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Chapter Text

“REMUS!!” his mother shouted. “Get your ass downstairs right now!!”

“Piss off.” He brushed past her on the stairs and left without another word.

Slamming the door behind him, Remus watched as the obnoxiously large yellow bus stopped in front of his house. He’d been dreading this day since the moment he stepped off of the plane.

Remus was never a troubled kid. He always got top marks and all of his teachers loved him. But one day, it was like a switch flipped off in his head. All of his problems that he had buried for years suddenly resurfaced and he couldn’t take it. That was the first time Remus Lupin tried to kill himself.

When Hope, Remus’ mother, found out, she did what any normal, sane mother would do: uprooted his whole life and moved him to a foreign country to “start over.”

Now, because he failed at the one thing that he felt he had needed to do, Remus was on his way to day one in an American high school.

Remus sat in one of the open seats, by himself. The seats were just as itchy and uncomfortable as they looked.

He reached in his bag to pull out his book to hopefully look unapproachable, so all of the other kids on the bus would leave him alone. Stop after stop, nobody even looked in Remus’ direction, let alone tried to sit with or talk to him. That was until this long, dark haired boy approached him.

“You’re in my seat,” he said, giving Remus a confused look.

“I don’t see your name on it,” he replied without even glancing up from his novel.

“I’m Sirius.” The boy sat next to him and tried to peer around Remus’ book to make eye contact.

“Fine. Piss off. I’ll get out of your seat.” Remus began to stand as he felt a bony hand pushing his shoulder to get him to sit back down.

“That’s my name. My name is Sirius. I’m not that much of an asshole,” the boy laughed and Remus finally met his eyes.

His eyes were a sort of dark blue. Like the deep parts of the ocean that had yet to be explored. Remus felt as if he could drown in his eyes and never want to resurface or be saved. Sirius held the eye contact and gave Remus a grin. Remus did not return the smile. Instead he asked,

“What d’you want from me?”

“Where are you from?” he asked Remus with a curious look. It was not the question Remus was expecting from him. He was expecting something more like “Can you fuck off and get the hell out of my seat?” or something of the sort.

“Wales,” he responded quietly.

“Cool,” Sirius responded. For the next ten minutes, neither of them said a word to each other. Remus pretended to read his book, while Sirius sat in complete silence, staring at the seatback in front of him.

“What’s your name?” Sirius finally broke the silence.

“Uh-” Remus hesitated. “Remus. Remus Lupin.”

“That’s a pretty cool name,” Sirius replied, giving him that same grin that he had before.

“Yours is cooler,” Remus muttered under his breath.

“Mom named me after the constellation. It’s some stupid family tradition. My dad’s named Orion, my brother is Regulus, and my cousins are Bellatrix, Andromeda and Narcissa. If I had the chance, I would rename myself something cooler.” Sirius had never admitted that to anyone, Remus could tell.

“I’m kind of jealous of your name,” Remus laughed nervously. Was he making a friend? No. He was just being nice. People don’t make friends with the new kid on the first day, let alone on the bus ride to school.

“Whatcha reading?” Sirius tried to catch a glance at the cover of the book, but Remus quickly hid it under his bag.

The kids at his old school had always called him a swot for reading as much as he did, and some kids even took his books from him and tossed them in puddles. He wasn’t used to people caring about what he was reading nor them being nice about it.

“Nothing,” Remus replied sternly.

“Was that The Odyssey?” Not quick enough. “Reggie won’t shut up about that book. He’s such a nerd,” Sirius laughed and smiled at Remus, expecting one back.

“I’m not a nerd!” Remus heard a younger boy yelling toward the front of the bus. When he glanced up to see who it was, he looked exactly like Sirius. Sharp jawline, bony structure, dark eyes, and dark hair that was quite a bit more tame than Sirius’ was.

“Embrace it, Reg!” Sirius yelled up. “That’s my little brother, Regulus. The golden child, of course.” Remus let out a small laugh at that.

Remus was an only child, but often wished it wasn’t that way. He was always left alone. His dad killed himself when Remus was five, and he often assumed that it was his fault. His mother had become a raging bitch as she got older. Remus lived in his own little world with nothing but his books.

“Why’d you come to America? I’m sure Wales is so much better,” Sirius tried to meet Remus’ gaze, but he failed. Remus’ eyes darted to look out the window and ignore the question at all costs.
How would he tell a stranger that his mom made him move after he failed to die? How would he tell this random kid that his life wasn’t worth it and that his only feat in life was being a huge burden?

“Alrighty then…” Sirius took the hint to shut up and move on. “Next question,” he paused, thinking. “Wanna be my friend? You look like you need someone, and I think you’re pretty cool.”

This caught Remus off guard. “What?” he asked. No one had ever asked to be his friend. He was either alone all the time or tried to fit into groups that would not let him in.

“I’m taking that as a yes!” Sirius’ smile grew wider as he saw one slowly creep across Remus’ face.

***

The rest of the ride was full of random questions. All asked by Sirius, of course. Remus had only let two small smiles stray onto his face. Once when he made his new friend, and second when Sirius made one of the worst jokes Remus had ever heard.

“Do you have your schedule yet?” Sirius asked as they walked into the hell that was the school hallway.

“You mean my timetable?” Remus wasn’t used to the different word usage in the States yet.

“Sure! Let’s go with that.”

“No, I don’t have anything.”

Sirius began walking and pushing through all of the people in the hallway. When he realized that Remus was not following him like he intended, he turned around, gestured for him to follow along, and led him forward.

“This is Mr. D’s office. He’s the principal and he’d be the one to have your schedule or time- whatever.” They stood in front of a large, wooden door in an office that was only slightly quieter than the hall had been.

Sirius began to walk away and leave Remus to his own devices.

“Wait,” Remus blurted. “Can you stay with me? I have no idea what I’m doing,” he admitted, shyly.

“Of course.” Sirius put a comforting hand on Remus’ shoulder. This shot a bolt of warmth through his body. It was a weird, almost intimate feeling. Remus just shoved down that thought to deal with it later.

Sirius knocked on the principal’s door and entered when he heard the man grunt something that almost sounded like words.

“Hey, Mr. D! This is–” The old man cut Sirius off.

“Remus! Hello.” He stood up and stuck a hand out for Remus to shake. Remus hesitated but ultimately returned the welcoming gesture.

“How d’you know who I am?” Remus asked interrogatingly.

“That’s not for you to worry about.” Mr. D gave him a knowing look and a smile. “Now, let’s get you ready for the day.” He gestured for Remus and Sirius to sit down at the chairs opposite him. Sirius looked hesitant to stay until the principal gave him a nod as if telling him to stay.

***

The old man had given Remus everything he needed. His timetable, or schedule, whatever the hell it’s called, his locker number and code, some random supplies that he had laying around, and a map of the school.

Once they were dismissed from the office, Sirius and Remus found a quiet corner in the hall to go over Remus’ classes together.

“You’re in all of my classes!” Sirius announced. Remus felt so lucky for that. Now, he wouldn’t get lost.

After way too many attempts at trying to open his locker, Remus gave up and Sirius offered to do it for him. He felt uncomfortable having people do stuff for him. The discomfort seemed stronger when it was Sirius, though. This boy that he had only known for less than an hour felt like a safe place for Remus. He was the only person who had wanted to help him and had been kind to him in this way.

“Thank you,” Remus said in a small voice.

“For what? You’re my friend. Friends help each other.” Sirius seemed confused that Remus would even think to be thankful for something as easy as opening his locker for him.

“You don’t even know me,” he said, meeting his gaze. “I’m just some random kid who stole your seat on the bus and you want to be my friend and help me. Why?”

“Come on, buddy. Let's go to class.” Sirius put his arm around Remus’ shoulders to guide him to their first class. The hall had emptied out quite a bit, so this gesture felt awkward to Remus. He felt the same warmth that he had earlier, but this time he sat with it.

Why was he having that feeling? What was it about Sirius that felt so familiar and so safe to him?

Chapter Text

“Sirius? Where have you been?” Sirius sat himself and Remus down at two desks that were next to each other. In the desk in front of Sirius’ there was a boy with dark, wild, curly hair who wore round glasses. Just by looking at him, one would assume that he was a cocky asshole who only cared about himself. Remus would learn later on that this was nowhere close to what James Potter was like.

“Sorry.” Was all Sirius said as he shrugged and gave James a weak smile.

““If you miss one more workout, coach said you’re off the team.” Workout? Remus did not expect Sirius to be the athletic type. He had a very bony, wiry sort of structure. He had decently pale skin, long, black hair that looked a bit messy, and he wore sort of edgy clothes. Remus looked at him closely as he was seated next to him. He took note of the t-shirt that he was wearing underneath his black jacket and how it had David Bowie on it, Remus’ favorite musician. He saw his black jeans, that looked about two sizes too big, being held up by a black belt. Underneath the bottom of the pantlegs, Remus saw a pair of Doc Martens. Jealousy struck him hard. Every aspect of this boy from his shaggy hair, right down to the busted up toes of his boots mesmerised Remus. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Sirius Black.

“Oh! Right, James, this is Remus. It’s his first day here and he came from, shit–where was it?”

“I’m from the UK,” Remus filled in the gaps.

“Damn, that’s so cool! I’m James.” He smiled at him, but Remus did not return it, as usual.

“James is my best friend. He plays football and somehow suckered me into playing with him. He’s also obsessive over loads of things, but especially her,” he nodded over at this redheaded girl who was sitting across the room from them.

“Hey! That’s my future wife. I'm not obsessed with her, I'm just a dedicated man. I love her!” Sirius leaned over his desk and punched him in the arm.

“He’s sometimes funny, but it really depends on the day.” Remus chuckled as James returned Sirius’ punch.

“Asshole. Just wait til you see the pranks I’m going to execute. Main prong back at it again.”

Just as Sirius was about to say something else, someone walked in the classroom. Their presence made Remus’ skin crawl and it seemed like the lights even started to dim when he entered.
The boy had long, black, greasy hair, pale skin and dark eyes. The look on his face spoke loud enough for everyone to know what kind of person he was.

As he was scanning the room for a seat, the redhead raised her hand and said, “Oh! Sev! Come here! I have a seat for you!”

“Sirius,” James said.

“James,” he replied.

“That’s fucking disgusting. Why is she with Snivellus? He’s gross and honestly, I think he has rabies or something. I swear I saw him foaming at the mouth the other day when I accidentally threw the ball near him. I should go save her!” James quickly stood up but Sirius pushed him right back down into his chair.

“He doesn’t have rabies, James. Don’t start spreading rumors yet. Plus, we need a better one if that’s what we’re going to do.” The boys laughed manically and Remus even joined in a bit.

“Who's that?” Remus built up the courage to ask.

“Sni-” James started, but was quickly interrupted by Sirius.

“Severus Snape. He’s a complete asshole and a jerk to literally everyone. I’d try to stay away from him if I were you.” Remus took a mental note of that and saved it for later.

“Why hasn’t class started yet?’ Remus asked Sirius about five minutes after the obnoxious bell rang.

“The teacher is always late. It’s annoying at first, but then you realize that you have twenty minutes to do whatever the hell you want, and it’s fine. Oh! I should probably tell you what class this is…” Sirius paused to pull out Remus’ schedule that he had folded and put in his pocket. “International Relational History,” he squinted at the paper, trying to make sense of what he had just read. “James,” he got the other boy’s attention. “Why the hell is this class called ‘International Relational History’? Didn’t everyone say we just watch war movies?”

“Yeah, but apparently he’s getting fired,” James said, nodding over to the empty teacher’s desk. “So they just renamed it to some bullshit like that. Evans told me.” James was severely blushing and Sirius rolled his eyes at him.

“Anyways, this is history. The name is all confusing, but that’s all you really need to know.”

Remus liked history. He had always been good at lingering in the past, whether it be studying things like ancient wars, or studying what went wrong in his earlier years.

The class itself was not nearly as good as he had hoped. Sirius was right, they did just watch old war movies. Really boring, really old, war movies.

***

Math was next. Remus prided himself in his math skills, and his performance in class showed this off.

The teacher seemed quite strict at first. She’d had assigned seating for all of her students, Remus only noticed this when James and Sirius weren’t sitting next to each, in fact, they were on opposite sides of the room.

Remus’ math teacher kindly welcomed him in, and she didn’t even make him do any of those silly introductions that he had seen on TV. She assigned Remus to the only open seat in the room, next to the redheaded girl. Well, James’ redheaded girl.

“Hi! I’m Lily! You must be Remus! James was telling me about you earlier!” She beamed up at him. Remus almost smiled back too.

Usually, Remus hated happy people. His philosophy was “the world is literally crumbling, there’s no reason to be that happy” and figured that anyone he saw who smiled more than five times a day wasn’t actually happy, but faking it for some stupid reason.

Lily was perky. She had a bubbly, bright personality, and her laugh was contagious. The girl had sun beams shooting out of her eyes. She radiated positivity, but not in the annoying way that Remus was used to. Lily seemed genuinely happy, which made others feel happy too.

Her bright red hair was in a load of perfect curls and one side was pinned back away from her face. She wore a lovely cardigan with a pair of washed out jeans. She had the most amount of freckles that Remus had ever seen on any person ever. Her eyelashes were the same color as her hair, just a bit more muted. Everything about that girl screamed happiness, and for once, Remus accepted it.

“Uh- he what?” Remus asked. James talked about him? Usually any time an athletic kid talked about Remus, it was either a new rumour they were spreading, a new nickname for him–though Loony Lupin was the one that stuck the most–or how much they hated him. “What did he say?”

“He thinks you’re cool.” Lily had to look up to meet Remus’ eyes. He was always tall. Always a head above the rest of his class, and that was no different at his new school. Every year since he could remember, Remus had grown a hefty amount every year and would arrive to the new school year feeling all the more awkward and like he didn’t quite fit in his long body.

“Really?” He was severely thrown off by this. James. The same James that had been scheming on what rumour to spread about the greasy haired boy had called him cool? He honestly didn’t believe the girl sitting next to him and started laughing a bit.

When he saw her face drop and the happiness drain away a bit, he felt bad, horrible even.

“Shit, no. I’m sorry. I’m just laughing because he was exactly the type of kid that used to bully me and now he's calling me cool? I really don’t believe you,” he chuckled again, as the light began to come back into the girl he was seated next to.

She was about to respond when the bell rang and stopped her.

***

Math had gone loads better than history. Though he was about three months behind on the content, he knew every bit what was going on and even raised his hand to answer a few questions.

His last class before a free period and lunch was art. Art was never Remus’ strong suit. He much preferred actual education over throwing some paint on a canvas and calling it a masterpiece.
Sirius hadn’t realized it earlier when looking over Remus’s schedule, but there was one class that they didn’t have together, and it just happened to be this one.

Sirius walked him to the classroom but soon left him on his own. He had an unsettling feeling in his stomach and wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe it was because he didn’t have the one person who had been helping him through everything, he didn’t know. That uneasy feeling soon faded when he saw a familiar head of red curls bounce through the door.

“Hi Remus!” she said as she put her books down next to him. “Alright if I sit here?” Remus replied with a kind nod.

Remus felt an involuntary smile creep on his face. People wanted to sit with him. That was a first. Everyone at his old school thought he was a freak. Maybe it was the scars, or maybe his presence gave off some sort of ominous aura, he wasn’t ever quite sure.

As more and more students trickled in, his table, that sat four, was quickly filled up.

Two girls sat across from him and Lily: Mary and Marlene. They were both gorgeous girls, Remus thought so at least.

Mary was a dark skinned girl with immaculate hair and a bright smile. Her tight curls were pinned back by something, though Remus wasn’t sure exactly what it was. Her dark eyes had a sort of glimmer to them that made them look like they were filled with glitter, or something. She had on a nice pair of jeans with what looked like a really short dress layered overtop as a shirt and a long sleeved t-shirt underneath of that. Remus was unsure if there was anyone else who could pull that look off, but Mary definitely did. She paired the outfit with a pair of busted up chucks. Everything about her fit together like some sort of satisfying puzzle. Nothing felt out of place or extra.

Marlene, the other girl, was fairly similar to Mary, with a handful of differences. Her hair was light brown, quite long and a bit curly. Her outfit wasn’t anything special, just a pair of baggy, blue jeans and a very large hoodie, with a similar pair of Doc Martens to Sirius. Remus thought that the two of them, Remus and Sirius, would be good friends. It was as if they were nearly the same person, despite being the opposite sex. Wait. Were girls and boys friends here? Or did it always have to be more? Remus wasn’t experienced at all in this field. Having gone to an all boys academy back in Wales, the only experience he had with the opposing gender was his mother and the lady running the register at the off-license.

Remus sat with that question for a bit. He had only seen boys talking to boys and girls talking to girls, with the exception of Lily Evans. She and James talked all the time. But James had said it himself, that was love, not friendship. A weird sort of love, but it was there. She also hung around Snape. Remus did not understand why. The only other boy to girl interactions he had seen were all snogging. Lots of it too. Every time he and Sirius would turn a corner, there would be people there shoving their tongue down the others’ throat. Sirius would always yell “Get a room!” or “Gross!” and attempt to throw something at them. That always made Remus laugh. The reactions from the older kids, who had just been showing their deep affection for one another, were quite hilarious.

The curiosity made Remus a bit uncomfortable to be sitting at a table with all girls. He could almost feel people’s eyes burning holes in his back as they stared at him. Whether out of jealousy, disgust, or some other feeling, he knew that people were looking.

He stayed quiet for the rest of that class. He didn’t want any more attention to be drawn to him than there had already been. It was alright that he had not talked, though, Mary, Marlene and Lily talked enough for everyone in the entire school.

They updated Remus on all of the drama that had gone on that year, though he really didn’t care at all about who was snogging who. They also told him people to stay away from. Mary and Marlene advised him to stay away from Severus Snape, just as James and Sirius had two classes prior. Lily fought them on this, of course. She claimed that he was a misunderstood boy who just wanted friends. Everyone else at the table called her bluff.

Art class wasn’t bad, per se, just not Remus’ cup of tea. He liked his table, despite the unwanted attention that it brought him, he liked the comfort that the girls gave and the fact that it seemed like they truly wanted to be around Remus, it wasn’t forced upon them.

While walking aimlessly trying to find Sirius, a smile crept onto Remus’ face. He felt wanted for the first time in his fourteen years of life.

Chapter Text

Things were going oddly well for Remus. Luck wasn’t something that he was familiar with having grown up with who he grew up with. His mother never did anything for him. She said that she only kept him around to feed her alcohol addiction and to burden her. The only reason she moved him away was rent was too expensive, but she blamed it on his attempt.

Whenever she was asked why they moved, her response was always “for my son’s well being,” even though it was obvious that she didn’t give a shit about him or his well being.

She only cared about the type of alcohol that he brought back from the off-license and how much money she was sent each month.

Remus never complained, though. He figured that this was his version of normal and he had to be okay with it. Things never got better for him. His mother got worse, started hitting him when he got the wrong brand of vodka, breaking stuff when she was pissed and couldn’t control her actions and was just all over unbearable to be around.

He figured school would be miserable too, since it was all he’d ever known.

Lunch was up and anxiety was running rampant through Remus. He felt at least a dozen pairs of eyes burning holes through him as they stared. They were probably just trying to get a look at the new kid, but of course, Remus was overthinking everything.

He began to worry. Worry about what they were seeing. Did they think he was attractive? No. No girl had ever found Remus attractive in his fourteen years of living. Were they looking at his scars? He had inflicted those upon himself not too long ago, but he thought that no one would ever have to see them as he thought his life would end not too long after those scars were fresh wounds.

Maybe, he thought, they were staring at James and Sirius, who were deep in conversation next to him. They were both relatively attractive. Sirius more so than James in Remus’ opinion.
Remus was frantically looking about the lunch room, trying to count how many people had been staring at him when Sirius brought his attention back to him.

“Remus? You alright?” His wild eyes met Sirius’ calm ones and he could suddenly breathe again.

Instead of verbally responding, he just nodded his head and gave a tight, awkward sort of smile.

“We’re going to go sit down, come on.” James gestured for them to follow him and went to an open table and the three boys sat down.

Hope, Remus’ mother, had refused to get any food for their new house, despite the fact that it was a necessity. If Remus wanted to eat, he needed to find money on the sidewalk and buy himself something. Otherwise, he didn’t eat that day.

Sometimes, he would have to slip some extra food into his bag and hope that none of the workers saw him do it.

In the week that he had been living in the US, he’d gotten quite good at swiping items from stores. He wasn’t proud of it, but it was the only way that he would survive.

All of the other boys had a home packed lunch. James’ was so full that the zipper to his lunch pouch looked as if it was going to burst. When he opened it, there was so much food that Remus felt his mouth water. But the thing that filled Remus with jealousy wasn’t the food; it was the handwritten note from his mum.

“My dear James,
I love you more than you ever know! Enjoy the lunch, and
use the money to get yourself a nice snack.
Have a wonderful day sweetheart!!
Love you lots,
Mom”

There were hearts all over the small slip over paper too.

Remus felt his heart drop to his feet when he saw James crumple up the paper and stick in his bag with a bright red face. He was embarrassed? Really?

Remus would have done anything to have a loving mother like his and he was embarrassed about it.

“Wheres your lunch?” Sirius asked with a confused look.

“Uh-” He wasn’t going to say that his mum refused to buy him food because that sounded mental. “Not hungry,” he lied smoothly.

“Liar,” Sirius saw right through him and his lies.

“I’m fine,” Remus grunted. He stared down at the floor as the boys around him ate their food and cracked jokes.

Remus was worried that Sirius or James might think something about the fact that Remus wasn’t eating. He was right, but not in the way that he expected. Sirius began to worry about his new friend. He saw the scars, he saw how uncomfortable he was in social settings, he saw that he didn’t have food.

He didn’t know how to help Remus. He was only his friend for a few hours so it wasn’t like he could confront him and say “why do you have scars? Why are you so anxious all the time? Why aren’t you eating?” So instead he took the few extra snacks that he’d had and slid them over to Remus.

Remus saw the pack of biscuits and the small bag of pretzels being slid over to him. Remus looked up from the floor and saw Sirius staring at him from his seat and for the first time that day, Remus genuinely smiled.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“Any time.” Remus could feel the tension easing from Sirius, as well as from himself.

Throughout lunch, many people had come and gone from their table. Apparently Sirius and James were more popular than Remus had initially thought.

Early on, the other half of the circular table was filled by three girls. The same three girls that Remus had sat with in art class. Lily sat next to James, Mary sat across from Sirius, and Marlene sat in the empty seat next to Remus.

The amount of flirting that was going on between the four people to Remus’ left was horrid. Someone might as well have released doves or something.

Marlene, on the other hand, was such a sweet girl. Remus thought she was pretty. Not in a romantic way, but in the way that anyone with eyes could see.

“How has your day been?” she asked, meeting his eyes. She had these icy blue eyes with large pupils that made her look innocent.

Before responding, Remus looked at her. Like, really looked at her. He looked at her body language, the way she nervously bit her lip whenever Mary talked to her, the way she fiddled with her clothes and her hair, as if it wasn’t truly her. Remus was tempted to say something, but he did not know her well enough to comment on that. Maybe one day.

“Eh- it’s been alright,” he replied dryly.

“Tell me about yourself.” Marlene propped her elbows on the table, rested her head in her hands, bit into an apple, and stared at Remus contently.

“What?”

“Tell me about you. What do you like to do, what kind of person you are, everything.” She squinted her eyes as if looking into his soul which made Remus a bit nervous.

He told her about himself, save a few details. He talked about how he liked to read, but not about the words that moved around the page. He talked about his old school, but not the kids that would bully him into nearly killing himself.

And, she listened. She let him talk and talk about his interests and about himself and would occasionally interject with the usual “me too” or “wow, that's cool!”

This was odd for Remus. He was always quiet because he didn’t think anyone would listen. But now that he was there and she was actually hearing him talk, he didn’t feel invisible for the first time in his life.

After talking for a few minutes, he felt a pang of guilt. Did she want to talk? Did he talk too long? Was he annoying her? “Sorry,” he paused his rant and muttered an apology.

“What are you sorry for?” Marlene responded with some sass. “I asked you, and I’m listening. This is your lesson for today, stop being sorry. Be yourself and if I hear you say sorry one more time, I’m going to have Sirius punch you. Wait, no. I’m gonna have James punch you, he’s stronger,” she winked at Remus and turned her attention over to the two boys next to them to see the argument that she sparked.

“You’re not stronger!” Sirius said, punching James’ arm so hard that an imprint of his fist was left behind.

“Am too!” James yelled as he returned the punch.

This went on for a while. Remus began to get concerned when the punches got higher and higher.

“Should we stop them? He whispered to Marlene.

“Nah,” she replied nonchalantly. “They do this all the time, it's some sort of masculinity contest. If you ask me, men are stupid.” Remus gave her an offended look. “Not you though. You’re different.” She patted his shoulder and smiled at him.

Different? Remus sat with that thought for a minute. How was he different and why was a girl that he’d known for maybe an hour saying that about him?

He saved that thought for later. He brought his attention back to the boys sitting next to him and they went from nearly giving each other bloody noses, to hugging. Remus chuckled and rolled his eyes.

Not too long after, the lunch room began to clear out, so Remus took this as a sign that it was time for his next class.

He stashed the snacks that Sirius had given him in his bag for his dinner that night.

“We should do something together after school. To get to know you better, Remus,” Sirius said, slinging his arms around Remus and James’ shoulders. He was on his tippy toes in order to reach Remus’ shoulder height.

“Uh-” Remus hesitated to give him an answer. “Like what?”

“James, we’re coming over to your house.” Sirius gave his best friend a cheesy smile and waited for a response.

“You can’t just invite yourself over! What if we were doing something? What if I had a hot date, or something?” James crossed his arms in frustration.

“Then tell Evans we’re coming over but we'll be sure to leave you two alone.” Sirius started laughing so hard that he would have fallen over if it weren’t for him holding onto the others’ shoulders.

“Right, real funny,” James said with a sarcastic laugh. “Shit, Sirius, we have practice tonight.”

“Can’t go.” Sirius shrugged like it was no big deal. “Grounded. Remember?”

“Then why the hell were you trying to come over to my house?” James fought back.

They argued like this all the way to their next class.

Remus took a deep breath and finally felt comfortable being at his new school.

Chapter Text

Remus’ day was amazing. Well, when he wasn’t at home.

He chatted with Sirius on the bus ride home to get to know him a bit better. After hearing Marlene say that he was ‘different,’ Remus wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to fit in, to be like everyone else. Not the weirdo from a different country.

Despite her singular comment that had upset Remus, he really liked Marlene. He wasn’t sure how he liked her, but he did.

Romance was never Remus’ thing. He went to an all guys school and would have been bullied even worse if he decided that he was queer and tried to date one of his schoolmates. So, he kept to himself and never got involved in any of that. But, after spending only one day in an American high school, he could feel the raging hormones in the air. Sirius was damn near close to snogging Mary, and James was very clearly obsessed with Lily, so what did that leave him with? Marlene was the only other girl he’d met, but he didn’t get that feeling in his gut that he’d gotten so familiar with through reading about romantic experiences. Yeah, Marlene was pretty and nice, but not quite sexually attractive in Remus’ mind. Even thinking about all of that stuff grossed him out, but he needed to figure it out before rumors were spread about him.

Remus would read any genre he could get his hands on. The library back in his old home always had the cheesy romance novels that mums would read at their boys’ football games. He read them anyway. Despite the immense complications in the actual reading part, the story lines were always the same: Girl meets boy, girl likes boy, boy doesn’t like girl, girl and boy aren’t friends anymore, boy likes girl now, boy and girl live happily ever after. But they always went into detail on the moment that the girl first laid eyes on the boy; the butterflies, the sparks flying, the heat of the moment, all of that. Remus had always wanted that moment, but he wouldn’t ever admit to himself the first time he felt something remotely close to it. He couldn’t.

Pushing all of that bullshit aside, Remus got off the bus and entered into a more familiar torture.

The door to their new house was slightly ajar. Remus knew exactly what that meant. He walked in the house to find his mother seated at the dining table, slumped over a large bottle of alcohol. What’s new? Remus thought to himself.

He figured that since this was their new start, that his mum might actually get off of her arse and get a job to provide for the two of them. But no. She spent her last government funded paycheck on liquor. The same government funded paycheck that was supposed to help her support Remus and his needs, like food.

Remus stepped over the random boxes that were lying on the floor and made his way to his new room.

It smelled like mildew and some sort of rotting animal, perhaps a mouse or something of the sort. It was very unsettling, but nothing he couldn’t handle.

His teachers had been courteous and hadn’t assigned him any homework on his first day of school, so Remus decided to read.

He took his bag off and grabbed The Odyssey from within it.

Luckily, the new house had come fully furnished, as the previous owner was an elderly man who had passed away, and his relatives didn’t feel like dealing with his possessions. This was the only reason why Remus had a bed and a dresser full of clothes. Though he would be dressing like an old man, it didn’t matter to him long as he had clothes on his back. The old guy had decent taste in clothing, at least. Lots of eccentric sweaters, jeans, old band tees, and some nicer button down shirts for special occasions. Though not everything was in Remus’ size, he would be able to make do with what he had.

He sat on his bed to try and finish up his book, but then his ears pricked up at the sound of footsteps. The footsteps were erratic and Remus would also hear the occasional thud against the walls.

The footsteps got closer and closer until Remus saw his drunk mum stumbling into his room.

“Go get me more,” was all she said as she handed him a five pound note.

“They won’t take this,” Remus replied dryly.

“Does it look like I give a fuck?” his mum began to yell. “Just do what you're asked, you useless piece of shit.” Her speech was slurred together so it all just sounded like one long word, but after fourteen years of this, Remus spoke that language too.

He reluctantly followed his mother’s orders. With any luck, he would bring her back a cheap handle of liquor and she would pass out and he wouldn’t have to deal with her for the rest of the night.

As Remus aimlessly walked about the unfamiliar town, he heard his stomach give out a loud growl. He hadn’t eaten since the night before and was too scared to ask his mum for something to eat or some money to buy something. So, he decided to buy his mum a handle and then go and eat the snacks that Sirius had given him earlier that day.

The off license was a small shop in the middle of a busy town center. As Remus entered, his nose was flooded with the same scent that had lingered around their old flat and that was beginning to show up in his new house. The pungent smell of alcohol was not an unfamiliar one, but an uncomfortable one.

After wandering about trying to find the cheapest handle he could, Remus wished he had brought his backpack with him. He’d forgotten that he needed to be twenty one in order to purchase alcohol here and couldn’t just tell the worker that it wasn’t for him. But if he didn’t bring something back to his mum, who knows what she would do to him.

His only way out of this was to sneak home and act like he never left.

Since he was a child, Remus always left his windows unlocked just in case. In case he needed a way out, or someone else needed a way in. Thank god for that.

He carefully opened his window after the journey back home, and sat in the same spot in the same position on his bed. He reopened his book and pretended that he’d been doing exactly that for the past hour. The only thing that was different was that now Remus had a five pound note in his pocket for whatever he needed.

Luckily, his mum never came back into his room that night and so Remus just slept peacefully and awaited the next day, excited for school.

***

The next two weeks of school had gone almost the same as his first day. James, Sirius, and Remus were becoming close mates, and another boy, who James and Sirius knew, joined them as well. Remus learned his name after a few days: Peter.

He was a plump, shy, kindhearted boy. He didn’t look intimidating, but Remus wasn’t sure he wanted to test that out quite yet.

As he began to open up to his new friends, Remus found out how much he was able to enjoy things. No longer did he dread waking up in the morning. No longer did he want to die because now he had at least two people that would miss him a bit.

In his third week at school, James, Sirius, and Peter pulled Remus aside during lunch. The last time this had happened, Remus got the shit beat out of him by some older boy. But Remus wasn’t scared this time because he knew his friends wouldn’t do that to him.

“Lupin,” James started. Remus wasn’t sure when James had begun to call him by his last name, but he didn’t hate it. “This is your official invitation.”

“This school has a reputation,” Sirius joined in. “I know, it sounds stupid, but hear me out. Every four years there are a group of boys who call themselves the Marauders. It’s some generational thing, I guess-”

“I got the note on the first day of school saying that the legacy was passed down to me,” James cut Sirius off. “These two idiots were next to my locker when I opened it up, so I had to recruit them.” He dramatically rolled his eyes as Sirius gave him a look.

“And why do you want me?” Remus asked the question that had been on his mind since the start.

“We have the brawn, aka me,” James said as he flexed to show the little bit of muscle he had. “The insider,” James pointed to Sirius as he added,

“And the beauty, duh.” Remus internally agreed with that.

“And stealth,” James pointed at Peter who was anxiously chewing on his finger nails. “All we need is the brains of the operation, and you’re clearly the smartest person in our grade.”

“What’s the point of this, though?” Remus asked the other thing that had been on his mind.

“Pranks!” Peter spoke excitedly as the others shushed him too.

“Yes, Pete, pranks,” James and Sirius looked at each other with mischievous smiles and James continued. “Not just pranks though. Life altering, earth shattering, pranks on anyone we don’t like.”

“I heard that the last Marauders tried to shove a firecracker up someone's nose last year. They failed and it blew up on their desk and lit a classroom on fire!” Sirius sounded a bit too excited about that.

“Oh, uh- I’m not sure. I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Remus wanted nothing but to be invisible in that moment, which was ironic because he’d be spending his whole life wishing he weren’t invisible.

“That’s why you’re here. So we can have the fun and the stupidity without killing anyone!” James smiled at Remus, waiting for his answer, but he didn’t give him one.

“Fine, think about it and we can meet up after school and talk about it.” Sirius met Remus’ eyes and a wave of comfort and warmth washed over him.

“Yeah, but my mum would probably kill me if I showed up late. And if I miss the bus, I have to walk home…” Remus wasn’t sure why he’d admitted this to the three boys, but he felt better after he did.

“Sirius and I have a game tonight, but if you guys stay, we can talk afterwards and then my mom can take you all home,” James offered.

“I can’t be late though,” Remus touched his side where his mum had kicked him the other night. He asked what was for dinner and she called him spoiled and beat him down to the ground. The skin all around his abdomen was still tender and discolored.

“Well then, why don’t we have a Marauders sleepover at my house! My mom and dad will deal with your home situation so that way nothing happens to you," he looked at Remus as he said this. and we can plan our first prank,” James gave his idea and Peter immediately agreed. Sirius and Remus, on the other hand, both hesitated for similar reasons.

“But my mom-” they said at the same time. Sirius gave Remus a sympathetic smile, and Remus returned it. He could tell that Sirius’ home life wasn’t much better than Remus’. He saw bruises and cuts similar to his own and how he sometimes flinched when people moved too fast.

“Sirius, she won’t kill you. You can say you were spending the night with Remus! She doesn’t know him, so she won’t do anything,” James gave him a knowing look and a nod. It was like the two were having a nonverbal conversation via eye contact and head movements.

Sirius finally gave in and said, “Fine, I’m in.”

All eyes moved over to Remus. “I’m serious-”

“No, I’m Sirius,” he was interrupted by the idiot standing next to him.

“Fuck off,” Remus mumbled. “What I was trying to say was that my mum will physically murder me if I don’t show up tonight.” Shit! Remus mentally kicked himself for admitting that.
The three boys agreed that they would reconvene in a later class after they all had time to think of how they would work around Remus’ mother.

On their way to the next class, Sirius pulled Remus aside. “Are you alright?” He put a hand on Remus’ shoulder, another place which his mother had beaten. Remus flinched and shrugged Sirius’ hand away.

“Fine, yeah.” The lie was easy.

“Stop lying to me. We’ve been friends for almost a month, so you can tell me the truth.” Sirius was worried, genuinely worried for his friend.

“Sirius, I’m fine.” Lies. Lies. Lies.

“Come here.” He pulled Remus into the bathroom and locked the two of them in the large stall. “Take your shirt off.” Remus could feel his face turning red.

“What the hell?” was all he was able to say.

“Show me,” Sirius spoke calmly and in a soft voice that Remus had never heard before.

“Okay.” He pulled off his sweater and the t-shirt underneath to reveal the red, blue and purple skin underneath.

“Holy shit, Remus!” Sirius stared at his battered up friend in disgust. “You have to tell someone! How long has she been doing this?” Remus felt tears welling up in his eyes, but refused to release them.

“Since I was five,” he spoke quietly.

“I’m going to get Marlene. She’s good at this stuff, she’ll know what to do.” Sirius blinked away tears as he unlocked the stall door. “Do not go anywhere.”

Remus stayed. He did not want to, but he needed to. It hurt to breathe and to lie down and to do literally anything.

Sirius returned a few minutes later with Marlene. It was a bit weird that a girl was in the boys restroom, but nobody else was there, so it was alright.

“Remus!” She gasped and slapped a hand over her mouth.

“It’s not that bad, really,” Remus lied, trying to make the others feel better. “Shouldn’t you be in class?” he asked Marlene with growing guilt.
“Shut up,” was all she said as she knelt down on the cold floor next to him and began to examine his abdomen.

***

Marlene determined that Remus had at least one broken rib and some heavy bruising, but nothing life threatening. All he could do was take some meds for the pain and ice the worst areas.

Both Marlene and Sirius advised Remus to tell someone what was going on, to get someone to set his mother straight for his own safety, but he refused.

It was his choice, after all, and he decided against it.

After Marlene left, Sirius sat down across from Remus.

“I’m sorry.” Remus spoke first.

“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I’m just worried about you now.” Sirius looked at his friend and sympathized with him. “You know, my mom used to beat me too. She still does sometimes. I always take the blame for Reg because I refuse to let him get hurt. All of the times that I’ve said I’m grounded, I lied. My wonderful mother doesn’t exactly get the concept that I’m supposed to be at football practice twice a day, everyday, and she thinks I’m out doing drugs, or shit like that.” He stared down at the floor. “My family supposedly has a legacy and every member is supposed to follow that legacy exactly how our ancestors did.” Sirius paused and took a deep breath. “It’s utter bullshit. It’s racist, homophobic, horrible bullshit. I told my mother that I don’t want to be like them, and now I can’t remember the rest of what happened that night-” his voice trailed off.

“My dad killed himself when I was five because he was ashamed of me. That’s when my mom started depending on alcohol to fix everything and used me as her own personal punching bag. When I tried to kill myself a few months ago, she acted as if the fact that I’d failed to do so ruined her life. When she gets physically violent with me, she always says ‘I wish you didn’t fail that day’ and goes harder and harder.” Though it was hard to say aloud, Remus felt a huge weight being lifted off of his chest as he admitted this to Sirius. Tears were streaming down his cheeks because saying all of that stuff made it real and not just some story that was in his head.

“Our families are fucked up,” Sirius said with a laugh.

“Tell me about it.” Remus tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn’t support his weight. Luckily, Sirius was there to catch him.

On top of all of the pain inflicted by his mother, Remus had random fits of pain in his joints, specifically his knees. His legs would give out from underneath him and then he wouldn’t be able to walk without immense amounts of pain.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

“I’ve got you, you’re alright.” Sirius looked up at his friend. He brought his hand to Remus’ face and wiped away the tear that was trickling down his cheek.

Chapter Text

Ever since that moment in the bathroom, things were different between Remus and Sirius. Not a bad different, just- odd.

That evening, Remus figured that he would just go to James and Sirius’ game and spend the night at James’ house and deal with the consequences later.

Remus hadn’t realized that his school had a stadium filled with lights, a large turf field, bleachers, a snack stand, and so much more. It was overwhelming how many things there were.
James and Sirius had left their last period early to go and get ready for their game. This left Remus with Lily and Marlene, Mary and Peter had different classes.

The two girls were also going to the game, so Remus decided to stay with them. He’d watched a few football games back home, but always got bored, so he made sure to pack an extra book just in case he finally finished The Odyssey.

Lily and Marlene were all antsy about the game. Apparently, they were playing a rival school, which Remus found incredibly stupid. Why would two schools have a rivalry if they don't even interact aside from the occasional sports game? And how did these rivalries even start? Stupid.

“If James gets hurt again, I swear,” Lily said as she balled her fists.

“I don’t get you two,” Remus chimed in.

“He’s my friend. That’s all. I know that he’s obsessed with me, believe me. He asks me out at least twice a day. I’m tired of it. I really like having him as my friend though!” Oh damn. Remus thought that was brutal and could only imagine what James would say if he’d been there to hear that.

“Are they any good?” Remus asked to change the subject.

“Uhm… Kind of. James is decent, and there are a few seniors that are pretty good but-” Remus interrupted her,

“What about Sirius?” Remus asked with too much eagerness in his voice

“Oh, well, he doesn’t play much.” Remus was disappointed at this, though he wasn’t sure why. His brain was all flustered whenever he thought of Sirius. “He doesn’t really go to practice, so the coach never plays him in games.”

“Oh, alright.”

The three of them found a good spot in the bleachers and watched and waited as the players warmed up.

“Hey, can I sit here?” Remus heard a small voice next to him ask. “You guys are Sirius’ friends, right?”

“Yeah, of course. And, uh- we are his friends. You’re his brother, right?” Remus pieced the clues together and ultimately figured it out after he remembered him from his first day on the bus.
“Unfortunately,” he grunted as he sat next to Remus and crossed his arms.

“I’m Remus,” he introduced himself, despite the anxiety.

“Regulus,” he replied dryly.

Remus brought his attention down to the field and was immediately confused. This was supposed to be football, not whatever was going on on the field below.

“Are we at the right game?” Remus said as he examined the field and the players.

“Of course we are. This is football, Remus.” Lily laughed at him like he was stupid.

“But they don’t wear pads and helmets and shit in football,” Remus argued as Lily and Marlene were laughing harder and harder. Remus could swear he even heard a small chuckle from the grumpy boy next to him.

“Oh honey, this is American football,” Marlene spoke to him like he was a small child. Remus was frustrated at first, but it did end up being quite funny.

Remus turned his attention to the field. Lily and Marlene were still laughing maniacally.

Remus was trying to find a certain someone on the field, but he wouldn’t admit to himself who he was searching for. His eyes landed on number 21 as he pulled off his helmet to get a drink of water. When he turned around, Remus saw that the jersey said ‘POTTER’ and then the curly hair, deep skin, and glasses made sense. He shook the sweat out of his hair and jumped up and down to prepare himself for the upcoming game. Remus felt Regulus tense up beside him and noticed that he was staring at none other than James Potter.

As soon as Regulus realized that Remus saw him staring, he scowled at him and pulled a book out of his bag.

Remus brought his attention back to the players and as his eyes laid upon number 13, his breath hitched in his throat. He could see that familiar black hair poking out of the bottom of the helmet. He noticed their demeanor and how it was severely lacking confidence, but had potential. Remus was mesmerised. He heard someone yell a faint “Black!” and saw 13 run over to 21.
He copied the actions that James had done just minutes earlier, minus the preparatory jumping. The way he shook the sweat out of his hair took Remus’ breath away. It shouldn’t have, but it did.

Remus tried to take his eyes away, but he physically couldn’t. He was entranced by his best friend on a football field.

No. Remus made himself stop. This isn’t how things go. Not for Remus, not for Sirius. And especially not for the two of them together.

Remus forced himself to look over at the cheerleaders on the sidelines and tried to watch them. He didn’t get the same entrancement though. What was that feeling? Why Sirius?

Mary came over to sit with the others and ended up seating herself right in front of Remus. He tried to feel something, anything. There was a gorgeous girl sitting right in front of him for god’s sake! Why did his eyes keep bouncing back to the guys on the grass field?

Remus said a quick hi to Mary and then excused himself to the washroom.

He quickly locked himself in the large stall and tried to figure his shit out. His breathing was all sorts of fucked up and he couldn’t control himself. His hands shook violently as he reached for the wall to support him. He felt his knees weaken as he lowered himself to the ground. His legs couldn’t support his weight, and his mind couldn’t support his feelings.

His throat began to tighten, and it felt like he needed to claw out of his skin. The feeling of being trapped was all consuming. Trapped in his own skin, trapped in the too small stall, trapped in this stupid ass country.

He tried to escape himself. He clawed at his skin, wishing it weren’t there. He began to claw at his throat with the other hand. He was choking on his own breath that couldn’t escape his constricted throat. He began to gag and every convulsion of his body hurt like hell.

The broken rib wasn’t an issue until Remus was on the bathroom floor, dry heaving and having a panic attack. It felt like he’d been hit by a truck and then beaten with a metal rod.
Usually, the puking/dry heaving was the worst of it and it calmed from there. Not this time though. That was only the beginning.

The world around him felt like it was spinning. One second, Remus was on his knees, kneeling over the toilet in case he did throw up, and the next his whole body was on the floor and he was violently shaking. Then the chest pain came.

It felt like a heart attack. Remus had only known about what a heart attack felt like because of books and television shows, but he was sure it was a heart attack.

His chest heaved and hurt worse and worse with every attempt at a breath. If he didn’t breathe soon, Remus was sure he would pass out. He could feel the sweat pooling on his forehead and dripping down his back.

His legs began to tingle and soon went numb. Remus was almost certain that this was it for him. He would die on the bathroom floor. He would die without ever being loved or cared for.

His vision kept blurring in and out. He still couldn’t breathe and the anxiety of the fact that he couldn’t breathe made it all the worse.

Remus wasn’t aware of his surroundings except the fact that he heard the door open and it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

He could hear himself desperately gasping, trying his hardest to stay conscious and regain his ability to breathe. It was like he was there, but watching from the outside.

Next thing he knew, there was a heavy thudding on the stall door. Remus was too weak and too emotional to respond, so he kept lying there and continued struggling to breathe and get a grasp of his emotions.

One second the knocking stopped, and the next a familiar figure was at Remus’ side telling him he was going to be alright.

“Remus? Holy shit!” It was Sirius. Sirius Black in his sweaty football gear. Sirius Black, the reason for all of this happening to Remus.

“S-Si-Sirius?” Remus choked out between gasps and sobs.

“I’m here, I’m here. It’s okay, Remus. I’ve got you.” He felt a hand snake around his waist and pull him up and suddenly Remus wanted to puke again, despite his incredibly empty stomach.
“There you go, sit up. You’re okay.” Sirius spoke softly to Remus and he continued to battle against his own body.

Remus blamed Sirius for all of this happening. He blamed Sirius for feeling what he was feeling. If he’d never met this boy, none of this would have happened.

“Can you breathe?” Sirius asked and Remus replied with a quick shake of his head to say no. “Ok, I need you to focus on me.” Sirius grabbed both of Remus’ hands and held them in his own. “Look at me,” Sirius calmly demanded. Remus obeyed and met his deep blue eyes.

He thought that this interaction would have made everything so much worse, but it didn’t. Remus felt safe with Sirius.

Sirius felt like home.

“You’re doing amazing,” Sirius said, squeezing Remus’ hands. “Try and take a deep breath with me, okay?” Sirius and Remus took a large breath in and then let it out. Remus struggled, but that was the first good breath that he’d had in the past seven or so minutes.

“Very good. You’re doing amazing.” Sirius praised him, and this genuinely brought tears to Remus’ eyes. “Keep breathing.”

After doing this with Sirius for a few minutes, he could talk again.

“Are you okay, Remus?” Sirius asked in a serious tone.

“No. I’m not,” Remus wasn’t sure why he was honest, but he was glad he was.

Sirius grabbed Remus’ shoulders and pulled him into a hug. Sobs racked his body and Sirius held on tighter.

“It’s okay,” Sirius spoke calmly and continued holding Remus.

“I can’t do this,” Remus spoke in between sobs.

“Yes you can.” Sirius separated the two of them and looked Remus in the eye.

“Go,” Remus whispered.

Sirius was the reason that Remus was in this crisis. Why was he feeling this way about him? Why did his stomach do flips when their eyes met? What the fuck was happening?

“I’m not going anywhere unless you’re with me.” The eye contact became stronger somehow.

“Shouldn’t you be playing right now?” Remus started to feel guilty.

“Fuck that. I’ll only go out if I can make sure you’re with Evans and this doesn’t happen again. I could care less about the stupid game. I’m only on the team because James forced me too.”

“I’m okay,” Remus was only partially lying when he said this. Everything hurt. His legs still wouldn’t work, his chest and stomach were throbbing with pain, and it hurt to breathe.

“We’ll stay here for a few more minutes.” And they did.

They talked about anything they could think of. Anything that didn’t relate to the fact that Remus thought he was about to die on that bathroom floor.

After a few stupid jokes and odd stories, the door to the restroom swung open.

“Remus?” He heard an awkward voice say his name from outside of the stall and he perked up.

“Uh- yeah?” he replied, wondering who came looking for him.

“Your stupid girlfriends sent me to look for you. Make sure you’re not dead.”

It’s Regulus! Sirius silently mouthed the words to Remus.

“Oh, well uh- I’m fine.” He frantically looked to Sirius for what to do next but he wasn’t sure either.

“They said I need to physically see that you’re alive. Wait, are you in an open stall?” Remus heard him groan and then mutter an angry string of curse words.

The two boys in the stall heard footsteps approaching. Remus would have walked out of the stall to greet Regulus and avoid the awkwardness of him seeing his brother and Remus on the floor of the bathroom together, but he couldn’t walk. His legs might as well have been paralyzed from the pain shooting up and down them.

“What. The. Fuck.” Was all Regulus said before he turned on his heel and left.

“Reg! Wait!” Sirius got up and followed his little brother out.

He left Remus alone again, so he tried to stand up. His legs were wobbly, but he was able to feel them at least. It felt like someone stabbed someone in his knees and was twisting the knife around.

He fought against tears and lost the battle. All he wanted was to leave the bathroom and be fucking normal.

Sirius came running back in to see Remus half standing with more tears running down his face. Remus’ anger and frustration morphed into embarrassment. Sirius, the boy who was giving Remus feelings that he didn’t know how to deal with, was watching him struggle and cry and had watched him fighting for his life on the nasty bathroom floor.

It didn’t seem like Sirius cared though. It seemed like his main goal was to help Remus and make sure he was alright.

“Come on, you got it.” He put his arm around Remus to support his weight and help him walk out of the bathroom.

Lily, Mary and Marlene were waiting outside of the bathroom for them to exit.

“Remus! Are you okay?” Lily ran over to hug him.

“Fine, thanks,” he grunted back, trying to walk on his own.

It was only his third week at this school and he’d already embarrassed himself in front of Sirius, the girls, Regulus, and anyone else who’d seen any of this go down.

Remus hobbled up the stairs with the help of Marlene. When he sat down he saw Sirius being reprimanded by his coach and was flooded with guilt.

To make matters worse, Remus had to sit next to Regulus for the rest of the game. He wasn’t sure what he had thought he saw, but he couldn't imagine it was anything good.

Regulus had a very angry look on his face and sat with his arms crossed over his chest. Remus noticed that any time James got tackled, Reg tensed and sat up a bit straighter, as if concerned. Remus wasn’t going to say anything, but felt a weird sort of heat bubble in his chest because Regulus looked at James the same way that Remus looked at Sirius.

The game stressed Remus out. There were too many whistles, too many guys being shoved over and the ball was tossed around too erratically. It was too chaotic for Remus’ liking, so he picked back up The Odyssey and kept trying to finish it.

The game didn’t get any more exciting. James scored almost every point or touchdown, whatever they were called, and barely won the game for their school. A wave of red and yellow flooded from the bleachers onto the field to congratulate the players.

Remus watched as Sirius stayed at the team’s bench and took his time getting his stuff together. He didn’t engage in all of the celebration, but looked quite upset actually.

Remus would have gone down to Sirius, but there were way too many people. He figured he was safer sticking with the girls.

Regulus stayed close to the group of Remus, Lily, Mary and Marlene, but not too close. He seemed anxious, but again, Remus wasn’t sure he wanted to say anything to him.

The boys eventually came over in sweaty shirts and baggy sweatpants and at the sight of Sirius in this attire took Remus’ breath away. He fought the urge to panic again at the thought of this, of him.

“Pete!” James yelled at a flustered Peter who was carrying way too much stuff. Remus was able to piece together that he did something with the team, but wasn’t exactly a player.

“Alright boys! Let's go find mom!” Sirius said, eyeing James to see what his reaction would be to his statement.

“MY mom. Let’s go find my mother!” James replied aggressively.

They said quick goodbyes to the girls and then Sirius heard his name called.

“Shit.” He turned to his little brother, forgetting that they were supposed to go home together. “What am I supposed to do with him?” He turned back to the Marauders and they all gave him clueless shrugs.

“Asshole. I’ll walk myself,” Regulus groaned.

“I’m not letting some creep kidnap you. Let me ask James if we can drop you off.” James was talking to random people who were congratulating him on his game.

Sirius interrupted his conversation and Remus assumed he agreed because they all ended up venturing off to find Mrs. Potter. James led the way with Sirius by his side and Peter not too far behind. Remus lagged behind the trio due to his stupid ass pain, and Regulus was not very far behind Remus.

They soon reached a very motherly looking van and all managed to pile inside. Sirius in the passenger seat, James behind his mum, Peter beside him, and Remus and Regulus in the third row.
Mrs. Potter was easily the most motherly person Remus had ever seen. Having lacked a mother figure his whole life, it was comforting to be in her presence. Her son looked a bit like her, the tan skin, brown eyes, and electric smile.

“Regulus, honey, would you like to spend the night at our house? We have plenty of rooms. It would be no problem, really,” Mrs. Potter asked and Remus felt the boy next to him tense up for what he thought was the hundredth time that night.

“Uh- no thanks. I appreciate the offer though,” Regulus stared down at his laced hands that were resting in his lap.

There was something about Regulus that felt so familiar to Remus and he knew what it was but refused to acknowledge it.

He’d had enough thinking for one night and was ready to be stupid with his friends. The fact that he had friends was still such a foreign topic to him, but was slowly becoming more familiar.

Chapter Text

The car ride was only awkward for the two boys seated in the third row. Everyone else was having the time of their lives. Sirius had control of the music and was blasting 80’s music that Mrs. Potter loved. Between Bowie, Queen, The Beatles, and more, Remus was also quite enjoying himself.

Hearing the beginning of “Star” by David Bowie flooded his mind with one of the only good memories of his childhood.

“Remus! Time for dinner!” his mum called to him from the kitchen and he came bounding in, hungry as ever.

The kitchen was filled with music. Remus’ mother and father were dancing together.

Remus was only four years old. He didn’t understand that this was the first time in almost ten years that his parents weren’t arguing or giving one another the silent treatment.

I could do with the money (You know that I could)

I'm so wiped out with things as they are (You know that I could)

I'd send my photograph to my honey

And I'd come on like a regular superstar

The song played through the speakers of the record player that sat on the counter. Remus walked up to it, intrigued as ever. He watched as the record spun and music was produced.

“Hey, buddy,” his dad said, rustling his hair. Remus looked like his father. He was lanky and tall, just like him. He had his father’s dusty brown hair, but his mother’s deep brown eyes.

Remus carefully walked over to his mother. Usually she was very angry and would hurt her son if he approached too quickly. Things were different this time though. She was happy, she was smiling and laughing and dancing around the kitchen.

His father was similar to his mum. He was almost always angry with his son and looked at him as if he was ashamed that he existed. There was something about that night, something special.
Hope, Remus’ mum made Remus’ favorite dinner, roast beef, mashed green peas, and boiled potatoes. Mashed peas were young Remus’ all time favorite food, but his mum never felt like making it for him. He would ask for it and get slapped around in return.

Without him even having to ask, Remus’ parents treated him to pudding after dinner, his favorite.

That was the night that Remus Lupin fell in love with music. He thought that it was the reason his family had been happy again. Music fixed his twisted family.

Remus had tried to forget every memory of his childhood. Not this one though. He held onto this one and never wanted to let go.

“Hey, Regulus?” Remus sparked up a conversation.

“What?” he spat back.

“What you saw in the bathroom,” he brought up awkwardly. “It wasn’t what you think.” Remus assumed what Regulus thought he saw. When someone sees two guys sitting and leaning on each other on the bathroom floor, it’s easy to assume the worst.

“How do you know what I think I saw? And it clearly was. Stay away from my brother.” His voice was stern and serious. He’d said that last part as if it was a threat.

That mini conversation worried Remus. Did more people other than Regulus think something was going on between Remus and Sirius?

No. That couldn’t happen. The new school was supposed to be a new start for him. No rumors, no bullying, none of that.

Remus sat awkwardly next to Sirius’ little brother, wishing he’d have just gone home because the beating he would get from his mother for being late would be more tolerable than whatever was going on in the Potters’ van.

“Get out, Reggie!” The van came to a halt and Sirius yelled behind him.

Sirius’ house was ginormous. It looked like a mansion that Remus had seen only on the telly. It was dark and dilapidated, but marvelous nonetheless. It looked like the type of house that would be in a horror movie with ivy creeping up the walls and ravens camping out on the roof.

“Welcome all, to the House of Black,” Sirius announced, dramatically gesturing to the house outside of the car. “Reg, get the hell out. We’re home,” Sirius’ tone changed. He talked of his brother and how he would give his life to protect him, but spoke to him in a totally different manner.

***

The rest of the car ride was similar to the first half, save the awkwardness with Regulus. Sirius continued to play his 80’s music and sang along to it with Mrs. Potter.

When they arrived at the Potter’s house, it was a cute, little house in a nice neighborhood. It seemed too large for the three person family, but perfect for them nonetheless.

“Welcome home!” Mrs. Potter said with a smile as the Marauders piled out of the van

Sirius bounded inside after giving Mrs. Potter a hug and James quickly followed suit. Peter walked in with no problem, as he had been there numerous times before. Remus, on the other hand, seemed stuck to the driveway. He was hesitant to go inside, having had such bad experiences walking into houses.

“Come on, sweetie, let's go inside,” Mrs. Potter put her hand on Remus’ shoulder and he flinched at the contact. “You must be Remus. I’m Euphemia Potter. James has said wonderful things about you,” she said all of that with a smile.

“Yeah, thanks.” Remus smiled back and didn’t know what to say.

“Ready to come inside?” Euphemia Potter asked.

“I’ll be there in a minute, thanks,” Remus responded hopefully. He wanted Mrs. Potter to leave him alone and let him make his way in on his own. With a smile, she did.

Remus just stood there quietly, contemplating whether he should stay or make his way back home. His decision was made for him when Sirius came out to join him.

“Remus? Where are you?” He squinted, trying to see Remus in the dark. Remus had always had great vision. He could see Sirius perfectly in the dark from his nice hair, to his cheekbones, to the rings on his fingers.

“Uh–” He hesitated to respond, wishing he was invisible. “Here,” he said in a small voice.

He saw Sirius walking over to him and his whole body tensed. The last one on one interaction that they had had was the one in the bathroom. Remus was not ready to see what was in store for this one.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked once he finally reached Remus who was still in his same spot on the driveway.

“Nothing,” Remus muttered. “I’m fine.”

“C’mon.” Sirius tried to push him a bit to get him to move, but it was as if Remus had superglued his feet to the pavement. “Hey,” Sirius looked him in the eye. Despite the darkness, Remus could still make out his gorgeous eyes. The deep ocean colour that looked like it was sparkling had entranced Remus once again. “Come inside. I saved the seat next to me for you to sit in. Mrs. Potter made roast beef and potatoes and it’s getting cold, so you better hurry up,” Sirius chuckled a bit in hopes of getting Remus to lighten up and come inside.

“I can’t.” Remus blankly stared off into space.

“Yes, you can. Take my hand,” Sirius held out his bony hand and Remus placed his hand in Sirius’. None of this interaction was helping Remus’ crisis from just a few hours ago.

Remus felt fireworks shoot out from their conjoined hands and a wave of warmth flood his body. At the simple contact all of Remus’ worry washed away. It was just the two of them in this moment and sparks were flying everywhere. Sparks that both of the boys ignored with all of their power.

Remus ignored the fireworks and tried to rid himself of the heat. He refused the feelings that he knew were present. It wasn’t who he was supposed to be. It wasn’t right.

Their hands stayed interlocked on the short trek to the house but Remus quickly pulled his hand away as soon as they stepped foot in the front door.

After whispering a quick thank you, Remus was led to the dining room and sat down next to Sirius and opposite James.

Mrs. Potter was at one end of the table and the man opposite of her was very clearly James’ father. They were near identical. Mr. Potter had the same mess of curls that James had, though much more tamed than James. He wore round framed glasses that were very similar to his son’s. He also had the same smile as him. The only difference was their eyes. Mr. Potter had dark green eyes compared to his son, whose eyes that were the colour of coffee.

“Remus! Hello, dear,” Mrs. Potter welcomed him in. “Get whatever food you would like! There is plenty more in the kitchen, so please do not feel bad.” Remus gave her a slightly confused look since there was already loads of food on the table, so how could there be more? “I know how much these boys eat after their games, so I always make extra,” she said with a wink as if she had read Remus’ mind.

***

That was easily the best dinner that Remus had ever had. It reminded him of his few childhood memories, the good ones. The four boys and James’ parents acted like one big family. Jokes were told, secrets accidentally spilled, laughs shared, and overall everyone was having a good time. Even Remus allowed himself to loosen up and enjoy the dinner with the Potters and his friends.
Having been nearly starved for the previous few days, Remus ate way more than he should have. He felt sick after just a few bites, but he needed food. The fact that it was roast beef, his favourite food from his childhood, didn’t make limiting himself any easier. He wasn’t ashamed though, because Sirius and James ate almost as much as Remus had.

Once dinner was over, James led the Marauders up to his room. As expected, James had football banners and posters plastered all over his walls and sports gear scattered on the floor.

“Shit. It’s a mess in here, sorry,” James said as he looked around his messy room.

“I could care less,” Sirius replied as he flopped onto James’ bed.

Peter sat down on the carpet and Sirius and James shared the bed. Remus was just standing awkwardly in the room, not wanting to invade or go somewhere he wasn’t supposed to.
“Alright Marauders,” James captured everyone’s attention and Remus stepped a bit closer in. “It’s time.”

“Time for what?” Peter interrupted James’ dramatic introduction.

“Shh!” James held his finger to his lips and shushed Peter. He continued, “Tonight is only the beginning, from now on, we’re legends. Today marks the first official day of the Marauders!” Sirius ushered for everyone to cheer at that. Once the applause was over, even as James was still talking, Sirius got off of the bed and grabbed James’ desk chair for Remus to sit in. He rolled it behind him and winked at Remus before returning to his spot on the bed.

Not helping!! Remus thought to himself. He stared at the dark haired boy seated next to James and felt starry eyed. He wanted to take his eyes off of him, but he couldn’t. Remus knew what this feeling was after reading so many cheesy romance books, but it was not meant to be this way. Remus was supposed to find a pretty girl and fall madly in love with her and she would have his children. Not whatever this was.

“Lupin!” James snapped and Remus realized that he had been staring at Sirius for a lot longer than he thought and had tuned James out completely.

“What?”

“We need nicknames,” James said with a roll of his eyes. “No one can know that we’re the Marauders so we need to leave some sort of mark with code names. C’mon, think!” So they did. The boys started spitballing horrendous nicknames for each other. Remus’ favorite was “Starboy” for Sirius. It was only disproved because it would have been too obvious.

“Moony,” Sirius spat out. “Remus should be Moony.” Remus looked over at him, clearly confused at this.

“Uh-why?” Remus asked.

“I dunno. You kind of remind me of the moon. You can be dark and mysterious sometimes, and other times you can be bright and open.” The two boys just stared at one another. What Sirius had said felt like a sort of twisted confession. Remus’ stomach turned as he looked at the boy who had just said the nicest thing anyone had ever said about him.

“It’s perfect!” James cheered. “Now, let's just do this one person at a time. Sirius, your turn.” More ideas were thrown around, but none of them stuck.

“What’s your role again?” Remus asked Sirius.

“I’m the insider. I know everything. I can pad my way into everyone’s business one way or another.”

“Padfoot!” James shouted. All of the boys agreed on it.

James and Peter weren’t nearly as easy to give nicknames to. James ended up being Prongs, since he’s going to be the main prong of everything they pull off. Peter became Wormtail. No one could figure out why, but it felt fitting so it stuck.

Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs all started scheming on the first prank of the new Marauders.

“It needs to be legendary,” James said, gripping his hair with frustration.

“C’mon guys, think,” Sirius groaned.

The four boys were all lying on different spots of James’ plush carpet, desperately trying to come up with an idea, stupid or not.

“Who do we not like?” Remus asked, referring to the other three, since there wasn’t anyone he hated yet.

“Snivellus!” James sprung up into a seated position.

“Perfect!” Sirius replicated James’ action.

“What are we going to do to him?” Peter brought the spirit back down.

“Well, he’s good at science, what can we do with that?” Sirius asked, laying back down on the carpet.

“We have a lab next week, don’t we?” Peter added.

“I’ve got it!” Remus shot up and the others followed suit.

“What is it, Moony?” Remus liked the new nickname.

“Our lab tomorrow is putting copper into nitric acid. The reaction it makes is really boring, but safe. So, we need to come up with something better so that way everyone can see Snape mess up and make a fool of himself." He tried to come up with a way to tamper with the experiment so it would be dramatic while still as safe as possible. "Do any of you know what happens when you put lithium in nitric acid?” Remus asked despite knowing that nobody knew the answer.

“Lupin, you know we don’t know this. I sleep through that class every day,” James admitted.

“It makes a weird reddish gas and creates a minor explosion. The teacher said that we would be putting copper pennies into the nitric acid solution, so if we can figure out a way to swap Snape’s penny with lithium while still making it look like a penny, his experiment will fail, create an explosion, and hopefully embarrass the piss out of him.” Remus was so proud of his idea. He finally showed enthusiasm and was happy around his friends.

“You absolute genius!” Sirius perked up and all of the boys collectively jumped on top of Remus in some sort of weird, affectionate dogpile.

“Where did you go to school before? Harvard?” James asked stupidly.

“No, I’m not from America, mate.” Remus let out a real laugh for the first time in years as the Marauders started scheming for how to execute their first ever prank.

“Where do we get lith- whatever it was?” James asked as he hovered over an open notebook covered in their ideas.

“I’m sure Mr. Slughorn has some hiding in one of his supply closets." Sirius sat to think for a second. "Moony, I can say I’m giving you an in depth tour of the science department. I just need you to lie and say that you want to be a chemist, or something, when you grow up so we have a good excuse. Then we can get into the supply closet and easily take whatever we need.” Sirius spoke with heavy enthusiasm, and Remus was thrilled to be such a big part of the plan.

“What do we get to do?” Peter asked, gesturing to himself and James.

“Um-” Sirius paused. “Remus, what do they get to do?” Sirius looked to Remus for answers that he didn’t have.

“Can you guys figure out how to disguise the lithium?” Remus figured it was easy enough for them. He felt proud to be one of the two main people in the prank, he’d never done anything like this before.

“Yes!” James shouted, feeling important.

Once the plan was written down and completed, the boys moved on to other things.

“I’m hungry,” James groaned.

“You just ate enough food to feed a family of six, shut up,” Sirius groaned right back.

“What should we do?” Peter asked, clearly bored out of his mind.

“Truth or dare!” Sirius spat out as he jumped to his feet. “Everyone sit in a circle, c’mon!” They obeyed.

“I’m going first. James, truth or dare?” Sirius brought his attention to James, who was sitting right next to him.

“Dare, obviously.”

Remus could practically see the gears turning in Sirius’ head as he thought of a dare for his best friend to do.

“Call Evans right now and ask her out,” Sirius said after a few minutes of hard thinking.

“Oh, come on,” Peter moaned. “He does that every day already. Come up with something better!” So Sirius went back to thinking.

“Come with me,” Sirius instructed as he jumped to his feet. James followed and Peter started to as well, but Sirius stopped in. “Nope. James and I only.”

Remus and Peter sat in silence. Peter laid down on his back and fell asleep. Remus only knew this because of the obnoxious snoring.

Remus sat and looked around, observing everything around him. He saw James’ posters of football players whom he assumed had been dead for at least three years. He saw a signed football that was in a glass case, so it must have been important. There were pictures all over the walls of young James Potter standing and smiling largely next to numerous men in large football pads and colourful jerseys. There was even a framed red jersey with ‘Potter’ and his number, twenty one, in gold and white lettering. It seemed similar to their school colours, but the jersey looked much more professional.

After about twenty five minutes, Sirius returned. James wasn’t with him, which Remus found odd.

“Wormtail!” Sirius shouted fruitlessly. Peter didn’t even flinch. It took Sirius throwing one of James’ trainers at his head to get him to wake up. “I present to you,” he spoke in an exaggerated voice and gestured to the door with a dramatic flair. “Ms. Jamie Potter!” He began clapping as a version of James walked through the door.

All of the boys were taken over with a fit of laughter. James walked in with a full face of makeup on, his hair tied up in two small pigtails, an exuberant dress on, and a very tall set of high heels.

“I hate you all,” James grumbled as the other boys were still laughing.

“Sirius,” Remus began. “Did you do this all?”

“Yep! All done by yours truly.” Sirius was very proud of his transformation of James.

“How do you know how to do makeup so well?” Peter asked through laughs. Remus noticed that James’ makeup did look professional. He had some sort of delicate eye makeup done that matched his dress which was covered in red and green sparkles. The heels matched as well.

“Uh- magic?” Tears were streaming down Sirius’ face from laughing so hard.

“Alright! Sit your asses down,” James shouted and the boys obeyed.

“Wait, you’re not going to change?” Remus asked.

“Can’t.” James crossed his arms over his chest as his face continued to get red. “He’s making me wear it until the game is over.”

“On that note! James, your turn,” Sirius said through small giggles.

“Peter.” Everyone turned their attention away from James. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth!” he said in a high pitched squeak.

“Alright. Who do you have a crush on? I cannot figure it out.” James seemed frustrated, not with his new look, but with Peter.

“No one!” he shouted back. His face was turning so red that it replicated a tomato.

“Come on, Wormy!” Sirius ushered it out of him. Remus assumed that “Wormy” was a name off of Wormtail.

“I’m not telling you!” His face continued to get more and more red.

“If I have to look like this, you have to tell us.” James gestured to his feminine outfit, but Peter still refused. “Fine,” James grunted. “That’ll be our next game. Your new question is: who was your first kiss?”

“James!” Peter’s face distorted. Remus couldn’t quite tell if it was anger, frustration, or a weird combination of both. “Fine. It was Charlotte. I was studying in the library a few weeks ago and she came up to me, grabbed my face, and kissed me. It was horrible.”

“Wait. Hold on. You, Peter Pettigrew, kissed the hottest girl in school?” Sirius asked in a tone that showed how thrown off he was.

“Well, she kissed me, but yeah. Do you have a problem with that?” Peter was starting to get offended.

“I’ve been trying to get her since third grade! What the hell, Pete!” Sirius shouted and Remus felt his stomach drop.

“It wasn’t my fault!” Peter yelled back.

Remus turned to James and asked, “Does this usually happen?”

“Every day, you get used to it though,” he responded as he gave Remus a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Now I have a reason to call you Wormtail!” Sirius shouted again. “Because you’re a rat! You’re a sneaky, conniving little-” He was interrupted by James whacking him in the face with a pillow.

“Shut up,” was all he said.

The two boys that had just been arguing sat across from each other with their arms crossed over their chest as they scowled at one another.

“Sirius,” Peter snapped. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to not talk for the next twenty minutes. If you fail, then you have to share your deepest and darkest secret.” Peter seemed proud of his dare. He straightened his posture, puffed his chest out and made himself look taller.

Sirius responded by flipping him off, and that started the twenty minutes.

James ripped out a piece of paper for Sirius to write his next victim for truth or dare. He held the paper up and smiled at Remus. Remus’ heart dropped when he saw his name written on the paper in near perfect cursive.

“What? Me?” he asked. He had hoped that the other three boys would keep targeting each other out of spite and just leave Remus out of it. Sirius nodded his head to say yes. “Fine then. Er- truth, I guess.”

Sirius took another sheet of paper from James and took a few minutes to come up with and write down his question. When he turned the paper around, Remus thought he was going to die of mortification. The paper read “If you had to marry someone in this room, tonight, would it be me, Prongs, or Wormtail?”

Remus felt his cheeks going red as he replied, “You.” He regretted it as soon as he said it. He replied too quickly, way too quickly.

“Me?” Sirius spoke despite his dare. “Wait, why?”

“Er- I dunno. You uh- have nice hair,” he said the first thing that came to his mind that wasn’t something that the others would majorly judge him for.

Sirius didn’t verbally respond which worried Remus. They just held eye contact and didn’t say a thing. Out of the corner of his eyes, Remus could see James and Peter sharing glances with one another.

He was so fucked.

Chapter Text

“Sirius! You lost! Hah! You fucking suck!” Peter heckled. No one else acknowledged him nor the fact that Sirius lost his dare.

Remus’ eyes were still locked on the beautiful boy sitting across from him. He had just admitted that he would marry him in a heartbeat over everyone else in the room. Over James Potter, the boy that was surrounded by horny teen girls every second of the day. Over Peter, the shy yet surprisingly good looking boy. Sirius Black. The one with the most gorgeous, shiny, black hair, eyes the colour of the ocean depths, cheekbones sharp enough to cut someone open, and a heart bigger than the universe.

Sirius kept his eyes on Remus. The boy with the stubby brown hair and dirt coloured eyes. The boy with scars crawling up his entire body, threatening to continue up to his beautiful face. The boy who was mistreated his whole life and wanted nothing more than for someone to care.

James looked between the two of them, confused as ever. Last he knew, Sirius was chasing after the same girl since the third grade. Remus, on the other hand, he knew very little about. He was curious about him. Where did he really come from? Why was he here? And why the hell was he staring at James’ best friend like that?

“Sirius!” Peter snapped. “Secret time! Come on!”

Hearing his name called multiple times in a row made Sirius break the eye contact. Though their eyes were no longer interlocked, Remus had felt something change. Something shifted in them, and though neither would admit what they had just felt, it was definitely something.

“Oh, uh. Shit, I really thought I would make it and not have to tell my secret.” He seemed shaken up. He was chewing on his lower lip and nervously playing with his hair. “I don’t have any dark secrets,” he laughed nervously.

“Then tell us something about you that we don’t know.”

“I’m fluent in French.” The other boys gaped at Sirius. “It’s my first language actually.” Now that Remus knew this, he swore he could hear the slightest bit of an accent in his voice when he talked.

“Say something in French!” James seemed more excited about this than anything that had happened that night.

“Tu es joli comme la lune.” Sirius grinned at Remus as he said this and Remus could feel his cheeks reddening even though he had no idea what Sirius had just said.

“What did you say?” Peter asked eagerly.

“Learn French and you’ll figure it out.” Sirius kept grinning at Remus and all of a sudden, French was Remus’ favorite language.

“Asshole,” Peter muttered under his breath.

“James,” Sirius switched the topic of conversation. “Did you ever get a record player? I told your mom to get it for you for your birthday.”

“How did you talk to my mother without me there?” James was clearly more concerned about that than anything in the moment.

“I have her number,” Sirius showed Mrs. Potter’s contact on his phone.

“You’re disgusting,” James grunted and he fake gagged at the sight of Sirius’ cell phone. “What is your obsession with my mom?”

“She’s hot, James. It’s obvious.” The other boys gaped at him once again. Remus wasn’t sure if he should feel disgusted or laugh. “Just wait, once I’m eighteen, I’m going to be your step-”

“That's enough!” James shouted at Sirius while simultaneously whacking him in the face with a pillow. “You’re a disgusting freak.” He stood up and left the room.

“I love messing with him,” Sirius sighed. He flopped down to lie on his back but soon turned his body to face Remus. “Burning questions,” he said with an evil sort of grin.

“Burning what?” Remus asked, having never heard of this game.

“I ask you a shit ton of questions and you have to answer all of them.” He sat up confidently and stared at Remus, waiting for a response.

“No, that isn’t fair.” Remus crossed his arms over his chest, gaining a newfound confidence. “I’m only doing this if I can have a turn on you.”

“Wow, Moony. At least take me out to dinner first,” Sirius joked.

“Oh, shut it. You know what I meant.” Remus grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at Sirius’ head, missing thanks to his horrible aim.

The questions were fired at Remus very quickly and he was able to answer all of them, as they were only basic questions like when his birthday was, his favorite food, how he became so smart, things like that. He only had difficulty when more difficult questions came his way.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Sirius asked quickly.

“Er-” Remus hesitated. He never really thought about this. “Loneliness,” he reluctantly said, regretting it very soon after he said it.

“Oh!” Sirius said, a bit thrown off. “What is the best type of candy?”

Remus was grateful for the easier question. “Chocolate, easy.”

“Who is your celebrity crush?”

“Shit, I have no idea.” Remus was severely disconnected when it came to things in pop culture. His mum refused to buy him a cell phone. He had only read random books from free libraries, and didn’t have a television to watch any sort of movie nor show.

“Wow. You really are uncultured.” Sirius had previously asked him about his favorite show and movie, and the only ones Remus could think of were ones from his childhood. “Remind me to have James turn on a movie before we sleep.” Remus made a mental note to remind him of this later.

“Is it my turn yet?” Remus complained, growing very quickly tired of the questions. He had to admit, though, he did enjoy the game quite a bit. He liked joking around with Sirius and being able to tell him more about himself. He felt like Sirius really cared, which made him extremely happy and content.

“Relax, I have just a few more,” he lied through a smile. Sirius was the one asking the question still, after ten minutes.

James walked back in the room, interrupting their game, looking like his normal self again. He was changed into pajamas, freshly showered, with no makeup, pigtails or high heels on.

“You look so boring now,” Sirius groaned as he saw regular James again.

“Yeah, I liked girl James better,” Remus added with a chuckle.

“You’ve got him on your side now? Damn it.” James rolled his eyes and laughed as he sat back in the misshapen circle.

“Sirius and Remus, dynamic duo. Padfoot and Moony, committing crimes with style,” Sirius said dramatically, putting an affectionate arm around Remus.

“I think that Remus and Sirius sound better. And Moony and Padfoot,” Remus added through a strong laugh. He usually never let himself get this comfortable around anyone. He’d been betrayed too many times to give anyone his trust, but the Marauders were different. Remus knew he was safe with them. More than safe, he was home. Especially with Sirius. Despite the whirlwind of feelings that he had to face when it came to him, Sirius Black was the word ‘home’ personified for Remus.

“Fine,” Sirius faked being annoyed and then snuck a glance at Remus. Sirius was thrilled to see how happy the boy was. The same boy that he’d had to help stay alive just hours earlier. The sight of Remus Lupin laughing and hitting the other boys with pillows made his heart nearly burst with joy. In the three weeks that Sirius had known Remus, he had never seen him wear a true smile or really laugh. If Sirius Black had a photographic memory, he would be sure to capture this moment and remember it forever. Remus made him incredibly happy and warm inside. He felt protective over him and wanted to shield him from the rest of the world. If there was a way to spend forever with Remus and keep him safe, Sirius Black wanted to find out how to do it, and do it.

“Moony and Padfoot,” Sirius rephrased. “Committing crimes-”

“Pranks,” Remus corrected.

“Committing pranks, and looking good while doing it,” Sirius tried to put on his best action movie voice, and failed horribly, based on everyone’s laughs. “Committing pranks doesn’t sound nearly as cool,” he whined.

“Executing pranks? I dunno,” Remus shrugged, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

Sirius shrugged in return, not sure of the proper way to say it, but also not caring.

“I’m tired,” Peter complained through a giant yawn. “James, do you have some clothes I can borrow?” As Peter asked this, both Remus and Sirius realized that they were wearing jeans, not really the ideal sleepwear. James came in clutch and provided all of the boys with pajama pants and a random old shirt to wear to bed. Remus’ pants weren’t nearly long enough, but he wasn’t going to complain, he was just glad to be comfy and in good company.

“You guys can sleep wherever you want to,” James gestured to the couch that Remus had yet to see and wondered why they didn’t just play the games on there, instead of the floor. There was also the jumbo pile of pillows and blankets that the boys had been sitting on, and there was the bed.

“I call the bed!” Sirius said, jumping on the opportunity. Literally jumping on it.

James groaned and answered, “Fine, just leave me part of it.”

Pete took the couch, leaving Remus with the mess of pillows and blankets on the floor. He didn’t have a care in the world, though. He was at his first official sleepover, and the floor was surprisingly comfortable.

“You alright down there, Moony?” Sirius asked, perking himself up on his elbow.

“Brilliant,” Remus replied with a huge, stupid grin on his face.

“Goodnight, Marauders,” James announced from the bed. “Love you guys,” he laughed.

“G’night,” Remus responded sleepily. His eyelids felt heavy, yet his brain was still racing. He couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened that day. So much went down, yet it was still his favorite day of his whole life.

He was with his people. He was a Marauder, and a pretty damn good one at that.