Chapter Text
JJ tapped her fingers against her black slacks and huffed at her choice to dress up for the occasion, as if it were for something fun. Silently laughing at the absurdity of where they were right now, she rubbed her hands on her pants and glanced over at Emily, who looked like she was about to bolt any second.
Her eyes flickered to Emily’s black-turned-gray and silver hair that fell past her shoulders now, the perfect curve of her nose, and to her lips. She slammed her eyes shut as the image of Emily and her assistant flashed behind them, ruining what used to be JJ’s favorite part of her wife.
Emily.
Her Emily.
She couldn’t believe that they even had to start this so-called couples counseling, because therapy is an icky word, Emily had said, and JJ scoffed even though she silently agreed.
After everything they had been through together. Deaths. Transfers. Assignments. Buying and moving into a new house. Marriage. Past lives catching up with them. The light of their life, coming into the world, Rose Aurora.
This is where they ended up.
JJ briefly heard Irene, their counselor, direct her next question to Emily, after the three of them covered introductions and sucked up to this random lady that Emily found to give their entire backstory, as if JJ wanted to relive any of that.
Drowning out Emily’s answer, JJ gets lost in her thoughts, where it took them way longer than it should have for them to realize they meant something to each other.
When the pieces did click for both women, though? They clicked in fast. They were inseparable, and neither JJ nor Emily would change the way things unfolded; now they laugh at how silly it was that they avoided their feelings for a decade.
They were once happily married in their new house, and the living room was filled with the laughter of their little family, giggling at bad comedies. They would spend lazy Sundays together doing puzzles or listening to music. Emily and JJ would rush home from work to make Rose’s volleyball games on time, even though they both knew they would get the front row of the bleachers anyway.
JJ wished that they were in bed right now, giggling to each other about something Penelope had whispered when JJ snuck into Emily’s office about a case.
JJ wished they were stuck in a perfect rhythm with each other like before Emily pushed JJ and Rose to the back of her priorities.
“Jennifer, did you want to add anything to what Emily just said?” asked Irene, pulling JJ out of her daydream.
JJ opened her eyes and averted her glare from Emily onto Irene. “I’m sorry, what did you ask?”
Irene gave her a small smile and repeated, “Did you want to add anything to what Emily was explaining about your situation?”
JJ huffed for the third time since their session started 20 minutes ago. “Oh, um…,” she started. “I guess we have been drifting apart with work constantly getting in the way, moving houses, and with Rose now in 8th grade.” Irene nodded encouragingly for JJ to continue.
“That is a lot on our plates at once, I know that. I thought we were just going through a bit of a dry spell of not connecting and that everything would suddenly click back into place one day, but now...well, now I’m not sure if I even want everything to go back to the way that it was.”
Emily sighed, “Why are you saying that as if we both haven’t been through shit to get to where we are right now, together,” she gestured between the two of them. “With Rose?”
JJ’s blue eyes fixed back on Emily’s as she muttered, “Because you have been acting like you want nothing to do with us for the better part of 6 months.”
At that, the room goes quiet, except for the ticking of the clock, and Emily’s eyes shut slowly. “JJ, I told you I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. It’s been a lot, and I haven’t been handling it well.”
“Well, that much is obvious,” JJ scoffed and Emily’s head snapped to look at JJ, feeling like she just got punched in the teeth. “Jay, I told you nothing happened between us. Why can’t you believe me?”
“How am I supposed to trust my wife who stays late at work every day or goes to the bar to spend time with her assistant, instead of being at home with her wife and daughter?” JJ questioned incredulously.
Emily rubbed her hands over her eyes and then allowed her shoulders to move up and down, like a child shrugging his shoulders after his mother asked him why he thought it was a good idea to walk up to the man in the white van who was offering candy.
Emily turned her body toward JJ and attempted to make eye contact, “I don’t know what else you want me to say other than I’m sorry that we’re in this situation and nothing ever happened between us.”
Silence continued to fill the room as JJ rolled her eyes and Emily started to pick at her fingernails, wishing that Irene had allowed her to bring her cigarettes inside because damn, she could use one right now.
Irene cleared her throat after writing down some notes to get their attention. “I think this is a good stopping place for our first session. I want you to write down some things for me before meeting again next week.”
“Homework,” JJ and Emily stated simultaneously, which caused Irene to chuckle. “Let’s not think of it as homework, but rather an exercise I want each of you to do so that I can better understand how you two work as a couple, but also individually.”
She placed her notes on the table, scooted to the edge of the plush red chair, and clasped her hands together. “Alright, I want you to come back next week, telling me how you both could have eased the chaos around the situation you’re in.”
“Are we thinking from our own perspective or from each other’s perspective?” JJ questioned, pointing between her and Emily. “Because I have a few ideas on what Emily could have done to stop the mess she has created for both of us to clean up and for Rose to deal with in, oh I don’t know, therapy.”
Not taking JJ’s bait, Irene continued. “Focus on your own perspectives, for now. I want to see what kind of headspace the two of you are in, and then we can all move forward with how to fix this together.”
With a firm nod from JJ and a far-off stare from Emily, JJ stood up with Irene and shook her hand, and made a break for the door before Emily even got the chance to stand up and thank Irene for taking the time to see them today.
JJ jumped into the driver’s seat of their car and allowed herself the opportunity to let out a frustrated yell before she saw Emily walk out the doors and straight for their car.
Once settled into the passenger seat, Emily blew out another sigh and glanced at JJ, who was already looking at her. “Do you think this is going to work?”
“I don’t know about anything anymore, Em,” JJ replied and put the car into drive.
~~~
The tires eased onto their driveway as JJ made the right turn and pulled the car inside the garage. After a particularly stiff and quiet drive, JJ couldn’t wait to get out of the car and go inside to get changed to pick up Rose from volleyball practice. As JJ’s hand reached to take the keys out of the ignition, Emily’s hand softly grabbed her wrist and whispered her name which caused JJ’s blue eyes to lock on Emily’s once again.
As JJ looked into those brown puppy dog eyes, it dawned on her that she and Emily hadn’t really looked at each other this way, let alone touched each other, since she saw Emily and Audrey-
“JJ?” Emily asked more persistently this time and squeezed JJ’s hand to get her attention, just like she used to do after particularly hard cases. JJ removed her hand from Emily’s grasp like she had been stung by fire and raised her eyebrows as if to ask, “What’s up?”
Emily glanced sideways for a second, then back at JJ. She slowly started to smirk and said, “So, by what session do you think Irene is going to realize that we’re both stone walls that she may never get through?”
JJ’s hardness started to wane a bit as she tried to think back to Irene’s face when she was told that one of them had to fake her death and hide in Paris for months, while the other spent way too long in Afghanistan and experienced things no human should ever be exposed to.
“Well, I don’t know what you think, but she definitely knows that you’re the crazy one because I’m obviously the rational one.”
JJ heard Emily snort at her deflection, and rolled her eyes with a small smile as she continued. “I don’t know, I think we’ve grown enough to admit how fucked the things are that we have both experienced, but I don’t think Irene is going to judge us. She’s trying to get us to work through the last 6 months, right?”
Emily picked at her fingernails again, and wondered why she still didn’t have a cigarette between her two fingers. Shaking her head of those thoughts, she slowly nodded as she thought about what JJ said. “Yeah. I know you hate to hear it, but I still don’t have the words to explain what I’ve been feeling the last few months, and I know that sounds like an excuse, but it really isn’t.” Emily sighed, “I miss you so much, I want to get back there because you and Rose both mean the world to me, okay?”
JJ gave a tight smile and nodded her head once at Emily, who was obviously trying to use their therapy words to get on her good side again, and you know what, maybe it was cracking at her exterior a bit; she’s human, okay?
Emily noted that JJ wanted to change the subject, so she reached for the car door and said, “So you’re going to pick up Rose today, right, because I gotta go work on that paperwork from last week’s case.”
JJ doesn’t know whether it was Emily assuming she would pick Rose up or if it was her annoyance that she still hadn’t finished the paperwork from last week, but it hit JJ.
Like she walked straight into that stone wall.
“Oh, don’t worry, Em, I’ll get our daughter. I always do,” she remarked, slamming the car door.
Emily groaned and was suddenly on JJ’s heels as they marched into the house, and right as Emily was about to burst for the second time today because they just had a nice moment and now, of course, JJ was back to being mad at her, Emily nearly ran into JJ’s back. “Mom?”
Emily peered around JJ’s head, and saw Ms. Jareau lounged on their black couch, relaxed, while she flipped through a magazine, pretending to mind her own business. “Mom. What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t going to be able to come until Rose’s birthday?” JJ questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Sandy jumped up and ran to give each of the women a hug and exclaimed, “Well, I figured I’d come earlier and surprise both of you with anything you might need with Rose and her party!”
Sandy.
Sandy goddamn Jareau was here.
It’s not like Emily hated her mother-in-law by any means, but now that she made the decision to move closer to them a year ago, she came around a lot.
Like, a lot. Too much, if you asked Emily, but she couldn’t complain about the situation that much because Sandy offered a great opportunity for Rose to get to know her grandmother and have another place to go to when JJ and Emily needed to go away for cases.
But, with Sandy’s enthusiasm taking up the entire living room, Emily stifled a groan, because, really? right now? There were no hard cases at the moment and they could take care of their own daughter; they didn’t need a babysitter or another person to help with things.
She swallowed down her thoughts, and politely smiled, “Sandy. How are you doing?” Sandy smiled back, “Oh, just fine, Emily, I really missed my girl and wanted to surprise her.”
“Mom, Rose doesn’t get done for another 2 hours, and her birthday isn’t for another week and a half,” JJ cut in. “So, let me help you settle in, yeah?” Sandy grunted and started to make her way up the stairs with JJ right on her heels.
“Okay, so I’m going to go run and get Rose then,” Emily offered as JJ’s foot hit the fourth step, causing her to turn around and fix Emily with another stare. It wasn’t necessarily harsh, but it wasn't friendly, either.
JJ saw right through Emily’s need to run away. From her mother.
From her.
Whatever JJ was about to say was cut off by Sandy, who cleared her throat, causing JJ to respond with, “Fine. Be safe.”
With that, Emily turned into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and headed back for the garage, to hell with pick up being in two hours, she needed to get away from JJ’s stares and Sandy’s knowing eyes.
Upstairs, after JJ started to unpack Sandy’s bags, she wondered out loud, “So, 3 bags? How long are you planning to stay at the Jareau-Prentiss residence?”
Sandy sat on the edge of the salmon-colored blanket on the guest bed and placed her hands onto her knees. “As long as my daughter needs me.”
JJ turned around to put the shirts in the closet and the jeans into the top drawer, “Mom. Please. I don’t need you around to hold my hand, I’m a big girl now.” Sandy huffed, “I didn’t say you weren’t, but infidelity in a relationship is-” “Don’t,” JJ cut her off. “I really don’t want to get into this. And anyway, it’s not like Emily has been having a year-long affair.”
Sandy scoffed, “Well, that’s not how you made it seem on the phone a few months back. I remember it being after a certain hour and someone starting to get a little mouthy about her wife and some assistant named Aria-” “Audrey,” JJ corrected without even thinking and dodged a sly grin from her mother when they made eye contact.
“Look, we had our first couples counseling session today, and even though it was 45 minutes, I feel drained, so can we please just put a pin in this conversation and finish it later?”
“Yes, baby, I’m sorry,” Sandy said as she stood up and pulled JJ into another hug. At the warm embrace, JJ finally let go and sank into her mother’s arms, not moving, even when Sandy felt her shoulder start to get wet.
They don’t know how long they stood like that with Sandy holding her and whispering into JJ’s ear; almost as if she were eleven again and she just found Roslyn in the bathroom, but JJ jolted from Sandy when the sound of the garage door opened and closed, which signaled that Emily went to go pick up Rose.
Backing out of the garage, and making the trek to Rose’s school, Emily threw on the radio and got lost in how Sandy could be useful to them.
She couldn’t just use Sandy as a pawn to get JJ to see Emily’s side of things; JJ needed to figure that out herself.
She couldn’t use Sandy as someone to watch Rose if she took JJ on a date because that would require JJ wanting to be alone with Emily.
She couldn’t tell Sandy to talk some sense into her because even though they loved each other, they weren’t that close.
Emily sighed as she pulled up to the fourth green light and took a sharp right turn into the school parking lot. She parked in the back, closest to the metal fence by the math hallway, ironically, somewhere she wouldn’t be caught dead near.
She knew she was super early, but she just needed some time alone away from everyone to collect her thoughts about JJ and if this so-called couples counseling was a good idea.
She had been the one to bring it up to JJ after their latest fight about her coming home late and crashing out on the couch, instead of sleeping next to JJ.
It’s not like Emily blurted out ’couples counseling’ as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage because Emily did not and has never believed in therapy.
It’s like her own mind was fighting against the endless apologies and sleepless nights, that her mouth took the wheel and did the one thing that would catch JJ’s attention.
Emily got out of the car, leaning on the driver’s side door as she fixed her eyes on the sun, which continued to beat down on her porcelain skin. She had ruminated over it for months and still couldn’t figure out how she and JJ were continuously drifting apart.
If she thought back to what JJ mentioned earlier in the session, she would agree that the pressure of work, moving houses, and getting Rose into this new school took priority over their marriage. They vowed that would never happen, yet, here they were, on the brink of divorce because Emily didn’t prioritize JJ and let Audrey get too close.
Audrey.
Emily rolled her eyes as she thought about the twenty-something year old with bright blonde hair who was the reason they were where they were right now.
Audrey was some transfer from New York, who got assigned to the Behavioral Analysis Unit and was pushed toward Emily, who, apparently, ’was in desperate need of an assistant,’ as JJ had put it so gently one night as she walked into Emily’s office before they headed home together.
Emily didn’t even notice the touches and lingering glances that Audrey started to send her way until that night.
She groaned and reached into her left pocket for her packet of cigarettes she grabbed off the bench in the garage on her way out. She was just about to light it when her phone went off. She rolled her eyes as she shoved the cigarette back into the pack, grabbing her phone instead.
Bailey: I need that paperwork by the end of the day, Prentiss. No excuses.
Prentiss: Got it. Asshole, she added in her head.
She sent the text off and turned her phone off as she shoved it back into her right pocket, right as she saw Rose walk out the school doors with her best friend, Ricky. That was her name, right? Emily thought to herself.
It had been a little while since she had helped pick up Rose from school and extracurriculars, and she really wasn’t sure if that was the same girl she used to see every day.
Emily locked the car and made her way towards the front doors, pushing past the girls who had just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Rose, baby!”
“Mom!” Rose ran up to Emily and waved goodbye to Ricky, letting her know she would text her later about the homework.
“Hey, you. Looks like you’re stuck with me today,” Emily said, grabbing her shoulder and walking them back to the car.
Jumping into the passenger seat and throwing her backpack in the back seat, Rose locked eyes with Emily. Those same bright blue eyes and striking blonde hair that JJ had. “Did you have a good day at school, baby? Any new hot gossip?” Rose groaned, “Yeah. Sure. Don’t call it hot gossip, though, you sound like mama.” Emily smiled as she backed up and pulled onto the street.
“That’s always good. I wish I had hot gossip at work, I’m jealous.” Rose laughed and then went silent. “So…how did you win the short straw to pick me up from practice today? Mama is the one who always does it,” she stated, rather than questioned.
Emily let out a soft sigh and was quiet before she carefully said, “Well, I missed you and I wanted to spend some time with you one-on-one before you got home and had to listen to your mama talk about doing homework, and the dishes, and being forced to give us hugs before going to bed.”
Rose smiled at Emily’s little quip about their nighttime routine, the three of them perfected together when she was three. Rose burst into a story about what Ethan did during lunch today, and Emily settled back into the seat, ready to hear whatever welcomed distraction Rose was about to share.
~~~
The night passed quickly with Rose doing most of the talking during dinner, while Emily snuck glances at JJ, who pretended not to notice and focused all her energy on their daughter.
After, JJ and Rose settled onto the black couch for Rose to start homework and JJ to flip through the channels, while Emily stayed in the dining room, working on the report, fucking Bailey.
She finished after a solid hour and a half, right as the clock hit 10 pm, and she noticed that Rose had already gone upstairs. She grabbed her laptop and made her way over to the kitchen to get some water when she felt eyes on her.
JJ’s.
There used to be a time when she loved JJ’s eyes on her, but now it always felt unsettling. Seething. Like, JJ was trying to figure out if Emily was hiding anything else.
Emily locked eyes with her, forcing JJ to snap out of her trance and look Emily up and down before she turned off the TV and made her way up the stairs.
Upstairs, JJ was whispering and giggling with Rose, probably about some dumb question Ricky asked about their math homework or something that Maya did to the teacher to try and piss him off, like taking the screws out of his chair.
Emily stopped by Rose’s door and smiled slightly at the scene in front of her. It really had been a long time since she saw JJ smile. “Mom? Are you going to say goodnight, or are you just going to smile at us like a creep?” Rose asked while giggling.
Emily rolled her eyes and grinned, “I’m not a creep, I’m just watching and not saying anything.” JJ and Rose exchanged a look that screamed, loser, and JJ leaned in to kiss her on the forehead, “Goodnight, baby, I love you so much.”
Emily walked over to Rose’s purple bedsheets, like mother, like daughter, and leaned down and kissed Rose’s forehead, as well. “Goodnight, moms, I love you both.”
Emily and JJ walked out the door, and after JJ softly shut it, she turned around and was face to face with Emily, who had a small smile starting to form on her lips. “It’s late, come on,” she whispered, while Emily followed her to their room.
Emily ended up at the sink brushing her teeth while JJ, already finished, was curled up under the covers, scrolling on her phone. Emily spit into the sink one last time and shut off the bathroom light. “Ok, goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning.”
JJ glanced up from her phone, “Emily. If we really are going to try and be all-in with this counseling thing, you can sleep with me. In our bed.” With some resistance and a small sigh, she dragged her feet to the left side of the bed, murmuring a soft ‘Okay,’ as she pulled the covers over her.
They both scrolled on their phone for a few minutes before JJ turned hers off and shifted over to turn off the lamp and whispered, “Goodnight, Em.” Emily glanced over and whispered back, “Goodnight.”
Emily did one last sweep of her phone, noticing an email from Bailey that simply stated Thank you for your prompt attention on this. See you tomorrow. Emily rolled her eyes and clicked off, moving over to her messages.
Tara: How are you holding up? Garcia told me you and JJ had your first therapy session today.
Emily: Went alright. We can talk more tomorrow.
Tara: Got it, Chief. A break sounds good.
Emily moved on to the next recipient, Penelope. She rolled her eyes slightly that Penelope had to tell Tara about the couples counseling session, but she opened their text message thread anyway.
Penelope: Tell me how the session goes.
Penelope: I do appreciate that you told me. I will make sure that no one else knows.
Penelope: Ok. So maybe I found out and you didn’t really tell me, and I just told Tara, but regardless, my offer still stands if you want to talk.
Emily: It’s alright, Pen. JJ and I are working through a lot of things right now, but we both know you’re here.
She shut her phone off and turned off the lamp on her side of the bed. Emily glanced over at JJ one last time, before she flipped over to her side and willed sleep to pull her under.
She just hoped that tomorrow would be better.
~
Emily jolted from their bed as she felt someone touch her shoulder. “JJ?” JJ glanced down at Emily’s messed-up hair and pants that were now turned into shorts. “It’s 9:00. Are you going to get up so we can make it to work on time?”
At that, Emily’s fog disappeared, and she was immediately thrown into Chief mode. She haphazardly threw on a purple satin shirt, her black velvet coat, and black slacks, before she ran down the stairs to grab a cup of coffee, which was now cold from when JJ and Sandy were drinking it two hours ago.
She ran out the front door to catch up with JJ, who was already in the driver’s seat, ready to get on the road to get to work by 9:30, the latest. Shutting the car door, Emily threw her bag down and grabbed her phone to check her messages and emails, as JJ turned the keys in the ignition and turned onto the main road.
There was one text from Penelope, her responding with a thumbs-up, and an email from Bailey, which detailed the three meetings she needed to be in today, fantastic, Emily thought. As exciting as the job could be, Emily wondered why she even took it in the first place.
It was fun at first because she felt like a part of the team. Part of a family. But now? Now, she was constantly stuck in meetings and dealing with politics.
She threw her phone back into the bag and glanced over at JJ, whose eyes were locked on the road. “How did you sleep?” JJ startled a bit, “Okay, I guess, what about you? 9, huh?”
Emily laughed, “Yeah, I think my body realized I missed our bed before my mind did.” JJ elects to not say anything back and lets the silence grow.
What is she even supposed to say to that? Yeah, of course your body misses our bed, it’s our bed!
No sane human wants to sleep on a couch when they have a perfectly functional bed upstairs next to a warm body.
JJ’s warm body, at that.
JJ bit her tongue to bring herself back to reality and reached over to turn on the radio so that she and Emily weren’t just sitting in silence for the next 20 minutes.
The two walked into the bullpen, side by side; JJ made her way toward her desk while Emily reluctantly walked up the stairs into her office and shut the door. She released a huge sigh and plopped down onto her chair, thankful that tomorrow was one day closer to the weekend and she could relax without Bailey breathing down her neck. Emily grabbed the files sitting to her left and got started on the paperwork before her first meeting of the day.
Five hours, three meetings, and two and a half cups of coffee later, Emily opened up her door and made her way over to Tara and Luke standing by Tara’s desk. As she got closer she could see that Luke was pestering Tara about saying his name wrong and Tara’s eyes shifted from Luke’s grinning face to Emily’s sullen one.
Emily raised her eyebrows and Tara knew that was the signal. Tara shoved Luke’s shoulder as she got up, “Alright we’ll finish this later Puke-as, I would come up with an excuse, but I just don’t want to talk to you anymore!”
She heard Luke let out a holler as she turned right out of the bullpen and walked past Penelope’s office to get to the stairwell. She climbed the 15 flights, reached the top and saw that Emily already had a cigarette lit and was bringing it to her lips.
“So, are you ready to talk now or are we just going to keep pretending that nothing is going on?” Tara asked as she reached for a cigarette from Emily and lit it before taking a long drag.
Emily scoffed, “Couples counseling. What was I even thinking?” She stopped to take another drag, “What was JJ thinking? She doesn’t even believe in therapy!”
Tara laughed, “Emily, neither do you.” After a bit of a silent pause with Emily focused on her cigarette and Tara watching her closely, she spoke up again, “How bad was it?”
Emily shrugged, “It wasn’t terrible. It was only the first one, but I couldn’t give a decent answer to our counselor, Irene, why we’re in this situation in the first place.” She flicked the ash off her cigarette and took one last drag before she dropped it and stomped it out.
Tara nodded and said, “Well. I can’t act like I don’t know anything about couples counseling, but the fact that you’re both making the effort to identify the problem and fix it sounds like you’re on the right track, so don’t be too hard on yourself here.”
Emily crossed her arms and nodded back, “Yeah. I know you’re right. I just want to fix this and it feels like all we’ve been doing for the last 6 months is going around in circles of JJ being upset at me and me having to take it.”
“Em. You know I love you. You’re my best friend, and I know nothing happened between you and Audrey, but she was making advances and honey, you didn’t stop her,” Tara said, as she shrugged.
Emily sighed and threw her hands up, “How come everyone saw it but me?”
“You’re too busy for us now so-“ but a glare from Emily sent her into a laughing fit. “Kidding. Kidding. I don’t know, Emily. Life is hard. It’s long. We’re not always going to make the right choices.”
Emily rolled her eyes at Tara trying to be wise. “I just don’t want to lose her, but I can’t even wrap my own head around how I let the situation get so far. I mean I can’t even remember much of that night!” She took a deep breath, “I was so tired and Audrey was helping with the report and then the next thing I knew she was just right there. Looking at me. And I’m at a loss for words because it hits me: Shit. Audrey likes me.”
Emily let out a sigh and glanced over at Tara who had stomped out her own cigarette and was listening to her ramble on about that night, yet again.
“You can’t fix what happened, Emily, but you’re doing the work going forward to fix things for you and JJ, and Rose. That’s important and that’s a big deal.”
With a nod from Emily, the two women headed for the stairs and walked back down to the bullpen to wait for the last three hours of their work day to be over.
JJ leaned closer to the computer monitor to try and shield what she shouldn’t be doing at work; studying how couples counseling works. She knew that she needed to let it run its course and not control it, but god dammit, if Emily had a tiny bit of a brain, she knew they wouldn’t be stuck in this situation.
“What are you working on there?” someone next to her ear asked at a high volume. Whipping around like she got caught watching porn in the office, JJ made eye contact with Penelope, who looked intrigued.
“Nothing. Nothing...” she trailed off as Penelope raised an eyebrow. “I don’t believe you for one second but since you clearly don’t want to talk about it-“ “Thank you,” JJ interrupted with an exhale. Penelope laughed, “Yeah sorry darling, not that easy. Now, tell me how the therapy session went.”
JJ rolled her eyes at her best friend’s antics, “It’s not therapy Pen, just couples counseling.”
“I still can’t believe that Emily of all people suggested doing such a thing.” JJ scoffed, “She only blurted it out because she knew what was going to happen next if we didn’t seek help somewhere else outside of us desperately working ourselves to death and focusing on Rose, rather than each other.”
“Oh Jay, honey. You know I’m here if you ever need anything. Look, we don’t need to talk. We can just sit in silence.” With a knowing glance from JJ, Penelope continued, “Alright. Well. You don’t need to talk.”
She scanned her eyes around the room, trying to see if anyone was listening, before she leaned into Penelope’s space, “I just don’t even know if we can get back to where we were. Or not get back to where we were. Everything just seems so confusing and I wish it would all just be over.”
“Jay, I know it’s difficult. 6 months isn’t the end of the world, but when you feel like you’re drowning with the one person who is supposed to be your lifeline, your north star, it truly is draining.”
JJ nodded and went quiet for a few minutes. She wished she could get lost in the daydream again where Emily and her were inseparable, where they were able to work through any problem, big or small.
But this? This was an entirely different ball field and JJ didn’t even know how to find their way back to each other.
“I guess…” JJ trailed off. “I guess I just thought that I would be over it by now and that Emily would snap out of her haze but she almost seems deeper in it.” She paused, “I mean, more than she was 6 months ago and I’m not even sure if it’s possible to pull her out…or if she even wants to be pulled out,” JJ muttered the last part.
Penelope looked behind her and grabbed a chair from the desk next to JJ and sat down. She slowly moved forward and grabbed her hands. “I’m not sure what is going to happen with you. But I know how strong you both are. How hard-headed you both are.“
“I’m not saying I believe in this, but if I did, and I do, I would think that you two are soulmates in every life. I believe that you will find your way back to each other,” Penelope finished with a gentle squeeze to JJ’s hands.
JJ gave her hands a firm squeeze back and blinked a few times, trying to stop the tears from falling from her shining blue eyes and turned her attention to a report, just three more hours and then we can go home, she thought.
~~~
Emily turned off her light, shut the door, and whispered something along the lines of ‘thank fucking god this day is over’ as she glanced at the clock that just hit 6pm. She made her way down the stairs and over to JJ’s desk, where the blonde was scrolling on her phone, waiting for Emily.
“Ready to head home?” JJ glanced up and gave a slight smile to Emily as she picked up her bag and they made their way over to the elevator.
“Did you have about as uneventful a day as I did?” Emily asked which caused JJ to laugh because they both knew that all everyone did today was paperwork and joke around with each other because it was a rare day of not having any cases.
“No. Actually, I had to watch Luke irritate the shit out of Tara after she made another ‘your mom‘ joke causing Penelope to gasp and somehow hit Luke’s arm, which turned into her feeling his bicep.” The two women lightly laughed at how much the two reminded them of their young selves.
The elevator dropped to the ground floor and the two slowly walked to the car, not rushing anything, just reveling in the somewhat peaceful day, before Emily broke it, “Do you think Rose will be good with pizza?”
JJ smiled softly, “Does Penelope squeak whenever something goes wrong?”
They grinned at each other, opening up their respective doors and heading off to the local pizzeria down the block from their house.
As soon as they walked into the house, Rose and Sandy were on top of them to grab the slices they wanted; cheese for Rose and sausage for Sandy. Emily and JJ made eye contact over the kitchen counter at how eager they both were to stuff some pizza in their mouths.
Getting their own plates and slices, the two women made their way over to the dining room and settled in on the opposite ends of the table.
They talked about what everyone did during the day; Rose launched into a story about how Maya took it one step up from undoing the teacher’s screws on his chair, and instead filled all the dry erase markers with chalk. Sandy told a cute story about going to find a certain someone a birthday present and how she ran into a ‘handsome young man’, which caused JJ to groan and Emily to silently laugh.
After everyone had shared parts of their day and they had cleared the dining room table of their dishes, Emily and Rose made their way over to the couch and started wrestling over the remote because they couldn’t agree on watching either Dance Moms or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Meanwhile, JJ was doing the dishes and listening to Sandy go on and on about what they should do for Rose’s birthday.
She rolled her eyes at her mother’s eagerness and turned to put the clean knives in the knife rack, but froze when she saw the picture in front of her.
Emily playing around with their daughter as if she hasn’t been a shadow looming around their house the last six months.
“JJ? JJ are you listening to me? What do you think of giving Rose some money to go to the mall with her friends?” JJ tore her eyes away from Emily and back to her mother, “Sure. I already planned to have a little surprise party here though, so I guess this will be a two-for-one birthday party.”
“Great! Oh, Jen, this is going to be so good, baby. I hope Rose feels so loved on her day.” “Yeah, mom, me too,” JJ mumbled as she was pulled into a hug.
JJ’s eyes wandered back to the scene of her family in the living room, with Rose now half laying on Emily and Emily playing with her hair. She held onto her mother tighter and closed her eyes.
Please let this work.
Please let us find our way back to each other.