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“Dating” Levi was weird. He was never clear about what his intentions are, though in all fairness, you’re not even sure he knows. All you know is that you two enjoy each other’s company. And, well, just each other to be crass. You had one problem, though.
You knew loud and clear that you liked Levi. Sure, it had started as some tension relief because, to be honest, you never expected Levi to have the capabilities of desiring more. In all of your years of knowing him, you never saw him even hint at being romantically interested in someone, let alone proudly claiming them as his partner.
But you’ve also never seen him cuddle someone, or kiss their forehead, or hold their car door open for them. So you have clearly stepped into the realm of the unknown. The problem is that your weird situationship is ominous to everyone, and you’re no exception to that lovely fact. Levi doesn’t discuss feelings with you, not through words. He never explicitly tells you he appreciates you for making his tea before a meeting, but instead brings you a nice cup of coffee from your favorite cafe when he sees you the following morning.
A man like Levi is an enigma. You’re on a decent basis with him. You know the important things; he likes his tea without any sweetener. He hates crumbs in the bed and will delay going to sleep to throw the bedding into the washer. He has a soft spot for cats, but is unfortunately extremely allergic to them. He loves it when you look at him through your eyelashes. Whether he likes you enough to make anything official? Evidently not.
You’re not sure why this bothers you so much, as you have never been one to crave a long-lasting partnership. All you understood was that life with Levi was comfortable. He came over, you two ate and kept each other’s minds busy from the daunting reality of your lives, your couch became a hub for cuddling, and mind-blowing sex would ensue. He’d use all your fancy soaps in the shower, tuck you in, and let you play with his hair. And then he’d be gone in the next hour with no loving words exchanged in between meet-ups. Just casual conversation as if those days never happened. But they would keep happening, and happening, and happening until there was more time together than apart in the week.
If you compliment him too much, he’ll go quiet and leave earlier than he usually does. He’s only recently taken to initiating non-sexual physical contact. A hand lifting your legs onto his lap. Pushing your hair out of your face. Forehead kisses were his most recent addition, and that was by far the most troubling to date.
He hadn’t realized you were awake when he did it. It was one night after you watched one of his favorite movies from his childhood that he used to watch with his mother. Leaning into one another turned into you lying in his lap as he played with your strands between his fingers. After the movie ended, one thing led to the next. You made more eye contact than you usually did as he gave it to you slowly and deeply, fingers interlocked as though he were worried you would slip out of his grasp. It was passionate. And caring. Neither of those was a feeling you were used to when it came to Levi. He ended up staying a little longer than usual that night, and you were half tempted to stay up just to see if he would really sleep beside you. He hadn’t planned on it. But the disappointment you felt when he quietly rustled to get up was quickly replaced by a drop in your stomach when you felt a presence looming over you - a quiet pause, as though he were hesitating over something. And then you'd felt it; his soft lips pressing to your forehead so gently you'd thought you might be dreaming already. You only knew it was real when he exhaled softly against the skin there. He didn’t pull away immediately in regret, which was surprising to you. You fluttered your eyes open softly, the two of you peering at one another, the moon sprinkling glitter into your irises. You didn’t say anything to each other, eyes searching over each other’s faces. He finally pulled away after a prolonged pause to put his jacket on to leave, presumably. Your hand instinctively reached out to grab onto his sleeve. “Just stay,” You looked up at him with sleepy eyes through your eyelashes. He’d relented without too much of a push, slipping his shirt off before climbing into bed. Before you fell asleep, you only had one thought in your mind as you slipped off into the best sleep of your life. “Fuck.”
That was a week ago; it was as though you both had mentally decided not to talk about it. But it meant something to you. You realized in that stomach-churning moment in the middle of that night. One, you really liked it when he kissed your forehead. Two, you wish you were able to read the thoughts racing behind his eyes. Three, he was absolutely earth-shatteringly beautiful. Four, and the hardest to grasp of them all, you liked him. Like, really liked him. Again: Fuck.
You needed to push it down, pretend it never happened. Tuck it under lock and key. The days pass by day by day without incident, and even though nothing out of the norm really happened, you couldn't help but overread into every situation. You found yourself getting nervous around him for the first time in, well, ever. You were never overly concerned with Levi’s perception of you, as long as he deemed you attractive enough to fulfill his role as your “not really boyfriend,” ; that was enough for you. That was until you saw the starlight illuminating your face as he spoke silent words to you through his eyes. As though confusion slowly unclouded into self-assurance. And then acceptance.
His acts of service didn't change throughout the week. He still bought food for dinner, brought coffee when you were meeting up in the morning, and washed your dishes after a meetup while you were in the shower. He was great at playing the role of being your boyfriend without emotionally buying in. You came to a sharp, sudden conclusion that you wanted that to change.
Absurd, coming from you. Had you told your friends you had feelings, real feelings, for someone, they’d be shocked. Much less if the sentiments in question were for your situationship, who you’d sworn up and down was just a friend who you occasionally boned on your couch after he fed you dinner.
Of course, none of this was actually as casual as you had made it out to be. You’d realized that after attempting to rationalize everything in your mind. The next day, he came well into the night.
“Room service,” He’d grumbled, walking past you with a brown bag in hand. Despite his less-than-enthusiastic tone, his actions showed otherwise. The logo on the takeaway bag came from one of your favorite restaurants that was located all the way across town. You never fit time in your schedule to treat yourself to it, between Levi and your full-time job, so any chance to get it was a gift in itself.
Your eyes shone like lamps as your body perked up. “Is that from Lillie’s?” You watched as he unwrapped his scarf from his neck.
He waves the bag a bit in his hand as he bounds towards the coffee table. “Don’t thank me too much. I had to meet up with the old geezer today, so I was in that area already.” He opens the boxes and heads towards the kitchen. No need for permission or guidance; He knows where everything is.
Jeez, Kenny? No wonder Levi seems a little more tense than usual. He’d told you about his relationship with the older man in the past, with more bad things to say than good. You grimace as you walk into the kitchen, pulling some glasses out to prepare some drinks. “I’m sorry to hear that. You know, you don’t have to come all the time. I mean- I want you to, I just don't want you to feel like you have to. We’re not contractually bound. I mean, not that I feel like we are, I like having you here, it’s just…” He lets you ramble on as he watches you open a bottle of wine to pour for the two of you.. “I don’t know.”
He watches you pour in silence for a moment as you mentally scold yourself. What an absolute blunder. “The only thing that got me through that meeting with Kenny was knowing I’d get to see you after.” You almost let the bottle slip from your grasp, the glass making a loud clink as the bottle bumps into your glass.
He clears his throat. “Plus, your dorky reaction to this restaurant was the cherry on top.”
He was telling you the truth. He was steaming, leaving the cafe after his meet-up with Kenny. More bullshit comments about his mother, and how they didn’t need to be paying as much money for her assisted living home. He consistently brings that up despite Levi’s promise to his uncle that he would be dead before he downgraded his mother’s comfortable living in the sacrifice of his wallet.
He found himself staring at his watch, mentally keeping track of time. He’d had about an hour and a half to meet you there at his usual time. Kenny’s voice snapped him back into reality. “What’re you so antsy for? Got a hot date after this, or somethin’?” He drawled.
Levi froze for a split second. In all honesty, he didn’t know what he should be calling these nights of yours. All he knew was it was not Kenny’s business. “Something like that,” He mumbled, looking outside. A little sign caught his eye from across the street. Before he realized it, he was calling the server back over for the check. He ignored Kenny’s low whistle as he reached for his card.
You stare down at the wine glasses, thinking of the best thing to say next. What do you do with that information? Why is it so easy for him to say?
“Well, I look forward to seeing you, too. I even clean my bathroom for you every day, you know?”
He rolls his eyes, and an amused smirk creeps onto his face. “Should I give you an applause?”
“No, Lillie’s was a prize enough,” You shake your head, wine in hands as you settle down at the table. The two of you pop on some random stand-up comedy and thirty minutes later, you and Levi are sitting huddled together on the couch. The dishes were already rinsed and put in the dishwasher, despite your efforts to keep the man seated. You’ve pulled a blanket over the two of you and lean onto his chest. Levi speaks up semi-often, mumbling something about the comedian’s conversation topic. To be honest, this man wasn’t holding your attention nearly as much as Levi was. You respond to his comments as he tosses them out there, voice vibrating his chest underneath you. Strong and built, but still extremely comfortable to lay your head on. You’re lulled to a comfortable sleep by Levi’s timbered laugh beneath you.
When you stir next, the TV was off. Levi was still beneath you, fingers playing with your hair. You blink back awake slowly, taking in your surroundings. Levi’s hand pauses where it’s at, silently assessing whether you’ve actually stirred awake or not. You blink up at him, giving a dopey smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep.”
“It’s okay, you didn’t miss much. The first half of his special was exceedingly better than the latter,” He assures you. You turn your head to look at him, his hand landing on your cheek. Neither of you moves a muscle. You must not realize how weak in the knees you made him when you looked at him like that, he thought. Maybe for the better; Knowing you, that would be your next bargaining chip. At first, he was taken aback by you looking through your eyelashes at him. It was something that only really happened when you were on your knees in front of him. Now, with moments like these, he realizes how soft he gets when he sees it. You could ask him for anything with that look on your face, and he’d make it happen before you could snap your fingers. It's dangerous.
In the silence of the moment, the candle you’d lit earlier crackling in the corner, casting shadows onto his face, muted passive traffic sounds come from below, something in you finally snapped.
You slowly moved your body upwards, pushing yourself closer to him, his hand still on your cheek. You glanced at his lips, licking yours in the process. He mirrors your action, throat suddenly feeling dry. Your gaze moved onto his eyes, staring at him, staring at your lips before his met yours.
You slowly move in towards one another, raising a hand up to his hair. His lips fall into yours, soft kisses melting into something heavier. You needed this man so badly. You feel like a fool for taking this long to understand.
You and Levi were no strangers to being intimate with one another. But tonight, something felt different. An electric current was burning between the two of you; you both could feel it in the touches. A little needier, clingier, reeking of desperation. The grip on his hair, his strong hand on your hips as he manhandles you beneath him. The lingering hands after clothes are pushed aside. The way he grips your jaw to keep eye contact with him as he presses into you, slow and passionate, just like that night a week ago. But now, it was like a lightbulb had finally flickered above both of your heads. Such an obvious finish line. He wraps the arm that isn’t holding himself up around your waist as he fucks into you, and you find yourself lost in a mix of passion and exhilaration.
“Levi, I want you.” You groan out, despite him already being inside of you.
He lets out a breathless chuckle, his next thrust being a little deeper and sharper than the last. “You have me. You’ve always had me.”
When you finish up, it’s quiet. Not an awkward quiet, a tranquil one.
He finishes cleaning the two of you off before handing you his shirt and your panties from the ground, before slipping his pants back on. “I meant what I said.” You looked down at a loose thread on your couch. “I want you. All of you.”
He comes to sit next to you on the couch. “I did too. I’m yours. I’ve been yours. I’m shit at emotions, and I can’t guarantee that I’ll be any good in a relationship. All I can promise is that I know I feel strongly for you. This isn’t about the sex,” he shakes his head, looking down at his lap. “I wanted things to be casual in the beginning, and then I found myself forcing myself to get through the day, not just to fuck you, but to just see you. And that scares the shit out of me.”
You finally chanced a look at him, and he’s already looking at you. “That night, a week ago. That’s when it all fell into place with me. Hearing you talk about your mother, the- the forehead kiss,” You can hear him inhale sharply. “I realized that if you went home at that moment, I wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep.”
He shakes his head, chuckling. “That’s a lie. You were already half out by the time I was gathering my things. To be honest, I don’t know why I did that. It was a test, maybe, for myself to see if what I thought I was feeling was real. Staying the night wasn’t exactly on my to-do list then, but you lured me back in like a siren,” He shakes his head, still smiling. He stands up, and for a moment, you worry he’s going to leave again.
“If I don’t shower in the next five minutes, I’m gonna get cranky.” He declares.
“You’re always cranky,” You mused, looking up at him. “So…” He stares down at you, head slightly tilted to the side. “Does this mean I’m your girlfriend?” Doe eyes are looking towards him like you can read his mind.
His face feels a bit hot. “Yes. If you’d be so inclined,” He puts a hand on your cheek, leaning down to kiss you there. “You know, every time you look at me like that, I can never say no. It’s like you’re some witch succubus that can get me to agree to anything.” He begins walking towards your bedroom.
You get up to follow him. “I know,” you let out a small laugh to yourself. Of course, you know. It’s one of your favorite traits, like a universal key to a lock. You’ve never been so happy to see that door finally open, after all this time. And after you both shower together and finally crawl into bed, Levi doesn’t move a muscle, even after an hour. And by the time you’re falling asleep, you realize he’s not going anywhere.