Archive of Our Own ^beta

If Minho had to choose one purpose in life, it would be worshipping Jisung. He was so enamoured of him that more often than not, he truly believed he had been born just to love him and nothing else. He sounded crazy to his own ears and there was no way anyone would ever hear him say it.

If Minho had to choose one curse in life, it would be being as close as possible to his loved one without being able to touch him, to claim him as his. He so wanted Jisung to be his but he knew he would never be. No matter what he wanted, the only thing that really mattered was Jisung and his feelings. 

If Minho had to choose one blessing in life, it would also be being as close as possible to his loved one. Living with Jisung, being in his closest vicinity, being able to see him every day, to talk to him, to see him laugh, was everything Minho could ever ask for. He did want more but he would never be as greedy to really ask anything more for he cherished every little moment spent with Jisung so much he sometimes couldn’t fathom how truly lucky he was to have been born in the same timeline as Jisung. Insane, he was. 

But sometimes, sometimes, Minho didn’t feel so insane. Sometimes, something in Jisung's eyes made him feel like maybe he could actually ask for more and not lose anything. But he never dwelled on it long enough to act. Because what if it was all just wishful thinking and it made him see things that weren't? It would break him to lose Jisung. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to live without him, just like Hyunjin couldn’t live  if he lost Changbin's love and attention.

Early on, loving Jisung became like second nature for him. Little touches, knowing glances, inside jokes, silent understanding and most of all, the need to be close to him. Always gravitating around Jisung until he could recognise his scent, his way of breathing, the shape of his body and its heat. It all became so special so suddenly for Minho that the very first time he'd been away from Jisung he had felt wrong-footed, like a part of himself was missing. That's when he realised he loved him, a both confusing and natural epiphany. How hadn't he noticed it before? Maybe because it was so natural to him. Getting pulled despite himself in the Universe's scheme.

Minho never believed in fate before. Not until he met the boys. He had felt drawn to each and every one of them, but Jisung had been different. Still was. It might feel redundant but Minho wanted to believe that falling in love with Jisung had been inevitable because they are soulmates. Two halves of one soul finding each other to become whole again. And the more Minho thought about it, the more it made sense. Opposites attract they said and opposites they were. That's why Minho loved Jisung so dearly, because he was something that he knew he'd never be and it worked the other way too. Minho never thought before acting, before talking, whereas Jisung overthought everything he did, everything he said. Minho followed his feelings, his guts, Jisung wanted to make sure his feelings were the right ones.

"Hyung. Hyung? Are you listening to me?" Jisung’s voice pulled Minho out of his reverie.

"Hannie. Sorry, I zoned out for a bit."

"Yeah, could see that," Jisung said, giggling. "What were you thinking about?"

You, Minho thought.

"About sushi for dinner," he said instead.

"So you were listening to me after all! Or maybe you read my mind because you’re my soulmate!"

"Let's go Hannie" Minho said, taking Jisung’s hand, pulling him out the door of their shared apartment.

Their favourite sushi place was a five minutes walk away from their house, which was very convenient.

They sat at their table, Jisung setting chopsticks and napkins while Minho asked for menus. They knew the menu almost by heart but they still liked browsing through it while they chatted. When the waiter came, Minho went for the usual sushi mix whereas Jisung went for the usual chirashi.

"I honestly don't know why we ask for menus, we almost always pick the same dish and end up sharing anyway" Jisung said when the waiter bowed and took their menus before walking away. 

"We never know when or if we'll pick something different. It's just in case today's the day."

Jisung smiled and Minho’s heart fluttered. He was supposed to be used to Jisung’s cuteness after all this time but he felt like every time Jisung smiled at him, he fell in love all over again. Or did he just love him more every time he smiled? He didn’t know and didn’t care because, in the end, it was all the same. He loved Jisung.

While they waited for their food, Jisung started to tell Minho about his break. He told him about how he tried to make Felix watch a documentary about penguins a few days ago and how the blond one had fallen asleep not even halfway in. Minho listened quietly, all his attention focused on Jisung. He still listened when their food came and he was now talking about the tiktok challenges Felix wanted to try with him. He told him he had tried a few cute ones with him but that he'd never do the hard dancing ones.

Jisung then quieted down, tilting his head to the side.

“How was your break, hyungie?” He asked before stuffing his mouth full with food. 

“I went to Gimpo to see my parents. They're doing well, as usual. I also got to play with Soonie, Doongie and Dori. I missed them a lot and I miss them even more now.”

“You should have taken me with you!” Jisung complained, pouting. “I love them and your mom's cooking.”

“Don't speak with your mouth full, Jisungie” Minho nagged and Jisung bowed his head in apology. “I thought you needed the rest more than anyone else. Besides Chan. I'll bring you with me next time.”

Jisung finished chewing before replying.

“Who knows when that will be! We'll be so busy starting tomorrow” Jisung whined.

“I can still show you the pictures I took with them,” Minho said, already taking his phone out.

They spent the rest of their dinner talking about cats and pets in general and animes and boxing and whatever else that came to their mind. Listening to them, you wouldn’t understand a single thing they were saying because they would jump from topic to topic without there being any connections. But it didn’t matter because they only ever talked between and to each other.

The walk home was slow, their bellies full making them sleepy. Somehow, Jisung still had the energy to ramble. Minho found it endearing, how he never ran out of topics to talk about. They were getting inside the elevator when Jisung started to talk about the new season of that dating show. The doors of the elevator opened and Minho turned to Jisung.

“Why do you watch this, Hannie?” He asked.

“I don’t know, I like knowing about other people’s love life, I find it interesting” Jisung answered as they stepped inside their apartment. “I sometimes get invested in it so much that I start rooting for some people to get together and for others not to.”

“I don’t get why you’re so interested in other people’s love life, Sungie. You could just focus on your own” Minho off-handedly said but he immediately noticed the change in Jisung’s mood.

“As if that’s so easy. We’re celebrities hyung, and not just any kind of celebrities but literally idols. Dating is already hard as normal people so as idols it’s practically impossible.”

“A lot of our idol friends are dating,” Minho pointed out as they moved to the kitchen and Jisung sat on a stool around the kitchen island.

“Yeah but they are dating other idols. Some of them are even in same-sex relationships so they can go on dates and make it seem like a friendly outing if they ever get caught.”

“We go on a lot of dates” Minho pointed out again and his traitorous heart picked up its pace. How he loved going on dates with Jisung. Maybe they weren’t for the younger but in Minho’s own head, they were literal dates.

“But we’re not together hyung,” Jisung replied, giggling. Ouch, Minho thought, no need to be so direct about it, Jisungie.

“We could be,” Minho said before he could stop himself. Him and his runny mouth.

“What?” Jisung asked, confusion and surprise evident in his voice.

Here goes nothing, Lee Minho. Be honest.

“Jisung-ah. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for years and I don’t even know why I’m telling  you this because you just told me you didn’t see me that way. But it’s been eating at me to tell you because you’re honestly driving me crazy. You’re here, right in front of me, every single day. So close but so far away at the same time because I can talk to you, I can touch you, I can love you but not in the specific way I want to. I wanna tell you how much I love you but words aren’t enough. I wanna hold you all the damn time, kiss you and love you how you deserve. I want you so much I look insane to even myself. I’m crazy in love with you Jisung-ah. I’m sorry.”

When Minho was done with his speech, he turned around, unable to look at Jisung. He filled a glass with water and downed it in one go. His heart was beating so loud in his ears he didn’t hear Jisung get down from his stool and walk to him until arms circled his waist. Jisung’s strong arms were around him and he was leaning his head on his back.

“Don’t be sorry, hyungie. You feel what you feel. And you know what?” Jisung said, his voice so soft. He let go of Minho and made him turn around. Minho suddenly had trouble breathing because Jisung looked so beautiful and his eyes were looking at him with such adoration. “I love you too. I love you so much. You’re everything to me, I couldn’t live without you. I wanted to confess so many times! Just like earlier during dinner, you were so focused on what I was saying it made my heart flutter. You’re always so focused on me, you make me feel loved every time we’re together. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, hyungie.”

So it wasn’t wishful thinking after all. All these times he felt like it wasn’t one-sided were real. Minho felt like crying. 

“Would it be too out of character for me to cry?” he asked, already sniffling.

“Isn’t it out of character for me not to cry?” Jisung asked back, his mega-watt smile on his pretty face.

“Touché” Minho said, giggling as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. “Be my boyfriend?”

Instead of answering verbally, Jisung leaned in to kiss him. Minho knew it, their lips fitted perfectly.

“What was it they said?” Jisung asked, deep in thought for a second. “Ah, yes. Two halves of the same soul.”

“Soulmates” Minho added and kissed his boyfriend again.

So maybe Minho was insane. But he finally had his love in his arms.