Archive of Our Own ^beta

Luke was not gay.

He was absolutely positive he was not gay.

He didn’t go through a sexuality crisis when he was fourteen for nothing but he’s definitely not gay.

The first time Luke’s band members tried to admit he’s gay was when they set him up on a date with a girl, thinking that dating the opposite sex would make him come out.

It was after a concert at a nightclub in whatever city they were in at the time and it’s not really a first date destination but they never really followed the dating rules.

The club was crowded and sweaty bodies were grinding against one another and drinks were being spilt on the ground and other people resulting in the floor becoming slippery and sticky. Luke hated the feeling of his shoes sticking to the floor of this overcrowded club as the DJ played remixes of songs with too many bass drops. He normally liked going to clubs but he was tired and wanted to go back to the hotel so he could get as much sleep as he could before traveling to the next city the next day.

He was sitting with Ashton when Calum came over and whispered in his ear causing the drummer to give Luke a side eye before smirking slightly and leaving with the Maori boy.

Luke looked around for his band members when he heard the leather covered seats across from him make a shifting sound and glanced over to find a beautiful woman sitting where Ashton had previously been sitting, her long, manicured nails twirling the black straw around the half empty glass that Ashton had left behind.

“Luke, right?” the woman asked even though she knew the answer. Luke nodded curtly as he looked her over in the non-creepiest way possible. She was gorgeous, model like and Luke felt she was way out of his league, his mind still not adjusted to the fact that he could date models because of his status now. She was wearing a crop top that showed off her chest nicely but not enough that they would fall out of the top. Luke had always been a boob type of guy anyways. Luke’s eyes moved from her chest, that he definitely wasn’t staring at, to her face. Her make-up seemed pretty natural but Luke knew next to nothing about makeup except that lipstick goes on your lips and eyeliner goes on your eyes so he didn’t know if this was too much or too less. “Your friends said that you’re looking for someone”

“Looking for someone? No, I don’t think anyone is miss – oh” Luke started saying before realising she was talking about relationships. “Oh, no, I’m not interested in dating anyone at the moment”

He looked over to where the bar was and saw Michael leaning against it, beer in hand. Luke furrowed his eyebrows as Michael gave him a thumbs up with a cheeky grin across his face.

“Well, this was a waste of my time” the girl who now showed no interest in continuing the conversation spoke. “Tell your friends that they meant well, I suppose”

Luke didn’t say anything as she swung her legs out from under the table and walked over to a group of girls a bit further down from the bar from Michael. Michael frowned as he saw the girl walk away and turned to the bartender and held up a finger asking for another drink.

Michael sat across from Luke and silently passed the drink over which he graciously took. The steady thump of the bass was pulsing through his body and he felt like his heartbeat had synced up with the thumps.

“So” Michael started staring idly at the blonde in front of him

“So” Luke mimicked leaning back in his seat

“So, you gonna admit you’re gay?”

“I’m not gay”

The second time they tried to get Luke to admit he was gay was when Luke developed a good friendship with Casey of Hey Violet.

In fact, in Calum’s eyes it was a little too good of a friendship.

He had noted that Luke laughed differently around Casey, would put his hand on Casey’s shoulder, would sit next to him when they were all hanging out, stare at him and yeah they definitely had something going on and Calum was 100% Luke was gay.

Calum stood in the doorway as he watched Casey and Luke have a hushed conversation. Luke had his legs draped over the brown haired boys lap as he spoke quietly.

It wasn’t really eavesdropping if he was listening in a very noticeable position so he stood there and waited for one of the two to notice he was present.

He couldn’t make out what Luke was saying to Casey, he couldn’t read lips and Luke was talking too quickly for him to make out what he was saying anyways.

Calum had been suspecting Luke was hiding something for nearly as long as they’ve known each other and at first he thought that Luke didn’t trust him enough to tell him but it’s been a number of years since and Luke hadn’t uttered a word but Calum had been trying to figure it out.

His first guess was that Luke had depression or something but he knocked that out of the list pretty quickly. Luke had opened up about having a small case of anxiety but that was it.

His second guess was that he actually didn’t want to be Calum’s friend but that was also pretty easy to knock out because they were always hanging out.

His third – and last – guess was that Luke is gay. Calum doesn’t care if Luke likes boys but he wishes that he’d just come out and say that he likes boys rather than leaving him, Michael and Ashton out of the loop. Luke had always had a love for band members such as the Madden brothers or Kellin Quinn of Sleeping With Sirens and would often gush about how much he loves them and it could be mistaken for an affliction.

Luke was so gay it sometimes physically hurt Calum because they accept him and they’re trying to make it really easy for him to come out and say ‘I’M GAY’ but Luke is being a bitch and not coming out and it’s really pissing them all off.

Casey stood up then and turned around noticing Calum leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed across his chest. He raised an eyebrow at Calum and Luke smiled at his band mate and Calum wanted more than anything to ask if they had something going on.

Casey left the room, the sleeves of his jacket brushing against Calum’s arms as he did so and then it was just him and Luke alone in a dressing room that didn’t belong to either of the bands. It was silent except the faint melody of a Mayday Parade song in the background that was coming from Luke’s iPod. Calum recognised the song as ‘Kids in Love’ and he finds that it oddly fits the circumstances.

Luke was still looking at the bassist, wondering why he was still standing in the doorway and motioned for him to sit down on the couch with him. Calum complied and Derek’s voice got louder as he sat down next to the blonde.

“I love Mayday Parade” Luke spoke up bringing his knees to his chest “One of my favourite bands”

“I know, I do as well” Calum replied “So, you gonna like, I dunno, tell me something?”

“Tell you what?” Luke asks scrunching his nose up in a cute way.

“I think you know”

“Oh” Luke realised what Calum was talking about “Is this about me stealing your protein shake powder?”

“No it’s abo – wait what” Calum interrupted himself “That shit’s expensive, man!”

“You and I both know you can afford more” Luke rolled his eyes and Calum mentally agreed.

“Anyway, are you gonna tell me your gay now?”

“I’m not gay, Calum” Luke huffed out and walked out of the room leaving Calum alone in the dressing room that doesn’t belong to them with Mayday Parade still playing from Luke’s iPod that he left behind.

The third time is when Ashton and Luke are sitting up at 3 in the morning in the lounge of their tour bus.

At 3am no one should be awake, the two boys could hear their band mates and crew members sleeping in their bunks, some were snoring and others were shuffling around but they were all asleep, except for Luke and Ashton.

At 3am, it’s still dark outside and everything feels like a distorted reality. The streets are quiet, the road is empty as the bus travels, people are asleep and it has an eerie mood.
Luke’s looking out the window as the bus travels down silent highways, only a few time seeing the headlights of other cars to remind him that they weren’t alone. The landscape flies by, silhouetted against the blue black background of the night sky and illuminated by the odd streetlight and a silver slither of the moon.

Beside him, Ashton is doing the same thing. Luke guesses that he’s probably thinking about home back in Australia, how it would be 8:00 in the evening back in Sydney. Lauren would probably be doing homework, his mum and brother watching something on TV together. He wonders what his brothers are doing at this time in the evening, his parents sitting quietly in the living room. Maybe they’re thinking of him too.

3am is when people are most vulnerable and open about their thoughts. The distorted reality messing with their minds and thoughts that time isn’t even real thing, 3am means nothing to people as they share meaningful and heartfelt secrets about themselves.

Luke leans closer to the small window and breathes out. He watches as his breath fogs a small area of the glass up and he watches it fade back to what it was before. He has chills going up and down his spine as he twists his body away from the window and leans sideways on the seats so that his body faces his friend, head resting on the top of the cushion near the window. He looks tired, mentally and physically drained Ashton notes and he wonders if Luke does this a lot, stays up until 3am or even later, if he comes to the lounge to think or if he stays in his bunk.

Luke’s skin is tinted grey from the darkness splayed outside, tinted yellow when there’s a passing street light, sometimes a small hue of pink or green from a light up billboard or service station along the highway.

The silence is deafening between the two boys, neither wanting to break the silence that consumed them, it was a content silence and it was a nice change from the roaring of the crowd from an earlier concert that leaves a ringing in their ears. The ringing isn’t there as they sit comfortably just enjoying the presence of one another.

“I never get to see the world like this” Ashton speaks up, his voice sounds abnormally loud compared to the silence of before and his voice cracks at the beginning to show it hadn’t been used for a while. “It’s like we’re not supposed to see it like this”

“It’s the hidden side” Luke whispers “Not many people are awake at this time so when we do it’s a strange sensation”

The conversation is left there, each going back to looking out the window. They’ve left the highways and are driving through the main streets of a new town that holds a new adventure for them.

Luke speaks up again, his voice just as quiet as before.

“I don’t think I’m straight” he speaks quietly and breathlessly and Ashton’s attention switches from the city to his friend.

“What?” Ashton questions even though he heard what Luke had said

“I don’t think I’m straight” he repeats not looking at Ashton but not looking outside, he’s letting his eyes rest on something in between.

“Like, you’re gay?” he asks cautiously

“I’m not gay” Luke shakes his head

The fourth time, Michael takes matters into his own hands.

They’re alone in their shared apartment in Los Angeles as they wait for their North America tour to start in a couple of days.

Their apartment wasn’t very ‘them’, it was lovely, something straight out of an interior design magazine but someone else had gotten everything for them and arranged it so it looked picturesque. They hadn’t stayed there for a while as they are always on the go so it’s nice to have a few days to stay in one place and actually break the apartment in.
Luke and Michael shared very similar interests much like Calum and Ashton shared the same interests so it was easy to split into pairs to live with on their downtime.

Luke was lying on his bed, clad in skinny jeans and a long sleeved striped shirt. He felt uncomfortable lying on such a soft bed in denim but he had no motivation to stand up and take them off or change into something more comfortable. So he just ignored the feeling and continued absentmindedly scrolling through his twitter timeline.

He could hear Michael shuffling around the carpeted hallways outside his room and how they stopped outside his room. He put his phone to the side as he heard the door creak open and Michael pop his head through before sliding his body through the small opening before closing it behind him.

Neither boy said anything as Michael made his way to Luke’s bed and quietly lay next to him, nudging Luke’s elbow to move over a little bit. Now Luke felt comfortable.
Luke faced the wall, back to the artificial blonde behind him and absentmindedly reached towards Michael who then let his own hand brush against Luke’s. Luke smiled softly at the affection between them, they didn’t speak, they didn’t have too, Michael and Luke didn’t need words and it’s been like this ever since they got over their mutual hatred of one another. Looking at the two boys now you would never believe they once hated each other.

Luke could feel Michael’s arms snake around his waist and pull him closer so that his back was resting against Michael’s chest and stomach. It was warm and he felt protected. Luke felt Michael’s hands wrest across his stomach and he gently laced their fingers together so they wouldn’t be separated.

He could feel Michael’s breath on the back of his neck and around his shoulders as he left open mouthed kisses along his skin and it sent a mixture of chills down his spine and a flash of heat across his face.

Luke untangled his hands from Michael’s but still had them close to the other boys’ hands as he rolled over so that they were facing each other. Michael’s hair was lazily sticking up in different directions and his eyes had an unfocused haze to them as they scanned Luke’s face. Luke himself had his hair splayed across his forehead and his own blue eyes met green and they seemed to get larger and it was then he realised that he and Michael were both leaning towards each other and their lips met and moved in harmony as their noses brushed against each other. They were kissing and it was slow and passionate and meant more to the two boys than anything else in the world.

Michael was the first one to pull back, his breath slightly irregular and Luke could feel his heartbeat beating faster, like he’d run down the street. Michael’s cheeks were tinged with pink and Luke could feel his own cheeks heating up from the events previously.

Michael moved his hand to grab Luke’s and inserted his fingers in between the gaps of Luke’s. They fit together like a jigsaw puzzle, like they were each other’s missing piece and now they were completed. Michael brought their conjoined hands up and Luke’s sleeves slipped down exposing his wrists where a small coloured picture was sitting.

Michael eyed the colours and brought Luke’s hand closer and turned slightly so he could see it better. The small drawing involved 2 triangles overlapping to make a third triangle. The first triangle was a magenta colour and the last triangle was a dark blue and the overlapping triangles made a purple colour in the small centre triangle. They were tiny, no bigger than a ten cent coin and they were beautiful.

“I told you I wasn’t gay” Luke spoke up timidly as he eyed the tattoo

“Tell me” Michael breathes out tearing his eyes to look at the boy in front of him. “Tell me what you are”

“I’m bisexual”