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Xie Lian woke up with absolutely no idea who he was.
This was, objectively speaking, quite alarming. He sat up slowly, taking stock of his surroundings.
A bedroom—nicely appointed, red and black decor, somewhat dramatic.
His head felt fuzzy, like someone had taken cotton and stuffed it between his ears.
What was his name? Where was he? Why was he here?
His hand brushed against something on the bedside table. A journal. Red leather, a name embossed on the cover in silver: Xie Lian.
“Ah!” he said aloud to the empty room. “That must be me, then!”
He flipped it open eagerly. Surely this would explain everything. The first page was written in his own handwriting—he assumed it was his handwriting, anyway. It matched the inscription.
If you’re reading this, don't panic. You’re a SPY. Your mission is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE.
Xie Lian’s eyes widened. A spy? Him? How exciting! He read on eagerly.
Your target: HUA CHENG, the CRIMSON RAIN SOUGHT FLOWER. Supreme Ghost King. Devastatingly handsome. Extremely dangerous. Your mission: SEDUCE him and extract information about the location of the Heavenly Vault.
Xie Lian blinked. Seduce? He had to… seduce someone?
He flipped through more pages. There were detailed notes about this Hua Cheng person. Likes: his beloved (whoever that was). Dislikes: Heaven, most gods, people who threaten his beloved. Weaknesses: his beloved.
“There’s a lot about this beloved person” Xie Lian muttered. “That might be a problem for the seduction plan…”
A pang of guilt hit him. This Hua Cheng clearly loved someone very much. And here Xie Lian was, a spy, planning to seduce him and betray that trust. It felt... wrong.
But then again, he was a spy. This was his mission. Surely past-him had good reasons for this?
He sighed. "I'm sorry, mysterious beloved person" he said to the empty room. "But I have a job to do."
He kept reading hoping for justification. There were instructions, tips, strategies.
Apparently, he was supposed to be staying in Paradise Manor (where he currently was) and had already made some progress gaining Hua Cheng’s trust and was calling him San Lang - oh how intimate! Now he felt more bad.
Remember: You must be SUBTLE. SEDUCTIVE. CUNNING. Use your feminine wiles! Bat your eyelashes! Trail your fingers along his arm! Bite your lip suggestively! Be IRRESISTIBLE!
Xie Lian touched his own lips thoughtfully. Feminine wiles? Did he have those? He wasn’t entirely sure what gender he was at the moment, given the whole amnesia situation, but he supposed he’d figure it out.
The last entry was dated yesterday:
Tomorrow is the day. Hua Cheng will invite you to dinner. Private. Intimate. This is your CHANCE. Seduce him. Get the information. Complete the mission. YOU CAN DO THIS
“Oh” Xie Lian said. “Oh dear. That’s today, isn’t it?”
He looked down at himself. He was wearing sleeping robes—plain white, comfortable. Definitely not seductive spy attire. He needed to prepare!
He found a wardrobe and opened it. Inside were… well, mostly more plain white robes. But in the back, pushed to the corner, was one outfit that seemed more elaborate.
White still, but the cut was different—lower neckline, tighter fit, with red embroidery that matched the decor.
“This must be the seduction outfit” Xie Lian determined. “Very professional of past-me to prepare this.”
He changed quickly, then examined himself in the mirror. The robes did fit quite nicely. He tried a few experimental poses.
Leaning against the wall. Hand on hip. Looking over his shoulder with what he hoped was a smouldering expression.
“I’m a spy” he told his reflection seriously. “A seductive spy. I can do this.”
He consulted the journal again for tips on seduction:
- Maintain eye contact
- Smile mysteriously
- Laugh at his jokes (even if they’re not funny)
- Find excuses to touch him casually
- When drinking, make eye contact over the rim of your cup
- At some point, maybe unbutton your robes slightly? (Is that too much?Future-me, you’ll have to decide in the moment)
Xie Lian practiced unbuttoning his robes slightly in the mirror. Then buttoning them again. Then unbuttoning again.
“Subtle” he reminded himself. “Subtle seduction.”
A knock at the door made him jump and fumble with his buttons.
“Gege? Are you awake?”
That voice—deep, smooth, warm like honey. Xie Lian’s heart did a strange flutter. Was this the target? This Hua Cheng person?
“Y-yes!” he called back. “Just a moment!”
He checked the mirror one more time. Mysterious smile. He could do a mysterious smile. He arranged his face into what he hoped was mysterious and not constipated.
He opened the door. And nearly forgot how to breathe.
The man standing there was… well. “Devastatingly handsome” had been accurate but insufficient. He was tall, dressed in red and black robes that looked like they cost more than a small kingdom.
Long black hair, an eyepatch over one eye, and the other eye—red like a blood moon—was looking at Xie Lian with such warmth and fondness that Xie Lian felt his knees go weak.
“San Lang?” Xie Lian said, the name appearing in his mouth.
“Mm.” The man—Hua Cheng, this had to be Hua Cheng—smiled. “Are you feeling alright? You look a bit flushed.”
“I’m fine!” Xie Lian said, too loudly. Then, remembering his mission: “Completely fine. Never better. Very… fine.”
Smooth. Very smooth, spy Xie Lian.
“I was thinking we could have dinner together” Hua Cheng continued. “Unless you have other plans?”
“No! No other plans! Dinner sounds wonderful!” Xie Lian beamed at him, then
remembered he was supposed to be mysterious and seductive, not enthusiastic like a puppy.
He tried to tone down his smile to something more mysterious.
Hua Cheng’s eye crinkled with amusement. “Gege, are you sure you’re alright? You’re making interesting faces.”
“This is my face” Xie Lian said defensively. “My regular, normal face. That I always make.”
“Of course” Hua Cheng said, but his smile had widened. “Shall we?”
He offered his arm. Xie Lian stared at it. This was it! His first chance to use his seductive spy techniques! He was supposed to touch him casually, right?
He took Hua Cheng’s arm, then tried to trail his fingers along it like the journal had suggested. Except he wasn’t sure if he was doing it right, so it came out more like he was… petting him?
“Are you petting my arm, gege?”
“No!” Xie Lian snatched his hand back. “I was just… admiring the fabric. Very nice. Quality robes.”
“Thank you?” Hua Cheng looked thoroughly entertained now. “I’ll let you know where I bought them, if you’d like.”
“That would be… great” Xie Lian said weakly.
This was not going well. He needed to regroup - did he have a group?-. Remember the mission. Seduce the Ghost King. Extract information. He could do this.
They reached the dining room, which had been set for an intimate dinner for two. Candles, wine, an elaborate spread of dishes. Very romantic. Perfect for a seduction mission.
Hua Cheng pulled out a chair for him with such gentlemanly care. He poured wine with elegant movements. He smiled at Xie Lian with such genuine warmth. Everything about him screamed "devoted partner."
And perfect for making Xie Lian feel even more guilty.
Xie Lian sat, trying to do so gracefully and seductively. He wasn’t sure if he succeeded, but at least he didn’t fall.
His beloved is so lucky, Xie Lian thought miserably as he took a sip of wine. And here I am, trying to—
“You seem different tonight” Hua Cheng observed as he sat across from him. “Did something happen?”
“Different? Me? No, no. Same as always. Regular Xie Lian. Nothing unusual.” Xie Lian grabbed his wine cup again and took a large gulp.
Then remembered—eye contact over the rim of the cup! He was supposed to make eye contact while drinking!
He lowered the cup and stared intently at Hua Cheng.
“…Gege, why are you staring at me like that?”
“I’m not staring. I’m making… meaningful eye contact. It’s different.”
“I see.” Hua Cheng’s lips twitched. “And why are we making meaningful eye contact?”
“Because…” Xie Lian scrambled for an answer. “Because your eye is very beautiful! Very… red. Like blood. Or… rubies. Blood rubies.”
“Blood rubies?”
“It’s a compliment” Xie Lian said firmly. He decided to change tactics. “So, San Lang—may I call you San Lang?”
“You always call me San Lang.”
“Right! Of course! Well, San Lang, tell me about yourself. What do you do? Any interesting… secrets? Vaults, perhaps? Heavenly vaults?”
Hua Cheng paused with his cup halfway to his mouth. “Heavenly vaults?”
“Or any vaults! Regular vaults. I’m just making conversation. About vaults. Which are very interesting. Architecturally.”
“Gege” Hua Cheng said slowly, “are you trying to extract information from me?”
Xie Lian’s eyes widened. Abort! Abort! Too obvious!
“No! I just have a passionate interest in… vault construction. It’s a hobby. My hobby. That I have.”
“Your hobby is vault construction.”
“Yes! I’m thinking of taking up vault… building. As a… side project.” Xie Lian grabbed his wine again and drank more. This was going terribly. He was a terrible spy.
Maybe he should try the seduction angle more directly. He leaned forward, trying to arrange himself seductively. Except he leaned a bit too far and his elbow landed in a plate of food.
“Ah!” He pulled back, now with sauce on his sleeve.
Hua Cheng was definitely trying not to laugh now. “Here, let me help.” He reached over with a napkin.
This was it! Physical contact! Xie Lian could work with this!
He caught Hua Cheng’s hand as he dabbed at the sauce. “San Lang” he said, trying to make his voice low and sultry. “You’re very kind.”
“Am I?” Hua Cheng’s red eye gleamed with something that might have been mischief.
“Yes. And handsome. Very handsome. Has anyone ever told you that you’re handsome?”
“You tell me fairly regularly.”
Wow past Xie Lian really set himself up here! Ugh the poor beloved…
“Well, it bears repeating. You’re… devastatingly handsome. Like a—a devastating thing. That’s handsome.”
Xie Lian was still holding Hua Cheng’s hand. He tried to do the mysterious smile again while maintaining eye contact. His face was starting to hurt from all these expressions.
“Gege” Hua Cheng said softly, “are you trying to seduce me?”
Xie Lian froze. “What? No! I’m just… being friendly. Very friendly. Aggressively friendly.”
“I see.” Hua Cheng turned his hand over so he was now holding Xie Lian’s hand instead
After a moment Hua Cheng spoke again "Truly are you sure you're okay?."
"No! Not troubled!" Xie Lian said quickly. "Just... thinking about how nice you are. To me. Even though you have a beloved. Who you clearly care about very much. Your devoted, wonderful beloved who definitely doesn't deserve to be—"
He cut himself off. Too much. That was definitely too much.
Hua Cheng tilted his head, looking amused and puzzled. "Gege?"
"I’m Fine! Just... you know..." Xie Lian gestured vaguely with his wine cup. "Ethics. Thinking about ethics."
"Ethics?"
"Yes. The ethics of... dinner." Xie Lian took another large gulp of wine. "Very ethical, this dinner."
He needed to focus. The mission. He had a mission. Even if it meant... even if this beloved person would be hurt...
I'm so sorry, Xie Lian thought, imagining some tragic figure waiting at home for Hua Cheng. I'm truly sorry. But I'm a spy and this is what spies do, apparently.
"So, San Lang" he tried again, leaning forward in what he hoped was a seductive manner. "You must be very devoted to your beloved."
"I am" Hua Cheng said simply, his eye softening.
The guilt intensified. "That's... that's wonderful. Very romantic. I'm sure they're very special."
"The most special person in all three realms."
Oh gods, this was awful. Xie Lian was a terrible person. A terrible spy seducing a man who clearly adored someone else.
But he pressed on, his voice slightly strained. "And yet, here you are. Having dinner with me. Alone. Intimately."
"Here I am" Hua Cheng agreed, taking a sip of his own wine.
"That's very..." Xie Lian searched for words. "Trusting of your beloved. To let you dine with others. Privately. With candles."
"I don't think my beloved minds" Hua Cheng said, and was that amusement in his voice?
"Really? They don't mind you having romantic dinners with random people?"
"I wouldn't call you random, gege."
Xie Lian's heart did that flutter thing again. Focus! Mission! Guilt!
Please forgive me, beloved person, he thought desperately. I'll make this quick and painless. Probably. Hopefully.
—---
The dinner progressed with Xie Lian making increasingly awkward attempts at seduction while internally apologising to Hua Cheng's beloved every five minutes.
He laughed at Hua Cheng's jokes. (Sorry, beloved.)
He touched Hua Cheng's hand across the table. (I'm terrible, I know.)
He made smoldering eye contact while drinking. (This is just my job, please understand.)
And through it all, Hua Cheng watched him with that fond, amused expression that made Xie Lian feel both thrilled and guilty in equal measure.
"Gege" Hua Cheng said finally, after Xie Lian had accidentally knocked over his wine cup while trying to lean seductively. "Would you like to retire to my chambers?"
Xie Lian froze.
Chambers. Bedroom. Bed.
This was it. The critical moment. The seduction had worked! He should be thrilled! This was perfect!
"I—yes!" he said, perhaps too enthusiastically. Then, remembering to be mysterious and sultry, "I mean... yes. I would like that. Very much."
Hua Cheng stood and offered his hand. Xie Lian took it, letting himself be led from the dining room. His heart was pounding.
This is it, he thought. Mission success. I'll get the information about the vault. This is perfect. Absolutely perfect.
And then, with genuine remorse: I'm so, so sorry, beloved person. You deserve better than this. Better than me doing... whatever I'm about to do. But I promise I'll be quick. Professional. This is just a mission. Nothing personal. Please don't hate me too much.
—---
When they finally arrived at Hua Cheng's chambers, they were even more lavish than the one Xie Lian had been staying in!
Xie Lian's heart pounded as Hua Cheng closed the door behind them. This was it. The mission.
He could do this. He just had to... seduce... and extract information... and try not to think about the beloved person he was betraying.
I'll confess to them afterward, he decided suddenly.
Yes. I'll find the beloved and tell them everything. A man who cheats once will cheat again—they deserve to know!
That way I'll maintain some morals in this mess.
It made him feel slightly better about the whole situation.
"Gege?" Hua Cheng's voice was soft. "You're making that troubled face again."
"I'm not troubled! I'm just thinking about... architecture. Very intently."
Hua Cheng's lips twitched. "Of course."
What followed was... well.
Xie Lian's seduction techniques didn't improve much from dinner, but somehow—possibly through sheer determination and Hua Cheng's apparent fondness for his awkward attempts—he succeeded.
And in the quiet moments between, when Hua Cheng held him close and whispered endearments, Xie Lian managed to steer the conversation toward vaults.
"So, San Lang" he murmured, trailing his fingers along Hua Cheng's chest (casual touching! from the list!), "About that Heavenly Vault..."
"Mm?"
"Where... where is it, exactly? Hypothetically speaking."
Hua Cheng made an amused sound. "Are you still on about vaults, gege?"
"I told you. Passionate interest. Very passionate." Xie Lian bit his lip. "So... the location?"
"Twelve Li north under a monument" Hua Cheng said, sounding far too entertained.
Mission success! Xie Lian thought, counting his win. I got information…..wait who do i tell this to??!
—---
The Next Morning Xie Lian woke to find himself wrapped in Hua Cheng's arms, the Ghost King still sleeping peacefully beside him.
The guilt came rushing back immediately.
The beloved. I need to find the beloved and confess.
He carefully, painstakingly extracted himself from Hua Cheng's embrace—a process that took ten minutes because every time he moved, Hua Cheng's arms would tighten unconsciously.
Finally free, Xie Lian grabbed his journal and tiptoed around the room.
Where would the beloved be? Did they live here too? Xie Lian checked the other rooms in the chambers.
No one. He ventured into the hallways, peeking into rooms, looking for any sign of another person.
Nothing.
Maybe they had their own residence? But then how would he find them to confess?
A note, he decided. I'll leave a note.
He returned to Hua Cheng's study and found paper and ink. He chewed on the brush thoughtfully, then began to write:
Dear Beloved of Hua Cheng,
I am writing to inform you that I have done something terrible. I seduced your partner last night. I know this is shocking and hurtful, and I am deeply sorry. However, I felt you needed to know the truth.
A man who cheats once will cheat again. You deserve better than someone who would betray your trust.
I take full responsibility for my actions—I have no excuse for what I did.
I hope you can forgive both of us, though I would understand if you cannot. Please know that Hua Cheng spoke of you with great devotion throughout our dinner.
He clearly loves you very much, which makes this betrayal even worse.
With sincere apologies and regret, ughh don’t worry about it!
He folded the note carefully and left it on the desk where it would be easily found, then gathered his things.
He should leave. The mission was complete, and staying would only make things worse.
He made it all the way to the manor's entrance before a voice called out behind him.
"Gege? Where are you going so early?"
Xie Lian spun around to find Hua Cheng standing there, fully dressed, looking confused and slightly hurt.
"I—I was just—" Xie Lian clutched his journal to his chest. "I should go."
"Without saying goodbye?" Hua Cheng stepped closer. "Did something happen? Did I do something wrong?"
"No! You didn't—" Xie Lian took a deep breath. He couldn't help it. The guilt was eating him alive. "San Lang, I have to tell you something. I have to confess."
"Confess?"
"Yes. About last night. About..." Xie Lian's words came out in a rush.
"About how I seduced you! How I betrayed your beloved's trust! How I'm a terrible person who participates in infidelity! A man who cheats once will cheat again, San Lang! Your beloved deserves to know!"
Hua Cheng blinked. Once. Twice. "My beloved deserves to know that you seduced me?"
"Yes! I left them a note explaining everything, but I should tell you too! You need to be honest with them! You need to confess and apologise and—and maybe go to couples counselling or something! Because what we did was wrong!"
Xie Lian was getting worked up now, gesturing wildly with his journal.
"That poor person is probably at home right now, completely unaware that their partner spent the night with someone else! How could you, San Lang? How could we? I know it was me who seduced you, but that doesn't make it right! You should be ashamed! I'm ashamed! We should both be ashamed!"
"Gege—"
"And another thing!" Xie Lian continued, on a roll now.
"You were so sweet to me! So kind and gentle! And your beloved probably thinks you're being that way with them alone, but no! You're out here being charming to spies! - thats right, I'm a spy! And this is practically emotional infidelity on top of the regular infidelity! You—"
Hua Cheng started laughing.
Actually laughing. Deep, genuine laughter that made his shoulders shake.
Xie Lian stopped mid-rant. "This isn't funny! This is serious! Your relationship is in jeopardy!"
"Gege" Hua Cheng managed between laughs, "gege, please. Stop."
"I will not stop! Someone needs to take responsibility for—"
"You're my husband."
Xie Lian's brain screeched to a halt. "I'm... what?"
"My husband" Hua Cheng repeated, still grinning. "You're my beloved. The person I'm devoted to. The most special person in all three realms. We're married."
"But—but I—" Xie Lian looked down at his journal, then back at Hua Cheng. "I can't be your beloved. I'm a spy. It says so right here in my—"
"We paid a memory beast to eat your memories so we could roleplay" Hua Cheng explained gently.
"You wrote that journal yourself. You wanted to pretend to be a spy seducing me without knowing we're already together."
Xie Lian's face went through several complicated emotions. "So when I was apologising to your beloved..."
"You were apologising to yourself."
"And when I seduced you..."
"You seduced your own husband."
"And the note I just wrote..."
"Is a confession letter to yourself about how you seduced yourself."
Xie Lian made a small, mortified sound and covered his face with his hands. "H-how can this be…."
"Oh gege you were so sweet" Hua Cheng added, clearly delighted.
"Stop talking" Xie Lian buffered. "Please stop talking."
"I hate this. I hate everything. When do I get my memories back?"
Hua Cheng reached into his robes and pulled out a small, glowing orb.
"I have your memories right here. I was going to wait until you woke up naturally, but..." He smiled. "This seems like a good time."
Xie Lian stared at the orb. "That's my memories? All of them?"
"Every single one. Including the part where you excitedly planned this whole scenario and made me promise not to tell you the truth even if you got confused." Hua Cheng held it out. "Ready?"
"I don't know" Xie Lian said honestly. "I'm not sure I want to remember planning this disaster."
"You were very enthusiastic about it. You said, and I quote, 'It'll be so fun, San Lang! What could possibly go wrong?'"
"Past-me was an idiot."
"Past-me married past-you," Hua Cheng pointed out. "So what does that make me?"
Despite his embarrassment, Xie Lian felt his lips twitch. "An idiot with good taste?"
"I'll take it." Hua Cheng stepped closer, holding out the memory orb.
"So? Shall I restore your memories? Or would you like to remain a spy who's deeply concerned about the ethics of seducing your husband a little longer?"
Xie Lian groaned, but took the orb. The moment his fingers touched it, light flooded through him, and—
ugh
Everything came rushing back. The memory beast. The careful planning. Writing that ridiculous journal with all those seduction tips.
Hua Cheng laughing as Xie Lian explained his master plan. The excited anticipation of forgetting everything and getting to seduce his own husband like it was the first time.
And he'd spent the entire time feeling guilty about a non-existent affair. What a waste! He could've done so much more had he not felt guilty for himself!
"I suggested couples counselling" Xie Lian said weakly, his face in his hands again. "To you. About us. Because of me."
"You were very passionate about it" Hua Cheng agreed, wrapping his arms around him. "Very concerned about my relationship health."
"Did you actually read the note?"
"I did. You apologised to yourself very thoroughly.”
"I'm never doing memory roleplay again."
"You said that last time too."
Xie Lian looked up sharply. "We don’t talk about last time!"
"But gege~ you thought you were a debt collector coming to collect from a poor innocent Ghost King who probably had a family to feed." Hua Cheng's smile was far too amused.
"You tried to give me a payment plan out of sympathy."
"No."
"For my own debt."
"Stop."
"You offered me a sixty percent reduction if I promised to take better care of my fictional starving children."
Xie Lian buried his face in Hua Cheng's chest. "Why do you let me do these things?"
"Because" Hua Cheng said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "watching you try to seduce me while apologising to yourself for seducing me is the most entertaining thing I've ever experienced. And I've existed for eight hundred years."
Hua Cheng pulled back to look at him fondly. "And I love every ridiculous moment with you."
Xie Lian sighed but couldn't help smiling. "Did I at least succeed at the seduction part? Before I ruined it by trying to confess to myself?"
Hua Cheng's eye darkened with warmth. "Gege, you seduced me the moment you opened the door.
"It was mysterious!"
"It was adorable. Just like everything else about this entire scenario." He kissed Xie Lian softly. "Just like you."
"Sweet talker" Xie Lian muttered, but he was blushing now.
"Would you like to go retrieve your confession letter?" Hua Cheng asked innocently. "I left it on my desk. You could read it to yourself. Really emphasise the apology."
"Absolutely not."
"We could frame it."
"San Lang!"
"I'm just saying, it's a very heartfelt letter. Future-you might appreciate—"
Xie Lian kissed him to make him stop talking. When he pulled back, Hua Cheng was grinning.
"Does this mean the spy is giving up on extracting information?" Hua Cheng teased.
"The spy" Xie Lian said with as much dignity as he could muster, "is retiring. Effective immediately."
"Shame. I was getting used to being seduced by someone who felt conflicted about it."
"I hate you."
"You love me."
"Unfortunately" Xie Lian agreed. Then, quieter: "But seriously. No more memory roleplay scenarios where I think I'm ruining our relationship?"
"I can agree to that to an extent" Hua Cheng said, eyes twinkling.
Xie Lian groaned, but he was smiling. And as they walked back into Paradise Manor together—past the note Xie Lian had written to himself, past the bedroom where he'd "betrayed" himself, past all evidence of his spectacular confusion—he had to admit:
Past-him might have been an idiot, but past-him had been onto something.
Even if he had spent the entire time trying to confess to himself about cheating on himself with himself.
Some things, apparently, were worth the embarrassment.