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Chapter Text

There isn’t enough time in the world for everything Regulus Black has taken on during his first year of college. Perhaps it’s the overachieving perfectionist in him (or maybe he’s just a masochist), but Regulus has already taken up a job at the campus cafe, signed up for the figure skating club, and joined the school newspaper. 

In all fairness, everything Regulus took on was undoubtedly justified. One, he needed to take the barista position at the cafe as part of his scholarship. Two, he joined the newspaper because Amherst College has one of the most renowned journalism majors in the country, and the first step to becoming a great journalist was to join “The Amherst Student.” And finally, he joined the figure skating club because he couldn’t quite give up the sport completely.

Journalism is Regulus’ passion, but ice skating was his first love. He found comfort in knowing that he could go to the rink and forget all his problems for a short while. He cherished those moments where it was just him and the ice, closing his eyes as he let the music take over his body. 

He and his brother were put into skating lessons from a very young age, and eventually the rink became their safe space. Even after Walburga Black sent Sirius to a boarding school in New York to reform his “out of control” behavior, Sirius would always return home for the holidays just to skate with Reggie. 

Regulus was a phenomenal figure skater, a child prodigy according to his coaches, but his parents made sure he never thought of the sport as anything more than a hobby. A successful career as a professional figure skater was far too unrealistic for a member of the Black household. 

Sirius ended up switching from figure skating to ice hockey when he was in high school, and he got offered a full scholarship by UMass Amherst, one of the best collegiate ice hockey teams in the nation. 

So, when he was of age, Sirius left Newton and headed for Western Massachusetts. 

When Sirius left home, Regulus stopped skating altogether, much to his parents’ satisfaction.

But Regulus was 16 when Sirius left, and now, at 18 years old, free from his parents’ expectations and pressure, he’s ready to try again. 

Regulus isn’t just ready to try again at figure skating, but also at mending the relationship with his brother. 

Amherst College is one of the top liberal arts schools in America, but Regulus would be lying if he said he chose the school purely for its academic reputation. 

You see, Amherst College is part of the “Five College Consortium,” which means that it is connected to 4 other colleges in the surrounding area of Western Mass. As a five college student, you are able to take classes, join clubs, even use meal cards in each of the 5 schools. The schools included in the consortium are Amherst and Hampshire, two small liberal arts schools, Mount Holyoke and Smith, two women’s colleges, and finally, UMass Amherst, a large state school (and the school Sirius Black currently attends).

Regulus was smart (and lucky) enough to get into Amherst, despite it being one of the most competitive and selective schools in the country. His parents were proud, but when Regulus told them he planned on studying journalism and not business, they refused to send him there.

So, following in his brother’s footsteps and finally being brave, Regulus ran from home right when he turned 18 in December of his senior year. He temporarily moved in with his best friend, Dorcas Meadowes, whose parents were kind enough to house him for the remainder of his last semester of high school.

Because he was 18, he legally had the rights to his trust fund, but he applied for scholarships anyways, and Amherst gave him an offer he couldn't refuse. It wasn’t a full ride (hence why he needs to work at the school cafe), but it was enough that he could pay for the 4 years and still have enough money to sustain a life as a journalist after graduating.

Regulus hasn’t seen Sirius in two years, and they have had minimal contact during those 2 years in fear of Walburga catching Regulus. After Sirius ran, she forbade Regulus from ever speaking to Sirius again, so he had to get extremely careful about talking to his brother.

When Regulus ran away, he was too afraid to contact Sirius and tell him that he was finally free. What if Sirius didn’t care about him now? He had his new college friends, and Regulus wasn’t quite sure where he fit into his life anymore.

Regulus is still scared. Terrified, in fact, but he wants to try more than anything. When he finds Sirius, he’s going to tell him everything, but for now, he needs to survive his first week of college. 

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Friday, August 30, 2024

It takes Regulus and Dorcas 1 hour and 48 minutes to drive from Newton to Amherst. They spend the entire car ride blasting their favorite songs and stop at a Chipotle for lunch. 

Regulus would never admit it to anyone besides Dorcas, but he secretly adores Taylor Swift. He supposes it's because he’s a writer himself, and he can truly appreciate her incredible lyricism, or maybe it’s just because he relates a little too hard to the Folklore album as a closeted boy coming from an abusive household. 

“I’m really glad we're here together, Reg.” Dorcas starts as they begin unloading their move-in boxes. “Not to get sentimental since I know you hate all the sappy stuff, but I’m seriously so proud of you for leaving that house and doing this whole thing on your own. You’re incredibly brave.”

Brave isn’t really a word Regulus would use to describe himself, but he thanks Dorcas anyway. The truth is, things got so bad in his house after Sirius left that Regulus wasn’t sure he would make it past 16. He was in a major state of depression, and Dorcas was the person who saved his life by being there for him. 

Now, they both get to begin a new journey together at Amherst, and Regulus really hopes all the pain he’s endured these past 18 years has been worth it. 

“I honestly wouldn’t be able to survive college without you, so I’m really glad we’re doing this together too.” Regulus replies with a small smile. “I just wish we could live in the same dorm. I am not looking forward to rooming with some random guy,” he groans. 

“Oh come on, Reg. At least we’ll be on the same floor. You can come to my room whenever you’d like, promise,” she smiles, trying to contain a giggle.

As they walk across campus to their dorm rooms, Regulus admires the nature that surrounds him. Massachusetts is beautiful in late August, and the campus is filled with greenery in every corner.

Once they arrive at the building, an upperclassman student signs them in and hands them their respective room keys. Dorcas decides to drop off her stuff in her own room and then go to Regulus’ dorm to help him unpack. 

When Regulus walks into his dorm, he is surprised to see that his roommate has already arrived. 

The first thing Regulus notices about the boy is that he’s tall. Like, alarmingly tall. 

“Oh. Hi, I’m Remus.” the boy extends an arm out.

“Regulus.” he replies, shaking Remus’ hand.

“Nice to meet you, Regulus. I’m a second year, so I know the campus pretty well if you want to have a walk around after you finish unpacking.”

“Actually yeah, that sounds really nice.” Regulus smiles softly. Internally, Regulus is blessing the gods for giving him a tolerable dormmate. Remus is kind, not to mention handsome, and by the tone of his voice and the pile of books on his bed, Regulus has gathered that he’s the shy and quiet type, which is perfect because Regulus is too (at least compared to his brother). 

Dorcas storms into the room about a minute later and Regulus introduces her to Remus. 

“Remus, this is my friend Dorcas. She’s just here to help me unpack,” Regulus states.

“Dorcas? You wouldn’t happen to be rooming with Lily Evans, would you?” Remus asks. 

“I am! I just met her but I can already tell she’s super sweet. Do you know her?” Dorcas smiles.

“Lily is one of my best friends. She mentioned she was rooming with a girl called Dorcas. I was actually heading over to meet up with her now,” Remus replies. “I offered to show Regulus around the school, so when you two are done, maybe you and Lily can join us on our little campus tour.” Remus adds. “If, of course, that’s alright with you, Regulus.”

“Sounds perfect. Dorcas and I will be done soon.” Honestly, the more the merrier, Regulus thinks. Now he won’t be forced to come up with small-talk to keep things from getting awkward. 

Remus leaves the dorm with a small wave and a smile.

“I like him.” Dorcas says once he closes the door. She turns back to Regulus, “See. I told you rooming with a stranger wasn’t gonna be so bad! You’ve gotta get out of your head, Reg. This is college! We’re gonna go out and meet a bunch of cool people and party till we black out and do all the fun college student things,” she says enthusiastically.

“I’m not sure if my idea of ‘fun’ is partying until I black out but sure, whatever you say,” Regulus says, the corners of his lips twitching up. 

They finish unpacking in about an hour. Regulus has never been one for room decorations, but he does color coordinate his books when he shelves them. 

Dorcas and Regulus walk over to the girls side of the residents floor where Remus and Lily are waiting for them. 

Regulus is introduced to Lily, a girl with beautiful red hair and bright green eyes. Is everyone here just attractive? Regulus thinks. 

They stroll outside to begin their walk around campus.

-------------------

The roads on campus are empty, and wide enough to fit all four of them, so they all stride in a line.

Lily and Remus, both being second years, take it upon themselves to point out each building (and extra information on those buildings) as they walk. 

“So, do you two have any idea what major you might declare?” Lily asks, gesturing towards Regulus and Dorcas.

“I’m not sure exactly, but definitely something in STEM. Reg, on the other hand, is a humanities guy through and through.” Dorcas replies.

“Ahh, I see.” Lily smiles. “I’m a gender studies major and Remus here is a double major in American history and European history. So we’re definitely more humanities oriented.” 

“Yup. I want to, eventually, become a history teacher, hence the double major.” Remus adds shyly. “How about you, Regulus? What major were you thinking?”

“I’m pretty set on doing journalism, and I might minor in digital marketing & social media.” Regulus states,

“I actually do photography for the school newspaper, have you thought about joining?” Remus asks.

“Actually, I already signed up,” Regulus smiles.

As they continue on their trek, Regulus finds out that not only is Remus on the school newspaper, but he works at the on-campus cafe, meaning that Regulus is going to be seeing him alot. He’s actually quite glad that he has a friend (?) to rely on. Regulus is friendly once you get to know him, but he isn’t exactly the type to go out of his way to introduce himself, so he always needs another person there to push him into social situations. It’s a miracle he found Dorcas, who is the most extroverted person he knows (with the exception of his brother). 

They come to a stop as they near the end of campus, Lily explains, “We have free transportation to each of the 5 schools, so definitely take advantage of that! There are a lot more opportunities to do things across the 5 colleges. I’m actually the president of the Figure Skating Club and we meet in the UMass rink a couple times a week, if either of you are interested.”

“No way! Reg was thinking of signing up, right Reg?” Dorcas interjects.

He almost rolls his eyes at how much Dorcas is speaking for him, but decides against it because if he’s honest, he wouldn’t have said that on his own. She’s actually really helping him. 

“Yeah. I used to skate when I was younger but I haven’t done it in a couple years, so I’m a bit rusty,” Regulus nervously fidgets with one of his rings.

“He’s just being humble. He was the best skater in our entire town.” Dorcas nudges Reg with her elbow. 

“Oh my god, wait.” Lily looks as if she’s just had an epiphany. “You’re Regulus Black. I’ve seen your performances online. You’re incredible! Honestly, you sort of inspired me to stick with skating throughout high school,” she looks ecstatic. “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened? Everyone in Massachusetts thought you were olympic bound and then you just… quit one day,” she finishes with a perplexed look on her face.

“Er… I just got burnt out I guess,” Regulus lies, “But I wanted to pick it back up in college.” He’s not about to tell a girl he just met that he really quit because he always associated skating with Sirius, and when he left, it got too painful to continue. It didn’t matter now, because he was going to fix things with his big brother, and he was sure as hell going to skate again. It’s been far too long since he’s had skating to escape from the world. 

Snapped out of his thoughts, he hears Lily gasp, seemingly having another revelation. “Wait. If you’re Regulus Black that means that Sirius is your brother!” Lily says.

“Sirius Black is your brother?” Remus says, a surprised look on his face.

“Yeah. Do you know him?” Regulus replies, an unamused expression on his face despite his secret curiosity. This might get him a step closer to finding Sirius. The thought both terrified and excited him.

“More like know of him.” Lily adds and Remus nods. “He’s one of the best players on the UMass hockey team. I’ve seen him play, he’s brilliant. Aaaand,” she hesitates, “he’s also sort of infamous for being a bit of a man-whore. No offense,” she tells Regulus.

“None taken, that honestly sounds like my brother,” Regulus huffs out a small laugh. 

Remus checks his phone to glance at the time and explains, “Lily and I have a dinner with a few other second years, so we’ll see you guys later. Feel free to keep exploring campus on your own,” he smiles. 

With that, Lily and Remus wave Dorcas and Regulus goodbye. Regulus realizes it's already past 5pm. Where did all the time go? Him and Dorcas decide to go out since it's a friday night and they want to explore the town. 

Because Amherst is a college town, there are lots of restaurants and shops directly outside of campus. Dorcas and Reg settle for a small Mexican place just a few minutes from their school.

-----------------------

“I wonder how Barty and Evan are doing. We should facetime them when we get back to the rooms,” Dorcas says. 

Regulus hums in agreement. Barty and Evan are attending UMass Amherst, which isn’t a surprise given its one of the largest schools in Massachusetts. Regulus was happy that his two friends would remain close by, but their group of four (five if you included Evan’s twin sister, Pandora), had always been more like two duos who occasionally hung out. Evan and Barty are closer to each other than to anyone else, much like Dorcas and Reg, but they all love each other tremendously. Barty and Evan made Regulus’ high school experience bearable, and he’s eternally grateful to them. 

Pandora is also attending a school in the 5 college consortium, Mount Holyoke College. She was always more of a social butterfly in high school, best friends with everyone, but she did join her brother’s group occasionally, and Regulus is quite fond of her. 

Once they finish their food, Dorcas and Regulus wander back to campus, happily chatting with full bellies and sore legs from a day of walking.

Regulus drops Dorcas off at her dorm room and hugs her goodnight. 

Before he leaves, Dorcas says, “Get ready, Reg. Today was just the beginning of this new adventure.” She winks at him and he says goodnight one last time. 

When he returns to his dorm, Remus isn’t there. It’s not that late at night, but Regulus is exhausted, so he goes to shower and brush his teeth in the communal bathrooms (which he already hates) quickly. 

He plops on his bed when he’s back in his room and stares up at the ceiling. 

He needs to text Sirius. It’s gonna be impossible to find him in a school of over 30,000 students otherwise. 

He opens his messages and clicks on Sirius’ name. He just sits and stares at his phone for a while. He hasn’t texted Sirius in about a year, and since they made an agreement that Regulus always had to be the one to text first in fear of Walburga finding out, Sirius hasn’t tried to initiate any texts in that time. He wonders if Sirius’ phone number is even the same. 

He needs to stop overthinking and be brave. He promised himself that he would at least try, right?

So, he plucks up some courage and starts typing.

After several minutes of typing and deleting, he goes with this:

Regulus: Hey, Sirius. I’m in Amherst right now. We need to talk. Can you meet me tomorrow at the park next to your school? 

What if Sirius never wants to see him again? What if Regulus is still bitter about his brother leaving him and those feelings hit him like a truck when he sees Sirius’ face? Regulus can’t help but overthink as he re-reads his own message over and over. He takes a deep breath. If his brother taught him anything growing up, it’s the ability to be calm, cool, and collected in stressful situations. 

It takes Sirius about 15 minutes to reply. Regulus sees the three little dots appear and disappear several times, and he thinks his brother is probably in a state of shock. 

Sirius: does 12pm work?

Regulus: Sounds perfect. See you then.

Chapter Text

Regulus can’t stop fidgeting with the silver rings that cover his pale, slender fingers. 

He’s sitting on a park bench staring out at the pond and the trees, terrified to peek behind him and see a head of long, black, curly hair marching toward him. What will his brother say to him after all this time spent apart? Did Sirius think about Regulus during their time apart? Because a day didn’t go by where Regulus wasn’t thinking of his older brother. He’s made peace with why Sirius left; after all, he did the same thing as soon as he could get out. Still, there’s a strange feeling twisting in his stomach that’s a combination of anger, sadness, longing, and yearning. 

He wanted his brother back so badly, but what if Sirius has changed? Even worse, what if Regulus has changed? What if enduring his parents’ abuse alone as a young adult fucked him up in the head even more than when he was a child?

Walburga and Orion’s abuse was the quiet type. Walburga was a raging alcoholic with a tendency to pinch her children until they bruised or slap them in the face if they were disrespectful. She never beat them, per se; she would only leave temporary physical marks. But those marks never faded from Regulus’ memory, and he predicts that Sirius feels the same way. Orion was more neglectful than anything. Regulus doesn’t think he knows anything about his father’s personal life beyond the fact that Orion runs one of the most successful business companies in the US. 

And don’t get Regulus started on his parents together. There wasn’t a single day in the Black house free from yelling and fighting. Honestly, Regulus doesn’t even know why they married each other in the first place, but he supposes there’s some form of a twisted love between them. 

There’s a twisted love between Regulus and his parents as well. A love that Regulus craves, but a love that was not nearly enough for him in the end. He still misses his parents sometimes, but leaving was best for him. Sirius was the closest thing he had to real parental love. Even though they’re only two years apart, Sirius had to grow up faster than anyone to protect his baby brother. Regulus is both grateful and guilty for that fact. Maybe Sirius resents him for that.

Before Regulus can continue spiraling over his shitty childhood, a figure appears in his peripheral vision. He turns his head to the side to see a pair of light blue eyes staring at him with a painful expression. Looking at Sirius is like looking into a mirror sometimes, Regulus thinks. Not just because of their similar bone structure, but because he understands exactly what Sirius is saying with his face. He understands because he feels it too.

Regulus slowly stands up from his spot on the bench to face his brother, but before he can utter a single word, he is wrapped into a tight hug. He freezes for a moment, hands still glued to his side. He’s being hugged by the person he loves most in the entire world. Even after the excruciatingly long years apart, the love feels the same. He embraces Sirius back as soon as he snaps back to reality. 

Sirius pulls away and places his hands on Regulus’ shoulders. His icy eyes are still coated with pain, but there’s a new glimmer of hope that wasn’t there a minute ago. “Regulus--”

“You look different,” Regulus cuts Sirius off. 

“Oh,” Sirius chuckles slightly, “Well I grew my hair out since I last saw you.”

“You’ve got ear piercings now, too. And tattoos?” Regulus questions, staring at the ink covering his brother’s arms. 

Sirius removes his arms from Regulus’ shoulders to show off his tats. “I can take you to the shop to get one, you know. I’m great friends with the owner,” Sirius grins pridefully.

Regulus chuckles, “I’d do it just to see the look on mother’s face.”

Sirius' face drops for a moment, “Does that mean…Are you still in contact with them?”

“No,” Regulus is quick to reply. “I left. I’d been planning to leave ever since you did. It’s a miracle I got into Amherst with a scholarship decent enough to pay for my degree by myself.”

“I always knew you were smart, Reggie,” Sirius smiles softly. ‘Reggie.’ A warmth blooms in Regulus’ chest at the sound of the nickname. Sirius is the only person who can call him that without him being annoyed. “I can’t believe you’re here standing in front of me,” Sirius admits.

“It’s surreal for me too,” Regulus agrees. “But it also feels like we haven’t spent a single second apart. Does that make sense?”

Sirius nods in agreement and squeezes his brother’s shoulder fondly. “So much has happened in the past two years.”

“I want to know it all, Sirius. I’m sorry I never contacted you. I was a coward.”

“Reg, I completely understand. It was best for both our safeties. I’m just grateful to have my brother back,” Sirius says, his eyes becoming slightly glassy. 

“I am too. And I can’t wait to learn about your life. I know things won’t be exactly like they used to, but I want to try.” Regulus would only wear his heart on his sleeve like this for his brother. He wasn’t lying when he said he was a coward. He has a habit of pushing his feelings down and suffering silently, but for Sirius, his love outweighs his fears. 

“Would you want to grab lunch?” Sirius asks. “There’s a cafe on campus that’s open now. Do you still like pain au chocolat?” 

“Of course I do.” 

“Good, cause this place makes killer croissants,” Sirius beams as he leads his brother across campus. 

They sit and talk for hours over coffee and pastries. Sirius tells Regulus all about his first two years in college. The friends he made, the parties he attended (as well as the unfortunate hazing he had to undergo), and, of course, hockey. 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Regulus asks.

“Anything.”

“You’re hockey videos come up on my feed all the time.” Regulus confesses. Sirius doesn’t need to know that Regulus has been actively searching for UMass hockey videos since the moment Sirius joined the team. He had to keep up with his brother’s life in some way…

“Really?” Sirius grins. “And…?”

“You’re fucking incredible, Siri. I mean you were good in high school, but you’re phenomenal now.”

“I owe it all to the coaches here. And, of course, James.”

Ah, yes, James Potter. Sirius had mentioned James when he discussed his friend group. Apparently they became so close that James’ parents let Sirius spend the holidays at their house. Regulus is filled with envy and also gratitude that his brother is so well taken care of. If anyone deserves a happy family, it’s Sirius. Regulus also knows that James is part of the UMass hockey team, but he doesn’t even know what the boy looks like without his head gear on. He’s seen clips of James and Sirius working together seamlessly to score game-winning shots, though. James is talented, he knows that. 

“I’ll have to meet him one day,” Regulus comments.

“Oh you’ll meet all my friends, trust me,” Sirius looks overjoyed just at that thought. “They’ll love you, Reggie.”

“I can introduce you to my friends, too. My roommate, Remus, is really cool. I mean I’ve only known him for a day, but still. And my friend Dorcas is the reason I was able to leave home right when I turned eighteen. Her parents took me in for a few months and now we're here.” Regulus rambles. 

“I’ll have to thank her, then,” Sirius gives his brother a genuine smile, but his eyebrows are slightly furrowed, like he wishes he could have been the one to give Regulus that support.

They continue to talk about school and plans for the semester. Even though Regulus is beyond busy, he makes a promise to find time to meet with his brother at least once a week. It’s not ideal, but it’s a start. 

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“I’m home,” Regulus announces as he steps into the dorm. The room is actually pretty big for a double, so they have a makeshift mudroom area beside the door with a shoe rack and some bag hooks. 

“Oh, hey, Reg. Can I call you Reg? I know Dorcas called you Reg, but I just want to make sure it’s okay with you,” Remus asks, laying on his bed with his laptop out. Remus’ rambling is quite endearing, Regulus thinks.

“You can call me whatever you’d like,” he replies. “But then, what should I call you? Can’t really shorten Remus,” Regulus ponders. He sits atop his bed and faces Remus.

“I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually,” Remus smiles. “What have you been up to today, anyway?”

“Oh, I had lunch with my brother,” Regulus says simply, even though saying it out loud is still a bit bizarre. 

“Right. Sirius Black. Who is your brother,” Remus says in an unusual tone.

“Why are you acting strange?” Regulus squints. 

“You’ve known me for a day and a half and you think you can tell when I’m acting ‘strange,’” Remus chuckles. 

“Fair enough. Still, there’s something you’re hiding. What do you know about my brother?”

“Well, again, I’ve never met him, but I’d be lying if I said I’d only heard his name,” Remus says tentatively. “You do know people create thirst trap edits of your brother all over social media, right?” 

“Yuck!” Regulus makes a ‘bleh’ sound. “Why would I know that?”

“I think most people in the five colleges know that, Reg,” Remus gets up from his bed and migrates across the room to show Regulus his phone, “Watch.” A compilation of Sirius’ hockey clips begins while “Talk Dirty” by Jason Derulo plays in the background.

“First of all, why do you have that video saved in the first place,” Regulus questions, cocking an eyebrow. 

Remus’ face goes bright red. “I must’ve accidentally clicked the save button…”

“Did you ‘accidentally’ click the like button too?” Regulus suppresses his smirk.

“It’s not my fault your brother is hot!”

“I’m gonna choose to take that as a compliment since people say we look alike, but you’re on thin ice, Lupin,” Regulus teases. 

“In all seriousness, your brother is inspiring, Reg. He’s one of the only openly queer athletes in D1 college hockey, and he got a ton of hate online because of it during his first year. I think it’s nice that his personality won people over and now, he’s one of the most beloved players in the league. I’m from a town in Texas where being gay got you bullied and ostracized. I thought I would have to continue hiding who I was when I got to college, but everything is different here. It’s nice to see that Sirius is part of that change, even if there’s still work to be done.”

Truthfully, Regulus had seen the stories about his brother, and he completely agrees with Remus. It was so refreshing to see his brother live his authentic self after suppressing it his whole life. After they both suppressed it. Still, he can’t let Remus off the hook just yet… “Wow, your little speech almost made the fact that you have edits saved of my brother less creepy.”

“You know, I’m starting to gather that you’re a bit of an asshole.”

“I get that a lot,” Regulus grins mischievously. “For the record, I’m also gay. Guess it runs in the family,” he jokes. “My point is, we're in the same boat, Lupin.”

“Really? I had no idea!” Remus says sarcastically and they both break into laughter.

He and Remus stay up for over three hours trauma-bonding and revealing their deepest, darkest secrets after this. They talk about being closeted, their families, drama at their high schools. Remus is a great listener, and spilling his guts is easy around the older boy. He learns that Remus lost his father when he was young, but that his mother, Hope, is lovely. Regulus, of course, explains his fucked up family (and his relationship with Sirius). 30 minutes into the conversation, Remus invites Regulus to sit on the edge of his bed, and they stay like that until they fall asleep on opposite sides. And maybe falling asleep on a twin xl with a person you met just a couple of days ago is odd, but it feels like Regulus has known Remus his entire life. 

They’re going to be great friends, Regulus thinks.

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Regulus and Dorcas attend a few of the orientation events on Saturday and Sunday after neglecting the ones from the days prior. He meets a few people who seem nice, but he doesn’t click with anyone immediately (not like he did with Remus, at least). He does, however, make some friends who are also Journalism majors, so he’s grateful that he won’t be alone in all his classes. 

Classes begin on Monday, and Regulus has two per day. Luckily, he and Remus’ schedules align almost perfectly, so they don’t have to worry about waking each other up at awkward times. 

Regulus finds that he actually adores all his professors. Well, all of them except Rita Skeeter, who would be better off writing tabloids and gossip pages than teaching a journalism class at an elite institution. Regulus honestly has no idea how she was hired, but at least all the other students in his class see through her dramatics. 

Professor McGonagall, however, becomes a quick favorite of Regulus’. She talks to her students like they are colleagues rather than children, and she even tells them to call her Minerva (which isn’t uncommon for college professors, Regulus is learning). Just by browsing the syllabus, Regulus can already tell that this class will shape his career as a journalist, and he is beyond excited. 

He’s grateful for the flexible schedule of college; he hated sitting at a desk for seven hours a day in high school. Now, class time is only about two and a half hours added up. The only thing that Regulus is struggling with is the workload. Amherst was hard to get into, but it’s just as difficult to keep up in classes. Regulus is smart, he knows that, but he also knows these next four years won’t be easy. 

Still, for the first time in his life, he feels free from every expectation that’s ever been placed on him. Underneath all his anxiety and excitement about his future, a strange feeling blooms in his chest that he hasn’t felt before. It’s something he can only describe as contentedness. 

On Thursday night, after a long day of class and doing homework at the library (because, somehow, he already has essays to do and articles to read), Regulus receives a text. He and Remus are sitting on the blow-up couch they bought for the dorm.  

Sirius: james and I are hosting a small party at one of the frat houses on campus this Saturday. you should come

Sirius: and bring your friends!

Well, Regulus has nothing better to do on a Saturday night. He’s never been to an actual party, but how torturous could standing in a crowd of sweaty boys while shitty music plays over blaring speakers be? Yeah, it sounds like his personal hell.

Regulus: I’ll think about it…

He will not, in fact, think about it. He’s going to sit at home, like a loser, and he’s fine with that.

“What’s got you all worked up?” Remus asks. 

Regulus looks up and realizes he’s been biting his nails. “My brother invited me to a party,” Regulus sighs and shows Remus the texts. He could have lied and said it was nothing, but for some reason, he’s compelled to tell Remus the truth at all times.

“Okay…And why do you look so stressed about it?”

“Because I don’t know how to tell him no. I mean he’s done so much for me and he wants me to meet his friends. And I just got him back, I don’t want to mess things up again,” Regulus explains. 

“So, here’s a thought: just say yes,” Remus suggests. 

“Lupin, you’ve known me for almost a week now. Do I look like someone who belongs at a frat party filled with hockey players,” Regulus raises an eyebrow. 

Remus chuckles, “I see your point. Why don’t you just force Dorcas to go with you?”

“I think Dorcas would be more miserable than me.”

“Hm,” Remus agrees. “I could always come with you,” he proposes.

“Are you offering just so you can meet my brother?” Regulus jokes.

“Of course. You know I’m just using you to get to hockey heartthrob Sirius Black,” Remus teases back, and the way he says Sirius’ name all lovey-dovey makes Regulus giggle. “For real, though. I know how important making your brother happy is to you. I don’t mind tagging along to make you feel more comfortable in an otherwise hellish situation.”

“You know, if I got anyone else as a roommate I probably would have transferred schools or killed myself. Or both,” Regulus jokes.

“Wow, you really know how to make a guy feel special,” Remus swoons. 

“I’m trying to be sentimental, asshole,” Regulus can’t help but smile at the banter. “Thank you, though. Maybe the party won’t be complete shit if you’re there.”

“We’ll probably still be miserable, but at least we’ll be miserable together.”

Regulus can’t argue with that.

Regulus: So what time does it start?

Sirius: 11pm

Sirius: it’ll be so much fun, promise! :))

“It starts at 11?!” Remus groans. 

----------------

On Friday morning, Dorcas and Reg go out to the local Target to make a supply run. 

Thank god Dorcas has a car, Regulus thinks. If she didn’t, they would’ve had to take the bus for over half an hour each way. Instead, it only takes them 7 minutes. Regulus reads his list aloud while Dorcas pushes the cart.

“Laundry detergent, face masks, pimple patches, chocolates for Remus…”

“Does Remus know you’re getting him chocolates?” Dorcas smiles warmly as if she already knows the answer.

“No, but he ran out of the Hershey’s bars he’s been snacking on after dinner in the dorm, so I thought I’d replace them for him.”

“Sometimes I forget you have a heart under all that bitchiness,” Dorcas jokes. “Let’s head to the candy aisle, then.”

Regulus grabs a pack of Hershey’s nuggets and an assorted pack of Tony’s chocolate bars that he thinks Remus will enjoy. As they migrate to the next aisle, they see a wild head of blonde, curly hair crouched down next to some chips. It’s not just any girl, though. Regulus would recognize those vibrant hair clips anywhere.

“Pandora?” Regulus asks.

The girl looks toward the two and her face lights up when she recognizes them. “I was wondering when I would run into you too,” Pandora says, pulling both Dorcas and Regulus into a quick hug.

“Are you here alone, Panda?” Dorcas asks and Pandora nods in response. “Doing some back to school shopping, then?”

“Not particularly. I just had this feeling I should be here, so I hopped on the bus and here I am. And it seems that feeling has led me to you two,” she says in true Pandora Rosier fashion. She’s always had some sort of psychic ability to read people. Regulus would find it creepy if he wasn’t so impressed. 

“Why don’t you join us, then?” Regulus suggests. “We’re going to Trader Joe’s after this to pick up some frozen meals and snacks.”

“Sounds delightful,” Pandora agrees. Honestly, everyone should strive to have as much whimsy as her, Regulus thinks. 

So, the three of them buy everything on Regulus’ list and then head to the grocery store. Maybe they’re overdoing it, but 20 minutes in, their shopping cart is completely full. As they browse the aisles, they discuss how their first week has been. 

“Regulus is going to a frat party tomorrow night,” Dorcas reveals, to Regulus’ annoyance. She says it like it’s the most ironic thing in the world, and maybe it is. 

“Hm,” Pandora looks puzzled, “That isn’t very typical for you, Reg.”

“It’s only because his brother asked him to go. Also, he somehow convinced his new roommate to go with him,” Dorcas explains. Airing out Regulus’ business seems to be one of Dorcas’ favorite activities.

“I’m just gonna try it, and if I hate it, Remus and I will leave after like 20 minutes. Isn’t partying a part of the ‘college experience,’ or whatever?” Regulus attempts to defend himself.

“Maybe other people’s college experience, but not Regulus Black’s,” Dorcas teases. “You don’t even like parties! Me, Barty, and Evan used to beg you to go and you would never say yes.”

“To be fair, I did get drunk with you all several times. I just didn’t want to be drunk in front of 80 people.”

“Fair enough,” Dorcas agrees. “So why now?”

“He’s supposed to go,” Pandora chimes in. “You feel it too, right Reg? There’s something pulling you to that place at that time. Someone must be waiting to meet you,” Pandora explains as if that’s not the most ominous sentence he’s ever heard.

“Maybe Pandora’s crazy ass is right,” Dorcas giggles. “Maybe you’ll finally kiss someone who’s not one of your best friends. Or, even better,” she begins to make crude gestures with her hands and Regulus rolls his eyes. 

“You’re insufferable,” Regulus sighs. “If you keep teasing me, I’m gonna tell Sirius I have the flu and back out.”

“No!” the two girls say in unison (for very different reasons, Regulus assumes). “I’ve decided. You have to experience a college party. I will pick you up and bring you there myself if I have to,” Dorcas threatens as if it’s her choice. 

“Is this all part of your grand scheme to get me laid so I’m less bitchy all the time?” Regulus asks.

“Perhaps,” Dorcas grins and Pandora even giggles.

“I hate you both.”

----------------

“So you’ve really never been to a party?” Remus asks while sweeping the floor. The cafe got busy during lunchtime, but the crowd has slowed down now. Regulus is prepping the last few drinks from the rush. Their first Saturday shift is going surprisingly well. 

“Nope. I mean I’ve smoked weed and gotten drunk before, but partying was always Sirius’ thing. Our parents never allowed us to stay out late, so he mastered the art of sneaking out without getting caught. I guess I was too much of a wuss to follow suit. Though, he did try to convince me several times,” Regulus recalls. “I never once budged. Plus, I usually wasn’t invited to high school parties in the first place. I don’t know if you’ve gathered this, but I don’t have many friends.”

“Sure you do. You’ve got Dorcas and those two boys you told me about. Barty and Evan? And you have me and Lily now. And your brother, of course,” Remus concludes.

“So 5 people I can tolerate for longer than 10 minutes and my brother…God, am I a loser?” Regulus jokes.

“The biggest loser there ever was,” Remus agrees.

“I don’t know, Lupin. I think you may be giving me a run for my money on that one.”

“At least I’ve been to a fucking party.”

“People actually like you enough to invite you to parties? I’m shocked.”

“Hey, I’m very well liked!” Remus gets defensive at Regulus’ sarcasm. “I may be shy, but I’m not an asshole.”

“Debatable.”

“Also, you don’t get ‘invited’ to college parties. You just show up. You’ll see once you actually go to one,” Remus quips. “But, for the record, I did get invited to several high school parties because the girls in my grade adored me. Half of them liked the idea of having a ‘gay best friend’ and the other half tried to turn me straight.” 

Regulus chuckles at that. “So you’re not a lone-wolf after all, Lupin.”

“Oh I absolutely am, I’m just great at hiding it,” he smirks. The cafe is starting to clear out, and they’ve completed the pending orders, so they move to the corner of the barista counter to keep talking without getting weird looks from students.

“Is that why you’ve got that tattoo?” Regulus asks, pointing to the crescent moon on the inside of Remus’ wrist. 

“Hm? Oh, this,” Remus lightly chuckles. “I’ve just always been infatuated with the moon. It reminds me of when I would sit out on the back porch with my mom and dad to watch the night sky. In my town you could see so many stars,” Remus smiles fondly at the memory. “My dad taught me how to track the moon cycles and my mom would explain all the Greek mythology behind the stars.”

“You must know about my namesake, then.”

Remus nods, “Leo is one of my favorite constellations.”

“Oh! I’ve got it,” Regulus exclaims. Remus shoots him a quizzical look. “Moony. That’s what I’m gonna call you from now on.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Remus giggles. 

“Hey, it makes sense! You love the moon, you’re a lone-wolf, your last name is Lupin. I mean the jokes write themselves at this point.”

“Fine. But you’re the only person who can call me that.”

“Oh, you want me to tell everyone to call you ‘Moony’? Got it, I’m texting Lily right now,” Regulus teases. 

“You’re such a bitch,” Remus can’t hold his laughter in. Once the laughter settles between them, Remus speaks again. “Do you believe in fate?”

“Hm,” Regulus pauses, “I don’t know yet. Why?”

“I don’t know either, but I think if I did, you would be the reason. The star and the moon. Sounds like something out of a children’s book, doesn’t it?”

“When you put it that way, it does sound like we were destined to be friends. Is that silly to say?”

“If you asked me two weeks ago, I would probably tell you it’s the silliest thing I've ever heard. I don’t feel that way now, though,” Remus explains.

Regulus smiles, but before he can say anything else, the two boys are interrupted.

“You two need to get off your asses and start cleaning the bathrooms,” their manager commands. 

They look at each other and break out laughing once again.

Chapter Text

Dorcas and Lily’s dorm is beautifully decorated, Regulus thinks. Fairy lights cover the walls and there’s a big, colorful carpet in the center of the room. There’s a record player spinning ABBA’s greatest hits and a stack of vinyls on a shelf beside it. On the same shelf, there are several books and trinkets (including Lego flowers which Regulus especially adores). 

The bottles of Pink Whitney and Smirnoff in the middle of the floor accompanied by a huge bowl of Trader Joe’s Takis add to the aesthetic as well. 

Somehow, the girls managed to make frozen margaritas in their communal kitchen, so there’s also a pitcher filled with the slushy beverage and some plastic cups beside it. 

Regulus had forgotten how much he enjoys being tipsy. He’s having an immense amount of fun considering it’s only him, Remus, Dorcas, and Lily. The two girls are planning to take the bus to a party at Mount Holyoke College, one of the Historically Women’s Colleges in the area. For now, though, they are getting plastered and playing “Cheers to the Governor.”

“Okay, for 14, you have to do your best Regulus impression,” Dorcas says.

“That’ll be easy. Just act like a cunt,” Remus jokes and everyone (including Regulus) begins to giggle.

“Fuck you,” Regulus rolls his eyes and hides his smile with his red Solo cup. 

They play the game for a good hour, exchanging stories and laughter until it’s time to head to the bus stop. By now, the margarita and shots have hit, and Regulus is feeling a bit dizzy. Luckily, he can still articulate himself. The Mount Holyoke bus arrives first, so Lily and Dorcas give a quick goodbye before they depart. 

“Good luck, boys!” Dorcas grins. “Can’t wait to hear all about your slutty endeavours, Reg,” she winks. And with that, the girls get on the bus hand in hand.

“What is Dorcas on about?” Remus asks.

“Remember how I told you I saw my friend, Pandora, at Target yesterday? Basically, she said some creepy ass shit about me ‘meeting someone I’m destined to meet’ at this party. Then, Dorcas just went on a tangent about how I need to hook-up with someone asap.”

Remus bursts out into laughter, “Maybe that would help with your bitchiness.”

“That’s what she said,” Regulus sighs.

“Well, do you want to? Hook up with someone, I mean.”

“I definitely don’t want to do it at a UMass frat party,” Regulus explains, “In general, though, I’m not really sure. The only person I’ve ever kissed is Barty, and I was too drunk to remember if it was good or not.”

“Did you and Barty date, then?”

“Oh, God, no,” Regulus looks disgusted at the idea. “I just wanted to get my first kiss over with and Barty notoriously loves kissing his friends. Plus, Barty and Evan have had a sort of situationship thing since the beginning of high school. It’s a long story.”

Remus hums. “If it makes you feel better, the only boy I’d ever kissed before I got to college was a closeted boy from my church in middle school. When I got to Amherst, though, I decided to go out of my comfort zone. Lily loves partying, so she dragged me wherever she went. Let’s just say I met a few pretty boys along the way,” Remus blushes. Regulus predicts he’s only spilling all of this information because of the vodka in his system, but he’s grateful to know more about his friend nonetheless. 

“None pretty enough to be your boyfriend, though?” Regulus questions.

“I just haven’t found what I’m looking for, I guess.”

“Ouch, Moony. Am I not hot enough for you?” Regulus teases.

“Come on, Reg. Anyone with eyes can see that you’re pretty. You just aren’t my type,” he explains.

“Oh, right, I forgot. Your ‘type’ is my brother.”

Remus blushes in embarrassment once again, “You’re never gonna let that go, are you?”

“Never,” Regulus grins. “Don’t worry, Moony, you’ll meet your celebrity crush very soon.”

The bus to UMass pulls up right at that moment. Thankfully, the ride is only 12 minutes long, but it takes them a hot minute to find the location of the exact house. There are over 40 fraternities and sororities on campus, and loud music is coming from every direction. Eventually, they do find the right house, and when they step inside, there’s house music blasting from a DJ booth in the center of the room. 

Regulus is not drunk enough for this, and that’s saying something, because he can definitely feel it. It’s hard to see anything through the crowd of people, so he tries texting Sirius.

Regulus: I’m here. Where are you?

Unfortunately, he barely has any service, so the text won’t go through. He and Remus go further into the party, and Regulus is about to give up on finding his brother. Suddenly, the shitty music fades out and a Rihanna song begins to play. Now this, Regulus can work with.

“I love this song!” Remus exclaims, “Dance with me?”

Regulus smirks and complies with Remus’ request. A couple 2000’s songs in and he’s actually starting to have fun. 

“I’m gonna find the bathroom, be right back,” Remus says, leaving Regulus alone in the crowd of people. 

The second wave of intoxication must’ve hit him, because he continues dancing without his friend. The song changes to Charli XCX’s “party 4 u,” and Regulus is in the zone. He’s dancing like no one is watching, and everyone is too focused on themselves or too crossed to judge him. Before he knows it, a gap in the crowd opens up in front of him. He looks across the way to find a boy looking right at him, half smiling and half trying to figure something out.

The boy is quite tall, definitely over 6’0, and he has large, brown eyes that you could swim in. His brown, curly hair is a bit of a mess in an endearing way, he has perfectly bronzed skin, and he wears black-frame glasses. Regulus can’t help but smile back as he continues to dance. Remus was right earlier, Regulus is pretty, and he knows it. So why not flaunt what he has in front of a hot guy? And this guy looks like a damn pro athlete; his muscles contracting as he begins to move to the beat. There’s something familiar about those brown eyes, Regulus thinks. The two boys slowly begin to move toward each other through the crowd, but when they’re directly in front of each other, they’re interrupted. 

“Reggie! We found you,” Sirius exclaims happily as he swings an arm around the brown-eyed boy. 

At almost the same time, Remus makes his way back to Regulus’ side. “There you are,” Remus says. Regulus notices that as Remus and Sirius make eye contact, they share a questioning look followed by a look of annoyance. Odd.

“Let’s all go somewhere a bit more quiet for introductions,” Sirius suggests, arm still around mystery man. He leads the group to a different common area away from the music and main crowd. 

As they step into normal lighting, Regulus recognizes the brown-eyed boy even more than on the dance floor, but he can’t quite put his finger on it. Curse his drunk brain. 

“So glad you could make it, baby brother,” Sirius briefly hugs Regulus (because apparently they hug now?). “And I see you’ve brought a friend…” Sirius’ smile drops slightly. Is Regulus missing something?

“Yeah, this is Remus, my roommate,” he introduces, ignoring the awkward tension in the air. 

“Remus Lupin,” Remus adds. “Nice to meet you,” he says, though his face indicates otherwise.

“Nice to meet you, too, Remus. I’m Sirius,” Regulus would recognize his brother’s performative smile any day, but he decides he’ll ask questions later. “And this is my friend, James,” Sirius gestures to the boy who’s been standing next to him silently. His eyes haven’t left Regulus since the dance floor. 

James. Regulus thinks. Where has he heard that name?

And then it hits him, the man is built like a fucking athlete because he is one. He just tried to seduce James Potter, his brother’s best friend (and collegiate Hockey star) at a party. And he’s pretty sure it was working, too. After two years of watching James’ hockey clips, Regulus is finally seeing the face behind the mask. And the face is, unfortunately, beautiful. Why does the most beautiful man Regulus has ever seen have to be his brother’s straight best friend? Life is not fair.

James’ eyes still haven’t left Regulus, and it’s giving him a fluttery feeling in his stomach. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Regulus,” James smiles.

Regulus can’t tell if the alcohol is making him horny or if it’s just James Potter’s natural charm. He doesn’t even care about what Sirius has told James about him, he’s only focused on the way James says his name accompanied by a sweet smile. Oh lord, he needs to go home.

“Only bad things, I hope,” Regulus manages to quip and James cracks a small chuckle. 

“Ooh, you guys should come outside with us,” Sirius interrupts, “We’ve got beer pong, foosball, a pool table.”

Regulus and Remus exchange a look like they both want to go home. Still, Regulus stupidly says, “Sure. Lead the way.” Those damn frozen margs must have hindered his decision making abilities.

They walk to the backyard and arrive at the beer pong table, cups aligned in a triangle and filled halfway. “Wanna play, Reggie? I bet I can beat your ass,” Sirius challenges. 

Regulus has never played beer pong before, but he predicts he’d be terrible at it considering his lack of hand-eye coordination when it comes to throwing balls. Regulus must look visibly uncomfortable, because Remus swoops in and says, “I’ll play with you.”

“Hm,” there’s a competitive glimmer in Sirius’ eyes that Regulus has seen many times before. “You’re on, Lupin. I’ll try to go easy on you.”

“No need,” Remus replies with a smug look on his face. Maybe staying was the right decision, after all.

The boys line up on opposite ends of the table. Remus shoots first and makes it in.

Sirius plops the ball out of the cup and chugs the beer down in one sip. “Lucky shot. Let’s see if you can do it again,” he says as he tosses the ball back to Remus. Sure enough, Remus makes another shot, forcing Sirius to drink again.

“Sirius gets really competitive at these things,” James says to Regulus. They’re standing side by side watching the events unfold in front of them. Sirius and Remus are too distracted by the game to listen in on their conversation. 

“He gets like that over everything,” Regulus explains. “When we were kids, he used to throw a fit when my cousins and I would create our own rules for board game nights. Which is ironic, because he is the biggest rule-breaker I know. He would go on and on about how we were ‘cheating’ and how there could only be one winner. Of course, if he wasn’t that one winner, he’d throw another tantrum. My brother is the biggest drama queen I know.”

James chuckles, “Some things never change, I suppose.” They focus their attention back to the game, and it’s almost neck and neck, but Remus is winning by a single cup. The two look even more determined than before, and a crowd begins to form around the other side of the table. “Do you want anything to drink?” James asks, snapping Regulus away from the competition once again. 

“I probably shouldn’t,” Regulus smiles shyly. Finally, his brain has learned self-control.

“We have soda too, or water,” James offers sincerely. Why is he being so nice? Regulus is internally screaming.

“I’ll take some water, then. Thank you.” Why is Regulus so nervous right now? Ugh.

As James leaves, Regulus hears cheering around him. He looks to see Sirius sipping on the final cup, indicating Remus’ win. Remus has a smug look on his face while Sirius is on the verge of crashing out.

“Good game, Black,” Remus offers a handshake to his opponent.

“Same to you, Lupin,” Sirius says, regaining his composure and taking Remus’ hand. “But, I hope you know, this isn’t over,” he smirks.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Remus smirks back. 

“Looks like someone has beat the reigning champ!” exclaims one of Sirius’ hockey friends, Regulus presumes, and the crowd goes wild. 

“Hey, what did I miss?” James appears and hands Regulus a cup full of iced water. 

“Remus won,” Regulus can’t help but giggle.

“No shit,” James huffs, but he’s smiling too. “Is Sirius pissed?”

“Pissed like upset or pissed like drunk? Because the answer is yes to both,” Regulus quips.

James laughs, “You know, your brother didn’t tell me you’d be this funny.”

“He probably got insecure since humor clearly doesn’t run in the family,” Regulus jokes. “He can’t let anyone know that his baby brother is actually better than him at something.”

“Are you talking shit about me?” Sirius questions as he and Remus rejoin the group. 

“Always,” Regulus grins. He checks the time on his phone and decides it’s time to go. “Remus and I should head out, but thank you for the invite. It was surprisingly fun,” he admits. 

“Did you really doubt my party hosting abilities?” Sirius asks.

“Oh, 100%,” Regulus says with a straight face and he can hear Remus and James stifle laughter. 

“You bitch,” Sirius says fondly. “Text me when you get home safe. The buses are packed at this time. Oh, and make sure to bring Lupin to the next party. We’ve got a score to settle on the beer pong table,” he winks at Remus. 

“I’ll gladly kick your ass again, Black,” Remus retorts. 

Remus and Regulus wave goodbye and make their way back to the front of the house. Regulus looks back at James on his way to find the boy already staring at him. They exchange a small smile and Regulus turns back around. He doesn’t look back twice. The bus doesn’t take long to arrive when they get to the stop, and they’re home at around 1am. 

“Were you flirting with my brother?” Regulus asks after they’re showered and laying in bed. He’s completely sobered up and going over every interaction in the past two hours. 

“We can talk about this tomorrow,” Remus says from his side of the room. 

“That wasn’t a no, which concerns me,” Regulus yawns.

“Goodnight, Regulus,” Remus deflects. 

“Goodnight, Moony the man whore,” Regulus shuts the lights off.

----------------

Regulus and Remus do not talk about the party in the morning. In fact, Remus shies away from the topic of Sirius in general for the next week. But Regulus has to talk about it with someone before he explodes, so he grabs lunch with Dorcas on Wednesday. Now that he’s had a few days to mull it over and collect his thoughts, he’s ready to debrief.

They meet in the corner of the campus cafe for some isolation. Regulus would have to kill himself if someone he knew heard him talk about this.

“Ok, first of all, I’m so sorry we couldn’t meet about this sooner,” Dorcas apologizes. “I have been dying to hear about this party but classes are kicking my ass already. Thankfully, I’m all caught up on my lab work.” Dorcas is a prospective Chemistry major, so it makes sense that she already has a ton of work so early into the year. “Now please tell me all about it, I am so ready.”

Regulus takes a deep breath in before he starts. “Ok, so we get off the bus and it takes us like 15 minutes just to find the damn house. Once we finally find it, there’s so many people that I obviously don’t see Sirius, so I text him, but I have no cell phone service. Remus and I just decided that we would find him later since good music started to play and we wanted to dance, but after a few songs, Remus had to go to the bathroom so he left. I keep dancing and all of a sudden, I see a gorgeous man across the room staring directly at me, so what do I do? I keep dancing while making eye contact.”

“Naturally,” Dorcas agrees, following the story intently. 

“All of a sudden, we’re moving toward each other and right when I’m about to speak to him, my fucking brother appears and he’s all buddy buddy with this mystery man,” Regulus explains and Dorcas gasps. “At the same time, Remus gets back from the bathroom and he and Sirius seem to have some awkward tension even though as far as i’m concerned, they haven’t even met before. I’m thinking maybe something happened when Remus and I separated, but he refuses to talk to me about it. Anyway, we’ll get back to those two later. Sirius leads the four of us to a quieter area and his friend is revealed to be James Potter.” 

“The UMass hockey player that your brother is best friends with? The drama!” Dorcas grins.

“Percisely. So we talk a little more in this area and then Sirius takes everyone outside where he and Remus play beer pong. Remus wins, by the way, much to my brother’s annoyance.”

“Oh I would pay so much money to see Sirius’ face.”

“It was priceless. But anyway, during this little competition, James and I are talking and he says I’m funny. And then he continues to offer me soda and water and he’s just acting so damn nice. And it’s fucking confusing.”

“Maybe he was just trying to show some kindness to his best friend’s brother,” Dorcas says. “I love you, Reg, but I don’t want to see you falling for a straight man that’ll lead you on for attention.”

“I know. Like, logically, I understand that. But there was something about the way that he looked at me, Dorcas,” Regulus sighs as he replays the moment on the dance floor over and over. “It probably doesn’t mean anything,” he concludes. “Plus, it’s not like I’ll be seeing him all the time. Out of sight, out of mind, or whatever.”

“That’s the spirit! Trust me, we’re surrounded by the gayest schools in the US. We will find you someone,” Dorcas comforts her friend. 

“So, how was your Saturday night?” Regulus changes the subject.

“Oh, I have so much to tell you,” Dorcas begins. 

----------------

The first meeting for the school paper is on Friday evening. Everyone who signed up for the club (including returners) had to send in two essays to demonstrate their skills, and from there, some people would be cut. The paper is highly competitive, so Regulus is beyond relieved when both he and Remus receive the email that they made the team. They walk to the meeting room together and take a seat toward the back of the room.

“Welcome back to all our returners, and welcome in to our rookies. My name is Severus Snape, and I’m the head of ‘The Amherst Student.’ Any questions/communication about your assignments will go through me,” the boy explains. Remus had told Regulus a little bit about Severus before the meeting. He knows that the boy is on a full-ride scholarship. Apparently, he was considered a ‘wiz kid’ child-prodigy, so he’s a senior despite being only 19 years old. Regulus also knows that Snape is a bit of a cunt, but he gets shit done, which he appreciates in a leader. 

Severus continues, “You should all be proud of yourselves for making the cut. This team is made up of the best of the best. Now, please listen closely for your year-long assignments. Remember that our paper serves the larger Amherst community, so some of you will be expected to travel to UMass and other places in town. You are expected to write a column in the paper every month, but you should gather material every week and bring it back to me and the board for review. I will assign pairs of journalists and photographers for each topic.” He begins to list names and topics, and after a few minutes, Regulus is called. “Regulus Black and Remus Lupin. You’ll be working on the UMass Amherst men’s hockey team and their road to the NCAA National Championship.”

Regulus and Remus exchange a baffled look that’s somewhere between the stifling of laughter and sheer horror. 

So much for Regulus Black not being around James Potter.

When the meeting ends, he and Remus break the silence on their walk back to the dorms almost immediately. 

“What are the fucking chances,” Remus scoffs. 

“Maybe I do believe in ‘destiny’ and the universe, because there’s no way it’s not playing a cruel joke on the two of us,” Regulus groans.

“Fate is truly unfair.” Remus pauses for a minute. “I’m sorry if I’ve been acting weird this week.”

“I would say ‘I get it,’ but I honestly have no idea what you’re thinking. What happened at the party? What am I missing?” Regulus asks. 

“Besides the fact that your brother is an asshole, not much,” Remus replies bluntly.

“Well, I knew that much,” Regulus tries to lighten the mood. “Why do you think he’s an asshole, though? Surely it can’t just be because of the whole beer pong thing. You two were acting weird from before that.”

“Let’s just say we had a bit of an awkward encounter when I went to the bathroom.”

“What, did you walk in on him taking a shit?”

“Ew, no,” Remus chuckles. “You’re so strange. Let me just start from the beginning.” Remus sets the scene to the moment the boys split up.

“I’m gonna find the bathroom, be right back,” Remus tells Regulus. He wades through the crowd to find the restroom, but when he finally finds it, it’s locked. There’s probably another bathroom on a different floor of the house, but he doesn’t want to risk getting lost, so he waits for a minute to see if this one opens. As he’s waiting, however, he hears shuffling and banging coming from inside. He puts his ear closer to the bathroom door to hear high-pitched moaning. Well, shit.

Instead of leaving like a normal person, Remus decides that he’s angry (partly because he has to pee and partly because he’s drunk), so he bangs on the door. “Get a fucking room. Some people have to use the bathroom,” he yells over the speakers. The moaning continues, so he bangs on the door some more. 

Finally, there’s more ruffling inside followed by a very pissed jet-haired boy opening the door. “What the fuck is your problem?” the boy asks.

“My problem is that you’re using up an entire bathroom for sex that’s probably mediocre in a house full of drunk people who most definitely have to piss,” Remus retorts.

“I’ll have you know that sex with me is never mediocre,” the boy crosses his arms in defense. He steps closer to Remus and the other boy who was in the bathroom steps out before he gets caught in the crossfire.

“Clearly that’s not true…Looks like your date abandoned you,” Remus gestures to the now empty bathroom and smirks.

“Unfortunately, I’m too preoccupied teaching you a lesson to give a fuck.” As the boy steps closer and closer to Remus, however, his familiar features make Remus pause. Holy shit. He just interrupted his roommate’s brother in the middle of a hookup. 

He can’t back down now, even if he is talking to Sirius Black (and this will definitely come back to bite him in the ass later). “‘Teaching me a lesson’? You sound like a Disney Channel bully.”

Sirius gasps, “Well, you look like a Disney Channel bully. No one should be allowed to be that tall.” Remus secretly likes having the high ground in this situation. He takes pleasure in the fact that Sirius has to look up to talk to him. “Not to mention the scars,” Sirius adds.

Low fucking blow. 

Alright, Sirius Black. Let’s see the look on your face once you realize who you’re talking to.

“Next time you decide to have sex in a public area, you should probably shut your mouth. I could hear your noises over the damn speaker,” Remus says.

“And next time you hear someone having a good time, you should mind your fucking business instead of being a bitter and jealous cunt,” Sirius remarks, walking away not a second later. Now he knows where Regulus gets his potty mouth from. 

“I was so fucking satisfied to see his face when I appeared next to you in the crowd. And beating him at beer pong was the cherry on top,” Remus finishes his story.

Regulus pauses and then bursts out into uncontrollable laughter. At this point, they’re back in the dorm from their walk, and Regulus is grateful no one can see him acting like a damn maniac over this story. “Lupin, that is genuinely the most hilarious story I have ever heard. I thought you had just spilled a drink on Sirius and he got mad at you or something, but this. This is so much better than any scenario I could’ve thought up.”

After a second, Remus is laughing too. “I can’t believe I talked to your brother like that. I would’ve genuinely felt bad if he wasn’t such a cunt back.”

“Don’t meet your heroes, I guess,” Regulus giggles. “How did you two act so cordial after that?”

“I don’t know. I guess it just turned into a competition of who could be the most nonchalant. I won, obviously,” Remus smiles proudly.

“And I’m so glad you did. Sirius definitely needed some humbling. Usually I would do it, but we’ve been apart for so long that I think his ego tripled in size without my constant bullying,” Regulus explains. “Plus, I’m sure being best friends with James Potter didn’t help his case. From what I can tell, that boy thinks he’s hot shit.” Regulus doesn’t mention the fact that he believes James is, in fact, hot shit. Remus doesn’t need to know that right now.

“Speaking of James…” Uh oh. “Was I picking up on a vibe between you two, or was I seeing things differently through my tipsy-colored glasses?” 

“I have no idea what you’re referring to,” Regulus says, plopping down on the couch and putting on the TV to try and distract Remus.

“We’ll revisit this when we’re forced to attend their hockey practices,” Remus settles.

“Please, don’t remind me,” Regulus groans. 

He should have known that his life would automatically become 10x more dramatic after he re-connected with his brother. 

It’s gonna be a long ass year.

Chapter Text

By the end of September, things have settled, and Regulus falls into a routine. 

He has his classes, homework, shifts at the cafe, weekly lunch with Sirius, newspaper meetings, and now, figure skating practice. 

Because it’s a club sport, there are no cuts, and they compete in small, local competitions twice a year. There are only 6 people on the team (including Regulus and Lily), so it’s not hard to have time on the ice. Today is the first official practice of the year, and Regulus feels conflicted. 

There’s something stirring in him that’s a mix between excitement and queasiness. He sort of feels like throwing up but he’s also ready to warm up and create an entire routine. It’s fucking confusing.

He laces up his skates in the locker room like muscle memory. The skates that have been sitting in his closet for over two years. What if all his talent has suddenly disappeared? What if all he’ll ever be is wasted potential? The kid who was projected to go to the Olympics, now a washed-up nobody. 

“Regulus? Breathe,” Lily crouches down in front of the bench Regulus is sitting on. She must have noticed his staggered breath and shaky hands. “In for three, hold for three, out for three, ready?” Lily guides him through the breathing exercise and he complies, the anxious thoughts slowly dissipating from his mind. 

“Thank you,” he replies. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Hey, I get it,” Lily smiles at him sincerely. Regulus understands why Remus is so close with her. She is beyond kind and patient, but she’s also ambitious, witty, and strong. Lily Evans is truly a gorgeous person, inside and out. “If it makes you feel better, everything here is at your own pace. Just remember, no matter what you’re able to achieve today, you’re taking a step in the right direction,” she explains.

Regulus pauses, stands up and smiles at Lily sadly. “I’ve never skated in a low-stakes environment,” he jokes quietly.

At this point, Lily is standing as well, and she grabs his hand with both of hers. “I think you’ll find that you like it. Follow me,” she leads him to the rink. 

The other skaters are already doing laps around the ice to warm up. Lily steps on the ice, letting go of Regulus’ hand. “Join us whenever you’re ready. It doesn’t have to be today,” she smiles once more and skates away. 

Regulus takes another deep breath and looks down at his skates. He takes a few steps forward until he’s at the gap in the rink boards. He lifts his leg, carefully placing his foot on the ice. He’s holding on to the sides of the gap, and after a few moments, his second foot follows. He’s on the ice. That’s a step-forward, right?

He lets go of the wall and looks up to see the other skaters stretching. Luckily, no one is paying him much attention. Before he can skate across the ice to the others, however, his chest constricts, and he can’t breathe properly again. His vision starts to get blurry, so he turns back around, gets off the ice, and rushes to the bathroom as fast as possible in ice skates. He locks himself in a stall and melts against the door. He can’t do this. It’s too much too soon. He dedicated his entire life to this sport and now he has to practically start from scratch? It’s too much to cope with. He’ll never be able to meet people’s expectations of him. His own expectations for himself. His brother is a hockey star now, while Regulus is a stellar corpse. Sirius is the brightest star in the sky, after all. How could Regulus ever compete?

He gets up from the ground and stares at himself in the mirror. It’s like he can see his younger self in his reflection. The disappointment in his face. The tears roll down even harder as he thinks about his failures. 

At least his mother isn’t here to see him now. That might be the only thing saving Regulus from completely breaking down. Her voice still rings in his head, though. Her demands for perfection in every aspect of his life. He doesn’t think that voice will ever go away, no matter how much he tries to quiet it. 

“She’s not here now,” he says to himself amidst the silence. He does Lily’s breathing exercise again. It’s like she said, getting back into skating can be at his own pace. Maybe he needs therapy. Actually, he definitely needs therapy, but he’ll deal with that later in the semester.

He tries to shut out the negative thoughts, just for a moment. At least he got on the ice today. It’s progress, he thinks. Maybe next practice he’ll be able to do a lap around the rink. He makes a mental note to set that goal for himself.

He splashes water on his face until most of the redness is gone and takes one last big breath. He goes to open the door of the bathroom, but as he pushes it, he hears a loud thump on the other side. 

“I’m so sorry,” Regulus steps out and offers a hand to the boy he just knocked down. “Oh, it’s you,” his heart flutters as James Potter looks up at him with his big, brown eyes and takes his hand. Regulus helps him up, and James keeps a grip on his hand for a second too long before he speaks. 

“Are you alright, Regulus?” James asks. He’s way too considerate for his own good.

“I should be the one asking you that,” Regulus is genuinely concerned. “I just whacked you with a metal door. Is your head okay?”

“Trust me, I’m okay,” James reassures him, “I’m a hockey player, remember. Getting hit and shoved is pretty normal for me,” he smiles. Regulus loves James’ smile. Shit, he needs to get out of this place before he keeps having thoughts like that. 

“Are you 100% sure?” Regulus asks to be safe. 

“Yes, Reg. I’m good.”

Reg.

Regulus will, in fact, be replaying that in his head tonight before he goes to bed. He loves a good bedtime scenario. Oh lord, he needs to stop. 

“Your glasses are a bit…” Regulus gestures to the crooked glasses resting on James’ nose. He has to resist the urge to fix them himself. Self-control has never been this difficult. 

“Oh,” James chuckles and straightens them out, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Regulus replies. They stand there awkwardly for a few seconds.

“So, you skate?” James gestures to the skates on Regulus’ feet. 

Right. Regulus had almost forgotten why he was at the rink in the first place. “Well, I used to. I’m trying to get back into it. I’m surprised Sirius hasn’t mentioned that before.”

“Actually, now that you mention it, I think I remember him saying something about you two skating together when you were younger,” James recalls.

“Yeah. Let’s just say I was more focused on the artistic side of figure skating. Sirius, on the other hand, just liked to do laps and crash into the boards,” Regulus jokes. “I guess that’s why hockey’s so perfect for him.” James huffs, still repping his stupid, perfect smile. “I’m assuming you guys also have practice now?” Nevermind that Regulus knows their entire practice schedule because of the newspaper assignment. Luckily, he doesn’t have to think about that until the end of the week. 

“Yeah,” James replies. “It’s just conditioning today, though. I’m sort of dreading it, but at least our coach is letting us control the music.” 

“Oh, god. Don’t let Sirius get anywhere near the aux. He’ll play P!NK and sing at the top of his lungs until your ears begin to bleed,” he shivers at the thought of his brother’s voice completely off-tune.

James fully laughs this time. “You’re too funny for your own good, Regulus Black.”

And there it is again. A compliment from James Potter. Regulus is down bad.

“Anyway, I should get going,” Regulus smiles nervously. “It was, uh, good to see you, James.” I’ll see you almost every Thursday night for the next eight months, he bites back bitterly. He wants to scream into his pillow and rip his hair out, honestly.

“Good to see you too, Reg,” James grins. Regulus waves goodbye and practically runs back to the locker room (which is, again, extremely difficult because of his skates). 

He unlaces the shoes to find blisters and bruises just from standing in them for so long. His feet are gonna take time to get used to them again. He makes his way back to the figure skating rink to give Lily a quick goodbye, purposefully avoiding the hockey rink on the opposite side of the warehouse. 

“Thank you for coming today, Regulus. I’m proud of you,” Lily says before he leaves. 

This day has been emotional fucking whiplash, but at least he has a friend to lean on. God bless Lily Evans.

----------------

This week, Regulus and Sirius are doing a picnic-style lunch in the park where they first reconnected. Sirius made them both sandwiches with mozzarella cheese, pesto sauce, and chicken (Regulus’ favorite) with a side of salt and vinegar chips. Regulus brought some lemonade he stole from the dining hall. 

Sirius hugs him tight when he arrives. Hugging his brother has become the new normal, to Regulus’ surprise. When he was younger, Regulus always hated when Sirius (or anyone, for that matter) would show physical affection, but now, he craves it. He’s growing out of his broody teenager phase, he supposes (except he’s still a cunt all the time). 

They lay out a large blanket on the grass and set up the food, almost immediately digging into the sandwiches. “Wow,” Regulus says, “These are delicious. Thank you, Sirius.”

“Of course, Reggie,” Sirius smiles. “I can’t take all the credit, though. James helped me out with the assembly.”

James, James, James, James, James. Will there ever be a god damn day where Regulus won’t hear that name? Probably not.

“Well, you’ll have to thank him for me, then.”

“Why don’t you thank him yourself? James, Peter, and I are going to the bar on Friday night. You should come with us. Peter’s been dying to meet you,” Sirius suggests, a glint in his eye. Regulus doesn’t want to crush his hopes completely…

“How will I get in, though? I’m 18.” Regulus’ first excuse.

“Oh, my sweet, innocent, Reggie. I would like you to meet my dear friend, Edgar Albert Stanley,” Sirius pulls out a tiny piece of plastic from his wallet with a shitty black and white photo of himself and a birthdate of 2000, because apparently he’s 24 years old and from Ohio. 

“Oh god. That actually gets you into places?” Regulus is genuinely shocked.

“Yup! And, there’s more where that came from,” Sirius pulls out a second ID with a slightly different photo and the name ‘Bartholomew Haymitch Montgomery’ from Arkansas (because that makes total sense). 

Regulus sighs loudly. “I will go with you,” Regulus admits defeat and Sirius cheers, but he may have spoken too soon, “If Remus can come too.”

Regulus swears he sees Sirius’ eye twitch for a second at the sound of Remus’ name. “Lupin? You know, I would love it if he could go,” Sirius lies straight through his teeth, “but I doubt he has a fake ID. Why don’t you invite another friend. Maybe Dorcas?”

“No,” Regulus stands his ground. “If Remus doesn’t go, I don’t go. And you have to help him get an ID from somewhere. I’m sure one of your hockey friends has an extra lying around.”

Sirius frowns, but he ultimately gives in. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do.”

Lupin 1, Black 0. Speaking of Remus, Regulus should probably say something about their newspaper assignment before Sirius randomly sees his little brother and arch nemesis (?) at Thursday practice and freaks out.

“So, remember how I was telling you about the school paper,” Regulus switches the subject.

“Of course I remember,” Sirius nods. “I’m so proud of you again, Reggie.”

“Thanks, Siri,” Sirius’ comment makes Regulus’ heart warm. At least he isn’t a complete failure off the ice. “Anyway, we got our assignments, and you’ll never guess what I have to write about for the rest of the year.”

“Amherst’s shitty dining hall food compared to UMass?” Sirius guesses. 

“No, but that’s definitely an important one, they should really do something about that,” Regulus rambles and Sirius hums in agreement. “I have to write about the UMass Men’s Ice Hockey team.”

Sirius’ face lights up, “That’s amazing! That means we’ll get to spend even more time together. And you can meet all my teammates! Oh, they’ll love you, Reggie. Plus, you get to see my incredible skills on the ice,” he brags.

Regulus is about to wipe the shit eating grin clean off his face. “Yeah, and the photographer they paired me with is Remus. I mean, what are the chances? I get to work with my best friend while writing about my brother’s team,” Regulus holds back his smile. 

“Oh! That’s…so great,” Sirius says through gritted teeth.

“And the best part is, we start tomorrow night! Then we get to come to Thursday practices pretty much every week for the rest of the year,” Regulus says with a chirpy grin. If he has to suffer, might as well make Sirius suffer with him.

“I didn’t even know Remus was a photographer. And ‘best friend,’” it’s obvious that Sirius is trying not to cringe. This is so fucking fun. “Isn’t that a little much for just a month of knowing each other?”

“Well we literally spend every single day together, and he knows, like, everything about me. And he’s the most tolerable person in my life at the moment. So yeah, he’s sort of my best friend. Didn’t you feel that way when you and James became friends?”

“Fair enough,” Sirius settles down. “I hope you aren’t too biased when writing about my outstanding victories and game-winning shots this year,” he jokes.

“If anything, I’ll have to hold myself back from ripping you apart. I can see the headlines now: ‘Sirius Black: bad form, even worse attitude’” Regulus retorts.

“You little fucker,” Sirius snorts. “You know I have impeccable form. As for the attitude…I can’t argue with that one.”

Regulus smiles and then pauses, his mind wandering back to his meltdown at the rink. He should talk to Sirius about it. If anyone would understand, it’s his brother. “We had our first figure skating practice earlier this week.”

“Really? That’s great, Reggie! Was it nice to be on the ice again?” Sirius asks.

“I don’t know, I didn’t actually make it all the way. Well, I had my skates on and I stepped on the ice, but before I could take a step, I just froze. I couldn’t do it,” Regulus explains. 

“Mother’s voice still in your head?” Sirius questions, slightly frowning.

“Exactly.”

“I hear her too sometimes. It never really goes away.”

“I figured. And I know logically that she can’t hurt me anymore. I know that I have you, Remus, and Dorcas to lean on. I know that she’s on the opposite side of the state, but I can’t shake the twisting feeling in my chest. It’s the same thing I felt every time I was about to perform. The feeling when I would see her disappointed face after I stumbled out of a jump or got second place.”

“I used to get that same anxious feeling,” Sirius relates. “It’s gotten much better with therapy, though.”

“You go to therapy?” I guess there are still some things Regulus hasn’t discovered about his brother’s new life here. 

“I do, yeah. I could ask my therapist if they could recommend someone for you. Would you be interested?” Sirius asks sincerely. 

Regulus doesn’t know how he would possibly find the time to add another thing to his schedule, but this seems important. This could help him learn how to be okay. “That would be great, actually.”

“We can look more into the logistics together, of course,” Sirius offers. “I’m proud of you, Reggie. I think if we had this conversation two years ago, you would’ve told me to fuck off.”

“That’s probably true,” Regulus’ lips curl up.

----------------

“Are you ready?” Remus asks before they step into the rink warehouse. 

“Not at all,” Regulus replies. “Are you?”

“Nope,” Remus agrees. “Shall we?” He opens the door and allows Regulus to step inside, following close behind him.

Even though Regulus was just here three days before, the atmosphere feels different. He can already hear a coach yelling commands and pucks being tossed in the distance. He and Remus make their way to the bleachers closest to the ice.

“Alright boys, water break!” The coach yells in a gruff voice. He then walks over to Regulus and Remus to introduce himself. “Hello there,” his voice is a lot softer when he’s not yelling. “I’m Rubeus Hagrid, the head coach of the Minutemen,” he greets the two with a handshake. “I assume you’re both working with ‘The Amherst Student’?” Hagrid is a large man with a thick beard and a thick English accent from the West Country. Regulus would be intimidated if Sirius hadn’t told him so many stories of Hagrid being a “gentle giant” (Sirius’ words, not his). 

“That’s correct, sir. I’m Remus Lupin, and this is Regulus Black,” Remus introduces, gesturing to Regulus beside him.

“My word. Sirius told me his brother would be part of the reporting team the paper sent up, but I wasn’t expecting to see his spitting image before me. You two could pass as twins!” Hagrid says in awe. 

Regulus just smiles awkwardly, “I get that a lot.”

“Well, just holler at me if you need anything at all. And get as close to the rink as you need,” Hagrid suggests. “Also, feel free to walk around the building and explore. I’m sure the boys won’t mind you having locker room access.” Regulus isn’t sure there’s much to report on in a hockey locker room besides sweaty clothes, but he nods along anyway. 

Hagrid walks back to his team, dividing players up for a scrimmage. Half the boys wear white jerseys while the other half wear red. Sirius and James get split up, which makes things interesting. James, wearing his red jersey, waves to Regulus before they begin the practice match. He has that soft, nerdy grin on his face, and Regulus can’t help smiling back. Remus looks at him with a raised eyebrow, but Regulus doesn’t care.

As the boys begin the match, there are several things that Regulus jots down about how good the team is playing overall, which players stand out the most, and the energy between the teammates. He also starts brainstorming about who he should interview for his first column.

At the same time, Remus is taking action shots with his fancy camera (which Regulus guesses is probably super expensive). Every once in a while, Remus will show Regulus a picture or two. His photography skills are impressive. 

The game is pretty intense for a practice round, but Regulus assumes all hockey games have that effect. Even James and Sirius look like they could kill each other. Regulus notes that Peter is a particularly good goalie, blocking most of the shots made by the white shirts (specifically Sirius). The worst part of hockey is the constant back and forth across the ice without any goals being made, he thinks. The teams do end up scoring a few times, and by the second period, the score is 2-1 with the white shirts leading. 

The practices run for three hours, but Regulus and Remus leave after about an hour and a half. They’re sure to thank Hagrid before they go, and he’s beyond kind about it.

As they’re walking to the bus stop, Remus trips over a rock, but he catches himself before he falls completely.

“You alright, Moony?” Regulus asks. Remus winces slightly and grabs his hip.

“I’m okay, my hip has just been acting up,” Remus sighs. “Don’t worry about me, though.”

 “I’m gonna worry no matter how much you tell me not to, Lupin. Are you sure you’re okay?” Regulus is genuinely a bit concerned. 

“I’m okay. Promise. I’ll let you know if it gets worse,” he assures.

“Okay, I trust you,” Regulus says honestly. He hopes his trust is well-founded.

----------------

The line to get in the bar is long.

So long that Regulus almost considers turning around, grabbing Remus, and going home. Luckily, Sirius is friends with the bouncer (apparently), so the three of them are able to get to the front of the line, much to the dismay of the people now waiting behind them. Sirius distributes their fake IDs.

“Ok, I’m going in first and you two will follow right behind me. They usually don’t ask about the information on the ID, but look it over just in case. Peter already got us a booth inside,” Sirius explains.

Regulus is a little nervous, but he sucks it up and gets behind Remus. 

Sirius gets in easily, and so does Remus (even though his ID has a picture of a boy who looks nothing like him), but the bouncer stops Regulus before he can enter. 

“Birthdate?” the bouncer asks with an eyebrow raised. He’s fucking intimidating, and Regulus rarely gets intimidated.

“June 14, 2002,” Regulus replies. The birthdate might be the only thing Regulus was able to remember from the card, so he’s grateful that was the only question. 

The bouncer pauses, squinting and looking Regulus up and down. “Address?”

Fuck. 

“Uhh---”

“Steven, he’s with me,” James Potter appears next to Regulus, placing a hand on the small of his back. 

The bouncer (Steven?) sighs, but he lets them in. 

Once they’re inside, they scan the room for Sirius and Remus. “Thanks for saving my ass,” Regulus says as they search. 

“Anytime,” James winks. They find the boys at the c-shaped booth that Peter secured in the corner of the room.

“What took you so long?” Sirius asks as James and Regulus squeeze in on opposite ends.

“Steven was giving Regulus a hard time,” James explains. “You should’ve let him go before you, Sirius.”

“Well, I thought letting Steven see my pretty face would make him less of an asshole to the people after me,” Sirius defends. 

Remus scoffs.

“Got something to say, Lupin?” Sirius challenges. 

“You’re just awfully conceited for someone who’s 5’8,” Remus retorts. Peter and Regulus can’t help their laughter after that. Reg can even see James’ lips curl up. 

“First of all, I’m 5’11,” Sirius is steaming. Regulus is enjoying this so much. 

“5’9 at most, but sure,” Remus smirks. Regulus isn’t gonna mention how Sirius is actually 5’10 (he’s always been two inches shorter than his older brother, so he would know).

“Second of all,” Sirius ignores Remus’ remark, “my face puts plenty of people in a good mood.”

“Maybe the visually impaired ones,” Remus mumbles.

“I think all the fan edits are getting to your head, Padfoot,” Peter chimes in. “I’m glad Remus is here to humble you.”

“Yeah,” Regulus agrees. “Plus, your plan didn’t even work. I only got in because of James.”

“Now James’ face definitely puts people in a good mood,” Peter concludes.

“Well, we know that’s true,” Remus whispers and Regulus elbows him lightly in the stomach. 

“Not here, asshole,” Regulus whispers back.

“Aw, Pete. You flatter me,” James grins. “But you’re absolutely correct, my face is pretty great.”

“God, you’re just as bad as Sirius,” Regulus says. He was right about James having a huge ego, but it’s sort of justified. I mean he looks like that. 

Speaking of the way James looks…he looks especially good tonight. Regulus clocked it as soon as they met up in line. He’s wearing a dark red shirt that’s hugging his biceps in all the right ways, and his top few buttons are loose, revealing a gold chain laying on his chest. His hair has its usual messy charm, and Regulus wants to pull on it while he listens to James beg for---

“You think so too, right, Reg?” Remus asks. 

“Huh, what?” Regulus asks, still dazed from his daydreaming. Everyone is looking at him now.

“The practice,” Remus gives him a questioning look. “Just how their hockey practice was fun to watch.”

“Oh, right,” Regulus regains consciousness. “It was amazing. You’re all so talented, it was hard to decide which team to root for.”

Sirius looks offended, “Are you saying you weren’t automatically rooting for my team?!”

“Obviously not. I just root for whoever’s winning,” Regulus jokes and the others chuckle. 

He’s glad he made a smooth recovery after zoning out. He needs to stop fantasizing about a man who’s sitting directly across from him.

“Who won, anyway?” Remus asks. “We left before we could see the final score.”

“Pete and I made the comeback of the century in the last period,” James boasts and Sirius rolls his eyes. “We won 5-2.”

“Shit, what happened, Sirius?” Regulus asks. “You were playing so well when Remus and I were watching.”

“Maybe he was only playing well to impress his little brother,” Peter suggests.

“Or maybe he was trying to impress Remus,” James sarcastically quips. That gets a little giggle out of Regulus (and an eye roll from Sirius). 

Conversation between the five of them feels natural, somehow. Remus is especially clicking with Peter and James. Plus, Regulus secretly suspects that Remus and Sirius would actually be great friends if they weren’t insulting each other all the time. The four of them would make a balanced group, he thinks. Regulus would love to see the silly shit they would do together.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, what’s with the nicknames?” Remus interrupts a new conversation after Peter calls Sirius ‘padfoot’ once more.

“Nicknames are sort of a big deal in hockey,” James clarifies. “Pete here is ‘wormtail’ because he’s from New York City and sort of resembles a sewer rat.”

“Fuck off, Potter,” Peter says, giggling. “Well, James is ‘prongs’ because during his first year on the team, he would get stage fright and freeze on the ice. He looked like a deer in the headlights. Plus, he’s got those big, beautiful doe eyes,” Peter says all lovey-dovey. 

“And Sirius is padfoot because he just has dog energy,” James explains, and Regulus can’t argue with that. “Plus, he likes to shake his head back and forth after washing his hair to get us all wet.”

“Hehe,” Sirius grins.

“And then there’s Moony,” Regulus thinks. Oh, fuck, he said that part out loud.

“Moony?” Sirius questions.

“I told you not to tell anyone about that,” Remus sighs.

“Is Remus ‘Moony’?” Sirius giggles. “Fitting.”

“Maybe…But only I’m allowed to call him that,” Regulus tries to gatekeep, but the damage is already done.

“Too late now,” Sirius smirks. “Moony, moony, moony.”

Sirius calls him ‘moony’ all night. Remus is going to murder Regulus when they get home.

Chapter Text

Remus Lupin is officially renouncing Regulus Black as his best friend.

Well, maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but that’s definitely what Remus was thinking the whole time they were at the bar.

Sirius Black is just the most infuriating person he has ever met. And Remus went to high school with a lot of infuriating people. Sirius is a completely different breed. He’s stubborn and egotistical and hot-headed and dramatic. Remus could go on about Sirius’ irritating qualities, but the absolute worst one is how fucking attractive he is. God shouldn’t have wasted all that beauty on someone so…so frustrating. Remus has never felt more frustrated about anything in his life. He genuinely can’t believe that someone he idolized for so long turned out to be a proper asshole. 

He really should try to squash the beef with Sirius for Regulus’ sake (although he’s pretty sure Regulus enjoys how much he teases his brother), but Sirius makes it impossible to be on good terms. Calling Remus ‘Moony’ all night was just the fucking cherry on top. 

So, because it was Regulus’ fault that his little nickname slipped, Remus is mad at him. 

And maybe it’s unfair to be mad at his closest friend over something so trivial, but he can’t help the way he feels. Sirius Black is the root of all Remus’ problems as of late. Well, that and his chronic illness that has been flaring up recently. He’s trying not to think (or talk) about that part. 

Right now, he’s only focused on enhancing his sports photography skills, and the UMass Men’s Ice Hockey team is having their very first game this week, giving him a perfect opportunity to capture some action shots. 

Remus doesn’t know a lot about how hockey works, but that doesn’t stop him from enjoying the game. He’s taken several notes of the basic rules and other norms he’s noticed during practices and online clips:

1. Every goal is only one point
2. There are three periods in a game
3. The players tend to body slam against the board when cheering after getting a point
1. Side note: the players are always pretty aggressive
4. The game is very fast paced and back and forth. It can take a while for anyone to actually score
5. There’s so much piling at the goal it looks like a damn football game sometimes

Remus usually doesn’t love watching sports, but hockey is growing on him.

Because of his chronic joint pain, Remus was never put in sports. Maybe he’d be better at socializing if he was part of a team from a young age, but it just wasn’t in the cards for him in this life. He doesn’t really mind, though. Not being in a sport led him to discover his passion for photography, after all. 

And now he’s here with his Canon EOS R3 camera (his precious, wildly expensive, baby) taking pictures for one of the most prestigious school papers of one of the best collegiate hockey teams in the country. Maybe the universe has a plan for him after all.

The sound of a loud buzzer echoes throughout the arena, signaling the start of the game. 

The players have already warmed up and done a few laps around the ice. UMass is playing an unranked Michigan school today, so the boys pretty much know they’ll win. Still, they look determined on the ice, and when they begin to play, that determination is evident.

Remus and Regulus are sitting in the very front row, right behind the boards to get a good view of the players. They’ve barely spoken a word to each other since they stepped into the arena. It’s been about a week since the bar incident, and Remus has honestly cooled down since then, but it’s been a bit awkward between the two ever since. Regulus apologized profusely (which was surprising because Regulus Black rarely apologizes to people), and Remus had accepted his apology, but he was obviously still upset. Maybe Remus should say something. It’s killing him to be this weird with Regulus. He just wants everything to be okay---

“Are you still mad at me?” Regulus asks about 10 minutes into them sitting down. “I feel like you’re still mad, which I completely understand, but I want to know what I can do to fix it.”

“I’m not mad, Reg, honestly. I mean I was mad in the beginning, but I think I’m just moody and tired for other reasons. Plus, it’s not your fault your brother is a pain in the ass,” Remus explains as calmly as possible.

“Okay, good. You know you’re, like, my best friend, right?” Regulus says softly. 

He’s so endearing when he’s not putting up his whole ‘mean boy’ act. “Well, I would hope so, since you’re my best friend, too,” Remus reassures. “You know I could never stay mad at you.”

“I know,” Regulus smiles. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

“Happy?”

“Very,” Regulus giggles. There’s loud cheering a second later, making the boys focus back on the game. UMass scored their first point of the season, and, of course, it was none other than Sirius Black himself.

The first period goes by surprisingly quickly. Regulus explains what’s happening when Remus is confused (like why certain fouls are called or the names of specific passes), which helps Remus get into the game. He stands up to the glass a few times with his camera to take some photos, and so far, they’re turning out great. 

By the first intermission the score is 2-0 with UMass leading. “I’m gonna go try and interview Frank Longbottom after the ESPN reporters finish. Save my spot?” Regulus says.

“Of course. Go kick some journalist butt.”

“Don’t ever say that again, please,” Regulus chuckles as he walks away. 

Intermissions are around 15 minutes, so Remus just flips through the photos on his camera while he waits for Regulus. Before long, Regulus returns with a grin on his face. 

“I’m guessing it went well?” Remus assumes.

“It was great! Frank is so well spoken, and he has clear goals for the team this year. I got some good information for my column,” Regulus shows Remus the scribbled notes in his journal. 

The second period begins on the ice, and it’s clear that being in the lead has made the UMass team even more confident than before. James and Frank both score a point each with assists from Sirius. The score is now 4-0, and the crowd is going wild. Students with red and white face paint are cheering and chanting, and it’s clear the players are feeding off that energy. 

It’s nearing the very end of the second period, and the puck has been going back and forth for a good 5 minutes. Remus decides to stand up right in front of the glass to snap a few photos. The next few moments happen in slow-motion. Sirius is able to take the puck from the other team, but two players collide into him, sending all three of them into the boards.

Remus sees the bodies charging toward him and the plexiglass caving in, and the next thing he knows, he’s laying down in a room with a bright light atop him.

“What happened?” he manages to get out. The next thing he notices as he comes back into consciousness is that he’s in major pain. His hip feels like someone sawed it in half and left the wound open. 

“Oh, thank god, you’re awake,” Regulus appears beside him, gently grabbing Remus’ hand. He looks red-eyed and distraught. How long has Remus been out? Remus attempts to sit up, but he immediately winces in pain. 

“I would advise that you stay laying down,” says a man that Remus assumes is UMass’ athletic trainer based on his outfit. “Don’t worry, you were only unconscious for a couple of minutes. Your friends here are just very worried about you.”

Friends? Plural? Remus looks behind Regulus and sure enough, Sirius Black stands with a worried expression, slightly biting the nail of his thumb.

“Unfortunately,” the AT continues, “you do have a mild concussion and your hip was dislocated. A doctor is on their way to reposition the joint. We’ll have you under anesthesia to reduce the pain and relax your muscles. I know you’re probably in a lot of pain right now, but just hang tight for a few more minutes,” he explains calmly. “I’ll be waiting right outside the door for the EMT. Please feel free to yell if you need anything.”

This is way too much to process, and Remus doesn’t even remember how he got here. His head is sort of spinning. 

After the door shuts, Sirius finally speaks. “It was my fault. I--I’m so sorry, Remus.” Did Sirius Black just apologize to him? If Remus wasn’t sure he had a concussion before, he’s sure now. 

“As much as I love to blame you for everything, it wasn’t your fault, Sirius,” Regulus chimes in and turns back to Remus. “Two of the players on the other team full on body-slammed Sirius into the boards. The impact was so great that a plexiglass panel caved in, sending Sirius practically on top of you.”

Though the events are still fuzzy, the memories are slowly coming back to Remus. As he’s sifting through the moments in his mind, his heart drops.

“Where’s my camera?” Remus asks frantically. 

Regulus and Sirius share a guilty look. Sirius grabs something from the counter next to him, bringing it into Remus’ view. Sure enough, his Canon EOS R3 is completely shattered. This is somehow more painful than his hip dislocation. 

“I’ll buy you a new one, I promise,” Sirius assures.

“It’s a $6,000 camera,” Remus sighs teary-eyed. That camera was a high school graduation gift from his mom. She bought it on sale, but she still had to take extra night shifts at the hospital to afford it. He remembers how proud she was to be able to give her son his absolute dream present. What is he going to tell her now?

“I don’t care. It’s my fault it broke so I’ll get you a new one,” Sirius says, stubborn as ever. 

“I can’t ask you to do that. It wasn’t your fault in the first place,” Remus holds back his tears. “Did you get hurt at all? I can’t imagine being body-slammed is painless,” he asks Sirius.

“Just a few bruises, nothing I can’t handle,” he attempts to joke, but his eyes are still sad. Remus doesn’t like seeing Sirius like this. For a moment, he wishes they could go back to joking about hating each other’s guts. 

Just then, the AT comes back inside. “I’m sorry, but you two need to leave. The emergency crew is arriving, and the third period is about to begin.”

Regulus is reluctant, but he squeezes Remus’ hand and leaves with a sad smile. Sirius follows shortly behind him, still carrying waves of guilt in his blue eyes. 

The doctors rush into the room, and the next moments happen in a blur. Remus remembers the needle in his arm pumping a small dose of anesthesia and the sound of his hip popping back into place. Luckily, the drugs only last for half an hour, and the emergency personnel explain that recovery will take a few weeks, but that everything went smoothly. 

They leave him to lie down alone, and Remus’ head is clear enough to make out the TV on the wall. The game is almost over now, but the score is much different than before the incident. It seems that the Minutemen are still leading, but the Michigan school is close behind with 3 points scored. The camera pans to Sirius sitting on the bench and zoning out. Remus really hopes this isn’t his fault. 

He watches until the final buzzer, and it’s a UMass win. Every player looks happy, but Sirius is mysteriously missing from the celebrations. Remus decides to sit up and grab his phone from the counter next to him. The first texts he sees are his mother’s.

Mom: Hi honey, Regulus called me and told me what happened. He has been updating me all day. I’ve been worried sick, but I’m glad the joint relocation went okay. Please call me when you can. If you want me to fly up anytime soon, I can pick up some extra shifts to buy a flight. I love you very much.

Remus sighs. He really doesn’t want anyone to worry about him. 

Remus: Mom, I'm completely okay. There’s no need for you to come up here. I’ll be back next month for Thanksgiving break. I’ll call you right when I get home. I love you.

He opens his unanswered text from Regulus next.

Reg: the athletic trainer won’t let me come inside to see you, so i’m gonna wait at the bleachers until he tells me we can go home. 

Reg: I swear I’m about to break into that room just to see you. how are you feeling?

Before he can reply, he hears the door creak open. He assumes it’s the AT, but a head of black-curly hair appears instead. 

“Sirius? How did you get in here?”

“I have my ways,” he replies softly, pulling up a chair and sitting to face Remus. “I had to see you.” Sirius is still in uniform, but his skates have been replaced by black boots. He must have rushed over here right as the game ended.

Remus ignores how Sirius’ soft voice makes his heart flutter. Must be a side effect from the drugs. 

“You guys almost lost. What happened?” Remus wonders.

“I was…distracted after the accident. It’s a miracle that we still ended up on top,” Sirius frowns. “I let my whole team down. And I let you down, too, Remus. You must hate me even more than you did before.”

Seeing Sirius with genuine sadness in his eyes is painful. “I don’t hate you,” Remus blurts out and Sirius cocks an eyebrow. “Ok, I’ll be honest. I find you infuriating and arrogant and stuck-up, but hate is a strong word. And, it’s like you said, this was all just an accident. A terribly unfortunate accident, but at least I’ll only need crutches for a week. I’ve gone through much worse in my life,” Remus settles. This definitely beats the time that Remus had to use a singular crutch for 3 months when he was 14. Kids in his class used to call him ‘Tiny Tim’. 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asks genuinely.

Remus pauses, debating if he should spill his life story to Sirius Black, of all people. “I have a chronic illness called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, or EDS, for short. Basically, it just means that I have pretty weak joints that hurt all the time. That’s why it was so easy for a mild impact to dislocate my entire hip,” he explains, “It’s also why I have all these scars on my face and body. Having EDS leads to fragile skin because of faulty collagen, so I scar much easier, and the scars can widen over time.”

“Oh, Remus,” Sirius looks like his heart is breaking a little. “I should have never commented on your scars. I am so sorry.”

“I accept your apology. But yeah, that was pretty fucked up,” Remus smiles.

“I know. I just hate losing at things, so I dealt the lowest blow I could. It was wrong.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re owning up to your mistakes. Didn’t know that was a possibility for you,” Remus jokes.

“I would tease you back, but I still feel so fucking bad, Remus,” Sirius says honestly. Remus is just shocked he isn’t calling him ‘Lupin’ or ‘Moony’. 

“If it makes you feel better, EDS isn’t all bad. It makes me really flexible, watch this,” Remus pulls his thumb in to touch his forearm with ease. 

“I can’t tell if that’s cool or disgusting,” Sirius smiles for the first time since he entered the room. 

“Kids at school used to think it was gross, but I liked weirding them out.”

Sirius giggles now, “Sounds like something you would do.”

“Plus, my EDS isn’t super severe. It’s an inconvenience sometimes, but I’ve learned to live with it. And the scarring isn’t as bad as it was when I was a kid. Things are looking up for ‘Tiny Tim’ after all,” Remus slips out.

“‘Tiny Tim?’ Don’t tell me people called you that,” Sirius puts a hand on his mouth to stifle his laughter as Remus nods. “That’s terrible.”

“It is. But it’s also kind of hilarious,” Remus can’t lie. The two break out into laughter after this. Remus is glad things are somewhat back to normal, even just for a moment. “You know, you’re the only person that knows about my illness outside my family. I haven’t even told Regulus yet,” he admits.

“Why?” Sirius asks simply, though Remus can tell he already predicts the answer.

“I don’t want to be a burden, I suppose. Plus, I’ve been able to handle it on my own for a while now. It’s my problem, not anyone else's."

“I get that,” Sirius replies. They sit in silence for a minute until he speaks again. “Hey, does this mean we’re friends now, Lupin?” Sirius asks.

“In your dreams, Black,” Remus replies. 

The door swings open at that moment, and the AT walks in. “You’re free to go Remus,” as he looks up, he sighs. “Black, I told you you couldn’t be in here. Did you sneak in while I was in the bathroom?”

“Maybe,” Sirius chuckles.

“Ok, escort your friend here back home, will you? Remus, the doctors suggest using crutches for about a week until your hip pain settles down. You can borrow the ones we have in the office for now,” the AT passes him a pair of silver crutches. “They also recommended a few weeks of physical therapy, and our PT here would be happy to help you with that whenever you’re available.”

“Thank you for all your help, sir,” Remus says, slowly getting up from the clinical recliner. Sirius reaches out to help him down and Remus takes his hand instead of immediately rejecting it. Again, the drugs have clearly not worn off completely. 

Right outside the door, Regulus and James are conversing against the wall. Remus notices that Regulus is smiling, and there’s a slight blush on his face. He has to resist the urge to roll his eyes at his best friend’s obvious crush on James Potter. 

“Remus!” Regulus runs up to give him a tight squeeze (which is kind of painful, but Remus doesn’t want to crush his spirit, so he takes it like a man). 

“Easy, Reggie,” Sirius gently pulls his brother off of Remus’ frame. 

“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy you’re okay,” Regulus smiles. “Wait a second, were you in there with him, Siri?”

“Siri?” Remus chuckles.

“Shut up, Moony,” Sirius retorts. “And yes, I was helping Remus with his crutches.” I mean, it isn’t a complete lie…

“Well, James here has offered to drive us home so we don’t have to deal with the bus,” Regulus explains.

“That’s right,” James adds. “I’m really sorry about your injury, Remus. Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you. Also, Peter says he would love to hang out with you again soon.”

Remus smiles. “Thank you, James. And tell Peter I would love to hang out with you guys. I really enjoyed my time at the bar when Sirius shut his mouth.”

“Ha-ha,” Sirius rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. The four of them walk slowly to the car to keep up with Remus’ pace on the crutches, and the drive back to the dorms is short. James and Sirius say their goodnights and drive off, while Remus and Regulus take the elevator up to their room. 

“You really scared me today,” Regulus says as they’re laying down in their respective beds.

“I’m sorry. There’s something I probably tell you,” Remus begins. He gives Regulus a rundown of his chronic illness and all the things it prevents him from doing (as well as the fun things it allows him to do flexibility-wise). 

“Why didn’t you tell me this before? You know I wouldn’t have judged you,” Regulus states.

“I don’t know. I didn’t want you to worry. Everyone is always worried about me.”

“But I like worrying about you. You’re my person, Moony.” In a way, that’s true. Despite the fact that when the two boys hug, it’s always awkward because of their height difference. Despite their different backgrounds and dispositions. Despite it all, they are each other’s person in a sense, Remus thinks.

“No more secrets,” Remus promises.

“Deal,” Regulus agrees. 

“So about James Potter…”

“Oh my god, I knew you were gonna bring this up,” Regulus throws a pillow at him from across the room. “I retract my statements from earlier. I hate you.”

“The fact that you’re so defensive about this tells me everything I need to know,” Remus giggles. He loves messing with Regulus. 

“Goodnight!” Regulus shuts the lights off and faces away from Remus. 

“Reggie and James sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I--”

“I will throw another pillow at you, I swear to god.”

----------------

A few days after the incident, Remus hears a knock at his door. Regulus is out with Dorcas, and Lily is in class, so he honestly doesn’t know who it could be. He hops to the door because he’s too lazy to grab his crutches for the short distance, but once it’s open, no one is there. He looks down to see a present wrapped in blue paper with a brown bow. He looks down both sides of the hall to see if the person who dropped it off is still around, but it’s completely empty. He hums and grabs the gift, sitting at his desk to unwrap it. 

Should he be opening mysterious packages from strangers? Probably not, but his curiosity is eating away at him. He carefully opens the box to see a camera. 

“No fucking way,” Remus mumbles. Sure enough, it’s a brand new Canon EOS R3 with a note beneath it.

Remus,

Please accept this camera as an apology. I know it might not carry the same sentimental value that the first one had, but I wanted to offer some sort of replacement. Plus, I was able to recover the SD card from your old camera. It’s attached to the back of this note. I hope you were able to get lots of pictures of the most attractive hockey player in the league ;)

-Your secret admirer

Remus is speechless. 

No one has ever done something like this for him. It’s really fucking confusing. Is it bad that he wants to limp all the way to the UMass campus to find Sirius and thank him personally? Actually, maybe Sirius is still on campus. Maybe Remus could find him. He could always just text him, but he doesn’t have his number, so he would have to ask Regulus for it which would be a whole ordeal. Fuck it, he’s going downstairs, he needs fresh air. He can’t think straight. 

His concussion is supposed to be almost healed, but his head still feels a little dizzy, so maybe it’s taking longer than expected. He goes down the elevator and crutches to the door, relieved as soon as he hits the crisp air. He turns his head to see a boy blowing smoke on the side of the building. 

“Sirius?” Remus approaches him. They’ve got to stop meeting like this.

“Oh! Remus,” Sirius coughs nervously. “What are you doing out here?”

“I live here…What are you doing here?”

“Just…waiting for Regulus to get home so we can get our weekly lunch together,” Sirius lies.

“Regulus is eating lunch with Dorcas right now, and you don’t have your weekly lunch until Friday. It’s on our shared calendar, idiot.”

Sirius sighs and looks away. “Fine, you caught me.”

Remus pauses, leaning up against the wall beside Sirius. Then, he lets his invasive thoughts win. “I didn’t know you smoked. Isn’t that bad for athletes?”

“First of all, you’re talking to a boy who’s on a team with 25 borderline alcoholics. Secondly, I don’t normally smoke, it’s just an old habit from high school. I really only do it once every few months when I’m especially stressed out,” Sirius explains.

“I see,” Remus hums. “Mind if we share?” 

Sirius breaks out into a grin, like that was the last thing he expected Remus to ask. “But of course, Lupin. Didn’t know you were such a bad boy,” he teases.

“Oh, trust me, Black. You haven’t seen the half of it,” he jokes as he takes a drag from the cigarette. There’s a few moments of silence between them, but it doesn’t feel awkward. In fact, it feels weirdly comforting. “You know I can’t accept your gift,” Remus speaks into the silence.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Sirius, cut the bullshit.”

“Remus,” Sirius turns to him, “It would make me feel so much better if you just accepted it. This is the only way I’ll get closure.”

Remus pauses, then sighs. “Fine. I’ll accept it. But this doesn’t make up for all the annoying shit you’ve done.”

“I didn’t expect it to. Plus, I threw away the camera receipt, so I was gonna force you to keep it no matter what,” Sirius smirks.

“You’re so irritating.”

“I get that a lot.”

Remus pauses again. His thoughts are all over the place right now. “Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?”

“Maybe because I have a big, fat crush on you,” Sirius giggles.

“Answer the fucking question, Padfoot.”

“Alright, Moony, geez.” Somehow, when Sirius says ‘Moony’, Remus doesn’t find himself irked. “Maybe I just realized I had the wrong first impression of you,” he reveals. 

“Well, maybe I could have been a little kinder when we first met,” Remus says sheepishly. 

“That’s okay. I was a dick too.”

“You really were,” Remus agrees. “You’re still kind of a dick. But you’re kind, too,” Remus looks down at his feet. He doesn’t like being this vulnerable, but it’s all spilling out of him. “I won’t forget this, Sirius. And I won’t forget our conversation when I was injured.”

“I won’t forget it either,” Sirius confesses. “And you aren’t a burden, Remus. At all. You should let people worry about you, even if it’s hard. They just love you so much that they want to help. You don’t always have to let them, but just know that you can.”

“Thank you, Sirius. For everything,” Remus smiles. “I understand why Regulus was so eager to reconnect with you. You’re a good brother and a good friend.”

“Does that mean you changed your mind, then?” Sirius asks.

“About?”

“About us being ‘friends’?”

Remus ponders for a moment. “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Fair enough,” Sirius says, putting the cigarette out on the ground and grabbing his bag. “Let me know when you do.”

And with that, the boy with the leather jacket is gone.

Chapter Text

“Nice one, Reg!” Lily cheers as Regulus lands a double lutz. It’s nothing compared to the triple axels he was doing at 16, but it’s progress. 

It had taken him two practices of doing very slow laps around the ice (while trying not to have a panic attack) to get comfortable skating again, but Regulus’ muscle memory kicked in at full speed after that. By late October, he’s skating at a junior level. 

He definitely needs to work on getting his flexibility back, but the mental blocks are slowly fading away. 

The Amherst skating team is preparing for their first competition in December, and Regulus will be performing in both the singles event and pairs event with Lily. 

Is he sort of freaking out about the time crunch? Yes. Is he ecstatic to be performing in front of an audience again? Also yes.

He’s back to doing what he loves, and in a weird way, it feels like he never stopped skating. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that Sirius is currently watching him from the stands, just like old times.

“Wooo! That’s my brother!” Sirius shouts as Regulus lands his jumps. Regulus turns his head to roll his eyes when he sees another person sitting beside his brother.

James Potter is watching him in complete awe, much to Regulus’ surprise. 

He’s been thinking about James a lot lately (probably too much for his own good), but it’s impossible not to when they keep crossing paths. Since the first hockey game, James has made it a point to talk to Regulus whenever he possibly can. Regulus is enjoying this immensely for many reasons. One, because it gives him an excuse to stare at James’ pretty face, and two, because he’s slowly realizing how amazing James Potter truly is. 

Regulus can only describe the boy as pure. He’s caring and kind and thoughtful and Regulus is crushing hard. He knows there’s no good ending to this story, but he falls anyway. The straight boy with a golden heart has always been Regulus’ type, unfortunately. 

He gives James and Sirius a small smile and wave from the ice. He needs to focus on skating right now, not something as trivial as a stupid boy. Except James isn’t just some stupid boy. He’s the damn sun. Regulus doesn’t care how silly that comparison sounds, it’s absolutely true. James Potter is the biggest star in the solar system, and everyone else is orbiting around him, begging for his attention. 

Regulus realized this after the first hockey game. James was the only reason the Minutemen were able to win after Sirius was completely off his game. Not only that, but James rushed to Regulus right as the game ended to ask about Remus’ condition. He stayed with Regulus the entire time they had to wait for Remus to be discharged from the PT room.

Regulus keeps replaying their conversation outside the door.

“I really hope Remus is okay,” James says, brows furrowed.

“Me too,” Regulus adds, frowning. “When Sirius started playing hockey, I was terrified he would come home with a broken rib or a bruised face. The sport is so…aggresive. It was hard watching the person I love the most be shoved around and hit and just have to take it. It’s still hard.”

James hums in agreement and pauses to think. “I had a pretty bad scare when I was in my freshman year of high school. I got slashed in the knee with a stick and tore my ACL and MCL. The doctors said I might never play hockey again, and I was devastated. I had found my passion…my purpose, and then it was all taken away in a single moment,” James explains, “Well, that’s what I thought back then. Thankfully, my surgery went well and I was able to make a complete recovery in a year.”

“I’m sorry that happened, James. I’m glad you were able to recover,” Regulus sympathizes. “You were incredible today, and I can’t wait to watch you play throughout the season.”

James grins, “A compliment from Regulus Black? I feel so special,” he jokes. “And it’s alright, my break from hockey wasn’t all bad. I discovered I really liked to read books. I think I read 25 of them that year.”

“Wow, you actually have a brain? Color me impressed,” Regulus jests, his mood getting better the longer James speaks. 

“I know you’re joking, but I’m actually very smart,” James defends himself.

“You’ll have to prove it to me one day,” Regulus teases. “So, what kind of books do you like to read?”

James chuckles, “I can’t lie, I’m a sucker for a good romance story.”

“Really? That’s…not what I was expecting,” Regulus hums.

“Oh, yeah. I’m a total hopeless romantic,” James smiles.

“Are you? Or is that just what you tell all the girls you flirt with to make them fall for you?” Regulus challenges. 

“Two things can be true at once, Reg,” James smirks. Right as Regulus is about to make some witty remark, Remus and Sirius appear in front of them.

“Do you want to run your routine from the top again?” Lily asks, snapping Regulus out of his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh, sure.” Focusing has never been a more difficult feat. He lines up in the center of the ice, and once the music begins, he drowns everything else out. He lets his body flow to the sounds while making sure each spin and jump is technically perfect. There are still some moves in the routine that he has to switch or add, but his artistry has reached a new height in this past month. A height he didn’t even reach in high school. 

Figure skating has always been his outlet, but he’s struggled with opening up and letting go in the past. When he was younger, he was more focused on his technique and difficulty, but now, he’s learned to channel his emotions on the ice to send powerful messages. He doesn’t know when the switch flipped, but Regulus Black has found his voice on the ice, and it’s a beautiful sight.

As he finishes, he hears cheers from his teammates as well as his brother and James. 

“That was incredible, Regulus,” Lily grins and checks her watch. “Practice is over, but I’ll see you tomorrow to work our partner routine.”

“Sounds good, Lils,” he replies warmly. He rushes to the locker room to take off his skates and throw on sweatpants. James is waiting for him right outside the door.

“Regulus. That performance was insane,” James says immediately. “I mean, I’ve watched your videos from when you were a teenager. You were amazing, but seeing you skate in person is a totally different experience. It took my breath away.”

Regulus tries his hardest not to blush at all the compliments, but he fails miserably. “Are you saying you’ve been stalking me, Potter?” Because I’ve been obsessively watching your highlight reels for the past month, he doesn’t say. 

James chuckles lightly, “Well, maybe just a little. Can you blame me?”

“You guys ready?” Sirius suddenly appears. Right when it was getting good, too. 

“Yeah,” Regulus replies, still looking at James. He breaks eye contact a few moments later, “Let’s go. I have an exam tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep.”

----------------

Halloween is on a Thursday this year, which means that Sirius is forcing Regulus to go to a party in the middle of the woods at Hampshire College. Thank god Regulus doesn’t have Friday classes.

Woods parties are the best events of the year, according to Sirius. It’s already freezing outside because of the wind, but he insists that the clump of people in the middle of the woods (plus the bonfire) makes it just the right temperature. Regulus doesn’t know how true that is, but he’s finding out tonight. 

The UMass hockey team is still holding practice in the evening since they’re preparing for an upcoming game, so Regulus and Remus arrive at their usual time to observe. Severus has actually enjoyed their articles on the team so far, much to Regulus’ surprise. He still gives them plenty of critiques, but overall the feedback has been fairly positive. So, the boys are here to continue doing what they’ve been doing.

The players are clearly very excited about Halloween. They’ve glued small witches hats and pumpkins to their helmets, and the energy in the rink is buzzing. 

Luckily, practice is only an hour and a half today, so James is able to drive Regulus and Remus home instead of them having to take the bus. In the car, Sirius, James, and Peter give all the details on tonight’s pregame.

The three of them have an apartment just a few minutes away from campus, and they’re letting Regulus bring whoever he wants, so he texted Dorcas and Lily the minute Sirius mentioned it at their weekly lunch. And, of course, he’s forcing Remus to tag along.

“We’ll see you later tonight!” Sirius says as the car approaches the Amherst dorms. “I’ll text you our exact address.”

“Alright, see you then,” Regulus agrees, and he and Remus rush to the room to get ready. 

Remus has been off crutches for a little over 2 weeks now, and his hip is feeling a lot better. It still hurts when he walks too much or bends in a certain way, but he’s healing relatively quickly, according to the doctors. He’s also been doing physical therapy with the UMass athletics PT 3 times a week, which has definitely helped. Regulus accompanies him every time.

“I promise I’ll be careful. I’m feeling completely healthy, Reg,” Remus emphasizes after seeing Regulus’ worried eyes.

“Okay. Just don’t drink too much. I’m worried you’ll lose your balance and fall.”

“I’ll be fine. It’s Halloween. Live a little,” Remus smiles. “Plus, I’ll force you to be by my side so when I do fall, I’ll take you down with me to soften the blow.”

“Asshole,” Regulus giggles. He gets in his grey overalls with no shirt underneath (it might be cold, but the weather won’t stop Regulus from dressing slutty). He adds his mouse ears, draws some whiskers on his face, and tops it all off with a tiny bit of eyeliner and blush. 

By the time he’s finished, Remus is in his chef costume (an apron, shorts, and a long chef hat, all matching white) ready to go. He may not do much physical activity, but he’s muscular and lean (which Regulus thinks is unfair, frankly), so his shoulders look great in that apron. Regulus loves that he surrounds himself with hot people.

“Damn, Reg,” Remus smirks as he looks Regulus up and down, “You look hot.”

“You look hotter, Lupin. I forget how fit you are under all those baggy sweaters you wear,” Regulus jokes.

“Hey! You love my baggy sweaters,” Remus defends, still smiling.

“I really do,” Regulus confirms. “You ready to go?”

“Yup. Dorcas and Lily texted to meet them downstairs.”

“Perfect.”

The girls are both dressed up as fairies with beautiful corsets and pearls around their eyes. 

“Oh my god, are you guys dressed as Remy and Linguini from Ratatouille?” Lily asks, eyes sparkling.

“Bingo,” Regulus replies.

“It’s perfect. Except Regulus is shit at cooking,” Dorcas adds.

“Shhh, I told you not to tell people that,” Regulus rolls his eyes and Dorcas giggles.

They take the bus to UMass and then walk to the apartment. Well, actually, they run because it’s so cold that they want to get inside as quickly as possible. Once they finally arrive, the door is creaked open and there’s music playing. They walk in to see a counter full of drinks and people sprawled out on the couch and across the floor.

“Reggie! Right on time,” Sirius gets up from his spot on the carpet to hug his brother. “Welcome in, everyone. Feel free to take off your shoes, grab a drink, and have a seat.”

Before they comply, Remus speaks up. “Captain Jack Sparrow? Fitting,” he says, gesturing to Sirius’ pirate getup. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Lupin,” Sirius winks. “And who are you supposed to be? Gordon Ramsay?”

“Very funny,” Remus rolls his eyes with a smile. 

They’re insufferable. “If you guys are done flirting, I’d like to sit down now,” Regulus demands.

Sirius blushes and begins to object, “We weren’t flirti---”

“Alright, I’ll be on drink-making duty,” Remus agrees, not sparing the comment a second thought. 

Remus flees to the counter and creates some concoction with Gatorade and Pink Whitney (because that’ll end well), pouring it into four cups. Regulus, Dorcas, and Lily find a place to sit on the floor in the meantime.

“James is still getting ready, but we can do some introductions while we wait,” Sirius begins, plopping on the couch. “Obviously, most of you know me, but I’m Sirius.” Remus joins the circle and hands the drinks off as Sirius speaks.

“I’m Peter, and I live here,” he says casually, earning a few laughs. He’s wearing a Dipper Pines costume that Regulus adores. “Also, I’m on the hockey team with Sirius.”

“I’m Frank. I’m also on the hockey team with Sirius and Peter,” he smiles and waves.

“I’m Marlene and I’m on the women’s hockey team at UMass, which is how I met these guys,” the girl with short, blonde hair and black eyeliner nudges Frank. Regulus notices that Dorcas is staring at Marlene like she wants to eat her. He’ll ask more about that later. 

“I’m Mary! I actually go to Smith College, but wherever Marlene goes I go,” she explains.

“Are you two together then?” Dorcas asks. She’s always been very blunt.

“Oh, god, no,” Mary giggles. “Marlene and I have been best friends since high school, but we’re just that, friends.”

“I see,” Dorcas smiles. “Well, I’m Dorcas. I went to high school with Regulus here, and now I go to Amherst.”

“I’m Lily, her roommate. Lovely to meet you all.”

“Mm,” Remus finishes taking a sip of his drink quickly to speak. “I’m Remus, I go to Amherst as well. Regulus is my roommate.”

Guess that leaves me. “I’m---”

“Regulus!” James Potter waltzes into the room grinning. “You’re here.” James is wearing a Superman costume, but specifically Clark Kent in his work outfit with his top unbuttoned to reveal the supersuit. His glasses look so fucking good. Regulus is having unholy thoughts at the scene in front of him. 

“Well you did invite me, Potter,” Regulus manages to say, a bit confused and dazed.

“We were just finishing up introductions, James,” Sirius interrupts. “It’s your turn.”

“Oh! Uh, I’m James. Sorry I’m late,” he chuckles, sitting down across from Regulus in the circle. 

He’s so adorable when he’s flustered. Fuck.

Several conversations happen simultaneously in the circle, and before they know it, it’s time to take the bus to Hampshire. Regulus feels pretty tipsy, but not as drunk as the last time he went out with Sirius (thank god). 

There are a ton of people at the bus stop, but Sirius manages to get the group to the front of the line, and they get on no problem. The fun part begins when they arrive at Hampshire.

Because the party is literally in the middle of the woods, the only way to get there is by following a single dirt path lit with fairy lights for a good 10 minutes. Remus and Regulus hug each other by the side while they walk, partly for warmth and partly so neither of them trip on a branch and fall. Eventually, they see a crowd of people in the distance, and the music gets louder as they approach. 

Students from all five colleges are dressed in funky costumes and dancing to the beat (they’re actually playing good music instead of house, and Regulus is ecstatic). Sirius was right, it does get a lot warmer once you’re in the crowd, so Remus and Regulus are able to separate. 

He was also right about how much fun these parties are. Regulus is really enjoying seeing all the costumes and striking up conversations with strangers. He gets offered a blunt 2 minutes into being there. He declines, of course, but it’s still hilarious. 

The group splits up early on, but Remus, Regulus, Sirius, and James stick together. Frank and Peter went somewhere to have a smoke, and the girls went closer to the DJ booth. Sirius forces Regulus to dance with him, and eventually, all four of them are dancing and singing. Regulus has been getting suggestive looks from a few men, but he isn’t in the right headspace to make out with someone right now. Not when he’s watching James move his hips to the music so intensely. 

Remus, on the other hand, runs off with a very fit guy who’s wearing a Hercules costume. Regulus is glad someone is having fun instead of yearning. Sirius is, evidently, not happy about this, because he watches Remus go with a frown. Regulus isn’t going to think about what that means right now.

After a few minutes, Sirius finds someone in the crowd that’s clearly his type. “I’ll be back in a bit,” he says, running off to a boy in an Anakin Skywalker costume (who is tall and has brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles…sounds a bit too familiar for Regulus’ liking).

Now, it’s just him and James. Why does the universe do this to him?

“I think Sirius got a bit jealous,” James yells over the music.

“Yeah,” Regulus agrees. “Hey, do you want to move away from the crowd? The music is a bit loud.”

“Sure,” James grins, leading Regulus to the outskirts of the clump. Now they can finally hear each other. “I swear, Sirius will never admit that he has a crush on Remus, but it’s so obvious.”

“I’d rather not think about my brother crushing on my best friend, but I fear you’re right. They’re both so annoying about this stuff.”

“Pride is a funny thing.”

Regulus hums in agreement. “Am I taking you away from the party? Because we can go back whenever you want. I don’t want to ruin your night,” he rambles.

“Reg, don’t worry. I like being here with you,” James smiles and Regulus’ heart flutters.

“Are you sure? I think there were a few girls on the dance floor who might be upset that you’re gone,” Regulus jokes. It was more than a few girls, practically everyone was ogling James.

“I could say the same about you,” James smirks. “People were staring. Did you not see anyone who was your type?”

Regulus chuckles softly. If only James knew. “I guess not.”

“What is your type, then?”

You, Regulus almost says. He’d probably do it if he downed another shooter before getting here, but his self-control isn’t completely out the window just yet. “I don’t think I have one,” he lies. 

“Fair enough,” James reasons. “Are you cold?”

Regulus hadn’t given it much thought, but now that they’re further from the crowd, he realizes he’s shivering a bit. “I’m okay,” he crosses his arms to make himself warmer, but it doesn’t do much.

“Here, take this,” James unbuttons his white, long sleeved shirt to reveal the full superman bodysuit underneath. His arms look so edible. “You need it more than I do.”

“Thanks,” Regulus doesn’t protest because he knows James will insist, so he takes the shirt and slides his arms through the sleeves. He feels better already.

Just then, Regulus’ phone begins to ring. Sirius tells them to meet at the exit as the crowd slowly starts clearing out. Time went by fast, Regulus deduces, because it’s already close to 1 in the morning. 

If anyone is confused about Regulus wearing James’ shirt, they don’t say anything, but Remus does give him a sly look as they wait for the bus. He’s one to talk, as he’s covered in hickeys, but whatever.

Everyone gets on the bus to be dropped off at their respective schools, and Regulus waves goodbye to James and his brother before he goes. “Thanks for tonight, Sirius. I had a great time,” Regulus says before they depart.

“My pleasure, Reggie. See you tomorrow night at the frats?” Sirius questions, but it sounds more like pleading.

“In your dreams,” Regulus rolls his eyes and steps off the bus.

When he and Remus are showered and in their beds, they turn to face each other.

“I can’t believe we have work tomorrow,” Remus groans.

----------------

Halloweekend ends with Sirius’ birthday on Sunday, November 3rd. 

He throws a big birthday bash with everyone from the Halloween pregame plus the whole hockey team, so their apartment is packed. 

Sirius is wearing a bright pink boa, heart-shaped sunglasses, a tiara, and a birthday pin, which would usually be overkill, but he pulls it off nicely.

Regulus and Remus leave their gifts on a long table near the door and Sirius welcomes them in, inviting them to grab something to eat.

Shockingly, Sirius actually knows how to cook, so he has an assortment of dishes on the dining room table. There’s vodka pasta, buffalo chicken dip, finger sandwiches, and a charcuterie board, and everything tastes delicious.

Regulus vaguely recalls Sirius telling him that James and his parents taught him to cook when he’s stayed at their house over the past two years, but he’s still surprised. 

Every corner of the room is filled with people munching on their food and having lively conversation, but Regulus can’t seem to spot James. 

“Sirius, where’s your bathroom?” Regulus asks.

“Just down the hall. You’ll see it,” Sirius replies absentmindedly. As Regulus walks away, he overhears Sirius and Remus getting into some spat. Those two were on “good terms” (or as good as it can be for their strange frenemy relationship) for all but three weeks until everything went to shit at the Halloween party. 

Anyway, Regulus arrives at the end of the hallway, but there are three doors that look the exact same, and Sirius never specified. He opens one of them hoping it’s the right choice, but it turns out to be a bedroom. Not just anyone’s bedroom. James’ bedroom. 

He can immediately tell it’s James’ based off of the dark red comforter on the bed and the picture frames of him and his parents, presumably. He really shouldn’t snoop, but…

He takes a step deeper inside the room. There are posters of NHL hockey players on the walls, several Spiderman-related trinkets, and a huge bookshelf (James wasn’t lying when he said he liked to read). Regulus steps closer to the photos on his bedside table, however. The first one is a selfie of a teenage James with his mom and dad. Regulus can’t help the smile that takes over his face. The second is a more professional family photo, and there’s a sweet Golden Retriever dog sitting next to James. The last is, of course, a picture of James, Sirius, and Peter in their hockey uniforms. They’re sweaty and grinning, and James is doing bunny ears atop Sirius’ head. 

“Like what you see?” James appears suddenly, startling Regulus. Fuck, he should not be in here.

“James! I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to invade your privacy or anything. I swear I’m not some creepy guy, I was just looking for the bathroom and I---”

“Regulus,” James smiles softly, placing an arm on Regulus’ shoulder to calm him down, “You’re rambling.”

“Sorry. I do that a lot.”

“That’s okay. I like it,” James says, slowly removing his hand from Regulus’ shoulder. “Take a deep breath.”

Regulus complies, breathing in and out. James’ presence can be enough to calm anyone when he speaks so softly like this. “Do you think I’m…weird for going into your room without permission and staring at your pictures?” The words come out of Regulus’ mouth before he can stop them. He feels so stupid when he’s around James.

“No,” James replies quickly. “I think it’s cute. And it’s even more endearing that you’re so worried about what I think. You know I wouldn’t make a big deal over something so silly.”

Cute. Endearing. Is James Potter flirting with him, or is Regulus absolutely delusional? 

“I know,” Regulus agrees. “I just don’t know what came over me. There’s something about this room that’s very…inviting. I can’t describe it.”

“Maybe you’re just drawn to my energy,” James winks.

Regulus snorts, “Yes, James, that’s exactly it. You’re just so irresistible.” (There might be some truth to that, but James doesn’t need to know). 

“Why don’t I show you the way to the bathroom and then we can make our way back to the party,” James suggests. We. You know what, why the hell not. They’re friends now, after all. 

“Sure,” Regulus agrees. After he finishes peeing, he stares at himself in the mirror for a minute, splashing cold water on his face and slapping his cheeks. Everything is fine.

Sure enough, James is waiting right outside the door. “Shall we?” he asks, and they walk back to the common area together. 

Sirius and Remus are still going at it, somehow, so James takes it upon himself to break up the fight. 

“Sirius, isn’t it time for cake?” James interrupts. 

Sirius’ eyes light up at that suggestion, “Great idea, Jamie!”

God, his brother is so easily manipulated.

Everyone gathers around the dining room table, and a huge cookie cake is placed in the center in front of the birthday boy. Sirius never liked the texture of actual cake, so he would only request cookie cake or ice cream cake for his birthdays. His parents never complied, of course (because god forbid the Black brothers have nice things), so Sirius was stuck not eating cake on his special day while everyone else did. Regulus is happy to see that his brother can choose his own destiny now.

Everyone sings, and Sirius blows out the “21” shaped candle. He can now legally drink, which doesn’t mean much at all, but at least he won’t have to use his fake ID to get into clubs. 

After that, the party dies down, and almost everyone is gone besides Peter, Sirius, James, Remus, and Regulus. 

“Wait, wait, wait!” Sirius exclaims, “I want to open gifts before you guys go.”

Everyone agrees, and they gather on the couch, bringing a pile of gifts to the coffee table. Sirius starts by opening the gifts from everyone else who attended the party. Most of it is gift cards or hockey related items, which he’s visibly grateful for. 

He finally gets to the last three gifts.

“Open ours first,” James and Peter insist.

Sirius removes the tissue paper and holds up a t-shirt that says ‘Jonathan Bailey’ with the actor’s face printed all over it. “This is perfect. I love it, thank you both,” Sirius squeals. There’s also a gift card in the bag, but Sirius is more focused on his biggest celebrity crush. “Hmm…next I’ll open Remus’.” He unwraps a small box to reveal a pack of whoopie cushions, fake poop, and a bright red thong. Remus is so evil. Sirius genuinely bursts out laughing, red in the face at the sight of the thong, which makes everyone else laugh too. “I actually hate you.”

“Well, you did say you love pranks” Remus winks.

Regulus turns to whisper to Remus, “Ok, I get the whoopie cushions and poop, but why the thong?”

“I just wanted to see the look on his face,” Remus whispers back with a devilish grin. 

“Moving on,” Sirius catches his breath. “Best for last,” he says, unwrapping a slightly larger box. Inside is a pair of black Converse with white dog prints and a small stitching that reads ‘Padfoot’. “Oh, these are perfect,” Sirius melts. “Thank you, Reggie.”

Birthdays in the Black household were always lifeless and ended up with tears, but now, Sirius and Regulus can give themselves and each other the lives they always dreamed of.

It really is a beautiful thing to break a cycle. 

Chapter Text

November is when the leaves start dying and the sun sets too soon, yet Regulus’ life has never felt more colorful. 

He doesn’t know what exactly it is, but he feels truly happy for the first time in a long time. He loves his campus, he loves his classes and professors, he loves the autumn weather, he loves his friends, and he loves figure skating. Life couldn’t get much better than this. 

He thought that college would be just like high school. Working himself to the bone with little reward, never knowing what it’s all for. Preparing for a life of endless labor with zero social interaction outside a corporate office party. Now he knows that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Now that he’s on his own, studying what he’s passionate about, life has meaning. He literally has free will to go anywhere or do anything he wants, and it’s scary and exciting all at the same time. He’s never considered himself an independent person. Growing up, he relied on Sirius for a lot of things. He couldn’t cook, do his own laundry, study without his brother’s help, and he struggled making friends (outside the ones that practically adopted him at first sight). Even after Sirius left, he leaned on Dorcas for help with leaving his home. Sometimes he thinks he burdened her too much, but she would never admit that.

Now, though, Regulus feels like he’s finding himself in brand new ways. He still lets his friends help him, and he’s grateful for his support system, but he doesn’t always need them like he used to. He’s getting good at being alone without feeling lonely, which is something he never expected from himself. 

He’s also learned that despite never working a single day in his life, he’s a great barista.

It took him a while to get used to everything at first. There was one shift where the cafe got so busy, Regulus had 10 drink tickets laid out in front of him, and everyone was crowded around the pickup table with arms crossed and straight faces. His hands started shaking so bad that he spilled an entire caramel frappuccino, and the customer was pissed. He had a panic attack in the bathroom after, but Remus was able to help him re-stabilize. He still gets anxious during work, but it never gets that bad again, even if the cafe is busy. 

There are regular customers who will specifically ask for Regulus to make their drinks when they come in. Sometimes Remus gets jealous about it, which he finds hilarious. 

Regulus is currently sitting in the back of the cafe taking a quick break from his work shift. While he munches on his egg and cheese sandwich and scrolls on his phone, he gets an email.

PAID INTERNSHIP OPPORTUNITY

Alice Fortescue <[email protected].> 

to me 

Good afternoon, Regulus!

I hope this email finds you well. We haven’t met yet, but I’m the team manager for the Women’s and Men’s UMass ice hockey. We know that you are working with your school paper to report on the Men’s team this year, and you’ve done a spectacular job so far! Because of this, we wanted to email you about an opportunity regarding the team. 

We normally have a student from one of the five colleges run the UMass hockey social media pages, but the person who has done it for the past four years just graduated, so the spot is open. This is a paid opportunity and usually takes up to 6 hours in person (two practice times) and 5-10 hours outside practice (depending on how fast you can edit and create content) per week. This is a highly competitive position, but you would be at the top of the applicant list if you chose to apply. We know that you are probably busy with school and clubs, but please consider this opportunity! 

Attached below is the application form. 

Best,

Alice Fortescue

University of Massachusetts Amherst

Regulus rereads the email a couple of times to make sure he’s getting his facts straight. He knows realistically, he doesn’t need to have an internship on his resume in his freshman year, but it would definitely make him stand out. He wants to minor in media studies, and this would definitely help him prepare for those classes. And making an extra $300 a week isn’t too shabby either. The only con is the time commitment, but Regulus can handle going to one extra hockey practice a week…

Plus, it gives him an excuse to see James more often, he has to stop himself from thinking. This is not about a boy. It’s about Regulus’ future. 

Making a bunch of hockey guys film some TikToks and pose for Instagram pictures can’t be that difficult.

“It’s perfect,” Remus says, reading the email as Regulus returns from his shift break. “Imagine all the stupid shit you could make Sirius do. And then you could post that stupid shit for the whole world to see. This is gonna be so fun for you.”

“Really? Because it sounds like it’s gonna be more fun for you,” Regulus rolls his eyes.

“I mean, I do love watching your brother embarrass himself. But beyond that, this sounds like a great opportunity for you to get more media training experience. I’ll even let you use my action shots for game day promotions,” Remus offers.

Regulus agrees. There’s really no reason he shouldn’t at least try to make this happen. “Thanks, Moony.”

He decides to fill out the application form immediately when he gets home.

PAID INTERNSHIP OPPORTUNITY

Regulus Black <[email protected]>

to Alice

Hello, Alice.

This opportunity sounds incredible! I’ve attached the completed form and my Resume. 

Thank you for your consideration,

Regulus Black

Amherst College

----------------

Knock knock knock.

No answer.

Regulus hits the door with more force the second time. His brother should be awake by now. Is it possible he isn’t home? Before he can knock a third time, the door swings open. 

James is standing in front of him in low-rise red flannel pajama pants and nothing else. His hair is messy and his glasses are a tad crooked, and Regulus doesn’t think he’s ever looked this good. 

They both stand there frozen for a second too long, taking each other in, until James speaks. “Regulus! Hi,” he says a bit frantically, “I wasn’t expecting you, sorry. Uh, Sirius isn’t here right now.”

“Oh, that’s okay. He just left his jacket at my dorm, so I thought I’d drop it off,” Regulus explains. Lately, it’s not unusual for Regulus to show up to the apartment unannounced, but usually Sirius is there to greet him. He's been spending a lot more time with his brother now that his schedule is settled. As much as Regulus adores his roommate, it’s nice to get out of his dorm and sit on an actual couch instead of a half-broken inflatable one. Plus, he forces Sirius to make him food almost every time he visits. A home cooked meal from his brother beats dining hall slop any day. 

And Sirius has visited Regulus’ dorm a few times too (hence him leaving his leather jacket), much to Remus’ dismay. Some days, Remus will leave to go to the library the minute he sees Sirius walk through the door. Other days, he’ll plop on the couch and pester Sirius with questions about the movies/shows that are playing on the TV. 

Recently, Regulus and Sirius have been rewatching Stranger Things. They can hardly wait for the new season to release next year. Regulus remembers sneaking into Sirius’ room at the ripe age of 10 to watch it together when the first season came out. He would have nightmares of the Demogorgons, so Sirius would let him sleep in his room. Now, as an adult, he’s not as scared, but he still appreciates having his brother at his side when the monsters appear on screen. 

So, you would think after spending so much time together, Regulus would have somewhat memorized Sirius’ schedule. Yet, here he is, standing in front of James Potter while Sirius is god knows where. 

“He’s out all day with Mary, so I can just put it in his room,” James suggests as Regulus hands off the jacket. 

“Thanks,” Regulus smiles. The two of them just stare at each other for a moment, but before it can get too awkward, Regulus speaks again. “Well, I should get going, then. Sorry to make you get out of bed. Bye, James.”

James’ smile drops, “Oh, right. I’ll see you around, then.” Regulus nods and begins to turn around, but James grabs his arm before he can walk away. “Reg, wait.” 

James’ touch feels electric on his skin, “Yes?” Regulus asks with furrowed brows. 

“Do you want to…Maybe,” James takes a short breath to get his words straight, “You should stay. Come inside, I mean. I can make us brunch,” he proposes, letting go of Regulus’ arm. “Unless, of course, you’re busy. In which case, I completely understand---”

“No! I’m not busy,” Regulus says a bit too eagerly. “Are you sure, though? I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“That’s alright. Peter’s out too, so you’d just be intruding on me watching TV and rotting on the couch, which I’d much rather do with you,” James smiles brightly. 

Him and James. Alone. 

“If you insist,” Regulus agrees, following James and shutting the door behind him. Why is his heart beating so fast?

“Feel free to sit at the island while I cook,” James says while grabbing ingredients in various cabinets. He’s still shirtless, mind you, and his back looks heavenly as he reaches up to grab bread in an upper cabinet. 

“I can help if you want,” Regulus offers (though he knows he would easily burn this entire kitchen down if he stepped foot near the stove). 

James chuckles, “You know Sirius has told me all about how terrible you are at cooking, right?”

“Hey! I’m not terrible. I can make a mean grilled cheese,” he boasts. 

“Just…sit still and look pretty,” James interjects before Regulus can defend himself any longer. “You’re great at that.”

“Are you saying my only good quality is my appearance? Ouch, Jamie,” Regulus taunts.

“You know my favorite quality of yours is your bitchy personality, Reg. I’m not that shallow,” James retorts. 

“Fine,” Regulus complies, but instead of sitting at the island, he hops up on the counter next to where the ingredients are laid out. If James won't let him help, he might as well be a nuisance. 

“You’re a bit in my way there,” James stands in front of Regulus with his arms crossed.

“Am I?” Regulus grins. 

James steps closer to him, and without breaking eye contact, he reaches above Regulus’ head to grab two mugs from the rack behind him. Regulus can feel James breath near his face. Holy fuck. “You’re good now,” James replies with a smirk as he steps away holding the mugs, venturing to the opposite side of the kitchen to fill them with coffee. “Do you have any allergies?”

“No,” Regulus manages to say after literally short-circuiting. He has to get his shit together now. “What are you making?”  

“French toast. It’s my mom’s special recipe,” James replies, heating a pan on the stove and buttering it up before placing two slices of bread down. 

Regulus smiles at the mention of Effie Potter. He’s never met the woman, but he’s sure she’s an absolute angel if she’s dealt with James and Sirius for this long. “Tell me about her,” he prompts.

James seems a little caught off guard at this response, but he beams as he speaks of his mother. “She’s the best, Reg. She makes the most delicious arroz con frijoles with pan Cubano. You would love her cooking.”

Regulus loves the way James speaks Spanish. “And what about your dad? Does he cook at all?”

“Oh, yeah. He has all these Mexican recipes passed down from my abuelita, so he and my mom take turns. Do you like burritos?”

“I love them.”

“Well, he makes them with cheese melted on top for extra crunch. It’s incredible,” James explains and Regulus’ stomach grumbles. He hasn’t eaten all day, and this food talk is getting to him. “Do you want some fruit while you wait? There are some strawberries in the fridge,” James suggests in response to the foul noises Regulus’ body is emitting. This is embarrassing.

“Sure,” Regulus chuckles awkwardly. He goes to grab the container of fresh strawberries and plops back on the countertop. “How did you know I liked strawberries?”

“You practically ate all of the ones on the charcuterie board during Sirius’ birthday party,” James smiles.

“You noticed that?” Regulus blushes bashfully. 

“Sure I did,” James says simply, “Don’t eat all of those, though. I want to save some for the french toast.”

“No promises,” Regulus winks.

Eventually, James is done cooking, and he plates the slices of toast with powdered sugar, strawberries, and some whipped cream. There are scrambled cheesy eggs on the side as well as some avocado slices. It looks perfect, and Regulus has to resist the urge to drool. 

“Brunch is served,” James smirks, setting down the two plates at the island counter. Regulus sits down next to him and digs in without saying another word. 

“Oh. my. god. This is so good. Is that Nutella in the center?” Regulus says with his mouth full (he doesn’t care how rude it is, he needs to tell James how much he appreciates this immediately). 

“Sure is,” James chuckles as Regulus gobbles down another bite. 

Once Regulus is finished (which doesn’t take too long, because wow), he thanks James profusely. “Thank your mom for me, too.”

“I’m sure you’ll meet her one day. Why don’t you tell her yourself?” James smiles.

Regulus supposes it makes sense. James’ parents are basically Sirius’ parents too, so he’s bound to cross paths with them sooner or later. Still, the thought makes his heart dance. “Alright, I will.” 

After the food is finished, they talk for at least an hour. James is a great conversationalist. So great that he forces someone like Regulus out of his shell in an instant. 

“I should get going,” Regulus says when the chatter dies down, “I have work to do before tonight’s game, and I’m sure you have to start getting ready for practice soon.” Everything in him is telling him to stay, but he knows he has to go.

“Sure. Right, yeah,” James agrees. “I’ll walk you to the door.” And he does, making sure Regulus has his coat on and all his belongings.

“This was…fun. Unexpected, but fun,” Regulus smiles warmly.

“It was,” James agrees, “We should do it on purpose sometime.”

“That would be nice.”

“How about tomorrow, then? After practice. Hockey and figure skating both get out at 5, right? We could grab pizza, or something,” James suggests nervously.

Is he asking me out on a fucking date???

“You mean with Sirius and Peter too, right?”

“Oh, I mean, they can come if you want. I was thinking just us, though,” James smiles, fidgeting with the back of his hair. His arms look so good oh my god.

“Just us sounds good,” Regulus is quick to reply, “Sirius might feel left out though.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand. You’re my friend outside of just being my best friend’s little brother. You know that, right?”

Friend. Right. “Of course. Pizza sounds great, James. I’ll, uh, see you later?”

James grins, “Perfect, yeah. See you at the game tonight.”

----------------

“A date?!”

“Well, not exactly. I mean he was getting all nervous like he was asking me on a date, but he never actually specified if it was a date or not. And then he said I was his ‘friend’ so all signs lead to not a date? But he was also flirting with me all morning and calling me pretty and---”

“Reg, you’re rambling,” Remus sighs. “So let me get this straight. James Potter made you a home-cooked meal while shirtless, showered you with compliments, talked with you for hours and then said you should ‘grab pizza, or something,’ after practice? That sounds like a fucking date to me.”

“Remus, I’m losing my fucking mind. I mean I genuinely can’t tell what James is thinking ever. I’m supposed to be the quiet boy who can secretly read people by observing their patterns, but every time I try with James, the signals are all over the place. I mean, there’s no way Sirius just failed to mention the fact that James likes men, right?”

“Why would he mention it at all, though? You don’t exactly introduce your best friend to your little brother like ‘Hey, Reggie! This is James and he likes dick!’ Especially when that friend is part of a sport that is notoriously dangerous for LGBTQ+ players,” Remus reasons.

Regulus never considered the fact that James could be closeted, but he comes from a Latino household and plays men’s hockey (which is a recipe for disaster if you’re queer). The only thing that rules that theory out is that James is such an honest person. Regulus can’t imagine the boy hiding anything, let alone a major part of his identity. “Maybe he just doesn’t know he’s queer. Or maybe he does like girls, but I’m the exception.”

“You’re so humble, Reg,” Remus rolls his eyes. “I’m texting Dorcas and Lily to come over.”

“No! If you involve Dorcas, I’m never gonna hear the end of it,” Regulus pleads.

“Too late,” Remus smirks. A few seconds later, the girls barge in and plop on the floor in front of the couch where Regulus and Remus are sitting.

“Spill.” Dorcas demands.

“Regulus has a date with James Potter,” Remus reveals, and Dorcas and Lily gasp dramatically.

“I knew something was going on with you two!” Lily exclaims.

“And I wasn’t the first person you told?!” Dorcas says at the same time.

“Ok, no,” Regulus interjects, “First of all, it’s not a date. Second of all, you’re the biggest gossiper I know, Dorcas. I knew you were gonna freak out the minute I told you, so I didn’t. No offense.”

“I mean, you’re right, but it still hurts,” Dorcas fakes a frown.

“You guys can be mad at each other later,” Lily redirects, “Context. Now.”

So, Regulus explains the story from the beginning of this morning. Remus interrupts him several times to divulge new information (as if Regulus wasn’t already getting to that), and by the end, the girls are on the edge of their seats.

“Well, shit, Reg. I think I was wrong. It actually sounds like he likes you,” Dorcas muses, eyes full of hope.

“But what if I’m just being delusional? Like, I wish there was just a way to know exactly what he’s thinking,” Regulus sighs. 

“I have a suggestion,” Lily speaks up. “You’re saying that he’s sending you mixed signals, right?”

“Right.”

“Why don’t you just make it really obvious that you’re flirting with him and see if he flirts back? Or just straight up talk about the clear romantic banter and tension between you two. You can do it in a joking way and see how he responds,” she explains. 

“Hm,” Regulus pauses to think. “I mean I am great at flirting.”

“That’s true,” Remus attests from first-hand experience. 

“Ooh! I’ve got an idea, too,” Dorcas grins, “We can make a group chat with the four of us so Reg can give us updates on the date as it’s happening. So we can give you advice if you need it,” she turns to Regulus. “Plus, I need to know every detail.”

Regulus rolls his eyes with a smile, but he agrees. Bless his nosy, dramatic friends.

----------------

Dinner with James is perfect.

Well, as perfect as a hole-in-the-wall pizza shop can get. There’s barely any seating, but it’s practically empty other than the people lined up for takeout orders, so James and Regulus snag a table in the back corner. 

They order a cheese pizza to share and some garlic knots as an appetizer. The waitress is a middle aged woman who clearly knows James as a regular, because she calls him by his name and brings the table free soda. 

“So, you take people here often, Potter?” It’s more of a statement than a question, but James answers anyway.

“Only the pretty ones,” he winks.

“You flatter me,” Regulus smiles slyly. 

“I’m just being honest.”

“Do you flirt with all your friends like this?”

“Again, only the pretty ones.”

Regulus scoffs, “You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

“I know I am,” James grins. Why does he look so fucking attractive when he smiles? “Not as funny as you, though.”

“Well, not many people are,” Regulus agrees. “Peter definitely gave me a run for my money at the bar last week, though.” Going to bars in town has become a weekly occurrence for the five boys. Even when Sirius and Remus are especially annoyed with each other. 

James chuckles, “Pete is an absolute trip. You’ve got wit, though.”

“I suppose. Oh, speaking of funny things, I have to tell you about Remus and Sirius at my dorm the other day” Regulus recalls, trying hard not to burst out laughing in the middle of the story. 

It’s like any other day Sirius comes over. 

He gets to the dorm, takes off his coat, and plops on the couch next to his little brother. The TV is already set up to watch Stranger Things, so they skip the small talk and get right to binging. 

Remus comes in halfway through the episode they’re watching, and there’s a devious grin on his face when he sees Sirius. He joins the two of them, sitting directly in the middle of the couch. 

“Black, could you do me a favor and explain what’s happening?” Remus asks. “Please,” he smiles sweetly.

“I’m not explaining shit to you, Lupin. I’m trying to watch a show with my brother in peace.”

“But I'm being so peaceful,” he defends.

“Can’t you just leave?” Sirius says, clearly agitated. “You’re good at that.”

“No, I think I’d rather stay here,” Remus decides. He focuses his attention on the TV, which is playing the season 4 roller rink episode. “So the bowl cut kid is in love with his best friend, but the best friend is in love with the girl with powers who’s also the bowl cut kid’s step sister?”

“Yes, now be quiet,” Sirius replies.

“What’s the girl's name again? Fourteen?” Remus guesses.

“Eleven. Can you actually stop talking now?”

“See, you’re asking me to stop talking, but you’re the one engaging.”

Regulus has been silent the entire time. He can’t tell if he’s amused or annoyed at his best friend right now. Sirius just gets ragebaited so easily, Regulus can’t help but smile.

Remus then continues to ask Sirius the most outlandish questions about the show. He calls the demogorgons “flower monsters” and seriously butchers the names of each character. Calling Dustin ‘Justin’ is one thing, but calling Vecna ‘Vector’ is Sirius’ final straw.

“I’m fucking leaving, I can’t do this. I’ll see you later, Reg,” Sirius heads straight for the door and books it.

“And that’s how he left his leather jacket in my dorm,” Regulus giggles.

James is practically on the floor laughing, “I wish I could see the look on Sirius’ face.”

“You want to know what the best part is?”

“What?” James asks as if he doesn’t think the story could possibly get any better.

“Remus has watched the entirety of Stranger Things. Multiple times. He was literally just being stupid to infuriate my brother. And it worked,” Regulus sighs in amusement. 

“That is hilarious," James snorts. "Why do they dislike each other so much, anyway? I mean, besides their unfortunate meet story."

“I really couldn’t tell you. Pretty sure that it’s an ego thing.”

“They’ll get over it eventually,” James surmises. Regulus personally thinks he’s too much of an optimist.

“They better. I don’t know how much longer I can stand this back and forth,” Regulus groans.

A few moments later, the food comes, and the banter continues as they dig in. They discuss school, hockey, ice skating, and their past. Conversation feels easy and safe.

When they’re finished, they walk around town for a bit. They decide to stop at an ice cream shop for dessert. James orders coffee oreo while Regulus goes with cookie dough. They eat in the car to avoid the cold weather. 

Once they’re finished, James turns to Regulus and asks, “Want to do something crazy?” with a mischievous glimmer in his eye.

“What did you have in mind?”

This is how they end up back at the ice rink they left no less than two hours ago.

“James, you know the rink is closed, right?” Regulus furrows his brows.

“I know. I have a key,” he replies simply.

“Ok, I’m not gonna ask how in the world you got that. Why are we here, exactly?”

“To skate, of course,” James grins, unlocking the door and holding it open for Regulus.

“We were skating for hours this morning…what makes you think I want to go again?” he crosses his arms in defiance. He would probably do anything James asked of him, but that’s not the point.

“That’s different. Just come inside, please,” James implores, flashing those big brown eyes. How could Regulus ever say no to him?

“Fine,” he walks into the rink. The lights are off, so James quickly finds the switch and illuminates the warehouse. They go to the locker room and put on their skates, smiling at each other as they fumble with their laces.

“Left rink or right?” James asks as they step out.

“Does it matter?”

“Just pick one.”

“Right,” Regulus decides.

“Ok. Last one is a rotten egg,” James smirks, running in his skates to the right side of the warehouse. 

Regulus gasps and chases after him giggling, but James is much faster than he is, and he can’t keep up. “That wasn’t fair,” he says, catching his breath, “You had a head start.”

“Sounds like someone is a sore loser,” James stifles laughter. 

“You’re such a dick,” Regulus laughs, covering his mouth. “What now?”

James grabs Regulus’ hands and brings him onto the ice. He doesn’t speak, just glides Regulus across the ice with a smile. 

“Teach me how to do something cool,” James says.

“I don’t know, Potter. It might be too difficult for you,” Regulus challenges, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’ll be so graceful, trust me,” James smiles eagerly.

“Ok. Just watch me first.” Regulus does a forward spiral going forward, then skates back to James.

“I don’t think my leg can go that high,” James admits.

“That’s okay, just pick it up a little for now,” Regulus says and James complies. “There you go. You’ve got the arabesque part down, now you just have to do it while moving. I can guide you through the first one.” Regulus grabs James’ arms and pulls James forward while moving backward. 

“Hey, I’m doing it!” James grins.

“Ready to try by yourself?”

“Yes,” James takes a deep breath and goes for it. It isn’t the most graceful, but it’s not bad, either. He has great balance on the ice (which is to be expected from any hockey player), and his leg gets surprisingly high. 

Afterwards, James makes Regulus show him a few more tricks. James is amazed each time Regulus lands a jump or pulls a body position, and Regulus is amazed at how fast James can run across the ice. They race a few times, and Regulus loses each one. 

They lock up the rink and turn off the lights how they find it, and before Regulus is dropped back home, he thanks James.

“This was really nice.”

“Yeah, it was,” they stare at each other in the car for a moment, wondering what to say or do. Some things are just better left unsaid in the end. “Goodnight, Regulus.”

“Goodnight, James.”

Chapter Text

“So, Regulus. What brings you here?”

Regulus pauses, clearly uncomfortable. He begins fidgeting with his silver rings and looking around the room. Where does he even begin? 

“If you need to take a few minutes to think, feel free. Actually, would it help for you to write some things down?” she asks.

Sybill Trelawney is a kooky looking woman. Somehow, she manages to make large round glasses, frizzy hair, and a colorful headband work in her favor. It’s more comforting than odd, surprisingly. Regulus promised Sirius that he would at least attend one therapy session to see how he liked it, so here he is. He never imagined how hard talking about his feelings would be. 

“Yeah,” Regulus replies quietly, “That might help.” She hands him a piece of paper and one of those pens with a bunch of different colors. Regulus chooses green to write the following:

Parents/family issues

Loneliness

Anxiety/panic attacks (especially during my extracurricular activities)

Romance/attachment issues/sexuality

He scribbles the last one out until it’s illegible. He isn’t ready to dive into that part yet.

Sybill takes the piece of paper to read it over. “This is a great start. For now, could you tell me a bit about yourself? What does your everyday life look like?”

“Well, I’m a full time student at Amherst College, so the majority of my schedule is classes and homework. Aside from that, I’m part of the school paper. I write about the Men’s UMass hockey team in the sports column. My brother, Sirius, is part of the hockey team, so it’s sort of nice to watch him every week,” Regulus says.

“That sounds wonderful. And how would you describe your relationship with your brother?”

Regulus pauses again to think. “We’ve always been close. Sirius and I went through a lot together growing up. I don’t think there’s anything that could sever our bond because of that,” Sybill hums and jots down some notes, which makes Regulus a bit nervous. He sits in the silence for a while longer and then explains further. “Well, there was actually a time where I didn’t talk to him at all. He left for college when I was 16 and broke contact with my entire family. It’s a long story, but I wasn’t able to see him for two years. We only recently reconnected.”

“I see,” she nods. “And how do you feel about having him back in your life?”

“It feels like…like my heart is whole again. Something was missing in the time that he was away, and now, it’s back. Does that make any sense?”

“Absolutely,” she smiles. “I have a sister just a couple years younger than me. I understand.”

Regulus smiles, breathing a sigh of relief for the first time since he’s sat down in the room. It’s a nice room, he thinks. There are plants covering every corner, colorful books stacked on a shelf, and the couch is pretty comfortable. As he gets more comfortable, he notices the tiny details, like the open chocolate bar and chamomile tea on her desk across the room. 

“So tell me more about your day-to-day,” she prompts.

“Well, I’m also a figure skater. I’m part of the club team at my school, but I used to compete.”

“Why did you stop?”

Regulus frowns, thinking back to the memory of him locking his skates in the back of the closet, tears rolling down his face. He shakes his head and responds, “Sirius left. We grew up skating together and he left, so it felt wrong to keep doing it without him. I couldn’t go to the rink without replaying our memories together,” he can picture it perfectly now. Him and Sirius giggling and racing across the ice. “My coaches were…dissapointed in me, to say the least. I was projected to go to the Olympics, but my parents wanted me to get my education and continue the family business. They were glad I stopped skating when Sirius left. They didn’t care that it was the one thing that brought me happiness outside of my brother.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” she pauses, debating whether or not to ask a follow up question. In the end, she does. “Did you want to go to the Olympics?”

“More than anything,” Regulus recalls. “It’s different now. Even if I was as good as I used to be, I imagine a different life for myself. I love journalism, and I’m happy I get to study what I love. Still, thinking about what could have been hurts sometimes.”

“Understandable. But you’re figure skating again now, correct?”

“Yes. And I love my club team. The captain, Lily, she’s great. She always encourages me to try my best, and she helps a lot on bad days.”

“Bad days?”

“Days I have panic attacks in the rink.”

“I see. How frequent are those days?”

“They’re more spaced out now. At first, though, I was having them everyday during practice for a week. Now it’s more like once every few weeks.”

“And during those moments, what’s going through your mind?”

“In the beginning, I sort of black out and I can’t really breathe. Once I gain consciousness, I can hear my mother’s piercing voice.”

“You don’t have to go further if you don’t want to unpack that right now, but what is she saying?” Sybill asks sympathetically. 

“That I’m worthless. That I don’t deserve love. That all my potential got wasted and I’ll never be good enough,” Regulus bites the nail of his thumb.

“And do you truly believe those things?”

“In the moment I do. But after, I realize that I’m being irrational. I think I’m at a point in my life where I know that I deserve love. That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments when her voice is all I can hear, though,” Regulus frowns. He truly does feel happy where he is, but the doubt creeps in and he imagines everything being taken away in a second. “It helps to talk to my brother or my roommate,” he explains.

“Ah, you have a roommate!” Sybill smiles, “Could you tell me about them?”

He appreciates the shift in topic, it was getting too heavy for him, and he really doesn’t want to cry at his first therapy session. “His name is Remus. He’s my best friend,” Regulus smiles. “We were random roommates, but he’s the absolute best case scenario for someone to live with. He’s clean, quiet when he needs to be, and hilarious. We spend most of our time together, too. He’s a photographer for the school paper, and he’s really talented. He helps me with the sports column. Oh, we also work at the campus cafe together as baristas.”

“I’m very happy to hear that you have such a good friend. So, from what I understand, Remus and Sirius are your main support system, correct?”

“Mainly, but I have a few other good friends who have helped me get through this semester. Dorcas has been my close friend since high school, and she goes to Amherst as well. Her family actually took me in for half a year after I turned 18 and left my parents. She’s like a sister to me.” Sybill nods to encourage him to continue. “And then there’s Lily from skating who I mentioned before. And, of course, James,” Regulus mumbles that last part.

“Could you repeat that last name?” Sybill asks, smiling and patient. Bless her soul.

“Oh, um, it’s just…my brother’s best friend, James. He’s also on the hockey team, and he lives with my brother, so we’ve gotten close this semester,” he can feel a blush creeping up his face. He hopes Sybill doesn’t notice, but he’d be stupid to think she missed it. 

“Hmm,” Sybill scribbles something down. “So, is James your friend, then?”

Friend. He’s been thinking about that word a little too much lately. “I…guess?”

“You guess?” She raises an eyebrow.

“It’s just…friend feels like an odd way to describe our relationship. Like, Remus is my friend but James…” he’s just my James, Regulus thinks, but doesn’t utter. He knows it isn’t true. It will never be true. “I don't know, It feels like he belongs to my brother.”

“In what way? Tell me more.”

“I can’t exactly describe it. I mean, Sirius isn’t territorial over his friends or anything. In fact, he’s really excited that I’m getting close with them. But James…James is different. He’s…untouchable. Like something behind a glass case I’m not allowed to tap on. Sirius had him first, and I can’t mess that up.”

“Why do you think you would ‘mess it up’? And in what way?” Sybill wonders.

Because everything I touch turns sour eventually. “I can’t find the words to say what I mean right now,” he lies.

“That’s perfectly normal. We can talk about it in another session if you’d like. Everything here is at your own pace, Regulus. We can set specific goals for what you want to get out of therapy. For now, this was a great start. You’ve filled out all of your paperwork, so you can book another appointment online during any of my available slots. I recommend that you find a day of the week that you’d be able to commit to consistently, if you choose to continue.” 

“Another session sounds great,” Regulus smiles. This was a lot, he won’t lie, but something in him feels lighter than before. It gives him more to think about and unpack, but maybe he needs that to grow. Maybe this is part of what being an adult is like. Accepting your past and being comfortable with yourself. 

“Feel free to grab a piece of chocolate from my desk! There’s a brand new bar in the corner,” Sybill offers kindly.

He grabs a bar for Remus. 

----------------

“You’re sulking.”

Regulus turns his head to the side from his bed, “I am not.”

“Reg, you’ve been staring at the ceiling with sad eyes for the past 30 minutes,” Remus looks concerned. “I thought you said your therapy session was good.”

“It was fine. Productive, at least. And I really like Sybill. There’s something very comforting about her.”

“Ok. Is this about the date with James, then? You said it went well.”

“Not a date,” Regulus corrects, “And it did go well. Better than well, actually. It was…perfect. That’s the problem.”

“Problem?”

“I just feel so vulnerable and I hate it. Like he could break my heart into a million little pieces in a second. I can’t cope with that.”

“Hmm,” Remus squints, trying to read Regulus’ mind just by looking at him. “I feel like there’s more to it than that.”

Regulus pauses, looks away, then sighs, “James and I…We would never work. He’s sunshine and kindness and everything that’s good in this world. I’m…a mess. It’s gonna take years of therapy to fix all this,” he gestures to himself.

Remus frowns, “Reg, there’s nothing to ‘fix’.” Regulus instantly regrets using that word. He knows how much Remus hates the terms ‘fix’ and ‘cure’ because of his chronic illness. Growing up, all Remus would ever hear is that he needed to find a cure to his issues.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I just…There are still things I need to change about myself, I think,” Regulus says with eyes full of sorrow. 

“We can’t really change things about ourselves. Not in the way you want to, at least. All we can do is grow. And you’re already taking the steps to do so. Have a little faith in yourself, Reg.”

Regulus pauses, staring back at the ceiling to collect his thoughts. All his thoughts are coming at him full force like an avalanche. He knows that he wants to grow, but he doesn’t want to burden anyone throughout his healing process. He needs to know who he is to himself before he can decipher what he is to someone else. “I’m just not ready yet.”

Remus seems to understand better after that, because he stays silent. 

“Plus, I need to think about Sirius,” Regulus adds.

“Oh, fuck Sirius,” Remus rolls his eyes.

You clearly want to, he resists the urge today. He’s not starting an argument about this today. “It’s true. Say James really does like me. What then? He starts dating his best friend’s little brother and expects Sirius to be ok with it? And then there’s hockey. I would be his secret.”

“Why do you say that? Sirius is out,” Remus questions.

“And he almost got kicked off the team for it. UMass was debating ending his contract because of the controversy it sparked. Players on competing teams would try to corner him after games and beat the shit out of him. Luckily, his teammates defended him, but what if they didn’t?” he explains. When Sirius told him about the first few months on the team after he came out, Regulus saw red. He felt so angry at the people who tried to hurt his brother, and he felt even more guilty that he wasn’t there to support him.  

Remus pauses and his brows crease, a mix of shock and sadness, “Is that true?”

“Yeah,” Regulus mirrors Remus’ expression. “I would never risk putting someone in that situation. Especially James.”

Remus stays silent for a while longer, trying to decode the situation and find a solution. Ultimately, there is none, so he does the only thing he can think of. “Let’s go somewhere.”

“What? Right now?” Regulus asks, caught off guard by the sudden request.

“Yes,” Remus decides, “No more sulking. We’re going out.”

“But it’s Tuesday night…”

“And?” Remus’ lips curl into a smile.

“And I was technically gonna go to the hockey practice tonight to start my social media training,” Regulus mentions. 

“But…?”

“But, theoretically…I could go tomorrow instead,” Regulus gives in.

“That’s the spirit,” he grins, “I have an idea, just…wait here,” he rushes out the door and returns two minutes later with Dorcas at his side. 

“Get your ass out of bed, Reg. We’re going to Northampton,” Dorcas jingles her car keys with a smile.

The car ride to the small town is only about 20 minutes, but it takes them another 10 just to find parking. When they finally do, they hop out and walk into the closest bar they can find. Packard’s is surprisingly lively for a weeknight, and the energy is distracting Regulus from thinking about James completely. Guess Remus’ plan wasn’t half bad.

The small space is packed with neon signs, eccentric paintings, and smiling faces. The bar area is completely full, but there are a few tables in the back of the room that are empty. Before they can ask to be seated, however, Dorcas waves to someone in the distance and drags the boys over. 

Regulus almost can’t believe his eyes when he sees Barty Crouch Jr. and Evan Rosier sitting in front of him.

“Surprise,” Dorcas and Remus both grin. 

Regulus immediately lights up and rushes to greet the boys. He chats with Barty and Evan occasionally on social media, but he hasn’t seen them in person since the Summer. He’s beyond happy to reconnect with his friends. As much as he loves Dorcas and Remus, sometimes he misses Barty’s blunt personality and Evan’s knowledge on the most niche topics. 

The five of them sit down and instantly get to chatting. “What are you guys doing here?” Regulus asks, still beaming.

“Dorcas texted us the code word, we asked where to meet, and now we’re here,” Barty replies simply. 

“Code word?” Remus raises an eyebrow.

“It’s just something we made up in high school to let each other know we had an emergency,” Evan explains.

“Makes sense,” Remus deduces. “And what exactly is the code word?”

“That’s top secret information, Lupin,” Barty smirks.

“Follow-up question: How do you know my full name?”

“Oh, Dorcas has told me lots about you,” he winks. 

“Barty, please stop flirting with my roommate,” Regulus rolls his eyes.

Evan clears his throat loudly, “The code word is Teetum.”

“Evan!” Barty gasps.

“Tee-tum?” Remus repeats, wildly confused.

“Yes. It’s what Barty and I used to call weiner dogs when we were younger, so we thought it would be funny to use it for our code word,” Evan reveals, “Usually, we use it if we need to be picked up somewhere in the middle of the night or one of us is having a mental health crisis. Barty and I assumed this situation might be related to the latter?” 

“Sort of,” Regulus speaks up. “Let me tell you everything from the beginning.” So, he explains the same old story for the millionth time. For the first time, the audience doesn’t look completely shocked, which Regulus appreciates. 

“Classic Regulus. Always self-sabotaging,” Evan sighs.

And, well, Regulus can’t even argue with that. It’s typical of him, and his friends aren’t afraid to call it how it is. “I guess I’m just in an awkward place right now. I don’t know what to do next.”

“This might be bad advice,” Barty starts, “But maybe just…do nothing.”

“Barty, not helpful,” Dorcas slaps him on the shoulder.

“Hear me out!” he defends. “At this point, it might be better to just wait it out. Let James make the first move. If it happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t, then oh well. Just don’t stress yourself out over an dumb man.”

James isn’t a dumb man, he wants to say, but he knows Barty won’t listen. Maybe his advice is well-founded. Anything could happen, so Regulus should just let it. “That’s not a bad idea,” Regulus agrees. 

“Of course it isn’t,” Barty says, as if it’s obvious. “You know, this semester has made me realize that my frontal lobe is just more developed than others.”

“Oh, here we go,” Evan shakes his head in annoyance. 

“I like them,” Remus whispers to Regulus. 

“I knew you would,” he whispers back, smiling.

----------------

“Regulus, thank you so much again for accepting this opportunity. I think it will be a fruitful experience for both you and the team,” Alice smiles sweetly. She’s younger than Regulus expected---probably recently graduated---and quite pretty, too. 

“Thank you for trusting me with this position,” he replies cordially. “I already have a few ideas for the social media pages, so I’m very excited to be working with the team further.”

“I’m so happy to hear that! This meeting is just a quick introduction to our media guidelines, how to log into our accounts, and how frequently you’re expected to post. After today, you can pick any two practices of the week and attend them to shoot content! Coach Hagrid knows that you’ll be in attendance, of course, and he’s allowing you to pull any players toward the beginning or end of practices for videos.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Well, I’m sure most of the team knows you by now, but I'll give you an introduction anyway,” Alice leads Regulus to the ice. The boys are warming up, and James is the first one to spot Regulus, immediately smiling and waving. Regulus waves back shyly. He’ll never get used to the way James’ smile makes his stomach all tingly. 

“Ah, welcome in, you two,” Hagrid says. “Boys, listen to Ms. Fortescue for a minute.”

“You all know Regulus from his work on the Amherst Student, but he’ll be working even closer with the team starting this week. Regulus here is the team’s new social media manager, so I expect you all to comply with any commands he gives for capturing content. This will help bring more fans and financial support in for our teams, so I hope you all fulfill your expected duties,” Alice states bluntly. She’s definitely a master at crowd control (at least for men’s hockey teams), because all the boys are nodding and listening intently.

“I’ll be coming in twice a week to film. I’m happy to be working with you all. Well, more than I already am,” Regulus adds. “I’ve already got some fun ideas for TikToks we could do, so if you’re interested, come see me during your next water break one by one.” Remus was right, he thinks, this will be fun.

Alice takes her leave, thanking Regulus again, while Hagrid instructs the boys to start practicing. Regulus sits and observes, occasionally filming in case he needs practice clips in the future. Sure enough, during the first water break, Sirius is the first person to approach Regulus. 

“I’m ready for the video,” Sirius grins. “What is it? A dance? A lipsync? I can do it all.”

Regulus smirks, “I just need you to answer a question.”

“Alright, shoot,” Sirius crosses his arms as Regulus pulls out his phone to begin recording.

“Who on the team would you not let date your child?”

Sirius bites his lip to think of a response. “Hmm…Peter,” is what he goes with. Regulus is shocked he didn’t say ‘James’ just for the laughs it would get from their fans.

Speaking of James…

“Oh, my turn!” Potter appears after Regulus pauses the recording. Regulus repeats the question for James, to which he replies, “Obviously Sirius.”

It’s no surprise that out of the 15 players who participated in the video, 10 of them say Sirius’ name (including Peter and Frank, of course). There are a couple people who say ‘Peter’ and a couple names Regulus barely knows, but Sirius is the clear winner. Regulus is able to edit and post the video within the remainder of the practice time, and it gains traction almost instantly.

“Ooh, look at this one,” Sirius chuckles, reading comments aloud from the front seat of James’ car on the way home. “‘WHO is the first guy? #needthat’ and then a bunch of tongue emojis. This is so fun, I should post on social media more often,” Sirius grins.

“This idea backfired terribly,” Regulus sighs.

“I don’t know, Reg. This is kind of entertaining,” James looks at Regulus through the rear view mirror. 

“You’re only saying that because all the comments that aren’t about Sirius are about you,” he rolls his eyes. 

“That’s not entirely true,” James says in defence. “Some of them are also about Frank!”

“How is it possible that you’re making my job so easy, yet so hard at the same time,” Regulus combs through his hair in stress. They arrive at the Amherst dorms after 7 torturous minutes of Sirius reading all the thirsty comments under the post. “Goodnight. James, you better take that phone away from him when you get home. I can’t stand that smug look on his face.”

“Aye aye, captain,” James winks and waves goodbye.

Regulus swings the door open to see Remus smiling at his phone from the couch. 

“Oh, good lord, not you too,” Regulus face palms when he sees Sirius appear on Remus’ small screen. Get me out of here.

----------------

Sirius: come to the apartment

Sirius: now.

Regulus: Why?

Sirius: i need to ask you something

Regulus: Can’t you just text it?

Sirius: oh my god just come over

Sirius: please

Regulus: Fine. I’m on my way,

So much for having a peaceful Friday afternoon. He’s so exhausted from his morning shift at the cafe that he debates canceling on his brother at the last minute, but he gets his clothes on and marches to the bus stop anyway. He arrives at the apartment 25 minutes after he sent the last text, and he walks right in because he knows the boys leave the door unlocked during the daytime. 

“Sirius, I’m here,” Regulus’ yell echoes through the empty living room.

Suddenly he hears aggressive whispers coming from the hallway, and he turns his head to find his brother and James with shit-eating grins on their faces. “Reggie! You made it,” Sirius hugs his brother. 

“What am I doing here, exactly?” Regulus crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow. He hates not knowing what people are thinking.

“Well, first of all, we haven’t seen each other at all this week outside of the rink,” Sirius mentions. “Secondly, I’m making the Buffalo Chicken mac and cheese that you love for lunch, so I thought you might want some.”

Regulus will never complain about free food, but something still seems off. “Okay…And why is Potter here?”

“I…live here?” James raises.

“Fair enough,” Regulus supposes.

“Will you two just sit down at the dining table while I finish cooking? I don’t want any distractions,” Sirius says.

Regulus pauses, thinking back to the advice from earlier in the week. Let it happen. “Sure…” He walks to the table and sits down without looking back at James (who decides to sit directly in front of him, by the way).

They sit in awkward silence for a minute, but, as expected, James is the one to break first. “How has your week been? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever.”

“James…I saw you last night…at hockey practice,” Regulus reminds him.

“I know, but we haven’t really gotten to talk properly since…” James pauses. Since our date? The words echo through Regulus’ head. “Since Sunday,” James finishes.

“My week has been…fine,” Regulus finally answers the initial question. “I got to hang out with some old friends, which was nice,” he smiles thinking about Barty and Evan. They’ll definitely want updates on whatever happens in the next few weeks. If anything happens at all.

“I see,” James fidgets with his fingers as it goes silent once again. 

“How has your week been?” Regulus fills the silence.

“Oh, me? Um, good. It’s been good,” James replies, now rapidly bouncing his leg against the floor. 

“Potter, are you doing okay?” Regulus asks, half judgy and half concerned.

“I’m sorry, my ADHD meds haven’t fully kicked in yet.”

Ah. “No need to apologize,” he softens. “Just wanted to check up on you.”

“Thanks, Reg. I always get a bit antsy the morning before a big game.”

“I get it.” And boy does Regulus get it more than most. “Before skating competitions, I would try everything in my power to distract myself, but I would just end up feeling nauseous and anxious all day.”

“You were just a kid,” James looks at him with that concerned, puppy-dog face he gets when Regulus or Sirius bring up their childhood. “All those interviews and articles, all the pressure. I can’t imagine how difficult it all was.”

“I barely remember it now. It’s all blocked out in my memory,” Regulus frowns. He was a U.S. champion at the age of 15, and he can’t even remember what it felt like to perform his winning routine. All he remembers is how tired and drained he felt afterward.

“Maybe that’s a kindness from the universe,” James’ lips curl, but he still has those same sad eyes.

“I suppose you’re right,” Regulus agrees. 

“Besides, you’ll be able to make so many new memories on the ice while you're here. Happy memories.” Regulus would never say it out loud, but he appreciates James’ optimism. 

“I think I already have,” Regulus smiles genuinely.

“Lunch is served,” Sirius barges in, setting down 3 plates of pasta and scooting in beside his brother. “So, James. Did you tell Regulus?”

Regulus’ brows draw together in confusion, “Tell me what?”

“Oh! Right. Well, I don’t know what your Thanksgiving plans are, but my parents are flying up from Miami and we’re hosting a gathering here at the apartment. So, if you aren’t busy, you could…maybe…join us?” James requests. 

“I know you were probably planning to go home with Dorcas, but I would love to spend Thanksgiving with my little brother,” Sirius pleads.

And, well, being with his favorite people and eating James’ parents’ food sounds like a complete no brainer. Regulus pauses, then gives in, “Sure, I can come.”

The boys light up, “I can’t wait for you to meet Effie and Fleamont,” Sirius cheers. “This will be the best Thanksgiving ever.”

And, considering the Black family Thanksgiving track record, Regulus doesn’t doubt that.