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Steve never thought of himself as insightful. He was informed on the goings on around him, sure, and had a pretty good grasp of most things, even if only on a surface level, None of that qualified him as an insightful advisor on any topic. Realistically, the best he could do was go on tangents about hair care and the routine needed to maintain good hair.
So when Mike Wheeler came barreling into Family Video with a dilemma that apparently only Steve could help with, he did not see it coming.
“You like both, right?” Wheeler junior asked in a whisper so as not to draw any more attention than he needed to— forget the fact that the store was otherwise empty as it was six-pm on a weekday, but he digressed. The kid was staring at him with those unnaturally intense eyes of his, boring holes into Steve’s face.
Steve nodded, his hands crossed and eyeing the kid. He’d come out to them— as in to the entire lot of kids —not by choice but because Dustin had started getting suspicious and had recruited his friends in his investigations. What the little shithead was suspicious of could’ve easily been boiled down to totally normal bro-things between him and Eddie— even if it actually wasn’t totally normal bro-things— but the kids had convinced themselves and Steve and Eddie decided it wasn’t worth the effort to lie to them.
“Right.” The kid nodded back slower. “How did you know? That you liked both?”
Sighing, he thought, would probably give off the impression that Steve was disinterested or irritated with the kid’s dilemma here, which wasn’t necessarily true, but the urge to do so boiled up so strongly. Instead though, he shrugged, slouching on the counter that separated the two of them. “I didn’t. For most of my life, I just thought staring at guys in locker rooms or on the basketball field or on TV was things that all guys do and just don’t talk about. Which is, by the way, not true.”
Wheeler junior blinked, apparently unsatisfied with Steve’s profound piece of wisdom. Jesus, where was Robin when he needed her most? Hiding in the back doing God knows what with the kid’s sister? He was going to make her pay for leaving him alone in this. And Nancy too, maybe. If the kid knew that his sister leaned both ways as well he would’ve gone to her and spared Steve this awkward conversation that he was frankly not prepared for.
“The way I found out was mostly ‘cause of Eddie,” he continued, hoping his second attempt at advice bodes better than his first. “He was cute and hot, I felt kinda like how I felt with Nancy when I was with him, and then Robin confirmed for me that it was a thing to be able to like both.”
“So, you just knew?” Mike was staring at him still, eyes narrowed and incredulous.
Steve shrugged again. This was not going well. “Not really? It took me like a week to even realise what I was, then a whole lot longer to accept it myself. The telling people part took longer than that, so.”
The kid’s eyes finally shifted away from Steve and onto a spot on the counter. His fingers fiddled with the end of his sleeve restlessly as he stared intently at the spot. Self-conscious in a way that Steve found familiar; the kid was watching himself, closely keeping a check on everything he did and said, any impressions he might be giving off and ones he wasn’t, making sure Steve only saw as much of Mike as the kid was willing to show. It reminded him of a younger version of himself, younger than Mike, when he did everything he could possibly think of to garner the approval of his parents who’d never once gratified his efforts. It pained him to see that resemblance, to see those walls built and held up by sheer brute force alone. Steve knew first-hand just how exhausting it could get.
He sighed then— deciding to take this more seriously than he previously had been because watching this kid he felt responsible for going through a hell he knew all too well was painful— and pushed off of the counter. “Look, I don’t really know what’s going on with you, but if you’re anything like me then try comparing stuff?”
The kid stared up at him again, this time less frustrated and more curious.
“For me, I compared stuff I felt for Nance with stuff I was feeling for Eddie, you get me? If you’ve got anyone you’re interested in, a guy I mean, try comparing him to El.” Steve wasn’t entirely sure if that was good advice, really, but it had worked for him so it was always worth a shot.
Apparently, it wasn’t the right thing to say because Mike’s head dropped, his shoulder closing in around him in what Steve could only guess to be a protective measure. Yep, he’d messed up.
“What if,” the kid said quietly, his voice barely audible. “What if what I feel for the guy… what if it’s different?” He was looking up at Steve again, desperate and pleading with him for an answer.
And frankly? Steve didn’t have one. “I mean, sure it’s different. Guys and girls are different, so I guess the feelings that come for them could be different too?” He winced at himself; ending that as a question was not how he’d wanted to do it.
Mike shook his head fiercely and it was then that Steve noticed the frustrated tears that were willing up in the kid’s eyes.
Steve breathed in deeply. “Hey, how about you come this side and sit down, yeah?” He motioned to the stool behind him. Technically, letting kids behind the counter was against the rules. It was just a good thing that Steve had never been one for rules— although he did have to be a bit more discreet about this particular rule breaking endeavor because he needed to keep his job.
Mike blinked at first then slowly climbed over the counter and flopped down onto the stool.
“Alright, now I’m gonna need you to talk to me if you want me to help you. Can you do that?” Honestly, that was not as bad as his previous attempts were.
Nodding, the kid wiped at his eyes to erase any evidence of his previously emotional state– Steve was willing to bet a lot of money that the kid was still very emotional, but at least he looked less like it now. “I think I might like a boy,” he said shortly. “But I’m with El.”
Steve nodded. “Right, I caught that bit. So, you think you like both of them, then?”
“I– I don’t know.” He was shaking his head now, a little more hysterically than before. His hands were resting on his lap, rolled into tight fits that were likely meant to disguise the trembling but only made it harder for Steve to ignore.
Steve reached out, mostly unsure as to what to do, he placed a hand on the kid’s shoulder. Mike jolted and snapped his head up at Steve then back down at his hands, embarrassed. Steve retreated his hand. Deciding that physical touch was not going to help, he went for a different approach.
“Alright, let’s start with what you do know. You’re with El and you like a boy.” Steve was not sure if he should voice the thought that had just occurred to him. Hesitantly, he decided to go with it. “Do you like her? El, do you like her the way you like this boy?”
Mike’s head snapped back up at Steve, eyes blown wide and filled with a familiar concoction of fear-shame-anger. Steve winced; maybe that hadn’t been the right approach either.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s cool. Not judging.” He raised his hands open faced in reflex. “You just kept saying how you liked the boy but not that you liked El, just that you’re with her and…” he trailed off.
Mike groaned, burying his head in his hands. “I’m the worst, seriously,” he mumbled into his hands.
“Woah, hey, no. We’re not playing the self-deprecation game, nuh-uh. You’re figuring stuff out, that doesn’t make you a bad guy.” Those exact words had helped Steve out of a pretty major stupor when he had his “gay awakening” as Robin called it.
“I don’t get it,” the kid admitted into his hands then dropped them onto his lap, inspecting them absently. “I like– I like this boy but… I thought I loved El. I mean, when I say I love El, I mean it. She’s great, right? But I can never say it to her face, it always feels so— so wrong, for some reason. And that’s wrong. She’s my girlfriend and she loves me and I– I should love her too, right?” The kid was staring at Steve again, those damned eyes of his boring holes into Steve’s very soul. Nancy used those same eyes— figuratively speaking —to both melt his heart then later break it. Irony was a funny thing, he found.
Steve averted his own eyes, training them instead on the closed backroom door that certainly hid Nancy and Robin cuddled up behind it. Oh, how he wished they’d emerge and help him out, he was almost tempted to out the two of them to get him that assistance.
Except he wasn’t that selfish asshole anymore so he focused back on Mike. “Okay, before we go any further with anything, I want you to answer this next question very honestly. Can you do that?”
Mike nodded slowly.
“Right.” Steve nodded back at him. He had to stop himself from swallowing down the saliva gathering in his mouth. The next couple of words were a gamble, one he didn't think he was educated enough to take. Not knowing what other options he really had and trusting his gut not to let him down, he spoke. “Have you ever liked a girl before, or even looked at a girl and felt anything at all like what you're feeling for this boy?”
Mike opened his mouth to answer almost immediately then promptly shut it. He stared off at nothing in particular for what felt like an eternity to Steve. When he finally spoke again, his voice was small and uncertain. “El’s pretty,” he said.
Well, it seemed like his gamble had paid off; the kid sounded just as unsure as Steve had half-expected— the other half of him didn’t trust his gut enough to expect anything. Steve nodded again, motioning for him to go on.
“She, uh, looks nice in the dresses she wears. I– uh like her hair all grown out, even if I like her short hair best. And she looks cute with her hair tied halfway, I guess. Yeah.” He looked at Steve for approval and Steve smiled reassuringly.
This time, he let himself swallow the saliva, hoping the kid was too preoccupied with his own problems to notice Steve’s uncertainty. “Okay. Now tell me about the boy?”
Mike scowled up at him, apparently not in the mood to disclose who his crush could be. Not that Steve hadn’t already divvied up who he thought Mike could possibly have a thing for in his limited social circle. It was between Sinclair, Byers junior and Henderson. A little part of himself hoped it’d be Dustin, just for intrigue’s sake.
“Relax. Don’t gotta tell me anything specific, just general things you like about him. Not like I’d tell anyone, anyway, that’d be a dick move I’m not gonna pull on you— or anyone.”
Mike watched him a moment longer, then relaxed, sagging back on the stool. He took a deep breath before speaking. “I guess I like his eyes. They’re pretty, and, um, when he smiles they get really small and it’s really cute, uh, yeah. He’s also very cute, just generally, and he’s got a really nice voice. He used to sing before and he always sounded so good even though he didn’t think so. And his hands are really soft and kinda firm? Does that make sense? We sometimes hold hands and, well, it feels really good. And uh… he’s really nice in general, nice to everyone and he’s very cute. And his hair is really soft too— he’s jsut very soft all over… yeah.”
Steve couldn’t help the small smile he let slip. The kid was obviously crushing hard on whoever this was; Steve wanted to think it was Dustin, the thing about him being cute fits. It could still be either of the other two as well. Both of them could realistically fall into the categories Mike just presented.
“Does that make sense?” Mike asked, toying with the hem of his shirt self-consciously. Steve knew that the fact he was seeing the self-consciousness at all had to be because some part of Mike trusted Steve with it. The thought nearly had him choked up; he swallowed past it, hoping the kid didn’t notice.
“Total sense,” Steve replied easily. He lowered his voice a bit further for the next bit, his eyes darting to the door to find it closed and willed it to stay that way. “Okay, we’ve got four little things going for us now—” He held up four fingers on one hand and folded them on their respective count— “A) You are dating El at this moment, B) you have a crush on a boy, C) you do not love El the way you think you should, and finally, D) you’ve never actually liked a girl, as far as you’re aware. Is that all correct?” That last one was mostly putting puzzle pieces together without a guide of any sort present and hoping for the best.
Mike bobbed his head in answer, his hands reflexively wrapping around himself.
The pieces fit fine apparently. “Right, first. There’s no “shoulds” when it comes to loving someone, just so you know.”
Mike rolled his eyes. “You sound like my mom,” he grumbled but let Steve continue.
“Second. On a scale of one through ten, how sure are you that you actually want to date El? How much do you like to—” Steve groaned— “like to do physical things with her? Like kiss or whatever?” Sometimes, he genuinely regretted thinking apologizing to Byers was ever a good idea. Though, in all fairness to Past-Steve, how was he to know that owning up to the shit he pulled would land him here, having a sex-adjacent conversation with his ex-girlfriend’s brother? This sort of shit was unpredictable.
Mike stared at him some more– the kid seriously needed to tone that down by at least ninety percent. “I– I don’t really—”
“You can be as honest as you want. Not gonna judge, won’t tell anyone. I’ll take it to the grave.” He held up his left hand, open-faced, rolled the other into a fist and placed it on his heart. “Scout’s honor,” he promised.
“To the grave? No matter what I say? Not even to Robin?”
“To the grave. No matter what you say. Not even to Robin,” he confirmed easily. This was one part of this whole situation Steve knew to do without even thinking about. He’d grown up most his life lying to both himself and everyone else about who he was so this would be much easier.
Mike lowered his eyes back to his lap where his hands were clasped together, tightly and almost like they were clinging to a lifeline. “What if… what if I say one… or two, out of ten?”
“Alright,” Steve answered, having expected as much. “Does that mean that there’s a part of you that wants to date her?”
Mike swallowed, taking in a shaky breath. “More like… more like a part of me that says I should want to. If that makes sense.”
Frankly, Steve understood that particular pressure quite well. Though not for the same reasons. “Yeah, makes perfect sense.”
Mike started staring again. “Realy?”
“Sure,” Steve replied with a shrug. “Let’s just say I was a really late bloomer. Believe it or not.”
“Oh,” the kid said simply. He took a second longer to linger in his thoughts. “So, what does all that make me?”
“What do you think it makes you?”
“An asshole?”
Steve snorted, rolling his eyes. “Trust me, kid, there are worse things out there to be than an asshole. A dick, for example. Those are usually worse.”
Mike stared, because apparently this kid didn’t know to do much else, blinking in a way that told Steve that he hadn't fully registered his words just yet, then laughed. His shoulders sagged and his body eased up from the tension it’d been subjected to that entire conversation. He hung his head back, sighing in a way that spoke of a level of weight being lifted off his shoulders.
Steve relaxed himself back against the counter, watching the kid with a fondness for him that Steve could never have predicted. His eyes wandered away from the troubled teenager in front of him to the backroom that was still unceremoniously shut and likely locked. He found himself considering the possibility of pointing Mike in the direction of his sister to help him along; he still had a bit of soul-searching to do and having a familiar presence guiding him would no doubt make it easier.
When Steve turned back to the kid, he’d stopped laughing, his shoulder reclaiming some of that lost tenseness. He was staring at the ceiling still, and his voice came out almost like it was in a trance. “What do I do now?”
“You want my honest opinion?”
Mike tilted his head in Steve’s direction, staring up at him again, this time it lacked the fierceness that it had every other time, the fierceness that kept reminding him of Nancy. The gaze was simply curious, nothing more, nothing less. Steve considered that to be a good kind of progress. And also, he took that as a yes.
“Take some more time to think about things. From my experience, one conversation isn’t exactly enough. Think about what you want to do going forward and take things at your own pace. Don’t rush it.” When the kid offered up no objections, he continued. “Also, talk to El. If you’re having doubts about your relationship, it’d probably be a good idea to talk to her. Not saying you should tell her anything you don't want to; just tell her as much as you gotta, I guess.”
To his credit, the kid looked like he was actually going to do as told and not just bob his head and go back to his life of lies. A quiet ball of pride swelled up in Steve at the thought; Steve was the reason this kid might be able to live a little bit more of his truth; and that was a good feeling to have, he decided.
Mike continued eyeing the ceiling absently and Steve went back to his job— which apparently involved sorting through the mess that Robin had left in the cash register in her hurry to go after Nancy.
“So, like,” the kid started and Steve turned a curious eye his way. He was sitting straighter now– ironically —and was watching an undetermined spot over Steve’s shoulder. “Are you the only one who’s—” he waved his hand in Steve’s general vicinity— “different?”
Steve smiled at the kid. He knew from personal experience just how uncomfortable it is to admit, even to himself, what he was after years of deliberate and/or accidental suppression of that exact thing. It had taken Steve longer than he'd like to admit to realise that not everyone was checking out Eddie’s ass anytime he turned around. Then acting on those feelings? That might not have ever happened if Robin hadn’t gotten fed up and just shoved Eddie — figuratively and maybe a bit literally — in Steve’s direction.
“I mean, there’s Eddie.” He watched the kid’s face, noting the way his lips tugged down ever so slightly at the corners, the ways his eyes wouldn’t sit on any particular spot for longer than a moment, the way his hands were now clutching his knees, his fingers digging into them. “And there’s you?” This time, he did intend for that to be a question.
Mike remained quiet, now watching the door behind Steve with an intensity that Steve didn’t think was entirely warranted. He licked his lips and breathed in deeply. “Yeah,” he said on the exhale. “I guess, yeah.”
It wasn’t exactly a confession nor an acceptance of anything. It was more an acknowledgement; he was different, even if he didn’t fully want to believe it, even if he wished he wasn’t, even if he tried to suppress it and pretend it wasn’t there, he was different. He just was. Steve remembered going through those exact sets of realisations just earlier that year and found himself wishing there was more he could do to help.
Before he could come up with anything, Mike pushed himself off the chair. “Okay, I think— I should probably get going.” The kid’s eyes darted to the window behind Steve and following his gaze revealed the evening sun on its stroll down the horizon; it was getting late. “Mom doesn’t like me out of the house late anymore,” he said as he climbed over the counter. Just as he hopped off a clicking from behind them alerted Steve to their new arrivals.
“Nancy?” Mike all but screeched.
Nancy, to her credit, looked genuinely surprised to see him there. She was flushed and her hair was mussed in a way that told Steve that her and Robin, standing next to Nancy in no better of a state, had their fun in that backroom. “Mike? What are you doing here?”
He scowled at her, crossing his arms like the petulant little child he was. “Nothing! What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be working, or something?”
Nancy continued to stare— a family trait he’d only just taken notice of apparently —first at Mike and his flushed cheeks and defensive stance then at Steve, who had returned to busying himself with the cash register. She turned back to Mike. “You’re supposed to be home by six, you know that.”
The kid rolled his eyes animatedly– not something Steve often saw from this particular kid. “It’s not six yet. Besides, I was just leaving.” He dropped his arms to his side.
He turned on Steve with narrowed eyes and all his walls back up. Steve grinned at the kid. “Stop by again,” he said in lieu of a confirmation thàat he wasn’t going to out the kid the second he turned his back. Mike’s eyebrows rose but he didn’t say anything before shooting Nancy one last look and stalking out the store.
“Well, that was interesting,” said Robin as she made her unceremonious way over the countertop, even though she had perfect access to the door a little left of her. “Siblings, am I right?” She was looking at Steve.
“I wouldn’t know,” he said, busying himself with the cash register’s unruly state once more. “The closest thing to a sibling I have are those little shitheads.”
Robin strode up behind him with a grin that spoke volumes. “Exactly.”
Steve rolled his eyes, smirking because even if he’d just had to endure one of the most awkward conversations he'd ever had, at least she was giddy. “You had fun, huh?”
“Very,” Robin replied nonsensically.
Nancy was watching them from the front of the store now, her hair fixed to erase any traces of the past hour from her appearance. Nancy fished out a brush and a pallet of some kind from her purse and dabbed the thing on her face. “So, what was he doing here, anyway? I don’t think I've ever seen him come in here personally to rent out a movie.”
Sister or no, he was not going to out the kid to anyone. “I think the kids have got a movie night thing planned. He was asking for my take on some of the ones he’d picked out.” What had Robin done to this poor cash register, seriously?
Robin squinted at him. “Your opinion? Really?”
He shrugged, plucking out the stray bills that were simply not meant to be folded and crumpled up the way they were. He almost felt sorry for the sheets of paper. “I mean, I work at a video rental shop, so.”
“Ah, I see.” Robin nodded sagely, “Clearly, he was misinformed about the skills of video rental shop employees, the poor thing.”
Steve rolled his eyes. “Clearly.”