Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ryan couldn’t believe he was here again. He had to be the biggest idiot in all of California, let alone Orange County. It had seemed like harmless fun when he’d been dared to tag a run down building at the beach after a couple of drinks. Nobody had been able to get close to the water equipment warehouse, not even Luke. They’d been trying to pull it off for nearly three weeks but security always caught someone. Ryan had refused for a while, but he’d finally agreed when Marissa had begged him to show the other kids what he was made of. Then she’d slipped him her hip flask and the bitter taste of Vodka had chased away his remaining reluctance.

He’d done a good job as well, getting into the building and managing to hastily spray paint the wall furthest from where the guard was posted while Marissa kept watch from a distance. They’d been so close, if only his jacket hadn’t gotten caught on a jagged edge of metal running along the ring fence. He’d made it over, but a second guard had tackled him before he made it back to his bike.

And now here he was, dressed in yet another jumpsuit that felt too stiff against skin. He’d spent too much time in them lately, enough that he was getting immune to how uncomfortable the polyester felt.

“Hey, Atwood, your bail’s been posted,” a guard called as he sat in the dining hall pushing food around his plate. Ryan looked up in surprise. He hadn’t expected news to get back to the Cohens already. Seth hadn’t been there. More than that, he’d figured this was enough to screw up his chances for good.

Unsure what to expect, he pushed to his feet slowly and made his way through the hall, looking up at the guard. “Who is it?”

“Mr Cohen, your attorney. Sounds like he’s got some plan to plead you down to a minor charge.” The guard shrugged. “You got lucky with him, kid.”

Ryan wasn’t so sure lucky was the word he’d use once he spotted Sandy in the waiting area. His foster father looked pissed, but more than that he looked… disappointed?” Ryan dropped his eyes away from Sandy’s scrutiny, turning to the guard. “You know what? I think I’m good…” he tried.

“Nice try but it ain’t a choice.” Ryan groaned but stepped into the room, crossing over to sit opposite his guardian. “Hey,” he greeted quietly, eyes rooted to the table.

“Hey yourself,” Sandy greeted evenly. “Look at me, Ryan.”

Ryan really didn’t want to but after everything the Cohens had done for him, he figured he owed them that much. He dragged his eyes up to meet Sandy’s reluctantly.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t know… I guess I wanted to fit in. It seemed like harmless fun.”

“You’ve already got a record, Ryan, harmless fun isn’t harmless for you. We’ve talked about this, child services are on our ass all the time. You can’t pull these stunts. I’m on your side and I’ll fight for you. Always. You know that. But damn it, this was stupid.”

“It’s not like I was the only one who tried it. It’s just a bit of fun.”

“Maybe not, but you’re the one who got caught. You think those other kids are gonna take the fall for you? No. They’re not. They all get to go home and keep up their privileged lives while you put your whole future at risk,” his foster father scolded.

Ryan felt his shoulders hunch, eyes flickering to Sandy’s before focusing on the table once again. Sandy sighed. “Luckily for you, I’ve managed to talk this down to community service. Starting with cleaning that paint off the wall.”

He blinked, looking up hopefully. “You did?”

“I did. All those years as a lawyer for troubled teens paid off, I know how to talk ‘em round. Time to go home, you have school tomorrow and you better not be late.”

Something in Sandy’s voice had Ryan shifting in his seat, not that he could work out why. “I actually think I might stay. The food’s really improved since last time.”

“Nice try, kid. I’ll have ‘em bring you your clothes.” Sandy stood, expecting Ryan to follow suit. “We’ll talk more at home.”

The drive home could only be described as awkward. Unlike Seth, Ryan didn’t waste his time filling the silence and Sandy apparently felt no need to make small talk like he normally did. He’d never admit it, but Ryan hated it. He could feel the quiet disappointment, the frustration that seemed to bleed through his hands by his grip on the steering wheel.

“Sandy, I–” Ryan started as Sandy shifted the car out of gear in the driveway. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

Sandy looked over at him. “I’ll always come when you need me, Ryan.” He sighed. “Alright, it’s late, we’re both tired. I want you to get some sleep, we can talk tomorrow.”

He slid from the car, gesturing Ryan inside before pulling him into a hug. “I’m glad you’re home safely.”

“Me too. And I’m sorry.”

“I know. Get some sleep, kid, alright?”

“Yeah. You too.” Ryan nodded and stepped back, escaping to the pool house as quickly as he could without looking like a coward. Despite Sandy being his usual, calm self, Ryan couldn’t help but fall into the familiar spiral of wondering if this would be the time he’d pushed them too far. Maybe the talk Sandy wanted to have was to let him know he had to leave.

When he crawled into bed ten minutes later, his stomach was through the floor.

Ryan was sure he’d seen every hour on the clock by the time he gave up and got up. It was a little earlier than normal, but he figured maybe if he went and got a coffee early he could avoid facing Sandy and Kirsten.

He was tired, his head hurt and he wasn’t sure if he had community service after school. Sandy would know but that meant risking a lecture and Ryan wasn’t sure he could handle the disappointment he’d seen last night again. He groaned, running a hand down his face. If he left early, Sandy could just text him about the whole community service thing and maybe by the time he got home they’d have forgotten he’d messed up again.

Feeling better now he had a plan, Ryan slid out of bed and padded out to the main house to make a coffee. He was careful not to make much noise, making himself a filter coffee and cleaning up after himself before slipping back out to the pool house and heading to the bathroom to shower.

When he came out of the bathroom dressed for school, Sandy was sitting in the armchair waiting for him. His feet were crossed at the ankles as he looked out towards the sea thoughtfully through the full length window. By the time Ryan registered his presence, Sandy was watching him steadily. “Morning,” the man greeted. “How’d you sleep?”

Ryan shrugged. “Fine, I guess. Uh, can’t we do this later?”

“Nope, this one’s important. Sit down. Let’s talk.” Ryan looked at the chair Sandy pointed to dubiously. “Sandy, I really need to—”

“You need to do as you’re told, please.”

“I’ll be late. I—”

Sandy just raised his eyebrows and waited. Ryan tried to hold out on him but he had nothing on Sandy’s patience. He managed a minute before he found himself slouching down onto his bed with obvious reluctance. He dropped his eyes, staring at the floor as if it would eat him whole and save him from one of Sandy Cohen’s infamous lectures. He braced himself, tensing when Sandy didn’t say anything at first.

When he did finally glance up, Sandy was watching him quietly with the same look he’d given Ryan when he got suspended from soccer for two weeks a couple months ago. “You know, Ryan, I gotta tell you. I’m Whatever you think about the way these people live, it’s normal to want to make friends, to belong. That’s not something you had a whole lot of in Chino. I’m glad this place is starting to feel like home, that you’re starting to feel like part of this family, but finding your place doesn’t mean a thing if you keep getting yourself arrested.” He paused for a moment, gauging Ryan’s reaction. “You have a chance here –a real chance– to make something of yourself. You can do amazing things if you keep your head down and stay out of trouble, and you can change lives wherever you go.”

“Sandy, come on. It was just a dare…” Ryan muttered, still focusing on the loose thread on his bedding. “Yeah? And how was your evening in jail? Just a few hours in a jumpsuit, right?” Sandy asked mildly. Ryan’s jaw clenched at the reminder. “Alright, I get it… I won’t get caught next time.” “I got a better idea. How about you don’t damage property that isn’t yours?” Ryan snorted softly, staring down at his arms folded on his knees. “Ryan, give me the respect of looking at me.” Sandy waited until he looked up reluctantly, expression serious. “Do you understand that your actions have consequences? I won’t sit by while you throw your life, your future away. Not on my watch.” Ryan rolled his eyes, trying to push away the guilt he was feeling. “Yeah, well, you already signed me up for community service. Already paying for being an idiot.”

“Firstly, you're not an idiot, Ryan. Far from it. Secondly, that was your attorney, and those were the formal consequences of your choices. This here? This is your guardian telling you that your behaviour was outta line,” Sandy countered. His voice stayed low, calm, but there was a firmness there that Ryan was coming to recognise as the ‘you’ve managed to use up all of Sandy Cohen’s patience’ voice. Seth seemed to hear it a lot more than Ryan did. That didn’t make him cringe any less hearing it aimed at him now though.

For a few minutes his guardian was quiet, considering his next words carefully and letting Ryan wait nervously. Just as he was about to ask Sandy if they were done in an effort to bring this conversation to a close, his guardian spoke again. “What did I tell you I’d do if you broke the law again, kid?”

“Sandy…” Ryan felt the blush crawl up his neck to his ears. He hunched his shoulders. “I’m already doing community service.”

“Yeah, and like I already told you, those are the official consequences to the choices you made last night. Doesn’t mean you get away without consequences at home, bud. Do you have any idea how worried I was when I got the call you’d been arrested again? Marissa was beside herself.”

“She didn’t seem to mind when she was playing lookout…” Ryan muttered, trying not to sound bitter. “Great job.”

“She should never have been keeping watch for you, because you shouldn’t have been messing around with vandalism at all. Don’t change the subject, kid.”

“Alright, fine. You don’t need to ride my ass so hard,” Ryan snapped, offering Sandy a glare.

Sandy just leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees. “That’s enough, Ryan. You don’t get to break the rules and then get mad when you’re held accountable.” He raised his eyebrows. “Now, answer the question. I can wait as long as it takes –even if it means we do this again tonight– but you can bet your ass you’re grounded until we finish this conversation.”

When the shock wore off, Ryan clenched his jaw and met Sandy’s eye defiantly. “Go to hell.”

His jaw dropped when Sandy leaned back and shrugged. “Suit yourself.” The lawyer pushed to his feet. “Consider yourself grounded until we tell you otherwise.”

As if he hadn’t been grounded already… Ryan realised that Sandy was moving towards the door to the poolhouse and swallowed hard. “Sandy, wait…” he called, hating how shaky his voice sounded.

Sandy paused, turning around to look at him. His heavy brows were raised and he waited expectantly. “Yeah?”

Ryan closed his eyes, doing whatever he had to to force the words out. “You said you’d spank me. Or ground me. Uh, I guess you’re doing both today or whatever.”

“That depends on your attitude,” Sandy told him honestly. “Because right now it sucks. Show me you’re taking this seriously and we can talk about it.”

“What about innocent until proven guilty?”

Sandy raised his eyebrows but a smile tugged at his lips. “Kind of hard to prove your innocence now, kid.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But you’re right. I did say that I’d spank you, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

Ryan was a little surprised to feel tension leave his body hearing it said so bluntly. He nodded, blowing out his breath. “Okay, “ he agreed, surprised by how calm he sounded. To his shock, he actually felt it. Judging by Sandy’s eyebrows inching further towards his hairline, it was a shock for him too. And while yeah, maybe he should be looking for the door, Ryan didn’t feel the fear over Sandy making statements like that as he ever had with AJ or any of his mom’s other jackass boyfriends. He trusted Sandy, more than he remembered trusting anyone in a long time. Even Trey. The fear of being sent away was always in Ryan’s mind lingering just out of conscious thought, and he knew that if Sandy was giving him consequences –spanking, grounding, extra chores, whatever– it meant they weren’t going to send him away.

As he hovered there waiting for Sandy to decide how to do this, Ryan retreated into his head. He found himself reflecting on the fact Sandy hadn’t been wrong; he could have done worse. He wasn’t sure the same could be said for the Cohens. They’d welcomed him in, gotten him into a good school and given him a chance, and he’d thrown it back in their faces yet again. Maybe–

“Hey, don’t do that.” Sandy’s voice cut through his thoughts, expression knowing when Ryan glanced at him again. “Don’t go there, Ryan. This isn’t the end of the world. Sure, it was stupid and can’t afford to draw attention to yourself with the authorities, but this was dumb teenage misbehaviour. We’ll deal with it and then we move on, same as always.”

Ryan nodded again, swallowing hard. “Uh, thanks. Yeah.” He rubbed his palms together, shifting restlessly.

Sandy’s gaze was empathic as he moved to take a seat on the bed. Ryan watched with a grimace as Sandy took his suit jacket off, tossing it across the pool house to land on the armchair that Ryan had come to think of as the ‘Sandy’s pissed off’ chair. It seemed to be the chair the man favoured when he came to the pool house to deliver a scathing lecture. Worse, the man was really good at them. Ryan would never admit it but he hated earning a Sandy Cohen lecture. He hated letting him down enough to need one. He blinked when Sandy cleared his throat, looking up at him as he tried to ignore the blush creeping up the back of his neck.

Sandy just chuckled. “I must be losing my touch if you can go somewhere else when I’m lecturing you,” he said mildly. “Relax, I’m not offended. But I do think we should just get it over with, we’ll both feel better without it hanging over us.”

“What about me having school tomorrow?”

“You do, and if you have any sense you’ll be there. If you miss class because you spent the night in lock up and you oversleep then you’re on your own when Kirsten gets hold of you.” Ryan’s eyes widened and he shuddered, earning a laugh from Sandy. “Yeah, I don’t blame you. Alright, come here, kid.” Sandy patted his thigh and waited for Ryan to drag his feet the few steps to where his guardian sat.

He groaned but closed the distance between them, looking anywhere but at Sandy. It took him a minute but eventually Ryan managed to drag his gaze towards him. “Uh…” He trailed off uncertainly, looking relieved when Sandy leaned forward to reach for his bicep, guiding Ryan down over his lap.

“Just so you know, next time you break the law the jeans are coming down, kid,” Sandy told him casually, settling his hand against Ryan’s back before bringing his hand down firmly. Ryan grimaced and laid his forehead on his folded arms determined not to make a fuss. It didn’t deter his guardian, who seemed pretty determined to make his point. Ryan realised that it felt worse than the spanking he’d gotten after being suspended for two games a few months back and Sandy was only using his hand. He always used his hand, but he’d threatened to use a spoon before if Ryan found himself in the same trouble over and over, or if he put himself in real danger. So far he’d avoided that. Apparently the Cohens had strong feelings about doing things they considered dangerous.

Anyway, at least Sandy wasn’t lecturing yet, Ryan thought to himself. It got hard to tough it out when he could hear Sandy sounding disappointed at the same time his ass was on fire. Ryan couldn’t blame them for being disappointed in him, he kept letting them down. He had no idea why he’d actually agreed to that stupid dare when he didn’t even want to do it. It was just that Marissa had asked, and he’d wanted to shut those dumb jocks up for a while. Mostly, he’d wanted to impress Marissa and do what Luke hadn’t been able to.

The familiar thud of Sandy’s palm against denim was dull but it echoed loudly in Ryan’s ears, pulling him back from his thoughts. Instead he found himself wincing and twisting his hips a little as the heat built. “Sandy…” he complained under his breath when it started to get let easy to ride out the discomfort.

“I know, kid. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.”

“You know, technically I did the time.”

“Don’t be smart, Ryan,” Sandy warned mildly, though a handful of firmer smacks landed in direct contrast to his tone.

Ryan’s hand curled into a fist before he blew out a breath, slowly opening it back up. “Sorry,” he mumbled, feeling his face heat up. Seth was rubbing off on him, and that didn’t seem great for his ass. He groaned into his bent arm.

Sandy was quiet as he continued spanking him, apparently giving Ryan time to reflect on his dumb choices tonight. Ryan really didn’t want to think about them any more, he already felt like a total idiot. He didn’t want to think, but he found himself replaying it in his head while he chewed himself out for letting the Cohen’s down again.

As if reading his mind, Sandy finally spoke. “Let it go, kid. You screwed up and you’ve paid for it, you torturing yourself isn’t going to do anything other than leading you into finding more trouble. This isn’t the end of the world. You made a teenage mistake, nothing more. And yeah, you can’t really afford those, but like I told you, we’re on your side. I’ll fight for you, always. Just learn from this, right? Sometimes a pretty girl isn’t worth making a stupid choice, no matter how much you want to impress her.”

Ryan’s head rose. “How did you…” he trailed off, the back of his neck heating up. Trust Sandy to know he’d been trying to impress Marissa.

Sandy snorted. “You think I never did something dumb to impress a girl? At college I got up to all sorts trying to win Kirsten over, and those times were less wild than when I was back home in Brooklyn. Believe me, I get it, Ry. It’s not worth throwing your future away, much as you like her. You can’t impress her from juvie.”

Ryan sighed. “I know. Not gonna happen again, believe me.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will,” Sandy countered. “You’re a sixteen year old kid, after all. Just know you’ll end up back here when it does.”

Ryan pulled a face, ducking his head back down. He breathed deeply, trying to blink away the tears he could feel trying to work their way to the back of his eyes. Sandy swatted his thighs, undeterred by him shifting in place against the building heat.

Damn, the man was way too strong. Ryan wasn’t sure how he was gonna sit through school without squirming tomorrow. Well, he knew it would be because he was hardheaded. He’d been fine in the aftermath of getting on AJ’s bad side, but that had been different. Ryan always found it kind of weird that a spanking from Sandy was physically so much milder than being in trouble with any of his mom’s boyfriends, yet they were worse. Turned out that when you cared what someone thought, it was really hard to brush it off when they called you out on your shit.

At juvie Ryan had been able to hide behind layers of anger and cold indifference, slipping into the role of delinquent speaking with his lawyer. Facing parent Sandy though? Man, he was really sorry. “Sandy,” he heard himself saying, voice shaky. “I’m sorry…”

“Good, that’s good, kid. For?” Sandy promoted, focusing on the tops of his thighs and his sitspots,

Ryan grimaced. “For graffiti," he answered immediately. “And for getting myself arrested. It was dumb and it wasn’t even worth it.”

“I’m glad you think so. Not sure it’s ever worth getting yourself arrested, bud.”

Ryan sniffed, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes and blinking back tears.

Thankfully, Sandy seemed to recognise whatever he was looking for and finished up with a handful of faster swats and then he was rubbing Ryan’s back. “Alright, kid, we’re good. I forgive you, and so will Kirsten. We move on now, just like always…”

Ryan didn’t really listen to what his guardian was saying, focusing on breathing deeply and calming down. When he was sure he wasn’t going to cry more, he shifted to get up. Sandy got the hint and helped him up, giving him a moment before standing and settling a hand on his shoulder. Ryan felt himself relax at light pressure, offering Sandy a small smile. “You’re way too good at that.”

“Yeah, well, I have these two great kids who get carried away sometimes. They’ve been giving me some practice lately,” Sandy joked. “Even had to hit the gym instead of just surfing. Criminal.”

Ryan snorted and shook his head, looking up at his foster father. “We’re really good?”

“Really.” Sandy nodded, guiding Ryan’s forehead in against his own shoulder for a minute. Ryan breathed deep, grateful for the strength even if he would never say it out loud.

When he forced himself to pull away, Sandy offered him a smile with twinkling eyes. “Alright, bud, you’ve got ten minutes until breakfast’s ready. We gotta leave at 8:30 or we’re gonna be late.”

Ryan nodded, rubbing a hand across his face. “I’m ready. Just need to grab my bag.”

“Great. Come on then, I’ll teach you the art of smearing.”

“It’s just cream cheese.”

“Oh Ryan.” Sandy looked at him indignantly. “It’s never ‘just’ cream cheese. Time for your next lesson from the book of Cohen family life.”

Ryan rolled his eyes but he grabbed his bag and let himself be shepherded towards the house. Kirsten didn’t say anything when they walked in, just smiled at them and handed Ryan a coffee.

Sandy opened his mouth to complain and she shook her head affectionately, holding out his ‘Best Dad’ mug. Ryan smiled into his own mug, feeling the world around him settle again as he realised they really had moved on already.