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Chapter Text

Jongho looked at the bottle of wine in his hand, doubtfully. He had arrived at the Ateez pack apartment ahead of the time that was supposed to arrive but compared to the opulence of the fancy apartment building, he seemed woefully underdressed and unprepared. He regretted accepting Wooyoung’s offer to come and meet his packmates. His sunbae had caught him off guard between classes; frankly, they had only spoken a few words to each other in the one class that they shared outside of the initial greetings and Wooyoung’s invitation had caught him by surprise.

Maybe it was the fact that Wooyoung had asked him when he was unprepared or maybe it was because the loneliness of being a second year university student without any real friends had reared its head that Jongho accepted his offer. But here, in his casual sweater and bottle of wine that was on sale, he wondered if it was too late to turn around and text Wooyoung that something had come up. 

He sighed. Maybe it would be okay. Wooyoung had seemed nice enough during his class, though he often was flanked by other students in his own year. Jongho knocked on the door of the apartment and the door shortly opened to a man that he had never seen before. “Hello, you must be Jongho,” the man said, “I’m Seonghwa.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Jongho said, “I wasn’t sure what was for dinner but I brought this, I hope you like wine.” He offered up the bottle of wine to Seonghwa whose eyes widened in surprise. 

“Thank you,” Seonghwa said as he accepted it and took it to the kitchen to open, “The others are somewhere around here, but I know they were all anticipating meeting you.”

“Really?” Jongho asked. 

Seonghwa nodded but there was something off that Jongho couldn’t quite identify. It wasn’t that Seonghwa was necessarily rude but maybe aloof was a better way to phrase it. A few minutes later, Wooyoung joined along with a few other men that Jongho had never seen before. 

“Hi,” Jongho greeted, shyly. 

“Hey,” Wooyoung said. He went around and introduced the other members of his pack, though their welcomes ranged from cautious waves to brief greetings but nobody seemed particularly excited to see him. Jongho almost shrank back when he made eye contact with two of the alphas, San and Hongjoong. Even though Hongjoong was the less physically menacing of the two of them, he scrutinized Jongho intensely. 

Jongho bowed deeply, “Thank you for welcoming me into your home.”

“The pleasure is ours,” Hongjoong said, but when Jongho looked up, the alpha’s face was pinched and looked pained. 

“Mingi made soondubu jjigae,” Yeosang said as Seonghwa ushered them into the dining room, “It’s really good, you’ll like it.”

Jongho nodded in appreciation and sat across from San and Hongjoong, the latter of whom seemed to continue to glare at him. 

“So what are you planning to major in?” Hongjoong asked. 

“I’m currently a business major,” Jongho said. 

“How do you like it?” Yunho asked. 

Jongho shrugged, “It’s okay, it’s not what I would necessarily pick for myself, but there’s job security at least.”

“I don’t miss my college days,” Hongjoong said and it was the first time that Jongho saw cracks in Hongjoong’s uptight exterior.

“Hey, you met me in college,” Seonghwa protested, jokingly. 

“And that was the only good thing about it,” Hongjoong said. 

Jongho glanced between them and saw the affection in their gazes. Oh. Realization dawned on him that the comfort that he had mistaken for being packmates was instead the easy affection that came after years of being in a relationship together. 

“How long have you been together?” Jongho asked. 

Hongjoong seemed to tense at the question, but Seonghwa gently patted his leg in reassurance. “We met during our freshman year of college but got together in the second year and we’ve been together ever since.”

“That’s… nice,” Jongho said. He couldn’t imagine a world where he was in a relationship that seemed so easy. 

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiled, “It has been. And then gradually we met the others and formed a pack about two years ago.”

Mingi nodded. 

“What about you? Do you still live with your pack?” San asked. 

“They live about an hour away,” Jongho said, “But it was easier to move out and live in an apartment near campus. You know, to cut back on transportation costs.” He nearly winced at how the excuses sounded to his own ears. It was true that living near campus was easier and afforded him the ease of waking up just a half hour before his classes started. But he also knew that there were plenty of students who opted for the longer commute in order to stay with their packs. 

“Right. Transportation costs,” Hongjoong said.

Sensing the undercurrents of tension, the other pack members seemed to cut in. They asked Jongho if he’d tried the new cafe that opened up near campus, what his hobbies were, if he had any plans for their winter holidays and Jongho answered them, though he skirted the question about holiday plans. Holidays were times for packs to bond, carry on and reinforce traditions and for clan members to travel back to their ancestral lands, even if members had moved away. Jongho knew if he told the truth, that he was planning on picking up a few extra shifts at the restaurant where he worked and staying in the area that would raise red flags or draw pitying looks. He wasn’t sure which would be worse. 

The rest of the meal continued and Jongho sensed that even though Hongjoong and San still had their guards up, the others seemed to be relaxing a little bit and warming up to him. Yunho had suggested that they could meet up at a PC bang sometime. Jongho offered to help clean up, but Wooyoung waved him off. “Don’t worry, Yeosang and Hongjoong will take care of it. They are both disasters in the kitchen so they usually are in charge of the clean up.”

“Hongjoong, too?” Jongho blinked. The thought of his own pack leader cleaning up after a meal and contributing to the house labor was unthinkable.

“Of course,” Hongjoong said firmly, “Everyone has their own roles and responsibilities here. Why would I think I was above that?”

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Jongho said, trying to placate the irritated alpha, “It’s just not traditional.”

“Tradition doesn’t mean much if it reinforces power dynamics or causes people to struggle,” Hongjoong said, “Besides, it doesn’t seem like tradition suits you well.” And did those words cut. Jongho lowered his head in shame. Even just spending a few hours with a new pack and the alpha had immediately picked out everything that Jongho had tried so hard to conceal. 

“Well, thank you for the meal,” Jongho said and excused himself. 

“That was rude,” Wooyoung said. 

“I don’t care. Why the fuck is the Choi clan alpha around here?” Hongjoong asked. 

“He’s not…” Yeosang said, causing everyone’s eyes to turn towards him. “Didn’t you smell it? He’s not an alpha, he’s an omega.”

Hongjoong glanced toward San who shared the same concern. They had heard rumors about the infamously ruthless Choi clan. When Wooyoung had returned from class, saying that one of his juniors was a member of the Choi clan, alarm bells rang in Hongjoong and San’s heads. Members of the Choi clan rarely ventured off of their expansive pack lands, mostly because they knew they would not receive a friendly welcome in most places where they went. But a young omega from the Choi clan living alone was different.

“Are you sure, Yeosang?” Hongjoong asked.

“Yeah,” Yeosang said, “Couldn’t you tell?”

“I must have been confused,” Hongjoong said, feigning nonchalance though he could tell that both Seonghwa and San had caught on that something was amiss. “He seemed nice, we should invite him over again.”

“Really? Because the entire time he was here, you looked like you were one second away from pouncing on him. And what was that last thing about tradition?” Yunho said. 

“Or was it an alpha posturing thing?” Wooyoung asked. “Oooh look at me, I’m a big tough alpha who doesn’t like other alphas in their space.”

Hongjoong rolled his eyes but didn’t deny it. Wooyoung cackled. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Wooyoung laughed, “That’s so embarrassing, getting defensive because of a harmless omega, which you couldn’t even recognize.”

“Neither could you,” Hongjoong shot back though there was no heat in his voice. 

Hours later when the members had dispersed, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and San stuck around. “What aren’t you telling me?” Seonghwa asked, “I’ve never seen you two act like that around anyone let alone a guest.”

Hongjoong glanced over at San and hesitated. “Have you heard of the Choi clan?”

“San’s?” Seonghwa asked. 

Hongjoong shook his head, “There’s another one that exists, about an hour or an hour and a half away from here. They have a reputation for being ruthless, having these harsh traditions about mating, courting, they prize their alphas above all else and they tend to treat omegas horribly.”

“I was worried when Wooyoung said that he had a Choi clan member in his class,” San said, “I knew Jongho wasn’t one of ours and that raised red flags.”

“He seemed perfectly fine,” Seonghwa said, “Maybe a little shy and awkward, but he was really polite.”

Hongjoong realized that Seonghwa didn’t understand what he and San were implying, “Did you think he was an alpha when you first saw him?”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize he wasn’t until Yeosang said anything.”

“His pack probably thought the same before he presented. Physically, he looks like a stereotypical alpha.”

“But he’s not,” Seonghwa said. 

“And in a pack like the one he grew up in, being an omega is treated as a disappointment, but being an omega who everyone thought would be an alpha…” San trailed off. “I don’t think his pack would have appreciated that.”

“Oh god,” Seonghwa said, “And then you said what you did about traditions…”

“I didn’t know,” Hongjoong protested, “I thought he was an alpha judging us.”

“He’s probably never seen a pack like ours,” San said, “He probably could never even imagine one like ours.”

“He’s probably suffered so much,” Hongjoong murmured.  

“Fix this,” Seonghwa said, “Regardless if he was an alpha or omega you were out of line and rude. But knowing his background, Hongjoong…” 

“I’ll message him tonight,” Hongjoong said, “I promise.”

Hongjoong got Jongho’s number from Wooyoung and as the evening progressed, guilt gnawed at him. What he had mistaken as judgement was probably just genuine surprise and curiosity. 

To: Jongho

I’m sorry for what I said at the end of the meal. It was uncalled for and out of line. I hope that you’ll come over again. It was really nice to meet you.

Hongjoong saw that Jongho had read the message but he didn’t respond. 

However, the next day, whatever had transpired at the dinner and afterwards didn’t seem to deter Wooyoung. During class, Wooyoung sidled up next to him, introducing him to some of his friends in class that Jongho recognized but had never actually spoken to. “We’re having a movie night on Sunday, you should come,” Wooyoung said. 

“I don’t know if everyone would like that,” Jongho said shyly.

“Who? Hongjoong?” Wooyoung asked, “Nah, he’s cool with you. He apologized, didn’t he? If he didn’t, I’ll bite him.”

“No, no, don’t,” Jongho said, “He just didn’t seem to like me that much.”

Wooyoung blinked, “Well, I like you and Yeosang liked you and Mingi and Yunho, too. And we want you there. And Hongjoong, he can be an ass, but he’s a good guy, he’s a good alpha. Just, think about it, okay?”

Chapter Text

The following days after Jongho’s conversation with Wooyoung he weighed whether or not he should go to the movie night. Wooyoung, Mingi, Yunho and Yeosang had seemed to warm up to him by the end of the night. Seonghwa had been cautious, but friendly enough but San and Hongjoong had seemed to have a personal grudge against him. 

Every fiber in his body was telling him not to go, that Wooyoung was just being polite to invite him to movie night, but there was a loneliness inside him as well that suggested that maybe it would be different. Maybe Wooyoung did want him there. So after spending most of the weekend in his small Seoul apartment, Jongho made his way back to the Ateez pack’s apartment, this time bringing some popcorn for movie night. 

Wooyoung opened the door and grabbed his hand, dragging him inside. “Jongho’s here,” Wooyoung yelled as they entered the living room. Everyone’s head turned toward him and a few raised their hands in greeting. 

“Hey, good to see you,” Hongjoong said and if Jongho didn’t know better, Hongjoong almost seemed hesitant and nervous. 

“Hello,” Jongho greeted in response. 

“What do you want to watch?” Yunho asked. 

“Me?” Jongho asked. 

“Yeah, we have a couple of movies and some streaming services so you should have a lot of options,” Yunho said. 

“Um, there was an action movie with Kim Woobin that was released a few months ago, but I didn’t get the chance to see it yet,” 

“Cool,” Mingi said as he tried to find the movie through the film directory. 

“I’ll make some popcorn for us,” Seonghwa said after thanking Jongho for bringing the popcorn. 

“Come here for a second,” Hongjoong said and he motioned for Jongho to step away from the rest of the group for a moment. They stepped in the hallway and Jongho’s anxiety spiked. 

“I know I texted you before, but I wanted to apologize again,” Hongjoong said, “My behavior the last time was less than ideal and really unacceptable. I want you to feel comfortable and welcome here and I’ll try to make amends.” He bowed slightly and Jongho rushed to try to get him to stand upright. It was the first time that he could recall an alpha apologizing to him.

“Did I do something to offend you?” Jongho asked. 

Hongjoong paused as if trying to assess how to best navigate the topic. “I thought you were an alpha.”

“I’m sorry,” Jongho said, “I didn’t mean to mislead you.” 

Hongjoong waved off the apology, “You didn’t, I made false assumptions which was also unfair and you certainly don’t owe me that information.”

Jongho flushed, “I know I don’t really look like an omega.”

“And I don’t look like an alpha,” Hongjoong said with a smile, “But the other reason is I know about your pack.”

Jongho panicked and turned to gather his things but Hongjoong caught his arm, causing him to flinch. There was sadness in Hongjoong’s eyes as he immediately dropped Jongho’s arm. How many times had alphas grabbed Jongho in his pack? How many times had they punished him?

“Sorry,” Hongjoong said. 

“Do the others know?” Jongho asked, brokenly. 

Hongjoong shook his head, “Just San and Seonghwa. I thought you would be like them and I was worried about Wooyoung being in a class with you.”

“I - I’m not like them,” Jongho said, “I’ve tried really hard to not be like them.”

“I know. I can see that,” Hongjoong said. He awkwardly reached out and pat Jongho’s shoulder, approaching slowly as if he was a wounded animal and gave Jongho time to recoil if he wanted to. 

“But I’m still part of the pack,” Jongho said, “I don’t… I don’t have a pack of my own.”

Hongjoong nodded, “As long as you’re different you’ll be welcomed here.”

Together, they headed back to the main room and Seonghwa carefully looked between Hongjoong and Jongho. Maybe there was still some tension left between the two of them but whatever Hongjoong had said seemed to paper over any hurt or hard feelings that had come from their previous interaction. Hongjoong settled down next to Seonghwa and allowed Seonghwa to wrap his arm over his shoulder. “Everything good?” Seonghwa asked. 

“I think so,” Hongjoong said. 

Jongho sat sandwiched between Yeosang and Wooyoung on the couch and they settled in as the movie got started. Jongho felt Wooyoung gradually lean more of his weight against him, almost as if he was testing the waters of Jongho’s boundaries. The feeling was foreign, but Jongho didn’t find himself minding the additional weight. Wooyoung shifted so his legs rested on San’s lap and sometime through the movie, Wooyoung leaned over to kiss San on the lips. Realization dawned on Jongho that the two of them were together. Wooyoung hadn’t mentioned that they were a couple, but then again, his budding friendship with Wooyoung was relatively new. Everything changed though when Wooyoung got up to go to the restroom and paused at the end of the couch, planting a sloppy kiss on Yeosang. 

Yeosang cringed but Jongho immediately turned toward San, calculating if he was going to be caught in the crossfire of an alpha’s possessive rage. Instead, San just looked on with affection and amusement, almost laughing as Yeosang wiped off the extra saliva. Jongho looked over to Seonghwa and Hongjoong, the latter of whom looked scandalized, but not concerned. 

“You’ll get used to Wooyoung,” Mingi said. 

“Isn’t that a problem?” Jongho blinked. He saw Hongjoong stiffen at the question, but Seonghwa gently patted the alpha’s knee. 

“How so?” Seonghwa asked.

“Kissing someone else when he’s already in a relationship,” Jongho explained as if it was obvious. He looked over at the packmates who had a mix of amusement and understanding on their faces. 

“Jongho, we’re all in a relationship, with each other,” San said, patiently, “Wooyoung is in as much of a relationship with Yeosang as he is with me, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and everyone else.”

“Is that… common?” Jongho asked. 

“It’s not common where Seonghwa and I are from,” San said, “But it’s not unheard of either, I think it’s more common where Wooyoung’s from.”

“What did I miss?” Wooyoung asked as he returned to the living room, noticing that the movie had paused and they were engaged in a conversation.

“Jongho didn’t realize we were all together,” Seonghwa explained, “He was confused when you kissed Yeosang.”

“Awwww… are you jealous?” Wooyoung teased and before Jongho realized what was happening, Wooyoung gently cupped Jongho’s face and tilted it towards him, planting a kiss on Jongho’s cheek.

“Wooyoung…” Yunho sighed. 

“What? I have enough love to go around,” Wooyoung said and all but sat on Yunho’s lap in order to kiss him. 

“Alright, let’s get back to the movie,” Hongjoong said as he tried to get Wooyoung back under control. But throughout the rest of the movie, Jongho was unfocused. He was embarrassed to realize how little he knew about the world outside of what he had learned in his pack. Such a dynamic was unfathomable in his pack where alphas claimed omegas like possessions and betas were left to intermingle between themselves. But now that he knew, Jongho could observe the subtle dynamics. Maybe in the Ateez pack some relationships were loud like Seonghwa and Hongjoong or San and Wooyoung, but there were others like the way Yeosang kept glancing over at San to check to see if San was enjoying the movie or the way that Mingi’s hand intertwined with Hongjoong’s as the action escalated. When the movie ended, the Ateez packmates untangled themselves from each other and Jongho stood up to say goodbye. 

“Thank you for having me over, I had a lot of fun,” Jongho said. 

“We had fun too, you picked a great movie,” Seonghwa said. 

“Want to come over later this week to play video games?” Yunho asked. 

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot,” Jongho said and this time he knew there wouldn’t be any hesitation in accepting the invite. 

“Can I walk you home?” San asked. 

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Jongho said. He knew there were more safety concerns with omegas walking alone at night, but he was frequently mistaken for an alpha as Hongjoong had done and he’d rarely had any negative encounters.

“We didn’t really get a chance to talk much today,” San said.

“I mean, if you want,” Jongho said. San grabbed his coat and headed out with Jongho to walk him back to his apartment. 

“You seemed surprised by the dynamics,” San said. 

“I think it’s really nice that you have that,” Jongho said, “Hongjoong told me that you know about my birth pack, something like that would never be tolerated in it.”

“I grew up in a pretty strict pack,” San admitted, “My dad’s actually the pack leader and it wasn’t like yours or anything, but there were pretty clear expectations about how I was supposed to act as an alpha and what my life was going to be like. They wanted me to take over the pack eventually, but I couldn’t. I came here for college and I was expecting to return to my homelands after a few years and then I met Wooyoung and the rest of the pack and I realized the life I wanted was here, with them.”

“Are your parents supportive?” Jongho asked tentatively.

“They were confused at first,” San admitted, “My dad had heard of packs like ours before, but there were concerns about jealousy, fights, different relationship dynamics, and in all honesty they were probably valid. We’ve dealt with our struggles as a pack and as partners.” 

“You seem like you have it all figured out,” Jongho said. 

San laughed heartily, “I certainly don’t and neither does Hongjoong. He wanted me to be second in command when he first formed the pack and I didn’t want that at all, Seonghwa was the natural fit. And there were times, especially in the beginning, where he seemed like he was above us. God, he was so annoying then. But even though he’s the leader of the pack, Wooyoung’s the heart of it. He was the one that suggested formalizing the pack in the first place.”

“And now?” 

“Now, things are good. We aren’t perfect, but I have six best friends and the loves of my life,” San said, “Could you ever envision yourself in a pack like ours?”

“I don’t know,” Jongho admitted as he stared straight ahead, not daring to look at San. “I didn’t even know that these types of packs existed until today. It kind of seems unfathomable that not just one person could like me or want me but multiple people would.”

“Jongho,” San said, gently, “You are lovely. Anyone would be lucky to date you or be your mate.”

“I’m not- I’m not your traditional omega,” Jongho said.

“From my experience, a lot of people don’t want traditional roles anyways nowadays. I’m not the traditional alpha, Hongjoong isn’t either. And in case nobody has told you this, you are more than your dynamic,” San said.

Jongho wasn’t sure how to respond so they spent the rest of the walk in a calm quiet. “Will you be at the video game night?” Jongho asked when they arrived at his door. San shook his head, “Yunho and Yeosang are the big gamers among us. I might stop in to say ‘hi’ but I’m not keen to be humiliated. But as a tip, if you are doing poorly, rope Hongjoong or Mingi into a game, you’ll be sure to win those rounds.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks,” Jongho said and he waved goodbye. As he lay in bed, for the first time in a long time, he was happy. Genuinely happy.

Chapter Text

Over the next several weeks, Jongho gradually became a fixture at the Ateez packs’s apartment. Not everyday, not even every other day, but enough that Jongho’s presence left a permanent impression. When they would have dinner together, Jongho had an unofficial designated seat at the table between Wooyoung and Yeosang. Jongho became video game buddies with Yunho and Yeosang, a gym buddy to San, every so often Mingi would ask Jongho to sample a new recipe that he was trying. Wooyoung sat next to him during their shared class, and after class, it wasn’t unusual for Jongho to join him, Changbin and Yeonjun for beers after class. Seonghwa always welcomed him openly and even Hongjoong who had initially seemed resistant to him was friendly albeit still a little distant. 

Jongho had forgotten what this felt like. Or maybe it was a feeling that he had never had before. Not really. He had been surrounded by people when he lived with his pack but he had never experienced the warmth that he did even as an outsider to the Ateez pack. But even so, Jongho knew his place. Even though Yunho had said that he could switch to banmal, Jongho still spoke formally. 

There was a Saturday when Jongho was over at the apartment. It was just him, Wooyoung and Yeosang while San and Seonghwa were out getting groceries, Hongjoong was at the studio working on an album for a client and Mingi and Yunho were on a date. The three of them were playing a game together, a card game that Jongho was nearly certain they were only partially following the rules. Jongho smirked when Wooyoung had made a miscalculation, leading Jongho to win the round and score three points. 

“Haha,” Jongho exclaimed as he collected the card pile that had accumulated in the middle. 

“Cute, look at him, he’s so cute,” Wooyoung murmured and Jongho’s face fell. It was a joke to Wooyoung. Jongho was a joke.

“I should go,” Jongho said as he flipped his cards over and went to gather his things. 

“Wait, I’m sorry,” Wooyoung said, trying to salvage the situation. 

“I thought we were becoming friends,” Jongho snapped, “I didn’t realize you were such an ass.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I didn’t think it was such a big deal,” Wooyoung said. 

“You’re not dumb, Wooyoung,” Jongho snapped. His cheeks started to feel warm as he felt the beginnings of tears threaten to fall. “Of course I’d be hurt with you making fun of me.”

“Making fun of you?” Wooyoung screeched. 

“I think there might be a misunderstanding here,” Yeosang said, trying to de-escalate the situation but emotions were running too high between Wooyoung and Jongho.

“Wait, Jongho, stop,” Wooyoung said. 

“Move,” Jongho said, leaving no room for discussion. 

“No, I’m not going to move until we talk,” Wooyoung said. 

“I think you’ve said enough,” Jongho said. Mercifully, San and Seonghwa returned home and the interruption was enough to give Jongho a gap to leave the apartment. He brushed past San and Seonghwa without a greeting, praying that they didn’t see the tears that started to fall. Jongho ignored the way that San called after him, nearly running down the steps until San’s voice faded away. 

Jongho walked to a nearby park and sat on one of the old swings, staring at the ground as his tears fell. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, gently kicking his legs back and forth. “There you are,” a voice said. 

Jongho looked up and saw Seonghwa running towards him, slightly gasping for breath. Jongho quickly wiped at his tears and cleared his throat. 

“You didn’t need to come,” Jongho said. 

“Yes, I did,” Seonghwa said simply. He sat down on the swing next to Jongho and gently kicked backwards, “I think there may have been a misunderstanding.”

Jongho snorted, “He was making fun of me.”

“What happened?” Seonghwa asked.

“Didn’t Wooyoung already tell you?” Jongho asked.

“I want to hear it from you,” Seonghwa said. 

“He said I was cute,” Jongho said, but spat out the word cute, “He didn’t have to be mean about it.”

Seonghwa frowned and reached out to hold Jongho’s hand. His grip was loose, giving Jongho the option to pull away if he wanted to, but Jongho didn’t.

“I know what I look like,” Jongho said. 

“I don’t think I’m understanding,” Seonghwa said. 

“I know I’m not the stereotypical omega. I know I’m not cute, I know I’m not somebody that people are attracted to, I know that. Believe me I get it,” Jongho said. “You know the first time an alpha ever asked me out after I presented it was a joke.”

Seonghwa murmured empathetically.

“I was so excited because I knew I didn’t look like the others omegas, I knew my parents were so disappointed that their alpha-looking son turned out to be an omega and I saw other omegas in my pack getting asked out and I was never the one. And then, one did. And I thought maybe there was someone who wanted me despite everything, but it was a joke. His friends were laughing afterwards talking how dumb I was for believing that someone could love the ‘ugly omega.’”

“Oh my, you haven’t been shown much kindness have you?” Seonghwa asked. Seonghwa’s words cut straight through Jongho. 

“And then Wooyoung-” 

“Wooyoung isn’t that alpha. He might be flirtatious and misunderstand boundaries, which I think is what happened today, but that boy doesn’t have a mean or cruel bone in his body,” Seonghwa said. “It’s not my place to say for certain, but I think he’s developing a crush on you. He came home after class the other day talking about how your eyes were ‘extra sparkly’ and how glad he is that you are in the class with him. I honestly think that he just thinks you’re cute. We all do.”

“Why?” Jongho asked. 

“You have these pretty eyes and the sweetest smile and such a gorgeous body, and that’s not even getting into your personality,” Seonghwa said, causing Jongho to slightly giggle. “But for as much as I can tell you that we think you are cute, I really hope that you can see yourself differently and like the way that you look. You know growing up, I hated the way that I looked.”

“Really?” Jongho asked.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa said, “When Hongjoong started flirting with me at university, very awkwardly by the way, it seemed surreal, almost like a dream. I couldn’t fathom someone liking me while I looked like this. But after a while, I started to like myself more. It didn’t happen overnight and I still have some insecurities, but I really like the way that I look now. And I hope one day you can get there too.”

Jongho didn’t know what to say, so Seonghwa just sat there with him for a while, holding his hand and gently rubbing his thumb across the back of it. When Jongho finally stood up, Seonghwa wrapped him in a tight hug, letting Jongho sink into the embrace. He planted a quick kiss onto Jongho’s hair and then pulled back. “Are you ready to head back to the apartment?”

“Will it be okay?” Jongho asked. 

“Wooyoung’s probably working himself up into a fret right now anyways,” Seonghwa said, “You know, it’s completely up to you, but you might want to just tell them a little bit about your pack. San, Hongjoong and I know a bit, but the others won’t understand. You can tell them as much or as little as you want, but I think that might help a little.”

They walked back to the apartment and Jongho’s nerves increased. Seonghwa tried to reassure him that everything would be okay and that everyone had had their share of fights in the past. He tried to distract him by mentioning that he was planning to cook some ramen for them for dinner, but Jongho was nervous. 

However, those nerves immediately subsided when he entered the apartment and was immediately pounced on by Wooyoung. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to hurt you, you just looked so cute there. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Wooyoung said as he held on tightly, almost in fear that if he let go Jongho would turn around and leave. 

“I shouldn’t have assumed that you were making fun of me,” Jongho said, “Um… my pack, they haven’t been the kindest to me.” Wooyoung’s face fell at the implications and Jongho looked past him to see Yunho, Mingi and Yeosang all look at him with crestfallen faces. 

“We’ll make up for that,” Wooyoung said, “We will tell you how cute you are every day, ten times a day. I will even tell our professor and then the entire class.”

“Please don’t,” Jongho said, but he was touched by Wooyoung’s sincerity. Seonghwa looked on fondly, content by the way they had made up and turned toward the kitchen. But while the others had dispersed, Jongho and Wooyoung lingered. 

“Are we okay?” Wooyoung asked. 

“Yeah, just, Seonghwa said something earlier,” Jongho said. 

“Yeah?”

“He suggested that you might like me,” Jongho said. 

“Oh yeah,” Wooyoung said, “Yeah, I like you.”

“Like…?”

“Like, I have feelings for you,” Wooyoung said, straightforward, as if it was simple, but it was anything but simple. 

“Is that okay?” Jongho asked. 

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” Wooyoung asked. 

“You have a pack,” Jongho said. 

“We talked about it,” Wooyoung said, “It was fine. I like you. You don’t have to like me back. But I like you and you should know that.”

“I don’t really know what to say,” Jongho said. 

“Think about it,” Wooyoung said, “My feelings aren’t going anywhere.”

Jongho blushed and reached out to grab Wooyoung’s hand. He had never let himself imagine anything with the Ateez pack. He hadn’t dared to imagine any of the members liking him or seeing him in a romantic way. And he certainly hadn’t considered being in a relationship with another omega or an omega in a pack. But he didn’t immediately hate the idea of it, the notion was just simply foreign. 

They joined the other members of the pack with Hongjoong returning to the apartment just before Seonghwa finished dinner. When Jongho sat down in his usual spot between Wooyoung and Yeosang, he smiled. Under the table, Yeosang’s hand brushed up against Jongho’s and nudged them. At first, Jongho thought it was an accident. But after it happened once, twice more he realized it was an invitation. So he turned over his hand and gently took Yeosang’s hand into his own and throughout the rest of the dinner, sandwiched between the man who was holding his hand and the man who had a crush on him, Jongho allowed himself to feel tentatively optimistic.

Chapter Text

When Jongho saw Wooyoung in class the next time something had changed. It wasn’t that Wooyoung had backtracked on his confession, but rather he was giving Jongho space to decide what he wanted to do with that knowledge. He still sat next to him during class, he still invited him out with Changbin and Yeonjun after class, but there was the lingering question of if Jongho was interested. 

But the more Jongho thought about it, the more he allowed his mind to wander. He wondered what it would be like to feel the touch of Wooyoung’s fingers against his body, to feel the heat of his body against his own, to be pressed up against the wall in the midst of desire. His past had prevented him from imagining such things, for getting his hopes up that one day they could become a reality. But here was Wooyoung, his sweet, friendly classmate, opening up the door to him. 

“Do you want to come over sometime this week?” Jongho asked Wooyoung after class one day, “I’d like to give you a proper answer.”

Wooyoung blinked but smiled, “Sure. Does Thursday work?”

“Yeah,” Jongho said, “That would be great.”

“Okay,” Wooyoung said and he gently squeezed Jongho’s hand.

As the day approached, Jongho became increasingly nervous. It was just Wooyoung, he shouldn’t be this nervous, but it was Wooyoung in a new light. Before Wooyoung was set to arrive, Jongho grabbed a few things from the convenience store to eat, which was pretty much all his college budget could afford. Wooyoung showed up right on time wearing a sweater and glasses that made him look softer. 

“Hi,” Jongho breathed, “You look… great.”

Wooyoung smiled, “You look great yourself.”

Jongho invited him to sit at his little table, flushing at embarrassment that Wooyoung was seeing his home like this. The contrast between Jongho’s apartment and the Ateez pack apartment was stark. Where the pack apartment had bedrooms, a proper dining room, and what Jongho assumed to be a pack room, Jongho had a simple living space and a bathroom with no distinction between the kitchen, the living area and his bed. 

“Thanks for having me over,” Wooyoung said, “I like your apartment, it’s cozy.”

“You don’t need to be polite,” Jongho said. 

“I mean it, it’s cute,” Wooyoung said, “Why wouldn’t it be.”

Jongho smiled but he didn’t push back. He wondered if Wooyoung had ever had to live in an apartment like this or if he had made the transition from his family’s pack house to living with the Ateez pack easily and comfortably. 

“Um… I was thinking a lot about what you said, earlier, about your feelings… for me,” Jongho started awkwardly, looking anywhere but at Wooyoung. “And the thing is, I like you a lot, but I might not be good at a relationship.”

Wooyoung reached out and gently held Jongho’s hand in his own. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not the guy that you do couple things with, I’ve never been in a relationship with another omega, I’m not great at saying how I feel,” Jongho said, “I’m not overly sentimental and I’m not used to PDA.”

Wooyoung smiled, “Jongho, don’t you think I know all this, I figured as much and I still like you. Look, I’m not asking or expecting you to change overnight. And I can’t promise what the future might look like, but you’re willing to try, right?”

Jongho nodded.

“Okay then,” Wooyoung said. “Is this okay?” he asked as he kept holding Jongho’s hand in his and leaned across the table to gently kiss Jongho’s cheek. Jongho flushed at the kiss, eliciting a sweet giggle from Wooyoung. “Aw… you’re so shy,” Wooyoung said and he stroked his thumb over Jongho’s hand reassuringly. 

“Will this be okay with the others?” Jongho asked.

“They’ll probably be jealous to be honest,” Wooyoung said. 

“Of me?” Jongho asked.

Wooyoung shook his head, “Of me, since I was the first to kiss you.”

“WHAT?” Jongho asked, scandalized. 

“I told you that I talked about it with the others,” Wooyoung said, baffled by Jongho’s reaction. 

“Yeah, but I thought that was to get their permission,” Jongho said. 

“To an extent, but one of the pack rules is that if one of us wants to pursue someone outside the pack it has to be unanimous. If there is even one veto, it’s out of the picture. We’re very… selective about people who enter our space and interact with our pack and to permit a romantic relationship, everyone has to agree.”

“What does that mean?” Jongho asked. 

Wooyoung shrugged, “It means whatever you want it to mean. All the members in the pack have neutral to positive feelings toward you at least and based on our pack dynamics, we’re all in relationships with each other. I think the general expectation is that you wouldn’t be rude to any of the members and at least be able to have dinner together or hang out for movie nights or whatever, but if you want to pursue romantic relationships with anyone else that’s up to you.”

“I could?” Jongho asked, “They would want me like that?”

Wooyoung shrugged, “I like you. We like you. Where each individual member stands, that’s not my place to say, but I really didn’t get the impression that anyone was averse to exploring any possible feelings for you.”

Jongho’s eyes widened. For one person to like him was improbable but for the entire pack to like him, it was nearly unthinkable. “But why?” Jongho asked. 

Wooyoung sighed, this time the smile that had been on his face since coming to Jongho’s apartment dropped. “Do we need a reason? You’re fun, you’re kind, you’re thoughtful, you laugh at Mingi’s corny jokes, you’re cute. There are so many reasons.”

“Look, if you are open to it, I’m sure the others will make a move soon. They aren’t the type to sit around, but if you’re interested in Yeosang, you’ll have to make the first move.”

“Why?” Jongho asked.

“Not my place to say,” Wooyoung said, “But he’s one of the sweetest boyfriends, if you are interested.”

“Wouldn’t it make you jealous or hurt?” Jongho asked.

“Hurt, no. Jealous, maybe. I’m not going to pretend that none of us have hurt each other’s feelings or that we don’t get jealous, but we’ve worked hard to communicate it and we have monthly pack meetings to deal with such things. But there’s nothing about that that you need to decide now,” Wooyoung said as he pulled Jongho to his feet and ushered him outside. Hand in hand they went for a walk in the park near Jongho’s apartment. The entire time, Jongho’s face felt hot with the attention, but he didn’t dare pull away from Wooyoung’s grip. They talked easily during their walk, in a conversation that straddled the line between friendship and dating. It calmed Jongho’s nerves.

“Goodnight, baby bear,” Wooyoung said when he dropped Jongho back at his apartment. 

“Baby bear?” Jongho asked. 

“You needed a nickname,” Wooyoung explained, “Baby bear fits.” 

Jongho blushed at the term of endearment, “Goodnight, Wooyoung.” In a moment of bravery, he crossed the gap between them and kissed Wooyoung’s cheek and seeing Wooyoung flush in response made Jongho realize that maybe Wooyoung had also been nervous.

Unsurprisingly, after their date, Wooyoung went back to the rest of the group and told them about it. It was as if the floodgates opened. Within days, San, Yunho and Mingi all reached out, asking if they could come over to hang out one on one or grab a meal together. Jongho blushed at the invitations but found himself accepting them. Each time he did, it became a little easier. 

After grabbing dinner together at a barbeque restaurant, San insisted on walking Jongho home. Although he was less audacious than Wooyoung, San held Jongho’s hand without hesitation. “Is it okay if I kiss you?” San asked just outside Jongho’s apartment. Jongho nodded and San wrapped one arm around Jongho’s waist to pull him closer. He cupped Jongho’s jaw with the other and gently stroked it, both in an act of reassurance and giving Jongho time to pull away if he wanted. But Jongho didn’t. 

So San kissed him. It was tender and slow, without any urgency or pressure to do more. 

“Wow,” Jongho said, when he opened his eyes. 

San grinned, “I know. Goodnight, baby bear.” 

Over the next several weeks, Jongho could hesitantly say that he was dating Wooyoung, San, Mingi and Yunho. He wasn’t sure if he could call them relationships or his boyfriends, but they were more than friends. He couldn’t say the same about Hongjoong, Seonghwa or Yeosang, though. At least until he got to the pack apartment early one day before they were all set to have dinner and everyone was out except Hongjoong. 

“Hey,” Hongjoong greeted when he opened the door for Jongho, “The others should be back in about a half hour.”

Jongho nodded. They sat near each other on the couch, watching some music show that Hongjoong had taped to watch a group that he had produced some songs for perform. But partway through, Jongho’s curiosity got the better of him, “Wooyoung mentioned you all discussed me earlier before he and I started dating.”

Hongjoong nodded, “We did.”

“And you didn’t mind me dating the members?” Jongho asked.

“It’s not my place to say no,” Hongjoong said and Jongho’s heart constricted. The words weren’t an outright rejection but they were warm or a sign of Hongjoong’s interest either. 

“What are your thoughts?” Jongho asked.

Hongjoong paused the show and turned to look Jongho directly in the eyes. “I don’t know,” Hongjoong said, “I’m not not attracted to you, but it takes me a while to warm up to other people.”

“Oh,” Jongho said. His face must have shown something because Hongjoong’s gaze softened. 

“I’m not going to be like Wooyoung or San,” Hongjoong said, “But that doesn’t mean we can’t build our own dynamic.” It was an olive branch, a peace offering and not quite acceptance but not rejection either. 

“Okay,” Jongho said. 

“Have you ever had an alpha before?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Not… not one that mattered,” Jongho replied, “Besides San.”

“Come here,” Hongjoong said, “Lay down.” 

Jongho lay down on the couch, scrunching himself into a tight ball so that he wouldn’t touch Hongjoong. But gently, he felt Hongjoong’s hands on him, nudging him to open himself up and stretch out. Hongjoong placed Jongho’s head on his own thigh and encouraged the little omega to relax. Slowly, Jongho felt Hongjoong’s hand gently stroke his hair in a calm, soothing manner and he let him until the other members returned home.

Chapter Text

Jongho quickly learned that Seonghwa aligned himself with Hongjoong. Maybe not explicitly and he was certainly warmer than the alpha, but Jongho didn’t miss the way that the warming between him and Hongjoong paved the way for Seonghwa to become more affectionate toward him. Jongho noticed the way that Seonghwa’s hands now lingered when they brushed up against him. 

But Yeosang was the outlier. Even though Yeosang had been among the first to warm up to him, Yeosang had yet to make a move. There was something about Yeosang that made Jongho want to care for him. Even though Yeosang was a beta. Even though Yeosang’s strength rivaled Jongho’s own, there was something soft and innocent about him. When he was at the pack apartment, Jongho felt his eyes gravitating toward Yeosang. There was something breathtaking about him, something almost mesmerizing that drew Jongho in, almost like a siren. And that wasn’t even taking Yeosang’s personality into consideration. 

During movie nights, Jongho’s hand would gradually drift toward Yeosang’s, reaching out to hold it. For Yeosang’s part, he never initiated it but he always reciprocated, adjusting his hand so that their fingers slotted together well. The other packmates didn’t comment on it, at least not publicly, but Jongho noticed the way that Seonghwa’s eyes caught sight of them and he offered a small smile. 

They had just finished watching the latest in the Fast and the Furious series and Jongho was getting ready to leave when Hongjoong pulled him aside. 

“Hey, I think it would be best if you don’t come by next week,” Hongjoong said. Jongho’s face fell. This was it. He had overstayed his welcome and Hongjoong was ending things. Somewhere along the way Jongho had fucked up. “It’s just, it’s Wooyoung’s heat week and you get it, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jongho said, feeling a small comfort at the reasoning, but still, it was a stalk reminder that regardless of how kind and welcoming the Ateez pack was, Jongho wasn’t a part of it. There were some things that he wasn’t privy to, some things that he’d never be a part of and this was one of them. 

“Thanks,” Hongjoong said, “I knew you’d understand.”

As predicted, Wooyoung was out of class the next week when his heat hit. Jongho had received a few text messages from the pack the weekend before, but since then it had mostly been silence. It was later, when he was at home in his apartment that Jongho got a text message that surprised him. 

From: Yeosang

Can I come over?

Jongho blinked in surprise. He had fully expected that Yeosang, like the rest of the members, would be occupied all week with Wooyoung. 

From: Jongho

Sure.

Jongho texted Yeosang the address and about an hour later, Yeosang arrived. 

“Thank god, I was looking to escape,” Yeosang said. He entered Jongho’s apartment and immediately Jongho smelled Wooyoung’s scent on him but it was stronger and mixed with the unmistakable smell of sex. Without thinking, Jongho approached Yeosang drawing closer to they way that all the pack’s scents smelled on him.

“Ugh, I probably reek,” Yeosang lamented, “Mind if I shower?”

“Sure, sorry, that’s totally fine,” Jongho said, snapping out of his trance. He grabbed one of his hoodies and a pair of loose shorts for Yeosang to change into and Yeosang thanked him. 

It was awkward. Jongho sat on his bed while he waited for Yeosang to come out. A few moments later, Yeosang re-emerged from the bathroom, toweling off his hair and nearly swimming in Jongho’s hoodie. “Thanks, I needed that,” Yeosang said. He sat down next to Jongho on the bed and there was something electric between them. “Wooyoung was-” The air in the room changed and Jongho’s eyes flickered from Yeosang’s eyes down to his lips. Jongho cradled the back of Yeosang’s head and pulled him towards him. Yeosang stopped talking and just stared at Jongho as if waiting for Jongho to continue. So he did. 

Jongho kissed him, tentatively and when they broke apart, Yeosang’s lips curled into a sweet smile. Yeosang’s hand fisted Jongho’s shirt and pulled him in again for another kiss. “I was waiting for you to do that,” Yeosang said. 

“Yeah?” Jongho asked, almost in disbelief, that someone as incredible and pretty as Yeosang had wanted him like this. 

“Yeah,” Yeosang said. 

“I’m surprised that you came here,” Jongho said. 

“Why?” Yeosang asked.

“It’s Wooyoung’s heat week,” Jongho said. 

Yeosang rolled his eyes. “I needed a break. He’s insatiable and god, he’s so clingy. I love him, obviously, but I needed a break.”

“I thought you needed to be there,” Jongho said.

“I’ll go back,” Yeosang said, “But it’s not like we are held hostage there for the entire week. Well, at least not me and the other betas. Wooyoung gets fussy when Hongjoong and San leave but that’s mostly because they feed into him.”

“You don’t enjoy heat weeks?” Jongho asked.

Yeosang shrugged, “I like being able to help him and support him but it was hard at first when it was just me and him. It’s much better now that there are others and Wooyoung isn’t just relying on me to get him through it.”

“You and Wooyoung…” Jongho asked.

“Oh yeah, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you but we were actually the first relationship, even before we all formed a pack,” Yeosang said. 

“Really?” Jongho asked.

“Yeah. We’ve known each other for ten years,” Yeosang said, “We grew up together. Did you think it was Hongjoong and Seonghwa first?”

Jongho nodded. 

“Other relationships are maybe more noticeable,” Yeosang said, “Sometimes Wooyoung gets excited over the novelty of a new relationship and it seems more apparent but yeah, he and I were first.”

“What’s it like, being in the pack?” Jongho asked. 

Yeosang paused as if calculating his response, “It’s always being home. I feel them, even now, I feel them pulling me back, like gravity.”

“It must be nice to have that comfort,” Jongho said. 

“It is,” Yeosang said, “We still have our problems but I know at the end of the day we all love each other.”

Yeosang’s words cut Jongho to the core. He realized how much he wanted that. That comfort, that familiarity, that feeling of being wanted. 

Yeosang’s phone buzzed shortly after and he sighed, “Apparently, Wooyoung is getting whiny, I better go back.” Yeosang kissed Jongho again before he left and it was only after the door shut behind him that Jongho realized he had left wearing Jongho’s hoodie and shorts.

It was later that night that Jongho was woken up by a phone call. He blinked to adjust to the light and he saw the caller ID. Hongjoong.

“Hello,” Jongho answered, “Is everything okay?”

“Hey, can you – stop it I’m talking to him now – would you mind coming over? Wooyoung has been asking for you ever since Yeosang came back and he smelled your scent on his clothes,” Hongjoong said. In the background he could hear Wooyoung’s whining and it almost sounded like he was crying. “You won’t have to do anything other than be here,” Hongjoong said. 

“Sure,” Jongho said, as he rushed to pull on his clothes. He made his way to the pack apartment quickly and was immediately greeted by Seonghwa.

“Thanks for coming, he’s been asking for you,” Seonghwa said. As if sensing Jongho’s arrival, Wooyoung came out of the pack room dressed in a fluffy white robe and lit up at seeing Jongho in the hallway. 

“You came!” Wooyoung said and reached out to grab Jongho’s hand. Without any explanation, he dragged Jongho into the pack room, the room that Jongho had never been in before. The other pack members were all there but surprisingly clothed though some looked more tired than others. In the middle was one of the fluffiest, most luxurious nests that Jongho had ever seen and Wooyoung gently nudged Yunho with his foot, causing the beta to make space. He led Jongho into the nest and sat down next to him. 

Jongho hazarded a glance to Hongjoong, who despite looking uncomfortable didn’t protest. 

“There, now everyone is here,” Wooyoung said as he lay down and nuzzled into Jongho’s shoulder. His arms wrapped tightly around Jongho, almost as if he was afraid if he loosened his grip, Jongho would take the opportunity to leave.

Wooyoung teased at Jongho’s shoulder, gently raking his teeth over the skin which elicited a small growl from Hongjoong. Jongho flinched, knowing that it was probably crossing a boundary that he wasn’t familiar with, but when Hongjoong spoke it wasn’t directed at him. 

“Wooyoung, remember he’s here for cuddling, nothing more, nothing that you haven’t already talked about.”

Wooyoung backed away but didn’t loosen his grip, “My pack is all here.” Jongho’s breath caught. He knew that Wooyoung couldn’t be responsible for what he said in the middle of his heat when his guard was lowered and he didn’t have full control over his thoughts, but there was some part of him, deep down, instinctively that just maybe considered Jongho pack. Jongho placed his hand on top of Wooyoung’s arm and he felt tears prick his eyes, but if the others noticed, they were kind enough not to comment. 

Yeosang made his way towards the edge of the nest and as he approached Wooyoung’s eyes followed him. 

“I’m not taking Jongho away, calm down,” Yeosang said and Jongho heard the exasperation leaking into his voice. “See what I mean, he’s insatiable.” Jongho chuckled but didn’t move to extricate himself from Wooyoung’s hold. Even if Wooyoung was insatiable, Jongho didn’t find himself minding it. 

A few hours later, Jongho and Hongjoong ran into each other in the hallway after Jongho had had to explain to Wooyoung four times that he was just going to the bathroom and would return afterwards. 

“Thanks for coming,” Hongjoong said, “I know he really appreciates it.”

“Thanks for allowing me to come,” Jongho said, “I know this is pack time but it means a lot to be included.”

Hongjoong frowned slightly, “It isn’t something for me to allow or not allow. Jongho, we didn’t ask you to stay away because we didn’t want you around or because you aren’t pack. We wanted to make sure you were comfortable. I love him, but Wooyoung can be a lot, especially during his heat. We didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or pressured to do anything you didn’t want to do.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize,” Jongho said and Hongjoong just awkwardly patted Jongho’s shoulder, unsure of what to say. 

“Hongjoong,” a whine interrupted, and Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

“One moment,” Hongjoong said and nodded for Jongho to follow him into the pack room where Wooyoung anxiously waited for their return.

Chapter Text

Jongho was exhausted after spending the remaining two days of Wooyoung’s heat mostly in the pack apartment. There were times that he would step away to go back to his apartment to shower, get a change of clothes and get some space. But even as tiring as it was, there was a warmth from Wooyoung’s invitation into the pack room and the way that he would cling to Jongho’s body, as if he was uncertain that Jongho would stay. It made Jongho grateful that his own heats were shorter, with the most intense portion only lasting two or three days, but he also wondered what it would be like to go through one with a pack. To have that level of attention and care seemed foreign and a part of him knew that having seven pairs of eyes on him would be as stressful as it was comforting, but Jongho wondered what it would be like to not have to spend a heat alone. He knew his own heat was due in a few weeks and he was dreading it. 

When Wooyoung’s heat finally broke, he stretched out lazily and sighed happily, “I feel like I’ve been fucked into the next century.” Jongho looked around the room and noticed that San and Hongjoong had the decency to look embarrassed whereas Mingi just looked proud to hear that. 

“Please go shower, you’re disgusting,” Yeosang said as he pushed Wooyoung toward the door and ushered him to the bathroom.

“Thank god, we won’t have to deal with that for another four months,” Seonghwa said. 

“Well…” Yunho shrugged and gestured to Jongho. 

“What are your plans for your next heat?” Seonghwa asked gently and Jongho flushed. 

“It should hit in a few weeks, I was just going to spend it alone in my apartment,” Jongho said. 

“Is that what you want?” Yungho asked. 

“I don’t really have many other options,” Jongho said. 

“Look, if you aren’t interested or it’s too much we completely respect it, but we’d be happy to help out however you’d like, whether that’s providing some items for a nest or having one or two of us help out. You don’t need to say yes, but you do have options,” San said. 

Jongho glanced around the room to see all the pack members look at him encouragingly. After all, even though they hadn’t necessarily labeled their relationships, Jongho was at least in pack’s favor if not dating all of them. 

Wooyoung returned, now fully clothed and toweled off his hair, “What are you all talking about?”

“Jongho’s next heat,” Mingi said as Jongho tried to protest. 

“Oooh fun, are you making plans?” Wooyoung asked. 

Jongho winced at hearing Wooyoung categorize heats as “fun.” “I was planning on spending it alone. I didn’t know I didn’t have to.”

Wooyoung’s face did something funny as if Jongho’s statement pained him, “You should ask Hongjoong to spend it with you. He’s a really good heat partner plus he’ll be a good knot.”

Jongho flushed at how brazen Wooyoung’s suggestion was, especially right in front of Hongjoong. Even though things had gotten better between them, Hongjoong wasn’t affectionate with him in the same way that Wooyoung and San and even Seonghwa had become. But underlying it, Jongho got the sense that Hongjoong at least respected him, especially after Jongho came to help Wooyoung out with his heat. But still, there was a big jump between tolerating someone and wanting to spend their heat with him.

“That’s fine, just let me know,” Hongjoong said. 

“Wait? Really?” Jongho turned to Hongjoong, but the alpha just nodded. 

“It’s fine, just let me know so I can plan accordingly and we can talk about your comfort level and boundaries while you are still coherent.”

Jongho looked around the rest of the room but nobody seemed surprised or inherently opposed to it, though Yunho’s face tightened. 

“I’ll think about it, if you are sure, it’s okay,” Jongho said. 

“It’s up to you,” Yeosang said, “But clearly the offer is on the table.”

“Can I let you know later this week?” Jongho asked.

“Sure,” Hongjoong said. 

They all had dinner together and then Jongho really had to go back to his apartment to finish up some homework before classes resumed on Monday. Yunho walked him out to the door and Jongho could see that he had something to say. “I think you should know that Hongjoong grew up in a different pack than you did. He’s an amazing guy and an amazing alpha and he’ll treat you really well if you ask him to spend your heat with you, but just be sure you both have the same understanding about what that means before you decide.”

“What do you mean by that?” Jongho asked.

“Each pack treats heats differently, they have their own culture around them. In mine, however, it wasn’t unheard of for unmated omegas to spend their heats with a partner but that was usually after they had been in relationships for a while. I got the impression that your pack had different customs.” 

Jongho nodded. Omegas that were unmated never spent their heats with partners and instead they were forced to deal with it alone. 

“Hongjoong’s birth pack was different. It was pretty common for alphas to help out omegas during their heats even if they were just friends or loose acquaintances. Hongjoong treats it seriously, but he’s had experience doing this, even before Wooyoung.”

Jongho nodded, not really sure what Yunho meant by the conversation. Obviously, Jongho knew that his heat wouldn’t be the first that Hongjoong spent with an omega and he had heard of alphas who spent heats with omegas that they weren’t partnered with. And here he was, considering spending his heat with an alpha that he was in a questionable relationship with. It didn’t seem fair that he judged Hongjoong for his past actions even if he didn’t necessarily understand them. 

“Thanks for the heads up,” Jongho said. Yunho smiled and kissed him goodbye, leaving Jongho with lots to think about for the next several days. 

Over the next couple of days, he mulled over Hongjoong’s offer. He couldn’t possibly fathom spending his heat with the entire pack, but spending it with an alpha intrigued him. He wondered what it would be like if instead of spending three days in bed with merciless cramps, what it would be like to have an alpha’s attention on him. If, maybe, he too could understand why  Wooyoung seemed to enjoy going through his heat.

From: Jongho

Are you still serious about your offer? To spend my heat with me?

A few hours later, the response came in.

From: Hongjoong

Yeah, I meant it. Are you interested?

From: Jongho

Please. 

Jongho cringed immediately after sending the message. He hated how whiny he sounded. He hated the way that he was almost begging for Hongjoong’s attention. But when Hongjoong responded, asking to meet, it didn’t seem like Jongho’s response was offputting to him. 

They ended up meeting at a cafe, Hongjoong ordered a hot chocolate while Jongho ordered an iced tea. Jongho couldn’t help but feel like this was a date. Just the two of them. Maybe it was because this was so unlike the way that the two of them usually interacted: in the pack apartment, with everyone else around. But now, it was just the two of them.

“So I wanted to talk about what you wanted to happen during your heat and what your boundaries were before you kind of become incoherent,” Hongjoong said. 

“I want you to be there…” Jongho said, transfixed on his tea and avoiding looking at Hongjoong. 

“Okay, I assumed so, what else?”

“Um… can you knot me?” Jongho blurted out, “I’ve heard that it helps with the cramps and mine are usually pretty bad.”

Hongjoong offered a pitying murmur. “What else?”

“I think I would like to cuddle in between waves,” Jongho said, “and maybe if you would kiss me.”

Hongjoong nodded as if taking mental notes of everything Jongho was saying. “What are your boundaries?” 

“No pain,” Jongho said. 

“Me neither,” Hongjoong agreed. 

“And please don’t use your alpha voice on me, I don’t like it,” Jongho said. He heard Hongjoong gasp at that and instinctively, the alpha reached out to grab Jongho’s hand. 

“Jongho, look at me,” he said, “I will never, ever use my alpha voice on you. I’ve never used it on any of the pack members either. That’s cruel and abusive and any alpha worth an ounce of respect would never use their alpha voice.”

Jongho saw the way that Hongjoong became impassioned talking about it. Resolutely, he knew that Hongjoong would never use his alpha voice on Jongho, but hearing him say it, hearing him condemn the alphas that used to use their voices to command Jongho to stay frozen in place in the school fields until the command wore off. 

“I promise you’ll be taken care of and feel safe during your heat,” Hongjoong said. 

“Thanks, for doing this for me,” Jongho said. 

Hongjoong smiled, “of course.” They talked for a while more about less serious topics, Hongjoong’s latest songs that he was producing, the frustrating essay that Jongho needed to write for his Korean class and the latest baseball game that the Bears played. After about an hour of easy conversation, Hongjoong’s phone rang with an alarm. 

“Sorry, I have to head back to work,” Hongjoong said and Jongho went to clean up their cups. 

They headed outside and before they parted ways, Jongho pulled Hongjoong into the little alley off to the side. “Sorry, can I just kiss you? I just want to know what it is like outside my heat?” 

Hongjoong’s eyes softened and he pulled Jongho down for a kiss. Even though Hongjoong was shorter, he was the one controlling it. He smiled when they pulled apart, “There, you get a preview,” he said, “But I do really need to go now.” He left and Jongho just stood there for a minute, memorizing the way that Hongjoong had kissed him before smiling. Maybe their relationship wasn’t the same as his with Wooyoung or San, but it was still making progress and that had to count for something. 

Chapter Text

In the weeks leading up to Jongho’s heat, there was an odd tension that settled between him and Hongjoong, or at least one that was palpable to Jongho. Here he had spilled his heat fantasies to an alpha, and the alpha had acknowledged them, taking note of them and planning for his heat. But even though Jongho felt the shift in their relationship, especially after the kiss, Hongjoong didn’t seem to feel a change. Every time Jongho would be over at the pack apartment, Hongjoong would be friendly and greet him kindly, but he didn’t move to kiss him the way that Wooyoung and Yunho would. 

And then, a few weeks after their talk, Jongho woke up drenched in sweat. His scent filled the apartment and he knew he was entering pre-heat. He quickly texted Hongjoong to let him know that his heat would probably start in the evening or early the next day and Hongjoong quickly responded that he would come over in a few hours after wrapping up a few things for work. Jongho turned the thermostat down to compensate for the heat. He grabbed a few of his clothes and extra blankets and started to form a small nest on his bed. A wave of shame came over him knowing that his nest wouldn’t nearly be as nice or well-formed as Wooyoung’s. So much care and efforts had gone into the creation of the nest, it was almost artful. Whereas Jongho just mostly placed his own clothes in random locations, trying to see what felt most comfortable. 

As promised, Hongjoong knocked on Jongho’s door before his heat could fully hit, carrying a few bags in hand. “I brought some food and water for us so we wouldn’t have to worry about that later. I brought a couple of changes of clothes and this is for you.” He handed over a large laundry bag over to Jongho. “The pack provided some scented clothes for you in case you wanted to use them for your nest. Don’t feel pressured though.” 

Jongho’s heart swelled when he opened the bag and a mix of scents filled his nose. The pack members had all sent over a few items of clothing to make his nest feel more comfortable. He pulled the clothes out of the bag and started arranging them into his nest one by one. But his favorite was a light blue hoodie that Hongjoong had scented. Instead of adding it into his nest, he pulled it over his head even though he still felt warm to inhale Hongjoong’s scent. 

“It suits you,” Hongjoong said when he saw Jongho wearing his hoodie. “How are you feeling?”

Jongho shrugged, “Uncomfortable, but it isn’t painful yet.”

“Can I enter your nest?” Hongjoong asked. Jongho nodded shyly but invited him in. 

Hongjoong carefully lay down in the nest, careful not to move the deliberately placed clothing out of order, “It’s such a pretty nest.”

Jongho blushed at the compliment. Whether or not it was true, he had never invited someone into his nest before nor had he ever received compliments over it. Jongho lay down beside Hongjoong allowing some space between them. 

“Is everything that we previously discussed still true?” Hongjoong asked. 

Jongho nodded. 

“Okay,” Hongjoong said, “Just rest for now then.” They started to nap and it lasted a few hours before painful cramps woke Jongho out of his sleep. He gasped, curling in on himself and the sudden movement woke Hongjoong up as well.

“Is it starting?” Hongjoong asked and Jongho just nodded. 

“Okay, hang on,” Hongjoong said. 

“Please, I need you,” Jongho begged. Concern was etched on Hongjoong’s face as he quickly helped Jongho take off his hoodie. He stripped down to his boxers and leaned over Jongho, gently cupping Jongho’s cheek. 

“We can stop at any point, you know, you can change your mind,” Hongjoong said. Jongho blinked and nodded and when Hongjoong went to take off his shirt he didn’t resist. Jongho shimmied out of his shorts and threw them on the ground. They paused for a moment, just sitting on the bed in their underwear. 

“Are you sure?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Please,” Jongho begged, “It hurts.” 

“I’m going to make you feel so good,” Hongjoong promised. He stroked the inside of Jongho’s leg reassuringly and then pulled his underwear off. Every cell in Jongho’s body encouraged him to cover up, to reach for the blankets and hide his exposed body but he didn’t. He hazarded a glance to Hongjoong and the alpha had a tenderness in his eyes. 

“You look so pretty like this,” Hongjoong said. He slowly started to prepare Jongho, distracting him with a kiss when Jongho gasped at the intrusion. 

“I’m sorry, I promise it will feel better soon,” Hongjoong said as Jongho whined. He couldn’t see how Wooyoung enjoyed this, between the cramping and this sting of Hongjoong’s finger, Jongho just felt uncomfortable. 

Hongjoong continued to kiss him and with his free hand gently stroked Jongho’s hair before he added another finger. “Please,” Jongho said.

“Soon, I just don’t want to hurt you,” Hongjoong said, “You’re doing so good for me.” He stretched Jongho out allowing him to get used to the slight sting before his fingers curled and Jongho whined, this time out of pleasure rather than discomfort.

Hongjoong grinned and continued to draw moans out from Jongho, “Good boy.” 

“Please, Hongjoong, I need more,” Jongho said. 

“Shh….” Hongjoong whispered before kissing Jongho again. He reached off to the side and grabbed a condom before slowly entering Jongho. His body was nearly on top of the omega and he was doing everything he could to help Jongho adjust. The omega was so tight around him, almost painfully so, but it took every ounce of self control in Hongjoong not to go faster. 

He kissed his way along Jongho’s jawline, “You’re doing so good.” 

“I need more, please, please knot me,” Jongho said as his body was still seized with cramps. 

“Okay.” Hongjoong started to move, trying to make it as pleasurable as quickly as possible for Jongho. He kept kissing him and praising him. Jongho was so pliable under him and so trusting, it wasn’t something that Hongjoong took for granted.

Jongho’s hands dug into Hongjoong’s shoulders pulling him closer as Hongjoong continued to move in him. 

“I’m close,” Hongjoong said. Jongho nodded, though he had passed the point of coherency and he came, shortly followed by Hongjoong who felt his knot start to swell. Hongjoong froze, nearly drowning in ecstasy as he came down from the orgasm. With their bodies intertwined, he shifted them on their sides so they were laying on the bed. 

Jongho was still trying to catch his breath, overwhelmed from the orgasm and the feeling of relief when he settled back into his body and noticed that the cramps had subsided for now. 

“How do you feel?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Good,” Jongho said. They lay in silence for a while. Hongjoong gently stroked Jongho’s sweaty hair off his face and kissed him, monitoring Jongho’s features for any sign of discomfort. It was only when Hongjoong’s knot started to deflate that Jongho’s scent spiked with panic. 

“Shh…. it’s okay,” Hongjoong said, “I’m not going anywhere.”

They had a few hours before the next wave hit and Jongho curled up closer to Hongjoong. The alpha looked at him softly, allowing Jongho to rest on his chest. 

“No1likeme,” Jongho read as he traced the tattoo on Hongjoong’s arm. 

“I got that when I first entered college,” Hongjoong said. “I was having a hard time fitting in and making friends and then I saw some graffiti that said ‘no one like me’, it’s a little bit cliche, but it was comforting.” 

“It suits you,” Jongho said. 

“Did you ever think about getting a tattoo?” Hongjoong asked. 

“No, the idea kind of freaks me out,” Jongho said. He draped his arm over Hongjoong and Hongjoong let him, gently holding him while the omega rested before the next wave hit. 

Hongjoong would occasionally leave the nest between waves to grab a washcloth to clean them up a bit or grab some snacks or water to boost their energy. Each time he left, Jongho whined, begging for Hongjoong to return to the nest.

It had only been about forty minutes after one of the waves broke that a surprise one hit Jongho. Hongjoong had taken the break as an opportunity to shower even though he knew he would be dirty again in a few moments. He was in the middle of toweling off his hair in the bathroom when a panicked Jongho called for him. 

“Ugh, it’s happening again,” Jongho groaned as he writhed on the bed, the cramps even stronger than before. 

“Shit, sorry,” Hongjoong said, “I’m here, I’m here now.” He dropped the towel wrapped around his waist and without thinking pulled Jongho onto his lap, trying to give the younger one a reprieve from the particularly bad wave. 

“Please,” Jongho begged. He tilted his head upwards, fully exposing his neck to Hongjoong as if asking for a mating bite. Instead, Hongjoong nuzzled up against Jongho’s neck, cradling his head towards him. 

“You’re so good for me,” Hongjoong said. When he finally knotted Jongho, the omega all but collapsed against him, “Good boy, I’m sorry I never should have left.”

“It’s okay,” Jongho said, “You came back.” He smiled sweetly up at Hongjoong and Hongjoong tightened his hug on the little omega. 

The worst of Jongho’s heat subsided over the next several hours. At some point between waves, Hongjoong fell asleep and Jongho just watched him, admiring the alpha’s delicate features. He’d seen Hongjoong before, but it was different now. Hongjoong had looked at him with such affection and tenderness that Jongho didn’t know what to make of it. But Jongho realized as he heat dragged on and in moments of lucidity, Hongjoong was becoming increasingly agitated, likely from being away from his pack for so long.

When Jongho’s heat finally broke, he regained his lucidity and reassured Hongjoong that he would be okay. After Jongho reassured him that he was okay and that he’d sleep for the rest of the day, Hongjoong agreed to go home, taking a shower first and then grabbing a change of clothes. Jongho had promised to wash all of the clothes the pack had lended him the next time he went to the apartment. 

Shyly, Jongho reached out his hand to grab Hongjoong’s arm before he left the apartment. “Thank you for doing this, it really meant a lot to me,” Jongho said. The past few days had drawn them closer together. Jongho had felt so safe and comfortable and accepted and he was starting to understand why Wooyoung didn’t mind his heats. 

Hongjoong smiled, “Of course, I’m always happy to help an omega out. It’s some unfair biology that you have to deal with some horrible symptoms, if I can help, I’m happy to.”

The smile on Jongho’s face froze but Hongjoong didn’t seem to notice. He waved goodbye to Jongho and left, but the room felt ten degrees cooler. Without realizing it, spending his heat with Hongjoong had meant something to Jongho. He had been begging for Hongjoong, not just any alpha, for the past several hours. But Hongjoong just saw it as a favor to a friend. That’s all that Jongho was. He was a friend. He wasn’t pack. Hongjoong was returning to his pack – a pack that Jongho wasn’t a part of – and Jongho was alone. Regardless of what Wooyoung might say or what the others might think, Jongho wasn’t pack. He was just some omega on the perimeter who had leaned into their warmth and kindness that was so unfamiliar to him. How stupid was he? Thinking that it meant something. It was just his biology calling out for an alpha and the closest alpha responded. 

And that night, after the sun had gone down and his apartment was only illuminated by the glow of streetlights, Jongho sat on his bed. Alone. As he always had been.

Chapter Text

Over the following weeks, Jongho slowly pulled away from the pack. It wasn’t particularly noticeable or intentional at first. He had joined a pack movie night, returning most of the washed clothes that the pack had loaned him for his heat, but when he arrived and Hongjoong just briefly greeted him with a hand wave, Jongho’s mood soured. He had hoped that Hongjoong’s attitude after he left was just because he was tired. But now, the affection and warmth that Hongjoong had shown him during his heat really was gone. They went back to what they were before. Nothing more. 

There was a part of him that tried to brush it aside. When he arrived, Seonghwa had cooed over Jongho’s thoughtfulness as he accepted the bag. Wooyoung had bounded up to him in a greeting, kissing him on the cheek before he started talking about something that Changbin had said about their professor. Jongho tried to pay attention, but he was distracted. 

Yeosang noticed, of course. He pulled Jongho off to the side, “Is everything okay?” And how could Jongho even begin to explain it? That he had hurt his own feelings. That he felt like Hongjoong cared about him and he didn’t, or at least in the way that Jongho had thought. 

“I’m fine, just tired,” Jongho said and he mustered a small smile. Yeosang didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push the matter either. Instead, he just sat next to Jongho on the couch, closer than usual so that their legs brushed up against each other. 

Jongho tried to pay attention to the movie but his mind drifted elsewhere. As he looked at the other members of the back, he wondered what he was to them. Was he their boyfriend? Was he just a play thing to spice things up because the pack dynamics had become stagnant? What was even the point? Was he just supposed to be satisfied by staying like this, called when they wanted him but not a part of the pack and with no prospects of becoming part of it? Even if he had never explicitly been told it, he knew that it was impossible to be invited into the pack without Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s approval. And there was a major difference between being allowed to be friendly with a pack or even dating pack members and being part of it. 

The prospect of bringing it up was even more pathetic, though. Asking to become part of their pack or even be considered at some point down the line to join was humiliating. Jongho could almost picture their faces, looking at him not with scorn or disapproval but pity as if saying ‘we like you just not enough.’ Maybe it was the romantic side of him or the traumatized part that still remembers being cast aside from his birth pack that wanted to be chosen, to be picked, and to be wanted. 

By the time the movie ended, Jongho had completely lost the plot of the film and found himself anxious to leave. It was the first time that he felt that way since the first time that he had come over and initially met the pack. At the doorway, Yunho paused like he wanted to say something as if he knew that his warning – which Jongho hadn’t fully understood at the time – had gone unheeded. But thankfully a crash, likely from a mug that fell in the kitchen and Mingi and Wooyoung’s complaining interrupted them. Yunho was too kind to throw it back in his face and say something as cruel as “I told you so.” 

But the thought of being around the pack became harder. Especially when he went back to his apartment, alone, and he remembered that they were all together. He found himself finding reasons to cancel and add some distance between them. The first couple of times he canceled on the pack, it was easy enough to play off and partially true. He did have exams coming up and there was an essay in his drafts that he hadn’t made as much progress on as he should have. 

When Mingi invited him to a bar, Jongho declined, saying that he had to finish his part of a group project before they were scheduled to meet. It was true. He did have a group project and they did have to meet, but Jongho could have easily rearranged his schedule to be able to meet with Mingi. 

And then he started picking up more shifts at the restaurant, telling himself that it would give him more financial flexibility, maybe allowing him to treat himself to a nice meal when the semester was over. 

It only took a few weeks, though, before he was called out on it. “I haven’t seen you around much lately,” Wooyoung said after class one day. There was an accusatory edge to his voice and a steel in it that seemed so foreign to the soft, sweet, bubbly Wooyoung that Jongho knew.

“Just been busy with school and work, you know,” Jongho said. 

Wooyoung leaned a little closer to Jongho before his eyes narrowed, “Right.” Jongho blinked at Wooyoung’s shift in mood. He wanted to beg Wooyoung to ask him if he was okay, if he was well, tell him that he missed him. But instead Wooyoung walked away, seemingly agitated by something that Jongho didn’t quite understand.

And then, on top of everything, he started to get sick. He woke up one morning and his stomach was in revolt. He staggered to the bathroom and coughed up the remnants of the previous night’s dinner. Another wave of nausea hit him and he gagged, struggling to catch his breath and wait for it to pass. He had one class that day. He could make it. So he willed himself out of his apartment and walked to the university, trying to just make it through the day. His stomach churned as he walked past a tteokbokki stall on the street.

He barely made it through class, attending mostly so that he would get credit for going to class, but he didn’t hear a single word that the professor said. 

After class he made his way back to his apartment but was stopped on campus by Yeonjun. “Are you okay?” Yeonjun asked, “You kind of look sick.”

“I think I just caught a bug that’s been going around,” Jongho admitted, not bothering to hide it. 

“Feel better, okay,” Yeonjun asked. Jongho thanked him, but all he could think about was getting back home and going to sleep. When he finally made it back to his apartment, he all but collapsed on the bed, burying his head into the pillow and trying to get the room to stop spinning. 

He should have known that Yeonjun wouldn’t keep the information to himself because a few hours later there was a sharp knock on the door. Jongho groaned, trying to ignore it, but when the knocking persisted, he trudged to the door and opened it. Surprisingly, Yunho was there. 

“Wooyoung gave me your address, Yeonjun told him that you weren’t feeling good.”

“Yeah, I think I have the flu or something, I might be contagious so I don’t want to get you sick,” Jongho said. 

“I don’t think you’ll make me any likelier to be sick than my patients that I see everyday,” Yunho said. 

“You work at a hospital?” Jongho asked.

Yunho nodded, “I’m a nurse in the emergency department, but I usually don’t talk much about work at home, I usually don’t have particularly ‘fun’ days.”

“I didn’t know,” Jongho said and it just served as another reminder of how little he actually knew about the pack members. 

“Well, now you do. Okay, get back in bed.” 

Yunho reached into his backpack and grabbed a thermometer, inserting it in Jongho’s mouth, under his tongue to take his temperature. He waited patiently a few minutes before taking it out and reading it. “No fever,” Yunho said, “That’s good.”

“I threw up a few times earlier,” Jongho said. 

“Hm… Okay, let’s get you some water, make sure you don’t get dehydrated,” Yunho said. He brought back a small glass of water and encouraged Jongho to slowly drink it. “Are you hungry?” he asked.

Jongho shook his head. “Okay, go back to sleep,” Yunho said. He slid under the covers next to Jongho and sat, watching vigilantly. Jongho curled up on his side blinking back tears at the tenderness and the comfort of the moment. Yunho’s hand gently made its way into Jongho’s hair, gently stroking it to try to soothe him. 

That’s when Jongho’s resolve broke. Tears slipped down his face and he wasn’t altogether sure why exactly he was crying. Maybe it was because of how Hongjoong had inadvertently crushed his hopes of joining the pack, maybe it was because of how even now his stomach was turbulent and he still felt sick, maybe it was because of how he yearned for even the slightest sign of kindness and tenderness and melted into it. It was probably a mix of all of it and Yunho’s soft touch made everything feel even more overwhelming, but Jongho didn’t ask him to stop.

Chapter Text

As if fate was mocking him, Jongho didn’t start feeling better. There were moments when his symptoms subsided and he thought that the worst of it was over, but the next day he would wake up and stumble his way to the bathroom as nausea hit him again. At first, he blamed it on a virus as everyone he saw on campus seemed to have a runny nose or flushed cheeks. However, when they started to recover and he didn’t, he wondered if it was something else. He was probably run down from stress. Between the pack dynamics, his coursework and his boss at the restaurant scheduling him for additional shifts, his stress was running high. 

Meanwhile, things between him and the pack hadn’t improved. If anything, they had gotten worse. There were a few unanswered messages from the pack members on his phone, asking if he was coming to the next movie night or if he wanted to meet up for coffee. But Jongho didn’t know how to respond and the longer he waited, the fewer messages came and the harder it became to reply. Wooyoung was polite but chilly toward him during class and there was a tacit understanding that Jongho was no longer invited to join him, Changbin and Yeonjun for drinks after class. 

Outside of classes and his job, he just went back to his apartment and laid down. Yunho had texted him a few days after he had visited to see how Jongho was feeling and Jongho just messaged him back that it was probably a virus running around campus. He didn’t want to make the other worry that it was something else, or worse, force Jongho to go to the doctor. Jongho promised himself that if his illness lasted more than a week he would go to the doctor and get checked out in case it was something more serious. 

He wasn’t expecting to see any of the pack members outside of Wooyoung for a while, but everything shifted during one of his shifts at the restaurant. He wasn’t even supposed to be working but after calling off sick a few days before, his manager made him take an extra shift to make up for it. The smell of the grilled meat made his stomach uneasy, but he was actually feeling better than he had for a while and felt confident that he would be able to make it through his shift. 

And then, all of a sudden the door opened and jingled the bell, letting him know that new customers had arrived. He turned to the door to greet them and saw that it was Yunho, Yeosang, and a few others who Jongho didn’t recognize. Yunho’s eyes widened in recognition and surprise, not realizing that they had chosen the restaurant where Jongho worked. 

After a few minutes, he was quickly flagged down to take their order. “Jongho, I didn’t realize you worked here,” Yunho said, “these are some of my work colleagues.” He introduced them and stood up to give Jongho a hug in greeting. Jongho growled in response. 

Everyone froze. The entire table turned towards Jongho and Yunho’s colleagues looked at him gauging his response. Yeosang’s face hardened and Yunho, poor, sweet Yunho, jumped back as if he had been stricken. “Oh, sorry, clearly I crossed a boundary,” Yunho said, trying to laugh it off, but the hurt was clear in his voice.

Perhaps, most surprised of all was Jongho himself. The growl had erupted without him realizing it. It hadn’t been intentional and he would never growl at one of the pack members, especially one who had been so kind to him as Yunho. It was as though his body acted on its own.

“I’m so sorry,” Jongho said, “I don’t know what came over me, I’ll get you a new server.” 

Jongho excused himself and asked one of his friends to take over, offering to take out the trash to get a moment’s reprieve. He couldn’t explain it. Growls were warning signs, especially when omegas felt threatened or territorial, but Jongho wasn’t angry with Yunho. He dropped the garbage off in the container and leaned up against the wall trying to compose himself. Even when he closed his eyes, he could see Yunho’s shocked and hurt face staring back at him. Worse yet, Jongho couldn’t explain why he did it. 

The door opened and instead of seeing one of his coworkers, Yeosang had followed him out to the alley. He pressed him up against the wall and sniffed at him, frowning, “You know I didn’t believe it when Wooyoung said that you had found another pack, but god, their scent is all over you,” Yeosang said tensely, his jaw tightening, “But Yunho didn’t deserve that. Have fun with your new pack and stay away from mine.”

Jongho blinked, stunned as he watched Yeosang head back into the restaurant. Another pack? All Jongho did was go to class and work nowadays and even though he worked with some alphas, he never got close enough to scent them. Even though it was true that omegas who recently entered a pack could be more prone to growling, that wasn’t what had caused Jongho to growl. But then realization dawned on him, as a flashback to his middle school health class care to the forefront of his mind. Yes, joining a pack could make an omega growl. But so could a pregnancy. 

Throughout the rest of Jongho’s shift, his mouth felt chalky as he tried to remember every moment of his last heat. He knew Hongjoong had used a condom, but did he remember every single time. His memory was foggy from the heat-induced haze, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized his symptoms aligned with a pregnancy. His nausea, his vomiting, the endless fatigue, they weren’t symptoms of an illness they were symptoms of a pregnancy. 

He didn’t bother looking at Yunho or Yeosang when they left the restaurant. Both due to a mix of shame from growling and preoccupation over the thought that he could be pregnant. After his shift ended, he immediately made his way to the pharmacy and picked up the cheapest pregnancy test he could find. 

When he made it home, he took the test, waiting five minutes in anticipation and praying that it came back negative, that all of this was a series of poorly timed coincidences and in the future he would one day be able to laugh about it. But when he looked at the test, two bold, pink lines face him, undoubtedly confirming that he was pregnant. 

“No, no, no, no,” Jongho said, fumbling with a second test to try and disprove it. But this time, he didn’t even have to wait the full five minutes. It was confirmation. He was pregnant. His legs buckled under him as he collapsed in the bathroom. He couldn’t be pregnant. He was just a college student. He didn’t have a pack of his own. His own pack would have claims over his child if he went through with the pregnancy. He sobbed, not knowing what to do or where to go or what to think. But when he finally went to bed, with all of his tears exhausted, he felt an overwhelming sense of despair.

Four Weeks Later

There were two more stops before Jongho returned to Seoul. He was running entirely on adrenaline and instinct at this point, his omega largely driving him to find safety and to go home. He tried to appear as normal as possible. The train car only had a few passengers on it besides himself and he was trying to keep it together until he got back to Seoul. Even so, a couple of passengers shot him curious glances and he kept his head down, trying to avoid attention. 

When the train finally arrived at the Seoul station, his feet carried him almost mechanically away from the crowds, trying to find a place where there was comfort. Without realizing it, he made his way to the Ateez pack building, his omega acting in overdrive. He didn’t realize how he had made it to the door of the apartment, just meters away from where the pack was until all he had to do was knock. 

In a haze, Jongho found himself raising his hand to knock on the door. Seonghwa opened the door cautiously, almost like the first time that Jongho had come over, but this time Seonghwa was preparing to close the door on him. He was stopped, though, when San came storming out from a different room, the metallic scent of blood putting his alpha on high alert. “Who’s bleeding?” he yelled, causing some of the other members to come to the living room in a state of confusion. And then, as if sensing that he was safe, Jongho collapsed on the ground, sobbing loudly. 

“Jongho’s bleeding,” Yeosang said, always seeming to be more in tuned with Jongho’s scent than anyone else. 

Yunho carefully approached, “Jongho, I need to take a look at you, okay?” Jongho froze. 

“Come on,” Yunho insisted, “We can go into my bedroom for some privacy, but I need to check on the bleeding and see how serious it is.” 

Between sobs, Jongho allowed Seonghwa and Yunho to help him to his feet, blocking out the quiet murmurs from the very concerned, very confused pack members. Yunho gently guided him into his bedroom and shut the door so that it was just the two of them. “I need to take off your coat, okay?” Yunho asked, immediately stepping into nurse mode. 

Jongho hesitated but allowed Yunho to take off his coat. He sat there on the bed, clad in the blue hoodie that Hongjoong had left in his apartment and shook with heavy sobs. Yunho briefly stepped into the bathroom and returned with a wet wash cloth and some soap. “I’m just going to take a look now,” Yunho said, he moved the bloodied collar of the hoodie down, knowing that Jongho was in no space to allow him to remove the hoodie entirely, to get a better look at the wound. Despite Yunho’s years of professionalism, he gasped at the sight. There, where Jongho’s neck met his collarbone and where a pack bonding mark ought to be was a nasty “X.” It was crudely carved into Jongho’s skin, deep enough that there would be permanent scarring but not that it posed any health risks. Jongho cried harder at Yunho’s reaction. He knew the mark was ugly. He knew that Yunho knew what it meant. 

“I’ll be back in a moment,” Yunho said, as he stepped outside and spoke to another pack member in a hushed voice. “Call Hongjoong and tell him to come back now, it’s an emergency.”

Yunho returned and examined the wound. He gently dabbed at it with the washcloth, the fabric darkening as it soaked up Jongho’s blood. “You’re going to be okay,” Yunho said, “You won’t even need stitches.” There was such a gentleness to Yunho’s actions – a gentleness that Jongho didn’t feel like he deserved – as Yunho applied an antiseptic and covered the area with a gauze bandage. 

“What happened to you?” Yunho asked, knowing that Jongho wouldn’t answer in this condition. Yunho put the bandages down and gently cupped Jongho’s cheek. Tears continued to stream down his face and Yunho tried fruitlessly to wipe them away. He went to move closer, to hug him, to try and console him, but Jongho growled. It was clear that Jongho was out of control. 

“Okay, okay, I’m not leaving,” Yunho said, “But I’ll back away.” He stayed near Jongho, not allowing the little omega to be left alone in this state. He heard a commotion and the slamming of doors and realized that Hongjoong must have returned. Without bothering to knock, the door to his room opened and Hongjoong entered in a confused panic. It was enough to startle Jongho, though, and a loud growl echoed throughout the room. 

“Are you kidding me?” Hongjoong started ripping into Jongho, “You have the -”

“Hongjoong, stop,” Yunho said. It was rare that he spoke firmly at home and even more rarely directed toward Hongjoong. “He’s not in control right now and I called you here for something else.” 

Yunho carefully pulled back the edge of the bandage on Jongho’s neck and Jongho whimpered. There it was, his greatest shame, was being exposed to Hongjoong. Hongjoong’s face did something complicated. The anger from earlier transformed into a mix of horror, shock, pity and sadness. 

“He’s been banished,” Hongjoong said, “Fuck.”  

Chapter Text

Yunho stuck the bandage back onto Jongho’s neck. “I’ll check on it again in a few hours, but it looks like the bleeding has mostly subsided.” Jongho’s tears had stopped, but he just stared blankly ahead with no recognition of the words. Hongjoong had stayed in the room the entire time, just carefully observing Jongho. Seeing the state that Jongho was in weakened Hongjoog’s resolve. There would be time later to talk but mostly he was just scared. He had never seen somebody – let alone an omega –  in this state. What scared him the most wasn’t hearing Jongho’s sobs earlier. It was the vacant stare in Jongho’s eyes that was null of emotions. Even when Jongho had first visited, he had been nervous, anxious, but nothing like this. 

“Let’s get him set up in the guest room,” Hongjoong said. 

“Jongho, let’s get you situated in the guest room,” Yunho said. He gently coaxed Jongho to his feet and guided him down the hall, careful not to get too close or else risk eliciting another growl from Jongho. He sat Jongho on the bed, “Come on, let’s get you changed and out of those clothes.”

Jongho just stared at him blankly. 

“I promise you’ll feel better in some clean clothes,” Yunho said, “I’m just going to take off the hoodie.” Slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal, Yunho reached for the hem of Jongho’s hoodie, giving Jongho plenty of time to push him away if he was really opposed to it. Yunho slowly pulled the hoodie off of Jongho with minimal cooperation from the other man. He quickly glanced over the rest of Jongho’s body just to double check that there were no other sources of bleeding, but Jongho quickly covered himself. 

“Okay, okay,” Yunho said. He stepped out of the room and grabbed an oversized T-shirt from Seonghwa’s room that the other man sometimes slept in. “You can wear this for now,” Yunho said, “Do you want me to help you change? I promise there is nothing that I haven’t seen before. I won’t judge you and I won’t tell anyone anything you don’t want me to say.”

Jongho blinked but slowly nodded and Yunho helped him out of his shirt. Even though Yunho’s movements were slow, careful, and deliberate the shifting jostled the wound on Jongho’s neck causing him to hiss. “Sorry, sorry, almost there,” Yunho said when he finally got the shirt pulled over Jongho’s arms and let it drape over his body. Jongho looked like he was drowning in it but it would be comfortable enough for him.

“Rest,” Yunho said, “You’re safe here, I promise. You were so brave today, so, so brave.”

Jongho waited until Yunho left the room, leaving him alone in complete darkness before he collapsed back onto the bed. All the fight left him and almost as though his omega had heard Yunho’s words and internalized that he was safe. Even if things weren’t good between him and the Ateez pack, they wouldn’t hurt him. He and his baby were safe here.

Yunho slipped out of the room and gently shut the door behind him, almost collapsing against the wall. Everything that had happened suddenly made more sense. 

“What’s wrong with him?” Hongjoong asked. 

“His omega is in overdrive right now. Not only does being banished cause physical pain from the mark, but it also causes emotional distress. Jongho has never had the experience of being disconnected from a pack, no matter how terrible and horrible they were, and it’s distressing and disorienting. Once the adrenaline subsides though he should start to become more responsive.”

“Will he be okay?” Hongjoong asked.

“Physcially, he’ll recover well. The wound is too deep and it will scar, but I don’t think there will be any complications. It was a clean mark and avoided any arteries or veins. But emotionally…” Yunho trailed off. Being banished was reserved for the worst of the worst. Pack members who had committed unspeakable crimes were banished. Members who were disloyal were banished. Pack members were not simply banished because of disputes or disagreements. With the marks came assumptions and with the scars, people would guess what Jongho had done to result in a banishment. Without context or information people would assume the worst and likely Jongho wouldn’t be given a chance to prove them wrong. Above all else, the mark would put Jongho in danger since it was proof that he wasn’t under the protection of any pack. 

“He didn’t deserve this,” Hongjoong said. He didn’t know everything about Jongho and the past several weeks had revealed just how little he knew about the other man, but every single charge that could have warranted being banished was not something that Hongjoong could even imagine Jongho being capable of. 

“No, he didn’t. He deserves so much more,” Yunho lamented. 

“Let’s let him sleep,” Yunho said, “We can all talk more when he’s stable and coherent, the most important thing is that he’s safe.”

There was a thick tension in the apartment for the following hours. Yunho clearly knew the most but he was tightlipped. The only information that he offered up was that Jongho would heal, the wound wasn’t nearly as bad as the blood had made it seem, and that above all else Jongho needed to feel safe and have quiet to recover. Seonghwa had offered to start cooking some soup that would be easy for Jongho to eat when he woke up and started moving around. Above all else, there were questions that remained. After all this time that Jongho had spent ignoring the pack he had turned to them for help and most of them didn’t understand what to do with that. Beneath the concern and worry bubbled anger, hurt and resentment. 

Hongjoong had to all but force the others to go to bed, knowing full well he was not going to get much sleep that night. Yunho had checked on Jongho twice before he went to bed, reassured that Jongho was just mentally and physically drained and that he wasn’t showing any symptoms of an infection. 

Jongho slept for nearly fourteen hours before the pack heard signs of movement. Jongho rushed out of the guest bedroom and beelined it for the bathroom, barely making it before throwing up. His shoulders shuddered from heaving and by the time he finally composed himself, Seonghwa was in the doorway. He murmured sympathetically and grabbed a wet washcloth to let Jongho wipe off his face.

“Why are you being nice to me?” Jongho asked.

Seonghwa’s eyes softened, “You’ve been through a lot.”

Jongho made his way to the table and saw the rest of the members staring at him. There were plenty of questions that the pack wanted to ask, but they weren’t sure if Jongho was ready to answer them. 

Thankfully, Yunho broke the silence, “You can stay in the guest bedroom until your neck heals. It’ll be easier for me to keep an eye on it this way.”

Jongho nodded. He looked so small, so young sitting there with a bandage over his neck and wearing a giant T-shirt. Seonghwa grabbed a bowl of the brothy soup that he had prepared the day before and set it in front of Jongho along with a spoon, “This will be easy on your stomach.” Jongho looked to Yunho who nodded encouragingly, “You need to eat.” And Jongho picked up his spoon and started to gradually eat the soup. 

“Who did this to you?” San asked, breaking the silence. Hongjoong shot him a warning glare and Seonghwa tried to reassure Jongho that he didn’t need to answer, but Jongho just continued to eat his soup and stared at the bowl. 

“My birth pack,” Jongho said. He couldn’t bear to look at the reactions of the others. The answer should have been self-evident, but even so it was as if San was in disbelief until he heard the words from Jongho himself. 

“Tell me you want me to handle them and I will,” San said, his stomach churning at the thought of the pain that Jongho had endured, not just physically but also of losing his pack. 

For the first time, Jongho looked up. He saw the sincerity and determination on San’s face and that surprised him. He knew that he had fallen out of favor with the pack. The invitations and welcomes had stopped and he had even growled at two of the members. But here San was sitting tensely, jaw clenched tightly as if he was on the verge of snapping. 

“San, my pack didn’t choose to banish me, I asked for it,” Jongho’s voice cracked as new tears threatened to fall but he held them at bay. 

There was a collective gasp from everyone except Yunho. Jongho just looked at him and realized that the beta had put two and two together a while ago. He knew everything. 

“Why would you do that?” Wooyoung asked, borderline hysterical. “Didn’t you know what it would do? What it means?”

“I did,” Jongho said, brokenly, “But I had to. I couldn’t stay in the pack anymore.” 

“What could have been so bad that you willingly banished yourself,” Wooyoung snapped.

“Wooyoung,” Yunho warned.

Jongho’s tears started to fall and he futilely tried to blink them back. He could hear the scorn and judgement in Wooyoung’s voice and he shouldn’t have expected them to understand, but they had always been so kind to him and he had felt safe and maybe it was all a miscalculation and he shouldn’t be there. But then, a warm hand pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts. He looked down and saw Yunho’s hand placed on top of his own. 

“It’s okay,” Yunho said, “Take your time. I know you had your reasons.”

Jongho opened his mouth to speak and the words couldn’t come out. Yunho gently stroked the back of his hand. There was no rush. They were all patiently waiting. 

“I’m pregnant,” Jongho said.

Chapter Text

There was a long moment where the announcement hung in the air. Yunho had already caught a glimpse of the way that Jongho’s stomach had a slight curve to it when he helped him change, but it was the growling that really raised his suspicions. Jongho wasn’t recognizing the pack as foreign; he was subconsciously recognizing them as a potential threat towards his pup. He tried to squeeze Jongho’s hand in a reassuring way, trying to keep the little omega calm. 

There was a tense silence as the others digested the news. “Is it mine?” Hongjoong asked, the first to break the silence. 

Jongho swallowed thickly. He didn’t dare look at Hongjoong but nodded, “I got pregnant during the heat.” 

Hongjoong’s jaw clenched tightly, “I’m going to go for a walk.” He pushed his chair back from the table and walked away. 

“Are you planning on keeping it?” Mingi asked. 

“I’m planning on continuing the pregnancy,” Jongho replied. 

Seonghwa sighed heavily, “What a mess.” 

Jongho hazarded a glance at Yeosang. Yeosang, who had always been so sweet and shy and kind to him, now looked pissed. 

Wooyoung approached Jongho and got precariously close to his neck. Jongho stilled, his breathing calming as he fought his instincts. This was Wooyoung. He wasn’t a threat. Wooyoung sniffed a couple of times and when he pulled away his eyes widened. “That’s the scent. That’s what I smelled. I thought it was another pack, but I was smelling your pup.”

“What does she smell like?” Jongho asked. He hadn’t realized that over the course of the past several months his own apple scent had changed. Perhaps because it was all over him that he had some nose blindness. 

“It’s a little girl?” Wooyoung asked. 

“I don’t know,” Jongho replied, “I just kind of felt that it was a little girl.”

Wooyoung smiled and drew closer, “She smells like clean linens. Like something fresh and new.”

Jongho warmed at the thought. He hadn’t realized that his pup was already starting to develop their own scent. It just reaffirmed his decision to request to be expelled from his pack. Wooyoung probably noticed the change in Jongho’s scent due to familiarity but there would have been some point soon that his birth pack would have probably realized that he was pregnant and tried to claim his child as their new pack member. 

“How are you feeling?” San asked. 

“I’ve had some morning sickness and been tired,” Jongho admitted, “But overwise it has been okay.” He glanced toward Yeosang but the other man just sat there with his arms crossed. 

“I’m going to try and find Hongjoong,” Seonghwa said and excused himself. 

“I’ll come with you,” Yeosang said but Seonghwa gently held a hand out encouraging Yeosang to stay. 

“It should probably just be me for now,” Seonghwa insisted and Yeosang sighed and went to his room. 

That left just Jongho, Yunho, Mingi, Wooyoung and San at the table. Nobody was happy. But they were the most encouraging. “It’ll all be okay,” Yunho said, “It will just take some time for us to get used to the idea. You’ve had several weeks to adjust to this, we’ve had a few hours.”

Eventually, Seonghwa returned with Hongjoong but there was a clear divide between Jongho and the pack. As a group, they didn’t talk further about the pregnancy or Jongho’s stay that day, but when Jongho went to bed, Seonghwa stopped by the guest room.

“I promise, we’ll get excited about the pregnancy,” Seonghwa said, “I love babies and Wooyoung and Yeosang do as well.”

“Yeosang can’t even stand to be in the same room as me,” Jongho said.. 

Seonghwa sighed, “You need to talk with him, you need to talk to Hongjoong as well.”

“Hongjoong hates me,” Jongho said. 

“He doesn’t,” Seonghwa said, “I promise you he doesn’t. Things are complicated right now, but he doesn’t hate you.”

“How do you feel about this?” Jongho asked.

“I don’t know yet,” Seonghwa admitted, “I think it’s a difficult situation for everyone. I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through, I’m sorry for how you got pregnant because I know this wasn’t something that either you or Hongjoong were expecting, I’m sorry that you felt the need to go through the first several months alone. Yeah, I’m just sorry.” He offered Jongho a weak smile before he left the room. 

A few hours later, Jongho woke up feeling the need to pee. He quietly left the guest room to head to the bathroom careful to try not to wake up the other members but he heard the sound of voices coming from the pack room and the light seeping out from under the door let Jongho know that at least some of the pack members were awake. 

“I think he should stay here through his pregnancy,” Yunho said, “And then after he gives birth, I think we should discuss him joining the pack.”

Jongho blinked. They were talking about him. He knew he should just move along and give the pack members privacy. They were having a conversation that they had deliberately not included him in and he shouldn’t eavesdrop for his own benefit. 

“I agree that he should stay here through his pregnancy,” Hongjoong said, “But he will not be part of this pack.”

“Hongjoong-”

“He made his decision a while ago, he has shown us that he does not want to be a member of this pack and that’s fine,” Hongjoong said.

“You need to take responsibility for this,” Yunho snapped, “Do you even know what you did? Getting an unmated, unpacked omega pregnant.”

“I know,” Hongjoong said tightly, “And I will take responsibility for it, but that doesn’t mean that that makes him part of the pack.”

“Unbelievable,” Yunho said, “Are you with him on this?” 

Then another voice started to speak. “I am,” Yeosang said. Jongho’s heart sank. “Jongho can stay and he’ll be protected but he’s not pack.”

Yunho mumbled something that Jongho couldn’t decipher and left the room. As he left, he caught Jongho’s eye and shook his head. Yunho knew that Jongho overheard the conversation, or enough of it to know that Hongjoong and Yeosang were opposed to him. “You should go back to bed,” Yunho said, “Things will be better in the morning.”

Hongjoong was waiting outside the guest bedroom for Jongho to wake up in the morning. “Hey,” he said. 

“Hi,” Jongho said.

“Can we talk?” Hongjoong asked. 

“Okay,” Jongho said. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Fine, I didn’t have morning sickness today,” Jongho said. 

“Good, that’s good.” Then to Jongho’s surprise, Hongjoong sank to the floor and kneeled on the ground bowing deeply toward the omega. “I’m sorry, this is my fault, my responsibility and I should have been more careful.”

Jongho blinked in surprise. Of all the things that Hongjoong could have said or done, this was not anything that he could have predicted. “Please stand up,” Jongho said, looking around to see if any other member was nearby. He leaned down and grabbed Hongjoong’s arm, trying to lift him off the ground. 

“I’m so sorry,” Hongjoong apologized, but he knew that the words were insufficient. Jongho was the one whose body would experience the stress of carrying a pregnancy, he was the one who would have to suffer through labor pains and giving birth. Jongho was the one who was now forced to have the “X” scar on his neck and be without a pack. ‘Sorry’ wasn’t enough. 

Jongho nodded, “It’s both our responsibilities.”

“We discussed having you stay with us through the remainder of your pregnancy and while you recover. We will be able to keep you safe and protected and provide all the care that you need.”

“Will you allow her to be part of your pack?” Jongho asked. That was the most important thing. He needed to know that his child would be okay, that they would be part of a pack that would accept them regardless of their subgender. 

“She will be welcomed,” Hongjoong said, “But you won’t be part of the pack.”

Jongho nodded in resignation.

“I know that might seem cruel and unkind, but you hurt my pack. You weren’t there to watch as they kept checking their phones for messages from you to see if you had responded. You didn’t hear Wooyoung’s cries at night when he wondered why you had pulled away or the way that San would start suggesting inviting you to the gym before realizing that you weren’t coming. You didn’t see the way that Yeosang kept a space open for you during movie nights as if he was waiting for you to show up like you used to.” 

“You hurt my pack members and I allowed it. As their alpha, I let you get close to my pack and you hurt them. I won’t let that happen again,” Hongjoong said. “I’m empathetic to what you are dealing with, and I promise you I will take responsibility for the pregnancy, for the child, but you will not become part of the pack.”

“I can accept that,” Jongho said as tears started to fall. He hadn’t realized that his pulling away from the pack had hurt the others so deeply. He had taken their care for granted and now he was dealing with the consequences. But he could push all that aside. He had Hongjoong’s guarantees that his child would be safe and cared for and that was his priority. 

But later that day, when Yeosang woke up in the morning and brushed past him with a brief nod of acknowledgement and a quiet, impersonal greeting, Jongho couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt.