Chapter Text

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June 28, 1350 – Fifth Epoch.

Burned and shattered objects were scattered around in the now destroyed Blackthorn Security Company, but there wasn't a single sound; it was just like a cemetery.

A few minutes later, Leonard Mitchell's body moved, his eyes opening slowly.

He propped himself up with difficulty and surveyed his surroundings. He saw Dunn Smith on the ground. He also saw Klein who had his eyes staring wide as a look of shock was plastered across his face. Dunn and Klein both had visible wounds on the left sides of their chests.

No... Leonard squeezed out the word from his throat as he staggered towards Klein's corpse, which wasn't far away from Dunn.

He kept checking them, going between the two repeatedly, almost as if rotating between the two would miraculously bring them back from death. But all he could do was accept this irreversible truth.

Leonard's knees buckled as his knees plopped to the ground. His green eyes were filled with pain as tears streamed down his cheeks, washing away the blood and dust.

He turned his head and listened for two seconds and suddenly sprawled forward. He let out an angry roar and clenched his palms into fists, and heavily pounded the floor.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Leonard kept tearing up as he pounded the floor. Amidst his sorrow was a feeling of clear hatred and a clear sense of self-abhorrence.

Thud! Thud! Thud! Leonard looked up when he heard the sounds of hurried footsteps and saw the members of the Mandated Punishers and the Machinery Hivemind that had just arrived at the scene through his blurred vision.

He closed his eyes tightly, refusing to watch what he knew would come next—refusing to watch Klein and the captain being carried away by others.

He didn't want to see people who walked and ran and leaped into danger being carried away as if their legs had failed them…along with everything else.

So I won't look. If I refuse to see it happen, it won't happen.

Darkness. There was pure darkness behind his clenched lids but his other senses and emotions were regrettably amplified.

You wanted to be a guardian? What a joke! You can't even protect yourself! A cruel, unfamiliar voice in his mind taunted.

He didn't have to think much to know it was his own—a voice full of self-loathing, desperation and grief.

You only lived because those two died! Gritting his teeth, Leonard clenched his fingers on the ground as wave after wave of hatred crashed over him.

The dirt and debris dug through his skin, accompanied by a trickle of hot blood seeping out. The stench of bitter rust, rot and dust was particularly strong, especially stronger in a certain direction near him. The sound of commands for the squads were crisp in his ears before dulling, replaced by an erratic, repetitive thump.

Thump. Thump. Thump… It increased in pitch, drowning out all other sounds, veiling over his enhanced senses.

Thump. Thump. Thump. He felt the feeling in his hands and the shards biting into his knees fade away as the incessant thumping reached a crescendo.

Thump. Thump. Thump… It came from close. It came from behind him.

Thump. Thump. Thump. The staccato beat came even closer, tattooing itself to his aching back. He clenched his fingers tightly, wanting to shake the annoying heartbeat away but he couldn't muster the energy to even swear.

Why must my own organs betray me? Why must they remind me I live when they don't?

His fingers tightened and Leonard willed the stinging debris to dull his hearing. All he got in response was the feeling of softness in his hands.

Soft? What's going on?

The thumping continued and Leonard felt something warm around his waist. It was a pleasant warmth, unlike the one against his back where he was drenched in cold sweat yet cocooned in the heat that had no business being in such a desolate place.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump… The rhythm changed and the beating turned faster, amplifying his confusion and rising panic.

What? What's happening? Where am I?

A soothing scent cradled him in its embrace, the pleasant smell of old pages, gunpowder and winter herbs entered his nose. It was familiar, a scent he had loved in silence, one that spoke of secret smiles, a sweet tooth and the tranquil routine of being on a shift together.

A scent he didn't think he'd be able to smell anymore because the person emanating those pheromones was dead.

I don't understand. What's going on? Have I lost my mind? Am I losing control? Is this what it feels like to be at the end of your life?

The more he thought of the conflicting feelings, the more this idea made sense.

Then I'll open my eyes one last time, to look at the colleague who sends me to the world Klein still walks in.

The thought filled him with inexplicable sadness and the tears that had unknowingly stopped trickling flowed again.

Leonard may have acted flippant and careless but he loved his life and he had loved the people around him deeply. He had thought he'd have the chance to remain in that bliss for a long time if not forever.

And yet it was coming to an end before it even began.

The hot tears flowing down his burning cheeks slowed to a trickle and he finally opened his eyes, intending to look at his saviour when he froze.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

His eyes were staring at a yellowed wallpaper with an ambiguous design…

This isn't Blackthorn, he thought, still confused. What does this mean? Where—

The smell of winter herbs intensified, surrounding him with an aggressiveness they never had and Leonard squeezed his fingers again, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest.

"Hm, Leonard, yes I'll do it tomorrow." Came the senseless muttering from behind him, hot breath caressing the shell of his ear along with the words. This was a voice he had become intimately familiar with over the past two months.

K—Klein?

Leonard finally raised his head to look at where he was and the warmth on his belly tightened before going slack. Green eyes moved to look downward and saw an arm slung around his hips, slender fingers resting on the small curve of his abdomen. One of the fingers had a silver ring on it.

Huh?

Softness, warmth and the distinct feeling of safety washed over him along with a mosaic of memories—memories where both the Captain and Klein lived as well as ones where Leonard was courted by a shy, young graduate until they got married along with many many more sweet ones. 

How could I have forgotten everything? No, I was trapped in a nightmare!

The thumping against his back finally started slowing, as if it had done its job. Turning to look at the source of the heartbeat, he caught sight of Klein Moretti sleeping, his face softened and his mouth slack. Dark, messy bangs covered his forehead, a few unruly strands landing on his twitching eyelids.

Nightmare… It was a nightmare! He repeated, synchronising his breaths with the sleeping Seer's to regain composure.

Things slowly came back to him, making him realise his nightmare wasn't fictitious but something based on traumatising events he had experienced about a year ago.

It was the remnant terror from the Captain's ability and his own inability to differentiate between reality and dreams in those dark moments.

It doesn't matter where it came from. What matters lies here, he thought, breathing slowly to calm himself down as he turned around, facing Klein's adorable sleepy face.

He looks like a drowsy cat basking in a sunbeam. Leonard felt fondness and amusement well up in his heart as he laid his head on Klein's chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat.

The position put him closer to his mating gland and another puff of the alpha's calming pheromones sifted through the air, caressing his tense nerves—like someone petting the ruffled fur of a cornered animal, lulling him to relax, reminding him that he was safe now.

He let himself bask in the renewed scent of security, of reassurance, of home, smiling a little as he smelled a whiff of his own night vanilla intertwined with the scent of old book pages and ink.

Raising a hand, he traced the buttons of his mate's shirt, counting them in his mind as his rapid heartbeat finally calmed down.

"Mn, sleep love…" Klein—Zhou Mingrui—murmured, the breath from those words ruffling Leonard's baby hair. The still-asleep alpha raised a hand, patting Leonard's hair once, twice and then stayed there as its owner went back to dreamland.

Leonard resisted the urge to laugh, the last of the nightmare fading from his mind as he felt his heart skip a beat.

Even in his sleep, Zhou Mingrui's subconscious was wired to comfort him. Of course Leonard knew this was something he too could do while asleep. It came with the territory of being a mated couple along with their mingled pheromones and synchronised heartbeats.

And yet knowing those things and experiencing them were two different things.

It seems I've fallen in love with you again, A-Rui… Does this seem fair to you? Making me fall for you over and over again…

Wrapping his arms around his husband, Leonard buried his smile against the fabric of his shirt—against the heart that still beat, in sync with his own.

"I love you," he murmured soundlessly against the soft shirt. "Thank you for being with me, for keeping me sane and warm and letting me know I’m cherished even without realising." He pressed a soft kiss against the left chest, where the proof of his life was being tattooed repeatedly. "You're my entire world you know? I hope you do…"

Will such a horrifying nightmare affect the baby? Does this count as negative thoughts that can affect an unborn child badly?

He unwound one arm, slowly inserting it between them. The movement was awkward and restrained but Leonard was nothing but determined. In less than a minute, his right hand was resting against his belly. 

He stroked it gently, trying to convey his apologies.

These nightmares are becoming more and more frequent.

He clearly remembered having one yesterday and another one two days before yesterday. Even the duration and realism was increasing day by day, making it almost impossible for him to comprehend that what he saw wasn't real.

It greatly diminished his ability to awaken himself from those horrifying memories.

His trauma from the incident was a big reason he had decided to postpone the idea of advancing to Nightmare even though he had finished digesting the Midnight Poet potion half a month before the 0-08 incident. 

Leonard was already struggling with his fears and the accumulated madness of a sequence seven potion, especially a potion with the common side effect of giving its users bad memory sounded like suicide.

Not to mention, sequence seven was also one where Beyonders were pushed to the brink of losing control just by consuming the potion, as the Captain and Ma’am Daly had told him.

Just the idea of having to face all of that on top of his constant nightmares and terrifying daydreams had made Leonard almost abandon the idea of advancing further. He had only decided to continue pursuing that goal after months upon months of weekly therapy sessions and Zhou Mingrui and the Captain's presence along with their unwavering support.

For other Beyonders, getting lost in a nightmare wasn't too concerning. But if a true Nightmare got lost in his own dreams? Leonard was very sure that would be certain death!

Even now, even after having everything he could wish for, even after resolving almost every issue he had, he still trembled at the thought of becoming a Nightmare.

Don't tell me I need another therapy session with Miss Justice… It wasn't that he was averse to actively working to make his mind a better place for both him and his child. It was just that he felt uncomfortable revealing so much of himself to a person he had never met personally.

Not to mention, those Beyonder Psychiatrists can always see more than their patients were willing to divulge!

He felt a twinge in his arm where it was squeezed between Klein and him and Leonard knew it was time to stop. He wasn't a Clown so there was a limit to how recklessly flexible he could be and this was clearly his limit!

With one last rub against the taut skin, he pulled his hand away from his belly, letting it rest against Klein's side.

The room was full of silence, the only thing interrupting it were the soft puffs of breath against his head and the almost-inaudible heartbeats. The window was open and a cool breeze blew in, entering the room side by side with the tranquil red moonlight.

Leonard snoozed in Klein's arms for a few moments, absorbing the warmth and strength from his mate before getting out of the bed slowly. His movements were calculated and stuttered, in a bid to not wake his sleeping alpha as he got out of their nest, standing on wobbly legs beside the bed. Then he pattered over to the window, his steps lighter than a feather against the carpet as he approached the open screen.

The crimson moonlight felt gentle against his face, soothing away the burn of tears he had shed so miserably, like a mother wiping away the salty tracks of grief from her child's cheeks.

The night and the moon were the Goddess' authorities. For a Sleepless, it was easier to find his balance and rationale in such an environment compared to others. The crimson veil bathing the streets was like a soothing balm to his soul. Leonard let it work its magic on his mind for a while longer.

He stared at the scenery as his mind churned with thoughts, extracting his deepest, darkest fears and attempting to stitch them into a semblance of poetry.

[The True Aftermath]

Dead. They're dead. The backup is arriving too late.

I woke up too late.

And now the lively Captain and excitable Klein are nothing but cold, mutilated corpses and Beyonder Characteristics.

Clenching his eyes tighter, Leonard bit back a sob as tears ran down his dirty cheeks, cutting a stinging path through the injuries and debris.

He didn't want to see that, didn't want to see people who walked and ran and leaped into danger being carried away as if their legs had failed them… Along with everything else.

So I won't look. If I refuse to see it happen, it won't happen.

Darkness. 

There was pure darkness behind his clenched lids but his other senses were regrettably amplified.

The dirt and debris dug through his skin, accompanied by a trickle of warm liquid seeping out of his burning, clenched eyes.

The stench of blood, rot and dust was particularly strong, especially stronger in a certain direction in front of him—where two corpses lay on mounds of debris. 

The intensity of the metallic scent increased and Leonard felt a whine of distress build in his aching chest.

Goddess, please! He begged silently, unable to even complete the prayer as his mind howled with unending anguish.

The feeling of his heart breaking into tiny, irreparable pieces hurt infinitely more than the broken rib that pierced out of his skin and the backbone that throbbed.

Gone. They're gone. All gone and I'm all alone, he thought mournfully, the scent of blood and dust an ever-present reminder of what had just happened.

And he wasn't even awake to see it. Wasn't even conscious enough to at least hear their last words.

Pathetic weakling! You thought you were special and yet you couldn't even—

"Leonard, hey Leonard! Wake up!"

The familiar, exasperated words and even more familiar voice rang out in front of him, taunting him with his loss by dangling his cherished memories in front like bait.

Leonard Mitchell may have been stupid and weak but he wasn't falling for it. This is most likely the accumulated madness I wasn't able to remove through digestion.

"Leonard." His shoulders were grabbed gently. "Captain, he isn't waking up. I can feel his slowing heartbeat and breathing but he's not waking up." Klein's voice rang out, breathy and annoyed as he snitched on him and it sounded so so real.

As if he had returned to those tranquil days where he would nap on the couch just to avoid mission reports and Klein would find him then get mad.

If this is how evil gods and madness lures Beyonders in, no wonder so many succumb so easily.

Leonard wanted to as well. Oh Goddess did he want to open his eyes and look at the minimally decorated rest room of the company.

Such sweetness…tempting me with tranquility and the presence of someone I was falling in love with… Whoever this is knows me really well.

But Leonard wouldn't give in. They were dead and gone but he would never dishonour Klein and the Captain's memory, would never let evil beings desecrate them just for his sake.

In the darkness behind his eyelids, Leonard could see the faint but oh so beloved faces of his colleagues—of his family.

And then something warm but rough pressed against his face, caressing his cheek before something soft and dry pressed against his lips. The touch was gentle, accompanied by the faint puffs of air and Leonard couldn't make head or tails of it.

And then it vanished, as if it was never there and Leonard had hallucinated it.

He probably did hallucinate it.

Maybe in another life where I can be happy, a kiss would feel like this, he thought and a faint but grief-stricken smile stretched across his lips.

The smell of blood and dust was pungent and an ever-present assault on his sense of smell before it lightened, replaced by the scent of winter herbs, old pages and gunpowder with an indescribably comforting undertone as the touch from before returned, firmer this time.

The comforting scent wrapped around him like a warm embrace, a faint 'Leonard' breathed against his lips as the warmth vanished from his cheek, reappearing on the side of his neck.

"Wake up, Leonard! It's just a nightmare. Just a nightmare! Don't you dare die by getting lost in it! Look at me, open your eyes and look at me."

On September 9, 1349, the last remnants of Megose's existence were completely erased and Sealed Artifact Saint Selena's Ashes were lost. 

What did I feel back then and tonight before I realised? Before I believed Mingrui's words and actions and snapped out of it? He wondered, tapping a finger against the bridge of his nose.

Helpless like a bird with clipped wings. Chained like a prisoner. Insignificant enough to be ignored yet conscious enough to feel the burn in the aftermath of a fight he had no ability to participate in… His prayers unseen and unheard as he despaired and begged for the pain to vanish, one way or the other.

Do I have the ability to phrase these feelings in a poetic manner? He shook his head, answering his own question, a defeated smile playing on his lips. I don't.

But… He looked towards the sleeping man, tracing every inch of his resting face with his eyes. But with him by my side, I can do anything.

It wasn't an exaggeration but a fact. Klein was as much a victim of that event as Leonard himself. The despair, the anger and the hopelessness he felt were exactly the same as Klein's when he was pulled into the nightmare.

Looking away from that tranquil expression, Leonard decided to write it all down. Zhou Mingrui would surely find a way to salvage the words Leonard scribbled in his notebook.

He would even manage to make it sound like actual poetry if he kept some words Leonard used!

It doesn't look like I'll be able to go back to sleep anyways.

Shuffling over to the desk, he quietly opened his designated drawer and picked out his little poetry notebook. Leonard was about to pick up his pen when he remembered he'd need ink too…

Forget it. A pencil's clearly the better choice at times like these!

So he grabbed one from Klein's drawer, tiptoed towards the bed and leaned down towards his beloved.

I'll be downstairs, he reassured softly, pressing a kiss against the corner of Mingrui's mouth and walking out of the room, leaving the door ajar behind him.