Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Evan Buckley is not a little. That’s what everyone thinks and it’s what he tells himself almost every morning when he looks in the mirror. It is the furthest thing from the truth. 

He was classified like everyone else when he turned 18, he knew for sure that he wasn’t a caregiver and hoped he’d be a neutral, but deep down he knew what he’d be. When his parents found out they yelled, they were both neutrals as well as Maddie, as far as he knew there had never been a little in the Buckley family.

“I won’t have this in my house, Evan. Do you hear me? You either get out, or you don’t give into this silly little urges. If you choose the latter and fail I will have no choice but to call Little Services and have them take you away.”

His mothers words ring in his head, he had known his parents didn’t like him and this had been one more thing to add to the ever growing list of reasons why. As soon as he was able to he got out of there. He threw out the letter and swore to himself that he’d never be little, he’d never make himself even more of a burden than he already was.

On his travels, he wound up in Peru, where he worked at a bar saving up long enough to pay a sketchy guy to forge classification documents for him. He made it back to the states new documents in hand and enrolled in the firefighter academy in Los Angeles, graduating at the top of his class, and was assigned to the Station 118 firehouse. He had a bit of a rocky start, he was reckless and naive and his new captain knew it, he fired him and rehired him in the same day once. 

Buck, as he was now known on account of there being too many Evan’s in his academy class, had slept around with women, he didn’t like it, he felt dirty afterwards but it was the only thing that staved off the fuzzy feeling of his impending headspace. After his Captain, Bobby Nash, had rehired him, he warned him that he needed to get his head in the game and work hard.

Buck had taken this advice to heart, he became close with the other members of the 118, mostly his A shift colleagues, Henrietta ‘Hen’ Wilson and Howard ‘Chimney’ Han as well as of course Bobby, whom he saw as a kind of father figure in his life. They were a family, he’d never really had one of those before. He had Maddie of course but he hadn’t really seen her for a while, and he didn’t see Margaret and Phillip Buckley as his family.

 Things were going well, they had a new member Eddie Diaz, who he may have gotten off on the wrong foot but it now seemed as if they’d been team partners for years. Sergeant Athena Grant had been coming around more ever since her and Bobby had started dating which was nice, and recently Maddie had shown up, explaining that she’d finally left her asshole of a husband, Doug.

 He thought about confiding in her about his secret but she already had so much going on and didn’t want to add on to her stress. He hadn’t felt hadn’t felt any urges to be littles in a while and he didn’t even have to have sex which was a huge plus. Everything was going remarkably well, his life was exactly how he wanted it.

He should have known it would all go downhill from here.

Chapter Text

Buck knew those brownies tasted funny, but they were also too good to resist. Now in the middle of a call Eddie, Hen and himself were high, luckily Chimney and Athena were there to actually help those tiny beauty queens and their mothers. Unluckily, Buck was extremely close to dropping. 

He’d never felt so close to his headspace before, he breathed deeply trying not to panic but the rational part of his brain was not really in service at the moment. He complied as Athena had them handcuffed for their own safety, willing the fuzzy feeling to go away. If only it was just pollen.

“What’s goin’ on? I don’t like this.”

Buck’s head snapped up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. He was about to make a cheeky comment about Athena making him cry, but his lapse in concentration caused the fuzzy feeling to envelop him completely. For the first time in his life he was in his little headspace. 

He was confused and disoriented for a second, then he was overwhelmed. He had no idea what to do, he didn’t know how old he was in headspace, and he was high which made him feel all yucky. He sniffled trying to keep the tears at bay.

“Oh Buck, not you too.” Athena sighed.

Buck couldn’t handle it anymore, he burst into tears and crumpled to the floor. Without the use of his hands to balance himself he ended up sprawled on his side, he tried getting up but he couldn’t quite get there, he didn’t know whether it was the headspace or the drugs but it was probably both. He kicked his legs and wailed only stopping when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, he opened his eyes to see Athena kneeled next to him with a soft expression that made Buck’s tummy feel all warm and squirmy.

“It’s okay, Buck. You were dosed with an hallucinogen, Chim thinks it was the brownies since he didn’t eat those and is fine,”

“I no do drugs, Athena.” Buck whined in response causing Athena to chuckle.

“I know you don’t but you were drugged unknowingly. Let’s get you up and in my squad car with the others.”

Buck allowed both Athena and Chimney to help him to his feet and lead him to the squad car and get him situated in the back with Hen and Eddie. Athena tells them that she’s taking them back to the firehouse, which Buck is glad to hear, he wonders if Bobby had made lasagna for dinner like he promised, he loved whatever Bobby cooked but he especially liked his lasagna.

He notices that Eddie is no longer in tears which is also good because he thinks if Eddie were to cry it would probably set him off again. He looks out the window, but can’t see properly because he can’t lean forward due to of the handcuffs and seat belt, he huffs and twists around trying to undo his seatbelt so he can look.

“Sit still please, Buck.”

Buck whines at Athena’s gentle reprimand. He just wants to look out the window, he tries lifting himself up slightly to get a better view, which only gets him another scolding from Athena.

“Keep your bottom on the seat please, Buck.”

Buck makes eye contact with Athena in the rear view mirror and pouts looking away. He watches as Eddie and Hen talk, they seem to be coming down from their highs, he thinks he might be too, but he’s still in his headspace which makes him frustrated.

“Oh! Um, Athena, I think we have a problem back here.” Hen announces, Buck tilts his head to the side unsure of what Hen is talking about, he sees Eddie’s eyes widen, he doesn’t know what that’s about , he’s too busy trying to work out what Hen is on referring to.

“What problem?” Athena asks, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Well, um it would seem that Buck has had a bit of an accident… his pants are wet.”

Buck immediately looked down at his lap and saw that his pants were indeed wet and smelled strongly of urine, and even worse he was still going. He tried clenching his muscles doing his best to stop the flow, but it was no use. He burst into tears as his bladder fully emptied right there in Athena’s squad car.

“M’sorry, ‘Thena. Bad Buck.” He cried as he squirmed in his seat trying to shy away from Hen and Eddie’s gazes, and before he can stop himself, “I want Bobby!”

Athena took a deep breath before answering, “You have no reason to be sorry, Buckaroo. It was an accident and things can be cleaned. We’re almost at the station, Bobby is waiting for us there, okay?”

Buck nodded still crying but beginning to calm himself down. 

Athena caught Hen’s eye in the rear view mirror, they both wore the same concerned expression. Athena realised that she didn’t know Buck’s classification, always assuming that he was a neutral, as she had never asked.

She mouths the words, ‘What’s his Classification?’ To her friend.

Hen mouthed back, ‘Neutral, but now I’m not so sure.’ She paused and gave a small shrug, ‘This is not from the drugs.’ She gestured with her head towards Buck, who had somehow gotten his shirt collar in his mouth and was chewing on it.

Athena’s brows furrowed, trying to focus on the road and not the man in the back that she knew her boyfriend saw as a son, and who had wormed his way into her heart too. 

It wasn’t long before they were pulling up at the firehouse, Athena got out, helping Hen and Eddie out from the backseat and removing their handcuffs, before moving to the other side to get Buck. He shyly let Athena help him out the whole time averting his gaze, once his hands were free from the handcuffs he positioned them over his lap trying to cover up the dark stain that had formed there.

“Bobby, now?” He asked Athena, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. The older woman tapped his lip freeing his lip from any damage that the man would most likely do, as she did not need a hurt, regressed Buck.

“Let’s get you cleaned up first, baby.” The pet name slipping out without her realising. Buck whined, he wasn’t a baby, he was a very big boy and he wanted Bobby. He stamped his feet unhappily, tears welling up in his eyes. “Or,” Athena amended, “We can find Bobby and he can help, is that better?”

Buck nodded quickly, he was desperate to see Bobby. He shuffled closer to Athena, slipping one of his hands into hers. She ignored the fact that it was slightly wet, giving it a little squeeze and led the younger man along to find her boyfriend. After they dealt with this situation, a certain little boy had a lot to answer to. She catalogued in her head what they were going to need because there was no way her and Bobby weren’t taking him home with them tonight.

Chapter Text

As Buck entered the station with Athena he immediately began looking around to find Bobby. He spotted him chatting with Hen and Eddie, probably checking in on how they were doing, and most likely putting them both on light duty for the rest of the day. He watched as the older man patted them both on the back sending them on their way, before turning around to face Buck and Athena. Feeling very shy all of a sudden Buck tries his best to hide behind Athena, he sees Bobby’s face soften a fraction as he slowly approaches.

“Hiya Bobby,” he whispers peaking at the captain from under his eyelashes.

“Hi Buck,” the older man smiles warmly, “I heard that you have had a hectic shift, huh?”

Buck nods staring down at his feet as he shuffles them a bit, still hiding, poorly, behind the police sergeant.

“Buck has had a shift indeed,” Athena says, stepping aside so that her boyfriend can see the current state of Buck’s trousers. Bobby raises an eyebrow but very quickly schools his expression, making eye contact with Athena, trying to get a sense of the situation that he currently finds himself in.

“I see, well let’s go to your locker and get you some clean clothes, okay bud?”

Buck nods slowly, reaching out his hand for Bobby to take, watching the older man with wide eyes, Bobby takes it, giving it a gentle squeeze. Buck shuffles closer to his captain, wanting more physical contact with the older man. Athena goes to drop Buck’s other hand so he can go with Bobby to get changed, but Buck whines loud and high in his throat and holds onto her hand tighter, she notices the slight wobble in his bottom lip and immediately grabs hold of his hand properly again.

“Okay, it’s okay, Buck, we’ll both come with you, if you would like.”

Buck nods seriously and allows himself to be guided to the change room and his locker. It takes Buck a little longer to get it open, his fine motor skills are not the best when he’s in his headspace as it would seem. When he does get it open he grabs his extra pair of boxers and his sweatpants. He drops them on the bench, slipping his hands back into, Athena and Bobby’s, having had to let go to get his things. Buck leads them over to the bench opposite where he put his clean clothes, gesturing for them to sit and waiting a moment to make sure they stay. He nods resolutely before toddling back over to his clothes.

Bobby and Athena share a look, they are both certain that they know what’s going on here, both of them waiting for an opportune time to present itself so that they can talk with about it. They watch Buck struggle with his belt, Bobby leans closer to Athena whispering in her ear, “His files say he’s a neutral, but this,” he says gesturing discreetly towards the younger man, “Is not neutral behaviour, and it’s not whatever they were dosed with either.”

Athena nods, “Do you think he’s been surviving on his own this whole time?”

“Knowing Buck, I wouldn’t put it past him,” Bobby says, reaching out to undo Buck’s belt buckle for him, which gets him a pout in return. “If he’s a little it would definitely explain a few things, that kid as way too much energy and childlike wonder. I just wish I’d noticed sooner.” He sighs settling back on the bench beside his girlfriend.

Athena puts her hand on his thigh, nodding sadly. Their attention is captured by a distressed whine from the young firefighter, who is trying to undo the buttons on his trousers and growing extremely frustrated by his lack of fine motor skills. Athena kneels in front of him. “Buck, sweetheart? Can you let me help you?”

Buck whines but nods, desperately wanting to get out of his icky trousers and into his soft clean, sweatpants. Once Athena as undone the buttons, he strips his trousers and boxers off, accepting the wipes handed to him by Bobby, quickly wiping himself down, before sitting on the bench and carefully pulling his boxers and sweatpants on. He smiles triumphantly and neither, Bobby or Athena have the heart to tell him that they’re on backwards. 

“Can you come here, sweetheart?” Athena beckoned him over. Buck toddles over sitting on the bench between Athena and Bobby, fidgeting with his fingers. “Sweetheart, can you please get into your big headspace for us? Only for a moment, we don’t want little Buck telling us anything that big Buck doesn’t want us to know.”

“Don’t know how be big…” He whispered.

Bobby rubbed his back. “Concentrate on things only big you does. Like firefighting, working out, things like that, okay?”

Buck nods closing his eyes, breathing deeply and focusing on the adult things in his life. He slowly opens his eyes, blushing softly knowing that his biggest secret was out in the open. “I’m big now. I don’t know how long I can hold off my headspace for though.”

“Buck, you’re a little.” Bobby stated slowly. The young firefighter nodded, unable to meet either of their gazes. “We’re not mad, bud. We just want to help you. I’m guessing the documents that I have sitting in my office right now are forgeries. Why did you lie to us, Buck?”

“I’ve never been small before,” He notices the way that both of their eyes open wide, “I know it’s bad and detrimental to my health, I just wasn’t allowed. I don’t think I have to tell you how awful my parents are.” He sighs leaning against Bobby more.

“Kiddo, you’ve gone all these years never being little? I mean, how?” Bobby asks gently.

“Buck 1.0 took care of that pretty easily.” He whispers staring down at his boots.

“Aww, baby,” Athena whispers.

“I can’t stay big if you call me ‘baby,’ Athena,” Buck says, a hint of a whine creeping into his tone. Athena apologises giving him a moment to breathe. Bobby exhales slowly.

“Buck, you know we have to call Little Services, right? We need to get you help, bud.”

Buck tenses beside him. “No, Bobby, please,” He begs, “Don’t let them take me, I don’t want to go to a home for littles.”

“Woah, hold on,” Athena interjects, “Who said anything about you being sent to a home?”

Buck whimpers, “My parents always said that if I was little or caused trouble they’d call to get me taken away. That’s what Little Services do.”

Bobby and Athena make eye contact, both of them promising that if they ever had the misfortune of meeting, Margaret and Phillip Buckley, that they would have a lot to answer to. Athena spoke softly. “Buck, that’s not all Little Services do. If it was the only option at the time, then sure maybe, but they also make sure that you’re safe, and if you don’t feel safe in a home like that, they wouldn’t send you to one.

“There are emergency foster caregivers, who are registered and properly vetted by the authorities, to make sure that they are able to look after littles. Now, Bobby and I are both registered, we have been for a while, when we call them, we would request that we take you home with us as an emergency placement.”

Buck looks at them both with wide eyes, “They won’t take me away? I can stay with you? Do I get to keep being a firefighter?” He asks in rapid succession. Bobby speaks up.

“We won’t let them take you away, Buck. Not now, not ever. We have a room for a little set up in our house, we’ve been wanting to foster for a while but never found one that felt right. You feel right, Buck. We want to have you stay with us. And you will be allowed to stay a firefighter as long as you spend the recommended amount of hours in your headspace, and if you have a caregiver on the job with you, which luckily enough, you have me.”

Buck’s eyes welled up with tears, he looked back and forth between them. “Really?”

“Really.” They both confirm. Buck hugs them both tight, only pulling away when he notices that his pants feel weird. He looks down flushing red as he realises that they are on backwards, he’s embarrassed to think about how proud little Buck had felt about his accomplishment. He hastily stands up and rights them, before sitting back down and hiding his face in Athena’s shoulder, decidedly not as big as he was a minute ago.

“Buck, you have to promise to allow us to take care of you the way we see fit. We won’t make you do anything that you don’t want, unless it’s important to your health and safety.” Bobby tells him, Buck nods. “I need a verbal answer bud.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“Good boy,” Bobby says. Buck whines loudly, feeling even smaller than before.

Athena steps out to make the call. Buck hides his face in Bobby’s shoulder. Maybe this might work out after all.

Chapter Text

This will not work at all. First, Anna Grayson, his case worker, gave him a dressing down for keeping his classification a secret from everyone. He certainly didn’t cry at that, nope, not at all. Then she asked him some questions, and performed an assessment of his headspace, and told him that his little age is between 18 months and 4 years. That’s a baby, and he's not a baby. Sure, he went pee in his pants earlier, and he couldn’t tell he even had to go, but he is a big boy. He whines when he tells them all this and he sees Bobby and Athena coo at him, Anna was nice though, even if she gave him a lecture, she said he won’t be in trouble with the law for forging documents because he was was scared of what would happen to him, which she said she could understand. 

What was not very nice though, was when she told Bobby and Athena that it would probably be best if he wore protection when little and even sometimes when he’s big! He’s never needed anything before, which he tells her, but she explains that now he’s let himself be little, his body may sometimes not get the memo that he’s big. He stomps his foot, wanting to throw a tantrum, but Bobby just lifts him onto his hip, stupid Bobby and his caregiver and firefighter strength, it doesn’t assuage him from hiding his face in the crook of the man’s neck though. Bobby presses a quick kiss to his cheek and bounces him softly, which makes his tummy all happy.

Athena signs some important documents or something, Buck isn’t sure what it’s for, but he does know that it’s boring. His thoughts are rudely interrupted when he is passed to the police sergeant, leaving Bobby’s hands free so he could sign the stupid paper. Buck knew he didn’t like the documents, he just wanted both Bobby and Athena’s attention. He knew he was getting whiny, but today had been a big day and he doesn’t have great control of his emotions right now.

“Ssshhhh,” Athena soothes rubbing comforting circles on his back, “I think a certain little boy needs a nap when we get home.” 

That was too much for Buck to handle right now, and burst into, what can only be described as overtired tears, while complaining that he does not need a nap, those are for babies. He tearfully waved goodbye to Anna, he was upset but that doesn’t mean he’d forgotten his manners. Anna had given them a car seat, which made him even more sad, he was a big boy not a baby! Athena cooed as she settled him into it, telling him that she knows, that he knows, young littles must be in a little car seat to travel. And yes, he knew the law, but that doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it.

Bobby hops into the drivers seat and Buck expects Athena to get in the passenger seat, but she waves to him through the window and walks away to her squad car. His confusion must be evident on his face because Bobby assures him that she will meet them at the house.

“Athena’s just going to get you some little clothes, as well as, pull ups and diapers in your size. I bet she might even get you a surprise.”

Buck would have protested the pull ups and diapers, but, a surprise? For him? He likes surprises! Well, he likes surprises sometimes, other times surprises make him nervous and overwhelmed, especially if they’re going to throw off his routine, he needs notice for that kind of thing. A surprise from the store though? That’s something he could get behind.

Buck was still a bit sniffly, but was slowly calming down, he rubs his eyes with his fists. He fought hard to keep his eyes open, determined to prove that he didn’t need a nap. He distracts himself part of the way home by trying to undo the seatbelt on his car seat with no success. Buck slumps back in defeat.

Bobby checks on the younger man in the rear view mirror, Buck has his arms crossed over his chest, his lips forming a definite pout, all the while he snuffles softly in his sleep. He drives the rest of the way home in silence, admiring the little boy in the back. Pulling into the driveway, he parks the car and gets out. He closes his door quietly, not wanting to disturb Buck, he pulls out his phone checking his messages and seeing he has some from Athena. She has sent him pictures of cute little clothes, and different kinds of protection with cute designs or cartoon characters on them, clearly hoping that they will be enough to persuade Buck to not put up much of a fight about needing them. 

Opening Buck’s door he quickly snaps a picture of the little guy passed out in his seat, immediately sending it to Athena.

Bobby: He’s grumpy about napping even while napping.

He pockets his phone after sending that text, and carefully extracts the sleeping Buck from the car and gently carries him inside. He lays him down on the couch, covering him with a throw blanket and softly kissing his birthmark. Buck shifts in his sleep slipping his thumb into his mouth, suckling it slowly. Bobby dashes into the little nursery grabbing a pacifier with a little otter on the front and replaces Buck’s thumb with it, he freezes when Buck stirs, and then exhales quietly when he quickly settles back down again.

He settles himself down on the recliner, grabbing his phone and putting it on silent. He researches some healthy, but tasty recipes for littles, saving a few for later, when he gets a text from Athena.

Athena: ‘No nap’ my ass. Did you get him inside okay?

Bobby snaps a photo of Buck fast asleep on the couch sending it off to his girlfriend.

Athena: Oh my goodness, he is too cute! 

Athena: And the otter pacifier? Definitely gives me an idea for his surprise. Be home soon xo.

Bobby: We are going to spoil this kid.

Athena: You say that as if it’s a bad thing.

He sets his phone down on the coffee table in front of him, and shakes his head with a fond smile. They are going to spoil Buck, but he deserves it. He deserves to feel cherished and loved, and himself and Athena will stop and at nothing to make sure he gets it. For now he sits back and watches the steady rise and fall of the little’s chest, grateful that he his in a position to be able to take care of his young firefighter.

Chapter Text

Buck’s eyes fluttered open as he stretched out on the couch. The couch? When did he get here? He remembers being in the car, he must of fallen asleep. He blushes and whines, he had been so set on the fact that he didn’t need a nap but had fallen asleep before he even got to Bobby and Athena’s house. He reaches up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, when he realises that both of his hands are free. So, whats in his mouth then? He uses his tongue to feel around the object in his mouth, his eyes widen slightly, having a pretty good idea of what it could be. He grabs it out of his mouth and he is mortified to find that he had been sucking on a pacifier. He drops it onto the floor like he’d been burned, and leaned over the edge of the couch to look at the offending object. 

Buck’s brows furrow as he takes in the little cartoon otter on the front of the pacifier, he likes otters, and it does look kind of sad and lonely on the floor. It probably didn’t like being dropped, and he had to admit, it did feel soothing to suck on, it made his brain nice and quiet. He gently picks it up from the floor and he’s about to put it back in his mouth, when it is taken off of him by Athena.

“Ah, ah, Buck. It was on the floor, baby. That’s yucky, it’s got germs on it now.”

Buck’s eyes fill with tears, did he ruin the pacifier? His first ever pacifier and he’d wrecked it, and it was so nice too. He didn’t deserve that little otter, it deserves a better little.

“Hey, what are these tears for, huh?” Athena asks stroking his cheek. 

“Bad Buck, broked it.” Buck laments. Athena can’t help but coo at the little boy in front of her.

“No, sweetheart. Not bad Buck, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not broken, just dirty, sweetheart. Do you want to come with me to rinse it off? You can have it right back after.”

Buck looks up at Athena in awe, “The otter be okay?” He asks, his little voice full of hope.

“The otter will be completely fine, baby.” She soothes reaching out her hand for Buck to take, so that they can rinse the pacifier in the kitchen sink. He takes her hand and toddles beside her into the kitchen, watching as Athena carefully rinses the pacifier under the running water, before turning around and handing it back to him.

He quickly puts it back between his lips, “T’anks, ‘Thena!” He says around the pacifier.

“You are very welcome, baby,” Athena coos running her fingers through his curls, “Shall we go see what Bobby is doing, and find out what I got you from the store?”

Buck nods excitedly, remembering Bobby mention a surprise. He’s not excited about the other stuff because it’s probably for babies, and yes, he does have a paci in his mouth right now, but it’s got a cool otter on it. That makes it very different. He follows Athena into a room right down the hall from where he knows her and Bobby’s bedroom is. Buck’s eyes widen as he takes in the space around him. The room is filled with natural light, the walls are painted a light sage green, the shelves, crib and changing table are made of walnut wood, giving a nice accent to the room.

He spins, trying to see everything, when he comes to a stop in front of Athena and Bobby, he frowns, “Too good for Buck,” he whispers, “Buck bad, tells lies, not good.”

“Sweetheart,” Bobby murmurs reaching out to take Buck’s hand and pulling him to sit on his lap in the rocking chair, “You were scared, you had been told things that were not true, and that’s what made you do those things. You were just trying to protect you.”

Buck leans against the man’s chest, allowing himself to be held and rocked, “Buck no bad?” He asks the two grownups in front of him.

“No, baby.” Athena chimes in kneeling in front of him placing a gentle hand on his knee, “You are not bad. Sure, sometimes you are naughty, but you are never bad. You are a very good boy.”

Buck sobs openly. No one had ever spoken to him so softly, with such calm and gentle words. It’s the bare minimum, but Buck has been alone for so long, dealing with this ginormous secret, afraid that if anyone knew, his world would come crashing down around him. But he sits here with two of the people he trusts the most in the world and he’s fine. Even now as he bawls his eyes out, they don’t scold him or yell at him to be quiet, they just soothe him with loving touches and affectionate words. 

His crying is interrupted by something soft being placed in his lap. He looks down and gasps when he finds that he is now holding a plush toy, and it’s an otter like his paci! He sniffles, bringing it up to his face and rubbing it against his cheek. 

“Do you like your surprise, sweet boy?” Athena asks, smiling at him.

“Love it ‘Thena,” he whispers, staring at the new friend in his arms, “T’anks,” he adds quickly, remembering to use his manners.

“No problem at all, baby,” she says running her fingers through his curls once more.

“Does you your new friend have a name?” Bobby inquires.

Buck looks around at Bobby, thinking very carefully, “I thinks his name is Otto.” He declares seriously, looking between the the caregivers, for reassurance.

“That’s a wonderful name for an otter.”

“It fits him perfectly.”

Buck smiles shyly at the praise, hiding his face in Otto’s fur. He’s going to take the best care of his new friend, he’s definitely at least his second best friend behind Eddie, everyone else is very close afterwards. 

“Before we look at more of your new things, I think it would be a good idea to put some protection on, bud,” Bobby says, carefully broaching the idea.

“Don’t need ‘em, Bobby. I promise.” Buck whines, as he fusses in the older man’s lap.

“How about we make a deal? Athena asks, “If you can go the rest of the day without accidents, you don’t need any protection, but if you do have an accident you have to wear a pull-up. If you keep having accidents in your pull-ups, you have to try out the diapers, and you have to wear a diaper to bed, there will be no compromise on that. How does that sound?”

Buck mulls it over in his head, he doesn’t want any protection, but he guesses that a diaper to bed is better than waking up in the middle of the night with wet sheets. Not that he thinks that is going to happen, as he has previously stated he is a big boy, but just in case. Maybe if he keeps those dry too, he won’t have to wear them, he really hopes him going potty in his pants was just whatever was in the brownies. He peaks out from behind Otto, and nods before shoving his face back in his fur. Athena holds out her hand and he shakes it, cementing their deal. 

Now that that’s out of the way, he really wants to see what Athena got for him at the store. Athena sits on the floor with the bags on the ground beside her, Buck scrambles off of Bobby’s lap and settles in hers, wiggling excitedly. Buck giggles around his pacifier when Bobby groans as he joins them on the floor. 

“We’ll start with the clothes.” Athena announced. She reached into the bag laying out the garments on the floor for Buck and Bobby to see. Buck reaches out feeling the material, it was so soft, much softer than clothes for big people, that was a plus he supposes. He takes stock of the 7 pairs of sweatpants in various colours each with a matching sweatshirt, the T-shirts with different cartoon characters on them and a few corduroy overalls and shortalls. He gasps when he sees that Athena had gotten him a sea otter kigurumi, he spins around to hug Athena, too overwhelmed with gratitude for words. 

She then shows them the pyjamas she bought for him, each of them extremely cozy looking. He pays less attention when they get to the clothes for when he’s in a younger headspace. These consist of different onesies and rompers, some of which do have otters on them so they aren’t that bad, but once again, he’s not a baby. Athena also unpacks the diapers and pull-ups, handing them to Bobby so that he can stock the changing table with them, he scrunches up his nose, even if some of them have cute animals on them.

He’s easily distracted when he is shown some more toys. Athena has gotten him some blocks, cars, a train set, some smaller stuffed animals, and a baby doll that comes with, accessories. Athena then presents him with a stack of books, some he recognises from his own childhood and some newer ones that he can’t help but be excited to read. He squeezes Athena again, reaching out to beckon Bobby into the cuddle session. 

He feels overjoyed by the fact that these people, who for a long time he had seen as pseudo-parents, put this much effort into buying things for him. He knew that he talked about otter facts a lot, he thought that Bobby and Athena as well as everyone else at the station, thought that he was annoying, but they went out of their way to buy him otter themed things. He was very lucky that Bobby just happened to have a pacifier with an otter on it, and that it had given Athena the idea to get him these items. 

For the first time in a while he felt like he wasn’t alone.

Chapter Text

Buck sat on the couch in the living room, playing with his new toys, he was especially attached to his new doll, which he hadn’t put down since he got it. Athena had put on some soft nursery rhymes and he was rocking his doll, and occasionally patting Otto who was sat on the couch cushion beside him. His tummy felt funny, he squirmed a bit, continuing to play. Bobby and Athena were in the kitchen making the lasagna that the fire captain had promised to cook, Buck was excited, he kept looking up to see what was happening, happy that the couple had an open plan living area, ensuring that he could still see them while they were in there, but the purpose of it was probably the other way around. 

Buck squirmed some more, Athena, catching sight of this nudged Bobby with her elbow, he looked up seeing the squirmy little boy on the couch. “Buck, do you think perhaps it might be time to try and go potty?” He called, from his place at the stove.

Buck was taken aback by his choice of words, ‘potty’ was a word for babies. He was deciding whether he should whine about this fact when, oh, he did have to pee quite badly. He got to his feet swiftly and toddled as fast as he could up to Athena, passing her his doll. 

“‘Thena, you look after my baby while I go pee?” He asked doing what could only be described as a potty dance.

“I will, baby. Now hurry up and go.”

Buck didn't need to be told twice, he rushed into the bathroom, shoving down his pants and underwear and quickly planted himself on the toilet. He sighed in relief, that was definitely a close one. He pouted when he noticed a small wet patch on the crotch of his boxers, but that wasn’t a full accident just a little leak, it didn’t count. He finished up his business and righted his clothing, stopping when he heard a knock on the door. 

“Can I come in, kiddo?” It was Bobby.

“Ya.” He replied behind his pacifier. Bobby stepped into the bathroom closing the door fully behind him, which made Buck realise that in his hurry to go pee he hadn’t closed the door properly. He blushed at that thought.

“You gonna wash your hands, bud?”

“Not a baby, Bobby. I do myself.” He asserted. Sure he’d almost forgotten completely, but he would have remembered eventually.

“I didn’t say you were, I’ve just put the the lasagna in the oven and I thought we could wash our hands together.”

Oh, that was fine, if Bobby came to wash his hands after cooking, he didn’t even know that Buck would have completely forgotten. He allowed Bobby to lead him to the sink, soaping up both their hands and rinsing them off, grabbing a hand towel off the railing and drying their hands. As Bobby put it back, Buck wondered why Bobby didn’t just wash his hands in the kitchen, he probably liked the soap in here better, which in his head was a good enough reason.

He hurries back out to the kitchen, retrieving his baby from Athena, giving his thanks with a quick hug. He settled back into the living room, giving Otto a cuddle as way of apology for leaving him alone. Buck situates his doll in his lap, he had decided that looking after the doll was the most grown up thing he could do out of all his new things. He had to be responsible for it, which made him a big boy, and he took that fact very seriously. Buck didn’t have a name for the doll yet, it was a boy doll with sepia coloured skin, rich brown eyes and a head of short dark curls. He wanted to make sure that he had a good name for the baby, he decided he would have to sleep on it and come back to it tomorrow. 

The sun began setting and dinner was almost ready, he changed the doll into it’s pyjamas, bringing it to the crib in the nursery and tucking him in. If the doll was in the crib then he wouldn’t have to use it, he planted a kiss on the baby’s forehead, frankly because he was responsible, not because he was becoming attached. He turned of the light, walking towards the kitchen to find the table set and the lasagna sitting in the middle of it.

“You’re just in time, bud. The table is all set we just need to wash our hands and then we’ll be ready to dig in.” Bobby says smiling at him.

Once they’ve all cleaned their hands and are seated at the table, Bobby begins dishing out the food for the three of them. Buck scrunches up his nose when vegetables are put on his plate but knows not to complain, he didn’t notice Athena getting up but she is now stood beside him placing a sippy cup next to his plate.

“Don’t need that.” He states firmly, pointing to the cup.

“Just try for me, baby.” Athena says, taking Buck’s pacifier out of his mouth, so he can eat.

“Want a glass,” He whines, “Please?” He tacks onto the end.

“Buck, listen to Athena, please.” Bobby says from where he is now seated at the table.

Buck is frustrated, he’d used his manners and they still wouldn’t get him a glass. He pouts, turning his attention to his dinner, he mixes the vegetables into the lasagna, so that he can’t taste them. He is glad that they hadn’t given him a fork for babies, that would be too much. He eats his meal, listening as Athena and Bobby talk about something boring, he finishes his food, setting his fork down on his plate.

“Done,” He states, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. “I’m thirsty.”

“Your waters in the cup, bud.” Athena says.

“I’m not drinking out of that.” Buck grumbles.

He’s angry, he’s not a little kid, they never treated him like this before. He gets more and more mad, his head full of angry thoughts, when he realises he’s not small anymore. It must be obvious to the others because Bobby speaks up.

“Buck?” He asks tentatively, “Are you okay.”

“I’m fine, I just don’t want to drink out of that thing.” He responds, pushing the cup away from him, and standing up to get himself a glass. He stalks into the kitchen opening up the cupboard, grabbing out a glass, and slamming it closed with more force than was necessary.

“You may be frustrated, but that doesn’t mean you are allowed to disrespect this house.” Athena states, watching him from the table.

Buck’s skin felt too tight, the lights were too loud, his breathing became ragged. The air felt wrong, he felt wrong. He was hyper aware of everything going on around him, the clink of cutlery against plates, the way the tag of his shirt brushed against the back of his neck. All of it was too much and he snapped.

“Stop treating me like I’m a fucking baby.” He raises his voice, downing the water that he’d filled his glass with, and placing it not so gently on the counter.

Athena sighs, “Buck—”

“No, I get that I’m a little, but I’ve spent years suppressing this part of myself, you can’t just expect me to go along like this is all completely normal,” He runs a ruff hand through his hair, “I’m done here, thanks for the food and the stuff, but I’m going home.” He knows deep down that he’s not angry at them for treating him this way, he’s mad about how much he liked and needed it. Buck felt dumb, he shouldn’t need this help, he’d been fine for years on his own. The way Bobby helped him with washing his hands, it wasn’t because he wanted them to do it together, it was because he didn’t trust Buck to be able to do it himself. The worst part was that Bobby was right. 

He heads to door, surprised when neither of them stop him. “You’re fine with this?”

Bobby stands slowly, “We can’t stop you, Buck,” he says, “You may be a little, but you are an adult, with an adult headspace. We aren’t going to infantilise you when you’re in this state of mind, that’s not fair to you. You’re a smart man, and as much as I don’t like it, you know how to stave off your headspace if you have to.

“We trust you to make decisions that are best for you, we trust that if you feel like you can’t fight off your little side that you will call us and we will come get you. So, if what you think is best right now is for you to go home to your loft, then we won’t stand in your way. You are a capable person, a firefighter, and your own person. You are an adult, and have free will, even as a little you have free will, if we ever overstep, let us know, we won’t be mad. We’ll take a breath, step back and assess the situation to find what is right for you.”

“Really? I have a say?” 

“In this house, Buck, you will always have a say.” Athena smiles sadly at him, “Next time, tell us that it’s making you uncomfortable and we’ll find a way to help. It’s hard to tell if you’re just being your regular stubborn self or if something is actually bothering you. For example, we could have compromised by giving you a plastic cup or even a mug instead of a sippy or glass.”

Buck stands there wide eyed. He had always thought that being a little meant that he didn’t have rights, and now knowing that he did have them, was a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders. It was also comforting to know that when he’s in an grown up headspace they still see him as an adult, which he of course is, but he was frightened that he’d be seen differently now that they knew.

“Oh.” He breathes out, looking between the caregivers.

“How about this for a plan?” Bobby proposes, “This Friday, you will come here and stay for the weekend. It’s the perfect time since we all have time off then, and you can be prepared for being little.”

Buck nods, he can do that, he can take it slow. They work out the logistics, and Bobby insists on paying for an uber so that Buck can get his car from the station. Buck gives them an awkward wave goodbye, grabs his bag and hops in the uber. He can only hope that this weekend won’t be a total disaster.

Chapter Text

The rest of the week goes way too fast in Buck’s opinion. Ever since that night at Bobby and Athena’s house he’d felt on edge, he was quieter than usual, only speaking when necessary. He could tell that everyone knew something was up, Eddie and Chim seemed to think that he was embarrassed about what had happened when they’d been dosed with what they now know was LSD. Hen, on the other hand, was definitely on to him, he would catch her studying him, she was smart and that honestly scared Buck. 

Halfway through their shift, Eddie approaches him asking if he wants to hang out at his house with Christopher, sometime on the weekend.

“It’s been a while, and Chris misses you, man. He keeps asking when you’re coming over next.” 

“I can’t this weekend, I’m busy. Sorry, Eddie.” He sighs, hating the thought of letting down Chris.

“You’ve been busy almost all week, what’s going on?” Eddie enquires, not for the first time since the incident. “Is it about what happened on shift the other day? I mean, I don’t judge you, you were high, those things happen.”

“I’m just busy, okay? It’s quite frankly none of your business, I would appreciate it if you would just stay out of it.” Buck snaps, turning away briskly and walking to his bunk. Once he gets there he face plants into his pillow, definitely not sulking. He turns his head to the side and watches as Eddie climbs the stairs to the loft, and engages Bobby in what looked to be a hushed conversation. Both of them look to him once they’ve finished speaking, Buck buries his face back into the pillow with a groan, because of course Eddie tattled about his shitty attitude to Bobby.

He startles slightly when a hand lands gently on his shoulder, he turns to see Bobby standing next to his bunk looking down at him. He whines a little bit, he had quite honestly been avoiding the man ever since he left his house a few days earlier. Buck is very much not in the mood for a lecture and shrugs Bobby’s hand off of his shoulder with a huff.

“I know, I shouldn’t have snapped at him,” Buck acknowledges, his voice muffled from the way he’d turned his face back into his pillow, “I’m just stressed and he was asking so many questions that I didn’t know how to answer. I’m not ready to tell the whole world about my classification, I panicked when he brought up what happened in the squad car. I’ll apologise for it later.”

“That’s good to hear, Buck. I know you’re stressed about tonight, but that does not give you an excuse to be snippy with anyone in this firehouse.” Bobby says.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude, I’m just so overwhelmed. Last night I spent hours packing a bag for this weekend, I didn’t know what to expect and so I didn’t know what I’d need to bring. I overthought everything and ended up spiralling until 2am this morning and even after that my brain wouldn’t shut off.” Buck blushes before saying, “I even felt guilty that I’d left Otto all alone on the couch and he’d be lonely, which is stupid because he’s not real and doesn’t have feelings.”

Bobby sighed, moving his hand to slowly rub Buck’s back. “I’m sorry about that, bud. We should have given you a list so you were prepared, I’m sure if you’ve forgotten anything we will have it at our house. Next time, we’ll communicate about it with you better. Remember that you can always call or send a text if you need to know anything. As for Otto, he’s tucked into bed with your baby doll, so, he hasn’t been alone. And, it’s not stupid, you’ve got a big heart, Buck. It’s only natural that it would extend to your stuffed animal, in and out of your headspace.”

Buck melted a little a under the captain’s touch and words. He hadn’t even thought to call and ask what to bring with him, it was such a simple solution that he had overlooked completely. But, Bobby’s reassurance that if he had to, they would facilitate that for him settles his mind. It was only occurring to him now that maybe they really did care. Not just out of obligation, but because they cared for him as a whole. That was a huge revelation to be having in the middle of his shift, and he did his best to choke back the whimper that escaped the back of his throat. 

“Why don’t you go apologise to Eddie and then we can pack up for the end of shift, huh?” Bobby prompted him gently. Buck exits the bunks and shuffles over to Eddie, apologising for his prior behaviour. 

“Nah, it’s all good, man. You’re right it’s none of my business,” Eddie says, waving it off, “I’m here if you ever need to talk and just text me when you are available to come over. No big deal.”

Buck nods, scurrying off to restock the truck and get everything ready for the next people on shift. He grabbed his bag from his locker and followed Bobby out to his car. The drive was full of silence, every now and then the older man would try to make conversation, but Buck was not in the mood for banter. He mulled over in his head all the ways this weekend could possibly go, mostly he thought about the ways it could go wrong, and there were far too many for comfort. He knew that he wasn’t an easy kid, his parents had told him as much his entire life, they made sure he never forgot it. Athena and Bobby were bound to tire of him eventually, it was only a matter of time. 

They pulled up out the front of the house, Buck unbuckled his seatbelt, but didn’t make any moves to get out just yet. Bobby seemed to understand, he turned the radio on, lowering the volume so that it was a quiet whisper in the background, and waited until Buck was ready. Because for this to work, Bobby needed him to make the first move. Buck closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to centre himself, and reached for the car door. He stepped out, grabbed his bag and shut the door, watching as Bobby did the same. He followed the older man up the path to the porch, once again allowing Buck a moment to breathe, before unlocking and opening the front door.

There was often something naturally calming about the Grant-Nash residence, and today was no different. Stepping inside, he’s enveloped by the space’s calming atmosphere that makes the weight in his chest just a tad bit lighter. He drops his bag on the ground, next to where Bobby has deposited his own. Athena emerges from her and Bobby’s bedroom, having arrived home before them and gotten changed out of her uniform already. She kisses Bobby and brings Buck into a warm embrace, which makes the younger man melt a little inside.

“Hey, baby.” She says softly, pulling back to get a good look at him.

“Hi, Athena.” He mumbles back, fidgeting anxiously with the hem of his shirt.

“We’ve both showered at the station, so we just need to get changed and then we will be ready to start,” Bobby states, “Buck, are you happy to go with Athena and get changed, while I get dressed in my room?”

Buck nods, picking his bag back up and following Athena into the little nursery. She gives him the option to wear either his little clothes or his big clothes, whichever makes him more comfortable. He decides on some of his new clothes for when he’s little, since they would probably make it easier for him to regress than his regular ones. He picks a lilac purple sweat set and a pair of socks with little otters on them, they must be knew because they were not here last time. What else is knew is the underwear that Athena hands him, they are slightly thicker and feel different to his regular underwear. Realising that they are training pants, he hands them back shaking his head. “No, thank you. Maybe later on, but right now when I’m still big, it makes me uncomfortable.”

“Okay, thank you for telling me, sweetheart.” She smiles, folding them up and placing them back in the drawer she’d gotten them from. 

Buck was stunned. His boundaries weren’t challenged or crossed, he was listened to and Athena had acted accordingly. He shook his head a little as Athena left the room for him to get changed. He quickly peels off his work clothes, replacing them with the soft material of his little ones, he hides his hands in the sleeves and hugs himself, rocking slightly on his heels. Now that he’s alone, he notices that the crib had been converted into something, like a toddler bed. He sits down on it, testing out the mattress, in awe of the fact that Bobby and Athena had thought to get a bed that converts, and after their conversation earlier in the week, had changed it from a crib into a bed for older littles. 

He grabs Otto, who was where Bobby had said he’d be, tucked under the blankets with his baby that is still nameless. He picks him up gently, brushing back the dolls curls with his fingers, staring into his eyes, trying to get a sense of his name. After a moment, he finds a name that speaks to him, Henry. He likes the name and wiggles a on the bed, happy that he’d been able to find a name that encapsulates the personality that he sees this doll as having. He notes that he feels slightly smaller, maybe Bobby was right, this weekend might not be a total disaster. He might as well enjoy it while it lasts, and while Bobby and Athena aren’t sick of him yet.

Chapter Text

Buck exits the nursery, Otto and Henry, securely held in his arms. He shuffles along the wooden floorboards, out into the living room, where Bobby and Athena now sit together on the couch. He stands awkwardly next to where they are sitting, looking down at his socked feet and deciding to settle down next to them, leaving some distance between them. 

“Before we begin, do you remember the rule from last time about having accident?” Athena asks, placing her hand on his knee, and squeezing it to reassure him. He nods slowly, blushing as he thinks back to the conversation that they had earlier in the week. “Those still stand, but, would it be okay if we added that if you leak a tiny bit in your underwear you wear the training pants just to be safe?”

Buck’s cheeks take on a light pink hue. He doesn’t want to be a bother, so he nods not wanting to cause trouble. He’s about to slip his thumb into his mouth when Bobby offers him the otter pacifier, which he takes shyly, popping it between his lips. At least with it occupying his mouth he doesn’t feel any pressure to speak. He buries his face in Otto’s fur, sucking softly on his pacifier, peeking out to look at the two caregivers beside him.

“Do we have a shy little boy on our hands?” Bobby asks, a teasing but warm smile on his face. Buck whines in response, he’s shy but Bobby doesn’t have to point it out. He would whine some more about it but Bobby scoops him into his lap and gently digs his fingers into Buck’s sides, sending him into peels of laughter. 

“No! Not shy, Bobby!” Buck squeals, almost losing his pacifier for a moment. Bobby lets him squirm for a minute, before relinquishing him and rubbing his back as Buck catches his breath. 

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Bobby says, planting a kiss in his curls, “Would you like to introduce us to your baby? We haven’t formally met yet.”

Buck giggles, Bobby is so silly. He holds up the doll, “Henry.” He states showing him off to Bobby and Athena.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Henry. I’m Bobby and this is my partner Athena.” Bobby smiles, shaking Henry’s hand with mock seriousness, gesturing for Athena to follow suit.

“It’s a pleasure, Henry.” She says in the same tone as Bobby, shaking the dolls hand, sending Buck off into more giggles. He hugs Henry to his chest, he feels quite small, it’s a slightly nicer feeling than last time, but that was possibly because he had drugs in his system at that point. It’s still a strange sensation, to have his thoughts slow down and get jumbled around in his head. 

He settles back down, feeling slightly embarrassed by how childish he is acting, but it’s not like he can help it. His stupid brain is releasing hormones that make him feel young. Buck didn’t believe in a God, but when he was younger, probably not long after he was classified, he used to pray to somebody that he could be anything but a little. It wasn’t fair. His parents already didn’t like him for reasons he doesn’t know if he’ll ever understand, and then he had to go and be a little to top it all off. 

He’s not feeling giggly anymore, quite the opposite actually. Buck knows that Athena and Bobby will leave him eventually, everyone always does, and it sucks because if he was going to be comfortable being anyone’s little, it would be there’s. But this was only temporary, an emergency placement. They didn’t want him forever, just until they found another place to ship him off too. Why did Bobby and Athena have to be so nice? They were just making it so much harder for when he had to go. Hopefully they’ll let him keep his new things. Buck doesn’t realise that he’s crying until Bobby holds him tighter, and Athena gently wipes the tears from his cheeks with her thumb. 

“What’s the matter, baby?” Athena asks, her voice so gentle that it just makes Buck want to cry more. He sucks harder on his pacifier and shakes his head, not wanting to talk about it. 

“You can tell us, kiddo. We want to help.” Bobby whispers, as he starts rocking him back and forth slightly. But still Buck just shakes his head, unable to speak with the amount of emotions swirling around in his head. He just sits there on Bobby’s lap and cries as quietly as he possibly can. Buck’s pacifier fell from his mouth, his sobs growing slightly in volume without it. Athena catches it, popping it back in his mouth and stroking his curls as she makes shushing noises. After some time, Buck’s cries quieten further to a few sniffles. He fidgets awkwardly, not knowing what to do with himself. 

“Do you want to stop?” Bobby asks quietly. Buck looks at the man, does he want to? He isn’t sure. On the one hand, he hates feeling weak and like a burden on Bobby and Athena. But on the other hand, he would rather experience care from them even for a little bit, before they finally realised he was too much work. He sucked thoughtfully on his pacifier, clutching Henry and Otto to his chest, giving a small shake of his head.

He hadn’t realised that Athena had left until she walked back in the room, holding some of the toys for when he’s little. She lays them out on the floor and steps back, giving Buck space to choose what he wants to do. He stares at the options for a moment, weighing up in his mind which one he’d rather play with. He sits Henry and Otto on the couch and slides off Bobby’s lap onto the floor, and scoots closer to the pile of toys, tentatively grabbing one of the cars and moves it across the floor. He likes the sound of the tires on the wood below, he runs it back and forth, eventually lying on his tummy so he can be closer to the nice noise. He occasionally looks up to see what the caregivers are doing, and is happy to see that they’re talking to each other and not paying too much attention to him. He’s not quite ready to be cooed over just yet.

He has started making car noises around his pacifier as he plays, but he falls silent when he feels a wetness growing underneath him. He freezes, eyes wide, trying to figure out what to do, it isn’t until Bobby and Athena are asking if he’s okay, that he realises he’s shaking. 

“Bud, What happened?” Bobby asks, with a worried tone of voice. Buck, for a brief moment, feels guilty for causing Bobby any concern. That thought doesn’t last long because Athena is knelt beside him, and lifts him up to sit on his bottom, his accident now on display.

“Oh baby, did you have an accident?” These are the words from Athena that makes him break down into sobs. He looks down at himself, there is a dark patch around his crotch and thighs, there’s even a dark spot on his sweatshirt because he was lying on his tummy. He doesn’t know what to do, he’s torn between running and hiding away or, flinging himself into Bobby and Athena’s arms. 

“Buck, buddy, can we go to the nursery and get cleaned up?” Bobby asks gently. Buck nods, still sobbing, but he makes no move to get up from the floor. He’s taken by surprises when the older man reaches under his armpits and lifts him up to settle on his hip. He closes his eyes as he’s carried into the nursery and lain down on the changing table. First, Bobby strips him out of his sweatshirt, wiping his tummy where the urine was, and lays a blanket over Buck’s torso for modesty. He then looks to Buck for permission to remove his sweatpants and boxers, he asks for a verbal answer which Buck gives him along with a nod. He carefully pulls off the soaked pants and underwear, setting them aside and reaches for some wipes. 

Buck tenses, but allows Bobby to clean him up, he hates to admit it but having someone treat him so tenderly, even in such an embarrassing situation, feels really good. His stomach sinks when Bobby pulls out a pull-up from under the changing table. He shakes his head and cries louder, he doesn’t want that.

“I know, buddy. You don’t like it, and you know that both Athena and I want you to be comfortable, but we think that this is best. You remember you agreed to these rules? They are to keep you safe and healthy, that’s all we want.” Bobby whispers, stroking Buck’s curls. “And if you let me put one on, you can wear your otter kigurumi, as well as have a surprise that Athena got for you.”

Buck considers this, deciding that the otter onesie does sound really cozy, and a surprise sounds really good. He nods through his tears, allowing Bobby to slip a pull-up onto his hips. He’s presently surprised when he sees that there is an otter on the pull-up, so he guess it isn’t so bad, it’s also quite soft, he wiggles a little bit to get a better feel of it. Once he’s gotten used to it, Bobby helps him into the onesie, zipping it up and rubbing his tummy.

“See not so bad, right?” Bobby smiles down at him with a look that Buck’s seen him make when finds something cute. It must just be the onesie, because surely he can’t find Buck himself cute. He lets Bobby lead him back to the living room, the puddle on the floor now cleaned. “Can you sit with Athena while I change my shirt? Then I’ll be right back with your surprise.”

Buck’s head snaps up, finally noticing that Bobby’s shirt had gotten wet from when he had picked him up, Buck’s pee was on Bobby. He nods, waiting until the man has left, and runs to Athena and cries into her shoulder. “Buck don’t deserves ‘urprise. He bad, get pee on Bobby!” He wails into Athena’s shirt.

“No, baby. Remember what I’ve told you before? You are not bad, you are a very good boy. Bobby doesn’t mind if you get pee on him. If anything he got it on himself, he’s the one who picked you up after all. And you definitely deserve your surprise for being so brave and letting Bobby put a pull-up on you.” Athena soothes, rubbing her hand up and down his back.

Buck sniffles, thinking this over. “Bobby not mad?” He asks softly his tears slowing down slightly.

“No, he’s not mad, he could never be mad at you, you’re too cute.” 

Buck whines at being called cute. He didn’t think he was cute. He was physically big for a little, something he was extremely aware of. But, something about Bobby and Athena, made him feel like he was actually small, so maybe he was kind of cute. It wasn’t long until Bobby returns, in a new shirt and with something hidden behind his back.

“You ready, kid?” Bobby asks, sitting beside Buck and Athena on the couch. Buck nods, coming out from his hiding place in the other caregiver’s shoulder. “One moment, Henry and Otto should be here for this.” Bobby states handing them over to Buck. Once everything is all settled, Bobby reveals what he has behind his back.

Buck can’t help the excited gasp that leaves his mouth, his pacifier falling out, Athena once again catching it. They had gotten him an otter kigurumi for Henry! They could match and be a part of Otto’s otter family. He quickly changes Henry into it, giggling when when he pulled the hood over the dolls head to match his own. This was so cool, they were basically twins. He squirms happily, throwing his arms around both caregivers, exclaiming loudly his thanks, as they laugh adoringly at his excitement. 

He smiles at them, but it falters slightly when he asks, “When you get rid of me can I keep all these things?”

It mustn’t have been the right thing to say because now they are looking at him with wide eyes full of shock. He’d definitely gone and ruined it now.

Chapter Text

“What do you mean, Buck?” Bobby asks, his tone suddenly serious. 

“When you get rid of me can I keep these?” he says holding out his toys, “If not that’s okay, but I would like to take them with me.” He stumbles slightly over his words.

Athena and Bobby share a look, their hearts breaking for the little boy in front of them, “Why would we get rid of you, baby?” Athena enquires, her voice soft and warm.

“‘Cause people get tired of me, you will probably be the same, you deserve a a little that’s better than me.” Buck states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Who put those thoughts into your head, baby?” Athena asks, although she thinks she already knows the answer. 

“My mom and dad. Not a good boy, shouldn’t be such a baby. I’m too much, I’m used to it though.” Buck mumbles, fiddling with Otto’s tail. Once again, Athena is adamant that if she ever comes in contact with the aforementioned Buckley’s, they are going to regret making this little boy believe that he was anything other than perfect. She can tell Bobby feels the same, by the clench of his jaw and the way his breathing has gone tense and measured, trying to keep his anger on behalf of Buck, inside. 

“You are not too much, ever,” Bobby says firmly, leaving no room for argument on the fact, “You are a very good boy, and it’s perfectly fine to be a baby, it’s fine to need this, Buck. The fact that you’ve gone so long without letting yourself be little, and with no detriments to your health, is honestly a miracle. Your parents are wrong, they don’t deserve you, because you are the sweetest and most caring person I know, both in and out of your headspace.”

Buck stares at him, eyes wide with shock. He expected them to placate him and act as if they’d never thought of doing such thing, which maybe they hadn’t yet but they most likely would later. What he didn’t expect was the passion in Bobby’s voice, the determination to make him believe that he was good, that he was not too much. He didn’t miss the way Bobby’s voice had cracked slightly when talking about his health, he thought that Bobby would care if something happened to him, but not to this degree. Being told that his parents were wrong, it was something he’d been told occasionally, usually from Maddie about different things, but the way the man had said it, it was like it was a fact and it was final, leaving no room for Buck to dispute him. He’s so confused right now.

“If I’m good, why are going to get rid of me?”

“Who said we were going to do that?” Athena asks, her brows furrowed in concern.

“No one, but, this is an ‘mergency placement, only temporawy until they find a place for me.” Buck explains, tripping over his words.

“Sweetheart, this might have been an emergency foster placement, but it doesn’t mean that your place isn’t right here with us,” Athena says, “We wanted to wait until you go more settled and comfortable with your headspace before we approached you about making this more of a permanent placement.” Buck is positively flummoxed. They want him here. 

“But am trouble, your gonna get tired off me, everyone does.”

“Kid, you may exasperate me sometimes, but I can assure you that I could never get tired of you. I am also sure that, Athena, feels the same way.” Bobby says, holding Buck closer in his lap. “We wanted you to have more freedom before having you decide that being here with us is what you want, and you can still have that time. If us letting you have that freedom in anyway made you feel that you weren’t wanted we are so very sorry. You are loved baby boy, it’s important that you know that.” Athena grabs Buck’s hand and gives it a tender squeeze, and planting a kiss on his knuckles.

They wanted him. The most amazing couple he had ever met, actually wanted him. They are smart, so he doesn’t have to explain to them what permanent means, and it seemed they had it all worked out. He was speechless, he didn’t know how to react, whether to cry or laugh, to jump for joy or stay snuggled up here with these wonderful caregivers who wanted to be his. His brain is the fuzziest he’d ever felt it, his limbs felt uncoordinated, his thoughts slow and syrupy. When he tries speaking all that comes out is nonsensical noises. 

Oh, he must be really small right now, he’ll probably feel embarrassed and panicked later, but right now he just sinks into the feeling, fully trusting Athena and Bobby to take care of him. He brings his hand back to his mouth, intending to chew on his fingers, but Athena slips his pacifier back into his mouth before he gets the chance to. He sucks contentedly on the pacifier watching the caregivers with a wide eyed and innocent expression.

“It seems we have a tiny baby on our hands.” Athena coos down at him, stroking his cheek softly, eliciting a quiet giggle from Buck.

“Oh, it would seem that way,” Bobby smiles, planting a kiss on Buck’s cheek. Buck gurgles happily at the attention. He allows them to just hold him for a while, wrapped up in the softness of it all. After about half an hour, Buck ages up a bit, sitting himself up in the older man’s lap.

“I bigger now,” He states, “Um, I’d like to think about all that stuff from before. Maybe one day, but I need to get used to the idea the I’m cared for and not awone.” Buck gets quite at the end, his words slurring slightly around the pacifier.

“That’s all we ask of you, sweet boy.” Athena says, “We don’t need to talk about how that would look yet, we’ll just take it slow, and when you’re ready we can discuss it.” Buck nods, sucking softly on his pacifier and melting back into Bobby’s lap. 

“Do you think Maddie will be mad at me when she finds out I told a lie?” Buck asks, sounding worried.

“I think she’ll be like us, worried and a bit sad that you felt the need to hide this part of yourself away, but not mad.” Bobby explains carefully. Buck frowns a bit.

“I made you sad?”

“Sad for you, baby. You’ve been through so much, and on top of all that you had to hide who you were in order feel safe. It makes us feel sad for the little boy that hasn’t been able to come out and play.” Athena smiles sadly at him. 

“Oh, I here now.” Buck says, plastering on a smile on his face to reassure the caregivers. “No sad, be happy.” Bobby and Athena share a look over his head, Buck needs to be protected at all costs. This little boy has a lot of love to catch up on, and they were going to make sure he got it.

“Wanna tell Maddie, she help raise me when I was actual kid. Not ready yet though.” Buck whispers. Now that he’s been told that he will always have a place with them, he wants Maddie there too. Being small was scary, not doing it per sé, but the idea of letting go, putting his trust in the hands of others. He was never good at that, but he thinks he can trust Maddie.

“And that’s okay. But when you do tell her, we will be right there beside you, you’re not alone anymore, bud.” Bobby says giving him a soft squeeze around his middle.

And for the first time in a long time, Buck is starting to actually believes it.

Chapter Text

Buck stayed snuggled with Bobby and Athena for a while, but he very quickly grew bored and restless. He wriggled off the couch and scooted along the floor until he arrived at the toys Athena had laid out earlier. He was drawn to the train set, it consisted of a locomotive, a passenger car, a freight wagon, and a caboose. It was a steam train, and looking at the box, he saw that you could put water in the locomotive part and steam could come out the smokestack. He wiggled excitedly, holding out the box so that the caregivers could see.

“You want that open, baby?” Athena asks, a smile on her face. She was happy to see the little boy come out of his shell after such a tough conversation. Buck nods enthusiastically, letting her take the box from him, and quickly grabbing Otto and Henry, so they could help.

Bobby stands and cups the back of Buck’s head tenderly. “You okay to stay here with Athena while start dinner?” Buck nods, leaning back into the touch, allowing Bobby to pull away to go to the kitchen. He watches him go, he doesn’t have enough time to feel sad and miss Bobby, because suddenly, Athena has the box open and is taking all of the parts out. He helps her put together the track, which means that he just handed her the pieces after inspecting them, it was a very important job and he took it seriously.

Once the track is finished, he toddles excitedly after Athena, as she fills the locomotive up with water so that when they turn it on it will emit steam. They assemble the train and place it on the track, they have the option of playing with the train manually, or they can make the train go around on the tracks by itself. Buck really wants to see the train move by itself. He sits back and watches as the train comes to life and chugs across the living room floor. Buck squeals with delight, the steam billows from the smokestack, and the steam whistle makes a classic 'choo-choo’ sound. Athena places something on his head, he tugs it off to see what it is and is ecstatic when he discovers that it is a train conductors hat.

Athena watches as Buck flops onto his tummy, rests his head on his folded arms and watches the train go around and around the track. She gets out her phone and takes a picture, she can’t wait for the day that she has a whole album of little Buck photos. She smiles at how transfixed he is in the toy, at how open he is allowing himself to be. 

Buck looks up and catches Athena’s smile, he blushes, feeling suddenly shy, but warmth blooms in his chest. It seems impossible that a person could look at him with an expression full of so much love. He goes over to the couch and sits down pulling Otto and Henry into his lap, and pats the cushion next to him, signalling for Athena to come and take a seat. When she does, he immediately snuggles close, basking in the love she shows for him, drinking it all in like a man dying of thirst. He listens to the sound of her heart beating in her chest, to the sound of Bobby moving around in the kitchen. It’s a scene of domesticity that he never imagined he’d have a roll in, it’s something he had only dreamed off, only seen from the outside looking in, but here he was.

It’s a strange feeling, but not an unwelcome one. To have hid the real parts of himself away, wearing a mask, afraid of what would happen if it crumbled, and when it does, to still have people in his corner, caring for him. He doesn’t know how long he stays there, curled into Athena’s side, before Bobby announces that dinner is ready. He follows them to the bathroom to wash their hands and then happily takes his seat at the table, setting aside his pacifier in anticipation of the delicious food he was going to eat. 

First, Bobby brings out two plates, one for himself and Athena, they contain chicken and vegetables, Buck isn’t very impressed. But then, he brings out another plate. It’s one of those plastic ones for kids, he can’t find it in himself to protest because he sees that it has different sections so that his food won’t touch each other. Yes, earlier in the week he’d mixed his vegetables with his lasagna, but that’s because he was hiding the vegetables so he didn’t have to feel taste them or feel them in his mouth. The plate is placed in front of him and he grins when he sees that he has been given chicken nuggets and chips, each in their own little section of the plate, with some ketchup on the side. He knew that these were probably Bobby’s recipe for chicken nuggets that had vegetables in them, but that didn’t matter because they were shaped like dinosaurs. 

Buck digs in, he doesn’t bother with a fork, these were finger foods anyway, and neither Athena or Bobby stop him. He notices that he’s been given a plastic cup instead of a glass, which is definitely better than a sippy cup. He carefully lifts it to his mouth, only spilling a few drips down his front, before tucking back into his dinner. Buck once again listens to Bobby and Athena talk about their days, he giggles at a silly story that Athena tells them, he asks questions, only having to be reminded once that he shouldn’t speak with his mouth full. 

By the end of it, Buck is feeling full and content, he allows Bobby to collect his dishes, wanting to get back to his train as soon as possible. He stands up and feels a squish between his legs. Buck freezes, this couldn’t be happening, he didn’t even feel the need to go, his pull-up is cold and soggy, so it must have happened early on in their dinner. 

“Buck?” Athena glances at him, her brow furrowed in concern. 

He sucks air into his lungs, and lets out a loud wail. It’s not much out of embarrassment than it is about how uncomfortable the feeling is, this type of protection was clearly not designed for full accidents in mind. He could feel the urine on his skin, it was overwhelming, he didn’t know what to do. Bobby, having heard his cries rushes over and cups Buck’s face in his hands. The older man wipes Buck’s tears away with his thumbs, his heart breaking for the boy in front of him, chest heaving with the force of his sobs.

“What’s wrong, Buck?” He asks, forcing his voice to remain calm despite the worry he’s feeling inside.

Buck flaps his hands at his side, subtle at first, but the movements become more frantic as time goes on. He stutters and stumble over his words, his distress making it hard to properly articulate himself, before he finally cries out the word, “Wet.”

Bobby breathes out a sigh of relief, glad that it wasn’t anything more serious. Wet, he could deal with. He looks over at Athena, who continues cleaning up and waves him off to go help Buck. He smiles at her and scoops the unhappy boy into his arms. He quickly carries Buck to the nursery and lays him down on the changing table, only just remembering to secure the strap over the boy’s middle so that he won’t fall off. 

Buck can barely hear the soft encouraging words from Bobby over the sound of his own cries. The sensation against his skin is all encompassing, he can’t think about anything else, his brain zeroing in on the horrible feeling. He tries not to fuss too much, as Bobby undoes his kigurumi, and he almost sobs in relief when the wet pull-up is ripped at the sides and pulled away from his body. He allows the man, to clean his skin with warm wipes, slowly calming down with the gentle ministrations and soft words, that he can decipher now that the overwhelming feeling was removed. 

“That’s a good boy, you’re very brave, buddy,” Bobby whispers, as he wipes the last of the accident from Buck’s skin, “Now, since it’s your bedtime soon, would it be alright if I put you in a diaper?” 

Buck whines, he doesn’t want to go to bed soon and he doesn’t want to wear a diaper, but he had shook hands with Athena when they made their deal about the protection and he wasn’t going to break that. So, he mumbles an affirmative and squeezes his eyes shut, as he waits for Bobby to continue. He listens as a diaper is taken out of the packaging, wincing slightly at the crinkling noise it makes as it’s unfolded.

“Lift your hips for me, sweetheart.”

Buck obliges, lifting his hips enough to let Bobby slide the diaper under him. He tentatively lowers himself back down, the diaper crinkling as he settles onto it. Bobby powders him, and secures the diaper up and around his hips, patting Buck’s belly once he’s finished. Buck peeks an eye open, looking down at the diaper that is now settled around his waist. He takes in the star design, noting that it was kind of cute. He squirmed, the diaper was definitely more physically comfortable, than the pull-up, it would take a while to get used to it mentally though.

Bobby does his onesie back up, and lifts Buck into his arms again. He bounces him, rubbing his back as he does so. Once Buck has calmed down he kisses his birthmark, which makes Buck squirm, the tenderness shown to him after having had an accident was mind blowing. He kept on being told by Bobby and Athena that it was okay, and maybe they were right.