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Chapter Text

Regulus always hated Logan Airport. It was loud and chaotic, which was expected in an international airport, but it was also terrible to maneuver around. He was thankful that Sirius had offered to come pick him up so he wouldn't have to rent a car or attempt to navigate the hellscape that was Boston public transportation. On the other hand, it also meant being stuck in the car with his brother who he hadn't seen in years during rush hour traffic. He wasn't sure which option was worse.

[Sirius]: hey, i'm circling around because they won't let me wait when i park, so just let me know when you're here

He rolled his eyes at Sirius' text, knowing that he definitely sent it while he was driving in circles on and off the ramps that lead to the terminals. At least he knew that he couldn't have been going very fast. He watched as his suitcase approached him on the conveyor belt and texted his brother back.

[Regulus]: i just got my luggage, i'll be at the terminal in five minutes

He tugged his luggage behind him, weaving through people leisurely strolling through the airport and silently cursing them for not being in a hurry. As soon as he stepped outside, he regretted packing his winter jacket instead of wearing it on the flight. He hadn't wanted to deal with wearing the bulky jacket or figuring out where to put it during the long flight, but Boston was a hell of a lot colder in December than Arizona. He had been away from home for so long that he had forgotten how the sea breeze could cut right through you, even in the warmest months. His thin sweatshirt did nothing to keep him warm and his bad knee ached worse than it had in a while. He stood at the edge of the sidewalk and waited, cupping his hands in front of his face and exhaling to keep them warm. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a car pulled up beside him and threw on its hazards. He saw the trunk pop open as he approached and then his brother stepped out of the driver's side with an anxious smile plastered on his face.

"Hey, Reggie," Sirius said, walking towards him but unsure of what to do with himself.

"Hey, Sirius," Regulus replied. He wheeled his luggage in between them, stretching out his arms to offer Sirius the luggage instead of allowing anything resembling a hug to happen. "I'm cold, I hope you have heated seats." Regulus left his suitcase where it sat between them and turned on his heel towards the passenger's side door.

"Nice to see you too," Sirius said under his breath as he grabbed the luggage. Regulus plopped himself into the passenger seat, his backpack nestled between his knees, and began to fiddle with the controls in the car in a desperate attempt to warm himself up. He heard Sirius drop the suitcase in the back and slam the trunk closed, probably with more force than necessary, and then his brother was in the car next to him.

"So, how was—"

"I don't want to talk yet," Regulus snapped. "Let's just get to your house first."

"Okay," Sirius drew out the vowels, his voice laced with sarcasm and mock appeasement.

He pulled out into the traffic with an aggression that, if Regulus hadn't been born and raised here, he would have assumed was anger at him, but he knew better. Being assertive and cutting other drivers off was the only way to get anywhere at 5:30 PM on a weekday in Boston. What he didn't expect was for Sirius to get on the highway and stay there. He had assumed when Sirius had mentioned that he had been playing for the Bruins for a couple of years now that he lived in the city. After all, why commute in and out of Boston when he could afford housing between their inheritance and what he assumed was a healthy paycheck?

His questioning about where they were headed grew more incessant the longer they sat in the car. It had been so long, nearly 45 minutes at this point, and Regulus was sure that they were getting further and further away from the city rather than into one of the boroughs that he assumed they were heading towards initially. Eventually, his curiosity outweighed his need to stick to his request of no talking until we get to your house when they passed into Rhode Island.

"Where exactly are we going?" Regulus asked, breaking the tense silence between them.

"To my house?" Sirius said with a lilt like it was a question.

"Right," Regulus said. "Where do you live now? I figured you'd live in the city or at least in Quincy or something. You commute this far for work every day?"

"I don't work in Boston, Reg."

"You said you play for the Bruins. I know I've checked out from that world for a long time, but it's hard to forget that the Bruins are from Boston."

"You never once tuned into a Bruins game to see me?"

"You know I— No, I haven't watched hockey since the last time I went to one of your games. I figured you had more than enough fans anyway." He hadn't been able to look at an ice rink since his accident, let alone watch an entire hockey game, and while a part of him felt guilty for not supporting his brother, his brother hadn't tried to understand him when he needed him most. Their relationship had been… strenuous at best since Regulus injured himself beyond repair.

Sirius' cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I do technically play for the Bruins. But not The Bruins— I play for the Providence Bruins."

"Providence Bruins?" Regulus asked in disbelief. He had never heard of the Providence Bruins and despite moving to Arizona after his injury, he had grown up here and been involved in Sirius' hockey career since they were children.

"Yeah, we're in the AHL… the next step down from the NHL. Like if they need a new player, they'll look to our team first." Sirius rambled. "It's still professional, I get paid to play and everything, but they don't really put our games on TV or anything."

Regulus raised a brow in judgment that his brother couldn't see in the dark car. "So you don't live in Boston?"

"No, I live in Providence." Sirius finally admitted.

"And you didn't think that was important information to tell me when I booked my flight?" He couldn't believe that Sirius hadn't corrected him when he was confirming his flight information with his brother last week. "There's literally an airport in Providence."

Sirius paused, the silence growing heavy between them again for a few long moments. "Well, it wasn't a big deal, I mean it's only an hour and a half away and you had already booked the flight."

"Sirius, what the fuck?" Regulus couldn't stop the anger from filtering into his voice.

"What?" Sirius asked incredulously. "I didn't want you to cancel the flight and then change your mind. It really wasn't a big deal for me to drive out here to get you."

"I fucking hate Logan, you should have said something. Providence would have been easier for both of us." It would have been worth it to eat the entire cost of the flights to and from Boston if it meant that he could fly in and out of Providence. He would have to see if he could change his flight home.

"Right, but then you might not have come." Sirius said triumphantly. "Admit it, the glory of seeing your brother in an NHL game was appealing."

"It really wasn't," Regulus deadpanned.

"Liar."

"Asshole."

"Whatever. I need to stop by the rink anyway, I forgot to grab something." The fact that Sirius didn't specify what he forgot to grab made Regulus' hackles rise. It felt like a Sirius Black Plot and he wanted nothing to do with it.

"I'll wait in the car."

"Oh, come on. It's late, no one will be there. You can even go on the ice if you want, I should be able to dig up some spare skates."

And there it was, the plot.

"No."

"Reggie," Sirius whined.

"I said no. I'll come inside if it'll make you shut up, but I'm not going on the ice. We're in and out, that's it."

Sirius smiled like he had won and maybe he had. Regulus hadn't stepped foot in an ice rink since his accident five years ago. He figured while he was here, he'd have to endure at least one game though, and so going inside while no one was around was a better option in case he felt a panic attack rising inside of him.

"I'm really glad you're here, Reggie. I have so many things planned for us, we need to pack the last five years worth of Christmases into the next twenty five days. I got Remus on board too. I even reached out to Pete, I don't think you ever met him actually. Anyway, he said he'd meet up with us one day. He plays for the actual Bruins. Got scouted a couple years ago. Goalie. Always knew he had it in him." Sirius continued to prattle on about his hockey friends, but Regulus stopped listening. Eventually, Sirius stopped talking in favor of playing music. He supposed it didn't matter how much time had passed, Sirius knew when Regulus' social battery had worn out without needing to be told.

When Sirius parked the car, Regulus looked around to see a handful of other cars in the parking lot. "I thought you said no one would be here."

"You had to know that was an exaggeration. Come on, you haven't been out of this world for so long that you honestly believed me when I said no one would be here, did you?"

"I'll wait."

"Come on," Sirius complained as he cut the engine. The bitter cold outside began to seep into the car immediately. "You already said you'd come in and I know you don't wanna sit in the cold. You've become delicate in the desert."

"Fine," Regulus rolled his eyes and pulled his hood up before getting out of the car. He followed Sirius to the door and huffed as his brother fumbled with the keys. When the door was unlocked, Sirius waved his hand dramatically to let Regulus inside first.

"I still don't know what we needed to come here for," Regulus complained as they walked down the hallway towards the ice. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt and did his best to ignore the overwhelming nostalgia that the sharp scent of the ice brought him.

"Pain cream," Sirius said plainly. "I forgot it in my locker and Coach has me applying it four times a day during the season."

"Okay, well hurry up. I'm gonna go sit in the stands while I wait."

They parted ways, Sirius heading down toward the locker rooms while Regulus found his way to the rink. He sat in the stands and allowed himself to close his eyes for a few minutes as he acclimated his senses to being in the arena. He couldn't help but feel watched and when he opened his eyes, it was like he was magnetically drawn to one of the few people still on the ice. The man was herding a group of children off the ice towards their families, but his eyes didn't leave Regulus for a single moment. Regulus couldn't help but notice how comfortable he was on the ice, despite being surrounded by small children, and had to guess that he was one of Sirius' teammates. He also couldn't help but notice how unbelievably attractive the man was with his dark hair and golden skin, and despite being bundled in clothing, Regulus could tell that he was fit.

The man flashed a pearly white smile at the families as they collected their things and left. It had to be illegal to be that attractive, right? Just as the man drifted off the ice and Regulus began to consider saying hello, Sirius appeared beside him.

"Oh, James must have just finished teaching class. Come say hello."

"Excuse me?" Regulus asked in disbelief.

"James. He's one of my teammates. His family is back in California, so he's gonna be around a lot for the holidays. Let me introduce you."

Suddenly, Regulus wanted nothing to do with the beautiful man he had just been contemplating introducing himself to.

"I'm tired, can we leave? I'll do my brotherly duties of meeting your idiot teammates another day." Regulus hoped that his tone came across as loathsome rather than how he was actually feeling—pathetic. He was tired, but really he wanted to avoid meeting this new guy—James—with his brother analyzing every move he made. He and Stephan had just broken up and while Sirius didn't know the entire story, Regulus knew that his brother would pick up on Regulus' interest in James immediately. He wanted to avoid any commentary about moving on that he could. Sirius had never been the understanding type and he had never gone through a breakup, having set his sights on Remus when they were in high school and never once losing interest. It made Regulus feel inadequate.

"Reggie, he already saw us. Don't be rude." Sirius tugged at his upper arm and as much as Regulus wanted to resist, Sirius was stronger than him.

He followed his brother down towards where James sat unlacing his skates. Being around his brother had always made him feel small, but something about the way he was tugged around and followed Sirius like a lost puppy made him feel like a kid again. Perhaps a part of it was how long it had been since the two of them had seen each other, but regardless he didn't like it. He thought he had grown and changed a lot in the last five years in Arizona with Stephan, but maybe Stephan had been right. He really hadn't changed— he was still the immature, self-absorbed asshole he had always been.

"Prongs," Sirius said excitedly when they were closer to James. "This is my baby brother I was telling you about, Regulus."

James looked up with a smile and a glint in his eyes that Regulus couldn't quite place. "When you told me your baby brother was visiting, I expected a child," James said to Sirius with mock offense. "Hi, Regulus, I'm James." He held out his hand to Regulus to shake and when Regulus took it, his entire hand was enveloped. James' hand was strong, callused from years of hard work, and entirely too large for Regulus to comprehend.

He had always been on the smaller side, his body had never been built for hockey like his brother. Much to his parents' chagrin, it was like he had been created for figure skating. Their father had always dreamed of both of his sons following in his footsteps by playing professional hockey. They'd grown up skating and if Regulus had to guess, they probably skated before they could walk. Sirius was a natural at hockey, always ready for a fight, but Regulus had always been more cautious. He had watched the girls during free skate with yearning for years until he had finally seen another boy jump and glide with practiced ease and elegance. It was in that moment that his entire life changed. He tried for weeks to mimic the boy's routine in his hockey skates, falling every time he attempted to jump, until Sirius had finally caught him practicing on the frozen pond behind their home.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked in horror after Regulus fell once again.

"None of your business," Regulus said as he lifted himself from the frozen surface.

"Is this some kind of weird agility exercise?" Of course Sirius wouldn't drop it. He had never been deterred in his life. Stubborn and Sirius Black were practically synonymous with each other.

"I'm trying to do a toe loop," Regulus finally admitted.

"You're never gonna do one of those in hockey skates." Sirius stated plainly.

"Well it's not like I can go and ask father for figure skates, he'll just call me queer."

"So what?"

Regulus froze. They had both grown used to the casual abuse that their parents had inflicted upon them. He had always been surprised that Sirius went along with playing hockey at all, always one to fight back against their parents instead of taking his punishments with ease as Regulus had. Regulus supposed it was simply because Sirius loved the sport in spite of their parents, not because he was expected to.

"I-I don't want to upset father. You know what he expects of me— of us."

"Right, but you're not any good at hockey—no offense—so maybe he'll accept you at least being involved in an ice sport. I mean, from what I saw it seems like you're a natural."

From that day forward, Regulus had worked himself tirelessly, building his muscles in a new way that hadn't been expected when he was playing hockey like his brother. As he grew, his body became lithe and slender as opposed to Sirius' bulk and brute strength. Even five years out of the sport, he was still… small. Especially in comparison to the hockey players that Sirius was surrounded by.

Regulus suddenly realized that he hadn't said anything—or even removed his hand from James'—and pulled his hand away abruptly. "Nice to meet you. Why did they give you that stupid nickname?"

James laughed and the sound was like music to Regulus' ears. Bright and carefree, like he had never had a bad day in his life. "God, you cut right to it, huh? Nearly stabbed a guy once with the end of my stick, not my proudest moment and I swear it was an accident, but never lived it down anyway."

Regulus hummed in mock contemplation. "Too bad it wasn't on purpose."

"Huh?" Sirius and James said in unison.

"It would have shown you have ambition. But instead you're just clumsy and you'll never live it down if that's what your entire team calls you. One day, if you're good enough, you'll get drafted and every fan of yours will call you by a nickname you earned by making a mistake. How embarrassing."

"Reggie—"

"You're right," James said, his voice thick with humor. "I should have stabbed the guy and ruined my entire career and life. My mistake, it won't happen again."

Regulus' mouth quirked up in a dark smile. Stephan had never wanted to play these games with him. Perhaps James was more than he appeared after all. "Glad to hear it, I look forward to the next game." Regulus turned on his heel and strode towards the exit, making a conscious effort not to limp. He didn't bother to wait for Sirius to follow him; he knew his brother wouldn't let him get too far ahead without chasing after him.

As expected, Sirius caught up to him before he had even made it to the exit. "Did you have to do that?"

"Do what?" Regulus asked even though he knew what Sirius was getting at.

"Be rude to my friend? He's going to be joining us for all of our holiday activities you know."

"Who says I was being rude? He seemed to find it amusing. It's not my fault you don't have a sense of humor."

Sirius groaned and tipped his head back in frustration. "Ew, do you like him?"

"What? No."

Lie. James was gorgeous and Regulus had always had a hard time resisting beautiful things.

"You can look, but don't hit on my best friend. Please. I don't want him to feel weird at Christmas."

"Whatever."

They rode back to Sirius' house in palpable silence, the two of them equally exhausted by their day together. If this was how the first day back in New England with his brother went, Regulus was nervous to see how the rest of the month would go.

Chapter Text

When Regulus woke that morning, he all but dragged himself out of bed. The house was warm, but his knee still ached from the cold. He groaned, irritated at the possibility of feeling this way for an entire month before he went back to Arizona.

By the time Regulus had booked his flight to visit his brother, he had assumed that his relationship with Stephan had dissolved entirely. Sure, they shared an apartment and they needed to figure out how to untangle their lives, but Regulus felt like he had been pretty clear when he told Stephan that they were done. Stephan, on the other hand, didn't seem to be on the same page. He checked his phone for the first time since he landed to find a handful of texts from his ex, ranging from wishing him a safe flight, checking that he had landed, all the way to saying how he missed Regulus and hoped to hear from him soon. Regulus couldn't be sure if Stephan missed him or the financial stability that being together brought Stephan. Regardless, he was irritated. This time away from one another was supposed to give them space to see how they could both move forward. Their relationship had never been healthy though and clearly, neither would their breakup.

The two of them had met shortly after Regulus' injury. Regulus had decided to go to Arizona to visit Evan and Barty—the two of them having moved there not too long before his trip—and Stephan was a bartender at the restaurant where Barty worked. They shared a few drinks and Regulus had loved being admired by someone who had no idea about his failed dreams of competing in the Olympics. Reflecting back, he wasn't sure if he had ever truly liked Stephan or simply the attention that he gave him. Regulus had allowed himself to get swept up in the romance of it all and hadn't looked back to his home state since, preferring to avoid his problems rather than face them head on to a fault.

He put his phone back on do not disturb, avoiding replying to Stephan before he sat up and stretched his knee, working the stiffness from the joint. Then, he padded down the stairs to find Sirius and Remus sitting at the kitchen table nursing mugs of coffee.

"Morning," Remus greeted. "There's more coffee if you want some."

Regulus nodded in greeting. "Do you have tea?"

"I got a box of that Earl Grey you've always liked," Sirius offered. "Here—" He quickly got up from the table to show Regulus the cabinet where the tea and mugs were kept, then filled the kettle to set on the stove to boil. "You still like this one, right?" His voice was laced with doubt that Regulus had rarely heard from his brother before.

"Yeah, I do… Thanks. I-I didn't think you'd remember." Regulus ripped open the packet of tea and gingerly placed the tea bag in a mug while he waited for the kettle to boil. Once it had, he made his cup of tea—two sugars, and a splash of milk—and sat at the kitchen table with Sirius and Remus, reveling in the fragrant aroma steaming from the mug in his hands.

He couldn't help but think about how Stephan had always tried to buy him more expensive—and presumably better—brands of Earl Grey, even going so far as to buy him an entire tea set and loose leaf one year for Christmas. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful, but Regulus was a creature of habit. He liked the brand of tea he had grown up drinking and nothing else tasted quite right to him. Stephan had never understood why he wouldn't just try the teas he had purchased, but Stephan had never tried to understand his other idiosyncrasies either.

"We were thinking of going to get a Christmas tree today," Remus said brightly. "Do you want to come with us?"

Sirius scoffed. "Of course he's coming with us."

Remus shot him a look that made Sirius press his lips in a firm line.

"Sure," Regulus sighed. "I'll come with you guys."

Getting a Christmas tree, it turned out, was not as simple as Regulus had thought. All their life, a Christmas tree had simply appeared in their home—fully decorated, of course—when they returned home from school or practices. Regulus had no idea that the process of getting a Christmas tree was this involved, but after a thirty minute car ride, they pulled up to what could only be described as the middle of nowhere. The car jostled on a dirt parking lot and Regulus gave his brother an incredulous glare when they had all gotten out of the car.

"Really? You couldn't have told me we were trudging through snow to get the Christmas tree?"

Sirius barked a laugh, a toothy grin plastered on his face. "I knew you wouldn't come if I told you we were cutting our own Christmas tree. Come on, the sooner we trudge through the snow, the sooner you can mope at home."

With a heavy sigh, Regulus mustered up his patience and followed as Sirius led the way towards the rows of evergreens. Remus kept pace with him, but Regulus could tell from the way he was holding his body that he was in pain too. Sirius never strayed too far, glancing back on occasion and slowing himself down when he noticed that his pace was too brisk.

"Why do you do this shit if you're in pain too?" Regulus asked Remus when he noticed that Sirius was just out of earshot.

Remus gave him a measured look. "The same reason you're doing it."

"What's that?"

"I love him. I know this makes him happy. I'm gonna be sore regardless, so I might as well do something that's worthwhile." Remus rubbed his palms together as he spoke in an attempt to warm his hands before stuffing them into his jacket pockets. "Can't avoid living just because of a little pain, right?"

Regulus let out a breath and watched the cloud of fog drift away from his mouth and dissipate in the air around them as he let Remus' words sink in. "No, I suppose not."

He wasn't sure if he believed it though.

Sirius had called a few of his friends to come over and help decorate their home for Christmas on the drive home. Remus had fallen asleep in the passenger seat, softly snoring and waking with a jolt when Sirius shifted the car into park. When Sirius began to whisper softly to Remus about going inside to take some pain medicine and a nap, Regulus let himself out of the back seat to give them a moment alone. He stared at the tree on the roof, wondering to himself exactly how they were going to get it inside.

The car doors slammed and Regulus watched as Remus walked into the house, sleepy and slow.

"James and Pete will be here in a bit," Sirius said. "They'll help with the tree. How's your knee?"

"I'm fine," Regulus snapped. He hadn't meant it to come out so short, but part of the reason he had left was because of how Sirius shifted in the way he treated him. All soft and concerned at the wrong times, otherwise far too self absorbed to listen to what had truly been eating away at Regulus. For once, he wished Sirius would take the bait and argue with him like they were brothers again.

"Right." Sirius didn't take the bait. Instead, he turned on his heel and walked up the steps towards the front door. "You coming? Or are you just gonna stand out in the cold alone?"

Regulus nodded and followed his brother inside, kicking off his snow covered boots in the hallway and hanging his jacket on a hook along the wall next to Sirius'. The two of them walked to the kitchen, Sirius filled and set the kettle on the stove to boil. The silence was palpable, neither of them sure of how to mend their years long lack of contact. The occasional phone call hadn't done much to maintain their brotherly bond.

When they were children, the two of them had been inseparable. They only had each other for so long, helping one another endure the neglect of their parents. Sirius had always been the stronger of the two of them, or that's how Regulus had seen it anyway. As they grew, Sirius became warmer. He seemed able to cope with all that they had endured in a way that drove him to be better—to express his love, and, in return to be loved by anyone who was lucky enough to be in his orbit. Regulus had been the exact opposite and when he compared their lives now, it was apparent to him that Sirius had been—and would always be—the more successful of the pair.

Regulus sat at the table and stretched his knee, gently massaging the aches. He hadn't been this sore in a long time and worried if he'd be able to get out of bed tomorrow.

"Here," Sirius murmured. He held a paper packet in his outstretched hand, his brows forming a crease in concern. "It's a heat patch, they help Remus when he can't be laid up with a heating pad."

"I'm—"

"I know, you said you're fine. But it's okay if you aren't. You don't have to hide it from me, but if you want to hide it from the guys when they're here, that should help."

It was a kindness that Regulus wasn't sure he deserved, but he accepted the patch and rolled up his pant leg to apply it anyway. He tried—and failed—to ignore his brother's eyes latch onto the scars along his knee, angry and purple even after all these years on his pale skin. "Thanks," he breathed. "Looks more awful than it feels."

"They always do, right?" Sirius said lightly, but Regulus knew better than to trust his tone. He had always tried to make light of heavy situations and it seemed like time hadn't changed that about his brother.

Sirius busied himself with pouring them tea and before they had the chance to let another uncomfortable silence build between them, there was a knocking on the door, followed by the sounds of two people letting themselves inside.

"I'm gonna—"

"Go ahead, I'll be here," Regulus said with a wave of his hand.

Sirius hesitated for a moment before he left Regulus alone at the kitchen table to greet his friends. There were warm sounds of greetings and laughter, and then Regulus heard them all go outside. He imagined if he had stayed—if he had never let his shame take hold of him—that he would have been greeting the men in hallway with the same warmth. That he and his brother would have plenty to joke and laugh about. Instead, he sat alone with his tea and his pain, unsure if his knee or his heart hurt more.

Chapter Text

At the sound of the door crashing open and three men grunting, Regulus rose from his seat with his cup of tea cradled in his palms to watch the group struggle to bring the Christmas tree in through the narrow hallway to the living room. He leaned against the door frame and sipped his tea in amusement. Each of the men was larger than average, their shoulders wide and muscles bulky, and Sirius had insisted on selecting a sizable tree, despite the small space in the home. Even with the tree wrapped in burlap and twine, the fit was tight between them all trying to carry it on the sides.

"You know, you might have an easier time if one of you pulled the tree inside instead of carrying it like a bunch of pallbearers," Regulus mused from his comfortable place against the door frame.

"Enough from you," Sirius scowled. "We don't need your unsolicited advice."

Regulus hummed and sipped at his tea, watching the three of them struggle. "If you say so."

The three of them struggled for a while longer, making enough racket to make Remus wander downstairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He leaned up against the wall beside Regulus and watched with a smirk on his face.

"All brawn, no brains," Regulus said under his breath.

Remus laughed and crossed his arms. "Yeah, but it sure is entertaining to watch."

When he heard Remus' voice, Sirius' sharp gaze landed on him and he dropped the tree, ambling over to dote on his boyfriend. "What are you doing awake?"

A blonde man—Pete, Regulus assumed—looked over at Sirius with his mouth agape, completely dumbfounded by Sirius' lack of awareness of anything but Remus. James let out a laugh and Regulus couldn't help when his eyes flicked over to him. He watched as the two of them set the tree down on the floor, repositioning themselves on either end of the tree, and carried it the rest of the way inside while Sirius was distracted.

"Padfoot, do you have a saw we can use to cut the end of the tree?" James asked, brushing pine needles off his hands and onto the floor. "And a broom, I suppose," he added sheepishly.

"Shit, yeah," Sirius startled. "In the garage, one sec." He placed a brief kiss on Remus' lips and hurried away to the garage.

Remus yawned, stretching his hands above his head and groaning as his back cracked. "Beers?" Regulus thought it was a question, but no one answered. Instead, Remus lightly pushed Regulus into the kitchen and the rest of them followed. Remus grabbed a six pack from the fridge and placed it on the table for all of them to help themselves. Regulus hesitated, not usually one for beer, but decided to abandon his mug of tea in the sink in favor of not being sober while getting wrangled into decorating the house.

"Guys, this is Regulus by the way," Remus said, opening his beer and passing James the bottle opener. "Sirius' brother."

"Pete, nice to meet you," Pete said, nodding and tipping his beer towards Regulus in greeting. "I didn't realize Sirius had a brother, did you James?"

James nodded and swallowed a sip of beer. Regulus tracked the liquid's path down James' throat, his mouth going dry at the sight of his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed. "Yeah, we met yesterday." James offered him a smile and Regulus froze, unsure if he had been caught blatantly checking him out.

"You're so tiny," Pete said with a laugh. "Not a hockey player, I take it?"

"Uh, no." Regulus had been called many things in his life—taunts and slurs came with the territory of being a gay figure skater—but never had he been called tiny to his face.

"He played when he was little," Sirius said as he entered the room and set the saw on the table in exchange for a beer.

"Played is too generous and we both know it," Regulus deadpanned.

The whole room laughed and drank their beers, easing into comfortable conversations that Regulus found himself on the outskirts of. He drank more so out of something to do rather than to get drunk, observing from his seat at the kitchen table as the other four men mulled around the house. They worked together seamlessly, putting up the tree and cleaning the mess of needles around the house before unpacking decorations that had been collected over the years. He stayed in the kitchen, nursing his beer and struggling to find a place where he belonged in their joy.

He thought about the first Christmas he spent away from home. Stephan had tried—and failed—to get Regulus to participate in decorating the apartment. They argued, had make-up sex, and ended up going to Evan and Barty's apartment to celebrate the holiday instead. It wasn't glamorous or sweet. The years that followed were much the same, but Stephan tried less and less with each year that passed. Regulus was beginning to realize that their Christmases were much like their entire relationship— him, stubborn and set in his ways; Stephan, full of carefree joy that Regulus slowly stamped out.

"Hey," James said, jolting Regulus from his self-depreciation spiral. He opened the fridge to grab another beer. "Want another?"

"Y-yeah," Regulus nodded. "Thanks."

James cracked open the two beers and held one out as he sat next to him. "He's really glad you're here, you know." He tipped his chin towards Sirius.

Regulus looked at his brother, oblivious to the two of them as he joyfully decorated the tree. He took a long sip of his beer, internally cringing at the heady hops infiltrating his senses. "It seems like his life has been perfect without me, quite frankly."

"Oh, come on. You're his brother, you must know he buries all his problems with jokes." James leveled him a look before taking a sip of his own beer. "I'm betting you bury yours in that mask of indifference you wear so well."

Regulus' eyes narrowed, unsure of the intentions of the man sitting beside him.

"Don't get me wrong, it's hot," James smirked.

"Did you get hit too many times in the head?" Regulus sneered.

"Maybe, but that doesn't change that you're a little mean and I like it." James sipped at his beer as the silence between them grew more and more uncomfortable. "I didn't mean to— Sorry if I read you wrong."

The beer must have been going to Regulus' head because instead of ending the conversation—shutting down James' advances and joining his brother in decorating the house—he wanted to feed into it. "If you're apologizing because you think I'm straight, don't bother. Burying our feelings isn't the only thing that runs in the family."

James smiled, huffing a laugh and leaning back into his chair with what Regulus could only describe as relief. "How long are you staying?"

"A few weeks, at least through Christmas."

"Where are you visiting from? Sirius didn't say."

"Arizona." He decidedly did not inform the beautiful man sitting next to him about his pathetic relationship problems.

James hummed before bringing his beer to his lips. "Sirius and I have been best friends for about four years now, you know? We were basically inseparable from the moment we met. He's only talked about his family— He's only talked about you a handful of times. I always got the impression that it was too sensitive for me to pry. But the last couple of weeks he's been different. Lighter, if that makes sense. I'm glad you're visiting, for his sake. Hopefully we get to spend more time together too."

The fact that Sirius barely ever mentioned him shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. He had also been doing his best to pretend he never had a family all these years, after all. The two of them barely spoke, and when they did it was usually via text to simply make sure the other one was still alive. And yet, it hurt in a deep wound that had been festering for years.

"I never really saw the point in spending all this time decorating," Regulus said, desperate to change the subject. "You're gonna have to clean it up and pack it away in a month, just to store it for 11 months out of the year."

"Because it's pretty," James said simply. "Plus, it brings people together, like us today. We never get to see Pete—or you—and the holidays give us an excuse to guilt our loved ones into spending time with us." He drained his beer and placed the empty bottle on the table between them as he stood. "Come help, the sooner we're done, the sooner you can get back to sulking."

"Very funny," Regulus deadpanned before downing the last of his drink.

He followed the other man into the living room where the rest of the group was gathered. A Christmas movie that he wasn't familiar with was playing softly in the background, but no one seemed to be paying attention to it, far too engrossed in stringing lights and tinsel around the room. Sirius was digging through a box next to the tree, already illuminated with soft lights and ready to be decorated with ornaments.

"Reggie, hey! Look," his brother said as he held up an age-worn handmade ornament, a small pile of similar ones in his lap.

"How did you— I thought she threw these out when we brought them home." Regulus took the construction paper ornament from his brother's hand and watched as his brother continued to dig through the box, resurfacing with a few more they had both made over the years in school.

"She did," Sirius said with a conspiratorial grin. "You know Mother Dearest could never stand to have construction paper ornaments on her beloved tree. Think of the scandal. Nah, I dug them out of the trash every year and hid them in my room."

"You— Why? You kept them all these years?" The thought that his brother had kept something so silly and yet sentimental made his eyes burn. Maybe the alcohol had caught up to him, but he was oddly touched by the fact that over the years a very young and very naive Sirius had snuck out of his bed in the middle of the night to dig through the trash for these bits of paper. How he had managed to hide them from their mother until he moved out, Regulus could only imagine. The woman had always ensured neither of them felt as though they had any privacy.

"I don't know," Sirius shrugged. "You looked so sad when she had thrown it out that first time. You came home, so excited to show her this hideous macaroni ornament you made in kindergarten and she just… threw it in the garbage. Right in front of you. I know it doesn't really matter now, but I guess I wanted to cherish them the way she should have."

"That's…" He felt the tears burning, threatening to spill. He blinked back hard and glanced down at the macaroni ornament in question. "It is pretty hideous, huh?"

Sirius barked a laugh. "Yeah, fucking ghastly. Let's put it front and center."

"Please don't," Regulus groaned as his brother snatched the ornament from his hands and placed it on the tree.

"Too late," Sirius beamed, staring up at his work. "I'm really glad you came for Christmas, Reg," he said softer, a sentiment meant just for the two of them.

"Yeah?" He wasn't sure he believed him—things had been so awkward between them since he arrived and he wasn't sure how to make things better.

"Yeah, I missed you." His brother sounded small with the confession on his lips.

"I missed you too," he whispered back.

Chapter Text

"Reggie," Sirius whined, drawing out the vowels in a way that he knew grated on Regulus' nerves. He draped his upper body across the kitchen table dramatically, nearly knocking into the mugs of coffee and tea along the way. "Come with me to practice, I know you want to watch James skate."

"I do not," Regulus gaped, his cheeks heating with the insinuation. He threw the crust of his toast at his brother's head and watched it bounce onto the table. "You're being dramatic. This is your job, I don't want to go to work with you. Besides, I thought you didn't want me to hit on him."

"I don't, but if it means that you'll come with me to the rink then I'll approve of you staring at his ass."

Remus laughed around his mouthful of toast as he watched the brothers. Things had slowly been becoming more comfortable between them, but Regulus still wasn't sure to make of his brother and their relationship after the strain of moving cross-country.

"It would be good for you to get out of the house, actually," Remus said. "I need to clean up around here and run a few errands."

"I can help you," Regulus jumped on the opportunity. Anything to get out of going to the rink.

Remus shook his head. "It'll take me longer than just doing it myself if I have to tell you where things go. Besides, we don't both need to hobble along in the grocery store, do we? Go. Spend some time familiarizing yourself with the rink before the big game this weekend."

He, unfortunately, could not come up with an argument against that. "Fine," he groaned before finishing off the last of his tea. "But I'm gonna be miserable the whole time."

"You always are anyway," Sirius shot back, picking up the crust from the table and throwing it back at him. "We have to leave in fifteen, put a heat patch on so the cold doesn't fuck up your knee."

"Will you stop acting like a mother hen? I know how to deal with my pain, I've been doing it alone for years now," Regulus snapped as he stood up to go change. He didn't give his brother the opportunity to say anything before storming up the stairs to the guest room and he certainly wouldn't admit that he had followed his advice before pulling on his warmest clothes.

He steeled himself before walking into the rink, following behind his brother like they were children again—unsure and uncomfortable. Despite the heat patch, his knee wouldn't stop reminding him that it ached. He groaned under his breath as he sat close to the ice and pulled out his phone, determined to tune out the twinge in his knee and the sharp smell of ice.

He hadn't expected to be at the rink at all on his trip to visit his brother, but in retrospect he realized that was naive of him, at best. Him and his brother had grown up on the ice. They had shared so many good—and awful—memories skating and playing together. It was only natural that Sirius would fall back on hockey as a way for them to rekindle their bond.

Regulus wanted to hold this against him—the reminders of his trauma surrounding him and making it impossible to forget the loss of everything he ever cared about—but he knew that wouldn't be fair. There was no way for his brother to realize just how deeply hurt he was by every reminder of his previous life.

Despite it all, when the team filed out and began their warm ups, he couldn't help how his gaze lingered on James. Even underneath the padding, Regulus could tell how strong his thighs were in the tight-fitting pants and he couldn't stop himself from staring as he stretched and skated with fluid ease around the rink.

As the team practiced together, he scrolled on his phone, headphones covering most of the sounds of their scrimmage and playful taunts. He flinched when Sirius slammed into the boards, spitting out his mouth guard and waving his hand obnoxiously to get his attention. He couldn't help but to glare at his brother as he pulled out one earbud, disgusted by the trail of spit that connected his mouth to the guard dangling from his helmet in front of his face.

"Yes?" He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head as he asked the question.

"Practice will be over soon." The thread of saliva finally broke away, dripping onto his chin without even a moment of consideration. "Come skate with me like we used to." Sirius smiled up at him, his cheeks pink with exertion and his black waves sticky with sweat on his face.

"No."

"C'mon, it'll just be the two of us," his brother whined.

"I said no, stop fucking asking me. It's not gonna happen." He thought his tone left no room for argument, and maybe to most people it wouldn't, but to his brother? Sirius always found room to argue with Regulus when he didn't get his way.

"Have you even tried to skate since the injury?"

Every part of Regulus' mind knew that Sirius hadn't meant that statement in the way it came out, but he couldn't help the knee-jerk reaction he felt at the tone. He couldn't skate anymore—Sirius knew this, he knew this, their parents knew this—and yet, no matter how many times he explained it to him, his brother couldn't stop pushing. With each push, the distance between them grew harder and harder to close. It didn't matter how tightly Sirius tried to hold on if he first pushed Regulus out of his reach. That question was just one more shove further away from reconciliation.

"I'm leaving," Regulus said coldly. He shoved in his earbud, turning his music up as loudly as he could bear, and pulled up a rideshare app to get a ride back to Sirius and Remus' house. If his brother had continued to argue with him from the ice, he was blissfully unaware.

What he wasn't expecting was that while he was standing outside waiting for the car to pull up, Sirius came outside after him. He grabbed Regulus' shoulder and forced him to turn towards him, glaring down with anger and something that resembled hurt. Regulus pulled out his earbuds and glared back, disdain simmering below the surface of his anxiety.

"You can't just keep running, Reg."

"Then stop fucking asking me to skate with you. It's not happening. Ever." He took in a shaky breath, desperate to ground himself in the moment rather than think back to the day of his injury. "I'm not that person anymore, I need you to accept that."

"I'm just trying to help," Sirius protested.

"Did I ask for your help?" Regulus' voice went up a notch as he leaned into his anger in favor of anxiety.

Sirius let out a shuddering breath and it only made Regulus more resentful. He wanted his brother to argue with him, to fight with him and get just as worked up as he was.

"No, you didn't," Sirius acquiesced. "I just think it would be good for you to try."

"I'm tired," Regulus groaned. He glanced down at his phone and saw the Driver is Arriving notification light up the screen. "I'll meet you at the house."

"Can you just wait? I'll be… ten minutes, max."

"You still need to shower," he complained.

The rideshare car pulled up, a belt squeaking and brakes grinding as they slowed to a stop. The two brothers glanced at each other, Sirius raising an eyebrow in question— practically daring Regulus to get into the car. They both knew that wasn't going to happen. Regulus canceled the ride on his phone with a heavy sigh.

The driver rolled down the window, yelling expletives and flipping them off before driving away so quickly they could smell the rubber of the worn tires on the pavement. The two of them looked at each other, trying desperately to keep a straight face, before they both burst out in a fit of laughter.

"Okay," Regulus said through a gasp for air. "I'll compromise by taking your keys and sitting in the car while you shower."

Sirius snorted, but nodded anyway, a stupid grin still plastered on his face. "Deal."

They walked together to the locker room, Regulus trailing behind with a slight limp from standing in the cold. He cursed under his breath, doing his best to continue the journey without anyone noticing his old injury, while also regretting not following through with all of the physical therapy he had been prescribed at the time. Now, his joint was stiff and no amount of stretching or strengthening would repair what had been done. Sirius held the door open for him, patiently waiting for Regulus to catch up.

"I'll just wait out here," Regulus said.

"My locker is still open, just— Can you just come in and grab the keys so we can leave sooner?"

"Fine," Regulus huffed and followed his brother into the locker room.

Most of the team had already cleared out by now, the room was steamy from their showers and no one was in the locker room itself. He still heard a gentle stream of water from a shower further into the room, but otherwise they were alone. Sirius pointed to his open locker and disappeared towards the showers.

Regulus rummaged through Sirius' locker, trying to find the car keys in the mess of hockey equipment, pain cream, and clean casual clothes. Finally, he found the keys and shoved them in his pocket.

"I'm not sure you're supposed to be in here."

Regulus jumped at the sound of James' voice, then turned to find him in nothing but a towel hung low on his hips. Water beaded and rolled down his abs and Regulus… Well, he was only a man. He tracked the water's path down the planes of his bronze muscles until it melted into the dark trail of hair that disappeared under the towel that did nothing but enhance the view of the deep v of his hips.

Regulus' tongue dipped out and wet his lips, eyes slowly dragging up James' body until he finally landed on his face only to find a cocky smile and his amber eyes wrinkled with amusement.

"I'm not complaining," James remarked.

"Not… Huh?" Regulus felt intoxicated from drinking in the sight of him.

James took two fluid steps in his direction, closing the distance between them. Regulus tried to take a step back, only to bump into the locker behind him. As James gazed down at him, he placed a wide palm, flat against the locker beside Regulus' curls. Tiny beads of water dripped down from his wet hair, landing on Regulus' cheeks.

A droplet landed on his lips and Regulus licked the moisture from his mouth. James' breath caught in his throat as his eyes flicked down to track the movement of his tongue. For one brief moment, they both froze, completely entranced by one another. Time stood still and Regulus wasn't sure that either of them were even breathing.

A loud ring echoed in the locker room, breaking their trance and vibrating in the pocket of Regulus' pants. "I… Have to get this," Regulus said on a shaky exhale.

"Do you, now?" James smiled, smugness lacing his voice.

Regulus could only nod, ducking under James' arm and scrambling away. He pulled his phone, still ringing loudly, out of his pocket and answered the unknown caller.

"Hello?" He gave James a shy, apologetic smile as he continued to walk backwards away from him.

James leaned back against the lockers, arms crossed and a knowing smirk on his face.

The caller was, of course, a telemarketer. Better than Stephan, Regulus supposed, but as he walked out of the locker room he had to keep up appearances of it being someone he knew fondly. He carried on a fake conversation with the caller until he had finally left the room, then dropped the call. As quickly as he could, he went back to Sirius' car in hopes of avoiding all things James for the rest of the evening, at the very least.

Chapter Text

Regulus still didn't know how to behave around his brother. The evening and following morning were full of stilted conversations and awkward silences, interrupted only by Remus filling in the gaps and Sirius bumbling uncomfortably through it all. It had become a little routine for the three of them to sit at the table in the kitchen, nursing mugs of hot beverages and nibbling on breakfast before the day really began.

Today was a game day, and so Sirius' rituals had already begun. He was making his traditional three egg omelette—ham, spinach, and cheddar cheese—and frying up two hash browns. Breakfast on game days, like everything else, had to always be exactly the same as they had always been. Regulus couldn't remember a time when his breakfast had been anything different on such days, regardless of how important of a game it was. He supposed all hockey players were like this, but Sirius was particularly superstitious in Regulus' opinion.

From where he stood by the toaster, Remus cleared his throat to get their attention while he waited for his and Regulus' toast to finish. "I'm going Christmas gift shopping today." Then, nodding towards Regulus, "you should join me."

"Yeah, sounds good," Regulus answered quickly, desperate for an excuse to be away from his brother as he followed his rituals. It hadn't been so long since he'd seen his brother that he forgot how annoying he could be if anyone got in his way and secretly Regulus wondered if that was why Remus had chosen today of all days to leave the house.

"You'll both come to the game though?" Sirius asked as he flipped his omelette in one skilled, fluid motion.

At this, Regulus hesitated. Going to the rink during practice was one thing. A game, where there would absolutely be brutal violence, was another. "I don't—"

"Of course we will, love," Remus interrupted. He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on Sirius' temple, a soft smile painted on his face. "We'll see you at the arena."

The toaster popped, making Regulus jump and distracting them all from the conversation at hand. Remus placed two plates of toast down on the table, along with their preferred toppings—butter and honey for Regulus, blackberry jam for Remus—and sat down beside him while they both slathered their toast. Instead of arguing, Regulus bit into his honeyed toast and dreamed of a different sort of day. One where he didn't have the sick sense of impending doom while watching violence on ice unfold and holding his breath the entire time, secretly praying that his brother never had to experience the agony that he had endured himself.

Sirius plated his breakfast then plopped into a chair at the table with the two of them. "I'm glad you two will be there," he admitted, shoveling in a forkful of his omelette before he continued. "Feels like I've got my good luck charm back," he said to Regulus with a smirk as he nudged his leg with a bare foot.

Regulus rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea to hide the small smile that grew on his face involuntarily. "Please don't make dragging me to every game a part of your rituals again," he lamented.

As small children, the two of them were inseparable. Despite being in different age brackets, their week days were consumed with practices, drills, and private lessons in the backyard. Their weekends required each of them to be present for each other's games and then to dissect each other's plays with severe criticism. Once Regulus had committed fully to figure skating over hockey, he always made a point to be present for Sirius' games. The one time he wasn't, Sirius' team lost. Despite how many times Regulus tried to explain to his brother that it was happenstance—that he had lost many games while Regulus was present—Sirius wouldn't hear it. From then until his injury and subsequent move to Arizona, he did his best to always attend every game. It was rare that Sirius' teams lost.

Sirius barked a laugh, bits of egg flying out of his mouth and making Regulus' lip curl in disgust. "Don't tempt me. Where are you guys gonna go shopping?"

Remus hummed into his mug of coffee. "Wouldn't you like to know," he teased.

It turned out that Remus had planned for them to go shopping at Providence Place.

In December.

Regulus couldn't think of anything worse than pacing up and down three floors through the crowded mall during the peak of the shopping season, but there they were, doing exactly that.

"Tell me again why we're here of all places?" Regulus asked as they passed store after store.

Remus dragged him into a shop full of leather goods, looping one arm into Regulus' and the other relying on his cane to support him. "We're here because we can get all of our shopping done at once." He paused in front of a bin full of leather wallets, letting go of Regulus' arm in favor of carding through them. "Sirius needs a new wallet," he said blandly.

"Can't he buy one himself? Why buy him something he needs when you could get him… I don't know, anything else?" Regulus began thumbing through jackets hung neatly beside where Remus stood. The smell of the leather surrounding him was a nice reprieve from the overwhelming pine and cinnamon scents elsewhere in the mall.

"He never buys anything he needs. What are you going to get him?"

Regulus shrugged at that. "I hadn't thought about it, to be honest. I didn't really think about the fact that it was Christmas time when I came to visit, I just… Needed to get away for a while."

Remus hummed before deciding on a black bi-fold wallet and shifting to look through belts. "I think you need to give your brother a bit of a break."

Abandoning the jackets, he followed Remus over to the belts. A sturdy black belt stood out to him and he ran his thumb over the brushed silver buckle. "I don't know what you mean."

With an eyebrow raised, Remus leveled him a look that said I know you know what I mean.

"Do you think Sirius would like this?" He held the belt out for inspection.

"Yes," Remus answered easily. "Now stop changing the subject."

Regulus let out a heavy sigh as he took the belt off the hook and draped it over his arm so they could continue shopping. "It's just hard. It's been… five years. I don't know how to be a brother anymore."

"Neither does he. But he's trying, Reg, and you're barely giving him anything in return. He loves you so much. You know what he told me when he got the text from you asking to stay for a month?"

He shook his head and busied himself with looking at leather bound notebooks.

"He said 'Maybe I'm finally getting my brother back.'"

A heaviness that Regulus had spent years trying to ignore came to the surface at those words. He swallowed hard past a thick lump in his throat. "It's not like he was the one who was suffering," he spat.

"Do you honestly believe that Sirius didn't suffer?" Remus stopped pretending to shop, leaning his entire weight into his cane and staring directly at Regulus. "I know you were the one who got injured, Reg. No one will deny that you suffered the most from that fall. It was fucking brutal and you had every right to process your grief in whatever way you needed to, but Sirius lost his brother in your mourning. He's missed you. You were inseparable before you literally disappeared. The first year it was like he was missing a limb. He became a ghost of himself for a while. We fought a lot that year because he'd lash out, we went to therapy— He's really worked hard on being the best version of himself and it would be nice if you could put forth just an ounce of effort into doing the same."

Regulus couldn't even pretend to be busying himself with looking at the notebooks anymore, but he couldn't look Remus in the eyes either. Instead, he stared down at his well-worn black oxfords and scraped a toe along a cracked tile on the ground.

"You know as well as I do that everything he does is out of love, especially when he's acting like a mother hen. I'm not asking for a miracle here, Reg. Just… Cut him some slack. Stop trying to pick fights. And maybe get him something more meaningful than another black belt."

They spent the next few hours wandering through the mall, doing more people watching than shopping, but Regulus was content with himself for finding a few gifts along the way. They would both need at least one more day of shopping, but their joints and feet ached and their tolerance for people had ended.

Sirius wasn't home by the time they returned, already at the arena well before the game began, giving Remus plenty of time to hide his stash of gifts for him and for them both to shower before leaving. Regulus was sitting on the edge of the bed, damp and wrapped in a towel, considering if there was a way for him to get out of going to the game tonight when he considered what Remus had said.

Just cut him some slack.

With a heavy groan, he flopped back on the bed. His damp hair stuck to his forehead as he stared at the plaster on the ceiling. He knew Remus was right, but he couldn't stop the way that his heart sped up at the thought of watching Sirius willingly putting himself in danger.

Arriving at the arena made Regulus far too aware of every sensation in his body. The cold air felt different on his face when compared to outside, somehow thick and heavy instead of crisp and refreshing. The chattering of people made his head spin and his feet stuck to the cement floors, already sticky with spilled beer despite no one being on the ice yet. He followed Remus down the stairs, weaving through people who didn't know where they were going, and let out a breath of relief when they made it to their seats.

They were so close—the first row behind the protective plexiglass—and Regulus had to swallow back the nausea in his throat at the realization that if anything happened, he'd quite literally have a front row seat to his brother's pain.

Remus kept glancing over at him, his hand gripping tightly to his case as he clearly considered whether he should say what was on his mind. After the third or fourth glance, Regulus rolled his eyes.

"Just spit it out."

Remus blinked at him in surprise, then leaned back into his seat. "These games make me nervous too, you know. It's not just you and your trauma, it's… This sport is dangerous."

"I know, Remus, you don't need to remind me."

"It's not that I think I need to remind you that it's dangerous. I think you need the reminder that you're not irrational for worrying. Honestly, I'm glad to have someone here with me so I don't feel quite as crazy for stressing and panicking every time he's on the ice. He's… He can be so reckless, it freaks me out."

The commentator began to rally the crowd over the strobing lights and blaring pop music. Regulus was relieved to have the conversation between them cut short by the Bridgeport Islanders skating onto the ice. Regulus didn't bother to pay them any attention, not caring much for the sport itself, nor the men that Sirius and James' team were playing against. The team did seem to have quite a few fans in the stands though, navy and orange cheered for the men as they skated around their half of the rink before lining up and waiting for the home team to join them.

"And your Providence Bruins!" The commentator announced to the crowd to a rapturous applause that made Regulus' head spin.

Ted Tonks, their goalie, slid onto the ice first, a wide smile on his face as he greeted the crowd with a wave of his gloved hand. He was quickly followed by the Prewett twins, the both of them working as a unified front of defense with the added benefit of reading each other's minds. Frank Longbottom came next, his charismatic smile making the audience scream and stomp their feet in delight.

When James entered the rink, Regulus' breath hitched. Of course, he had watched him skate before, but he had never seen him like this. Gone was the cocky and carefree attitude, replaced with a stoicism that Regulus found unbearably attractive. James skated past them, catching Regulus' eye and slowing down to give him a wink before folding back in on himself and focusing on the game.

"He did not just do that," Regulus murmured in disbelief.

"No, he did," Remus laughed.

When Sirius was announced, the crowd became deafeningly loud, screaming and banging their feet. He did a loop around their half of the rink and laughed as fans in the first row slammed their fists on the glass barricade. If James was pure focus, then Sirius was absolute charisma on the ice. It had been so long since Regulus had seen him in his element like this and it was a harsh reminder of how much their father had instilled the sport in his veins.

It was a brutal reminder of how big of a disappointment Regulus had been to their father when he decided to become a figure skater instead, only to fail when winning had mattered most.

He shook himself from the spiraling thoughts, willing himself to stay present and not let his own inadequacies pull him away from the game. Before he had even realized it was beginning, the puck had been dropped and the ice was a flurry of movement that Regulus could barely keep track of.

It had been years since he had watched a game and even longer since he had played. Despite their father's insistence that he understood the sport intimately, Regulus hadn't cared enough to retain much over the years. He had gone to games to support his brother, but their father's lessons ultimately went in one ear and out the other once it had been determined that he was awful at hockey. Still, he held his breath at every impact between the players.

His anxiety, it seemed, did not care if he knew the rules and regulations.

Sirius got slammed into the boards across from them, a brutal blow that made Remus flinch and grab Regulus' hand as Sirius skated back into the fray with a small shake of his head. It was clean, but the game had barely begun and it was already turning out to be ruthlessly violent.

"He's okay," Regulus said with a squeeze of his hand.

"He fucking better be," Remus murmured so quietly he could barely be heard over the crowd.

Regulus could already tell that James was angry in the relentless way he kept trying to block access to Sirius. It was evident that the opposing team had planned their entire strategy around interfering with Sirius' game and it was brutal to watch it all play out. Despite how hard he worked, James wasn't able to protect Sirius and his rage at the dirty tactics not getting called by the referees was becoming more and more evident as the game went on.

The Islanders scored, just barely getting the puck past Ted and making the entire arena fill with sounds of disappointed groans. Regulus could barely watch as the Bruins became sloppier and sloppier, their frustration and anger at the injustice of calls they deemed unfair impacting their game more than anything.

His brother was shouldered into the boards again, but this time right in front of them, and Regulus felt nausea roil inside him at the sight of blood on the plexiglass. Sirius was covered in sweat and now a streak of blood from his nose when he glanced up at the two of them. He huffed in frustration as he skated off.

"I can't watch this," Remus shuddered.

Regulus looked over at his friend, now pale and sitting with his head buried in his hands, tugging at the hair on his scalp. "He's taken worse hits than that, he'll be okay." He said the words, but they felt like ash on his tongue, his own anxieties becoming unbearable.

"You know as well as I do that he can't keep taking hits like that, Reg." Remus looked up at him with tired eyes and worry written on his face.

They both looked back in panic at the ice as the crowd screamed their disapproval. James was yelling at another player who was lifting himself off the ice as James was being escorted to the penalty box by the referee, his expression angrier than Regulus had ever seen. For some sick reason, it made him incredibly attractive. James stopped his fighting, skating into the box and sitting on the bench with an angry huff.

He bounced a leg in time with his stick, flustered as he waited out his time. Regulus wasn't sure what had happened on the ice, but Sirius was still arguing with a referee as he was being directed to get back in the game. If Regulus knew anything about hockey, he was absolutely certain that James had done something risky in defense of Sirius and the game was about to get even dirtier than before.

When James was allowed back on the ice, he returned with a vengeance. The penalty box had only served to infuriate the man and when the Islanders attempted to score against them, James took control of the puck and made his way across the ice, passing to Sirius who scored their first point in the game.

As the game continued, Regulus couldn't help but to continue staring at James, objectifying the man as he pushed his body's limitations and proved how committed he was to not only the game, but to athleticism as a whole. Regulus never believed he had a type—and he certainly didn't believe he'd ever be attracted to a hockey player—but as he watched James' powerful legs and the brutal way he controlled himself on the ice, Regulus was a changed man.

He most certainly had a type and that type was James Potter.

In the end, the Bruins won their game, a near tie of 4-3, and neither Sirius nor James ended up with anything more than the bloody nose from early on in the game. Regulus decided that he would rather never go to another game again, but if he had to, at least he could objectify James while he was there. That, at least, beat having a panic attack the entire time.

Chapter Text

"James is coming over later," Sirius said over their breakfast.

Since he'd arrived, they had made a habit of touching base at breakfast every morning. He wasn't sure if this was typical for Remus and Sirius, or a new habit that formed with his arrival, but he was glad for the quiet time together planning the day. It gave him the chance to acclimate to the idea of whatever the activity of the day would be because it seemed as though Sirius had come up with at least one activity for almost every day Regulus would be here.

Five years of Christmases to make up for, like his brother had said.

"Okay," Regulus said with a questioning lilt. He glanced over to see a smirk on Remus' face before it was hidden behind a steaming mug of coffee.

"We're all going to make cookies," his brother continued, oblivious to Remus' amusement.

"That's nice," Regulus replied. "Save me some."

At that, Remus let out a mirthful laugh, unable to contain it any longer. Sirius glanced between the two of them, unsure of what to make of either of them.

"Oh, you're making cookies with us, Reg," Remus chuckled. "Don't know where you got the impression that 'we're all making cookies' didn't include you." He gave him a pointed look— a wordless reminder of their talk yesterday that made Regulus rethink his next words.

Instead of arguing as he was wont to do, he swallowed his pride. "What time will James be here?"

A smile stretched wide on Sirius' face and for a fleeting moment, Regulus decided that perhaps baking cookies would be worth it. "He'll be here in a couple hours. We should decide what kinds of cookies we're making and run to the store before he gets here."

"Sugar and molasses," Regulus answered easily. The two flavors of cookies were tradition in the Black household, though he had never made them. Neither had their mother, to be fair. The cookies had always simply arrived, baked and decorated to perfection, but the flavors were one of the few fond childhood memories he still held about the holidays.

Sirius' face softened before nodding and reaching back to grab his phone off the counter. He started furiously typing and scrolling, presumably looking for recipes and making a list of ingredients to purchase later.

"Okay, great. James will pop by in about an hour, that gives me plenty of time to go to the store and get everything we need," Sirius said as he stood up to clear the table of their dirty dishes and pile them into the dishwasher.

"I'll stay here," Regulus replied. "I need to shower and acclimate to existing first."

"I'll come with you, love," Remus said, using his cane to push himself up out of the chair.

Sirius clicked his tongue in disapproval. "You should rest. I can go alone."

Remus stepped close to where Sirius stood at the counter, pressing his body close to his from behind and kissing at his ear. "I'll be fine, I want to come with you."

"On that note," Regulus threw back the last of his tea and placed the mug on the counter a little too hard, making them all flinch at the echo of porcelain on stone. "I'm going to shower. Have fun." He left quickly, ignoring the creak in his knee in favor of escaping the display of affection between his brother and Remus.

He considered the interaction, deciding that that had been what Remus had meant when he said that Sirius behaved like a mother hen and it wasn't just towards Regulus. As he ascended the stairs, he heard the two of them yell a goodbye and the front door close. The feeling of being alone sank in and he breathed a sigh of relief.

In the bright white of the bathroom, he turned on the Bluetooth speaker and pressed play on his comfort playlist. He turned on the shower and allowed the water to get hot before discarding his clothes into a pile and stepping under the spray. The steaming water did wonders for his aching joints, easing the pain and making him feel marginally more human with each minute that passed. He went through his routine of washing his hair and face without much fanfare, the movements automatic and almost clinical. The scent of lemongrass filled the steamy room and calmed his frayed nerves, a welcome distraction from the anxiety of the day to come.

From the first brush of the washcloth against his body though, he felt a desire that he had been continuously denying begin to rise up within him.

James Potter had somehow begun to occupy every one of his thoughts when he wasn't actively distracting himself and now—completely alone with nothing but his thoughts—he couldn't think about anything other than how attractive he had been wrapped in nothing but a towel, hair damp, and eyes heavy with desire for him. The washcloth dragged across one of his nipples, now sensitive with the beginnings of pleasure, and he let out a breathy moan.

"Dammit," he whimpered softly. It had been… a long time since he had felt any kind of desire. Things with Stephan had become stilted and stale, neither of them caring to keep the spark alive between them. Quite frankly, it hadn't felt worthwhile. The sex was fine in the beginning, but it had never been anything special. The more distance he had away from Stephan, the more he began to realize how little he truly cared about the man. He hadn't even bothered to try to ensure their sex life flourished.

All James Potter had to do was look at him and Regulus felt his cock begin to stir. He thought back to their encounter in the locker room as he trailed one hand along the plane of his body, dropping the washcloth to the floor in a forgotten heap. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, imagining that it was James' hands running along his body. That it was James'hand that wrapped around his growing erection, encouraging his hardness with a firm grip.

He maneuvered himself so his back was pressed against the tile, breath catching at the cold kiss against his flesh. Tension coiled in his abdomen as his fist pumped and all the while, he imagined that it was James who had him pressed up against the wall.

"Fuck," he breathed, knowing that he wasn't going to last and feeling utterly pathetic for it all at once. At least, he reasoned, he was alone. Only he would know how fast he would orgasm to the thought of James Potter giving him a handjob in the shower.

When he came, he couldn't stop himself from moaning James' name out loud. Dirty shame flooded through him immediately after as he washed himself and the shower of the evidence. Once he was finished, he stepped out of the shower and toweled himself dry before wrapping the towel around his waist. He turned off the speaker and began his own personal walk of shame back to the guest bedroom.

He jumped at the sound of a throat being cleared from the living room below and looked down only to find none other than James Potter sitting wide-legged on the couch. One arm casually draped across the back, the other held up in a little wave.

"Hey Regulus," he said with a cocky smile. "Have a nice shower?"

Regulus felt heat bloom in his entire face all the way to his chest, the embarrassment sickly hot within him. How long had James been in the house? Did he know what Regulus had been doing not even five minutes ago? Then, he remembered how he moaned the other man's name as he climaxed and decided that he'd rather drown than ever look at him again. Unfortunately, he was stuck spending the entire day with him and so Regulus put on a brave face and squared his shoulders, pretending he didn't know shame.

"Why are you here, Potter?"

James hummed, that smug smile still on his lips. "I'm Potter now, hm?"

"Better than Prongs, I'd wager."

"Probably, yeah," James reasoned. "I have a key, you know. In case you wanted to consider that the next time you take a shower all alone in your brother's house and he has company planned."

Okay, so maybe Regulus did know shame.

"Right, well…" He glanced away, awkwardly fidgeting with the towel around his hips. "I'm— I need clothes."

"You're perfectly fine without clothes," James called up the stairs with a laugh as Regulus scurried away.

He closed the door behind him quickly, making a loud bang that he hadn't intended on. Leaning back against the door, he slammed his head back and pushed on his face with both hands. A groan left his throat as Regulus tried to regulate his breathing. James had absolutely heard him, he decided, and now Sirius' best friend knew that he was masturbating with his name on his tongue.

Absolutely no good could come from this.

Pushing himself off the door, Regulus crossed guest room to his still packed bags. He toweled himself dry and pulled on his favorite oversized sweater—emerald green and incredibly soft—and a comfortable pair of black jeans. The sweater hung off his frame, showing off his collarbone and the tattoo there of the Canis Major constellation. Generally, he worked to dress himself in a way that would hide the tattoo—especially since he had arrived, wanting to avoid explaining to Sirius that he had gotten it done on a day when he missed his brother so badly it ached—but today called for comfort. The threadbare thing was the most comforting clothing he owned. He would have to swallow his pride and allow Sirius to see the permanent ink on Regulus' body in his honor.

His curls were still damp and dripping when he had finally convinced himself to leave the bedroom. His white socks softened his footsteps as he approached the stairs, giving him the opportunity to warily peak down into the living room undetected. James still sat there alone, scrolling mindlessly on his phone, the glare of the light reflecting off his gold-rimmed glasses.

At the first sound of Regulus' steps on the stairs, James looked up, a bright and carefree smile on his face. "You didn't need to get all dressed up just for me," he chided playfully.

"I didn't—" Regulus let out a huff. There was something about this man that just caught him completely off guard with every interaction. He knew he wasn't the most charismatic person in the world, but he had never felt like such a bumbling fool before meeting James Potter. He sat in the overstuffed chair opposite where James was perched, determined to avoid being too close to him. "It's just a sweater and jeans."

"Sure, if you say so," James smirked.

The silence that followed was palpable. James simply sat across from him, not breaking eye contact and smiling with this knowing look that put Regulus on edge. Regulus began to pick at his nails, tearing at the skin around them until he began to bleed. Swearing under his breath, he stood from the chair and retreated to the kitchen, hoping that James would stay where he was and allow Regulus time to catch his breath.

In the kitchen, Regulus went to the farm-style sink to rinse the blood from his finger under warm water. It was grounding in a way, until James followed him into the room.

The other man leaned against the frame of the entryway, arms crossed and simply… observing. It made Regulus squirm under the scrutiny, unsure of what to do with himself.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" James asked, his tone softer than it was before.

Regulus turned away, grabbing the tea kettle and busying himself with filling it from the tap. "Tea?"

"Sure, yeah. Tea would be great." His tone was even softer now, like he was trying to approach a wounded animal and was afraid to spook it.

Regulus gave him a sharp nod, then placed the full kettle on the stove. The burner clicked to life, bright blue flames wrapping around the base of the steel kettle, before Regulus allowed himself to exhale and turn to face James. He leaned back into the counter, the blunt edge of the granite reminding himself to stay in his body. He decided to be brave and ask James the question that had been on his mind since their encounter in the locker room.

"What do you want from me, James?" Regulus asked bluntly.

"I don't know," James responded.

"Well, that's helpful," Regulus deadpanned.

"No, I'm sorry, I just—" James exhaled a shaky breath and raked a hand through his curls. He took one step towards Regulus and then froze when he saw how Regulus' fingers dug into the counter behind him. "I can't stop thinking about you. I feel crazy and I don't… I'm not usually like this. If you tell me to stop, to leave you alone, I will. I promise, just say the word."

Regulus couldn't tell him any such thing. Instead, he just stared at him, blush slowly blooming on his cheeks.

"You're just such a pretty and cruel thing, Regulus. I don't know what it is about you, but my brain stops working when you're around and all I can do is flirt with you like an idiot."

"I wasn't sure you even had a brain to begin with," Regulus goaded with an eye roll.

"See?" James waved a hand out in front of him as if to present evidence for his case. "I want to get to know you more. Can we do that?"

Before Regulus could answer, they both jumped at the sound of the front door opening and Sirius and Remus coming home.

"We'll talk later," he hissed under his breath. "You're just in time," Regulus said louder. "I'm making tea."

"Great," Sirius said brightly, hauling handfuls of canvas tote bags overflowing with baking supplies. "James, you're early!" He shoved one hand of bags at his friend, nearly knocking the wind out of him.

James schooled his expression into a cheerful smile, quick to grab the bags before they fell to the ground. "You know I get antsy when there's plans." They both dumped the bags onto the wooden table in the middle of the room, working together to unpack the haul and organize everything they'd need for their day of baking.

Remus followed into the room, slower with his cane, but arms empty. He plopped himself into a chair with a grunt to watch the three of them work around the kitchen. Regulus finished making the tea and placed a steaming mug of chamomile in front of him before sitting beside him with his own mug.

"Exactly how many cookies were you planning to make?" Regulus asked skeptically, looking at the amount of ingredients piled on the table.

"He wouldn't listen to me about how much work it is to make cookies," Remus sighed.

"There's four of us!" Sirius rebutted. "It'll be fine."

"Yeah, but there's only one oven," James reasoned.

"We can just… Make the batter and bake until we're tired. The rest can go in the freezer, it'll be fine." Regulus offered, trying to find a middle ground.

"See," Sirius huffed. "Perfect plan, Reggie."

Remus rolled his eyes and grabbed the mug, clutching it tightly and blowing to cool down the golden tea. "Okay, well, you better get started on the sugar cookies if you plan to decorate them today too."

Regulus and Remus drank their tea while James and Sirius' mugs went cold on the counter, too busy with their attempts at mixing cookie dough and following the recipe on Sirius' phone. His phone kept going dark, neither of them bothering to change the setting to prevent it from happening, and so it slowly became more caked in flour and sugar with each tap from James' messy fingers. They all fell into comfortable conversation and for once, Regulus felt as though he belonged as the room filled with the scents of sugar, molasses, and ginger.

James had busied himself with putting ingredients away in the cabinets when they had finished all of their measurements, familiar enough with their home that he knew where everything went.

When the brothers were mostly alone and Sirius was mixing one of the bowls of dough, he looked at Regulus with a heavy weight in his eyes.

"What?" Regulus asked from behind his mug.

Sirius shrugged vaguely, seeming unsure of himself. "When did you get that tattoo?"

"A while ago," Regulus muttered, looking away. "Why?"

"You know why," Sirius said softly, just for the two of them to hear. "I have one too, on my shoulder, you know."

Regulus hummed, squirming uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of how to reply. It didn't surprise him that Sirius would have gotten his own similar tattoo, he was covered in ink and the two of them had always been sentimental about the constellations of their namesakes, but it still made his mouth dry and his palms clammy. He shifted one foot up on the seat of his chair, pulling the collar of his sweater up to cover his collarbone and cupping his mug in his palms.

James returned to the table, bumping a hip against Sirius' and grabbing the second mixing bowl. He got to work with the wooden spoon mixing up the dough until it was smooth. "Can't believe we had to do all the work," he said teasingly. Regulus couldn't help but to watch the way his bicep flexed under his white tee with each mix of the dough.

"Reggie, you should be helping," Sirius whined, huffing at a stray curl in his face and failing to get it out of his face.

Regulus raised a brow in question. "Remus isn't helping."

James snorted out a laugh, bringing his bowl over to the counter and washing his hands.

"I did my duty of grocery shopping already," Remus said with a smug grin, leaning back into his chair. "I'll help decorate later."

"Help me roll this dough into balls," James suggested over his shoulder where he stood at the counter beside the oven. "Once we've got one batch in the oven it should be much faster."

With a sigh, Regulus placed his near-empty mug on the table and washed his hands before joining James at the counter. "Show me how?" Regulus asked softly.

"You've never made cookies from scratch before?" James asked in disbelief.

Regulus shook his head, willing his cheeks not to turn bright red.

"Okay," James continued. "The goal is for them to be uniform, like this," he scooped a small amount of dough into his palm and began to roll it between his hands until it was a neat sphere. He held it out on the flat of his hand for Regulus to inspect. "Then, place it on the tray and make another. You don't wanna crowd them, so usually only twelve fit on the pan. You try." He gestured to the bowl.

Regulus dipped his hand into the dough and scooped out a portion to roll between his palms like James had shown him.

James clicked his tongue and reached forward, plucking a portion of the dough off of his hand and placing it back into the bowl. "You don't want to use too much," he said. "Now roll like this." He placed his hands on top of Regulus', completely covering his hands.

Typically, Regulus would pull back, equal parts indignant at the unsolicited help and disgusted by the sticky dough, but James' hands were warm and large and the two of them were so close, he would be surprised if James couldn't hear the pounding of his heart in his chest. His breath hitched at the contact and the gentle way that James' strong, calloused hands worked in tandem with his.

"At least wait until I'm not in the room," Sirius groaned from behind him as he washed his hands at the sink.

Remus snorted a laugh, pushing himself up with his cane. "I'm gonna go sit on the couch while those bake," he said. "Come on, love."

"I—" Sirius started, then was silenced by a simple raise of a brow from his boyfriend. He dried his hands with a hand towel and tossed it on the counter beside the tray of cookies. "Behave," he scolded, but Regulus wasn't sure if it was meant for himself or James.

Alone, the two of them went back to working together to roll out the cookies into uniform little balls.

"So," James cleared his throat. "You grew up around here like Sirius did?"

Regulus nodded. "Yeah, I moved away about five years ago."

"How come?"

At that, Regulus froze. The dough he had been working fell to the tray, making a loud splat against the parchment paper. He quickly picked it up and reshaped it, trying to pretend like it hadn't happened. "My best friends live out in Arizona, but then I met my boyfriend when I was visiting and just… never came back." That felt like an easier answer than to explain his injury and subsequent mental breakdown, at least.

James gave a grunt of acknowledgement before Regulus continued.

"I liked it out there. At least… Most of the time. The summers are brutal, but otherwise. I do miss it here sometimes though, I'm glad to be visiting for the month."

"Long time to be away from home," James remarked. His tone had shifted to something a bit standoffish that Regulus didn't understand.

"Don't have any pets or anything," Regulus shrugged. He placed the last cookie on the tray and moved to wash his hands while James slid it into the hot oven. "I don't have… any obligations, really, so it's fine."

He turned to face James as he dried his hands to find the other man sliding to the sink to wash his own hands with a pinched expression on his face. Regulus held the towel out, but James kept his eyes down as he grabbed it from him, suddenly avoidant and withdrawn.

James murmured an excuse to leave the room, abandoning Regulus alone in the kitchen, standing awkwardly and unsure of what had happened. Hadn't they been flirting only a short time before? He stood there, confused, and leaned back against the counter beside the oven. The sugar cookies continued to bake, their progress immune to the shift in energy.

He allowed himself to spiral, wondering and questioning what he had done to make James become so standoffish, until the cookies finished baking. The hot sugary scent assaulted his nostrils when he opened the oven door to place the tray on the cooling rack beside him, and then he heard the front door open and close.

"What did you do?" Sirius asked accusingly only moments later.

"Nothing, I—"

Remus followed into the kitchen, slower but with a pinched expression on his face. "James seemed upset when he came into the living room, then gave us some weak excuse why he had to leave early," he explained. "What were you two talking about?"

Sirius stood in the middle of the room, glaring with his arms crossed while Regulus racked his brain for context. "I really don't know what happened," he whined as he plopped into one of the wooden chairs at the table. "One minute we were talking about me moving to Arizona and the next—" He let out a sharp breath, understanding hitting him. "I mentioned Stephan."

"I mean, he was a huge reason why you stayed out there, it's only natural for you to—" Remus reasoned as he sat at the table beside Regulus.

"No, I mean… I told him that I moved there to stay with my boyfriend. As in current. As in not ex boyfriend."

Sirius let out a groan from where he still stood. "It's bad enough you're flirting with my best friend, but could you at least try to flirt with him properly if you're gonna do it."

"It's not like I meant to fuck it up, Sirius," Regulus snapped. He wasn't truly mad at his brother, but his own self loathing often came out as combative, especially when Sirius was around.

"Okay, just…" Sirius collapsed into the seat beside Remus, legs wide and stress lining his face. "We'll figure it out, yeah?"

"We?" Regulus raised a brow.

"Yes, we," Sirius replied. "You're my brother and as much as it disgusts me to think about you and James together, I like him a hell of a lot better than Stephan."

Chapter Text

Sitting in the arena watching the team practice was becoming almost routine at this point. The smells and sounds had become a little less triggering for him, but each slam against the boards or fall onto the ice still made Regulus flinch and his heart race. Remus kept giving him little glances with each recoil. The two of them had been convinced by Sirius earlier in the day that practice would be short and quick and now, twenty minutes past their scheduled end time, Regulus was convinced that had been a lie.

That, or everyone including their coach was really just that terrible at time management.

It was when Gideon Prewett slammed against the board and stood back with blood dripping from his nose and a laugh bubbling from his throat that nausea began to roil in Regulus' stomach. "I can't be here anymore," he murmured to Remus.

Remus, seemingly immune to the sounds of practice, glanced up from his phone to see what had happened. He gave a quick nod and furiously typed on his phone. "I just texted Sirius to meet us next door, let's go."

Next door, it turned out, was a bowling alley. Dingy, a little damp, and full of older patrons hurling small bowling balls down the lengths of shiny wood. They had been shoved into the lane against the wall with their stinky rental shoes and sour moods.

"Why the fuck are we here on league day?" Regulus asked as he entered their names into the scoring system.

"Shit luck, I guess," Remus smirked. "Still better than being at the arena, right?"

"Debatable," he deadpanned in return.

Remus went first, hurling the small ball down the lane and hitting three of the candle-shaped pins. He laughed at himself when he threw his second ball and it went straight into the gutter. A league player next to them glared at his incompetence, but they both ignored it. When it was Regulus' turn, he didn't do much better—his first ball going straight into the gutter and his second hitting a total of five pins. The league players around them grew increasingly annoyed, glaring and talking under their breath as they practiced.

"We could put up the bumpers, maybe limp a little more dramatically so they feel bad for us and leave us alone?" Remus joked in a hushed voice between their turns.

"Remus, I would quite literally rather die than to give them the ammunition to mock us if we put those bumpers down," Regulus glowered at the laugh that left Remus' lips. "Let's just go get some food and wait for Sirius."

Ten minutes later, they sat picking at their greasy pizza while Regulus tried to pretend like he couldn't feel the lingering gaze of a guy around his own age from across the bowling alley.

"Do you know who he is?" Regulus asked, subtly gesturing towards the man with dark curly hair and brown skin. In a way, he resembled James, except in all of the ways that would have made Regulus find him attractive. He was just… So ordinary. But the guy kept looking at him like he knew him and now Regulus was wondering if he did actually know the man.

"Hm?" Remus glanced over. "Oh, that's Benjy Fenwick. Works for the team assisting with social media. I guess he plays in a bowling league in his down time."

As if summoned by his own name, Benjy slung his bag over his shoulder and strode over to where the two of them sat, plopping himself down at the table beside Regulus with a wide smile. "Hey Remus," he greeted without looking away from Regulus. "Who's your friend?"

"Sirius' brother, Regulus," Remus said, his voice laced with warning. "He's visiting for the holidays."

Benjy's eyes went wide. "Regulus Black? I saw you at the World Figure Skating Championships a few years back. Your program that year was wicked good, holy shit I feel like I'm meeting a celebrity. Name's Benjy." He held out a hand in greeting, but all Regulus could do was stare at it.

It was all he could do to avoid shutting down. To avoid telling Benjy to fuck off and leave him alone. And then he was Sirius walking through the entrance with none other than James Potter trailing behind him. Both of their faces were flushed and hair damp, fresh from showers, and Regulus felt his heart begin to race.

"Look, Benjy, I'm sure you're a nice guy, but we're a little busy," Regulus said by way of dismissal.

Not taking the hint, Benjy leaned in closer. "Do you mind giving me your number? I'd love to do a little interview with you for social media. You were in the professional world for so long, plus your brother's on the team. I feel like you've got a unique perspective! Maybe we can go out for drinks and have a chat, yeah?"

"Uh…" Regulus looked away from Benjy to where James' face was darkening behind Sirius. His eyes had narrowed behind his glasses and his mood seemed to immediately sour.

"Maybe." Regulus decided to go along with it, if only to prove that he could make James a little jealous. "Do you have a pen?" Benjy fumbled through his bag before handing him a pen that he used to quickly scroll out his phone number on a napkin.

As Regulus held the napkin towards the other man, Sirius snatched it from his outstretched hand. "Doubt you'll be needing this," his brother said. "Bye Benjy." He gently tucked the napkin into the breast pocket of James' red and black flannel shirt, patting it twice and giving Benjy a dangerous glint of a smile.

Benjy opened and closed his mouth a few times, gaping like a fish until Sirius used a hip to push him out of the chair and take his spot. James' shoulder checked into him as he sat down beside Sirius, giving Benjy the final hint that it was time for him to go. James' gaze followed Benjy's path towards the door before flitting over to Regulus and back towards the man leaving the bowling alley.

"He's so annoying," Sirius whined, reaching forward to grab a slice of the pizza from the pan.

Remus hummed and swatted his hand away. "He's not that bad and you're not supposed to have pizza."

"Oh, come on, he's awful and we all know it." Sirius sat back in his chair with a pout. "The little shit is always looking for an angle."

James snorted beside him and fluffed at his damp waves with a hand. Regulus knew the conversation was continuing on around him, but the sweet vanilla and coconut scent of James' hair went straight to his groin and he found himself shifting uncomfortably in his seat to stop himself from lingering on thoughts of James fresh from the shower with water beading down his muscles. He couldn't help but notice that James seemed to be avoiding looking at him with all of his own willpower, though he kept sneaking quick glances out of the corner of his eye.

"What did he want anyway," Sirius asked with a little shove to get Regulus' attention.

"Hm?"

"Benjy? You were giving him your number?" His brother looked at him like he was stupid and maybe he was.

"He asked me to go get drinks," Regulus said awkwardly. When he saw James tense, clenching his fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white, he opened his mouth to correct himself, but Remus spoke first.

"He wanted an interview. He was trying to get Reg a little drunk so he'd share some embarrassing childhood story of Sirius for him to put on social media, no doubt."

At that, James visibly relaxed, but he was still far too quiet for his usual charismatic charm and wit. Sirius glanced between them all, worrying at his lip over the tension between Regulus and James.

He wasn't sure why Sirius had taken on the role of trying to make sure the two of them got along, but it hadn't surprised him either. His brother was what Regulus had deemed a fixer. Always trying to make sure everyone around him was happy, had everything they could ever need, and ensured that any rifts between people were bridged. Where Regulus had pulled away, avoiding problems until they weren't problems to worry over any longer, Sirius became fussy and borderline overbearing.

"I have an idea," his brother announced. "They're doing carriage rides around the city to see the lights, we should go."

"Sounds romantic," Regulus deadpanned, to which he earned a scowl from Sirius.

"It's not romantic, it's festive," his brother insisted.

It was romantic, it turned out. When they arrived, instead of the carriages holding four like Sirius had insisted they would, only two were allowed.

"Sorry," Sirius said sheepishly. "I really didn't know, I—"

"It'll be fine, right?" Remus asked, not waiting for an answer as he pulled Sirius into the carriage waiting for them. "You two can take the one behind us."

Regulus glanced over at James. His face was a mask of indifference, so blank and empty that Regulus couldn't decide how the other man felt at all.

"Yeah," James said coldly. "It'll be fine. Have fun you two."

"Well," Regulus murmured. "Let's go then."

James grunted in confirmation, following along behind Regulus as they walked to the next carriage in line. Regulus let out a shallow breath as he climbed into the carriage and felt the warmth of James settle into the bench beside him, but he felt none of the good humor that he was used to from him. He was so far away, despite their close proximity.

Chapter Text

A carriage ride really wasn't as romantic as the movies made them seem, Regulus decided. He felt each bump of the road, horses smelled… awful, and the tension between him and James was palpable. He couldn't enjoy any of it.

James, notably, was looking at anything other than him as the horses trotted down the street. The soft yellow glow from the Christmas lights illuminated his features, hard and closed off, making his moody disposition appear stark against the joyful downtown activity. Regulus steeled himself, knowing that he really just needed to talk to the other man about their miscommunication, but not knowing where to begin. No matter what, it wasn't going to come off right— James would have questions and doubts that he would have every right to have.

"Did I do something wrong?" He asked, broaching the subject and allowing James the chance to air his grievances if he wanted to.

James shrugged noncommittally and continued to avoid eye contact.

"If I did something to offend you, I—"

"No, you didn't offend me. I am, however, trying to be respectful of your boyfriend. I'm a little upset that you didn't tell me sooner though, you let me flirt with you even when I asked if it was okay, that was the perfect opportunity to tell me instead of leading me on and—"

Regulus sucked in a breath before a laugh tumbled out of his lips. He wished he could stop. He knew this was a serious and pivotal moment for them if they were going to be able to move forward, but the idea of James Potter thinking that there was a universe where Regulus wouldn't want him to flirt with him was the funniest part of the entire miscommunication.

"I'm not making a joke, Reg, I've been cheated on before and I really don't want to be that guy that's an active participant in hurting someone like that."

"I'm sorry, I just… No, James." Regulus raised a tentative hand and placed a gentle hand under his chin. He coaxed the other man to look at him, wanting to make sure that they made eye contact so James knew he was telling the truth. "I misspoke when we were baking together and I wish I hadn't."

"What does that mean?" James asked softly, looking down at him with hope in his eyes. The lights from the city reflected off the lenses of his glasses and made his brown eyes the most beautiful shade of golden amber.

"I don't have a boyfriend. I-I came to stay with Sirius for the month because Stephan and I broke up. We hadn't loved each other for a long time, I just…" He let his hand fall away from James' face, but the other man quickly grasped it in his own hand. "I don't think I ever loved him, really. He was convenient. And maybe that's terrible to admit, but it's the truth."

James clicked his tongue. "Such a cruel thing." His voice lowered into something husky and smoky that made Regulus' toes curl. "Tell me about him."

"My ex?" Regulus gaped. "Why?"

"I'm curious how someone as pretty as you could reduce himself to a relationship of convenience. He must have had some redeeming values to have kept your interest for… How long?"

"Five years," Regulus admitted. It felt foul to say out loud.

"We have a long ride ahead of us. At least tell me a little." James reached under the bench of the carriage to grab a thick wool blanket and draped it over their laps. "Unless you'd rather take in the sights of beautiful Providence without distraction," he added sarcastically.

The blanket provided much needed warmth from the cold winter evening air, but when James moved himself closer to press their legs together under the wool and leaned back into the seat so their shoulders brushed, Regulus' breath hitched. Suddenly, he was too hot under all the layers and yet he wanted nothing but to be completely enveloped in the heat of James' touch. A leg playfully nudged him, bringing him back to the conversation.

Regulus cleared his throat, trying to decide where to begin. "I mean, I don't think there's much to tell."

"Was there ever a time when you thought you could love him?"

He thought about that and found that there had been, however fleeting it may have been. "He helped me through a really dark period of my life. I think I may have… I don't know. Have you ever thought that you had nothing and meeting one person gave you a bit of purpose?" He glanced over at James, who's face had softened at his words.

"I think I understand," James said timidly.

"Stephan did that for me, briefly, because of the rush of meeting someone who found me interesting for reasons that had nothing to do with my name or money, and I just… Held onto that for way too long. By the end, we barely even saw each other. Our schedules stopped aligning and we both stopped caring to make them align again. It's okay. I'm okay with it. I just needed some space while we figured out what to do about living arrangements going forward."

James hummed, contemplating his words as he looked out at the scenery around him. Regulus followed his gaze, taking in the lights and the people around them clutching warm drinks as they walked along the sidewalks with arms full of shopping bags.

"I can't believe that anyone would cheat on someone like you," Regulus said while watching a man hold a door open for the woman he had been walking with. She smiled at him in gratitude, cheeks pink from the cold and gave him a quick peck on the lips as she entered the shop.

"Someone like me?" James asked.

Regulus shrugged. "Successful, confident, kind… Handsome. You're the total package."

"None of those things can make someone commit when they don't want to though," James replied. "I spent a long time wondering what I could have done to make sure that he stayed loyal, but in the end it really had nothing to do with me."

"I never thought of it that way."

"Still feels like shit anyway. Have you ever been cheated on?"

Regulus shook his head. "No, Stephan's the first person I dated. I never really cared about dating, to be honest."

A hand squeezed his knee from under the blanket in reassurance. "I'm glad you don't know how it feels," James murmured.

They hit a bump in the pavement and Regulus fell into James' side. The hand that was on his knee came up to catch his shoulder and Regulus was left dizzy by how large it was in comparison to his slight frame. He looked up to see James' gaze locked onto him. His cheeks and nose were rosy and his lids heavy, lips slightly parted. Regulus wasn't sure if he was allowed to lean in—to kiss those lips like he kept fantasizing about—but as he returned James' gaze, snow began to fall around them and the man holding him looked positively ethereal with small snowflakes dusting his messy brown curls.

"Snow always feels like magic to me," James whispered so softly, Regulus could hardly hear the words over the clopping of the horses hooves. "It feels like anything could be possible. The world slows down and gets so quiet. It's peaceful." The hand that was grasping his shoulder lifted towards his hair. James gently pushed back a stray curl and grazed his hand down along his temple until a palm cupped his cheek. "And impossibly, you look even more beautiful with snow dusting your hair."

Regulus felt his cheeks heat, but he refused to look away. He felt himself being drawn in, unable to resist the temptation that was James who looked like he wanted to devour him whole. He leaned in, breath catching as he felt the warmth of James' breath mingle with his own. Their lips were so close, but a part of him still hesitated—still wanted James to be the one to close the distance between them.

"James…" He trailed off, savoring how the man who was so strong seemed to melt entirely at the sound of his name on Regulus' lips.

And then abruptly, the tension between them broke. The carriage stopped and James jumped at the sound of his name coming not from Regulus' lips, but Sirius'.

Regulus pulled back, the moment ruined and clarity flooding back to him. Even if he liked the idea of James, at the end of this month he would be returning to Arizona. Nothing could happen between them. James was a man who dated—or at least, that was the impression that Regulus had of him—and despite the irresistible gravitational pull they seemed to have towards one another, Regulus knew better.

He could not date James Potter.

Chapter Text

The snow began to fall relentlessly as they drove home, Sirius in the driver's seat and Remus beside him in the front. A part of him felt like a teenager who had been caught doing something wrong as he sat behind Remus with James to his left. Queen played softly on the stereo, turned down low because Sirius insisted that he couldn't focus on driving in the snow if the music was too loud. None of them dared to speak as his hands gripped the wheel and his knuckles turned white, his tattoos stark on his pale skin.

James kept sneaking little glances over at him, a soft smile on his lips and it made the realization that he shouldn't be trying to pursue him hurt even more deeply. James was truly everything he could ever want in a man, except that he lived on the other side of the country in a place where he had vowed he'd never return.

He had thought that leaving New England had healed him—leaving everything familiar behind and adopting an entirely new life besides his best friends. Barty and Evan never mentioned his injury, never once pestered him about talking to his brother. Instead, they let him attempt to forget. They encouraged him to stay in Arizona, crashing in their guest room until his relationship with Stephan became what they dubbed as serious. Serious enough to move in together, at least. But being here, surrounded by so many familiar things, felt like reopening the wound. His body had healed as much as it ever would, but his trauma felt fresh and he couldn't help but to wonder if he could ever get over it.

Staying here and allowing himself to fall in love with James was just asking to be hurt.

By the time they got back to Sirius and Remus' home, the snow had accumulated pretty significantly, creating a thick blanket of sparkling white. James' car was covered and Sirius scrunched his nose when he looked over at it.

"I really don't want you driving home in this, Prongs," Sirius said as they all trudged inside. One by one, they kicked off their boots and hung up their jackets and scarves. Sirius shook the snow from his hair, hitting Regulus with cold droplets.

"You worry too much," James replied easily. "I'll just hang out until the plows come by and head home then."

They gathered in the living room to wait. Remus pulled out a pile of blankets for all of them to be cozy on the couch and overstuffed chairs, all mismatched but soft and warm. Sirius flopped onto the couch and turned on the television, scrolling through the streaming app's Christmas collection until he paused on Die Hard.

"Absolutely not," James grumbled.

Remus sighed, seemingly already aware of where this conversation was going. "I'm gonna make tea," he announced as he left, a slight limp to his step.

Regulus collapsed into one of the overstuffed chairs, leaving the couch to Sirius and Remus and wrapping himself in a fluffy blanket. He winced as he tucked his legs up under himself, his knee aching with how long he had been in the cold. James, it seemed, was too engrossed in his argument with his brother to notice, much to Regulus' relief. Under the blanket, he gently massaged the joint with small movements.

"It's definitely not a Christmas movie," James bickered from the other armchair opposite Regulus.

Clicking play and tossing the remote on the coffee table, Sirius let out a huff of air. "The entire movie takes place onChristmas Eve. How much more of a Christmas movie can you get?"

"But it doesn't capture the essence of Christmas."

"What exactly is the essence of Christmas anyway?" Regulus asked.

"It's not festive enough," James whined. "There's no holiday cheer or wholesome life lessons."

"I'd argue that there's plenty of holiday cheer," Sirius said. "Everyone was pretty damn happy when they survived thanks to John McClane. Merry fucking Christmas."

Remus returned with a tray full of mugs of tea and set it on the coffee table. "I think anything can be a Christmas movie if you try hard enough. The Sound of Music isn't technically a Christmas movie, but you know damn well I'm gonna make you all watch it on Christmas Eve."

They settled into watching the movie and despite James' complaints, he quickly became engrossed in the film. The soft glow from the decorations and the tree illuminated the room along with the television, making Regulus feel nostalgic for something that had never really existed in his life. His brother had created a warm and loving home for himself and Remus and a part of Regulus ached to belong in it.

He couldn't pay much attention to the film between the ache in his knee and the number of times he got distracted by the way the lights glinted off James' glasses. A gnawing feeling began to grow in the pit of his stomach as he found himself unable to stop himself from stealing glances at James the longer the movie played. Would it be completely crazy for him to consider that his brother could accept him into his home—could accept Regulus being in his life again—and for evenings like this to become a normal occurrence?

Midway through the movie, the rumble of the snow plows made the house vibrate and Sirius jumped up from where he was laying with his head in Remus' lap on the couch to peak outside. From where Regulus sat, it looked like the snow had gotten worse.

"It looks bad out there," Sirius said with a heavy sigh. "I really think you should crash here. I know the couch kind of sucks, but it's better than getting stuck in a ditch."

James stood from the armchair, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders like a cape as he went to peak out the window for himself. "I'm gonna be so sore at practice tomorrow," he complained. "But I know you're right."

"I can sleep on the couch," Regulus said from where he was still curled up.

"No, Reg, it's fine—"

"If I wasn't here, you'd just crash in the guest room," he interrupted, leaving James without any sort of rebuttal. "It's fine, I'm smaller anyway, I can at least fit on the couch."

Remus yawned loud and dramatic, stretching all of his limbs out wide. "I'll let you boys figure out the logistics, I'm gonna go to bed before I pass out on the couch. Want to raid our pajamas to find something that fits?"

James and Remus went upstairs together, leaving Regulus alone with his brother still standing looking outside at the falling snow.

"That was nice of you," Sirius murmured.

"Not really," Regulus replied with a shrug that no one saw. "James sleeping in my bed means the sheets will smell like him." He meant it as a taunt, but when he really thought about it, he couldn't wait to bury his face in his pillow tomorrow and inhale the heady scent of his coconut shampoo and the distinctly masculine scent that he had begun to associate with his crush.

"Gross. Stop being disgusting," Sirius gagged, crossing over to the couch and chucking a pillow at Regulus' head.

Maniacal laughter followed by gunshots signaled the death of Hans Gruber as Regulus threw the pillow back at his brother who easily caught it and hugged it close to his body.

"Unfortunately, you'll find anything I do that breaks your perception of me as a child to be disgusting, but I won't let anything happen between us." Regulus gave his brother a sad smile. "I'm still getting over Stephan anyway. This is just a harmless crush that will pass." The lie tasted foul on his tongue, heavy and foreign. Stephan had barely crossed his mind as of late, especially since meeting James. His crush certainly wasn't harmless, but he was honest when he said that he wouldn't let anything happen between them.

"Just be careful, okay?" Sirius said softly.

"It's late," Regulus said, desperate to escape the conversation. The last thing he needed was Sirius being even more concerned about him. "I should change before James falls asleep and I'm stuck in these clothes all night."

He didn't wait for a reply before getting up and climbing the stairs with a wince. The light in the bathroom was on and the door to the guest room he had been staying in was wide open, so he used the opportunity to slip into the room and close the door behind himself. He quickly changed into a threadbare baggy tee—courtesy of a skating event from his teen years—and loose shorts that grazed his thighs. He glanced down at his bare legs, wondering for a moment if he should sacrifice his comfort for longer pants and thinking better of it. If James noticed the ugly scar on his leg, he'd simply brush it off.

Discarding his dirty clothes into the hamper, he walked barefoot down the hall to the bathroom. The door was open and James stood at the sink, looking at himself in the mirror as he brushed his teeth with a spare generic toothbrush. He smiled around the toothbrush, white foam spilling from his lips making him quickly hover over the sink again and making Regulus' thoughts wander to somewhere he really shouldn't have allowed them to go.

He couldn't help how his eyes lingered on James' wet lips in the reflection of the mirror. Forcing himself to go through the motions of brushing his teeth, he felt his cheeks heat as James held eye contact through the mirror while spitting the toothpaste into the sink. He had no right to make that look as attractive as he did.

James bumped a hip into Regulus, playfully nudging him out of the way so he could wash his face in the sink and Regulus only had a tiny bit of shame at how thoroughly he was objectifying the man as he scrubbed at his face. His back muscles flexed under the white shirt he was wearing, slightly too small for him as it was borrowed from Sirius, and Regulus could have sworn that the other man was pushing his ass out on purpose. He wasn't complaining about the view, regardless of whether it was intentional or not.

Regulus bumped his hip into James in return and spit into the sink when space was made for him. He looked up to watch James drying his face with a towel, his dark eyes glued to Regulus' lips. His breath hitched as Regulus used a hand to wipe away the remaining toothpaste from his lips. Regulus wasn't sure if this was flirting, but it felt filthy all the same.

Tossing the used towel into the hamper, James cleared his throat. "Goodnight, Reg."

Regulus braced a hand on the counter and turned to watch James leave the bathroom. "Goodnight, James."

When James reached the bedroom door, he glanced back and his eyes roved down Regulus' body. His gaze lingered a little too long on Regulus' bare legs, making him feel self conscious until those dark eyes dragged slowly back up to his face and James gave him a soft smile before shutting the door.

He turned to look at himself in the mirror, bracing both hands on the counter and eyeing himself critically. This was bad. So fucking bad. Despite telling himself over and over that he couldn't pursue James, he couldn't help but to flirt with him—even when it was something innocuous and ordinary like brushing their teeth. He turned on the tap and splashed water on his face, making sure that it was as cold as possible.

When he looked up, he looked especially pink in the stark lighting of the bathroom. He let out a sigh and finished his skincare routine before returning back downstairs to get as comfortable as he could on the lumpy couch.

The house was quiet and Regulus had decided to keep the Christmas lights on as he laid in silence, tossing and turning on the couch. Sirius hadn't been exaggerating when he said it was uncomfortable. Giving up on sleep, he grabbed his phone and turned off the do not disturb setting.

Pandora had been texting her journey from New York City to Arizona all day as she traveled across the country to visit her twin, Evan. The two of them were as different as could be, but despite her budding career on Broadway, she always made time to see him. Barty and Evan traveled often to see her as well, becoming cultured enough that she would invite them to see her perform. She had always told Regulus he was more than welcome to come as well—she always had an extra ticket for him—but the city felt suffocating to him.

As he caught up on the group chat, reacting to each photo she sent of her smiling face in front of various tourist attractions, a text notification from a number he didn't have saved popped up.

[Unknown]: your pillow smells like lemongrass and bergamot
[Unknown]: shit wait that's the creepiest first text ever
[Unknown]: pretend that didn't happen even though i can see you read it
[Unknown]: hi it's james

Regulus let out a breathy laugh and added his number to his contacts before quickly replying.

[Regulus]: hi james, how did you get my number?
[James]: your brother tucked it into my pocket when he stopped you from giving it to benjy. you should consider that a win, really, i'm way hotter than him don't you think?
[Regulus]: i wasn't actually flirting with him
[James]: really?? it didn't look that way to me.

Regulus rolled his eyes and curled onto his side, unable to resist the little smile that crept on his lips at James' words.

[Regulus]: okay, i'll admit it, you're hotter than benjy
[James]: i'm gonna print that out and hang it in my locker
[Regulus]: you're so weird
[Regulus]: this couch really is uncomfortable, are you cozy in my bed sniffing my pillows?

He watched as three dots appeared and disappeared over and over and swallowed around the lump that began to form in his throat when James stopped typing for over a minute. Maybe he had flirted too hard too fast. Finally, the typing began again.

[James]: if you're so uncomfortable, you should come join me
[Regulus]: are you trying to "there was one bed" trope me?
[James]: no
[James]: maybe
[James]: i can promise to keep my hands to myself if you want, but if the couch is really that uncomfortable, this bed is plenty big enough for both of us

Regulus groaned, his eyes glazing over as he stared off into the red and yellow glow of the Christmas tree. The temptation was too much. He might never get another chance to share a bed with James and even as he considered, he knew he had to tell the other man there could be no touching. There could be nothing between them at all, despite the fact that they both clearly had the desire for one another beyond rational thought.

[Regulus]: no touching
[Regulus]: i mean it, this is strictly platonic. you're my brother's best friend and i'm going back to Arizona at the end of the month, nothing can happen between us
[James]: strictly platonic :nodding emoji:

As quietly as he could, Regulus tossed the blankets off himself and climbed the stairs to the guest bedroom. The lights were off when he entered, but the blue glow of James' phone illuminated his face revealing a wide smile.

"I didn't think you'd actually come up," he said quietly, putting his phone down on the nightstand after Regulus shut the door with a soft click.

"This is only because I can't sleep on that lumpy couch," Regulus warned. He stood on the far side of the bed, hesitating to get under the covers beside the other man. "Strictly platonic?"

"Strictly platonic," James agreed then pulled the blankets back to invite Regulus into bed.

Laying beside James was terrifying. Not because he was uncomfortable with him, but because he was so comfortable instantly. Regulus curled up and faced in towards where James laid, watching as the other man rolled inwards so they could be looking at each other.

"Goodnight, James," Regulus whispered.

When James said goodnight in return, the fresh minty scent of his warm breath basked over him and he could have sworn that as he closed his eyes, he felt the brush of a kiss against his hair.

Chapter Text

The first thing Regulus noticed as he slowly came to consciousness in the morning was the warm press of a body holding him close. One arm draped over him possessively and the other wrapped under his waist, loosely holding his hip under his bunched shirt. For a brief moment, he thought he was in bed with Stephan until he remembered that his ex had never held him like this. The golden light of the sun streamed in through the window, making the entire room feel warm and cozy and he felt himself wanting to bury himself deeper into the body behind him.

The hand draped around him pulled him in closer and a nose nuzzled into his neck. As the scent of coconut flooded his senses, Regulus remembered what had happened the night before. The hand on his hip began to travel up and he shivered against the sensation, despite how warm the wide, callused palm was against his skin. At his shiver, James' hips rocked and Regulus felt the press of his length against him.

For someone who had agreed that things would stay strictly platonic, James Potter held him like a lover.

Regulus tried to shift away, but James pulled him impossibly closer and he was left with the moral dilemma of what to do. He knew what he wanted to do—if James was his boyfriend he'd wake him up with his cock in his mouth and an orgasm down his throat—but they had agreed this would stay platonic. He felt his own cock stir at the thought and mentally cursed himself for allowing his mind to wander to the point of delusion.

Waking James wasn't the solution either—he didn't want to make the other man embarrassed or flustered—and so Regulus laid in bed being held close with James' hard cock between his thighs and his own aching from neglect. James pressed his hand against his stomach and rocked his hips again, a sleepy groan escaping his lips into the shell of Regulus' ear.

He couldn't help the breathy moan and the way that he rolled his hips back into James' body, reveling in the feel of his thick length against him. He felt James' body go rigid and his breath hitched in his throat. Both of them froze for a long moment.

Regulus decided to pretend he was asleep, becoming dead weight as James slowly untangled their limbs. James shifted his body so he was sitting upright, letting out a heavy sigh as he did so.

"Morning," James murmured. "Sorry for… that."

Regulus stretched out his limbs, pretending like he had just woken up and was blinking away the sleep from his eyes as he flipped to face James. "Hm?"

"You don't need to pretend you were asleep. I know this is supposed to be platonic." His voice was slightly cold, like he knew he needed to close himself off from the emotions he was feeling after waking up intertwined and it made Regulus' heart sink.

"Sorry, I—" Regulus released a breath and sat up, tucking his knees close to his body and wrapping his arms around them. "You're right. I was awake and… It felt nice. You felt nice. My ex never held me like that…" He trailed off, reflecting on how neglected emotionally and physically he had been for so long.

"Okay, well Steven sucks."

"Stephan."

"Whatever. I'm just really confused here, Reg. One minute you're flirting with me and the next you're telling me it has to be platonic. Just tell me what you want," James begged.

Regulus pressed his cheek against his knees to face James. "I shouldn't like you," he said plainly.

James flinched at that and raked a hand through his hair.

"I shouldn't, but I do. I can't stop thinking about you."

"I don't see what the problem is then," James said as he reached over to grab his glasses and placed them on his face.

"I already told you what the problem is. You're Sirius' best friend. And I don't live here. My entire life is out in Arizona." He wasn't sure how true that was anymore, now that him and Stephan were broken up, but he was even less sure of moving back to this place that held so many heavy memories for him. The more he was with James, the less it all seemed to matter.

"You know there's these things called planes. Besides, Sirius won't mind. He was the one who gave me your number after all. Can we just… keep it casual? Stop resisting each other and see how it goes?"

"Casual?"

"Yeah, like a trial period. You're here for like… two more weeks, right? Let's make the most of it."

Casual with James Potter sounded like the exact opposite of what Regulus wanted, but he found himself agreeing anyway.

After getting dressed and making themselves presentable, the two of them decided to be brave and leave the guest room together. If Remus and Sirius were awake, they'd already know that Regulus hadn't slept on the couch, so there was no point in pretending.

In the kitchen, as predicted, the couple sat sipping on coffee and neglecting their toast. Sirius' eyes narrowed at the two of them, a combination of suspicion and irritation. Regulus ignored him in favor of making himself a cup of tea whereas James decided to tackle his best friend head on. They all had their own ways of dealing with Sirius' moods, it seemed.

He set the kettle on the stove and grabbed a mug as he listened to the two of them argue, the reaction both annoying and expected.

"What's on the agenda for today?" Regulus asked Remus over their bickering.

Remus hummed, picking at his toast and tossing the crust he had ripped back onto the plate. "Practice was canceled because of the snow, looks like it's nice and sticky so I was thinking we could have a good old fashioned snowball fight."

"Only if Reggie is my teammate," Sirius announced, seemingly over the squabble with his best friend for now.

"If you picked either of them over me, I'd actually make your life a living hell."

"Aw, Reggie, you know you're my favorite brother."

"I'm your only brother," Regulus said with a roll of his eyes. He poured hot water over his Earl Grey teabag, added cream and sugar, then sat at the table between Remus and James.

Remus gave a knowing smirk then looked over at James. "I'm sorry to say that we've already lost. They're professionals."

In the end, Remus was correct. The brothers worked in tandem to create piles of snowballs that they hurled at James, mostly keeping Remus out of the fray unless he yelled over a particularly nasty taunt. When they were all winded and the snow had stopped coming down from the sky, James collapsed into a heap on the ground, waving his arms in surrender, Sirius and Regulus both held a hand out to him only to be pulled onto the ground in one big heap of laughter. James and Sirius ended up wrestling in the snow, playfully trying to shove snow down each other's jackets.

"I'm going inside," Remus called. "You guys should too if you want hot cocoa."

Like a dog being told he was going for a walk, Sirius perked up and stopped his wrestling with James to follow Remus inside.

When James climbed to his feet, instead of following Sirius, he looked over at Regulus. "You okay?"

Regulus raised a questioning brow. "Why wouldn't I be?"

James shrugged then turned to walk back inside alongside him. "Just checking, that's all. You look pretty when your cheeks are all red." He nudged his shoulder into Regulus' body. "I can't wait to see how much prettier you look when you're all flushed because I'm deep inside you."

Regulus missed his step at the heated words, avoiding falling only because James caught his arm with a smirk. He felt his cheeks darken, the blush going all the way down to his chest and his gaze locked on where James' hand held his arm. "You can't just say things like that."

"Because you don't like it or because you're shy?"

Regulus' gaze flitted up to James' over-confident smirk and his eyes narrowed. "Because you can't."

"Shy."

"I'm not shy," Regulus said, his voice low and sharp like a threat. "But this is supposed to be casual."

"I mean, you can casually ride my dick, I won't complain."

Regulus let out an exasperated groan and trudged through the snow towards the door, not waiting for James to follow. He heard him close behind him anyway and as they both entered the house, the smell of hot chocolate overwhelmed his senses. They shared mugs of cocoa while warming their bones under the blankets in the living room, sat in the same configuration as the night before. Eventually, their conversation died down and James decided it was time to go home. The house felt strangely empty with him gone and Regulus had to tell himself off for becoming so attached to him so quickly. This was supposed to be casual.

"What the fuck, Reg?" Sirius asked after James left.

Remus flinched from where he sat beside his boyfriend. "Let's take a minute—"

"All you said was for me to be careful," Regulus said over Remus, knowing exactly what his brother was upset about despite both of them pretending like everything was fine all day.

"Oh, so sleeping with my best friend while I'm asleep in the next room is being careful?"

"All we did was sleep," Regulus argued. "Literally slept. He texted me—which you made possible because you gave him my number—and when I complained about how uncomfortable the couch was, he asked me to go upstairs and share the bed with him. That's all that happened."

"He's falling for you and you're letting it happen. He's so much more sensitive than you. He's a romantic and at the end of the month, you're just gonna disappear and hurt him. You really shouldn't be playing with his emotions like this, Reg." Sirius' brows pinched together in concern as he glared at him with arms crossed from the other side of the bedroom.

"He knows this! We had an honest conversation. I don't know why you're so concerned about me hurting him when he's just as capable of hurting me anyway. Did you ever, just once, consider that?"

"I don't know, Reg. Maybe because you haven't been around in forever? Maybe because you don't let me be close enough to you to be concerned? The last time I worried about you, you flew across the fucking country and avoided me for five years so maybe it's time I tried something new like not giving a shit."

When Regulus flinched, Remus let out a heavy breath. "He doesn't mean that," he said towards Regulus.

"No, he does. He's always made everything about him." Regulus stood from the armchair with a wince at the shock of pain that shot down his leg. "Whatever this is with James isn't about you, and neither was my injury. Just leave it be, let me figure it out on my own."

"You're so fucking self centered, Reg," Sirius spat at him.

"Looks like it runs in the family," he shot back as he climbed up the stairs. Without meaning to, he slammed the door to the guest room and flopped down on the bed where he inhaled the heady combination of his and James' scents in his sheets.

Everything in his life felt so unstable. All he had wanted by coming here was some time to work through his feelings and figure out his next steps now that him and Stephan had broken up, but it seemed as though everything was getting more and more complex by the day.

Chapter Text

"This is all my fault," Regulus said under his breath as the final buzzer sounded, signaling the end of the game and their first loss of the season. A brutal shut out where Sirius ended up in the penalty box more often than he had been on the ice.

Truly, it was his fault. Sirius had been a mess on the ice and no one, not even his best friend, could get his head back in the game. At every opportunity to make a pass, Sirius neglected to work with his teammates, frustrating them and forcing them to try to find a way to win a game with their forward's head completely out of the game. At one point, Sirius got so flustered that he scored on their own goal, missing the puck entirely with his stick and kicking it with his skate into the net. Ted had looked at him with so much fury, Regulus wasn't sure how Sirius would face him in the locker room later.

He watched as Sirius tossed his stick in frustration, skating off the ice in disappointment. He understood now why his brother hadn't been signed to the NHL team. It wasn't that he wasn't a talented player—he was objectively one of the best—it was his lack of control. Sirius had always been an emotionally explosive person and it showed in the ways that he navigated the ice on a rough day.

"It's not," Remus said with a sigh. "Losses happen all the time, it's no one's fault. The other team was just better today."

"Yeah, because Sirius' head wasn't in the game."

"That's on Sirius, not you."

Regulus grunted, unsure of whether he believed Remus or not. "I'm gonna go for a walk and try to avoid his shit mood for the night. I'll meet you back at the house."

"Yeah, I get it. I'll try to talk to him, okay?" Remus gave him a sad smile. "There's a park nearby if you want somewhere nicer than the streets to walk."

"Thanks, I-I really appreciate you." Somehow, it felt easier to admit that to Remus than to anyone else in his life.

"I know, I know, I'm amazing. See ya later." Remus stood up from his seat and began to weave his way through the crowd towards the locker rooms where he would wait for Sirius after his shower and press interview.

The press of the crowd felt claustrophobic as Regulus tried to push his way through. The smell of stale beer combined with the crisp ice felt nauseating as everyone around him chatted casually, their entertainment over for the evening and the rest of their evenings carefree. His vision went a little blurry as panic began to set in and he found himself shouldering through the meandering crowd to get through the packed stadium quicker.

Finally outside, he took a moment to allow his eyes to adjust to the dim streetlights and get his bearings. Knowing where the bowling alley was, Regulus decided to go in the opposite direction in search of the park that Remus had mentioned. His breath fogged around his face as he walked, the winter night air colder than he was used to, but his mind began to clear the further he got from the arena.

The park was smaller than he thought, but it was lit with soft yellow Christmas lights and the paths were well maintained making his walk easy. He leisurely strolled with his hands in his jacket pockets, occasionally stopping to look at the frozen water or a particularly interesting tree, coming across no one at the late hour. He wasn't sure if he was allowed there at all and when he heard footsteps approaching behind him, he turned to apologize when he froze with his mouth agape.

"Hi Reg," James said gently, his nose and cheeks slightly pink from the frigid air.

"Why are you here?" Regulus asked instead of returning the greeting.

James laughed at his brashness and took a step closer, invading his personal space. Everything about the man radiated warmth and it took all of Regulus' willpower not to close the distance and nuzzle into his shoulder.

"Remus told me where you went. I texted you that I wanted to see you after the game. Why'd you leave?" He pulled a hand out of his pocket and brushed along Regulus' jawline with his thumb, gently cupping his face and forcing him to look up.

Regulus shrugged, casting his eyes down and away, ashamed of how he had abandoned James in favor of avoiding his brother's temper. "You lost," he said, probably too bluntly.

"Yeah, we did. It happens—more often than I'd like, sure—but it's a normal part of playing a game like this. It's okay. Is that really why you avoided me? You didn't want to comfort me in my failure?" His tone was teasing and playful, but Regulus still avoided his gaze. "Hey, look at me."

Like a moth to the flame, he followed James' request without any consideration. His eyes flicked to those dark honey eyes he had grown so fond of and immediately, he softened. "I think I just… I know what it's like. I mean, not exactly. But I mean, I know what it's like to invest your whole self into something and then to still fail. Sirius and I got in an argument last night and I know his head wasn't in the game and I… I couldn't face him right now."

James tugged him into a tight hug, pinning Regulus' arms between them where they were still stuffed in his pockets and making the whole thing a little bit awkward. It felt so lovely all the same to be pulled in close and pressed against his body, strong arms caging him in and protecting him from the world. The only problem was that it wasn't the world that Regulus needed to be protected from, it was his own decisions.

His chin rested on top of Regulus' curls, deceptively gentle for such a large man. "The way Sirius deals with his emotions on the ice is his own battle, and trust me, it's a battle. This isn't the first and definitely won't be the last time he lets his head get away from him and it impacts the entire game. It's… God, I love the guy, but his own mind is the only reason he's never been signed to the NHL. He's good enough, if he'd get out of his own way. But that's not on you." He kissed the top of Regulus' head, so soft and reverently. "You should talk to him and work out whatever it is you fought about, but don't blame yourself for his game. And don't avoid me because of your brother."

He knew James was right—even as teenagers, this had always been an issue that Sirius had—but hearing it and allowing himself to accept it were two vastly different things. He couldn't help but to think that if he had tried to have a conversation with his brother this morning that they could have resolved their argument and then they could have won their game. What he didn't want to admit was that the argument had been about the man currently holding him so close, every one of his senses was flooded by everything that was James.

"I don't want to talk about my brother anymore," Regulus murmured. He felt James' arms briefly tighten around him before loosening enough for Regulus to gaze up at him. "I'm glad you came to find me though."

"Yeah? How come?"

Regulus melted at James' subtle request for reassurance. He wondered how someone as attractive and seemingly confident could also be so unsure of himself, but in a strange way it was so damn appealing. James was looking to him of all people to put his anxieties at ease. "Because I wanted to see you tonight. I—" His breath hitched as he hesitated to be as bold as his desires truly were. "James, can I kiss you?"

Instead of a verbal answer, James' lips were suddenly on his, devouring and impatient. His hands that had been caging him in began to wander, one resting between his shoulder blades and the other on his lower back, and Regulus had to pry his own hands out of his pockets and fumble awkwardly to be able to hold him in return.

James groaned against his mouth, his lips parting just enough to allow Regulus' tongue to push in and taste him. The hand that was pressed between his shoulder blades moved up, cupping the back of his head and tangling into his hair. It was as if neither of them could get enough. The heady need coursing through him felt intoxicating and unfamiliar.

No one had ever made Regulus feel this way. He had all at once become insatiable and desperate for as much as he could get. He had thought that kissing James would feel as it always had with others—warm, wet, and a means to the next thing—but he didn't think he could ever have enough of the taste of this man on his tongue. When James pulled away, the two of them breathless, Regulus let out a soft whine that brought a blush to his cheeks. He only hoped that the cold air excused his flush.

"I'm gonna be too forward," James said, panting and resting his forehead against Regulus'. His steamy breath billowed around them, mingling into Regulus'. "But I wanna bring you back to my place." When Regulus opened his mouth to protest, James continued speaking before he could say a single word. "I know you said it's casual. I know you're leaving at the end of the month and I'll probably never see you again, but I also know that I need you. I need you so badly it hurts. Let me bring you home and we can enjoy what time we still have together, I don't care if it hurts later. I'd rather it hurt in a month than to never know what it's like to have you."

"How can I say no to that?" Regulus teased.

"I didn't mean to—"

Regulus kissed him again, effectively making him stop talking. He knew it was a bad idea. He knew they would both regret it in the morning, but he wasn't even sure if he'd be here for the rest of the month if his brother was truly upset with him and he couldn't live his life wondering what it would have felt like to be consumed with the pleasure that he knew James would bring him.

"Bring me home, James. Maybe you'll ruin me so thoroughly for everyone else and I'll have no choice but to stay here where the weather sucks and be your little pet."

"I can sure try," James said with a confident smirk.

Chapter Text

James playfully shoved Regulus' shoulders so he fell backwards onto the bed with a soft sigh. His legs hung off the edge, leaving him feeling unsure whether he should be pushing back onto the bed to make room for James or if he should stay right where he was placed.

"Tell me what you want," James said, his voice thick and a noticeable bulge in his pants as he gazed down at him.

"I just want to feel good," Regulus murmured, steadily losing confidence. He hadn't been with anyone since Stephan and he certainly hadn't casually hooked up often before that, so his experience was… limited. Somehow, he doubted James had a lack of options available to him.

They had already figured out the logistics of it all—they were both clean and agreed that they wouldn't tell Sirius or Remus the details of anything from here forward—but the question of what he wanted felt too loaded. He didn't want to be needy, or to seem weird. He barely knew James and now that he was here, everything felt so intimate. What if he wasn't any good at this?

"What feels good for you, hm?" James asked with a sinful lilt. He pulled his shirt off in one fluid motion, casting it aside and if Regulus had to guess, flexing his muscles as he did so.

"Anything," he breathed as his eyes drank in the man before him. And fuck, he really was perfect, like he had been carved by the gods themselves as an example of what men should look like. Regulus felt absolutely wrecked and he hadn't even taken his clothes off yet.

"I'm gonna need more than that, sweetheart." He began to unbutton his jeans, pausing and raising a questioning eyebrow at Regulus.

Regulus practically ripped off his own shirt, tossing it onto the floor without a care and earning him an approving smirk. Where James was thick with coarse muscles and wide shoulders, Regulus was small and lean. His limbs had always felt long and gangly when he wasn't on the ice, slightly clumsy without choreography and muscle memory. Under James' approving gaze, he felt his self consciousness dissolve into confidence.

"I want you to devour me whole," Regulus said with what he hoped was a sensual allure.

James' eyes darkened as he kneeled down and his fingers began to hurriedly work at the button of Regulus' dark jeans. "Yeah, that can be arranged."

He licked his lips at the vision of Regulus' cock being freed, bobbing in front of him and already leaking pre-cum. Regulus' breath hitched when his mouth got close, so pretty and eager, but entirely overwhelming. He hadn't realized just how literal James would take his request. Stephan had always complained—telling him that it was too much work and he could just reach his orgasm easier in other ways—and he couldn't stand the thought of James thinking that he had to do this.

"Wait, I—"

James froze, pulling back and making sure they held eye contact. "Are you okay? We can stop."

"I'm fine, but… You don't have to do this if you don't want to, I—"

"Regulus Black, in what world do you think I don't want to suck your cock until you're within an inch of your life?"

Regulus moaned at his words, no longer able to formulate coherent thought. He reached forward and gently removed James' glasses with both hands. He placed them beside him on the bed before burying his fingers into his messy brown hair. "Go on then, impress me."

James didn't need to be told twice. He lapped at the head of his cock with his tongue and let out a soft whine as the salty liquid invaded his senses. Regulus tried his best not to buck his hips at the contact, but lost all sense of patience and pushed James' mouth down onto his cock. He swallowed him easily, not even gagging as Regulus felt himself hit the back of his throat. James' eyes fluttered shut as he bobbed his head and hollowed out his cheeks, losing himself in the rhythm that Regulus allowed him to set for himself.

"Look at me, I want you to see how in awe of you I am while you swallow me whole," Regulus said reverently. He gently pushed a few stray locks of hair out of his face as James looked up at him, pupils blown wide and his cheeks darkening. "You're so pretty like this, I can't believe I get to see you on your knees so eager to please me."

James moaned around him, the vibration traveling through to his very core and making Regulus hiss as he tried to stop himself from thrusting up.

"You like to be praised?" Regulus asked sweetly.

Another groan of approval as saliva that had been pooling in James' mouth began to run down his chin.

Regulus hummed, pushing those unruly waves away before burying his hands into his hair and gripping firmly. "That's good, it's so easy to praise someone as perfect as you. So pretty and pliant."

James' eyes rolled back as he let out another moan around his cock and Regulus couldn't help but to moan out loud in response. He was so hot, his mouth so wet and his throat tight around him. There was something intoxicating about a man so strong and powerful on his knees before him, Regulus would never get enough of the high.

He felt himself getting close and pulled James up and away by his hair, earning him a whine. Regulus gently shushed him, petting his face and leaning forward to kiss him softly. "I'm too close, angel and I don't want this to end yet. You feel too good."

Regulus stood, letting his pants and boxers fall down to the floor and holding a hand out to help James to his feet. He made quick work of James' pants and boxers too, sucking in a breath when he saw the sheer size of his erection.

"You expect that to fit inside me?" Regulus asked on a laugh, pushing James back onto the bed and smiling as the larger man allowed it to happen. He looked so beautiful all splayed out on the mattress, a little bit dumb with want.

"Well…" James trailed off, a bashful look on his face as he averted his gaze.

"Where do you keep your lube?"

"Bedside drawer," James cleared his throat as he answered, pointing to his left and shifting his body so he was more in the middle of the bed.

Regulus felt him watching every step he made towards the drawer, like a cat patiently stalking its prey. With the bottle in his hands, Regulus crawled onto the bed and nestled himself between James' thighs. He leaned forward, placing soft kisses along his pecks before swirling his tongue around one nipple. He sucked on the bud, nipping with his teeth and smiling when James' hips bucked at the attention.

"So responsive," Regulus murmured against his body as he continued to trail open mouthed kisses down his abs and eventually, licking up the bottom side of his length. It didn't feel any less intimidating now that he was here with it in his face, if anything he felt more impressed by the sheer size of it. He knew there was no way he'd fit the entire thing in his mouth, but he was nothing if not ambitious. "I'm gonna open myself up for you, but you have to promise not to move at all while I have you in my mouth, okay?"

"Fuck," James sighed, his eyes closing and head tilting back at his words.

"Promise me."

"Yeah, yes." He said quickly, eyes snapping back to Regulus. "I promise. No moving."

"Good boy," Regulus praised.

He sat back on his heels and popped open the bottle with a loud click, pouring a generous amount of lube onto his hand. He worked it between his fingers until it was warm and then leaned forward to get himself positioned just right. He wanted to make this into a show for the man beneath him, hoping to make the entire thing seem erotic rather than a necessity. With one hand braced on James' hip and the other angled in a way that he could reach his entrance, he arched his back so James could see just enough to tease.

Nuzzling into the coarse curls, Regulus got to work fingering himself open, knowing it would take quite some time to ensure he didn't get injured by the sheer size of James' cock. As he fingered himself, he licked up the length of him, pushing his tongue into the slit and moaning at the salty taste before repeating the entire process. As he pushed a second finger inside himself, he felt brave enough to begin to swallow James down.

He was tentative at first, bobbing slowly and relishing in the breathless moans that he earned from the other man. It didn't take long for him to gain his confidence, hollowing out his cheeks and swallowing him down deeper and deeper. As he added another finger, he pushed down, making himself gag around the heavy cock on his tongue. At that moment though, nothing could stop him. His eyes watered and saliva dripped down his chin and he knew he looked like a fucked out mess, but with his mouth and his ass full he couldn't find it in him to care at all.

"Fucking hell, look at you," James breathed. "I wish you could see yourself, I've never seen anything as exquisite as you, sweetheart." He wiped away the tears from one cheek with a thumb then gently pushed his curls away from his forehead.

Regulus moaned at the praise around James' cock, earning him a groan. James' hand fell away from his face, lax on the bed beside his hip and his head tilted back at the feeling. Now he understood why the praise had driven him wild and he began to work himself open in earnest if only to earn more of it. His three fingers scissored himself as his head continued to bob, all concerns for his appearance gone with the promise of praise and this beautiful cock inside of him. Soon, he was able to add a fourth and rocked his hips in time with his fingers and head.

His own cock felt heavy and neglected between his thighs, dripping in pre-cum and aching for contact, but the promise of the most intense orgasm of his life kept him from seeking any sort of friction. The fantasy of cumming untouched while riding James Potter was too tempting.

When he finally felt as ready as he possibly could be with his own fingers, he lifted his head from James' cock with a loud pop. A trail of saliva connected his mouth with his cock and he couldn't help but to notice the way James' eyes tracked it until it had broken and dripped down onto his hip. Regulus sat up fully and poured more lube into his hand, warming it briefly before slicking James' cock with it. The other man hissed at the sudden contact, but his complaints ended there as Regulus shifted so that he was straddling his hips and hovering above his length.

So very slowly, he guided himself down onto James' cock. He braced himself with both hands on his chest, leaning forward to prevent himself from moving too quickly while James' hands gripped his hips hard enough to bruise. It was a steady, sure guidance, making sure that he didn't injure himself and that he could adjust fully and enjoy every moment. He was grateful for how patient James was the entire time. He didn't push or buck his hips, simply offered unshakable support and care, whispering nonsensical reassurances and praise the entire time.

When Regulus had fully seated himself, the fullness was almost unbearable. It was unlike anything he had ever experienced before, consuming every one of his senses from the inside out. He relaxed into it, resting and allowing his body to adjust while gazing down at a flushed and blissful James. Unable to resist, he leaned forward and captured his swollen lips in a gentle kiss. It was languid and almost felt like they were both savoring the taste of themselves on the other, both of them a hazy mess from their pleasure.

"Can you move, sweetheart?" James breathed, their mouths so close he could feel the vibrations and taste his hot breath.

Experimentally, he shifted his hips before nodding. "Y-yeah. Fuck, you feel so good." He lifted himself up before lowering himself back down, going through the motions slowly as he mentally built himself up to increasing his rhythm.

"I'm gonna lose my mind, Reg, please just move." James' hands tightened on his hips and started trying to guide him, softening his control when he felt resistance.

"What happened to my patient boy, hm?" Regulus mocked before lowering back down in one hard thrust. He lifted one hand from where it was braced on James' chest and pinched his jaw between his thumb and forefinger, forcing him to hold eye contact. "I just want to ride you to my heart's content, is that okay with you? Can you be good for me, angel?"

"Yeah," James whimpered. "Yeah, I can be good for you. I can be anything for you."

"I know you can," Regulus said fondly, increasing his pace and letting go of James' face. "You're absolute perfection."

It didn't take long for both of them to become drunk on one another, completely blissed out and barely forming coherent sentences as Regulus followed through on his promise to ride him to his heart's content. Every time either of them got close, he slowed his pace, drawing out both of their pleasure until finally, James got tired of it and decided to take control. He lifted Regulus off of him and flipped him onto his back, gripping his good knee and hoisting it over his shoulder before seating himself in one fluid motion. The control in that moment made Regulus release a wanton moan, allowing himself to be fully taken care of and fucked into the mattress.

James reached forward to wrap his hand around Regulus' cock, but Regulus smacked his hand away. "Wanna cum just from feeling you inside me, I'm so close."

"Fuck," James moaned. "Okay, yeah, I've got you sweetheart."

He shifted ever so slightly and with each thrust, he angled in just the right way to hit his prostate. The sensitive nerves inside of him made him see stars, completely blinding him with pleasure and euphoria as heat coiled in his abdomen. After one last thrust, he felt James spilling inside of him, hot and intense, and it sent him over the edge. Regulus came all over his stomach and chest, a bit even reaching as far as his chin with how hard his orgasm hit. He barely had a moment to process the intensity when James dragged the flat of his tongue on his chin where the mess had reached.

"Holy shit," Regulus murmured. "I-I've never cum that hard in my life."

James gave him a cocky grin, the confidence only enhanced by how ridiculously messy his hair was. He lowered Regulus' leg from where it was still propped on his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to his calf as he did, and slowly pulled himself out of Regulus. When he did, Regulus let out a whine, feeling so empty and mourning the loss of him and the cum that had already begun to drip out of him down his thighs. James shushed him, leaning forward and licking more of the cum off of his abdomen.

"You need a shower, sweetheart. We both do."

"Don't wanna," Regulus huffed, indignant despite knowing that James was right.

James hummed thoughtfully before standing and scooping him up in his arms, carrying him bridal style through the house.

"What the fuck," Regulus complained, squirming in his arms which proved to be no use. James was far too strong for any of his struggles to be effective, making him realize just how pliant the man had become during their time together in the bedroom.

"You'll thank me later," James said as he placed him down gently on the toilet lid and began to fiddle with the knobs in the shower.

It was easily big enough for both of them with multiple shower heads, glossy white tile, and even a seat built in with a handheld shower head beside it. He watched as the water began to steam, making the entire room feel heavy, before James held a hand out for him to guide him to his feet. They both stepped under the hot spray, sighing in unison. Despite his protests, James was right. He was grateful for the shower.

James lathered up some of his soap in a washcloth, flooding the room with the indulgent coconut scent that Regulus had begun to associate with him, and pulled Regulus close. Tenderly, he cleaned away the mess that had been made on his body, trailing soft kisses along where he had worked and rinsed away the soap. Regulus was helpless to do anything but gape at him, completely bewildered by how gentle one of the most aggressive and brutal hockey players in the league could be.

He added more soap to the washcloth and cleaned his own body, much more mechanical than he had been a moment before. Regulus couldn't keep his hands off of him, running his fingers along the corded muscles and returning the favor of placing gentle kisses along his body. Unable to help himself, he lowered himself to his knees as he continued to kiss down his abs and hip bones, biting hard enough to bruise and then sucking on the skin below his waistline.

James hissed in response, his cock stirring in interest, and Regulus was helpless to his own desire. His mouth watered at the sight and as he moved to swallow him whole, he froze at the feeling of fingers in his hair and the scent of vanilla and coconut overwhelming him. James had begun to lather shampoo in his hair, tilting his head up as he did.

"There's no need for that, sweetheart."

Regulus hummed, pouting his lips. "I want to."

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I think I'm too exhausted to orgasm again. C'mon." He held a hand out and once Regulus had taken it, hauled him to his feet. "Did you forget I played a whole hockey game before we fucked like that?" He spun them around so Regulus was under the stream of water, guiding him to rinse the shampoo from his hair.

"Aren't you like… a professional athlete or something?" Regulus teased. "Don't tell me you're getting too old."

"You're mean to me on purpose, aren't you?"

"I am," he gave a mocking grin. "You're right."

James groaned, pouring conditioner into his hand and gently combing it through Regulus' hair. "Cruel, pretty thing. Just let me take care of you tonight, okay?"

Regulus nodded, confused. Not by James, but himself. He had vowed to keep things casual, so why was he okay with this level of domesticity and care? He hadn't ever allowed anyone to care for him so intimately, but something about James made all of his walls come down before he ever realized they had budged. If he was honest with himself, it was lovely to be doted on. Before he could stop himself, he pulled James in for a kiss, open mouthed and sinfully sweet.

It was in that moment that Regulus realized that he had fallen hard and fast for James Potter and he couldn't find it in him to regret it one bit.

Chapter Text

James was a cuddler, that had already been established, but it was different this time waking up in his arms. Both of them naked, limbs tangled together, his hard length pressing into Regulus' backside. There was a slight ache to his body, a welcome reminder that last night had been real. He allowed himself to savor the feeling of being held close and—perhaps foolishly—rocked his hips back into James' body. The response was immediate, a low, sleepy groan and a large, callused hand pressing him closer. There was nowhere for him to go, not that he would choose to go anywhere but here given the opportunity.

He continued to rock his hips slowly until he could tell that James had woken up. For a brief moment, James' body tensed, then relaxed fully with a breathy laugh.

"You're insatiable," he breathed into the shell of his ear, low and gravely with sleep.

"Maybe," Regulus said airily. "But I'm not the one who was pressing his morning wood into my ass. How else do you expect me to respond? Maybe you should try being less desirable."

"Hmm, no." James pushed Regulus onto his stomach and sat up, straddling his legs and kissing down his spine. "Don't think I will. I'll just do my best to satisfy you instead."

Regulus buried his face into the pillow, letting out a soft moan as James continued his ministrations along his back. Each brush of fingers and soft lips sent a shiver down his spine and a jolt of pleasure straight to his cock. When James had worked his way down to his lower back, his hands cupped his behind and spread his cheeks apart, making him feel entirely too exposed despite what they had done last night. He had to hold back a yelp when he felt the hot, flat of his tongue lick at his entrance, still tender and sensitive.

"Oh my god," he groaned, his voice muffled by the pillow. "Jamie, angel, you don't have to—" He was cut off by another lick and the subsequent moan that left his lips at the sensation.

"I know I don't have to," James said, his breath hot against him. "I want to though, is that okay sweetheart?"

"Mhmm," Regulus nodded. "Yeah, yes. Please."

"If I had known you'd be so sweet and polite, I would have done this sooner."

"Well, now I don't want it," Regulus said indignantly, though his words had no bite to them.

He playfully began to pull away, but James held him down and with a push of his tongue dipping in for a taste, erased all thoughts of resistance from Regulus' mind. He melted into the mattress, surrendering to the relentless pleasure of James licking and fucking his tongue into him. He was a whimpering mess by the time James decided to add his fingers to the mix.

Regulus had fingered himself a lot in his life, but James' fingers were thick and nimble in a way that had been wholly unexpected. There had been no resistance when he began fingering him, his body fully relaxed and sated, and so without any preamble he curled his finger up and brushed against his prostate with expert precision. Regulus jolted with a desperate moan, his hips bucking.

"That's it sweetheart," James soothed. "Go ahead, let yourself enjoy it. You look so lovely like this."

Regulus let out a whine at the praise, so sweet and gentle. He began to rock his hips in time with James' finger inside of him, the embarrassment of fucking into his sheets making his cheeks heat. He tried to shift to give himself enough room to bring his hand to his cock, but James pressed his free hand on his hips, pressing him further into the mattress.

"No hands, pretty thing. You can do it." His tongue joined his finger, teasing at his entrance. He pulled back and let saliva drip from his mouth onto his finger, making Regulus squirm as a second finger was slowly pushed inside of him. "Will you cum all over my sheets for me? Make a mess I'll never be able to forget."

Regulus felt the flush on his cheeks travel all the way down his chest as he listened to James' instructions. He thrust his hips in time with the fingers pumping in and out, whimpering at each brush of the sensitive nerves inside of him. There was a steady stream of saliva dripping down onto him as if James had his mouth agape, tongue hanging right above his hole, unable to contain how much the vision before him made his mouth literally water.

All pretense of embarrassment left him as he grew closer and closer to his climax. The sheets made his cock feel overly sensitive and his hole was spent and abused in the most delicious way. It didn't take long for his hips to stutter and a mess to be made on the sheets. He had barely recovered when James lifted his hips up with both hands and he felt lube being liberally applied.

"Jamie, I can't—" He gasped as he felt the head of his cock teasing at his entrance.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Regulus knew that he would, no questions asked if he said the word. Despite his protests and what would undoubtedly be borderline painful overstimulation, the last thing he wanted was for this to end.

"No, I want you to fuck me so hard I can't walk afterwards."

James hummed, playfully contemplative. "I'll see what I can do, hm?"

At that, he buried himself entirely in one fluid movement. Regulus cried out in pleasure at the burn. Despite the amount of attention and lubricant, he didn't think he'd ever be prepped enough for the size of him. He savored the intrusion, pushing his hips back into James in hopes of feeling him even deeper. This man could split him in half and Regulus would still be begging for more.

"Fuck, it's like you were made for me," James groaned.

"Then use me already," Regulus spat back.

To his credit, James fucked him hard. What Regulus had intended on being a quick morning fling turned into mind-numbing and earth shattering sex. Fire pooled low in his abdomen as he felt himself growing harder with each thrust of James' hips. His fingers clung to the sheets, desperate for purchase as James set a relentless rhythm. He was thankful for the bruising grip on his hips because without it, he didn't think he'd be able to hold himself upright.

"Cum for me one more time, sweetheart." One of James' hands left his hip to wrap around his cock, pumping in time with the thrust of his hips.

As if by command, Regulus saw white as he climaxed again. He felt James' hips stutter and lose rhythm as he came deep inside him, holding him steady with a firm grip on his hip. He leaned forward, caging in his sweaty body and kissing the nape of his neck so sweetly, it sent a shiver down Regulus' spine.

"You're such a good boy," James praised. "So good for me."

"You're such a sap after you orgasm," Regulus taunted, then gasped as James pulled out. He felt himself clenching around nothing and whimpered at the loss.

"Nah, I'm a sap all the time." He kissed the top of Regulus' head before rolling off the bed. "Why don't you take a shower and I'll make us some breakfast." He said it like a suggestion, but Regulus knew it wasn't optional.

"Yeah, okay."

They both made their way to the bathroom, James quickly wiping himself with a damp washcloth after he adjusted the tap on the shower for Regulus. When he was sure that Regulus had everything he'd need for his shower, he left to get dressed and cook them breakfast.

His shower was fast, but he felt most of the tension leave his body thanks to the hot water that soothed his joints and tired muscles. Wrapped in a fluffy towel, he padded back to James' bedroom where the sheets had been stripped from the bed and a clean pair of sweatpants and an old band tee had been left for him. Despite how much they swam on him, he found himself feeling cozy and safe being completely engulfed in James' clothes. He decided that there was no way James was ever getting this shirt back.

He grabbed his phone from the pocket of his discarded jeans only to find the battery dead, so he carried it down with him to the kitchen where the smell of bacon and toast beckoned him. Regulus hadn't gotten the chance—or maybe he hadn't cared—to look around James' home the night before, but he found himself surprised by how warm and cozy every inch was. Despite the new furniture, the walls were lined with family photos and bookshelves full of books that actually appeared to have been read. Trinkets filled the spaces that weren't piled high with books and everything just felt comfortable. Like he could wrap himself up in a blanket on the couch with a book and a cup of tea and feel safe from the entire world.

"Do you want eggs," James asked over his shoulder when he heard him approaching. His head was in the fridge, rummaging around for what Regulus assumed were the eggs in question. He couldn't help but to stare at his ass in the gray sweatpants that sinfully showed every curve of his body.

"No thanks, eggs taste too much like eggs for me right now. Do you have a charger I can use? My phone died."

James snorted a laugh, closing the refrigerator door with a foot. He held a carton of eggs in one hand as he pointed over towards an outlet where a charger was plugged in. "I don't have that tea you like," he said regretfully.

"It's okay," Regulus said as he plugged in his phone and left it face down on the counter.

Breakfast with James felt oddly comfortable, like a routine that he could find himself accustomed to far too easily if he let himself.

"I didn't know you cooked like this," he said as he eyed the six egg omelette James was frying in a skillet. He reached over and stole a piece of bacon from the paper towel-covered plate beside the stove, sighing as he bit into the perfectly crispy meat.

"There's no way my mum would have let me move out here if I didn't know how to feed myself," James replied, easily flipping the omelette in one fluid motion. "Restaurants and takeout get exhausting pretty quickly anyway."

Regulus hummed in understanding around the bacon in his mouth, admiring the confidence that James had in the kitchen. "I can make toast and boxed mac and cheese… That's about it."

James snorted, grabbing two plates from the cabinet above his head and placing them on the counter. "That sounds about right. Sirius was the same when I met him." He plated the toast and remaining bacon, plus his own omelette, and handed a plate to Regulus. "There's butter and some preserves in the fridge."

With the plate in his hand, Regulus rummaged through the door of the fridge for a jar of strawberry preserves before sitting down and eating across from James. His phone began to vibrate, the incoming texts from last night finally being delivered, but he ignored them in favor of enjoying the last few peaceful moments between them. It felt so fragile, like a bubble about to burst, and he wanted to bask in being here alone with James for as long as he could.

"You're popular," James remarked when he had finished eating, glancing over to where Regulus' phone sat on the counter.

"Not really," Regulus laughed. "I bet at least a dozen of those are group chat texts with mindless life updates. We're a bit co-dependent."

"And the other dozen?"

"My brother, if I had to guess."

"Did you tell him you were coming here last night?"

"I'm not sure that's any of his business," Regulus said coldly.

"I only mean…" James sighed. "I'm sure he worried about you when you didn't go home last night."

"That's not my home, James."

"You know what I mean. He's your brother, he worries."

"Maybe," Regulus conceded. "But he also told me he was gonna try to stop giving a shit, so maybe he should follow through on that."

James' brows pinched together in concern and immediately, Regulus regretted his words. He knew that what Sirius had said was out of frustration and that he shouldn't have repeated the words to James, but he couldn't help but to confide in him.

"I doubt he meant that," James said softly. "He cares a whole lot."

"So much that he's barely ever mentioned me before I came to visit," Regulus murmured, the hurt of being erased from his brother's life suddenly feeling like a fresh wound.

"I don't—"

"Please don't," Regulus interrupted. "You're his best friend. I don't want to put you in the middle of it. I shouldn't have brought it up at all."

James gave him a sad look, but thankfully said nothing as they quietly finished breakfast. The bacon on his plate made his stomach roil, his appetite sufficiently ruined by the discussion. Despite the tension growing between them, James managed to finish his plate—likely from years of needing to eat for fuel rather than from enjoyment—and Regulus had a few more bites of toast before abandoning it.

He got up from the table and grabbed his phone, biting back a sigh when he saw that his brother had in fact texted him asking where he was. Another text came from Remus this morning telling him to check in even if he wasn't coming back. The rest were mindless drabble from the group chat updating him on their time spent together. He shot off a quick text to his friends saying that he missed them and followed up with Remus to tell him he'd be back soon. His brother's text, he pointedly ignored.

A soft kiss on his shoulder alerted Regulus to James' presence behind him before he caged his body in between him and the counter. James' hands pressed into the stone on either side of him, knuckles white and breath heavy in the shell of his ear.

"I don't want you to go, but I feel like you're already so far away," James said like it was a secret.

"I don't have to leave yet," Regulus murmured. "Soon though."

"Maybe agreeing to casual was a mistake," James kissed his neck tenderly. "Now that I've had you I don't know how I'll survive without you."

"I'm sure you'll find a way," Regulus replied, his voice growing stony and cold. "You'll find some pretty girl and she'll give you babies and the American Dream."

James snorted dismissively. "No one's as pretty as you and you know it."

It took everything in him not to melt at the words—not to fold at the confession of casual being a mistake—but Regulus wasn't even sure that he'd still be here come morning. Everything with his brother felt so uncertain and therefore, everything with James even more unstable.

By the time Regulus had finally convinced himself that it was time to leave, it was the afternoon. James refused to let him get a rideshare, insisting that he could drive him back to Sirius and Remus' place. The compromise was that James had to drop him off a block away, which he reluctantly agreed to so long as he got a goodbye kiss. Regulus was happy to oblige.

The house was quiet when he let himself inside, but the lights were on and it smelled like chicken soup. "Hello?" He called out to no one in particular, unsure whether he was asking a question or greeting whoever was home.

He heard footsteps from the kitchen as he kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat, only to find his brother standing wide-eyed staring at him in the hallway.

"Hey, Reggie."

"Hey, sorry I didn't come home, I…" He trailed off, unsure of whether he wanted to admit where he had been. Swallowing past a lump in his throat, he decided to be honest. "I ended up staying at James' last night."

Sirius' throat bobbed and his brow furrowed as he considered his words. "I wish you would have told me."

"I'm telling you now."

"That's not… I was worried, is all." Sirius sighed, threading a hand into his hair at his scalp, scratching and disrupting the already messy bun at the top of his head. "Can we sit and talk?"

Despite knowing that's what they needed to do, Regulus wanted to run away and never come back. Talking always felt dangerous. It meant pointing out his flaws and making a big deal of his errors. Talking was something that their mother had always tried to do, but it always ended in gaslighting and manipulation. In his heart, he knew that wasn't the case with his brother, but trauma had a way of making his pulse race and his palms sweat.

He forced himself to nod in agreement and followed Sirius into the living room anyway, where they sat across from each other. Regulus on the couch and his brother in one of the arm chairs. He picked at his nails and waited, unsure of how to approach the conversation that they both knew they needed to have.

"I'm sorry I said I should try not giving a shit, that was… awful of me." Sirius began. "I grew up in the same house you did and fucking hell, those words should have never left my mouth."

"You meant them though," Regulus said, his voice small and distant.

"Only out of self preservation," Sirius admitted. "Only because I'm scared to lose you again when I only just barely got you back. You're… the only family I have, Reggie. We're it for each other, and you disappeared for so long. I'm so scared that you'll leave and I'll never see you again."

"Is that why you're being so protective of James? Because you think I'll disappear and break his heart alongside yours?"

"You don't exactly have a good track record."

"I only left once, you know," Regulus reminded him harshly. "And it wasn't because I wanted to leave you, it was… I just couldn't be here anymore. I needed a fresh start. I needed to be somewhere that no one knew who I was or what had happened to me."

"But you still left me, Reggie."

"If I had stayed here, I would have killed myself, Sirius."

The confession slipped from his tongue, a heavy thing that he had vowed to always keep secret from his brother who worried far too much for his own good. Those early days after his surgery when he was stuck in bed recovering and wallowing in the constant reminders that his life would never be what he had dreamed and worked tirelessly for had weighed heavy on his soul. Sirius had been flourishing, stamping down the joy over his own achievements whenever he checked on him. Regulus had resented him for it, hating that Sirius felt the need to hide it, loathing himself for his bitterness even more.

The suicidal ideation became unbearable, pushing him to visit his friends and hoping that a change of scenery and routine would fix something in his head. His friends hadn't made much of a difference, but the attention he received from Stephan did the trick for a short time. It was embarrassing to admit, but it was the truth. He had never wanted to die, he just didn't want to live that way anymore. Starting a whole new life where no one recognized him or treated him like The Regulus Black was refreshing in a way that he hadn't expected. In Arizona, he was simply Regulus Black.

Sirius sucked in a breath at his words. "You never said anything."

"Why would I?"

"Reggie…"

"I didn't tell you so you'd feel bad, I just… I didn't leave because I'm selfish. And I didn't sleep with James just to make you mad or whatever. I-I think I might be falling for him too. And I know I don't need it, but I'd really like your approval."

Sirius groaned, leaning back into the chair dramatically. "I'll approve on one condition."

"Hm?"

"I don't want to hear anything about your… Intimacy."

Regulus choked out a laugh, taken by surprise at the stipulation. "Deal. Can I make my own condition?"

"Yeah, probably." Sirius smirked and Regulus knew that his brother would likely respect his boundary, despite the teasing tone.

"I don't want you getting involved in our relationship. Let us work things out on our own. No meddling. Promise?"

"Promise. Wait… Are you wearing his shirt?"

Regulus glanced down at himself in the baggy shirt and sweatpants and gave his brother a feline grin. "I thought you didn't want to know about our… intimacy."

Sirius rolled his eyes and the two of them fell into comfortable laughter, everything returning to normal between them.

Chapter Text

At breakfast that morning, the three of them gathered at the table as if nothing had ever happened between them. Regulus was relieved that him and his brother could move forward so easily and wondered if it really would have been that simple to talk to him years ago. He had been swallowing back his regret since their conversation, but there was nothing to be done. Years had passed, but Sirius was still his brother and now they could move forward knowing that they could have these discussions in the future without it blowing out of proportion.

He sipped on his tea, creamy and heavy with bergamot, when Sirius' phone illuminated on the table with a notification. He scooped up his phone, his eyes flicking quickly as he read whatever was on his screen.

"Pete asked us if we wanted to come to Boston today to volunteer at a food pantry. The team and some retired players are all getting together and packing up boxes for the community so they can have a nice Christmas dinner. He said everyone was welcome, I'll text James too." He started furiously typing on his phone before setting it back down on the table with a gentle thud on the wood.

"Sounds nice," Remus said with his cup of coffee clutched between his palms. "Low pain day too, so I should be able to help more than usual."

Sirius' brow pinched in concern. "You will not push yourself into a flare, Moony."

"Let the man decide how much to push himself," Regulus said with a roll of his eyes. "He knows his body better than you."

"Says you," Sirius said, vexed by his brother inserting himself into the conversation.

"I'll be careful," Remus said gently as he reached out a hand and squeezed Sirius' arm in reassurance. "But Reg is right, let me manage it myself."

Sirius' phone lit up with another notification and he unlocked his phone to read it with a swipe of his finger. "James is in. He asked if you were coming, Reggie."

"I— Me?" He hadn't expected to be invited to tag along to a team event, though Remus automatically assuming he'd be going should have clued him in that he would be involved.

It was Sirius' turn to roll his eyes. "Yes, you. There will be family and friends there too, it's not just hockey players. You'll come, right?"

"Y-yeah. I'll come. I just… Can I just be your brother today though? I don't want people asking me about… before."

After a quick agreement and the three of them working in tandem to tidy the kitchen, they all got ready for their day. It didn't take long for James to show up with a wide smile, rocking on his heels as if he couldn't contain the energy that was buzzing inside of him when Regulus opened the door.

"Hi," James said, his cheeks rosy and eyes crinkled with joy.

"Hi," Regulus said in return, stepping aside to give him space to enter the house.

James leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his lips in greeting before casually calling out a greeting to Sirius and Remus. Regulus couldn't help but to stare at him in confusion as he brought a hand to his lips and brushed his fingers against where James' mouth had just been. Despite their agreement that things would remain casual—that they both understood that Regulus would be leaving by the end of the month—things between them were beginning to feel more and more like having a boyfriend than a holiday fling.

The drive into Boston was uneventful. Sirius drove, Remus took on the role of DJ, and James and Regulus sat in the back beside one another. He pretended that he didn't want James' hand squeezing his thigh like Sirius was with Remus up front, but the desire was strong and Regulus was weak. Eventually, he swallowed past his doubt and reached across the seat to press a palm against James' thigh.

He smiled softly when he heard James' breath hitch at the contact, his hand covering Regulus' on his leg and holding it there. Sirius' eyes flicked to Regulus' in the rear view mirror, but he held his tongue, letting the music continue to play and conversation flow between them all as if he didn't notice the budding romance between them. Regulus couldn't help but appreciate his brother in that moment.

When they finally arrived at the food pantry, Regulus was overwhelmed by the sheer size of it. Admittedly, he had never been to a place like this. He had never wanted for anything in his life and while he would like to say that he was a gracious and generous person, he had never thought to donate his time to something like this. There were so many people and boxes and they were all working in perfect tandem to ensure that their community was taken care of. It was a sight to behold and Regulus was touched that he had been invited to be involved in such an event.

Auburn haired children ran around, expertly dodging the adults as they giggled and yelled with joyful play. A man that Regulus could only assume was their father came up to greet them, his own auburn hair thinning and his cheeks a ruddy pink with exertion.

"Glad you could make it," he said to them all in his cheerful baritone voice.

"Arthur!" Sirius pulled him in for a warm hug. "It's so good to see you, how's retirement treating you?"

"Much needed, I'll admit. But it's been nice to be with the kids more. Molly loves it, she just won't admit it," he said with a wink. "Pete's here somewhere if you want to find him, otherwise feel free to pop in anywhere and someone will tell you what to do." Arthur nodded to the rest of them and scurried off to continue helping others in the food pantry.

"Arthur Weasley. Goalie. He retired two seasons ago after a pretty nasty labral tear in his hip," James murmured in Regulus' ear. "That's why Pete got scouted for the NHL. He's always around though, keeps himself involved in the community."

Regulus processed that information for a while as they all split off and settled into tasks to help pack and organize the boxes to be distributed the next day. Apparently, there were quite a few retired players who had been injured who kept themselves engaged with new and old teammates, refusing to let their beloved sport go. As he packed, he considered whether there had been opportunities for him to stay connected with other figure skaters after his injury, but had to laugh at the thought.

Hockey was a team sport, but figure skating? It was individualistic and cut-throat. There was no way that when he had fallen and torn his meniscus, requiring surgery that permanently took him out of the running for the Olympic team everyone had expected him to be the star of, that his fellow skaters hadn't secretly celebrated. As many bouquets and well-wishes that he had received, he knew better.

Still, the thought that he could find a community of people who shared so many of his experiences was alluring.

He lifted a stack of boxes that he had finished packing and carried them out front where they were being loaded onto a refrigerated truck for storage and distribution. James had ended up working with the team there and grabbed the stack from him, handing them off to someone in the truck who was keeping everything organized.

"Reg, wait," James called, jogging after him. He caught up easily, grabbing Regulus' hand and pulling him down the alley beside the building away from prying eyes. "I missed you."

"You saw me yesterday, you idiot." His words had no bite to them though. His own yearning had been embarrassing—he was a grown man, after all. Still, he wouldn't have been able to lie if James had asked if he missed him too.

James smirked, crowding him against the cold brick wall and gazing down at him with a heavy gaze. "I knew you missed me, sweetheart." He lifted a hand, bracing himself against the wall, effectively caging Regulus in.

The icy press of the brick against his back contrasted with the warmth radiating off the man in front of him made his head spin. Then, James' other hand brushed against his cheek, trailing down to his jaw and tilting his head up towards him. Regulus softened like putty on the spot. James leaned in, their mouths lingering so very close together that Regulus was tempted to close the gap if not for the thrill it sent down his spine to share warm breath. At the first brush of their lips, Regulus groaned, the anticipation of the kiss making him melt into James' body. The hand on his jaw flattened, cupping his face and holding him firm as their kiss deepened. Regulus pushed off the wall, wrapping his hands around James' wide body and pressing into him through his wool jacket.

He knew it was cold outside, but as he felt his body ignite in pure pleasure, the outside world completely disappeared and all of his focus fell on James and James alone. He didn't understand how one man could consume him so thoroughly, but he wanted to drown in his warmth. When they finally broke apart, Regulus let out a whine, chasing the other man's lips with his and capturing them for one final kiss.

"What was that for?" Regulus asked, breathless and panting.

James leaned in for one more quick kiss, nipping at his bottom lip before pulling away with a satisfied smile. "I didn't know when I'd get the chance to kiss you properly again. Your brother told me I couldn't kiss you in front of him."

"I don't want to talk about—" Regulus stopped himself, processing James' words. "He told you what?"

"It's fine, really. He's just being protective. You are his baby brother after all."

"James, we're both adults. He has no right—" He was interrupted by another kiss.

"It's fine, sweetheart. I shouldn't have mentioned it anyway. Let's go back to work and finish packing this food up, yeah?"

Regulus whined, ashamed that he no longer wanted to help the poor when he knew he could have James pressing him up against a wall and having his way with him. When the other man gave him a look, he begrudgingly agreed.

They spent a few more hours working as a team and Regulus found himself falling into a comfortable rhythm. Every chance he got, he'd bring a stack of boxes outside to hand off to James and marvel at the strength of his body and how attractive he looked in literally every scenario. There hadn't been a single instance where Regulus had decided he wasn't appealing and it felt dangerous in an alluring way. He kept finding himself wanting to consider making whatever this was between them less casual and while James was distinctly different from Stephan in every way, he had to reason with himself that he was being impulsive just like he had been all those years ago.

Falling for a guy and uprooting his entire life by moving across the country was irrational and impulsive, even if that guy was James Potter.

Chapter Text

When they had finished packing and organizing all of the boxes on the refrigerated truck, ready to be distributed to the community tomorrow, the four of them went on a search to find Peter. Apparently, none of them had run into him throughout the entire ordeal which seemed like a feat considering how large the man was. However, considering that they were in a building full of other larger-than-average men, Regulus didn't think it was that strange.

Finally, they found him talking with Arthur who seemed relieved to have Peter's attention pulled elsewhere. Arthur said his farewells to the group of them as Pete pulled each of them into a bear-like hug one by one.

"Wanna go grab coffee?" Peter asked them. "There's a Dunks two minutes down the road."

"There's one right across the street," James said in confusion.

Peter laughed. "That one sucks, Prongs. We've gotta go to the prime Dunks, otherwise the coffee will be wicked bad. The one down the street is consistent."

Sirius and Regulus nodded in understanding, having grown up in the area. It never failed that if you betrayed your prime Dunks, you'd get the worst coffee known to man. It was simply the way of the Dunkin' Donuts Gods.

They all walked together, talking about their day and exchanging stories about what they had spent their time doing. Peter had been relieved that the four of them decided to come. Apparently, a few people had to back out last minute and they would have been stuck there for a few extra hours if the extra help hadn't pulled through. Plus, it meant that they could spend time together now. A win was a win in their busy lives.

Arriving at Dunkin' Donuts went smoothly until it didn't. Peter had gone up to the counter alone to order their coffees, all of them agreeing to get the same regular hot coffees for ease, but when his name was called for the order, another patron in the store recognized him. Being the goalie for the Boston Bruins, it turned out, made him a local celebrity.

Peter agreed to take a selfie with the person, an embarrassed flush rising on his cheeks as he did, then grabbed the tray of coffees from the counter. By the time he had returned to the table with them all, the person had apparently posted on social media and almost immediately, the small coffee shop was flooded with more fans trying to get their own selfies with Pettigrew.

Regulus felt far too hot. The room was cramped, he was pressed against the glass of the window with his coffee clutched in his hands. The heat of the paper cup was no longer comforting, but had become the only thing that made him feel real. He felt his breathing picking up pace, the beginnings of a panic attack settling into his bones. Needing fresh air, he mumbled an excuse to leave and weaved his way through the crowd of fans until he made it outside. Even the sidewalk outside was too cramped and he looked around frantically for a place to go to be alone.

A hand gently grabbed his arm, making him jump and drop his coffee on the ground. "Don't touch—" He exhaled a breath as he turned, harshly pulling himself away from the person touching him.

James stood there, his expression soft and both hands held up in surrender. "I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart."

A few people on the sidewalk glanced at them before seemingly becoming uninterested, the two of them not relevant to the reason they were here despite being the reason Peter had decided to come to the Dunkin'. It still felt like they were watching him, just pretending as though they weren't as they buried their faces into their phones.

"I need to get out of here," Regulus breathed. His hands were shaking and he felt his knees weaken. His bad knee became the only thing he could focus on as he stood in the cold with what felt like dozens of people judging him.

"C'mon," James said without question, looping his arm in Regulus' and leading him through the fray towards the alleyway.

A different type of panic set in as James guided him so his back was pressed against the wall. The last time they had been in this position, James had kissed him until he was breathless, and while he had thoroughly enjoyed it then, currently he felt like vomiting on the cold cement. He leaned back, schooling his expression into one that he hoped made him look confident.

"Don't kiss me," Regulus said, his voice flat and hollow.

James' brows knit together. "I'm confused."

"Don't kiss me," Regulus repeated. "Not right now. I-I feel like I'm gonna throw up and there's so many people right out there and—"

"Reg, breath. It's okay, sweetheart. I wasn't— I didn't bring you down here to kiss you, it's just the only place without people." He gently brushed away a stray curl on his forehead, his eyes soft behind his glasses, but a pained expression on his face. "Have you… been forced before?"

"What? No," he said quickly. Regulus swallowed hard, pressing his head back into the solid wall behind him and taking a moment to truly appreciate how gentle the man before him could be. "I just can't handle crowds like that. I…" He trailed off, not wanting to explain how the crowd had felt suffocating as he was brought on a stretcher to the ambulance after his fall. "I've never been good with crowds," he settled on saying.

"Do you want me to text your brother? We can get out of here."

Regulus shook his head. "No, it's okay. I'll be okay." He raised a hand and cupped James' cheek with his palm. "You're sweet to me," he said, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles.

James turned his head and kissed his open palm before nuzzling back into him. "You deserve so much more than to have me pull you into an alley that smells like piss so you can calm down from a panic attack."

He laughed softly, his body relaxing into the wall. It truly did smell like piss, but he found that he didn't care. When he was alone with James, he was able to push away the outside world. The crowds and the foul smells didn't seem to matter as much as they normally would have because James was kissing his palm again and this sweet, sweet man softened him to everything.

"I dropped my coffee," Regulus said dumbly, finally processing how awful he had reacted to being touched in the crowd.

"I'll get you another," James reassured him, peppering kisses on his palm between words. His large hand completely enveloped Regulus' against his face, holding him gently.

Regulus brought his other hand to James' cheek and pulled him in for a soft kiss. He poured every ounce of tenderness he possessed in his body into it, hoping that James could feel just how moved he was by the gesture. Instead of deepening into a needy thing between them as their kisses usually turned, their kiss turned into something akin to loving. Or, at least that's what Regulus thought it could be. He had never been kissed like this—like he was needed more than the air in James' lungs—and he was absolutely lost to the sensation of their mouths moving in tandem.

"Hey— Oh, uh…"

The sound of his brother's voice awkwardly greeting them was the only thing that could have possibly ruined the moment. As James pulled away, panting and eyes fluttering open as if he needed to be reminded of where he was, Regulus was shocked to see a flicker of rage in his face. Not caring that his brother was there, Regulus leaned in to quickly kiss away the anger.

"C'mon," Regulus whispered. "You made sure I was okay and I am, let's go back with everyone."

James nodded, kissing him once more before forcing himself to pull away. Seemingly, he couldn't bear the thought of them not touching as he interlaced their fingers and led the way towards where Sirius stood. His brother's face was soft, taking in the way they held hands.

"Sorry," Sirius said gently. "I was looking everywhere for you two and I… I didn't mean to interrupt… that. Pete told us to just head home without him."

James grunted in acknowledgement, his sour mood making Sirius flinch.

"I said sorry," Sirius snapped as they left the alleyway. He led the way to the garage where they had parked earlier. Remus, Regulus assumed, had already headed back to meet them all there.

"It's fine," James said dismissively, his tone betraying his words.

Regulus stayed silent, squeezing James' hand in quiet reassurance as they walked. He wasn't sure what was going on between them, all he could do was hope they could figure it out and be a steady support for James to lean on while navigating an argument with his brother.

"It's clearly not fine," Sirius scoffed. "Just tell me."

"You told me not to kiss Reg in front of you, and I said fine. I agreed." James' hand squeezed his own in return. "I don't agree anymore. I'm not gonna sneak around like a teenager kissing him in alleyways, he doesn't deserve that."

Sirius' steps faltered as he glanced back at the two of them, his eyes falling on their interlaced fingers. He hesitated and Regulus could tell that his brother was thinking through about a million different scenarios in his head all at once. Then he took a breath, turning away and walking down the street with his head held high. "Okay."

"Okay?" Regulus asked despite wanting to keep himself out of their disagreement.

"Okay," Sirius repeated. "But I wanna make more cookies when we get home."

James snorted out a breathy laugh, dropping his hand from Regulus' grasp and instead looping his arm over Regulus' shoulders to pull him in close. He kissed the top of his head as they all walked down the street, avoiding slushy puddles as best they could, until they piled in the warm car where Remus was waiting for them. Regulus couldn't stop smiling the entire drive back to Providence.