Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

"You're not. Definitely not even their friend. A stranger. Outsider. And right now, you're trespassing this fanfic. And I want you to leave!"

"YOU SHOULD BE LEAVING. No wonder the Cavillrine hates you for that. But at least your new Logan is cool now with your hijinks. In every given fanfic, only the writer, only Author-nim, who casts the canon can control the narrative. Thanks, Wade, but I don't need you to tell me who I am."

Cut to: a neon sign flickers outside a quiet Korean convenience store. The soft hum of a refrigerator blends with the faint sound of a NewJeans song playing from a radio.

“Every night, the same dream. Every morning, the same nightmare. Might be the worst one I've got in my life. Why is Author-nim like that?”

A man slumped across a table, red suit, mask half off, drooling on a half-eaten triangle kimbap.

Logan, dryly: “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Wade, snorts awake, jerks up: “Logan! Wait, what are you doing here? Did TVA assign you here? Are we shooting the Backstreet Rookie remake?”

Logan: “I guess. They wanted another collab. Which, apparently, sounds… supernatural.

Wade: “Supernatural? Wait, is that a crossover joke or are we talking K-pop this time?”

Logan: “Depends. What’s on the news? And it better not be something that can scare me worse than Halloween.”

Wade, grabbing the remote, turns on the TV: “Let’s see... Korean morning news never disappoints.”

[News flash from SBS News: “Breaking this morning, the highly publicized case involving global sensation NewJeans and their agency HYBE/ADOR reaches its verdict today.”]

Wade: “Oh no. The Bunnies are in trouble.”

Logan: “Bunnies?”

Wade: “NewJeans’ fandom name, Logan. Keep up!”

Logan: “We’re in Korea, not the multiverse, bub. Let’s not get involved.”

Wade, already strapping on his gear: “Too late. I smell a crossover.”

Logan, grabbing his clawed gloves: “Every time I wake up, you’ve got a new fandom phase.”

Deadpool, looking at a mirror: “Well, I might as well audition for True Beauty then.”

They push through the glass doors. The bell jingles as the morning sun hits it. Seoul wakes up, unaware that chaos (and a fourth-wall break) is coming their way.

But before he leaves, he goes near the cashier.

Deadpool, dropping the cash: “Ahjussi, as they call everyone here. Keep the change. In case you wanna sue me for shoplifting. You’re welcome. This is what Hwae Wil-sung, aka my Korean variant, said plenty of times. He taught me well.”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Billboards across Seoul blast noise as breaking news kicks in.

[JUST IN: Seoul Central District Court rules in favor of ADOR, NewJeans’ contracts upheld.]

Wade’s eyes widen. He slowly removes his mask, disbelief plastered across his face.

Wade, shocked face: “What the f—”

Logan, shushing him: “Language, bub. You just already said the F-bomb one time.”

Wade: “Oh, I forgot. Peter Parker stole my gig. Blame Mysterio for that, though… or Sony’s custody agreement."

Logan: “Focus.”

Wade: “Oh, I am focused. On injustice. This is Korea’s “Twelve-Rated” tragedy.”

He grabs a marker and a cardboard box from his waist, scribbling furiously.

A crowd of reporters and fans buzzes just outside the court building. Amid the chaos, two out-of-place figures stand side by side holding homemade protest placards.

[Logan’s sign: “Artist rights are human rights.”]

[Wade’s sign: “Even superheroes are artists (technically, if you squint).”]

Logan: “You spelled 'artists' wrong the first time.”

Wade: “I was multitasking! Righteous fury and handwriting don’t mix. Plus it brought back memories of when they made my supersuit green and animated.”

A taxi glides past. A blonde woman in a white blazer steps out of the building, calm, elegant, unreadable.

Woman, from a distant: "Bucheon-si."

Wade, whispering: “Wait. I’ve seen her in plenty of comic books. Aren’t you sure she’s the one in the forest in Dark Phoenix? She looks like she charges by the octave.”

Logan, sighing: “Don’t start, bub.”

Wade, defensive: “What? I’m just saying, if this turns into Suits: Seoul Edition, I call cameo rights.”

They exchange a brief look; a flicker of light seems to shimmer in her eyes before she enters the vehicle as it is about to drive away.

Back to the convenience store, Wade and Logan return, exhausted, still holding their signs like defeated crusaders. They freeze mid-step.

The once-quiet store now buzzes with energy: five young girls sit cross-legged on the floor, sharing cup ramen and snacks. The radio softly plays “ETA.”

“what's your ETA? What's your ETA?”

Behind the counter, Vanessa hums to herself while mopping the tiles, casual, content, as though this were perfectly normal.

Wade, staring, voice cracking: “Vanessa? Honey?"

Vanessa, without looking up: “You tracked mud again, Wade. What just happened?”

Wade: “You’re…”

[He points at those five girls.]

“...and they’re…”

Hanni, cheerful, mouth full: “Hi! You must be the ahjussi who left the banana milk.”

Wade: “Ahjussi?! I’m not that old. Okay, maybe multiversally, yes. But still!”

Logan, to Vanessa: “Why are global pop idols eating noodles in our hideout?”

Vanessa: “They said the store felt safe."

[She smiles softly.]

“Maybe it’s about time you started feeling safe, too.”

Minji, to Logan: “Logan-nim. Tell Laura-ssi we’re sorry we have to do this.”

Logan: “I know, I heard she is a massive fan of you guys a lot.”

Wade again is in shock once more.

Wade: “Oh no, this is definitely a dream. Author-nim, you’re doing it again, aren’t you?”

Vanessa: “Maybe. Or maybe the story just needs you to listen this time.”

The five girls look up at him, uncertain, hopeful. The TV behind the counter replays the verdict headline:

[“Contracts Upheld. Artists To Appeal Case, Vowing To Keep Fighting”]

Logan: “Guess we’re not done here.”

Wade: “Nope. They deserve freedom from this broken system. A loss for them is a loss for the entire industry. Screw that, company stans.”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

In their apartment above the convenience store in Itaewon, Wade, Logan, and Vanessa convene with NewJeans about the development of their ongoing case during dinner.

Wade: “Apologies if I have this face. Someone decided to botch—”

Logan, putting his finger on Wade’s mouth: “That’s a very taboo topic, bub.”

Wade, pulling Logan’s finger away: “Let’s say, something bad happened to me three movies ago, not even makeup can save it. Too bad, tvN didn’t cast me as Lim Ju-kyung’s cousin in True Beauty Season 2 because of this.”

The girls of NewJeans chuckle about Wade.

Danielle: “No, ahjussi. You are actually confident in yourself. Even Vanessa-nim still loves you despite everything.”

Vanessa: “Despite everything, he’s still the same man I fell for, the one who never knows when to shut up, but somehow always finds a reason to care.”

Wade, mock offense: “Excuse me, that sounded like a compliment wrapped in samgyupsal. Too hot.”

Vanessa: “Wade. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

Wade, flustered, bowing politely: “Oh, sorry. Mianhae.”

Hanni, giggling: “Well, I guess. That’s how Korean dramas show love, ahjussi.”

The room falls briefly quiet. The distant hum of Itaewon nightlife seeps through the window, laughter, music, life continuing outside. Logan breaks the ice to continue the plans.

Logan: “Right, so what will they want you to do next, girls?”

Hyein: “They want us to pay a termination fee or bring us back to ADOR. That’s unconditional surrender.”

Haerin: “And it’s 915 billion won.”

Wade, who is once again doing PDA with Vanessa, drops his samgyupsal wrap to the floor.

Wade: “915 billion? That’s 644 million dollars? Not even Squid Game can save this. Someone paid the courts to make you suffer.”

Danielle: “Worse, contract still valid. That’s not what you meant by making us ‘do it till we’re 90’.”

Minji: “But ahjussi-deul, maybe we need your help in dealing with this kind of mess. After all, you are great at saving people.”

Wade, stuttering: “We are, but... wait... You weren’t... supposed to see that. Full of blood, swearing, and stuff. KBS wouldn’t even air that. What do you expect? Do Money Heist? I am actually toning down everything so that you won’t get into further trouble. You have fans still waiting, don’t you?”

Logan, assuring: “He’s right. And we aren’t lawyers. The best we can do is to operate as detectives. But we want to recommend someone who would like to do the job, someone who is within our caliber.”

NewJeans takes several guesses about who the other who will help them.

Danielle: “A superhero lawyer… She-Hulk?”

Wade: “Broke the fourth wall too hard, she lost the case against Disney+.”

Hanni: “Daredevil? Refer us to Nelson & Murdock?”

Logan: “Too blind to even see those unfair contract terms. But a great guy to be honest.”

Wade, busy looking at his phone: “Well, did email Nelson & Murdock once. Got an auto-reply saying, ‘Out of office: currently fighting ninjas. And il-jins.’”

NJZ is worried. Two people are now unavailable to answer the call.

Hyein: “How about… Daepyonim?”

Wade: “You mean Min Hee-jin, who is as chaotic as I, where my Korean variant from another universe loves her? Uhh… Say, she has issues like you guys, something new company matters.”

All: “THEN WHO?”

Suddenly, a female voice is heard coming downstairs, outside the apartment.

“Wade! Logan! Have you eaten? Shall we have tteokbokki?”

Wade: “Well, someone decides to cosplay Doona downstairs.”

He looks down from the window.

“…a blonde Doona.”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Wade, Logan, and Vanessa go down to meet the woman outside their apartment. Apparently, she is waiting at the convenience store, and she is hungry although it is already past midnight and the streets of Itaewon.

Wade: “Agassi. Miss. We’re closed for tonight. What do you want?”

Woman, smiling faintly: “I brought food for you. You’ve been upstairs for hours. Figured maybe you’re still hungry… or avoiding the news again.”

Logan, eyes narrowing: “How come you know us, lady?”

Woman: “Because I’ve met you before. Both of you. Not exactly you-you, but close enough."

Wade, pretending: "Well, we came far away. From a remote countryside. Or a deserted island. We just moved into this apartment. Just a couple of days ago, currently readjusting to society after 15 years. Say, aren't you that ex-idol one who sits in civil engineering classes? You can't bicker Won-jun now?"

The woman is confused. Squinting and shrugging.

Vanessa, holding a comic book: "Wait, you must be the disco Dazzler, aren't you? You look like her. I mean, you ARE her."

Woman: "Uhhh, Vanessa-ssi. That was just in comics. Or movies. I am just Alison, or people call me Ali-ssi. Ali-unnie. Noona. Whatever they want. Currently practicing Korean but fluent in legalese. So did I just hear NewJeans want to appeal their case?"

Wade can't help but get star-struck and nudges Logan.

Wade, whispering: "How come Dazzler knows about this? Did TVA send her a memo?"

Logan, nudging Wade back: "Not now, bub."

Meanwhile, Vanessa continues to talk to Alison.

Vanessa: “Ali. Nice to meet you. Yes, but currently they are resting upstairs. We decided to rest downstairs. Aside from the tteokbokki treat and the legal matters, what comes up in the middle of the night? Isn’t curfew or something?”

Alison, scratching her head: “Ah, but my rent is already due, and I have to move out. I'm originally from Bucheon-si. I’m thinking of where to spend the whole night out here.”

Vanessa, compassionate: “Ah, I’m sorry. Well, you’re welcome here.”

Alison: “Thank you, Vanessa.”

With Vanessa’s blessing, Wade and Logan unlock the doors of the convenience store that also doubles as a resting place. Alison goes to retire for the night.

In a makeshift bed…

Alison deeply sighs as she is in a dream sequence.

[K-CON LA 2022: An overwhelmed Dazzler collapses mid-performance and is stretchered out of the venue.]

[BREAKING NEWS: “Top pop star Dazzler retires from the music industry.”]

She suddenly wakes up, phone in hand to check the time.

3:00 am.

She glances at Wade, Logan, and Vanessa, in deep slumber.

Wade, groggy: “What’s wrong, Ali?”

Alison: “Nothing. Just one of those dreams. Dreams of NewJeans being free. Aish. I got so much paperwork to do.”

And she goes back to sleep.

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Morning. The apartment above the convenience store was dimly lit, the last of the furniture pushed awkwardly against the walls. The five girls of NewJeans had been busy.

Haerin, wiping dust off a stack of newspapers: "Are you sure covering the windows with old news is a good idea, Unnie? What if the landlord complains about the aesthetic?"

Minji, taping up a window: "Well, Wade-nim must’ve loved this kind of furniture. But we're not trying to be aesthetic, Haerin-ah. We're trying to hide from the news cameras and the ADOR legal team. Plus, look!" 

She points to a section of a taped-up page.

Hanni, reading the bold headline: "'Top pop star Dazzler retires from the music industry.'"

Danielle: "That's Alison-unnie's past, right? The one she was dreaming about? Our lawyer used to be a superstar."

Hyein: "Even superheroes are artists. Now she's fighting for our artist rights.”

Haerin: “So, shall we eat then?”

Danielle: “Uhm. We have a marathon to do, am I right?”

Minji: “Ne.”

Alison, sharply dressed but with a sleepy, determined look on her face, was on a commuter train heading towards the Gangnam financial district. Her bag was overflowing with printed legal briefs and marked-up documents. 

[A quick flashback image of a stadium full of screaming fans, followed by the sight of a stretcher, flashed across her mind. She shook the memory away.]

Emerging from the station into the bright morning rush, she pulls out her phone and initiates a video call. Wade, Logan, and Vanessa answer from behind the convenience store counter, looking rumpled and tired.

Alison, smiling faintly: "Have you eaten breakfast, Wade, Logan, Vanessa-ssi?"

Wade, rubbing his eyes, his mask half-off: "No, we haven't... I was having a nightmare where Hugh Jackman actually had a good singing voice, and then I woke up."

Alison, on call: "I left some tteokbokki and some other stuff on your table before I left this morning. When I'm free, let's eat together. Jokbal and bossam combo?"

Wade, grinning: "Sure thing, Ms. Starlight-at-Law! You're already making my life better. Unlike Logan here, who just wants to grumble."

Logan, a low growl: "I was asking how our guys are doing in our universe, bub."

Wade: "Relax, I just checked the group chat. Peter's managing Drive Max. I’m on leave, obviously. Laura's currently curating a Michelin Guide, but it's for K-pop merch stores."

Vanessa, chuckling: "Photocard soups?"

Wade: "Exactly! Yukio and Negasonic are currently rating photocard soups. Others? They’re doing fine. Blind Al still wants that snort stuff, but that’s prohibited because we don't want to upset our younger audience. Gotta keep that 'Teen And Up Audiences' rating, you know!"

Alison, a small, tired sigh: "Good. Keep the fort safe. I have a firm to shake up."

Eventually, NewJeans emerge downstairs, about to join the trio as their new supportive lawyer approaches them.

Alison: “Yeorobun~~ How are my favorite clients and neighbors doing this bright, lawsuit-filled morning?”

NewJeans, in chorus: “Ali-unnie!”

Danielle: “You look like a K-Drama lawyer! Did you sleep?”

Alison: “Briefly. On caffeine. And maybe an expired energy drink Wade left in the fridge.”

Wade, sheepish: “Hey! That was vintage Red Bull. Limited edition from my ‘X-Force Bankruptcy’ era.”

Logan, muttering: “Figures.”

Vanessa, smiling: “Go knock them out today, Ali. We’ll make sure these kids eat instead of panic.”

Alison: “Thanks, Vanessa-ssi. And Wade…”

Wade, mock-saluting: “Yes, Ms. Starlight-at-Law?”

Alison: “…Don’t livestream another protest. I don’t have time to file for interdimensional permits again.”

Wade: “Aww. You did see that?”

Alison: “The entire firm did. Someone thought you were doing guerrilla marketing for a new K-pop group called Backstreetpool.”

NewJeans giggle. Even Logan smirks.

Alison: “Okay, kids. Eat, rest, and let me handle the boring adult drama for a few hours. Not even English subtitles could save me from Korean legalese. Or Latin. Pro bono. Anyways, say… Annyeong~~??”

Wade, waving: “Yeah, goodbye. Annyeong~~”

Alison also waves, straightens her blazer, and disappears into the morning rush.

Gangnam.

Alison steps through the glass doors of a sleek corporate firm with the signage Nunbunsin Byeolbit Legal Group (눈부신 별빛 법률그룹) glows. The reception desk gleams; assistants hurry past with case files. She exhales, steadying herself.

A junior associate and her other colleagues greet her.

Associate, bowing: “Annyeonghaseyo~~ Attorney Blaire, the ADOR case files you requested just arrived from the court registry.”

Alison: “Thank you. I’ll review them in my office. Kamsahamnida.”

She walks down the hall, opens the binder, and freezes. Inside, neatly tabbed under Exhibit F, are studio demo logs and lyric drafts labeled:

“NEWJEANS: FULL ALBUM PROJECT: Tentative Q1 Release.”

Her eyes widen. A faint echo of fan chants from her memory blends with the rustle of legal paper.

Alison, whispering: “They… already planned a comeback? They’re using the art as leverage?”

The light from the window flares across her face: half lawyer, half former pop star, caught between both worlds.

Alison, to herself: “Not on my watch.”

[Cue soft music under the hum of Seoul traffic outside.]

To be continued…

Chapter Text

The sun glints off the Hangang River as the five NewJeans members finish their lap, stretching near the water.

Hanni, breathing hard, wiping her forehead: “Minji-unnie, that was our fastest time yet! Maybe we should audition for the Olympics instead of going back to the studio.

Minji: “It’s the playlist. That Dazzler album is pure motivation. We need that kind of energy when we're running away from billion-won lawsuits.”

Suddenly, the playlist shuffles to a sweet-sounding yet older, aggressive Dazzler song… from 2019?

Haerin: “Woah, what’s this song? It’s making my legs itchy. But that’s just as unreleased as a demo? That sucks to happen.”

Hyein: “Yeah, I think my speed just doubled! Quicksilver who?”

The girls take off in a fresh sprint, achieving seemingly superhuman speeds. They laugh, genuinely fast.

Danielle, yelling, excited: “Okay, this is definitely supernatural!

Turn all the lights out
Taking me higher
Put your hands on
Put your hands on me

From the distant jogging path, two groups of figures in dark, athletic wear emerge, rapidly closing the distance. They wear minimal logos, but a stylized silver 'H' is visible on their sleeves.

Minji, eyes widening, braking hard: “Stop! We’re not alone. Those aren't joggers. They’re too… organized.”

Hanni, panicked: “They're cutting us off from the bridge! They look like they're trying to corral us!”

The masked figures accelerate, their movements too fluid and coordinated for normal humans. The NewJeans members huddle.

Haerin: “Who are they? They look like bodyguards, but they’re wearing the wrong colors. Are they HYBE after all?”

Danielle, shaking her head, pointing at the silver 'H': “No, this is different. They’re forcing us toward the exit…”

Hyein, tears welling up, terrified: “They are forcing us to go to the GALA!”

One of the H-people step up to confront the girls.

H-Men leader: “No one forces you to join. We were convinced to invite you to the gala.”

Haerin, confused: “What gala? The Frosty one? And why are you playing SNSD sunbaenim’s theme?”

“You better run, run, run, run, run
Deoneun mot bwa, geodeochajullae”

The last figure closes in on them. Cut sharply.

Haerin, running away at the speed of light: “I immediately regret my decision!”

H-Men associates: “We expect you to have better outfits. You are coming.”

Minji, scared and confused: “Someone decided it was the right time to play Marvel Rivals in real life, like hello?”

To be continued…

Chapter Text

Inside Nunbunsin Legal, the office is sleek but tense. Alison, sharply dressed, is pacing near the window, phone pressed to her ear. Outside, a sudden, heavy snowstorm has started, and a dark-clad swarm of figures with the silver 'H' emblem is forming a perimeter on the street below.

Alison, frantic, pacing: "Wade! Logan! Vanessa, pick up! This isn't a joke! There are stalkers around my work area! Please help!"

She gets Wade's automated line, a loud, off-key singing message.

[Wade, voiceover, singing off-key: "Sorry, the mercenary you've reached is currently on an unauthorized chimichanga run across the multiverse! Leave a message after the fourth-wall break!"]

Alison, slamming the phone down: "Aish! Jinjja! Pabo! The whole world is falling apart and they're rating photocard soups!"

A junior associate bursts into her office, shivering.

Associate: "Attorney Blaire-ssi, they're demanding to see you. They claim to be representatives from HYBE's specialized security team, citing an immediate return clause for the NewJeans artists!"

Alison, to the associate: "Tell them I'll be down. And call the police. Say there's a hostage situation, because those girls are not going back to be used as financial assets!"

Alison grabs her blazer, pausing at the window.

Alison, muttering to the snow, almost singing: "They want the girls back... no appeal. They're doing... what? Wae?"

She descends to the lobby. The leader of the 'H' men steps forward.

Alison, voice sharp, carrying: "You cannot be serious. They said they would appeal last time. Why the sudden change of heart? I’m currently processing that decision."

H-Men Leader, voice monotone, flat: "Attorney Blaire. Their choice is final. They are required to return to the principal timeline. You have no authority here."

A white shimmer, like bad TV reception, pulses. Alison feels a sudden strain.

Alison, suddenly furious, projecting her voice: "And you have no authority over my clients' artistic rights! This is not how you treat artists!"

The leader flinches, shielding his eyes from the non-existent light that seems to radiate from her.

Alison: "I demand that you stop! They are human beings! Jinjja! Nappeun saram!"

And she digs in about her past self to that bunch of H-Men still clinging to “Dazzler”.

“And about those songs you just sang. Do not ever sing those again. You don’t have the perfect voice. I would’ve smashed your heads off if you dared to just hum those melodies one more time, but I won't risk my license just for that. I would sue you for attempted harassment… trespassing… defamation…”

The exertion causes her to collapse heavily onto the cold, snowy marble floor, unconscious.

Hours later. Vanessa finally arrives near the Nunbunsin Legal building. Ali’s associate and two police officers are on standby.

Vanessa: "What happened? I couldn't reach them!"

Associate: "Attorney Blaire-ssi collapsed at the firm. The ambulance is outside. The police couldn't stop those... those H-people. They dispersed the moment she fell. I'm sorry for what happened to your friend."

Vanessa rushes to Alison, who is now on a stretcher attended by paramedics. Alison's phone is glowing faintly on the floor.

[Vanessa picks up the phone.]

[The screen shows an active call: Minji (NewJeans) - On Hold. Vanessa quickly puts the phone to her ear.]

Minji, soft, panicked: "Alison-unnie? We... we were running so fast, but they got us... Don’t mind about ADOR anymore. But that thing is still better than... unnie, tell her! Tell her that we would rather go back there than be pruned! We haven’t prepared a statement yet! But the fight goes on…"

Vanessa gasps, looking down at Alison. Alison's eyes flutter open, gaining a moment of clarity.

Alison, mumbling, labored breaths, mixing English and Korean: "Tell them... tell them, make sure to protect them. If not... they'll still be responsible. Sseuregi gyesiya. I would rather have them be bound in that messy ADOR contract... than disappear from this Earth. No pruning..."

The sudden, piercing sound of multiple sirens blares over the surrounding streets. Paramedics secure Alison.

Paramedic, urgently: "She’s too cold. We need to go. Fast."

Alison, scared, voice reduced to a whisper: “Ani. No, send me home. Back to the store. They shouldn’t know this.”

Vanessa clutches the phone.

Vanessa, into the phone, voice firm despite the tears: "Minji, listen to me. She told me to protect you. I heard you. She'd rather you be bound than... pruned. But Minji, what is the 'H'?! What does it stand for?!"

Minji, voice barely audible, fading out: "It... it stands for Hell... Hell...fire... Emma... F--"

The call cuts out with a sound like tearing fabric. Vanessa stares at the dead phone as the stretcher is wheeled away. The snow falls harder, lit by flashing emergency lights.

Vanessa, to herself, her eyes cold with resolve: "Pruned... Hellfire... Emma Frost. No. They are not going to take the girls. Not from this Earth."

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Seoul, again. The city never sleeps. Yet tonight, the silence is unbearable.

Television screens in subway stations. Phone notifications buzzing in cafés. Muted news anchors speaking in tight, contained expressions. Students? On silent mode for the upcoming CSAT.

[BREAKING: ADOR confirms Haerin and Hyein will return to the company.]

[Meanwhile, Minji, Hanni, and Danielle expected to release their statement shortly.]

The nation holds its breath.

A group of bystanders gathers outside a convenience store, the neon lights flickering overhead.

“Haerin and Hyein to return? Where are the other three?”

“Does this mean the group is splitting?”

“No, no. Look, someone said they’re trying to add new members again.”

“Add? New? Members?”

“Isn’t this literally FIFTY FIFTY 2.0?!”

Someone laughs nervously. Someone else wipes a tear. Someone records a TikTok while whispering…

“Something’s wrong. Something feels off.”

The wind picks up.

Meanwhile, at The Void.

The lost lands are situated at the end of time. The end of everything. Where any being gets thrown away to endure an agonizing demise.

[“Hurt” by NewJeans plays in the background.]

“Bogo shibeun saenggage
Deureogan uri change
Naneun mareul geoneunde
Bonaejineun aneullae”

Minji and Danielle are in the desolate deserts, confused and lost. And more are lost as they search for Hanni.

Minji: “We lost a chance to greet our fans ‘good luck’ in the CSAT. We got separated with Haerin and Hyein-ah. But where’s Hanni?”

Danielle: “Wait, this is where sand meets… snow???”

Minji: “What snow?”

Danielle: “Now, this is cold! Maybe she’s in here somewhere in the frost world.”

Danielle eventually speeds up and runs further into the snow.

Minji, shivering: “Dani! Wait! But where’s Wade-ssi and Logan-nim?”

“Hurt (nah, nah)
I'm not gonna be the one to get hurt
Hurt (nah, nah)
I'm not gonna be the one to get hurt
Hurt (oh, oh, ooh)
I'm not gonna be the one to get hurt
(Oh, oh, ooh)”

Wade and Logan are lying down, only to wake up inside a desolate tunnel overlooking an abandoned yet still glamorous disco bar in the middle of the ice and snow.

Wade, munching on a NewJeans-sponsored Pepero stick: “I wasn’t informed Antarctica now has pubs now! What’s next? A Happy Feet remake?”

Logan, smug: “Bub. I swear. I think I hear Minji and Dani looking for Hanni… We are both stuck in the Void! Again!”

Wade, realizing: “And it is the other side of it… one that Feige never bothered to cover, but Emma Frost? Hmph. Look who’s talking, Frost.”

Several H-Men block their way. The duo are now on standby alert. Wade in katanas, Logan snikts his retractable claws.

Wade, calming down the H-Men: “Wait, wait, time! I forgot, someone snuck in a note asking me to deliver… Luna Snow’s interactions with your White Queen from the game, which I haven’t signed up into yet? But yeah. We are about to record a music video for her diss track later. You’re going to encounter some backlash against shady companies about not only sending this so-called ‘grating music’ to the bargain bin, but you are also going to see idols doing things not approved by terminally online fans. And that includes eating strawberries with two hands. On camera.”

The H-Men are visibly confused, which signals Wade and Logan for the cover.

Wade, excited: “Right. We have some work to do. Maximum effort.”

Logan, charging at the enemies: “Let’s freakin’ go!”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

The disco bar hums with faint neon, half-broken lights flickering like they're running on leftover K-pop budget. The H-Men guard every entrance with the seriousness of bouncers who haven’t been paid since the last prom curated by Emma Frost in 1982. Or maybe payola desperation now that Bang PD might hold on bars.

Wade adjusts his mask, fixes an imaginary crown, pops another Pepero stick in his mouth, and dramatically flicks his katanas behind him.

Wade: “Logan! Logan, film me. I need this for TikTok. I’m recreating Sowon’s MAGO hallway moment.”

Logan: “Bub… we’re in the Void. Not in a music video.”

Logan crosses his arms, completely unimpressed.

Logan: “You’re embarrassing yourself, bub.”

Wade: “Good. That’s the entire point of TikTok.”

Logan: “We’re stuck in the Void, surrounded by Hellfire Club rejects, looking for three teenagers who can outrun sound itself. And you… want a dance cover.”

Wade gestures dramatically at the disco bar.

Wade: “Logan. Look at this hallway. Look at that disco lighting. Look at ME, Yerin! You go there styling in a nearby bedroom, kay?”

Logan freezes, then agrees with the merc. Wade then poses, one hand on his hip, chin up, giving full-on Sowon-in-a-feathered-coat energy.

Wade: “This is K-pop destiny. Please, HYBE. You forgot about how you used GFRIEND to disband them. Reminds me of a mid Titan who used and destroyed the stones that perhaps treated the Avengers too harshly. We are going to collect all of them back, whatever it takes! And this is how you record a diss track, Luna Snow.”

And the battle begins. Deadpool removes his feather coat that covers his iconic red spandex and starts belting out what seem like messed-up lyrics set to the tune of GFRIEND’s MAGO.

[“MAGO” by GFRIEND plays… or is it?]

“Hey baby girls
Back with HYBE again
Bang PD bop but
It don't give us the HYBE budget
6960 magic
I became this big visual
So don't merc up this mouth

Did the do's and dont's
Had a 1 on the charts?
But HYBE and Korea forgot (and the multiverse)
This song should have smashed
But instead it flopped”

Just outside, Minji and Danielle get tired as ANOTHER attempt to find Hanni went futile. They go to the tunnel area leading to the disco bar and are startled.

Danielle, confused: “Is that… Wade-ssi and Logan-nim?”

Minji, shrugging: “Why are they dancing to Yeojachingu sunbaenim?”

Then suddenly…

“Bub!”

A repurposed TemPad phone goes on call.

Minji and Danielle: “Logan-nim?”

Logan: “Wade doesn't like having my claws show up. He wants me to use this hair dryer but isn't that absurd?”

Danielle: “Uhh maybe that's not just a hair dryer.”

Minji: “Maybe TVA got wacky and created new devices. You know?”

Logan, confused: “You sure? I trust you.”

Logan, in the bedroom, holding the dryer, aims at the several Hellfire forces barging in, and pulls a switch.

Poof! Dusted. Like Thanos.

Logan: “That's great. Now where’s Wade? Don't tell me he’s pole dancing!”

Minji, on the other end of the line: “I’m looking for a disco ball to ride him on.”

And pole dancing he did. Many H-Men died over Deadpool’s fancy moves.

“We have been ignored
No more Melon trends
We can't dance with this Moon Knight again (he hates Disney)
Doesn't eat that now
Even if Doom and I fight…”

Wade, chuckling: “Yuju says she got bad blood. Guess who is THE bad blood.”

[“Magopool” by W. Wilson has its volume cranked up to the highest level.]

“My life is waiting for you (yes you!)
But you got fed to that snake Alioth
(To the Void, we are lost)...”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

As “MAGO” ends, Wade now goes for ‘bad blood’. He pulls out a large, circular disc shield with a Union Jack as a motif, about to brandish it against the H-Men.

Wade, sassy: “Yeah, bad blood, you say, Yuju? I can do this all day. Am I right, Peggy?”

[Cue title card: Peggy Could Not Do This All Day.]

[It’s Always Sunny in Westview Philadelphia theme, “Temptation Sensation” by Heinz Keissling plays in the background.]

Still within the title card, Logan and Wade argue over what’s going on with Captain Carter’s vibranium shield.

Logan, voiceover: “Yeah, look! The reason why we are in a black screen. The shield had some… say… chunks on it!”

Wade, voiceover: “What chunks?”

Wade checks on the shield. He drops it in shock.

Wade, voiceover: “No! No! That has the flesh and the red juice of Steve Rogers’ love! Her organic matter. Drop! Drop!”

Wade then discards the shield as the title card cuts to the actual scene of the disco bar.

Wade: “That hits hard than a Mickey Mouse censor. Now where were we?”

[Cut to another black screen.]

The H-Men are frightened at what they have seen.

H-Men: “Put that down! We mean, put him down!”

Wade: “What’s this black and blue bullrope down here?”

Logan, annoyed: “Bub. Didn’t you know what’s this?”

Wade: “Chill, Peanut. This is John Krasinski being forced by his boss to do stretching in ‘The Office’”.

Logan: “Reed? And the boss is… Wanda?”

Wade: “Well… the spaghetti wasn't cooked enough. Not al dente.”

[Screen cuts to a familiar title card. Wade clears his throat to absurdly mimic a voiceover of a 1950s sitcom.]

[Wade: "Previously on WandaVision... or was it Multiverse of Madness? Honestly, the copyright timelines are getting blurrier than a Japanese adult film!"]

Wade gestures to the censored shield.

Wade, voiceover: "In the last episode, Wanda had a bad case of the Mondays. She turned the smartest man alive into spaghetti, made Black Bolt blow his own mind, literally, and turned poor Peggy here into a split-screen experience!"

The camera pans to the "abandoned yet still glamorous disco bar" behind him.

"But while the Illuminati were busy losing their heads, torsos, and even a neck, sorry, Professor, a certain group of Glass Bead Sorceresses were trying to save the day with the power of choreography! Yes, the TVA informed me, GFRIEND used to be Christine’s interns at the Baxter Foundation before the Witch decided to cover ‘Run Devil Run’. But alas..."

Wade drops the sitcom voice and leans in close to the H-Men.

Wade: "...Wanda hit the 'Mute' button on their mouths and sent them straight here to the Void. Yet she still gets to be in Heaven with Miles Teller while we are stuck in purgatory, which brings us to now. Welcome to the spin-off nobody asked for, but everybody needed! Thanks, Lizzie."

Logan: "Are you done talking to the air, bub?" 

Wade: "And starring... Hugh Jackman as the Grumpy Cat! Now, please, drop down your weapons and go home in peace so that we can gracefully tell your White Queen to release us and these five promising teenagers out here so that they can return for more hits. If you will not comply, we will raise the rating to R using Black Bolt’s tuning fork and risk losing our young demographic out here."

Logan, pointing at Wade: “He’s right! Now, please let us go, or this guy will quote another Elizabeth Olsen movie line out here to oblivion, no cuts, in one take. You have no idea how reasonable we’ve been.”

Wade points at the H-Men, scolding like a disciplinarian teacher handling her unruly students.

Wade: “Or make me an actress with unresolved childhood trauma in that webtoon adapted to a K-drama. Don't make me write a letter that reads “Dear X” cause you know…”

To be continued...

Chapter Text

Wade, mocking a snarl: “In spite of your hypocrisies and insults…”

The Hellfire Men gets terrified as Deadpool is pulling chaos magic trick that will endanger them to oblivion.

H-Men: “...he is saying the line! Spare our dignity! Yeah, we know. Not lives. You know this is Teen+, right? Hey Mama!”

Wade hesitates, but continues the Darkhold monologue…

Wade: “...I have begged you to tell us who you really are, but no. You have exhausted my patience. But I do hope you understand. That even now, what's about to happen…”

He approaches three of the guys, and they are clearly masked. He holds on to the hem of each mask, ready to pull them away.

“...this is me, being… reasonable.”

YANK!!!

[“You Are My Everything” by Gummy plays]

“You Are My Everything
Byeolcheoreom ssodajineun unmyeonge”

Logan is shocked.

“Geudaeraneun sarameul mannago
Meomchwobeorin nae gaseumsoge”

Minji and Hanni, who are in the sidelines, cover their mouths.

“Sunbaenim-deul?”

“Dan hanaui sarang
You Are My Everything”

Wade is also surprised on this encounter.

Wade: “Wait… Baekhyun? Chen? Xiumin? How did you get in here?”

The rest of the Hellfire Club forces ran away.

Wade, tears underneath the mask: “What did SM do to you, my brothers? All this for just bringing up 9/30?”

Chen: “Not that. We lost the case. Just like NewJeans after us. But our fate got even worse. And I thought Cassandra Nova is already megalomaniacal. There’s someone much powerful than her!”

Xiumin: “White Queen wants us to perform like it’s Krakoa every day, we got bruised on our heads from her psychic attacks. What brings you here anyway?”

Wade hesitates. He knows they are the same men who brought them back alongside Minji, Hanni, and Danielle to the End of Time while leaving their friends behind back in Earth-72222’s Seoul.

Wade, feigning innocence: “Uhhh… Yes, the Queen of Sokovia wants to share the bounty of her kingdom… Hopefully.” 

Logan nudges Wade: “Bub, this is not our mission. It’s the girls! And Sokovia has no Queen, unless you think of her as the Queen of the Dead.”

Wade: “Doesn’t look dead to me. She is just unavailable now, resting inside a mountain rubble, but she sent her scions for a diplomatic solution with Her Frostness to release at least the girls. NewJeans.”

CBX chuckles at Wade’s formality.

Chen: “Well, sure but Emma Frost is gone. For unknown reasons.”

Wade: “Wait, what? So are you free now, guys?”

Baekhyun: “Yes and no. More on no. More like under new management. White Queen is gone, but there is someone you guys and girls who is waiting for you…”

Wade, confused: “Who is that? The Ice Princess that I’ve seen 930 times? Not 140 as she told me?”

Chen: “And it's something special.”

Wade: “Special like Korea already approved the trailer for Doomsday?”

Logan, patting Wade’s back: “Not that, bub.”

Xiumin, smiling: “Well, follow us. Tell Minji and Dani, we are leading you to her. Also, Hanni is there, living her best life in the Ice Palace. Either that or that new Doomsday trailer, we promise guys, we will return you back safely. Just help us, as we're gonna help you.”

CBX then aids Wade, Logan, Minji, and Danielle en route to this icy beauty.

Minji, wondering: "I hope Hanni will be safe there."

Danielle: "Me too. wish Haerin and Hyein to be as well, back home. And also Vanessa-ssi and Ali-unnie. They miss us so much."

Minji: "And Bunnies. Tokkis who are waiting. Don't worry. We are as well."

To be continued...