Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She had been in the ice rink for over an hour and sweat was beading on her forehead. She had probably taken close to fifty laps around the rink by now but still just couldn’t get the jump quite right.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Do it again shinobu. She needed this to be perfect. She had to make it this year. This couldn’t be like last year. a year ago shinobu collapsed while preparing for the national championships. She didn’t remember passing out or when her head hit the cold ice, but she did remember someone's arms around her and long black hair brushing her face. Her older sister Kanae.

Kanae was perfect in Shinobu standards. She was remarkably pretty, effortlessly talented, friendly, and so genuinely sweet. Shinobu didn’t exactly think she was ugly she just knew she would never compare to Kanae. Shinobu knew she was a good skater but she just didn't have the same amount of natural talent as Kanae. So she worked her ass off to get to Kanae’s level. Even then she was just never as good as her beloved older sister, and life made sure she never forgot it.

The sound of her forearms hitting the ice for the fifth time wasn’t pretty. Still, she picked herself up and went at the skill again no matter how much her arms ached from catching her still skinny body. The music through her airpods drowned out any noise from the ice rink. She had to go farther this year. Be better. Live up to their standards. One last time. that was it. she was going to get it this time. Shinobu took her lap around the rink and was about to take her jump when she caught a glimpse of a familiar pink cardigan, standing at the boards out of corner of her eye. So instead of landing the two and a half perfect rotations, she felt her skate slide onto the side of the blade and her forearms smack the ice once more. “Shit that hurt” she rolled onto her back and groaned.

“Shinobu-!” Kanae loomed over her with a face full of concern. “God Shinobu, you're gonna hurt yourself.”

“Hi sister” Shinobu’s voice rang with sarcasm as she remained sprawled out on the ice.

"you know I already hate that you insist on competing so soon." Kanae pulled back the sleeves of Shinobu's athletic jacket to reveal the bruises lining her arms from hitting the ice so many times. "oh my god Shinobu"

"I promise it doesn't hurt as bad as it looks." Shinobu insisted even though she physically recoiled when Kanae touched her skin.

"if you start doing this kind of so called training again I'll tell mother and father not to let you compete." Kanae was serious and Shinobu's face was white.

"Kanae, you know how important this is to me."

"then don't make me tell them" Kanae's voice was softer now but she was serious and Shinobu knew deep down she was right. usually a year after being severely bulimic to the point of collapse, you aren't supposed to be back in an intense sport. she knew that, but she had passed her physical and psychological examinations and was cleared to compete once more.

Kanae sighed, "look will you please just be done for the day?" Kanae helped Shinobu to her feet and looked at her with those pink eyes and Shinobu reluctantly agreed

Chapter Text

As Giyuu stepped out of the ice rink after a four hour practice, his only priority was getting back to his dorm to sleep for the next three days of break.

He thought he was a good person. He thought there was good in everyone. Except his new hockey coach, god he hated his new hockey coach. The guy couldn’t have been any older than forty but he had harsh wrinkles on his face. In the three weeks he was their coach he never learned any of their names.

He called Giyuu “ponytail kid”, Sanemi “blonde guy number one”, Kyoujurou “eyebrows”, Obanai “mask”, and Tengen “blonde guy number two”. The guy never even introduced himself with his name, only “coach”.

Luckily Coach Urokodaki would be back after next week, but in the meantime Sanemi and Giyuu had to lead captains practice for the new freshman recruits. And boy did they not want to spend five days next week coaching eight freshmen.

“Hey Giyuu, wait up!” he turned around to see Kyoujurou running up behind him looking concerningly out of breath and determined. Giyuu stopped walking and as kyoujurou caught up, he threw his arm around Giyuu’s shoulder. “All of the guys are gonna go to this new arcade in the city tonight. Are you in?”

“Aren’t we a little old for an arcade?” Giyuu asked
“Nope!” Kyoujurou smiled so genuinely and his quick response got a laugh out of the taller, darker-haired boy.

“Okay okay, i’ll be there.” He agreed. Suddenly someone else threw an arm around him.

“Ow-!” Giyuu exclaimed as more pressure went on his back.

“Hey guys!” Tengen exclaimed right in his ear, “Kyoujurou, did you ask him?”

“You guys are aware that I'm in between you, right?” Giyuu managed to mumble out even as
they crushed him.

“Ya, he’s in!” Kyoujurou excitedly replied to tengen, seemingly unfazed about being crushed. Giyuu just nodded his head, in hopes agreeing would get them off his back; literally.

Kyoujurou and Tengen let go of Giyuu’s shoulders and began to run ahead to the dorm building.
“Be at Obanai’s room by six!” Tengen yelled over Kyoujurou’s shoulder.

“Okay i’ll be there” Giyuu yelled back. Tengen and Kyoujurou took that as good enough and kept skipping.

Five minutes later he finally got back to his dorm. He was scrolling on his phone as he usually did after an annoyingly long hockey practice, but this time as he walked the third floor hallway, he passed the window that looked over the ice rink entrance and something caught his eye.

No, someone.

He would recognize her anywhere. Shinobu Kochou.
He saw her around campus occasionally. Even if whenever they did cross paths she acted like he didn't exist. His junior year they were inseparable, his senior year they hadn’t said one word to each other. He missed her a lot, but mostly he was worried about her.

Almost as if to break Giyuu out of his trance; he suddenly was shoulder checked, and fell to the ground.
He looked up to see his friend, co-team captain and dorm neighbor Sanemi, on the floor next to him.

“God watch where you're walkin- oh it's you. Be more careful tomioka.” Sanemi was mean to a lot of people, but he really did care for his friends.

Sanemi and Giyuu only started getting along last year, thanks to Shinobu. Sanemi hated Giyuu because he thought Giyuu acted like he was better than other people just because he was very shy. They started getting along after they were roommates for a semester and Shinobu helped Giyuu come out of his shell.
He missed Shinobu, he really did.

“Are you going to the arcade thing tonight with the guys?” Sanemi asked, barely looking up.

“Yeah I was planning on it.” Giyuu responded looking right at Sanemi’s white hair.
Tengen and Sanemi were both very blonde. Sanemi's hair was naturally white, but Tengens was bleached. They all vividly remembered bleaching Tengen’s hair in their freshmen dorm room, and them all getting detention for accidentally bleaching the carpet as well.

As soon as he got back into his dorm room he threw his hockey bag on the balcony to air out before getting in the shower.

Giyuu exhaled as the water hit his back. The cold had never really bothered him, but something about the hot water after a long practice was incredibly soothing. He tended to
get lost in thought in the shower. He always thought of her.
He didn’t know what they were, or put better, used to be.

Last year they were quite literally inseparable. They would talk about anything, laugh together, share things from their souls. Giyuu couldn’t remember the exact moment he fell for Shinobu, but once he knew he knew. He remembered when they kissed at that party and then never mentioned it. He remembered carrying her back to her dorm room after and how she drunkenly called his long hair beautiful. He remembered finding her passed out on the ice, the blood in her hair, and feeling so nauseous from concern he almost dropped her. He remembered Shinobu reaching her hand up to his long black hair as she slipped in and out of consciousness.

He really did love her. Even now.

Chapter Text

This was a bad idea. This whole party was a bad idea. Parties just weren’t his thing.
He didn’t drink much, and he didn’t find much enjoyment in watching his friends drink. But when she asked him to go with her he just knew he wouldn’t say no.

The music was loud. He didn’t know who’s house it was, but it was large. Everything was dimly lit with colorful lighting and the bass vibration was making him dizzy. Shinobu was drunk off her ass, and he had lost her in the crowd ten minutes ago.

“Hey! Tomioka!” Tengen pushed through the crowd and threw his arm around his shoulder.

“Hi Tengen," a blind man could tell that Tengen was in fact also, drunk off his ass, “hey, have you seen Shinobu?”

“Oh! Ya, shes dancing with Mitsuri” Tengen slurred his words, “man, we need to get you another drink”

Giyuu ignored him, and pushed through the crowd to the dining room turned dance floor. He scanned the entire room for her before he found her. Shinobu was ethereal. Her hair had come undone from its intricate style, and was hanging loosely around her shoulders. She threw her head back and laughed at something Mitsuri said. The colored lights hit her skin perfectly and for a minute he just looked at her.

He watched her trade drinks with a girl, he knew for a fact she didn’t, and danced up against her.
Until Someone put their hands on his shoulders, breaking him out of his Shinobu induced trance.

“Hi Giyuu!” Kanae Kochou beamed at him, clearly at least tipsy. Shinobu’s sister Kanae was in his grade, she was taller than Shinobu by a good amount and her hair was a lot longer. “I didn’t think you were the type for these parties.”

“I'm really not, Shinobu convinced me to come” he replied but looked past Kanae to keep an eye on Shinobu. Kanae turned around and instantly understood. It was no secret that Giyuu and Shinobu had something much more than platonic going on between them, the only people who didn’t address it were Giyuu and Shinobu.

“Kanae” she turned around to sanemi standing right behind her.

“Sanemi!” she threw her arms around him, and he went bright red.
Giyuu left them to whatever just happened and pushed through the crowd to find Shinobu.

Fabric, perfume, alcohol, and sweat overwhelmed him as he searched. He scanned the crowd only to see every face that wasn’t hers. The lights flashed once more and he caught a glimpse of her smile in front of him. So without thinking he reached for her hand and pulled her in.

“Hi!” she shouted over the music, her eyes were as intoxicating as the alcohol he could see in them.

“Shinobu we should go” he looked down at her face

“Not yet” she insisted, “I want to dance more.” she slipped her arms around the back of his neck and moved in closer.

They danced like that for a while. The music was still blaring and the lights still flashed but for a time they were still. Her head leaned against his chest and she ran her hands through his hair. He was flushed, but he didn’t feel embarrassed, he felt embraced. She lifted her head off his chest and met his gaze. Their faces were so close he could feel her breath and she leaned in slightly.

Their lips brushed just slightly but neither of them sealed the kiss, they just stayed like that.
When she pulled away he exhaled but not in relief. Shinobu turned away from him and for a second he thought she was going to walk away, but she grabbed his arm.

She pushed through the crowd with determination, still holding onto his arm. They navigated the crowd, pushing through people dancing and laughing. He didn’t know where she was taking them, just that he trusted her.
They got to a hallway where the music wasn’t quite as loud and she let go of his arm, only to throw her arms over his neck once more.

“Now can we dance?” she looked at him with those violet eyes and even in the dark hallway he could see the intenseness of her gaze. He pulled her in closer than before, and without thinking they returned to the way they had their lips brushing. But this time he kissed her. She grabbed the back of his neck to pull his lips even more into hers. She tasted like alcohol but he didn’t care.

Giyuu had never much liked the taste of alcohol but god did he love the taste of her.

Chapter Text

Shinobu hated the school infirmary, but when kanae insisted they go to get her arms checked, she fought the urge to make a run for the door. Instead she just made a point to act annoyed with Kanae

There was nothing Shinobu hated more than when the school physician’s assistant had her take off her jacket to get a look at the bruising. Shinobu hated not having her arms covered because of the scarring and stretchmarks. She had gained a lot of weight back from when she was at her lowest but while she felt more energized, she also felt ugly.

Shinobu had been told she was beautiful many times, and when she was younger she believed it. But how could she ever be beautiful when she looked like this? Kanae was beautiful. That was just a fact. Even though kanae was a year older she was just as pretty at Shinobu's age, so whenever Shinobu looked at herself all she could see was how she didn’t look like Kanae and how everyone must think she was hideous.

Kanae’s skin was fair but tanned, Shinobu had always been very pale. Kanae’s hair was long and sleek, Shinobu’s was shoulder length and awkwardly wavy. Kanae was tall, slender, and filled out. Shinobu was short, and always thought of herself as disproportionate. Even though Shinobu constantly compared herself to her sister, she truly never had any animosity towards her. It wasn’t Kanae’s fault that she was beautiful. It was her own that she wasn’t.

“Okay sweetie, there isn’t any fracturing or concerning bleeding, but i do want you to ice it and take a break from training for the next couple days.” the school physician, Dr. Tamayo informed her

“Thank you Dr. Tamayo." Shinobu replied with a slightly bitter undertone.

The dorm halls were organized by grade. The sophomores and freshmen were on the first floor, juniors on the second, and seniors on the third. When she finally got back to her second floor dorm room all she wanted to do was get in bed.

“Hi Shinobu!” her roommate Mitsuri greeted her as soon as she stepped in the door.
Shinobu didn’t respond, only threw her bag on the floor then herself on her bed.

“Ahhhhhh” She grabbed her pillow and screamed into it.

“That bad?” Mitsuri lightly chuckled but asked with genuine interest.

“I don’t understand, why can’t I just get this jump?” Shinobu replied lifting her head off the pillow

“It's okay, Shinobu. It doesn’t have to be perfect.” Mitsuri sat on the edge of her bed and placed a hand on Shinobu’s arm, in an attempt to comfort her. Shinobu instantly recoiled as she always did whenever someone touched her arm

“You don’t get it.” Shinobu yelled at her without meaning to, “It just has to.”

Mitsuri looked at her. It wasn’t Mitsuri’s fault that she didn’t get it. Shinobu instantly felt guilty for snapping. Shinobu didn’t know why she was always so angry. She was short fused and prone to snap, and she hated herself for it. Why couldn’t she be patient like Mitsuri?

“I’m sorry for raising my voice. I didn’t try to.” Shinobu looked down while apoligizing. Mitsuri just smiled and without holding any grudge she switched the subject. Mitsuri was very good at descallating situations, something Shinobu struggled at. The two met the week before their first day of freshmen year, when they were assigned roomates and got eachother. They didn’t seem like the type of girls to be friends but they clicked almost instantly, despite how different they were.

The bathroom they shared had a large mirror over the sink. Shinobu tried to look at the mirror as little as possible. She always had found warm water soothing, she was never much one for the cold. He had always like the cold for some reason. She sort of missed the way Giyuu would poke fun at her for being cold and then give her his sweatshirt, because that's how "just friends" acted.

Shinobu remembered everything that happened between them. She remembered all the inside jokes, late nights in the library, whispers about them, times they were too close to be “just friends”, the time he kissed her at that party.
Shinobu pretended not to remember that last one. She had pulled his mouth into hers so hard, her lips were bruised the next day. She just wanted to kiss him forever in that moment. She wanted more than anything to stay like that forever. Absorbed in him.

When they talked the morning after he didn’t bring it up, so neither did she. He probably thought it was a mistake. She was probably just the closest one around for him to blow off steam. Sure a part of her knew she had been in love with him, but how could someone like him ever love someone like her.

So she pushed it down and cut him off when he tried to catch her. That was the part she regreted, even if she had convinced herself it was nessicary. But she didn’t need his sympathy. She was no one's charity case.

When Shinobu finally stepped out of the steamy bathroom Mitsuri was sitting on her bed staring at her, looking a little too happy.

“What?” Shinobu asked skeptically.
Misuri kept staring at her until there was a knock on the door. Shinobu moved to open the door.

“I’ll get it!” Mitsuri jumped off her bed and flew to the door.
Shinobu sat at her desk and took her hair out of the towel, when she heard a voice all too familiar from the other side of the door.

“Shinobu, can I please come in?” Kanae asked from the other side of the door, in her sweetest voice.

“No. I’m mad at you.” Shinobu replied, but Mitsuri let her in anyway.

“Okay so hear me out,” Shinobu put her head in her hands as kanae spoke, “there’s that new arcade opening and kanao wants to go with the new friends shes made”

“And she needs an upperclassman escort?” Shinobu asked, knowing exactly where Kanae was going with this.

“Yes! And she asked me-” Kanae continuied

“Have fun!” Shinobu cut her off and turned back to doing her hair.

“Please Shinobu, I really don’t want to go alone.” Kanae pleaded, but Shinobu looked unphased. “And, Mitsuri said she will go with if you come.”

Shinobu looked at Mitsuri, whos guilty look now made sense.
“Fine…” Shinobu agreed, after throwing her head back.

She just knew she was in for a long night.

Chapter Text

Giyuu sat on the edge of the bed in Sanemi’s dorm room against his will. One minute he was drying his long black hair in the bathroom mirror both boys shared, and the next he was taken hostage for fashion advice. 

“Okay but what about this one?” Sanemi walked out of their bathroom with yet another black shirt on.

“I swear if you try on one more shirt, I will shoot myself.” Giyuu mumbled, throwing the towel on his head over his face. 

“Tomioka, Kanae might be there with her youngest sister so I have to look at least presentable.” The blonde boy snapped as if it was the most reasonable explanation ever.

Sanemi didn’t usually care about fashion, most of the time he wore the same three T-shirts, but today Kanae could be there. Giyuu wasn’t on bad terms with Kanae at all, but they hadn’t really  been friends since his fall out with Shinobu. He liked Kanae well enough, and understood why Sanemi and many other boys at the school loved her. But she wasn’t Shinobu. He always saw how Shinobu watched Kanae, and the small behaviors she would attempt to mimic. 

Shinobu was described as angry by a lot of people, and he saw how much it bothered her even if she hid it well. She would try to act like Kanae or Mitsuri sometimes, but it wasn’t sincere. Shinobu was kind and selfless, but she was also her own person. 

As if to focus him, Giyuu’s phone buzzed on the bed beside him.

Tsutako

“How’s the break going, kiddo?”

Giyuu

“Its going good, me and Sanemi lead captain’s practice starting next week”

Tsutako

“Look at you captain! I'm very proud of you. Do you have any friend plans, or maybe a date?!”

Giyuu

“Me and some guys are going to this new arcade”

Tsutako

“Have fun, be safe, I love you!”

Giyuu

“Love you too Tsu”

He missed his sister. 

Usually he would go home for breaks, but Tsutako had to work overnight nursing shifts, and he had practice, so they decided that staying at the academy this time was best. His sister raised him after their parents died in a car accident when he was seven. She was eighteen and had to balance her first year of college with raising a child. She never once complained. He woke up one night to her sobbing in the kitchen of their tiny apartment, but when she saw him she pretended she was fine. He never forgot that night, the way she held her head as she sobbed into her exam papers. Despite everything she graduated with her nursing degree, and still made every parent teacher conference and hockey game. When Giyuu was scouted by Wisteria Academy she did everything she possibly could to get him into such an excellent school. He had gotten a scholarship, but she still put in extra shifts and wore the same clothes till they had holes, in order to pay for uniforms, hockey equipment, and school supplies. He wanted to make her proud, make up for her sacrificing her college life and early adulthood. He needed every tear to have a result. 

“Sanemi!” Giyuu called through the bathroom door, "I have to get dressed myself, wear the third shirt. It’s the least bad.”  he heard Sanemi chuckle from the other side

“Get out of my dorm room loser!”he yelled back through the door, as Giyuu laughed and went back to his dorm room. 

it was a little strange– but not unwelcome,  how a year ago Sanemi and Giyuu barely talked, and now he considered him to be one of his best friends.

Back in Giyuu’s dorm room, he had practically turned the place upside down looking for his wallet with no avail. 

His locker. It was in his locker, he remembered.

The school hallways were almost completely empty; except the few clubs, or kids grabbing things from lockers. The wing with the senior and junior lockers overlooked the main dining hall and infirmary. Him and Shinobu used to eat lunch up here, so they could watch the people in the cafeteria and judge them. The time he made a face at a classmate’s hair dye was the first time he saw her really laugh. Not the polite fake laugh she usually did, her real laugh and smile. That was the first time he realized he was falling for her.  

He walked to the railing and brushed his hand over the varnished wood. Every time he thought of her it forced him to think about what happened. About the blood and the bruises. If only everything didn't remind him of her. 

But then something caught his eye again. Walking out of the infirmary was Kanae Kochou, followed by Shinobu Kochou. This was the second time today he had seen her. Why was she here? Why was she in the infirmary? Was she hurt? He watched as she pulled her jacket fully over her arms, and shrugged Kanae off when she put a hand on her shoulder. One thing was for sure. She was mad.

His phone vibrated in his pocket,

Kyoujurou

“Hey man where are you”

“Obanai is losing his mind”

He checked the time,

 6:05

Oh shit.

Chapter Text

Twenty minutes after blow drying and curling her short hair, Kanae sat on the floor of the dorm room, blending the meticulously applied make up on Shinobu’s face.

Shinobu had never really been into makeup. She learned how to do her own makeup last year, but thought it looked weird with her already pale complexion. 

“Ow that hurts” Shinobu flinched back as Kanae continued to pat her face with the beauty blender.

“If you stop moving it won’t hurt” Kanae answered back, turning Shinobu’s face to the side. Kanae’s hand under her chin held Shinobu’s face from moving, even when Mitsuri called her name from inside her closet.

“Shinobu, you know I love you, but do you have anything that doesn’t either look like you’re going to a funeral or skating?” Mitsuri asked, pulling out Shinobu’s mostly dark colored clothing. 

Shinobu liked her clothes. She preferred dark and cooler colors, to Mitsuri’s pastel and vibrant colors. On her first day of freshman year a boy called her emo for her darker clothing, and so she kicked him below the waist. 

“For your information my clothes are great.” Shinobu said back as Kanae snickered.

“This closet makes you look goth.” Mitsuri said flatly and Kanae laughed again.

“Oh yes, expensive ass athletic clothing and blue and purple, How goth of me.” Shinobu replied with heavy sarcasm. Mitsuri laughed at that, but delved back into the closet. 

“And done!” Kanae announced and dropped her grip on Shinobu’s face. “Here, look.” Kanae put a mirror in Shinobu's hand. Shinobu looked at herself in the mirror. She turned from side to side analysing her face. And for the first time in weeks, she didn’t feel bad looking in a mirror. She felt pretty even. Shinobu didn’t remember the last time she really felt pretty, but it was probably the last time she competed. There was something so rewarding about training for months for a moment. Sure, sure the rink lighting was harsh and she never really liked her competition dresses, but she felt real when competing. Like no matter what, if she had skating to express herself she would be okay. 

“Okay i think i found an outfit that will work!” Mitsuri pulled a white skirt from her own closet  and dark purple long-sleeve shirt out of Shinobu’s. 

Shinobu stood at the full-length mirror in the bathroom. How Misuri’s skirt hung on Shinobu’s waist made the way her hips still stuck out all too noticeable. She kept tugging her skirt down to cover her waist. She hated how tight the shirt was anyways. Maybe if she was a little taller it would look better.

“You look really pretty.” Mitsuri came up behind her, wrapping her arms around Shinobu’s waist. “You are really pretty.” 

“Guys, we’re supposed to meet Kanao at her dorm room in five, are you two ready?” Kanae called from the main room. 

“Ya I’m ready, I just need my purse.” Shinobu called back. They walked out of the bathroom  and began to gather their things. 

“Oh my Shinobu, you look so pretty!” Kanae gushed and primped the bottom of the white skirt. “You always look so pretty in light colors.”

“Ya ya, didn’t you say we have to go?” Shinobu attempted to redirect the attention.

The first floor dorm room brought back a lot of memories. The Kochou girls were on the first floor of the dorms quite frequently now that Kanao was enrolled here. They walked to the corner and, were almost to Kanao’s room when they suddenly heard yelling.

“What was that?” Mitsuri remarked, looking at Kanae. The girls turned the corner to find quite the sight. Standing- or rather brawling, in the middle of the hallway, were three boys.

One of the boys had vibrant  yellowish-blonde hair, the second boy had shoulder length dark hair and Shinobu probably wouldn’t have guessed was a boy due to his feminine facial features if the front of his shirt wasn’t open, and the third had dark brown hair with a reddish hue to it. The first two boys were fighting, verbally and physically. 

“Let go of me Inoske!” the yellow haired boy screamed from a headlock 

“Admit that you’re a little bitch boy!” the feminine boy screamed back, as the third boy looked horrified.

“Guys please stop fighting, Kanao’s sisters will be here any minute!” The brunette boy pleaded. “They’re doing us a huge favor by bringing us so we need to make a good impression.” 

Shinobu laughed at the way he attempted to separate the two fighting boys.

“A bit late for a good first impression.” Kanae interjected and the Feminine boy dropped the blonde boy on his back.

“Ow!” The yellow haired boy yelped from the ground, “Tanjiro, do you see how mean he is to me!” he yelled at the brunette boy, and earned a flick.

“Oh my, I am so very sorry for them, please forgive us.” the brunette boy asked while bowing many times.

“It's quite alright, I assume you three are Kanao’s friends. I’m Kanae and this is my sister Shinobu. What are your names?” Kanao tilted her head slightly in amusement, but asked genuinely.

“I’m Tanjiro, it's very nice to meet you Miss Kanae.” Tanjiro extended his hand to shake all three of theirs. “This is Zenitsu,” he pointed to the blonde boy, “and that’s Inosuke.”

“Better question,” Shinobu raised an eyebrow. "How did you get into the girl’s dorms?” She asked, not really expecting a real answer. Kanae nudged her for the remark.

“Tanjiro, do you know where our other sister is?” Kanae asked, changing the subject to take pressure off the young boy. 

“Yes, she’s in her dorm with Aoi and Nezuko.” Tanjiro stated, clearly glad for the topic shift.

***

After what felt to be years of herding all eight freshmen out of the dorms, and on the subway they finally made it to the new arcade. Kanae led the front of the group as Zenitsu, Tanjiro, Inosuke, and the two new boys; Genya and Muichiro ran ahead, Nezuko and Aoi trailed behind shortly after. Kanao stayed at Shinobu’s side as she watched her friends. Unlike her outgoing older sisters, Kanao had always been shy and kept to herself. Shinobu and Kanae were scared about Kanao making friends at the new school, but her roommates were truly really sweet girls who genuinely cared about Kanao.

“Are you okay Kiddo?” She asked, lightly squeezing her younger sister’s shoulder. Kanao just nodded her head yes. 

“Go run up with your friends and have fun, okay?” Shinobu encouraged, and lightly pushed her sister up. Nezuko turned back, grabbed Kanao’s hand and ran ahead with her, and Kanao smiled. 

Mitsuri linked her arm with Shinobu’s and everything was good right now, even if she was dragged into spending her night with eight freshmen. Shinobu didn’t even mind the cool air as the sun set. Until she heard bickering again, but it wasn’t Inosuke and Zenitsu. Instead, standing at the door of the arcade entrance were three older boys. One was being held in the air laughing and yelling to be put down, Obanai. One was holding the other boy and laughing while going through the door, Sanemi. And one stood at the door, laughing a laugh and smiling a smile that was so familiar to Shinobu it physically stung. Giyuu Tomioka. Standing ten feet in front of her and now looking right at her.

Mitsuri laughed at the scene without realizing and Giyuu held the door open for Mitsuri, who thanked him politely.  

As Shinobu went through the door they were the closest they had been in months. She nodded politely and forced a smile to thank him, but Instead of returning it Giyuu raised his hand and used his ring finger to tuck a strand of his long black hair behind his ear. A gesture so small anyone else would’ve dismissed it, but for Shinobu it made her feel sick.

Chapter Text

Giyuu Tomioka

Seconds after walking into Obanai’s dorm room Giyuu received a crisp smack on the back of his head.

“Ow!” He turned around to see Obanai Iguro standing at the doorway looking just slightly furious. “Damn Obanai what was that for?” Giyuu rubbed the back of his head.

“You’re almost fifteen minutes late, Tomioka.” Obanai stood, looking up at Giyuu with his arms crossed.

“Obanai, cut him a break please.” Kyoujurou slipped his hand onto Giyuu’s back in an attempt to lead him away from the shorter boy. Obanai continued to stare at them, what he lacked in height he made up for in death glares and intimidation. 

“Can we like, go… please?” Tengen offered in a clear attempt to stop the intense silence.

Kyoujurou shuffled behind Giyuu as Obanai looked him up and down intensely once more. 

“Fine.” The shorter boy agreed and Giyuu finally relaxed his shoulders. 

***

Getting onto the subway was always alot bigger of a pain in the ass than it had to be, but Sanemi was the only one of them with a car and it was in the shop for repairs due to it being a piece of junk. The trains weren't usually busy in this part of the city at six o’clock on a Thursday so there were only a few other people on the train. Him, Sanemi, and Obanai stood near the back of the train car talking, or more Sanemi and Obanai talked with each other. Tengen and Kyoujurou stood near the front. Tengen was flirting with a few girls sitting on the bench, as usual but then he pointed at Giyuu. The dark haired boy looked around confused as the train stopped and Tengen beckoned him over. He walked over cautiously as the train doors closed. 

“Hey, man! Introduce yourself to these gorgeous girls.” Tengen said to him in an over the top way that made it obvious he was leading onto something. 

“Hi?” Giyuu said, questioning the purpose of Tengen's request, “I’m Giyuu.”

“Giyuu, this is Mei,” Tengen gestured to one of the girls sitting in the group. She was blonde with dark brown eyes, and was pretty he supposed. “Mei here wants to know if you have a phone number she could borrow.” The group of girls laughed quietly but Mei extended her phone with the contacts open.

Giyuu looked at Tengen and then at the girl, completely dumbfounded. How could Tengen ever think for a second that that was okay? He was there the nights Giyuu would sit on the roof of the dorm building when Shinobu was in the hospital. Giyuu was completely sure Tengen knew he wasn’t over Shinobu.

“I'm sorry Mei, you seem great, but I’m not interested and my friend here knows that.” Giyuu turned around after shooting a deadly glare towards Tengen. Giyuu tried to turn around and walk back over to Sanemi and Obanai but only made it a few steps before he felt a hand grabbing his upper arm.

“Giyuu, wait up man.” He tensed up as Tengen called out with his hand still holding Giyuu’s arm. 

“Tengen let me go.” Giyuu made eye contact with the tall boy.

“No. You know what? This is ridiculous!” Tengen raised his voice. “Why? Why won’t you go out with anyone?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Giyuu’s voice was steady but louder, more demanding. 

“This is about Shinobu, isn’t it?” The way Tengen used her name as a weapon sparked something inside of  him, “She cut you out. You didn’t do anything.” 

“You have no idea Tengen, about anything!” Giyuu yelled back at him. His voice sounded so insisting, but he wasn’t trying to convince Tengen, he was trying to convince himself. 

Tengen did know. That's why it hurt. 

He shook his own arm hard, trying to get Tengen to let go but he just wouldn’t. So Giyuu pushed him off. The tall blonde boy tripped over a bag on the floor of the train car and fell into Kyoujurou.

“What the hell man!” Tengen stood up quickly and got up in Giyuu’s face, yelling and pushing him back. 

He didn’t push him very hard at all, but Giyuu raised his fist and swung at him. Tengen dodged the punch quickly, and then immediately raised to punch the dark haired boy before being restrained by Kyoujurou. 

“Both of you stop this now. You’re causing a scene.” Sanemi said while looking back and forth between the two boys, as Obanai restrained Giyuu. He backed down as Obanai dug his elbow into his back. 

“You know damn well that I'm right about this, but fine.” Tengen pointed at Giyuu but turned away to storm to the other side of the train car, “be miserable.” 

In a way Tengen was right. It wasn’t really Giyuu’s fault, but every inch of himself knew she wasn’t alright. So he was okay with getting hurt. He knew that being really in love with someone meant even if he was hurt a million times he would always care for her. He would always love her.

***

“Woah, is this it?” Kyoujurou looked up at the huge building.

“Well according to the twenty thousand signs and my GPS, yes it is.” Obanai replied with sarcasm but just as much amazement. 

“It’s giant.” Kyoujurou stated, ignoring Obanai’s sarcasm

After an awkward walk from the subway, with the animosity of the fight still lingering in the group of boys, they finally arrived at the arcade. The fiery haired boy was right, it was giant. The building was huge and colorful with signs for the opening week everywhere. 

Tengen hit Kyoujurou’s arm and ran ahead to the entrance. They both ran inside while laughing. 

Giyuu, Sanemi, and Obanai stood in the parking lot still looking up. 

“We should probably go in.” Sanemi said but didn’t move at all.

“Yeah.” Giyuu did the same. 

Sanemi shook his head and nudged him on the shoulder as he finally walked toward the entrance. Giyuu followed shortly after but stopped after a few steps when the both realized Obanai was still standing there.

“I am not going in there.” Obanai announced. Sanemi turned around sharply and walked toward the shorter boy.

“Oh yes you are.” The blonde boy grabbed a hold of him and picked him up effortlessly. 

“Shinazugawa put me down right now!” Obanai demanded, but his laugh betrayed him .

“Tomioka get the door!” Sanemi commanded, while still holding Obanai.

“Tomioka don’t you dare!” Obanai yelled, but Giyuu was already holding it open and laughing himself. 

Sanemi successfully carried a screaming Obanai Iguro into the arcade, and Giyuu planned to follow them until he heard a sweet sounding voice behind him that he knew. Mitsuri Kanroji, the best friend of Shinobu Kochou. It should’ve come at no surprise to him when he turned around to see them walking arm and arm but just seeing her so close sent a wave of shock down him. Sure he had seen her in school or occasionally on campus, but here she was walking through the door he was holding open. She looked up at him with a polite smile that he knew was forced. those violet eyes that still tried to lie to him, met his deep blue gaze. 

He carefully raised his hand to his own face, and used his ring finger to tuck a piece of his hair behind his ear. She looked at him and for just a moment her carefully reupholstered mask chipped. 

Chapter Text

People ran all around her, yelling and laughing in the colored lights. Shinobu stayed standing, leaning against the dark wooden table. She watched as Kanao cheered on Nezuko in a claw machine that she kept losing, Kanae and Sanemi played a racing game, and the rest of the freshman boys screamed over a basketball game. Mitsuri was talking next to Shinobu. She tried to listen to what her friend was saying, but the only thing she could focus on was across the large area full of tables and teenagers laughing.

Giyuu was facing away from her, leaning against the table holding a drink. He looked as if he was searching the crowd for someone. She hated how intensely she watched him, how she examined the way he stretched his back and how he picked up a soda from the table and lifted it to his lips.
God his lips. The colored lights around them, and the loud bright music reminded her of the night at that party. Except at that party she was so drunk all she could think of was how badly she wanted him. At that party she didn’t care how much she hated herself, or how much it hurt to dance on her ice skate blistered feet. Shinobu had always been a very logical person, she was never one to give into the emotions and desires that she felt so passionately. She blamed how much she wanted to be with him that night on the alcohol in her system, that it was only physical desire and the fact that he was familiar to her. So it was understandably troubling how she stood here, now completely sober, and still watched him. Still wanted him.

“Shinobu? Are you alright?” Mitsuri asked, her voice cutting Shinobu’s trance.

“Yes, Sorry. I think I’m just thirsty.” Shinobu answered with fake enthusiasm.

“Oh! I’ll get you a drink, I was feeling a bit hungry myself anyways!” Mitsuri offered. Mitsuri was probably the nicest person Shinobu had ever met. She was very grateful for her best friend, but she always felt a sort of envy towards her.

As soon as Mitsuri skipped away to the food counter Shinobu turned around and dramatically threw her elbows and head on the table with more force than she meant.

“Ow.” She said flatly.

“Shinobu, are you alright?” Kanao spoke from behind her.
She loved her younger sister to death, but Kanao had a habit of being so quiet that she accidentally scared people. Luckily for Shinobu, she was used to her little sister’s mildly creepy tendencies.

“Ya I’m just fine!” Shinobu responded in a forced cheery voice.

“Can I ask you for some advice?” Kanao asked quietly, and looked down as her cheeks went pink. “About a boy…”
Shinobu perked up when her sister mentioned a boy. Kanao never had crushes, or at least she never told her or Kanae about them.

“Of course you can ask, do I know him?” she slipped her arm around her younger sister’s shoulder.

“He’s over there.” The younger girl pointed at the three freshmen boys that were fighting earlier.

“Please tell me it’s not Inosuke.” She asked even if she was doubtful that her quiet sister would like a boy like him anyways.

“No! Aoi likes Inosuke.” Kanao looked down again before continuing, “I like Tanjirou”

Shinobu looked over at the boys again. The reddish haired boy was cheering on his friends with a genuine smile. He was kind, social, and sincere. Maybe he could help Kanao come out of her shell, Shinobu thought and smiled.

“The problem is that he’s so nice.” Kanao sighed

“That doesn’t seem like a problem to me?” Shinobu looked at her younger sister confused as to why his kindness was a problem.

“It is a huge problem.” Kanao buried her head in her hands, “every time I try to talk to him I get so nervous, I just freeze up!”

“You need to be brave and talk to him, and if this boy doesn't like you he's an idiot.” She advised, as her little sister gave her a very skeptical look.

“That's what all older sisters say,” Kanao sighed
“if he doesn't like you he's a fucking idiot.” Kanao added, imitating her sister.

“Woah kid watch your fucking language.” Shinobu jokingly lectured. Kanao laughed at that, she rarely opened up enough to curse or laugh so Shinobu smiled a genuine smile and sent her little sister back to her friends. Maybe she could have fun at this overly flashy arcade.

If only she didn't look back up.
Giyuu was laughing. And the tall, pretty, blonde girl next to him was laughing. Shinobu was the one that pushed him away. She was the one who swore to him that she didn't love him, but as that girl put a hand on his arm a second wave of nausea washed over her.

Chapter Text

He stood alone at the table, Sanemi and Obanai had left to play the arcade games ten minutes ago. He didn’t mind staying at the table he really didn’t, it gave him time to search the crowd for the girl that burned in his mind day and night. Giyuu leaned against the high top and stretched his back, watching the crowd of people run and laugh. He had never much been one for crowds to begin with, but ironically they were nice places to think. Everything just felt so surreal in a crowd of people. Everyone in the crowd was a person with a life that Giyuu would never know, and he found it strangely comforting. 

The morning after the party he woke up on the floor of Shinobu’s dorm room. His hair was loose and messy, his zip up sweatshirt was not on him, and her lip gloss residue still faintly clung to his lips. She was fast asleep in her bed, wrapped in his sweatshirt and clearly hungover. He looked at her for a moment. She was so beautiful, but so clearly hurting and he couldn’t tell why no one else could see it. Five minutes later, he left the room never even waking her. 

Shinobu wore that sweatshirt of his for the whole day after that, and neither of them mentioned it. He wasn’t surprised that she didn’t remember the kiss, but it took everything in him not to bring it up. He just didn’t know what they were. They found a certain comfort in each other the way friends did, but the line had been crossed too many times to deny there wasn’t something way more than friendship between them. He knew how he felt, or at least how he used to. 

“Hey stranger.” A sweet, slightly nervous voice, said from behind him. Mei, the girl from the train, stood behind him. She was pretty up close. Mei was tall, with long blonde hair and amber colored eyes. If she was here to tell him off he wouldn’t blame her for a minute. Maybe he got a little too worked up on the train. Okay, he definitely got too worked up on the train. 

“Hi.” He was short with her, but not rude, just curious. 

“I wanted to apologize.” She was genuine, Giyuu could tell. “The thing on the train was my friend’s idea. I got out of a really bad relationship a few months ago and so when my friend Lena  told your blonde friend, he called you over.”

“Tengen can be very overbearing, so don’t worry about it.” He said to her and gave a half smile.

“He told us that he had ‘a hot single friend,’” Mei explained, and Giyuu rolled his eyes because of course Tengen would say that. “he got the hot part right.” 

Giyuu choke laughed at her joke. “What makes you think he didn’t get the single part right?” 

He wasn’t good at sarcasm when he didn’t know people so it came out more serious than he expected.

She laughed and placed a hand on his arm, “You seemed so caught off guard, I just assumed you have a girlfriend that your friend doesn’t like.” 

“I don’t have a girlfriend just, well… it's complicated” he sighed. It was very very complicated. 

“Trust me, I know complicated.” Mei laughed and then so did Giyuu. She wasn’t half bad to talk to.  “So, are you gonna buy me a drink?” She said, while raising an eyebrow at him.

They talked for a bit more, and while they didn’t really know each other it was pleasant. She was simple and nice to talk to. Giyuu learned that Mei was a senior at Rose Academy, and co captain of their girls hockey team. Her parents lived about an hour away from the town, lived on campus, and came to the arcade with her friends from school. 

“So, how long have you played hockey?” She asked him, but his mind floated elsewhere. 

“Ya…” He looked all around him with intent. Giyuu could've sworn he saw Shinobu this time. 

“So who is this girl that is very obviously on your mind tonight?” Mei asked with sarcasm, but not malice. 

“I’m sorry Mei, it's not that I just…” Giyuu really tried to focus on what she was saying, but he just couldn’t stop thinking of Shinobu. He gently pushed past Mei and made his way through the crowd. Giyuu felt bad for leaving Mei behind. It was rude of him to leave mid-conversation, but nothing he did was rational when it came to Shinobu. Something about his attitude just changed when it was about her.

The colored lights got brighter as he got closer to the arcade games, he felt almost delirious as the lights flashed in his eyes. He looked all around him for a glimpse of her, but every person Giyuu thought was her turned around to not be. He almost gave up the search until he heard something that finally interested him. A quiet shriek from the racing games, not Shinobu’s voice but intriguing nonetheless. Mitsuri was sitting at the steering wheel of one of those digital car-racing games, and at the wheel next to her was none other than Shinobu Kochou.

He had rehearsed this moment in his head and dorm probably a thousand times, but as he stood there with nothing stopping him from talking to her, he was frozen. 

Shinobu laughed and cheered at the game. She looked genuinely happy and excited. Then she turned and saw him. He watched the color drain from her face as they made eye contact. Yet Giyuu was walking towards her before he even realized that he was moving. He placed a hand on the top of the game and leaned down to speak to her.

“Hi.” Giyuu said it as a statement rather than a greeting. He watched her tense up completely yet still attempted to stay composed. 

“Hello Giyuu.” She looked up at him and forced a smile that was perfectly constructed. “Are you enjoying the arcade?” 

“Shinobu, can I speak to you for a minute?” He hated how formal he sounded, how they faked this formality as if they were strangers. 

“I have to go.” Shinobu said, and got up from the game. She ran away so quickly he didn’t even realize she was walking away from him. 

He reached her before she could disappear. Giyuu held a hand out to grab her sleeve, careful to never touch her arms. 

“Let go of me right now.” Shinobu was so serious, as she turned around. Her false smile had long disappeared. 

“Shinobu, can we please just talk?” He was almost pleading with her at this point. He was so desperate to get some kind of answer out of her he didn’t notice how his hand was now on her arm and had shifted her sleeve up.

Dark bruising lined her forearm that was still thin as always. 

but she didn’t flinch? 

Shinobu was always startled whenever anyone touched her arm. He watched how she would shutter, even when it was just Kanae or Mitsuri.

He looked at her arm with confusion and when she noticed his hand, she thrashed her wrist. Giyuu immediately let go of her sleeve and stepped back. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-.”

“Please just let me be. I just can’t do this today.” Her eyes softened as she spoke but it still hurt him none the less. Shinobu walked away quickly. Never looking back at him.

He just sat down and ran a hand through his hair. 

What was he doing?

Unknown number

Hi, it's Mei. I got your number from Tengen, I hope you don’t mind. 

Giyuu read the message with confusion. The same Mei that he basically ghosted?

Unknown number

Would you want to hangout again sometime?

Maybe he would.

Chapter Text

The cool fall air sort of felt nice as she ran on the campus trail. She was so angry for a reason she would never admit. That morning she woke up early, too early, and went for a run. Shinobu told herself it was to clear her mind, but in reality it was to keep herself from breaking her careful control. 

She quite liked running in the mornings but she hadn’t done so in months. She used to run in the morning to get out of going to breakfast in the hall, she would always lie and say she already ate. This morning she was running to the coffee shop in town. It wasn’t a far run and she needed the time to think. 

Long dark hair and laughter was all that she could think of. In two ways.

Kanae was sort of always in her head whether Shinobu was caring about her older sister, or comparing herself to her. That was something she had accepted though. She would always think Kanae was perfect. The second head of long dark hair is what troubled her and made her want to run until she passed out. Maybe if she kept running forever she could escape the feeling of dread that swallowed her alive. He felt like a shadow to her sometimes. The way she cared for him was something she would never truly escape, he was like a memory that slowly consumed her. 

She ran faster and faster along the path, maybe if she kept running the light would hit her differently and the shadow would go away for a bit. When she saw him at that arcade yesterday it was hard to explain how exactly she felt. She wasn’t scared but she was tense and cautious, even if it felt like she was doing everything to stop herself from running to him. And when she found him talking with that girl she felt horrible. Shinobu had the worst feeling that she recognized; she wanted to cry. 

Crying was her least favorite because crying brought her back to her worst. 

Those nights in the dorm bathroom silently sobbing after forcing herself to throw up what little she ate in the first place. The taste of acid in her mouth and the sting of tears she couldn’t control. The feeling of her hair sticking to her forehead as she cried would forever haunt her very soul. Maybe it would help her if she forgot him completely. Let him go out with that blonde girl. Let him laugh and joke with her as they got close. But just thinking of her hands in his long hair made her nauseous. 

Shinobu panted as she reached the end of the path. She placed her hands on her knees and her breath was visible in the crisp air. For a moment all of the guilt and looming feeling of dread she had, washed away. 

Shinobu really liked overly sweet, heart attack-inducing iced coffees, even if it was starting to get cold outside. She would usually lie and say that it was a plain latte even if it very much was not. Giyuu hated sweet coffee. The last time they were at the coffee shop he got a plain black coffee and when she forced him to try a sip of her iced “latte” he made a wincing face. She would laugh at the way he hated sweet coffee but would eat those muffins that were caked in sugar. It was strange to her how they went from best friends to strangers, and while he had returned to invading her mind, the thought of him also made her angry. 

Shinobu had barely left the coffee shop when she looked up to see none other than Tengen Uzui leaning against the traffic light on the other side of the street. She tightened her grip on the plastic coffee cup as she tucked the street corner in a desperate attempt to avoid the most overbearing person she had ever met. Just when she thought she had escaped she heard a loud voice running from behind her.

“Hey, oh my gosh!” Tengen stood behind her with a smile on his face that she didn’t trust. “What are you doing here Shiny?” 

“Hello Tengen.” Shinobu sighed and  glared at him as he called her that nickname that he knew bothered her. 

“You know Shiny, it feels like we haven’t hung out in forever.” To her disdain Tengen began walking alongside her.

“Tengen we have never hung out before.” Shinobu tried to be polite to people, she really did, but something about Tengen Uzui just got to her.

“What! Ya we have!” he nudged her shoulder and she glared harder, “That one time at that ski lodge!”

“Do you mean when you were too bitch to go down the hill alone so you forced me and Kiyoujurou to go up with you?” She asked, referring to the school ski trip last December.

“I was not scared, I just wanted company, also Giyuu was there too.” Tengen tried defending himself as she rolled her eyes. “Speaking of Giyuu, we need to have a chat” She tensed at his words, knowing exactly where he was going to take this. 

“Whatever it is has nothing to do with me.” Her words were sharp and quick as she turned her head away from him. 

“Oh but I think it does.” He was persistent, she would give him that much. “He got asked out before the arcade.” Shinobu clenched her jaw.

“Good for him.” She bit together even harder to hide the searing feeling that overwhelmed her. 

“He said no,” Tengen was quieter now but still confident. “Well he also pushed me on a moving subway but story for a different day-”

“Wait he said no?” She interrupted his rant with confusion.

“Yes Shiny, he said no to her.” Tengen gave her this look as if he was searching her mind, trying to figure her out. 

Tengen finally walked ahead of her as she stayed back, walking slowly and thinking. She saw him talking to her, laughing with her. But he rejected that girl? So what if he rejected some girl that asked him out. Why would she care? Why would she feel physically ill at the thought of him with someone else. She didn’t care what he did. 

Right?