Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kou was an outlier of the Minamoto family line, he had always hoped that he’d eventually grow out of his differences but he was beginning to lose faith in that. 

Teru-nii had his own mental issues but he was always able to hide them from his younger brother, until Kou had caught him crying with a blade hidden in his pocket. It made his brother seem just a little more human. The connection he felt with Teru-nii that day, not that he didn’t feel it everyday, was enough to make him feel slightly more normal. 

Though, there were major differences in their respective conditions. Kou’s brain had a tendency to become fixated on illogical things and take them as complete truth. When he was about eight years old, he had an episode where he would be so terrified of touching the front steps to the house that he’d beg Teru to carry him across from it.

Teru had laughed it all off at the time, telling Kou that he would easily beat any supernatural that would even be near the house. He was much younger at the time, still believing that this was something he could beat with physical strength. Everything changed the one time that Kou had accidentally grazed the concrete, he became so distraught that he had passed out. 

When he awoke at the hospital, his family had instantly recognized that it wasn’t some strange supernatural occurrence causing his behavior. It was quickly discovered that he had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, it wasn’t entirely surprising that Kou had been diagnosed with another disorder (he already had ADHD after all). 

He had his Nii-chan to thank for all the support over his numerous spirals.

His episodes ranged from regular compulsive behavior and straight up feeling the primal need to bite off chunks of his own skin so that Tiara wouldn’t develop lung disease. His own behavior was incredibly concerning, after his mother’s death Kou was doing absolutely terribly.

Teru would come into his room in the wee hours of the night to make sure that Kou wasn’t cutting himself with the same type of blade that he used when he was younger.

It was a mutual exchange of comfort that made Kou feel so incredibly loved, even if their reasons for cutting differed (not that he was privy to Teru's).

His major episodes had dwindled out, usually just appearing every couple of months but Teru was always able to help him navigate the root cause of his triggers and help him alter his compulsions to be more manageable so he could be better in every area of his life. 

Though, ever since he left the Mitsuba residence, he’s been having an incredibly difficult time with one of his older compulsions. After his mother’s death, he couldn’t bear the sight of a knife, so Teru would have to stand by him in order to get him to be able to cook.

It had worked to the point where he wasn’t that afraid to chop anything up anymore, it was only around his mother’s death anniversary when he struggled.

The story had changed ever since Kou had visited the Mitsuba residence to find out more about Sousuke’s past life; he hasn’t been able to properly cook potatoes since. As stupid as it sounded, Kou had convinced himself that using potatoes would result in Sousuke and Mitsuba disappearing completely from his memory.

Kou stood paralyzed in front of his cutting board. The offender in question, the small potato he had Teru purchase for him, was glaring right at him. The knife in his hands kept shaking, he was trying impossibly hard to just bring it down to the potato and cut it into the little thin slices that Tiara loved. 

Lately, he’s been having a difficult time with preparing food for his siblings. He couldn’t do it properly, not after learning that Sousuke died trying to prepare curry for his mother. He tried to adamantly refuse to cook curry but Tiara had been begging him for days and he didn’t have the heart to break her own spirit, especially when she was too young to understand Kou’s condition. 

He couldn’t even buy the potatoes himself, he had to get Teru to do it. His brother was already so painfully busy with everything going on yet he was willing to do that for his two younger siblings; so naturally Kou had to figure out a way to get over this trigger of his. 

As much as his spirit wanted him to defy the laws of his OCD, he couldn’t do it. Every time the knife would even get near it, he pictured Sousuke’s beautiful face and felt nauseous. 

Kou knew he had huge issues with paranoia and that in actuality, the small act of cutting something wouldn’t blow up into a catastrophic event that would cause the death of the rest of his lover. The feeling couldn’t be shaken off even if the truth was hanging just over his face. 

“Teru-nii”, Kou sounded scared when he called for his brother. He started to see the physical manifestations of his disorder crawling across the wall. He kept calling out for his brother, the tone only becoming more frantic as time went on.

The knife fell to the ground the very moment that Teru’s hands clasped around Kou’s shoulders, “What’s wrong? You’re crying Kou..”

“The potato”, Kou pointed a shaky finger toward the primary cause of his stress.

Teru’s eyebrow quirked up once he laid eyes upon the scattered mess of the ingredients on the counter, “You’re having trouble with preparing food again?”

Kou nodded meekly in his older brother’s shoulders, he felt so small standing here like this. He wondered if Tiara felt the same way whenever she was watching Kou cook from her princess chair that sat in the center of the kitchen.

“What’s causing it this time? What’s your brain telling you?”, Teru grabbed onto Kou’s face. He always took to pinching his face whenever he spoke to him this way, it helped ease the tension of the grasp the disorder had on his little brother. 

“I met this boy.. he was a ghost, and he died trying to make curry, and I feel like I’ll kill him if I cut the potato”, Kou spit it out. He knew his brother was uncomfortable with supernaturals but he knew he had to tell the truth to get this feeling to leave.

“Oh baby”, Teru’s eyes were filled with concern, he shoved Kou into his arms and held onto him tightly.

“I’m sorry.. I know you hate supernaturals, it’s just he meant the world to me when he was alive”, Kou tried to smile through his tears but he was sobbing now as Teru rubbed his back.

“Nevermind that, let’s order takeout for today, okay? That way we won’t have to cut this potato.. this doesn’t sound like something we can fix in a day”, Teru smiled at him and Kou felt the tension dissipate. 

“I love you Teru-nii”, Kou said as the tears were wiped down from his face, he was still afraid of the potato and not being able to get his Sousuke back.

Teru carefully caressed his younger brother’s face, making sure that he was able to feel comforted physically, “I love you too Kou, always and forever.”

It felt like things would be okay, he could always depend on his Nii-chan to nurse him back to health. He sobbed, though for the first time that day, there was hope that shined through his sorrows.