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Trust is such a fragile thing. It can all be broken in a matter of seconds, of just a word. The last thing you wanted to do in the situation you are in is break that trust. Give Gawtin a reason to toss you out into the forest. A forest more than happy to swallow you up for a meal. You do your best to keep your head down and out of the mother’s way as she cared for her noisy newborn.
Yet at each turn you make, you seem to continue to get under foot. Fresh, clean water is necessary. Cooking your food fully. No cross contamination. Learning what foods stuck you on the toilet for a whole day. Needing to stay under the shade or use a certain type of sunscreen. How cold it got at night. No matter how quiet you are, you woke up the newborn. It was a whole slew of things that tore at your gut, feeling guilty. Always a burden.
A hard pill to swallow.
It got to the point you’d go outside despite the danger to hide under a tree for shade and draw away. Yet somehow, you’d be in Gawtin’s way. Again.
Said female sat down next to you on the forest’s ground. A green blob swaddled against her chest and left her hands free. She rested her back against the tree, eyes closing when she gives a deep sigh. Tension filled your frame. The instinct to flee smacks you in the face. It takes a lot of your will to stay rooted right where you are. To get out of here and sit down had taken a lot out of you. The bullet wounds you have aren’t fully healed yet. The pain throbbing in your thigh as you sat there frozen like a statue. Your pencil and sketch book forgotten about.
Gawtin gave a huff. Your whole body flinched. That’s when you threw caution to the wind and started the painful process of getting back to your feet. “Sit. Down,” she grunted out without cracking an eye open. You gulped and let your butt meet the ground once more. Your eyes stared wide in front of you, terrified you’ve pissed her off. “Good. Stay like that.” But… why? That is what you wanted to say to her. Instead, you complied silently.
With how tense you were, it was impossible to focus back on your sketch on the scenery around you. The thoughts in your mind flying around at the speed of light. You swallowed thickly and took deep breaths to control your racing heart.
On her chest, Qui’oky squirmed slightly with a small, noise. If you didn’t feel as still as stone, you’d would’ve ‘aw’d at the sound. Your hands gripped the pencil in your hand you felt it starting to crack under the pressure.
Time went by. All you could think of was how close she was to you and the danger you were in if you fucked up. The heat that rolled off of her brushed against your skin. It made you sweat even more with how hot this forest got. You licked at your lip, tasting the saltiness of your own sweat.
Yet, as the sun rose higher and higher, nothing happened. Qui’oky napped quietly in his swaddle. Soon enough, you heard a soft snore come from Gawtin. Instantly, you snapped your head over at the giant, green yautja. Her eyes were closed, mandibles slightly open. Her chest gingerly rising and falling with each deep breath she took. She was asleep. The dangerous predator fell asleep next to you with her child.
Was that a good thing?
Like the prey animal you are, you take the slow, slow chance to push yourself to your feet and limp away while barely making a noise. You reach the porch of the house and glanced over your shoulder. Your whole body froze. Gawtin’s purple eyes were zeroed in on your form. When had she woken up?! You had thought you had done a perfect job on not alerting her. That had clearly failed. You scuttled your way into the house to hide from her piercing gaze.
A few days after that incident, you found it best to use a pillow in a corner to sit while drawing. The position wasn’t any better and put strain on your spine. At least being in a corner meant there was no way you were in Gawtin’s way. Just like you thought choosing a random tree to sit under outside was safe. But, Gawtin had proven you wrong that time.
Was that her way of telling you that you are in her way no matter what? Perhaps that was her favorite spot to nap while outside. You just happened to be in the way. Which you seem to do all the time no matter where you. It’s not like you wanted to be here, underfoot all the time. It all started because you saved her from the government trying to capture her, killing two men to keep her safe. Now though, after all of that, things seem to not go your way.
The sketch you were working on was forgotten about, the pencil hanging loosely in your hand. Your ears caught the sound of footsteps on the porch. Your head snapped towards the noise, still not used to the sounds of her home. Gawtin was back earlier than you expected. She had gone out to get some vitamins and medication you had to take. The food here didn’t have all the nutrients that your body needed. So, Gawtin has to go into town and buy this special stuff for you. Making you feel even more guilty for how much trouble keeping you is for her.
You silently watched the front door to the small cabin-like home open. In walked the massive green yautja, cradling her one-month old in a swaddle to her chest. She goes to the kitchen and places her bag on the counter. She digs through the contents and puts them on the counter. The medicine and vitamins tasted terrible, but your feeble human body needed them to survive.
Once finished. Gawtin picked the bag back up and spun around on her heels. The two of you caught the other’s eye. A yelp left your cracked lips. Immediately, your head ducked down, cheeks flushing with heat. You focus on the ground, trying to act cool and calm.
A huff comes from the towering female. You hear the soft patter of her feet on the hardwood floor. Coming towards you. Panic swelled inside of you. Your blood pumping faster and faster. How in the world are you in her way now?! You kept your gaze down even as her feet come into view. Your entire body was strung up tighter than bow with tension. Ready to snap at a moment’s notice.
Gawtin kneels down in front of you. With her pointer finger and thumb, she pinches your chin and forces your head up. You met her purple gaze staring deep into your soul. Qui’oky is snuggled close to her chest, quietly sleeping away.
“Why are you in a corner, little one?” she asked in her deep, rumbling voice. You swallowed the lump down in your throat.
Why was she asking you that? You blinked at her a few times before finding the courage to speak “To… stay out of your way. It’s comfortable too,” you explained, fibbing slightly about the comfort. It was mostly the truth. With the cushion underneath you, it softened your seat and made sitting on the ground more comfortable.
Her eyes narrowed. Apparently, that was the wrong answer. You lowered your head in submission. “What do you mean ‘out of my way’?” she asked and pinched your chin a little tighter. Your eyes widened, showing off more of the whites of your eyes. Her question made you rethink this entire month entirely. Had you… seen this in the wrong light? This entire time?
“Well, you seem so busy with Qui’oky as a newborn and-and I don’t contribute anything to the household. I thought you saw me as a burden. Like today with getting me more of these vitamins and medicine stuff that are expensive,” you told her honestly. Did you have this all wrong? Surely not. Having a new child is busy, busy work. Especially by yourself. Add another person who can’t help with the household. Makes the job ten times harder. The most skill you have is the ability to draw. Not helpful in her society. “So, I’ve tried to get out of your way, but it seems like I just keep getting underfoot.”
Millions of light years away from home on an alien planet that seems extremely deadly to you; surrounded by creatures that hate your guts; thinking you had been abandoned or being a burden to the one alien that tolerates you.
Tears pooled in your eyes as these thoughts swarmed you.
“Is that what you have been doing? You have been avoiding me and just believed that I see you as a burden?” she scoffed and released your chin. Instead, she grabs your wrist and hauls you to your feet. A yelp escapes your lips. You stumbled at first, but she keeps you up. “Do you truly think I see you as a burden?”
A timid nod answers her.
The female snorts roughly, almost like a scoff. Gawtin tugs you with her towards the couch. The furniture creaks under her sudden weight. You’re pulled onto her lap, back towards her. Qui-oky chitters at the move and shifts in his swaddle but stayed asleep. You were extremely tense, stiff as a board on her lap. One of her arms encases your torso and pins you to her.
“Let me get this all cleared up. I do not see you as a burden. At all. If I did not want you here, I would not have even taken you with me. Our debt had been settled before leaving your planet,” she rumbled low in her chest. The vibrations going up your spine. “I want you here, under my rood, under my protection. You are not a burden. Understood?” Your whole body broke out with goosebumps. A shiver racking your frame. She didn’t let you move.
“What about the medicine and other stuff you have to do for me? It can’t be cheap or easy to get.” You don’t know why you’re arguing with her. Because she had just said she was keeping you. “Why do you want me around? It’s not like I help a lot around her. I’m not like you with the hunting or surviving part.” You wanted to know your purpose in her eyes. So, you can keep that purpose and not turn into a burden.
Her arm tightens around your torso, squeezing you firmly to her. “The credits they cost? Nothing. I have a high status around this region. It stems from my dam-mother. But I have my own reputation around here. There is no need for worry or thoughts of costing too much.” She pauses for a moment when Qui’oky chittered softly in his sleep. Gawtin carefully readjusted her swaddle on the kid. “You do a lot more than you think, little one. Do not think for a moment you are a burden. You never will be. Promise.”
It's almost like Gawtin could read your mind of what you needed to hear.
You tilted your head up and to the side to find her gorgeous, purples eyes on you. You swore they seemed to softly glow. Gawtin used her free hand to card her fingers through your hair. “Do you understand, little one?”
In a way. Some things continued to confuse you. But, you knew she wouldn’t take no for an answer. So, you nodded your head. “Yes, but I want to be of help. Can you at least teach me some of your skills? I want to learn and help. Since, the most I do is sit around and draw.” In her line of work, that wasn’t helpful in her society. You wanted to learn anything she was willing to teach you.
Gawtin watches you for a few seconds before dipping her massive head. “Alright, I will teach you what I know.” A big smile broke across your face at her words. It was a bit of a scary situation to be in, but you weren’t going to waste the opportunity to learn. Let alone from Gawtin.
“Take up any space you want, little artist. I encourage you to.”