Work Text:
I hate you. Every bone in my body makes me hate you. I hate the way you sexualized me, the way you touch me when I tell you not too, the way you begged me to grope you and pulled me back in when I pulled away, the way you let your friends bully me and put me down knowing the lengths I will go to at myself for what they say, knowing everything they say is true and not letting me fight back and even threatening me when I fight back. I hate the way you make me hate myself and how whenever I try to tell you why I’m not ok you turn it to be about yourself, I hate the way I can’t get myself to break up with you, I hate the way you make me feel ashamed for not being who I once was. You drained me of all my life, I can’t even get out of bed anymore or do what I like because you judge me wanting me to be “the perfect girlfriend.” The girlfriend YOU DONT DESERVE. You tell me my “sexuality isn’t valid” and you’re a man of god yet you hate more than myself. You make everything about yourself even when it’s not, you let boys do things terrible to me and others just because “there’s guys so what that’s what they do”. You make me want to cut myself. You make me SICK. Those photos you begged me for, the times I had to give up my own morals, friendships and everything just for you, I went to lengths you wouldn’t even LOOK AT if I had ever asked you too. I hate the way you would force me to watch gore with you. I fucking hate you. I’ll always hate you.
I just wish I could get myself to break up with you.
But you’ve made me too sick too. Too scared that if I do you’ll do something to yourself. Or to “get back at me.” I love you too much.