Archive of Our Own ^beta

Llewellyn was no stranger to cheap boarding houses. The room was small and the area wasn't the safest, but he found an odd and profound comfort in the familiarity of it all. He was also trying his best not to dwell on the similarities to an apartment in New York. He didn’t really even know how he ended up back in Toronto again, but after enough time drifting and trying to forget, trying to escape, it just felt right.  

What he hadn't been expecting was for William Murdoch to find him and drag him into a case. 

“By the way Watts, I’m sorry for tracking you down, but I am glad to see you back in Toronto again.”

“thank you, Murdoch. I think I am too.”

Llewellyn watched Murdoch walk away, back to a life so familiar yet so far from him. He was left lingering in the station house. It felt unnatural being there, like the footsteps of a sinner in a church. His desk was no longer his. The room felt smaller than it used to.

What am I even doing here? He thought to himself. He knew he had an open invitation back in, but he didn’t know how much of that invitation was made of hollow kindness, a well meaning gesture masking a million impossibilities. 

“Watts?”

he knew that voice anywhere. He froze before spinning around slowly, hoping he could still figure a way out of this interaction. Just act normal.

“Inspector! How goes it?”

“Oi come off it Watts, what the bloody hell are you doing back round here? Last time I saw you you were in New York, you were happy there! What happened?

his stomach sank.

“yes, well, things change.” He said in a far off way, very consciously not making eye contact.

Brackenreid’s voice softened. 

“i’ll tell you what watts. how about you and me go out for a pint, and you can tell me all about it.”

He had expected this to be awkward, but he hadn’t expected kindness. He’d been so used to not giving himself any that it surprised him a little. 

“That… would be nice. thank you, inspector.”

“of course.”

—------------------------

“so, did you leave him?”

Watts had a shocked look in his eye and a hesitancy when he spoke.

“I… I… apologize inspector, I’m not quite used to talking about this kind of thing. But, yes. I did. I was just... so tired of trial after trial. I knew they would be safer without me, and I just-”  He didn't expect to get as emotional as he was. He didn’t like letting people see him fall apart like this, but he’d been holding it off for too long. 

“It’s alright lad, take your time.”

Part of him was surprised at how understanding the inspector was being. He knew that Thomas was a good man, looking out for him, keeping his secret, not firing him for it. But he had been bracing himself for the worst. And instead, the inspector just listened and showed his concern for him. It made him feel less alone. 

“I couldn’t bear endangering them again. The fact that I had led that P.I there, Jack almost lost his son! Again! Because of me!”

“Now hang on a tick, that was not your fault. If anyone led the P.I there it was me, not you. You can’t blame yourself for everything that happened, and you certainly can’t blame yourself for trying to be happy. Jack knew the risks just as well as you.”

“Well it hardly matters now, they moved away and now I’ll probably never see them again. See-” His voice hitched.  “Him again.”  He looked down, then to the side, then at his shoes. Anywhere but back up at the Inspector. He was scared that this was still more than he needed to share. That despite everything the Inspector still saw him as other. After a pause, the inspector spoke up again.

“There’s nothing we can do to change the past. Even if that is true, the best you can do is make the most of where you are right now.”

“I suppose you’re right. Thank you, Thomas.” 

“Any time, Watts.”