Chapter Text
Our story begins with Peppino, making pizza as usual. "Boy, I sure love'a pizza!" he says, rolling the dough. He goes into the storage room to get some ingredients, but notices a peculiar box, labeled "helium blueberries." "Er.. Gustavo?" "Yeah, pep?" Gustavo says, feeding brick a slice of cheese. Peppino asks "What the hell are helium bueberries?" looking thouroughly confused. "I dunno pep, they look like normal blueberries to me." "Where did you even get these?" "Oh I got them for free at that Candy store right down the street a while back." "You mean Pizzele?" "Yeah, exactly." (Cut to Pizzele's Confectionary) "I-I just don't know what to do with these things, Gustavo! They just keep showin' up in the back!" "So what? They look like normal blueberries to me." "No they aren't! They like- inflate you or something, l-like that one chocolate factory movie!" "Eh, that sounds like a bunch of baloney! Here, Let me have them. I'm sure Pep can make somethin-" "ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?!? THAT'S GONNA GET SOMEONE KILLED!!!!!!!" "Look, if you don't want these, just lemme have them. I'm promise you that these'll be gone before Peppino makes his next pizza."O-Ok Gustavo, just make sure you get rid of them, alright?" "I will, Pizzele. I promise. Also, here's some flies, for Marble." "...What does Marble even eat, anyway?" (Cut back to Peppino's Pizzaria) "Yeah, she did say something about inflation. Can't remember which type, though. I'd assume it'd be economic." "...Gustavo, what the hell do you mean by "which type?"" "Eh, fuggetaboutit. Anyway, I do remember saying that you might be able to make a good piz-" "ABSOLUTELY A FUCKING NOT GUSTAVO, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND?" "...Peppino, you've rescued 19 sentient pineapples from that tower." "..Well, thats tru-" "AND, you killed snick, deboned him, and put him and his quills in a pizza." "Gus, why are we-" "AND, you served that CORPSE PIZZA to customers, AND THEY LIKED IT." "Why are we bringing this up, Gustavo?" "Because you shouldn't have a problem with blueberries on a pizza if you killed a porcupine and willingly served it in a pizza to people." "OK, ok, I'm sorry, I'll just make a pizza with these blueberries since your so pent-up about the snick thing." "Why'd you even do that anyway?" "Gustavo, we are DIRT BROKE, and snick promised me to pay me for playtesting his shitty remakes, AND HE DIDN'T PAY ME SHIT. Plus, we got a pretty nice tip out of the pizza!" "True, true." "Anyway, I'm gonna get the pizza made, you heat up the ove-" "HIYA FAST-FAT!" "*oh my god for fucks sake* Hello noise." "Say, Peppenis, what kinda dough you makin?" "What the fuck did you just call m-" "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait no fucking way NO FUCKING WAY PEPPINO. DID YOU SERIOUSLY PUT BLUEBERRIES ON A PIZZA!??!?!?" "*Sigh* yes." "PFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH" "Aaand here he goes. Agai-" "HOLDONHOLDONHOLDON I GOTTA TELL NOISETTE" "*Oh my fucking god*" (cut to Noisette's Cafe) *ring ring* "Hello, Noisette's Cafe, How may I help you?" "BABE YOU HAVE TO GET OVER HERE PEPERONI JUST PUT BLUEBERRIES IN A PIZZA." "Blueberries? In a pizza?" "I KNOW RIGHT!!??!?!? GET OVER HERE, YOU HAVE TO TRY THIS BULLSHIT." "Okay, I'm on my way, Noisey!" (cut back to Peppino's Pizzaria, 10 minutes later) "I'm here, Noisy!" "Well, the pizza's done now. Laugh all you want, Theodore." "Don't call me that, fatass." "*I'm gonna fucking kill this guy i swear to god*" "Can I try the pizza?" "Yeah go ahead whatever." Noisette takes a bite out of one of the pizza slices. "Tasty!" "How the f-" "And, suprisingly filling!" "Uhh, Babe? You uhh... *cough* Got a bit of blue on ya." "Hm?" "Yea- Wait, hold on, is it spreading???" The blue speck on Noisette's face spreads all around her face. "W-what's happening to me?" "Gustavo what the fuck is happening gustavo, gustavo look at me LOOK AT ME. what. the absolute fuck. is happening." "Hold on, I think Pizzelle might've mentioned that chocolate factory movioh fuck OH FUCK" Noisette began to inflate, as was stated in the title and summary of this fic. perchance. "PEPPINO STOP TALKING WITH GUSTAVO AND DO SOMETHING!" "WELL WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO, THEODORE? "OH YOU LITTLE SHIT IM GONNA-" "S-stop... fighting.." "Sorry, zette." "Hold on, I think i know how to deal with this!" "...Noise, do you think he knows anything about whats going on? I mean like, he did mention multiple types of inflation when we were talking about the blueberries." "How the hell does he know anything about what's happening right now?" "Fanfiction logic, maybe." "Well way to 4th wall break, Pineoil." "Can we address elephant in the room?... literally." "Hey Noisette, did you swallow any of that pizza?" "y-yeah" Noisette says, swelling into a blueberry. "Ok now were actually screwed." "Hey, Peppi, howsitgo-" Anton this is the WORST time for you to show up." "Even worse than the time i walked in on you jerking ooooohhh okay i see it now. yyyeah. Y'know, I think i forgot something back at my house, lemme go get it real quick." "...Why is he even in this fic?" felt like it. also more tags. "Ok, makes sense." "CAN WE STOP BREAKING THE 4TH WALL AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY GIRLFRIEND!?!???" "Hold on, did she stop swelling?" "Uhh.. looks like it, lemme check...nope, still growing." "Wh-HOW??? SHE'S ALREADY AS BIG AS IN THAT MOVIE!" "Ok Theodore why didn't you mention that earlier?" "I uhh... thought it wasn't important." "Ugh.. I f-feel like I could... B-burst at any moment.." "Ok, I think the bloating stopped now." "Well, that's better." "So how are we supposed to uhh... deflate her?" "Hold on, is something leaking from her breasts?" "Yeah ok Dr. House" "Peppino, now is the WORST time to start fighting." "Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until it all leaks out. Or juice her." "No, gustavo. No." "Uhh, maybe I should get Noisette back to the studio. Y'know, safety reasons?" "Yeah, good luck doing that. watch out for the grass." (the next day) "Gus, you got rid of those blueberries, right?" "Yep, glad that headache is over." "How did this fic dive bomb in quality, anyway?" dude, its like 2am right now, obviously It's gonna become absolute shit once i start writing. "Get some sleep, yeesh! *ahem* Anyway, set up the TVs. Gonna be a busy day today! "Alright, what channel?" "Hmm... The news, maybe?" "Breaking News! People are turning into blueberries!" "Since when did noise get access to- wait a minute, what did that say?" "You heard that right, folks! Yesterday, The Noise's lovable girlfriend, Noisette, turned blue and began inflating! The Noise points the incident's perpetrator to Peppino Spaghetti, The pizza chef!" "Oh that little FUCK-" continued in the next fic sorry if this shit sucks, it started as sort of a joke on discord, but i was somehow able to fuck it up so hard that i got this absolute ablomination on this website. classic oiler! goodnight