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The drive home was full of silence. Jay thought about turning the radio on, but with how their day went, he had no desire to listen to music. He had a feeling the same was true about Mouse. They didn't really talk about where they wanted to spend the night, but as per a silent agreement, Jay headed towards his apartment. It was closer to the District, and he needed something familiar to ground him.
He hoped that he did not miscalculate Will pulling a double today, because he did not want Will around, at least not yet. The nervous energy thrumming in his body needed to get out, and for that Will's presence would have been a bummer.
Jay knew that eventually he would have to talk about the hostage situation with Mouse, but the time was not right. Yet.
Luckily, Will was not around, and after a quick trip to the bathroom, Jay took two beers from the fridge and opened them. Him and Mouse sat down on the couch, drinking in silence. Jay tapped his thigh with the fingers of his left hand, before Mouse touched him there. And before Jay could ask if that gesture meant he had the green light to proceed with what he wanted to do to make himself feel alive and well again, Mouse took the beer bottle from his hand. Putting both bottles on the table, Mouse then straddled Jay's hips, and leaned over to kiss him. There weren't many words that Jay could say at that moment. He let Mouse lead, the guy went through a lot today. And despite looking all tough afterwards, Jay knew Mouse was just as nervous, if not more than Jay. His hands were on Jay's shoulders, shaking with the leftover adrenaline and shock, and maybe the fear.
Mouse pulled away with a shuddering breath, and then he settled himself in the nook between Jay's head and his collarbone. Jay wrapped his arms around Mouse and held him. Despite what he wanted to do to Mouse (or was it with Mouse?) he was going to take his cue from his partner. Mouse knew what he needed, and eventually he was going to voice it.
Jay didn't have to wait long for that to happen.
Mouse lifted his head, and looked at Jay with sad blue-grey eyes.
"Take me to bed, Jay."
It was all that Mouse needed to say. They were in his bedroom and naked in record time.
...
After two rounds between the sheets, both Jay and Mouse were lying on the bed, coming down from their post coital high and Jay felt sore in all the right places. It wasn't often that Mouse liked to be on the receiving end, but tonight was all about giving himself away to regain control again, so Jay gave that to him.
"I was scared today." Mouse was the first one to speak after they both regained their regular breathing.
Jay didn't say anything.
"You would think I'd be used to that. We went through literally worse than this back in the sandbox, but I was so scared today... I haven't stopped shaking for hours. It felt so... sudden, I guess. When you are in a warzone, you expect it, but we are working at a police district, for God's sake. That place should be at least safe. And yet, today it really wasn't."
Jay nodded, taking Mouse's hand to hold.
"I am glad you were there, Jay. You made it bearable. I know this probably scared you, but you were there, and... I'm just glad. That's all."
"Always, Greg." Jay raised Mouse's hand and kissed the back of his hand.
"I'm sorry if I scared you."
"Dont be sorry. You were put in an impossible situation. And you made the best out of it. That takedown was pretty impressive. You still got it. One day you might as well go to the academy and get yourself a badge." Jay grinned, barely ducking the pillow that smacked his face.
"Quit it, you doofus. Not everyone is cut out to be a cop like you. Besides, I prefer my screens now. Had enough excitement as it was in Korengal."
Jay chuckled. He knew the "excitement" well, and he never wanted to know it again. Ever. But he could also understand where Mouse was coming from. Sometimes self care was working as a consultant for the Chicago Police Department, looking at security cameras, finding info on suspects, and begging for more funding to get more technologically appropriate gadgets to make things easier for all of them.
Mouse was not a lightweight, that was for sure. But he was only human and Jay couldn't blame him for feeling the way he did when Frazier stuck that gun to his head.
Jay was glad he didn't witness the initial moment, because he wasn't sure they would have had a case. It was no secret that Jay had a hair trigger when people he loved were in danger.
"I was scared, too. Out of my mind the whole time you were locked with Frazier in that office. You were there and I was spinning my wheels upstairs. But the important thing is that you are here now. And I am not letting you out of my sight in the near future."
"Not even when Voight sends me to Platt with papers she needs to sign?"
"Especially then."
Mouse chuckled at that, but then they both froze when they heard the front door open.
Jay groaned. He did not need to talk with Will tonight, the day was already too long. But then he remembered just a month ago, when he got tortured, and Will's hurt expression, because no one told him about Jay's abduction. And later when Will discovered by accident that he and Mouse were together, well, Jay did not want a repetition of that. He doubted Erin mentioned what happened at the District today, but Jay had a feeling someone might have let it slip. They had the same circle of people they gravitated towards, and Jay realized he would have felt bad if he heard something about Will not from his brother directly.
Jay sighed.
"I assume that is Will and that he is done with his shift?"
"He is probably home early. He was supposed to work a double today. I did not expect him home till like seven in the morning."
"Do you think he'll mind me?"
"I hope not. I mean, you two cleared the air, didn't you?"
"We did, but still. We haven't really talked about how this affects us and our lives. Will is still living with you and I would want to see that change because of me. He is still settling in, and if this bothers him somehow..."
"I don't think it does. I'm sure that we have passed the point where he might have bolted back to New York. He likes his job at Med, and he makes a point telling me about it every day. Now, how come you went from wanting to throttle Will to being mindful of what he might want, or think?"
"Because he is so much like you in so many aspects. Don't get me wrong, you two are like oil and water when it comes to characters, but underneath all that, you are both just brothers. And actually talking about my hangups with him was helpful. He told me about what happened to him in New York, and why he wasn't around."
Jay was caught off guard about that. He didn't think Will would breathe it out to another soul, what Yates did to him in college, and later what Will's ex blackmailed him with. Overall, Will's experience in New York was not all sunshine and rainbows like Jay thought the last ten years or so. And while he had forgiven his brother for his absence in light of what really prevented him from returning home when Jay needed him most, Jay did not know Will had told Mouse.
"In his defense, I think it was really hard and brave, to tell someone that wasn't his brother. Don't dwell on why he didn't mention it."
"You are right. I just..."
"You worry about him. He is your little brother."
"Yeah, he is."
"Do you wish to go and talk to him now?"
"I probably should, but I also want to stay here with you. Plus, he'll figure it out that you are around given that your shoes are right by the door."
"And my messenger bag."
"And your messenger bag. You don't have to be a detective to figure that out."
Mouse laughed at that and Jay really wanted to kiss him. Which he did. And then the kiss led to something more. More kisses and tickling Mouse had been fun. Until his phone pinged with a text and Jay groaned with his face buried in Mouse's left hipbone.
Mouse picked up Jay's phone and then bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh. When he turned the screen so Jay could see what was written on it, he wanted the earth to open and swallow him.
The text was from Will.
"I hear you and Mouse in your room, I might not be a detective, but I can observe and HEAR things. If you do things, please wait until I'm asleep so that I won't hear any of it. And yes, mister, you will tell me everything about what happened at the District today. EVERYTHING! Have fun, kids."
Mouse put Jay's phone away and ran a hand through his face.
"Gotta give it to him, he was real subtle about it."
"Shut up, Mouse."
"I'm just saying."
Jay shook his head at his partner's antics and his brother's text. He would have one hell of a morning talk with Will when he woke up, that was for sure.
"I can think of one way to keep you quiet." Mouse said with a shit eating grin and shamelessly pointed to his crotch. Jay would have groaned at the implications, but his head was already close to the intended target. Besides, tonight was all about giving Mouse what he wanted.
Jay knew that the fear and the feeling of desperate helplessness that the day brought, wouldn't disappear overnight. But for tonight he decided to let go of that, and to pleasure Mouse. And if he faced a very disgruntled Will in the morning, well... That thought filled him with more fuel.