Work Text:
Alex has always known exactly who she is. Well, that’s kind of a lie. There was that one period of time after her father’s death - but still, the point stands. She’s almost always known who she is.
She’s her father’s daughter. She’s Kara’s sister. She’s an agent of the DEO. She’s a soldier. Simple.
---
When Astra In-Ze becomes a factor, things suddenly aren’t so simple.
Their first meeting is nothing short of hellish. Everything hurts, and that damned helgrammite doesn’t exactly help things. Then there’s the endless worry she can’t get rid of in the pit of her stomach because Kara’s up there, fighting, alone. Against a seemingly ruthless aunt who has made it pretty clear that she’s a psychopath.
The day wins out, like it always does. And life is still pretty good for Alex. Tough, but good.
---
Alex can’t help but be intrigued when the alien is captured. She doesn’t tell Kara, but she spends time there, studying Astra. Talking to her. She’s much less formidable when she’s, well… contained , and suddenly they can have an actual conversation without the looming threat of death.
Although she isn’t ideal company, talking with Astra is interesting. An image of Krypton is painted in Alex’s mind. She’s taught of a beautiful, blooming world. She’s told about Kara’s childhood. And sometimes, when it’s the middle of the night and both of them are drunk on fatigue, she learns about Astra’s past, and what led her to the path she’s on today.
Ever so slowly, Astra becomes less of a prisoner and more of a person.
Ever so slowly, Alex isn’t sure she wants to be her enemy.
---
Astra is like a jigsaw puzzle, but all her pieces are torn at the edges. And sometimes, Alex can’t fix them together. Sometimes, the lines are blurred between her duty and her heart.
She remembers how Astra’s eyes light up when she talks about the beauty of Krypton’s red mountains. She holds close the stories of Astra watching Kara grow up, taking her in as if she were her own daughter. She sees vividly in her mind the image of a kind Astra, one that values family and tried to do what she could to save her niece.
And by god she can almost feel Astra’s childhood, seeing her sister grow in favor and beauty and riches and everything, and she can almost taste that bitterness of being left behind. Because really, hasn’t Alex always had that feeling too? The inescapable jealousy of always being second best? And some part of Alex knows, that deep down, she would be perfectly willing to kill if it meant saving Kara. She would burn down the entire damn planet if the one good person in her life could live.
Somehow, Alex understands. She knows Astra. She sees her.
She thinks all of this as she watches from the sidelines while the woman is under Director Lane's 'care'. The torture isn't something anyone agreed to. Kara has to be carried out of the room, and Alex wishes that she could do anything, anything to end Astra's suffering. A little part of Alex breaks when she sees in Astra the pain and loneliness. She walks out of the room because she can’t stand anymore, and she makes a vow that she’ll punch Lane someday.
---
Alex hesitates at the door. She’s not even sure if she’s welcome here anymore.
Silently, she steps in. Astra hears anyways, of course. Kryptonian hearing and all that. She’s still groggy from waking up, though, so she doesn’t say anything, choosing instead to stare suspiciously at Alex as she walks closer.
“Hey,” Alex whispers through the glass, looking at Astra’s tired form. “I’ve got something for you.”
The suspicious stare doesn’t cease, but Astra sits up rigidly. Alex hands her a brown bag with some warmer lunch that should be better than what she’s normally given.
Astra scoffs at the offering. “Forgive me, human, for my bluntness, but I doubt a meal,” she glances distastefully at the bag, “would do any good.”
Alex just shrugs in reply. “This isn’t your ‘gift’, if that’s what you mean.”
A brief silence passes. “Fine, I’ll tell you. Kara …” she starts, with emphasis on the name, “has decided to go through with the trade. We’re letting you go.”
Astra’s face relaxes into an expression of relief and disbelief, as if surprised that it was that easy. “Well.. that’s unexpected. I would have thought that the other humans would have rejected that idea.”
Alex chuckles. “Oh believe me, they did. But your niece is pretty powerful. She can do anything she wants if her mind is set to it.”
Astra nods in agreement, and the two sit in silence while they eat.
---
They sit side-by-side in the car. The backseat is far too small, and Alex is very, very close to Astra. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is rather awkward.
Alex feels a slight jolt of panic when she sees Non’s army appear. They’re outnumbered by a huge margin, at the very least 3 to 1. This could be the end, she thinks.
She catches Astra’s eyes and stares her down. She can feel the hesitancy in the gaze, the shakiness in the stance. And that’s when she knows it’ll be okay.
Astra is a soldier. She is also values honor. And while many people may not understand that, Alex does very well.
---
On the drive back to the DEO, Alex feels some sort of odd heaviness on her shoulders. She knows it’s nothing, really, and it’ll probably pass soon, but there’s still that strange sadness that lingers. Because she’ll never be able to just walk down to the cells when she can’t sleep and talk until the sun rises. She can’t talk about her day with someone when Kara’s away.
She’s cleaning out Astra’s cell when she sees it. A ripped out piece from the brown paper bag that Astra’s lunch was in. On the side, in loopy handwriting, there’s a note and a number.
Angry, Alex yells and throws it across the room. She can’t afford to get attached.
Later, without thinking more on it, she slips the small brown paper into a pocket and doesn’t look at it again.
She never calls the number, but she can’t bring herself to throw it away.
---
It’s only a week later when she sees the woman on her balcony. Alex can’t sleep, anyways, so she’s been sitting on the couch absentmindedly, wishing she had someone to talk to. Of course, she wishes it was Kara, she tells herself. And she ignores the part of her that still yearns for stories of Fort Rozz and Krypton earlier on and Kara as a child.
Still, when she sees Astra outside, she opens the door. Some part of her knows that she won’t be hurt by her. They don’t really talk much about aliens and fighting and Non. Instead, they talk about the simple things. A cup of coffee in the morning. The feeling of flying.
Once again, they talk until dawn. And then Astra leaves again, and Alex feels content. Tired, but relaxed. She feels better than she has all week.
---
The meetings become more frequent than Alex is willing to admit. They talk late into the night, sipping whatever drinks Alex happens to have. When the stories of Krypton run out, Alex starts talking about Earth. She talks about where she’s travelled, how the world looks from the top of a mountain. The feeling of warm sand. Harry Potter. Music. Reading.
Astra listens and listens and Alex can tell that she wants to know more about this world. So one day, she brings back some books and a movie.
Astra finishes a book a day. They watch the movie together, in the middle of the night, huddled on the old sofa that Alex has. Astra discovers the wonders of popcorn.
---
She doesn’t know when exactly it happens, but it does. Slowly, a friendship forms, in the middle of a bitter struggle. And they are stuck on opposite sides.
Sometimes, Alex thinks that fate is cruel to have placed Astra on the wrong side of the war.
---
It’s a normal night with Astra. The two of them are sitting on the same old couch, rewatching Lord of the Rings for the umpteenth time. There’s a bowl of popcorn.
It’s a perfectly normal night, until it isn’t. Alex looks sideways at Astra and suddenly they’re looking at each other, the movie just white noise in the background. Alex doesn’t think at all - just reaches in for the kiss. And then Astra’s lips are on hers and everything is right in the world.
Alex knows who she is. She’s Kara’s sister. She’s a soldier. But now she’s also got a special place for Astra, and that makes things a hell of a lot harder.
---
The months pass quickly, and soon an entire year has passed since Astra was a captive at the DEO.
Another night, Astra and Alex are lying on the roof, staring at the stars. Most of them are faded or completely invisible because of the city lights, but they can still catch a few. They'd watched a movie on the night sky, once. Astra was sketching in a small notebook that Alex had bought her.
“Astra?” Alex whispered, staring at a particularly bright star overhead.
“Hmm?” Astra was deeply focused on her drawing.
“I think… I think I love you.”
Alex can hear Astra sigh, and she knows why. They never wanted to be in this situation. It's just too dangerous.
And then Astra simply replies, “You think? Well, that's not at all comforting, is it?”
Alex snorts and is content despite the situation, because of course Astra would try to make light of the situation.
Another bout of silence passes.
“Well, if it means anything to you, Brave One, I love you too.”
For a moment, that's enough.
---
Kara’s worried about her aunt. She pleads with the DEO, sure that she can turn Astra to their side.
Alex feels a pang of guilt, and wonders if she should tell Kara. But somehow, Astra seems like something Alex should keep to herself.
And Hank would never understand, anyways.
It's better this way, she tries to convince herself.
She doesn't know when it became so hard to be a loyal soldier and sister. She doesn't know why it's so hard to label herself nowadays.
---
Astra’s eyes are unusually cold, her posture strangely tense. The two of them are sitting on the balcony, taking in the view of the city. Alex has always enjoyed the sight- the bright lights, the sound of traffic underneath. The occasional beeping of a car.
“Alexandra,” Astra starts, and Alex already knows there’ll be trouble because Astra never calls her that. “We’re both soldiers.”
There's a sinking feeling in Alex’s stomach.
Astra continues. “And we’re on opposite sides of the war.”
Oh god, oh god, oh god, Alex’s mind screams.
“Regardless of what we want, we’re soldiers. And we both know there’s a duty that comes with that.”
Alex knows it all too well. Her mind has whispered it, but she has chosen to ignore it because some truths are just too hard to bear.
“I need you to know..” Astra’s voice cracks, and Alex’s heart breaks a little. “I will not abandon my duty.”
This is difficult. So difficult, because it's the first time they've actually mentioned the war.
“I need you to promise me, Brave One, that when the time comes, you will not abandon yours. You cannot hesitate if it comes down to it. I need you to promise me that you will do you duty as a soldier. I hope you can understand this.”
And Alex does, so well. It doesn't mean she has to like it.
What she doesn't notice is that Astra said when the time comes, not if .
---
Perhaps she's known it would happen all along. Perhaps when Alex first kissed Astra, she'd known it would come down to this.
All she can see is Astra standing over Hank, and all she hears is white noise blasting through her ears.
Astra’s words echo in Alex’s mind: I need you to promise me you will do your duty.
So Alex doesn't think. She doesn't choose to think back on those endless nights spent cuddled up on worn sofas watching cheesy romances. She doesn't think about lovely lips and bright eyes.
No. When she grabs hold of the green blade behind her back, she only sees Hank. She only sees her duty.
---
Everyone sees Kara grieve over Astra, whispering comforting last words.
What they don't see is Alex, who stays by for hours, shaking with the sobs that no one will ever hear.
How easy it is, for life to be taken away. What a fragile, fragile thing. And Alex has done the unthinkable.
I need you to promise me you will do your duty.
She has always known who she is. She's a soldier.
Sometimes, though, that excuse just isn't enough.