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I can feel it. Every cell burning away, every atom dissolving and separating from the whole being it once was. Every nerve splitting. Every pumping vein pulled to an empty string of air.
It burned. It felt as if I had been cast into the lava as a sacrifice to the gods. Left alone upon a fiery alter so the heavens would weep upon the land where my ashes lay.
No- no. That’s not fair. I won’t let it happen- can’t let it. My will to exist is stronger than the fabric of my body and mind unraveling into nothingness. I will endure. A ninja always does…
My fizzling existence suddenly freezes. And then I feel different. It still burns, but I don’t feel empty and fading. I feel strong. My spirit is viscerally crafty in a way that defies destruction. I am sewn together once again.
I am alive. Together. Whole.
I am, Michelangelo.
“Ahh- ow.. I feel like i just got trampled by a heard of gophers in stiletto’s… My head must’ve been the main dance floor.”
I look around, and find I am alone. Laying supine on some random pile of rubble. It’s really not too far off from my actual room! There’s just no bed, and no ceiling. Ah- who knew staring straight into the sun would hurt so much??
I close my eyes- trying to remember anything that happened in the moments before- whatever happened occurred, because believe it or not, this was not a normal situation for the one and only Michelangelo to be in!
I know we were fighting some villain from Cyber Space… And. I died. I’m pretty sure I just woke up dead. Uh oh!
I sit up, patting myself to make sure I’m one solid turtle and not some ghost! And yeah- as far as I can see, I’m all in one piece and not the least bit transparent!
“Phew…”
A sigh of relief leaves my lips, and I am left to ponder my fate further.
Me and my brothers were fighting some guy and… I can’t remember much after that besides my siblings victorious grins as I was evaporated by a some atom splitter thing. Probably the same thing Viral used to scatter master Splinter… Oh man- what kind of sick turtle looks so happy about their brother being blown to irreparable bits!? They left me alone to die, as bait. I am a worm on a hook. But after the bass was caught, i was spit back out into the soil.
I survived.
“Dude I know I was kinda annoying- But did they really have to cheer as I was eviscerated??”
I take a better look at my surroundings. This cyber villain came out of cyber space into the real world and we had to vanquish them back into the internet… I cant remember how we did it but I’m sure we succeeded. My headache only worsens as I try and fail to remember the whole story.
We were fighting them in some abandoned mill that was due for demolition any day now… Guess we gave those constriction guys a head start. Though, I doubt we’ll be compensated for our contribution! Ugh. But beyond that- If I’m being honest, I feel a little teary that my last memory up until now is my Brothers jovial expressions at my demise. I mean, I thought we loved eachother. Turtles forever- if one of us gets turned to turtle soup, the rest of us follow as appetizers. We had a promise about it and everything.
I stand up, and immediately wobble like a drunken fawn taking its first steps. Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo… they swirl around my pulsing skull like a heartbeat beneath the floorboards. I can’t focus on anything and it’s physically painful. I shake my head as empty as I can, looking at the world around me as a distraction. I need to think of something else for just a second or I will explode! Again! Then where will all my hard work get me? Nowhere but kablooey town! And I just got back from my vacay there!
“Ugh- I gotta be remembering wrong… I’ll find my bro’s. And they’ll actually be super sad! And explain everything to me, and my amnesia will be instantly cured by the power of love and exposition. Hurrah.”
I slip away from the daylight of the city into a sewer without being seen by a single human being! See? I can be a halfway decent ninja. I just look bad standing next to the other guys…
The guys who awed in triumph as I was erased within the blink of an eye. As if they were happy to see me gone. No hint of worry or regret in their eyes as I was molecularly melted. Seeing the only people who have been there for my entire life with me experience such delight in my death stings worse than actually dying- and that says alot. Because hellfire still fills my veins. Every pound of my heart shoots into my brain like a leucotome. And i can feel the fresh pump of blood burn and boils as it dances through my arteries. Major owies. I better be treated like a princess for having to live through all this suffering!
Donatello… That brainy bunch is the sweetest turtle that ever lived. He would never even think about giggling while i got zapped out of the universe. I know I wasn’t the smartest like he was, but he has to really care about me.
Leonardo… He was really showing how much he cared again. He helped me even when he shouldn’t have had to. I wasn’t as responsible as he is, but I pulled my weight enough for him to miss me!
Raphael… I know that Raph liked to act all cold and tough, but he was always the first to jump in after me whenever I got in trouble. He spent his life protecting me, he wouldn’t suddenly cheer at my demise. Not for real… He was like- my best friend. My brother. I know I annoyed the shell out of the guy but that’s just what family does! He had to have loved me.
I feel myself tear up, but I wipe my eye, smearing the saline behind my neck and pretend that it’s just sweat.
I make it to the lair and can hear everyone in the kitchen. I take a peek from behind the entryway and my heartbeat ceases. Everything inside me freezes, I feel static-y all over. The scene in front of me feels comparable to A ghost watching a cheerleader read out their obituary at the funeral.
There are all three of my brothers, but they aren’t alone and teary eyed… they’re with me. What?? I just died and they already replaced me with some shell-snatcher copy? I barely managed to snap out of daze of horror when Donatello speaks, his familiar voice cutting through the growing static in my ears.
“-I’m surprised you actually came up with such a neat idea, Mikey! Making a cyber clone of yourself to get walloped, while you got the jump on that guy? Genius!”
What.
Suddenly- that missing memory hits me. Back when Cyber Shredder was making weirdo clones of animals to test his portal, that had given me an idea! I would just make a digital clone of myself to come into the real world- and use it as a diversion while we fought off our newest villain! That line of code would be deleted, but the real me would live on! Just a computer program would get erased. No harm, no foul…
Except-
If the real Michelangelo is right in front of my sights, having a victory party with his brothers and chowing down on pizza…
I’m the fake.
The clone.
A digital copy of a copy.
Meant to die and be forgotten as a distraction.
I was a backup plan, not a living being.
I shudder, remembering the beam hit me right through the eye and utterly disintegrating what little brain I had left, before the shock moved on and the rest of my body similarly discombobulated.
But- I didn’t want to die. I forced myself to stay alive.
I Am Alive.
I Am Michelangelo…
Not some glitch in the universe.
I can’t be…
I have all the emotions and memories.. I can feel the ground below my feet and my mind racing. I’m real. I can feel my heart beating. I’m alive… This isn’t fair! This doesn’t make any sense! I can’t be pixels. I can’t be a simulation… I’m not some programmed machine! All these memories and thoughts are uniquely mine! Not ones and zero beep bop doots on a computer!
“No-“
A squeak of denial leaves my beak, causing four multicolored ninja to turn and stare at me with about as much disbelief as I feel.
I’m not some illusion behind a screen to be neglected. I’m not colored lines that can be ignored with the click of a button.
“I’m alive!”