive skin tone due to summers spent in Ibiza, Monaco, and other exotic European countries. He strolls through Central London as if he owned the place, his collected confidence oozing through his body. He was everything one could ever desire.

If you couldn't tell, Oscar was irrevocably attracted to him. His personal power of collecting details was used against him in this case, most likely his downfall. He knew too much about Lando. His biggest problem was the very thing that satisfied him.

Lando was a problem.

Oscar looked outside the window of his plane, seeing the familiar city that had shined just for him. He was back. 

He had done his spring semester abroad in Japan. It was great, and very memorable. He probably wouldn’t be able to forget it just from the sheer amount of memories and inside jokes he made with Alex and Logan. He also won’t be able to forget it because of what he left back here in England, who he left back here in England.

No. He won’t think about that. If he thinks about it he’s going to get all tingly and start feeling weird and all of the things he learned not to do in Japan. He took that trip to forget it all, to not remember it.

Logan and Alex were comfortably sleeping on each other, their hands tangled together. Oscar rolled his eyes, his mouth unable to stop itself from smiling. He was thankful that he got a window seat and didn’t have to deal with their disgustingly cute coupley affections. As the plane landed and people were finally allowed to move and grab their things, Oscar tapped Logan’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Oscar called out. “We’re here.”

Logan slowly opened his eyes, his head raising to meet Oscar’s eyes. He instinctively tapped at Alex, “Babe, we’re here.”

Ew. Babe.

As Alex woke up and stretched, Oscar immediately went to grab his carry-on. He sat back down to wait for Alex and Logan to grab their own, checking his phone to see the time.

August 27th, 2018. 6:34 pm. 

Oscar eyed his phone, seeing a few notifications pop up as his phone finally got reception.

Mom

Call me when you’re there! Love you!

Yuki

did u get me almond pocky

Ray 玲

I really enjoyed my time with you. Next time you’re in Japan let me know. I would like to meet! またね

“Oscar?” Logan said. “You ready?”

Oscar did all of this because it was getting complicated. He needed to erase it. It’s obvious that he needed to be normal about everything, and that trip did make him normal. He is normal. He is perfectly fine. A-okay.

Oscar clicked his phone off. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

***

“It’s 8 o’clock.” Yuki said, staring at Oscar who was silently sitting on the couch.

“Yes. My body is still in Tokyo’s time zone.” Oscar responded back.

Yuki. His mother’s favorite. They had met back in Year 4, in Melbourne. Yuki’s family moved to Australia when they were 8, and they became friends after his mother saw him on a children’s cooking show. Oscar still remembers the shock on his face when he saw little Yuki cooking up a storm, his eyes were focused and he was so calm.

Yuki still looks like that now, however he’s probably more mischievous now. An evil to be-chef. But, he’s not so evil because he’s let Oscar sleep at his place for a few nights in exchange for snacks he brought back from Japan.

Yuki shrugged before turning his attention back to his television that was showing a How I Met Your Mother marathon. “How was Japan? Did you like it?”

“Yup.” Oscar nodded. “I saw your old house.”

Yuki huffed out a laugh. “Was it old? It’s been years.”

“Nah,” Oscar shook his head. “A family lives there now.”

Yuki smiled as he glanced down at his pocky packs, “I’m glad. I miss home.”

“Let’s go for your birthday after this year?” Oscar suggested, an eyebrow raised.

Yuki rolled his eyes, “Sure.”

“Did I miss anything while I was gone?” Oscar asked, curiously. “You got someone?”

“Hmmm.” Yuki hummed. “I just fucked two people. That’s it.”

Oscar gasped, “Woah! Who?”

Yuki was always so straightforward. It used to be something he would lecture him on, but now it’s something that just surprises him. Yuki is still the same menace as he was when he was 8. It actually warmed Oscar’s heart a bit, he’s still the same ol’ Yuki.

“One girl. One boy.” 

“You’re bi?” Oscar asked, surprised.

Yuki eyed him, “We are 19. I don’t care about gender.”

Oscar swallowed before nodding. I mean, he’s right. Yuki’s always been carefree, it makes sense he doesn’t care about gender as well.

“You?” Yuki asked. 

Oscar smiled. “It’s complicated.”

“I went to your mailbox like you told me. There was this person who sent you so much letters.” Yuki said, going to a cabinet before grabbing a small box that he soon dropped on Oscar’s lap.

“Ow!” Oscar winced. “That’s heavy!”

“You’re strong. You’re 19.” Yuki sassed, going back to watching his TV.

Oscar scrambled to open the box, “Do you know who sent these?”

“No.” Yuki said. “It’s illegal to read someone’s mail in Japan.”

“But…we live in England?”

“If it’s illegal in Japan, why would I do it in England?”

Huh. He’s right. But, he knows Yuki. He would notice a pattern and get curious.

“But, his name was, like, uh, Lendo Norris? Lando? I dunno. LN or something.” Yuki said, chewing on the chocolate sticks.

What.

“He likes you. Only stupid people mail people in another country.” Yuki shook his head in disbelief.

Well, Oscar purposely did not tell the guy who he was running away from that he had left. 

01/28/18

Dear Oscar,

I’m not a writer. I’m only writing because you’re not answering my texts and I know you check your mail like a madman. So, here it is. Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in weeks and school started like two weeks ago. Did you transfer out? Charles isn’t telling me where you went or anything at all. I miss you, you know. The Aussie accent is hard to hear out here. Write me back if you won’t text me back at least.

Lando

Lando wrote him 10 letters. January through May. He couldn’t read the other nine, his heart too fragile.

What did it mean? What did this all mean to him? Why did he stop writing him? Did he realize he was gone? What happened? Oscar hates himself for wondering that but he can’t stop his mind from wandering.

You see, the relationship between the two was, or is difficult to define. They had many elements of friendship, of closeness, but they also were so removed from one another. Oscar obviously fell for him, of course he did. Lando was the kind of guy everyone has liked once, or still does. It’s inevitable. 

And for a mere second, Oscar thought Lando liked him too.

But, he didn’t. He was just being stupid and delusional and reading too much into things that didn’t mean anything to Lando. And it just became too…much for him. So, he made the impulsive decision to beg the counselor to go on the Spring Japan trip abroad for that semester–hoping to take that time to forget about everything and be a good friend to Lando.

But, he wrote him letters.

That was probably the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for him. Has Lando Norris ever sent a letter to someone before? All of the progress that he believed he made in Japan seems so little now. The Lando Norris sent him ten letters, wondering where he was, missing him. He couldn’t help the way his stomach swooped in happiness. 

But why did they stop?

Yuki was out of the house most of the time. Oscar assumed culinary majors had to go in earlier to prepare for their sophomore assignments and get classes sorted since they were so busy. This house, yes house, was quite lonely without someone in it.

Yuki’s dad is a diplomat and has a few houses around the world. Yuki’s family moved to England once he had to be there long-term back then. They didn’t want to ruin his social life by moving him, so, after a lot of consideration, Oscar’s mum let Yuki stay and live with them. It appears that this house is the one they lived in while Yuki stayed back in Melbourne.

Yuki was like the older brother Oscar was not able to have. Oscar was only surrounded by women, and occasionally his dad. So, having Yuki around to play games, or to just watch shows with was nice. It was memorable. 

Oscar wandered around the house, looking through the rooms and such. It was a nice house, for sure. He returned back to the kitchen, going to open the fridge to see what he could snack on before Yuki came back and made dinner. He scanned the rows, nothing.

“Yuki…” he groaned. 

He closed the door, making eye contact with a blue post it note that had a phone number on it.

+33(0)2 32 28 32 41

-Pierre

Huh. Maybe this was the guy who Yuki had seen while Oscar was in Japan. Oscar grinned at the note, going upstairs back to his room to plop on his bed and think about life (and Lando.)

“Oh C'mon Oscar!” Alex whined. “I’m only a senior once!”

Alex, Logan’s boyfriend. Well, he’s obviously much more than Logan’s boyfriend; But, he has that title attached to him as he follows the two of them almost everywhere. Oscar doesn’t mind it, he’s actually pretty close with Alex, they went to Japan together after all. Alex is just a bit whiny ever since he began dating Logan. And he’s even more whiny in his own apartment.

Oscar rolled his eyes, “Yes. You are only a senior once. I am a sophomore.”

Alex sighed loudly, “You’re no fun. It’s Halloween! We’re in College. We go to Cambridge! Cambridge , Oscar! You’ve never even been to a Halloween party!”

“It’s not even Halloween! It’s September! Why is there already a Halloween party?” Oscar complained.

“Cambridge students won’t be able to spend Halloween partying, it’s on a Wednesday!” Logan shot back, voice raised teasingly.

“I already know what will happen.” Oscar replied back. “You’re going to leave me mid-party to talk to people, even though you know I barely know anyone.”

“I promise you, we won’t leave you.” Logan affirmed.

Oscar stared at him for a long time. Their eyes share a knowing back-and-forth glance of “You’re lying” and “I’m not, I promise.”

Oscar looked away, his eyes batting. “I don’t even have a costume.”

Logan grinned, “You do.”

Oscar looked at Alex and Logan’s grinning faces, their expressions telling. 

And that’s how he found himself in the backseat of Alex’s car, a cowboy hat on his head, a brown corduroy jacket on top of his plain white shirt, and his jeans tightened with a garish brown belt. He felt out of place already, Alex and Logan jamming to a bunch of EDM songs that he wasn’t able to truly listen to without cringing at the screech of the pair’s voices.

“Lighten up, Oscar! You’re about to get drunk and see Lando.” Logan insisted, obnoxious chuckle interrupting the flow of his sentence.

Oscar’s eyes widened, “Lando’s coming?”

“Yeah he’s coming and he's coming.” Alex joked, his voice deepening.

“You’re so gross.” Logan mumbled as Alex broke out into a loud jumble of laughing.

“Lando’s going.” Oscar muttered to himself, his heart beginning to beat more rapidly.

It’s been forever. 

The thing about Lando is that there has always been this tension between them, regardless if they meant to make it or not. Even on the day they met, there was a buzz about them that both of them had felt. Oscar still remembers the look in his eyes when they shook hands for the first time, eyes big and green and lashes full.

Oscar sometimes thinks about those times. Usually before he’s about to close his eyes for the final time that night, or when he’s looking out at the train. 

“You really must like him, huh?” Alex commented , his eyes glancing up to the car mirror.

Oscar pouted, “Shut up. I am wearing a stupid costume because of you two.”

Logan pumped out a chuckle, “I think you’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” Alex added. “Besides, Lando will find it hot.”

Oscar hiccupped.

“He really likes himself a cowboy.”

God dammit. Fuck this stupid party. Fuck Alex and Logan for dragging him against his will. And fuck Lando for making his heart beat faster just from Alex’s comments.

The party already had a specific buzz once Oscar stepped into it. College parties usually were something he frowned at: The dirty places, the tight and confined spaces, barely any privacy–It really wasn’t his scene. The only good thing that came out of these parties was the music mix, and Lando.

Alex and Logan quickly swung into the parties’ atmosphere, immediately chatting with people that they knew and people they did not. Their previous promises of dragging Oscar with them forgotten, obvious in the way they cross the room to converse with others and slowly get farther away from him.

“They couldn’t even wait an hour.” Oscar mumbled to himself, his head shaking.

Oscar sighed, his shoulders slightly slumping as he looked through the rooms for someone he knew. The house was crowded with a sea of people he didn’t even know existed–their faces unrecognizable and especially not as appealing as-

“Oscar!”

Oscar turned to see Charles. This was one of the few times he’s ever been slightly disappointed seeing him.

“Hey Charles.” Oscar greeted as sweetly as he could.

Charles raised a brow at him, a grin creeping on his face. “You look miserable.”

The feeling may have been stronger than Oscar concluded, the feeling seemingly written all over his face. “To be honest, a bit, yeah.” Oscar agreed.

“Why? Not a party goer?”

“That, plus Logan and Alex leaving me after promising to be around me all night.”

Charles chuckled, his hand reaching out to grasp Oscar’s shoulder. “Poor thing.”

Oscar could feel himself smiling a bit. That was something very notable about Charles–everyone ends up smiling around him no matter how terrible they feel. Maybe he was hilarious, or maybe he was so charming one couldn't help but laugh around him even if nothing was inherently funny.

“Well, I won’t promise that because I will definitely break it.” Charles giggled.

Oscar raised his eyebrows, “At least you’re honest.”

Charles smiled, his cheeks pink. 

“Well, I’m gonna go say hello to Pierre over there.” Charles pointed. “Get a drink, mate. Enjoy yourself.”

Charles patted his shoulder before walking over, his arms stretching out to greet Pierre with a large hug. It occurred to Oscar right then and there that he should invest more time into enjoying his life rather than living so carefully. With a deep sigh, he walked towards the bar.

He didn't want to drink much. He actually didn't want to drink at all, knowing how unpredictable Alex and Logan’s stupid adventures and spontaneity had always pushed him away from consuming alcohol around them. But, tonight seemed like a night where he should at least have something running through his system. 

Oscar had always been cautious in life: He would plan things meticulously, always think before he spoke, measure things carefully. That was the kind of guy he naturally was–the guy he liked being. Oscar took a sip of one of the cups on a tray, the pungent taste automatically making his face tense up. God, this really did affirm his belief that college parties were the worst. He only really came for…

“Oscar.” a voice called, his voice naturally dragging the r sound.

Oscar turned to see the wet-curls, the precisely applied makeup and faux freckles, the angel halo and detailed wings. Lando had that shit-eating grin plastered on his face like usual, his arms crossed, body leaning against a wall. Oscar almost choked when he finally took in the man’s appearance. Holy shit. Lando looked, god, so good.

“I haven't seen you in so long.” Lando added, voice far too sensual for a regular person.

Yes, Oscar’s brain thinks. I decided to leave the country after…

Oscar licked his lower lip, “It’s been a while. For sure.”

Oscar could see Lando’s eyes glance up, his face morphing into a countenance of amusement.

“A cowboy? Cute.”

Oscar could feel his face flush. “Your costume is nice too.”

Lando stood up straight, pushing the wall to become up-right. “That’s good. I spent a fuck ton of money to buy it.”

“If anything, you’re probably the opposite of an angel.” Oscar joked.

Lando smiled, his face more noticeably flushed. 

Oscar added, “You really do go all out for Halloween.”

“Yep.”

Oscar’s brain decided to finally stop tuning out the music that was blasting throughout the house, the beat pulsing through his body. Perhaps this was the Lando effect, drowning out every single thing besides himself. Lando just seemed to make things better than they truly were. That should be studied. Lando must have some sort of superpower or actively does magic to make Oscar reconsider his judgements and ignore every single thing in the world to solely focus on him.

“Do you dance?” Lando asks, suddenly closer to Oscar.

“No. Not really.”

Lando bit his lip, tilting his head a bit. Oscar could clearly see the freckles now, and the glitter that was sprinkled on his eyelids and cheeks. He could also clearly see the moles that didn’t look as visible from afar. God, He really is one of the most good-looking men here. Maybe in the world. Maybe.

“Wanna dance with me?”

Oscar gulped. He could feel his brain ushering out a quick  No. No. No. 

“Sure.”

***

Dancing with Lando seemed like something out of one of those movies. You know, the ones where the guy is so in tune with himself and his surroundings, and the girl is just following his lead, completely hoping the guy will continue to lead their interaction. However, there is no girl in this situation. There are just two dudes, one who is madly in love with the other, and the other as knowing as a rock. 

Lando giggled as the lights dimmed, a blue hue and flashing strobe lights now lighting the room. Oscar could see the green in Lando’s eyes as the lights flickered, the ways his pupils dilated when there was barely any light. He could feel the soft graze of Lando’s hands against him when Lando would smoothly sway to whatever loud song was playing.

He could feel Lando getting closer to him. 

“You’re a shit dancer, cowboy.” Lando said.

“Yeah. I did say I didn’t dance often.” Oscar reminded, sarcasm written all over his words.

Lando smirked, “You did.”

Lando’s hands began to slide down Oscar’s jacket, Oscar’s breath hitching. Lando looked up at him, his eyes looking much bigger than usual. 

“You look really good in this costume.” Lando whispered.

Oscar looked down at him, a weird tension brewing between them.

“Thanks.” 

“No,” Lando breathed. “You look really good.”

Lando’s moving halted, his hands still on Oscar’s stomach. Oscar opened his mouth to reply, but before he could even think of something to say, the lights turned back on. A hint of something Oscar couldn’t exactly describe flashed through Lando’s eyes, his hands instantly pulling back from Oscar’s body. Oscar felt frozen, still processing everything that had just happened. What was Lando really trying to say? Why was he being more touchy than usual? 

Lando stepped back, mouth parted and eyes looking away. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

Oscar blinked, “Yeah. Okay.”

Lando blinked rapidly before heading towards the bar, his angel wings softly moving against the crowd of people. Oscar let out a large breath he didn’t realize he was holding, his shoulders going slack. Lando, Lando, Lando. He was always someone who was outwardly flirty, his sarcasm and humor dry but full of life, he always was so lively and youthful. But, he looked…

Oscar doesn't like this word. It feels overly sensual and makes his body tingle for terrible reasons. But, Lando looked ruined. His eyelashes looked wet, his cheeks flushed and glitter all over his face. He looked as if someone had stripped all those layers he had built to protect himself off and just left him there, not as a flirty, sarcastic, and handsome guy; But as someone who hoped for no one to look deeper.

Oscar can’t shake this feeling off. He knows that his mind is probably running, making up conclusions that are probably too thoughtful for his own good–But, there is just something that he can’t grasp about Lando. Something Lando isn’t letting him grasp.

And that makes Oscar want him more.

***

“Osc,” Logan called, his hand waving him down. “We’re gonna go kick it at Carlos’.”

Oscar shut his eyes, “You promised not to do that.”

Alex bit his lip, “We’re gonna walk though. His house is only a few streets down. You can take my car back home.”

Alex tossed him the keys, Oscar quickly catching them with one hand.

“Oh, I forgot to mention,” Logan added. “Can you take Lando home? Charles is going with us.”

Oscar’s lips drew into a thin line. He would've accepted that offer without hesitation if they didn’t…if he didn’t…

“Fine,” Oscar agreed, voice tired. “Where is he?”

Logan and Alex shared a look.

***

“I don’t wanna go home!” Lando blurted out, whining.

“Lando, you can’t even stand up straight!” Charles said, hand sliding against his face in agony.

Drunk Lando. It’s been ages since Oscar has seen him like this. The first time was probably after the elder went to a party in Oscar’s freshman year, somewhere in London. Cambridge and London were pretty far from one another, so, Oscar was surprised to see Lando outside of his dorm room, murmuring about how he had found ‘his Osc’ and how he missed him.

That was also the night they had kissed. Oops. Oscar really didn’t want to think about that.

Lando pouted, “I wanna go to Carlos’ house….”

Charles rolled his eyes, “Oscar, please take him home. He will not listen to anyone but you.”

Oscar sighed, hand coming out reluctantly for Lando to take it. “C’mon, Lando. Let’s go home.”

Lando slowly turned to look at his hand, his eyes barely focusing. Yeah, they were right–He needed to get home. With a loud groan, he took his hand, slowly being pulled to walk to the car. Lando had an iron grip, strongly holding onto the palm of Oscar’s hand as he struggled to walk in a straight line.

“Bye, Lando!” Charles waved, eyes tired.

“Bailando?” Carlos asked, eyes lighting up. 

“No.” 

Lando turned before opening the door, his middle finger appearing. Oscar quickly pulled Lando’s hand down, covering the top of the car to make sure Lando doesn’t hit his head. Lando almost immediately bumps his head against Oscar’s hand, a small grunt coming out.

“There we go..” Oscar muttered, helping Lando sit down.

Lando rested his back against the seat, staring up at Oscar.

“Good?” Oscar asked.

Lando faced forward, cheeks pink.  “Good.”

Oscar finally made his way to the other side of the car, sighing before setting the key down in the cup-holder.

“You’re..” Lando babbled. “You’re kind of..hot.”

Oscar let out a dry chuckle, his fingers pressing the button to turn on the car. The car pumped out a noise that signified that the engine was on, the car slightly shaking. Oscar slowly pressed his foot on the pedal, making his way out of the neighborhood. 

“God, these lights are bright.” Lando remarked, his eyes closing tightly.

Oscar tapped at the steering wheel, his eyes slowly opening and closing. Before he opened them again, he reached to take off his hat, placing it on top of Lando’s gelled hair. Lando hiccuped as he felt Oscar push the hat down, his eyes widening. The light turned green, Oscar’s foot hitting the gas as the car in front of him began to go.

“Oscar,” Lando let out, voice breathless.

“Hm?”

“Do you wanna fuck me?”

Oscar almost slammed the brakes, his body jolting. 

“What?” 

Lando pointed to the hat, “Do you know what that means?”

Oscar almost groaned loudly, his eyes finally trailing back to the practically empty road.

“Are you-” Oscar stuttered. “Are you serious?”

“Giving someone your cowboy hat means you want to shag them, Osc.” Lando informed. 

Oscar blushed. “What the- Lando. This isn’t 1910. I didn’t even-I didn’t even know it meant that.”

Lando shrugged, a grin tugging at his lips.

“How do you even know that?” Oscar questioned quietly.

“Perhaps I’ve fucked a few cowboys before.” 

Oscar could feel his stomach churn at the thought of Lando having sex with someone else. 

“Haven’t fucked an Australian cowboy yet.” Lando added, voice soft.

Yet. Was he planning on doing that?

Oscar decided to continue the car ride in silence, the desire of not hearing about Lando’s sex stories beating the desire of hearing about what Lando likes. The ride fell into a comfortable silence though, the sound of the relatively quiet radio play making it not as awkward as Oscar predicted it to be. He could feel Lando’s body heat, and he could smell the mixture of Lando’s cologne and sweat. 

It’s been over half a year since they last saw each other, it felt like more just from how much Oscar’s feelings have grown since December. The ring of the 90’s hits that played throughout the car and the sound of Lando humming to it made Oscar feel better about everything. Yeah, his stupid friends left him to be alone at a party, but it led him here–driving Lando home.

Oscar slowly pulled up outside of Lando’s flat, the GPS’ voice vibrating through the car. He could hear Lando’s wings rustling against his seatbelt, the click of it being released finally ringing through the car.

“We’re here.” Oscar muttered.

“We are.” Lando responded.

Lando turned his head to face Oscar, “I’m drunk as fuck and I probably will just fall asleep on the couch once I get inside.”

Oscar opened his mouth slightly, maybe to talk, or maybe just in awe at Lando’s beauty. 

“Thank you for taking me home.”

Lando reached for the car door handle, pulling it open to get out slowly. He carefully closed the door, staring at Oscar through the open window.

“You know,” Lando started. “I’m not really opposed to it.”

Oscar tilted his head, Lando lowered himself to the car’s height, a smirk laying comfortably on his face.

“Opposed to what?”

Lando grinned, “You fucking me.”

Oscar gulped.

Lando reached to take the hat off of his head, gently setting it down on the passenger seat.

“Goodnight, Oscar.”

Lando stumbled to his door, quickly opening the seemingly unlocked door and walking inside. Oscar felt himself release a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his shoulder slumping. 

Lando is drunk. He must’ve just been saying anything that his brain momentarily thought of. He shouldn’t, no, he wouldn’t actually have sex with him. He can’t, right?

Oscar quietly closed the door of the campus’ counselor’s office. 

“Hey.”

He turned to meet Logan’s eyes, a soft smile on his face.

Oscar sighed, “Are you going inside?”

“Nah,” Logan said, hands in pockets. “I was looking for you.”

Oscar hummed, his hands awkwardly fiddling in his jacket’s pockets. 

“I wanted to say sorry, actually. Things have been a bit awkward since, um, the party. I know it’s definitely because I broke our promise and I really am sorry for doing that. I can tell how much that upset you and it really hurt knowing I made you feel some type of way.” 

Oscar raised his eyebrows, his mouth falling open.

To be honest, yeah, it did hurt. Oscar felt super out of place at the party, he was just wandering around for most of the time, searching for them. It was kind of embarrassing. But, he wasn’t necessarily mad at Logan anymore.

“I’m not mad anymore.” Oscar informed, shoulders shrugging. “Just…don’t promise something you’re not sure you can fulfill, okay?”

Logan nodded, “Yeah. I won’t.”

Oscar tilted his head, “Where are you off to?”

“I’m heading over to get coffee for Alex and I.”

“Can I come with?”

Logan smirked, “Is that even a question? Of course?”

***

“What?” Logan had squealed, his yelp loud. “He said that?”

“Yeah! He did! And I was kind of shocked because…well…it kind of seemed like he was flirting with me.” Oscar expressed shyly.

Logan scoffed, eyes rolling. “He was so flirting with you.”

“But, he was drunk.” Oscar sighed, taking a sip out of his coffee.

“Drunk sayings are sober thoughts.” Logan told, whisking his straw. “He meant those things. He’s been weird about you since you left last December.”

Right. He had sent letters, for crying out loud. Oscar knows why, of course. They had left on an odd note, Oscar wouldn’t have agreed on that trip to study abroad had they not…done…whatever they did.

“I know.”

There was a comfortable silence as Logan drank his matcha, the ice sloshing as he picked up his cup. 

“I bought a flat.” Oscar said.

Logan coughed, his hand coming up instinctively to cover his mouth. It made Oscar smile a bit, even in such rough moments, Logan wants to be polite.

“You what!?” He asked, voice hoarse.

“You and Alex should just live together. I thought about it really hard and I wanted my own space. Who wants to be a third-wheel for a whole year? I did enough of that in Japan.” 

Logan looked at him, body still and eyes blinking. 

“We…I mean…I…” he fumbled out. “I’m gonna miss you, you know?” 

Oscar chuckled, “Yeah.”

“I mean it! If you ever end up hating living alone, you can always come back.” Logan attested.

A smile tugged at Oscar’s lips, “Okay.”

In all honesty, Logan may have been one of Oscar’s most genuine friends. He challenges him, but he doesn’t go too far. He cares about him, but he doesn’t let that make him unhappy when things sadden him. He likes giving to Oscar, but doesn’t expect anything back. He is the epitome of what Oscar has ever wanted in a friend.

Oscar went on campus to hit some of the tennis balls he had found in Logan's closet. Tennis became an outlet for Oscar to put his feelings into, he wasn’t necessarily serious, he just actually enjoyed the sport, the lifestyle, and the people.

The people.

Oscar practiced his backhand, the ball rolling slowly as he bent to pick it down. A tan hand had already reached to get it as it rolled towards them, Oscar’s eyes trailing up their body, instantly recognizing them.

“Here for an early morning tennis sesh, eh?” Lando asked, curious.

He hadn’t spoken to Lando since the party, it almost felt like ages ago until he saw him for the first time since. Lando looked like he was glowing, his face slightly damp, presumably from sweat and moments of hard work. He looked great. Alive. Well.

“Yeah.” Oscar confirmed. “Yeah, I just felt like rallying the ball a bit.”

Lando hummed before bouncing the ball, his attention shared between what seemed like the sounds, and Oscar. 

“Thanks for taking me home, by the way.” Lando thanked. “I probably was annoying, wasn’t I?”

Oscar had a tight, slightly awkward smile on his face as he dropped his bag on the bench. “I’ve dealt with you drunk before. Usually, you’d be all over me.”

Lando stops bouncing the ball now, caught off guard. Damn it. His mouth moved before his brain was able to stop it.

“You did say things you didn’t mean, though.” Oscar added, attempting to save himself from the thing he called his brain. “But it’s okay, you probably don’t even remember.”

Lando’s countenance looked contemplative, his eyes in deep thought and lips together. Oscar saw how he gripped the ball tightly, looking at it before raising his head up.

“You wanna play a set?”

***

Lando’s good. Oscar knew that, but he's good.

They hadn’t played tennis with each other since last year. He was good then, and he’s even better now.He has the ability to effortlessly hit the ball with enough power and precision, but a smooth and almost laidback feeling to it. They’re pretty close, Oscar a few points behind. 

“So,” Lando says, as he bounces the ball, about to serve, “What’d you do in Tokyo?”

He punctuates that sentence with a powerful hit, Oscar quickly running to hit it back to him.

“Nothing much. Just stayed with Logan and Alex.” He answers, a bit breathless from his play.

Lando swiftly slices it back, “Ew. Didn’t they get together in Japan?”

They did. It was grossly wholesome. They had gone out for ramen after karaoke together, Oscar was stuck in his room dying from the flu, and that’s when they had realized that they both liked being together, alone. It was terrible seeing your best friend and someone you were starting to get close with amazingly fast come back holding hands, dazed smiles on their faces. It was even worse to see because Lando had left him after they…

“Yeah.” Oscar replied, hitting the ball back, “They did.”

He shouldn’t think about that. It was clear to him that Lando wasn’t–Hell, he probably forgot all about those times. It seemed like he did, Lando acted like nothing had happened. 

Oscar should do the same.

“What about you?” Lando asks, voice surprisingly steady. “Did you meet someone?”

Why do you want to know that? Oscar immediately thought, shaking his head to make those thoughts leave. Lando was just curious, that’s all.

“I mean there was this guy who was kind of into me.” Oscar said, “We hooked up but it wasn’t serious, I guess.”

Lando’s face morphed into an expression that was unreadable, returning the ball quickly which Oscar ultimately missed. The two were breathing heavily, Lando’s eyes stuck on Oscar’s as he caught his breath. What was this? Was Lando annoyed?

“You good?” Oscar asked, eyebrows furrowed. 

Lando looked away, walking to the bench to grab his water bottle. “Yeah. I’m spent.”

Huh.

Oscar followed him to the bench, grabbing his personal water bottle to drink out of. It felt good, refreshing, it woke him up from the daze that he gets being around Lando. Oscar knew that Lando was tired, but he couldn’t help but feel like something was upsetting him.

He knew Lando too well.

“I didn’t even know you went to Tokyo.” Lando muttered aside, eyes on the ground as he closed his bottle. “Charles had to tell me.”

Oh. Right. 

That day was really odd for him. Oscar had felt like he wasn’t himself the whole time he was in Japan. As if Lando took a part of him and kept it there, in London, waiting for him to get it back. Oscar isn’t even sure if he’s himself now, in this moment. 

Maybe Lando will keep that part of him forever.

“Sorry,” Oscar carelessly apologized. “It was all so sudden. Especially after…”

Oscar wasn’t able to finish his sentence, the words just never combining to form something that made sense–something that Lando would be able to understand. Oscar decided to just keep it that way, something incomplete. “What’d you do while I was gone?”

Lando hummed in thought, big eyes looking up. “I didn’t do much.”

Oscar let out a chuckle of disbelief, “You, Lando Norris, didn’t do anything for six months?”

“Is it that hard to believe?” Lando questioned, a smile on his plush lips.

“Well,” Oscar started. “I mean I’m not sure how I was able to at least have something in Japan. You’re…” Oscar just stared at him intensely, hands out and waving in meaning. “You’re everything.”

That came out a bit more fond than he liked it to sound. Oh well, Lando probably is used to this kind of thing. Lando sighed, a shy chuckle let out. It was nice seeing Lando like this, soaking up compliments, cheeks a nice shade of pink. 

“Oscar, I think you can’t comprehend how hot you are.” 

Oscar’s eyebrows raised, a cheeky grin tugging on his lips. “I’m so plain, mate. Don’t butter me up.”

“No,” Lando insisted, voice soft. “You don’t know what effect you have on people.”

Oscar gulped, eyes blinking pretty quickly. Lando didn’t appear to be lying, his body language telling and eyes oddly serious. He had this stare that made Oscar’s stomach churn in anticipation of something.

“I-” Oscar stumbled. “I don’t think I-”

“You do.” Lando shot back, like a whisper. “You know you do.”

There was this buzz between them, one that felt electrifying. What was this feeling? It felt so heavy, like a coat for winter. Oscar couldn’t shake it off, it completely wrapped around him and made his heart palpitate with excitement.

Lando blinked quickly before standing up straight, “I should-uh, I have to go back to my place to shower.”

He quickly gathered his things, Oscar standing idly as he tried to fix the weird atmosphere that clouded around them. “Um, nice match!”

Lando smiled in response, waving before opening the door and seemingly speed-walking away. Once Oscar saw him fully turn the corner, he felt his body come down and sit on the bench, a breath he wasn’t realizing he was holding coming out.

Holy shit. What was Lando saying? Oscar had an effect on others? If so, what kind? He felt his brain spiraling, heart racing as he continued to think deeper and deeper. Lando was the one with the effect on others, he was the one that made Oscar’s head dizzy and heart jump. He was the one that charmed people with a smile and a nod, the one who made people fall in love with him.

What effect could Oscar have that even compared to the one Lando possessed?

“Am I hot?” Oscar blurted out, voice serious.

The lunch table was stunned, eyebrows raised. 

“Um, good afternoon to you, too.” Alex said.

Oscar rolled his eyes. “Please answer the question before Lando gets here.”

Logan’s eyes widened, “He said you’re hot?”

“Yeah. He said I have an effect on people which I fear I don’t understand because I would have a partner by now.”

Charles hummed in amusement, “He’s finally saying the things he always wanted to tell you.”

What? Oscar snapped his head to look at Charles, “What do you mean?”

“Mate, he’s been thinking you’re fit since forever. I’m surprised he’s saying it now.” Alex assured.

“So, am I actually hot?” Oscar questioned.

“You’re hot in the nerdy way. Like the guy who knows everything but not to make you feel stupid way. Like the guy who is undeniably smooth.” Alex agreed.

Logan stared at him in annoyance, “If I didn’t know how much you liked me, I would’ve killed you.”

“Sorry, babe!” Alex teased, kissing his cheek.

“Ew.” Oscar and Charles groaned.

“Okay, well, I think you’re hot, Oscar. If Lando wasn’t crazy possessive over you, I probably would’ve gone after you.” Charles admitted, grin on his face. “You can pull, easily.”

Lando was possessive over him?

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Lando asked, sitting next to Oscar.

“Nothing!” Everyone said in unison.

“Liars.” Lando shook his head.

Max Fewtrell.

He had met Max when they were in the same English class freshman year. He was quite funny, always having sarcastic comments that perfectly matched Oscar’s dry humor. Max was the reason Oscar got through that horrid class without threatening stronger methods of self-harm. 

Oscar didn’t even know that he was best friends with Lando until much later, the pair barely hanging out on campus because of what Lando described as “Max’s evil, conniving, dictator of a girlfriend who wanted to be around him all the time.”

In other words, Lando hated the lovesick couple.

Max invited Oscar out tonight for drinks. Oscar wasn’t much of a drinker, honestly. He only would when it was a special occasion, or he was severely depressed. So, naturally he declined but made Max force him to tell him how it went.

Oscar was going to spend the night catching up on his new manga volumes, the idea so pleasing even as he grabbed his bag of takeout from the delivery-man and thanked him. Oscar’s been camping out at his father’s apartment in the heart of Cambridge. It was empty as Oscar’s father currently lived in Singapore, but it still felt nice–familiar even.

Yuki and Oscar were so close because they both could relate to having distant, busy fathers. And here they both are, living in their father’s houses. It’s ironic.He couldn’t live here, though. It wasn’t his style, he didn’t want to rely on his father that much anymore. Oscar blinked away those thoughts, grabbing a lighter and lighting a candle before falling into the couch, comfort automatically hitting his body.

This felt good. He could at least stay here before school started. It’s a nice place to wait for his flat to be ready as well, the whole process taking much longer than he liked.

Right. His Manga.

His current read was Boruto, the new volume finally being translated into English. He had seen the leaks on his random twitter doom-scrolls but it was all in Japanese, Oscar only being able to make out some words and sentences.

Oscar finally opened the book, the smell of fresh print nostalgic. His eyes began to scan the artwork, excitement coursing through his veins. Okay. Here he goes. He’s about to read what people online called, “The most intense volume ever since its debut.” He felt nervous for some reason. Be a man, Oscar. It’s just a book. Kawaki and Boruto won’t, like, die, or anything. Read.

Okay. He finally turns the page, slowly eyeing each detail. 

He’s one sentence in before his phone obnoxiously begins to buzz. Oscar groans in annoyance, head leaning back as he continues to feel the buzz against the blanket. Stupid phone. Of course it’d bother him at the moment he finally found the courage to read.

Oscar swiftly grabbed it, eying the number before ultimately ignoring it. Of course it was a random phone number, of course. It was 2018, Shouldn’t Apple be able to stop random numbers from calling you? Whatever. Maybe he’s just being pissy because he knows he has to build up his desire to read the book knowing someone’s probably dying.

Oscar sighs in relief once his phone is silenced, hand instantly going to grab the book again. But before he could even open it, his phone rings again.

“Ugh!” Oscar complains, “What the hell?”

It was the same number! 

Oscar rolled his eyes, gambling between answering it or blocking it. What if it was someone prank calling? Wait, what if his mum or sisters were hurt? Oscar’s heart drops at the thought, thumb instantly sliding to answer it.

“Hello?” Oscar croaked out.

“Heheheh” A voice giggled, “Oscar”

Um.

“Uh, yes? Who is this?” Oscar asked, heart kind beating rapidly.

“My Osc.”

Oh.

Oscar breathed, “Lando.”

Lando was calling him. It was eleven o’clock at night, and he was calling him. Lando should be out, he should be dancing and kissing people and instead–he’s calling Oscar.

He had said that thing again, the thing he said the day Lando a hundred percent doesn’t remember. The name that made Oscar’s head stop thinking straight, literally. 

“Osc,” Lando calls. “What are you doing? I…miss you. I missed you so much.”

He’s stumbling with his words, and his speech is slowed. Was he drunk?

“Lando, are you drunk?”

“Pfft,” Lando mumbles. “Noooo. I’m not. Do I have to be drunk to miss you?”

To be honest, yes. But, Oscar won’t say that.

“Where are you?” Oscar questioned, worry evident in his voice.

“Far, far away.” Lando replied, a chuckle afterwards. “You won’t be able to find me anywhere.”

“Are you alone?” Oscar asks, voice serious now.

“Why?” Lando immediately replies. “You wanna have phone sex?”

Oscar feels his cheeks flush, a choked sound being released. He’s sure Lando had heard it, Lando laughing in response.

“I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” Lando guffawed, noise crunching due to the audio.

“Lando, why are you calling me on a payphone?” Oscar questioned. “Don’t tell me you’re in those booths. God, Lando, they smell like piss.”

“Heh.” Lando replies. “Max took my phone away from me. He said I would make bad decisions and call people I shouldn’t have.”

Oh. Oscar wasn’t the only person he called, then. Oscar feels disappointed that his heart aches at realizing that. But, it’s Lando Norris. He could call anyone in the world, anyone would answer.

“But, he forgot I was smart.” Lando sang, “I wasn’t even gonna call anyone…Just…”

“Just?” Oscar repeated.

Lando stayed quiet, the line having a small fuzzy sound of what seemed like outside.

“Oscar,” Lando called. “You know I meant it.”

“Meant what?”

“I meant what I said.” Lando confirmed, voice soft and breathless. “Of course I did. How could I not?”

“Lando, what are you talking about?” Oscar asked, puzzled. 

“Us.” Lando whispered. “Us having sex.”

What?

Suddenly, Oscar heard a loud plop sound and Lando groan in pain before the line clicked.

“Lando?’ Oscar called. “Lando!?”

The phone line hung up, leaving Oscar with the shock of Lando’s confession and the worry that Lando is not safe. Oscar scrambled to his contacts to call Max, the phone not picking up instantly.

“Oscar?” Max answered.

“Lando just fell. He was at a payphone. Please check on him and let me know if he’s okay.”

Max groaned in agony, “Of course that moron would find a way to call someone.”

Yeah, Oscar thought. 

“Thanks for letting me know. I’m gonna get him now.” Max thanked.

“No worries. Night.” 

“Night.”

Today, 1:52 am

Max

he’s back home now

srry for him being stupid and bothering u

night oscar

Oscar has a weird feeling towards clubs. He doesn’t necessarily hate them like parties, they’re not as dirty and as exclusive as parties are. They’re more free and social. But, he feels awkward here too. He is awkward here. He’s probably awkward everywhere.

Charles had invited him out for the night, stating that it would be “great to have fun before the new semester started.” 

Only a mad person can say no to Charles Leclerc.

So here he is, standing in the corner, awkwardly bouncing along to the music while Charles expressively sang along to the lyrics of whatever European Dance song this was. Charles was a lively person, and he was super drunk already. Oscar could see the red tint on his face whenever the flashing lights would hit his face at the right angle, his eyes barely focusing. 

Charles gripped Oscar’s arm, shaking him about as he continued singing off-key. Oscar could only huff out a laugh as he swayed with him. Charles quickly let go to attach to another friend of his, the friend equally as drunk and excited at the song choice.

“What a performance.” 

Oscar could feel his ears tingle at this voice. His voice. Lando slid his way next to Oscar it appeared, his eyes slowly peeling away from Charles to meet Oscar’s. 

“I didn’t know you were coming.” Oscar said, his eyebrows raising.

“Me neither.” Lando shrugged, glass in hand. “I only came because…well, I just got broken up with.”

Breakup? What? Lando had been seeing someone?

Oscar batted his eyes, “Oh. I didn’t know you, er, had someone.”

“A boyfriend.” Lando added. “I thought it was going somewhere, honestly.”

A boyfriend. Oscar wondered what the guy had looked like. If he looked similar to him. If they had even an ounce of similarity, Oscar would feel slightly better about hearing this news.

“I’m sorry about that.” Oscar said, tone cold. 

Lando chuckled a bit, “Don’t be. He was terrible in bed.”

“Really?” Oscar blurted out, not being able to stop his mouth from moving.

Lando’s eyes flicked away, a shy smile on his face. “He was bad. He could never tell what was good or bad. He just…”

Lando never continued his sentence, instead he just took a sip out of his glass coyly. Oscar could feel his eyes wandering, a weird feeling settling in his stomach. Confidence, it felt like. 

“What satisfies you then?” Oscar asked, eyes focused on Lando.

There was a glimpse of surprise on Lando’s face, his eyes opening and eyebrows raising.

“Oscar…” Lando purred. “You’re so straightforward.”

Oscar smiled, teeth showing. “I was just curious. My bad.”

“No, no, no, don’t apologize.” Lando spluttered. “I actually like it.”

Oscar raised a brow, grin on his lips.

“You wanna find out?” Lando asked, his voice suddenly so sensual.

Oscar looked over at him, eyes staring at his eyes, then his nose, then his freckles, then finally, his lips.

“Yeah.” Oscar admitted. “I would.”

Lando smiled coyly.

***

Once the door slammed shut, Lando quickly grabbed Oscar’s shirt collar, pulling him into a rough kiss. Oscar felt the door pressed behind him, his hands quickly cusping Lando’s face. Lando was going all in, lips pressing against Oscar’s with a lot of force. Oscar immediately began to kiss him back, head tilting and body slowly moving Lando backwards.

This is what kissing Lando Norris was like. Rough. Hot. Passionate. He had almost forgotten.

Oscar pressed Lando against a dresser, his tongue sliding into the openness of the latter’s mouth. Lando let out a soft whimper, opening his mouth wider to let their tongues dance. Oscar could feel one of Lando’s hands leave his collar to grab the edge of the dresser, his body going up to sit down on top of it. Their mouths stayed connected as this happened, probably more intense than before. As soon as Lando sat comfortably, Oscar pressed him against the wall, Lando’s hands reaching to settle themselves in Oscar’s locks.

This was like a wet dream come true. This was a wet dream come true. 

Lando pulled his head back, a wet noise being produced as their lips stopped being connected.

“You wanna fuck me, cowboy?” Lando whispered, his eyes blown wide.

Oscar could feel his body heating up as Lando wrapped his legs around Oscar’s, his hands holding himself up on the dresser. Lando’s legs were open wide, the tent apparent in his pants.

“Yeah,” Oscar finally admitted, eyes meeting Lando’s. “I want to fuck you.”

Lando smirked, pulling Oscar by his jacket’s collar. Their lips met with a lot of force, contrasting the soft plush of Lando’s lips. It was slippery, a kiss that automatically became dirty once Lando slid his tongue into Oscar’s mouth. Oscar could feel Lando exploring his mouth, his tongue tickling the roof of his mouth which made Oscar wince in surprise. Lando let out a muffled chuckle as his hands slid into Oscar’s hair, his legs bringing Oscar closer to him. 

Oscar tilted his head, his hand finally coming up to cup Lando’s cheek. Lando slid one of his hands to meet Oscar’s, bringing the latter’s hand to his hair. Oscar got the memo pretty quickly and tugged on his hair, Lando’s tongue momentarily stopping as he let out a choked moan.

Huh, Oscar could see Lando in love with this push-and-pull dynamic they had going on. Lando’s back began to press against the wall, Oscar applying more pressure to the kiss. Oscar pulled away pretty quickly, Lando’s head moving up to chase his lips.

“We won’t fuck on your dresser.” Oscar sighed.

“Why not?” Lando pouted.

Because I don’t want to have sex with you for the first time on a dresser. I don’t want to remember having sex with you against a dresser when I’ll inevitably jerk off to this once you don’t want me anymore, He thought. Oscar finally met his gaze, “We won’t.”

Lando gulped, understanding that Oscar was serious. He unwrapped his legs from Oscar’s, legs still open wide as he pushed himself to sit straight and upwards.

“We can fuck in my bed, if you’d like.” Lando suggested, his legs beginning to kick softly.

“Sure.”

“It’s a bit romantic though.”

Oh. 

Right. 

This isn't supposed to be the two of them making love. They aren’t boyfriends, nor are they lovers. Oscar is supposed to fuck Lando hard. He’s supposed to satisfy him so well that he forgets whatever heartbreak he’s dealing with that made him jump on him in the first place. He’s supposed to make sure Lando’s brain stops thinking, and make his mouth stop moving.

Oscar quickly lifted Lando off the dresser, a gasp being let out against his ear. He walked a bit before stopping at his bed. Lando let out a punched gasp as he fell down, Oscar laid on top of him, their noses so close to touching. Lando’s eyes looked a little out of focus, probably a sign of how impatient and heartbroken he is. Oscar’s hand reached down to unbutton the remaining buttons on Lando’s shirt, a slow and almost tortuous feeling for the both of them. Oscar could feel Lando impatiently rustle against him, his hands trying to remain still.

Oscar quickly took off Lando's shirt and pulled his pants off, leaving him almost bare. His cock strained against his boxers, Calvin Klein, of course. Lando looked probably more beautiful like this, Oscar hated to say this. Lando’s hands crawled up Oscar’s stomach, gripping the end of his shirt to pull it off of him.

“I get it.” Oscar laughed, his hands reaching to take off his shirt.

Lando groaned, “Take these off, too.”

Oscar looked down, voice steady. “Be patient.”

Lando whined against him, seeing Oscar peak down to stare back at his cock again. Oscar unbuckled his belt, allowing his pants to fall off. He quickly discarded them somewhere in Lando’s closet, the sound of the throw making Lando’s closet ring.

“Finally,” Lando breathed, legs wrapping around Oscar’s thighs,

Oscar connected their mouths again, the kiss more desperate on Lando’s side. Lando’s hands got comfortable in Oscar’s hair, his hands rutting up to press against Oscar’s clothed dick. Oscar groaned out, pressing down against Lando and kissing him harder. Lando reacted to this, his mouth open and tongue resting against Oscar’s lips. 

“Fuck me already.” Lando muttered against Oscar’s lips.

Oscar pulled away, his mouth dropping to graze against Lando’s nipple. Lando let out a soft whimper, his hand still holding Oscar’s hair. Oscar’s tongue wrapped around the bud, warming it and releasing it with a pop. Lando let out a groan, the string of spit still connected to his nipple and Oscar’s mouth. “You’re sensitive, huh?”

Lando squirmed as Oscar brought a hand to rub his nipples, “No, You just…are so lewd.”

Oscar chuckled dryly, “Lewd?” His mouth found its way to his other nipple, licking it. “Such a big word.”

Lando began to pant as Oscar began to suck on it, his teeth grazing on his nipple as he pulled away. Oscar grinned happily at his work: Lando’s nipples wet and his chest littered with spit and kisses. Lando probably can’t understand that Oscar is taking his time in consideration that Lando may not want to have sex with him after this–it only being a one time thing. So, Oscar will take his time. He will savor each taste Lando has to offer.

Oscar moved to kiss down Lando’s stomach, his kisses echoing. Oscar finally reached his clothed bottom, his eyes peering up to look at Lando. Lando had the look in his eye, the one that was telling him that he wanted, no, needed more. Oscar’s hands slithered down to pull his boxers down, Lando shimmying out of them. Oscar threw them off the bed, his eyes directly staring at the leaking cock that had been haunting his mind since Lando gave him the idea of even having sex with him.

“What a pretty cock you have.” Oscar complimented, kissing the tip.

Lando’s breath hitched, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

Oscar wrapped his lips around the head, his tongue swirling around it instantly. Lando’s head met the pillows harder, a soft moan escaping the confines of his hands. Oscar slowly relaxed his throat to take him deeper, his head then slowly bobbing up to take him better. It was wet, he felt his throat slightly constricting when he would go down too far. He moaned around him, eyes slightly watering as he looked up. Their shared glance made Lando’s dick twitch, a whimper coming out. Oscar pulled away, saliva dripping down and connecting to his lips. Lando let out a breath, his eyes looking up to see Oscar’s used mouth.

“Don’t put your hand over your mouth,” Oscar demanded, voice low. “I want to hear you.”

Lando slowly dropped his hand, his face flushing.

Oscar returned back to sucking his dick, his throat tight and wet and hot and driving Lando crazy. Oscar was nearing the base of his cock, the line of spit so close to Lando’s pubic symphysis. Lando continued to pant, his hand gripping Oscar’s hair tighter. He felt himself slowly drowning in pleasure, Oscar’s eager mouth driving him up the wall.

And that’s when he felt it. Oscar’s mouth fully wrapped around his dick. His throat tight and pushing down on him. Lando let a loud moan erupt from his throat, his head thrown back. His back began to arch, forcing Oscar even deeper than before.

“Fuck!” 

Oscar hummed against him, his eyes looking up.

“OscOscOscOsc”

Oscar replied in another way, his head slowly lifting up to sink back down again. It was sloppy, so sloppy. It made Lando feel insane each time Oscar would slowly bob up and down on his dick, coming up to spit on it and rhythmically move his hand up and down.

“You gonna come?” Oscar asked, voice sounding slightly pitiful.

Oscar gazed down, Lando’s cock a pink colour. 

“Yeah..” Lando let out.

Oscar looked into his eyes, “Can you go again?”

Lando bit his lip, “Yeah. Hah, I can.”

Oscar smirked, his hand’s pace increasing. Lando writhed against the sheets, moans increasing.

“Oscar! Oscar! I’m gonna!”

Oscar leaned down, opening his mouth in time for Lando to shoot his load on his tongue. Lando groaned more at the sight of this, Oscar’s eyes closed as he sank his mouth down Lando’s cock once again. It was quick though, giving Lando time to recover. Oscar pulled away, a loud noise ringing through the room. 

There was a sense of something different in the room. Lando closed his eyes, body catching up to breathe normally. His eyes fluttered open, Oscar already staring back at him. Lando’s brain was completely silent, his mouth was too. 

“You okay?” Oscar asked.

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to fuck you now?”

Lando pulled Oscar’s arm towards him, the latter’s body leaning over him now. “I want you to fuck me, senseless. I need it, Osc. I need…”

He began to trail off, his eyes striking and eyelashes suddenly so noticeable at this angle. Lando slowly inched his hands down Oscar’s stomach, lowering them to hook their way inside of Oscar’s boxers. His hands grazing his dick, eyes flickering up to meet Oscar’s. “I want it.”

Oscar held his breath, “Did you prep?”

Lando smiled knowingly, “Did you check well?”

Oscar raised a brow, staring down and looking lower, his mouth wide open. A plug. “You really…knew someone would fuck you tonight, huh?”

Lando nodded, “Yeah. You’re the lucky man.”

He huffed out a chuckle. “I guess I am.”

Before anything else could be said, Oscar turned Lando over, his knees on the bed and his ass out. 

“You don’t wanna see my face?” Lando asked, a pout evident in his tone. 

“No, that’s not it.” Oscar chuckled. “I just want to fuck you better.”

Lando hummed in satisfaction, wiggling his ass playfully. Oscar smiled before grabbing the lube, slicking up his dick pretty quickly. He quickly opened the condom with as much carefulness as he could give with such little time, rolling it onto himself smoothly. Lando winced as Oscar’s cold hands settled on his ass, slowly pulling the plug out. Lando let out a soft moan, his hole winking for Oscar to see. 

“God, Lando,” Oscar let out, breathless. “Do you see yourself?”

Lando moaned, shaking his head. 

“You’re so…”

Oscar probably could only truly finish that sentence with the feeling of his dick pushing into Lando. Lando felt his back slightly arch, his eyes shutting immediately. 

“Fuck, Oscar. I knew you were big but I didn’t think you were…this..” 

Oscar decided to ignore how Lando could know how big his dick was, he instead pushed his hand to press down on Lando’s back, slowly setting a quick pace. Oscar understood his job: to fuck Lando well, to make him stop thinking about whatever man he was thinking about, to make him come and make him feel good. He did his job well, Lando’s babbling continuing as he began to aim for a spot that he kept brushing but not ever-

“Fuck!” Lando screamed. 

There. Oscar smirked, his hand reaching around to palm at Lando’s hard dick. “God, Lando. You’re so tight.”

Lando let out a series of moans as Oscar continued to hit that spot inside of him that made his back arch, his mouth slack and open as the latter’s rough pace began to catch up to him. 

“This has never-“ Lando hiccuped. “I think I’m gonna come!”

Oscar grinned, his hips rolling to keep this consistent pace. His wrist was also moving in a similar way to match his thrusts. Lando turned to look at him, their eyes meeting. Suddenly his body collapsed onto the bed, his mouth open. 

“I’m coming! I’m coming!”

Oscar felt his dick shoot out, the white substance slowly growing in size in Oscar’s palm. Oscar continued to fuck him through his orgasm, his own creeping up quickly. He could tell Lando was slowly getting more and more overstimulated by his thrusts and pace. 

Oscar groaned as Lando tightened around him, his hole still so warm. “Fuck, I’m coming.”

Oscar emptied into the condom, his cock slowly going slack. His pace had completely stopped as his cock twitched out more and more cum. Lando had moaned when he felt Oscar slide out, the wet noise heard. 

The room was quiet, only the quiet static that usually was ignored could be heard. They both caught their breaths, Oscar quickly removed the condom off and tied it. A small trash can near Lando’s bed caught his eye, the process of getting up and putting it in there happening much more slowly than he had first thought. Oscar sighed as he looked over at Lando, his body stiff against the sheets. 

Lando yawned, “Osc. I’m still drunk and I want cuddles.”

No. This was a dangerous line. Fucking your crush casually was already a dangerous line he crossed—but cuddling? Holding Lando? If this ever were to…Oscar most likely could never recover from remembering how Lando felt against him. 

“Osc?”

“Yeah.” He let out. “Coming.”

He settled into bed, Lando scooting to give more space. The sheets were probably ruined, but Oscar, too, was drunk. He couldn’t trust himself with getting up and changing the sheets, and he couldn’t be bothered to do it. He wasn’t his boyfriend. 

“Yeah…” Lando let out, satisfied. “That was good.”

Oscar hummed. 

“We should do that again.” Lando suggested. 

Yeah , Oscar thought. Maybe they should .

The aftermath of having sex with your crush is different than Oscar could have ever possibly guessed. You wake up holding them, feeling their slowed and sleepy breaths against your chest. And then you have to come to terms that you inevitably did what you never thought you’d ever get the chance to do. And then you maybe, secretly, applaud yourself. Lastly, you have to, sadly, let go of your grip on them, slowly pushing their body away to get up and put your clothes on.

“Mmm.” Lando let out, hand reaching to keep Oscar close.

Oh. Wow.

“Lando…” Oscar let out sweetly. “I have to get going. I have brunch with Logan and Alex.”

“No…” Lando sleepily let out. “Stay.”

Oscar wanted to believe that he was only saying this because he probably is too sleepy and too hungover to remember he had just slept with Oscar. Oscar Piastri. The guy who has the fattest crush on him.

“I have to go, Lando.”

“No,” Lando murmured. “Oscar, Stay? Just for a second?”

Oscar could feel his heart stumble when he hears his name fall out of Lando’s lips. He…knows. Oscar is a weak man, he sighs before settling behind Lando again. Lando grabs his hands and wraps them around his own body, a relieved sigh releasing.

Huh. Lando is undeniably clingy. It kind of makes Oscar feel like things are heading towards a better path. Yeah, he definitely did things out of order; But, he can make things better, right?

Oscar really leans into Lando now, grip tight. Lando’s ears are slightly red and his body is warm. It feels awfully domestic. Awfully right.

“Okay.” Lando sighs. “You can go now.”

Oscar lets go, his eyes trailing to see Lando as he turns towards him.

“You look cute when you wake up, Osc.” Lando smiles, sleepily.

His heart stutters, “Um, Thanks.”

There’s silence for a second.

“Alright,” Oscar lets out, getting out of bed and reaching for his clothes. “I’ll be on my way then.”

Lando nods, body sat up by now. He gets up to grab a hoodie and what looks like boxers, changing into them as Oscar zips up his pants. Oscar can’t help but get a glance of Lando’s bum, it looking kind of cute, actually. Oscar could feel his face flush a bit, he reaches out to grab his phone and his shoes.

They walk to the door slowly, Lando goes to open it and holds it open as Oscar bids him goodbye.

“Be safe, Osc!” Lando calls out, his hand waving.

Oscar smiles, “I will.”

***

“You’re telling me,” Alex started, jaw dropped. “You had sex with Lando last night!?”

Oscar drank his coffee, eyes looking away coyly.

“Oh my god…” Logan whispered, “I can’t even believe it.”

“I can.” Alex disagreed. “I just didn’t think it’d happen like..this.”

What? 

“What does that mean?” Oscar questioned, his mug slapping against the table.

Alex sighed, eyes shutting. “Nothing. Just had other scenarios that would make you two finally get together.”

“I didn’t expect this either. What do they call it? Liquor confidence? This probably wouldn’t have happened had I not said anything.” Oscar agreed.

“So?” Logan said. “Is this going to be a thing now?’

Oscar shrugged. “Maybe? He said he wanted to do it again, but you know Lando. He says things and sometimes doesn’t mean it.”

“Oh he means it alright.” Alex said. “Lando’s been trying to get into your pants for ages. Surprised it took this long.”

Logan and Oscar shared a glance.

“What’s so special about me? He could fuck anyone, honestly.” 

Alex grinned, “You like him. You obviously want him. But, you don’t actively do anything to get him. That’s what’s special about you.”

Wednesday, 16:43 pm

Lando

wyd?

Oscar stared at his phone for a bit, in awe at the fact that the Lando Norris saved his number and texted him.

Oscar

I’m at the gym.

What’s up?

Oscar stared at the three bubbles, his heart slightly racing. 

Lando

oh nothing

just wondering if u wanted to come over

Come over? It’s only been 4 days since he was last there! Holy shit. Oscar’s mind could only think of one thing–to have sex, obviously–but what if he was wrong?

Oscar

Did I leave something at your place?

Lando

no

you can tho

next time i mean

so i have an excuse for you to come over and fuck me again

Oscar physically makes a weird yelp, other people staring at him from their own respective places inside the gym. Lando wants to fuck him again? Was it really that good that Lando wants more? Was Alex really not lying?

Oscar

Oh

Let me finish my rep and shower

I’ll head over to yours afterwards

Lando

mint

Oscar tried to finish whatever set he was on but couldnt–his heart was racing. He was about to fuck Lando. Again. He ultimately decided to scoop his things up and go to the shower, the water pressure waking him up from his daze.

Did Lando think of Oscar like he thought of him? Was he nervous that Oscar was coming over? Was he also showering and taking extra care of his body because he knew Oscar was going to see him soon? Oscar could feel his body flushing, a feeling creeping up his spine. 

That’s one of the only things Oscar didn’t really particularly like about Lando: He could never know or tell what Lando was saying. He was one of the most unintentionally intentional guys that Oscar has ever met. Oscar could only guess what he was thinking.

The shower went by as quick as he could make it, besides the fact he took extra care with his hair and cleaning himself. He even went out of his way and used those products that the gym provided that made him smell better. Lando’s seemingly sober this time. Oscar wanted it to be better than before.

Oscar quickly dried off, not having enough time to properly dry his hair. He grabbed his extra pair of clothes and put them on, grabbing his bag and heading out. The tube was pretty fast this time, his knowledge of transportation finally being useful as he stood on the ten-minute ride. Before his eyes, he was already approaching Lando's flat. 

Everything is fine. It’s all good. Everything will be good. Oscar told himself, his hand reaching up to knock.

Lando instantly answered, “Thank god. What took you so long?”

“Impatient, are we?” Oscar teased, taking off his shoes as he walked in.

Lando smiled as he closed the door, the door automatically locking.

“What were you watching?” Oscar asked, head turned towards the couch.

“Oh,” Lando blinked. “Erm, I was actually watching Attack on Titan.”

“Oh? Nice! I actually love the manga for it.”

Lando quickly pulled Oscar’s hand, taking it towards his bed.

“Enough of that.” Lando whispered. Pushing Oscar down on his comforter.  “Are you gonna fuck me or what?”

Oscar looked up, mouth open.

Lando’s surprisingly pushy. Oscar couldn’t help but wonder why he was so needy. What had happened to make him feel this way? Was he excited to see him? Lando grinds down on his thigh, wanting a response out of him.

“Yeah. I’m going to…”

Oscar was still for a bit, hesitantly eyeing Lando’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”

Lando scoffed, “Duh.”

Oscar filled the space between them, pressing Lando down towards his lips. They were soft. Oscar could slightly taste the mint flavor of what was undeniably chapstick. He kind of liked it actually. Lando quickly slid his tongue against Oscar’s, the kiss turning more hot.

Oscar liked the wet feeling of Lando’s tongue against his, his tongue moving rhythmically. He could feel Lando grinding against him, his sweatpants making it feel not as satisfying as it could. He really wanted to feel Lando press against him. How could he…

Oscar pulled away, “How could you wear sweatpants in this heat?”

“Stop thinking.” Lando said.

Oscar opened his mouth to reply but he felt the slow dribble of spit from Lando’s mouth slide into his mouth. His eyes widened, Lando’s lips tugged into a knowing smirk. 

Oh my god. 

Lando quickly put his tongue back down his throat, almost as if he was spreading his saliva more and more into his mouth. Oscar groaned into the kiss, his hands reaching under Lando’s shirt. He grazed his back, causing Lando to grind against him again.

“God, that was so hot, Lando.” Oscar whispered against his lips, kissing him again.

Lando moaned in amusement, Oscar starting to become more and more handsy. Oscar quickly slid his hands to take off Lando’s shirt, the sound of it being tossed to the floor satisfying. He quickly pulled Lando’s chest to his mouth, his nipple slotted against his teeth. He tongued it a bit, looking up to see Lando’s face.

Lando’s mouth was opened, eyes shut and hand pressed against the headboard. Lando looked great. He always looked great. But, nothing compares to Lando during sex. He somehow looks even more beautiful. Could Oscar say that? That Lando looks beautiful?

Oscar wraps his tongue around his nipple, shutting his eyes as his other hand played with the other.

“Osc!” Lando yelped. “Who…who cares about these!? Ah! Just fuck me already!”

“Don’t wanna.” Oscar mumbled against his chest. 

Lando pouted, which unfortunately didn't last long since Oscar began to tongue at his chest again. He whimpered, hand coming up to push his head away. 

“Come on..Just fuck me.”

Oscar pulled away, a line of spit still connecting his nipple and his lips together. 

“So needy.”

Oscar grazed Lando’s arm, the feeling of skin felt nice.

“Where’s your condoms?” Oscar asked, still moving his finger against his arm.

Lando’s breath hitched, reaching over to his bed-side drawer to find one. Once he found one, he quickly reached from under him to take off Oscar’s shorts and boxers. He threw them towards the opposite side of the room, his eyes glancing up to see Oscar’s expression. Lando smiled before opening the condom and taking his cock into his palm, holding it so he could slide the condom down.

“Your dick is bigger than my hand, mate.” Lando stated.

Mate? His heart stung,

“Is it?”

“Fuck yeah, it is.”

Lando climbed on top of him again, his boxers and sweatpants magically off. Huh. Oscar would've asked how he did that without him registering but he was met with the feeling of Lando sliding down his dick, slowly, inch by inch. His head slammed back, his lip bit.

“Fuck! Lando, I thought you’d wait a bit.” Oscar let out, hand sliding up Lando’s thigh to grip his ass. 

Lando moaned out, hand coming to push on Oscar’s stomach to help ease the slow slide of his dick. “Why would I? I wanted to fuck you and I wanted to do it now.” Lando pretty quickly bottomed out, his ass on his thighs. Oscar’s hand found Lando’s ass, slowly tapping his cheek.

“Are you ready to move?” Oscar asked, voice high-pitched.

“Yeah.” Lando breathed, slowly inching up to snap his hips back down.

Fuck. This was great. This was so much better than drunk sex. Oscar could feel everything. He could feel the soft flutter of Lando’s ass, how he’s slowly stretching him. Lando’s head fell back as he continued to slowly, but surely move up and down Oscar’s cock. A string of curse words fell out of his mouth, Oscar couldn’t seem to catch it, a jumble of words.

“GodOscarIamsofucking” Lando let out quickly, his pace slowly quickening.

Lando was riding him. Lando Norris was riding him. And all he could do was take it, let Lando fuck himself using his dick. It was hot seeing Lando slowly fall apart because of his own actions, just using him completely.

“This is what you’re good for, Oscar.” Lando moaned, hips moving. “Letting me fuck myself on you.”

Oscar moaned, gripping Lando’s ass. “Yeah? You’re completely using me, huh? Just using my dick to make you come?”

Oscar thrusted up, Lando’s eyes widening. “Fuck!” he yelped.

“Yeah?”

“Deeper, deeper, please, Osc.” Lando pleaded.

Oscar thrusted up again, using his hand to slam Lando’s hips all the way down. Lando’s eyes rolled, his body going slack and falling onto Oscar’s chest.

“Fuck! Keep doing that!”

Oscar continued to fuck into Lando, his hands going to open up his asscheeks, the slide of his dick feeling even better than before. Oscar moaned as he tried to contain his noises, Lando writhed against him, cheek on his neck.

“Oscar! Oscar, I’m actually-” Lando let out, sentence being finished by the feeling of his dick spurting come all over Oscar’s stomach.

“Yeah? You’re coming all over me?” Oscar teased, voice deeper.

“Fuck. Oscar…Your mouth.” Lando groaned, body coming up and hand reaching around to take Oscar’s dick out of him.

Oscar let out a moan, Lando sliding down to take off his condom, slotting himself between the other’s legs.

Lando blew at his dick, a tired grin on his face. “Look how red it is.”

He placed a wet kiss on the tip of his cock, his tongue slowly wrapping around it. He slowly began to bob his head up and down his dick, his mouth drooling all over it. 

“Lando, you’re fucking..” Oscar moaned out, hand reaching to grab at his curls.

Lando whimpered, glossy eyes looking up to watch as he slowly took more of him in his mouth. It was too good.

“Lando, I’m not gonna last. I’m coming!”

And Oscar did. Lando quickly let his mouth off, hand pumping his cock as he came all over his face. Lando closed his eyes, eyelashes damp.

Were they always this long?

Oscar panted as Lando slowly drained his cock out of any leftover cum, hand still pumping his slowly softening dick.

“Fuck. your face looks…” Oscar started.

Beautiful.

“Messy.” Oscar continued.

Lando grinned, opening his eyes. “Come clean it.”

“What?” 

Lando kept the smirk on his lips, his hand letting go of Oscar’s dick to wipe off his come and inserting those fingers in his own mouth. Oscar groaned at the sight, Lando played with it like food.

“You want me to..?”Oscar asked, shyly. 

Lando nodded, eyes fluttering open. 

Oscar quickly pulled Lando’s face towards him, his tongue coming out to lick a stripe at Lando’s cheek. Lando moaned out, his breath hitting Oscar’s face. Oscar continued to lick at his face, slowly licking over his mouth and other cheek. Once it was cleaned off, he licked at Lando’s mouth again, which made Lando slot their lips together. It was a quick kiss, one that didn’t last that long but could’ve. Probably should’ve.

Lando pulled away, eyes blown wide. “Did you just lick my face?”

Oscar laughed, grabbing a tissue from his bed side table. “Your face is all wet.” 

Lando huffed out a laugh, “I wonder why.”

A small smile rested on Oscar’s lips.

“Looks like we’ll have to shower again.” Oscar groaned, the smile that was just formed immediately gone.

“Wanna take a bath?” Lando asked, getting up.

Oscar sat up, hair a mess. “Yeah, you can take one first.”

Lando’s eyes darted elsewhere. “No, I mean, together.”

Oh.

“Oh, um, sure.” 

Lando quickly scurried to the bathroom. If Oscar wasn't still recovering from his orgasm, he would've been sure that there was a blush on Lando’s face. But, there probably wasn’t.

Why would Lando blush for him?

The bath was warm. It was pretty awkward just being in the bath and seeing Lando in front of him. Maybe it was awkward because he hasn’t bathed since he went to Japan with Alex and Logan. Or maybe it’s because it’s Lando that’s in front of him.

“Wouldn’t you rather be directly in front of me?” Oscar asked, hand playing with the water.

“Nah,” Lando relaxed into the water. “That’s too domestic.”

Right. He’s right again. It would be too domestic. Lando always has a way to remind Oscar that everything they’re doing has no romantic attachment with it. Lando, today, fucked himself because he wanted to have sex. Not because he wanted to have sex with Oscar. Oscar is just…

“You’re just so convenient.” Lando spoke, relaxed. “You’re always here when I really need…that.”

Convenient. Ouch. Oscar might be sensitive but he felt how much that stung. It hurts to hear. He doesn’t want to be convenient. 

“Convenient.” Oscar repeated, voice low.

“Yeah. You’re almost perfect for this.” Lando said breathlessly.

For this. For fucking. Not for dating. Not for wanting. Not for loving.

Oscar slowly sank deeper into the bath.

“This felt nice. I’m gonna jump out now.” Lando announced.

Lando grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself, slowly patting his body down. Oscar didn’t want to nor felt like looking at Lando. He sunk his head down into the water, the silent slosh of the water comforting. He could hear Lando’s voice saying something, but he felt no desire to listen. He just slowly held his breath. He could hear Lando call his name, letting it ring before his breath ran out.

“Oscar!” Lando called out. “You scared me!”

Oscar batted his wet eyes. “Sorry.” he murmured. 

Lando stared at him, deeply. As if he was trying to read him, before humming and walking out of the room.

This should be a wake up call. Lando doesn’t see Oscar like that. He’s just a body to him. One that makes him feel good. Oscar hates how his stomach flips at the acknowledgement that he makes Lando feel great. Oscar also hates how he feels his eyes becoming watery.

Convenient. That’s all he is.

Oscar swung into his usual routine of focusing. He had Literature with Logan which was pretty good. He probably would’ve been happier had he not heard what Lando said last week, but he eventually would’ve heard that no matter had he not fucked him that day. Logan’s definitely noticed how off he has been, and he wishes he could be more mentally present with him and all the conversations he’s attempting to make. It's just hard, though.

What would Oscar do without Lando?

“Oscar,” Logan started. “You’ve been off.  What’s up, man? We’re best friends. Talk to me.”

Oscar sighed, looking around. “I don’t wanna burden you with it.”

“You could never burden me.”

Oscar blinked, glancing at the teacher who was explaining the syllabus.

“Alright, I’ll say it later.”

When the bell for class rang, Oscar could feel Logan drag him towards the cafeteria. Logan seemed eager to know what was happening, maybe a bit too eager. Again, Logan was an optimist–he believed in things no one else believed in sometimes. It was obvious that Logan believed in Oscar. Maybe too much.

The pair sat down at their table. The table where they’ve gossiped all of last year. The table where they’ve yearned. 

“So?” Logan started up. “You okay?”

“I-“ Oscar stuttered. It kind of hit him—he’s never talked about Lando in this way before. In the brutally obvious and non-hopeful sense. 

Oscar swallowed the thoughts down, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.  “I went to the gym on Wednesday after you called. Lando texted me, asking me to come over.”

Logan raised a brow, a smile creeping on his face. “Oh? Isn't that good?”

“It was great.” Oscar smiled. 

A certain fond memory popped up in his head.

“But, towards the end, we took a bath together.” Oscar continued. “And, he had said that I was convenient.”

“Just convenient?” Logan asked.

Oscar nodded, biting at his water bottle straw.

Logan was silent. He was silent for the first time they’ve been at this table. Oscar looked up to see his face, a regretful scorn rested on there as if it was always there. Logan reached out to graze his empty hand, his fingers brushing his palm.

“How does that make you feel?” Logan asked.

“Like shit.” Oscar replied, slumping into his chair. “It makes me feel like I’ve done everything out of the right order.”

Logan lets out a pained sigh. “You did.”

He’s right and Oscar can’t say much about it. Of course Logan is right. He’s got himself in a dangerous situation. From what Lando’s saying, it seems like all of this is casual to him–something that doesn’t tread on the romantic path Oscar is going down. This isn’t what he should want. This isn’t what he needs. 

“I did.” Oscar agreed. 

“I think you should end it.”

Oscar blinks, a sting panging his heart. Fuck, He really didn’t want to hear that ever. Especially about Lando. His Lando. The one who he would fall asleep thinking about, the one who he’d carefully look at and think about…

“I think it’s early enough for you to leave this thing without it completely ruining you.” Logan continued, voice steady. “If you leave it for too long, you’ll get…”

Logan can’t seem to finish the sentence, the words evidently on the tip of his tongue. Oscar can feel the ending, though. It’s obvious.

If you leave it for too long, you’ll get hurt.  

“Yeah…” Oscar says. “Yeah, I think I’ll end it.”

Oscar can see the pleased smile on Logan’s face, it hurt. It hurt that his best friend had to stop supporting him and Lando’s weird and totally fucked up relationship to each other because it would hurt him later. Or now. 

Maybe it already was hurting him.

Oscar had moved into his apartment tonight. It felt surreal to actually be able to call such a space his own—to be able to have it and feel comfortable here and live here. 

What’s a better way to celebrate than takeout? There probably was none, it fit the mood perfectly as Oscar laid on his futon sofa—the one that he was keeping until the real one came in. Chinese takeout was always great after special occasions, especially a day like this. 

Oscar had to celebrate. 

His laptop had his youtube tab open, playing his video at a respectable volume. A man was talking about the recent episode of this anime Oscar has been invested in recently—Blue lock—and he’s breaking down the theories fans are talking about online. 

Oscar pushed his blue-light glasses up, getting more and more comfortable on the futon. His fingers raised his spoon to meet his mouth, eating spoonfuls of fried rice. This was Oscar’s idea of a perfect evening: silence, no one bothering him, food–it was good. He felt good.

His ring tone blared through the living room, scaring him and almost knocking the food out of his lap. “Holy shit!” Oscar yelped, reaching to turn the volume down.

Lando was calling him. 

Oscar sighed before answering it, “Hello?”

“Hey,” Lando greeted, “How ‘ya doing?”

“I’m good. You?” Oscar asked, keeping it polite.

“I’m bored.”

“Watch TV or play video games?”

“No,” Lando sighed. “I want you to come over.”

Oscar sighed, eyes somehow watering. “I’m, uh,busy.”

“Oh,” Lando whispered. “Oh, um, okay.”

“Sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay–um, goodnight, Oscar!” Lando rushed to say before hanging up.

It was hard to lie. He didn’t want to. But, Oscar needed this. He needed to choose himself. He didn’t do it before, and it was something he regretted while he was in Tokyo.

It’s for the better.

Oscar was having a decent day–it was actually beginning to be good. He woke up pretty happy, made some coffee, even had enough time to do his hair after his shower. It was all coming along so great. Until Lando had ruined it.

There he was, hand attached to another guy’s arm, smiling as he looked up at him. Was Lando always this flirty? Was he always all over someone? Could he not handle being alone? Oscar rejects his offer once and suddenly he’s all over someone else!?

“Osc? Are you good?” Alex asked, head turning to look in the same direction.

“What the fuck?” Alex let out under his breath. “Why is Lando with Ethan again?”

Oscar eyed them, “Who’s Ethan?”

Alex deadpanned. “The guy Lando was with before you.”

Great. Oscar denies Lando once and now he’s back with his ex. Great! Oscar loves that a lot. It actually makes his stomach feel so relaxed. He’s definitely not fighting the urge to throw up.

This Ethan was tall, blonde with striking blue eyes, he was toned and had an amazing body–one that Oscar can not rival. He looked good next to Lando, confident. He wasn't awkward like Oscar, he took up room and would engage in conversations enthusiastically.

He was perfect for Lando. He was someone Oscar had originally envisioned him to be with. He probably should just be with him since he looks so happy.

***

That same day, Oscar was getting out of his Calculus class, heading towards the corner where his locker was. It was emptier today as it was 5 o’clock in the evening in October–the recipe of people hanging out with their friends or busying themselves in the library.

Oscar liked the quiet of the school, when all the loud noises suddenly die down and all you can hear is nothing but the sound of footsteps and the static of empty halls.

Lando coincidentally turned the corner, the two coming to a stop to avoid colliding into one another.

“Oh, um, hey.” Oscar greeted.

Lando just stared up at him, biting his lips in what seemed like anger. His expressions flickered through all of the big emotions: happiness, sadness, annoyance, and lastly–shamelessness.

***

Oscar’s back was pressed against the wall of an empty classroom, mouth being devoured by Lando, his hands in his hair and running down his chest. Lando always knew what things to do that would rile him up, the way he pressed their crotches against each other, the way he moaned in his mouth as he pressed their tongues against each other.  

“Wait,” Oscar breathes out, pushing Lando off him slightly. “What about your boyfriend?”

“Fuck him.” Lando says, smirk on his face as he looks up at Oscar.

Oscar does not want to be complicit in cheating–he hates that and he’s better than that. But, Lando surges forward regardless and presses their lips against each other. It’s hot, and Lando’s breath is warm against his lips as they continue to slot their lips on one another. 

Oscar hated how much he loved the rush of them making out in the classroom, the way anyone could walk in and just see them doing this–each other. Lando drops to his knees after pressing a weirdly, sweet kiss against Oscar’s lips, eyes locked on Oscar’s.

“Here?” Oscar questions, slightly panicked.

Lando undoes his belt, bottom lip tucked under his teeth. He quickly makes work of Oscar’s boxers and slides them down to watch his hard cock slap against his stomach, Oscar hissing at the feeling. Lando doesn’t say anything, he just instantly brings his lips around the younger’s cock, going as deep as he can from the get-go. Oscar throws his head back, a groan being drawn out as his hands quickly tugged Lando’s head closer to him.

Lando followed the program, staring up at him as he took inch after inch from Oscar’s hips. Oscar began to thrust into his mouth, Lando gagging slightly and spit slowly crawling down his dick. 

“Fuck, Lando” He mewls. “I wish you could see what you look like.”

Lando hums around him, eyes glassy and lashes wet. Oscar continues to move Lando’s head down his cock, almost impaling his throat as he rocked back and forth. Oscar looked down to see Lando jerking himself off, palming himself in his underwear. It was hot knowing Lando was getting off at the action of Oscar fucking his throat. 

It was all so good until Lando swallowed around him. Oscar felt it whole, it ran up his spine. He moaned loudly, not caring anymore about who was outside or nearby–all he knew and cared about was that Lando Norris sucked his cock so good. It is-

“So good” Oscar pants, “Don’t do that- I’ll cum.”

Lando smiled before bobbing his head, slowly going up and down the length. It was so good, it was addictive. Oscar shouldn’t…do this .Was it bad that at this moment, he didn’t care? Lando’s mouth was warm, and felt so good. Lando’s mouth made him feel wanted.

“Lando, I’m close.”

Lando smiled before swallowing again, Oscar immediately whimpering before he released his load in shushed moans. Lando just took it, continuing to move his head up and down his dick, slowly overstimulating him.

“Okayokayokay” Oscar let out, slowly pushing Lando’s head off of him. Lando let go of his dick with a loud pop, mouth full. Lando raised up, pulling Oscar’s collar to bring him to his lips–imediately opening mouth to shove his full tongue down Oscar’s throat.

Oscar whimpered against his mouth, slowly kissing him before pushing him off.

What did he just do?

“No, Lando,” Oscar panicked, hand over his mouth. “We can’t do this. Oh my god. What did I just do?”

“We’re not back together.” Lando coaxed. 

“So, why were you all over him, huh?” Oscar questioned, stepping towards him. “I don’t have sex with you once and suddenly you replace me?”

Lando stepped towards Oscar, placing a quick kiss against his lips. “I can’t replace you, Oscar.”

He looked at him before stepping back, grabbing his bag and slinging it across his body. He eyed Oscar one last time before creaking the door open to sneakily leave. Oscar just stood there, stunned. What did he mean? He didn’t say ‘won’t’, Lando had said ‘can’t.’ That made the meaning so much different. Oscar had leaned his head against the wall, not trying to think any further about this.

I mean…at least he didn’t go all the way with Lando. He still…kind of listened to Logan’s advice!

Oscar had finally finished furnishing his flat. Finally.

He had been super cautious about setting his place up, wanting it to represent him as much as possible but also looking well-put together. He honestly couldn't have done it without George.

He and George had spent days looking through furniture stores, their opinions sometimes going hand in hand with one another and creating the space that he is staring at now. 

It’s Oscar’s now. It’s all his.

All Oscar’s life, he’s wanted something for himself. Something that he could call his own. While this flat is technically not his, with the surrounding he’s created, it feels like him. It feels right. 

Oscar hears the doorbell ring, the sound somehow already feeling nostalgic. He gets up to get the door, a smile on his lips. 

“Oscy!” Alex greets, his hands full of groceries and smile big. 

“Alex!” Oscar exclaims, his eyes turning to meet Logan’s wide eyes. “Logan!”

They politely walk inside once Oscar makes space for them, taking off their shoes near the door out of habit. Oscar smiles down at them as they do the action, conversation being spoken that he can’t seem to pick up due to the sheer fondness for them. 

They respected him—the two of them. Logan, of course, was his best friend. But, Alex, he was also such a special friend. He didn’t question things when things got too serious, he would defend him no questions asked, and he was such a great listener. 

“Oscar?” 

Oscar blinked, “Huh?”

“You coming?” Alex asked, bags in his hands. 

“Yeah.” He breathed, eyes crinkling in a smile. 

They walked to the kitchen together, following one another as they discussed the recent incidents from earlier this week. Cambridge was a school that had nothing going on usually. So, when things began to happen, most people wouldn’t be able to let go of it as quickly because of how slow things were. 

“I bought some champagne to celebrate!” Alex informed, placing the bag on the counter as he slowly took the groceries out of it. 

Oscar raised a curious brow, “Cupcakes and champagne?”

“Alex’s favorite combination!” Logan laughed, smirk on his face. 

Alex shrugged unapologetically, reaching towards Oscar’s cupboard to find glasses. Logan eyed the cupcakes, his hands ending up on plastic of the container that held them. Oscar gave him a playful glance, eyebrows raising. 

“Did you invite anyone else, Oscar?” Logan asked, deciding to take the attention off of himself. 

“I told Charles about it. He had said he wanted to see my apartment a few days ago.” 

Logan hummed, deciding to open the container in the end. It made a satisfying popping noise, opening up. It was a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting, it looked like it was made for little girls who were celebrating their birthday. It looked delicious. 

Alex may have noticed Oscar staring hungrily at them, his lips in a knowing smile. “Hungry, huh?”

“Nostalgia can make things look super good, right?” Oscar asked, huffing out a chuckle. 

“Mmm…” Logan answered. “I just think you like the pink cupcakes, Oscar.”

Fine. He did. Was that bad? It shouldn’t be bad. 

Oscar picked up a cupcake carefully, unwrapping the wrapper from under it as he went to bite it. Oh. My. God. He could feel the flavor melt in his mouth, a small pleased whimper escaping his lips. 

“This is…” Oscar chewed. “Really good. Nostalgia didn’t make it taste good—It just is good!”

Alex smiled, pink frosting on his lips. “Oscar, don’t ever hesitate to say if you like something. Imagine if you didn’t have this!”

Oscar nodded, biting into it again. “Yeah.” He replied, muffled. 

Logan had pink frosting on his nose, he looked a little bit like a boy. Oscar couldn’t help but smile as the room was filled with the sound of three men eating cupcakes, not knowing that their face was probably a mess that could be compared to the face of an animal. 

It seemed like the mess didn’t bother Alex and Logan, though. They still found their way to eat until there was nothing else to eat. It kind of reminded him of how they were. They didn’t mind the mess, as long as they found their way to where they originally were going to go. 

Huh, How could eating pink cupcakes turn into such a thoughtful idea? 

The doorbell rang again, sounding a bit more polite if that was possible to explain. 

“That’s probably Charles.” Oscar said, finding a napkin to wipe his face. He looked down and saw the pink frosting on the paper towel, a small smile creeping on his face. 

Maybe Oscar can also be comfortable in a mess. 

Oscar skipped over to the door, his head facing forward. Oscar swung the door open, smile wide.

“Congratulations!” Charles exclaimed, Lando behind him with a huge smile.

Oscar’s smile faltered once he made eye contact with him. He couldn’t do much as Charles pulled him into a deep hug and was rambling about a gift. All Oscar could really think was Lando, Lando, Lando.

That’s exactly why he didn’t invite him to the get-together. Because of this. Because he needed to stop seeing him.

Charles let go and took off his shoes before sauntering into the apartment, Oscar was left to just gaze at Lando. Lando had a small grin plastered on his face, his hands in his pocket.

“I didn’t know you bought a flat.” 

Oscar gulped, making way for Lando inside. “Yup.”

Lando raised his eyebrows at him as he walked inside. He was so casual. Was that how he always was? He acted like they didn’t see each other naked. Like he didn’t open his legs for him. Maybe he acted that way because he didn’t like Oscar. Maybe because to Lando, it doesn’t matter. 

Oscar traveled back to the kitchen as if he saw a ghost, his shoulders comically slumped. He could feel Logan and Alex’s eyes on him, his brain deciding to attempt to fix his posture and body language but failing as he noticeably goes back to the slumped look.

“Oscar?” Alex called. “You okay?”

“Yup.” Osar affirmed, voice unsteady.

Logan squinted over at Lando, his eyebrows raised as he glanced at Oscar. The two shared a knowing look, one that said everything without saying anything. 

“What’s Lando doing here?” Logan questioned, voice audibly confused. 

Lando gasped dramatically. “Ouch.”

“No offense.” Logan added, attempting to nurse the wound. 

Charles rolled his eyes, automatically grabbing a glass of champagne. “I told Lando I had plans today and that I couldn’t go out and party because I had Oscar’s housewarming to attend. He begged me to go.”

“You didn’t have to add the last part.” Lando shyly blurted, his eyes glancing at Oscar before automatically looking away. 

“I hope you don’t mind, Oscar.” Charles smiled politely, head tilted. 

Oscar’s out a breath, “Um, I don’t.”

He did mind. He minded a lot, actually. Having Lando here was a painful reminder that he has once been with someone he still likes a lot, even if he shouldn’t. Charles doesn’t know that, though. He doesn’t know the severity of how deep his feelings run, and why he feels so drawn to Lando. 

Oscar looked up, seeing how everyone was engaging in normal behavior, as if nothing had happened. A small smile rested on his face. It seems like everything was better when no one acknowledged that Oscar loves Lando, or if no one mentions or cares that they had sex twice. So, maybe it’s better he doesn’t too.

For the sake of the group.

Everyone had left besides Lando. Of course, it had to be Lando that was here. Oscar really didn’t want to deal with Lando here with him alone, it felt harder to control his utmost desire to pounce on the older man, the feeling already addictive before. Lando didn’t seem to mind being alone with him, he was comfortably laying on the sofa, watching television with the fuzzy gray blanket Oscar had just bought over him. Now that blanket will smell like him, probably.

“Hey, Osc,” Lando called softly, head peaking to see the kitchen.

Oscar glanced up before continuing to look down, wiping down the table in an effort to clean it from the mess made from earlier. “Yes, Lando?”

There was silence for a bit before Lando spoke again, “Are you mad at me?”

Yes. Oscar automatically thinks, hand still wiping. I am mad that I am probably in love with you. I’m mad that instead of confessing that, I had sex with you. And I am especially mad that all I am to you is convenient.

“No, I’m not.” Oscar lies, hand halting its movements before continuing again.

Oscar didn’t want to lie, he hated lying. He thought it was unnecessary to not tell the truth, but, how could he say the truth? How could he ruin every single thing for his friend group? Yeah, albeit it was never normal between him and Lando since last year, if he says what he’s actually feeling, things would change. Oscar’s body shudders as he thinks about the consequences of expressing his feelings for Lando. Again, Lando was silent, the television’s volume was suddenly lower. Oscar didn’t pay much mind to him, though, now throwing away the dirty napkin he was using to wipe down the counter. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about your flat?” Lando asked, voice undeniably tense.

“Did I have to?” Oscar immediately replied, tone wavering.

It’s not like they were friends anymore. Their friendship was thrown away as soon as Oscar’s dick was inside of him. It was torn when Lando wrapped his legs around his waist to pull him deeper into him, when his nails clawed Oscar’s back. Was Oscar obligated to share his personal life with Lando, still?

“No,” Lando breathes. “But, I wanted to know. I thought we were friends.”

Oscar sighs. Friendship. They probably lost that title when Oscar stuck his dick inside of him. Or probably when Oscar left the country to escape him. 

“Do you always fuck your friends, Lando?” Oscar questioned, voice hoarse.

Lando was silent, again. Oscar walked over to lean against the wall connecting the living room and kitchen, eyeing Lando’s guilty face. Guilty? That’s what Oscar would describe his countenance. Lando’s eyes looked hurt, his eyebrows were furrowed slightly, and his lips were stuck in a tense pout. Guilt was written all over it.  But what was he guilty for?

“No,” Lando says, eyes big. “I just wanted you.”

Oscar’s face morphs into one of surprise, his heart beating more rapidly. What?

“You…wanted me ?” Oscar repeats, stunned.

Lando nods, “Why else would I act like that around you?”

Lando stands up, almost throwing the blanket off of himself. “I wanted you, Oscar.” He walks towards him slowly, eyes focused only on him.

What? Was Oscar dreaming? He felt as if he couldn’t respond, the words were taken away from him. He expected this conversation to go differently, not like this. Lando was so close to him, he could feel the heat radiating off of him. Oscar cupped his cheek, he leaned into his touch, his eyes closing before opening again. 

“Oscar, I-”

Oscar planted their lips together, a soft start to their usually rushed kisses. It was good. It was different. Lando kissed him back, tilting his head into Oscar’s palm. Oscar turned them around to press him against the wall, their kiss becoming much more passionate than before. 

Lando gripped Oscar’s sweater, opening his mouth for Oscar to slide into his hot mouth. He could taste the champagne on his tongue, slowly sucking on it as Lando released a groan. Lando tasted so good, as always. He could feel their kisses becoming deeper, slowly beginning to kiss each other more closely. Oscar needed air though. He pulled away, Lando in return nibbling his bottom lip.

“Lando…” Oscar breathed, catching his breath.

Lando was looking at him like he wanted him. Like he needed him. He has never looked at anyone like this, ever. Oscar was special.

“You can do anything to me, Oscar.” Lando whispers, eyes looking up at him. “I would love anything you’d do to me.”

Oscar grabs his wrist, leading him to his bed with no efficiency, just dragging him there. As soon as they reached the edge of it, Oscar pushed him down. Lando let out a gasp, his pupils growing in some sort of sick excitement. Lando would love anything Oscar did to him. Love. Love?

Did Lando love him? Oscar wondered that as he slotted himself on top of Lando, his hair instantly being tugged to meet Lando’s lips. They kissed again, a less intense one that is. It was probably like that because Lando was too focused on undoing Oscar’s sweatpants. Once he succeeded, quickly pulled them down.

“No,” Oscar said, pulling Lando’s hands away. “Let me touch you.”

Lando nodded, eyes focused on him still. “Please.”

Oscar already knew what he was going to do. He had been thinking about it after they hooked up the first time, and even when he was ignoring Lando after the second time. He had been dreaming about this for ages, actually. 

Lando pushed his hips up to let Oscar take off both his trousers and boxers, his bare ass on his sheets. A weird and probably disgusting part of Oscar had the desire to never wash his sheets again. He shook that out of his brain before he quickly lowered his head downwards.

“You’re so pretty, Lando.”

Lando has a blush on his face, a coy smile tugging at his lips. Oscar could feel his dick harden knowing he has an effect on Lando.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” Oscar admits, head lowering down even further. “God, why haven’t I done this earlier?”

“What?” Lando lets out, slightly confused. “You’ve already had my dick in your-

Oscar licks at Lando’s rim, teasing it.

“Mouth.” Lando finishes, breathless.

Oscar continues to gently lick at his puckered hole, eyes still on Lando. Lando squirms on his face, perineum brushing against his nose, which made him twitch and moan against him.

“Oscar, what the-”

Oscar has enough of being gentle and pulls away to spit on his hole, licking it up after. Lando moans, his mouth hung open as the action continues to be repeated. Oscar enjoys seeing Lando on edge, knowing it feels good but he wants more.

“More. More.” Lando begs, eyes closed.

More? 

Oscar inserts his tongue inside, pushing the wet muscle inside of him. Lando’s eyes roll in return, mouth open as his head falls back. Lando’s hands go to grab Oscar’s head, bringing him closer to him. Oscar takes this as a motion for him to fuck his tongue inside of him, a small grin on his face.

“Osc! Fuck! I don’t-” He stammers. “I don’t wanna come yet.”

Oscar’s nose continues to bump Lando as he unknowingly rides his face. “Too bad.” Oscar says, muffled.

Lando continues to roll his hips like a slut, eyes closed and lips bitten. “I want to come with your dick in me.”

Oscar slows his movements down, eyes on Lando as he sees his green eyes pleading once they open. Fine. Lando had gotten his way again, like he always did. 

Oscar finally backs away from his lower half, face looking slightly guilty this time—as if he was caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing. Lando giggled in return, pulling Oscar’s elbows and pressing his lips against the others. 

It’s partially Oscar’s fault though, you know, about how Lando always gets his way. He can never say no to Lando, no matter how tempting it is. 

The real house-warming gift must've been Lando. He can’t seem to stop himself from fucking him in here, it always happens. It’s inevitable. 

Last week Lando came over after his workout, stating his reason for visiting was to drop off some of Oscar’s favorite snacks (which was the biggest lie that anyone has ever told by the way.) He ended up on top of him, opening the condom with his teeth, and riding Oscar as if his life depended on it. 

“God, Osc” Lando had moaned. “Did you get bigger? I feel so full!”

Oscar could only look up at him in awe, his hands gripping his waist firmly. He couldn’t help it, though—Lando on top of him was like a dream he didn’t want to wake up from. 

A few days later, Lando wanted to go study for midterms at the library. Oscar couldn’t help but agree, he really needed to ace his Calculus class and wouldn’t mind having Lando next to him while he studied. He could only study for at most 30 minutes before Lando’s hand grazed his upper thigh, and Lando’s voice whispered in his ear to go back to his place. 

And now, Oscar finds himself in bed, naked. Lando is peacefully sleeping next to him, his chest moving up and down in a slow rhythm that Oscar can confidently say is normal. 

He has a problem—Oscar. He watches Lando sleep nowadays. It’s kind of like a ritual, he usually waits until he hears his breathing get louder and turns to look at him, study the way his face can still look so perfect even while asleep, stare at the way his eyelashes flutter when he shifts into a more comfortable position, and especially just stares at him—Lando, the real Lando. 

Oscar likes it when he sleeps, as he is the most beautiful. That’s probably the most romantic thought he’s ever had before, but it feels right. Lando, he feels right. They belong together, in a sense. Everyone can see it, even Oscar sees it. It makes sense. 

“Lando,” Oscar whispered. “You awake?”

He was met with an obvious silence, one that had made his cheeks warm from smiling at. Lando lay peacefully, mouth slightly parted and eyes closed. Oscar could hear his soft breaths and see his chest rise up and down, hands and body still and curled next to him.

“I don’t think I can stop this. I probably enjoy it more than you do. You know, I find it hard to even admit it to you, or to anyone.”

Oscar took a breath and glanced over at Lando again, making sure he was still asleep.

“Lando,” Oscar called out quietly, “I think I-”

Love you. 

I think I love you.

There was a wave of silence in the room, the only noise being produced was the quiet static of the fan. Oscar sighed, a gentle smile still on his face. He wouldn’t dare to utter those words. They’re forbidden in this kind of arrangement, ones that will ruin everything. It does make his heart feel heavier than before though, as if he had been carrying something with a lot of weight for a long time.

Maybe he has loved Lando for a long time.

“Goodnight, Lando.”

So, yes, Oscar will watch him sleep comfortably in his bed, and imagine it’s their shared home one day, one where they split the rent and share rings. 

One where Oscar can officially call Lando his. 

“I’m fine, Logan.” Oscar soothed, slightly annoyed by Logan’s relentlessness.

Logan has been worrying about him recently, he’s always been a worrier but it’s been even more apparent now. Oscar was used to it before, but it was getting kind of worrisome how worrisome he was becoming. Did something happen?

“If this is about Lando, it’s fine. We’re okay. We talked it out.” Oscar sighed, eyes flickering around his room.

“Are you two still hooking up?”

Oscar was silent for a moment before he croaked, “Yeah. We still are.”

“Oscar…” Logan let out, voice disappointed.

This was different. Something was different about this tone. Logan never sounded disappointed like this, he never…

“What?”

“This isn’t a good idea,” Logan reminded, as if anything Oscar chose to do was a good idea. “Didn’t he say you were just ‘convenient’?”

Ouch. That day was terrible and Lando’s terrible word choice had really messed with his head but they ended up working it out. Lando ended up saying what he felt during the housewarming get together.

“It’s fine. He had said that he wanted me too after you guys left my flat.” Oscar proudly assured, voice dripping with pride. 

“I just-” Logan expressed, voice muffled due to the phone line. “I just don’t know if I trust Lando anymore.”

Oscar squinted. “Why?”

Logan was silent. He’s never silent. Oscar could feel his heart rate increasing, “Why, Logan?”

“Because Lando is incapable of being able to love you correctly.” Logan pronounced.

Oscar froze, heart panging with hurt. What did he mean? Was Oscar not worth loving? His ears picked up the noises of Logan scrambling, his eyes batting quickly as he held his breath to forget the wave of discomfort that settled in his stomach.

“Oscar, Wait-”

“I’m gonna hang up.” Oscar announced before his thumb quickly tapped the red button.

Was Oscar wrong for thinking Lando was actually falling in love with him? Was he incapable of being loved? What made him feel that way? 

Did Lando do something that made him not trustworthy anymore?

Oscar didn’t want to think about that. No, All there was to think about was how Lando had said he wanted him. Oscar was wanted by Lando. It didn’t matter if Lando didn’t love him correctly, is there even a correct way to love someone? It all didn’t matter.

Lando wanted him, and that was that.

That was all that should matter.

Willow’s Bakery, the bakery that is closest to Cambridge, was usually filled to the brim with students who needed a place to eat, to study, or to just enjoy the beautiful scenery. Oscar could only find seats for the cafe when he came super early in the morning, it was usually like a witch hunt. 

However, today, on this gloomy day (the best weather for Cambridge by the way), it was completely and utterly empty.

Logan would scream, Oscar thought to himself, a reserved smile on his face as he eyed a nice table.

They still hadn’t talked since their phone call a few days ago, and their literature class had been remote lessons since the professor was out of town. He hadn’t seen or heard from him since then, since their…fight?

What even was it? It was not serious enough to be a fight but tense enough to mean something. Oscar was sensible enough to see that Logan cared a great deal about him, but it hurt–what he had said. 

It wasn’t true. Lando liked him. He wanted him.

But it was out of character for Logan to say something like that without reason, he was not that kind of guy. He always had a reason for everything, so, what was his now?

“Are you ready to order?” A woman, presumably a waitress, asked.

Oscar swallowed dryly. “Yeah. I’d like your pumpkin latte.”

She nodded, staring down at her screen. “Is that all?”

If Logan was here, he would’ve ordered a hot chocolate–like a true American. He probably would’ve also gotten one of their pain au chocolat, warmed. Oscar blinked to go back to the girl in front of him, her eyebrows raising as he refused to answer before.

“Oh!” He let out, chuckling. “No. That’s all.”

She squinted before nodding once again, taking his card and soon handing him his receipt. Oscar waited at the corner for his drink, watching her work efficiently to make it. He hummed along to the song that played throughout the cafe, comfortably grabbing his phone to look at his notifications.

And, oh.

Alex had texted him.

Today, 2:34 pm

Alex

Oscar, You okay?

I obv know about u and Logan’s call

Oscar

I’m ok

How’s Logan doing?

Alex

He’s okay

He just was worried, you know

Even I am Lando’s closest friend and can tell u he’s an idiot

A proper idiot who sometimes makes you wonder if you should keep believing in man kind

Oscar

But he had said he wanted me

Alex

But has he proved it?

Oscar

Kind of?

He’s been different in a good way

Alex

We’re just worried, mate

Oscar
Don’t be

Lando wouldn’t do that

I know him

Alex

I know him too.

Lando owned two flats. Two. In this economy. Two flats.

Oscar couldn’t wrap his head around it, even as he rang the doorbell and saw Lando open the door with a playful smile and glow on his face.

“Hey, Osc!” Lando greeted, eyes shimmering with something he’d describe as glee.

Oscar walked through the space Lando left open, reaching down to take off his shoes. “Ah, don’t bother with that. You can wear shoes here.”

“That’s so dirty, though.” Oscar whined, a grimace on his face.

“I can always clean the floor.” Lando replied back, locking the door before turning around to face Oscar again. “It’s no biggie.”

Oscar grinned before taking off his shoes, eyeing Lando as he completed the action. Lando rolled his eyes and chuckled, walking away to what seemed to be his living room. Oscar soon followed him, looking around in awe.

“Two places, huh?” Oscar questioned. “How?”

Lando smiled coyly, looking away to glance at a bookshelf he had next to his TV. “I have a flat in Notting Hill, and a flat in Cambridge.” He said. “You know, so I don’t have to travel so far for school.”

Oscar shook his head in slight disbelief, “That’s…wow. I wish I could do that.”

“Technically,” Lando smirked, walking towards Oscar with confidence in his step. “You also have two flats as well. You know, the one you lived in before you moved to the one in Central.”

No. That place didn’t belong to him. It was his father’s, an abandoned place. Hell, he probably didn’t even know Oscar lived there at all for a time, spending so much of his time in Singapore with his new wife, new kids, new house and new lif-

“No,” Oscar let out. “Someone lent me that place before the flat I’m in now was ready.” 

Suddenly, Lando was so close to him. It felt good, it brought him out of that haze that thinking of his father always put him in. 

“Oh.” Lando let out, nodding.

Oscar didn’t really want to think of that, of his father. It was complicated. Probably more complicated than his relationship to Lando–And that, that was complicated. Oscar stared at him, eyes dipping down to his lips before glancing back at his eyes.

Lando let out a ragged breath, slowly looking up at Oscar. He leaned in, slowly slotting their lips together in a gentle kiss. It was a kiss that held no anger, no lustful desire, just pure want. Oscar kissed him back, his hand naturally cupping Lando’s cheek. Lando’s hand came to rest atop of Oscar’s hand, the kiss deepening. 

They had never shared a kiss like this–one this delicate. Oscar could feel the slow breaths that belonged to Lando as they tilted their heads in opposite directions, slowly letting go to find their way back to each other’s lips. It was slow, there was no rush–they took their time.

Lando pulled away first, catching his breath. “I didn’t–”

He let out a calm sigh, looking up at Oscar. He could see the freckles that were splattered across his cheeks, and the brown specs in the sea of his green eyes. He could see everything. Lando’s past, and his present.

“I didn’t invite you over for this.” Lando admitted, voice soft. 

Oscar felt his heart skip a beat. “No?”

“No.” Lando smiled. “I actually wanted to show you something.”

Oscar let out a breathless chuckle, “Okay. Yeah. Show me.”

Lando kissed his cheek, eyes undeniably fond. He took the hand that was rested on his cheek and pulled it towards a room, a room that had tall bookshelves and classic paintings and–

A telescope. A beautiful telescope.

Oscar looked to the wall, noticing the open window that had the curtains far apart, wind blowing against it in a harmonious pace. With the sky a dusty shade of blue, it made the city look even more glamorous than before. Lando was lucky, it seemed as if his apartment was perfectly placed to see the moon.

“I remember last year you were taking Space Science.” Lando recalled, a grin on his face as he glanced at the object. “You were into it. I didn’t have the courage to tell you I also liked it too.”

Oscar’s eyebrows raised. “Really? What made you scared?”

Lando tilted his head as he eyed the telescope, hands grazing the mount. “You knew more than I did. I didn’t want to seem stupid if we ever talked about it.”

“Lando…” Oscar whined. “You’re never stupid. It’s better to learn than not, right?”

Lando glanced up at him, “You’re braver than I am, Oscar.”

“I don’t think so.” 

Lando still looked at him, as if he was the only thing in the room. “I think so.”

Lando was the kind of guy that everyone assumed was right all the time, even if he wasn’t. Every single thing he said somehow seemed so true, so right. Oscar couldn’t argue with him, not with that gleam in his eye. Lando was speaking so gently, too. Oscar never considered himself brave, he wasn’t the kind of guy who would risk things and go for what he wanted.

“Can I use it?” Oscar asked, looking at the telescope.

“Of course. Here, let’s bring it to the window.” 

They lifted it together, taking careful steps towards the window. With a small creak, the telescope faced the open window. Oscar peered outside of it, looking down to the city below and the view above. The moon was there, showing her face brightly.

“She’s not full tonight.” Lando sighed, sounding disappointed.

Oscar turned to look at him, “Are you disappointed at that?”

“A bit.” Lando admitted. “Her whole face is the prettiest.”

Oscar looked back outside, at the moon that gleamed. Huh. The moon was very similar to Lando. She was shy, but bold. She would tease and move, she would change and evolve, but nevertheless be the same. She would be far one day and close the other. She had admirers. She’s always on the move, nothing is ever constant with her. She was bright, radiant, and in every language–beautiful.

“You don’t have to see all of her face for her to be beautiful.” Oscar breathed. 

Lando turned to look at him, a smile on his face. “You don’t like full moons?”

“I do. I do. I just think that her other phases are just as beautiful.” Oscar said, turning to look back at him.

They looked at each other, eyes blinking and breaths shared. It was a moment. Oscar’s heart could feel it. He wanted to reach out and hold Lando’s hand, he wanted to kiss him with such passion and love and all of the disgustingly adorable things he could think of. He wanted to embrace him, feel their hearts share a beat.

If Oscar was brave, he would do that. He would say that he loved Lando.

And for that very reason, Oscar quietly disagreed with him.

Charles rang Oscar early in the morning, stating that they had an urgent meeting at La Vi En Rose–this British-French restaurant that Charles heavily criticized but indulged heavily in–and that he had to be there in 20 minutes.

That was 15 minutes ago, Oscar is now rushing through his usual morning routine and gathering of his notebooks and textbooks. He quickly glanced at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair a bit before grabbing his keys and heading out of his apartment. 

As he walked to the restaurant which was just down the street, he grinned to himself. Oscar could never say no to him, somehow it was never in his vocabulary whenever he would talk to the Monegesque. Did Charles do witchcraft? Or was he more of a affirmations kind of guy? It was unexplainable, the Charles effect. Oh well, it would probably be nice to eat breakfast before his afternoon classes. He thanked Charles mentally before he opened the door, eyes instantly going to the booth where Charles was sat at.

Oh. 

“Oscar! Over here!” Charles waved, slightly raising.

He had invited Logan. He probably didn’t know that they weren’t exactly speaking right now. Oscar couldn't hide the grimace on his face as he awkwardly walked to the booth, smiling a bit as he squished next to Charles.

“Hi, Oscar.” Charles beamed.

Oscar glanced at Alex and Logan, “Hi. How are you.”

“Just waiting on the other one.” Charles sighed, staring at his watch. “He should be here any minute now.”

The ring of the door opening immediately came, a tired and groggy Lando walking towards them. “Morning.”

“God, Lando, you look like a zombie.” Alex complained.

“I had a long night last night.” Lando replied, a grin on his face.

Oh. Was he with someone?

“Relax.” Lando added. “I was just rudely awakened by Charles who said he had something urgent to talk about.”

Oscar felt a smile tugging at his lips. Thank god. 

Charles groaned. “Oh C’mon! You would’ve missed your lectures today had I not woken you up.”

“Whatever.” Lando rolled his eyes playfully before snatching a menu.

Silence surrounded the table as they carefully eyed the menu, discussing what was good or not. Charles and his strong opinions about this damn restaurant even though he was maddingly obsessed with it had Oscar laughing in disbelief as he continued his rant about how it doesn’t compare to Monaco. The rant was only stopped by the waiter taking their orders and grabbing their menus once he was done.

“He was cute.” Lando whispered as he glanced at the man walking. “You two would look cute together.”

“I wouldn’t date a waiter. He would see other men besides me everyday.” Charles whinged, crossing his arms.

“The jealous type, huh?” Logan asked.

“Oh, he’s worse than jealous. Charles goes bat shit crazy when the person he likes even talks to other people.” Alex replied, teasingly.

“That was, like, one time.” Charles pouted.

“You two weren't even dating!” Lando bantered.

“Hey! I’m not the one who gets possessive over people I’m not dating. Lando you can’t win this one either.” Alex reminded, eyeing him.

There was a stunned silence as Lando’s shoulders slumped in what looked like discomfort. Oh. What did that mean? Was that about Oscar?

“Um.” Charles coughed. “Well, I invited you all to announce something.”

“Which was?” Oscar asked.

Charles looked around, a proud smile on his face. “I’m not going to sleep around anymore!”

The others looked at each other silently before bursting into a heap of laughter. Oscar’s stomach began to hurt as he held the table edge for stability. Lando grabbed onto Alex in an attempt to quiet down, but it failed as Alex began to slap both Logan and Lando’s shoulders.

“Guys, stop laughing!” Charles jeered, pout on his lip.

“I’m crying!” Lando announced as he wiped his eyes.

Oscar took a final breath, looking at Charles. “I am so sorry. I really am. But, you saying that is like Alex saying he’ll stop adopting pets. It’s so out of character!”

“Hey! I wasn’t always like this.” Charles informed, voice high. “I was not always a whore!”

“Well you are one now.” Alex sneered, forcing Charles’ head to whip at him.

Logan eyed Charles, “Okay, well, what’s making you stop?”

“ Thank you , Logan.” Charles thanked sarcastically. “I just realized that I want to settle down…and find the one…I’m getting old, you know.”

“You’re barely 22.” Alex reminded. “If you’re old, I’m old.”

“How will you even find the one if you’ve slept with half of the Cambridge population?” Lando asked.

And, at the perfect time, the waiter decides to gift them their food. Perfect. Lando apologetically stares at Charles who has a pained smile on his face, muttering out a small “thank you” as his food was set down in front of him. Once the waiter left, the group’s eyes fell on Lando.

“Charles,” Lando said. “I am so sorry. I didn’t even-

“Eat.”

“No, I didn’t mean-

“Eat!”

***

Once they paid their tab and were heading out of the restaurant, Oscar instinctively went the opposite way as the group.

“Osc?” Lando called out. “Where you going?”

Oscar had a reluctant smile on his face, “I have a class soon. I’m gonna head to school right now.”

Everyone groaned in annoyance, “Boo!”

Oscar laughed. “I’ll see you guys soon, yeah?”

Logan whispered something to Alex before approaching Oscar, face scrunched in something he would call awkwardness. “Uh, Oscar?”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Logan started. “Um, I’m sorry about last week. It was said really wrong and I…didn’t really know how to convey how worried I am about you. You’re my best friend, man. You are probably going to be the best man at my wedding. I really don’t want to lose you.”

Oscar swallowed before nodding, “I don’t want to lose you either.”

“Are you happy?” Logan asks, standing up straight.

“Yeah.” Oscar breathed. “I am.”

Logan smiled, “Then that’s all there is. I’ll let you go then. Get there safely, man.”

Oscar scrunched his nose, “Bye, Logan. I’ll talk to you later.”

Oscar turned around again, walking into the city. “I love you Oscy!” Logan shouted from afar. He knew that voice, it belonged to his best friend. Oscar chuckled before turning and shouting back, “I love you too Loggy!”

He could hear the laugh of the American as he continued to walk. 

Today, 4:05 pm

Lando

wanna play tennis?

Oscar

@ Cambridge?

Lando

yes

Oscar

Yeah, I’m down

Lando

mint

i’ll meet you at the court in 15

“Hey!” Lando called out, a mere figure from such a distance. “Over here, Osc!”

Oscar couldn’t help but smile as Lando waved his hands around, it was adorable. Lando was in his element like this, an energetic ball of energy just trying to get his attention. Oscar hesitantly waved back, the smile fully formed. His body moved before he could, walking over to the guy who was idly waiting for him, a smile on his face. 

“What’s got you in such a good mood?” Oscar asked, slowly being able to see Lando’s face in clear view, a pleased smile resting on the elder’s lips. 

Lando hummed to himself, “I don’t know. I was getting excited knowing I’d spend the day with you, honestly.”

Oh. Oh my. Lando saying that made Oscar’s heart jump immediately, his blood rushing almost everywhere. It was most apparent on his cheeks, a slow but gradual increase of the pink hue on his cheeks. 

Lando wanted to spend the day with him . He was excited to spend the day with him. There was silence for a few moments before Oscar replied back, voice a bit shaky, “Really?”

Lando nodded, a hint of a blush on his face. “Yeah.”

A few drops of rain fell on Oscar’s hand, his eyes looking up to see dark grey clouds over them. “Oh god. It’s raining!”

“What?” Lando whined, glancing up to also look at the clouds. “Fuck, it is.”

Oscar sighed, “Great. Looks like our tennis plans are cancelled.”

“Mmm..” Lando hummed. “Not quite.”

***

“Where are we going?” Oscar asked, slightly panicked.

Oscar and Lando had headed to their respective houses after their failed tennis game, vowing to meet up at this train station that Lando is deliberately not telling where it leads to. Lando had told him to bring three days worth of clothes, his toiletries, and boots. Oscar found it odd, albeit Lando is always odd so he listened like always.

Lando whipped his head around, “You scared?”

Oscar shrugged. He wasn’t necessarily scared. He just didn’t travel often without knowing the destination. It would relieve his anxiety if he had known where they were heading. I mean…what if they’re going to get kidnapped and trafficked and Lando actually gets hurt and Oscar can’t protect him and-

“Oscar,” Lando says, standing in front of him now. “I can see you’re scared. Trust me.”

“I trust you.” Oscar blurts. “I’m just a little nervous. Can you tell me where we’re headed? Please?”

Lando sighs, a reluctant smile on his face. “We’re heading north. Towards the mountains. We’re going to Copley.”

Oh. That doesn’t sound scary anymore. It’s just a little village from what Oscar’s heard. A smile tugs at his lips, “But…I have classes tomorrow.”

“You’re such a baby.” Lando teases lightly, “Tomorrow is Friday. It’s gonna snow tonight there.”

Oscar stays silent just looking out for the train. Lando looks at him as they wait, “What, you don’t want to spend time with me?”

No. No!

“No! Of course I do! I love-” Oscar splutters. “I love spending time with you.”

That was close. 

Lando squints before humming, pleased. Oscar feels the wind of the incoming train, people rising to their feet to get ready to board it. Oscar looked over at Lando, his cheeks hurting from the smile that rested on his face. He was traveling with Lando. It almost felt as if they were a couple. 

“Osc?” Lando called out. “You coming?”

Oscar’s brain imagines Lando had called him ‘baby’ instead. His heart tugs at that thought.

“Osc?”

He blinks, “Yup! Coming!”

Oscar watched the rain patter down the train window, the clouds dark and scenery beautiful. He thankfully brought his headphones with him, the 4 hour train ride requiring music to play as he gazed out.

It was beautiful–all of it. And it was even more beautiful with Lando next to him, sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. Oscar learned pretty quickly that he could sleep anywhere as long as he had something to lay his head on–and in this case, Oscar is that something.

He doesn’t mind, though. He actually loves to feel Lando’s warmth against him. Plus, it gives him a much needed rest from trying to not reveal how much he’s falling in love with Lando. No biggie. It’s not like he’s on the brink of saying it every time he’s with him.

Oscar sighs as he gets more comfortable in his seat. It wasn’t always this complicated with Lando. It only became this way once he had come back from Japan, or maybe after Lando kissed him and ran away afterwards.

God. He’s thinking about it. Oscar’s been pushing these thoughts away since he went to Tokyo. He refused to actually think about it because it always makes his heart ache. Lando has given him great joy, but also great heartbreak. It hurt. It hurt a lot because it was obvious that Lando remembered nothing.

A part of him wonders if Lando wasn’t drunk that evening, would he have said it? Did he actually feel it? Has Lando actually loved him for that long? When Lando curls onto his arm, fixes the strand of hair on Oscar’s forehead, kisses him with such softness, and believes in him, it feels like he does love him.

Lando adjusts his position on Oscar’s shoulder, leaning deeper into him. Oscar feels his hands tingle as Lando rests his own on top of his.

Oscar might be, no, is spiraling. This is why he didn’t want to think about this. He will always think too much about Lando. Always.

“Ah,” Lando let out as he sunk into the couch. “I’ve missed this place.”

Oscar set down his bags, turning to look over at Lando. “So, is this your house?”

Lando sat up, looking back at him. “It’s my dad’s cabin or cottage, or whatever. We used to come here for winter when I was younger.”

Oscar nodded, standing still. Lando didn’t break his gaze, a smile forming on his face. “Why are you just standing there, Osc? Come here!”

Oscar shyly chuckled, feeling his cheeks get hot. “Well, um, how many rooms are in here? I wanted to put my stuff up.”

“Oh,” Lando said. “I thought…we’d share a bed…”

Oscar eyed him a bit, Lando’s eyes widened and he scrambled up. “Unless you don’t want to! That’s-that’s okay. Um, there’s three rooms here. You could sleep in any of the two since I have my own, haha.”

Was it bad Oscar couldn’t help finding Lando’s sudden embarrassment cute? He just smiled in return, grabbing his bags.

“No, yeah, let’s share a room.” Oscar agreed, walking towards them. “Let’s see if you can handle yourself, though.”

Lando’s face reddened.

***

Oscar had showered and put his clothes up, now grabbing a clean hoodie and a pair of pajama pants he had brought. He whistled as he walked towards the kitchen, a comforting feeling already spreading through his body as he found himself looking for a coffee machine. He hummed in amusement once he found it, reaching up to open the cupboard that most likely had coffee in it.

Click. 

“Lando,” Oscar called, turning to look at him. “What’re you doing?”

Lando was sitting on the stool at the kitchen island, writing on something that looked to be a notebook. His lips were pursed in a focused pout, eyes staring at something. 

“Lando?”

“Huh?” He raised his head. “Yeah?”

Oscar squinted. “What’re you doing?”

“Oh.” Lando let out. “I’m doing world puzzles.”

That was so…endearing? Oscar never knew Lando did things like that. It seemed like he wouldn't because he’s always out and about and so popular. Do popular people even know what a word puzzle is? Whatever. It didn’t matter because the embarrassed gleam in Lando’s eye made Oscar huff out a laugh. 

“What?” Lando let out, flustered.

“You’re such a grandma.” Oscar replied, grabbing a mug.

Oscar eyed coffee creamer that he had found next to the sugar packets. Huh. This house was perfectly convenient and organized. Was Lando like this? Was Oscar getting a sneak peak of what living with Lando was like?

“Am not! I just like it!” Lando bantered. “They actually stimulate the brain, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Oscar replies, whisking the creamer into his mug, grin plastered on his face. “You can be a grandma, Lando. I still will-”

Love you. I still will love you.

Oscar gulps. “I still will think you’re cool.”

Lando eyes him playfully before looking back down at the book, tapping the pen against the counter.

This was starting to become a problem. A big one. Oscar is always on the brink of saying it: the three words that will completely ruin everything. It just comes so easily to him. It’s like breathing, or blinking, he just loves him so much that it feels normal–natural even. 

This close proximity is making Oscar too comfortable with loving Lando openly. He can’t do that. He has to be cautious, for being cautious will keep Lando by his side.

They didn’t do much in the morning. Lando said that it would be snowing, but it was just freezing. The air was brittle and harsh on the face. Oscar mentally reminded himself to keep chapstick in his pocket, his own dry lips kept bothering him. Plus, if Lando wanted to kiss…

Stop. Stopstopstopstop. Oscar needed to get a grip. 

“Osc?” Lando called out. “You wanna head into town? It’s gonna snow soon.”

Oscar was in the bathroom, fixing his hair. “Sure!” He called out, hoping Lando heard him.

“Okay! Let’s go in, like, 30, yeah?” 

“Okay!”

***

The town was lovely. Copley is a village but the town next to it is a real charmer. Logan and Alex would probably love to spend a holiday here. It was beautiful, had extreme weather, and was kind of romantic. Maybe not kind of, maybe really romantic. It felt like they were a real couple–their scarves bundled up, big jackets on, heat warmers in their pockets–it all felt like it was real.

Maybe it could be real later. Of course not now. But later.

“You feel for ramen?” Lando asked, spinning around to look at Oscar as he walked backwards.

“Yeah. I could go for some ramen.” Oscar agreed.

Lando stared a bit too hard at his face. “What? Is there something on my face?”

“No,” Lando chuckled. “You’re just…cute. Your cheeks are pink. You’re cold, right?”

That’s not the only reason why they’re pink. 

“Um, yeah.” Oscar laughs shyly before looking back at Lando. “You’re cold too? Your cheeks are also pink.”

Lando smiled before turning around. “I’m not that cold.”

***

They sat down in this very quiet, and intimate restaurant. It was warm here. The lighting was warm and low, the tables were sectioned so each of them had their own privacy. It felt like a place you’d take your date. Lando most likely knew the owners as they both gave a knowing smile to one another before he sat down. 

“They have the best ramen here.” Lando remarked, head shaking pleased.

Oscar nodded along, reaching for one of the menus. They had a lot of selections for the ramen, and even offered other Japanese cuisines. It reminded him of Tokyo a bit, albeit it is a Japanese restaurant, but it had the essence of it. 

“Are you and your boyfriend ready to order, Lando?” The waiter asked, raising his eyebrows playfully.

Boyfriend. Oscar’s lips tugged into a pleased smile at that. But he quickly fixed it, looking up. “Oh…we’re not-”

“Yeah.” Lando nodded. “Well, I am. Osc? You ready?”

He didn’t deny it. Why didn’t he deny it?

“Oh, um, yeah.” Oscar nodded. “Yeah. I’ll take the Tonkotsu Ramen.”

The waiter stopped writing for a second, eyes widened.  “You speak Japanese?”

Oscar smiled. 「ちょっと」(Just a bit.)

The waiter returned his smile, quickly going back to his task and raising his eyebrows at Lando. Lando smiled in awe before he ordered, which prompted the waiter to smile and take the menus. It was just the two of them here. 

“So,” Lando starts. “You learned a bit of Japanese while in Japan, huh?”

Oscar rolled his eyes, a smile forming. “Of course I did. How else did I communicate?”

“How’d you learn so quickly?”

“A friend. He taught me a lot.”

Lando’s eyes darkened, smile more rested. “Is this the same friend you hooked up with?”

That took a turn. Oscar’s eyes darted to Lando’s, “Um. Yeah?”

“What else did he teach you?” Lando asked, voice deepened,

  Oscar’s eyes flickered away, “Why?”

“I’m curious. Did he teach you anything in bed?” He spat.

Woah. Why was Lando suddenly so upset? What business did he have feeling that way when he also had gotten a boyfriend once Oscar left? What was the difference? Oscar looked into Lando, trying to read the expression on his face–he couldn’t see anything.

“Are you jealous?” Oscar grumbled, shoulders slumping.

Lando sighed. “No. I don’t know what I’m saying. Forget it.”

Oscar blinked a bit, sighing before nodding. 

***

Dinner was good. God, it was delicious, actually. Oscar hadn’t had Japanese food since, well, Japan. It was really good. Even after Lando’s random outburst about his hookup, it still was a good dinner. Lando had the ability to make things not awkward, he could somehow act as if nothing happened. That was a gift. Oscar wished he could do that.

They walked out of the restaurant, the town nicely lit for the night. It was cold, freezing even. Oscar actually felt the chill move through his body, his teeth clattering. 

“Dammit!” Lando cursed, looking at his jacket. “My warmers are hot anymore.”

“Noob.” Oscar teased, “It’s always colder at night, Lando.”

Lando glanced over at him, “Did you use your warmers?”

Oscar shook his head. “No. I was waiting for when we were walking back.”

Oscar saw Lando pout as he put his gloves on, something moving in his heart. God dammit. He was weak for Lando. Probably the weakest man for him. Oscar grabbed one of Lando’s hands and shoved it into his jacket’s pocket with his own hand, moving the packet in between their hands. “There.”

Lando blushed, a wave of air blowing from his lips. “Oscar…” 

“Come on. Let’s get back home.”

They walked in unison, Lando’s hands slithering to hold Oscar’s, something that made Oscar almost cough in surprise. Holding hands? Lando was just jealous and upset half an hour ago and now…they’re holding hands. This doesn’t make Oscar’s raging feelings for Lando any better, if anything, it makes them even worse. Oscar is swinging their hands as he skips through the road, dragging Oscar along with him.

“Slow down!” Oscar whined. 

“We better hurry home.” Lando advised. “You know, we have a lot to do back home.”

Oscar gulped.

***

They made it home. Oscar keeps calling the cabin home. Is that bad? He shouldn’t be thinking about that as Lando grabs his nape to pull him into a warm kiss. Oh. It was good. It felt somehow different though, Lando was so touchy with him. He would drag and pull Oscar to the walls, pressing him against them just to pull him somewhere else.

“Mmm,” Oscar hummed. “Lando…what’s wrong? Did I do something?”

“No,” Lando murmured against his lips. “I just can’t wait to get my hands on you.”

Oh? Oscar’s dick awakens at hearing that, his hands reaching to bring Lando closer to him. 

“Let’s get to bed now.” Oscar says, dragging Lando to the bedroom.

They quickly walk to their shared room, instantly pulling each other into a deep kiss once they made it. It was addicting–the feeling of Lando’s warm and slightly chapped lips brushing against Oscar’s. Oscar was thinking a lot, though. They just ate. Maybe he should brush his teeth or-

“Hey,” Oscar mutters in between breaths, "Let me brush my teeth. My breath probably isn’t good.”

“Oscar. I don’t care. I need you now .” Lando says, pulling him back to his lips.

Fine. Oscar will stop worrying. He will just kiss and kiss him hard. Oscar pulled away to take off his coat and pants, eyeing Lando to do the same. Lando got the memo and undressed himself, leaving only his long-sleeved shirt on. It was cold, Oscar did pretty much the same. Lando pushed Oscar onto the bed, slowly laying on top of him as he slotted their lips against each other again. Oscar moaned against him, cupping his cheek and his other hand pushing Lando’s butt to press against his clothed dick.

“Mm!” Lando let out, smiling against the other’s lips.

Lando began to grind against Oscar, holding in his noises through resting his tongue in Oscar’s mouth. They stopped kissing about a minute ago, just feeling each other’s breath and their tongues dancing against one another as Lando continued to rock their hips.

They felt like pubescent teenagers again. Well, Oscar felt like one. (He still is one technically.) Oscar had enough, sliding his hands up Lando’s shirt to graze his nipples. “I wanna have my mouth on you.” 

Lando moaned in response, “Me too.”

Oscar felt more needy this time. It’s been so long…and…

“I have an idea.” Lando smirks, eyeing Oscar as he looked down at him. 

Oscar looked up at him, hands twisting around the warm bud. Lando hissed in response, which made Oscar intently continue. “What’s your idea?”

Lando just grinned at him.

It was snowing. Lando’s room had the view of the backyard, which was covered in a few inches of snow. It was a dusty midnight blue outside, the lights off in the room and the only light illuminating the room was from the moon. 

Lando’s head bobbed as he took inch by inch of Oscar in his mouth. Oscar moaned around Lando’s hole, still tonguing his rim. Lando was arching against his face, his sweater somehow still on and scrunched up to his waist. 

Oscar never thought he’d be doing this. 69. He never thought he’d be able to enjoy Lando’s plush hole and have the pleasure of Lando’s mouth on him. Was this a dream? Did he save a community in his past life? Oh well, he moans around his hole when Lando swallows around his dick.

“Lando,” Oscar moans. “Lando!”

Lando chuckles against him, slowly riding Oscar’s face and tongue. Oscar didn’t want that, though. He wanted Lando to let him fuck him with his mouth. Oscar’s hands grabbed at his waist, holding him in place. Oscar inserted his tongue and pulled in and out, Lando had pulled away from his dick to groan out, arching into it. 

“Oscar! Your mouth is so good.”

It could be even better. One of Oscar’s hands reaches down to tug at Lando’s cock, slowly jerking him off. Lando groans and squirms at the touch, seemingly becoming more determined to make Oscar come. It’s working, he feels Lando go farther and farther down and until-

“Fuck! Lando!”

Lando stays there, his mouth wrapped around his cock as Oscar is fully down his throat. Oscar can feel his throat constrict against his tip, it’s tight. God, it’s so tight. Oscar begins to speed up the hand that is wanking Lando off, his tongue reverbing against his cheeks.

Lando lets up, voice hoarse and breathless.. “Oscar,” He lets out, hand jerking him off. “I’m gonna come.”

“Yeah?” Oscar answers, whiny. “Come, Lando.”

Fuck. Lando does just that. Oscar scoots himself closer to Lando’s dick, attempting to swallow around it. He does it, his tongue taking the spurts of come that released. Lando’s mouth returns back to Oscar, still jerking him off as he goes all the way down again. Oscar’s head goes back, his mouth opening to let out strained moans.

“Lando. Lando. I’m actually gonna-”

He swallows around him. 

That makes Oscar cry out, and push Lando’s head down farther to take it all. He’s obedient and stays there, swallowing down all the come Oscar offered. Oscar arches up, squirming once Lando begins to overstimulate him. “Lando, okay, too much, I can’t-”

Lando lazily looks back at Oscar, still jerking him off. Oscar begins to whimper, his cock slowly letting out wet droplets of come. Lando licks it up, a sick smile on his face.

Wow. What a night. 

Lando moved over to lay on top of Oscar, his face inching closer to press a kiss against his temple. “I’m spent.”

“Me too.” Oscar sighs.

Lando wraps his arms around Oscar, who in return places a hand on the elder’s lower back. They rested together, just in each other’s arms. “Let’s take a shower later, okay?”

Oscar nodded. “Yeah.”

Later never came. Well, it did. But, Oscar woke up with Lando cuddling around him. His grip was tight, he could barely move. Oscar rocked him, “Lando?”

Silence. 

“Lando?” He whispered, a bit more loud.

Lando shook awake, his eyes slowly fluttering open.”Mmm?”

Oscar turned his head, kissing his ear, “Good morning.”

Lando yawned into Oscar’s shoulder. “Morning.”

“Let’s get up and shower, yeah?”

Lando sighed, taking a moment before getting up, his eyes landing on Oscar’s. He smiled a bit, his hand grazing Oscar’s cheek. “How are you so pretty in the morning?”

Oscar’s heart jumps.

“I should be asking you that.” Oscar says, getting up and out of bed. “I’ll shower first.”

Lando nods sleepily, staring at Oscar as he opens the connecting bathroom door. Once Lando hears the shower water turn on, he falls back down onto his pillow, eyes closing and mouth parting.

***

They’re going home this afternoon. Oscar put his clothes back into his bag to Lando’s dismay. Lando had told Oscar he should keep it here, for when they come back here again. 

He used when, not if. 

Oscar smiled as he stared at his phone, scrolling through his apps and notifications. 

Logan

You okay, mate?

Alex

Maybe you’re asleep, but we dropped off cake in your mailbox : )

Twitch

@futtybanman is live! Watch now!

Hattie

Thanks for the early b-day gift : D !! I love TXT!

“Osc? Are you ready? We should head out now.” Lando asked, grabbing his coat from the rack.

“Yeah.” Oscar answered. “Let’s go.”

LL (London Lads)

Today, 8:44 pm

Alex

Oscar we are going to send out a missing person report

Are you alive?!

Oscar

Oops

Sorry

I was on a trip

Logan

A trip? Before finals?

Who are you and what did they do to my Oscar.

Alex

WTF??

Bro why didn’t you text us back

We were worried sick

Oscar

Well…

I was busy…

Logan

Yo.

Wait.

Who did you go on said trip with.

Oscar

I don’t kiss and tell

Alex

That’s funny because Lando also didn’t respond too

No way

Did you guys go on a trip together?

Oscar

Okay Okay 

Fine

Yes

Logan

You are spilling everything to us tomorrow.

NO IFS. NO BUTS. NO COCONUTS.

“So,” Alex started. “You guys finally dating, or what?”

Oscar snorted. “No? It’s Lando we’re talking about.”

Logan sighed, “He got us there.”

Alex rolled his eyes, “Anyways, that was literally the most romantic thing he could ever do for you. I know Lando. He didn’t even do that for any of his boyfriends.”

Oscar’s cheeks warmed, “Really?”

“Dude, he obviously likes you. Why else would he get jealous about Ray and take you to a secluded village?” Logan affirmed. “He’s probably just too much of a coward to say it.”

Oscar’s eyes flickered to Alex, who was nodding. “It’s true. Lando never confesses anything.”

“I don’t know. I feel like I might just be making it all up.” Oscar sighs. 

“Nah,” Alex replies. “Only a fool would say he doesn’t like you back.”

Oscar blinks, hand reaching for his spoon to stir his coffee. 

Maybe they were right. It definitely felt like it was more than nothing. They were obviously crossing lines that a normal friends-with-benefits wouldn’t dare to touch, and are borderline a relationship–dating. 

For this to change, only the brave will have to say it –say how they feel.

Oscar was finally decorating his house after his mum had harassed him over the phone to be happy. Oscar wasn’t necessarily the festive type. But, he did like Christmas. Christmas was always special. It was everything nice in life: discounts, gifts, great music, global connection. 

Okay. Maybe his mum was right. He did need to be happy. The Christmas Spirit was making him happy. Sort of.

This upcoming week was his final exams for this semester, he had spent most of it busying himself with making sure his projects were completed, and now his essay was about eighty-percent written. Overall, he was doing well–probably better than before.

Jazz music played through the living room as Oscar sat on the floor, attempting to set up the small Christmas tree he had bought in a hurry. Why were they so expensive nowadays? Who decided these prices? Maybe Oscar should’ve gone to the mountains himself and cut down the tree. 

It was going decently, only being interrupted by the sound of his doorbell ringing. Oscar raised up, looking through the peephole. It was- oh?

“Lando?” Oscar greeted, door swinging open. 

Lando smiled shyly, “Cookies?”

***

Oscar scarfed down the cookies. “Jesus, Lando, these are good.” 

Lando smiled, “I baked them myself.”

“Really?” Oscar asked, eyes widened. “I didn’t know you baked.”

Lando grinned, eyebrows raising as he took a sip of his wine. Oscar loved how coy he was, he could be so direct but also so mysterious. He didn’t let everyone know everything, they knew just enough. Oscar was greedy, though. He wanted to know more about Lando. He wanted to know everything.

Oscar picked up another cookie, taking small bites out of it as he held up the other parts of the tree. “Did you decorate?”

Lando shook his head. “Nah. I just decided to come over and get wine drunk with you. It’s better than being alone.”

Oscar laughed, holding the part with one hand and gulping down the rest of his glass with his other. Lando was sat next to Oscar on the floor as they both tried to build the tree. It was smaller than usual, but somehow just as complicated. “Enough, I’ll do this tree later.”

“Are you going to stay here for Christmas?” Lando asked, voice gentle.

“Yeah.” Oscar nodded. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

“What about your family?” 

Oscar hummed. “I usually visit them later. It’s harder to visit them during winter because of how short our break is and jet lag.”

“So, you’re staying?” Lando asked, again.

“Yes,” Oscar chuckled. “I’m staying.”

They shared a glance, the flickering lights of the christmas tree and the jazz playing somehow made Oscar’s heart beat quicken, along with the knowing eyes of Lando. Lando’s eyes dipped in between his own eyes and his mouth.

“You have chocolate here.” Lando muttered, finger reaching over to wipe it off. “There.”

Oscar’s mouth felt dry. His body was filled with want, with need. He wanted Lando. He loved Lando. And somehow, in this moment, it felt like Lando reciprocated. 

Oscar inched towards Lando, slowly but surely entwining their lips together. Lando kissed him back, tilting his head to let Oscar guide the kiss. Lando was letting Oscar kiss him, he was blindly following his lead. Oscar’s hand tangled in Lando’s curls, bringing him closer to him.

And oh, Lando’s lips were so soft. They were pressing against his mouth so tenderly, but they carried some burn of fire, some heat. Lando’s hands cupped Oscar’s cheek, opening his mouth to allow Oscar’s tongue to explore his mouth. There wasn’t much to discover, Oscar has done this a countless amount of times–yet, it all felt so surreal.

Oscar could feel Lando kissing him harder, slowly adding more passion into each press. He was running out of air, Lando was taking it from him. He was perfectly okay with that, though. He would let Lando take anything from him. He already owns a part of his heart, might as well own everything else.

But, Lando pulled away, eyes slowly opening to meet Oscar’s. They shared a gaze, one that was heated, but not in a hot way–it was warm. Lando was warm.

Oscar couldn’t help himself, he grabbed Lando and held him, guiding him up into his arms to carry. “Oh!” Lando let out, punched. “Osc!”

Oscar giggled, staring down at Lando who he quickly threw over his shoulder. “Oops!”

“Oscar!” Lando whined, playful. “Oh, wait, Osc! It’s snowing.”

Oscar turned around, facing the window. It in fact was snowing. The snow lightly hit Oscar’s porch, slowly falling down to meet the ground. It was beautiful–different from the snow up in Copley. He loved both of them though. He loves how he experiences the year’s first snow in both parts with Lando. 

He loves how he’s with Lando.

“Let’s get to bed, then” Oscar says. “It’s better when it snows.”

Oscar holds onto Lando’s legs as he makes the quick walk to his bedroom, slowly but swiftly bringing Lando down to his bed. Lando let out a surprised breath, slowly smiling as he gazed up at Oscar. “Kiss me.”

Oscar grazed his cheek, “Yes, sir.”

Lando giggled as Oscar gave him quick kisses all over his face, particularly even more happy when he finally brings their lips together once again. Lando moaned in content, arching up into Oscar as he pressed down into Lando, kissing him deeply.

They never kissed like this. It was always a rush, always someone being needy. But, they were both here–present in the moment. Taking their time with each other’s mouths, wrapping their arms around each other’s waist and holding one another. 

Oscar pulled away, Lando instinctively chasing after his lips. “Let me take this off of you.”

Oscar unbuttoned Lando’s sweater, slowly seeing the inches of his tan skin. Why did seeing his bare chest stir something inside of him? He’s seen him naked countless amount of times, so why was it so different now? Lando looked up at him, cheeks red. 

Lando was nervous.

Oscar smiled, leaning down to give his wanting lips a peck. Lando cheeks raised into a closed-mouth smile, Oscar’s hands finally pulling off the sweater. Lando immediately rushed to pull off Oscar’s hoodie, which Oscar aided with. They were chest to chest, kissing once more. Lando took in Oscar’s tongue, letting it rest against his own as his hands slid down to take off Oscar’s pants and boxers. Oscar in return took off Lando’s jeans and boxers, throwing them down to where his chargers lay.

They kept kissing, slowly making it more intense by the second. Oscar grinded into Lando’s bare cock, making the elder wince. “Oscar…”

“Hm?”

“You’re the best thing I’ve ever had.” Lando confesses, gazing into the brown of Oscar’s eyes.

Oscar felt his stomach flip, a delighted smile rising on his face. He kissed him again, slowly inching his hand towards Lando’s hole. “Mm!”

Oscar grinned, delighted by Lando’s sensitivity. “Can I put a finger in?”

“Please.” 

Oscar pulled away to reach towards his nightstand, grabbing a tube of lube to squirt on his fingers before warming it. He circled around his hole, looking into his eyes to see any signs of discomfort. Lando just closed his eyes and let out a sigh, “Oh, that’s…I think it’s the first time you’ve ever prepped me.”

It is. It is .

Oscar sliced his finger slowly in and out, “Is it okay?” Oscar asks, putting his hand over Lando’s curls that lay on his forehead.

“It’s perfect. Add another one.”

Oscar listened, slowly inserting his ring finger into Lando. Lando’s mouth parted in a wince, eyes flickering all over Oscar’s face. Oscar just stared at him, at his eyes, at his mouth, at his cheeks–at his face. He began to spread his fingers out and pull them away to insert them right back. Lando breathed against him, hips slightly rolling against it. “Oscar…add another one.”

“You sure?” 

“Positive. Please.”

Oscar nodded along, adding his final finger into the heat of Lando. Lando arched against him, eyes closing. “Oh.”

Oscar continued with his deep pace, fingertips brushing against his sensitive spots. Oscar eyed him as he did it, seeing how his eyebrows would furrow. It was addicting. He was addicted to everything Lando did, everything Lando offered. It was all so good. 

He could do this forever–be with Lando, please him, make him smile. Lando was still just as needy as he always was, squirming against his finger. “I think…I think I’m ready.”

Oscar blinked. “Okay.”

He just stared at Lando as he slowly took out his fingers, making sure he was just as comfortable as before. It was all so perfect, really. Oscar knows he probably is staring at Oscar with heart-eyes, but he also somehow believes Lando is too. 

Lando is looking up at him with such fondness, such admiration–he can’t help the way his heart jumps. His stomach flutters with the feeling of Lando’s eyes on him. Oscar wants to feel him, he wants to feel all of Lando. His other hand reaches up to cup his face, thumb grazing his cheek. Lando leaned into Oscar’s hand, his eyes closing. Oscar could only let out a ruined breath, his eyes staring down at the sight. Lando nuzzled against his hand, his eyes slowly opening to meet Oscar’s eyes. 

“You don’t need a condom, Oscar.” Lando told, whispering. “It’s only been you since…since the first time.”

Oscar’s eyes widened, mouth parting. 

“Unless…there was someone else with you?” 

“No.” Oscar blurted out, eyes shutting. “God, no. It’s only been you.”

Lando smiled, spreading his legs again to let Oscar close to him again. “Here.”

Oscar didn’t even want to look at Lando’s naked body. He just wanted to stare at him, looking into his eyes that had those dramatically long eyelashes, the freckles of other colours blending into the green, the enlarged pupils he was used to seeing. Why stare at his body when his eyes made him feel so much more? 

“Are you gonna put it in?”

Oscar batted his eyes quickly, breaking him out of his daze. 

“Yeah. Doing it now.”

Oscar peered down to guide his cock into the haven that was Lando, the tip brushing against his puckered rim. Oscar felt much more sensitive than usual. He could feel the skin of Lando’s hole press against him. He could feel the slight resistance that accompanied the slide of his dick into him. He could feel the pressure of entering Lando, the feeling overcoming the sensitivity that he had originally experienced. 

It wasn’t too much. It was perfect. 

Lando let out a jagged breath, his arms coming up to wrap around Oscar’s neck. “Ah.”

Oscar groaned, his hips slowly pressing inside until he bottomed out. Oscar glanced down, his whole dick being engulfed by what is Lando. He looked back up, Lando’s eyes still on him. He felt his hands moving without much thought, grazing up Lando’s chest. 

“Can I move?” 

Lando nodded, biting his lip as he unknowingly tightened around Oscar. Oscar let out a drawn out sigh, slowly pulling his hips back. His hips returned back to fill Lando, the pace slow. Lando moaned, his arms still wrapped around Oscar’s neck, drawing him closer to him. Oscar continued to roll his hips, his eyes never trailing down, just stuck on Lando’s face. 

“Osc,” Lando let out, head thrown back. “Fuck.”

Oscar nodded, pressing his lips against Lando’s neck. The sound of his wet kisses made Lando release louder groans, the noise softer and more pronounced. Oscar could feel Lando slowly stretch around him, his stomach fluttering as he began to feel the sensation build up. 

This time felt different. It was different. Oscar could feel his pace stay slow—not because he wanted to make sure Lando could handle a faster pace, or because he was slowly about to fuck him harder—but because this was the pace. This was as fast as he was going to go, a slow rhythm that made the press of Lando’s prostate feel electric. It was like a reward for going so deep, Lando’s arms slowly losing their strength and scratching along Oscar’s back. 

“Oscar,” Lando moaned. “It feels so good-it’s so good.”

Oscar smiled, “Yeah?”

Lando wrapped his legs around Oscar’s lower torso. His eyes closing as pleasure began to form more intensely. Oscar could feel his grip on everything loosen as he continued to hit that spot inside of Lando, he could feel his mind wandering towards conclusions he shouldn’t dare think. 

“You’ve never fucked me like this.” Lando breathed out. “Why have you never fucked me like this? I feel so-so fucking….fuck!”

I never fucked you like this because it’s dangerous , Oscar thought. The thought was dangerous itself, the action even more terrifying. Oscar could never fuck him like this because it reflects his feelings too much, Oscar could feel his body closing in on Lando, their forehead’s touching. 

Lando’s breath brushed against his face, his mouth wide open as Oscar continued to fuck into him. Lando’s legs pulled Oscar even closer to his body, their shared whimpers feeding off of each other’s noises. 

“Kiss me.” Lando demanded. “Kiss me, now.”

Oscar slotted his lips against Lando’s, his thrusts becoming more uncoordinated as they kissed. Their kiss was more tongue than teeth, less lip biting and more actual pressing of their mouths. Oscar pulled away to spit on his hand, the hand slotting between their bodies to jerk Lando off. 

“Ah!” Lando let out. “That’s-that’s great, Osc. Please, don’t stop.”

Oscar pressed his lips against Lando’s again, the kiss slowly becoming more and more messy with spit as they continued it. Their pleasures were becoming more and more intense, the knot in their stomach so close to breaking. 

Oscar loved it. Oscar loved how Lando wrapped around him perfectly, he loved how he could fuck into him and feel so satisfied, he loved how he could kiss Lando and feel so fulfilled in life. He loved it. He loves it. 

Lando moaned against his lips, their tongues coming out to dance and move against each other. 

“Oscar!” Lando muffled against his lips. 

It was too much. Oscar was losing himself in the pleasure. He couldn’t do this any longer. He was going to break. 

Oscar pulled away, his thrusts more quick and sloppy. “I’m gonna- Fuck, I love you. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. I can’t-Lando. Fuck, I love you. I’m gonna come.”

Oscar’s hand sped up the flick of his wrist. Lando writhed against the bed, a series of borderline screams coming out. “I’m coming!”

Oscar could feel his load slowly being emptied into Lando. The tight heat of Lando just took, and took, and took from Oscar’s cock. Oscar could only stop when he was completely wrung out, his cock twitching. 

Only then did he realize his hand was covered with the stickiness of Lando, his eyes glancing up to see the fucked-out expression that covered his face. Oscar licked his hand, his head going down to lick up the cum on Lando’s stomach. Lando’s breath hitched as his tongue picked up the spurts of come leftover. Once his belly was clean, he blinked up to see Lando staring back at him. 

Oscar blinked again. He knew the procedure. He knew what Lando always wanted after they had sex. Oscar slotted himself behind Lando, his cock still inside of him. They laid comfortably as Lando turned to his side, his body tense. 

“Did you say you loved me?” 

Oscar had forgotten he said that, his own body stopping abruptly from fully relaxing into Lando. He didn’t mean to say it—the words already out and full of meaning he couldn’t possibly explain at this moment. Fuck, why did he say that? Why did he have to give an answer? 

“I did.”

There was silence for a beat. 

“Did you mean it?”

Oscar’s body went slack against Lando’s. He could feel Lando’s heat in front of him, his body radiating warmth that made Oscar want to attach himself even closer to it. But, there’s more things to worry about. Lando had heard Oscar’s confession, and was now asking him what if it had meant anything. Oscar had completely obliterated any sense of direction he first thought him and Lando were heading towards just by saying three words. 

“I did.”

It’s been a week since he had heard from Lando. His silence more hurtful than a sucker punch, or a slap to the face. It hurt much more than a needle, than anything painful that Oscar has ever had the chance of experiencing. 

Oscar stared at Lando’s contact, a part of him impulsively wanting to hit the call button and just say it all over again.

I love you. I can’t stop loving you.

All of this is because he was stupid enough to say that he loved him. He was stupid enough to think that the look in Lando’s eyes meant that he reciprocated it back. Oscar was also at fault for not reaching out to him, but how could he? He had said the three words that meant the most in the English language. Lando had left him the morning after. 

Should Oscar chase after him again? Or should he just watch as the love of his life runs away again, like he always does?

“Are you going to the end of the semester party?” Logan asked, nibbling on a cookie.

Oscar shrugged, “Probably. When is it again?”

“This Friday.” Logan replied. “I think you’ll have a lot of fun!”

Maybe he would. Maybe he shouldn’t let everything ruin his day. Maybe he should have more to his life than Lando and school and Logan and Alex and Charles. Would that satisfy him? If he had more? Oscar can’t help but disagree, he felt content with just those things in his life. But, he’s not sure how he would feel if he had everything except Lando.

That’s a thought for a drunken night.

Oscar found himself instantly putting his shoes on, his hands automatically finding their way to get his coat and keys and he stepped out the door. He was walking speedily, attempting to walk to that pub a few minutes away from school, from his house.

Charles had texted him that Lando was there, waiting for him, wanting to talk. 

Oscar never had felt so happy and relieved to read that, a smile already plastered on his face. Was Lando finally responding? Was Lando finally going to say that he loves him? Oscar always felt like the words were on the tip of his tongue, he always stopped speaking when they were so close to saying what they were actually feeling. 

Was it finally that time?

The bus ride felt longer than before, his excitement bubbling in his stomach. Oscar may have been the happiest person in Cambridge. He could feel his nerves on his fingertips as he pressed for his stop, as he walked down the street to see the pub’s snowy sign, slowly blinking out lights.

He swung the door open, his cheeks hurting from smiling. It was a great pain, though. He would rather this pain than any other pain in the world. His eyes scoured the crowd of people for him, the curly-haired ball of sunshine who was waiting for him, and he found him.

There he was, in his essence, standing next to the bar, eyes on the door–eyes on him. Lando was looking at him, with that same gleam in his eye that Oscar fell in love with. 

“Lando!” Oscar called out, smile big and eyes gleaming.

Lando didn’t respond. He just stared. Oscar chuckled to himself, what a weirdo, Lando was. But, that’s what he loved about him–what he loves.

Oscar began to make his way over, his eyes glancing over to see the lot of college students laughing. Oscar finally looks back at Lando, who was…

Oh.

Lando was kissing another man. His arms wrapped around his neck, on his tippy toes to reach him, eyes closed. He began to smile into the kiss, bringing the man closer to him. Lando was tugging the man’s hair, like he did with Oscar. He was licking into his mouth, exactly like how he would when Oscar and him would kiss. 

No.

Oscar could feel his body closing in on itself, the energy slowly being sucked out of him. Lando didn’t care, his eyes opened to glare at Oscar, a sick and twisted grin slowly morphing on his lips as he kissed the man deeper.

Oscar had to leave. Now. He couldn't be here. 

Oscar began to turn around, holding his breath. Suddenly, a warm hand touched his shoulder, bringing him to look back at them.

“Oscar?” Charles called, a smile on his face. “What are you doing here? I never thought you’d come to a pub!”

“I’m just leaving now.” Oscar replied, voice broken and expression shattered. Charles’ eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Oscar brushed past him, his hand slowly coming down. Oscar didn’t care, he continued to head for the door, palm reaching for it and grasping it to open it.

It was snowing again. Snowing softly, as if it was a nice and gentle day. As if it wasn’t the worst day of Oscar’s life. Oscar stood outside, frozen. 

How could he? How could…How could Lando do that? It wasn’t like he didn’t know Oscar was there. No, he knew very well, that’s why he stared at him–that’s why he even looked at him as he kissed the other man.

He fucking smiled.

The bell attached to the door rang, signifying someone was outside with Oscar. Oscar already knew who it was, subconsciously, everything felt worse. It had to be Lando. 

“What’s the matter?” Lando asked, tone condescending.

Oscar turned around, “Isn’t it obvious?”

Lando’s face was still, he wasn’t surprised that Oscar was there, he just looked through him. “I can kiss other people. You weren’t special. We never were together.”

Oscar stayed silent, stunned. Everything that was coming out of his mouth felt like a cold slap on the face, one that painfully stung. Lando was right–they weren’t dating, Lando was never his. But, what was it? This whole time, he felt nothing? Absolutely nothing?

“Is this what you wanted all along?” Oscar questioned, voice whiny, helpless. “All of this—the sex, the pretending you cared about me, the words that gave me a sliver of hope—was all of that just for you to say you felt nothing?”

Silence dawned over him. “You sent me letters. You said you loved me that day. I had to leave the fucking country because somehow I thought you actually meant it. Was it really nothing?”

Lando laughed. He laughed. He took his eyes off of Oscar for a moment, and just laughed and watched the snow fall down. The sound of his laugh just rang through Oscar’s ears like a haunting melody, one that he will never be able to forget. One that will play when he revisits this painful memory someday. 

“It meant nothing to me.” Lando nodded, his eyes glancing over to make eye contact. 

Oscar could feel his heart break. He could feel his blood rushing through his chest, his heart squeezing against nothing. Lando just looked at him with nothing behind his eyes, his stare more cold than the snow that was falling. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever given you any reassurance that it was more.” Lando added, baffled. “I mean, how could I?”

How could you what? Oscar thought. It appears he had said it aloud because Lando looked at him with a glint in his eye that told him everything he needed to know. 

Lando pursed his lips together, hands in pocket. “How could I ever love you?”

Everything became quiet. The world chose to not make a sound for this moment, for Oscar to just hear the cut of silence. Lando stared at him, looking directly into his eyes, nothing behind it. Oscar didn’t care, he didn’t care at all about the way Lando stared at him. He didn't even want to remember it, he didn't want to remember anything about this moment.

Oscar took a shaky step back, eyes widened and breath foggy. He could see his breath this time, blowing air as he breathed. Was he hyperventilating? Was the world all of sudden getting so small? All he could see was air. His own breath. Fogging. His legs were moving, moving in unison and the surroundings were changing. He was walking? No, running? He was not where Lando had left him, alone, in the cold surroundings of snow. He was moving against the harsh wind, the wind now loud in his ears as he traveled.

For the first time ever, Oscar was the one to run away.