Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jungkook couldn’t explain this.

The boy… thing? Man? Whatever he or it was, they were sleeping on the bed in one of Jungkook’s bedrooms. Or seemed to be sleeping, but actually just slowly waking up.

And Jungkook just kept trying to explain this.

He was not even an impulsive person, never has been. Not that there was any room for impulsivity left in the world at all, but Jungkook has never chased it to begin with. He’s actually always wanted the opposite. Wanted to see this world the way everyone else did, because maybe then he could have stopped feeling so damn alone.

It was his parents’ fault, he supposed, for raising him that way. For teaching him what humans used to be like, for making him crave their affection.

His dad kept saying that was normal. That was just how humans were meant to be. Together. Never alone.

But that was just… That was just not how the world worked anymore. Jungkook could easily go his entire existence without having to set foot outside or say a word to anything other that his computer.

He let out a deep sight and the sound spread through the silence of the room.

Jungkook didn’t like it – the silence. The dead, absolute kind. He never shut sounds out like this, it felt too heavy. And besides, he liked the quiet hum of machines outside, the chirping of birds, the soft blowing of wind. The sounds of the world that kept moving all on its own, there to let humans enjoy every second of their lonely existence.

It was comforting - knowing he wasn’t left alone out of malice. He wasn’t alone at all, it was just his mind upsetting him for no reason. Jungkook even had friends.

He almost sighed again but caught himself. He had to readjust the sound settings in his flat because too much background noise could confuse his new- What was he even?

Officially they were called Syths. ‘Engineered humanoids with biological systems.’ Model name – ‘Thv-7’.

God fucking- Jungkook turned away. He regretted this already, he really did.

He never wanted to get himself a robot. But just… He saw them everywhere; the new model had just launched. It was the marketing’s fault. ‘A great help, a companion. A friend.’ Or whatever the advertisement kept saying.

Jungkook knew no robot could be an actual ‘friend’. It was pathetic that he wanted it to be.

And he regretted this, because robots were so common. Everywhere. Nice, smiling, composed. Laughing, frowning. So human-like. Yet it took one glance to tell them all from human beings.

Jungkook’s dad would be so disappointed.

But, fuck. Jungkook was just- so done with being alone? He was in a weird headspace when he made that purchase, okay? He thought… He thought that if somebody was going to say ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ to him and greet him when he came home, then he didn’t really care if it was a robot.

He just laid in his bed that night and thought how fucking much he didn’t want to wake up and have breakfast alone again. And then lunch. And dinner. And again.

He thought he could pretend.

Now, with cold sunlight falling through the blinds and complete silence ringing in his ears, he was regretting this.

But then he turned to look at the robot laying on the blankets and could not bring himself to back out.

Maybe because it didn’t even fucking look like a robot? It looked like a human. It looked like a boy.

And it was creepy how not creepy that felt.

It was just too damn human. Jungkook could see the robot’s chest raising and falling, slow, measured. His hair seemed soft, and made of gold. But that was just because of the sunlight. Jungkook knew it had simply been dyed. It would grow out to be black.

Because that was a Synth and he was expensive as fuck despite being fragile, despise the fact that it was supposed to be aging and able to break, die. Expensive exactly because of that. It’s body was almost completely human. Jungkook didn’t care to read too much into it. He only cared that it was capable of eating. And, like, talking. Well, fine, most robots could talk.

But this new model was fucking targeting people like Jungkook – who didn’t want a servant or a caretaker, but rather someone they could just… live with. Who were so damn alone, they`d fool themselves into believing a robot could help.

Jungkook was just going to blame the marketing. And his parents. Like a mature adult.

He sighed for the third time.

Sitting still was hard for him. And it`s not like he had to. But the- Jungkook didn`t know what to call it. Him? The robot that didn`t look like a robot. It`s settings were supposed to be activating right now, or something like that. Again, Jungkook didn`t read into the details. It just needed quiet. And when it woke up, it could be disoriented. That much Jungkook got from a two-minute video instruction, and he felt bad leaving it to wake up all alone.

That was his problem, that’s what triggered him every time he went out – he couldn`t get it into his head that robots weren`t humans. That they didn`t care, didn`t feel. Some of them could fake emotions now, and it was obvious it was just a parody. Still, it startled Jungkook every time – seeing a human and realizing it wasn’t one. Just a binary code dressed into human-like, synthetic body.

The one on his bed, though… It was not made of plastic or bio materials. It`s body was almost entirely human. Even the nervous system. Maybe that`s what convinced Jungkook.

But it was still a robot. No feelings. Zero emotions. Programmed responses and the same digital code running in his head.

Jungkook felt anxious and didn’t even know over what. That it would wake up and seem fake and unreal, and he would regret buying it in the first place? Or that it would look too real? That Jungkook would be a fucking moron and get truly attached to a robot? As if it were his friend?

Then again, Jungkook’s been saying goodnight to his teapot lately. This humanoid had to be an improvement.

And maybe… Maybe Jungkook should have paid more attention to how it looked when he chose it. He just didn`t care in the moment.

Now, sitting by it`s side the whole morning, he couldn`t help staring.

Mainly because it did not fucking look like a robot. It technically wasn`t one fully. But it just seemed so soft. So real. A few strands of golden hair laid over his brow, eyes closed, lashes pale. Long, casting shadows over his cheekbones. His lips were an odd color – not pink, not red. Something right in between. Sharp jaw. Sparkly tint to his skin.

He was frustratingly pretty.

Jungkook turned away.

It bothered him that it`s been spelled out in that two-minute manual that this model could be used for sex. For anything the owner wanted. It bothered Jungkook that there were people out there who were interested in that.

To Jungkook, it was the same as trying to have sex with a cupboard.

And he knew there were robots made specifically for that, because of course there fucking were. It didn`t mean Jungkook found it normal.

And at least that part he wasn’t worried about.

Still, he shouldn`t have chosen such a beautiful one. They were all gorgeous, obviously, but Jungkook should have chosen something further away from his type. It just truly didn`t cross his mind back then.

And now this was just frustrating.

The robot`s breath came out slightly different, and Jungkook`s eyes snapped to him.

He didn’t look like he was sleeping. Just laying there. Loading. Or something.

His lashes fluttered – so briefly Jungkook almost missed it – and then he opened his eyes.

Jungkook held his breath despite himself.

The robot`s eyes moved right away, over the ceiling, around the room. Too- Fuck, too human-like.

Jungkook suppressed a shiver when the robot`s gaze stopped on him.

Dark eyes. One monolid, one double eyelid. Why so asymmetrical? Pretty. Gorgeous, human. But why? Why not make him flawlessly perfect?

Why fuck with Jungkook`s brain?

He cleared his throat and the robot just blinked. Slowly. Lushed swiped over cheekbones.

He set up.

Jungkook wasn`t sure what to say. “Hi?”

“Hi.” Calm. Voice low with sleep but gaze clear.

Was he faking that?

“Uhm. I`m Jungkook.”

The robot nodded. Golden hair brushed over his forehead at that, and, for some reason, it made Jungkook`s breath catch in his throat. He kept expecting the robot to be plastic and stiff, too put together, like most of the others. But his hair curled softly around his face.

Too fucking well-made.

“Do you have a name?”

The robot`s head tilted. “I do. But you can rename me, it won`t take any time.”

Jungkook leaned further back in his chair. To move away. “No, just tell me.”

He didn`t feel like naming him. It just felt… too much. All of this, already.

Something in the robot`s gaze shifted, got somewhat searching. Like he needed Jungkook to be okay with this.

“Taehyung.”

Jungkook nodded. Wondered if turning down the display of worry was a possible option.

He needed- a moment. Fuck, just to breathe. It was so quiet in the room.

And no need to be nervous. It wasn`t a person even if he looked like one.

Just a machine. Literally here to make Jungkook`s life better.

Jungkook’s shoulders dropped down and he met the rob- Taehyung`s eyes again.

They were intense. Fucking dark.

Jungkook couldn`t read them.

“Are you okay?”

Taehyung`s lips curled into a smile, but his eyes didn`t change. “Yes, thank you.”

“Do… you need anything?”

See? Jungkook was so dumb. What could a robot possibly need?

Nothing in Taehyung expression shifted. He just looked. At Jungkook, for a while.

Jungkook thought of what must have been going on in that head at this moment, what instructions must have been coming up to the surface. What digital form on Jungkook Taehyung tried to fill out for himself. To read him, to adapt.

Then, “Could I ask what my main tasks will be?”

Of course. Such an obvious thing, yet Jungkook realized he didn’t know that himself.

“I don’t really-“ He paused. Didn’t want to say ‘be my friend’. Didn’t want to, it felt fucking pathetic. So, “I don’t really have tasks for you. I- would like us to have meals together. When I’m home.”

Taehyung nodded once. And just kept looking.

Jungkook got a weird feeling he’s lost Taehyung’s interest. Which- was absurd. So fucking absurd.

It irked something in him, made him shift. “You do eat, right?”

Another nod. The hint of that same polite smile.

Right. Because that was a programmed robot. Made to be polite and do whatever it’s told. Not something that could ‘loose interest’.

“What do you eat?”

No change. “Anything.”

“You don’t have preferences?”

Taehyung’s brows moved, the tiniest twitch. Like confusion. “I… don’t know.”

“But,” Jungkook wasn’t entirely sure what the hell he was saying. He didn’t have a plan for this conversation, and the darkness of Taehyung’s eyes unsettled him. “Could- Can you have preferences? Like… If we tried something, would you be able to say what you like?”

“Yes.”

“No.” Jungkook’s smiled. “Not pick whatever I like or guess what I want you to like. Are you capable of having your personal preferences?”

Taehyung’s brows pulled together. It didn’t look like he meant to allow that.

He hesitated.

It truly looked like he did.

Maybe not all of his setting were on yet. Yeah, that must have been it. Because he seemed to be thinking.

For a long moment.

“I… have a human body.” He started slowly. “With an individual set of receptors. So I assume I should be capable of indicating it’s responses to different receptor triggers.”

Jungkook stared. “Next time just say yes.”

Taehyung’s next smile looked a lot more human. “I did. You didn’t believe me.”

Jungkook huffed, feeling… something. Embarrassed? “Okay. I just don’t want you to lie to me, yeah? Like-“ He let out a long sigh, only now realizing how tense he got. “Please don’t pretend to be something you’re not. I- fuck. I got you cause I wanted…” A friend. “…company. But that doesn’t mean I want you to be feeding me bullshit or pretending to care when you don’t or-“ Jungkook turned away, ignoring the heat of embarrassment that creeped up his spine. “I don’t know. Just don’t- lie. Okay?”

Taehyung’s gaze – something within his eyes – flickered softly. “Okay.”

Too fucking human. God why did Jungkook do this.

He noticed a movement and looked down to where Taehyung’s fingers curled around the fold of a blanket. Lightly, with no force at all.

Taehyung looked down as well, like he’s just noticed himself doing that, and his lips parted, forehead creasing.

Jungkook wondered whether his limbs were supposed to move by themselves. Maybe to add to the realism.

For a moment, it seemed like Taehyung forgot about Jungkook completely. He spread his fingers out, moved his palm on the fabric. Just barely, tentatively.

Slender, pale fingers. Too perfect and so-

Jungkook frowned. At himself; there was an unpleasant twist in his chest.

This was Taehyung’s first time touching something.

Literally his first seconds of… of existing. And Jungkook was here- What was he doing? Passive-aggressively judging him for being a robot? Being subconsciously mad cause Jungkook himself couldn’t stomach excepting that he fucking bought one?

He scoffed and Taehyung flinched, looked up at him.

Jungkook shook his head. “Sorry. I’m sorry, really, let’s- Do you think you can stand up?”

He didn’t care if Taehyung couldn’t feel and would have been fine with whatever treatment. Jungkook wasn’t an asshole – not to humans, not to robots. Not to robots who looked like humans. To Jimin, sometimes, but that wasn’t the point.

Taehyung blinked. He did it so slowly. Jungkook couldn’t understand the look in his eyes, and he couldn’t understand why he was trying to understand it in the first place.

“I can.”

Jungkook moved anyway and walked up to the bed, watched Taehyung shift, lower his legs to the floor. It wasn’t gracious. Wasn’t clumsy. Was just a movement.

Then, Taehyung hesitated.

Jungkook held his hand out. Taehyung’s eyes flickered to it for a second before he took it and it was Jungkook’s turn to flinch.

Taehyung let go immediately. “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

Jungkook shook his head quickly. “No-no, it’s-“ His fingers twitched involuntarily. “You just feel very- human. I didn’t expect that.”

Warm. His hand was warm.

Taehyung looked up at him, his hair falling back, and Jungkook could see every small change of his features like this. “My body is ninety-six percent human. Does that bother you?”

Jungkook didn’t know. “No.”

“You got mad when I lied.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows rose, he couldn’t help it. “What?”

“You got mad when I lied. But you just lied yourself.”

Jungkook just- fucking stared. Was he really talking back right now? Calling out Jungkook’s bullshit? No, really?

There was a pang in Jungkook’s heart, something stupidly pleased. “I don’t know. If it bothers me, I don’t know.”

Taehyung hummed.

What Jungkook did know was that Taehyung’s eyes bothered him.

They weren’t robotic enough. They didn’t look like those of a machine. But again, for the money Jungkook gave for this, that’s just how they should have been, no?

Jungkook held his hand out again and this time when Taehyung took it, he held his hand back.

It was somewhat lifeless. Like Taehyung wasn’t fully in control of it, forgot to apply force.

Taehyung’s naked feet moved against the carpet and then he slowly stood up, loose clothes hanging off his slim frame.

His brow twitched shortly and he looked at Jungkook, pulled his hand away. “I can walk. Thank you.”

They were the same height. The exact same. Jungkook realized he hasn’t paid any attention to Taehyung’s description. Or instruction. He was generally… very poorly prepared for him.

Not that one needed to be prepared to bring home a new electronic device. But Jungkook had issues, okay, and now he felt horrible.

He wanted to apologize again but caught himself. Then realized he was the only person in this room who gave a fuck about anything and thinking Taehyung-the-robot would laugh at him was insane.

If Jungkook wanted to apologies to a robot he’s just spent a fortune on, then he’d do that.

“I’m sorry. Ahm. This is your room, by the way. You sleep, right?”

“Oh.” That reaction was fake. The smile that followed too. “I do, Jungkook. Thank you. This is a very nice-“

“Stop that.” It came out more resigned that upset.

Taehyung seemed lost, the crease between his brows coming back. “Sorry?”

“You haven’t looked at the room. If you don’t care about it, tell me that. If you do, tell me why.” Jungkook hated talking to him like he was a computer.

Well, he fucking was. Not his fault Jungkook kept forgetting.

Taehyung turned. Slowly, eyes scanning the place. This was the brightest room in Jungkook’s flat, and the coziest, in Jimin’s opinion. Jungkook preferred his own.

But the structure was similar – the floor-to-ceiling window that faced the city, the wide bed by the wall, the too-tall wardrobe.

Everything that was black in Jungkook’s room was neutral here. He didn’t want to accidentally depress his robot.

“We can customize things if you-“

Taehyung walked past him, like he didn’t hear, eyes trained on something. His steps were quiet.

By the window, he lifted his hand up, watched golden sunlight fall through the curtains, over his fingers. Curled them, spread them out. Held his palm up.

The look of fascination on his face confused Jungkook. Why bother faking that when he wasn’t sure Jungkook was even watching? Was he still disoriented? Jungkook forgot how much time it was supposed to take for all of his systems to start functioning right.

“Taehyung?”

Taehyung turned to him. Slowly, again. He did things really slowly. Looked, blinked. Let his hand drop.

Jungkook tried, “Do you like the sunlight?”

Taehyung didn’t answer. At all, he just kept looking, not really at Jungkook and not really away, brows knotting harder and harder together.

Jungkook wet his lips, throat dry. “What’s wrong?”

“I.. don’t know… what you mean?” Taehyung’s voice went quiet. He looked almost in pain. “By… liking? What does- what does that mean?”

“What does liking something mean?” Fuck, Jungkook was not expecting- A chill ran down his spine, throat tightening.

He came up to Taehyung, careful, reached for his hand again. It was completely limp, and he seemed so lost. Jungkook didn’t know why he’d be faking that. He didn’t think he was.

But that was scary, because that would mean something was wrong. Very wrong.

He took Taehyung’s hand with both of his, holding it so his wrist wouldn’t twist, and pulled gently. “Let’s go, okay? I’ll show you the flat.”

Taehyung’s eyes finally moved to Jungkook’s again, and his features smoothed out. “Okay.”

He could walk just fine. Still, Jungkook held his hand when they moved down the glass stairs, to the living room. Just to make sure.

There was a wide couch, and a door to the balcony in the two-floor tall window. Seoul was spread out beneath them.

The buzz of a skateboard flying by reached Jungkook`s ears and he turned to Taehyung, let go of his hand once they’ve reached the floor.

“Are you okay with sounds? I can seal the windows.”

Taehyung shook his head. “That is not necessary. Thank you.”

“Okay. Tell me if- I don’t know, if you need something. I haven’t read the instructions on you, I`ll be honest.” Jungkook tried to ignore the guilt. But again, “Sorry.”

Taehyung smiled. “That`s not a problem. There`s nothing you have to do.”

Jungkook nodded and moved further into the flat. It was still bright outside but the dim lights in the kitchen turned on anyway, lit up the black countertops.

Jungkook pointed to the kitchen island, for Taehyung to sit down. He himself went around it and snapped his fingers, turning the teapot on.

He guessed asking Taehyung whether he wanted coffee or tea would be pointless since he`s never had either, so Jungkook simply took three cups out. “Are you hungry?”

He expected Taehyung to hesitate, to maybe not know what hunger felt like. But his response was quick. “Yes.”

Jungkook turned to him, leaned against the counter. “Do you think you`d be okay with trying a stir-fry?”

Taehyung nodded, without thinking.

Jungkook arched a brow. “Do you know what a stir-fry even is?”

Taehyung nodded again, almost in slow motion, hair shining with gold in the thin rays of light. “It`s common knowledge. I do.”

“Common knowledge.” Jungkook repeated. “What does that- I mean…” He rolled his eyes at himself. Tried to rephrase. “Do you know everything? Or are you researching things as we speak? Or do you have, like, have a hard-drive with everything that you know?”

Taehyung glanced down at his own hands briefly, frowning like he wasn`t sure what to do with them now, and folded them in his lap before speaking.

“I can access the internet, if that`s what you mean. And there`s already some information filed in my brain – all the basics I might need. Same as a human. You have information saved in your brains too.” Taehyung tilted his head. “Why didn`t you choose any additional files? About your interests? I would have already known what you were talking about now, then.”

Jungkook realized, finally, fully, right there and then, that he had fucked up. Because Taehyung looked relaxed and domestic, sitting in Jungkook`s kitchen in a simple plain shirt, with dark eyes, and sun in his hair, asking Jungkook actual questions, and Jungkook felt ecstatic that they were about to have a real conversation.

He was seriously going to treat that robot like his potential friend.

He had fucked up.

He really had.

Jungkook took a long, quiet breath, and tapped on a cupboard. Grabbed a pan when it opened and put it on a stove between Taehyung and himself. “I thought it`d be more fun if I told you about my hobbies myself.”

Taehyung watched his movements. “That makes sense. So what are they?”

“Video games.” Jungkook came up to the fridge and looked into it as it opened. “And cooking. I work out, too. Do you know if you have any allergies?”

“No.”

Jungkook glanced back. “`No` you don`t know?”

The corners of Taehyung`s mouth moved up. “Sorry. No, I`m sure I don`t have any.”

Jungkook grabbed some fresh vegetable, meat and two portions of precooked rice he had in the freezer, carried it all to the sink in one go. The fridge closed soundlessly, the teapot stopped boiling.

A bell pepper almost fell from where Jungkook was holding it back with his chin.

“Should I help?” Taehyung offered tentatively and Jungkook let the mountain of food crumble down on the counter, making sure nothing rolled off to the floor.

“Do you want to?” He asked without looking. “You can, but I don’t need you to.”

He ripped open the package of mushrooms, dumped them into a sieve and turned around when he realized Taehyung hasn`t answered.

And stopped.

Taehyung was staring at the table in front of him, a deep frown on his face again, just like before.

“What`s wrong?”

Taehyung looked up at him. “What do you mean `want`?”

“Is that not common knowledge?”

Taehyung`s frown only worsened. “I know that I ‘want’ to eat because my body is hungry. But how could I ‘want’ to cook?”

Jungkook blinked a few times.

He really wasn’t good at explaining things, in general, but much less things like that.

Taehyung`s eyes flickered with something too close to pain, though, so Jungkook blurted, “Well-“ Faltered. “I want to cook cause it`s fun.”

That didn`t help. “Fun?”

Right. Fuck, that was a robot. How the fuck would he know what `fun` felt like? What anything felt like?

“It doesn`t matter, forget it.” Jungkook tried to soothe. “Just come here, I`ll show you some stuff.”

Taehyung moved automatically, steps light and quiet, and his features relaxed just a little.

Jungkook rinsed the mushrooms quickly and pointed at the peppers. “Wash them.”

Taehyung reached for one and suddenly gasped, very softly, stared at the vegetable in his open palm.

God, he was stressing Jungkook out. “What’s-“

“Nothing, sorry.” Taehyung whispered, tried to snap out of it. “It’s just- I guess it’s cold?”

“Ah. Yeah.” Jungkook nodded and frowned. “Wait. You can feel coldness but you can’t feel want?”

“Cold is a physical feeling.” The response sounded clinical. Like a quote. “The type of want we were talking about is driven by an emotion. I’m not capable of those.”

Jungkook stared at him. “You didn’t know that a minute ago.”

Taehyung blinked back, unbothered. “I researched.”

“You- Now?”

A short nod.

“Okay…” Jungkook dragged. “Is it too late to ask you not to do that? Like, I want to tell you some stuff myself.” He waved at the food. “Like I would to a human. You can obviously go read whatever you want, but could you please not do that when we’re doing something?”

A twitch of Taehyung’s brow. A tint of confusion.

“Don’t you want me to be perfect at things?”

Jungkook didn’t need to think. “No. I just want you to do them with me.”

That confusion stayed in Taehyung’s eyes, but he still nodded. Then brought the pepper under the water and his whole face lit up with shock.

Jungkook jerked Taehyung’s hand away from the water on instinct. “What? Is it too hot? Taehyung?” He touched the stream himself. “ No, it’s fine. Then what-“

A sigh left Taehyung’s lips, soft and slow, and he pulled his wrist out of Jungkook’s hold like he did not hear a word. Brought his hand back to the water, watched it flow down his fingers. Lips moving, as if to speak, but no words came.

Then he froze, for just a second.

Grabbed the pepper, face blanking. “I’m sorry. It’s just overwhelming. I will adjust soon.”

Jungkook almost sagged in relieve. “That’s fine.” Fuck. “It really is, I get it, I was just scared you’re in pain.”

“Oh.” Taehyung looked at him, took the next pepper. “You don’t have to worry, I know how to take care of myself.”

Right. Jungkook almost scoffed. Taehyung didn’t even know what water felt like one moment ago.

“Dry the peppers when you’re done, okay?” Jungkook patted the towel and got out a cutting board, turned the stove on.

Taehyung seemed to have forgotten his own surprise, going through washing the rest of vegetables with ease, dried them swiftly. His eyes were weirdly focused as he watched Jungkook chop the onions and carrots, threw them onto the pan. The oil there sizzled and Taehyung`s nose scrunched up softly.

“Why not just order?” Taehyung asked as Jungkook reached for the mushrooms.

And, fuck, wasn`t that nice? Not being alone, being asked things? Even if by a robot.

Maybe Jungkook was beginning to get why they were so popular.

He needed to think for a moment before he could answer, though, wanted to phrase it right. “I guess… it makes me feel human.”

Taehyung frowned. Again, he did that a lot. Jungkook wasn’t entirely sure he was supposed to.

“Cooking?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook held a bunch of cold mushrooms together, brought the knife down. Fingertips wet. “I`m not just consuming things. Just sitting there without moving or caring, consuming shit that’s fed or shown to me. I`m making something. Myself.” He liked the sound of sharp steel meeting wood. Thin steams of oyster mushrooms splitting in two. “Also-“ He gave Taehyung an apologetic look. “I have nothing against robots, I swear, but I like human food better. This is not gonna be perfect, I`ll probably mess up the spices again or get lazy and not chop the rest as small as it should be, but that`s the whole point. It`s gonna be something only I could ever make, and it`s gonna be different from the last time I made this. Something unique. Do you get what I mean?”

Taehyung nodded. Hell, why were his eyes so intense?

“I wouldn`t have been able to cook you perfect meals either, you know?” Taehyung brought his hands up. “I`m not built like the androids who cook. They are machines. I would need weights, would need to revise the recipes over and over. And I can`t be that precise with the measurements, too. I could try, but this body is just too imperfect. It`s similar to yours.”

“No, that`s literally perfect.” Jungkook nodded and put down the knife. “Wanna try chopping?”

He cursed himself a second later, expecting Taehyung to get another existential crisis over being asked what he wants, but, surprisingly, that didn`t happen.

Taehyung only stepped forward, reached for the knife.

Jungkook looked at him with confusion. “So you can want to do things.”

Taehyung shook his head, taking a thick bunch of mushrooms. “I know how to do this in theory. It makes sense for me to learn how well I can do this in practice.”

Right. A rational reason.

Taehyung could chop just fine. Not flawless. Just normal.

His features tensed with annoyance every time the spaced the cut wrong, though, and Jungkook assumed striving for perfection must have been codded into his core.

Taehyung went back to sit when it was done and Jungkook dumped vegetables, rice and meat into the pan, stirred, covered it with a lid.

(He also had to admit that he did not always cook. Not nearly as much as he wanted to. But he thought it might be a cool thing to do now with Taehyung.)

Wasn’t it sad how he felt motivated just because there was a human-looking robot by his side?

The water in the teapot had been kept hot and Jungkook made two cups with coffee and one with tea, brought them to Taehyung, got some sugar.

He sat back with his own black coffee, moved the rest to Taehyung. “Be careful, ‘s hot.”

There was a lot of concentration in the way Taehyung took his cup, coffee first. Slender fingers curled around the dark handle, too pale against it. Palm supporting the bottom. He balanced it carefully, lifted it to his face.

Sniffled.

Surprise washed over Taehyung`s features, made his eyes widen.

Jungkook smiled to himself.

Taehyung sniffed the liquid again, lashes falling closed briefly. “That smells… good, I suppose.”

His lips touched the lid and Jungkook glanced away. Wasn’t sure why.

Almost missed the look of utter betrayal that suddenly came over Taehyung`s entire face, the hurry as he placed the cup down and nudged it away. He sounded scandalized. “That`s- that`s!-“

He waved, lips setting in a deep pout, and Jungkook wanted to coo.

“You don`t like it?”

“Like it?” Taehyung grimaced. “It`s- bitter, and- and- Ew!”

Jungkook laughed. Couldn`t help it. He didn`t care who programmed Taehyung to look and sound this adorable, but him pouting and saying `ew` with his nose all scrunched up made something in Jungkook`s chest feel warm.

“Well, I`m sorry.” He smiled, trying to keep it down when accusation filled Taehyung`s eyes. “I really like coffee. Maybe you could add sugar to it?”

Taehyung shook his head decisively, pursed his lips. “No.” He faked a shudder. And, again, “Ew.”

So he wasn’t programmed to just mirror all of Jungkook’s likes. That was a relieve.

Taehyung reached for the tea next but his expression saddened as soon as he sniffed it. “This doesn’t even smell nice.”

That expression right there – the slightly upset one – it had do be fake, right? Because Taehyung couldn’t have feelings? Or was wanting to drink something nice still a physical thing?

Hell, Jungkook was going to get a headache.

“I don’t like tea either.” He sighed. “But some people do.”

Taehyung looked at him pretty skeptically but picked the cup up again. Tried it.

Did not look impressed. “It’s just flavored water.”

Jungkook agreed wholeheartedly. Still, for some unknown reason, he wanted to find something Taehyung would enjoy.

“Try it with sugar.”

Taehyung’s movement looked automatic as he reached for it and Jungkook got that same weird feeling from before, like Taehyung got bored. Of this, or of Jungkook.

Absurd.

His face was blank when he sipped his sweetened tea but then his eyes went wide.

“Oh.”

He frowned, looked at the cup. Tried more. Traced his tongue over his lip.

“That-“ Drank more, frowned deeper. “That is not healthy. Why is it so good?”

Jungkook stood up and went to stir the rice. Because sitting there and beaming at making a robot like something made him feel stupid.

He grabbed two plates and filled them, came back to find Taehyung staring at a half-eaten spoon of sugar with so much confusion.

He groaned. “Oh my god, did you try to eat it?”

Taehyung blinked at him, like a lost puppy. “I- like it? But I don’t? It doesn’t taste good when I eat it like this.”

Jungkook put Taehyung’s plate in front of him, chopsticks balanced on top. “Of course it doesn’t. It’s too sweet on its own. And, by the way, nobody eats sugar with a spoon right before lunch. Is that not common knowledge?”

Taehyung’s lips turned down again. In a pout.

That had to be programmed.

“Adult humans have that thing called free will.”

Jungkook… stared at him. Did Taehyung mean that to sound sassy? Was that a setting?

Well of course it must have been.

Jungkook just didn’t remember his laptop throwing sass at him out of nowhere. It couldn’t do that even when Jungkook asked, much less all on its own.

“You-“ He shook himself out of it and set down. “We also have that thing called self control.”

Taehyung picked up the chopsticks. “Right.”

Well.

Jungkook couldn’t tell what it was.

The tone was okay. Taehyung’s face truly neutral.

But that felt… Maybe Jungkook was just already tripping. But that there felt like sarcasm.

“What ‘right’?”

Taehyung positioned the chopsticks in his hand with odd precision, glanced up at Jungkook. “Nothing.”

Excitement just exploded somewhere in the back of Jungkook’s mind, he couldn’t fight it. “No, you tell me.”

Taehyung hesitated, for just a moment. “I don’t think you want to hear it.”

“I really fucking do.”

Taehyung sighed. Stabbed the rice with the chopsticks. “You humans are very emotional. And impulsive. And you barely have any self control. You’ve said it yourself – most humans don’t even live, just exist, consuming whatever they’re given.”

Great. So, Synth Thv-7, aka Taehyung, had spent less than half an hour awake in Jungkook’s house before he started assaulting his entire damn race.

Jungkook’s grin fucking hurt.

He couldn’t explain why he was happy. But he was almost vibrating with it.

“First of all.” He waved his chopsticks at Taehyung and Taehyung’s brows creased as he followed the movement. “If I wasn’t impulsive, you wouldn’t be sitting there. Second of all…” He should not have made his fist point. “…we are not impulsive.”

This time, Taehyung’s lips curled up. But he said in that same flat voice, “Right.”

“We- You can eat.” Jungkook motioned quickly, remembering Taehyung said he was hungry. Jungkook suddenly wasn’t, he just went on instead. “We aren’t just emotional. And not all of us are. We just feel things very differently and some people can’t always control that. They choose… happiness. Or what they believe makes them happy. That’s how it’s always been. You can’t blame them for-“

“I can’t blame anyone for anything.” Taehyung stopped with an emphasis on ‘can’t’, picked up a slice of beef. “But humans are emotional. You know what’s best for you in most cases, yet you do the opposite because of your momentary wants. Irrational wants.”

“Like eating sugar with a spoon.”

Taehyung froze with chopsticks halfway to his mouth. His eyes snapped to Jungkook.

Jungkook pressed two fingers to his own mouth not to laugh, but his smile was still visible.

Taehyung narrowed his eyes. Almost lowered his chopsticks.

“No, please eat.” Jungkook worried and took his own chopsticks too. “I’m just messing with you.”

Taehyung huffed, shaking his head, but finally put some food into his mouth.

“Can you really not have any emotions?” Jungkook asked quietly, just because there were things sometimes that he needed to have spelled out.

Taehyung chewed very calmly. “I get the concept. But no. I can have physical feelings, because my body is human. And my own cognitive processes. But I do not have the ability to experience human emotions.” He paused and added, “Or wants.”

And then reached for rice.

Jungkook frowned. “Your own cognitive processes?”

Just a nod.

“So- Wait. You don’t have programmed responses? Behaviors? Or- I don’t know, whatever it’s called.”

Taehyung smiled but it was different, robotically polite.

Bored.

Fuck, Jungkook could have sworn he was bored.

“No programmed responses or behaviors, no. I have certain information and skills saved in my brain. Same as you, in a way. And a set of rules I should follow. Like your law, or moral codex. And although I have a human nervous system and could theoretically respond to an emotion on a physical level, I have no way of triggering it.” He held Jungkook’s gaze. “I can not have emotions or that kind of feelings.”

Jungkook needed a second to process. If he wasn’t friends with Namjoon, he would have probably failed.

“Okay. So you choose what to say and do yourself.”

Another nod.

Jungkook almost asked if Taehyung could ever kill him but caught himself.

He knew he couldn’t.

He’d never have a reason to, never care enough to want to. Jungkook had heard cases of robots who got raped and still never harmed the assaulter.

‘The Primar Setting’ – to never cause harm to a human.

A very small, deep part of Jungkook wished there were exceptions.

“And I was not being impulsive.” Taehyung added smoothly, scooping up vegetables. “I wanted to get a better taste of a new sensory trigger.”

“No, you totally just wanted to eat sugar like a toddler.” Jungkook grinned. “I bet you’d do it with your hands if I wasn’t here.”

Taehyung glared. Or tried to. His cheeks dusted pink. “I assure you, Jungkook, if I wanted to, I would have. Shame is an emotion and therefore also something I can not-“

“Blah-blah.”

Taehyung blinked, lost completely, and Jungkook rested his chin on his palm. Fuck, he was loving this.

“You saw a sweet treat and grabbed it. Like an impulsive human child. You can just admit it.”

Taehyung’s mouth dropped open and Jungkook fucking know Taehyung didn’t mean for it to.

“I- You- It was not impulsive! It was an irrational action that I consciously chose to partake. Because I had a reason.” He nodded aggressively, only once. “I reject your accusation. It is absurd.”

“Taehyung.” Jungkook looked at him. Just looked and contemplated asking why he was blushing or why his voice rose. But Taehyung wasn’t eating again so Jungkook only soothed, “I was just teasing.”

He would ask later why Taehyung found comparison to a human to be so offensive. Not that he blamed him that much.

“Do you like it?” He asked, meaning the food, and Taehyung hummed.

“Yes, thank you. I don’t think I can give you a detailed response yet. But it is nice.”

Jungkook smiled and finally tried some himself. He didn’t even mess up the spices this time. But he probably could have added more pepper.

Taehyung suddenly frowned, face twisting, and pushed something on his plate with the tip of a chopstick. “What’s that?”

Jungkook leaned forward slightly. “Chilly flakes.”

Taehyung grimaced. “Ew. It… hurts my tongue.”

Jungkook blinked. “You don’t like that it’s spicy?”

“It burns, why would I like it?”

Well… fair.

Jungkook stood up and brought a glass of water. “Drink, it’ll go away.”

Taehyung apparently did not like water.

“It’s just-“ He swirled it in the glass. “It’s just a liquid nothing. Even the tea was better.” His eyes lit up. “Can u add sugar to this?”

“No.” Jungkook huffed. “It’s too cold, it won’t melt.”

Taehyung went back to eating with a small pout and Jungkook grabbed his phone to place an order.

It arrived just as Jungkook dumped the now-empty plates into the sink and got the teapot started again.

He took the paper package from the drone and brought it to the table, unwrapped it under Taehyung’s curious gaze.

Turned the open box around to show Taehyung all the different sweets. “Common knowledge?”

Taehyung stared at it with his lips parted and nodded hastily. Jungkook smiled and pushed it to him.

He made Taehyung tea and himself more coffee and set back to watch Taehyung fuss over the sweets. He looked ecstatic. Jungkook didn’t know why it pleased him that much.

He assumed Taehyung’s favorite would be tanghulu. And Taehyung did devour the entire strawberry skewer in less than twenty-five seconds, but what he fell in love with was yungwa. The small, puffy rice sweet that left Taehyung’s fingertips covered in sticky honey, sesame and nuts.

“It’s so!-“ His eyes sparkled, they really did, and his cheeks dusted pink again. “So chewy? But- soft? But also crunchy? And the nuts are so!-“

He pouted when he munched, too.

Jungkook knew the smile that stayed on his own face was stupid, for so many reasons, and he was glad Taehyung was too busy to notice it.

“Do you like them too?” Taehyung asked, pointing at the colorful yungwas. “These ones taste like strawberries!”

Jungkook reached for a dasik cookie instead. “I like things that are less sweet.”

“That’s sad.” Taehyung said with no sadness at all and way too much judgment. He grabbed a yakwa. “Oh yes, that’s with honey too? Oh, no, why is it so good?” He tried frowning at Jungkook as he pushed the whole cookie into his mouth. “Ahe you twying to mahe me obese?”

Jungkook laughed. It was stupid. Who cared.

“You aren’t obligated to finish the whole box right now, you know?”

“I absolutely am.” Taehyung took a puffed donut pastry that was covered in sugar, and eyed it greedily. “Moral obligation.”

“Taehyung, you do not have morals.”

Taehyung didn’t even bother biting him back, just watched with absolute heart eyes as the dough pulled apart, sugar falling from it back in the box, glistening bright in the sunlight.

“Why would you feed me that stir fry when this exists?”

Jungkook sipped his coffee, snatched half of a donut-thing from Taehyung. “Because this is not healthy. And you know that.”

“I take it back, humans aren’t nearly impulsive enough. I think I want to eat this until I die. I want this to kill me. It has my permission.”

“It doesn’t have my permission, though.” Jungkook huffed. “So you can start choosing what perfectly balanced meal you want for dinner. And then we’ll go for a walk.”

Taehyung sighed. “I knew I was getting dictator vibes from you.”

“You’re very rude for a robot, has anyone told you?”

After the fun they’ve had with the sweets, playing computer games turned out to be a compete miss.

Well, it wasn’t like Taehyung was complaining. He held his console, asked questions, honestly tried his best.

But he looked bored again.

When Jungkook asked him directly, he frowned. “No? I can not be bored.”

But his eyes didn’t sparkle, and his face stayed blank.

The sun had set too quickly and now there was only pale neon of gaming screens coloring Taehyung’s features, almost making his bright hair shine.

With that empty face and eyes void of any interest he looked so much like a metallic doll that it gave Jungkook chills.

He threw his console onto the couch behind them and got up. “Let’s go.”

Taehyung simply followed.

Jungkook brought them to the very rooftop, with thick trees near the energetic windshield and a huge lit up pool in the middle. Tiny lights along the white stony paths flicked to life as they sensed movement.

The see-through shield tuned out the sounds of the city, but Jungkook could still see it perfectly, laid down far-far away, on the ground.

It shined, steady and perfect, the calm kind of light that never went out.

For some odd reason, for just a second, Jungkook thought of countless diners down there where robots were cooking and serving right now, cleaning and working and keeping this city alive. Silent, unseen. Emotionless. Thought of nightclubs and brothels.

Glanced at Taehyung’s passive face, complete indifference to the stunning view they were watching.

He asked quietly, “Common knowledge?”

Taehyung’s eyes moved to his and something in them changed very briefly. “The city?” He shrugged. “It’s just buildings and light.”

Jungkook nodded. “Water can’t damage you, right?”

Taehyung’s brow creased. “No? Why-“

Jungkook pushed him into the pool.

He perched at the edge of it to see Taehyung’s face up close as he pushed himself up to stand, eyes wide, clothes soaked, spitting out water.

“What- the fuck, Jungkook!”

Shocked, gasping. Something like thrill in his gaze.

Confusion, surprise.

None of that mechanic stillness.

Jungkook felt something deep in his chest loosen up.

“You like water.”

Taehyung’s eyes bulged. “So- You- What?”

Jungkook chuckled and reached back for a sun lounger, dragged it close to sit down. “Do you not like it?”

Taehyung faltered, chest rising fast. Tried to pace himself, tried to think. “I- do, I guess. It doesn’t mean you should just-“

“Will you get upset at me?”

Taehyung’s glare was annoyed.

Because no he won’t. He can’t, right? Be upset?

He breathed out slowly and his shoulders relaxed. The thin line of neon water splashed around his, sharp collarbones standing out where the shirt slipped down a little.

Jungkook couldn’t read his expressions that well yet, but Taehyung’s features softened, got somewhat lost as he brought his hands up, watched them slide through the water, image altered by ripples.

Big drops fell from the tips of his hair to his cheeks, to the slope of his nose, and Taehyung pushed his hair back with both hands. It’s blond color turned almost turquoise.

And he simply stood there, for a while, not doing much, but there was not a trace of boredom on him.

Jungkook didn’t know why he himself was suddenly so okay with waiting. Just this morning it had bothered him.

Taehyung looked up and, oh, his eyes looked even darker like this. Despite the lights, despite the neon. Dark and intense and not bored at all.

Jungkook didn’t get it.

“I don’t think I know how to swim.”

Jungkook moved before he could really think – just pulled his phone from his back pocket and tossed it onto the lounger, kicked his slippers off and slid into the pool.

His feet haven’t even touched the bottom when a neon wave punched him right in the face, quick and hard.

Jungkook gasped, pushed his wet hair away and rubbed water away from his eyes. “The fuck!”

He heard Taehyung giggle before he saw it. A comically evil sound.

There was a finger in Jungkook’s face when he managed to blink his eyes open. And, “Do not push me, you impulsive human.”

Jungkook swatted the hand away. “It was an irrational act that I consciously chose to partake in. And I literally came to fucking help, if you splash me again, I will leave and you can just keep standing-“

Taehyung splashed him again. Same as before, right in the face.

Jungkook groaned to hide his smile, wiped his brow as he turned around. “Okay, you know what-“

There were suddenly fingers curled around Jungkook’s forearm, pulling him back. “No, come on.” A smile, an almost real one. “I was just messing with you.”

Jungkook didn’t know why he didn’t ask ‘why’. He should have, he wanted to know. Because, really, why? Taehyung couldn’t have ‘wanted’ to. So why?

If Taehyung had been programmed- instructed to lie, to do whatever Jungkook liked, he would have done it with the video games. Would have done it better.

Call Jungkook insane, but he didn’t think Taehyung was pretending now.

And maybe he should have still asked.

But Taehyung’s hand felt warm on Jungkook’s, and his eyes were dark and, Jungkook didn’t ask.

He sighed and patted the water. “Lay on your back.”

He didn’t know why he didn’t ask.

Chapter Text

When Jungkook walked down the stairs the next morning, Taehyung was already there.

Simply sitting. On the edge of the couch, looking at nothing with that empty stare. Only his slender fingers were moving over the black textured cushion, absentmindedly, pressing down with no force at all.

Just resting there.

Pale.

Then he turned to Jungkook. “Morning.”

Jungkook cleared his throat and quickly moved to the kitchen. The floor felt cold under his bare feet. “Hi. Sorry, didn’t mean to sleep for that long. How long have you been up?”

Taehyung didn’t answer the question, only said evenly, “You can sleep for as long as you want.”

Right. Because Taehyung didn’t care and could not get bored. Even if he looked like it.

Jungkook snapped his fingers to turn the teapot on, but it beeped at him, condensation dripping down the glass walls and back into steaming hot water.

Jungkook’s brown rose and he glanced around to find Taehyung already sitting in his place by the kitchen island.

“I assumed you’d want your bitter poison in the morning.”

“Aren’t you a delight.” Jungkook huffed and shook his head. But, “Thanks.”

That felt too nice. Just having somebody boil water for him. Was Jungkook that pathetically lonely?

He made some tea for Taehyung and coffee for himself and got started on the breakfast. Nothing fancy, just heating up frozen rice and dumping eggs into it. He also wouldn’t have minded kimchi but for today he chose soy sous and sesame oil for seasoning.

Just not to listen to Taehyung whine that it’s spicy. Not ‘cause he cared or anything.

And he pretended not to notice that half the leftover sweets from yesterday were missing now. Pretended it did not make him smile.

“I have a lecture today.” He said apologetically, cutting some scallion over the rice. “Will you be okay alone here?”

Taehyung shrugged. “Of course. Do you want me to do something?”

Jungkook put Taehyung’s bowl down in front of him. “Like what?”

“Clean? Do the laundry? I don’t know.” Taehyung picked up his chopsticks and, unlike yesterday, he paid that movement no mind. “Also, I know you don’t study.”

Jungkook grinned. It felt like Taehyung had tried to catch him cheating or something. “I don’t. It’s just a short history course I singed up for. And I don’t want you to clean anything. I guess you can redecorate your room if you want.”

Taehyung gave him a look.

Jungkook sighed. “Right. You don’t want. Well, I don’t know then.”

“You don’t have to find me a task.” Taehyung dismissed and picked some rice up.

Jungkook decided not to ask what he was going to do for half of the day in that case. Same as this morning? Just sit there and stare into nothing?

He pushed that though away, tried to focus on something else instead. For example on how awfully nice it felt to eat warm, tasty rice together with someone. How the morning silence of his flat felt peaceful rather than crushing, for once.

Taehyung’s brow twitched when he tried rice with the scallions, but he didn’t say anything. Only patted the rest of green rings to the side.

Jungkook sipped some coffee. “You don’t like it?”

He personally wouldn’t even say the scallion had taste. Just added color. And the vitamins.

“It’s too much texture.”

“Texture.”

Taehyung nodded. “It’s not the same as rice and eggs. It’s distracting.”

“The scallions are distracting you from the rice.” Jungkook smiled to himself. “Okay.”

He didn’t have much time, so he finished his food rather quickly, but even so, Taehyung was not even halfway done when he put his chopsticks on top of the bowl.

Jungkook frowned. “Do you not like it?”

“I do.” Taehyung leaned back. “But I’m gonna explode soon.”

“Really?” There were only two eggs in each plate. But okay, Taehyung was noticeably slimmer than Jungkook and he did snack on those sweets earlier. “Fine.” Jungkook tapped to the table to make a screen there light up. “Order something if you get hungry, okay? And just… do whatever you like here. Except maybe don’t try cooking without me. Do you need a phone so you can-“

Jungkook’s phone buzzed and he took it out to glance at it.

[Taehyung]
No.
☺️

Jungkook stared up at him. From the smiley to Taehyung’s deliberately blank expression.

“Seriously? Are you watching Netflix up there too while I’m talking to you?”

The corners of Taehyung’s lips twitched, so briefly Jungkook thought he imagined it. “No. But I don’t need a phone.”

[Jungkook]
Okay. 😑

[Taehyung]
👍

Jungkook rolled his eyes and locked the screen.

Taehyung’s eyes changed. Just slightly, barely enough for Jungkook to catch it at all, and it was definitely nothing like the way they shined when Jungkook had pushed him into the pool yesterday, but it was there.

The tiniest shift, a glimmer that made him look a little less… dead? Less like a machine.

Dark eyes, on Jungkook. So fucking pretty.

Jungkook turned away.

He didn’t know if the clothes and other essentials that came with Taehyung were the same for all the models or tailored for each one, but he thought Taehyung’s shirts looked somewhat big. Slid down his shoulder too much, showed his collarbones too well.

No, it must have been intentional.

And maybe Jungkook needed to go get laid sometime soon. There was no way in hell he’d think of a robot that way.

The idea alone disgusted him a little.

Even if the robot did not look like a robot and had bed hair that looked like gold in morning sunlight and stole away sweets before breakfast and clearly enjoyed annoying Jungkook.

The weight of what Jungkook had done finally hit first him as he stepped outside.

Maybe because it was his first time being truly alone since he pressed that ‘buy now’ button.

He bought a fucking robot.

Literally why the fuck did he do that.

His throat tightened and chest filled with panic at the thought of explaining that to anybody. To his parents, his friends. To himself.

And it wasn’t like he could hide that. A whole ass robot – a Synth, Thv-7, sitting up there in Jungkook’s living room now. Eating his sweets.

Jungkook dropped his hoverboard to the ground and it lit up, the quiet buzz starting.

Jungkook stepped onto it, felt the soles of his boots getting sucked to the surface. Gentle neon turned up right before his face – standard data, available routs.

This model had switched from glove-control to full-body scan not so long ago and Jungkook was still adjusting. It took him a moment to set the destination and, to his relive, the fastest road there was free. He booked it quickly.

Otherwise, he would have had to find some way around or go down speed-limited areas. And Jungkook wasn’t a racer or anything, but being able to set his own speed made him feel a lot more free.

A path that only Jungkook could see lit up from where he was standing and up, curled around a building at sixth floor height.

He put his right hand to his side and the hoverboard’s hum rose. Then he crooked two fingers and was up in the air.

It was thrilling, it made Jungkook’s heart race, every damn time. Despite all of his thoughts, there was a grin on his face.

He was addicted to this, fucking sue him.

He knew he wouldn’t fall, knew he was secure, knew there was like a billion sensors around him that made sure the path was safe, there were no other flyers nearby, and all of those that were up were not drank or insane, and he even knew that he was not the one fully in charge of the hoverboard – it would not let him diverge from his rout, wouldn’t let him crush into the building.

He knew.

But to Jungkook’s stupid human brain he was twenty meters from the ground and the only thing underneath him was a roaring piece of metal that went thirty-five kilometers per hour.

And he was the one pushing his left foot down to make it gain more speed, flicking his fingers to fly right by a brick jamb, round the building with with only hoverboard’s neon sensors telling him that was safe.

He dived down and slowed down at some point. Cause having all of his senses zeroed down to driving was nice, but letting the wind shield fall and getting cool air brush his hair back was nicer. Hearing the city, the quiet of it.

Jungkook always thought this city was quieter in the mornings. Or maybe Seoul just belonged to the night.

He crooked his fingers and flew onto the last straight piece of route, dived underneath the lamppost and stopped at the very stairs of an old building.

Well, ‘old’ was very relative. Nothing in this world felt truly old anymore, and maybe that was why Jungkook’s family and Jungkook himself clung to history with such desperation.

Only for Jungkook to bring a robot into his home.

Fuck.

The pressure on Jungkook’s boots eased and he stepped off the board, pulled a belt from its underside to hang it off his shoulder.

He was not going to be thinking of Taehyung. He fucking came here to learn something new.

These courses were hard things to find – something for humans, by humans. For people who were willing to get up in the morning and come somewhere to get information, to sit and listen and make their brains work.

In that ancient, almost extinct kind of way.

It was purely for them, too. Not like any of them truly needed a job.

Some people came for aesthetic pictures of an old lecture hall. Some just to kill time. Some – Jungkook – to be somewhere with other humans and, for just a few hours, stop feeling so damn alone.

It gave him a fleeting, fake sense of belonging.

(He didn’t know whether he would have signed up if he had known he would get Taehyung. Wasn’t ready to think about it.)

The first professor that came was a middle-aged man who could have looked two decades younger if he wasn’t refusing modern bodily treatments. A lot like Jungkook’s dad.

He had a nice voice. A bit quiet, a bit too monotone – so beautifully, imperfectly human.

And Jungkook was focused. On the lecture, he was.

He was so focused on the lecture that he had barely noticed himself buying a thirty-two-flavor tea set and sending it to his own flat with a note that said, ‘They all smell and taste different’. And some raspberry candies.

He saw the order mark ‘delivered’ and locked his phone.

That, again, was what he meant when he said he had issues. Taehyung literally did not - could physically not – give a fuck about being alone. He was a goddamn robot.

And Jungkook still felt guilty for leaving him.

He didn’t even have stuff to do. Well, he had food. Snacks, drinks, thirty-two flavors of tea, raspberry candies, TV, gaming console, a phone (or whatever) built into his mind, gym five floors above them, spa center and a pool, but… like, still.

Jungkook knew he was just sitting on the couch and doing nothing.

He knew he shouldn’t have bought him. He wasn’t worrying about how his teapot was doing, was he?

Fucking ridiculous.

Taehyung probably wasn’t even going to move the entire time Jungkook was gone. He was probably just going to shut down as any other ro-

Jungkook’s phone buzzed.

[Taehyung]
Can I go to the roof?

Jungkook stared at the screen.

He stared at it for so long.

Didn’t know why his fingers were unsteady when he typed,

[Jungkook]
Why?
I mean, sure
But you’re not gonna jump off it or something, yeah?

He didn’t even know if the shield around it would allow that. But, fuck, of all the places. Why the roof?

[Taehyung]
?
No?
Why would I do that

[Jungkook]
Idk, why would u go there at all

Taehyung answered after a long pause that felt too much like hesitation. Like he didn’t want to.

Or didn’t know how.

[Taehyung]
The pool wasn’t bad.

Not ‘Because I want to’. Not ‘Because I liked the water’.

But because ‘The pool wasn’t bad’.

He had to want to, though. He had to have liked it.

[Jungkook]
There’re swimming trunks somewhere in my wardrobe
And check in before u leave the flat so the water has time to heat up. The screen’s by the door

[Taehyung]
It wasn’t cold yesterday

Jungkook froze, feeling caught, for some reason. Fuck.

[Taehyung]
Were you planning on pushing me in?

[Jungkook]
It was an irrational action that I consciously chose to partake, yes.

Taehyung didn’t answer.

Jungkook didn’t know why that made him smile. He didn’t know so many things with Taehyung.

Jimin texted him just as the lectures were over, whining how they haven’t met up in forever and should please-please do it soon. Jungkook said okay and marked it as a problem for later.

The sun was setting and the city started slowly waking up. Jungkook wanted to go for a short walk but changed his mind and hopped onto the hoverboard.

He didn’t exactly know what he was expecting back home. Maybe to find Taehyung with flour in his hair and the kitchen on fire, or music blasting from every speaker he owned and the living room’s walls painted hot pink.

Or maybe just Taehyung sitting still with face blank and eyes void.

What he did not expect was to find Taehyung deeply asleep, curled in on himself on the dark couch. His breaths came out slow, lips parted agains a pillow, and, if Jungkook hadn’t known, he would have never guessed this wasn’t a human.

A fluffy strand of golden hair fell over Taehyung’s brow, and Jungkook got a weird urge to brush it back. He walked away before he could, though.

Everyone looked voulnerable when they were asleep. Nothing special about Taehyung.

It was just too much of a contrast. Made him look too fragile. Arms tight around himself, knees close to his chest.

All skin and bones, of course he was cold. He probably hadn’t even meant to fall asleep.

Jungkook came back with a thick blanked and draped it over Taehyung’s sleeping frame.

Because cold was very much a physical feeling.

And Jungkook had issues.

He took a quick shower and then spent too long pulling jeans and a hoodie on his damp body. The waking lights of the city kept slowing him down.

He liked this time of the day, too. That moment before evening and night when his room was still bright enough to keep the lights off but the lampposts and signs behind his window kept flicking on one by one.

Like quiet before the storm, before it all exploded with life and neon.

Jungkook had just flicked the teapot on when Taehyung stirred on the couch.

He waddled up to the kitchen island, holding the blanket around himself. Eyes half closed. Climbed onto his chair.

“Hi.”

Jungkook smiled. “Slept well?”

Taehyung crossed his hands on the table and dropped his head onto them. “Mhm. ‘M hungry.”

Yeah no shit. He had finished the rice from this morning and ate some raspberry candies that now sat on the table in an open paper bag, but that was it. Jungkook had even checked the box with sweets, Taehyung hadn’t touched it.

He opened the tea set he had sent Taehyung and took the flavor that had the least teabags left. Thyme.

Poured himself some coffee.

“I was thinking we could go out.”

Taehyung blinked up at him, face so puffy with sleep. There was a pillow trace on his cheek. “But I’m hungry.”

“There’s a market five minutes away. I’ll get you all the sweets you want.”

He didn’t think Taehyung would be interested in anything other than food anyway. But robot or not, he had an almost human body and that body needed movement and fresh air.

Taehyung smiled. “Okay.”

It was just too human.

Jungkook’s teapot never smiled at him like that.

Taehyung got dressed and came down in light blue jeans that were more holes than fabric and a loose striped t-shirt that would have looked stupid on anyone else. He clearly wasn’t going to adapt Jungkook’s all-black aesthetic.

Jungkook sighed and reached into the wardrobe, held a grey hoodie out. When Taehyung did not move to take it, Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You’ll freeze otherwise.”

Fashion fucking icon.

Taehyung looked silly in Jungkook’s hoodie, Jungkook had to admit. It swallowed him up, slid off his shoulder.

“You know you can get yourself warmer clothes, if you want.” Jungkook didn’t remember exactly what came inside Taehyung’s suitcase, but he was sure it wasn’t that much.

Taehyung only shrugged. “Don’t care. I can if you want me to.”

He looked bored again, but not too blank. And Jungkook could still admittedly not deal with that look on his face, so he was very damn glad that the night market really was only five minutes away, and then Taehyung sniffed the air and his face lit up.

Something in Jungkook’s chest loosened softly.

The market was full, bright, and loud. Every seller in the kiosks was a robot - some made more human, some less, but it was still obvious that they weren’t. The most expensive ones, those who sold lobsters with molten cheese or steak skewers with honey had human faces.

‘Bio material’, it was called. Human-like skin, gelled hair on their heads. But there were pale wires in the back of their necks, smooth steel on their chests. Nobody bothered to cover their hands in hydrogen skin, not for the market.

But if Jungkook was to walk into a store, the cashier there would look a lot different. Only their eyes would really give them away.

Jungkook reached back and took Taehyung’s wrist, so he wouldn’t get lost. And to make sure his skin was still warm, make sure there was no metal beneath it. It calmed him immensely and he was okay with admitting that to himself.

Taehyung’s wrist was thin, too. Bone sharp. Pulse weak.

And he looked like a child on a Christmas morning, staring around with his eyes wide.

There was no place to sit or stand here so Jungkook figured they’d get all they want and go eat somewhere else. He offered to get something like skewers first and they bought lamb, chicken and pork. Just to try.

Taehyung didn’t look too impress by them, though, moved away to the corn dogs instead. He chose the cheese one. Some fish cakes. A few small gimbaps.

Jungkook wanted to get bean pancakes or egg bread as well, but Taehyung shook his head, stopping him. “There’s no way I’ll finish it all.”

(Maybe Jungkook was impressed. Maybe caring about not wasting food wasn’t something he expected from Taehyung. From anyone, really. It wasn’t like they had to care, not like resources were limited. But Jungkook was just raised like that. With respect for food, for what it provided. And for the work it took to make, even if done by robots.

He guessed waste was too illogical for Taehyung. Too impulsive.)

They set down on a thick concrete railing, by the small river just outside the market street, where neon and sounds reaching them weren’t too loud.

The food smelled heavenly between them and Taehyung could barely sit still, bit into his corn dog as soon as Jungkook put the last box down.

He looked fascinated, watched cheese stretch slowly, small crumbs of crisp batter fall off.

Whispered, “It’s sooo good.”

Then they ate in silence. Jungkook knew Taehyung couldn’t get uncomfortable, but he still didn’t want to be staring at him, or pressure him to give reactions.

Taehyung was too preoccupied to care, though. If Jungkook didn’t know better, he would have said he looked happy.

He finished half of his corn dog before putting it down and reached for fried shrimps and chicken bites.

“That golden thing,” Taehyung held up half of the shrimp with two fingers. “Is insane. Can we eat that forever?”

“The batter?” Jungkook chuckled, picked up a skewer. “We can make some, but too much is bad for your heart.”

Taehyung pouted. Fucking pouted, with intention. “Why are you humans so weak.”

“Us humans?” Jungkook arched a brow. “Taehyung, newsflash…”

Taehyung huffed.

Lamb and pork skewers were both apparently ‘ew’, whatever that meant, but Taehyung liked the chicken. Liked the cheeseballs and squid rings, too.

Jungkook was glad to see him eating. Taehyung pursed his lips in a pout when he chewed, and his cheeks heat up just slightly, and he kept jerking his head to get messy hair out of his face.

This felt a lot like eating with a friend. Imagining Jungkook could have been here alone now made him feel uneasy.

He couldn’t pinpoint why going out with Jimin was different. Or with Namjoon, or with his parents.

But he felt alone with them.

And now, with a literal robot by his side, Jungkook was at ease.

God, he had issues.

“How were your lectures?” Taehyung asked at some point, brushed his fingers together to dust the crumbs off.

Jungkook passed him one of the cups with iced tea. “Do you care?”

It was a genuine question.

Taehyung took the cup. “No. But it’ll be awkward if we just sit here in silence, no?”

“Does awkwardness bother you?”

Taehyung gave him an unimpressed look. “If you don’t want to talk, you can just say that.”

“Did you like swimming?”

A flicker of annoyance in Taehyung’s eyes. “I already said I-“ He faltered.

His gaze left Jungkook, losing focus a little, and Taehyung’s hand with the cup lowered all on its own. Like the cup was suddenly too heavy to hold.

Jungkook leaned forward slightly. “Taehyung?”

Taehyung blinked back to him slowly and he spoke so quietly, “I don’t know. I-“ Looked lost. Just like that first morning. “I- don’t… know? It wasn’t bad. The water. Does that mean I liked it?”

Well, fuck. There they go again.

Was it Jungkook’s fault for pushing too much? He wasn’t waiting for Taehyung to admit to liking or wanting something, he just didn’t get why even saying those words seemed to be a tabu.

And could have Taehyung liked the water itself? Maybe his body could have liked swimming, on a chemical level, because that would have been sport, would make his brain release dopamine, endorphins.

But Taehyung meant the water. The feeling of it?

What was there to physically like? So much that he asked to go back to the pool?

And maybe he liked it the same way he liked food, just fucking because. Because it felt nice.

But he wasn’t freaked out over sweets. Over corn dog or tea or sitting home in that warm blanket.

He looked hurt thinking of water.

Jungkook hated that desperate, pained edge in Taehyung’s eyes, hated how searching they got. He hated it more than the blank stare.

His throat ran dry, but he tried, because he had to. Reached for the teacup and took it from Taehyung’s lifeless hand before it could fall. “Why- Do you think you could tell me why you went to the pool?”

Taehyung’s face twisted and, fuck, Jungkook knew pain when he saw it.

“I- It-“ Taehyung’s hand jerked to his chest, fingers curling, and he moved it as if to show a pull. “It- I don’t know. It was like- something. Like- And then I got to the water, and it was gone.” His fingers opened. “And- I don’t know. It wasn’t bad?”

Jungkook heart gave a hard thud, deep in his chest. Squeezed with panic.

He didn’t know what Taehyung was talking about. Did not fucking want to know, didn’t know what to do with it.

He wanted to stop talking about this. He wanted to fucking stop and never ever-

“Is it easier for you to say you dislike something?” He hadn’t meant to speak. His mouth felt numb.

But Taehyung’s eyes burned with something that ached and Jungkook couldn’t- Fuck, what? Betray him?

Taehyung nodded, small, like he was scared.

It was hard to think when he looked at Jungkook like that. “Do you not like talking about this?”

Stupid question with such an obvious answer, and it made Taehyung curl in on himself, head shaking as his fingers twisted into his chest again. “No.”

Fuck, this felt wrong. This felt so fucking wrong-

“Why?”

“Cause it-“ A shudder, weak, barely there, but it made Taehyung’s whole body flinch. The fabric of his shirt creaked under his fingers. “It- it-“

Hurt. Scared him.

He never said it.

Only shuddered again and his eyes squeezed shut, hand gripping his chest so hard Jungkook thought he’d bruise himself, and then Taehyung straightened up and it was gone.

All of him, just like that. Passive face, empty eyes.

“I’m sorry, ignore me.” The fakest smile Jungkook’s seen on him. “I don’t even know what I’m saying. It’s nothing.”

“Taehyung-“

“Can I have my tea back?”

Jungkook gave it to him without even thinking and Taehyung turned away, sipped on it with a hum.

Calm. Not here.

Jungkook’s heart beat in his throat.

This felt like a mistake. This conversation. Jungkook didn’t know what he could have done to avoid it, though, and now that it was already made, he wanted to push. He wanted to make Taehyung answer, and he fucking wanted him to say it was a glitch, or something like that, a technical mistake. Anything.

But not his robot implying he could fucking feel fear. Pain. Want.

No, that was right, it was a glitch. It just was, right? Taehyung looked fine.

Jungkook grabbed his own tea with an unsteady hand and gulped it down, felt ice-cold liquid slide down his dry throat.

He breathed out slowly. Decided his panic could wait.

Because Taehyung looked gone and not fine at all and Jungkook could not fucking stand that.

He collected the rest of the food back into the bag and jumped off the railing. Took Taehyung’s wrist. “Let’s go.”

“Will you push me off into something again?”

Jungkook didn’t risk teasing. He was actually shocked and relieved Taehyung spoke at all.

They walked along the river for a few minutes, up to a small street between the buildings where glossy, polished kiosks stood side by side.

Jungkook led them to the one with a variety of colorful mochis. A human looking android, a young girl with neon hair, smiled at them.

“Good evening! What would you like?”

Jungkook scanned the options on the screens behind her. “Could we get a set of-“

“No.” Taehyung stopped, very quietly, and lifted his hand to the glass. It looked like it took too much effort. “Just that.”

Jungkook blinked at the row of light blue mochis. They were with thick whipped cream and small Oreo pieces, according to its description.

Taehyung chose them. He chose them, himself.

Jungkook swallowed. “Okay. That, then. And… ahm, the coffee ones.”

He thought he saw Taehyung’s nose scrunch up but he honestly couldn’t care. There was something nervous and clammy and cold wrapped painfully tight inside Jungkook’s stomach.

He looked at the girl and that made it worse.

She looked human too, but she wasn’t a Synth. It was just an outside layer that gave that illusion.

Her face wasn’t blank, not at all – it was happy, polite. She looked into Jungkook’s eyes and her smile widened.

She was empty inside.

She was void.

She was screws and bolts and a digital code.

She could not like water.

She could not be scared of admitting it.

Jungkook eased his hold on Taehyung’s wrist when he realized he was squeezing too hard. Brushed his thumb over warm skin in apology.

On the way home, they didn’t speak. There was something panicked and tense sitting deep in Jungkook’s chest. Twisting the same way Taehyung’s fingers did.

But Jungkook still held Taehyung’s wrist.

He needed to talk to someone about this. To someone smart.

He needed to talk to Namjoon.

Chapter Text

Jungkook dropped into the chair in Namjoon’s office with a loud sigh. “So, hypothetically.”

“Oh no.”

Jungkook couldn’t help smiling.

He had missed Namjoon, he had to admit. And he didn’t even have to feel guilty about it, because unlike how it was with all of his other friends, Namjoon and him not hanging out was actually Namjoon’s fault.

The head of Ancient Art Museum was a busy man.

So Jungkook just crushed into his office.

It was a weird place, different from anything Jungkook’s seen in real life (except for maybe Jungkook’s parents’ office), and he always got lost staring around.

The warm wood on the walls, the little animals carved into it, the rows of falling apart books that were the same dusty color, the maps of places that have long disappeared, the huge spinning globus and a broken star-scope - it all didn’t look like it belonged to this world. It should have vanished eons ago, yet Namjoon kept it here, willed it to keep existing.

Today, though, Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to care. To even glance at it all.

Namjoon must have known he was nervous; he picked up on those things way too well.

And maybe the time was giving Jungkook away too – he didn’t think he’s willingly left his house this early ever in his life. The sun had just started rising and Jungkook was already all the way here.

He just… didn’t want to leave Taehyung alone for too long. He was hoping to be back for breakfast.

So he started again. “Theoretically.”

Namjoon leaned back in his chair. “Jungkook-ah, what did you do?”

Ha.

No.

“Can a robot- a Synth- You know those knew models with human-like bodies? Can someone like that have feelings?”

“Oh.” Jungkook swore he saw Namjoon relax.

Because if it was about Jungkook and robots then it must have truly been theoretical.

Jungkook’s chest tightened.

“I read a lot about them, you know?” Namjoon intertwined his fingers, nodding to himself. “Fascinating development. But why are you asking?”

Jungkook didn’t like Taehyung being called a development.

He had issues.

“I’m curious?”

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed but Jungkook refused to add more. Which was hard because he felt like Namjoon saw right through him.

“It’s been proven they can’t have feelings.”

Jungkook groaned. “I know, that’s why I said ‘theoretically’. They even have a human nervous system and all that, right? So could they?”

Namjoon’s brows creased in confusion. “Ah, well… Still no.” Before Jungkook could protest, he smiled. “Wait, okay. Do you mean feelings or emotions?”

Jungkook should have know he would get a headache. “Is there a difference?”

“Of course.” Namjoon straightened up with that same ‘cool professor’ expression he’s always had when he helped Jungkook do his homework. “But, Kook-ah, I really think it’ll be easier for me to explain if I know what you need this for.”

Namjoon wouldn’t judge him. He wasn’t denying technology like Jungkook’s parents, he just enjoyed looking into the past.

He wouldn’t judge.

Right?

And Jungkook wanted to tell somebody. He needed to, this was messing him up.

And he knew that, and his heart was still hammering too hard.

“I-“ He cleared his throat, looking down to where his fingers started picking at a loose thread of his leather seat. “Ahm. Bought a Synth?” He nodded stiffly, refusing to look at Namjoon. “I bought a Synth. And he’s weird and I think he has feelings. Or emotions, I have no idea. So I just though I’d ask, ‘cause I know it sounds insane, but I do think he… I don’t know. He’s- weird.”

A short silence followed, and it was so unnerving that Jungkook actually glanced at Namjoon.

He couldn’t exactly read the look on his face, but it didn’t feel like he was mad. Or disappointed, or whatever.

Unlike Jungkook.

“You bought a Synth.”

Jungkook swallowed. His throat was still dry. “Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Wh-“ Cause he was lonely! He was most definitely not telling that to Namjoon, though. “Cause I wanted to. It doesn’t matter, I did it! I already have one, so what.”

“Nothing.” Namjoon soothed easily. “Kook-ah, nothing’s wrong with that.” Soft smile, kind eyes. Jungkook shifted uncomfortably. “Just, you know you can always come talk to us, if you want company?”

Fucking of course Namjoon would see through him. Would get it all from one half-assed answer.

And Jungkook knew he had friends, had people he could rely on. He just wasn’t sure if it was company he wanted.

He had no idea of anything lately; he had fucking bought a Synth. He didn’t think he was doing bad enough to do that.

“I know.” He rasped and cleared his throat. “Can you just please tell me if they have- Could, potentially, have feelings?”

Namjoon gave him one long, heavy look, and then sighed. “You aren’t telling me you fell in love with your Synth, are you, Kookie?”

Jungkook’s eyes bulged and he actually laughed. “Hyung! I had him for three days and he’s a machine, what are you talking about!”

This time, Namjoon’s relieve was palpable. “Okay, good. No, of course. So, the feelings.” He seemed to think for a while. Probably searching for terms that wouldn’t be too foreign for Jungkook. When he started, his gaze was unnervingly sympathetic. Almost careful. “Jungkook-ah…Ah, fine. Let’s do this with an example, okay? What would happen to you if I told you you’re stupid?”

“I’d… be upset?”

“How would that feel in you body?”

Jungkook frowned and brought his hand to his chest, fucking freezing for a second when he realized that was what Taehyung kept doing.

“I’d feel it in my chest, I think.”

Namjoon nodded. “Right. Or if you were nervous, your hands would shake, or shoulders tense, of palms sweat. That’s your nervous system reacting on a physical level. But something needs to set off this reaction. Because when I say, ‘You’re stupid’, I’m not hurting you physically. You aren’t even in danger. But something in your head goes ‘Ouch.’ That ‘ouch’ is an emotion. Something very easy and primal, like pain or fear. What follows – anger or frustration or… I don’t know, insecurity, aggression – your personal reaction to it, that’s a feeling. And then your body reacts to it.”

Namjoon let Jungkook think it over for a long moment. When Jungkook nodded, he went on,

“I am no expert in this area, Kookie, so I’m not entirely sure what it’s called…” He smiled gently. “Your father would call it ‘soul’. The part inside of you that feels the words, that makes you go ‘ouch’ and makes your body react. So, even though your Synth can react physically, he doesn’t have that thing that sets the emotional reaction off. He might even be cognitively independent. It- Look, his body had been scientifically developed and made clinically alive, but it’s not the human brain itself that functions, it’s an electrical structure built around and into his spine and brain to make ‘him’ conscious and give him control of the body. So he can think on his own and maybe even have critical thinking. And physical reactions. But he can’t have emotions, Jungkookie.”

The words were heavy. Complicated despite Namjoon’s best attempts. They pressed down on Jungkook’s chest and it still did nothing to ease his heartbeat.

It felt like he was about to say something too horrifying. Something he had no damn clue what do to with.

His mouth was numb, but he still made it move. “But. Theoretically. Namjoon. What if he does have emotions.”

Namjoon rested back in his chair and just looked at Jungkook. And this time Jungkook couldn’t read anything off him.

Like Namjoon could feel the weight of this too.

In the end, his gaze softened. Just slightly. “You want me to take your word for it.”

Jungkook tried to shake his head, but he was scared of moving.

“No. I’m not- I don’t know. God, you-“ Something suddenly snapped and Jungkook dropped his face in his palms, rubbed them down his cheeks. “You know I can’t treat them like machines, they- I know it too, I know it’s messed up. I don’t fucking know why I got him! But it’s not- He’s not like the rest of them? I mean, he is, most of the time. But I swear it’s not like he faked a few smiles and I forgot he’s a robot! He- like… Hyung, it looked like he was in pain. Emotionally.”

Namjoon’s brows furrowed. He thrummed his fingers against the table.

Slow.

One by one.

“Jungkook, even if – big, massive if – he has some sort of emotions… it still does not make him human.”

Jungkook blinked.

It- He wasn’t, like… thinking in that direction. Right? He wasn’t trying to make Taehyung into a human.

But that shocked him to hear.

Deeply.

Asking the main question he came here to ask suddenly made breathing hard. It came out quiet, “What does it make him, then?”

Namjoon’s eyes were heavy on him. Even the air here was heavy, and so fucking still. Thick.

“Someone with a human body that effects him uncontrollably and emotions he has no way of understanding. Jungkook, if he truly does have emotions…” A chill ran down Jungkook’s spine, his breath halting. “Then I think he is horrified. And very, very alone.”

Jungkook walked home.

The hoverboard hanged behind his back, slapping his shoulder-blades harshly, but he walked instead, one slow step after the other.

His head has never been quiet, but now it rang with Namjoon’s last words.

‘You still know robots can fake reactions, Jungkook-ah. And I’m not saying I don’t believe you… but I just don’t want you to get attached to that robot the way you would to a friend. Not if you’re wrong, Kook.’

And Namjoon did think he was wrong, regardless of what he was saying. Hell, even Jungkook himself thought he was wrong. It sounded fucking insane – ‘can a robot have feelings?’

But, fuck. The way Taehyung’s face had twisted, the way he curled his fingers into his own chest…

Could he have been faking it? Because- Why? Because he was programmed to? Even Joon agreed he was ‘cognitively independent’, though. He made the decisions.

Was he… instructed? He was a product for sale, after all. He was made to be what his buyer wanted. A helper, a friend, a caretaker, a sexual partner. What if he was just instructed to… make Jungkook believe he was what Jungkook wanted?

And what did Jungkook want? A friend? He had friends. He had great fucking friends.

So. what. did. he. want.

Why did he buy him?

And Jungkook cared, he already did. He knew he would, from the start.

He was scared to get more attached in case Taehyung was just lying.

He was petrified of what it would mean if he wasn’t.

A literal one-of-a-kind… being. Not a human. But a mind with feelings.

Emotions.

And feelings?

Jungkook just- Fuck, he almost… hoped Taehyung was pretending? Just to make Jungkook happy?

He was bored playing video games with him, though. He refused to eat scallions Jungkook had added. He said to Jungkook’s face he found his entire race impulsive and lazy.

Was he really… complex enough to do that? Did- How could he have possibly known Jungkook liked all of that? Liked that Taehyung had… a sense of self? Was faking having a self of self?

Jungkook kicked away a small rock that laid on the road and an old lady across the street shot him an accusing look. Jungkook ducked his head and walked faster.

Taehyung must have been faking it. All of it.

Even if Jungkook knew no robot in the world could fake things that well.

Because if he weren’t, if it was all true… Then Jungkook didn’t know what to do. With Taehyung, with himself, with any of this.

Was Jungkook scared? He didn’t think so.

But then why was he walking?

He kind of worked himself up way too much as he neared home, and by the time he opened his front door he was subconsciously expecting to either see a lying, pretending, fake fucking machine or an alien being with no sympathy or understanding of humans that would kill him for fun.

He knew it was stupid. His palms were still clammy and hands unsteady as he put the hoverboard down.

The flat was quiet. Jungkook walked to the kitchen, listening to his own steps.

And instead of seeing whatever monster he was expecting, he saw just… Taehyung.

In his usual seat by the kitchen island. Face as even as always, except that maybe this morning Taehyung’s eyes were somewhat puffy. Hair messed up. Lose t-shirt crinkled.

So- Fuck, so soft. Sleepy. Shoulders hunched.

Cold?

Jungkook sighed and went to the couch. Grabbed a blanket, draped it around Taehyung’s shoulders.

Taehyung’s feet were bare, pushed up against the wood of the chair or escape the cool floor.

Nothing adorable about that. Nothing.

God, Jungkook had issues.

Taehyung glanced at him silently and held the blanket. Slender fingers disappearing into dark fur.

Then he took a small nugget out of the box that stood in front of him, the one they bought at the market last night, and bit into it.

Jungkook pressed two fingers to the side of the box, frowning when he found it cold.

“Let me heat it up-“

“Aa.” Taehyung snapped it away. “The batter will get all saggy. It’s common knowledge.”

Jungkook smiled at the phrase, not even really sure why. “Then let’s order new ones. They’ll be here in three mi-“

“I like it like this.” Taehyung blinked up at him, so slow with sleep. “It’s- I like it.”

‘Like’.

Jungkook’s heart gave a low thud. A painful one, for some reason.

Because could Taehyung really never say that about anything other than things he physically needed to live?

About Jungkook? Could he really not even like him?

Jungkook noticed there were specks of gold in the dark brown of Taehyung’s eyes. Noticed his eyelids were not symmetrical. Noticed there was a mole right underneath his right eye.

Noticed that he was staring.

He turned away, trying to clear his throat soundlessly as he walked to the teapot and filled it with water. Snapped his fingers at it to get it going.

Heard Taehyung biting into another piece of fried food.

A barefoot man with gold in his eyes, sitting in Jungkook’s kitchen, in Jungkook’s blanket, eating nuggets for breakfast.

Jungkook grabbed some vegetables from the fridge while he waited for his coffee. Washed them, started chopping them up.

Asked without turning, “How long have you been up?”

“Just woke up.”

Yeah, Jungkook could kind of hear that.

Taehyung’s words were a little bit slurred. Almost softened, and…

Warm.

Taehyung had a warm voice.

Weird for someone who seemed to be cold all the damn time.

Jungkook put a plate with cut carrots and radishes down in front of Taehyung.

Taehyung gave it a hesitant look.

“It doesn’t bite, Tae.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. “It’s just vitamins.”

Something shifted in Taehyung’s features, but the teapot came to a boil with a click and Jungkook turned away.

He poured steaming water into a cup with a thyme smelling teabag, then into one with dark coffee powder. He didn’t like real bean-coffee, it was too bitter. So Jungkook drank this even though his dad kept telling him powdered coffee was not real coffee.

That coffee used to be the only thing in Jungkook’s life that his dad wouldn’t call ‘real’.

“‘Tae.’”

Jungkook’s movements halted.

He heard it, he got it.

Still, “Huh?”

“You called me Tae.”

Jungkook gripped both cups close to the lids, where they weren’t too hot yet, and brought them to the table. “Does that bother you?”

Taehyung looked at him. Face still calm. Still unreadable.

Dark eyes. Even darker behind strands of pure gold that fell over his brows.

‘I don’t care,’ – he was going to say. Right? Because he just didn’t?

Something within Jungkook’s ribs tightened. Tugged. Punched.

Taehyung looked down, at the carrots, and picked up a slice.

Said evenly, smoothly. “No.”

Why not ‘I don’t care.’

Why not say ‘I don’t care’, why not-

God, Jungkook fucking had issues.

Because Taehyung was still half asleep, that’s why ‘no’ instead of ‘I don’t care’. It was just fucking shorter.

Jungkook shook his head at himself, glad that Taehyung wasn’t watching.

He sat down in his chair and just looked at the coffee in his cup swirl, white fog rising. Waited for the noise in his head to melt down.

A sunbeam hit the dark liquid, splashed it with gold for a split second, and Jungkook’s jaw clenched as he realized it was the same fucking brown as Taehyung’s eyes.

“I’ll go to the gym.” Jungkook murmured, grabbing his phone to book a room. He needed to clear his head. “Do you want-“ He glanced at Taehyung, stopped. Rephrased it. “Will you come too?”

Taehyung shrugged.

And Jungkook decided that he was overthinking this.

He had gotten Taehyung so he wouldn’t have to be alone all the time, not so he could be getting headaches more often.

And he didn’t need Taehyung to be a hundred percent invested in something, or thrilled to be doing things. He didn’t even need him to want them. It was fine if he couldn’t.

Him just being there was enough.

That was a nice realization.

(Maybe Jungkook was lying to himself a little bit. Maybe he just wanted to ignore some things about Taehyung that didn’t sit right. Because Jungkook was scared of what they could mean.

But it wasn’t exactly like he could break into Taehyung’s mind or force him to work those things out faster. Right?

Maybe Taehyung was still adapting. He’s been alive for three days.)

And as time went on Jungkook realized that having Taehyung around was nice. Maybe too nice.

The mornings were great.

Taehyung always woke up too early and came to sit in the kitchen and snack on whatever junk he could find in the fridge. He refused to order or cook.

He helped with cooking when Jungkook asked, but he looked bored beyond words, so Jungkook stopped.

Taehyung did not look bored when he watched Jungkook cook, though.

Jungkook covered the floors in rugs. Because they were cool and added coziness. Not because Taehyung refused to wear socks and walked barefoot on the cold floor. Totally not.

Taehyung went with Jungkook to the gym even though he refused to work out.

The very first time he came, that morning, he poked at machines and payed Jungkook’s routine some attention.

The next few times Jungkook called him, he stayed home.

Then, at some point, he came with a frown and just set by the window, staring out of it with something weird in his eyes.

And then he kept coming.

Jungkook didn’t know why. He was too scared to ask. Because his wild guess would be that Taehyung didn’t like being alone. In the flat.

He didn’t even look at Jungkook. Just literally set and stared out of the window.

When they went grocery shopping, Taehyung looked somewhat lost. Not scared. Not bored. Just… almost disoriented. Walking, watching. But a bit in his own world.

Jungkook reached for his wrist when that happened. Even if driving the cart with one hand was tricky, he wanted a reminder that Taehyung was still here. For both Taehyung and himself. (Which was fucking stupid and Jungkook would never admit to.)

Taehyung always let him, though.

Jungkook started buying too much food, too. And he knew it was because he was holding Taehyung’s wrist when shopping – it was so fucking thin. Just bone and soft skin and weak pulse.

It concerned Jungkook. A lot. It made him grab every thing Taehyung glanced at.

Because he did know Taehyung was a lot slimmer and all that, but realizing he could snap his wrist with his bare hands made Jungkook shiver.

He asked him, at some point. He had to.

“Are you- like… programmed or- instructed? Not to gain weight?”

He remembered there was white neon in Taehyung’s hair when he looked up at him and blinked a few times. “No? Why?”

He remembered Taehyung’s shirt was loose and crinkled.

“You really… don’t eat much.”

Taehyung thought about it and shrugged. “I eat when I’m hungry. But when I’m alone I get lazy. It’s just not something I think about a lot. Why, though? Do you want me to gain weight?”

He remembered the way Taehyung tilted his head, the way speaks of gold in his eyes turned to silver.

“No.” Jungkook smiled. It was reliving to hear. “I just wanted to make sure you don’t have an eating disorder. Or aren’t starving yourself on purpose.”

He remembered it all very well, because that was the first time he heard Taehyung laugh.

He hasn’t even heard him chuckle before that.

But then he laughed, and it didn’t even look like he knew how to. It was a breathless sound, it made Taehyung’s neck vibrate softly, and Taehyung threw his head back and just laughed, and his lips spread in a smile that Jungkook remembered looked kind of square, kind of too fucking real.

It was really a small, quick conversation. It took no time at all.

Jungkook wasn’t sure why he remembered the details so well.

Taehyung was smiling when he looked at him again. His eyes were alive with something. “I am a robot, Jungkookie. No, I don’t have an eating disorder. But thank you for caring.”

Jungkook decided not to tell him. It was going to hit Taehyung anyway, probably in a little bit.

That yes, he was a robot. But he was a robot who laughed.

He was a robot who smiled because somebody cared.

Taehyung slept a lot.

At first, Jungkook thought it was because he wasn’t eating enough. But even when they’ve spent days and days together and Jungkook had watched him eat five meals a day, Taehyung still passed out at random times.

“It’s hard… to just shut off.” Taehyung tried to explain. “You know, when I just have to wait?” He frowned. “It’s not supposed to be like this. But it’s- I don’t like it. When I have to just sit still. It’s easier to sleep.”

What was it supposed to be like, then? Was he supposed to sit like a turned-off doll and stare into nothing? The way androids did?

Even if it was something ‘wrong’, Jungkook was glad it was broken.

And having sleep as a coping mechanism was admittedly not the worst option. But.

Jungkook wasn’t sure it would matter. He tried anyway.

“You, ahm. Don’t have… to sit still?”

Taehyung looked at him like he didn’t get it. And Jungkook felt like he was one wrong word away from sending him into a breakdown over what he wanted and liked again.

“You could try doing something?”

“Like what?”

“Well…” Fuck. “I don’t know, music? I mean- You could listen to it? And maybe… make playlists?”

Taehyung arched a brow. Like he thought Jungkook and the idea were both very stupid. “Okay?”

But he tried.

Jungkook wasn’t sure where the idea came from. He just kind of panicked.

And he honestly thought Taehyung would be bored. Would only use music to fill the quiet in his head or to tune out the noise. If there was any quiet or noise in his head.

Just to make ‘waiting’ more bearable.

When Taehyung put the headphones on the first time, Jungkook was cooking diner. He tried glancing at the couch where Taehyung sat from time to time, but he was busy, he missed it.

He missed the moment Taehyung turned some song on, missed his first expressions.

What he saw after just a few minutes was Taehyung’s face already slack with shock, brows high and lips parted, and then pure horror filling his eyes. He snapped the headphones off and threw them to the other side of the couch like they burned him.

Jungkook moved without really thinking. “Tae?”

Taehyung fucking jumped off the couch and stumbled away from him. “I- I’ll- be right… back.”

He hurried to the stair and up, to their bedrooms.

Jungkook stared after him, holding back from following. “Taehyung?”

“I’ll just use the bathroom.” Taehyung waved without stopping. “Something is burning.”

Jungkook simply pushed the pan with the over-fried meat to the side.

He was kind of… fucking worried.

Was it wrong of him to offer Taehyung music?

He’s shown him plenty of other stuff too, though, and it never got a reaction. If it didn’t make Taehyung’s face robotically blank, it was a success.

Like Jungkook’s video games, they got no reaction. Same as with cooking, Taehyung only watched.

The movies were a complete miss. Taehyung had managed to sit with a straight face when Jack drowned in Titanic. Because, “She could have just moved.”

Jungkook was crying. Because he always was at that part. He had to blow his nose before he could try glaring at Taehyung. “That’s not the point at all. He died so she could live.”

“Three more people could have fit on that door.”

“No. Well- fine. They should have made the door smaller when filming. But that’s not the point.”

Taehyung wasn’t phased in the slightest. “He died cause she didn’t want to share her personal space.”

“Taehyung.”

“She literally killed him.”

“No-“

“Couldn’t she just not fall asleep and talk to him for a bit?”

“You’re so-“

“And why is Cal the bag guy? He was so nice to her. He took care of her and showered her and her whole family in presents, and she just kept trying to go cheat on him. With, like, a homeless guy. She made the homeless guy draw her naked with a necklace Cal bought her!”

“Oh my fucking god, Taehyung, shut the-“

So Jungkook just kind of gave up on Taehyung having emotions right there.

Not that he was even trying to figure out if he had any?

And he definitely didn’t think music would suddenly- What was wrong, even?

Something was.

Taehyung never ran off like that.

He didn’t look that petrified even when he tried telling Jungkook he liked water.

What the hell did Jungkook miss?

Fuck.

Maybe the music was just too loud? Maybe it wasn’t music at all, maybe Taehyung watched something scary?

Jungkook even went to the couch to check.

Which did not help, because the volume was perfectly normal and the sound playing was just some song Jungkook didn’t know.

Taehyung didn’t come back for so long that Jungkook had managed to finish cooking and plate the whole table.

And when Taehyung did come back down, he looked fine.

Sort of… energized. Jumpy.

Frantic?

“That smells good.”

His hair was wet and pushed back. Like he ran his hands through it too much.

His cheeks were blotchy red.

Chopsticks clicked in his hands as he picked them up, and he shivered under Jungkook’s eyes. “What is that souse?”

“Same as usual. Tae, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Taehyung smiled. He smiled, it looked fine. Even his eyes stayed normal. “I don’t like the music. Can you pass me the rice?”

“Sure. Taeh-“

“Are those champignons?” There was desperation ringing and snapping in Taehyung’s voice then. Like he would beg Jungkook to drop this but then he would have to admit something happened at all, and that horrified him.

And it hit Jungkook like a slap. That raw, trembling note in Taehyung’s words.

Because Jungkook didn’t know.

What the right thing to do was.

What this was at all.

He knew something was wrong.

But then he, for the first time, considered that something might have just been mechanically wrong with Taehyung.

Something that made him glitch and act differently. Something he couldn’t control? Something that hurt him.

So was that edge in his eyes there because he had emotions he didn’t know how to process, or bacause some wire inside his spine was not attached right?

‘Then I think he is horrified.’ Namjoon had said. ‘And very, very alone.’

Jungkook didn’t know.

But he couldn’t push. He couldn’t, not when Taehyung looked like he would fall apart. Not when there was a chance-

Jungkook didn’t know what he believed.

He. didn’t. know.

“Yeah, Tae.” It was a whisper. “Those are champignons.”

Taehyung barely ate. His shoulders were oddly straight, though, and he moved a lot. Reached for things. Rearranged plates. Pushed his food around. Clicked his chopsticks restlessly.

Jungkook’s new thought curled around his ribs and ached. Made his chest cold with fear. He couldn’t get rid of it.

‘What if Taehyung was just broken.’

Not feeling, like a person. Not made ‘too well’. But simply put together wrong.

Jungkook barely ate too. He felt chocked up.

He didn’t even know what he was hoping for.

For Taehyung to have emotions? For him to be broken? For him to finally become a normal robot?

He didn’t fucking know, and it didn’t seem to matter.

Because after that accident with music, Taehyung had changed.

He looked fine.

He probably was fine.

He didn’t look bored anymore. Never looked blank. Always sort of here. Always happily ready to do whatever Jungkook came up with.

Yet Jungkook couldn’t help feeling that that was the fakest Taehyung’s ever been.

Chapter Text

Jungkook had wanted to be angry about it.

He admittedly hasn’t spent enough time with Taehyung to know what behavior was normal for him, but he could still tell that something was wrong now.

An even worse kind of wrong than before.

Like, for example, Taehyung was barely sleeping.

He was pretending to be asleep all the damn time, though, and now he left to his room for a nap at least twice a day.

He wasn’t coming down for breakfast until Jungkook went up and called him.

And Jungkook only knew Taehyung wasn’t sleeping because the bags under his eyes kept getting worse.

He barely ate, too.

Jungkook had tried ordering just about anything he could imagine at first, but Taehyung didn’t like anything.

He only ate if Jungkook sat him down and made him watch how he cooked for hours.

And Taehyung was pretending to be so goddamn fine. Jungkook was kind of sick of that happy smile of his now.

It was so sweet and polite, a constant, small curl of lips. And his eyes stayed so excited. Which looked very fucking concerning paired with the bags underneath them. And the parlor of Taehyung face.

And Jungkook had wanted to be angry about it.

He didn’t know why. His robot was finally functioning the way it was meant to.

But Jungkook had issues.

He was worried sick.

Taehyung kept playing stupid, though. Even when Jungkook asked him directly.

He only blinked, and his smile turned somewhat confused. “What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong.”

Jungkook wanted to groan. “Have you seen yourself lately? Taehyung, you- like, really don’t look like nothing’s wrong.”

Nothing changed in Taehyung’s features. Not a damn thing. “I’m sorry. I could use some make-up if you-“

“Taehyung you aren’t eating or sleeping.”

Taehyung laughed. It was so fucking fake, it was nothing like that first time. And the worst part was that it sounded real.

“Of course I sleep, Jungkookie. I’d die if I didn’t.”

“You look like you’re about to.”

Taehyung smiled like it was a hilarious joke. Happy and sly. He tilted his head, gave Jungkook a soft look. Almost endeared. “You’re forgetting I’m a robot again. But maybe you’re right. Would it help if I spent more time outside? Got some fresh air? Let’s go to the market tonight, hm?”

What the fuck was Jungkook supposed to do?

He couldn’t even prove that something was wrong to begin with. He couldn’t even name it, for himself.

It was only a feeling. Something too fleeting to catch.

He felt like Taehyung changed. He felt like he was lying. Now he felt that.

And he was very worried. Because Taehyung was not okay. Even if he acted like he’s never been better.

Jungkook did take him to the market.

Mainly because that was the first time Taehyung had agreed to leave the flat in over a week. Because, ‘There’s nothing to do for me in the gym.’ And, ‘Why would we go to the pool?’ And ‘Do you need me to get the groceries? I was going to nap for a bit.’

The weather got warmer, spring coming close. The trees were supposed to start blooming soon, turn the whole city white, pink and green. Jungkook didn’t care, though. Did not even look.

He was busy answering question that Taehyung wouldn’t stop asking. Some bullshit about buildings and what kind of people lived here and there, and when this place opened and what was being sold over there and what weather Jungkook liked better.

Seriously. The fucking weather.

Taehyung seemed ecstatic to be here with Jungkook, walking down the darkening street. The same way an android would be ecstatic to greet Jungkook in the store and tell him which microwave would be better to buy.

And, yeah, okay. It did annoy him. It annoyed him a lot, it buzzed under his skin and made it itch.

Maybe because Jungkook remembered the way Taehyung’s eyes shined and widened when they walked here the first time. The way Jungkook’s hoodie kept sliding off Taehyung’s shoulder, the way every smallest thing seemed to be overwhelming for him.

And now Taehyung was just pale and so active it came off frantic.

Jungkook did feel bad. He didn’t know what was wrong but he was ready to bet Taehyung wasn’t doing… whatever it was he was doing, on purpose.

But Jungkook had tried. He had tried to be Taehyung’s fucking friend and take care of him and ask him what was wrong, and he’s been trying for weeks, and all he got were happy smiles and lies.

Was it something he did wrong? Had he been… Has he done something? To upset Taehyung, to make him feel like he couldn’t trust him?

Jungkook scoffed to himself. Fucking right. He upset Taehyung, who right now looked on cloud nine, and made him ‘feel’ something when he clearly couldn’t feel a fucking thing.

He couldn’t believe he went to Namjoon with that.

And it was pissing Jungkook off because he had really though Taehyung could be different. He had almost fucking believed it.

He had been worried about Taehyung being bored. About him being hungry, or cold.

That robot could very damn well take care of himself, on his own. He was probably programmed- instructed to.

Yeah, okay. Jungkook was very mad.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked a bit faster.

Taehyung got slightly quieter only as they neared the market.

 Jungkook did not turn around to check why.

Did not take his hand like the last time - to keep him close, to keep him calm. He just walked and Taehyung followed.

They got lamb skewers. Got a corn dog and some nuggets.

Taehyung seemed somewhat lost in the corner of Jungkook’s eye and it made Jungkook’s stomach twist, because he hadn’t looked like that since the last time they went grocery shopping. Which was almost two weeks ago.

The smile had fucking finally left Taehyung’s face.

And the market street was loud tonight.

It was full of people.

l

It tugged, it moved.

It was too bright.

And Jungkook was mad. He was even more mad that he knew that was a feeling and not an emotion. Mad that he bothered to learn the difference.

He didn’t want that kind of robot in his home.

He didn’t want to spend every day worrying whether Taehyung ate or slept or was scared or lonely or whatever the fuck. Not when Taehyung kept smiling and lying to his goddamn face.

Jungkook really didn’t want that.

He walked too fast, he knew. Out, towards the riverbank.

Taehyung was somewhere behind him. More than a few steps away.

It maid Jungkook feel like an asshole.

Why, though? It wasn’t like Taehyung cared. Or felt scared. Or left alone. He was probably fucking smiling, right?

“Jungkook?”

Jungkook’s jaw ticked. He was mad. He was worried. He didn’t know.

Didn’t know what was wrong and what he wanted.

He slowed down anyway. Just a bit.

He heard a dull sound of two people knocking into each other and a sharp breath leaving Taehyung’s lips.

He hated that he recognized it.

His head spun around, and he only caught a pained crease disappearing from Taehyung’s face as he rubbed his shoulder.

Would it bruise?

Jungkook ignored the guilt that flared up.

He waited for Taehyung to catch up and grabbed his wrist.

Ignored how it felt so much thinner now. How the skin there was cold, how Taehyung’s shoulders relaxed at the contact.

He let go as soon as they stepped off the street, and Jungkook quickly climbed onto the concrete railing by the side of the river.

Taehyung didn’t, he stopped beside it.

Jungkook wasn’t sure if Taehyung really was breathless. From trying to keep up? He was only sure that that smile was back.

Careful. Taehyung’s eyes almost human. “Why do I feel like you’re mad at me?”

Jungkook clenched his jaw. He wanted to scream, and it was really hard to keep his voice even. “Can you suddenly feel?”

Taehyung blinked. Just once, short. “No.”

“Then I guess I’m not mad.”

Taehyung didn’t speak anymore and Jungkook was glad.

He ate even less than Taehyung on that evening.

Because- fuck. He was being a piece of shit. He knew that.

What was important was whether Taehyung cared about it.

Maybe he did, and then he’s been fucking lying for weeks.

Maybe he wasn’t. And then Jungkook probably had to drive him to where he bought him and tell his creators that they messed up this one model.

They messed him up anyway.

Jungkook just didn’t know if it was the kind of messed up he’d be willing to work with.

He could do a machine with feelings.

He couldn’t do one without.

He didn’t want to.

At some point, Taehyung gave up on smiling.

He glanced up at Jungkook as he put his almost untouched corn dog back in its box, probably ready to feed Jungkook another lie. About how it didn’t taste good or how he wasn’t hungry or some other bullshit.

Jungkook didn’t ask. Didn’t offer to get something else. Didn’t ask if Taehyung would like those blue mochis.

Taehyung’s face was neutral as they walked back.

Something in Jungkook’s chest was boiling.

It burned, it annoyed him.

It hurt.

He didn’t bother turning the lights on when they came home, but he could still hear Taehyung’s smile. “I’ll go to sleep. Thank you for the nice evening.”

And he moved to the stairs, to where the living room was bright with moonlight and white neon.

Something in the back of Jungkook’s mind fucking snapped.

“No.” He grit out.”I want us to watch a movie.”

Taehyung paused with one hand on the railing. “Now?”

“Yeah. Let’s watch a comedy.”

Taehyung laughed at comedies. That fake thing that made Jungkook want to fucking return him.

“But-“ Taehyung turned. “I’m tired?”

Jungkook shrugged. “So what.”

He hated saying that. But he’s had enough. If Taehyung wanted to act like a feelingless robot, then he had to prove that he fucking was one.

Taehyung blinked, and, slowly, his smile weakened.

“I… really don’t- Ahm.“

“You what?” Jungkook cocked his head. “You don’t want to watch a movie? How could you want or not want something, though? Isn’t it your job to do the things I choose?”

Taehyung’s face blanked and, for some reason, it thrilled Jungkook. That was more than he’s gotten in weeks.

Taehyung hesitated, fingers gripping the railing harder. Nodded, frowned. Opened his mouth and stopped. Frowned again.

Made his features smooth out. “I’m not sure… what you want from me? I fee- think, I think. I think you’re mad at me? But I don’t know what I did and I’m not sure what you want.”

Jungkook was going to push this time. Until it broke.

“Does it matter if I’m mad? It’s not like you care, right? Or does it bother you that I’m upset?”

The line of Taehyung’s mouth hardened. His voice was still polite. “Of course it matters if you’re upset. As you’ve said yourself, it is my job to make sure you are happy with me.”

“You could start doing that by telling me what is wrong.”

A small change. A tightness to Taehyung’s gaze. His irises looked colorless like this, with neon cutting through them.

“Fine.” He breathed out, and his hand slipped off the railing. He looked away and took a step to the couch. “Let’s watch a movie.”

“A comedy.”

“A comedy.”

“Because you find them funny, right?”

Taehyung nodded stiffly, moving away, and Jungkook reached for his wrist.

He didn’t even know why.

But Taehyung recoiled from him with a scream, “What do you!-“ Chocked, rasped, “Want from me!” His whole body shuddered, hands wrapping tightly around himself and eyes screwing shut for a second. “What do you- want- from me, what-“

It cut through the air like a knife and Jungkook froze, watching with wide eyes as Taehyung dared a look around. Probably heard the ringing of his own scream in the stillness.

He gasped some air down, chest suddenly heaving, and he looked just as frantic as that time he had headphones on.

He curled in on himself, almost collapsing inwards, and tripped, caught himself with a hand on the couch. His gaze was so loud with accusation.

But it did break.

That fakeness, it broke. It was gone.

Jungkook’s heart punched his ribs.

“You-“ Taehyung’s hand came to his own chest, face twisting and words stuttering. “What do you- Why- Why do you keep- What do you want? Wasn’t I- Wasn’t I perfect? Didn’t I- do what you want? Why do you- why do you keep-“ Taehyung’s fingers twisted into his shirt.

“Tae-“

“What do you want!! I can’t!- I don’t!- know! What that is!” Taehyung tugged at his chest like he wanted to rip it out. “I don’t know why- it- And it’s not supposed!- Not supposed to be there!”

He made a small, agonized noise and flopped down on the floor with no care for how hard his knees met the marble.

Because of course it had to happen on the one quadrat meter that was not covered with rugs.

Jungkook couldn’t catch him, he moved too slow. And when he did reach for him, Taehyung only pushed himself further away, pressed into the side of couch.

It looked like he couldn’t breathe. Like he wanted to scream but what came out were chocked whispers. “I- duh- don’t- know! I tried! To be! Normal! But it-“ He grabbed his chest again, digging into it with both hands. “It just- just- All the time! It buh- burns! Twists? I don’t know! It’s not a physical thing, I don’t know what it is! I don’t know what it is! I hate your fucking movies, I don’t know what those people are fucking pretending to feel! I fucking hate music in them, and I hate water and I fucking hate how you look at me! I fucking hate that more than anything, you make it so much worse! You!- I hate that you’re worried! I hate that you care! I can’t fucking stand when you talk like tonight, it makes me feel like I’ll die!!” Taehyung chocked again, wheezing, and Jungkook kneeled in front of him, not daring to move.

“Yoh- You! Why can’t you just!- treat me!- like a Synth?! I’m a Synth, I don’t have any fucking emotions! I don’t! I don’t care! I- Uh- I!-“

No.

“Taehyung, breathe.”

Taehyung pushed away from him so hard it made the couch drag against the floor, but Jungkook moved faster. Gripped Taehyung’s shoulder with one hand and forced his chin up with the other.

“Noh-“

“Fucking look at me. Taehyung!”

He wasn’t breathing. Just gasping air with open lips and not letting it in.

“Breathe.”

Taehyung shook his head frantically, throat constricting, and Jungkook thought Taehyung was scratching him to blood where his nails dug in Jungkook’s forearms.

“You need to fucking breathe.”

“No.” It wasn’t even a sound. “It hurts.”

“It will only hurt worse if you don’t breathe! Tae, come on.”

Taehyung shook his head again and a tear slid down his cheek, glistened on pale skin.

Fuck, Jungkook never wanted this. He didn’t- didn’t know what he wanted, but never this. He didn’t know this was what Taehyung had been trying to ignore.

He didn’t know.

“Tell me five things you can see.”

Taehyung’s eyes snapped to him. “What?”

“Five things you can see. Anything – colors, shapes.”

Taehyung’s shoulders were shaking. Trembling, without stopping.

“You.”

“Okay. Four more.”

It took him a moment to glance away from Jungkook. An even longer moment to finally focus enough to say, “Stairs. Table. TV. I don’t- Rug.”

“Great.” Jungkook loosened his hold on him just slightly. “Four things you can touch.”

“Touch.” Taehyung wheezed as he took a small breath, and Jungkook wasn’t sure he even noticed. “Touch, I don’t know.” His fingers flexed on Jungkook’s arms. “You. Floor, couch. My clothes.”

Jungkook had to remind himself to breathe too. “Good, Tae. Three things you can hear.” 

“I don’t know.” Taehyung whispered. Pressed the back of his head to the couch. “I don’t-“

Jungkook moved his thumb on his shoulder. Just a light caress. “It’s not a speed test. You don’t have to hurry.”

“Your voice.” Taehyung breathed out. Breathed in. Waited, thought. Breathed again. “The fridge. It…”

“Buzzes?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Something in Jungkook’s chest loosened. Relaxed. “One more.”

“Blood. It-“ Taehyung let go of Jungkook to point at himself. “It roars, in my ears.”

“Good. Great, Tae. Two things you can smell.”

Taehyung shook his head. “‘M tired.”

“We’re almost done.” Jungkook tried to soothe, rubbed Taehyung’s shoulder more. He’s never been good at things like this. But Taehyung’s shoulders softened, just slightly. Barely at all. “You did so well. Just tell me two things you can smell now.”

“Oil. There was oil at the market.” His lushes fluttered and Taehyung frowned as he tried to keep them open. “Coffee. You smell like coffee.”

A deep breath.

A slow rise of his chest.

A panicked beating of pulse against Jungkook’s knuckles.

It was Taehyung in front of him now.

It’s been two fucking weeks.

“One thing you can taste.”

“Salt. My chest hurts.”

“I know, come here.” Jungkook reached for Taehyung and this time Taehyung let him do it. Didn’t fight back as Jungkook pulled him into his lap.

Just off the cold floor.

Taehyung heat lolled to Jungkook’s shoulder. Jungkook held him with one hand on his back, and it mad his breath catch, because he could feel bones even through the shirt’s fabric.

The guilt creeped up and exploded on him. Made his eyes burn.

How could he have been- How could he behave like tonight. How fucking dare he.

Why didn’t he find some other way? Any way?

How could his own fear and confusion have mattered more to him than Taehyung’s state?

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

Taehyung tried shaking his head but it was only a weak move, a drag of his forehead against Jungkook’s neck.

“I think I’m broken.” Taehyung mouthed. Jungkook barely caught it. Hoarse, raw. “I don’t think. I know. I- There’re things I can feel in my chest. And I don’t know why I feel them. They aren’t- I don’t even know how I feel them. I don’t know where they’re from.”

Jungkook moved his hand up and down Taehyung’s back. In soft circles. Even if it made him choke on guilt.

God, he’s never been good at comforting people.

“Tae.” He swallowed, tried wetting his lips. “Those are emotions.”

Taehyung curled into himself, into Jungkook’s chest, as if Jungkook had punched him. “No!”

“Tae, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not!” Just a low rasping. Did Taehyung lose his voice? “It’s not fucking okay.”

Jungkook knew the question was stupid, but, “Why?”

“Why.” Taehyung echoed. So weak, like he had no strength left at all. “Because I can’t have emotions.”

“Well, you can if you do.”

Taehyung let out a huff. A quiet breath of air against Jungkook’s throat. Warm.

A laugh.

“You don’t get it.” He whispered then. “I don’t- I can’t- I don’t know what they are. I don’t know where they’re from. I don’t know what to do with them.”

“Tae-“

“They make me dangerous! I- Fuck, I screamed at you!” Taehyung turned, pressed his face harder into Jungkook’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry-“

“Stop.” Jungkook cut off. “Don’t you fucking dare. I’m the one who is sorry. I’m sorry for how I behaved and for how I talked and for freaking you out and- And for not being a better friend. Or, like. Not being a friend at all.”

Taehyung moved at that. It took effort, he had to steady himself with a hand on Jungkook’s chest.

But he straightened up and looked Jungkook in the eyes with a frown.

“No. I- knew? That I was making you mad? But I just-“ His gaze turned so pleading. “I just wanted to be a good- a normal Synth. I thought I could at least act normal. And you’ve said it yourself, it’s my job to do-“

“I said it to piss you off.” Jungkook stopped. “Ignore it, forget it. I’m sorry I said that. It’s not your job to do whatever I want.”

Taehyung’s lips curled a little. A ghost of a smile. “It is, through.”

“No. I said the very first day, all I want is for us to eat meals together.” He pressed his palm to Taehyung’s spine. “And that you haven’t been doing at all.”

“It gets worse when I eat.” Taehyung whispered. “Cause I- I feel good and- have energy? And those things- They get worse. Stronger.”

“Worse or stronger?”

Taehyung’s brows pulled together. “Uh?”

He swayed, too, and Jungkook held him closer.

“I’m trying to understand if you have bad emotions or if you just think all emotions are bad.”

“All are bad.” Taehyung said without thinking.

“No, Tae. Actually, no emotions are ever bad.”

Taehyung’s fingers curled around the collar of Jungkook shirt. Tugged absentmindedly. “They’re all scary. I don’t understand them. I’m not supposed to understand them, I’m not made that way. I’m- I guess I’m just broken. It must be something inside the electrical net in my brain.”

Should they have been having that conversation right then? That late in the night, on the floor?

But wouldn’t Taehyung close away if they waited?

Jungkook wouldn’t risk it.

“I don’t think you’re broken. I think you’re just made too well.”

“I know how I’m made.” Taehyung spoke sharper. “I’m not supposed to have any emotions. It’s wrong. It’s too- It’s too human. I don’t even know who I am if…” He looked away.

‘What does it make him, then?’ Jungkook had asked Namjoon.

“You’re someone who has emotions, Tae. And there is nothing wrong with it. And you don’t have to just know or understand them all of the sudden. It takes humans on average the first twenty years of their lives to learn that. And the rest to learn who they are.”

“But I’m not a human, Jungkook.” Hell, Taehyung eyes burned so bad. Burned with something that ached. “And I guess I’m not a normal Synth either.”

There was that heavy thing pressing down on Jungkook’s chest again. Squeezing his throat. “Who says it’s bad?”

Taehyung looked at him for a while. Then shook his head. His locks fell over his brows at that, cut off the neon. And his eyes turned brown again.

“It is wrong. It’s not natural for me. It scares me, Jungkook. Why doesn’t it scare you?”

Jungkook smiled. It’s been a while since he did. “Cause you don’t scare me, Tae.”

Taehyung gaze was intense. But it wasn’t polite or fake-happy, and that made breathing a whole damn lot easier.

“You don’t get it.” Taehyung pushed. “I could go insane. I could lose my mind and go slit your throat while you sleep.”

Jungkook nodded. “So could literally any one of my friends.”

He was talking to Taehyung again. Like, normally.

Really.

“You-“ Taehyung gripped his collar tighter. “I’m fucking unstable. I don’t control me. I should be fine with you forgetting that I exist and instead I just yelled at you.”

“I kind of made you yell at me. If we’re being honest. And I’m sorry again.”

Taehyung clicked his tongue in annoyance. “You should-“ He bit down on his lip, looked away. Whispered, “You should return me. You should tell them I’m broken. And make them fix me. Or turn me off.”

Jungkook stared at him.

He had that same thought not so long ago.

Now it sounded so fucking wrong that it made Jungkook want to crack his scull open and wash the memory out.

“Kill you, you mean?” His mouth felt like it was full of ash. “I should make them kill you?”

Taehyung didn’t move. “I’m not even alive.”

Jungkook grabbed his hand and pressed two of Taehyung’s fingers to his pulse point. Hissed when Taehyung turned to him, “Go fucking google what being alive means. Cause I’m no scientist, Tae, and I don’t have a search-machine in my brain, but to me thinking, feeling and having a heartbeat very much means being fucking alive.”

A shadow flickered across Taehyung’s face and Jungkook’s hand fell away from him. His stomach dropped violently.

“Oh my fucking god, Taehyung, is that why you’ve been pulling that shit for two weeks? Did you think I’d do that?”

He felt so sick.

Sicker and sicker with every second Taehyung spent staring down to the side.

Then, Taehyung shrugged. Stiffly. “I mean, it’s-“ He licked his lips. “It’s your right. And- No, come on!” He shushed when Jungkook tried to speak. “I don’t even know why I don’t want that! I-“ He put a hand on his chest. “I don’t know what this is and it scares me, I don’t know why making it stop scares me too. Shouldn’t I want that?”

“Taehyung.”

Fuck. Jungkook was ashamed of himself for every second of every day during those almost two weeks. Weeks that he had spent being mad that Taehyung wasn’t magically being whatever Jungkook fucking wanted while Taehyung was petrified of his own thoughts and reactions and seriously thinking Jungkook would send him to get brainwashed if he ever found out.

He put his hand over Taehyung’s on his chest, with a firm pressure.

Holding his gaze was hard but Jungkook made himself do it. His voice was raw. “I would never let anyone do anything you didn’t want. And I’m sorry for how I treated you. In general, but especially tonight. I’m very, very sorry.”

Taehyung’s eyes widened. Dark. Eyelids asymmetrical. “It’s fine-“

“It’s not fine. But it’s not gonna happen again.”

It was so fucking nice to be seeing him. To be seeing Taehyung, not a doll who fed Jungkook ‘everything’s-fine’s.

Taehyung breathed in slowly and let it out. “I don’t think you have something to apologize for. But okay.”

Jungkook tapped at the back of Taehyung’s palm, the one that was still on his chest. “You said when I talk like tonight it makes you feel like you'll die. That’s called pain. And fear, I guess.”

“I didn’t mean it.” Taehyung mumbled. “It wasn’t that bad, I was being dramatic.”

“I know, I’m still sorry. And just so you know, not eating or sleeping makes those things worse.”

Taehyung’s shoulders sagged and Jungkook wrapped an arm around him on instinct.

Taehyung spoke with no bite, just exhaustion. “I fucking know. I searched it up.”

“If I cook something, will you please eat it?”

“You don’t have to cook, we just brought food.”

“Yeah, but you won’t eat it, will you?”

Taehyung fidgeted with Jungkook’s collar. “I’m sorry too. For how I behaved. I knew you didn’t-“ He winced. “Didn’t like me being normal?”

“You weren’t being normal, Tae, you were lying- Fuck it, doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter, forget it. Just don’t ever try being normal again, yeah?”

That was a real smile. A weak, tired one. The one that barely reached Taehyung’s eyes. But a real one. “Okay. Can I just have some rice and eggs?”

“With eggs separately and too much salt.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jungkook had offered him to wait on the couch while he cooked, but Taehyung insisted on coming to the kitchen island.

“I don’t like it when I’m alone somewhere.” He said quietly and Jungkook sighed, got a small flying pan out.

It felt like an apology, from Taehyung. An offer to finally talk.

He tried to keep his voice soft, tried to show that he wasn’t angry. “You’ve been running away every chance you got lately.”

Taehyung shifted in his seat and tugged down one sleeve to fidget with it. “It’s- That thing in my chest? It’s easier to understand when I’m alone. It’s just bad-bad then. When I’m with you, it’s only bad cause it’s there. But it’s… not… bad? By itself?” He glanced at Jungkook. “Do you get what I mean?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook took out the rice and scooped it into the pan. Brought eggs and salt over. “What happened when you…” Snapped. “With music, the other day?” He watched Taehyung closely. This time he watched him. “Was that what made you panic?”

Taehyung nodded.

“It made-“ He put his palm on his chest, fought a shudder. “It felt like my heart would explode. It keeps doing that. Even when it’s music in one of those stupid comedies, I hate it so much. It’s like- It’s like they all happen at once.”

“Emotions?”

“Yeah.”

Taehyung looked like he could barely keep himself upright.

He had been feeling those things that sharply for so long, and Jungkook had no idea.

“What does bad-bad feel like?”

Taehyung shook his head. Pained again. “I don’t know. I- It’s- I don’t know. It, like, burns? But it doesn’t? It’s not a physical feeling, I don’t know what- how I can be feeling it. I don’t get it.”

Jungkook thought about it as he put the warm rice into plates, cracked eggs open into the pan next.

Tried carefully, “And what do you feel when… it’s not bad-bad?”

“Warm.” Taehyung said easily. “My chest feels warm. And I want to smile. But that’s easier, I know my brain releases chemicals so I feel good. It’s different when it’s bad. It’s like- Like something in me is breaking or giving out and I don’t even know what it is.”

Jungkook stirred the eggs. Taehyung liked them fully fried. Over-salted.

The oil sizzled quietly and Jungkook clung to that sound.

For just a second.

To ground himself, to switch to this new reality fully.

The one where Taehyung and him were talking about this.

The one where Synth Thv-7, Taehyung, really, definitely, for sure, had some sort of emotions.

Jungkook passed Taehyung his plate with golden rice and a small mountain of scrambled eggs. His favorite set of wooden chopsticks with leaves carved on top.

Taehyung murmured a thank you as he took it all and ate quietly for a some time. Jungkook wasn’t hungry at all, but he ate just not to make Taehyung eat alone.

Jungkook liked his eggs on the softer, blander side. Liked his rice not fried. But this was the combination Taehyung always finished, so Jungkook’s been making it almost every day lately.

“Can you promise-“ He started but paused.

Taehyung blinked up at him. Like his, with dim lights falling over the table, he looked even paler, his skin even thinner.

One of the shirts that came in his suitcase now looked big on him.

It wasn’t all Jungkook’s fault. But he felt like he should have done more. Should have tried more a lot sooner.

“You don’t have to let me into your head or tell me things you don’t want.” Jungkook spoke quietly. Softly. “But can you please promise not to shut me out anymore? You have emotions, that’s- I don’t know what to do with that either. It’s not something either of us was expecting. But it doesn’t mean you should be figuring it out alone. I can- I want to help.” He searched Taehyung eyes. “Okay, Tae?”

Taehyung looked down and huffed. Huffed again, shook his head. That almost-laugh.

Jungkook leaned closer. “What?”

To catch a smile on Taehyung’s lips as he said, “That makes my chest really warm.”

Chapter Text

His body burned. Everywhere.

A dull aching. Deep under his skin, tight in the muscles.

Greeted teeth and short breaths, forced slow when all his lungs wanted was to expand and break through his ribcage.

Clenched jaw.

Vision blurring.

His arm moved, one last time. Bending up, elbow shifting.

Sharp flaring of pain.

And then suddenly down. Stiff fingers uncurling, letting the dumbbell drop onto the rubber floor.

A quiet thud.

Jungkook sagged against the backrest of the gym bench. Gulped down air and pain, let his eyes fall closed.

His head went so quiet.

Just dull ache and static. The far rushing of blood.

Jungkook wasn’t sure how long he sat there.

Breathed.

In.

And out.

Felt his chest rise.

Felt his heart contract. Hard.

Felt the sweat roll down his body. Over his brows, between his shoulder-blades.

Until it all… dulled.

His breath evened out. His blood slowed, heartbeat steadied. His skin cooled.

He opened his eyes.

One last moment of nothing.

Then he breathed in and the haze was gone.

Jungkook wasn’t sure why he went that hard.

His muscles buzzed in aftershock.

Maybe it was to get rid of the guilt. For how he behaved, even if Taehyung said he forgave him.

Or to forget the one tear that fell down Taehyung’s cheek when he couldn’t get his lungs to function.

Or the way he called him back on the market.

Or the way his spine stood out underneath Jungkook’s palm.

Jungkook felt guilty about all of that.

About so much more than that.

And maybe yesterday stunned him, in the worst way. Maybe he’s never in his life had to deal with that much raw emotions.

His parents were normal, calm people. Not without their moments. But rationality was kind of expected. Even from a four-year-old Jungkook.

The only person in his close circle who Jungkook’s ever heard yell like that was Jimin after two glasses of Zombie.

So maybe it just threw Jungkook off a bit. Maybe he thought he handled it well in the moment, and maybe he still needed some quiet now.

(Or maybe it wasn’t about Taehyung whatsoever. Maybe it was about why the hell Jungkook got him in the first place.

But that Jungkook did not want to think about.

He’s been perfectly busy being worried and mad, no need to go there. He would much rather destroy his body and get screamed at by a robot who was not supposed to be able to scream at all than go anywhere near his own actual problems.)

The morning air looked grey.

Quiet, thick. Not still. But not fresh. Just… presently empty. No drones or hoverboards flying by for now.

No birds.

The petals would come, soon. The leaves.

Jungkook’s never liked spring. He was glad it wasn’t here yet.

He never knew what to do with it. It felt like he had to… do something. Get up, go, start, live.

Get up why? Go where? Start what? Live how?

He pushed himself up and dragged himself to the shower. If he had wanted to get attacked with such thoughts, he would have stayed in his bed.

The spring wasn’t here yet. The heat wasn’t here either. The days weren’t endless. The time didn’t feel like it stopped.

God, Jungkook hated spring.

He turned the handle right, hissing loudly as ice water slammed down his back. Seeped into his skin. Washed those thoughts out.

The feelings stayed, though.

But Jungkook was a pro at ignoring them.

He had expected Taehyung to still be… well, not asleep. But up in his room, as usual.

Instead, for the first time in almost two weeks, he was already downstairs. In the kitchen, same as the very first days he arrived.

Except…

Jungkook halted in the doorway.

“What are you doing.”

The entire front of Taehyung’s shirt was covered in white. Jungkook couldn’t be sure whether there was flour in his hair as well because it was bright to begin with, but he was willing to bet.

Taehyung’s nose was white too and scrunched up disgruntledly.

He generally seemed… not too relaxed.

But the kitchen was not destroyed. Yet?

“I’m cooking.” Taehyung murmured and tried flipping what very remotely resembled a pancake to the other side.

The pancake broke apart and flopped into multiple sizzling puddles with a wet sound instead.

Taehyung stared at it until his jaw ticked.

Jungkook thought it wasn’t the smartest idea to be provoking such strong emotions in Taehyung first thing in the morning. So he made sure to not be grinning as he walked up to him.

“You are cooking.”

Taehyung finally, slowly, lifted his gaze from the burning pancake and up to Jungkook. His lips turned in a grimace.

“You said cooking makes you feel… human. Or whatever. So I was curious what it would-“ Taehyung looked away and shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. It only makes me want to scream again.” He pointed at the hardening puddles of batter. “Look at this! Why is it- jiggly!”

Jungkook let out a huff, couldn’t help it.

Tried to pretend it was just a cough.

Taehyung glared at him.

Which almost made Jungkook laugh for real, because being glared at by a barefoot, grumpy, sleepy, covered in flour Taehyung who still had a trace of a pillow left on his cheek and sugar flakes all the way up his forearms…

Jungkook lost that thought, for a second.

Suddenly struck with how fucking good it was to not be annoyed by Taehyung’s presence. To not be met with a polite smile. To not have him speak in that perfectly happy voice.

To just have him here. For real.

To have someone burning pancakes in his kitchen at eight in the morning.

“Move a little.” Jungkook motioned softly, pulling Taehyung away from the stove so that he could get to the bowl with batter. Swirled it around. “It just needs more flour.”

Taehyung grumbled, “It gets too thick then. I already tried.”

Jungkook hummed. “That explains why there’s that much batter. Are we on a pancake diet from now on?”

Taehyung made an irritated sound and promptly turned around.

Jungkook caught his wrist with a smile. “No, come on, I’m just teasing. Give me a moment.”

Taehyung crossed his arms over his chest and watched Jungkook add and blend in the flour with an expression of a toddler who didn’t want to get proven wrong.

Jungkook watched butted drip off the spoon and pushed the burned pieces off of the pan.

Held the bowl and the spoon out for Taehyung. “There, try now.”

Taehyung arched one brow and just blinked a few times before he finally sighed. Then stepped forward.

It was ridiculous how much concentration he put into simply pouring the batter.

He only made one pancake, too. Small, right in the middle.

They waited.

“Now.” Jungkook nodded and Taehyung frowned.

“How do you know?”

“See the bubbles?” Jungkook pointed “That means it’s ready. Flip it.”

This time, Taehyung did it just fine. Still, the pout stayed on his face.

Jungkook smiled to himself and went to make some tea and coffee.

“You always make it look so easy.” Taehyung spoke behind his back. “And, like, I looked up the recipe. But it’s so- not easy.”

Jungkook turned to watch him take the first pancake off while he waited for the water to boil. “The first time I tried making pancakes, I made a whole bowl as well. But I messed it up so bad it turned out to be flavorless bread. You’re doing good.”

Taehyung scoffed.

His feet were bare again, same as always, long pants pooled around his ankles. There was no carpet here, cause that’s where Jungkook cooked and he didn’t think he would need one.

He was barefoot too. It was fine, the marble wasn’t unpleasantly cold. But it still bothered him. Seeing Taehyung stand with no shoes on stone.

He didn’t know why.

He came back to Taehyung and nodded towards the plate. “Try it.”

Taehyung’s brows pulled together. “Shouldn’t we… wait? Until it’s all ready?”

“It’s tastier when it’s still hot. And because it annoys the person who’s cooking. Like, look.” Jungkook reached forward and quickly ripped the pancake in two before popping one half into his mouth. He smiled as he chewed. “Does that annoy you?”

Taehyung’s frown deepened and he thought for a long moment. Then tapped one finger on the edge of the plate. “I don’t know. But I want the pancake to be there. Pretty. Until there’s a mountain.” His eyes narrowed. “Why did you do that?”

Jungkook grinned. “Yeah, it annoys you. Okay, now come here.” He guided Taehyung away and took his place, poured batter onto the pan in four neat batches. “Give me a second.”

He waited impatiently for the pancakes to be finally ready, flipped them and set them all on the plate.

Taehyung blinked at them. Up at Jungkook. Like he wasn’t sure what to do now. What he wanted to do.

Jungkook left him to it and turned away to start pouring more batter.

When he was on the third pancake, in the corner of his eye, he saw Taehyung’s hand reaching for the plate and stealing one pancake. Jungkook’s, not the half of the one he made himself.

“It also makes sense to tase them now so we know if we want to add something.” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. “Like to sweeten them, or make them softer or firmer. But mainly we eat pancakes like this because we’re impatient. Impulsive even, some might say.”

Taehyung froze with a half-eaten pancake by his mouth and Jungkook’s entire overworked stomach burned as he started laughing.

“I’m not impulsive!” Taehyung hissed, flaring his pancake around. “I could have totally waited, you said I should try this now!”

Jungkook put one palm on the counter and curled in on himself, pressed his other hand to his abdomen. He was still giggling but, fuck. That really hurt.

Not in bad way, though.

“So easy to convince, aren’t you?”

Taehyung slammed his pancake back on the plate. Opened his mouth at Jungkook and suddenly stopped. “No, you know what? I- You- Agh!”

He grabbed the whole plate and power-walked around the table to sit on the other side. Held his chin up and stared at Jungkook as he pushed two pancakes into his mouth at once. “Mahe them youhself theh.”

“Okay.” Jungkook bit off a smile and reached for batter. “That was totally not impulsive.”

“Yes.” Taehyung pushed his sleeves up aggressively. “That was supposed to annoy you.”

“Oh. Well, it definitely did.” He nodded and turned around just in case his cheeks were red right now. From the heat of the pan, obviously. Not because Taehyung was adorable.

And real. Not a doll Jungkook had to put up with the last two weeks.

He brought over cups with their drinks and pushed sugar powder, Nutella and chopped nuts to Taehyung.

Taehyung ended up only liking the powder.

“Everything else is distracting.” He murmured, dragging a pancake through a mountain of it. “Even the tea. Why do you always make it for me?”

“Cause eating solid food dry is unhealthy.”

Taehyung stopped and disappeared for a second. Just a split moment of his eyes freezing. Not blanking. Simply… going away.

He was back in a blink. “Huh.”

“What ‘huh’.”

“I don’t know.” Taehyung huffed, tapping the mountain of sugar power with his rolled pancake. Almost shaping it. “The data is controversial. I could probably find out whether you’re right but it’s taking too long.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “I love how you’re willing to work through multiple scientific studies at eight in the morning just to prove I shouldn’t be making you tea.”

The corners of Taehyung’s mouth twitched. Softly, briefly. Not even a smile.

Yesterday, he would have laughed. Would have pretended to. He did that a lot.

Jungkook was glad he didn’t.

He took a sip of his coffee and just flipped pancakes back and forth for a while. Taehyung never let them get to a point of a mountain, though, sneaking them onto his own plate the second Jungkook was busy pouring new portions.

Jungkook pretended to be annoyed. Because it did make the pancakes taste better. Made Taehyung almost-smile again.

It was good. This morning.

The sound of batter sizzling was good. The smell of fresh pancakes and sugar powder. The taste of black coffee. The sight of Taehyung sitting by the table with his hair messed up and fingers shiny with oil and sugar. But no sun in his locks.

Maybe it was just thanks to his workout, but Jungkook felt like his head got quieter.

Was he that worked up over the last weeks?

He dug out a pancake from the bottom, where they were cooler, and leaned on the table to dab it into the molten sugary mix on Taehyung’s plate.

The pancake itself was nice. Not too blunt. But Jungkook wouldn’t have minded some maple syrup with it.

Taehyung’s fingers let go of his unfinished pancake and he leaned back a little. Spoke quietly, out of nowhere, “I’m sorry.”

Jungkook’s brows rose. “What?”

Taehyung wet his lips, eyes darting from his cup of tea to Jungkook’s shoulder and back. Not really looking at his face.

He shifted in his seat. “I screamed at you. It- I don’t know, I-“ His face twisted, hand reaching to his own chest but halting as Taehyung realized there was sugar left on his fingers.

He probably wanted to say he felt something. Then or now. Did he still feel guilty?

“I shouldn’t have.

“Tae.” Jungkook wasn’t fucking good at this. Comforting, explaining, words. He wasn’t but he tried. “First of all, we’ve already done this, you don’t have to apologize twice.” He tried to keep his voice soft. He hoped it was working. “Second of all, it was my fault.”

At that, Taehyung’s eyes finally met his. Dark with something a lot like annoyance. “Just because you were an asshole doesn’t mean I should have been one as well. I just-“ His wrist flicked on the table, long fingers curling. He thought for a while and let out a sigh. “It- I- I don’t know. I don’t… like? Remembering it?” He shook his head, his jaw tensed. “I don’t know. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry again. I mean it. I shouldn’t have… done that.”

Why was it that hard for him to just say that it made him feel bad? Upset, guilty? Regretful? Those were just words, why was Taehyung that scared to use them?

Or was he scared of what it meant, too? Of what it meant for him to have feelings?

Did he even know the difference between regret and guilt? Or was it just a huge knot of “bad” in his chest that ached and twisted?

“I don`t assume you don’t mean it.” Jungkook said just to move on from that. “It works the other way around. For me.”

He flipped another pancake.

“What?”

It was too brown at the bottom. But eatable.

Imperfect.

“If you do it again, I’ll know you didn’t mean it.” He held Taehyung’s gaze and shrugged. “But until then… you don’t need to repeat it.”

The same went for him. He apologized, he always did. Once. If he let it happen twice, his own words meant nothing.

He gave Taehyung time to think. It looked like he needed it.

Generally, Jungkook thought they both could use some time.

But they’ve already waisted two weeks doing… whatever Taehyung believed would be best for him, and that didn’t really bring anything.

And Jungkook’s little history course was finished now, and he had nothing to do again, and the spring kept crawling closer.

“Are you tired?” He asked, not hiding the hopefulness as he looked at Taehyung.

He could just announce they were going out today. And for health reasons, he should have been forcing Taehyung out more often. But also. Apart from the whole emotions-issue, Taehyung was an adult with a well-functioning brain.

It didn’t feel right to not ask him.

Taehyung shook his head. “No, why?”

Jungkook felt a smile taking over his face. “There’s a cool place I wanna show you.”

Jungkook surprised himself with how exited he got at the idea of flying Taehyung on his hoverboard.

It didn’t last long, though.

Taehyung’s been wary about so much as stepping on it. He wore one of Jungkook’s pairs of shoes, and having them get sucked to the board made him nervous.

He held his hands out jerkily. “What if lose my balance?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes and put one arm around Taehyung’s waist. “You’re literally standing on solid ground. For now. We aren’t even up yet.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Taehyung gripped Jungkook’s forearm, leaning back to have his back flush to Jungkook’s chest. “Oh my god, I don’t like this.”

Jungkook held his other hand over the board, and it bussed to life. “Why?”

“My brain is saying I’m about to die. Why is it making this noise?”

“You won’t die.” Jungkook scoffed, and his overworked muscles protested at having to hold Taehyung’s weight up. “You know you won’t. I do this all the time. You can google, it’s safe.”

“Fifty-five people a year die in hoverboard accidents.”

“Taehyung, what the fuck did you google?”

Taehyung only leaned further back into Jungkook instead of replying, which must have looked very stupid to anyone watching since both of them were glued to their spots. Jungkook got a mouthful of Taehyung’s hair and blew on it to move it away.

“We’re gonna die. I can feel it.”

“Wow.” Jungkook deadpanned, scrolling through the neon rout options that lit up around them. “Now you suddenly feel shit.”

“It’s physical.” Taehyung hissed. “My brain is telling me to get off this. And my heart is pounding. And my palms are sweating. And- Will you stop spitting on me?”

“Get your hair out of my mouth, then!”

“Hold me properly!”

“Stand on your own!”

“No!” Taehyung wrapped both his arms around Jungkook’s one. “You’re dying with me!”

Jungkook breathed in deeply and decided to be a bigger person.

He booked a route and crooked two fingers to get the hoverboard up.

Taehyung gasped loudly and pressed into Jungkook so hard, it felt like he was trying to push him off. He wasn’t even standing anymore, Jungkook was pretty sure. His feet were just glued and Jungkook was holding the rest of him up.

And Taehyung was bony as hell and still heavy, somehow.

Jungkook wouldn’t have gone high anyway since this was his first time flying with Taehyung and he didn’t know how Taehyung would react, but the dead stiffness of Taehyung’s body made him stay even lower.

He realized something about Taehyung smelled like raspberries. And thyme. And he really did feel too bony, and his body was cold.

Not very alive.

Tense.

But really, they were barely two meters high. And they haven’t even made it from one lamppost to the other before Taehyung started shaking his head.

“No, let me down.”

Jungkook held back a sigh as he landed the hoverboard and then suddenly groaned as the magnetic pull on their boots disappeared and Taehyung’s entire weight fell on him. It made his thighs and back flare up in pain.

Taehyung stumbled off the board and let Jungkook go, put his hands on face. Then he leaned forward and pressed his palms to his knees, shook his head again.

Jungkook stepped to him with a frown. “Hey-“

“Walking is essential for cardiac health.” Taehyung rasped and pointed nowhere without looking up. “We are walking.”

Jungkook felt himself smile. “You’re scared of heights.”  

“Fuck you.”

“That’s cute.”

Taehyung glared up at him, still holding himself up with his hands on his knees, chest falling too quickly. He was kind of pale. Cheeks kind of blotchy.

It really was. Cute. For some reason.

Not him being scared on itself, Jungkook didn’t like that look at all. But something about Taehyung being scared, of heights of all things, was so cute.

So… unplanned? Natural. Not something programmed.

A robot who was scared of heights.

Jungkook decided not to point out how horribly irrational that was.

He hooked the hoverboard over his shoulder, ignored the way the muscles there ached. Then reached for Taehyung’s wrist and pulled him along.

He didn’t really know why.

The street wasn’t crowded – they were practically the only people on it. It was way too early and not sunny enough for anyone else to be out yet.

Taehyung didn’t even look like he was spacing out, like those times they went shopping.

So Jungkook really did not know why he was holding his wrist.

But it wasn’t like they were holding hands.

And it wasn’t like Taehyung seemed to notice. Or care.

Jungkook just… liked it.

Liked having that horribly fucking thin wrist in the ring of his fingers. Pliant. There. Weak pulse underneath Jungkook’s thumb.

Like maybe he could keep it safer like this. Make sure nothing happened.

Taehyung’s heartbeat slowed, soon. Evened out as they walked, as he calmed down. The redness of his face went away.

The pallor stayed.

Jungkook held his wrist a bit firmer.

They didn’t talk and Jungkook didn’t mind. It was a nice kind of quiet.

No useless questions. No asking shit Taehyung did not care about just to keep Jungkook busy.

Taehyung’s eyes were calm, but unreadable. Simply taking in the world around like he didn’t know what it was there for.

He didn’t say anything as they walked into the art museum.

If the streets of Seoul have seemed empty, this place was just void. Fucking entirely, not a soul in the whole five-floor, three-wing palace.

It wasn’t as old as Jungkook would have liked it to be, but the style was ancient. All marble columns and statues and carved golden frames.

It was a different world.

Even the air here was different.

Jungkook led Taehyung up the stairs, to the third floor, and it concerned him beyond words that as they stopped at the top, Taehyung was breathless.

Taehyung tried hiding it, though, and held his back straight, and Jungkook said nothing.

It was his fault as well for not taking Taehyung out more.

Taehyung was his own person, true, but lately Jungkook hasn’t even been asking if he’d like to come with him. He hadn’t wanted himself.

He waved those thoughts away and pushed a massive, tall wooden door open. It creaked a little, echoed through the whole wing. Sound ricocheting off walls.

The halls were bright. Neutral lights by the paintings, cold ones falling through the glass of the ceiling.

The first paintings were of old religions, bodies drawn oddly, gold hanging on canvas. It wasn’t what Jungkook liked most, wasn’t why they were here. Just the entrance, the very first part.

They walked slowly. Their steps echoed too. Slicing the quiet. Air charged but empty. Like all the stories and crafts were gathered here but did not want to be touched.

Far away.

Unreachable.

Clean air.

Free.

“I come here cause it makes me feel free.” Jungkook said quietly and didn’t turn to see Taehyung’s face.

They were the only ones in the whole building, but Taehyung kept his voice low as well. “What about this?”

“I don’t know. I guess, for me… I feel like I’m not alone here. But,” He pointed at the drawn faces. “Nobody cares. Nobody minds. Nobody here expects anything. It’s just me and art. And dead artists. It’s peaceful.”

He never got to explain that to anyone. He never wanted to, but it was suddenly important to him that Taehyung understood.

It was a feeling, though. So Jungkook didn’t know if Taehyung even could.

He kept holding his wrist and they kept walking. Not quickly, not slowly. Jungkook’s been here a thousand times and his favorite part began a few halls down, but maybe there was something here that would catch Taehyung’s eye.

When something did, Taehyung used his free hand to touch Jungkook’s. Maybe because if he had tugged his wrist, Jungkook would have let go.

Did he not want that?

“What’s that?” Taehyung pointed, leaning closer to keep his voice quiet.

Jungkook followed his finger. “Ah.”

A painting of an ancient, wooden plow fixed over a horse’s back. Jungkook knew that, but it wasn’t an easy thing to explain. Not to someone born and raised in their age.

Still, he talked. Tried hard to recall the weird words his dad used decades back, when he was telling those same things to a sleepy Jungkook. It had sounded like pure magic then, probably just thanks to the sheer admiration Jungkook’s father had for those mechanisms, for the people who made and worked them.

Jungkook wasn’t sure he made it sound as impressive. Wasn’t sure Taehyung even cared.

But he looked like he did. Like he really did.

His eyes stayed sharp, focused on the canvas.

Jungkook guessed that information wasn’t easy to find. Because nobody cared to really store it. With a subscription to a library or two, Taehyung would have probably found it. But it would have taken time. Taken effort.

Maybe that’s why he listened so carefully.

So Jungkook explained more.

He wasn’t that big on art, but he knew some forgotten objects the drawings preserved, and he tried explaining.

He liked that. Liked that Taehyung seemed intrigued, that he frowned when Jungkook said he didn’t know something.

Jungkook couldn’t imagine explaining that to anyone else. Namjoon enjoyed those conversations but there was literally nothing Jungkook could teach that man. Same with Jungkook’s parents. And who else was there? Jimin? Ha.

They came to the halls that slowly went from renaissance up, and Jungkook let go of Taehyung’s wrist.

He loved that art. Did not know the artists. Did not learn the themes or the plots of the paintings. Had nothing to say.

He just watched.

Forever, at every painting, at strokes that weren’t really seen, at worlds that have never existed.

At traces of people who’ve created art and died eons ago.

Who were still alive here.

Wasn’t that freedom? From death itself?

He envied the mastery, too. The amount of effort and time it must have taken to paint the St. Peter’s Basilica with that much detail.

Every corner and arch, the falling of light.

In Jungkook’s world, there were only straight cuts and neon glow left.

He turned away to glance at Taehyung. And saw the hall empty.

He found Taehyung just behind the corner, and the expression of his face made Jungkook falter.

Taehyung was staring at a painting with his lips parted and breath held back, eyes intense, hot with something like fear. Maybe pain.

“Tae?”

It was a paining of… some Roman god. The vile kind, with one hand forced between a woman’s legs. They were both drawn with scary precision, with the reality that almost hurt.

Uneven bodies, rough skin. Sharp bones, hanging fat. Folds and unusual angles, and months of painting put into freezing expressions that must have been gone in a blink of an eye.

Taehyung brought his hand up slowly, to his own forearm. Fingers curling around what must have been bright, smooth, fair skin, and gaze moving over the bulging dark muscle of the god in front of them.

“Human bodies can be that.” It was a whisper. Maybe a question, Jungkook wasn’t sure.

But he got it.

He took Taehyung’s wrist. “Not common knowledge?”

Taehyung shook his head.

He’s probably never seen humans like that. Jungkook too, to be honest. But he had at least known they used to be like this.

This used to be peak of beauty.

Those raw, unfiltered bodies. Imperfect, unchanged.

Taehyung didn’t blink. Wet his lips before speaking. “She is in pain.”

That was not a question. But Jungkook nodded. “And she is scared. She’s powerless here.”

Taehyung nodded stiffly and tore his eyes away. Moved down the halls again but kept his eyes on the floor.

Jungkook didn’t push. Art made him feel too. He knew it would take time to process.

Taehyung looked lost but in a different way now. A crease to his brows. A tense edge to his jaw.

An odd burning to the way his eyes darkened.

Jungkook held his wrist, he needed to.

And he was more focused on the coolness of Taehyung’s skin than on anything else after that, so they’ve circled back to the stairs a lot earlier than Jungkook usually would have.

Taehyung shook himself out of his state as they walked down and Jungkook caught him staring at the statues in the wall niches.

They were good but only copies of the actual works and it showed. The marble wasn’t alive, did not look one breath from moving.

Jungkook’s been to Rome, he knew what the attempt here was.

Would Taehyung ever want to go to Rome with him?

“Kook?”

Jungkook almost jumped at the voice and pulled Taehyung’s wrist closer on instinct before hastily letting it go.

He cursed under his breath.

“Ahm.” He glanced at surprised Taehyung. “It- He- Fuck.” Jungkook turned around and took a quick breath. “Hi, hyung.”

Namjoon came up to them with a big smile that made guilt fill Jungkook`s chest. Because he was- almost scared, for a second? Caught, upset?

He didn’t want to let Namjoon and Taehyung meet.

He wanted to hide Taehyung and reach for his wrist again.

He didn`t, of course.

He pushed a smile.

“Ah. Tae, that`s Namjoon.” Jungkook pointed awkwardly. “He`s the head of this place. And a family friend. And, hyung, this is…” Who? Who was that? Jungkook`s friend?

Why was that making him panic?

“…Taehyung.”

Namjoon smiled wider and bowed. Taehyung bowed back, a little lower. (Jungkook didn`t know why it surprised him. Of course Taehyung knew how to hold himself. `Common knowledge.` Of course.)

And then there was a short moment where Taehyung didn`t say anything and Namjoon looked at Jungkook like he expected more. Because of course he did. Because Jungkook never went anywhere with anybody, let alone here, let alone with a guy Namjoon didn`t know.

Jungkook had been telling Jimin they`d meet up soon for three weeks now.

And, oh. Did Namjoon know? Fuck, he must have. He always saw through Jungkook.

And it`s not like Jungkook was embarrassed to tell him, right? Why would he be?

In a way, he already told him.

There was nothing wrong with this. Nothing.

So why was Jungkook`s heart racing that bad?

“He- ahm. Is a Synth.”

Namjoon`s eyes widened, just briefly, but that was all the reaction Jungkook got. And a soft, “Oh.”

Oh. Jungkook scoffed. Right, fucking `oh`.

“I was showing him around.” Jungkook murmured, fixing the hoverboard on his shoulder just to have something to do. “We`ll-“

“Did you like the art?” Namjoon asked Taehyung and Taehyung blinked.

Not surprised. Not afraid. Nothing.

Jungkook almost expected him not to answer at all.

But, “The late Renaissance was eye-catching. And Donatello`s works along the stairs. Although, St. George`s arm is recreated at the wrong angle.”

Jungkook`s eyes bulged and he turned to the side with a cough to hide his fit of laughter.

A robot telling Kim fucking Namjoon that something with the art in his precious museum was wrong.

Taehyung said it so plainly, too. So evenly.

Namjoon`s mouth slackened and he looked up the stairs. “Huh.”

“It`s not too bad.” Taehyung added with the same lack of interest. “Just seven degrees off or so.”

But that was fake. The disinterest. He had searched it up, he had found the difference.

“Seven degrees.” Namjoon echoed and shook himself. “Would you like something to drink? There`s a café downstairs.”

Jungkook turned to Taehyung, asked him quietly. “Are you tired?”

Taehyung shook his head and Jungkook was almost disappointed. He had no idea what the hell Namjoon wanted and something about this was making him nervous.

The café wasn`t necessarily that good, with pre-baked pies served by an android and a too biter coffee. Black tea with no thyme.

Taehyung didn`t seem bothered at all though, simply leaned back in his chair and took a few candies from the bowl on the table. Popped one in his mouth.

It hit Jungkook then that that was why he smelled like raspberries. That was the taste of the candies Jungkook had bought him. Were there still some left?

“Do you go out a lot?” Namjoon asked, taking a sip of his tea, and Jungkook wasn`t sure who he was asking.

He knew Jungkook didn`t.

“I just thought it could be nice.” He said and shifted under Namjoon`s gaze. “How is your study going?”

“Good. Do you have plans for today?”

“We do.” Jungkook cut off, jaw clenching. “Why?”

Namjoon noticed the stiffness. Eyes piercing, as always. Too knowing.

But this time Jungkook didn`t know what the fuck Namjoon thought he knew.

And he had a feeling Namjoon had something to say.

He was glad he wasn`t saying it.

“How do you know each other?” Taehyung suddenly asked, staring right at Namjoon, and that made Jungkook blink in surprise. Taehyung`s eyes made him shiver.

Not robotic or fake. Not gone. But- weird. So unreadable they were almost blank. Calm, unmoving, holding Namjoon`s gaze without blinking.

Jungkook had no idea what made Taehyung speak. Care enough to.

But he thought Taehyung was doing that thing with his eyes on purpose, to freak Namjoon out, and he found that so funny.

“Our parents know each other.” Namjoon answered slowly, trying to read Taehyung and coming up empty. “And Jungkook`s father was my professor in uni.”

Taehyung hummed. “What did you study?”

Okay, what the fuck.

Namjoon put his cup down. “Ancient art history, neuro-science and psychology. As three different majors.”

Not a fucking blink. “Why did you choose to stick with art?”

Was Jungkook jealous? No, why would he be. “I studied history too.”

Taehyung patted his knee. As in `Sweet, but adults are talking`.

Jungkook stared at him.

Namjoon tilted his head. “I suppose it was a calling. Preserving art and history is important to me. Do you get the feeling?”

“No.”

Jungkook would have laughed if something in his chest wasn’t dropping that violently.

He threw a quick glance at the bar counter and the selection of small cakes and turned to Taehyung. “I`m kind of hungry, do you mind checking which cakes don`t look too old?”

Taehyung got up smoothly. “You are not hungry, I`ll go use the restroom.”

Jungkook watched him leave and tongued at his cheek.

Tried to think. To not rush.

Because Namjoon did know Jungkook thought Taehyung might have emotions but he had no idea if it was true and he probably didn`t believe him, but-

Still. Fucking still.

He met Namjoon`s eyes. “Do not push him.”

Namjoon laced his fingers together. “You believe he has-“

“No.” Jungkook stopped. “I don`t `believe` it, I know it. He does have emotions. And you were right, it is scary for him, and I don’t want you to poke him.”

Namjoon`s face darkened. “Jungkook, you hold his wrist and call him Tae. And you brought him here, of all places.” He leaned closer and tried to speak softer. “Jungkookie, I`m not saying there`s something wrong with having sex with a robot – although we both know that for you there is – but this looks like you`re dating-

“Fuck, Namjoon!” Jungkook huffed, a sound between a laugh and a growl. He didn`t really find this funny. At all. “I`m not dating him! And it`s not cause he`s a Synth, he`s just- Joon, come on. He barely has a personality, why would I- And I`m not fucking him! You know I`d never do that.” He glanced at the restroom. “You know that.”

Namjoon`s gaze was heavy. “Why not if you believe he has emotions?”

Jungkook frowned. What was this?

“Namjoon. He does have them.”

“Fine.” Namjoon nodded. “Highly unlikely. So what`s going on?”

What… the fuck? Jungkook felt so lost.

“Nothing, hyung. I swear. He`s- I`m trying to be his friend? He`s scared and he doesn`t know what is happening. I`m just trying- I don`t know. But I don`t have any romantic or sexual feelings for him.” He seriously didn`t and he hoped Namjoon saw it. He couldn`t even imagine that.

Taehyung really was a robot at core. With emotions or not.

After a while, Namjoon sighed. His shoulders seemed to move down.

“Jungkookie, you know you can talk to us? Me, your parents? Jimin?”

Jungkook`s frown deepened. “Namjoon, I`m fine.”

“Are you fine or were you ready to yell at me for your robot?”

Jungkook looked away and swallowed drily. “He- I told you he might have emotions. Why would you push him like that?”

Namjoon stayed quiet. Then let out a breath. “Okay, I`m sorry. You`re really sure?”

“Yes.” It was stern. Final, Jungkook didn`t add anything.

And he realized then that he did not want Namjoon in this. In whatever was happening with Taehyung. With Jungkook. It was nobody`s business.

He had already told Namjoon too much.

But Namjoon was concerned. For Jungkook, truly, deeply. “Jungkookie, are you sure you aren`t replacing human connection with what this Synth is giving you?”

“He isn`t giving me anything.” Jungkook rolled his eyes. “Only headaches.”

He didn’t like the look Namjoon gave him. The weigh, the worry. The disagreement.

The door of the restroom creaked and Jungkook pleaded quickly, “Just don`t push him, okay? And I`m not asking you to trust him, Joon, I`m asking you to trust me.”

He didn`t think Namjoon would say more. But Namjoon always did, if he thought he had to.

“Why did you bring him here if he`s giving you nothing?”

Chapter Text

They went to a small restaurant after Namjoon’s museum.

It wasn’t the plan at first, but Jungkook didn’t feel like going home yet. 

He was kind of… mad at Namjoon now. And he knew Namjoon only meant well, knew Namjoon was scared Jungkook got so lonely that he had let himself get fooled by a robot. Fall in love with one? Namjoon really thought they were dating.

Which was so absurd.

Jungkook cared about Taehyung, he admitted. But he cared the same way he cared about Jimin. Or Namjoon himself. If one of them was learning to deal with emotions they weren’t supposed to be having, Jungkook would try to be there for them too.

That was it.

And Jungkook couldn’t even imagine wanting Taehyung sexually. He thought about it as he watched him, as they waited for food, and it just… wasn’t there. He didn’t feel any kind of way about Taehyung.

He just wanted him to eat and stop looking like he’ll collapse in on himself and being so goddamn cold all the time. Stop looking like he was one wrong move away from breaking. 

None of it was sexual.

Jungkook knew the difference.

And also, he was scandalized Namjoon would assume that. Like he didn’t know what Jungkook and Jungkook’s parents thought about those kinds of relationships.

(Fine, this was different. Taehyung had feelings, Jungkook knew that for sure now. But his parents would still see that as falling in love with a sex toy. Not immoral. But fucking insane.)

“You’ll get wrinkles.” Taehyung said quietly and Jungkook realized he’s been frowning.

He’s probably been frowning since before they said bye to Namjoon.

He didn’t like saying those things. About Taehyung. Even thinking them.

Like, just now. Taehyung was not a sex toy.

And back there, he had said things that weren’t nice at all. That he’d never want Taehyung to hear.

That he barely had a personality, that Jungkook would never date him. It was true. But it wasn’t nice. 

And Jungkook knew he could trust Namjoon to keep it between them but it still… left a vile aftertaste in his mouth.

Not that Jungkook thought Taehyung didn’t have a personality? Of course he had. Just- Fuck. It was so fragile. All of him. Jungkook couldn’t imagine getting so close he would get to touch corners and twists of Taehyung’s mind. Of his soul, if he had one. 

Jungkook wouldn’t dare.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry about Namjoon.”

Taehyung brows rose. “Why? He was funny.” 

“Funny.”

Taehyung hummed. “He got annoyed when I mentioned the St. George’s arm.”

Jungkook held back a smile. “How did you know the angle was wrong? And do you really enjoy annoying people?”

Taehyung took his napkin and started spinning it on the table. “Will it annoy you if I don’t say how I knew?”

Long fingers, pressing down on dark paper.

“Uhm, yeah.”

Taehyung looked up from the napkin, eyes locking with Jungkook’s. A ghost of a smile. Not even there. “Then I won’t.”

Jungkook leaned back, to get away from those eyes. But he wouldn’t dare look away. “Of course you won’t.”

Warm darkness of the irises. Asymmetrical eyelids.

That wasn’t… the standard. Wasn’t what people – Jungkook – were taught to find pretty. Why did it look so fucking beautiful on Taehyung? 

Taehyung blinked down and started folding the napkin, gaze flickering back and forth. Searching something. Was he checking instructions? 

Some hair fell over his brows, grey in these lights. Softer. Warm.

There was no neon here.

Only wood and weak lights. Worm out walls, cluttered shelfs. 

An old man and his grandson ran this place, with no androids. No robots, no high-tech machines.

A small place in the hidden corner of Seoul, all dusty and meek. Nothing to catch the eye.

But so much to see once you looked.

Jungkook wasn’t sure why he brought Taehyung here. Why he brought him to that museum.

The places where robots did not belong. Where fakes didn’t-

He stopped.

Taehyung wasn’t fake.

He was not and Jungkook brought him here because that was where he would have brought a friend.

Because he wanted to.

Taehyung looked right here.

“It’s quiet.” Taehyung murmured, still bending the paper napkin in very odd ways. Focused, leaning closer.

Jungkook watched. “Does it bother you?”

Taehyung shook his head. “You don’t like quiet.”

Jungkook was pretty sure no one had ever bothered to notice that. Not even his parents.

But wasn’t it one of the skills Taehyung had? Noticing? To adapt, to get better?

Even if he had his own thoughts and feelings, him mentioning such a small thing shouldn’t have made Jungkook’s chest tighten.

And it didn’t. Right?

He picked at the edge of a tablecloth. Woven fabric. Handmade.

“It’s different. I don’t like fake quiet. Complete, like when all windows are sealed closed, you know? But this is peaceful.”

They could hear some clutter coming from the kitchen. The muted voices, the knife cutting through food. But nothing else.

Not even drones passing by.

‘He isn’t giving me anything’ Jungkook had said.

That was a lie.

Taehyung was giving him company. Taehyung was keeping the teapot hot for him in the mornings and noticing that Jungkook didn’t like quiet. 

“I’ve talked to Namjoon about your emotions. I’m sorry.” He said quietly, guilty. “In the very beginning. When I wasn’t sure you could- Or if it was even-“ 

Taehyung set a small paper lily on the table between them. “Why would you be sorry?” 

Jungkook stared at it for a second before looking up. “I- It’s your thing. I shouldn’t have told Namjoon. But I didn’t think you’d ever meet or- or think at all, I guess. And I guess I was betting you didn’t really have any emotions. So I’m really sorry.”

Taehyung shrugged easily. “I don’t care what your friend knows. Is that why you didn’t like me talking to him?”

“I-“ Jungkook blinked and frowned. “I didn’t- I don’t care if you talk to him.”

Taehyung spun the lily around. “No, you didn’t like it. He was interesting.”

“Was he?” Jungkook took the lily from him. “What about him?”

“He seemed cool and smart. Not impulsive.”

Jungkook glared at Taehyung and that time Taehyung smiled.

Quiet, small. Pleased with himself.

“I fly a hoverboard and I’ve studied too. Is that not cool and smart?” Jungkook huffed, looked at the flower. “And why the lily?”

“There’s nothing cool about flying that death machine.” Taehyung set back as well to watch the restaurant more comfortably. “I never saw lilies in real life. But there were a lot on the paintings today.”

Jungkook smiled at the tender thing on his palm. “It’s my birth flower.”

“Should I google what that means?”

Jungkook let out a chuckle. “It doesn’t really mean anything. Just something some people care about. Birth flowers, personality types, zodiac signs.”

He could see Taehyung trying to keep his face passive. “Do you care about that?”

“No.” 

“Oh, thank fuck.”

Jungkook laughed. He did, he didn’t know why. “Why, what’s wrong with that?”

“With thinking the positions of stars have something to do with the way you behave?” Taehyung looked at him blankly. “No, nothing.”

“You’re such a hater.” Jungkook sighed. “You hate Titanic, scallions, heights, impulsiveness, zodiac signs-“

Taehyung held up a finger. “No! Why would- Don’t pack it all together! Heights are objectively scary and life threatening – stop rolling your eyes, – scallions are distracting, and Titanic, impulsiveness and zodiac signs are just… stupid.” He paused. “Sorry.”

“You are not sorry.” Jungkook sighed again and tried to pretend he wasn’t smiling.

“Why do you like me hating things you enjoy?” Taehyung suddenly asked. “I mean- not ‘hate’, I don’t have… that feeling towards them. But. You know what I mean.”

Jungkook set the lily back on the table. “I like it cause it’s not something you’re doing because of me. That’s just how you think and you say it even when you know I disagree.”

Taehyung arched a brow. “And you… like that?”

“Yes.” 

Taehyung looked at him for a long moment. Like he didn’t get it.

But that was fine.

A young boy brought them their meals soon and having food be made and delivered by humans was something Jungkook was willing to overpay for.

He knew this was one of last places that were only ran by humans, though. The high cuisine was moving towards androids now. Precision, perfection.

Jungkook enjoyed meals like this while they lasted.

And it made his chest warm to not be enjoying this one alone now. To see that Taehyung wasn’t bored or spaced out.

They got some janchi guksu to share and Jungkook always liked the kimchi bokkeumbap here, but this time he ordered a simple rice bowl with soy sauce and an egg.

The side dishes were nice, fresh and warm. Homemade too. 

It made Jungkook miss his parents’ food, for a moment. Miss them. 

And then he realized Taehyung had no one to miss.

At all. 

Would he have missed Jungkook?

That was such a selfish thought.

Taehyung was probably more alone than Jungkook could ever imagine. He did not even know how alone he was. And maybe that was a good thing.

But Jungkook got almost nauseous with guilt for behaving the way he did back with Namjoon. 

Taehyung found him interesting. He tried asking him something. And Jungkook had rushed away because- why? Was he really jealous?

Taehyung hadn’t really asked him things like that. What Jungkook studied. Or what he did. 

Not that Jungkook had much to tell.

But fuck. He should have let them talk. If Taehyung wanted to.

“What’s wrong?”

Jungkook tore his eyes up from his bowl. “What?”

Taehyung waved his chopsticks at him. “You look… stressed.”

Jungkook shook his head and straightened up. “I’m fine. Did you really like Joon?”

Taehyung brows pulled in confusion. “Well, I don’t know? He was- new?” 

‘Cool and smart.’ 

Was that Taehyung’s type? Namjoon?

Jungkook pushed that thought away so fast it was violent. Slammed his mind’s door after it.

Locked it.

Forgot to say something.

“Are your families really friends?” Taehyung asked, picking up a salad leaf to wrap around some meat slices.

Jungkook hummed in confirmation.

Taehyung balanced the leaf with the chopsticks. “I didn’t know people still did that.”

“Being friends as families?” Jungkook took a leaf too. “Yeah, I guess ours are just old-fashioned. Joon actually lied. I mean, maybe he did stick with history cause it’s important to him and all that, but his dad ran this museum before him. That must have played a role.”

“What do your parents do?”

Ha.

Jungkook put the leaf into his mouth just so he could chew and stay quiet for a second. 

He had literally just thought he wanted Taehyung to ask more stuff about him.

How have the turns tabled. 

“They have an antique store.” He said but sighed. “Fine, they don’t. It’s more like a firm? They find and buy artifacts and resell them to collectors.”

For a lot of money. 

Taehyung reached for some seasoned soybeans. “Is that why you studied history?”

Jungkook’s throat felt raw, so he only nodded. 

“Do they not want you to take over their firm?” 

Jungkook took a small gulp of tea, didn’t notice the flavor.

“They do.”

“Will you?” 

“No.” Jungkook glanced at Taehyung and back down, at the dry leaves and spices swirling in his cup.

He never really talked about it with someone. He didn’t know if he wanted to. 

Namjoon just knew. And his parents… Jungkook remembered their disappointment. It would have been easier if they had been mad. 

“It’s really-“ Jungkook tried and put the cup down because it shook in his hold. Unsure what to do with his hands now. “They cling to history too much. It’s- It made me feel trapped. Like we’re pretending the world doesn’t exist. Just sitting inside their own house, cooking, cleaning, reading those books. Movies, music, it’s all… from the past. And that’s great, I love it!” Jungkook looked at Taehyung and waved around them weakly. “But there’s also the rest. And, like. I can’t live my life in the world that’s already dead.”

Taehyung tilted his head, eyes intense on Jungkook. Like he really tried to understand. But Jungkook knew himself he wasn’t making much sense.

“That explains why you have no friends.” Taehyung said in the end and took his chopsticks again. 

Jungkook’s mouth fell open and he stared for a second before snapping it closed. Cleared his throat to hide a chuckle.

“I do have friends.”

Taehyung hummed around a mouthful of beans. “The guy your parents befriended you with doesn’t count.”

“I have friends beside Joon!” Jungkook exclaimed. What the hell even. “I have- Jimin!”

“Oh.” The corners of Taehyung’s mouth twitched. “Where did you meet? Kindergarten?”

“Fuck you!” Jungkook hissed and leaned back in his chair. But… Fuck. “University.” 

Taehyung pressed his fist to his mouth as he laughed, just a soundless thing. Jungkook hated himself for smiling.

“What is wrong with meeting friends at uni?” He asked, trying his best to not get distracted. Because that was the first time he heard Taehyung laugh in so long. 

“No, nothing.”

“Where do you think people meet, then?”

“Swinger parties?” 

Jungkook pressed both palms to his brows. “I don’t know what is worse – that being common knowledge or you googling it at some point.” 

Taehyung giggled and said nothing long enough for Jungkook to look up at him.

“So?”

Taehyung arched a brow. “Do you want to know whether I googled that?” 

“No.”

Taehyung’s smile was so wide and pleased. “Yeah, I thought so.” 

Jungkook went back to eating.

He didn’t really want to think too much about how his half-assed explanation still did make sense to Taehyung. About his parents, their firm. 

He was glad Taehyung didn’t ask more. 

Jungkook himself didn’t know why he was that alone. He thought that was just how most people lived? And really, at least those he knew – Joon, Jimin – they didn’t have that many friends either.

Jungkook didn’t even feel… the need to have more friends. He could barely make himself do something with ones he had. And it wasn’t their fault, they were great. 

Jungkook just knew something must have been wrong with him. With that utter, complete lack of… contact? Of something. 

And it probably did have to do with his parents, with the way he grew up. He just didn’t- understand this world? Life. There was something about it Jungkook was missing. Not getting at all.

He didn’t know what. But thinking about it made his chest ache.

So he didn’t. He went to the gym for hours a day and flew his hoverboard too high and hid from the quiet and got himself a robot who was possibly more messed up than Jungkook himself.

But at least he was not into drugs, right?

They started going to the pool, on the rooftop. Each evening.

Jungkook had nothing to do there, but he went just because of the way Taehyung asked. 

“Can we go?”

We.

Always we. Not ‘can I.’ 

Taehyung knew he didn’t need to ask that.

But, Can we?

So Jungkook went just to sit on the sun-bed and stare at palm trees.

He didn’t mind, it was nice up there. Always dark when they came, always starts in the sky and the pool shining blue and white stones of the paths lit up brightly. 

The city laid spread underneath them. Far buzzing of it barely heard, neon steady. 

Taehyung never looked at it, didn’t care.

He did not even swim.

Just set by the edge with his feet in the water, letting the wetness climb up his shirt, until it soaked his collar. Stared at the ripples of blue, at the wavering of it.

Blank. Intense. Frowning. Passive.

Jungkook felt like he was intruding. Like whatever went through Taehyung’s head was just his and Jungkook had no business seeing. 

Especially when Taehyung’s lashes flattered and eyes got unfocused, when his frown deepened and fingers began to curl. 

Jungkook looked away then but he knew Taehyung did not even notice. 

He didn’t notice Jungkook at all up here.

But he kept asking. Can we?

Did he not want to be alone that much? Was he scared of heights even here? 

Jungkook didn’t think his presences could have been helping with either one of those things.

And then, after some time, coming here started bothering him.

Well, not the coming itself. 

But when Jungkook got bored of palm trees and the stars and the city and let himself glance at Taehyung – at the way the wet shirt clung to his slumped shoulders, the way steam of the pool threaded itself in his grey hair and curled, slid down his temple and cheek in slow, glistening beads, past his mouth… The way water touched Taehyung bothered him.

And then, sometimes, Taehyung’s lashes would move up, damp and heavy with heat, and he’d look at Jungkook, and Jungkook would see eyes that looked too much like those he saw in the mirror. 

And that bothered the fuck out of him.

Jungkook laid awake in his bed, watched lights and shades intertwine on his ceiling.

His head was relatively quiet.

He wasn’t bothered by something, per se.

The sleep just wouldn’t come.

Jungkook thought briefly that he could have gone up to the gym to kill time but decided against it. He’s been trying to have some sort of routine. For Taehyung, mainly.

Jungkook didn’t know how this life was supposed to be lived. 

He didn’t want the life his parents have chosen. 

He didn’t want Jimin’s or Namjoon’s. 

He had no idea what everyone else on this planet were doing. 

He didn’t care. 

But waking up before noon and moving his body and eating his greens made breathing a whole lot easier, so Jungkook stuck with that. 

Killing time with a sense of wellness to it.

Jungkook moved his stiff neck, from left to right, and his eyes landed on a small paper lily. On his bedside table.

Jungkook snatched it with him before they left that restaurant. 

He rolled over and pushed himself up, out of bed.

He wanted something to drink.

He noticed Taehyung even before he had moved down the stairs, and he faltered.

Sitting there, on the windowsill before the massive window, in just his shirt and pants 

Fuck, Jungkook knew he still wasn’t sleeping enough. Taehyung had stopped dozing off during the day, though, so Jungkook had assumed it got better. Even if the bags under Taehyung’s eyes stayed in place. 

He walked down, already opening his mouth to ask why Taehyung wasn’t sleeping but stopped last second.

Because Taehyung was. Sleeping.

Jungkook paused and came up to him slowly, kept his steps quiet. The carpets swallowed them up.

Taehyung was curled in on himself, cold again in those thin pajamas, head dropped against the wall. Brows pinched. 

He looked so fucking pale in neon and moonlight. Hair so tangled, lips white.

Jungkook frowned at the couch and all the blankets.

Set down at his side and called quietly, “Tae?” 

Taehyung’s eyes flew open instantly and it took him a second to focus and then his gaze filled with relieve. “Oh, is it mor-“ He looked at the window. Realized the light was just from the city and whatever was bright in his eyes dropped abruptly. “Oh.”

He pushed himself to sit straighter but sagged right back. Rubbed a hand over his face, took a small breath.

Murmured, “Sorry. You- Why are you here?”

Jungkook watched him with an uneasy feeling. Something nasty.

“Wanted something to drink. Why aren’t you in bed, Tae?”

“‘M not sleepy.” Taehyung slurred and there was something so powerless in the way his head lolled back against the wall. Something so damn exhausted. “Was just watching the city.”

Right. As if he’s ever done that.

“Why didn’t you take a blanket?” Jungkook didn’t know why he spoke so quietly.

Maybe because this scared him.

Maybe because Taehyung looked like the smallest noise could just break him.

Taehyung didn’t answer. It seemed like he forgot to. Looked at Jungkook, and then through him.

Cold, stiff thing crawled up Jungkook’s bones.  

“Taehyung, why are you not in bed?”

Taehyung shook his head. Slowly, from side to side.

Jungkook touched the back of his palm to Taehyung’s bend knee, just to remind them both they were here. Not alone, neither one.

Taehyung’s skin felt like it was freezing. Feet bare, shoulders curled.

“Tae, were you going to bed?” It was a selfish, stupid plea.

Plea to lie, because Jungkook knew now. 

Taehyung was not getting up early, he just wasn’t going to bed at all.

Taehyung’s face twisted and he pushed his head away. To the window. 

“It gets worse when I’m warm.”

Jungkook put his hand on Taehyung’s knee, firmer. Set closer, made his voice work. “What?” 

Taehyung dragged his palm to his chest – dragged it, it looked like the movement took all the strength Taehyung didn’t have left. Could not even curl it.

“It- hurts, all the time.” Just a breath, not a sound. “And it- I hate when I’m alone. It’s- worse when I’m alone.” His lashes fell closed, as if they were too heavy. “I hate nights, I’m so alone at nights. It’s just- me and nothing and that thing that aches-”

“Taehyung-“ 

“I hate sleeping!” Taehyung hissed and his voice broke. “I’m so-“ He looked at Jungkook and his eyes simply killed him. 

Taehyung’s hand twitched on his chest.

“I fall asleep when I’m warm.”

He was so far.

“Jungkook, it hurts. It hurts all the time.”

Jungkook nodded and moved before he could lose it.

Put one hand around Taehyung’s back and another under his knees and lifted him up. Dead weight, heavy.

It grounded him.

Taehyung’s head dropped to Jungkook’s shoulder and Taehyung tried gripping his shirt - with no force, just fingers slipping on fabric.

“Don’t make me sleep.”

Jungkook went up the stairs.

“Let me go, I can walk.”

“Sure you can.” Jungkook whispered and pushed Taehyung’s bedroom door open.

The blinds were half closed, mess of clothes on the floor. Bedsheets twisted wildly.

Taehyung made the quietest, barely audible noise, something panicked and hurt, and pressed his face to Jungkook’s shoulder like he wanted to hide from that bed.

“I’m not leaving.” Jungkook murmured into his hair before putting Taehyung down. He dropped down by his side, leaned his back against the headboard. Pulled the blanket over Taehyung’s shivering frame. “I’m not leaving, Tae. You can sleep, you’re not alone. Okay? I’ll be right here. Please just sleep.”

Because Jungkook was dumb and naïve and he thought if he could just make Taehyung eat and sleep that would make it all fine.

Taehyung looked up at him, hand reaching forward to grab anything, something, hold onto Jungkook somehow.

He fisted the fabric of Jungkook’s pants, by his knee. Eyes so dark in this lighting. “You won’t leave?”

“No.” Jungkook pried Taehyung’s hand away and held it in his own. Thin, and cold. “I’m right here.”

Taehyung’s eyes fell closed, again, despite his visible efforts against it. His whole body melted. Collapsed.

Gave out.

But he still pushed, “You’ll- be here when I wake up?”

Fuck.

“Yes, Tae. You’re not alone, I’m right here. I will be right here.”

Taehyung shook his head and nuzzled closer. Spoke so quietly it was more a loud thought than a said thing, “I’m always alone.”

It made Jungkook’s breath get stuck in his throat. Made his ribs squeeze so hard they creaked.

He breathed through it. The same way he breathed through everything else.

He didn’t want Taehyung to be having those thoughts. To be having those feelings. Emotions, whatever the fuck.

Anyone but Taehyung.

And he expected Taehyung to fall asleep right away but he didn’t.

Laid there, held Jungkook’s hand.

A strand of hair fell over his brow and Taehyung frowned.

Jungkook brushed it back. Without touching his face. Only pulled the soft curl away.

Taehyung’s lips parted. “Why don’t you send me back?”

Jungkook’s hand froze. All of him froze. 

And he was lost, for a moment. Entirely.

“Do you want that? 

There was a horrifying second, an endless one, when Taehyung opened his eyes, moved his head. Looked up at Jungkook.

His mouth moved and Jungkook managed to die and come back all in that one second.

Because he didn’t know what he would do if Taehyung said yes.

What he would do if Taehyung wanted to leave. 

“No.”

Jungkook’s breath got punched out of him. Cut through the air of the room, through Jungkook’s own lungs.

He rasped roughly, “Then don’t ask me that.” 

“I am not normal.” Taehyung whispered. “Something’s so wrong with me. You know that. You can have normal company. That’s what you want, right? Company? You can have someone normal. A normal Synth. Jungkook. What use am I even?”

There was anger burning up Jungkook’s spine at those words. Not at Taehyung. At nothing, really.

Maybe not even anger.

Maybe fear.

Maybe pain.

Jungkook cleared his throat again and it still came out low, “You are alive and you have emotions and there is nothing wrong with that. And stop fucking thinking of yourself as if you’re some thing I can ‘send back’.” Holding Taehyung’s gaze was hard. Words were harder. “You aren’t supposed to be ‘useful’ either. What use am I, by that logic?”

Taehyung shook his head. “You don’t get it. I am a thing-“

Jungkook clicked his tongue, loudly. Wanted to scream when he heard that. “You were supposed to be one. You are not. Fucking- don’t say that.”

“Jungkook, I don’t know what I am.” Taehyung looked up at him with eyes almost calm. Let it hang in the air and repeated, “I don’t know what I am. 

Jungkook wet his lips. Felt his heart contract. “So what.”

“Huh?”

“So what that you don’t know. 

Taehyung blinked. Blinked again and again. “What do you mean.”

“I mean just that – so fucking what that you don’t know.”

“Well, I-“ Taehyung hesitated. “What do I do? 

Jungkook’s fingers trembled but he brought them to Taehyung’s hair, pushed more stray locks away. “Does your chest still hurt?”

Taehyung frowned but let his eyes close. “A little less now.”

“Then you sleep, that’s what you do.” Jungkook spoke as soothingly as he could manage. “And tomorrow we will have breakfast. And do something. I don’t know what. And then go to your pool. And if you feel alone again you will tell me and I will do whatever you want and tell you that I’m here. Okay?”

Taehyung didn’t answer. He was asleep.

And Jungkook didn’t know why he kept stroking his hair.

Chapter Text

Taehyung twisted a lot in his sleep.

He slept badly.

It was that restless, exhausting sleep, the kind that doesn’t let you switch your head off fully but keeps its claws in you anyway.

Jungkook didn’t know how he could help.

Taehyung just kept waking up and turning from side to side, sprawling all across the bed, curling in on himself, pushing the blanket completely off and pulling it to his nose.

And he kept holding some part of Jungkook like he was scared he’d disappear. His hand, the hem of his shirt, the fabric of his pants. His fingers curled, weak and tired, and the second Taehyung relaxed and fell asleep his fingers would loosen and he startled awake.

Again and again and it was agonizing to even witness.

Jungkook tried holding Taehyung’s hand himself, but then Taehyung wanted to turn, to move, to roll away.

Jungkook wondered, briefly, why there was no system installed to make sure Taehyung wouldn’t suffer like that. Why that was even physically possible for him.

Why whoever created him didn’t take better care of it.

Taehyung only settled when the sky started brightening.

He pushed himself closer and pressed his face to Jungkook’s hip and wrapped an arm around his waist and then just melted into him and didn’t move anymore.

Jungkook’s back hurt, to be honest. He’s been sitting against that headboard the whole night.

His head hurt too. Pulsed, from the inside. Steel pressure squeezing his scalp.

The air in the room was too still. Heavy, thick. Hard to breathe through.

Too warm.

But he set there, dosing off, with Taehyung’s head by his hip and his arm oven his legs, and he thought he didn’t mind.

This was better than letting Taehyung freeze himself so he would not fall asleep.

‘It hurts all the time.’

Jungkook wondered whether Taehyung meant that. Or was it an exaggeration? A dramatic thing said in the dark of the night?

Jungkook didn’t know and he was scared to ask.

They’ve started watching old TV shows. So old, they were almost ancient. Sitcoms, comedies. The awful ones that required no real investment. The ones where no conflict lasted over two episodes and the fun parts had laughter in the background.

With the emotions turned up and overplayed, with just one feeling being portrayed at a time – and Jungkook could see Taehyung liked that.

He watched with intention, with eyes focused and never blinking away, as if he was learning something important.

Trying to understand.

Jungkook just liked the white noise of it. In a way, it was nostalgic. His parents watched those things a lot.

After that one night, Taehyung’s mood seemed to even out. But Jungkook was wary of it.

Maybe it was just finally getting some sleep that helped. Maybe Taehyung regretted letting Jungkook know those things and was trying to distance himself now. Maybe he had more energy to pretend nothing bothered him.

Or maybe telling somebody and hearing he wasn’t alone really did help, even if for a bit.

They were… ‘living life’, Jungkook supposed. It didn’t feel like that.

Even with Taehyung, living did not feel like the right word for what Jungkook was doing.

He was existing. Waking up to move through the next day. And the next. It reminded him of the way Taehyung slept.

Not awake. Not at piece.

In between.

And maybe having Taehyung by his side made it easier. Made breakfasts enjoyable and cooking more meaningful and the quiet louder and his own head calmer.

It gave Jungkook something to focus on. Something to wait and look out for, even if that something was the next change in Taehyung.

Jungkook didn’t mind and maybe he should have.

They still went up to the pool every evening.

Because can we?

And Jungkook just set there and watched Taehyung’s clothes and hair get all soaked, watched his dark eyes flicker over the water.

He remembered, in those moments, when steam from the pool would fall from Taehyung’s lashes like drops of silver, that he had not even noticed what he looked like when he bought him.

He thought that now he’d pay a lot more money than then just to keep watching Taehyung breathe. Just his chest rising weakly, and his too-big shirt clinging to his skin, and his fingers curling, so faintly. Dipping into the water.

God, Jungkook hated that water. It touched Taehyung too much.

It stroked his knees, crawled up his body, threaded it’s steam into Taehyung’s hair and rolled down, drew lines on his temples, around the pale, gentle skin under his eyes. Lingered in the hollows of his cheeks, touched – it touched - Taehyung’s mouth. Licked at it, pressed too close.

Jungkook didn’t know why that pissed him off. Why coming up here felt more and more like making sure that this water won’t cross some sort of line.

He looked away, he always did. Never followed the wetness down to where he knew it trailed neon on Taehyung’s throat, where it must have been pooling in the dips of his sharp collarbones.

Jungkook didn’t look. It felt wrong.

He thought, instead, that Taehyung probably came here for the same reason Jungkook came to that museum.

Not that Jungkook could name it, the reason.

But he still went there.

To feel free, to feel… not alone?

Existing was easier there.

He brought Taehyung with him.

Because leaving the house was good for him and because- Because Taehyung looked like he wanted to go.

He was tense around art the first few times. As if he was scared of it. Of what it might do. Might make him feel?

But then he started looking, from up close, from afar, at each detail, at nothing at all. At art of all eras, all styles.

Watching, reading.

Figuring out?

Admiring?

Jungkook could never read that look in Taehyung’s eyes. Didn’t know what the art meant for him. But it clearly meant something so Jungkook started asking as well.

Should we go?

He generally tried to take Taehyung places.

He himself might have had no motivation to go but he thought Taehyung deserved to experience stuff. At least once.

They tried shopping.

Jungkook loved it, loved trying things on even more than actually buying them. Jimin introduced him to shopping in Jungkook’s first year at uni and back then it had blown Jungkook’s mind.

He knew what stuff existed, obviously, he wasn’t living under a rock and had a phone even in his parents’ house, but, hell. Stepping into the mall for the first time made his mouth go slack.

This time, he wasn’t looking for things for himself.

He had just hoped Taehyung would find this fun too. But the official excuse was that he thought Taehyung needed more clothes.

“You have, like, four shirts.”

Taehyung showed no sign of caring.

No interest, no protest. He’s been quiet lately.

They went in the morning, so that there wouldn’t be any people. Only androids moving silently.

They had offered help, Jungkook said they didn’t need it.

They freaked him out, still. Now more that before. A human who wasn’t human looking at him with void eyes and a smile.

But there was something relieving about seeing robots too. A reminder, again, that they could never ask Jungkook to come up to the pool with them. They could never watch the water for hours like it held all the answers they craved or curl their fingers into their chests to explain things they were too scared to name.

There was no crowd in the store, no loud noise, no way of getting lost, yet Jungkook still held Taehyung’s wrist. It was not even conscious. Just an instinct, just the way it should be.

(Maybe, somewhere really deep down, too deep to reach, there was a part of Jungkook that bared it’s teeth at the gesture. That made him hold Taehyung tighter and pull him closer and glare around and almost warn, ‘Mine’.

His what, Jungkook didn’t know. He did not even know that part of him existed.)

He just knew Taehyung’s wrist was the most delicate thing Jungkook has ever touched - just sharp bone and thin skin and something too cold about it.

Jungkook’s thumb found Taehyung’s pulse point and stayed there. Careful. Just to know it was beating.

They moved through the rows of clothing slowly, and Jungkook realized he’d have to offer Taehyung stuff if he wanted him to really try it.

So, “How about this?”

It was unfair how good Taehyung looked in everything.

When he tried on a beige sweater with fake gaps and holes, he had finally seemed to wake up.

He blinked at his own reflection and the corners of his mouth curled up. “It’s nice.”

And when Taehyung went back on his own and returned to the changing rooms with a huge, fluffy pink sweater with blue stripes amongst other things, Jungkook had just smiled at it.

He thought it was ridiculous.

When Taehyung walked out to show Jungkook how it looked, Jungkook had almost said they won’t buy it.

He didn’t, he wouldn’t. But he wanted to.

Not because it looked silly.

It should have looked silly.

It was a huge, pink, fluffy sweater with blue fucking stripes.

Instead, Taehyung looked- Jungkook couldn’t find the word.

Soft.

Breathtaking.

The thing was too big on him. It hung off Taehyung’s frame, made his shoulders too sharp. Made all of him look too small, and frail, and too cold, and too- too-

Exposed too much of his neck. Of his throat.

Taehyung held his hands up by his sides, flailed the massive sleeves slowly. “I like the fabric.”

“You look great.” Jungkook said simply because it was true, and Taehyung’s smile widened.

“I look different.”

“Yeah, clothes do that.”

Taehyung’s eyes changed, then, went from surprise to that intense stare Taehyung had when he looked at art or watched TV shows, like he was trying to understand something.

“It’s like I can… change who I am?”

Jungkook made himself comfortable in his chair, realizing they’ll be here for a while. Which was just what he wanted. “You can change how people perceive you. With the way you dress. You can choose how you want to be perceived.”

Taehyung’s gaze shifted to him. A small crease between his brows. “Do all people do that?”

“I guess we try?” Jungkook wasn’t exactly an expert on people. He pointed at his own all-black clothes. “I mean, you’d see me pretty differently if I was wearing that pink sweater, right?”

Taehyung let out a quiet chuckle and shook his head. “Do you not like pink sweaters?”

“I do, just not on me.”

Taehyung turned back to the mirror.

And then he had tried on almost every piece of clothing that store had on display.

Some of it looked absurd. Because the clothes were. But most of it worked on Taehyung perfectly and Jungkook couldn’t help thinking, with something clammy twisting inside of his chest, that that was probably the intention.

That Taehyung was most probably made to look good in whatever clothes, in whatever styles. In whatever surrounding, by whatever owner’s side.

Jungkook was not even entirely sure whether Taehyung’s hair was golden or grey. It changed to fit the lighting.

Yet Taehyung struggled to find what he liked. And that loosened the knot it Jungkook’s chest a little.

He could see this was hard for Taehyung.

Maybe because after each new thing he put on, he had to ask himself how he felt about it. Not physically, but how it reflected who he was inside.

And he had told Jungkook he didn’t know that. He had said it like it was the biggest secret, the scariest thing in the world.

‘I don’t know who I am.’

Jungkook couldn’t imagine how hard that must be. To be made* for a purpose so clear it had been put into digital code, had a marketing campaign build solely around it, and then realize those descriptions did not fit at all.

Jungkook – every human he knew - had a time in his life when he didn’t know who he was either. He still didn’t know all that well, it just stopped bothering him. But that was normal, that was the most human thing.

Nothing about Taehyung had been normal, and Taehyung knew it too.

‘I don’t know who I am.’

That was why Jungkook brought him here, to be honest. Because maybe putting some décor onto himself would let Taehyung see himself a bit better.

There was a light but steady frown on Taehyung’s face by the time he stopped, and a tint of exhaustion.

And he only ended up choosing a very few things. Some loose shirts, that pink sweater. Similar to the stuff that’s been delivered with him.

Jungkook grabbed a pair of soft socks for him on their way to the cashier, even if he knew Taehyung would refuse to wear them.

He decided not to ask him about shoes or hats or bags yet. Did not want to overwhelm him.

Taehyung waited by a stand with some trinkets while Jungkook paid. Traced his finger along a golden necklace. It was not really gold, just colored plastic.

“Do you like it?”

Taehyung made an odd gesture, something between a nod and a shrug. “It looks pretty.”

Jungkook stopped him from trying it on. Curled his fingers around that thin wrist. “No, let’s- I’ll show you something else.”

The jewelry store was across from this one, but all the necklaces and rings and bracelets were made of silver and gold there.

They costed fifteen times more.

Jungkook didn’t care.

He did not want to see those fakes from before on Taehyung. Only precious metals, only gems, only one-of-a-kind designs.

Putting cheep, crude chainlets on Taehyung’s skin felt like an insult. Felt wrong on every level – like dirtying something that shouldn’t even be touched.

Even these necklaces here looked like they weren’t good enough. Not on Taehyung’s neck.

But this was the best it got.

Taehyung was a bit lost, Jungkook could tell. Couldn’t choose now that he had hundreds of versions of each thing he found nice, every difference way too subtle.

“I-“ His fingers grazed the chains and then stilled. He breathed out shakily, final. “Don’t know.”

Jungkook looked himself. “How about this one?”

He kind of hated himself for the necklace he offered. Immediately.

It was a very thin chain made of twinkling silver, and there were fair, gentle drops of even pearls dangling from it.

Like the drops of that water.

Jungkook just thought of how Taehyung kept coming back to it, to that pool, as if it were precious, and offered. He forgot to think how much he himself hated it.

Hated it touching Taehyung’s throat.

Now he himself put the necklace there. Locked it, watched it rest in the dip of the spines on the back of Taehyung neck.

Watched him turn, take the mirror.

Drops of silver and nacre, small and beautiful, in the hollows of Taehyung’s collarbones. There, where Jungkook usually refused to look.

Was this some sort of excuse? To do it now?

Jungkook didn’t think so. He didn’t like seeing it there.

But it looked like Taehyung did. Like it shocked him how much he did.

He touched the tips of his fingers to it, lips parted softly and eyes so awed. “It’s like-“

Like that water.

It made Jungkook’s skin burn.

But Taehyung’s shoulders have dropped, and some tension Jungkook hadn’t noticed before seemed to leave his body.

As if yes, it was like that water. And Taehyung had wanted it and he had just got it. A piece of it, to himself.

And it was still not good enough, in Jungkook’s humble opinion. Not nearly good enough next to Taehyung’s skin, to the curves of his bones and the lines of his muscles. Over the pale purple of his veins.

It was more a distraction than a decoration. It was nothing next to Taehyung, it could not possibly add anything to him.

But, hell.

If he liked it.

“We’ll take it.”

At some point, Jungkook took Taehyung to an oceanarium.

Maybe he was just a masochist.

But he was running out of ideas for things they could do indoors, and the spring was too close now, Jungkook didn’t want to be outside that day.

It was just the first thing that came to his mind.

And they still had to walk there. To get in some steps and fresh air.

Like adults.

“You’re a dictator.” Taehyung stated.

Jungkook sighed. “I’ll get you ice-cream once we’re there.”

“But I want it now.”

“But you’ll want it there anyway.”

“So what?”

“That’s unhealthy.”

Taehyung nodded solemnly. “A dictator. That’s how they all start.”

Jungkook just held his wrist and kept walking. It was purely for his own comfort today. To distract.

Jungkook refused to accept that the spring was here. It wasn’t, not yet.

A small green leaf swirled in front of them, and Jungkook’s heart gave a panicked punch.

He almost got his phone out to search for more courses he found take, or centers he could volunteer at, or even a dance fucking practice at Jimin’s-

“Wow.” Taehyung caught the leaf and stopped. Blinked from it up to where others were growing, on the intertwined brunches of the trees above.

The sunlight was still cold in them. Air still fresh.

Breathable.

Taehyung opened his mouth like he meant to say something, head thrown back and light catching the pearls on his neck, but in the end he only smiled. A surprised little thing. “They’ll all bloom?”

“Yeah.” Jungkook rasped and cleared his throat.

Taehyung swirled the leaf in his fingers. “That’s pretty.”

Well, fuck. They’d have to go look at these trees, then.

But later. When the spring came.

Jungkook let out a long, relieved breath when they finally walked into the warm hall of Seoul’s Oceanarium. Into the neon and darkness and damp air, where no trees bloomed and time didn’t stand still.

And Jungkook was immediately proud of himself.

Taehyung looked ecstatic.

“That is so pretty!!”

Every single swimming thing in here was apparently pretty. And, like, it was. Jungkook had hoped Taehyung would think so, but he didn’t expect his attention to get so fully consumed by the sea creatures.

Taehyung cooed at every fish. He stared at them with wide eyes and open mouth. Whispered, “They are so different.”

He looked right in the blue neon lighting, by all that water behind the glass.

Jungkook let go of Taehyung’s wrist at some point because Taehyung wanted to get his nose into every aquarium so much that he was willing to wait in line. Jungkook followed him in the middle of halls, just making sure they wouldn’t get lost.

He noticed that things have changed since his parents last took him here. He thought he saw some completely new creatures. Some plants that looked too intricate to belong to nature.

But he guessed if all of this looked good, no one cared where it came from. If it were even real.

He saw some couples here, snapping selfies with sharks. A few girls filming a video with a clean blue background. A lot of parents with kids and… Some androids? Jungkook had to double check. But no, really, androids. Leading smiling kids, holding their tiny hands.

Jungkook didn’t know if some of them were Synths. But it shocked him, a little. A lot. He had thought buying a robot to fuck it was the saddest thing humans did, but understanding some parents got them to take care of their children, to sent them to an oceanarium instead of going themselves…

He watched a young boy cling to a robot’s hand and jump in excitement, giggle loudly at something the robot said.

There was genuine warmth on the android’s face, but when he glanced at Jungkook, his eyes were just… empty.

It was a Synth.

A hard shiver ran down Jungkook’s spine and Jungkook tried not to look anymore. He went to join Taehyung in the line.

“There so many!” Taehyung exclaimed quietly, not to startle the kids, and stood on his toes to point somewhere left. “Look, that one is so funny! It keeps falling down!”

Jungkook followed his finger, watched a huge red crab move up a rock and slowly float down onto it’s back as he missed a step.

He pushed a smile. “Yeah. Namjoon loves crabs too.”

“I should have worn my pink sweater.” Taehyung murmured. “I would have looked like that crab.”

Jungkook looked at him and forgot to answer.

His breath just- halted. Caught.

Taehyung’s eyes shined so much. So amused, so amazed, so damn lost in the moment. Jungkook wasn’t sure it was good, wasn’t sure Taehyung wouldn’t freak out later when he started asking himself what it was that he liked that much, what it was that he felt, but…

He looked so alive.

More alive than Jungkook felt.

Taehyung loomed over the edge of a wide, open aquarium, and he leaned so far that Jungkook had to reach for him and hold him back. Just a hand on his chest that Taehyung barely noticed, but Jungkook’s stomach twisted at how breakable Taehyung felt. Like a colibri, all weak wings and a trembling heart.

Jungkook pulled him back from the too-short glass railing. “Please don’t fall.”

Taehyung ignored him. Kept watching the turtles move between rocks, leaned against Jungkook’s chest like that was normal.

His hair brushed Jungkook’s face and a soft scent of thyme reached Jungkook’s lungs. And something sweet. Probably one of those fruity candies Jungkook bought Taehyung last week.

He let go.

The interactive section was next, with seashells to touch and some games to play. Taehyung seemed to get tired from all the walking, though, so they walked past that. It was for kids anyway.

By a table with sand in the end, Taehyung faltered. “What’s that for?”

Jungkook needed to think for a second. “Ah, I guess it’s for drawing.” There was nobody here. “Wanna try?”

“Oh, no-no.” Taehyung shook his head decisively, so certain it was almost panicked, and tried to keep moving.

Jungkook caught his sleeve. “Why not?”

Taehyung’s eyes widened and he pulled his sleeve free. Took a careful step back.

“No, it’s-“ He waved at the table. “It’s- no, come on. I can’t. Let's go.”  

Jungkook looked at him closely. At the nervous hitch in Taehyung’s breathing. “Why not, Tae?”

Taehyung exhaled sharply, a quiet accusation in his gaze as if he couldn’t believe Jungkook would need him to explain. “It’s- art, Jungkook. It’s- creating. I can’t, let’s go.”

He looked like he wanted to run away and Jungkook barely held back from reaching for him.

Kept his voice light instead, nodded at the table. “Sure you can. Just draw something.”

“‘Draw something.’” Taehyung echoed quietly. “Draw what?”

“Anything.”

Taehyung frowned. “I can’t just-“

“Draw the fish you liked the most.” Jungkook stopped and Taehyung moved almost automatically. Had no problem sitting down and dragging his fingers through the sand to make a small fish with long fins and thick stripes on its back.

“How about… a crab?” Jungkook tried and Taehyung drew one.

He drew things Jungkook asked of him.

But he looked scared when Jungkook asked him to draw something on his own. To create something.

Scared.

Huh.

Jungkook got him ice-cream like he promised and he ended up having to eat chocolate-mint and give Taehyung his tiramisu and caramel-pecan, because Taehyung chose that green monstrosity and then started pouting that it tasted like toothpaste.

But he looked happy with tiramisu, and his cheeks pinkened as he munched on the waffle, and he got caramel all over his nose. So. Jungkook was okay with eating toothpaste.

There was a shop in the end and Jungkook got Taehyung a headband with two red crabs on it.

“There.” He chuckled at Taehyung’s startled expression. “You wanted to be a crab.”

Taehyung blinked at him and there was something too pretty about the way his pale lashes moved. The golden specks in his eyes, bright against the dark irises.

Taehyung grabbed the hairband with turtles and put it onto Jungkook. Jungkook’s brows shot up and he turned to glance in the mirror.

“Why am I a turtle.”

“You’re huge.” Taehyung giggled. “And you frown a lot. You’ll be wrinkly like a turtle.”

“Wow, aren’t you a sweetheart.” Jungkook deadpanned.

Taehyung laughed, stopping Jungkook from taking the band off. “No, come on! It does look like you! And turtles are, like, green! They’re healthy and they walk everywhere. Just like you.”

Jungkook felt his cheeks heating up and hissed, “You know, if it weren’t for you, I’d be flying everywhere, real hight and fast, and not like a turtle at all-“

He stopped abruptly when Taehyung dropped his face to Jungkook’s shoulder to giggle into it. He shook with silent laughter and when he straightened back up, his eyes were wet at the corners. “Oh- You got so mad! I do love annoying people.”

“You- It-“ Jungkook huffed and pulled the band down. “I’m not wearing this.”

“Fine.” Taehyung smiled, wiping his eyes carefully, and snatched a plush turtle from the shelf instead. “I want him, then.”

“Fine.”

“I’ll call him Koo.”

“Taehyung, put it back.”

Taehyung hugged the turtle to his chest with the cheekiest grin Jungkook’s seen on him yet and walked right past Jungkook.

Jungkook stared after him for a moment. “He called me a grin, slow, wrinkly turtle.”

Jimin would love Taehyung.

Jungkook bought that damn plushie, and a glass crab for Namjoon, and then a tiny, pale snail, also a glass figure, because Taehyung’s eyes kept coming back to it.

He didn’t know why Taehyung wouldn’t just say he wanted it. But he got it anyway.

Two of them. Because one would be lonely.

(Yes, Jungkook had issues. He was well aware.)

They were almost ready to leave when Jungkook noticed the photo-booth. He didn’t think, same as he didn’t think when he offered Taehyung to get that necklace.

Just took Taehyung’s hand and pulled. “Let’s take some pictures.”

Taehyung startled. “What?”

He looked so comically lost, squeezed in the booth by Jungkook’s side, staring around like a student who was not ready for an important exam.

“Wait, what do we- Why am I so pale? Where do I look? Should I take the crabs off? Wait-“

Jungkook pressed his card to the reader and the countdown on the screen moved.

Three, two-

Taehyung looked like Jungkook had just went full-speed on his hoverboard with him. “Wait!”

“God, just look there.” Jungkook chuckled, pointing at the small camera, and threw a hand around Taehyung’s shoulders to pull him closer.

Jungkook smiled because this was sort of hilarious and he looked good in all four pictures. Taehyung looked four different kinds of terrified.

Jungkook arched a brown at the photos. “No, let’s take new one-“

“Wait!” Taehyung squeezed Jungkook’s hands tightly, jerked them away from the card reader. His fingers dug into Jungkook’s forearms, and his chest heaved. Too quick.

Jungkook stopped abruptly.

Taehyung shut his eyes closed for a second and shook his head, let go of Jungkook when he realized how hard he was holding him.

“Tae, hey-“

“Sorry, just- Just give me a second. Oh, this is insane.” Taehyung breathed out shakily.

Jungkook was so lost now. They were just taking photos.

“Tae-“

“You really aren’t a turtle.” Taehyung hissed. “You’re like- like an ostrich. A rabid ostrich.”

“You know what, on second thought, I do like the turtle.”

Taehyung pressed his forehead to Jungkook’s shoulder again and his laugher came out quiet and unsteady.

Jungkook was… confused.

“Tae, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Taehyung set back. “Sorry, nothing, just-“ He pointed at his own head. “Let me catch up. What are we doing?”

“We’re taking pictures. I’m, like, ten thousand percent sure that is common knowledge.”

Taehyung smacked Jungkook’s thigh softly. “You- That’s not- I know we’re taking pictures!”

Jungkook smiled and let Taehyung think. He was expecting a ‘why’ now, and he honestly did not want to spell that out.

He was not good with words.

They were taking pictures to hold onto today. Onto that day of their lives when Taehyung laughed and ate too much ice-cream and had a crab-band on his head and called Jungkook a turtle.

Jungkook wanted that day in his memory. It felt like he lived it.

With Taehyung.

The faces of his parents came up in Jungkook’s mind. The shocked eyes of his father.

‘Really? You’ll hold onto a memory you made with a robot?’

Yeah. Yeah, Jungkook will.

It didn’t mean he wanted to tell that to Taehyung.

And it didn’t look like Taehyung was ready to hear it either.

So he didn’t ask why.

Only took quiet breaths and moved his shoulders down.

“Let me make sure I look fine.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes. “You look great.”

“Said the turtle.”

“Okay, fuck yo-“

Taehyung giggled. Giggled.

Jungkook rolled his eyes again just because he didn’t know where to look now.

Because Taehyung did look great. He looked beautiful, and his cheeks were flushed, and his hair was messed up. And that damn nacre on his neck was distracting.

“Fine, okay.” Taehyung breathed out, pushing some hair back under his headband. Checked himself on the screen. “Okay, we’re taking pictures. Four, right? And I look there?”

That was the first time Jungkook had wanted to touch him.

It wasn’t a loud realization, but it made the sounds disappear for a moment. Stole the breath right out of Jungkook’s chest.

He had wanted to touch Taehyung, just to soothe him somehow. He didn’t know… how. He was never good with that either. With comforting, with physical touch. He just wasn’t.

Jimin did that so naturally. He would have laughed now and ruffled Taehyung’s hair and hugged him warmly and stroked his shoulders and back and said something like, ‘Don’t be silly, Tae-Tae. Why are you stressing over some pictures?’

Jungkook wasn’t like that. He couldn’t even imagine- how to do that. How awkward it’d be if he were to put his hand on Taehyung’s shoulder now.

But the worst part was that Jungkook did think it would have helped Taehyung.

Because he did look stressed out of his mind.

And Jungkook had no idea why.

These were just photos.

“Yeah, Tae.” He started slowly. Carefully, gently. Because maybe his hands shook too much to move, but Jungkook would make use of his voice. He would try. “You look beautiful, just look there. And- No, don’t smile if you don’t want to. We don’t have to do this at all, you know? I just thought it’d be fun. But we can-“

“No, it’s-“ Taehyung stopped and pointed at the screen, and the way his fingers curled made Jungkook’s heart stumble.

It has hurtful, every time, when Taehyung explained something about how he felt. How he thought.

It was an automatic reaction.

“It’s- I have to-“ Taehyung wet his lips. “It’s- Ah.”

“Hey.” Jungkook caught his unsteady hand. Held it. Cold, slender fingers disappearing in his own. Met Taehyung’s wide eyes calmly. “It’s okay, Tae. You can think, and then you can tell me. We aren’t in a hurry, yeah?”

Taehyung blinked at him, and took a small breath. There was still something that ached in his eyes but he said, “It’s fine, it’s not bad. Just-“ His free hand pointed at the screen again. “I’m gonna be on those pictures. Some version of me. And, what you said about… choosing the way people perceive me? People are going to see these pictures and perceive me. Somehow. And I don’t know how? I don’t even know how- how I perceive myself? So- I don’t know, it just scared me. That there’s gonna be some version of me defined and frozen in those pictures. Does, ahm. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, Tae.” Jungkook answered and it came out raw. He swallowed harshly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“No, it’s fine!” Taehyung stopped. “I wa- I- It’s fine. I… don’t mind. I just- yeah. But it’s just cause it was so sudden? It’s fine, we should take the pictures.”

Why couldn’t he say that he wanted that? Why was that word such a damn problem?

And Jungkook hated – hated, fucking despised – how Taehyung’s fingers kept curling. Because it meant that some part of him, somewhere in his chest, kept aching, all the time.

“You don’t have to see them.” Jungkook offered, too quiet.

Taehyung gaze lifted to him. Asymmetrical eyelids. So goddamn gorgeous. “Huh?”

“Photos. If they scare you. I can take them and keep them so no one else sees.”

Taehyung blinked. “Oh. Yeah, that- Let’s do that.”

Jungkook pushed a smile. “Okay.” He turned to Taehyung before pressing his card to the reader this time. “Ready?”

Taehyung nodded and the countdown moved.

Three, two-

Taehyung whined, “Why is it so fast!”

Jungkook let the first picture happen and threw a hand around Taehyung’s neck, pulled them close.

Then tickled his ribs.

Flinched when Taehyung started yelling and then screamed himself when Taehyung’s fingers dug into his sides as well.

The fourth picture turned out too blurry.

The first one had both of them looking a bit shaken, each in their own way.

In the second, Taehyung’s eyes were on Jungkook instead of the camera, wide with surprise at getting so close.

And in the third his head was thrown back, entire face lit with laughter and hands gripping Jungkook’s shirt.

Taehyung’s crab-headband had flown off sometime between the third and fourth photo.

Jungkook thought Taehyung looked the best in the third.

But he liked the second more. It just- It made something under his skin heat up. Just the fact of having Taehyung’s eyes on him. Only him, for a second.

He folded the photos carefully and put them in his wallet.

Didn’t let Taehyung see, as he promised.

And the thing was, there was nothing scary about those photos. About Taehyung, or the version of him the pictures held.

But what Jungkook realized was so simple, he could not believe he had needed Taehyung to almost spell it out.

He was sure Taehyung didn’t know it himself.

Taehyung was scared of being.

Of saying ‘I want’ because it meant there was an ‘I’ that could want.

Of drawing something in the sand because it meant creating.

Of having a photo taken because it would be proof he was real.

Of course it hurt, then. All the time. If Taehyung denied himself the right to even exist.