Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chink in the Armour

“Hey, everybody, I appreciate you coming to see this.”

 He was glad Courtney and Chase were here. Talking to them provided some much needed distraction and courage as he looked at the Proto Pulse in his hand. 

“Your support means a lot,” He finished. 

 “Can't believe you actually hung out with those fuckers.” Chase’ voice seemed almost offended in a way that Robert fought a smile at. He went to answer, but Courtney beat him to it. 

 “You jealous, old man?”

 “Of what? Let me guess, you get into a bar fight? I'm right, right? That's what criminals do at bars, they ruin everybody's fun. In fact, if you're gonna make me stand next to a criminal, you could at least hurry this shit up.”

 “And if you're gonna make me stand next to Benjamin-fucking-Button you could at least change his diaper.” Courtney retorted, not missing a beat. 

“You're the only one here who's full of shit.”

Robert kept flicking switches, his mind going through the startup procedure in the suit on autopilot. “You're right, there was a bar fight. But, it was actually Red Ring assholes who started it, not Z-Team assholes. Okay, we were just very… aggressively defending ourselves.”

His fingers kept going as he heard Royds deep tones come through the speakers inside the suit. 

 “Oohkay, Proto Pulse test nineteen ready to commence.”

He hesitated. Fuck, had they really tried nineteen times? 

“We good when you good, Mecha Man.”

 He loaded the glowing cylinder into the Pulse Chamber above him, pushing it back up and twisting it to lock it into place. “Engaging Proto Pulse now. 

“All readings supah stable,” Royd gave him a thumbs up, but Robert was looking as the array of monitors, dials and other switches burned to life in front of him. “Here we go, time to make your grand re-entrance.”

 Robert found himself hesitating again at that. Grand re-entrance. The words felt sharp in his mind. He pushed past it. 

 “Alright,” he said, tapping the screen in front of him. “Ready for launch.”

 “Rahja dat.”

He strapped himself in as more banks of computers lit up around him. He heard hydraulics hissing underneath, and the soft thrum of more systems coming to life. He saw the room in front of him get a bit brighter as the helmets lights engaged. There was a slight hissing, and purple smoke hissed out around the room like a fog machine that made him chuckle slightly. Nice and dramatic - Royd clearly had a lot of faith in this iteration of the Pulse. 

He lost view of the control room for a second as the smoke kept coming, but he was too busy getting back to grips with controlling the Mechs movements. He stood up, feeling the cockpit tilt around him slightly, and struck a salute. The motion pushed some of the smoke clear and he could see into the room again. 

Chase was quietly fixated on him, and he could see Courtney's folded arms had dropped, her mouth open slightly, eyes widened. His lips curled slightly at that. Royd had his eyes fixated on the monitor in front of him - this may be a sight for Chase and Courtney, but this was the nineteenth time he had brought Mecha Man to his feet - he was looking at the diagnostics to try and see if he'd stay there. 

 “Not bad, right?” He asked as he started to throw some punches, giving a slight shadow boxing match against no one in particular. He had a sudden desire to prove himself, to legitimise himself as an actual hero. He could hear his voice coming out through that mechanical filter, hear it reverberating around the room. He felt his eye twitch at it, just slightly. 

“Looks better than the original.” Chase had a thoughtful look on his face as he stroked his chin with one hand.

 “The smoke is a little overkill,” Courtney's arms were folded again. 

Robert slowed down, switching to jumping jacks instead. “I thought the same too, but I think the purple is a nice touch.”

He allowed his eyes to graze over Courtney at that, wondering if she'd take that as an attempt at flirting, and if she did, just how she'd react to it. It was a bit more subtle than the usual ‘Oh, so you like squirters?’

 “What smoke?” Royd asked, finally looking up from the computer. His eyes filled with alarm that made Robert's heart sink slightly. “Shut it down!”

As though responding to him, the main control panel in the cockpit threw up a blaring alarm, and that purple smoke which had kindly provided the dramatic entrance now started to seep into his vision. He reacted instinctually, going to shut the systems down as sparks began to rain down on him. 

“Help him, Royd!” Courtney's voice was a high pitch of panic, one he hadn't heard before. 

 “Get him out!” Chase was saying almost simultaneously. 

“Shit!” Royd was running by the sound of things - Robert was a bit preoccupied with the Christmas tree of warning lights going off around him and the sparks spraying in his face to be looking outside the malfunctioning Mech. 

The touchscreen had stopped responding, and he could feel as the systems started to go haywire causing the mech to stumble around. He tried to wrestle some semblance of control back with one hand, while trying to get some sort of response from the computers with the other. No dice. He moved onto his second plan - eject the Pulse. No power, no problem, right? 

 He gripped the release handle and yanked, but nothing happened. He twisted as he thumbed the release button and yanked again, but still nothing. There was a loud CLANG and lots of crashing as the Mech stumbled and bashed against nearly everything in the room. 

 He didn't have time for a third try, so he looked just behind it, and after removing the small plastic safety, started smashing the ‘Pilot Eject’ button. He was not, in fact, ejected. He saw the already flashing red screen throwing up another error - ‘Pilot Eject Fail’. 

 Time seemed to slow down for him at that point, and there was a strange mix of rising panic, and rising calm - two waves which seemed to crash into each other, cancelling each other out. Maybe, it was his time. 

 His grandad had died in the Mecha Man suit after eight years of service. His dad had pushed that to almost eleven. Robert, on the other hand, had gotten past fifteen and a half when he was blown out of the sky. And he'd had the misfortune to break that tradition - he'd lived. 

 Was it so bad to see things go like this? Would he finally be living up to that legacy? Maybe it wasn't in an epic battle against evil, but he was still finally going to hit that checkbox that the Robert Robertsons before him had. Was it not selfish to want more time in the suit? He'd already had more than those before him. His brief foray without it had shown him how woefully unequipped he was to deal with a world outside of it. To sit behind a desk, sitting out the action. Sitting on the sidelines. 

Some more sparks spat in his face, and he struggled to react, that numb feeling of the two extreme emotions mixing dulling his ability to do anything but watch. Even then it was as though it was like watching a screen, a movie of someone else's end. He closed his eyes. 

 “Get down!” Royds low rumble had became a distant roar. 

 There was a blinding plain, and the flashing red behind his eyes turned a dazzling white, he felt heat, and then -

Beep. 

Beep. 

Beep. 

The first thing that tipped him off to the fact he wasn't dead, and was slowly coming around to consciousness, was the beep of the heart monitor somewhere around him. How awfully stereotypical. 

The sound of the heart monitor meant he was likely in a hospital. That was Roberts first clue that although he had survived the meltdown of Proto Pulse test nineteen, he had been rather sore as a result. The searing pain that shot through him as he shuffled slightly in the bed was the second. 

 “You up?” He couldn't see her, but Courtney's voice sounded somewhat incredulous. “No fucking way.”

 He finally opened his eyes, a slow, blinking movement to adjust to the bright environment. It was relatively sparse - no windows, a few chairs, a landscape painting on the wall. There was a table off to his left with some flowers in a vase, some cards and a glass of water on. He tried to sit up, reaching for the water. He managed the sit up, but before he could reach the water it was being pressed into his hand. 

 “Hey, chill out man, I've got it.” 

Robert followed the other hand still holding the glass of water up to Courtney. She looked concerned. 

 “Thanks, Visi.” He managed. His throat was dry, and he could hear it in his croaky voice. He pulled the water back for a sip. He ended up finishing the whole glass. 

 “And people call me the thirsty one,” Courtney muttered, causing Robert to chuckle slightly as she took the glass off him and refilled it. She didn't seem to know what to say, but passed the glass back, and Robert was slower with this one. 

 It was strangely quiet, the beeping of the heart monitor and his own gulping the only noises as he drank. No background chatter of the other dispatchers. No explosions of battle, or the background hum of the Mecha Man suit. Just… quiet. He found his eyes fixed on Courtney. She had her arms folded, looking at him with a somewhat unreadable expression. 

 “How long was I out?” He asked finally. 

 “Maybe 15 hours? You just missed Royd and Chase.” 

 “Are you okay? Are they?”

 “Chase is fine. I think you shook him, but he's fine. Royd less so, lots of self depreciation going on over there I think.” She paused. “You're a fucking asshole, you know that right?”

 “Hey, what did I do?” 

 “I thought you fucking died!” She snapped. “You're an asshole. You take me on a date one day, we get shit faced together at a bar the next, then the next you fucking… detonate in front of me? What the fuck man?”

“I'm my defence, I had no plans on detonating.”

“I still had to fucking watch it.” Courtney moved around from near the foot of the bed to near the top, looking down on him. “I thought you died.” She repeated again, quieter this time. “Look… am I getting my hopes up? Am I misreading things, or are we getting close?”

Robert froze. He hadn't expected such a direct question. It was an obvious answer though, one he'd thought about more than he'd ever admit. He really liked Courtney, her brashness, her humor, that refreshing ability to be candid seemingly 100% of the time while still being self conscious every now and again. She was unapologetic. He liked that. That being said, flirting, taking things slowly, enjoying the moment. He liked that. That torturous tease in his brain asking if what they had was special, if she liked him. Courtney had never been one for subtlety, though they'd been beating around the bush regarding each other for a while. Up until now at least. “I'm coming around on you.” 

“You're coming where?”

Robert laughed, feeling just how broken his ribs were as he did. “No, Visi. I… I really like you. More than I probably should when you consider our professional relationship.”

 Courtney nodded as she processed that, seemingly happy with that answer. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Then;

 “Blazer sent flowers.”

 “You jealous?”

I hope you are. 

 “Fuck off.”

 There was a few seconds of silence before she spoke again. 

 “You... you fucking scared me man. I didn't realise… I didn't know… FUCK man I struggle with this serious shit.” She snarled suddenly, dropping into the chair beside the bed, grasping the arms. “I think you're now officially the longest serving dispatcher we've had. But it's not just that. You get us, man. We like you. Hell, you cut Punch Up's fuckbuddy and even he still likes you.”

“That's my real superpower. I actually control hearts and minds, and I'm using it all to make you competent superheroes.” He raised his hands, wagging his fingers, as though he was affecting her mind now. 

 She shot him a withering look, though he saw the faintest traces of a smirk on the side of her face in shadow. 

“Your real superpower seems to be that you're a fucking cockroach. You're just some guy, but you survived a fucking tank exploding around you.” She shook her head. “Listen, what I'm trying to say is so many washed up heroes have sat in that dispatcher seat. Some can fly, some look through walls, or glow or whatever the fuck, but they're all to stuck in themselves. They're heroes, sure, but they're so high and fucking mighty it makes them fucking hateable. Especially to the calibre of people the Phoenix Program attracts. They treat us like we're fuck ups, like we've already gone wrong, and they barely try. They barely help. I mean fuck, we're there aren't we? We're fucking trying to be better, but we can only work with what we've got. It's fucking patronising, you know?”

 She took a hit from her inhaler, then leaned forward. 

 “You're Mecha Man. You're in a different fucking league to every other fuckface we've had on the other side of that headset. You should be insufferable, worse than the lot. But you're not. I guess it is insufferable just how much of a fucking do-gooder you are with your speeches and your support and… Fuck man you believe in us. You believe in me. I… I've never had that before. You're a real fucking hero, and you might not have powers or shit, but when I compare you to all the ones that do it's night and day. Being a hero is more than just powers and stopping crimes, it's a personality. It's how you act.”

“Don't sell yourself short, Visi. Blazer believes in you too. You guys are the ones putting the hard work in - I'm just sat at a desk. It's like a video game to me, point and click." Robert said, pushing himself so he was sitting up and could look at her properly. “I don't know if I'm the standard to hold yourself too. It's nice that's how you see me, but I'm, like you say, just a guy. I'm flawed. Take the other night for example. I pussied out of telling the Z team I was Mecha Man. Pure cowardice - that's all that was. I was afraid of their reactions, of losing their trust. You're assholes, but I really like all of you. I don't know that you'd all like me if you knew who I was. If you want to learn to be heroes by blueprinting from someone, I'm not sure I'm your guy. I'm just a guy with a suit, without his suit. Blazer, now that's a fucking superhero. Follow her example.”

 Courtney's eye twitched at that last comment. “Stop sucking her off.”

 “You are jealous.”

Courtney looks at him, really looks at him. “I think you underestimate how much of an impact you've made with us, the Z-Team I mean. Maybe it's because I've seen these assholes with other dispatchers and can compare them from then to how they are now, but it's huge -”

“That's what she said.” 

 “Only in my dreams, Robbie, we haven't quite got there yet.” Courtney's voice purred, but then she turned serious. “And as for just being a guy in a suit, you told me on your first fucking day that wasn't the case. How there was so much more to being Mecha Man than just that. I punched you for it because I thought you were just another patronising dickwad, and also, you kinda got to me. But that's what I'm saying man, you get to me. You get to all of us.” There was a slight pause. “Also, you fucked shit up in the Sardine. Like the fucking Doom Slayer or some shit, that was fucking hot watching you at work, no powers up against every other fucker who's got them? Man I could have jumped your bones there and then.”

 “HR Violation?” Robert croaked out as he shifted in bed again. Courtney leaned over him to pass him some water from the table on the other side of the bed where he'd put it down. He got a strong whiff of her scent, and the heat of her so close was embarrassingly comforting. She pressed the water into his hands again. 

“We weren't at work, so cry about it.” She shrugged as she pulled back. 

“I didn't do much there compared to you guys. I didn't blind anyone, didn't burn anyone, chop anyones arm off with a sword -”

 “Mal chopped someone's arm off?”

“I don't know, but she could have is my point.” Robert sighed. “I threw a few punches. I took more than I dished out.”

 Courtney was staring at him now, and she stood up again, walking slowly to the foot of the bed before turning around and looking at him again. “I think I know what this is.”

 “What?”

“This!” She gestured to him. “You have absolutely no sense of self worth. You genuinely don't see it, do you? What I don't get is why, or how? How can you be a hero for… How long were you Mecha Man?”

“About fifteen years.”

 “How can you be a hero for fifteen years and not be able to acknowledge the good you do? Is the only option super ego cockhead or borderline depressed loner? God!” She threw her hands up and turned away again, then when they came down they rested on her hips. 

 She straightened. “How old are you, Robert?”

 “Thirty in May. Why, too old for you?”

 “Not even close. So you're twenty-nine.” She spun around, brows knitted together. “You've been in that suit since you were fourteen?”

“Math does seem to be a strong suit for you,” Robert deadpanned. 

 “Why? Why the hell would you do that? When I was fourteen I was bumming cigarettes and skipping class. You were out there…” She trailed off, walking close to him. She didn't seem to know what to do with herself. She was clenching and unclenching one fist, and her eyes were once again unreadable.

Robert was going to brush it off, make a joke of it, but stopped himself. He felt as though he was on the precipice of something here, a topic he thought of, but never spoke of. “I was always going to be Mecha Man.” He swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. He took another sip of water. “I never had too much interaction with my Dad outside of him training me to pilot that suit on his days off. After the whole thing with my Mom, he said I had to always be ready. I needed to be ready to pick that suit up when he died, just like he did for his dad. And then he did. My dad died. He died as Mecha Man, just like my grandad did. I had to pick it up. I couldn't disappoint them. It didn't matter how old I was.”

“I'm gonna call bullshit on that one, Robert.” Courtney said, lowering herself into the chair again, her legs draped over the side, her body twisted to keep him in her eyeline. “If you had a kid, would you want them jumping into that suit at that age?”

 “Of course not, but I wasn't in a place where I had a choice. People needed Mecha Man. I had the ability to save people, to help. To be good. I had to use that potential.”

 “You're so… You're such a fucking hero, god.” Courtney was looking at him with that look again. Robert really didn't like not understanding it. He lowered his head. “You're the real deal. Even from being a kid, you were the real fucking deal. That's equal parts inspiring and depressing.”

“Depressing?”

 “Yeah. Now don't misunderstand, I think it's probably a good thing I can't meet your Dad. I'm feeling a very strong amount of rage for him effectively grooming his child to replace him and letting him think there's no other choice-”

 “Hey,” Robert frowned. “That's not entirely fair.”

 “Isn't it? He chose to pick up the Mecha Man name after his dad died. There was no expectation of it, he chose to. Whatever reasons he gave, he robbed you of whatever else you could have been by training you from so damn young. That pressure must have been crazy.”

Robert gave a short laugh, but there wasn't much humor in it. “Maybe you're right. I didn't know you were capable of a deep conversation like this. I like it."

 “Fuck off, Robert.” There was no heat to her tone, and Courtney's smile was dangerous - his heart fluttered. “It's inspiring you were capable of being so annoyingly fucking good from so young. Bet you were a teachers pet. It's depressing because I threw away every opportunity I had for good at that age. I was shoplifting candy bars and shit and already on my way down that villain path. I didn't even have a fucking reason. My mom and dad taught me right from wrong, I knew better. I just didn't have that… good in me. Don't have that good in me.”

“You do though, Visi. Everything I've seen from you shows that. Fuck your past, it doesn't define you, it just shapes you. It gives you a much better look into morality than someone's who's only been on one side of that fence will ever have.”

 Courtney sniffed and pulled back, wiping her eyes. “You're a dick, man. Blowing up on me and trauma dumping on me and still trying your damn fucking hardest to let me know I'm doing good. I meant I'm not intrinsically good, like you are. Fuck, that's a big word. Can't you just take this time to care about yourself?”

There was another laugh. “Visi, I don't care about myself.” He didn't mean to keep talking, but found the words wouldn't stop now. “All I've done, my whole life, is be Mecha Man or train to be Mecha Man. I've spent almost every single dollar I've ever seen on keeping that going, because I don't know what the hell I have without it. But, when it's all you have, you get sick of it.” He paused, not daring to look at her. “Which I know is selfish. I just wanted to stop, I wanted a life outside of that, but I couldn't, because how could I ever justify that? I know the difference I'm making, that Mecha Man makes, that he always has. It's unfair of me to just… stop. I think the last few years I've just been going through the motions. I don't care what happens to me anymore. What’s the point?”

 He paused for a second. “I haven't been trying to kill myself or anything, but I was a hell of a lot less careful. Not caring how close I was to the edge as opposed to jumping off, you know?”

“I know,” Courtney's voice was a whisper.

Robert looked up at her again, and their eyes locked for a good few seconds, that near-silence of the room enveloping both of them. 

“I don't think I would have minded if I had died when that bomb went off on me a few months ago.” He heard Courtney draw a sharp breath at that. Maybe he was being a bit too vulnerable right now. Their relationship so far has been very light, flirty and not too serious. This was a big departure from that. “When that bomb went off, and I started falling, I just closed my eyes. I didn't even try to save myself. I think to myself sometimes that maybe it would have been better if I never got out of that suit. I'd have at least fulfilled that family tradition even if I never did much else fulfilling with my life.”

 “Don't fucking say that. Don't say you would be better if you had died that night,” Courtney's voice was tight. “I couldn't fucking handle that.”

 Robert laughed, a real one this time despite the heavy topic. Third times the charm. “You didn't even know me back then. What would it have mattered to you? There'd be no handling it, you wouldn't even know what you're missing.”

 She was looking down, glaring at the bed as though she might burn a hole right through it. He frowned. 

“I really enjoyed our date,” Courtney said. “You let me fucking ramble to you for about thirty minutes. I can't even be mad that you weren't listening to me then because you've listened to me enough to know I just wanted to be there with popcorn, a drink and my favourite sweets. You showed up. You cared.” She looked up. “I care. About you, I mean. A lot. Fuck, I'm bad at this.”

 “I mean, you're not awf-”

“Shut it fucker, I'm trying to spill my guts here.” Courtney's glare was focused on him now. “You're just the fucking dispatcher. I've had dozens. Not one of them took the time to get to know me. Not one of them cared enough. They thought I was just some obnoxious, unapologetic bitch, and they had it right. I'm a bitch, I'm rude and I'm blunt. I don't love it, but it's who I am. But you don't see me that way.”

Courtney started pacing again. She was avoiding eye contact. “I don't deserve you. You deserve so much better. More than me, more than internalising self doubt and some fucked up self rationalised legacy pressure forced onto you by a dead man. You deserve to have the freedom to do what you want, not just be Mecha Man. You're so much more than that. You deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy. I really, really care about you Robert. The idea of you not being here kind of sucks I guess, so don't be a selfish prick and stick around.”

 Robert saw her quickly wipe her cheeks, and knew better than to tease her about it right now. He took advantage of her facing away by swinging his legs out of the bed. He winced slightly at the cold linoleum on his bare soles, but stood. He had some loose fitting trousers on, but no top due to the pads connecting to him. He gripped one and popped it off his chest. That caused the monitor to flatline.

 Courtney spun, eyes wide with worry, before they settled on him standing there in front of her. She didn't have long to react before he pulled her into a tight hug. She didn't hug him back immediately, and as she was reaching out to return it, he was breaking away. 

“I care about you too Courtney.” Robert said. “And you're right - maybe I can be more than just Mecha Man. I've just been wallowing in my own self pity for so long I haven't realised I've got that chance to finally just be Robert. I'll always be Mecha Man - but if I can be Robert too, that's a start.”

 Courtney gave him a small smile, and it was beautiful. It reminded him of the one he saw on her when she realised she wasn't last on the leaderboards anymore. “Think about what I said, about how much the Z-Team like you. They only know you as Robert, not Mecha Man. You've done so much good in the months you haven't been Mecha Man, and I just hope you can see that. 

 “Visi,” Robert gave a smile, and raised a hand slightly as though to touch her face, then thought better of it, letting it drop. “I see it in you.”

She looked at him again, and not for the first time he finds himself wishing he knew what that unreadable look of here meant. The room around him faded as he kept his eyes locked on hers. Part of him wondered if this was weird, but she hadn't broken contact either. She opened her mouth as though to say something, stepping close, oh so close. They were only an inch apart now. Her hand awkwardly touched his. 

 “Robert, I-”

 She stopped, and Robert looked at her expectantly, his heart thumping against his chest. Her eyes were looking past him now, and he heard the faint murmur of a voice in her earpiece. She screwed her face up, and let out a loud, moody sigh as she stepped back. Her hand flew up to her ear. “I'll be right out, Blondie, hold your horses.”

 “I hadn't even thought, it's a Wednesday.”

 “Yeah, lunch break’s over I guess. Can't believe I wasted it all with your depressing ass.” Courtney jabbed, her usual cocky smile taking residence on her face. “There's some booze waiting for you on your desk. Golems idea, but Prism and I picked the bottle out. Don't get too shit faced at work though.”

 “No promises,” Robert pulled the other pad off his chest, and moved over to where his shirt was. He pulled it on, pretending not to notice as Courtney stared. He knew he was heavily scarred, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little self conscious about it, but he was also grown up enough to accept it was who he was. He rolled the sleeves up and did the second from the last button. “But I should get back.”

 Courtney was shaking her head. “Fucking cockroach man. That explosion should have fucking killed you last night and the only noticeable thing about it is you're only clocking in for the afternoon shift today. It'll be nice to have you over Blazer though. She's clearly not dispatched for a while.”

 “Yeah, I'll head up and relieve her,” He noticed the way Courtney's smile turned sour at that and chuckled slightly. “You should probably head out.”

 “Probably. Be a lot nicer to hear you in here,” She tapped her ear. “Blondie needs to work on her bedroom voice.”

 “Hey, what the fuck Visi?” Robert heard extremely quietly from Courtney's earpiece. 

 The pair burst out laughing, and Robert reached over and tapped her ear again. He brushed some hair out of her face as he went to do so, noticing how still Courtney suddenly went. 

 “One tap mutes these you know.” Robert mused. “And another unmutes it.”

 “I know, dickhead,” She smirked, staring at him dangerously. His chest stuttered. “Though yeah, that was an accident.”

"Just be glad it didn't go out to the full branch."

 He pulled his hand back, her head turning to seemingly watch it go. She was looking at his hand, then to his face. She took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. 

 “Man, I'm going fucking crazy…” She whispered. Then, she looked up at him, and gave him a smirk. “Duty calls, Robbie. See you later.”

 Then, she vanished. That last smile stayed on his mind all day.